Misal Pav

Spain is Euro 2008 Football Champion

2008-06-30T15:13:00.005+05:30

Spain won Euro 2008!

Spain should have won 3-0 against Germany. Their domination was complete from one goalpost to the other. Mertesacker and Metzelder played Dumb and Dumber in the German defence. Lahm and Lehmann competed for the title of the Dumbest German footballer. Lehmann's save off one of his own morons and a few more other saves, takes nothing away from the fact that he gave, the single goal, that was the difference between two sides.

I did not want to see Spain in the finals for apparently no reasons at all. All the same, while I was away from this blog, I was tempted after the QFs to post just one line - Spain will win Euro2008! I did mention this much to my friends.In spite of the fact that more informed experts (e.g. Maradona) of the game predicted a Spanish victory, not many were looking forward to Spain winning glory after a gap of 44 years. I welcome their win though. Almost as much as I welcomed the exit of the Greeks from the competetion.

Spain played a brilliant final. Speed, skill and strategy were as good as it has been for the 21 something consecutive matches they have played without defeat. Special thanks to Turkey and Russia to give football lovers some great memories. Fatih Terim was in my view the coach of the tournament. Thanks to Terim's Tireless Terriers, Germany almost lost the plot in the SF against Turkey. The best players of Euro 2008 .....I dunno..... but here is an expert view on the subject. I would have found room for Pirlo but everyone has his/her favorites. The thing about opinion is that it is like an ass...everyone has got one.

It is easy to name the flops though - Portugal, France and Italy were the biggest flops of Euro 2008...in descending order. Inevitably Ronaldo, Henry and Toni the biggest flops as strikers. Nobody will remember Austria, Switzerland and Poland. Greece played to potential and therefore don't count as flops. They were lucky to be there in the first place. Holland had a great qualifying round until Hiddink's Russia played the party poopers. But again ....the 'experts' opinion was that Holland were overrated. I disagree. They had a bad match against Russia and this kind of reverse could happen to any team. I still believe that Spain were lucky to face Russia in the SF instead of Holland. Dumb and Dumber pair of Germany, were the worst defenders in history to have played in a Euro championship final. Germany has no chance in 2010 with these two jokers. It is curtains for Klose and Lehmann too.

To close this piece - I had this feeling after the QF that this was Spain's year. I somehow felt this so strongly that I thought, maybe, even the referee and the linesmen will ensure that the Armada sails through this time without a hitch. Although Spain dominated the match and were deservingly crowned the champions of Europe, I will never understand why, the Itallian referee Rosetti, awarded a foul to Spain, when the Germans were in a position to draw level from within the Spanish box. I don't need a Havelange to tell me that there is more to it than meets the eye. Guess some things will never be explained.... how South Koreans made it to the WC semi finals or...how Greeks won Euro 2004 !

Germany push Portugal out of Euro 2008

2008-06-20T15:15:00.008+05:30

After DD's (DD -Domenech the Demented) Comedy show it was Big Phil's turn with Portugal going down to Germany 3-2. It is said that Big Phil pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket which showed he had done the homework about his opponents strengths and his own teams weaknesses. In terms of size Portugals Davids were up againsts the Goalliaths of Germany and Big Phil had a solution to this problem.
What Scolari did not say was that his other pocket held his contract with Chelsea. Likewise Ronaldo too appeared to be keen to get it over with and move on to next match in Real Madrid colours. Schweinsteiger scored one and set up two for Klose and Ballack and all Portugals defenders could do was watch the ball. The Portuguese GK Ricardo was not first choice at his club but was Big Phil's first choice for the national side! Deco, Nani, Pepe and Simao tried but lacked conviction in face of a two goal deficit.
Set piece goals by Germany suggest that this match was probably not the best advertisement for European football. Germany reverted to their time tested style of play. They pulled out Mario Gomez and put five men in the midfield. Klose was the lone striker fed by Schweinsteiger and Podolski in the wings. Finally Klose shed his invisibility cloak and tucked one in. If that was easy then what can one say of the Ballack goal? He pushed the defender almost as irreverently as commuters on the Churchgate bound Mumbai locals help people board the train during peak hours. Blink of an eye and people waiting for the train on the platform find themselves inside the train! No wonder the ref could not see the foul and the ball was at the back of the net.
Ronaldo in this match was not worth Schweinsteiger's 'chaddi' in this match...what to say of the 98 million dollar (?) transfer fee that Real wants to pay? Fergie should be doubly delighted. Big Phil to coach his arch rivals Chelsea and Donaldo...err Ronaldo sold for Kings Ransom!
Anyways ... I am okay with the fact that Chelsea United (Portugal) lost and there is a distinct possibility that we may see Cheeseheads v Krauts final. That will be as bitterly faught a contest as the recent India and Pakistan in a WC T20 Final.
But wishing for these two to play the finals is being hard on Italy and Croatia who have played very good football and incidently the other two teams I expect to see in the SF.

QF: Deutschland v Portugal

2008-06-19T12:43:00.003+05:30

After Italy sent uncle Henry's France packing, yesterday a young Russian team did the same to uncle Henrik's aging Sweden. Henrik Larsson has been a much better footballer for Sweden, than his 'dark' look alike Henry has been, for France. But amazingly, he having retired once, after Sweden's 2006 WC defeat, wants to continue at the age of 36! I guess old footballers don't die. They just loose their balls.
Talking of people who have lost it (apart from crucial matches) Domenech the Demented takes the cake. He reportedly proposed marraige to his long time partner immediately after loosing the match to Italy. Estelle Denis is the 'lucky' lady - young enough to be his daughter but old enough to be the mother of his two kids. I suppose that the effect that President Sarkozy has on his likeminded subjects. It is Domenech's personal matter but the timing of his announcement, taken together with his other comments (Holland-Romania match will be fixed in favor of Romania, France was done in by the referee against Italy), makes one wonder, whether at all he focussed on job at hand at any point in time. Raymond Domenech has to be, easily the worst coach of Euro 2008, in every respect.

