Mirror of Aphrodite

Predator or Prey: Your Dating Landscape

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:05:00 +0000

By now, you’ve probably all heard the phrase “predator versus prey.” It’s a concept that exists within the wilds of Mother Nature’s landscape – and it’s also a dynamic that exists in the wilds of the dating landscape.

Predators eat things; prey is devoured. The concept is simple enough.

So why is this a crucial concept for both men and women to understand when dating? Because each gender approaches dating from one of these two very different perspectives – you’re either the predator or you’re the prey. And guess which is which?

You guessed it, men are generally the hunters and women are generally the prey. And for this very reason, it seems many times as if men are able to enjoy dating much more than women tend to. Men generally seem to find dating enjoyable, much like a sport or competition, while women generally tend to find dating stressful, uncertain and risky.

For men, the outcome is a conquest, a prize, a win. Sounds like fun, right? For women, the outcome can tend to be that of possibly being devoured, becoming the prize and suffering a loss. Not so fun, huh? This is why many men generally tend to be more confident of their success when dating while lots of women generally tend to be less confident of success and more fearful – it’s the landscape that each is facing.

When dating, it is very important – correct that – it is imperative that each gender form a proper understanding of the other. And in order to form this understanding of one another, you need to realize the reality of the perspective that each is approaching dating with.

It is crucial that each understand what the others “dating landscape” looks like.

Predator or Prey: What Does Your Dating Landscape Look Like?

To have a bit of fun and create a visual perspective of the landscape of each, I might imagine that the dating landscape for man would generally look somewhat like a football field with a big trophy calling their name and beckoning them forward.

For women, I might imagine that their dating landscape would generally look somewhat like the Black Forest, thick and dark, hard to navigate, fraught with danger and perils at every turn, with the only thing calling their name being the safe haven of a cave and warm fire.

Look at the image above – notice the vast difference of each landscape?

I believe it is this very dynamic, this misunderstanding of what the other is facing on their landscape, that causes a good deal of the relationship and dating heartaches we all experience at the hands of others. Men do not understand the risk that dating poses to women and women fail to recognize the fun and competition that dating poses to men.

When a woman is repeatedly devoured emotionally on her dating landscape, the very concept of dating can become associated with negativity and stress rather than enjoyment. And when men repeatedly successfully score wins out on their dating landscape, the very concept of dating can become associated with sport and gaming.

A man’s successful conquests can fuel a strong desire for more faster; while a woman’s unsuccessful losses can tend to fuel confusion and heightened anxiety.

Predator or Prey, Risk Versus Reward: Take a Walk on the Other’s Wild Side

I believe it helps to understand what the other is facing and to gain that understanding, you need to walk a mile in the others shoes. Men, you need to take a walk on the wild side and ladies, you need to sit back, relax and enjoy the competition.

Men

I really don’t think that many men can fully grasp exactly what a woman faces when she steps out onto the dating landscape. But I think that’s only because many men probably don’t take the time to even consider the concept let alone grasp the reality of that environment. Let’s face it, men generally are not the prey in life, but rather are the hunter - and that causes a huge shift in perception. And it’s this lack of understanding that causes men to label women as “crazy” or to throw out the good old standbys, “you think too much” or “you worry too much.”

Women are not wired to be “crazy” guys - they are wired to be “cautious.” And that caution creates the need for questions that require answers - so she may weigh the “risk” involved because she’s the prey. This is primal wiring due to the fact that not only is she the prey, but the risk for her is three-fold:

1) She can be devoured (emotionally).

2) She can become pregnant (physically).

3) She risks catching or coming into contact with infectious diseases that men carry but do not always experience symptoms from, that can render a woman sterile (Chlamydia) or leave her with cancer (via HPV exposure) years later (please, please, please always wrap it up guys).

A woman risks a lot more than a man when mating – she literally puts her life in danger (cancer via HPV exposure) and she risks becoming pregnant, both of which require an increased need for caution. As a result, “women are better at judging risk while men are better at ignoring it.” A statement made and a topic discussed in the book, “Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.

The closest thing I can compare it to, guys, would be to think of any experience you may have possibly had with a “crazy lady” for lack of a better term. She scared you, didn’t she? The feeling of someone watching you, watching your every move, someone wanting to swallow you up and devour you; the feeling of seeking a safe haven for solace; the feeling of uncertainty, “What is she going to do next?” The feeling of not knowing yourself what to do next, “Should I run, should I stay; should I give her a chance or just walk away before she eats me up or even worse yet – devours me?” “Is she going to hurt me physically?” (Think Lorena Bobbit or Jodi Arias guys.)

You see, in the above scenario – you’re the prey – and you’ve got this fleeting feeling that there’s a possibility you could be devoured and/or harmed. So now you’re confused, scared and possibly unsure of what to do next. That’s what dating in general can tend to be, and feel like, to women, guys.

Can you imagine that? Can you imagine how uncomfortable, uncertain and scary that can be?

Women

Just as I believe it’s difficult for men to fully grasp exactly what a woman faces when she steps onto her dating landscape, I equally feel that it’s difficult for women to grasp exactly what men face on theirs as well. And it’s this lack of understanding that causes a woman to ask questions like, “Why did he do this?” Or, “Is this a game, why would he be playing a game with me?” Or, “Why does he think this is funny?”

The reason for this, ladies, is that men tend to approach dating a bit like a sport or competition of some sort. And as we all know, sport and competition, many times, involves fun, good times, enjoyment, achievement – and adoration.

Men are not approaching dating this way out of malice, they’re primally wired to approach it this way, as a hunter and as a sport where something is to be gained and a potential prize awaits them as well as possibly glory and adoration – resulting in increased overall status.

This is the reason that men tend to not take every little thing quite as seriously as women. They do not face as much risk, but rather, they face more rewards – the rewards outweigh the risk. And since rewards outweigh risk, it becomes a bit more of an enjoyable experience, one that is able to be approached with much less caution and much more enthusiasm.

Ladies, it is very important that you realize that when your man shrugs you off about something that is extremely important to you, he may not be doing it out of malice; he may be doing it because he simply cannot grasp your need to ask or address the issue in the first place. He’s not required or wired to weigh “risk” in the manner that you are. (Note my earlier mention of the book, “Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman where the authors state that “women are better at judging risk while men are better at ignoring it.”)

As a result, he doesn’t understand why what you’re questioning is even important in the first place. His brain deems the information as “useless” to the big picture and therefore, shrugs off the question as meaningless and unnecessary.

And when you push for that answer, he’s wired to minimize your need for a response because to him, it looks as if you’re taking something fun and turning it into something unenjoyable. He doesn’t realize that what you’re actually attempting to do is take something somewhat possibly unenjoyable and possibly uncomfortable for yourself and make it more fun – by asking him to reduce your risk via providing you with an answer.

Conclusion

Men

This concept above of predator versus prey and risk versus reward is why it is so very important to be willing to prove yourself to a woman when dating.

A woman is risking a lot when dating you, so it would serve you well to do your best to be a gentleman and a leader that leads by providing strength, reassurance, support and open lines of communication to her. Anything short of that and you’re going to ultimately disappoint the woman you’re dating.

Once you’ve won your trophy guys, protect it by enclosing it into an airtight case for safe keeping.

Women

This is why it is so very important to guard yourself by making a man prove himself to you when dating. You are risking the very fabric of your emotional being when making an investment, not to mention your very health when entering into a sexual relationship as well as your future, should a pregnancy occur.

If a man isn’t willing to prove himself to you when dating, then you need to be strong enough to walk away from that man. You need a leader that will protect you, safeguard you emotionally and have your best interests at heart. Anything short of that and you will ultimately find yourself disappointed and confused.

Once you’ve become the trophy, demand a safe cave and a warm fire for yourself.

What is The Game: Spot a Pick Up Artist

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Thu, 16 May 2013 22:09:00 +0000

There’s a phenomenon that’s taken place ever since the book, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists” was first published in 2005. The Game was written by Neil Strauss and is a book about his journey of transformation into his Pick Up Artist (PUA) alter-ego "Style," as guided under the tutelage of “Mystery” – also a self-proclaimed Pick Up Artist.

You can now find hundreds of forums and websites dedicated to PUA teachings; teachings that advocate sociopathic behavior and thinking processes in men. And The Game itself goes a little something like this. . .

The Game

The Game advises men to approach a group of women and lead/lean on every woman there by telling them a previously rehearsed exciting story (Phase One: Attract) - every woman that is, except the one that the man is truly interested in. That woman, yea he’s supposed to ignore her and insult her with what is called throwing a “neg.” And this is after he goes waltzing in there “peacocking.” (And if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you’d be correct. The man is supposed to dress like a kook in some way or to wear/carry a “prop” so as to garner your attention. And if you’ve ever seen the cartoon character that is Mystery, then you know I’m being kind by only applying the word kook.)

You see, in this Pick Up Artist process, the man is basically instructed to emotionally manipulate the woman and walk her, like a dog, through a roller coaster of three stages that are all designed to weaken the woman by undermining her value in order to make her more vulnerable - to sex. Because naturally, after the man swoops in there looking like a circus side-show act and pays more attention to all of the other women in the group and then insults and ignores the girl he’s really interested in – he then moves into Phase Two: the “Comfort” phase – where he provides the neglected, insulted woman a shoulder to cry on and attempts to lift her back up so that he looks good. (Awe, how chivalrous of him.)

Once he’s undermined his intended target’s self-esteem and self-confidence, he is then instructed to move into Phase Three: Seduction. This phase basically involves charming the woman with a bunch of bullshit so that he comes off looking like some kind of savior and the woman is so grateful to finally receive the man’s withheld attention that she just can’t help herself and she jumps right into bed with him.

It’s basically a roller coaster process of “deconstruction” – tearing a woman down (negs), then lifting her up (comfort) and then pouncing when she's in this confused, weakened state (seduction). Sound familiar gals? (I imagine alarm bells are ringing in your head right now.) This emotional manipulation process is meant to affect the woman’s self-confidence and make her weak. It’s meant to turn women into easy prey or VC’s – Victim Chicks – as coined by Pick Up Artists.

There are 3 main components to the Pick Up Artist’s tactics:

• Attract
• Comfort
• Seduction

And then each of those 3 components is then broken down into 3 separate steps for a combined total of 9 steps. That’s a pick up artists total investment ladies – 9 steps, otherwise known as “The Mystery Method” (PDF).

And believe it or not, this step by step process was first created as a way to aid the cartoon character known as Mystery (Erik James Horvat-Markovic) in his day job at the time – that of a professional magician (shocking, I know).

In all honesty though, what else could you expect from a group of men with names like Mystery, Spoon, Sin, Kosmo, Matador, J-Dog and Style? Are these male strippers? Are they members of the Chippendale Dancers? No. “Style” is actually Neil Strauss, author of The Game. Not only are these cartoonish characters advised to dress like circus side-show acts, they are also instructed to name themselves as such.

And what do these buffoons consider “the ultimate challenge?” A stripper - yes, a stripper. A woman who sheds her clothing in exchange for money is somehow considered the ultimate challenge to these men. Seriously, how hard is it to get a stripper to disrobe for you? (No disrespect to any of you female dancers out there, I realize you’re simply earning a living and most likely trying to care for your children, but it is what it is.) The simple fact is – all it takes is money – dah, it’s their job. Yet somehow, these cartoonish fella’s consider this a real challenge? A woman who sheds her clothing for money is a real challenge? A woman whose personal boundaries are already much less than that of a woman who is not used to doing this easily or regularly – is a challenge? A woman whose inhibitions are much less than that of a woman who isn’t as comfortable disrobing for a man – is a challenge?

Okay, whatever.

The Language of a Pick Up Artist

Now let’s take a look at some of their language; a language all its own, yet one that can give you a real glimpse into the mindset of a Pick Up Artist:

Neg, Negging – A backhanded compliment meant to insult the woman. Stunts similar to the ole’ “who is this” response from a woman’s communication attempt, where the man pretends he’s deleted the woman’s number but knows full well who’s contacting him. (Know this ladies, a player/PUA will NEVER delete a woman’s number as he associates the amount of female contacts in his smartphone with his masculinity – in spite of the fact that the rest of society does not). And how these men feel that insulting a woman and decreasing her overall value as a human being is a feeling that she will want more of, I’ll never know.

Peacocking – A tactic that makes you stand out above the rest (because you look like a freak). This basically includes “props” such as a fuzzy hat, goggles, fuzzy jackets, brightly colored clothing, a goofy necklace (preferably one that lights up), fuzzy pants – lots of fuzz, feathers, fur and outlandishness will do.

PUA – Pick Up Artist (I’d like to spin a female take on this one. PUA – Stinky (PU) Ass. Thanks Gemini50 ;-)

IOI – Indicator of Interest

AFOG – Alpha Female of Group

AMOG – Alpha Male of Group (naturally, a big adversary to the PUA).

AK – AMOG Killer (BOOM, my charisma will kill you!)

Set – The “stage” of the situation, as in “theatrical production” – ready on the set ladies!

ASD – Anti-Slut Defense (when a woman attempts to convince you she’s a nice girl, because naturally, any woman that is comfortable with her sexuality is instantly deemed a slut and, therefore, needs an anti-slut defense).

AI – Approach Invitation (a smile, eye contact, etc.)

BHRR – Bait, Hook, Reel, Release (basically, the disappearing man; the ole’ “sweep her off her feet” and then POOF, he’s gone method).

BAFC – Below Average Frustrated Chump

AFC – Average Frustrated Chump

BS – Bitch Shield (naturally, this is an unapproachable woman - because any woman who’s smart enough to see past this charade MUST be a bitch – she’s not intelligent, she’s simply a bitch. I know another meaning for BS - Bullshit).

BD – Boyfriend Destroyer (because a PUA erroneously believes that the fastest way to success is through bad intention).

CR – Canned Routine (need I say more?)

CP – Comfort Plan (“There, there, it’ll be alright. I’ve decided that I suddenly like you; put your head in my lap and it’ll all be okay dear.”)

DHV – Demonstration of Higher Value (similar to a marketing/PR campaign).

DDBL – Doggy Dinner Bowl Look (a compliant woman, “Please, please, please pick me.” *Sad eyes*)

DTF – Down To F*ck (the PUA’s entire goal.)

EE – Eject and Explain (When you’re getting nowhere so you bail, “I'm outta' here, my friends are leaving; catch me later.” I’d like to add my own spin on this one, ladies. Eject and Explain – Prematurely “eject” and then attempt to “explain your shortcomings” away.)

Fatty (Tuna) – A woman who doesn’t look great, but is still doable of course.

FGOP – Fat Girl Overhead Photo (creates an illusion of being thin, because naturally, it’s only looks that truly matter to a PUA).

FTOW – Find and F*ck 10 Other Women (wishful thinking and a fast track to the free clinic for treatment of all of the STD’s you’re also going to “Pick Up” along the way. Hey, I’d like to coin a phrase myself, “DD - Dirty Dick.”)

MLTR – Multiple Long Term Relationships, MTLR Cubed (3 LTR’s simultaneously), MTLR Squared (2 LTR’s simultaneously).

SDL – Same Day Lay

STMD – Sealing the Mother Effing Deal

SNL – Single/Same Night Lay

VC – Victim Chick (the need for the use of this terminology says it all).

WPU – Work Pick Up (shared place of employment)

ZNR – Zero Night Stand (immediate casual sex).

Okay ladies, disgusted yet? Regrettably, there’s more, much more - a full list of this crap, “849 terms and counting.”

The Reality

So just how far does this false illusion of “awesomeness” go? Oh my Lord ladies, you’d be surprised at just how deep it goes.

Don’t believe me?

Take a look at Neil Strauss here, Author of The Game, err. . .my bad, take a look at “Style,” Author of The Game, in this “after and before” shot. The left is the “illusion” and the right is the “reality.”

Now do you see why there’s a need for a fake getup, an alter ego identity and a bunch of schmuck tactics that only work on insecure women? Now do you see the need to prey on the weak and single them out from the pack? The need stems from a complete lack of self-confidence. And the fact is, I’m quite sure there’s more than one woman out there who would’ve accepted this man for exactly who he was had he just worked on his social skills as a human being - instead of caving to low self-esteem and creating an entirely false identity to hide behind.

Which then begs the question, how long can one keep up this charade? Not long as inconsistency, insecurity and false bravado will eventually give way to truth.

I feel sorry for men using these tactics because what they don’t realize is that these tactics only work on insecure women with low self-esteem – like attracts like, folks. And are those REALLY the women men want to date? Are insecure folks with low self-esteem really the folks that ANYONE wants to date, male or female? I realize we all have insecurities, it’s a human condition. However, when you let them guide you, guide your decisions in life and your perception of yourself – you end up with this.

These tactics basically leave men to “slum it,” deep in the depths of the dating ghetto, down in the bottom of the barrel, trolling the clubs and bar scenes for the perfect - Victim Chick (VC). These tactics advocate victimizing women and exploiting their nature – predator versus prey. One of these Pick Up Artist idiots even has what he calls a "rape van." It's crystal clear that these are mentally damaged individuals.

And many of the techniques pick up artists advocate are shameless yet completely obvious once you’re onto them. For instance, many of the online Pick Up Artist forums and chat rooms advocate that men ask random beautiful women in public, complete strangers, to take a photograph with them (be sure to point at the camera so you look cool). Advocating that "Women will find you more attractive, than if you were with a group of guys." That way, the man can then display these images online and give the false illusion that he’s pulling some awesome tail in the real world.

By the way, yes, that's Mystery in the image, furry hat and all.

The Game also advises men to compliment women on things like shoes and handbags as a way to look appreciative of the ways and efforts of women. I don’t know about you ladies, but if a man ever complimented me on my shoes or handbag, I’d secretly be wondering if he was 1.) homosexual or 2.) a closet cross-dresser 3.) married. I mean really, why else would a man be well-versed in women’s fashion? For me, that’d be a big red flag and a sign of a man that’s trying way too hard.

Pick up Artists also wrongly advocate seducing married women and women in relationships. In otherwords, they advocate setting out with bad intention – to break up marriages and relationships, simply to “prove” something to themselves; to prove that they can do this, which in and of itself signals low self-esteem is present in these men because insecure men always feel the need to overcompensate (macho) for their lack of confidence by proving things to themselves for no apparent reason other than – to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Confident men do not feel the need to prove themselves to anyone. Confident men don’t need a “prop” to garner a woman’s attention because it’s their masculine, leading energy that garners all the attention they need. Confident men have the skills necessary to please women, sexually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Confident men have honed social skills and respectful dating skills and don’t have a need for manipulative tactics.

And many men agree that confidence is key. Here is “Magic” explaining why negs are NOT the way to win a woman over. As much as I hate his name and his overall persona, I have to agree with him that undermining one’s value is not a recipe for success, nor is it going to make a woman want to spend any significant amount of time with a man:

The Game is all about sex. It has nothing to do with real relationships, genuine human interaction or true bonding. Nor does it teach men how to be good lovers. I’d bet my bottom dollar that these PUA’s haven’t a clue what to do with a woman once they actually get her undressed, other than permit themselves to be serviced in some crude manner so as to take the pressure of performance off of themselves and place it squarely on the woman’s shoulders.

The Game teaches men absolutely nothing about what it takes to make (and keep) a real woman happy and standing by a man’s side.

It’s no real "Mystery” – it’s a loser’s game.

Dating Magic: Persuasion, Evoking Positive Feelings

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 20:15:00 +0000

When dating, folks are always seeking that magic pill, that one thing that just wins the object of your affection over in an instant. And while there really is no magic pill, there is the magic of persuasion. Wait, let me correct that. The art of persuasion – and it works like magic.

When it comes to persuasion, this is not simply a method that yields positive results in dating; it also yields positive results in life, in business, in your career, in your friendships and in your family relations. This was a topic that was generated by a valuable member of the community here by the name of Peter. Peter has written here on the topic of masculinity in a piece titled, “Modern Man and Failure to Earn His Power” and he first generated discussion on these behavioral laws in the comments on a post here titled, “Disappearing Reappearing Man: What To Do.”

I’d like to expand upon that by delving into the 9 Laws of Persuasion. These laws govern the decision making process that exists within mankind and they grant one the ability to successfully influence the decisions of others.

You see, when dating, the number one thing – the number one thing – that keeps a person coming back for more. . .are the feelings that you evoke inside of them.

Dating Success and The Evocation of Feelings: Are You Evoking Good or Bad Feelings?

No one wants to spend time with someone that makes them feel crappy about themselves, that’s a fact. So you men out there (the cartoon characters calling themselves “pick up” artists) that feel that apathy, indifference and ignorance towards a woman is a surefire way to make her have feelings for you, you’re wrong. Dead wrong. That’s a surefire way to make her “addicted” to you and “obsessed” with you and “angry” and “desperate” and “frustrated” with you.

That’s a way to evoke negative feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. Is that really what you want to bring onto yourself? Notice that all of the words I emphasized above in quotes are not positive in nature? Behavior that generates negative feelings in another human being rarely, if ever, yield a positive outcome. The only outcome you can expect from evoking those negative feelings in another human being is something akin to the bunny boiling scene in the movie, Fatal Attraction.

Additionally, the group of men out there that believe that placing the burden of moving a relationship forward squarely on the woman’s shoulders by asking her to pursue you, pay for dates and asking her to call you, to come and see you – inviting her to chase you basically – let me explain something to you here. You think that’s what you want; you think that’s what makes you happy. But does it?

Let me ask you this. Have you ever noticed that when you first start liking a woman, things are fine? You’re attracted to her, things are going well, and you’re feeling good about it and about her. You become secure in your success but then suddenly, you feel you’re putting more work into it than she is. As a result, you begin to turn things topsy turvy by inviting her to pursue you. You begin saying things like, “You should call me” or “Why don’t you pay for this one” or “If you want to see me, you need to drive to my place and/or my town.” And then something strange happens. You can’t explain it, you can’t put your finger on it, but it’s there and you begin to feel it.

You suddenly, and without explanation, lose interest in her and you don’t even know why. So you chalk it up to, “Oh well, she just wasn’t the one” or “She got really crazy all of a sudden and began chasing me.”

Accountability in Dating When Evoking Feelings

Well the reality here is that YOU did this. You invited her to chase you. You invited her to pursue you. You invited her to call you. You invited her to take the lead. You invited her to take your power away from you and you invited her to behave in a masculine way by relinquishing control over to her. You got lazy and you invited her to become the man (leader) in the relationship and you willingly chose to take a feminine (passive, submissive) role instead. You drenched your attraction for her with a bucket of cold water by inviting her to pursue you.

You did this; you invoked this behavior, not her.

You see, a lot of you men out there (not all, but many these days) don’t even realize what you need, what makes you happy and what makes you feel proud and manly. You don’t even realize that you actually enjoy the chase, the pursuit and the journey and wining a woman over. You effectively take Mother Nature’s naturally assigned gender roles and you single handedly turn them on their head. You kybosh your own positive feelings evoked during the dating process by inviting HER to do what makes YOU happy. As a result, the woman becomes very unhappy in her newly assigned role and she struggles to please you by increasing her attempts. And you, as a man, become very unhappy with her newly assigned role as well; a role that you, yourself assigned her. You begin to distance yourself from her increased advances to please you, yet you fail to realize this is the very thing you have requested her to do.

I see it all the time and there are literally hundreds of stories shared in the comments on this site that go something like this. “At first he was a great guy, he called all the time, took me out and treated me real nice. We were really having lots of fun. But then he started hinting that I should call him more and that I should start paying for some of the dates and that I should start driving to see him and start texting him more. He said he’s getting upset that he’s the one doing all of the work here and he asked me to do more. So I did. But it seemed like when I did that, it became harder and harder to get his attention. He started to ignore me more and now, he’s not even talking to me anymore.”

Sound familiar folks?

You bet it does and I know it’s resonating and striking a deep chord within every single person, male or female, reading this article right now.

So now that we’ve established the value and importance of evoking positive feelings in one another when dating, we’re going to move into the 9 Laws of Persuasion, laws that can influence another human being’s decisions about you.

Dating Tips Using The 9 Laws of Persuasion and Influence

That magic pill you’ve been searching for? You’ve found it. It’s the silver bullet in dating and in life. It’s a psychological concept that appeals to our base, primal human desires and decision making capabilities. Leaders are firmly aware of the Laws of Persuasion, the ability to influence others and/or large groups into thinking that their decisions are their own. When the reality is, your decision is usually being influenced by another and/or a group.

More importantly, your decisions are being influenced by the feelings that the individual and/or group evokes within you, which is why “gurus,” leaders, activists, governments and corporations are so easily able to influence societal outcomes and business outcomes in many matters.

Do you think Charles Manson was just such a great guy with such brilliant ideas that that was why he was able to influence others to murder for him? No. Do you think Jim Jones was just such a fascinating man that that’s why he was able to influence people to take their own lives and those of their children in the Jonestown mass murder by drinking the Kool Aid? No. These men were acutely aware of the power of persuasion and the ability to influence the decisions of others by evoking positive feelings within them, leading them to believe that this type of behavior was their own idea - and they were happy to oblige.

While some of these laws below may seem counterproductive, the end result is positive. When dating, use these tactics to influence the decisions of the object of your affection and to evoke positive feelings within them – and they’ll be eating from the palm of your hand in no time.

Persuasion Law #1: The Law of Scarcity

This is also known as the Scarcity Theory of Value. Ever notice during the Holiday season there’s a new game or gadget that’s in scarce supply? But everyone suddenly has to have it? Why is that? It’s because people have a natural propensity to long for that which they cannot have. And ladies know this, men equate longing with love. When something is scarce, unknowingly, you place a higher value on it. As a result, once it’s within your grasp, you are elated that you’re now in possession of it. When something is in supply in large quantity, you tend not to value it as much and take it for granted.

Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Scarcity by doling out your attention and affection in small doses so that once your attention and affection is received, the recipient becomes elated with the feeling of having received it.

There’s a difference between scarcity and ignorance, indifference and apathy. It’s a fine line, so walk it carefully. The point is to evoke positive feelings, not negative ones. In order to evoke positive feelings when using the Law of Scarcity – you have to eventually let the recipient have what it is that they are after. (Fellas, hint hint.)

Persuasion Law #2: The Law of Reciprocity

This is a law that refers to give and take, yin and yang, and the creation of a natural balance. If you want someone to feel obligated to you in some way, you have to give to them first. Because it’s the simple act of selflessly giving that evokes a positive feeling of obligation in another human being, the feeling that they WANT to give, not that they HAVE to.

Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Reciprocity by giving selflessly first instead of expecting to receive something for nothing and carrying an air of entitlement. Men, if you provide dinner and flowers to a woman, this will evoke positive feelings in her. She will want to return those positive feelings back to you via a selfless act of her own (Fellas, hint hint. Her attention, her affections and maybe even the possibility of sex).

Persuasion Law #3: The Law of Association

In dating, this can be referred to as “the company you keep.” It can also refer to endorsements from friends. Fellas, if you consider yourself a gentleman yet you keep the company of many players and the cartoonish characters known as pick up artists, via your association to that nefarious group, your value drops in a woman’s eyes. There’s an old saying, “One can judge a man by the company he keeps.” And make no mistake about it; women keep a very close eye on the company a man keeps.

To address the second half referring to endorsements from others, this is when it comes time to meet your dates friends and family. Strive to impress here folks, because if you don’t receive a positive endorsement from friends and family, you’re as good as dead.

Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Association by complimenting friends and family and by putting your best efforts forward to impress them.

When Meeting Your Dates Friends for the First Time:

Guys, if you’re meeting your date’s friends at a bar for the first time, buy a round of drinks for everyone and be approachable and friendly and generous.

Ladies, if it’s you meeting the guys for the first time, don’t have an attitude. Be friendly, make jokes, laugh and smile and bring an air of sunshine into the group. And as much as I don’t endorse a woman footing the bill in the early days of dating, when it comes to meeting the guys, buy them a round of shots and toast them. They’ll think you’re a very cool, fun chick.

When Meeting Your Dates Family for the First Time:

Guys, when you’re meeting the family the first time, bring her mother flowers or at the very least, make some sort of kind gesture towards her, such as a compliment of some sort. And always be sure to shake the fathers hand, like a man, and look him square in the eyes (he’s watching you and how you’re going to handle and treat his daughter.)

Ladies, when you’re meeting the family for the first time, check that attitude and leave it at the door. Be sunny, warm and approachable. Greet his mother with a smile and offer a handshake or a hug. Compliment her on her home and/or her cooking and don’t show up empty handed. Flowers or a tray of cookies or something (if you’re attending a family event) is appropriate. And when the meal has ended, don’t just sit there. Get up off your keister and help clear the table. When meeting the father for the first time, shake his hand and smile and offer a compliment of some sort. Take notice of something he’s interested in, a hobby or maybe a favorite past time of some sort such as racing, riding a motorcycle, shooting guns, etc. and identify with it somehow, “Oh, I was told you like____. I’ve always wanted to do that (shoot a gun, go to a race, ride a motorcycle, etc.)”

Persuasion Law #4: The Law of Contrast

This relates to the concept of taking differences and placing them square against one another, so that the contrast is noticed and what may have seemed like something big, is no longer perceived as such in comparison to something even bigger. Below are examples.

