Miscellaneous Football

Group D

2012-06-05T10:09:00.002-07:00

Well, we've got our defensive group, attacking group, quite balanced group and now we move onto our most unsettled group. Ukraine, France and England all come into this tournament with underlying problems. Sweden's underlying problem all the time is namely their team so they might actually have an edge in this group for once.

Ukraine

A horrible kit for a horrible team. Ukraine are possibly the weakest squad out in the competition and to top it off, half their team has been struck down with injuries. 2 major losses at the back are defender, Chygrynskiy and goal-keeper, Shorkovsky. It's hard to know what this team can offer really. Shevchenko, their main attacking threat is now 35 and generally to score a goal, you need to do a bit of work first. Tymoschchuk could be a leading player for them, also being a Bayern Munich man. He is tough and could form a bit of order within the team but there are very few beacons of light. Yarmolenko, a Dynamo Kiev player, could be one to watch going forward being a bit crafty in front of goal and thus far proving very versatile. After that...erm... What you can say about Ukraine is that manager Oleh Blockhin has formed a tough, organised squad but it's going to be an uphill struggle.. Best of luck there Ukraine.

France

Was this kit designed by Jean-Paul Gautier? It has a touch of him about it. I'm probably wrong but what I am very correct about is that this is a beautiful kit. To look at France on paper, you would probably stuggle to see why they wouldn't come into this competition and smash it. Nasri, Ribery, Benzema, Malouda, Cabaye, Evra, Menez, Debuchy...some big names and a good manager in Laurent Blanc. I would like to keep an eye on 24 year old Marvin Martin too who has a killer pass. Things still don't seem to be gelling for Les Bleues just yet and rumours of arguements breaking out in training are never too far away. After the mess that was the World Cup 2010, France had a lot of work to do to get harmony back within their ranks. Hated manager gone, things have improved for them but they are not back to their best by any means. Saying all that, I think they will walk this group. Ukraine and England may prove hard defensively but I still think France have more than enough to do it. If they can get their team playing, it could really help build their confidence for later games.

England

It's no secret that things are not right at England right now. Roy Hodgson was given very little time to even get his head around the job before all of a sudden the Euro's were coming and a team needed to be picked. For the first time in a long time, even the media are pessimistic. The usual rallying call are silenced, belief is low and injuries are high. With the likes of Ruddy, Lampard, Wilshire, Walker, Barry, Cleverly, Cahill and Bent out, Carrick and Richards having ruled themselves out and Ferdinand not being an option, England have had slim pickings. To top it all off, the most skillful and consistent player, Rooney, has to miss the first 2 games. It's not looking good. Euro prep matches have shown an England that pile up in defense and have proved hard to get by. Welbeck showed he can be a viable option up front and players like Henderson and Kelly have been written off so quickly that I hope they prove to be real shockers in the competition. Parking the bus may get them through the group stages with Ukraine and Sweden definitely being beatable, but England are not having to have an easy ride. Such have been the negatvity surrounding the team that tickets haven't even sold out (although racism and hooligan fears, as well as huge distances between games have been attributed to low sales).Maybe in a weird turn of events, the lack of pressure, interest and media-jibing may make for a more relaxed team.

Sweden

Quiz question - who can you name from the Swedish team!? If you answered anything other than Zlatan Ibrahimovic then you are either a nerd or Swedish. Possibly even both. Maybe if you said Elmader you may be a Bolton fan? Or the Villa fans may have picked up on Mellberg? Hmm, maybe even Larsson? My point ,really, was who else do you need when you have that man in your team? Such a presence on the field; he has strength, control, pace and precision. Sweden don't have an excellent squad but manager Erik Hamren has mixed it up a bit. They are solid defensively and have more pace about them recently. Ibrahimovic has also been allowed to play a freer role as of late which has allowed for more creativity. They also do well from set pieces do Sweden so they could be tricky and I'd imagine it will be between themselves and England for a top 2 spot. Sweden also benefit from staying near all the stadiums they are playing in, cutting out any flying whatsoever. England on the other hand never bloody stop.

Group C

2012-06-05T09:05:00.002-07:00

Onto my second favourite group. I think this group could prove to be exciting and liven the joint up a bit. It is also the most balanced group between attacking and defending which makes it hard really to guess placings. Obviously, I think Spain will win the group, but after that it is a bit hazy with Italy, Croatia and Ireland all vying for places.

Spain

Euro 2008, World Cup 2012...are Spain on for the treble? I wouldn't bet against it. They have been struck down with a few injury problems with players like Villa and Puyol pulling out of the competition. However, their midfield is enough to make you salivate with Mata, Silva, Hernandez, Iniesta, Fabregas, Busquets, and Alonso all making up the numbers. Even Torres has been on form for Spain recently and could prove a mean threat up front. You should never write that man off. Their tika-taka football is still impressive and difficult to play against, although they will be up against some good defenses in this group. Alonso heads the threat from midfield being such a controlled footballer who can dribble the ball with eprfection. He's always creating, always moving and along with Iniesta they add to the best midfield in the world. Vincente Del Bosque and his crew also are the one other team apart from Sweden who don't have to fly between any of their games which will help from a fatigue point of view.