Talk of coaches and the Bundestrainer will be barred from the team dugout for the QF and will have to witness the match as a spectator in the stands - win or loose. Low has other more important problems though. Podolski and Frings are nursing injuries. Thats two lame ducks for Germany if they play. Sweinsteiger, Ballack and Lehmann will worry about another yellow card because if they get one they could miss the SF. Thats four lame ducks and dodo (Lehmann) even before the start of the QF. Add to this the 'invisible man' of Euro 2008 - Miroslav Klose. Throw in Mario Gomez who is just behind Luca Toni in missed opportunities. Interestingly Mario Gomez was scored 19 goals to Luca Toni's 25 in the Bundesliga. Apart from the weaknesses Germany has (as mentioned in earlier post) the one thing that strikes me about this German side is that they seem to have too many of 'exports' these days...a la the French!
All in all, it appears that Die deutsche Fußballnationalmannschaft has Druid Getafix's recipe for total disaster. But as Big Phil admits, count them out at your own peril. Not for nothing, are the German's three times champions of the World and Europe.

And about Portugal - Domenech the Demented was thinking Estelle even as France played Italy for a QF spot. Big Phil and Ronaldo are thinking dollars coming from Chelsea and Real Madrid respectively. A loss in the dead rubber of a last match of the group stage is in no way a morale booster or ideal preparation for the QFs. Also Portugal has no less than five players who will worry about missing the semi-final if they get another yellow card.

It is difficult to tell which of the two sides will be stonger in the mind. Germany for the first time since I started watching football appears to be a shade weaker. They have a 9-2 win-loss record in the knockout stages of the tournament but there is danger it will be dented further tonite.

QF stage

2008-06-18T14:16:00.003+05:30

Portugal, Germany, Italy, Spain, Turkey, Holland, Croatia and one of either Russia or Sweden will fight it out for the semi-final places. I wrote earlier that the best football may already be over and then maybe not. Certainly above named are indeed the best in Europe so there is enough reason to be optimistic. Marco Van Basten's flying Dutch promise the most and seem to be headed for glory this time. The unity in this team is spoken of and written about which is a welcome change for the talented Dutch. They have scored 9 goals in three matchs and outclassed opponents by such huge margins that nothing less than winning the cup is expected of them. Skill, strength, speed, strategy and stars....you name it and they have it. Lady Luck is a different proposition altogether...and the other pretenders to the throne can never be discounted once you go beyond the group stage.
A determined Italy deserved to join the last eight. De Rossi lived up to my expectations and how?! He was the man of the match, more for his box to box play and brilliant passing than because of the goal off old man Henry. How can Domenech the Demented get it so wrong? His team selection, tactics, substitutions confounded both critics and football fans. Once Rebery was injured the French challenge was as good as over. Luca Toni did everything he could to miss all opportunities created by Pirlo, De Rossi, Grosso and others...that was until Abidal choked and saw red. Pirlo prevented any further nonsense from Toni and established Italy on the path to the QF. With no Pirlo and Gatusso in the QF it will be tough for the Azzuri against Spain.
Best part of the match was to watch Donadoni go through a range of emotions. Be it tactics or drama, it was humanely endearing stuff from the Itallian coach. In comparision Domenech the Demented cut a forlorn figure.
Can Russia beat the Swedes? I hope they can. They are the youngest team in the competetion and Sweden are the oldest! Also Russian's, I understand, are the only team of this tournament who do not have their own cook or dietician. What they do have is a Dutch coach with an incredible record at major touranaments with many different sides.
I am supporting the Russians. If they progress they will be everyones favorite underdogs.

Best of Euro 2008

2008-06-16T12:49:00.004+05:30

Yes. Perhaps the best matches of Euro 2008 have already been played. The best football of European brand was on display in France v Holland and Turkey v Czech Republic games.
Holland on the face of it thrashed France 4-1 but anyone who saw the game live will tell you that it was a close contest. France was lacking the finish and Henry showed why he never managed to take Arsenal higher in the Champions league. Henry is half a player a Zizou was and that is the best that can be said of him or France without Zizou all things remaining equal - which clearly is not the case any more in the French defence as well. Well, supporters of any team with Henry or Jens Lehmann, must pray more if their team is to win. Having followed the fortunes of Arsenal during the heydey of both Henry and Lehmann,I have seen many a crucial mishaps by both of them. I dare say that German supporters have reason to be afraid....very afraid. All said and done France was at its fluid best for a long time and the match against Holland will surely go down as one of the best matches in Euro 2008. Djibril Cisse must have watched Henry miss those sitters with disgust. If France fail to go through Domenech will be known as Domenech the Demented. But nothing can be taken away from the clinical efficiency or the surgical precision of the Dutch. Arjen Robben has finally arrived if he can guide Holland beyond the quarter finals. They will do well to not allow a rematch with either France or Italy in the SF. Romania deserves to go through for the way the played against Italy. Brilliant football again by the Itallians but clearly Toni and Del Piero have limitations. Toni cannot dribble and use his feet. Either that or he has been told not to. His headers lack the power and precision of the past. Del Piero lacks pace. De Rossi has to come to the fore if Italy has to make it to the next round......also Romania has to loose. Romania's 'Don' Mutu(swami) will forever curse himself for missing the penalty against Italy if they loose the last match against Holland.
Italy's Buffon was exceptional but the best goalkeeper of the tournament has to be Russia's Igor Akinfeev. Spain's David Villa is the find of the tournament so far and only the indomitable Turks - Arda Turan and Nihat Kahveci - together with Holland's Wesley Sneijder compete with him. Turkey v Czech Republic match lived up to expectations. In arguably the match of the tournament so far Nihat led with a lion's heart in Emre's absence, scored two goals in four minutes, as Turkey snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. What a sad end to striker Jan Koller's and coach Karel Bruckner's illustrious careers! Both these teams promised a lot in the last few years and achieved little. Turkey may yet not go the whole distance but with a win like this who knows? They will be all fired up to do the impossible now. Fatih Terim of Turkey and Slaven Bilic of Crotia will now have a face off in the quarter finals for the title of the Best Coach of Euro 2008.
Germany faces death at the hands of Austria....Italy and France pray the Dutch for mercy...Sweden may come to grief against the Russians...perhaps the best of Euro 2008 is yet to come!