As a woman, you want a commitment. As a man, he generally doesn’t think commitment is necessarily what’s best for him, so he’s much slower to come around to that way of thinking. If you want exclusivity, you might point out someone’s marriage because that’s something big. (I know this seems counterproductive but bear with me here.) You see, you want a tiny commitment, you’re not asking for a big marriage. By pointing out a marriage, all of a sudden, exclusivity seems teensy in comparison. So you might say something like, “Wow, they’ve been married for 40 years. I’m not ready for that. I’d simply be happy with a boyfriend for right now.” By doing so, you’ve contrasted and compared a full blown, decade’s long marriage to the mere fact that you’d be happy with a boyfriend for the time being. All of a sudden, the man is relieved that you’re not expecting marriage right away from a dating situation and this relief has evoked a positive feeling in the man about continuing to date you.

And fellas, for you, it might work like this. Contrast and compare a “crazy” obsessed woman with your date’s cool, calm and collected persona. “My friend Tom’s wife is a bit intense. He can’t leave the house without permission and if he does, she hunts him down. I like that you give me the freedom to spend time with my friends.” By contrasting and comparing your date with a “crazy” woman, she becomes relieved that you don’t view her that way. Instead, you evoke positive feelings within her that encourage her to continue to give you the freedom to spend time with your friends.

Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Contrast by comparing something big with something small that signals your happiness with something small. Translation: Your date won’t have to move heaven and earth to make you happy.

Persuasion Law #5: The Law of Expectancy

Much like a dog strives to please its owner, humans are much the same. And this law works both ways and many times, particularly women, evoke it in its negative form. If, as a woman, you are constantly making accusations and expecting your man to cheat on you, by vocalizing this, you’re planting the seed for him to do so, whether you realize it or not. Your “expectation” manifests as his “reality.” If he’s already being accused of cheating, then he might as well just cheat. And men, if you’re constantly hinting to a woman that you think she’s over reacting and acting crazy, your “expectation” manifests as her “reality.” If it’s crazy you want, then it’s crazy you shall get.

Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Expectancy by encouraging positive behaviors and focusing on those, rather than repeatedly pointing out negative ones.

Persuasion Law #6: The Law of Consistency

When someone takes a stance on something, their natural tendency as a human is to be consistent in defending it. And sometimes this happens whether their stance is valid or not, which is the negative evocation of this law. For instance, if you’re dating a man that doesn’t really like to go out to the bars a lot, but does so with friends one night and you make a big deal out of it, all of a sudden, he begins to invoke his right to go out with friends all the time, whether he wants to or not. He begins to invoke the Law of Consistency with regards to it, in a negative form. But then a funny thing happens. His actions start to reveal that he feels otherwise as he begins to turn down offers of a boys night out. And this is the true Law of Consistency at work.

One’s actions will become consistent with their thinking eventually, whether they realize it or not. Or as Peter stated in his comments on this site, “Humans will always act whether knowingly or unknowingly in a way that is consistent with what they think, know or feel. We can attempt to hide these things but this law makes sure we are a dead giveaway to someone who knows how to read people.” Pay special, close attention to that, ladies, by always making sure a man’s words align with his actions.

Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Consistency by making sure that your words align with your actions. (Fellas hint hint, be a man of your word.) This provides a feeling of security and self-assurance to the individual that you are dating. (Translation guys: Less “crazy” from a woman and more stable.)

Persuasion Law #7: The Law of Power

This relates to your own personal power. When a human being perceives another human being as having some sort of personal power or strength, they tend to buy into that perception. Ladies, don’t talk yourself down with men, talk yourself up. If you are constantly stating that you have small boobs, even if you don’t, then the man’s perception of you is going to become one of believing that you have small boobs, even if you don’t. Because that’s how he’s going to perceive them, via your influence on his decision about them, be it negative or positive. So be very careful, ladies, when enacting the Law of Power with men.

Men are instinctively aware of this law because it relates directly to their masculinity. That’s why you hear men fibbing about their power or exaggerating it at times by saying things like, “So many women are blowing up my phone” or “My last girlfriend was crazy.” It’s because they know that if they give you the perception that they are “famed” in some way or highly sought after, you’ll buy into the illusion that this is true and you’ll fall in line with it whether it’s true or not.

Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Power by talking yourself up (not bullshitting someone, but simply focusing on your assets instead of your liabilities) and creating a perception in the individual that you’re dating that’s one of “I’ve got something very special here.”

Persuasion Law #8: The Law of Friends (Friendship)

When someone you like and consider a friend requests a favor, you’re more apt to want to fulfill their request. Use this to your advantage. If a single man sees a pretty girl struggling to carry groceries and she asks him for help, because he likes her looks, he’s more apt to jump in and help her. If a man is giving and caring towards a woman and he requests a favor from her, the woman is more apt to fulfill his request and provide the favor because she likes the way he treats her.

Evoke the Law of Friends (Friendship) by evoking positive feelings in the individual you’re dating by using the aspects of your friendship and/or likability to your advantage. Include the Law of Reciprocity in with the Law of Friends (Friendship) by creating a healthy flow of give and take and an exchange of positive energy that bounces back and forth between you.

Persuasion Law #9: The Law of Conformity

This ties into the Law of Association in that, the Law of Conformity states that an individual is more likely to agree to something that the majority of other people stand behind as well. So if your dates friends and family like you and you’ve made a good impression on them, you will evoke the Law of Conformity as well by having the group “conform” to a general consensus of “we like you, therefore we support you.”

Evoke the Law of Conformity by evoking positive feelings in those around the individual you’re dating. Majority rules and if you have the majority of your dates friends and family on your side, you have the Law of Authority working for you as well, in that, as a group, your date will be influenced by the groups consensus about you.

Dating Magic

And there you have it folks, dating magic via the art of persuasion.

Hone these skills not only in your dating life but also in your personal life and your career and you’ll soon become an unstoppable force with loads of support and the ability to positively influence the decisions of those around you.

And don’t even think about using these 9 Laws of Persuasion for manipulative, nefarious purposes as they will backfire on you, it’ll simply be a matter of time. Consider that Jim Jones of Jonestown is dead and Charles Mansion is now serving life in prison.

* * * * *

Dating Magic: Persuasion, Evoking Positive Feelings by Mirror of Aphrodite and all comments, personal views, personal stories, advice, suggestions and discussion on this site by The Community of Mirror of Aphrodite is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. (No Derivative Works — You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work. Noncommercial — You may not use this work for commercial purposes. Attribution — You must attribute Dating Magic: Persuasion, Evoking Positive Feelings to The Mirror of Aphrodite with a link).

The Benefits Of Courtship When Dating

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 22:40:00 +0000

Things sure have changed. These days, there’s a lot of “blurring the lines” between what was traditionally referred to as dating (courtship) and what is now commonly referred to as hooking up (brief casual sexual affair).

These are two entirely different things folks. Dating and courtship have a much greater chance of leading to a long term relationship. Hooking up is not dating and has much lower chances of success. As a matter of fact, the longest relationship, correction “arrangement,” that you can expect from a hook up is approximately 3 months – and that’s really pushing the maximum amount of time. More often than not, hooking up tends to amount to no more than a two week, to one month, long casual affair – otherwise known as a fling.

Don’t confuse the two. They are entirely different processes that will lead to entirely different outcomes.

There are reasons that Mother Nature invented the courtship process. It serves a very definitive purpose and a very important one at that – for both parties involved. You see, when the courtship process is taking place, there’s a lot of non-verbal communication taking place. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes subconsciously and a lot of information is being transmitted via behavior, gestures, body language, unspoken language and the subtle dynamics of feminine versus masculine that ultimately result in the ability to prove oneself worthy as a potential long term mate.

Let’s explore, shall we?

Traditional Dating: The Benefits Of The Courtship Phase

Traditional dating, otherwise known as the courtship phase, is a concept that refers to a process that involves traditional gender roles when it comes to male versus female – masculine versus feminine energy. It is a process that is traditionally done with the male taking the lead, masculine role – that of “impressing” - and the woman taking the submissive, feminine role – that of “observing.” And it’s also the chosen process of the true gentleman. (Punks, players and insecure men prefer the much easier hook up method which grants instant gratification to selfish needs and feeds ego. )

The courtship process involves what could commonly be referred to as a mating ritual. Just like in nature, when you see colorful male birds, puffing their feathers, dancing in front of a female bird, attempting to win her over in an attempt to prove himself worthy of successfully mating with her – that’s how the courtship process works.

The male initiates the courtship and during the early phase, he attempts to impress the woman. He makes special gestures meant just for her and he shows her that he is a good provider, that he is masculine, and that his leadership is to be trusted. If the woman happens to earn more money, a true gentleman still feels it’s important to prove himself worthy in the early stages of the courtship process.

Much the same way the male Satin Bowerbird seen here builds a fortress of seduction as a courtship display to attract a female mate. It’s not a nest, it’s a bower – a bachelor’s “play” pad. All of the efforts placed into the construction of this bachelor pad are intended for one sole purpose – to mate. (Men, there’s a lesson from Mother Nature here: Effort (and Romance) = Successful Mating. )

Male bowerbirds instinctively know that female bowerbirds are attracted to the color blue. As a result, blue objects tend to be the chosen trinkets gathered and presented as gifts, to adorn the seduction pad to lure the female bowerbird into it.

However, the female bowerbird doesn’t simply enter the first male bowerbird’s seduction pad that she comes across. Oh no. The female bowerbird visits all of the other male bowerbird’s seduction pads in her locale before stepping into any one of them to mate.

Is the female bowerbird a gold digger? Is she seeking a rich male bowerbird?

No. She’s seeking a good mate – one worthy of her attention and the luxury of mating. Because you see, in Mother Nature, not every male is privileged enough to mate. The mere fact that male genitalia are carried does not grant males the privilege to mate in nature. Male mating rights must be earned. Female mating rights are granted because females possess the ability to give the gift of life. (Which is why you don’t jump into bed with any man that comes along, ladies. Because he could end up the father of your child. It’s a fact, females have much more at risk when mating.)

A female bowerbird instinctively knows that a male bowerbird’s willingness to go the extra mile during the courtship phase signals him as a male that’s earned the mating privilege. And she will not enter the seduction pad until she’s reviewed all of the other male bowerbird options in her locale and she’s decided that this male bowerbird - is the one worthy of mating privileges.

She’s a smart cookie. She knows that a man’s willingness to provide is closely associated with his masculinity. A male bowerbird that falls short on his courtship display or the building of his seduction pad doesn’t get to mate – because the female bowerbird doesn’t feel he’s the best male representation of her species. And yes, female bowerbirds will even walk away from a male bowerbird seduction pad that includes a dollar bill (no joke, male bowerbirds have even stolen money as trinkets to include in their seduction pad displays).

To the female bowerbird, it’s not about money. It’s about the male’s willingness to provide for her and to properly earn the privilege of mating. The concept she’s focusing on is the male’s willingness to prove himself worthy of mating - not his monetary value.

It Amounts To A Comparable Difference: Provider And Leader Versus Non-Provider And Lazy

Imagine a man that’s found himself unemployed and out of work. A man that may be broke but at heart, has a “willingness” to be a good provider, to prove himself worthy and to do what he must do to provide for his mate and his family. We’ll call him Man A.

Now imagine a man in the same exact situation only this man lacks a “willingness” to be a good provider. We’ll call him Man B. Now, take those two men, each in the same exact situation, and let’s take a close look at the vast difference in ultimate outcome that results from each.

Man A: The Provider Who’s A Leader

Man A, the guy who is broke but has a willingness to be a good provider, will do whatever he can to provide. If it means cutting grass in the neighborhood, to doing odd jobs for family or neighbors, to taking a lower paying job just to keep food on the table – he will do it. He will man up and do whatever needs to be done to fulfill his male role, that of provider, and to prove himself a worthy mate.

As a result, Man A’s mate becomes increasingly impressed with how hard her man works to provide for his family. Her respect for him increases daily and she becomes very supportive and nurturing of him, encouraging him to continue to make forward progress and to be the best version of himself he can be. Man A’s efforts and willingness to provide keep the bond between them tight and their support of one another becomes the glue that keeps them together as a family unit.

Man B: The Non-Provider Who Is Lazy

Man B, however, is a different story. Man B sits on the sofa all day long doing nothing but making excuses for himself. Man B becomes resentful of the burden his mate and his family represent. He becomes difficult to speak to, he begins to distance himself from his mate and his family and he does nothing to improve his situation. Rather, he looks to his mate and he places the responsibility to provide squarely on her shoulders. As a result, Man B’s mate begins losing respect for him as a man, begins viewing him as a less worthy mate, and finds it increasingly difficult to be supportive and nurturing of him. Man B’s lack of effort and willingness to provide have caused a huge rift to appear in the bond between him and his mate and their support of one another begins to deteriorate, resulting in the ultimate breakdown of the family unit.

That’s the difference folks. It’s not about money, it’s about willingness, manhood and worth. And I imagine that many of the women reading this can relate – and would prefer to choose Man A over Man B as a long term mate. And it’s the courtship process that reveals a man’s willingness to take the lead role of provider. Unless you’d like to see Man B sitting on your sofa, resentful and unapproachable, I’d suggest using traditional dating and the courtship process as the path to a meaningful, happy, healthy, mutually successful long term relationship – for men and women both.

Because we can easily reverse the above roles, so let’s explore that for a moment.

It Works Both Ways: Nurturer And Supporter Versus Controlling And Demanding

Imagine a woman that’s an independent modern day woman. We’ll call her Woman A. She’s a woman that, regardless of her personal situation, is “willing” to fulfill her natural gender role of nurturer and supporter.

Now imagine a woman in the same exact situation only this woman lacks a “willingness” to be a nurturer and supporter, rather she prefers the lead role. We’ll call her Woman B. Now, take those two women, each in the same exact situation, and let’s take a close look at the vast difference in ultimate outcome that results from each.

Woman A: Nurturer And Supporter

Woman A is a woman that may or may not have money of her own, but at heart, has a willingness to comfortably fall into her natural role of supporter, nurturer. She is supportive, warm and nurturing (feminine). Unfortunately, her mate has found himself unemployed. However, Woman A, being the supportive, nurturing, feminine type begins to act like a cheerleader of sorts to her man. Encouraging him to be the best man he can be. Regardless of his lack of income, Woman A knows that if she fails to be the supportive force here, she will fail her mate and prove herself unworthy of him. She encourages her mate to push forward and through her nurturing support, her man feels more empowered as a man, assured that his mate is behind him 100%, and it is this support that compels him to successfully find employment in one form or another.

As a result, the man is forever grateful of the supportive, loving, nurturing effect Woman A’s presence brings into his life. She has proved a worthy mate. He knows that regardless of what happens, Woman A is there. She’s not going anywhere and she will continue to support her man in his endeavors. And it’s this reassurance and support that is received from Woman A that becomes the driving force for the man to rise and be the best man he can be. As a result, their bond is strengthened and it is her support and encouragement that becomes the ties that bind, keeping the family unit intact.

Woman B: Non-Nurturer, Controlling And Demanding

Woman B, however, is a different story. Woman B may or may not have money of her own, but at heart, she is “unwilling” to fall into her natural role of supporter and nurturer (feminine). Rather, Woman B is the opposite – she is demanding and controlling (masculine). Unfortunately, her mate has found himself unemployed. And Woman B, failing to be the supportive nurturing feminine type begins to act like a tyrant. She fails to encourage her man and to support him in any way. She fails to prove herself a worthy mate and fails to realize that she has a role here to play. She feels it necessary to emasculate the man, believing that negative reinforcement will somehow have a positive effect. She begins to point out his shortcomings and his current inability to provide. She fails her mate as a woman. Her emasculating comments and her tyrannical dictator-type control, her masculine energy, begins to outweigh that of her man’s and her man begins to feel like much less of a man through her eyes. Her lack of encouragement and support combined with her constant demands fails to compel the man to successfully find employment in one form or another.

As a result, the man becomes resentful of her oppression and begins to view her as unworthy. He feels stifled as a man, he feels weak and powerless. She effectively removes all of the things necessary for his success from the equation (freedom and power). Woman B’s man knows that regardless of what happens, Woman B will not be there for him and he will be unable to please her. He knows she will leave him and never fulfill her natural role of supporter and nurturer. And it’s this fear and oppression that is created by Woman B that becomes the destructive force in the relationship, thus resulting in Woman B’s man becoming increasingly unwilling to fulfill his natural role of provider. As a result, neither is any longer “willing” and their bond is broken and it is her lack of encouragement and support that becomes the wrecking ball that destroys the family unit.

There’s Much To Be Learned From The Ways Of Mother Nature

In Mother Nature, courtship rituals abound – and have remained since the dawn of time. It is the courtship ritual that helps both parties to learn what they can expect from the other and prove their worth to one another, displaying what each can contribute and bring to the table. It is the courtship ritual that reveals both parties “willingness” to fall into their natural gender roles.

What can speculatively be gleaned from the examples above is this. A man that fails to be a good provider in the early stages of dating will fail to be a good provider during the latter stages of a relationship - when it’s needed most. A man that fails to prove himself worthy in the early stages will prove himself unworthy in the latter stages. A woman that fails to be a good nurturer and supporter in the early stages of dating, will fail to be a good nurturer and supporter during the latter stages of a relationship - when it’s needed most. A woman that fails to prove herself worthy in the early stages will prove herself unworthy in the latter stages.

Get what I’m throwing down, folks? You feel me?

The courtship process serves a purpose folks, for men and women both. Skip over it and you’re not going to have a clue as to what you’re truly going to get in the end – until it’s too late. Perform the courtship ritual miserably or incorrectly, and you signal yourself an unworthy mate.

These are primal, biological concepts that are deeply ingrained in mankind. They haven’t changed in eons and they aren’t going to change anytime soon. Men look for a woman to be a good supporter and nurturer (feminine) – one that will help them achieve success and become the best man they can be. Every good man wants a good woman by his side and you’ve all probably heard the old saying, “Behind every good man is a good woman.”

And women look for a man to be a good provider (masculine) – one that is willing to do whatever is necessary under any circumstance, regardless of monetary worth, to provide and care for his family in order to become the best man he can be and to have a woman by his side that is a reflection of himself – the best woman she can be.

Conclusion: Follow Your Chosen Path

The above scenarios are simply that – possible scenarios that can potentially develop from the multitude of unspoken dynamics that take place within relationships. They were simply meant to be used as a demonstration of the “energy” exchange that takes place in relationships (masculine versus feminine).

They were also meant to show you how an individual’s behavior in the early stages of dating can translate into similar behavior later on down the line - thus, reinforcing the importance of noticing, not overlooking, red flags. And reinforcing the benefits of the courtship phase when dating.

The point is: Following the rules of Mother Nature and doing the work will reap you the greatest rewards - rewards that lead to ultimate success, happiness and fulfillment within relationships. Take the easy way out, take the shortcut and the route of the hook up – and you will fail time and time again to obtain happiness and fulfillment.

A hook up has higher odds of leading to a brief affair. A courtship has higher odds of leading to a long term relationship and also provides you valuable insights into the individual you’re dating. Thus granting you a peek at the “big picture,” what life with this individual would be like, should a relationship begin to develop.

It’s all in what you want folks, either a brief fling with a person you hardly know that leaves you feeling confused and used or a long term relationship with someone you’ve taken the time to get to know that leaves you feeling fulfilled and secure – so chose your path wisely and proceed accordingly.

The Secret of Ancient Wisdom and Quantum Mechanics

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 15:28:00 +0000

“Humanities future lies in harnessing the energies that lie hidden in the spaces between the particles, atoms, molecules, planets, stars, and galaxies of the physical universe.” ~ Dr William Tiller

Many of you have heard about the Law of Attraction, a universal law that states “like attracts like.” This is a concept that mystics and spiritualists have been teaching for eons. Many deny its existence; however, the study of quantum mechanics has actually found scientific proof of its existence. Quantum physics is the study of sub-atomic particles; particles that we, as human beings, are essentially made of. The formal definition of the study of quantum physics is, “a branch of physics dealing with physical phenomena at microscopic scales. . . quantum mechanics provides a mathematical description of much of the dual particle-like and wave-like behaviour and interactions of energy and matter.”

When you think, you actually produce a measurable form of energy called a neuropeptide. The formal definition of a neuropeptide is, “small protein-like molecules (peptides) used by neurons to communicate with each other. They are neuronal signalling molecules that influence the activity of the brain in specific ways.” So when you think, you produce a measurable form of energy that is then emitted, much like a radio wave, out into your immediate surroundings – and out into the universe.

This is the basic basis for the Law of Attraction. As Henry Ford once said, ““Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” And spiritualists and mystics have always taught the theory, “If you think it, you can be it.”

And now, the study of quantum physics is finding proof that supports what the ancient mystics and modern day spiritualists have always taught.

The Vacuum That Isn’t A Vacuum

Now we all know what a vacuum is - it’s an empty space full of a lot of, nothing.

Or, is it?

No, in fact, as has been shown in quantum mechanics, to have a vacuum is impossible. In quantum mechanics, a vacuum would represent a complete absence of any particle matter, but in reality this cannot be the case. Even in the extremes of space, we only have a model of the “perfect vacuum.” In reality, no matter how close to that model we get, we still have a space filled with an extremely low concentration of hydrogen atoms and background radiation at the very least.

But is that all it is? Is the space between the very building blocks of the universe just an empty void?

Since the time of Plato, it has been known to ancient mystics that there can be no complete “void.” In the 6th century BC, it was central to many ancient “atomist” philosophies that although there may be some level of empty space between atoms - this space would eventually be filled with “continuum.” What we now know to be a form of very dense “energy potential.”

Let us be clear that this vacuum is simply empty of “physical matter.” It is this that is central to the idea of “free energy.” Science was later to discover that this principle was central to the overlapping metaphysical ideas of “intention, attraction, manifestation” and other eastern mystical concepts.

Quantum Genetics And Your DNA

Over the course of past 60 years, Russian research has surpassed western DNA knowledge beyond any proposed model discovered by research from Western Europe and the U.S.A. Not only did the Russians believe the current scientific ideas of the West to be too fixed, they believed them to be wrong. While western science focused research only on 5% of the total human genome, Russian research would focus on the whole human genome in a project that would bridge the gap between ancient mystics and modern quantum physics. The quote below from a report regarding DNA cross intelligence provided the following conclusion of the significance of the research conducted:

“In truth, DNA is not just a blueprint for constructing the body; it is also a storage medium for optical information as well as an organ for communication. Scientists have been seeking the ancestral human language for centuries – we believe we have found it.”

Explanations to some of humanities most ancient beliefs were found everywhere they looked - even by accident.

In one experiment designed to test the effect of single DNA strands on particle level space, results far beyond the expected would illustrate an ancient manifesting power buried deep within us all. And for those of religious faith, consider Psalm 82: 6:

"I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High."

In one study featuring an experimental “perfect vacuum,” where our human DNA was added to measure the effect of light at a particle level, the results proved shocking. Not only did our DNA manifest light particles into synchronization, correlating with the shape of the strand itself, it produced unforeseen effects much like “mini space” in a jar.

Scientists observed tiny wormholes constantly manifesting around our DNA along with what could only termed “fluctuations of the light.” In further experiments, human DNA could be found to retain the light itself, providing a glowing vacuum creating a test tube “bulb.” Ancient beliefs of clairvoyance, healing, rapid intuition, aura energy, light manipulation even weather manipulation had now been proven possible on a quantum level. (Again, bear in mind, the quantum level refers to the level of sub-atomic particles - the very same particles of which we are all made of. So if this can happen with those particles in a lab test, one can easily deduce that it can happen within YOU.)

These tiny wormholes would later be found to be the key to unlocking our manifestation potential.

Further studies provided more detailed information than we had ever thought possible. These miniature magnetic wormholes were “two way communication links to other parts of the known universe.” Our DNA is more than the sum of us - it is a “quantum bio wave computer.” Our tiny, individual wormholes take information and pass it too our consciences - resonating it back to us at a frequency on a genetic level found to be around 150 megahertz.

This would later lead to the conclusion that our DNA was an ancient “harmonic oscillator.” Our DNA was attracting information on a quantum level and organizing it as consciousness.

Stonehenge As A Spiritual Transcendence Tool

It seems that the ancient builders of Stonehenge had knowledge of this concept of DNA as a “harmonic oscillator.” For many, it is believed that the Stonehenge structure is a large spiritual transcendence tool:

“For those of you who may not know, altered states of consciousness can be reached through beat tones and rhythmic sessions at certain frequencies. This is why monks chant, those of Jewish faith rock back and forth (davening) while praying and indigenous people incorporate drumming into their rituals. This is also why Rave participants are easily induced into trance-like states. These rhythmic actions actually produce a clinically measurable effect on the brain.

Through rhythmic sessions and beat tones or binaural beats, the brain reaches a state called "coherence." Coherence is reached when waves in phase and of one wavelength simultaneously are generated in the different parts of the brain. This synchronicity between the waves makes the brain run like an optimal brain and a deep state of altered consciousness can be achieved.”

Researchers of Stonehenge noticed that the side of the rocks facing the interior center of the circle were carved out somewhat to produce a concave "dip" in the face of the rock. Further study revealed that:

“. . . the acoustical qualities of Stonehenge are such that, when the proper rhythm is achieved through beat tones (drumming), Stonehenge actually begins to produce Alpha wave frequencies at 10 HZ to such an extent that it actually begins to ring like a glass. You know the old trick, wet your finger and run it around the lip of a crystal glass and it'll turn into a "singing bowl." Apparently, Stonehenge produces the same effect only on a much grander scale and in low Alpha wave frequencies. Frequencies necessary to achieve altered states of consciousness that allow for astral planing or astral projection (out of body experiences). Combine that with the mind altering substance of the day, Henbane, and you have yourself one hell of a party.”

Ancient Light Workers and Their “Familiars” (Cats)

Ancient “light workers” have long been held sacred, but believed by many in modern society to be another part of outdated thought from our primal past - but this was about to change.

It was later found that our very own DNA could influence ultraviolet photons in an aura directly affecting human metabolism. In extreme cases of “environmental manifestation,” accounts of black ghosts, energy fluctuations, extreme intuition and more could no longer be ignored.

To further add curiosity, science in other areas has produced evidence linking cross species manifestation and influence to our DNA. Cats have been found to emit, and also become sensitized, to human electromagnetic fields and our surrounding “fluctuations.” Not only this, but other studies that have confirmed evidence of the effects of cats on the lowering of human heart rates in the presence of them, has added value to the ancient beliefs in our favourite "familiar." The formal definition of a familiar is:

“. . .supernatural entities believed to assist witches and cunning folk in their practice of magic. . .the main purpose of familiars is to serve the witch or young witch, providing protection for him/her as they come into their new powers. . . according to the records of the time, they would appear in numerous guises, often as an animal.”

And remember, in ancient times, a witch was actually a healer – a man or woman who studied herbal medicine (much like a Shaman) – and not the demonic, evil, modern portrayal of what we commonly refer to as a witch.

Many are the recorded incidents of spontaneous, unexplainable behaviour from our feline friends, giving firm support to the supernatural power of cats put forward in ancient human history. Light workers of all periods were said to be drawn to cats and surrounded by cats as protectors, cleansers and guardians of their own “light side.” However, this still left many ancient blanks.

Genetic Empathy

In research conducted in the institute of heart math, involving the isolation of DNA and the focused power of human emotion, we find answers to some ancient riddles.

The aim of the research was to study why the heart produced a greater electromagnetic field influence than the brain, not just with us, but in our DNA. This research would look to go one step further in investigating the effects of transmission of emotional “intent” on DNA. Trained emotional subjects were each given an emotional “intent” to transmit, and the results were surprising.

In the presence of negative emotions, the isolated DNA became strangled and tight. In the presence of positive emotions, the DNA became extremely relaxed.

Confirming that an empath can not only feel your emotions, but is actually able to manifest them within themselves, on a genetic level. Further military research has since confirmed these results. Donors were tested and emotionally stimulated in order measure changes in samples of their own DNA. What they discovered was that an emotional peak in one room - lead to an emotional peak in our DNA in another room.

To test this, further research continued at a variety of distances that further confirmed these earlier findings. Modern western physics was unable to provide an explanation for how our DNA could manifest these changes at distances of over 350 miles in instant, real-time speed that was synchronised by atomic clocks. Further, they could not answer as to why there should even be any such existing connection at all.

The answer that was deduced in the conclusion of this genetic research conducted, in both the above and previously discussed area, was provided by the head the of the Russian research team at the Academy of Science in Moscow:

“After duplicating experiments many times and checking the equipment in every conceivable way, we were forced to accept the working hypothesis that some new field structures is being excited from the physical vacuum. It appears that this substructure can be excited from the physical vacuum in a range of energies close to zero energy. Our only conclusion is that the DNA itself has manifesting powers through the vacuum separate from deliberate human intention.” ~ Dr. Vladimir Poponin

The DNA Phantom Effect

This is part one of a two part series. In parting, consider that when ancient mystics and modern day spiritualists make the proclamation that God lives within each and every one of us, perhaps what they are referring to is the ability for human beings to tap into the “creative force” of the universe – to manifest heaven right here on earth:

“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done – on earth, as it is in heaven.”