Italy

The Azzurri boys are a team under a lot of pressure right now. Their game has been racked by claims of match-fixing with both the Prime-Minister and Head Coach, Prandelli, both admitting that the team could be pulled out if necessary. It is certainly not the first time the Italian game has been linked with bribing and match-fixing claims but it is possibly the most serious. Their team also isn't in the best form as it is, with the team being heavily reliant on Pirlo and Buffon from midfield. Pirlo is a seductive player alright but whether he can hold the creaks together remains to be seen. Players left right and center have been pulled out, suspended and investigated and it is a huge thing for the team to come back from. If they are strong enough, it may be the kick they need to come out and show the clean face of football and restore a little bit of faith with Italian football. On the whole, Italy can defend pretty well, often staying quite deep and attacking on the break which could prove problematic.

Croatia

Cool kit, Croats. Slaven Bilic and his men could get definitely get through the group stages, and realistically I would imagine it would be between them and Italy in the fight for second. Croatia always prove difficult opponets and have a pretty good midfield, held up of course by Luka Modric. Modric is such a great player displaying brilliant accuracy and proving to be a real driving force in any team he is part of. Along with Bundesliga players Perasic, Pranjic and Mandzukic they should be able to be a bit of a force in their games. Croatia will need to use all of their expericence to progress in the competition and do have a hard time breaking down defensive teams at times.

Ireland

Already being the second choice team for most people already, there is a lot of support out there for Ireland after being cheated out of a World Cup place by magic hands Henry 2 years ago. They might need to use this support and luck if they have any hope of progressing. They do have talent amoungst them and a good spirit but it's hard to pick and real sensational stars. Robbie Keane always comes good for Ireland and will no doubt be a crucial entity for them as well as being a leader and they also have some hard men in their ranks. I have no doubt they will be a hard team to beat and can defend with the best of them. If they get a chance to launch a counter-attack, or can maximise on their set-pieces, they could knock bigger teams off their stride and find themselves through the group stages. Trappatoni certain has a structured team and they are very set in their ways, you know what to expect with Ireland. Their stubborness to defend can often leave their forward players left in a bit of a limbo but hopefully Keane and possibly Duff and McLean can provide some forward spark.

Group B

2012-06-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

Cue tension music and fog with a faint hoot of an owl in the distance for this...is the Death Group, dun dun dun! More like the best god-damn group in the competition, comprising of Denmark, Germany, Holland and Portugal. It is so exciting that Denmark, ranked as the 10th best team in the world, are massive underdogs. If Group A will consist of defending to the hilt, this group is the pure antithesis of that. Any one of these teams could smash apart most other teams in the competition so these group games ensure to be lively, entertaining and full of goals. If you are playing any drinking games based on goal scoring, these are the ones to get wellied to!

Holland

I very, very, very much like Holland. They are as exciting as their orange strips this year and the Dutch are cracking people. There have been defensive problems with this team but they boast one of the best attacking forces in the entire world. They have so much to offer in terms of attacking players, they can't fit them all in the team. Huntelaar, highest goal-scorer in the Bundesliga last season, was benched and understandably so when your other option is highest scorer of the Premiership, Robin van Persie. Robben, Sneijder, Van der Vaart, van Bommel, Afellay (back from injury) and possibly young lad Strootman are more incredible names to wet your whistle with. Recently, they seem on top of their defense as well, winning 9 out of their 10 qualifying games. Bert van Marwijk has a slick team on his hands here and I reckon they will finish second in the group.

Germany

Another great strip, another great team. Not only is this the best group for skill, they certainly seem to be the most fashion conscious too, which is not an accolade often bestowed upon Germany. These are my favourites, along with many other people. Joachim Lowe's team are one of the most slick, well oiled, all-round teams in the world, whilst also being one of the youngest. They field the youngest team in the Euros which is even more impressive. Germany have always been consistently good at football and have a super team which is not only 'one for the future' but more than ready to go now. Another impressive stat is that 20 of their 23 man-squad play in their domestic league. This brings added benefits of being familiar with each other and each others style of play but has proved to add a real sense of team spirit and the German camp (don't mention the war) is a happy one indeed. One player who deserves a mention is Real Madrid's Mesut Ozil, one of the best midfielders on the planet. He is so graceful and can shred any defense to pieces, which could prove potent in this group. He plays smooth, skillful football and is great to watch, as can be praise echoed of the whole team really. Their defense is maybe a weak spot of the team but they have experience with Lahm and Hummels is also very talented. The, they also have a rock in goal in the form of Neuer. At the other end of the pitch, attacking forces Gomez and Klose would be scary opponents for any defense to manage. With a midfield including Schweinsteiger, Ozil, Podolski, Gundogan, Gotze, Muller, Reus...to name but a few, well this really is the team to beat for me.

Portugal

Another nice kit, I especially like their away shirt. Anyway, Portugal do have a good team, a very good team but it has not all been rosy recently. Their prep games haven't exactly been successful with even the usually reliable Ronaldo messing up at times. At the back there have been problems, notably with man-eater, make you work hard, Pepe and even Alves having a few nightmare games. Luckily really that they have an excellent goal-keeper, Patricio. You would have to think, the majority of games Portugal win are probably down to him and Ronners. Portugal have a good midfield but it seems that with each game, more and more is put on the shoulders of Cristiano. It's a bit of a catch-22 and hard to distinguish between how little the team are adding in terms of attacking power and creativity, and how much Ronaldo is simply taking. He is a fantactic player, very obviously, but he is also selfish. With a man like him in the team, however, he often will be the main focus and is sure to net the goals. In the group they are in, goals should be a possibility but Portugal are going to have to try and outscore Holland and Germany to progress and I can't see that. I think it may be too much to expect of Ronaldo to literally carry them past the group stages and the rest of the team need to step up, which they certainly have the potential to do. Personally, I don't think Paulo Bento will be progressing.