Watch out for Italy v France, Sweden v Russia and Crotia v Turkey (QF).

P.S: Greece is out....how wonderful!? The worst team to have won the European Champions tag has a first round exit!!!

Euro 2008

2008-06-13T11:17:00.003+05:30

I don't know why Italy and Germany's losses have to be regarded as upsets. In the last decade or so Holland and Croatia have put up some very strong squads that achieved less than what they could have with a little bit of luck. These matches were always going to be close and it shows in the amount interest they generate around the world.
What I cannot fathom is the ease with which Italy and Germany lost.
I started following football since 1982 when Paulo Rossi won the world cup for Italy. Subsequently Maradona and Mathaus ensured that the interest never died and love for game grew stronger. Never mind the fact that Bhutia's India IX rank on the wrong side of hundred in FIFA world rankings.
Talking of rankings here is an interesting statistic on football coaches. That is perhaps one reason why Croats should not have been taken lightly. Of course the team does the job but then they have produced some excellent footballers time after time. Davor Suker from the class of WC 1998 has retired, but this team is equally talented. Luka Modric is, according to the Croatian coach, 2nd best only to Kaka of Brazil. Germany had serious opponent to conquer and they failed.
The Germans and the Italians can still bounce back...Germany though has shown some problem areas. The difference between this side and that of the past is that it no longer reigns supreme in the air (headers). The ability to score from long range is missing and also their strong physical presence on the field has been tempered by the changes to the game that FIFA has implemented over the years.
Bastian Shweinsteiger's red card could come back to haunt Germany even if they qualify for the next round.
Holland v France , France v Italy , Turkey v Czech Republic are all going to be pretty close contests.

IPL

2008-06-11T12:04:00.003+05:30

Work, health and other commitments took turns to ensure I stayed away from my blog. But I am back now.

IPL - Was a grand success and I have to admit that it defied my prediction. What I made of the various outfits that competed and also their constituent members including the so called icon players however remains unchanged. A few words on IPL -
Pawar exacted his revenge on Punter as only the wily Maratha strongman could. He also managed to clip the high flying Turbanators wings. Lalit Modi ensured the tournament was a grand success. Shahrukh Khan sold KKR so wonderfully that it has more suppporters that any other team and money as well. Sean Marsh with the maximum number of runs in the IPL hinted that perhaps T20 is not vastly different from normal cricket (Test and ODI). IPL also proved that Australlians still rule the world of cricket - Shane Warne doing a Lagaan with Rajasthan Royals and Shane Watson winning the top cricketers tag at IPL. For Indian cricketers - including those who did not get selected in the national side - the IPL seems to have been a big boost of confidence and bank balance as well. Indeed this confidence reflects in the win over Pakistan in Mirpur by our first eleven yesterday. A record margin at that. Some new names have come to the fore for India because of IPL - Asnodkar, Yusuf Pathan, Manpreet Gony.
On the flip side -
The 'cheer leader' concept is ghastly. I will say no more about it. The fact that two highly successful teams (Mohali and Jaipur) are owned in part by Lalit Modi's relatives needs to be investigated. There were more than a few administrative glitches that need to be fixed before the next IPL event. Gaps between Indian talent and the overseas talent is immense. Asnodkars, Pathans, Jadejas, Gonys are nowhere near the class of Shane Watson or Sean Marsh. Balaji, Nehra, Zaheer, Agarkar are spent forces. Same applies to Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman. Owners of certain teams need to be sober in their actions and words. Case in point is the King of Booze. It was sad to see a few cricketers like Ranadeb Bose get completly shunted out. Some cricketers need to demonstrate some humility - India U19 captain (whatsisname?), Dhoni and Yuvraj Singh amongst many other over rated individuals. Others need to prove that they were born with a brain and still have it - Bhajji, Sreesanth, Nehra. Then those like Jadeja, Asnodkar, Ojha, Saha, Laxmi Ratan Shukla will need a reality check. They may never get beyond IPL unless they improve drastically. I am tempted to add to the last list the names of Tendulkar, Dravid, Ganguly and Laxman.....in that order.
Dravid perhaps already has done the check himself given his teams performance and his recent comments about T20. Tendulkar continues to play a few matches, despite his injuries and duly gets his stumps cleaned up by ordinary bowlers. His range of shots has gone down dramatically. If Sachin is a lame cow then what can one make of Dada? His repeated assertions about his batting form can fool only himself. He may have chosen to go out screaming, feet first and all that but will need to ensure that his pants dont get pulled off in the process. Laxaman is Laxativeman. Our selectors really need to find a replacement for him in tests as wells. This despite his performance down under.
Well to sum up, nothing succeeds like success and IPL has been a success. Not all owners may have made money ....certainly not the owners of Deccan Chargers who were left holding the wooden spoon despite individual heroics from Rohit Sharma, Gilchrist, R P Singh. It remains to be seen as to what impact this will have on first class tourneys like Ranji Trophy, other competitions like zonal cricket and even local tournaments like Kanga League in Mumbai. History has been made and perhaps the game itself is at crossroads. Where IPL will lead it to only time can tell.