* * * * *

About the Author: Peter is a specialist in Biomechanics and Periodization Science. He is also a qualified Teacher. Peter has an extensive background in Sports Science and due to his Military skills, he is in demand to a wide range of clients. Currently working as a SOF Performance Trainer while running his own personal training business, Peter is an enthusiastic reader of many subjects with an interest in outdoor pursuits and sports.

Modern Man And Failure To Earn His Power

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 22:19:00 +0000

Throughout primitive and ancient times, the idea of “man” and “masculine energy” has meant something different from currently held modern views.

Central to the belief of many primitive tribal, ancient cultures is the idea that a male must earn his right to be a man through hardship - he must "earn" his power.

In modern culture, the idea of “manhood,” as a stage of male power as a prize to be earned, has become as far away from previously held beliefs as is possible. Instead, what we have are a set of “fake” rituals revolving around male dominated social activities that range from sports to dating/sexual milestones.

As a result, the word "man" has become a synonym for "male." When the reality is, just because you're a male, doesn't necessarily mean you're a "man" in the true sense of the word. And because of this weak association, a modern man in today's culture is a man simply because he is bigger, stronger and has male sexual organs.

Males no longer have to “earn their power” as a man - as a right to be considered a real "man" in the true sense of the word.

So what you're left with is a society that's filling up fast with emotionally immature "man boys" instead of real men.

Killing the Boy to Save the Man

In the days of tribal, ancient societies what exactly did a male have to do to earn his power?

He had to kill the boy inside (through hardship and rituals of "initiation").

When a male is young, he is a boy in the sense that his actions are young, naive and represent the true child. In tribal cultures the child, the young boy inside, must be sacrificed in order for the real man to live and manifest within him.

Male initiation ceremonies ranging from lion hunting, vision quests alone in the desert, anesthetic free circumcisions and more have been used as transformation methods intended to "strip" away the boy inside by many tribal cultures. Similar ceremonies revolving around killing, warfare and tremendous acts of drug induced torment have been used alongside those to reach the true meaning of "masculine" power.

In order to survive, the man must move toward true masculine qualities...leadership, strength, protection behavior, mentoring of younger males and an unshakable belief (confidence) in his purpose - as a man. The pain of killing the boy inside leads to a deep level of change that forever impacts the man to advantage - to the survival of the society as whole.

Modern Western countries now tend to be too soft and sheltering of males to allow for these deep lessons that transform boys into men. Add to that a change in the modern definition of parenthood and a loss in the value of traditional gender roles - and we're left with a population of adult boys, "man boys." Instead of real men in the true sense of the word.

The Rise of the Adult Boy

A famous author writing on the subject of hero myths as stories of transformation from "boy to man" presented the ancient belief that a man must be created by following nothing more than the path of the "hero." The path of the hero follows many hardships, trials and deadly obstacles which the man must overcome.

He may be of many cultural types - a lover, king, warrior, redeemer/saint - and may even be a reformed tyrant beaten down and transformed by hardship. No matter what the type of hero or his journey, all of these stories have one thing in common:

For the hero to survive he must kill the boy...and rise to be a hero.

It's no accident that most of these myths involve, in some way, winning the heart of a fair lady. Modern culture no longer encourages traditional hero worship and male initiation through methods of proving manhood - either to a woman or a culture.

As a result, males in many modern cultures now lack the true transformation of "boy to man." We no longer have men - we have “adult boys.”

Many men are now living in a state of "adult boyhood," trapped in a state of immature "boy" thinking. Which has lead to an increase in "Adult Boy Syndrome" also known as "Peter Pan Syndrome," and an abundance of adult men with low EQ (emotional quotient) and EI (emotional intelligence).

We have immature adult males no longer able to present themselves as true men in any capacity - from leadership to careers to relationships.

The Adult Boy in Relationships and Dating

This lack of true male energy could not be more devastating to your dating life - for men and women both. No longer does a man have to win a women by proving his leadership to her.

The mature male pursuit of a women requires that a man have the ability to provide the woman solid proof that she should accept his leadership as a man. The obstacles of a hero in winning his princess are the barriers in providing the proof she needed in order to give herself freely and willingly to the real man.

As a result of this “lack of proof” in the modern day male, the "adult boy" has taken a majority place in the dating world and women now give themselves away too freely to low value men (adult boys) who have no intent of maturely fulfilling her needs as a women.

The adult boy cheats, lies, is selfish, lacks confidence and is insecure. The adult boy lives off of a women rather than provides for her. The adult boy "plays" at dating and plays for sex, much like a child plays with toys. He sees nothing wrong with the destruction of women to feed his “boy” needs.

In short, this has left a litter of destroyed, abused and ruined women in society. Women no longer know what it feels like to have true primal feminine feelings that come with being with a mature man that exhibits masculine energy. True manly behavior in the real "mature" sense has sadly become an unknown quality to many women today.

And regretfully, this situation shows no real sign of stopping any time soon because society no longer requires initiation rituals that strip the "boy" from the male.

Feeling the Masculine Energy

Inside every women, at a primal level, is a built in mechanism to “feel” the presence of true male qualities. Indeed, in many cultures, a males failure to kill the boy results in low levels of attraction and quality mating for him.

In short, primitive cultures believed that when it came to mate selection - a woman would know a real man when she "felt" him.

The transformation of "boy to man" allowed the man to be changed on a deep level resulting in an unshakable projection of true "masculine" leadership qualities and confidence. It was that which allowed the new man to “prove his leadership” while allowing a woman to safely express the true feminine qualities nature provided her.

A real man (masculine) will, on a primal level, literally allow a woman to be what she truly is - a woman (feminine).

In modern countries, we see the same two processes in males repeating all over the world as a result of failure of initiation (stripping away the "boy"):

1) The young male fails initiation. Thus he remains too “nice” and gives away his power to the woman via insecure, approval seeking behavior (immaturity). He will have success in dating only with time and hurtful experience.

2) The second process is one of skewed male power. The idea that a man should dominate a woman. This leads to an abundance of female hating, misogynistic, using and abusing men.

Women want neither of two.

If the boy, however, undergoes initiation in his tribal culture - he emerges as a man who knows how to “keep his power.” As a result, women feel differently, see him differently and he changes the type of woman he looks for in selecting a partner.

* * * * *

Modern Man And Failure To Earn His Power by Peter N. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. (No Derivative Works — You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work. Noncommercial — You may not use this work for commercial purposes. Attribution — You must attribute Modern Man And Failure To Earn His Power to Peter N. (with link).)

About the Author: Peter is a specialist in Biomechanics and Periodization Science. He is also a qualified Teacher. Peter has an extensive background in Sports Science and due to his Military skills, he is in demand to a wide range of clients. Currently working as a SOF Performance Trainer while running his own personal training business, Peter is an enthusiastic reader of many subjects with an interest in outdoor pursuits and sports.

Who Should Pay For A Date?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 00:40:00 +0000

This is a topic that seems to spark a bit of debate each time it arises. Naturally, no one likes to be used. Men claim women use men for money and women claim men use women for sex. And there’s truth to both of those claims. But there’s also a good old fashioned way of alleviating any hard feelings of being used.

How, you ask?

The feeling of being used can be eliminated by fulfilling one another’s needs in respectful ways. Let’s face it, women like sex just as much as men. But guys, nothing makes a woman feel crappier and more insecure about herself than a man ringing her phone at some inopportune moment, inviting himself over to simply plunk himself down on her sofa – and then expecting sex from his less than stellar efforts.

And ladies, nothing makes a man feel more used than a woman accepting a date that the man drops $100 or more on and in the end he doesn’t even receive so much as a thank you or a goodnight kiss from his efforts to impress and the woman displays no intention of ever seeing the man again.

So How Can Ill Feelings of Being Used be Eliminated?

Let’s explore a couple of starters.

The first of which is: Ladies, if you have no intention of ever seeing the man again, pick up the tab or at the very least, offer to pay your half. A true gentleman won’t permit you to do this and, if that’s the case, might I ask that you please reconsider your assumptions of him and give him a second chance?

The second of which is: Men, if you want sex, please consider the use of romance to obtain it. I realize that new concepts such as “no strings attached” exist in the dating world, however, please realize that you can only make a woman feel crappy about herself and used once or twice effectively and get away with it. Any more than that and her insecurities will cause her to rethink the “arrangement” she has with you and she’ll shut you off – and out.

No one wants to spend time with someone that makes them feel crappy about themselves.

This Can All be Avoided With a Very Simple Equation: Romance = Sex

Yep, it’s that simple. If a woman feels romanced (respected) by a man and is made to feel special in some way via actions (not a bunch of BS words), she can be talked into some wild things. Not only that, she’ll tend to go along with those things a lot longer than she would if a man weren’t lifting a finger for her.

And men, we all know you want sex. Is it really that much to ask for you to take a woman out to dinner or offer a movie or drinks or bring her a flower – before you attempt to pounce?

What I’m trying to say here is:

Guys: If you want your needs fulfilled with sex then fulfill a woman’s needs with romance (respect).

Ladies: Refuse to fulfill a man’s needs with sex unless your needs are fulfilled with romance (respect).

It’s a mating dance. It’s the recipe for successful mating and it’s an age-old equation. Romance = Sex.

Gentlemen and Tradition

Listen up guys. Have you ever seen James Bond let a woman provide for him? Nope. And why is that? It’s because James Bond types of men, true gentlemen, true “macs,” understand that women want and need romance and they understand that their masculinity is closely associated with their ability to provide. They understand that the way to successfully mate with a woman – is to be chivalrous, provide for her and romance her.

You’d never see Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin letting a woman pick up the tab or provide for them either. They, too, understood the old equation “Romance = Sex.” They were respectful gentlemen and each considered themselves to be a “man’s man.” And a man’s man does not fall short when it comes to being a man by letting a woman provide for him or take a masculine, leading role.

These men, true gentlemen, realize the value of romance and they understand the implications of masculine versus feminine energy. If Frank Sinatra asked you out to dinner and you, as a woman, attempted to pick up the tab – he would’ve been insulted. You would’ve insulted his masculinity, his manhood, and implied to him that you felt he wasn’t, or couldn’t, be a good provider.

It would’ve been construed as a direct blow to his manhood and his masculinity.

There’s a big difference between gentlemen and immature “man boys.” Even modern day manufacturers and large corporations realize this and embrace good old fashioned values and tradition in this modern day world.

Take, for instance, the Ketel One Vodka marketing campaign. Ketel One Vodka is raising their “value” in consumers’ eyes by marketing their vodka strictly to – yep, you guessed it – gentlemen only. And they make reference to “gentlemen” in every single one of their commercials.

They speak directly to “gentlemen” only in their marketing campaigns and they portray gentlemen as chivalrous and respectful with women in those campaigns. Notice that even though they portray men as men, gentlemen and manly men – they DO NOT portray them as disrespectful cavemen to women. In fact, they portray them as the exact opposite. They portray gentlemen as chivalrous to women – respectful. And this in no way decreases their value as men or portrays them as weak. In fact, it increases their value as men, real men, gentlemen – and portrays them as strong, respectful and chivalrous to women:

Ketel One Vodka realizes that when it comes to men and women, traditional gender roles are primal, deeply ingrained, and still exist. Ketel One strongly realizes that chivalry is not dead and that high value exists in traditional ways.

Ketel One refers to “the days when substance was style” and the days when “men were men” in their marketing campaigns – and they market directly to men, real men, manly men – gentlemen:

So why the heavy play on “real men, manly men” and "tradition" and “gentlemen” in their marketing campaigns?

Because Ketel One realizes that real men, gentlemen – spend money. Ketel One knows that attempting to market to a “man boy” or an immature player will have little to no effect on their sales. Why? Because Ketel One realizes that man boys, immature men who are players – won’t easily part with their money. They realize that man boys and players are generally selfish men.

Ketel One doesn’t want to decrease their “value” in the eyes of others by associating themselves with men such as that. Ketel One wants to place a high value on themselves, their brand, their product and their company by associating and marketing themselves strictly to men, real men, man’s men – gentlemen only. Ketel One realizes that gentlemen are perceived as having a much higher value to other men - and also to women. So the message in their marketing is:

1) Real men, gentlemen, drink Ketel One Vodka.

2) Women place a high value on gentlemen. The message here to men is, “Drink Ketel One and women will place a high value on you. Women will see you as a gentleman, a man’s man, a real man.”

Brilliant if you ask me. I’d date any one of these men portrayed in these commercials in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t hesitate to think twice about it. As a matter of fact, if I met a man like that, I’d be giddy over it. And if I ever see a man drinking Ketel One Vodka when I’m out, you can bet your bottom dollar that subconsciously – he’s going to have a higher value in my eyes and stand out above the rest of the men in the establishment – as a man, a true gentleman.

And this isn’t because I’m some weak minded female that easily falls for marketing and image ploys. It’s because of the association of their brand with “gentlemen” and the subconscious affect that their marketing campaigns have on this primal concept that’s deeply, genetically ingrained inside of each and every one of us – male or female.

My point is: Subtleties and the unspoken dynamics of male versus female, masculine versus feminine energy, and traditional gender roles – still exist – deeply ingrained within men and women’s psyches - particularly when it comes to men, women, love and relationships.

Some May Call It Sexist

But let’s face it - there IS a difference between the sexes. Yes, I’m a woman, an independent woman. I pay my own way, keep a roof over my head and work full time to support myself. But that’s my career – not my life. In life, my personal life, I’m a woman through and through. And when it comes to dating and love and relationships, I’m a woman. I don’t want to be treated like a dude. I don’t want to be a man’s buddy (f**k buddy). I want to be treated like the woman that I am.

One is your work life and the other is your personal life. In your personal life, you’re still a woman so don’t mesh the two. Men like to date women (feminine energy). If they wanted to date a dude (masculine energy), that’s exactly what they’d do – switch teams.

So in my career, I’m comfortable wearing the pants and assuming a leadership role and exhibiting masculine energy. But in my personal life and in my love relationships, I’m a woman. It’s the one area of my life where I prefer to relax, breath and relinquish control and the lead over to a man. It’s one area of my life where I let a man be a man and let myself be a woman.

As a woman, there is great pleasure and satisfaction in being treated as such.

And, ladies, I can tell you this – there is nothing more attractive to men than a woman who can do just that. Men find a woman who can be independent and take care of herself yet still be a woman in all other aspects - completely irresistible. It’s incredibly enticing to men, the thought of a woman like that.

“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, ever let you forget – you’re a man.” Yet another popular marketing campaign that appealed to the importance of traditional gender roles in relationships, the Enjoli commercial of the 1980’s:

And take a look at the masculinity and romance concept of the recent Old Spice marketing campaign that revived a dying brand and turned it mainstream once again with taglines like, “the man your man could smell like:”

Why do you think campaigns such as these become wildly popular and increase brand sales by the thousands? Why do you think campaigns that signal traditional concepts such as masculine versus feminine combined with romance are still being used to generate sales successfully even in the decades following the women’s liberation movement?

It’s because they appeal to those traditional gender roles that are genetically, deeply ingrained in each and every one of us. If this was such a lost “eras gone by” sexist concept as many would argue, then these campaigns would not be the wildly popular, successful marketing campaigns that they are.

They’re popular because everyone can relate – both men and women.

So before you’re quick to fluff off and dismiss traditional gender roles as sexist and a dead concept from eras gone by, realize that when you boil things down to their base form – men are still men and women are still women. The roles that Mother Nature assigned us millennias ago still exist and are genetically, biologically, deeply ingrained in men and women psyches.

It’s a concept that’s so relevant that it’s still being used successfully in marketing campaigns some 30 years after women’s liberation.

So again I repeat, ladies and gentlemen – Romance = Sex.

The Answer is Clear

Women tend to lose respect for a man that fails to be a good provider. This has nothing to do with money. It's a primal, biological concept. Back in the days of the caveman, the man with the nicest cave who was the best hunter and provided the warmest hides and furs and kept food on the table - yea - he got all the cave babes. He wasn't rich, he was a good provider. And biologically, women are programmed to chose men they mate with that have the best and highest chances of ensuring that any offspring produced from the union have the greatest chance of survival.

On the same token, men are biologically programmed to chose women they mate with that have the best and highest chance of producing offspring for them. And do you know what the number one factor they subconsciously use to make their choice is? Yep, you guessed it - a woman's body.

Studies have revealed that hip to waist ratio matters tremendously when it comes to men's choices in a female mate. Why? Because a proper hip to waist ratio signals "health" to a man. And it's the traditional hour glass figure that appeals the most to them. It's not about being fat or skinny, ladies. It's not about size. Hell, Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 by today's standards. But that blonde bombshell had a near perfect hip to waist ratio of 0.69. Sophia Loren, also a size 16 by today's standards, hit the sweet spot coming in at a perfect 0.7.

So yes, women look for men to be providers and men focus on a woman's physical form. It is what it is, folks. Don't fight it, embrace it. Embrace the differences.

Men, if you want to successfully mate then pay for the date. Don't make a woman feel used by expecting something for nothing.

Ladies, if he's impressed you and you want to see him again, let him be a man and provide for you by picking up the tab. If you have no intention of ever seeing him again, avoid making him feel used by offering to pay your half or pick up the entire tab.

Happy mating and successful dating, folks.

Why A Man Cheats: Reasons for Infidelity

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 17:27:00 +0000

Before beginning, I'd just like to say, women cheat too. Modern research shows that the numbers of women now doing so are quickly catching up to the numbers of men who cheat.

Having said that, we're going to explore some of the most common reasons men cheat. Why only men who cheat? It's simple. Because it's a fact that women explore this topic online more than men. Research showed the average number of folks searching "men cheat" online per month is approximately 201,000. While the average number of searches for "women cheat" is a much lower 74,000.

What's that tell you?

A couple of things. For one, the obvious answer would be because men cheat more. However, the flip side to that is also because many men simply just don't think their girlfriend or wife would cheat on them. The male ego just fights this type of thinking. Why? Because the implication is very primal - a cheating wife or girlfriend can bear another man's child. Even though the implications for a woman are much the same - a cheating husband or boyfriend can father another woman's child - for men, due to the male ego and their overall masculinity, this outcome is much more damaging. Therefore, the mere thought of it is literally sickening to them. Every man sees himself as "The Man" in his head. The only man.

A common claim is that men cheat for sex (although not true) and women cheat for love because they feel emotionally deprived. Which leads me to the second reason why men are much less likely to face the fact that a woman may be cheating on them. Because the implication has a very high likelihood of indicating that she's in love with another man. Whereas with men, sex and emotion are two different things. They compartmentalize them. However, with women, sex and emotion are one and the same. As a result, when a woman cheats on a man, it signals that she feels it's over. Whereas, when a man cheats on a woman, it signals that things are wrong, but doesn't necessarily signal an end to his feelings for his wife or girlfriend.

Lastly, women have the upper hand here. Men simply don't want to think that a woman will cheat on them. As a result, women take full advantage of the seed that's already planted and have a natural ability to hide their cheating activities much more successfully than men.

Interesting fact: Virtually all women who cheat never get caught versus one fifth of men who do.

Interesting fact: 95% of women who have cheated have never been caught.

Interesting fact: Women are better liars because they are more psychologically sophisticated.

And for those simple reasons alone, a woman cheating on a man is literally the kiss of death to a marriage or a relationship. While a man cheating on a woman has a higher likelihood of being forgiven or even overlooked.

Now that we have a better understanding of the dynamics involved, it's clear that many women cheat because they're seeking new love and a fresh start. However, the reasons that men cheat aren't as clear cut and precise.

Three Stages of Love

Eros Love (Romantic Love)

This is the stage of love often referred to as "in love." This is the stage when the human brain is actually producing a chemical effect that's akin to drug addiction. The chemicals produced are dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin (the 3 that produce the "high"), oxytocin and vasopressin (the two "bonding" chemicals), nerve growth factor (the "attachment"), testosterone and estrogen (the "hormones").

And here's an interesting tidbit, ladies. (And it's also the reason that "no contact" is incredibly valuable to women in particular.) Did you know that the events occurring in the brain when we are in love have similarities with mental illness? Did you know that the effects of serotonin on the brain have a similar chemical appearance to the mental illness known as obsessive-compulsive disorder? And did you know that the brain only produces these chemicals for an average of two years in both males and females?

Can anyone say "infatuation?"

Philos Love (Child Rearing/Friendship Love)

This is the "settling in" stage of love when romance tends to take a back seat and child rearing, family and friendship between the couple tends to take a front seat.

This is also the stage when cheating has the highest rate of occurrence. The brain is no longer producing the chemicals referenced above and the woman has had her attention diverted from the man - to her newborn children who have a much higher need for her love, attention and affection. If there are no children produced from the relationship, fractures can easily happen during this stage because there's no assistance with the chemical production produced during the romantic stage, referenced above.

Can anyone say, "in a rut?"

Agape (Unconditional/Companion Love)

Once a couple reaches this stage, they're generally out of the woods, so-to-speak. They love each other unconditionally, warts and all. They are getting ready to enjoy their golden years and are looking forward to growing old together, settling into retirement and welcoming grandchildren into their lives.

Can anyone say, "happily ever after?"

Now that we understand the different stages of love, let's get down to the dirty and explore some of the possible reasons why men cheat. (And for men reading this, some of these you can simply replace "he" with "she" as they apply to both genders.)

Why A Man Cheats

He's Insecure

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times - insecure men cheat. They just do; whether they love you or not has absolutely nothing to do with it. As a matter of fact, research suggests that most men who cheat claim they still love the woman in their life. And that's because insecurity is a "me" issue, not a "we" issue.

When someone secretly doesn't feel good about themselves, they seek out activities that remedy this. And nothing remedies ill feelings about yourself faster than the attentions and affections of a new lover. Additionally, folks who are insecure are generally equally selfish. As a result, they don't think about "others," they think about "self." Add to that the fact that they tend to focus on "rewards" versus "consequences."

It's a recipe for disaster.

And it's one of the main reason that I warn women dealing with insecure men to really think long and hard about what you're signing on for there. On top of what's referenced above, insecure men tend to enjoy tinkering with the heads and emotions of the woman in their life. They're not good communicators and, as a result, they won't sit down to talk. Instead, they'll pull pranks and play silly "push your button" games. Why? To get a reaction from you. Because if you didn't care, you wouldn't react. So when an insecure man wants reassured that his partner still cares, he won't ask her. Instead, he'll pull a prank that hurts her and then he'll sit back and watch her reaction. Insecure men/women will suck the life out of you and exhaust you - FAST.

Interesting fact: Only 12% of men feel the woman they cheated with was more attractive than their partner.

He's Opportunistic

Did you know that most men usually cheat with a woman they know? Don't get me wrong, you'll always have the types that troll the bar scene for one night stands and anonymous sex. But the majority of men who cheat do not go about it like that. The reality is, they work a situation around them, a woman around them, to their advantage. And then they strike once the iron is hot. This is where the "work wife" becomes dangerous territory. If there's a woman at your man's place of business that he confides in, shares with, lunches with and speaks about regularly - pay close attention to what's developing there.

Men like to make things easy on themselves, ladies. And to them, it's much easier to persuade a woman you know to be your lover than it is to walk into a bar, start from scratch, and attempt to lure the woman back to your apartment.

Interesting fact: 60% of cheating stems from the workplace.

Interesting fact: Only 6% of men claim to have had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day.

Interesting fact: 73% of men claim they got to know the other woman for more than a month before cheating took place.

He's Trying to "Fix" Things

I know. You just read that and said, "Huh?" Let me explain. Men can fix a car, a broken railing, a crack in the sidewalk. But when it comes to their relationships and their emotions, they can't easily fix themselves. As a result, many tend to hang on to what does work, what doesn't need fixed (which may be the wife or girlfriend) and simply resort to plugging the holes they feel inside themselves with extracurricular activities outside of the marriage - to make themselves feel whole again.

Men feel entitled to "have it all." As a result, many will attempt to do just that - take on a mistress to make the longing subside and then live happily ever after, having it all - with their wife AND their mistress.

What better way to feel fulfilled, content and "fixed" - without ever having to confront the real issues?

Interesting fact: 48% of men state emotional dissatisfaction as the cause of their cheating.

He's Hurt

Cheating that stems from revenge doesn't happen as often as it does for the reasons listed above, however, it does happen - but it's not necessarily for revenge. If a man has been deeply hurt by a woman in some way, say she's been snubbing him and nagging at him, making him feel like less of a man and giving him the impression that he simply can't make her happy - if he loves her, he may stay and then cheat to overcompensate for his feeling of "lack" as a man.

Revenge can be a factor here. But the real issue is more one of pain as opposed to getting even for being wronged in some way.

Interesting fact: 66% of men feel guilt during the affair.

He Objectifies Women and Craves Variety

Many men blame it on the genes, claiming that they just can't help themselves. And most times, the one's making that claim are also the men who have a tendency to be adrenaline junkies that objectify women as sexual objects or trophies of sorts and treat dating like a sport. For instance, if you're dating a man and you've heard him rating women on a scale of 1 to 10 - RUN.

He doesn't see you as a person, he sees you as an object. One that's been placed on this earth for him to do as he pleases with. And many times, men of this nature are either sociopathic or narcissistic - or both. These men love the thrill of the chase, the hunt and the conquer. It's their domination over others that's important. They could care less how they treat the other nor do they care about making an impression.

These are the caveman types and many an Alpha male objectifies women.

Interesting fact: When women were tested and forced to view themselves in videos as they felt men would view them (objectifying themselves), they made a greater number of mistakes on cognitive testing (attention, memory, understanding language, learning, reasoning, problem solving, and decision making).

He Gets Away With It

Nobody really knows the exact reasons for this, but it's a fact that many men simply have women in their lives that overlook their behavior and/or accept it. "Boys will be boys."

The most likely reasons would be that women tend to be more forgiving than men, women tend to make excuses for the men in their lives and women tend to fear being alone more than men.

Interesting fact: 15% to 20% of married men who were caught cheating are repeat offenders.

He Travels in a Pack

Ever hear the term, "Birds of a feather flock together?" It seems there's proof of that. When a woman dates a man, she should always pay close attention to the company he keeps. His close circle of friends. If he's a party boy who leans towards impulsive, careless behavior and suffers from restlessness, chances are he's running with a pack of men much like himself.

Often times, they're called "wing men."

These are men that travel in packs, helping one another meet and score with women. Another popular term that stems from this behavior is "taking one for the team." Meaning, he's out with his pack, one of his friends is about to score with a beautiful woman, but it's not going to happen unless his buddy occupies the woman's less attractive girlfriend. In which case, the buddy will "take one for the team" and sleep with the less attractive women just so that his friend can have a shot at scoring with the beautiful girl.

Interesting fact: 77% of men who cheat claim to have at least one close friend that also cheats.

He's Wealthy

Many men marry what has become affectionately coined, their "starter wife." This is the girl they most likely fell in love with at a young age and had a great friendship with. When they met, they were both kids in love without two pennies to rub together, yet still managed to always have a great time with one another.

The man starts to build his career over the course of many years and then one fine day - he arrives. He's gone from earning $17,000 a year at the local burger joint while attending college to suddenly landing that $300,000 a year job. And as we all know, perks come with money. And one of those perks for a man who suddenly finds himself wealthy is - young, beautiful women are suddenly paying attention to him. Women who, 10-20 years ago, wouldn't have given him the time of day.

Power and money are intoxicating and particularly appealing to the male ego. Which is why I warn the women that long for a successful corporate/business man as a husband or boyfriend to be very careful what you wish for.

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." ~ Lord Acton

Interesting fact: 32% of men with a $300,000 a year income claim to have cheated versus 21% of men making less than $35,000 a year.

It's a Learned Behavior

When a man is raised in a home with one or both parents engaging in affairs outside of the marriage, the likelihood of him leading the same lifestyle as an adult jumps considerably. The reason for this is because your parents are the two people in your life that teach you how men and women should interact with one another. If a young boy knows the father is cheating on the mother and he witnesses the mother overlooking this behavior, he says to himself, "I guess it's okay for men to do this. I guess it's their right and I guess women know this and accept it. I guess this is what a relationship between a man and a woman is."

As a result, they themselves develop the same lifestyle and have a much higher likelihood of recreating that atmosphere in their own relationships. Trust me on this one, ladies. My ex of 12 years, when caught cheating and I asked for a divorce as a result, actually said to me, "Why do you have to be such a bitch? You know, most women go through this, but they don't throw away their marriages over it."

My response? "You didn't marry "most" women. You married me. And when I stood at the alter and we exchanged our vows, I don't recall signing on for that."

If you want to know what life would be like with the man you're dating, look to his parent's relationship. In my case, my exes mother and father both cheated. His mother did it very early in the marriage as a knee jerk reaction to her husband's infidelity. She felt neglected and unloved. She chose to remain in the marriage and ceased the behavior - but his father still carries it on to this day, some 40+ years later - much like his paternal grandmother (his dad's mom) had done for the duration of her marriage. Dysfunctional family patterns tend to repeat themselves throughout history until someone breaks the cycle.

Interesting fact: 50% of men who cheated claimed to have fathers who also did so.

Interesting fact: 53% of men who cheated claim to have immediate family members who cheated.