Denmark

I like Denmark and it is such a shame for them to be drawn in such a tough group. Morton Olsen and the team probably can't believe their bad luck. They are a consistent, well-rounded team Denmark and could prove a stumbling block in this group. If there are any upsets to made, no doubt it will have something to do with Denmark. Agger is a born leader and real threat in defense and links up fantastically with their star man, 20-year old Ajax player, Christian Eriksen. This man has been the talk of the town recently and will probably be set for a big summer move. For a man so young he is superb in midfield and proves a threat going forward. He has such an inate ability to play football, has fantastic passing ability, pace, close control and is literally a game-changer. He will be exciting to watch. Also, did you know Denmark have 3 players with the surname Poulsen? Crazy Danes!

Group A

2012-06-05T05:56:00.000-07:00

Well, what a bleedin' exciting this group this one is! I'm definitely not taking the piss. Oh no. This group is spectacular. Did I mention, I was just playing the opposites game just then? It's great. Almost as good as this group, but not quite. This group rocks. I am going to call them the Rock Group. The Nicklebacks of the competition. Anyway, Group A (first but certainly not the best, this could be a real case for First the Worst) contains Poland, Russia, Czech Republic and Greece. Upa! Watch out for these teams defending like their lives depended on it and prepare for a possible goal drought.

Poland

I actually don't mind Poland at all and have them on to come second in this group. They haven't had a great recent history in the land of football, but manager, Franciszek Smuda, seems to have got a much better team together. Before I continue, you will soon realise Poland have had all members of the team change their names to be as long and complicated as possible. This is because they a) hate commentators and b) realise they aren't that great at football and there is a lot to be said for winning the Group Scramble Championships in Kyrgyzstan later this year. They will have a huge advantage playing at home and having home support to power them on and have actually won all 3 of their pre-Euro's matches, only having 1 defeat out of their last nine games! Not bad, Poland! They do lack a certain amount of experience, intelligence and, at times, cohesion with the team seeming to work in 2 separate teams of defense and attack with little flowing inbetween. Germany have a lot of influence over this entire competition and Poland are not exempt from that; relying heavily on Blaszczykowski, Piszczek and Lewandowski who all play for title-winning team, Borussia Dortmund. Lewandowski is the best player in the team and last season he not only scored 22 goals but also won Player of the Season award. He's hard to mark and a massive threat on goal. They are not the strongest team, but they are not in the strongest group and if their form continues, they should be able to edge through the group stages. I also really like their kit.

Russia

Russia are the bookies favourites to win this group and they are certainly the most experienced, even if this also means most aging. I find them very boring indeed and really have very little to say about them. Dick Advocatt's team generally struggle to score and it says a lot when you heavily rely on Arshavin. He can do well on an international stage, and no doubt Russia will do enough to get through these initial games but after that it'll be a free for all. Dzagoev could be a player to watch out for, being very young and having an attacking flair.

Czech Republic

Another quite dull offering in Group A. Michal Bilek's team do offer the likes of Plasil and Rosicky (who has really come on over the last year) and nobody could look over spiderman Petr Cech who is never easy to defeat in goal. They are one of the classier sides in this group but still play quite regimented Eastern European football which is a running them in Group A. They have a decent midfield but quite often Bilek prefers a lone striker which can mean a lack of goals. Another running theme. God I will not be watching these games. CSKA Moscow player Necid could be a potential scorer and has done fantastically for his young age, however, he is only back from injury and a lack of support going forward may prove a challenge too much.

Greece

Oh Greece. Suprise Euro 2004 winners Greece probably are going to attack this competition the same way they did back then - by not attacking. In fact, it appears that even with a change of manger in the form of Fernando Santos, Greece know only one way to play football. You defend, you defend, you defend and then you defend some more. Then you go hell for leather, batshit crazy on set pieces and get all your men flailing their heads around furiously in hope of connecting with a ball and sending it goalwards. Failing that, you get your arses back and defend! They are a tough team to beat and very determinedly set in their ways, but I would hope they would not get past the group stages really. Ninis in midfield might show signs of excitement being a very pacey, young midfielder but I hold out little hope.

Euro round-up

2012-06-05T05:17:00.001-07:00

Just going to have a look at each team in a bit more depth, with the start of the Most Racist, Most Dangerous, Fear For Your Lives, I'll Never Let Go shenanigans about to kick off.
My money is on Germany to win this year. I hope they do it because they are the best team in my opinion. That's why I want them to win you see, swings and roundabouts. Hitler would have loved this Euro competition with all the Nazi fans running around causing havoc. Such a shame he can't be here to watch it.

Lolerpool

2012-06-04T09:39:00.001-07:00

Crikey, forget hang the DJ, can somebody please hang the designers? I knew, I just knew that once I had claimed to like the majority of the shirts I had seen, I would jinx myself and be in for an eye bashing. Here come an eye bashing for you. I originally thought that Man Utd's home kit was going to go to prison for a series of felonies against fashion but it seems it has a partner in crime in the shape of Liverpool's away kit.

Well, it looks like a wetsuit. A horrible, horrible wetsuit. I appreciate it rains a lot in England but I doubt such measures were really necessary. Yuk. Man Utd v Liverpool is going to be an interesting fixture this season, for all the wrong reasons. And it brings some serious doubt to the authenticity to the previously written off third kit. Have your eyes recovered? Yes, good. Let's kill them again.