Obnoxious Little Weed V GM Yam

2008-03-03T18:50:00.006+05:30

Between my last post and this one a lot has happened in cricket....IPL etc. Most importantly though - The vilest bunch of cricketers the world has ever seen have had their Pinocchio noses rubbed into the Perth pitch. The icing on the cake is that they have been beaten at the very ground they equaled there own world record aided by the most blatantly biased officials any international sport has ever witnessed.
The not-so-great-after-all Australian Cricket team, the reigning ICC Champions, shorn of all official support, with a dose of their own bitter medicine, have now lost a test match and an ODI in their own backyard....and how!!!

The rabid posturing by the Aussie bastards (this isn’t a derogatory term down under) seems to go on from strength to strength. These bastards include everyone from the creeps that insult the baggy green by wearing it, the ACB, their demented supporters and the Aussie media. What the Genetically Modified Supersized Yam, the Hollow Halloween Pumpkin and the Pesky Leaf Cactus started, the stinkers in Aussie media are content to carry forward. The moment it seemed that GM Yam had knocked himself out (and in the process thumbed his nose to his own religious beliefs) the stinkers have entered the ring and tried to put Bhajji out of the game for good.
What these bastards failed to realize because of their collective single digit IQ is that Bhajji would have been dropped by now had purely cricketing merits been a criterion for selection. Be that as it is, it seems that Devine forces were jolted into action by the Sydney events and ever since it has gone all pear shaped for the Pesky Punter. In what is a battle between David and Goliath, David has won yet again. Obnoxious Little Weed was the cause for the downfall of the GM Supersized Yam. God is in heaven. He writes such wonderful scripts. Even if India fails to win the tri-series, from here onwards, the Aussie cricket team will have lost all respect from the rest of the world. Their constituents may love each other to Hell and beyond.

It is now just a matter of time before the Pesky Punter himself will throw in the towel or risk getting booted out by his own board.

6Jan2007: India defeats Australia

2008-01-06T22:56:00.000+05:30

Kumble summed it up - "Only one team played the game in the right spirit". Kumble is only 5 tests old and he has with his performance with the bat, ball and as leader of men, established himself as a truly great captain, ambassador of India and also for the game of cricket.
While Australia and Ponting won the Sydney test match, India and Kumble took the game away from team that has been crowned as champions of Test Cricket by none other that that sleeper cell of Al Qaeda ...also know as the ICC.

With only five days of competetive cricket and just one sentence reminiscent of the Bodyline series...India and Kumble relegated the claimants to the 'Invincibles' tag to a position next to Douglas Jardine's Englishmen. Well at the time of writing this Bhajji is banned and Bucknor is damned but we haven't heard the last of this sordid drama, that the cheats down under call aggressive cricket played by the rules. The Taliban commander Rocky Ponting unhappy with his arrangement in hell, might yet order old Mr.Jardine to vacate his seat. Move over Mr.Jardine before you too get banned ....here comes Mr.Ponting.

While Punter is lording over the nether world (as henceforth I shall refer the place they call Down Under), I wonder who is best placed to fan the fire under his constipated ...well...that place down and under? Competetion is hot for the job - Bucknor, Benson, the Monkey, or that young Dog they call Pup?? While all of these creeps have booked their one way ticket to hell to join Punter, I think the one that will not only roast there in peace, but also will be made to work as a slave to fan the fires under Punter's butt has to be the Devil himself.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was that he didn't exist.

The Devil convinced everyone that he is a champion of fair play. He even created a smokescreen of so called opposition to his propositions by own teammates. Unlike Punter he supposedly believes in 'walking' when there is a nick....and so on and so forth... and then when his side seems to be not getting what it wants most at all cost ...at the cost of the game itself... he sheds his garb and rears his ugly head...comes out to show his truly colours. My lasting memory of the SCG test ending on 6Jan'07 will be that of the Devil watching the Monkey's delivery...just kiss the Wall's front pad, with his bat safely away from the kiss of death and so too the gloves. My lasting memory will again be that of the glint in the Devil's eyes..fixed on the ball as it missed Dravid's bat and gloves and ended up in his own. My lasting memory will be that of the Devil jumping up in joy and claiming a catch where there was none and opening up the door to 'victory' for his side....and Hell too. But these now are the days when the Devil keeps wickets for Australia and is known to us as Adam Gilchrist!

The Class of Australia'07 - The Bowlers

2007-12-24T18:32:00.000+05:30

The batters did no damage to my assessment during the brief outing they had against Victoria. Taklya did nothing to justify his inclusion in the side let alone in the boxing test at the MCG. But who knows...he might still play and then blast Clarkey and Co. First things first, let me complete the batting review with Dhoni of Om Shanti Om fame.

MS 'KS' Dhoni: Err...the KS is for Kitchen Sink that Dhoni throws around every now and then at the ball during each of his outings. KS is also for K.Srikanth, the original slam bang batting hero from down south...well at least in my memory ...CK Nayudu some say... I don’t know...never saw him bat. (Wikipedia suggests he was from Andhra). KSv2 is bigger brute with the bat than KSv1 and the other welcome difference is that he seems to be less likely to throw his wicket away just as he throws the ...well...Kitchen Sink at the ball. This will however be the acid test for his batting ....ahem....skills. It is quite likely that he might prove to be an acid test for the metronomic Stuart Clarke as well! In any case KS is a welcome no 7 in our batting line up and can teach the opposition ...especially Stuart Clarke a thing or two about aggression. Go on KS do a quick gun Murugun act for....well...Deepika.

Bowlers now. Not much to write about. Gangools thinks we have a better preposition this time around. Beats me why.