Interesting fact: 21% of men who cheated had fathers that had multiple affairs.

Noticing a Theme Here?

In just about every single one of the scenarios above, notice that none of them were a direct reflection on the woman. Notice that just about every single one of them is a reflection on the man. Even in the scenario where a man might be hurt by the woman for one reason or another, it's still his CHOICE to conduct an affair rather than WORK out the issues.

“I'm going to take the high road because the low road is so crowded.” ~ Mia Farrow

Cheating is a choice, folks.

And when men decide to cheat, they make those choices based on what's going on inside of THEM - not based on what the woman is or isn't doing. Sure, they use the behavior of the woman as an excuse or justification for their behavior, but the simple fact of the matter is that most men use cheating as a means of coping. Coping with stress, anxiety, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, past traumas and childhood experiences and self esteem issues. Cheating occurrences for reasons of sex alone are actually very low.

Interesting fact: Only 8% of men who cheat claim sexual dissatisfaction as the reason.

Much like folks use alcohol, tobacco, drugs and gambling as coping mechanisms, many men also choose to use cheating much the same. "If I just do this, then I'll forget about all of that and this will go away."

But the reality appears to be that it boils down to choice and an inability to cope, emotionally, with issues of success, dissatisfaction, past experience, peer pressure, temptation, relationship problems and feelings of self worth.

Now this may sound sexist and I understand why. But realize that what I'm about to say isn't based on my past experiences, it's based on the insights contained in the statistics and the psychology behind what motivates men to cheat versus what motivates women to cheat. Which I believe reveals that when you have a man that's cheating, you appear to have a broken man. Whereas, when you have a woman that's cheating, you appear to have an unloved, neglected woman.

Would you agree or disagree?

Here's some old school wisdom on the topic from back in my day. The lyrics ring true:

Dumper or Dumpee: Dating Help With A Break Up

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 23:17:00 +0000

We’re going to take an in-depth look into the concept known as dumper versus dumpee in the world of dating and a break up.

There is much debate as to who suffers more after a break up - the dumper or the dumpee? We’re also going to explore the likelihood of one or the other requesting a renewed relationship after the break up.

After much consideration, study and research on the subject, it could just be that the pain involved is not what affects the ultimate outcome. But we’ll get to that.
However, it does pay to explore where both, the dumper and dumpee’s, minds, thoughts and feelings may be at the time of the occurrence of a dump as well as month’s afterwards.

So let’s break this down by first taking a look at what might be going on in the mind of both the dumper and dumpee in this situation and then we’ll move along from there.

Dumper or Dumpee: Who’s Hurting More?

That depends. And I believe it depends on the reason for the dump. So let’s explore a couple of the most common reasons for this:

Man Disrespects or Disappoints The Woman

In this scenario, the reason for the break up is apparent – the woman feels disrespected and/or disappointed by the man in some way and, as a result, she feels compelled to stand up for herself and dumps the man before he begins taking her for granted. She doesn’t necessarily WANT to do this, yet she HAS to do this if she’s to be respected and treated properly by men.

As a result, I believe the woman, the dumper here, would be very open to a return from the man to reignite the relationship (unless he cheated). Chances are she’s hurting badly and left wondering why he did what he did that forced her to take this action. So if the dumpee, the man, returns to make amends, I believe he will have an increased success rate of actually repairing things and making amends, as long as his intentions are genuine, he apologizes, becomes accountable for his actions and shows the woman the respect she deserves.

Who’s hurting more: In this case, I believe the dumper is hurting more than the dumpee.

Woman Disrespects or Disappoints The Man

In this scenario, we have a couple of additional dynamics involved when compared to the situation above. And those would be 1) male ego and 2) male pride. These can complicate things and create a very different outcome. If a man feels embarrassed (pride) and emasculated (ego) by the woman and he dumps her as a result, he will be very hurt and the chances of him returning to reignite the relationship are decreased. As a result, I believe the man here would be less likely to return to reignite the relationship.

Who’s hurting more: In this case, I believe the dumpee is hurting more than the dumper.

A possible variable to that would be – if HE did something to bring this disrespect or disappointment from the woman upon himself and she then dumped him. In which case, after a considerable amount of time has passed since he’s last communicated with her (one to three months), he may begin to miss her and rethink things and realize that his actions caused the woman’s behavior. As a result, he may return to make amends and attempt to reignite the relationship.

Who’s hurting more: In this case, I believe the dumper would initially be the one hurting and the dumpee would begin to hurt some time later.

The Woman Chases and “Spooks” The Man Away

In this scenario, the woman is taking the natural order of things, man leads and woman submits as set by Mother Nature, and she’s turning things on their head here. Men view this behavior from women as very unnatural and, as a result, they start to make assumptions about the woman like, “needy,” “desperate,” “clingy,” and “emotionally unstable.” None of which make for a healthy relationship. Men instinctually recognize the signs of an unhealthy pairing and, therefore, tend to avoid one like the plague.

Men will run from the above scenario to take a breather and come up for air. To a man, this feels like one minute - he’s floating happily in a sea of possibilities. Then, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, Jaws grabs a hold of his leg under the water and begins pulling him into the dark depths of the ocean – and his possibilities are now all gone.

Given enough time and space (generally one to 3 months) in this scenario, a man may begin to miss the woman (if he has not had any contact with her since the break up) and there is a high likelihood that he will return. However, it won’t be to reignite the relationship – chances are it will be to start all over again, from square one, casually dating the woman, in an attempt to see if she’s really as crazy as he first thought she was.

Who knows, maybe he was wrong about her? That’s what he will think if the woman initiates no contact after the dump and disappears on him. The fact that she didn’t chase (as he expected her to) and act like an obsessed psycho will make him rethink his assumptions of her so he’ll begin to second guess himself and return to see if he might have been wrong.

Who’s hurting more: In this case, I believe the dumpee is hurting more than the dumper.

The Man Aggressively “Spooks” The Woman Away

Yes, ladies. Women run scared, too. I’ve done it myself. If a man begins to pressure a woman and move in on her quick, like lightening, and issues ultimatums to her, she may bolt and run scared - just as a man would do. She’ll develop suspicions about the man and she’ll wonder, “Why is he in such a rush? Does he have ulterior motives here?” Her trust for him will decrease; her suspicions of him will increase. It’s a fine line.

In these scenarios, it’s all about trust folks. Women are preyed upon as sexual objects by men daily and, as a result, their guard is up when they meet a man. If they feel that the pursuit is becoming unnaturally aggressive in some manner, much like a rabbit being chased through tall grass, she’ll feel like she’s being preyed upon. Her defenses will rise up and she’ll spring into action and run from what she perceives as an oncoming threat.

In the spook scenario, for men the oncoming threat is one of commitment. For women, the oncoming threat is one of being eaten up and devoured for dinner (sexed up and dumped) and left for dead.

However, much like men in the spook scenario, given a considerable amount of time to process what happened, the woman may eventually reach the conclusion that she might have been wrong about the man – that she might have misinterpreted his actions.

As a result, the woman may circle back around to the man in an attempt to communicate with him once again, to see if she was wrong about him. Or, after a considerable amount of time (one to three months), the man may return to touch base with the woman in an attempt to test the waters. And if his approach is soft, the woman will likely give him a second chance to reignite the relationship.

Who’s hurting more: In this case, I believe the dumpee is hurting more than the dumper.

Man Dumps Woman For No Apparent Reason

Hey, it happens. And usually, the dumpee, the woman, will spend most, if not all, of her time consumed with “why” this happened. Reliving it and rehashing it in her mind, over and over and over again.

There is a reason behind the break up. However, it could be one of many and trying to suss out the real reason is generally a waste of time, energy and effort. The reasons may include:

He’s a player and only intended to use the woman for sex and had no intention of a relationship.
He tried dating the woman in an effort to get to know her, and he did – and concluded that, for whatever reason, she wasn’t the one.
He’s a coward and he cannot communicate his feelings emotionally.
He’s cheating on the woman.
The woman pursued him and spooked him away.
The woman was emotionally needy, unstable, clingy and overbearing.
He thinks she’s cheating on him.
He got what he wanted, sex, and it’s time to move onto the next conquest.
An ex has resurfaced that’s distracted his attention from you, to her.
He met someone else more interesting while dating the woman.
He’s emotionally unavailable and has a deep rooted fear of commitment.
He lives far away and doesn’t want a long distance relationship.
He lives in another country and realizes that the two will never be together.
He’s a serial dater.
He was simply bored and looking for something to do at the time.

As you can see, attempting to boil down the reason to one single factor becomes near impossible to do. In which case, his level of interest will tell the tale. (And we’ll get to that below in a moment.)

The likelihood of the man returning is high here – IF the woman disappears and does not contact or attempt to communicate with and/or pursue the man after the break up. The chance of return is diminished if the woman who was dumped begins to pursue the man who dumped her because this will decrease his respect for her, his value of her and make her even more undesirable to him.

Who’s hurting more: In this case, I believe the dumpee is hurting more than the dumper.

Woman Dumps Man For No Apparent Reason

Much like the scenario above, it happens. And it can happen for all the same reasons listed above. And again, attempting to boil it down to one single reason is a fruitless effort.

Additionally, much like the scenario above, the likelihood of a possible return here from the woman is high. But if the man starts blowing up the woman’s phone or filling up her Facebook wall with pleas and attempts, his chances are then greatly decreased. However, if he waits a considerable amount of time (one to three months) and THEN makes a soft approach, a woman has a much higher likelihood of giving the man a second chance and viewing him in a different light. Because as I mentioned above, it’s the man’s level of interest that will tell the tale.

Who’s hurting more: In this case, I believe the dumpee is hurting more than the dumper.

The Level of Interest Tells The Tale

As much as there are a number of variables and clear dynamics involved in the dumper versus dumpee break up debate, I believe it’s the level of interest of the man involved that truly tells the tale.

It’s clear to see from the scenarios listed above that most times, it’s the dumpee that’s hurting worse. And this is simply because rejection, in and of itself, just plain hurts the human soul, man or woman. However, it’s the level of interest of the man that truly affects the end result.

And this is where it pays for men to pursue, not women – and I’ll explain why.

If a woman has a high level of interest in a man: She will begin to pursue him after the break up.

If a man has a high level of interest in a woman: He will begin to pursue the woman after the break up.

The Big Difference Is The Outcome

If a woman has a high level of interest in a man and pursues him after the break up: She willfully puts herself at a very high risk of being used by the man (for sex) – and being dumped by him - a second time.

If a man pursues a woman after a break up, regardless of who dumped who: He actually has a very high chance of winning her over, repairing things and entering into a long term relationship with her; he proves himself to the woman. It sounds strange, but I’ve seen it - time and time again. When you ask couples in long term relationships about how they met, many times you hear the woman say something to the effect of:

“When I first met him, I didn’t like him. But he pursued me – he grew on me and he won me over. I just couldn’t resist.”

Honestly, I think the relationships that have a greater chance of longevity are the ones where the woman rebuffed the man initially – and the man worked to prove himself to the woman.

As you can see, the same exact behavior can result in two very different outcomes.

This is because each gender, male versus female, views this behavior quite differently. Women view pursuit by men as the natural order of things – man leads, woman submits. It’s very primal.

However, when those natural gender roles are reversed – woman leads, man submits - the outcome can be very different.

And just a note of warning, ladies: If a man insists on YOU pursuing HIM, he’s insecure and chances are, won’t make a good boyfriend, lover or husband because of his insecurities and his inability to man up. If he can’t man up in the beginning, he’ll never man up during the relationship – when you need him most. You will always feel like it’s YOU working to hold things together while he sits, does nothing, takes, sucks you dry and completely exhausts you.

Men view pursuit from women as unnatural and desperate, while women view pursuit from men as the natural order of things, the way Mother Nature intended it, and see it as chivalrous, romantic and a sign of genuine interest.

Let’s face it, there’s nothing sexier than a man going to the ends of the earth to win a woman over. That’s the definition of Prince Charming. It’s reminiscent of John Cusack’s famous boom box scene in the 1989 movie, “Say Anything.”

However, when a woman does this, it’s not sexy at all. It signals emotional instability to the man, it angers and frustrates them, and decreases their attraction for the woman - FAST. It’s reminiscent of the “I will not be ignored” scene in the 1987 movie, “Fatal Attraction.”

The Natural Order Of Things

It’s simply the natural order of things, on a very primal level, for the man to lead and the woman to submit. So when a woman reverses those natural gender roles and turns things topsy-turvy, the end result is very different.

So in conclusion, it could just be that within the dumper versus dumpee psychological scenario – it’s not really who’s hurting more versus who’s hurting less that determines the ultimate outcome.

It’s the INTEREST level of the man – and the REACTIONS of the woman – that appear to be the single most important factor in determining the final outcome.

My advice to men: If you truly think the woman may be the one for you, after giving things considerable room to breathe, pursue her with all you’ve got. Set your ego and your pride aside, do not be discouraged, and pull out all the punches (romance) and go for it. Win her over.

My advice to women: Don’t overreact, keep your emotions in check and don’t over analyze the situation and heighten your insecurities. Give things considerable room to breathe and wait to see if the man’s genuinely interested. If he is, HE will pursue YOU.

If you want the relationship to work out in the end: Men, bring your “A-Game” to the plate. And ladies, keep your emotions “in check.”

“Do not allow negative experiences to make you bitter. They should make you wiser, and with that wisdom you shall find joy.” ~ Leon Brown

How Do You Find A Good Man?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 23:25:00 +0000

I don’t know. But if you find one, let me know how you did it.

Okay, that’s obviously just my sarcastic sense of humor at work. Although I will admit, finding a good man these days isn’t easy. It requires thought, work, time, effort, study, open eyes, flexibility and an open heart.

Can anyone say, “Second job?”

Again, that’s just my sarcastic sense of humor. I’ve found a few good men. One of them, I stupidly let go - twice. Another one, I found that we weren’t necessarily compatible. And a third, I just didn’t recognize at the time. So how do you find a good man? Well first of all, you don’t go out hunting for one. Men are the hunters, women are the prey and that never changes. Besides, wondrous things generally happen purely by chance.

As a result, I’d rather focus on how to spot a good man - once he’s standing in front of you. And this is going to involve a lot of women’s intuition, study of body language, observations of the behavior and speech of a man – and a good, strong dose of common sense.

Sociopathic and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Before we get started, there are some psychological fundamentals here that you need to understand, so that you can spot a good guy from a bad guy.

Research suggests that there’s a phenomenon happening. And that phenomenon is the rise of sociopaths. That’s right. They’re living next door to you, they’re in leadership positions, they’re in the U.S. government, they’re at the grocery store and they're at your local bar and watering holes.

Martha Stout, Clinical Instructor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, estimates in her book, The Sociopath Next Door, that 4% of the population are sociopaths that lack a sense of conscious, cannot experience empathy and sympathy for others and cannot develop affectionate feelings for living creatures, animal or human.

While 4% might not sound like a lot to you, consider that in the U.S. alone, that represents 12 million people. Now let’s throw Narcissistic Personality Disorder into the mix, a disorder that involves arrogant behavior, high self-esteem, a lack of empathy for others and a constant need for admiration from others. Some claim those with narcissistic personality disorder represent 1% to 6% of the population. Combine that with the population of sociopaths and you have anywhere from 5% to 10% of the population either sociopathic or narcissistic in nature – or both. That means there are approximately 24 million plus individuals, in the U.S. alone, which are sociopathic or narcissistic. And that's leaving out psychopaths entirely from the equation.

There are subtle differences between the three:

Sociopath: Social and charming. A con-artist with more criminal traits than violent ones. Disregard for law, authority and the rights of others. Pathological liars. Parasitic lifestyle, sucking off of others. Promiscuous sexual behavior, lack of long term relationships (friendship, romantic or otherwise), impulsive and irresponsible, prone to boredom. Christian Bale in the movie "American Psycho" is the perfect example as is Ted Bundy, the serial killer who charmed women to their ultimate deaths.

Narcissist: Elitist and loves to be adored and admired. Feels entitled. Grandiosity and inflated self-image. Arrogant and egotistical. Gordon Gecko in the movie "Wall Street" and Richard Gere in the movie "American Gigolo" are prime examples.

Psychopath: Abnormal violent criminal behavior. Anti-social and reclusive. Lack of behavior control and remorse, even when caught. Lack of friends and close family. Lack of care for hygiene and appearance. High intelligence. Ted Kaczynski, otherwise known as the Unabomber, is a perfect example. As a child he was considered a prodigy, having an IQ of 167 (Genius), and was accepted into Harvard University at the age of 16. He earned a PhD in mathematics from the University of Michigan and became an assistant professor at the University of California at age 25. Ultimately living as a recluse in a cabin in the woods, where he created bombs he used to kill people.

And they’re not easy to spot, ladies. As a matter of fact, many of them are successful, accomplished men in powerful, respected career positions. Don’t believe me? I suggest you grab a copy of the book, The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies and Serial Killers Can Teach Us about Success, by Kevin Dutton. After years of study, Kevin determined that men/women in powerful, respected positions of leadership and authority actually have the same traits as serial killers and psychopaths. And it’s those very traits that propel them to the top: fearless, confident, high self-esteem, charming, ruthless and laser focused. Qualities that “are tailor-made for success in the 21st century” as Kevin puts it.

And I couldn’t agree more. Let’s face it; you have to run people over to climb to the top. If you’re not comfortable with that, you won’t get there. Someone else will come along and run you over instead.

Now that you have a basic understanding of sociopathic behavior and narcissistic personality disorder and a clear understanding of how prevalent these personality disorders are becoming, we’re going to explore what men like this might actually look like.

He’s The Guy Next Door: A Doctor, A Lawyer, A Politician, A Powerful CEO, A Jock

Not quite what you were expecting, huh? The local high school and/or college star football player might be a narcissist? That good looking doctor who seemed so helpful might be a sociopath? Your neighbor who obsesses over how clean their car is every Saturday but won’t say hello to you might have psychopathic tendencies? And that successful businessman who took you to dinner last night might be all of the above?

Yes. That’s the reality.

And here are some red flags to help you identify them:

The man who says he loves you but kicks your dog when you’re not looking (lack of empathy).

The man who has tons of friends on Facebook that he hardly, if at all, even knows personally (need for admiration). *Ladies, click the link there to see research that suggests that those with unrealistic numbers of Facebook friends tend to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

That cute bartender that goes home with half a dozen women’s phone numbers every night (ego, arrogance and need for admiration).

That charming attorney that throws his weight and power around in the court system all day (inflated self-image).

The guy who brags openly to you (and complains) about all the (crazy) women chasing him down (ego and inflated arrogance).

That contractor that looks you in the eye and says, “You can trust me” but never finishes the job (guile and deception).

The man who asks for compliments (need for admiration).

That star football player that receives kudos from everyone standing within 2 feet of him, daily (arrogance and inflated self-image).

The guy that scores women’s looks on a scale of 1 to 10 (objectifies and lacks empathy).

The man who always uses “me” when conversing about matters that refer to “us” (preferential treatment, selfishness).

That charming fella’ that throws out loads of compliments, future promises and talk of love after three dates (pseudo-intimacy).

The man who says one thing but does another (guile, manipulation and deception).

The man who repeatedly blames you when he does something wrong (elitist, sees himself without fault).

The guy who doesn’t call you but rather believes you should be calling him (arrogance, manipulation and need for admiration).

They guy who laughs at inappropriate moments, such as when you’ve seriously injured yourself or are suffering emotionally (lack of sympathy and empathy for others).

The guy at the bar who is the loudest and is bragging about how successful he is (center of attention, ego and inflated self-image).

The man who is willing to stop at nothing to win (fearless, ruthless, competitive, laser focused).

Those are just a few examples, ladies. But you get the idea.

Men that are charming, men that use lots of compliments at early stages, men that are arrogant, men that are unemotional, men that can’t relate, men that find humor in appropriate situations, men who dislike animals – what do they all have in common?

Selfishness: The Inability to Think of, Care For, or Care About Others

To me, that’s the number one trait, the initial red flag, of a bad guy. It speaks volumes about their character and it’s selfishness that opens the doors to all of the other uncaring, self-centered, unsympathetic behavior that usually follows. Let’s face it, when you’re selfish, it’s easy not to care. It’s easy not to think about others. It’s easy to laugh at inappropriate things. It’s easy to think you’re wonderful. And it’s easy to deceive people.

Why?

Because selfish people could care less: About the outcome and what you, and others, think of them.

That’s not what’s important to them. Making you happy isn’t important to them. Pleasing you isn’t important to them. Doing the right thing isn’t important to them.

The only thing that is important to them is: Forcing their will onto others via any means possible.

And when you break it down like that, it becomes easy to see, crystal clear as a matter of fact, that a selfish individual won’t make a good partner in life – or a satisfying lover for that matter.

So How Do You Find A Good Man?

Well, you start by letting HIM find YOU first (a man that is genuinely interested in you has a much higher likelihood of entering into a long term relationship with you). And then you make sure that he’s none of the above.

Your first task is to observe. Through this initial observation, you watch his behavior and you pay very close attention to what comes out of his mouth.

Your initial goal is to determine: Is he selfish?

To determine that, you’re going to observe his behavior and speech and answer the following questions for yourself. This is how you actively take control of your dating life to find yourself a good man.

You ask yourself:

Does he lie, fib or over-exaggerate?

Does he charm his way in and out of things (like your pants)?

Does he do what he says he’s going to do (or does he just talk about it)?

The answers to those 3 questions above should be, No, No, Yes.

If you meet a man and find that the answers to the above 3 questions are opposite of the answers I’ve provided you – then you should run.

He’s a bad guy. He’s a liar, he’s a bullshitter and he’s a flake.

And the last time I looked up the definition of Prince Charming in the dictionary, it didn’t say, “Lying, bullshitting, flake.”

When You See Your Ex With Someone New

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 19:01:00 +0000

Yea, it happens. And it usually sucks. But let’s face it, life is full of challenges and obstacles to overcome every single day, this is nothing new.

Seeing an ex with someone new can hurt. It can cause jealousy, increased anxiety, over reaction and lots of sleepless, worrisome nights. However, in spite of all of that, it can also be a fantastic growth experience. One that can make you look like a shining star in your exes eyes.

Yes, I said it. Seeing your ex with someone new can be a fantastic opportunity to make you look like some kind of superstar to your ex. How, you ask?

Let’s explore, shall we?

When an ex is with someone new and they see an old flame in the same room, their heart skips a beat, too. Don’t be fooled by their calm, smug, outward appearance. Inside, most times, they’re trembling, too. So know that going into it. Ignore their smiles and the happy, laughing experiences they appear to be having. Inside, they’re experiencing an emotional overload.

And you’re about to kick that overload up into over drive – and come out smelling like a rose.

The Story of Jack, Jill and Cruella DeVille

Sit down ladies and gentlemen. Because you’re not prepared for what I’m about to say.

When you see your ex with someone new, what should you do? (Men, this goes for you, too, so just reverse the roles here.)

You should approach them. Yes, that’s right, approach them. Stick with me here, this isn’t about confrontation, it’s about rising above, becoming enlightened. It’s about looking like a fantastic, well-adjusted human being. It's about strength and composure. And most importantly . . . this is about impressing the hell out of your ex.

Yea, that’s right – what do ya’ think o’ me now!

That’s what you’re going to be able to walk away and say to yourself. And you’re going to look like a star here. Your ex isn’t even going to see this one coming. They’re going to see you approaching, and they’re going to have an accident in their pants. You’re going to see the sweat on their brow.

So let’s use Jack and Jill here as examples of how to properly pull this off. Jack and Jill broke up. They have mutual friends in common. They’ve both been invited to attend the party of a mutual friend and you’ve heard through the grapevine that Jack is dating someone new. (Or vice versa for male readers.)

Ok, fine. You’ve got this.

You come in the door and who’s the first person you see standing there, laughing, and for all intents and purposes, appears to be having a great time with . . .hmm.

Okay, let’s call her Cruella. You’re exes new girlfriend’s name is Cruella (Yes, as in Cruella DeVille.)

So ole’ Jack and Cruella appear to be having the time of their lives. That is, until Jack sees . . .YOU. You know Jack well and you see him stammer a bit as he pulls his gaze away from you. He’s fidgeting and looks like he may be becoming a bit uncomfortable.

Perfect.

Jack is now thinking, “Crap. She’s here. Wonder what she’s going to do? She’s going to make a scene, I know it. But I’m going to ignore her. I’m going to look as if I’m having the time of my life with Cruella.”

Ok Jack, whatever. It’s a ruse and we all know it.

Rather than have everyone feel awkward, waiting for a scene from Fatal Attraction to erupt, you’re going to let ole Jack know – he was wrong about you. He doesn’t know you. You’re a new woman. You’re independent of him. You are so over him, it’s not even funny. He meant nothing to you and you’ve got this.

So off you go, through the crowd, weaving your way towards Jack and Cruella. She looks a bit like a deer caught in the headlights and you hear her let off a nervous laugh. Jack has a look of genuine concern on his face.

Again, perfect. This is about to go your way and these two, even though they don’t know it, are going to play right into this.

You’ve arrived. You have a drink in your hand, you’re looking better than you have in years and you’re feeling confident (and if you’re not, fake it). You turn to face Cruella (the new flame should always be approached first). You extend your hand and you introduce yourself, “Hi, I’m Jill. I’m Jacks old girlfriend. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Cruella looks like she’s about to barf on your shoes. And Jack’s heart has stopped, he is now in a catatonic state of disbelief.

Perfect.

Cruella extends her hand and gives you a wimpy handshake. You now turn to face Jack. “Hi Jack, how are you? You look good.” Jack can’t believe his ears. He’s caught off guard and he’s feeling extremely uncomfortable right now.

Perfect.

Jack replies in a soft, confused voice, “Hi Jill, I’m doing well, how about you?”

This is where you begin to shine and radiate white like, like a supernova.

“Oh Jack, I’m doing great! Things at work are going really well and I’ve been very busy lately. There are a lot of good things happening.”

Jack can’t believe his ears. He’s thinking, “What! She doesn’t miss me? She’s not crumbling? She’s not in therapy?” And the next thing that will immediately spring to mind is, “She’s over me. I can’t believe it. And she looks stunning.”

Perfect. But you’re not finished yet.

You now turn to face Cruella once again. And this time . . . sit down, it’s coming. This time, you’re going to compliment Cruella. Yes – you are. You’re going to pick something out that you like (or pretend to like) about something she’s wearing, her hairstyle, her makeup, her shoes, her bag, her jewelry. Pick something out. And then you say to her, “Wow, I really like your __________.” Fill in the blank.

“I really like your haircut, that looks so cute on you.” (Yes, I've used this one before.) Or, “I really love those shoes, where did you get those?” Or, “That’s an awesome bag, is that new?”

Listen for it . . . crickets chirping in the silence.

These two are completely thrown, so an immediate response may not come. You stand strong, you smile and you wait for the response. Cruella will finally spit something out, like a weak, eensy teensy, “thank you.”

Pefect. That’s good enough for you. You’re work here is done.

Before you go, you look both of them dead in the eye and you say, “Well, it was really great meeting you Cruella. And Jack, it was really nice to see you. “

And off you go.

Once you’ve done this, the only job you have for the rest of the evening is to circulate this party, laughing, socializing and having a great time. The confidence and positive energy you’re going to be emitting are going to impress everyone who witnessed this.

Including Jack – and yes, even Cruella.

Speaking of Jack and Cruella

Cruella's mind is now racing and she is seriously questioning things. Why? Because chances are, Jack has spent countless hours talking about what a crazy nut job you were. How you were jealous, unreasonable, emotional – a loose cannon, basically. (She expected to see you in a straight jacket, not that hot little black dress you showed up in.)

But now, all of that looks like a bunch of lies to Cruella and she's seriously questioning Jack as a man. She’s not stupid. She’s standing there saying to herself, “She seems nothing like what he said she was. Was he lying to me? Why did he make her look so bad? If it wasn’t her, it must’ve been him. Who the hell am I dating here? Do I even know this guy? Does he say all women are crazy? Will he say I’m crazy if we break up? Will he try to make me look bad, like he’s attempted to do with her?”

Ahhh . . . what’s that? The sweet sound of success.

And wait, what’s this? Jack is now staring at you, hard. His eyes are following you all over as you work the room like a rock star. He’s never seen you in this light before and now he’s thinking, “Wow, maybe I was wrong about her.”

Yea, that’s right Jack. You had me all wrong.

Two weeks later, you hear through the grapevine that Jack and Cruella are no longer together.

And Jack is now ringing your phone.

He gets your ringback tone (please listen to the music until your party is reached) and hears, “Hit the road Jack . . . and don’t you come back, no more, no more, no more, no more.”

And Cruella?

She’s so disappointed in her experience with Jack, that she decides she’s done with men . . . instead, she just adopted 101 Dalmations. (Or cats ;-)

Things Every Woman Must Have

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 15:53:00 +0000

Obviously women are much different than men. As a result, they need certain things in their life to make them feel fulfilled, happy and healthy.

I thought it would be nice to discuss the importance of those things and take a look at why these are valuable to women and the benefits that they can provide.

Below is a list of things I feel every woman must have.