...Surely not??

2012-06-03T13:12:00.000-07:00

Eurotastic

2012-06-03T11:39:00.003-07:00

*Polkraine, only whites allowed.

With Sneijder coming out today claiming the Euro's are better than the World Cup, due to a lack of African countries and that, you don't even know who you are playing, maybe they work in the mines...heaven forbid! Anywayyy yes, attention is very much on Europe at the minute. With this and the Eurovision Song Contest, I can see why the rest of the world can only look at Europe and dream. Missing out mofos! And, as Sneijder pointed out, it truely is the cream of the crop footballers in this competition. Messi is shite.

Dr. Ogba? Who is this ammateur!?

England's chances are looking slimmer than usual (which must take us into negative percentages) but I think this is good. Usually, we charge into competitions like it's still Tudor times and we are entering a war we will definitely win and then we will be Kings of the World again...All cheer for England, hurrah! Inevitably, we end up crawling away with our tails between our legs, suprised we could possibly have failed. For England is the birthplace of football! Englands wild and often blind optimism has built them a reputation over the years, that is for sure, but not this time, oh no! Our confidence is at an all time low, people feel out of touch with the team, manager, FA and FIFA and the love of England is at an all time low. The only way, in the words of TOWIE, is up. Baby. For you and me now. This is our year. The Queen's Jubilee, Olympics...Euro 2012 champions? With injuries occuring left, right and center, maybe this is a chance to push forward with younger players. Henderson, for one, may get to prove his (£20m) worth! Downing may get an assist! Carroll may morph from a donkey into a mighty stallion! Heskey may come back as our saviour! Weirder things have happened.

Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."

^^ That's some crazy shit y'all ^^

It will definitely be an interesting and difficult competition if you can ignore England bouncing around 'just getting practice for the World Cup, don't mind us! Tally ho! Parking the bus? We would never do such a thing!' there are some hot-to-trot teams. Spainalona are obviously up there, as are the Dutch, hoping they can sort out their defense somewhat.

The Germans team gets increasingly attractive year by year and are favourites to win. They are so very German. Efficient, well drilled, streamlined...Denmark hasve been quite impressive pre-competition and, being in the same group as Portugal, Germany and the Netherlands (phew!) I would love to see them mix it up a bit. They are a very solid team with special mention to Agger and Eriksen. God, that really is a group and a half. I think Poland will also prove tricky. Portugal seem way out of form after a draw to Macedonia and loss to Turkey with weak performances all round. Ronaldo will always be a threat on goal, always, but he seems to have picked up an 'I can do this without anyone else's help' attitude and they don't have a lot of leverage to make mistakes, being in such a tough team.

Definitely doesn't need his mummy. Oh no. Hard geezer.

Yer bum's oot the windae.

2012-06-03T06:14:00.002-07:00

I love the standard manager musical chairs ritual that ensues most summers. So far 'I'm staying at Swansea' manager Brendan Rodgers has moved to Liverpool (watch your car tyres there, Brendo. Joke. Or not, whatever.) and Lambert of Norwich fame has moved to Aston Villa bab. Chips and gravy.

I like Brendan Rodgers and I think he could really do well at Liverpool if he's given a bit of time and patience which the old scoucers haven't exactly been famous for as of late. Of course, the fans will now be expecting to win the League next season and dare they lose a game or two or fail to meet the crazily high expectations put upon them, it may be off with Rodgers head. He did a very good job with Swansea and got them playing very attractive/ extremely boring (*gasp!*) pass-pass football and even earned his team the name Swansalona (sounds like an Italian ballad about a lonely swan. Ohhh Trevor, for-a he was-a lonaly swan sooo lonaly swan. The atther swans said to-a him, ohh Swansalona.) I honestly think Liverpool have massive potential. Suarez is a class act and if Henderson and Carroll can fully settle into the team, both players can be fantastic and if they manage to stay injury free, they really could push on next season to achieve their biggest challenge - to finish above Everton. Noone said it would be easy.

Down the M6 southbound, there has also been some exciting developments. Bonjour Lambert! It's like the hokey kokey of Scotsmen. Villa had a ridiculously bad season. The hiring of Alex McLeish was a horrible omen of what was to come, and fair play to him, he stuck to what he knows best in his attempt to destroy all Midlands clubs. West Brom seem the next legitimate step. The squad has been so depleated over the years with the sales of Downing (say what you like, he did a job at Villa), Young, Milner and Barry amoungst others who simply have not been replaced. Bent was a fantastic addition to the team but expecting N'Zogbia Insomnia and Hutton to be replacements was never going to work. At times last season Villa were only left with Heskey as a forward option, not that is was a direction they ever tended to go in. A lot has also been placed on the shoulders of the young lads. Many times over the season, on average, Villa fielded the youngest team. There is great talent emerging in the likes of Ciaran Clark, Baker, Herd, Albrighton, Carruthers and Weimann and Lichaj and Ireland have been improving game-by-game but the team has been in disarray. Lambert worked wonders taking Norwich from League One to The Championship to The Prem over consecutive seasons and given a bit of money over the summer, he has a chance to really build a big unit at Villa Park.

Could be the new Martin O'Neill? They certainly look alike. As long as he doesn't walk out 5 days before the start of the season...

Tasty

2012-06-03T05:47:00.001-07:00

Wow...has hell frozen over!? Has it? Can somebody please check? Or flying pigs...have there been any reported sightings? The sentence 'Everton release a nice kit!' would usually provoke a reaction from me similar to a freezing underworld or pigs taking to the skies (A larger, heftier cousin of the infamous pigeon) but, unless my eyes decieve me, here is a very nice offering from the Merseyside lot.

