Misc.txt

Her Dark Countenance

2011-07-31T18:26:00.003-04:00

Your mask has a crack on the cheekLarger if I'd noticed it soonerBut I’ve peeked past your porcelain skinI’m over playing chessWith the black queen I can’t say the things I want to sayby not saying themIt hurts youThe tender scarWhere your mask used to beIt must be hardI missed the chance to see youAs you are

I would like to take a walk on the dark side.

2011-04-22T11:44:00.000-04:00

I think I’m bad at dreaming, because I die every other time I do it. When you find out what a joy it is to live, you learn what it’s like to be afraid. Now I’m older and manly, so I’m scared of being scared. But scared is natural. It’s the self imposed darkness of sleep that brings either nightmares or dream escapes. Uncertainty leads to fear. Fear leads to a lot of things. A fear your

We don't always mean the things we say.

2011-04-19T11:01:00.001-04:00

When I was young, there was a child in my elementary school class who was deaf. The teachers all tried to teach us how to speak cued speech so that we could communicate with him. I never really got it. I believed that if I just faked it, I would eventually pick up the language. I didn’t know how mean this was at the time. Now I know exactly what it is like to be made fun of by someone who isn

Selfish

2011-04-18T01:36:00.000-04:00

We all want things that we aren’t entitled to. I’ve wanted to be in love for a long time. I used to trick myself into believing I was in love when really I had just found someone who would tolerate me. I wanted it that badly. I still want it, but sometimes it is better to be open to something you want instead of seeking it out. When a woman rejects me it still hurts, but I act like it doesn’

Phillip K. Dick was not actually catholic

2011-04-13T11:13:00.002-04:00

When I was young and idealistic I thought I could change the world. From a cubicle or outside of one, wherever really. If everyone was on the same page, maybe the world would be a better place. Then I got old and not stupid and I realized that so many things that are wrong with the world are a reflection of individuality. You cannot change the system from within, because the system changes

We're all made of memories.

2011-04-12T06:19:00.001-04:00

I still get sad about things that happened a long time ago. Even though we aren’t supposed to admit this, I think it is normal. If you are capable of letting go of your experiences without reservation and struggle, then you are close to sainthood. Imagine if everyone could do this. What would the world be without the malice that our scars create? But it is hard, because we don’t know what it

The abyss doesn't actually stare back at anyone.

2011-04-10T13:19:00.000-04:00

As an object approaches the event horizon of a black hole it appears to slow down, taking an infinite amount of time to approach the singularity. I guess it is appropriately fitting that the strongest gravitational forces in the universe are only interested in containing information about themselves and who ran into them and then never letting anyone forget about it. When you define yourself in

I guess Romans had a passionately violent view of love all along.

2011-04-08T17:00:00.001-04:00

I think love would be a lot less stressful if it were a battlefield instead of a chess board. There’s no real deception in Russian Roulette, it’s just chance. You don’t have to calculate two rolls of the barrel ahead to determine the outcome, and if it’s perfect, you both shoot each other at the same time. That’s how Cupid works when he outsources his bow. He doesn’t require anyone to be an

I have no desire to speak French in France.

2011-04-07T23:15:00.000-04:00

I want to speak the language of flowers and be fluent in music. If I could only express happiness, I would make graffiti in the form of smiles. If my nose could exhale as it inhales, I would roll around in dumpsters and steal all the bubble wrap I could find. I want to know how to taste a sunset and speak a sunrise.

Stones look better, stacked together.

2011-03-29T00:22:00.001-04:00

I used to think I had it all figured out. And I did, but then I found out that I didn’t. So I carried a stone in my chest for a while, right between my lungs. For a while I thought it was my heart, but it turned out it was just tension. I talked with my friends, and they felt the same as me, so I threw the stone away. Feeling better made me feel bad about not talking to my friends sooner,

There Is No Truth In Music

2010-11-13T03:03:00.001-05:00

The Time Signatures have no authorAnd direct themselves at no oneWithout Regards,I only love the musicBecause every lyric is a lieA note betrays nothing, justa pithy life unlivedAll this culture is made up anywayDid I go to the concert thinkingI will get laid tonightOr did I go because of some dark emotionpulling me into the rythym of the night?In a college town on a side walk I read:I am the

I am urinating in your stream of consciousness presently

2010-07-29T13:13:00.001-04:00

Cheese gets everywhere in your mouth if you have bad teeth. I hate deserving anything because to deserve something means you don't have it. I'm sick of deserving things. I want to be unjust. I want to own things that I shouldn't. I want to be able to live outside my means, to not do without.