A Support System

Women like to talk and they have a varied and wide range of emotions. Talking helps women to move through these emotions and process them in healthy ways to rid themselves of the anxiety that these emotions tend to cause.

Ladies, get yourself a great support system of other women going. Include friends, family members, co-workers – whomever is willing to listen and lend a supportive ear. But it shouldn’t be your man, it should only be other females or one very close male friend that you trust you can confide in.

One Year Alone

Women have a tendency to jump from man to man, thinking that they need a man to provide them with their happiness – they need a man to make them happy. This isn’t true. Yes, love and a man can add to your happiness, but it is not the end-all-be-all to your happiness.

And a man should only ADD to it, he shouldn’t BE it.

I believe every woman should spend at least one year alone, with herself. Taking the time to get to know yourself, really get to know yourself without the distraction of a man or dating or relationship issues, adds immense value to your overall happiness. Additionally, you will get in touch with what it is that truly makes you happy.

Another benefit is that once you’ve gone a year alone, you become stronger. You realize that you can make it on your own and once you start dating again, you’ll feel much stronger and much more in touch with your true self.

Many of the fears and anxieties that plagued you previously will diminish.

A Broken Heart

I know, this sounds rather counterproductive to your overall happiness and well being. However, a broken heart can actually reap positive benefits. Let’s face it, once you’ve had your heart broken, you begin to look out for yourself a bit more. You learn valuable lessons about yourself, about relationships and about men.

The broken heart experience is a human one. It happens to both men and women. But once it’s happened, there’s nothing left to fear. The worst thing that could have happened, has already happened. As a result, a broken heart can liberate you from your worst fears.

Your Own Money

Nothing makes a human being feel worse than being under someone’s thumb. A woman should always have a certain amount of money under her own control.

This provides security and a feeling of value and self-worth. It also provides you something much, much more valuable – independence. And the ability to leave, make your own decisions and carve your own path in life.

A Great Male Friend

This needs to be a platonic male friend – one that you’ve never been intimate with in any romantic way. Receiving a male point of view can be extremely beneficial to a woman to help her keep her emotions and feelings of self-worth in check.

Additionally, having a male friend in your life helps you to trust men, see that they’re not all bad guys, and helps you to maintain a healthy perspective about the relationships that can take place between men and women. Every woman needs a great male friend that she can trust.

An Independent Attitude

I am woman, hear me roar. Every woman needs to ring that mantra in her head over and over again until she believes it.

Confidence and independence are very attractive. No matter how bad things get, tell yourself, “I am woman, you WILL hear me roar.”

Let’s face it, co-dependence is ugly on a woman. It doesn’t attract men to you, it actually repels them from you.

Once you develop an independent attitude about yourself and about life, a funny thing happens – you actually become independent of it.

A Little Black Dress

Need I say more? Every woman should have the proverbial little black dress. When a woman wears this very special piece of attire, her confidence level soars, her attraction factor rises and she feels great. This classic little addition to a woman’s attire hasn’t stuck around for eons for no reason.

The little black dress represents much more than a piece of attire in your wardrobe collection. It represents confidence, sex appeal and self-worth. It’s much, much more than just a dress.

One Day A Month At The Hair And Nail Salon

It’s no secret, when you look your best, you feel your best. Taking care of yourself and being good to yourself are incredibly valuable to feeling your best at all times.

Get those pedicures, get those nails done and get that great, trendy hair style you’ve always wanted. Get comfortable with changing your look from time to time and reinventing yourself. Take a cue from Madonna. Ever notice that with every album release she completely reinvents herself? There’s a reason for that. It keeps you fresh, keeps you feeling confident and keeps you believing in yourself.

A Great Jewelry Set

It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a $10 black cotton shirt. Put a great pair of earrings on, a great blingy necklace and a pretty ring – and you look, and feel, like a million bucks.

It doesn’t take much. I’m not talking diamonds and pearls here, ladies. There’s a lot of nice costume jewelry out there today of quite good quality to choose from. Have a great set of clear, crystal pieces – earrings, ring, necklace and bracelet. They’ll go great with that little black dress as well as a your favorite pair of old faded jeans. And when you wear them, even if they only cost $60 bucks to throw together, you’ll feel like a million bucks.

A Nice Handbag And Pair Of Shoes

Sure, we’d all love a pair of $900 Louboutin’s and a $3,500 Gucci handbag. But you don’t have to spend several paychecks to receive the same effect. Platform heels and nice leather handbags are all over the market for much less and represent the same style’s.

Grab yourself a nice $100-$150 dollar leather handbag and a few great pairs of $80 platform heels if the designer one’s are too far out of your reach. Throw on that little black dress and that blingy jewelry set you’ve just purchased and you’re going to look like a knock-out . Better yet, you’re going to feel like one.

A Poem: A Woman Should Have

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to.

Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.

A youth she's content to leave behind.

A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

One friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry.

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.

Eight matching plates, wine glasses and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW

How to fall in love without losing herself.

How to quit a job, break up with a lover and confront a friend, without ruining the friendship.

When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY.

That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

That her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over.

What she would and wouldn't do for love or more.

How to live alone... even if she doesn't like it.

Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally.

Where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table or, a charming Inn in the woods when her soul needs soothing.

What she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month...and a year.

Credited to Maya Angelou but first published in Glamour Magazine,
May 1997 Glamour List Column by Pamela Redmond Satran

After I wrote the above piece, I discovered this beautiful poem that echos many of my beliefs above. I couldn’t agree more.

Why Mars Makes Your Girlfriend a Bitch

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 16:39:00 +0000

Here we go guys, this one's for you. Ladies, don't be offended. We're taking a look in the mirror here is all. So let's have some fun with this and explore the topic in a spicy, tongue in cheek manner. Women can have a sense of humor too, no?

Well, we're about to find that out.

You see, in astrology, Mars rules the sign of Aries and represents the stage of life we call infancy. The Aries woman is honest, direct, naive, romantic, fanciful and a true believer in fairy-tales. Quick to laugh, cry, yell and act, she’s also a classic windmill-tilter - she rushes into the fray.

That the fray only exists in the land of her rose-colored glasses may take her some time to figure out, and may even result in a most unladylike tantrum.

Obviously, every woman can’t be an Aries. However, every astrological chart has some Mars (Aries) influence. Just as there are twelve signs, so too, there are twelve astrological Houses that rule twelve life sectors.

Foresighted boyfriends, husbands and lovers should check out which House Mars lands in within their girlfriend’s chart for a heads up as to which area of life may bring out her warrior princess.

So let's take a close look at the Aries warrior princess cum laude . . err, bitch - and find out what makes her see red.

Mars In The First House: The Public Face

This princess attacks projects with verve. This bitch is bossy and make things difficult when she gets bored. And by bored I mean . . not enough drama for her.

Mars In The Second House: Resources, Tangible And Intangible

This princess works hard for her money. This bitch is ambitious, acquisitive, possessive and a spendthrift. She won't be supporting you while you crash out on her sofa.

Mars In The Third House: Communication

This princess is expansive, articulate, confident, informed, direct and willing to defend her point of view. This bitch is brash and cocky, the type that adheres to an opinion out of loyalty rather than common sense. In otherwords, she's a stubborn one.

Mars In The Fourth House: Home And Family

This princess is a domestic goddess. This bitch rules the roost with an iron rod - and an iron fist . . or an iron foot up your you-know-what.

Mars In The Fifth House: Recreation And Pleasure

This princess loves sports, hobbies and romance. This bitch is an adrenalin junky. Start toying with this one - and she'll beat you at your own game.

Mars In The Sixth House: Day To Day Regimen and Livelihood

This princess runs the show backwards and color-coded. This bitch doesn’t play nice with co-workers, especially "slow-workers." March to the beat of her drum . . or she'll bash you over the head with it.

Mars In The Seventh House: Unions, Romantic And Tactical

This princess is a sexual dynamo and lives for the thrill of a challenging partner. This bitch requires a U.N. tutor to grasp notions such as negotiation and concession. Can anyone say . . hell on wheels?

Mars In The Eighth House: Support From Others, Legalities and Metaphysics

This princess attracts love and money. This bitch may experience a dearth (lack) due to trust issues. Fatal attraction comes to mind . . .

Mars In The Ninth House: Wider World, Higher Education, Travel, Culture, Law, Religion and Commerce

This princess is broad-minded, quick to grasp the theoretical, with a passion for ferreting out the truth. This bitch can wax bombastic, dismissing ideas that she doesn’t care for. Ignorance is bliss . . or so they say.

Mars In The Tenth House: The Public Arena, Career Path, One's Social Standing And Reputation

This princess is a self-starter, seeking and finding success like a duck seeks water. This bitch is smug and opinionated with a need to win that could become an at-all-costs venture. All's fair in love and . . err, war.

Mars In The Eleventh House: Groups, Societies, Friendships And Organizations

This princess is smart about choosing her allies. This bitch isn’t into teams and will receive many lumps to her ego before she acknowledges she cannot do it all by herself. She sees the word "me" in "team."

Mars In The Twelfth House: Secrets, Quietly Born Burdens, Jails, Hospitals and Karma

This princess is sensitive and works well alone. This bitch lacks confidence because her zest for life has been squashed. She's got 16 cats . . and is about to adopt one more.

Where Is Mars In Your Girlfriend's Natal Chart?

Enter her birth data at Cafe Astrology to find out. Once you generate the chart wheel, scroll down to it and click on the symbol for the planet Mars (♂), a circle with an arrow above it. You will then be given the House that Mars sits in via a Roman numeral.

Then tell us, which bitch do you have on your hands right now?

And ladies, tell me . . .what do you see in the mirror?

* * * * *

Derek is a Pisces who is an active blogger for the website Aligned Signs, an astrology matching website. Always having an interest in astrology and self-awareness, Derek is fairly new to blogging. In his spare time he enjoys spending his time with his girlfriend and family and just living a peaceful life.

Dating: When, Why, How, To Use No Contact

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 22:19:00 +0000

There are many dating rules out there, but it’s the tried and true ones, the old fashioned traditional ways of doing things, that really do work, which is why certain rules have held true and lasted over the years.

One of those rules happens to be the No Contact Rule. In this handy little guide, I’m going to explain to you the how, when and why’s of this rule: how to use no contact, when to use no contact and why to use no contact when dating. Because this handy little dating rule serves more than just one purpose and has more than just one use.

I’m going to be speaking to the ladies here, but men, this applies to you as well. But I don’t have to tell you that. You guys are well versed in this dating rule and put it to use regularly. But for those men who may not be familiar with it, read on.

When And Why To Use The No Contact Rule When Dating

When A Man Suddenly Disappears On You

No Contact is a handy little trick to attempt to lure someone back to you – by disappearing on THEM. As most women already know, powerful attraction builds for a man that suddenly, and without warning, disappears. Why? Because you begin to think about them constantly.

Where did he go? Is there someone else? Why did he disappear? It doesn’t matter if all the thinking taking place is actually negative in nature, it only matters that all that thinking is actually taking place.

Why?

Because when someone thinks about you constantly, it actually creates intense attraction for them. Playing hard to get works, ladies, which is why it’s another one of those good ole’ fashioned rules that’s stuck around. Psychologically, people tend to want what they can’t have. It’s called the Law of Scarcity and it works in economics and in relationships.

It’s a scientific fact – uncertainty heightens romantic attraction. So if you’re worried he’ll think you’re not interested and then be gone for good, don’t bother thinking that. That’s just your insecurities talking, that’s just you thinking you’re not good enough. But YOU ARE good enough. Have faith in yourself that you’re worth it – and that he thinks you are, too. Don’t sell yourself short because how you perceive yourself – is how others will perceive you as well.

You see, when he’s uncertain as to whether or not you really like him, it’s actually a good thing. It keeps him interested. It keeps him coming around. It makes him want to win you over. It makes him work harder at the relationship. All those things it does to you when it happens to you – it does to him as well.

When a man disappears on you and you worry that he may be gone for good - when he resurfaces suddenly, do you kick him to the curb? Nope. Well, it works the same for men, gals. When you disappear on them suddenly and without warning and then you resurface out of nowhere, they’re unlikely to kick you to the curb. Rather, nine times out of ten, the individual is thrilled you’ve returned.

Men know this, ladies. They use this dating rule regularly – on YOU.

When You Want Your Ex Back

This handy dandy little dating rule can also be used to lure an ex back into your tangled web. If you’ve overwhelmed your ex with neediness, emotional displays, tons of questions about his feelings for you, anger and frustration and, as a result, he dumped you and now you want him back - employ the rule of no contact immediately. Why? To make him think he was wrong about you - and to make him miss you.

Why?

Because men are human too, ladies. They miss people and they’ll miss you when you suddenly disappear and they’re ringing your phone and texting you and you’re not answering or responding to them. That’s when the roles gets reversed and now THEY’RE thinking about YOU constantly. And all that thinking, negative or not, is actually going to create an intense attraction for you. The point is to stay away so long that the man actually begins to “long” for you.

Men equate “longing” for someone with love, ladies.

To Get Over A Man

Yep, the no contact rule is truly a handy dandy little rule with lots of uses. And the last use is to help you get over a bad breakup with a man – to help you emotionally detach from him. Why do you want to detach from him? So you can move on, think about him less, and allow room to meet other men and cease the unhealthy obsessive thought patterns and embarrassing behavior that ultimately, only makes you feel worse about yourself and helpless.

Why?

You see, when you desperately hang on, when you remain in communication with an ex, you’re doing yourself a big injustice. You’ll never get over him if you’re still communicating with him. So do yourself a big ole’ favor here and stop doing that, right now.

If you want the pain to go away, ladies – you have to make HIM go away, because he IS your pain.

How To Use The No Contact Rule When Dating

When A Man Suddenly Disappears On You OR When You Want Your Ex Back

Generally, the no contact rule is a 30 day rule. How to do this is, when a guy suddenly disappears on you without warning or breaks up with you and you want him to notice you again, you get his attention by suddenly disappearing on HIM – you make him experience the consequences.

It’s what’s best for him and you. That’s how you learn lessons in life, that’s how you learn not to repeat your mistakes and that’s how you experience personal growth and develop coping skills. And yes, they call them “growing pains” for a reason – they hurt. So expect it to hurt and brace yourself for a wonderful period of self-awareness and personal growth.

You disappear for 30 days. You do not take his calls. You do not respond to his texts. You do not communicate with him via social media. You do not communicate or respond at all, period, for 30 days. You stay gone and all he hears are crickets chirping in the dead of night.

After not hearing from you or receiving a response from you for 30 days, he'll begin to think this . . watch the video below, a song called "Madness" by Muse, and pay close attention to what this man is doing in these lyrics here - he's THINKING - about the WOMAN, and what HE did WRONG and how he's now READY to face the fact that he needs to LOVE:

Some woman most likely pulled "no contact" on his ass there.

So then, after a 30 day time period (30 days from the time you decided to use the no contact rule) and lots of time for him to think, you suddenly and without warning – resurface. And you do so by either:

1.) Finally responding to a question from one of his last communications (if he’s asked one)

2.) Simply saying, “Hello, how are you?”

And when communication is reinstated – you keep it short and sweet. You don’t share your emotions, you don’t cry, you don’t text back and forth like lightening for 5 hours and you don’t have long, drawn out 3 hour telephone conversations in an attempt to hash things out. You play it cool. You’re busy, you’re independent, you’re confident and you have a life. You “check in” is all. You make small talk and nothing more.

And from that point forward, you play it cool. You take an hour or so to respond to texts. You return calls a day or so later. You don’t accept last minute date requests, he has to make plans with you 3 days in advance or – you’ve already made plans (even if you haven’t, you pretend as if you have – remember, you have a life and you want to give him the impression that you’re busy, healthy and others desire your time as well). This is how you set healthy boundaries, earn respect and get him to treat you with fairness and kindness.

If he’s started out after the no contact period correctly but then suddenly relapses into bad behavior again, then you employ “behavioral mirroring” with him. If he disappears on you for 3 days, you don’t respond for 3 days. If he takes 24 hours to answer a text, you take 24 hours to respond. If he says he’ll call and he doesn’t, when he does, you don’t answer it and you respond to it 3 to 5 days later. And if he really begins misbehaving and taking you for granted again – you employ the no contact rule all over again for 30 days. This is how you create fairness and balance in a relationship and how you hold your own and you don’t get plowed over again.

This is how you earn a man’s respect, ladies. If you’re a pushover, then that’s exactly what he’s going to do to you – push you over.

When You Need To Get Over A Man Or A Breakup

Breakups hurt, rejection hurts. And most times, they hurt women more than men because of all the emotions women are capable of having that men are not. Men don’t analyze things or beat themselves up. Men PROJECT their emotions – outward and onto others. Women ABSORB their emotions – and beat themselves up.

If you want the pain to go away, you need to walk through those emotions and accept the reality. The only way to get rid of the pain is to feel the pain, to work through it and to learn to cope with your emotions in a healthy manner. To make that process much easier for yourself, you employ the no contact rule.

You do not, under any circumstances, communicate with the man. If you do, you’ll have to experience the consequences of your OWN decisions here – you’ll experience pain again, because you’ve permitted it. So you ignore his calls, you don’t respond to his texts, you remove him from any of your social media profiles and you put the past in the past.

If you remain in contact with your ex, you’ll never heal and you’ll continue to experience the hurt. You must cease contact for your own good. If you want the pain to go away, get rid of the pain – he IS your pain - and you need to get rid of him.

This will help you to think of him less and less as the days go on. You will begin to detach from him and from all of the negative emotions and damaging thought processes. You will no longer feel the intense desire to cling to him or to reach out to him. You will begin to feel better about yourself and you will begin to make room in your life for a new man – one that treats you with respect and kindness.

Using the no contact rule to get over a man - helps you to actually get over him.

And there you have it, a handy dandy little guide to employing the no contact rule properly when dating. There are many times in life ladies, that you must learn to say “no” and actually take responsibility for your own happiness and stop blaming the man when it’s actually YOU permitting this unhappiness. If you want things to change – then YOU have to change. You have to learn to be happy, with or without a man, and you need to stop living under the false impression that you need a man to make you happy.

Your happiness doesn’t come from a man, it comes from within yourself - and you radiate it, like warm sunshine.

So get comfortable with the phrases below:

“No, I won’t tolerate this.”

“No, this is unacceptable.”

“No, I won’t permit you to treat me like this”

“No, I will not be available to you when you treat me with disrespect and take me for granted.”

It’s Simple Gals

If you don’t look out for yourself and treat yourself with respect, then why would anyone else? Men want sex. Women want romance. So the best (and only) way for a man to have sex with you – is to romance you. Period, case closed. It’s a tradeoff, and a fair and equal one at that.

So make them do that, ladies: No romance = no sex. It’s simple.

Learn to say “no” and set healthy boundaries in your relationships and you will actually find that you will begin to feel empowered. You will develop a healthy self-esteem. You will feel confident. You will signal to men that you need to be treated with respect. You will grow dignity. You will find that you worry less and less about impressing a man – and you become more and more focused on a man impressing YOU (romancing you).

You have something he wants (sex): Make him work for it (romance).

Do that and you will be happy. You will be treated with respect and kindness. Give it away for free and you’ll be taken for granted by a man who never wants to lift a finger for you or impress you or give you what you need (romance).

This is not game playing, ladies. This is setting healthy boundaries for yourself, looking out for yourself and earning respect for yourself – and making a man treat you with such.

And here’s the harsh reality, ladies. Recent studies have shown that the modern day woman kisses approximately 75 frogs before finding her Prince Charming. So realize that when you stand your ground and demand respect, lazy men, users, and players seeking sex for free will walk away from you. But that’s a good thing because you’re weeding your way through the worthless ones that would’ve only hurt you anyway.

So if 74 frogs leap away from you – realize that the 75th is on his way to you.

It’s the good ole’ fashioned way of doing things. Back in the day, they called it courting. Try it, it works.

How To Say No: Dating, Life And Consequence

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 12:54:00 +0000

Man or woman, being treated like crap stinks. Being taken for granted makes you feel unworthy. And both combined cause self doubt to begin to grow in the dark recesses of one's mind.

All of the above happens a lot in the world of dating, to men and women both. So let's explore the concept of "consequence." Because I think it's one that people fail to realize the value of these days.

When men (and/or women) misbehave and treat you badly, you need to learn to stop trying to carry the weight of a struggling relationship on your shoulders and instead get comfortable saying "no" and letting these guys (girls) live with the consequences of their decisions and bad behavior.

You Need To Take Their Crap - And "Stick It" To Them - Like Glue

And I don't say that with any ill intent, believe it or not. I say that with only good intent - because it's what they need, it's what's best for them. The only way a person grows is by experiencing pain and hardship.

Ever hear the term, "growing pains?" Yea, they hurt. They're supposed to. That's what makes the message stick. That's what makes you a better person. That's how you learn life's lessons. That's what stops you from treating another human being poorly again. That's what stops you from making the same mistakes in life.

This is also how you raise children. You equip them with the coping skills they're going to need in life by letting them experience the consequences of their actions. Because let's face it, life is suffering. Bad things are going to happen. And you need to develop the coping skills to deal with these bad things that happen in life in order to survive them.

And the only way to do that - is to walk through the fire.

When you constantly swoop in to protect your children from anything bad or the consequences of their behavior - you're actually doing them a great injustice. They're not going to develop the coping skills they're going to need in life to be successful at it - and they're going to end up on your doorstep with all their belongings in a garbage bag by the age of 30.

Why? Because bad things have happened that they didn't know how to cope with. So they handled it poorly and ran from it rather than walk through it. Much like you taught them to do by showing them early in life that when bad things happen, you run home to mom (and/or dad) and she (he) protects you and makes it all go away.

So you spend an eternity and your life's savings bailing them out, again, and again, and again, and again. And they go on, making the same mistakes, making the same bad decisions, over, and over, and over again - because they've never learned their lesson. They've never had to live with the consequences of their behavior and it becomes a repetitive, vicious cycle.

Men are much the same, ladies, and constantly overlooking their bad behavior, making excuses for them and tolerating it - ignites this vicious cycle into a blazing inferno.

And guess what? Women are the same. So for any men reading this, this applies to you as well, when you encounter a woman that isn't treating you well. You see, we're all only human. If we were perfect, we'd all be Gods - not human beings.

Step Out Of The Line Of Fire

When you step out of the line of fire, and you let someone suffer the consequences of their bad behavior and decisions in life - you're actually doing a good thing - you're helping them grow as a person and learn valuable lessons in life that will make them better people in the long run.

So if you're man (or woman) is treating you like crap, taking advantage of you, not following through with things, bailing on you or rejecting you or saying he needs space or he doesn't want a relationship - whatever it is he's saying he needs or he's doing - you "stick it" to him, like glue, the consequences of his own actions and behavior.

And you step out of the line of fire - and you make him (her) walk right through it.

When a man (or woman) says they need space, you give it to them. When they stand you up for a date, you make them live with it. When they don't call when they say they will, you make them live with that decision. And when you do that, you're actually helping them and you learn a valuable lesson.

What's The Valuable Lesson You're Learning?

You're learning to say "no" comfortably. Not only are you helping them, you're helping yourself, too. There are many, many times in life when it's necessary, to protect yourself from being hurt and used, to just say "no." "No, I'm not going to tolerate this type of treatment." "No, this is not okay with me." "No, I'm not going to overlook this." "No, I'm not going to bail you out again." "No, this is not acceptable."

Get comfortable with that. Because you're going to need it someday.

Setting boundaries for how you want to be treated in life and in dating is very necessary if you want to have a happy, healthy relationship with someone who respects you. When you let everything be a free-for-all in dating and in life, you get chaos in return. You get depression, suffering, pain, indecision, confusion, desperation and turmoiled emotions. Who wants to live like that? Who deserves to live like that? No one.

When you set boundaries you get health, well being and balance. You get happiness, success, crystal clear vision, strong decision making skills, confidence and respect - you grow dignity, you become enlightened.

I'm Going To Share A Story With You

This is an example of how this is done in a respectful manner to all involved. And I hope that you can see the magic in the message here.

This is a text exchange between a man and a woman. The man set a date for a Saturday here, and then disappeared the Tuesday prior to the date. He reappeared the following Wednesday. Eight attempts at contact were made prior to this response finally being sent:

MAN: "My moms been in the hospital, she's been sick. I'm sorry I've been out of touch. I would like to see you."

WOMAN: Silence, no response

MAN: Sends the same communication 7 more times over the course of 3 days.

WOMAN: Silence, no response

MAN: On the third day says, "Did you get any of my texts or emails?"

WOMAN: On the third day finally responds with this, "Yes, I did. However, regretfully, I'm turned off now. We had a date last Saturday. I'm sorry to hear about your mother and I wish her well. However, that's no excuse to take someone for granted and assume they'll still be there when you couldn't even take 30 seconds of your time to extend the courtesy of a quick cancellation notification. It's disappointing. I value myself and I strongly believe that the man I chose to be with should value me, too. I'm sorry this didn't pan out. I hope your mom's okay and I wish you well. Take care."

MAN: "I understand. I had to take her and I didn't have my phone. Your number was available to me at the time and I apologize. I'm sorry and disappointed in myself for blowing my chance and I deeply regret it. I wish you the best. Take care. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'd love to at least be your friend. Again, I'm truly sorry."

As you can see from the exchange above, the man is now forced to live with the consequences of his actions and bad decision. He attempted to manipulate the woman by using his mother's illness as an excuse here - and failed miserably at it.

The simple fact of the matter is this: This man was not without his phone for the entire 4 days leading up to their Saturday date.

At some point in those 4 days leading up to their Saturday date, he had access to his phone and 30 seconds to call or send a text explaining what had happened and that he had to cancel. But he chose not to do that. That was his decision. And now, he'll experience the consequences of it and hopefully, he'll learn his lesson and think twice before ever doing that to another woman again. And if that doesn't happen, he'll make the same mistake over and over until he gets it right. That's how life works.

And that's how life works for you too, ladies. If you keep tolerating poor treatment, disrespect and bad behavior from a man - you, too, will keep suffering the consequences of your bad decisions. You will keep being taken for granted, you will keep receiving the same excuses from the man, you will keep being disrespected and you will experience pain, confusion, low self esteem and sorrow - all because of your actions and choices. You will only have yourself to blame.

There's an old saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again - and expecting different results."

You see, the woman here, she protected herself while instilling a valuable lesson in him. She is becoming comfortable with saying "no" and looking out for herself. Because had she accepted the less than honest explanation he provided, there's a very high likelihood that he would've disappeared on her again - making the same mistake in the very near future - because he hadn't learned his lesson and wasn't forced to live with the consequences of his decision.

Instead, this woman will feel very good about herself, very proud of herself, for looking out for herself as she should. Had she overlooked this bad decision of his she'd have suffered the consequences for it. She'd have most likely experienced this type of treatment from him again. She would've beat herself up, felt bad about herself and suffered from low self esteem and self doubt.

But instead, she comes out of this bad experience unscathed, proud, strong and dignified.

She remained cool, calm, collected and respectful. She didn't over react, freak out or become emotional. She was very matter of fact in her communication to him. As a result, she received a heart felt apology from him and he showed remorse for his decision. He became accountable for his actions.

When a man uses words like "deeply regret," words men don't often use - it's because he actually does feel that way. And this is a good thing. The woman here won't feel bad for him or make excuses for him because - it's how he should feel. He's human too. He should feel bad and remorseful when he treats another human being unfairly or with disregard. This woman knows that she's also doing a favor here for other women. This man will think twice before treating another woman like this in the future - and taking the risk of losing her.

And you know what? He'll be back. Why? Because once he absorbs this lesson, he'll soon realize that he's only human, and that he hurts like the rest of us. He'll feel guilty, he'll have had plenty of time to think, and he'll do what most human beings that have gone through the fire eventually do - return to set things right again.

That's when, as a human being, you do what I call a "complete 360." You turn 360 degrees in your thinking and in your behavior - you grow from the experience and you change as a result.

In the end, you're a better person for it.

The man now understands the woman's boundaries. He now knows what is and what is not acceptable treatment towards her. He now knows that she values herself enough to look out for herself when need be, and walk away if she has to.

That's strength. Raw, pure, unadulterated strength.

Admirable qualities in a human being. They're the kind of qualities that people respect you for. And when this man makes his attempt at setting things right, he'll have a whole new perspective on this woman. One that includes respect and admiration - and one that will make him treat her with such from that day forward, should she decide to give him one more chance (a month or more later).

When dating, do yourself and the people you're dating a big favor - and get comfortable saying "no."

"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." ~ Charles Bukowski

That's what matters.

Online Internet Dating Advice: Do’s And Don’ts For Women

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 18:31:00 +0000

You gals asked for it, so here it is, ladies. A handy little woman’s guide to the world of online dating or what some might affectionately call “The Twilight Zone.”

Yes, the world of online dating can be freaky, indeed. Don’t get me wrong, it works for some and I do know couples that have met online and are happily dating and/or married. But here’s the rub with this new form of meeting people – you literally have to filter through hundreds of profiles, hundreds of players, hundreds of liars and hundreds of fake people – man or woman, before potentially meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right.