It's quite reminiscent of Chelsea's home kit with the gold trim an' all but I like it very much. Smart, neat...does the job nicely. Bet Howard has got high hopes for his goalkeeper kit...ahem.

Here's Jonny...wait, what!? My eyes! My eyes are melting!

2012-05-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Now I do not wish to give you nightmares, really I don't. But, in the quest to be a good footballing blog, I can't just bring you the pretty side of football. A blog containing solely pictures of Mourinho, Mancini, Villa Park, Arshavin and David Luiz may be a beautiful thing to behold, but it's not reality. The world of football is a gritty one and sometimes things turn ugly. Sometimes things turn violent. Sometimes you have to witness scenes that even a mother couldn't love. Things that make you want to rip your own eyes from their sockets and eat them before turning to your neighbour and clawing manically at his face...you have to be cruel to be kind. So here people, here is your reality...

Now, I would forgive you if you looked at those four faces and recoiled in horror, and I would agree, it's a tragic sight. But my main issue with this picture is the dish cloth they appear to be wearing. Want an up close picture? What's that I hear you cry? Enough is enough...oh well bad luck.

God have no mercy.

This shirt is a monstrosity. It looks cheap and nasty. Good news for all our Middle Eastern readers, it also doubles up as a turban but there the pros end I'm afraid. I get what Man Utd were trying to achieve with the whole, 'symbolising Manchester's rich cotton history' thang but did they really have to unleash hell upon our eyes in the quest for historical value? No is the answer. No they bloody well did not. If however, it is to cause a diversion to what may very well shape up to be another under par season, then well done United. I can't believe last year I labelled their home shirt in the 'Bad' part of my Good, Bad and Ugly section. That shirt was stellar in comparison. A work of art. Somebody get in touch with the Tate Modern. At least I can take some joy is using this for wiping dishes for a while before it gets bacteria ridden and smells of damp and starts growing mold which slightly looks like hair and causes brawls with the cutlery...and I'm not sure if I am any longer describing a cloth or Rooney. Who knew?

Some Football Kits 2012/13

2012-05-18T06:36:00.001-07:00

I have actually found myself generally liking most of the football shirts I have so far seen which is a vast improvement on last season. Manchester United are exempt from such priase however, as is Newcastle's away shirt. Serial offenders to fashion, Everton, are also yet to release any kit pictures so I wait with baited breath. Manchester United's kit may be bad enough to bring the entire average down anyway so other clubs need to take one for the team in this instance. Throw the fashion bible at your kits lads! Anyway, possibly my favourite that I have seen is courtesy of Chelski.

Now, you could not have the elite football fans of West London dressed in any old ensemble but kudos to Chelsea, they have created a very nice home shirt indeed. Last year I was a fan of their away kit but not so much on the home kit so it's a vast improvement. It's slick, smart and I like the gold finish. It says winner to me!
Another shirt I have taken a liking to is Liverpool's home kit.

It's a nod back to the days of old and 80's inspired with the yellow on red. I think it is another smart offering and I like the exaggerated Liver bird. What often perplexes me is why Liverpool is pronounced as in organ liver as opposed to lyver (as in the bird). Why is this? Whyyy?
Anyway, onwards and upwards is the offering from Championship newbies Blackburn. I'm only including this as I think it's nice and today I like nice things. So here we go! Hold onto your knickers!

Wow!

Maybe their kit designer could become their new manager. Hell, maybe I should become their new manager. Maybe that chicken that was released onto the pitch should become the new manager. F*ck Steve Kean. As nice a shirt as it is, I can't see it making up for the Premiership exit of a team that won the League in '95. The current lack of sponsor, in my mind, actually improves the shirt. But they are losers so less about Blackburn and more about....

Delia Smith! And if that's not good enough for you, here's...

Woohoo! Norwich have awesome fans! I liked Norwich's kit last year, I like it this year. Maybe because the differences are barely visable to the naked eye (new collar), maybe because it is yellow and happy and they brighten up the joint and maybe because it's a bit Brazilian which is tropical. And Brazilians love carnivals, as do I.

Onto another recent addition to the Prem in the form of Swansea. This here thing is their away kit, don't cha know.

No guessing which country these boyos are from, ey! You'd be forgiven for thinking the Welsh were launching an invasion when these lot turn up at your club. I like it. Pride of Wales yada, yada, yada. Bore da. Araf. Noswaith dda. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Before you call 999, I am not having a fit +/ banging my head upon the keyboard...those ladies and gentlemen, are genuine Welsh words, the last one being a Welsh town. Imagine ordering a taxi back to there after a few...

Another team who often impress me with their shirts is Arsenal. I find Arsenal hilarious. Their marketing campaigns are often ridiculous...

Arshavin is a living legend.

However, their latest offering of sportware, whilst admittedly not deviating from their French stereotypes, is far from ridiculous.

Alouette, gentile Alouette!

I understand the back light/halo effect may add a certain je naid se quoi, maybe the term I am looking for is va va voom? Any road, thumbs up Gooners.

Finally, here is New'astle's away kit canny shan, haway.

I don't like it. He look's like a tampon. It is hardly very Geordie. Where's the mini skirt? I DEMAND A MINI SKIRT ON THAT MAN IMMEDIATELY!!!

Once More Into The Breach, Dear Friends...