In Memoriam to the Unknown Intellectual

2010-05-19T21:30:00.003-04:00

I have heard you, learn'd astronomer;But other astronomers have taught methe placement of the Pleades,the memorandums of Messier,and the construction of the cosmos.Of all the lessons I have learned,for all the knowledge that I've yearnedOne fact has brought me comfortThat all intelligence and effortis irrelevant to my class.I have heard you, learn'd astronomer.But remember when you wear your

Dark Days Stormy Nights

2010-05-11T20:07:00.002-04:00

For various reasons I had to spend the day away from my normal work at home environment and perform work at work. Paradoxically there are far more distractions for me at work, simply because I am such a people person in a comfortable environment. In general, however, it seems like I just don't get as much done in a day as a man ought. Ah well, as they like to say, tomorrow is another chance [

The Nature of America

2010-05-02T01:35:00.002-04:00

To be American is, for the most part, a legal and self-appointed property. When demagogues or cultural critics attempt to identify some particular demographic or group as members of the "real America" it is difficult not to scoff. Nevertheless I am pondering the probability that being American is something of an attitude rather than the legal identity of citizenship.This attitude entails, as

Knights of the Title IX

2010-04-20T18:47:00.003-04:00

I'm a child of Title 9"Fuck you, got mine.”Discrimination is anti-discrimination,As we fight war with violence;With our cognitive dissonanceWe'll reconstruct our gender fixation,You can't fight pussy.From the GamermeronThus, I spoke unto my fellow surplus males:'Tis humane to have compassion on the afflicted,And as such, to have compassion for the fellows of our number,Though Fortuna's wheel has

The Suzanne Effect

2009-04-19T12:20:00.001-04:00

I purchased a digital camera at her suggestionTo impress her with my reproductive organsLike all women, she was hotand then she was cold.The camera doesn't work anymore.

Uniquely Awful

2009-03-06T17:19:00.002-05:00

Every human being is a unique snowflakeTerrible in his or her own wayIn the appropriate mannerBefitting their experiences and abilitiesPerhaps if we were to quantify demeritBeing naturally pessimistic,I would find the glass half-empty after all.

The rut

2009-01-24T14:53:00.001-05:00

The vehicle is something to look forward to at the point in your life when you have run out of things to look forward to. When you are falling gracefully toward adulthood this isn't the sort of thing you think about. There is still your first kiss, losing your virginity, your first job, and all sorts of other things to look forward to. Then at some point after I started looking back to find

Chemicals

2009-01-22T23:12:00.001-05:00

Every minor event can become a catastropheExpectations diverted to predictable lowsThe ability to care diminishes and growsI don't think I'll live happily.This flawed and useless brain of mineCan only lead to my declineNo matter for whom I might opineMy feelings don't seem to align.

Love and Lust

2009-01-20T22:25:00.002-05:00

In the system of romantic justice, there are two separate yet equally important groups.The wanted, who instigate and develop relationships, and the scorned who catalog the results.We live their stories.*dun dun dun*

Snow in January

2009-01-06T18:47:00.001-05:00

I have an inspirational picture of Rocky Balboa.Like all inspirations it is a form of hubris.Snow falls lightly enough to stickto my purple and white knit cap.My leather jacket and dirty white jeansare far from the appropriate attire.Looking up at the sky,I figure the hill is an easy climband a possible sprint.Will I feel the burnand warm my barely covered bones?I hear the beat in my head.I try

Calculus of Desire

2009-01-01T18:36:00.001-05:00

Take the differentialto represent the deceleration of life.Time spent versus time enjoyed.Subtract messages sentfrom messages received.Two roads diverged from my crotchso I took the one I could travel;rather than banging my head against obstaclesand uselessly chattering in barsFor one year of being lovedI paid with eight years of being lost

Flash out

2008-12-15T23:02:00.001-05:00

I'm not used to being now.In unused spaces or quiet places,I stare off with a worried frow.Should we learn from our pastOr should we pray for ignorance?I'm stuck in a place that is not hereIn a time that is not nowAs if my life has devolved intoA cheesy science fiction novellaOr a zen koan with no answerWhen I locate my halted breathcan I rescue myself from the void?I try to count the breathsOr

Resolve For An Old Person With a New Calendar

2008-12-15T00:12:00.000-05:00

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."- The BeatlesI never liked the term resolution,The natural implication of the nounobscures the intention of the verbthough I wish my thoughts alone could conquerall my inertia and regret.I realize that your absence is my absenceRedefined by insecurities and concernsThe resolution is to be presentrelentless in the pursuit of