Zaheer 'Zaki' Khan: Better than ever before but still not the best of the breed. Ponting and Gilchrist love to rip him apart. So does Hayden. I sure so will the rest of the Aussies. Zaki is very temperamental. He can bowl very good bouncers and would love to see him bowl a few to the Aussies...i.e. if our batters permit. When challenged he can loose not just his head but also his line and length. I.e. provided he got it right to begin with. He can take a few crucial wickets but nobody in India will bet on him to run through the Aussies and win a match for us. I will take those few wickets and hope he values his own wicket more than he usually does. I sincerely believe that as much as the wickets he takes, we will also need him to score a few runs and delay the proceedings with the bat.

RP 'Rip' Singh: He can be genuinely quick at times. But he is a relative unknown to the Aussies (as much as he is to me). He too can take a few big wickets but wayward too. I can only hope and pray that he gets everything right this time and takes a couple of 'fifers'. He has to ...if we are to win anything like a session if not a test against the Aussies. What little I saw of him indicates that he can rip any side when fully fit. Let it Rip RP or we can let our chances of taking the battle to the Kangaroos RIP.

Irfan 'Chakram' Pathan: He was supposed to be India's Wasim Akram with his pace, yorkers, swing and where are we today? Well our Akram has lost a few yards, the accuracy as well as the Beckhamesque in-swinger ....in fact he has lost his way and is now perilously close to go the Agarkar way. He has shown that when pushed he too can loose his head and bowl like a Chakram. Should Gangools get injured we should play Chakram...I will bet on him to average about 25-30 with the bat and give us a better bowler in bargain

Ishant 'Crouch' Sharma: This grossly underfed lad reminds me of Peter Crouch of Leverpool and England. This chap cannot last the rigors of a test match. Can he? He not really fast or is he?? He cannot be trusted to bowl accurately against the marauding Aussies...they look to dominate from the word go so will he be up to the task??? The selection committee on tour must answer these questions before they choose to play the only right arm trundler (just for the sake of offering some variety to the opposition) in the team. For all other purposes we have Gangools to do the honors.

Harbhajan 'Bhajji' Singh: Our chucker was the highest wicket taker on the last tour if memory serves me right. When on song he is only half a Saqlain Mushtaq who to my mind is the best off-spinner in the world (the great Murali is made of different things and cannot be compared). The current lot of Australians is stronger in the mind as compared those we last toured. Still it will be interesting battle between Bhajji and the Aussie southpaws....I hope.

Anil 'Jumbo' Kumble: Jumbo is our best bet on any wicket. He is no Warney in that he does not spin the ball too much and instead relies on a unique concoction of accuracy, top spin, wronguns, bounce off the wicket and well...plain simple medium pace. On a helpful track he takes no prisoners as the Pakistanis discovered at the Kotla. He is a gritty fighter and a bowler with an indomitable spirit. The Aussies have been known to master the art of mental disintegration. Often they employ the strategy to demoralize their rivals by meticulously targeting their captain. They may not give Jumbo any or many wickets but here is one bowler that will never bow down before the collective might of the Australian batting. If anything employing such a strategy against Jumbo on his last tour down under will prove to be counterproductive.

To sum up -

India struggled to find an opener of Gavaskar's caliber during his heyday and the search continues to this day. The middle order that came to the fore in wake of the Sunny days has entered the twilight zone. Still there are others in this batting lineup that is capable of some stirring performances that will set the Border-Gavaskar trophy afire. Gavaskars and Borders of this world are irreplaceable. Comparing the two sides man to man Australia has an edge with better openers as also a younger, fitter and more solid middle order. So 1-0 to Australia

Our bowling while less fearsome than that of the Aussies could spring a surprise if they play to potential but to win we have to play above it. The Aussie attack is very good even without Warney and McGrath but not great. The Aussies have an edge in the pace department. But I am yet to see a batsman who can play quick bowling as well Gavaskar and Steve Waugh did. So Rawalpindi Express is just a fat boy who had his lunch stolen. It is this Australian strategy of playing just four strike bowlers that was one of reasons we almost pulled off the impossible the last time we were in Australia. It is still 1-0 on this count then.

Cricket history will never be able to do justice to the contribution of work in the outfield to Australia's success. Without a Mark Waugh or Mark Taylor in the slips, Warney and Pigeon would not be the same. That Punter's side has been more successful than Mark Taylor's or Steve Waugh's side suggests that the Aussies in the field today are better than ever before. If there is a wide gap between the two sides it is here. A run-out here...a stunning catch there...a few diving stops to save a certain boundary and what is very good bowling attack can suddenly or easily become a great bowling combination....a winning one at that. So 2-0 to Aussies.

If it comes to a point where we are in a position to win a few sessions and get to a situation where the Aussies have to draw or save the match... I will trust the umpires or rains in Australia to stick it in our back. So 2-0 to Aussies on the final count.

The Class of Australia'07 - The Batsmen

2007-12-15T12:01:00.000+05:30

Kumble believes he has the batsmen to take on the Aussies. Aussies will continue with their strategy of using four main bowlers to take out the opposition. Whatever Kumble believes I trust the Aussies to ensure that the main opposition threat (batting and bowling) will be neutered. If required by the high priests of modern cricket, duly certified and appointed by the ICC; otherwise known as Umpires and Match Referees. I am not proposing a conspiracy theory here for this now is an established fact. No host nation is above such tactics but only some claim to have the moral high ground on this issue. No umpires are above such mistakes but only the few anointed ones. The supporters of technology, where it is available, find voice only when the foot is on the other boot. Also such 'human errors' against touring batsmen are somehow more discussed and debated as compared to those against touring bowlers.

Be that as it is. Let me log my views about our Class of Aus'07. Will this class be able to shrug off the obvious disadvantages of a touring side and compete? Will they be able to defy the pundits, ICC rankings, form book, recent history and even common sense to complete the Mission Impossible??