2012-05-07T07:39:00.002-07:00

Well, we know Wolves are deemed for the Championship already, saying goodbye after 3 seasons in the top flight. With what many believed to have been a very flawed sacking of Mick McCarthy, the team have gone into freefall under the management of Terry Connor. Who joins them is still up for question, although Blackburn are looking pretty set on booking a place on the Relegation Bus. Blackburn have had few relieving moments this season. At the forefront of everything was a man who epitomises the saying, it's not what you know, it's who. Allardyce being ousted for Kean Steve was madness in itself and it seems an even worse idea with hindsight, given the fact Blackburn may very well be clearing a space for Big Sams current team, West Ham. To stay up, Blackburn need to beat on-form Wigan tonight and their final game of the season, Chelsea (gulp). With this looking highly unlikely, that leaves just one remaining space, currently occupied by Bolton.

If they can beat Stoke next week, and QPR +/ Wigan lose (both teams currently on 37 points), Bolton will be safe on 38 points. If Bolton win and QPR +/ Wigan draw, it will go down to goal difference. Stoke are never easy to beat at home and Bolton are just dire at the minute. They started last season with such promise however ended up a lowly 14th and have failed to improve this season. After it looked like Muamba's problems may have united the team, sealed with a win over Villa, they have failed to fight back enough and realistically you would have to imagine it will be Bolton or QPR for the drop.

Horryfying moment Muamba collpses

Wigan have been playing fantastically, beating Liverpool, Stoke, Man Utd, Arsenal and being unlucky to lose to Chelsea, over the past month or so which is one hell of an achievement. It's only a shame they have left it so late in the season to hit form. Aston Villa have been looking dangerously close to the relegation zone themselves with McLeish leading the team to the worst home record in the clubs history. That is some mean feat. Birmingham City got relegated by the ginger Scotsman this time last year on 38 points - the same tally Villa currently holds. Bolton would have to beat Stoke 18-0 with QPR and Wigan both winning to see Villa go down but the truth is, it has been far too close to call. Last season, under the management of 4 different men, Villa managed to finish 9th when they hit a run of form towards the end of the season. This season, Villa have won merely 4 homes games and an even more dismaying 3 away games. McLeish's negative, long-ball, defensive football has ensured Villa a fair amount of draws but the side have looked clueless and, if results were counted from January, would surely be on their way down to the Championship. Villa have never been relegated from the Premiership, along with Everton, and the club needs to take a long, hard look in the mirror. It was an inevitable ending from the moment McLeish was appointed and it shows the calibre of man he is. Not one wanted at Villa Park, that is for sure. He has been met with abuse with chants of 'Oh Lord, Sack McLeish' amoung others becoming Villa regulars. He barely came out if the dugout at the last home game of the season against Spurs, where his side put in another dismal performance and he once again made bizarre and ridiculous substitutions. There were protests before the season even started and Lerner for the first time let slip that he may not understand football as much as previously the thought. The board members who advised Lerner on McLeish certainly had screws loose.

If you are a Liverpool fan, look away.

2012-05-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

Liverpool really have turned into a bit of a laughing stock this year. It should have all been so different. They finished last season in pretty good form and after booting out poor Woy, turning into witches and burning Torres shirts, aquiring a new strikeforce in the form of Carroll and Suarez and, more importantly, a legend of the club, King Kenny, at the helm...

Ain't no party like a scousers partaaay.

How could things go wrong?

Over summer Kenny bolstered the squad with the likes of Henderson, Downing and Adam for ridiculous sums of money, but hey, it's Kenny! He knows his shit! The season even started alright with wins over Arsenal and Bolton and Merseyside rivals Everton included. There have been high points. Winning the Carling Cup, getting through to the FA Cup final after wins over Everton and Man United, Andy Carroll slightly shaking off his donkey demeanour by nearly winningthe FA Cup for Liverpool, Suarez when he is on form, Bellamy at times...But the lows seem to overshadow these factors. Suarez has had some fantastic moments and in certain games, like the FA Cup Final, it proved hard for him to do anything much with crap passes coming in from midfield, so he can hardly be blamed for not turning up. However, with every up, there is a down. He got caught up in one of the many ongoing race rows surrounding the game this year (and reports of him racially abusing and biting players in his home country of Uruguay started to rise to the surface) resulting in an 8-match ban. Giving the middle-finger to fans at Craven Cottage and countless dangerous tackles also adds to his list of faux pas.

Suarez mistakes Parker for the football. Anyone have the number for Specsavers?

His partner in crime, Andy 'I Love Pies' Carroll has been erratic to say the least. He has scored some crucial goals for Liverpool and I still believe he can be a fantastic player, but he has been lacking all season. Whether it be confidence, enthusiasm or just one-too-many whiskeys, he has played appalingly in too many games, especially for a man with a £35 million price tag. If I bought a man for £35 million, and he failed to perform and constantly misfired, I tell you, I would not be happy.

Steven Gerrard seems to have completely lost it, would you Adam and Eve it, Lucas being out for the season came as a massive blow, Reina has been off-colour, none of the summer signings have really shown much in the way of promise and Liverpool are left 9th in the Prem and can only look up the table to Everton.
At the centre of all this is the man, the myth, the legend, the king...Kenny. Somehow King isn't seeming like such an apt nickname. Things are not right for Liverpool and I have the feeling Kenny will not be walking away from them again in a hurry. Liverpool have tried desperately to mask some of his mistakes...one example being the firing of Damien Comolli and the blame for countless flop signings being put at his door. Kenny's attitude has also caused conversation over the season with his moody, defensive demeanor during interviews. Overall, he has made rubbish signings, not got the best out of his players, made mindless decisions during games and been snooty to the point of obnoxiousness when being asked to explain himself. With the Fa Cup Final out of Liverpools grasp, attention has turned back to the Premiership and the problems of the team seem more exposed now than ever before. With Dalglish insisting that the current squad is good enough to contend for the title next season, the question remains...Is Kenny good enough or will be have to limp away from this appointment with his tail between his legs?