After filtering, you then have to conduct interviews of sorts. Not interrogations, but you need to know how to ask the right questions, in the right manner, in order to gain the information you’re truly seeking from the individual without looking obvious while doing so.

If you’re currently dating online and NOT doing the filtering, sorting and “interviewing” like I’ve referenced above, then chances are you’re not qualifying people as a potential match and meeting a lot of individuals you have no interest in, that are off kilter, so-to-speak, and that disappear and reappear like magic. If that sounds like you, you’re probably frustrated and feel like you’re wasting a lot of time on a lot of bad dates with a lot of people that don’t even deserve your attention, whether you’re male or female.

Guys, regretfully I won’t have much advice for you here because I’m not a man. However, to truly meet a nice, mature, non-game playing, emotionally well balanced woman in the world of online dating, if you conduct yourself in the manners I’ve listed below and then follow through with them in your dating tactics, you will pull a nice woman out of the crowd of crazies. (And we do invite you to contribute your thoughts, advice or online dating experiences in the comments here.)

So let’s get started . . .

Your Online Dating Profile: Do’s And Don’ts For Women

Don’t: Be like everyone else. There are a few things we can accept most every woman will tend to say. “I like animals.” “I’m spontaneous and outgoing.” “I wish for world peace.” You get the idea. Scrap that, throw it out the window. You need to express yourself in your profile. Men can smell fake a mile away and it bores them to death. Men look for what’s real, they look for what’s different, a challenge excites them. Don’t be the 60th profile they’ve read that says all the same stuff. Be different, be daring, be a tad snarky (in a nice, funny way) and let your attitude show. Believe it or not, ladies, men like attitude. It turns them on. Don’t be mean, but dare to be a bit balsy about who you really are.

Do: Be yourself. We ran a test with this. Peaches n’ cream “vanilla” profile versus snarky, balsy profile with attitude, a bit of sass and real expression. (And we really pushed the limit in the snarky profile, let me tell you). And guess what? The peaches n’ cream profile received an average amount of views and contacts. But that snarky profile. . . it blew up! In 17 hours, 42 winks rolled in and 27 emails were received along with well over 400 views. Moral of the story? Be yourself, express yourself, show your humorous side and have fun with it. Dare to be different.

Your Profile Pictures

Don’t: Take the proverbial, “I’m in the bathroom mirror shot.” Lighting is horrible and no one cares to see your shitter or your makeup mess in the image. And dear God, do not put provocative photos in your profile. Dating is like fishing. If you’re fishing for bass, you use bass bait. If you’re fishing for trout, you use trout bait. Not all bait attracts the same fish.

If you use provocative photos, you’re going to catch a player (and an STD). And don’t put up images of you and your girlfriends, stop that right now. I actually had a male friend say to me once, “Why do girls do that? There’s always a friend who’s hotter than them and then you consider dating them just to meet their hot friend.” Yikes! Don’t do that.

Also, don’t put images on your profile of you in a bar, drinking, drunk or with a beer in your hand, behaving like a tramp. We all know you lead an exciting life with tons of friends, but common sense should tell you why it’s not wise to do this. If you want to attract an alcoholic, or a frat boy party animal or a player who will use you and then toss you to the curb, then go ahead. Otherwise, clean it up and portray yourself as a lady, not some ding-a-ling trashy girl if it’s a gentleman you truly seek.

Lastly, don’t post photos of yourself with other men. And don’t post photos of yourself with other men with their head missing – we all still know he has a penis and that it’s a man. We know you want to look popular, but there are other ways to portray that. Leave the past in the past.

Do: Take photos outside with nice backgrounds, preferably in the sunshine. On a subconscious level, those images trigger nice thoughts in an individual’s mind and convey happiness, emotional well being and stability. If you have a pet, post a photo of you smiling and enjoying your pet’s company. Always post a nice close up headshot and always include one full body shot. Take the images seriously and have a friend take them for you. Take the photos at interesting angles in artistic ways (try cocking the camera to one side to add interest) and don’t always smile big in every single one of them. Mix it up a bit and be real, you don’t want to look like a Barbie doll with only one expression in every shot. And always show off your best assets – but in a classy manner.

You’re shooting for sexy, fun and playful here. Not slutty, troubled and an emotionally unbalanced train wreck.

Online Dating Conduct: Do’s and Don’ts For Women

If A Guy Gives His Telephone Number To You In His First Email Contact

Don’t: Ever call or text him and don’t even bother to respond in an effort to get to know him. These men, 9 times out of 10, are either lazy or they’re players who aren’t taking dating seriously and treating it like gambling – a numbers game. He’s handing out his number to dozens of women in that manner, knowing that the odds are in his favor. After dozens of giveaways, one woman will actually fall for this and pick up the phone and call him. No man in real life walks up to you, without saying a word, hands you his number and says, “Gimmie a call.” And if he did, you’d probably be suspicious of him. Well the same goes for the online world. There should be an introductory period. If there isn’t - be suspect of him.

And because he isn’t taking any of this seriously and he’s treating dating like a sport or a game of gambling, he won’t take you seriously when you actually pick up the phone and call him. He’ll assume that you’re desperate and he’ll simply take to toying with you, much like a cat does with a mouse. Men sleep with desperate women but they don’t take them home to see mama. These are lazy men that are seeking the perfect victim (i.e. a woman with low self-esteem that’s desperate for male attention, who will sell herself short by reversing the roles, becoming the aggressor and doing all of the work.) Don’t be the perfect victim.

Do: Expect more for yourself and a little bit of effort to be invested from a man before giving him your attention. Delete that email immediately and move along.

If A Guy Gives His Telephone Number To You After A Couple Email Exchanges

Don’t: Call or text him when he does this. A man who is serious about getting to know you will either:

1.) ask you for your number
2.) hint around about chatting sometime

Never, ever, ever be the one to make the first call or text – EVER. Trust me on this, Ladies. The very few first communications you have with someone set the tone for how you will communicate with one another from that point forward. If you become the aggressor, he’ll become lazy and take you for granted. You will spend the entire relationship making attempts to get to know him, making attempts to communicate, making attempts to get his attention – making ALL the attempts.

If you start a relationship out in that manner, he won’t value you; he’ll see you as desperate. He’ll never lift a finger for you, because you’ll be signaling to him that you’re willing to settle for no investment on his part and you’re willing to do all the heavy lifting, all the work, to get this thing off the ground. Never begin a relationship by being the aggressor. It turns men off, they see you as easy prey, and in two weeks, he’ll be disappearing on you and blowing you off - but he will sleep with you before doing so.

The best way to gauge a man’s interest and intentions is to see if he’s willing to invest in you. Men go after what they want. If he wants you, he’ll come looking for you. And when he does, it is at that point that you give him your attention, once he’s put a little bit of effort into it.

No one gets anything for free and only cheats and liars expect something for nothing.

Do: Give him your phone number in return (if it’s unlisted and cannot be traced back to a physical address and if you’ve had several email exchanges where you’ve “felt him out” a bit first and are ready to speak). The other option is to connect with him via a service like the Match.com phone service. Either way, always let him make the first move. He’s a man, let him be one.

If A Guy Invites You To Meet In Person In The First Email Contact

Don’t: Ever go meet him without exchanging several emails first and speaking on the phone several times. Many men will attempt to rush things along (then wonder why they’re disappointed once they get it).

The courtship process is exactly that – a process. If you truly want to connect with someone in an authentic manner, then the process needs to be authentic, too, the tried and true way. Otherwise, he’ll be (secretly) disappointed that you gave in so quickly, he won’t take you seriously and you’ll either end up a hook up – or dead. And I mean that, girls. Never go meet a strange man you met on the Internet that doesn’t even have the common courtesy to exchange conversation with you first or even ask your damn name before asking to meet up with you. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.

Do: Consider him lazy (or a serial killer) and move along. A gentleman that’s seeking to truly connect in an authentic manner with a woman would never ask her to do that. Nor would he ever expect a true lady to be crazy enough to do so. A serious man will want to converse with you first and find out your name and your interests before he invests any time, effort or money into you.

People connect through conversation – they get screwed by meeting up with nameless strangers in the dark of night.

If A Guy Has His Shirt Off In His Photos (And He Isn’t At The Beach)

Don’t: Ever communicate with him. He’s trolling the Internet for sex and he’s signaling that that’s what it’s all about in those photos. Especially if one of those shirtless photos is of him lying in bed, holding the phone up, looking down on himself (portraying the view you’d have if you were on top of him –ick).

Chances are he’s got a profile on all of the seedier sites, too. The free sites like Plenty O’ Fish, where folks openly troll for sex and no-strings-attached hook ups. Stay the hell away from those free sites, Ladies. Creeps troll those. A good man looking for a good woman is willing to pay for a service to make that happen. Creeps trolling for sex don’t want to spend a dime to get laid and, as a result, the free sites are full of creeps trolling for free sex.

Do: Grab a quick shower to get the “ick” off your skin, have a good laugh and move along.

If You’ve Exchanged Several Emails With A Guy And He’s Asked To Meet You

Don’t: Go unless you’ve had at least one or two telephone conversations first. Again, courtship is a process and people connect in an authentic manner via conversation. If you skip this part, there’s a really good chance you won’t feel a connection with him and he won’t feel one for you (although he’ll pretend to in an effort to make the date worth his while to see if he can at least get laid from it). This is the biggest mistake people make when dating online, they rush things, and then wonder why they’re not connecting with anyone or are constantly disappointed. Men, this goes for you, too. If you don’t speak to a girl first, you’re not going to feel connected to her on any real level on the date either (except possibly physically).

Imagine it this way. Would you feel a connection with a total stranger that approached you in public, never spoke but gestured for you to join them for lunch? Hell no. Why? Because it’s a stranger and you’ve never even heard the sound of their voice, that’s why. The “getting to know you” period MUST take place in order for two people to connect in an authentic manner with one another. Skip that step in the courtship process and you’re doomed to be disappointed.

Additionally, people connect with the sound of another’s voice, women in particular find the tone of a man’s voice to be very important. If he squeals in a high pitched tone, you’ll run. If he sounds a bit like Barry White and has a nice, deep, manly voice, you’ll be turned on. Do yourself a favor and find this out BEFORE you agree to sit across the table from the man for two hours.

Do: Give him your phone number and invite him to call you.

On The First Date: Do’s And Don’ts For Women

Don’t: Sleep with him!! Unless, of course, you want him to disappear the next day. I’ve had men tell me that women they meet online show up on the first date with an overnight bag packed. That’s absurd. Do you really think a guy is going to respect you as a woman and want to date you long term when you behave as if you’re worthless and give yourself away for free like that? No way. He’ll sleep with you and then poof, he’ll be gone in a week or two.

Do: Conduct yourself like a lady. Be funny, be smart, be kind, say thank you and be appreciative of his efforts. If you like him, an quick peck on the lips after dinner is acceptable. It’s also acceptable for you to say, “Gimmie a call sometime.” But that’s it. Don’t come off looking desperate or eager. A kiss on the lips and an invitation to call are all the “green” lights a man should need to proceed with a woman.

After The First Date: Do’s And Don’ts For Women

Don’t: Call him and chase him and pursue him. Don't stalk him or view his profile repeatedly. Don't focus on how often he's on the site and don't stay off the site just because you've had one date with a guy. Don't start revising your profile or taglines to send subliminal messages to a guy. Don't take your profile down, leave it up and stay active on it. If you begin to behave as desperate, too eager or too emotional, that's exactly what you'll look like to him. You'll look desperate and worse yet, bat shit crazy and he’ll run faster from you than you can say “bastard.”

Don’t always be available to him. Make him work for this and make him prove he’s genuinely interested in you. This is where you “qualify” the man. Is he genuinely interested or is he just looking to get laid from easy pickings? By hanging back and not always being available to him, you’re making him prove himself and his interest to you. And realize, many, many men will fall off and disappear on you after a first date when you do this. Expect it. But also have faith that you are weeding out the whack-a-doos and the men who are only half interested – the one’s that will sleep with you a couple of times before disappearing on you.

Do: Continue to date other men, keep your options open and respond to texts a couple hours later. Do return calls a few hours later or the next day. You want to look valuable to this man. And the only way to do that is to make him understand that you have a life and that others out there are demanding your time as well. Once a guy gets a whiff that you’re sitting at home by the phone, jumping on it when he calls and responding to texts two minutes later – he’ll begin to take you for granted. Being too available to men tends to invite bad behavior from them.

Accepting More Dates: Do’s And Don’ts For Women

Don’t: Accept last minute requests for dates from the man. Remember, how you behave from the moment you meet a man sets the tone for how the relationship will be from that point forward. If you make yourself too available to a man and accept short notice dates, you will be treated like that by him from that day forward. It will be like opening the door to him taking you for granted from that day on. Use the good ole “3 days rule” when accepting dates. If he doesn’t ask you 3 days in advance, you’re busy and you’ve already made plans. This will signal to him that if he wants your time and attention, he’s going to have to treat you with respect by scheduling dates in advance rather than taking you for granted that you’ll be there – waiting, willing and ready.

Do: Accept date invitations when they are requested 3 or more days in advance. If it’s Tuesday and he wants to see you on Friday, accept the date. If it’s Thursday evening and he wants to see you Friday night, don’t accept the date. But DO NOT tell him you need advance notice. Speak not with words, but with your actions. You simply say, “Gee, I’d love to. Unfortunately, I’ve already made plans. How about Sunday instead?” (3 days later.) Do that repeatedly and he’ll get the hint – he needs to respect you and your time and book time with you in advance if he wants to see you. Using the 3 day rule also paces the relationship. Because men like to rush (into bed) and then when they lose interest quickly afterwards, they don’t understand why. The reason is that the relationship was not paced and he has no time to miss you, long to be with you, or think about you constantly. Men equate longing with love, Ladies. Let them long for you and your time.

NOTE: If a man sticks around and is pursuing you as a genuinely interested man should, you can consider taking it to the next step and sleeping with him after the 7th or 9th date. No sooner or you may play your cards too soon and he may disappear unexpectedly on you. Make him prove he's interested before giving yourself (and your power) away to him.

Conduct Yourself In This Manner From That Point Forward

By not always being available and making him book time with you in advance, you are actually looking very desirable to a man and you’re also setting a nice slow pace – one that won’t overwhelm the man and have him disappearing – looking for air and room to breath – a month or two into it. Men like the chase, they like to compete and they enjoy a good challenge. It excites them and it keeps them interested. Give them what they want.

And realize, you're both dating online. He will date other women and you should date other men. That is, until one of three things has happened:

1.) You've exchanged I love you's
2.) You've agreed to be exclusive with one another
3.) Commitments have been made

If none of the above has taken place, both you and he are free to explore options. And you should take full advantage of that by continuing to do so. This will keep you emotionally healthy and keep you from obsessing over one man.

And again, I repeat, lots of men will disappear on you when you follow the above advice. But that’s actually a good thing, expect it to happen and do not be discouraged by it. You’re weeding your way through the crazies, the users, the players and the flakes. You’re watching out for yourself and you’re “qualifying” men as to whether or not their worth your time or effort. Any men who do not want to do any of the above with you – let them go. They would’ve only slept with you and then disappeared anyway. Don’t put yourself through that. Don’t put yourself out there to be used and dumped and hurt like that.

You’re the only one that can protect yourself in relationships. So do that and get comfortable with the fact that many men who may seem too good to be true – actually are. Realize that many men will not go through the efforts of proving themselves to you. And that’s fine, you’re okay with that, because those are the men not worth knowing anyway.

I recently read a study that stated that modern day women have to kiss approximately 75 frogs before finding their Prince Charming. Yes, 75, ladies. That’s the harsh reality of modern day dating and mating.

So if 74 frogs leap away from you – know that the 75th is on his way to you.

Why Mars Makes Your Boyfriend a Bastard

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 16:34:00 +0000

Has your boyfriend been a real bastard lately? Hey, it happens. But fear not, I've got some insight for you, ladies.

You see, our solar system’s fourth planet, Mars, takes its name from the Roman God of War. The Romans were highly vested in all things martial (warlike, militant) and therefore painted their ‘Mars’ as a heroic figure.

Aries, which was the Greek name for the War deity (otherwise known as Ares, The God of War), appeared amidst a more peaceful and studious people - the Greeks - who were notable for prizing educational endeavors more highly than martial (warlike) ones and, fittingly, this War deity was naturally regarded as meddlesome.

Seeing Red: Where The Red Planet Falls and Wars May Be Fought

Most Greek myths featuring Aries portray him as a hot-headed buffoon.

The lesson appears to be: whereas taking the offensive while there’s a "war" to be won is admirable, continuing to maintain the offensive afterwards is in and of itself - well, rather offensive.

In astrology, Mars rules the sign of Aries. Like Don Quixote, the quintessential Aries man possesses the sometimes charming, sometimes regrettable, tendency to tilt at windmills. Suitably then, wherever Mars lands on his natal chart, its possible for him to see a "war" - even where there is none.

Yes, it’s the snorting, rearing bull that wins the cows affections. That said, the sign in which Mars falls may indicate an area where a man may be err. . .too testosterone-laden.

So to keep virile boyfriends from becoming vicious bastards, heed the advice listed below - and don’t push that big red button.

Mars In Aries

Like the infant it represents, being the first of the signs on the Zodiac wheel, Aries is angered when frustrated in his endeavors. With the Mars in Aries man - consider carefully when to say no and tread lightly in those areas. In otherwords, walk on glass, girls.

Mars in Taurus

Taurus represents the preschool years when order and rational reasons of "why" are sought. Don’t even think about threatening the stability of a Mars in Taurus man or you may end up with one of his horns lodged in your rear and you'll be the one who has to explain "why."

Mars in Gemini

Gemini represents the school aged child, learning to use his mind to decode the universe. It’s unwise to challenge the intellectual self-esteem of the man with Mars in Gemini. Do that and he will be sure to "school" you on it.

Mars in Cancer

Cancer rules adolescence, hence their innate need for security. Best not to threaten the safety and serenity of a Mars in Cancer man. Do so and you will see a tsunami of mood swings and a 20 foot wave of emotions coming at you.

Mars in Leo

Leo is the sign of the teenager, encompassing the need for pride and accolades which marks those years. Never sniff at or question a Mars in Leo man’s stature or reputation. The end result will amount to a whiny lion king with a thorn in it's paw.

Mars in Virgo

In Virgo, one sees the new adult, anxious as no other sign to do things right and up to code. Don’t mock the decorum of a man with Mars in Virgo. Doing this will bring criticism and harsh critiques right to your doorstep and he'll be quick to point out those dust bunnies over in the corner, too.

Mars in Libra

Libra represents the balance of marriage, the need for fairness, give and take and the ability to appreciate the other. Don't test a Mars in Libra man in these areas. If you do, he'll become judge, jury and executioner faster than you can bastard.

Mars in Scorpio

Scorpio represents those prime adult years after the insecurity of youth and before old age, when resounding confidence is the keynote. Never portray a Mars in Scorpio man as wimpy or insignificant. You'll quickly end up with a stinger in your eye, your nose, your ear - you get the idea.

Mars in Sagittarius

Sagittarius represents the hard-won wisdom and resiliency of the retirement years. Don’t disrespect the opinion of a Mars in Sagittarius man. If you do, he'll reveal his half-man, half-horse self to you and gallop off into the sunrise before breakfast.

Mars in Capricorn

Representative of extreme old age, Capricorn is a born strategist. Never pooh-pooh the plans of a Mars in Capricorn man - or the randy old goat will cut your right out of them.

Mars in Aquarius

Boasting an agenda rarely coinciding with the mainstream, Aquarius signifies second childhood. Avoid suggesting to a Mars in Aquarius man there are things one can’t do or he'll set off into a full blown mid-life crisis to prove you wrong.

Mars in Pisces

As the sign representing death and rebirth, Pisces requires faith in the beauty of the unseen. It’s cruel if not dangerous to mock the visions and dreams of a Mars in Pisces man. Do that and this slippery fish will slide right out of your grasp and slip back into the sea.

And There You Have It

If your boyfriend has been a bastard lately, it could be that he's seeing red - the red planet that is - Mars.

So have some fun, ladies. Find out where Mars is in your boyfriends chart and tell me, has your Mars in Sag boyfriend galloped off to greener pastures? Are your feet bleeding from a recent battle with a Mars in Aries man? Or has your Mars in Libra man recently hung you out to dry at the gallows pole?

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How The Moon Affects Your Sex Life

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 21:30:00 +0000

It’s been said the sexiest organ of the human body is the human mind. It seems Vedic astrology agrees.

When the lunar position in a person’s Vedic astrology chart shows a moon largely aspected (a planet’s aspects show it’s mathematical relationship to other astral bodies) by planets considered beneficent by the Vedic system it reveals the chart’s owner as possessing vigor and equilibrium not only in the mental arena, but in the sexual arena too.

The Strong Or Weak Vedic Moon

In Vedic astrology, a chart owner’s moon largely aspected by beneficent planets is considered strong. By the same token, a chart owner’s lunar position when aspected by planet’s regarded by the Vedic system as malefic is regarded as weak. Another way to look at this is to consider a moon aspected largely by beneficent planets as positive. Meanwhile, a moon aspected mainly by maleficent planets is considered negative. Hence, though two people have the same lunar position in their Vedic astrological chart, one may be positive, the other negative, owing to the beneficent, or maleficent, nature of the planets to which their lunar position is aspected.

The zodiac position the moon occupies, along with the moon's positive or negative quality, marks the romantic life of each chart's owner.

Aries Moon

Positive Aries moon: Appreciates rapture and the seduction of his loved one.

Negative Aries moon: Tends to rush things, even to the point of impatience.

Taurus Moon

Positive Taurus moon: Is unafraid to "get down and dirty." Sexual enjoyment makes him appealing to the opposite sex.

Negative Taurus moon: Can be picky.

Gemini Moon

Positive Gemini moon: Shows a bon-vivant temperament that mingles easily with those he finds attractive.

Negative Gemini moon: Denotes a vacillating spirit, too unsure to go after the one he wants.

Cancer Moon

Positive Cancer moon: Is a self-possessed intuitive, alluring to those of the opposite sex.

Negative Cancer moon: Is moody and at times unromantic.

Leo Moon

Positive Leo moon: Has confidence and sex appeal to spare.

Negative Leo moon: Shows a distant quality allied with a tendency to pick apart the moment.

Virgo Moon

Positive Virgo moon: Appears coy, but willing, in matters of sex.

Negative Virgo moon: Has many stagnated sexual interests, or boy "friends," which may aggravate her central relationship.

Libra Moon

Positive Libra moon: Is willing to give herself over to the moment.

Negative Libra moon: Is prone to getting duped.

Scorpio Moon

Positive Scorpio moon: Is straightforward in his sexual desires.

Negative Scorpio moon: Lacks zest for sex.

Sagittarius Moon

Positive Sagittarius moon: Is loyal and devoted.

Negative Sagittarius moon: Is prone to exasperation in sexual matters.

Capricorn Moon

Positive Capricorn moon: Knows how to put his sexual needs first.

Negative Capricorn moon: May be wanton and fickle.

Aquarius Moon

Positive Aquarius moon: Is capable of sopping up every nuance of a sexual encounter.

Negative Aquarius moon: Finds it difficult to distinguish true love from the banal.

Pisces Moon

Positive Pisces moon: Is gung-ho for sex in all its flavors.

Negative Pisces moon: Is apt to flit from flower to flower with no real sense of loyalty.

Looking For The "One"

By using Vedic astrology to add some lunar depth to their astrological knowledge Western astrology buffs can garner a whole new handle on their love life, even discover that ‘one’ with the best astrological compatibility with their own moon sign, just by observing some canny Vedic moon-mapping.

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How, What, When To Text Men

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 17:42:00 +0000

As many of my regular readers know, things have taken a turn into the dating world here with a myriad of dating and relating discussions now taking place. (Don't worry, we'll get back to astrology soon.) And I get asked a variation of one particular question quite often, and that is:

“Should I contact him?”

A few different variations of that are as follows:

“How should I text him?” “When do you text men?” “What do you text men?” “How do I respond?” “When do I respond?” “What should I say?” "How do you text men?"

And a personal observation about the matter is that women communicate too much, too often. Particularly in the early days of a budding relationship, the precise time when they should be communicating the least. Rather than sitting back, being emotionally strong, mysterious and confident, and letting the man pursue you, many women have taken to being the aggressors these days in relationships. That’s a real turn off to men. Let me correct that. That’s a real turn off to a man who genuinely likes you. (It’s a real turn on only to the man seeking a brief fling.)

Which, I believe, is the reason that more women, nowadays than ever, are experiencing the “hit and run” with men. Why are you being treated like a hit and run? Because you’re presenting yourself as the perfect victim for one. Being the aggressor with a man is akin to being a hitchhiker, standing on the side of the highway, using your goods to flag down passing motorists.

You get a ride – that’s it. A ride to the next off ramp, nothing more.

And being the aggressor with men, especially when texting men, gives them the impression that you’re desperate for that ride. That you really want it, that you really need it and that you'll do just about anything to get it - even if it means selling yourself short. I don’t have to explain why that is NOT the impression you need to give the modern day male when texting men.

The modern day female aggressor is turning the dating world onto its head. And not in a good way. This behavior is making men lazy about dating. It’s not demanding that they rise to the challenge (which, by the way, they love) and it’s just downright too easy for them. As a result, many men have taken to serial dating, plowing their way through all these women who are offering themselves up on a platter.

Help a sister out, ladies. Stop doing this - right now.

You’re revealing too much about yourself by doing so and you don’t realize how much you’re saying by actually reaching out all the time. Do you realize what it says to a man when you’re always initiating the communication? Do you realize how your good morning texts are coming across to him? Do you realize how constantly checking in with him automatically tells him that there’s no other man in your life? Do you honestly think these are good impressions you’re making?

Take a look at the hitchhiker photo above? Is that REALLY the impression you want to make?

When You're Initiating Communication First

You’re telling him you’re desperate for his attention. When you wish him good morning all the time, you’re telling him that you’re needy, that you’re obsessing over him, and that this is headed straight into relationship territory, quick. When you’re constantly checking in with him, you’re telling him that he’s on the end of a leash (yours) and that there’s no other man in your life. Hell, you’re telling him you HAVE no life. Now I ask you again, do you think these are good impressions to make early on in the dating game? Hell no.

Again, it’s akin to the hitchhiker. Standing on the side of the road, showing your goods screaming, “Me! Me! Please pick me errr . . . up.” Pick me up please. Really, that’s what you’re shooting for here? A pickup, a hook up?

Behave like that and that’s indeed what you’ll get . . . taken for a ride.

Men like a challenge, men admire confidence in a woman. Confidence is a known trigger for attraction. And triggering emotional attraction is what you need to shoot for to have a lasting relationship.

Bribery, convincing, constantly reminding him you exist . . yea, these do nothing for his attraction for you. Besides, who wants to be with someone you had to bribe with sex or convince verbally that you’re a great person and that they should be with you?

All of the below texting techniques are for responding only, not for initiating contact (because initiating contact is never a good thing unless you’re in love and you’re in an established, committed relationship. Then, it’s ok to start reaching out – a bit.)

Put on your seatbelts, gals. We’re about to take our own little ride here.

How To Text Men

Communicate In A Fun, Carefree Manner

When you do communicate with a man (in response, not via initiating it), you need to hang loose. You need to give the impression that you’re carefree and that you have a sense of humor, that you’re actually fun to be around. (Reminder: Communicating your emotions constantly is NOT considered fun for a man.)

Keep It Short

Women share too much and it can make men feel exhausted and drained. He doesn’t care what you ate for dinner or what you’re watching on TV. Keep your responses short, keep him guessing and most importantly, keep him wanting more.

Don’t Respond Immediately

If he gets a response to his texts in 3 minutes every time he texts you, you’re signaling to him that you’ve got not life, there’s nothing exciting going on, and that you’re sitting around waiting for him to contact you. It’s a known fact that people want what they can’t have. So being scarce when it comes to responding will trigger attraction for you. Being available immediately will throw a bucket of cold water on his attraction for you. You’ll be boring and predictable, not mysterious and exciting.

What To Text Men

Create General Tension Between The Two Of You

This has to be done carefully, but when done the right way, can have an INSTANT effect on a man. And it’s usually pulled off properly via some friendly teasing. For instance, if he texts you, “I’m really a nice guy” your response should be, “Well this should be interesting because I have a strict rule - I only date dickheads.”

A response like that will throw off his guard. All of a sudden, he’s intriqued. Why? Because you’re not like all the other “nice” girls. You’re not sitting there, saying boring stuff like, “Yea, you seem like a nice guy.” That triggers nothing in his erogenous zone or his emotional mind space. But take a lighthearted jab at him and boom – you’ve got his interest.

Another example might be this. Say you’re on a first date and he’s wearing a striped shirt. He says to you, “I normally don’t dress this way, but I dressed up for you tonight.” Your response should be something like, “Oh thank God because that shirt is making me dizzy.” He’ll look right into your eyes after that one. He’ll be tossed off guard and he’ll be wondering, “Did she really mean that?” Now that you’ve really captured his attention, when he goes for that look, you look right back at him and let a big grin slide across your face. Then you reach out and touch his arm (to reassure him) and say something like, “Gotcha, didn't I?”