Dinesh ‘ Dick’ Karthick : We need that extra pair of gloves while on tour. As an opening batsman he seems to be as adept as Sonia Gandhi is with our national language. He had to be dropped down the order and allowed to complete his fifty so that his selection for this tour could be facilitated. Poor Parthiv ‘PeePee’ Patel had it all including buttered gloves during his short reign. What he lacked now was the selectors confidence.
Weakness: Plays too many shots away from the body. Does not allow the ball to come under his head for drives.

Wasim ‘Jaffa’ Jaffer: Jaffa is doing well but not well enough. I believe that ‘lazy elegance’ will be replaced by plain and simple ‘lazy’ given the wickets in Australia and the quality of opposition. Weakness: Trifle slow and candidate for LBW. Plays the square shot a little early and stays inside the crease.

Virendra ‘Butcher’ Sehwag: When he first arrived on the cricketing stage his supporters insisted he is a Tendlya clone. After some very successful acts of butchery he was proposed to be better than the real thing. Very quickly though, it all went pear shaped for Tendlya the clone and he became Taklya the Butcher of Najafgarh. Only the Pawarful @ Board of Corrupt Commedians of India can tell us how Gautam ‘GeeGee’ Gambhir got injured and the Butcher was selected. One thing is for sure; on his day, the Butcher of Najafgarh, in spite of his 13 run average in the current domestic season, can make mincemeat of the Australian attack.
Weakness: Bats without any real footwork. Slippers will be in business if he is not LBW

Rahul ‘The Wall” Dravid: He once said that Gangools was God on the off side. This studious fellow has made batting his business and indeed treated it as such. The way he conducts his trade of choice will find parallel in the world of business. Read any of the popular management books and biographies. You will see what I mean. Today, I believe Dravid is God on the offside. Expect the opposition to target him with everything they have got including the high priests.
Weakness: He mutates and morphs into something else the moment you thing you have read his mind. Count on him to try and not repeat a mistake. Recent dominance on off side or preference opens up vulnerabilities on the leg side - tends to fall over while facing the incoming deliveries.

Sachin ‘Tendlya’ Tendulkar: He is not the same lad who impressed the Don many years ago. But he can still instill fear in the hearts of the opposition. As far as the Mumbai school of batting is concerned he seems to be our Last of the Mohicans. I wish he does well for all of us but above all for himself. The Greats need to go out with grace.
Weakness: So many runs and yet no answer to the off spin and/or the fast incutter.

Saurav ‘Gangools’ Ganguly: I was his die-hard fan once. Not anymore. But there is life in the old dog yet as Ian Bishop said and I am happy for him to do as well as he is doing now as an India supporter. I would love to see him score heavily against the Aussies. A ‘payback’ is in order for all the insults Aussies have been heaping upon us over the last decade and more. If I have to bet on any one of our team to deliver on that score and even go beyond mere settling of scores and smack Ponting’s face, it has to be Gangool’s. It cannot be disputed that he together with The Wall, Tendlya and Kumble is one of the four Aces - or the Four Musketeers if you like – of Indian cricket over the last decade. Go for it Gangools.
Weakness: God on offside? Well not really against some genuine fast bowling. Slippers and forward short leg would fancy a catch with him at the crease

VVS Lax(ative)man: Laxativeman is held in high regard by the Aussies. I have been hit by a leather ball exactly where Laxativeman was hit by Shoaib Akhtar in the Bangalore test. from my own painful memory of that day I believe the Aussies will rest easy now. I don’t expect Laxativeman to play in this series given this injury. But who knows, if an injured GeeGee can play in Bangalore test, so can Laxativeman in Australia.
Weakness: His sound technique does not discount a catch to the slips against an angled delivery coming round the wicket. And remember the elbow injury? Aussies will have noted it too and will try to exploit poor control of the bat by the top hand. Expect a few in the rib cage Laxativeman.

Phew... need some rest before I log my first thoughts on the rest of the lot!

India v Pakistan : Big Bang 2 Indian attack blown away

2007-12-11T12:48:00.000+05:30

The final test for India before the acid test with Australia is heading for a draw. Pakistan with three bowlers fared much better than our four. Debutant Yasir Arafat showed more promise than the lanky Ishant Sharma. Arafat is at this moment doing a repeat with the bat. If Kaneria was bad where does one put the bowling performance of Bhajji and Kumble? That Kumble had to resort to sleding to get rid of Mohammed Yousuf said it all. Kumble has hit a century with the ball with only the wicket of Yasir Hameed to show for his efforts. Pakistan's opening woes parallel that of our own and Hameed showed that he like Dick has learnt nothing from his past mistakes.

Good batsmen learn from their mistakes and develop. Some develop into great batsmen over time. Dravid was not the Wall when he first came into the side together with Gangools. Batters like Gangools make up for their weaknesses through sheer grit and perseverance. Dick and Hameed need to look at these giants if they are to succeed.

Back to our bowling - Bhajji was pitiable. His sad face and frustration (pity the chaps who get to hear from the field microphones) made it even more painful for me watch his dismemberment at the hands of Younis, Misbah, Akmal and now Arafat. I had enough. We have also set a world record for extras (perhaps) and the pitch is not entirely to blame for the misdirected bowling or the high number of byes. It lacked both line and length. It was both spinless and spineless. It lacked imagination as well as any purpose.

How on earth are we going to bowl out the Aussies twice if we can't bowl out Pakistan once?

India v Pakistan : Dick is out!

2007-12-09T10:51:00.000+05:30

Caught behind once again!!!! Need I say more?

BTW he was plumb LBW to Sami, while playing on 7!!