Top 4

2012-05-07T05:14:00.001-07:00

Who will it be!? Spurs could have almost guaranteed a Top 3 spot had they just beaten a crippled Aston Villa on Sunday but the North London team failed to capitalise. It's no doubt 'Arry has worked wonders on Spurs but they have suffered in the second half of the season, failing to beat Villa, QPR, Norwich, Sunderland, Chelsea, Stoke, Everton, United, Arsenal, Liverpool, City, and Wolves since January. If we are going back to Christmas you can throw Swansea into the equation too! Of course, many of them have been draws, and peaks over the past couple of weeks with wins over Bolton and Blackburn have kept Spurs in the running. They have also been helped by the fact Chelsea, Arsenal and Newcastle have all had varied seasons and Liverpool were out of the Top 4 race maybe before it even started.

Arsenal have bounced back having been completely written off, and it was easy to see why. At the start of the season, it looked like Wengers raft was sinking and with players like Nasri and Fabregas jumping ship, plain sailing was not a term anyone would use. In their first 3 games they had failed to win once, been beaten twice and one of those was the 8-2 mauling by Manchester United. Things have gone a bit slack again as things draw to a close with Arsenal looking very poor against Norwich and losing to Wigan (in fact, they have won 1 out of their last 5 games) but The Man Van P has done it again. Always an incredible threat on goal and having managed to avoid injury, Robin van Persie has saved Wengers ass, and won PFA Player Of The Year Award!

Yesh, I am scho schmooth. Hooray.

It's a shame for Arsenal that he appears to be heading North towards Manchester for next season but with Podolski already on his way over the Channel and Clint Dempsey's name flying around, could this be a summer where Arsenal really invest?

Chelsea have had possibly the most exciting season out of all the top 4 contenders. They do have a game in hand but even the maximum 2 wins from their remaining games doesn't guarantee top 4, although it is possible and if any team are proving the impossible possible, it is Chelsea. They seem to have had split seasons. AVB's reign did not go well whatsoever, and I actually feel for him a bit. He was bought in to inject youth, a new, faster style of play and to really work on a team for the future and the Chelsea old boys did not take well to this at all. When you don't have the co-operation of Lampard, Drogba and Terry, you are in trouble. Mata was a fabulous signing but it did not work out for the young manager. I have no doubt he will prove himself a fantastic and enthusiastic manager in future years, but this was probably a mountain too steep with things at Chelsea quite unsettled before he even pitched up. Di Matteo was appointed to watch things for a while and boy, how things have changed. He has the respect of the players and has reverted back to a style of play we can recognise as the Chelsea of old. Not revolutionary and more than once, luck has been on Chelsea's side, but with a team in the Champions League final having knocked out Barcelona, goals from Torres and an FA Cup win, you can hardly knock him. The jury is out really as to where Chelsea go after this season but for the minute, things are looking pretty good.

I am thinking of campaigning for Newcastle to be know as the Dark Horses. Not because of Cisse and Ba, but because their season has taken everyone by suprise. After the unpopular replacement of Hughton by Alan Pardew, things looked a bit up in the air of the North East outfit. For the start of the season, the combination of Ba, Cabaye, Ben Arfa proved lethal. It was thought by many to be a blip. How often have random teams been in the top positions of the table around Christmas, to soon run out of steam and return to lowly regions. However, Newcastle has a massive shot of steam in the form of Cisse who has scored mine, any many others, goal of the season with his epic curler against Chelsea. To think Ba came to Newcastle on a free and Cisse only costing £10million, you have to remark on how well Newcastle have done. They have been exciting to watch and, with a couple of slumps along the way, have proved themselves to be an incredibly exciting, and incredibly good team.

City vs United

2012-05-07T04:15:00.001-07:00

You (yes, you!) would not have been alone in assuming that once Man United had secured an eight point lead, they were pretty much bang on track to pick up their 13th Premiership title and could once again point towards the blue half of the city and mock them for being so shite, before setting off to London because as fun as it is winning The Premiership, everyone needs to get home and trains can be a nightmare, especially on a Sunday and especially having to get all the way back from Sunderland. That is almost the entire country.

Bunch Of Cockney Fairies
But hark! What blue light through yonder window breaks? It is City and Mancini is their prodigal son! Arise, fair Son, and kill the envious moon-faced Scotsman.

Peeeerlace your bets...Now!
It's exciting stuff for sure and tensions are running high. United fans are throwing their toys out of the pram and moaning that ooooh, why us? Why is life so unfair? While it seems all of Mancini and the boys' hard work (let's not mention money) could well and truely pay (oops) off. I like mix ups. I like the fact Chelsea could win the Champions League, I like the fact Spurs have finally got their act together after years of promise, I like the fact Van Persie FC has potentially got a team into the top 4 single handedly after being completely written off, for how could he do it alone? The top end of the Premiership is god-damn exciting and I love it. So as much as I dislike the fact City pretty much stole Barry and Milner away from us Villa fans, I have to claim myself blue right now.
United have been a shadow of a team this year. True, they have had mammoth defeats like the 8-2 pounding of Arsenal, 5-0 victory over Bolton and a good 4-1 win over Wolves, but for the tail end of the season they have limped through on narrow wins and very boring football. At the start of the season, they looked fab. Young looked to be a major signing especially but he has since proved he would be better off doing a sport that involves a diving board and a pool, preferably an empty one.