When he goes home that night, he’ll still be unsure as to whether or not you meant what you said. Perfect. Because, you know what? He’s now thinking about you. And he’ll toss that around over and over and over, he’ll even be a little insecure over it. Again, perfect. (This is a tactic men use on women daily, playing on a bit of insecurity.) You see, you’re flipping the script on him. You’re not like other women, you’re different, and you’re not afraid that he won’t be interested in you. You’re not sitting there being fake and trying to please him, you’re sitting there being real and entertaining yourself. He’ll love that about you, trust me.

Create Sexual Tension Between The Two Of You

This, too, must be done carefully and in a respectful manner. Again, teasingly but lighthearted. For example, if he texts you and says, “I really liked that dress you had on the other night.” You respond by saying, “That’s good, because it’s going to be a while before you ever see me out of it ;-)”

Or if he says to you, “I was hoping we could spend a little private time together and maybe hang out at your place tonight” you respond by saying, “Sure, that’s fine. I have a Rottweiler (Disclosure: Mirror of Aphrodite does indeed own a Rottweiler) and a .38 Special that I’ll introduce you to if you don’t behave ;-)”

Or if you’ve met online and are planning your first date and he wants to pick you up and texts something like, “I can pick you up at 7.” You respond by saying, “I’m going to have to meet you there. You see, I’m a serial killer and my torture kit is in my trunk.”

Notice I added the wink emoticons after some of those text responses? It’s an immediate visual way to get the point across that you’re serious - but you’re also jagging – again, keep em’ guessing. It’s also a great way to make them smile and laugh, drop their guard and consider you funny and someone cool to be around. It also signals that they’re going to have to work at this a bit. Be a challenge.

Handle Aggressive Sexual Behavior Immediately, In A Mature Manner

Every guy ventures into sexual innuendoes eventually. So be prepared for how you need to handle this. First off, refrain from exchanging sexual images with one another and don't permit yourself to receive them from a man.

If a guy starts zapping you nude images of himself, it's best to cut that off right away by saying something like, “You must have me all wrong.” Or, “This is making me very uncomfortable, I was hoping you were different.” Just don’t go there, ever. It's not a good idea and dear God, never put your face in those images if you're going to do it anyway.

Men like that are players and they will send all their friends your naked photos. Trust me, I’ve seen hundreds from my male friends. More than I care too and it depresses me when I see loads of great women acting like harlots instead of real women. If you want to be treated like a harlot, send the photos (and know that you're relationship will be over in two months, either by his hand or yours). If you want to be treated like a woman and taken seriously, don’t engage in that behavior. Even in a committed relationship because when you break up, you might see those photos on his Facebook page.

When To Text Men

Umm, Never. Just Kidding – Sort Of

It’s a big no-no to initiate communication and texting with a man, especially in the early days of a budding relationship. You see, during that time, he’s hanging back and this is so that he can observe you closely. Him pulling back will bring up your insecurities and he knows this. So he’ll pull back and go into “wait and see” mode. Is she crazy? Is she a psycho? Is she needy? Is she emotionally unstable? Is she going to make me the center of her entire existence?

If you start texting him, he’ll deem the answer to all of the above questions a big, fat, resounding YES. And he’ll bolt on you.

If You’re In An Established, Committed Relationship

At this point, it’s ok to reach out. But not too heavily and only here and there. You can’t begin to overwhelm a man or dominate his time in any manner at any stage in a relationship. If you do that, he’ll break off the relationship eventually, no matter how far into it or how many months or years you’ve been dating.

If You’ve Had A Change Of Plans

If you’ve made plans and you’re running late or something has come up, go ahead and text him to let him know. It’s a sign of respect and courtesy at this point.

If You Said You’d Get Back To Him On Something

If you told him about something cool for him to check out or said that you’d get back to him about whether or not to go on a date this Friday, then yes, text him.

If He’s Made A Nice Gesture

If he’s sent flowers or an email that made you smile, something specifically for you since he knew you had a bad day or something, then yes, text him a nice thank you.

If It’s A Holiday or Special Occasion

If it’s Christmas or Thanksgiving or his birthday – go ahead and wish him well. But keep it short. Don’t make it look like it was an excuse for an hour long text session that’s going to dominate half of his day.

If He’s Texting You Consistently

If he’s in communication regularly and he seems really interested in moving the relationship forward (via his actions, not his words) then it’s ok to reach out but only once in a while. For example, if he’s been texting you good morning or goodnight every day for two weeks, beat him to the punch one morning or one evening and surprise him.

If you never do this and then one day, you do this, he’ll feel special and get really excited. But that’s only if it’s something you rarely if ever do, and have just done once or twice.

Get Into These Communication Habits

Get into the habit of communicating like this with men and you’ll have droves of them thinking your cool, funny and fun to be around. They’ll WANT to be around you, they’ll WANT to talk to you, they’ll ENJOY your company and they will SEEK you out.

So remember ladies, when communicating, keep it short, don’t be afraid to show your fun, snarky side, don’t be afraid to be yourself, be natural, be playful and be carefree. That’s it, it’s really that simple.

And men just absolutely adore simple.

He Is Not Into You: Relationship Red Flags

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 16:19:00 +0000

Let’s face it, women provide men with a lot of excuses. It reminds me of an old tune “Up On Cripple Creek” by The Band. In that instance, the lyrics of the song identify that it’s a woman making excuses for her drunken man:

“Up on Cripple Creek, she sends me. If I spring a leak, she mends me. I don’t have to speak, she defends me. A drunkard’s dream, if I ever did see one.”

When it comes to dating, one of the big excuses for a man’s bad behavior that I hear often is, “I think he’s just intimidated by me.” I also hear, “He likes me, he just doesn’t want to admit it.” Wrong. He is not into you.

Men are simple creatures, ladies, and quite honestly, they are not that difficult to figure out (i.e. they wave relationship red flags you need to pick up on). They don’t have the complex range of emotions that women have and when they communicate amongst themselves, it’s very basic communication at best.

Women bring a lot of emotional turmoil and heartache onto themselves by throwing logic out the window and attempting to tune into a man using their emotions instead. Basic logic is what men use when communicating, not emotion. So why are you using emotions to decipher logic?

That’s like trying to listen to the radio – via the television remote control. In order to tune into an FM station, you need a radio receiver – not a remote control. Logic and common sense is your radio receiver, ladies. Emotion and the television’s remote control will do you no good here.

So when dating, don’t throw your common sense out the window. It’s your greatest, most valuable, asset. Let’s cut through all the background “noise” and get straight to the point - let’s listen to the music.

Signs That He Is Not Into You: Relationship Red Flags

He Wants A Relationship Right Away: Big relationship red flag. He’s “fast tracking” you – into the bedroom. The speed with which he appeared, is the speed with which he’ll disappear.

You’re Calling Him: If he really likes you, he’ll call you. He’ll make time for you and he’ll want to beat out other men by making his presence known. If he’s not calling you, it’s because he’s avoiding you. Don’t make a fool of yourself by trying to convince him to date you. It appears desperate to men. The more you call, the less attracted to you he will be (but he will still sleep with you first).

You've Been Dating For Months, Yet No "L" Word: If it's been 6 months or more, that's because he's not feeling anything for you and he probably never will.

He Takes Days, Weeks or Hours To Respond To Calls And Texts: You’re not high on his list of priorities.

He Disappears: Big red flag. He’s definitely not that into you. A guy who really likes a girl would NEVER even consider doing this for fear he’d lose her.

You’re Asking Him Out: If HE’S not asking YOU out, it’s because he doesn’t want to spend time with you. Men go after what they desire. Period – case closed. NEVER initiate a date – EVER. You’ll never know where you stand with him and he’ll never respect you completely. Become the aggressor and you’ll have a 3 week affair, but never a relationship.

He’s Offering A Burger When You Deserve A Steak: If he’s taking you to casual dining places rather than romantic tables covered in white linens, he doesn’t value you. Times are tough, I get that. But at least once or twice a month, he should be treating you like something of value.

You’ve Met Online, But He’s Never Asked Your Last Name: That’s because he doesn’t care who you are. Your name could be Knarly Marley and it wouldn’t matter because it’s the face and the body, not the person inside, that he’s focused on. You might as well be a blow up doll.

He’s Not Paying For Anything: He’s an opportunist looking for his next victim. He doesn’t value you and never will. He’s a bum. No respectable man lets a woman pick up the tab – EVER. Providing for a woman is what makes a man feel like a man.

He’s Aggressive About Sex: He doesn’t care to know who you are, but is dying to know what you look like naked.

His Text Or Email Conversations Are Usually No More Than 5 Words In Length: He’s being polite by responding, but he doesn’t really care. This is especially true in online dating. If he can’t converse with you prior to meeting you, he won’t bother much while you’re sitting across the table from him either - but he will still ask to see your apartment after dinner.

The Ex Comes Up Often: He’s hung up and he’s not over it. His heart is elsewhere and he’s emotionally unavailable. If the ex comes up often, you leave immediately or it’ll only be a matter of time before he’s comparing the two of you in his head – and you’ll never live up to his glorified memories of her.

You’re Performing Great Acts of Kindness While He Does Nothing: He’s taking advantage of you and probably referring to you as his cleaning lady to his buds. No man expects a woman he respects and admires to act like a servant. So stop doing laundry, running errands, baking cookies, cooking meals and cleaning his apartment.

He Hides His Phone: Because there are things in there he doesn’t want you to see. He’s communicating with other women, exchanging porn with friends, dealing drugs, stockpiling naked pictures of his exes or is a CIA operative. Any way you slice it, he’s not letting you in.

He’s Late All The Time: He’s being disrespectful and signaling that HIS time is priority, not YOURS. He’s also signaling that he doesn’t care about the consequences of upsetting you.

He Went To An Important Event Without Inviting You: He doesn’t see you as part of his lifestyle. You’re on the fringes, you’re not on the inside.

His Actions Don’t Match His Words: He’s a player and he’s playing you via mental manipulation. He’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear – and then doing whatever the hell he wants.

He Refers To Himself As A Player: He’s warning you that he’s in it for fun and games, not long term commitment. A man who wants to be with you long term will NEVER want you to think this of him. But a man who doesn’t care about you, will want you to think he’s a real catch – so you’ll sleep with him to see what all the fuss is about.

He Can’t Commit To Plans More Than 24 Hours In Advance: He’s waiting for something better to do and you’re playing second fiddle. A guy who really likes you will want to take up your days and evenings so that no other man can.

When You’re Speaking, He’s Gawking In Other Directions: He’s tuning you out because what you have to say holds no value to him. He’s biding his time and going through the motions until the evening progresses – and he can then get “down to business” with you.

He Repeats Things He’s Already Told You Over And Over Again: He doesn’t remember anything he’s already told you because he’s running schtick on you. He’s been on loads of dates and he doesn’t remember who with. This is his game and he’s like a record stuck on repeat going through the motions.

He Won’t Give You A Drawer At His Place: If you’ve been spending lots of overnight stays there and this doesn’t eventually happen, it’s because he has no plans of you being there long term.

He Leaves The Room To Take Calls: He’s speaking to people you wouldn’t approve of and that he never intends to inform you of.

He’s Gone Before 9AM: If he’s spending the night and regularly leaves early in the morning rather than taking you to breakfast or spending the afternoon with you – you’re a booty call and/or friend with benefits.

He Avoids Eye Contact Or Sits Slightly Turned Away From You: He’s distancing himself from you because he has no real intention of ever “letting you in” or becoming emotionally intimate with you. But that doesn’t mean he won’t have sex with you.

He Just Wants To Be Friends: Translation – he doesn’t want a relationship - with you.

He Doesn’t Remember Important Things: If he forgets your birthday or a date you’ve made previously, it’s because you’re not important to him. However ladies, don’t expect him to remember the day you met, or the date of your first date, etc. We’re talking important events here.

You’ve Never Met His Friends Or Family: If it’s been 6 months and still nothing, he’s not going to make you a part of his life.

He Only Calls Late At Night Or When He’s Drunk: He’s looking for a “situation” not a relationship.

He’s All Over You In Private, But Acts Like He’s Your Buddy In Public: You’re a friend with benefits.

He Closes His Internet Browser When You Enter The Room: We all know why this happens.

He Openly Admits He Hates Things You Love: He could care less about the things you care about. Basically, this signals he doesn’t care about YOU.

He Chooses Time With Friends Over Time With You: You’re providing a nice distraction for him when there’s nothing better to do but he’ll never make you first on the list.

He Makes Promises He Doesn’t Keep: Because you’re not that important to him and he doesn’t care enough about you to be worried if you’ll leave when he breaks them.

He Doesn’t Defend Your Honor: He has no respect for you and doesn’t feel he’s responsible for protecting you.

He Laughs At You, Not With You: He doesn’t care if he hurts your feelings and probably never will.

He Makes No Future Plans With You: That’s because when he peers into the future, he doesn’t see you there, standing beside him.

He Shows No Interest In Things or People You Love: He simply does not care about the things that are important to you or what makes you tick.

You Constantly Wonder, Is He Into Me? This is a sure fire way to know . . . that he’s not. Listen to your gut, Ladies.

It's Only Common Sense

This isn't rocket science, it's common sense. Notice what all of the things above indicate? They all generally point to his lack of interest, his lack of care and they’re an indication that there’s no future.

Logic tells us this. Don’t use your emotions to try to read anything else into it. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck – it’s a duck, Ladies.

Quack, quack, quack.

What Is A Player: Signs You’re Dating A Player

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 00:43:00 +0000

This one is going to be quick and dirty, ladies. Just the way a player likes it.

What is a player, you ask? Well, he’s a few things. He’s a man cultivating many relationships at once. He’s a man creating options for sex no matter what environment he’s in. He’s a man that plays mind games. He’s a man that is constantly “on” and working it.

He’s a touchy feely man. He’s a man that’s a braggart. He’s a man that’s egotistical. He’s an insecure man, secretly. He’s a man that’s selfish. He’s a man that cheats. He’s a man that manipulates women via their emotions. He’s a man who objectifies women (they’re sexual play toys, not human beings). Often times, he’s a misogynist (he secretly loathes women). But mostly, he’s a man that’s full of sh*t.

My apologies for being blunt, but it is what it is. And once you learn how to spot one, you’ll see this sideshow act coming from a mile away. There are a lot of them out there and they’re not just young guys. The player runs rampant amongst men in their 30’s, 40’s 50’s – across the board.

Below I’ve listed some quick tell tale signs that you’re dating a player. And if you’ve ever questioned yourself, “What is a player?” He’s the guy I’ve listed below.

Are you dating a player? Let’s find out.

So, what is a player? Below are the signs that signify you may be dating a player:

He Asks If You’re Bathroom Is Clean Before He Can Use It

If you bring him to your place for the first time and he says, “Can I use your bathroom?” And then follows it up with, “I know how you women are about leaving out underwear, bras, etc.” He has , to his delight, unexpectedly landed in a woman’s apartment many times before. A player knows that you give a woman the opportunity to hide her private stuff before you say hello to the Tidy Bowl Man.

When You’re On a Date With Him, He’s Disappears Often

If he’s constantly disappearing for the bathroom or conveniently forgetting something that he’s left in his vehicle on a regular basis, he either has severe bladder problems, is using drugs and “fixing” in those absences or is suffering from Alzheimer’s. But more realistically, you’re dating a player that’s communicating via text with another woman. If it was his buddy, he’d have no reason to leave.

If You Confront Him With A Question, He Repeats Your Question Before Answering

If you say, “Where were you last night?” and he answers by saying, “Where was I last night?” he’s buying himself an extra two or three seconds to think of a good excuse. And he only needs those few seconds to do so. A player is quick on his feet.

His Buddies Whisper To Him In Your Presence

Men generally don’t gossip. If his buddies are whispering in his ear, 9 times out of 10, they’re providing him with an update on one of his other “friends.” “Hey, I just saw Jewels over at Club X and she was with some guy.” If he suddenly splits to use the bathroom – he’s ringing Jewels.

He Often Uses Numbers When Referring To Women

If he refers to the bartender as a 5 and you as a 9, he’s objectifying women. To a player, you’re not a living creature with feelings; you’re a sexual play toy that he’s rating according to looks. Congratulations, you win – the boobie prize.

He Acts Like A Matchmaker For His Buddies

If he says ridiculous things to you like, “I help my buddies get women” then you should run. The reality is that a player screens women for his buds, test driving them first, and then helping his buddies get down their pants too by manipulating them, via what he’s already learned about them.

A player doesn’t want to help his buddy get laid without helping himself get laid first. And if his buddy wants it bad, the player, being quite competitive himself, will be sure to sleep with her first, rub it in his buddy’s face and then hand off his “seconds.”

This may sound unbelievable, but trust me, I have many male friends and I’ve witnessed this first hand on more than one occasion - the ole’ “buddy system.”

Ladies, if you’ve slept with a guy who then suggests meeting a friend that may be more suited for you, then you’re the baton about to be handed off.

He Often Loses His Cell Phone

This sounds ridiculous, I know. I mean, in this day and age, aren’t these things attached to your hip? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this lame one. “Sorry I didn’t call. I lost my phone.” Uh huh. Sorry I don’t buy it - because I haven’t lost my mind.

He Tries To Make You Feel Guilty For His Mistakes

If he’s late and you’re upset, the player will blame it on you. “You kept me on the phone too long.” Or, “You wanted me to dress up, so I dressed up” while he’s standing there in a t-shirt and jeans. No matter what, he spins it back on you. This is a true player – a master manipulator. He takes responsibility for none of his own actions and he’s not accountable for anything. He’s covered in grease and everything is always sliding off of him – and onto you.

His Cell Is On Vibrate and Hidden From View

If you’re laying on the sofa and you feel a rumble coming from his pants, chances are it’s not that he’s happy to see you – chances are, he’s hiding people from you that are trying to reach him. A player usually ignores that obvious rumble. And if it rumbles again, and again, and again – you can be sure that’s a woman trying to reach him and not Bob, down at the bar.

He Can’t Remember His Lies

If he tells you he can’t see you on Saturday because he works and then texts you on Monday and tells you he had a great time Saturday night with his buds, he’s telling so many lies and talking to so many women, he doesn’t remember who he’s told what to. A player can’t keep it straight because he’s juggling.

He Has A Cellphone Plan With All The Bells And Whistles

If he has the maximum minutes airtime plan and maximum minutes text plan, he’s probably a player. That’s an awful lot of communication capability. As a rule, many men don’t sit and chit-chat with their buddies for endless hours on the telephone. If he’s maxing out his plans, he’s definitely talking to someone, ladies. The only time this wouldn't apply is if he's a businessman, using the same phone for work and play. But the average Joe - he's not talking and texting another Joe for hours on end.

He Doesn’t Stay For Breakfast

If you’ve invited him into your humble abode and you wake the next morning only to find him dressing and about to run out the door, blabbering about his busy day ahead of him (a video game session with his buds and some Cheetos calling his name), he’s comfortable with the “hit and run” because he’s done it many times before. A player does the dirty deed and then bolts.

He Has Brand New Toothbrushes On Hand

The player is prepared for the one night stand. After many experiences with them, he knows that if you can get up and brush your teeth, he might get morning sex from you, too.

He Cancels Plans At The Last Minute

A player always has something better coming along, and most times, it’s the “easy girl” offering herself up for the evening.

He Tries To Make Plans At The Last Minute

That’s because he said or did something ignorant that upset the “easy girl” and he blew that opportunity for the evening – so now it’s your turn in the rotation. A player can’t make plans in advance because another “easy girl” may offer herself up in the interim.

He Only Texts Or Calls Late At Night Or In The Wee Hours Of The Morning

We all know this one. It has booty call or friends with benefits written all over it.

This is a true players favorite move. He's compelled to act this way, he can't help it. His desires must be met and to him, there's no shame in that. If you accuse him of this, he'll toss out an "I love you baby" just to get in the damn door. Ahh, the true player.

Here's how you handle this one. Tell him to come right over – and be quick about it because you can’t wait to see him – and then go to bed and don’t answer the door.

When he calls you to get you to come to the door - text him that you lost your phone.

He Doesn’t Answer His Phone In Your Presence

That’s because he can’t. It’s another woman ringing that phone and he can’t have that conversation in front of you. If it was really his buddy, a player would be sure to answer that call because he’d be afraid he might be missing something. A player always wants to be where the action is.

He’s Quick On His Feet

The player has an answer for everything and he’s quick with the comeback. Remember ladies, while you were out there cultivating social skills and grace – he was slumming it and cultivating skills of deceit, trickery and manipulation – and he’s damn good at it. Practice makes perfect.

He’s Non-Apologetic

A player doesn’t apologize, he shifts blame. And no matter how bad he’s hurt you or how awful he was to you the night before, he’ll never apologize for his behavior. He’s worked hard at developing swagger and he isn’t about to let that all go down the drain. He’s got a rep to protect and breaking hearts only adds to it.

He Looks Like The Cat That Ate The Canary And Wears A Cheshire Grin

The player has swagger and swagger is usually accompanied by a constant grin – a smirk. The smirk has an inkling of guilt to it, too. A player just looks guilty and many times, has a nervous laugh. Much like the cat that ate the canary, a slight smile that indicates he’s content with himself, accompanied by upturned lips that signify he’s earned his rewards via nefarious deeds. Think of the “Cheshire Cat” in Alice in Wonderland. It’s akin to the “I know something you don’t know” look.

Now, some of these are instant red flags. Others are more subtle and require a combination of a few. However, if your gut started tingling while reading this and you could relate to 4 or more of the above attributes being used in conjunction with one another - then there's a good chance you're being played. But don't go around playing your cards (appearing insecure) by lashing out with accusations - simply sit back in silence and observe.

If you really want to know if you're dating a player, listen to your gut. Women's intuition is very rarely incorrect, ladies.

So now I ask you. . .are you dating a player?

Men Disappear And Reappear: The Aftermath

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sun, 05 Aug 2012 19:16:00 +0000

“A consequence, especially of a disaster or misfortune, a period of time following a disastrous event.” ~ Definition of Aftermath

Over the last several years, and as of late, discussions have been building here centered around dating, particularly concerning men who disappear and reappear magically at whim, months or even years later.

I’ve read a lot of discussions where men state their reasons for performing this “disappear reappear” act and I see the same thing repeatedly:

“I don’t want the confrontation, tears or pleading. I don’t want to explain that I was becoming increasingly unattracted to her in some manner. It’s easier this way, for her and I both.”

One could agree with this, maybe it is easier on women if he just disappears rather than endure a sit down that involves hearing those harsh, hurtful truths. But either way you slice it, there are consequences for the actions.

The thing that truly amazes me is just how little men actually know of those consequences because for them, it’s more akin to a hit and run. They don’t stick around for the fallout. We all know that women are the more compassionate, sympathetic, emotional creature of the two. Men seem to suffer little to no emotional baggage after this scenario – and what they don’t know is – women suffer tremendously from this scenario.

It Has Been Said Throughout History That Woman Was Created For Man

If you believe that, it’s understandable that she would be the more loving and compassionate of the two. After all, her place and reason for being is to calm the savage beast and give the gift of life, no? Many believe her existence was brought about to provide a place of solitary, loving sanctuary, acceptance, a form of release – and to provide him with offspring and perpetuate the species.

I hear lots of men complain about “effed up women” these days. You know, the women with issues, crazy women, psycho women, women who are emotional train wrecks, women who cry at the drop of a hat . . I’ve heard all of it.

And most of these statements are minimized by being followed up with a “Hmph” and a grin.

It’s been my experience that the men tossing these comments around the most are the ones out there doing the most damage. Not all men do this, but the one’s complaining about all these “effed” up women out there seem to be the biggest culprits in contributing to the issue.

I’m not creating this article to bash men. I love men. I can’t tolerate punks and a**holes though. That I will admit. There’s a big difference between gentlemen and punks. The point of this article is not to encite a gender war, but rather, strike up an open dialogue between the two in the hopes that the conversation can help others – both men and women – to better understand and respect one another.

I started this piece with the mention of the infamous disappearing act many men pull these days. I’ve decided to approach this discussion via the lens of the aftermath. Because it seems it’s a woman’s dirty little secret, the aftermath she experiences after being treated this way. It’s something women discuss amongst themselves, but it’s rarely a topic men are permitted to be a part of.

But before I get started, ladies . . . I want you to take notice of this fact while reading below:

Men Project Outward - Women Project Inward

Ladies, stop blaming yourselves and realize there’s nothing wrong with you. He just wasn’t right for you. It’s that simple. Don’t over analyze and read anything further into it. Stop looking for the problem and accept the reality.

Men, stop projecting blame in an outward manner and realize that women need closure for emotional reasons. If you’re tired of meeting crazy women, stop adding to the problem. You’d be amazed at how treating a woman with a little respect can turn her into a well balanced, rational human being overnight.

The aftermath I’m about to list below that immediately follows when a man disappears and reappears works both ways, too, but not to such an extent with men. Men are not as quick as women to take the blame or project their thoughts on the matter inwards and onto themselves. They tend to project outwards, many times, onto their next road kill, even if unintentionally.

Women tend to project inwards and onto themselves, looking for where they went wrong, what they did wrong. Trying to consciously control this type of thinking sounds easier said than done and what men need to understand is that - women are women. They have deeper emotional connections than men and I believe this is, in part, directly related to their ability to grant life – give birth.

I mean, what greater emotional connection on earth could there be, right? You grow another human being inside your body and you endure great pain bringing that life into this world and you understand all of the complexities involved. Imagine if woman did not have the compassionate, loving, enduring nature she is born with and the various complex emotions to feel and experience empathy?

What kind of a mother would she be then?

Men, women HAVE to have these varied emotions for many reasons and what you need to understand is that they really do need to be treated with respect in order to fully be well balanced, rational and remain loving in nature. To disrespect the emotions women were born with or expect them to “just get over it” and wash them away is really a very barbaric notion. It would be like asking her to remove and wash away all the very things that make her tick and possibly, even her entire reason for existing.

After all, isn’t it the warmth, loving acceptance and pleasure a woman provides to you that draws you to her in the first place? Her emotions are very necessary if she is to love you in the unconditional manner you request of her.

Having said that, let’s get started. Below, I am listing the various stages a woman experiences when a man disappears and reappears. Seen as how that’s the number one reason women show up here, I figure we can all benefit from a little open discussion on the matter.

The Aftermath When Men Disappear and Reappear

Stage One: Shock. The kind of shock that’s a huge blow. Imagine a woman is wearing a shiny suit of armor. Let’s use that shiny suite of armor as a metaphor from this point forward, a symbol of her sexiness and approachability. Now. . .take a swing at that armor with a sledgehammer. See the big, giant dent left behind?

Stage Two: Increased Anxiety. Anxiety that is heightened to such an extent, it brings on bouts of worry and despair that can be unbearably dark. I think every woman truly wants to make a man happy. Rejecting her loving nature and the things of value she has to offer you can be truly devastating. That shiny suit of armor she’s wearing, her sexiness? Take two big handfuls of mud and sling them onto it. Now there’s a big dent and she’s covered in mud. Not quite so sexy anymore, huh?

Stage Three: Self Blame. Is there something wrong with me? Why didn’t he like me? What did I do wrong? When this stage sets in, she’s taking that shiny suit of armor off, standing it up against a tree and hurling a slew of rocks at it. Small chinks are being punctured into it, tiny dents are now facing its muddy surface and the initial giant dent is looming larger than ever.

Stage Four: Worry. Will anyone ever love me? Will he ever come back? That shiny suit of armor is still off, standing up against the tree only this time, she’s swinging away at it with her sword, inflicting long open gashes across its surface. Swing, swing, swing away.

Stage Five: Anger. I will never speak to him ever again. He’s a dirty, rotten scoundrel. She decides to fight the good fight. She’s ready to enter the battlefield again and she’s put the now not so shiny suit of armor back on in an attempt to offer herself some form of protection for the next round. Her sexiness, yea . . . she’s trying it back on. She’s attempting to slip into this dented, filthy dirty, gashed and chinked lackluster suit of armor once again.

Stage Six: Acceptance. There she is, suited up and ready to go, having accepted defeat yet willing to fight another day. Based upon the appearance of her once shiny suit of armor, it’s clear to tell that something is forever changed. Something just doesn’t feel right. It’s obvious it’s not the fit it once was. It’s obvious that she’s not wearing her sexiness as well as she once did.

Stage Seven: The Reappearance. Wait? What’s that I hear in the distance? Could that be the sound of hooves? I see something, it’s white. Wait a minute. Wait. Could it be? Well indeed, it is. Here comes Prince Charming riding proudly high atop his white steed. His suit of armor is gleaming in the sun and he now has some medals of honor attached to it. He approaches with delight – but only for a brief moment. Just enough time to start a fire, gobble down a meal, take a romp in the hay with the now worn and tattered woman he once knew . . . and then it’s off to the next conquest, for there are many worlds to conquer and err . . . dominate.

Stage Eight: The End Result. There he goes, Prince Charming on his white steed, his suit of armor still glistening in the sun. And there she stands, a former shadow of the sexy warrior she once was. Used, abused, battered and bruised. Will she ever wear her sexiness as well as she once did? Will she ever be able to create another beautiful, shiny suit of armor for herself? Or will she simply take to wandering the roadside, like some living form of walking, talking road kill, for another passerby to take advantage of?