India v Pakistan : Big Bang

2007-12-09T10:08:00.000+05:30

As we prepare for the last test against Pakistan and then for the Australian tour, it is clear that India needs the next generation of Tendlyas, Dravids, Gangools and Kumbles. It is hard to spot any in the 24 named in the probables list for Australia. Except one Yuvraj Singh.

Yuvi came in for an injured Tendulkar in the Bangalore test match and exploded just like Tendlya would have at 61 for four. Yuvi gracefully took the fight to the opposition with wonderful strokeplay against a spineless Pakistan attack. He had a positive effect on Gangools as well and it was an amazing rate of scoring by India thanks to Yuvi! The days total was a test match equivalent for any Bollywood film's highest opening day collection at the box office. One hopes and prays that Yuvi's good form continues in Australia as well. It is about time he takes on a leadership role in the next generation batting line-up for India. The Pup is already doing that for Australia. Michael Clarke has been named the captain of the Aussie T20 team.

Gangools clocked 150 while I write this and I must say he gets full marks for sheer determination and thick skin. I want to see the last of him in any form of cricket but I do admit if anyone can stand up to the marauding Aussies it is he. It will be good to see him go travel to Australia, scratch out a few fiftees and then retire for good.

On the first day Jaffa and Laxativeman perished to balls that kept low and Dick would want us to believe that he plonks his foot forward, with his toe pointing to mid-off, because of this reason. The problem is that he does so for every single delivery. For all his spunk and bold mannerisms, on the scoreboard and in terms of technique displayed in this series Dick looks like an ordinary punk. Sehwag will be missed in Australia. Not his lack of solidity and technique though. Scoring any number of runs against Kaneria, Sami and debutant Arafat will not have any impact on my opinion about Dick.

This track looks like there will be a result here. Our score looks like the result will be in our favour.

India v Pakistan : Battle for Eden 3

2007-12-04T23:27:00.000+05:30

Battle for Eden ended as a draw. Only 'draw' is not the right word...'bore' or 'eyesore' will be an apt description. I lost interest after day two when I concluded that if Gangools can do it, anyone can.

Our medium pacers still have no clue as to how to get around Misbah's bat and neither do our spinners (if you consider Tendlya and the chucker Bhajji in this category). My last hope was our speedster in disguise Kumble. But he too fired blanks at Misbah. Lawson claimed moral victory for Pakistan who now must be looking forward positively to the last match of the series.

Misbah reminds me of how Zaheer Abbas batted against India in Pakistan decades ago. If memory serves me right, those were the days when Pakistani umpires Shakoor Rana and Khizhar Hayat were at the peak of their prowess. Nothing seemed to get past his bat either and Amul famously launched a billboard proclaiming - Zaheer Ab Bus! ( Zaheer please stop now).

What augurs ill for India is that we can't seem to get rid off Sami even! Something tells me Brett Lee is going do a Gillespie to us Down Under.

Chatrapati and Risk Management

2007-12-04T22:55:00.000+05:30

Well... this is one is at least as old as a GlenMorangie aged 10+. Those who tasted the malt and read the orginal poem(?) in Marathi language, claim that both taste better with age!
Please appreciate.....the English version....preferably with a Scotch.

Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk
I never take risk while drinking
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile
I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage
Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are lookingout for her
I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in thesink
Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep it in the black cupboard
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you say that again, Iwill cut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile
Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk
Iyer is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take what???

ICL:Much ado about nothing

2007-12-03T21:37:00.000+05:30

ICL flopped on debut. I swear on Muralitharan's world record that I did not witness more than two of Andrew Hall's deliveries to some chap called Maddy. I do not know of anyone in my extended circle who saw any bit of those ICL matches on TV or in person. Nice name Maddy. I suppose one really has to be mad to join the circus.
If you go deep into the statistics of Zee TV subscribers.....up the mini skirt as Mr.Sidhu will want to describe it.....do some further hair splitting to the level of viewers per Cable TV subscribed.......then do some more to find out just how many of those viewers (guys who eat, drink and sleep cricket) actually convinced their fellow viewers (mothers, housewives, sisters, parents, grandparents, children who love all kinds of soap all with all its accompanying froth).......convinced them that ICL was THE EVENT to watch.....I am sure we will end up with only one person who actually suffered the event on any one of Zee's 25 odd channels including Zee Sports, for more than one over. That person has to be Subhash Chandra.

Now I am thinking who, what, how, when and where. The money I mean. How can anyone like SC make any money out of this?

To find the answer perhaps you need to read this article about match-fixing in football's greatest tournaments. Now I know why BCCI is annoyed with ICL and replied in kind by launching the IPL. Now I know why CA was annoyed with BCCI and yet ICC has conferred its blessings on IPL. Now I know why SRK wants to do a Abramovich with a cricket team of his own. Big Moolah is not virtual... I take my words back!

India V Australia : Battle for the Big Moolah

2007-12-02T13:15:00.000+05:30

Even before some established legends and those in the making join the battle for the Border-Gavaskar Trophy, another battle is being forced. The one between the Board of Corrupt Comedians of India and Constipated Ass****s. Down Under the constipation disease spreads like that wild fire around Sydney sometime ago. This fire has already engulfed some commentators Down Under (pun intended) and perhaps the real issue for them is reflected by the headline for this article.

Fact of the matter is that this is not a battle for new world order but that for some virtual money. It is just BCCI's IPL responding to the ICL threat. Without going further into the genesis of these two cricket leagues, I dare say that both ICL and IPL have got their market analysis wrong and are therefore bound to flop miserably. The corrupt comedians and the media baron both saw big moolah to be harvested in a country where cricket is a religion. Likewise for the players, some current and some retired an opportunity was presented to make some easy money doing what they love to do or did. If the administrators think that the average Indian cricket fan is going to fall for this and be taken for a ride with some circus cricket for a carrot, they are hugely mistaken. Why? Just look at the success of the domestic tournaments. How many people follow them? How many actually pay to watch them? Well, if the revenue is coming from ads then the joke is on the sponsors. In any case, if Airtel thought that a bucktoothed and a pompous SRK will make me switch service providers they are the biggest losers. All I do is switch channel every time I see him.