The problem is, even if United do win, they have a huge amount of work to do before the start of next season. No doubt City will spend big over the summer, and with already an incredibly talented team, God knows what sort of Gladitorial Giants we'll be witnessing next year, with names like Van Persie and Eden Hazard already being banded about.

Winner, winner?

2012-05-07T03:39:00.000-07:00

Well, what a season it has been. Looking at my last post, I was a tad off the mark. The ball is in City's retrospective park for them to balls (ball puns, aye) this one up but a win against sturggling QPR is pretty much guaranteed (you would imagine). However, QPR are fighting to stay up, as opposed to Man Utd's opposition in the form of the, quite tame it would seem, Black Cats of Sunderland. I want a black cat. I am not really a fan of black cats but there's something very Shakespearean about a black cat. Meeeow. Will City be the cats that get the cream? One thing is for sure, this has been the most exciting end to a Prem for quite some time with uncertainty at the top and the bottom.

Predicted Finish Line.

2011-09-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

1. Man City
2. Man Utd
3. Chelsea
4. Liverpool
5. Arsenal
6. Spurs
7. Stoke
8. Sunderland
9. Bolton
10. West Brom
11. Fulham
12. Newcastle
13. Villa
14. QPR
15. Wolves
16. Everton
17. Swansea
18. Wigan
19. Norwich
20. Blackburn

Fortune Teller I Am Not.

2011-09-07T19:29:00.000-07:00

I would take my predictions for Man City being EPL champions with a pinch of salt after having a quick read over my last few posts. Hindsight is truely a thing of glory. Tevez is still at Man City. Whether he plays or not with the continued success of Dzeko and explosive debut from Aguero is another matter (seriously, how bloody good are City. It hurts!) but he is still there. Second of all, I remarked on how I thought we needed N'Zogbia as he was, 'a fantastic player'. I will not be foolish enough to write him off already, he has shone for brief moments, but moments are not 90 mintues and moments are not turning into goals. Last week, we had a corner and instead of being in and around the box, he was nearer the half-way line. The name Insomnia might be coming back into use shortly! I also remarked on how we needed players. This was true. However, Hutton and Jenas!? Give me a break.
Thirdly, I said Parker would end up at Villa or Chelsea and in fact he has attached his Spurs and ridden into North London to join 'Arry.
Modric has not joined Chelsea, Sneijder has not joined Man Utd, Torres has not scored any goals, Nasri and Fabregas did leave Arsenal....just call me Mystic Meg ey!?

Been a while...

2011-09-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

So, been a while since my last post and oh so, so much has happened. Tevez has not left, Arsenal's sh*t nearly hit the proverbial and a team from Manchester already looks set to win the Prem. My money is on the blue. Oh yeah and errr, Villa beat Wales. It hurt to see England line up with Downing, Milner, Barry, Cahill and of course new-wonder boy Young in the side...that was with an injured Darren Bent! It is a straight kick in the teeth for all Villa fans out there.

In other news, my fantasy football team is doing rubbish and I have maybe foolishly decided to make a Champions League Fantasy Football team. This will end in tears!

Why aye man, we've had a blaa oot.

2011-07-18T03:22:00.000-07:00

If your first reaction whilst looking at those photos was, 'Are they filming the new series of Geordie Shore?'...you wouldn't be far off. Premiership side Newcastle were playing a 'friendly' against Conference National side Darlington. That's like the British Army turning up for a bit of training against some Welsh sheep.

I'm a baaaad boy pet. Canny shan.

Olá, Goodbye...

2011-07-18T03:02:00.000-07:00

See you then Tevez. He is off to Brazil. In exchange for £40m. I will miss him as a fantasy football option with him being a consistently high goal scorer. I will miss his snoods. I will miss his face. It's like a car accident, you don't want to look, you know you shouldn't yet it makes compulsive viewing.

Proof that £££$$$ can buy you love.

Man City are certainly going to miss him. A bit of a pity really that such an excellent footballer will be leaving largely remembered a bit of a money-grabbing, moaning tw*t.

Plankers

2011-07-15T03:10:00.000-07:00

Micah Richards

SWP

2011-07-15T02:46:00.001-07:00

Modrics transfer request.

More Tevez News! Yay!

2011-07-15T02:34:00.000-07:00

I'll save you from another picture of The Gremlin. If he were to internet date and describe himself as easy on the eye, he'd be booking himself a date with trade descriptions. How about this?

Carlos The Pig

Anyway, after Corinthians megre offer of £35m was rejected, Juventus have swooped in and offered £45m which I am guessing will be more successful. Mainly because Carlos Tevez is an ace at geography and seems to think that Italy is in fact closer to home.

Villa have actually made a £10m bid for N'Zobgia which thrills me because a) he is a fantastic player and b) dear Jesus we need players.

West Ham have also conceded they will lose Scott Parker and want £8m for him which I think is very reasonable. The race for him seems to be between Chelsea and Villa and I am hoping Chelsea don't want him too much as Villa need some serious strength in their midfield. I can just see him in a claret and blue strip now...

Heading to Villa Park(er)?