The Moral Of The Story

For ladies it’s this: Protect your shiny suit of armor, your sexiness, at all costs. For it is a very valuable thing indeed. Do not rely on someone else to polish it, to care for it, to cleanse it and to protect it. This is YOUR job and your job alone.

Never take any swings at it and never take it off because slipping back into it, you may find the fit isn’t quite as comfortable as it once was. No one can love you unless you love yourself first.

For men it’s this: Realize that women are women and that that’s what draws you to them in the first place. If they did not experience the complex myriad of emotions that you ultimately use against them, they would not be capable of providing you the depths of loving sanctuary and acceptance you so desire deep down inside.

If you want to find a maiden in shiny armor, your equal, a woman you respect, admire and physically desire – then it is necessary to handle all women with great care to increase your chances, to increase your options, to increase the number of desirable women out there to choose from. If you want a gentle creature, you must treat them as the gentle creature they truly are - to ensure they stay that way.

Guys, here’s a little food for thought. Had you shown her a little respect by giving some reason, any reason or discussion to her for the breakup, the scenario above would’ve ended after Stage One. She would’ve had a giant dent in her armor, but it would’ve been easy to pound that out and restore it to its once pristine condition.

Ladies, here’s a little food for thought for you. Had you not given of yourself so freely upfront and without requiring any knightly gestures from the man standing before you, you may not have suffered the first blow quite so devastatingly as it would've been clear to you that he wasn't fully invested.

We all increase our chances of happiness when we respect one another in addition to ourselves.

Virgo Man: Svengali Of The Zodiac

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Sun, 08 Jul 2012 19:14:00 +0000

"Svengali would either fawn or bully and could be grossly impertinent. He had a kind of cynical humour that was more offensive than amusing and always laughed at the wrong thing, at the wrong time, in the wrong place."

The Virgo man can be likened to such a character in many ways, particularly in love and relationships. In love, he tends to prefer a woman who is a "clean slate" of sorts. A woman who comes across as rather unassuming and somewhat plain, free of beauty products on her face and rather natural in character and appearance.

By now you may be thinking, "Oh, he prefers a natural beauty." Upon first glance, it may appear so. However, the reality is that his intentions run much deeper here and a woman like this tends to appeal to his creative side. Creative side, you ask? If you view a Virgo man through his perspective, you soon come to realize that he's drawn to a malleable (i.e. controllable) woman of sorts, one whom he can, much like an artist, place his colors upon as a blank canvas of sorts, building and caressing her into creation with each stroke.

His intended transformation of you may unfold in hurtful observations. If he doesn't like your haircolor, he may come right out and make a rude comment about it. If he doesn't like all the makeup you wear, he'll come right out and tell you how gross all that stuff on your face is. He'll get his point across and his Svengali like nature may compell him to do it in 'not so nice' ways that display his cynical hidden tendencies.

On The Flip Side

Many a Virgo man will wrestle with his compulsion towards the unassuming type of woman and, as a result, will find themselves with older, sexually experienced women. Those vamps and bar flys that he can learn a thing or two from. Again, back to the Svengali aspect, a Virgo man can easily take a whore and flip her into a Madonna - or so he thinks. Virgo male likes to service and perfect and this type gives him alot to work with.

Slowly, he will begin to peel away the whore aspect of this mate and repaint her with his artist brush into his ideal vision of a Stepford Wife or soon to be soccer mom.

Either way you slice it, you tend to find a Virgo man stripping a woman clean so that he may rebuild her into something that fulfills his vision of her.

Virgo males are also drawn to taboo issues and will readily explore anything considered so. Their chameleon like tendency will cause them to completely reinvent themselves with the changing of each and every mate. When you dated him, he hated going to nightclubs and preferred sitting at home, complaining and watching movies or playing video games. When he moved onto his next mate, he turned into a carefree "Club Kid" who never spends more than 15 minutes in his apartment.

Virgo men also have a tendency to rub people the wrong way. It's almost as if, upon first meeting, people can sense the underlying negativity and his somewhat cold demeanor can put people off. There's also an underlying sense of "false" with a Virgo male in that, they are chameleons of sorts with different groups of people.

Because Virgo Man Tends To Feel He Doesn't Fit In

He will over compensate for that by attempting to become what the situation calls for at the moment. He'll be one way with friends, another with co-workers and yet another with potential mates. I had one Virgo male actually say to me:

"I don't like for my worlds to collide."

Any statement such as that immediately signals to others that there's "something going on here" that doesn't feel quite right.

Virgo men are a melancholy bunch and you can sense disapproval before he even opens his mouth. To say that Virgo male sees the world as an imperfect place would be an understatement. Obstacles, challenges, crisis and set backs are what he sees when he steps out into it. Virgo male feels he just doesn't really fit into it anywhere.

His idealistic view is what ends up causing him to be constantly disillusioned. When your expectations are high and unrealistic, you set yourself up for a fall and disappointment. The end result is emotions and feelings that set in, such as resentment, anger and frustration.

Everywhere Virgo man looks, all he sees are things that need fixed. The sign of Virgo is one of "service." And many a Virgo male can project this quality of service onto his mate. All those rude things or subtle suggestions he's making to you - he views as a service to you. He's doing you a favor. He sees where improvements can be made.

The zodiac sign of Virgo is a somewhat quirky, confounding one, particularly with regards to Virgo males. Some have even likened him to the "Charlie Browns" of the world, "Whoa is me" as well as prone to obsessive compulsive disorders and hypochondria. Their need for cleanliness can border on obsessive and many a Virgo man is constantly crippled by the thought that something is wrong - they're not always sure what it is, but it's wrong no matter what.

Virgo Men Walk Through Life Carrying A Heavy Load

And most of it is in their minds eye, thus giving birth to the "Charlie Brown" theme of "whoa is me."

A famous Virgo male is Michael Jackson. Looking at his life and how he lived it, you can see that his intention was always to be of service to others, however, his personality came across as quirky in nature to say the least. Rather than projecting his Svengali like tendency onto a mate, he thrust this tendency inwards and onto himself via the constant reinvention and never ending plastic surgery he had performed - always seeing room for improvement in himself.

Virgo is a mutable (changeable) earth (stable) sign, thus the constant theme of struggle in his life - constantly changing while fighting to remain secure. Virgo man harbors a deep sense of self loathing to top it all off. Many times, a Virgo man can tend to be a platform for women. Meaning, a woman may spend some time with a Virgo man, he may help (service) her towards improvements and then when she's achieved her pinnacle - she leaves him for another man. Cuckholding is another theme Virgo male is very familiar with.

His constant strive for perfection in life, particularly in relationships, can totally work against him. Especially where sex is concerned. A Virgo male, when engaged in the act, is so focused on his performance rather than his partner, that he can blow the entire act and fail to complete it. In turn, he becomes somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy of failure. Worrying about perfecting it causes him to blow it and the cycle repeats.

It doesn't help that he's prone to be grossed out by bodily functions during the process as well and many a Virgo man will request you to appear to him showered and clean shaven before he'll even consider taking the leap to perform. As a result, sex with a Virgo can feel more like a chore than a romantic escapade and you can find yourself calendaring in sex with him. "Monday and Thursdays, shower and be ready."

Virgo Man Can Be Cool As A Cucumber In Relationships

He tends to keep his mate at arms length, leaving her feeling as if she never really did get to know this chap completely because he never let her in. And indeed, he does always keep a part of himself - to himself. Being with one for any amount of time, yo soon realize he's gone missing in action on you, either physically or emotionally, as he just seems "unavailable" to a degree.

But alas, when a Virgo man does decide he can live with you as you are and he gives in to his feelings of overall "lack," his sexuality can indeed burn hot. And being service oriented, when he's reached this level, he can be very empathetic to those less fortunate and very helpful in nature which, in turn, can be a real boon to the woman in his life if she's on the receiving end of this.

Virgo male is an Earth sign and, as a result, he can always appeal to you as a safe harbor of sorts. Even though his mind may not be stable, his lifestyle surely will be. Everything will have a place and be in that place and he will run his home like a well oiled machine, with all of his standards of living being up to par. Many a Virgo man leads a nice, clean, comfy existence for all intents and purposes. Flying by the seat of their pants, unafraid of where they're going to land is more a Sagittarius man's style than a Virgo mans. In the Virgo man's world, order and preparation is the name of the game.

I dated a Virgo male who wouldn't go to the grocery store unless a list was created first. He used up so many tablets and Post It notes, constantly jotting down notes, making lists and leaving letters with instructions each day that I had to buy them in bulk just to keep up. Something always had to be done (serviced, perfected) each day or it felt like a waste of a day to him. That was a long time ago and last year, I was cleaning and donating goods and I came across several of those notebooks. I sat down, thumbing through them, and I couldn't believe how much fussing was going on there, looking back on it. It was like the man couldn't shut his brain off and I must admit, when it was over with him, I was relieved. No more nitpicking, no more heckling, no more instructions, no more demands . . it was liberating.

The Chameleon Like Theme That Runs Through A Virgo Man's Life

You may be reading this and thinking to yourself, "Wow, my Virgo guy is a slob and is nothing like this." That wouldn't surprise me, remember, he's a chameleon, ladies, and very likely, you will encounter a Virgo male along that way who is the complete opposite of the organized, militant, demanding character depicted here.

If you come across this type, chances are he hasn't worked himself out yet and he is still wrestling and fighting all of his natural compulsions and, as a result, is leading a life that is completely opposite the one he truly is drawn to. And when you encounter this type, you may find him to be even more unbearable than the type referenced above because this inner conflict is always tearing at him subconsciously.

In a sense, with a Virgo man, you never know who you're going to get. You have to stick around and observe to really find out. A progressed Virgo male who has come to grips with this inner turmoil of his can be a real joy to partner with actually. Trouble is, it can take Virgo male a lifetime to come to grips with himself and his inner battles. Either way, Virgo male won't achieve his true success until later in life when he realizes his role and value as a provider of "service" to others.

It is then, and only then, that he will free himself - from himself - to fly free and succeed.

What Is Nagging And Shifting Blame?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 17:56:00 +0000

It’s a fact, all of us women nag and many times, we hate ourselves for it. Ironically, what many women don't understand is that nagging actually reassures a man of exactly where he stands with you.

Let's face it, if you didn't care, you wouldn't nag, right?

You see, nagging gives a man nothing to think about, worry about or ponder. It doesn't pique his interest or draw him towards you. Rather, he simply tunes you out.

And you may have already noticed, when you nag, press an issue and force a discussion, your guy may resort to using a manipulation tactic called “shifting blame.”

Rather than beat ourselves up for this behavior, I thought it'd be fun and helpful to take a little tongue and cheek peek into this tactic from the male perspective. This is scary territory for men, ladies.

And It Usually Goes A Lil Something Like This. . .

Here it comes! You did something wrong and you know it. But emotions, feelings, words - you can see that they're all about to start flying to quickly for you and "talking" through this with her is the LAST thing on Earth you want to be doing right now. Your immediate strategy: Always make sure there's something more important than anything she has to say at the moment, "Hey did I tell you, Bob's going fishing this week."

Uh oh, she doesn't give two shits about Bob's extracurricular activities and it's about to begin! Deflect, deflect! Before you even know what she's talking about, immediately tell her that she's taking it the wrong way (what IT is?). For some added oomph, pull out the big guns and be sure to throw that word "emotional" around, too, so she begins to question herself before she even gets started.

Ok, that didn't work and it's started. Time to resort to the "calendar plan." On Sundays and Wednesdays things are being blown out of proportion. Tuesdays and Fridays, overreacting is the name of the game and on Saturdays and Thursdays, someone's always imagining things. If all else fails, pull out the grand daddy of them all, "Did you start your period today?”

Ok, so mentioning her period was a bad idea. It's officially on. Time to get serious, better pick an argument. Stay on course by chipping away on that self doubt. Be extremely aggressive and continuously repeat, "You started it!" If you discuss the facts here, you loose - the point is to win.

Oh Lordy, here come the facts! She doesn't care who started what and she has nine justifiable points and you have one eensy, teensy little justifiable point. What to do? This is easy, place all of your emphasis and energy on your one teensy justified point. If that doesn't work, covering your ears and singing "La, la, la, la" while she's making her points helps.

Ok, so the "La la la" thing was a bad idea, too. What now? I got it - confuse and overwhelm thine enemy! Consistency is king, brother, and rapid fire is about to begin. Engage by firing your one little justified point at her quickly, loudly and repeatedly - all while demanding an immediate answer. The moment she turns into the deer caught in the headlight and you see a moment of hesitation - gotcha! You use that as proof that you are right and that she is oh so wrong. Fire away at that angle of self-doubt like Machine Gun Andy! Bap, bap, bap . . .

What's this? She's regained her composure and she's firing back with valid points? Ok, time to take this to the next level by immediately finding fault with her on a totally unrelated and insignificant matter, "You gave me a fork the other day to eat my soup with!" Hey, all's fair in love and war . . . and guess which one this is?

If she doesn't care to engage you on the fork versus spoon issue, stay light on those feet and stoop! Pull in your very own pretend panel of experts (Jerry at work, Phil at the bar, Greg at the softball game) and begin saying things like, "They agree with me, you gave me the fork instead of the spoon on purpose!" How handy that angle of self-doubt is, huh? Chip, chip, chip away.

When she proves a worthy opponent and is still focusing on her valid points only from a more intelligent angle this time, it's time to undermine her self-confidence by minimizing her. Pick up the remote (or whatever happens to be nearest you at the moment) and become fully engrossed in it, "I didn't realize we had blue buttons on the remote, did you?"

Don't put that remote down though brother, she might throw it at you. Stand strong and start shaking that thing like an unopened Christmas gift while asking, "Is this thing working? Hold on a sec, I think I need to change the batteries."

Amazon.com Widgets

As you plan your escape and head for the new batteries in the kitchen, in a nice soft voice, declare yourself her therapist and say something like, “Why do you do this to yourself?"

Keep a close eye on how many times she's repeating herself as you're escaping and be sure to remind her of it. To pull this off properly, you must now begin to question her sanity, "You've said that 19 times already. What's wrong with you?"

When she comes charging at you, about to give you a black eye, steam blowing through her nose, it will help if you think of this as a verbal mixed martial arts match of sorts - jab with a left, "You gave me a fork instead of a spoon evil woman!" . . . deliver a round house kick to the right temple, "Why do you do this to yourself?" . . . take her to the mat, "You just can't let this go, can you?" . . . . then run like hell brother.

On your way out the door, deliver the final blow, "You're crazy when you're on your period!" Timing is everything with this one. Say it the minute the front door is open and the neighbors can hear you as they see you running for your life. Hey, this self-doubt angle works like a charm.

Congratulations! You've made it out the front door and are now standing safely on the front lawn with witnesses and a nice distance between the two of you (Hmm, she can't throw something that far, can she?) Stand your ground, "This is all your fault, see what you've done!" And make sure to motion towards all of the neighbors now watching. "See!!"

Whew, that was close! She's stopped in her tracks, there are now witnesses to your possible death, you're safe, everyone thinks she's a certified nut job and they now feel sorry for you. You've made it out of their alive, without discussing any of the facts, and you now have sympathizers (i.e. witnesses) at your disposal.

You see, logic doesn't apply here and neither do any of her silly 9 valid points - only your domination does!

Careful in taking this too far though - you never want to be the guy standing on the front lawn with a black eye and a fork stuck in his forehead.

Ladies, Try Communicating Like This Instead. It's Much Healthier For Him and For YOU!

Cut your man a break. He loves you and he just wants to avoid conflict at any and all costs. When you speak a mans language, you are heard. When you speak a woman's language to a man, you are tuned out. You see, when it comes to matters such as this, women tend to accept the accusations thrown at them (submissive) - while men tend to deflect them (dominant).

So the next time you find yourself about to become embroiled in the above scenerio, you'd be wise to stop right where you're at - take a deep breath and speak his language of deflection if you want to be heard:

Oh wow, hey you know what, I didn't realize the time. Kate called today, I told her I'd meet her for dinner. Maybe we'll talk about this later. Geesh, I'm running late, I'd better get going, kay? Alrighty . . . see ya' later. Love you - bye!

If you hear a thud on your way out the door, that's his jaw dropping.

Dating: What Does It Mean When He . . .

noreply@blogger.com (The Mirror of Aphrodite) — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 21:56:00 +0000

Whoever said that dating was fun obviously isn’t dating in today’s modern age. Let’s face it, men and women are both behaving badly, treating each other poorly and manipulating one another’s emotions. Have a look at the hundreds of comments left on “Experiences With A Taurus Male” and you’ll see how prevalent this behavior has become. Granted, those are women sharing their experiences, however to be fair, men are experiencing a lot of this as well.

Do you find yourself, much like Alice In Wonderland, attempting to peer into (or jump through) the looking glass, desperate for answers, while the man in your life seems to care less?

I get a lot of questions posed to me from the post referenced above. And most of them are women attempting to decipher a man’s peculiar behavior. But what most women don’t realize is that this behavior generally isn’t peculiar at all – it’s more or less reality – fact. And once you come to understand what this behavior means and why it’s happening, you can see the player, the mama’s boy, the opportunist, the liar and the cheat coming at you from 100 miles away.

When men behave peculiar towards women, women have a tendency to blame themselves. “What did I do?” “Should I not have said this?” “If only I didn’t . . .” And I’m here to tell you to stop all of this at once. A man’s peculiar behavior generally has very little to do with you and more to do with him.

Here’s the question to keep in mind as you read the items below:

“What does it mean when he . . .”

Asks For A Commitment Too Soon

This generally means he’ll vanish as quickly as he appeared. This is not Prince Charming gals, this is a man waving a giant red flag in your face. Chances are he’s insecure, needy and suffers low self-esteem. He’s learned, through a series of painful mishaps, that it’s much easier to pretend to want the real deal than it is to do the work necessary to create a real relationship.

This guy is insincere and he’s not genuine. How could he be? How can anyone be with someone they really haven’t had to the time to fully get to know? He wants to hurry this process along so he can get in and get out just as quickly.

BEWARE: He'll compliment you, he'll act as if he's really interested, he'll communicate regularly and with gusto in the early stages and he'll come on very strong at first, speeding things right along.

So fast that you'll never see it coming. It’s the ole “sweep her off her feet” method . . . that generally ends with him dumping you on your ass. This guy is emotionally immature and lacks the social skills necessary to interact in a genuine manner – so he fakes it. Be very leary of the man who is all too ready to commit.

Takes My Number, Gives Me His, And Doesn't Call

I see this one alot because too many women are the pursuer these days and it has led to a whole new generation of lazy men when it comes to dating. Stop being your own worst enemies, ladies!

You want a man to woo you and treat you like a lady, yet, many of you chase him like a man (exhibit masculine energy), which keeps him from lifting a finger for you - stop this! Make a man rise up to the challenge, never call a man first, ever.

If you give a guy your number and he can't man up and ring your phone - move on, it's a big red flag. He's either not into you (but if you call him, he'll still sleep with you before moving on) or this one has a sense of entitlement and he's waiting for you to do all the work; he's seeking a needy woman (to walk all over). He's wanting you to be the pursuer. Don't pursue or you'll end up his doormat. At the very least, a man should always make the first phone call and ask for/plan the first few dates and if he really likes you, he'll be excited to do so. It's ok to make the first move initially by showing him interest in a subtle way (a smile, a wink, starting conversation with him) but never be the one to make the first real move towards him. He'll instantly label you as desperate and he'll never ring your phone, rather, he'll sit back and wait for you to come to him - always.

How you go about the first few conversations and the first few dates determines ALL future interaction and sets the tone for the relationship from that point forward. If you start out as the pursuer, he'll take the role of the pursued - and he'll never put an ounce into you or the relationship.

Calls Me Babe, Honey or Dear Right Away

This is someone who is easily able to be insincere. If you’ve just met and you’re already his “babe” then this one’s a charmer - player. He knows how to manipulate a woman via her emotions and he will generally do so across the board (i.e. with waitresses, with you, with female friends, with your friends – any woman standing within 5 feet of him.) Some men don’t mean to use this as a tactic of sorts as they generally just refer to women in this manner all the time. The thing you need to focus on here is that these terms of endearment are only really genuinely felt by him when the relationship itself becomes genuine. So if you’ve been dating a week or two and you’re already his babe – you should take that with a grain of salt. Don’t believe you’re actually his babe because if you notice, so are all of the other women he’s in contact with. He’s a schmoozer and seven out of ten times, he’s a loser as well. Don’t read anything more into it.

Ignores My Calls and Texts For Hours or Days

This one is a bit trickier but there are ways to break this behavior down into its true meaning. If he does this on rare occasions and then apologizes or acknowledges his lapse upon his return, he’s probably a good guy who was just busy, cut him a break. If he does this repeatedly and is unapologetic about it upon his return, chances are he’s hiding something. It doesn’t have to be another woman, it can be drug use, alcoholism, a boys nights out and the like. The difference here is the apology. Men know when they are behaving ignorantly and a man that really likes you will feel bad about it and apologize. A man who doesn’t have genuine feelings for you will feel he doesn’t have to answer to you. If a guy does this repeatedly and also apologizes for it repeatedly, yet does it again and again, chances are he’s a flake who will drive you mad. The only time you should be tolerating a man ignoring calls and texts is in the first example listed here. If the other two seem more akin to your situation, you’re better off disappearing off his radar for good. And if you do that, do it without an explanation or a quarrel – just disappear. Never treat someone like you’re priority while they’re treating you like their option.

Doesn’t Explain Why He’s Ignored Me

This guys is a shady individual at best and when someone acts shady, there’s one of two things generally happening. 1.) He’s hiding something 2.) He doesn’t feel he has to answer to you. Neither of which are signs of a genuine budding relationship. A true gentleman has nothing to hide and should have no problem communicating or openly sharing what he’s been doing the last week or so with you. Now if you’re tearing into him about where he’s been, you could be the reason he’s shutting down on you so don’t do that. But if you mention casually, just as you would with friends, “Hey, whatcha’ been up to?” and he bulks, gets fidgety, begins to look away, acts nervous or stammers with “Um, oh I. . . ahh. . .” – you have your answer. And don’t press for more here because you really don’t want to know the truth, trust me.

Says He Needs Space and/or Isn’t Looking For a Commitment

He’s not into this. It doesn’t mean all hope is lost, it simply means he’s not there yet. When a man pulls this once, you can overlook it and deal with it by – disappearing. This is where you employ the “no contact rule" of dating and you become scarce to him. If you push by texting, calling, etc. you’ll make his decision for him. If you exercise restraint and give him space and fall off the face of the earth, he’ll begin to question his decision and you’ll actually be prompting him to make a healthy one by providing plenty of space and room for him to breath. You’ll also be much more desirable in his eyes by appearing to be an independent, not co-dependent, woman.

Says He Wants to be With Me But Doesn’t Make Time For Me

He’s stringing you along. A man who genuinely likes you will not behave like this because he doesn’t want to lose you and because he actually WANTS to spend time with you. When a guy’s words do not align with his actions, it’s a big red flag that he’s bullshitting you. The best way to deal with this chap is to again, fall off the face of the earth. The next time he calls, he’ll go to voicemail and the next time he texts, he gets no response. Period.

Doesn’t Want To Spend His Weekends With Me

If this happens in the early stages, then that’s a bit normal. People like to move into committed situations slowly while maintaining some healthy independence. However, if it’s the third or fourth month you’ve been dating and this is still happening, then this is the guy who wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. This one always reeks of control issues to me. He wants you – but only when HE wants you. He’s going to control this thing from beginning to end and it’s his way or the highway. You don’t have time to sit around waiting for this fool to see the light. If he wants to hang out with his boys at a “sausage” party (a room full of men) rather than spend time with a hot girl he’s dating, then ladies, shove him off to the ole sausage party with a bag of buns instead. He’ll never be the man you want him to be and you’ll always be playing second fiddle to his selfishness, control and ego.

Was Dumped By Me and Wants Me Back

Many times, I’ve found that this one means he’s had time to think and he came to the conclusion that he may have been a real jerk. That’s not always the case, many circle round simply for sex and you’ll need to ferret that out by making him wait for that upon his return until he’s proved he’s genuinely sorry and has seen the error of his ways.

See, when you back off and give men time to think and you initiate “no contact” as a result of their bad behavior or ignorant treatment of you a funny thing happens – they come to the same conclusion that you did – that they were a real jackass.

Men are human and they have emotions and they know when they’re behaving badly. You can let this one back into your life, but you DO NOT pick up right where you left off with this guy.

With this one – you make him START ALL OVER from square one. A man that genuinely likes you will be grateful for your compassion of him and he will know that he has to start over and that’s exactly what he’ll do. You treat this one as if you’ve just met all over again. He takes you to dinners, he waits for a one to two month minimum for sex , he makes phone calls and sends texts all in a timely manner to communicate with you – anything short of that and you throw this one right back into the pond.

Dumped Me and Wants Me to Take Him Back

This one is the one you really need to watch out for. Unlike the situation above, he did the dumping. If he’s already had sex with you prior to the dump, then nine times out of ten, he’s suffering a dry spell and it’s your turn in the rotation of women he has. You do the same with this one as I suggested above in the scenario where you dumped him. You make him start from scratch. No exceptions with this one – from scratch, gals. If he bails on you a week or two into it, he was back for sex and you dodged a bullet here. If you take him back with open arms and shower him with attention, you will be initiating the disappearing, reappearing man syndrome.

Doesn’t Talk About What He’s Been Doing When We’re Not Together

If you’re not tearing into him about what he’s been doing and he’s acting distant none-the-less, then that’s a red flag. He doesn’t want to talk about what he’s been doing because he feels it’s none of your business and he knows you wouldn’t approve. A true gentleman wants to share his life with you. A shady player does not. Even if the shady player has simply been hanging out with his boys, he feels it’s none of your business. This is a sign to you that he’s emotionally unavailable – run.

Doesn’t Apologize For Being Rude or Ignorant

He doesn’t feel he has to answer to you and he’s not sorry because he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong because he feels it’s none of your business anyway. Not a good sign, gals. He’s not worried about losing you – and you shouldn’t be worried about losing him either. It’s time to leave this one high and dry. He’s disrespecting you.

Acts Distant and Starts To Pull Back

This one may have something to do with you. Have you been pressuring him? Poking around about how he feels about you? Poking around about where you stand with him? When a guy pulls back and becomes distant sometimes it’s not because he’s cheating. Sometimes, it’s because he feels smothered. However, there are times when a relationship is just over. Either way, the best thing to do when encountered with this situation is to follow the advice listed here.

Speaks to His Ex Girlfriend(s)

This is a hard one that requires a bit of observation over time. Many times, when people have been involved with one another for a long period of time, it’s hard to just simply cut them out of your life. But then again, I believe that in these situations, one of them wants to be more than just friends. Here’s how I look at this, if they broke up years ago and they only touch base every so often to catch up, then it’s probably over and they’re simply remaining civil with one another. However, if the breakup was fresh (a year or less) and they’re confiding in one another, sharing problems with one another and in constant contact with one another, then they’re still in a relationship of sorts in my opinion. It’s one thing to remain civil and friendly towards and ex, it’s a whole other issue when they’re still connected in intimate ways and sharing intimate portions of their life with one another and leaning on each other still. And if that’s the case, you remove yourself from the equation. No one wants to be caught up in a painful love triangle and it’s hard to compete with an ex that there are still deep feelings for – so don’t bother doing it.

Only Call or Texts After 10 PM At Night

This is getting into booty call territory (especially after 11PM and onward) and chances are, you’re a woman in his rotation of several. There are times when a man’s work or job occupation may come into play here, in which case, that’s acceptable. But if he’s not giving you quality time and he could be, that should read to you that you aren’t a quality woman to him, you’re just another fish in the barrel. Don’t take those calls and don’t answer those texts. You get back to him the next day or a day or two later and you don’t offer an explanation as to why you weren’t available at that hour. You let him think about that one. And if you do this and he responds after 10PM again and doesn’t give you quality time during the peak hours of his day – then be gone booty master. You’ll never be important to him and he’s showing you that.

He Doesn’t Ask Questions: Where You’ve Been, What You’ve Been Doing and About You

This is somewhat obvious but one of the best ways to spot an insincere player. He doesn’t ask because, frankly, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care what you’ve been up to, who you’ve been with or to know anything about you. A man who genuinely cares will show you. He WANTS to know what you’ve been up to, who you’ve been spending time with and he wants to know about where you grew up, how many brothers and sisters you have, etc. If he’s not asking, he simply doesn’t care – and neither should YOU.

A Little Inspiration

Ladies, dating is tough and it takes it's toll. I think this lil diddy is appropriate. Keep your chin up and don't worry about the fools in life:

"When you gonna realize, that you don't even have to try any longer. Do what you want to. . ."

And for any men reading this, guys, it works both ways. If you’re experiencing any of the above from the women in your life or the girl of your dreams, then you want to follow the same advice listed here for women. Tolerating disrespectful, ignorant abuse and treatment from someone is nothing anyone should be doing – man or woman.