So all you constipated scribes and ass....s Down Under...hold your fire. Some stupid circus will not change cricket. If they have nothing else to do, let your cricketers make some easy money rather than play the proverbial dog in the manger. Relax, wait and watch. As for the real change in 'world order', I leave you with an opening quote from the movie Apocalypto, coincidentally a movie made by an Australian -

'A great civilization is not conquered from without until it is destroyed from within.'

P.S: See the Great Civilization at work. Only monkeys will be offended by that push some say.

India v Pakistan : Battle for Eden 2

2007-12-01T00:07:00.000+05:30

552-5: The creeps Down Under can't wait to have us there. And on days like these Indian supporters could be forgiven for saying: Bring'em on!

An ailing Akhtar's inclusion in the Pak team, Dick's drive, Doctrove's umpiring and Pakistan's fielding, it was all very pedestrian. With due respect to Jaffa's double ton, there was nothing worth watching or writing about. Jaffa had a good night's rest and yet he failed to take a fresh guard in spirit of a great batsman and perished after reaching an enviable landmark. So did Gangools. Gangools scored his first ton at Eden was obviously pleased with himself at having hammered another nail in Yuvi's coffin. Michael Clarke must be having a chuckle at poor Yuvi's fate. While the creeps groom the Pup for the crown we demote our lad and even keep him out of the side.

Dravid must be wondering what he did wrong. After all, he was far more convincing that Gangools. Akhtar bounced a few to Gangools and Laxativeman and the results will have been noted by Ponting and Tim Nielsen. Tendlya's propensity to play strange shots increases by the day and so does his inability to knock up three figure scores. Still the mother of all cricketing battles will become a farce if India does a repeat with the ball.

There is no need to run down our good performance against a depleted Pakistan but neither should we go over the moon. We have to be mindful of the creeps as also the fact that we will have only ten days to switch over to hard bouncy tracks to face a fully fit champion side.

P.S: Laxativeman completes his ton even as I get ready to post this. And yes Gary Kirsten (henceforth referred to as Baldy) is watching too but I don't think the creeps will miss Warney. His first mistake as a coach if he thinks they will, but I will take Baldy's comments a part of mind game that is a prelude for such major contests.

India v Pakistan : Battle for Eden 1

2007-11-30T10:43:00.000+05:30

Morning reports suggested that Pakistan were going to struggle to field a side for round two of the three Test Match series. Indeed as things have turned out Shoaib Mallik is out of this. Omar Gul is on his way back home. Of those who took the field, Rawalpindi Express was seen lying down on the field after two overs.

Kumble won his first toss as captain and saw our batters take lunch at 104 for the loss of Dick. Three times out of three he has perished to same shot. The pitch at Eden Garden seems to afford more bounce than the Kotla wicket and Dick edged one that carried to the slip fielder. Anyone who makes the same mistake thrice should be called Dick. Only that this inevitable nickname also appears to be an appropriate abbreviation for Dinesh Kartik. Rameez spotted Dick and Jaffa's family in the stands and noted that the partnership in the stands seems to go on longer than that at the wicket. I have not followed domestic cricket enough to comment on Dick's record but I witnessed all three of his dismissals on telly. He has not shown any evidence of what I call KASH (pronounced cash) for the opening slot. KASH means many things to me but in cricket it means Know-how, Aptitude, Skill and Hunger. He walks out with his butt threatening to travel in the opposite direction and then ventures to push the ball while it is still not under his head. Test match cricket is not as benign as Dick's butt is and the ball succeeds in traveling in the direction opposite to that of his bat. Truth is that Dick lacks KASH. If he can bat he lacks the know-how to open the innings. If has aptitude, he has to show ability to switch from ODI/T20 quickly to Test cricket. He needs to develop his batting skill and only hunger for runs and more runs can help him.

Jaffa showed lazy elegance to race to fifty against what appears to be the worst bowling side for Pakistan in my living memory. After the initial shock and surprise at his freakish action, Tanvir seems no bigger a threat to any batsman, than the chap who bowled us to victory in T20 final....what his name?? At lunch on day one it looks like Pakistan is looking down the barrel of an Indian Howitzer.

Well Deserved win for Kumble

2007-11-27T11:45:00.000+05:30

India won the first test match against the Old Enemy. Mohammed Sami, Danish Kaneria and debutant Sohail Tanvir failed to support Shoaib Akhtar and overall it was a dull match with only Shoaib Akhtar, Anil Kumble and Misbah ul Haq emerging as star performers.

Misbah has been a revealation. To think that he is 34 years old and has just started! If he is a victim of another set of jokers - this one across the border - then one can only say that it is a terrible loss to Pakistan cricket if Misbah's best years are behind him....I mean where was he all these years? With an average of 50 over 122 first class games, 25 centuries, 43 fifties and 111 catches, surely there was room for him in the Pakistani side much earlier. Indian bowlers have no clue as to how to get him out in any form of the game. Perhaps Kumble has spotted a chink in his armour.

Shoaib Akhtar continues to fling the leather with furious pace and take wickets. The way he has clean bowled the most solid batsman that walked this planet ... The Wall...not once ...but twice now......in India. Those two deliveries will remain etched in the minds of those who follow the game. I reserve my comment on his grade as a fast bowler though.

Anil Kumble took a few crucial wickets. He also scored a few gritty runs. In the end, he declared 'everybody contributed to this victory'.

Kumble deserved to make his debut as the captain of India and in the end he also deserved the MOM award for doing what he has done many times before - Lead India to victory.