miss Attica

Moving over to Just Add Yoga

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:25:00 +0000

Hello anyone still popping by here once and again. I've started a new site called Just Add Yoga which will be kind of a continuation of this site. I would be thrilled if you follow me over there!

Life is wasted on the living

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 10:50:00 +0000

There’s a saying about how youth is wasted on the young. When I heard this for the first time, I didn’t quite get it (I do now). When we get older we see all the opportunities and the good fortune the young people have, good health, lots of energy, innocence, optimism, etc.; which is probably why society idolizes young people – they’re strong, they’re optimistic and they’re beautiful. As youths we mostly focus on our limitations, problems and challenges (at least I did), and they seem overwhelming. Alas – youth is wasted on the young… We don’t appreciate it when we have it!

The problem with a society which idolizes youth becomes obvious once we’re past it, because; let’s face it: we aren’t getting younger... We look around at the Idols of the world, and find no-one that promote values like compassion, wisdom, understanding, clarity, reflection, etc. (Ok, maybe a few…) It’s all supposed to be fast and passionate. The elderly are often considered a burden on society, instead of an asset.

Why is this? Old people have experience and have usually accumulated a bit of wisdom which a youngster might lack. Sadly, with a society that looks at them as “dead- weight” many loose their incentive and become just that. I admire people who manage to reach old age, without becoming tired cynics, still optimistic and thinking positively, believing in the value of life and love at the brink of the grave. This quality; which we have in abundance as young, many of us loose somewhere along the road. Later in life it starts to look naïve to us, and we smile a bit condescendingly at the charms of the adolescent.

Sitting here at the peak of my life, having my youth lain out behind me and having (hopefully) a long stretch of getting older and wiser ahead of me, I wonder: Could life be wasted on the living? Like with the youth not appreciating their youth, we humans aren’t so good at truly appreciating our lives. We take it for granted most of the time, don’t we? Well, here I am living my life, wondering what the point of it all is. It is still beyond my comprehension, and sometimes I get the feeling that I am blindfolded and trying to find my path in a dungeon of confusion. Other times I get a glimpse of meaningfulness or a speck of insight into how things are connected, and it makes my soul soar. But, I can’t put it in my pocket. It keeps slipping away, back into the dungeon, where most of life is going on.

The big waste would be thinking that what goes on in the dungeon is: the real thing.

Farewell my friend

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:00:00 +0000

I buried a friend today, she was like me;
Confident in mid-life, with kids on her knee!
How can life be so cruel, unfair and tough?
What did the Lord do then, did he doze off?

Why did her path cross mine, why did hers end?
Questions are piling up, to Heaven: send
I want to scream and shout; cannot sit calm,
And see her kids grow up, without their mom!

Windowpane reflections

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:58:00 +0000

Passing by I look for myself in the windowpane reflections
But I don’t recognize the person looking back at me
All I see is a woman hurrying – somewhere, looks important
I cannot see me in there

What is so important that I left myself behind?

Sitting down on a bench I search the thoughts
Flowing lazily through my mind
For some sign of my true presence
Is that me obsessing about work
Or enjoying the sunset before me?

Feeling depressed about my limited scope
Recognizing only issues
I lose myself in the scenery
The sky and the sun painting their watercolor palette
Dissolving into the lush green forest,
Diving into the cool embracing waters

Taking in the whole picture
The ever present, ever changing, beauty of it all
I discover myself

Feeling fulfilled and rested I get up to go
Slipping away again from the moment
Going on to search for myself in windowpane reflections

The Sisyphus solution

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 12:51:00 +0000

In periods when work is dominated by routine tasks, or when problems of all sorts are lining up, zapping my energy; I sometimes find myself feeling sick and tired of my lot in life, thinking that if only I could just put down my burdens – then I’d be happy…

It isn’t difficult to recognize people that are worse off than me. From my café-table the other day, I saw an ordinary-looking woman sitting down on a bench in the beautiful spring sunlight, whilst bending down to pick up a cigarette-butt from the street, and then lighting it to have herself a smoke. Earlier that same day I had passed by an old bag-lady on a bench whose hair hadn’t seen a comb or shampoo, or probably even water, for God knows how long.

I know our position in society, or the weight of our burdens, isn’t what determines whether our lives are fulfilled and happy, although it sure doesn’t hurt to have a roof over our heads and a steady income... The dirty old bag-lady didn’t exactly strike me as content, but it was the vacant expression in her eyes, and not her hair, that gave her away, - much like the man in the picture above. I recognized the same expression on the face of a fancily dressed woman hurrying by the old hag on the bench, and I suspect that’s what my own face might look like on a bad day... So what is it that determines whether we find contentment or regret in our lives?

Sisyphus was given as punishment, for having tricked the Gods, to push a huge boulder up a mountain and then see it roll back down, over and over, day after day, for eternity. According to the philosopher Albert Camus Sisyphus reaches a state of contentment by acknowledging the futility of his task and accepting his fate. He made it his goal to push that rock as attentively and with as much passion he could muster, noticing the shape and feel of the rock etc, etc. “The struggle itself is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” Camus states in his essay from 1942 “The Myth of Sisyphus” in which he discusses the absurdity of life.

I guess in a way we are all pushing boulders up and down that hill. We can regret it and make ourselves miserable in the process, or we can decide to embrace our fate, whatever it may be; accept our limitations, and explore our opportunities! The reason we’re miserable is that there’s a conflict between our need to control our fate, and the fact it is ultimately beyond our control. If Sisyphus managed to find happiness within his condemned situation, it means anyone can! It is just a matter of awareness and acceptance.

Next time I’m feeling weighed down by my commitments and burdens of all sorts, I’ll picture Sisyphus happily pushing a huge boulder up a steep hill, and likely feel less inclined to self-pity.

Conscious doodling

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:29:00 +0000

In the yoga nidra, a guided deep meditation by Swami Janakananda, the Self is described as a golden egg of consciousness that is different from the body, the thoughts and the feelings. I find this image to be a bit odd, perhaps because of the solidity of gold, and the physical nature of the shape described. To me consciousness is more like a beam of purple light, definitely un-solid, like the main source of lighting in a large room.

The physical image of a golden egg has given me the idea of consciousness being more like the ball tip of a pen and the act of being conscious as drawing something on a piece of paper. The inexperienced youngster draws doodles of “bloblike” images, the biggest challenge being to draw continuous lines without stopping or lifting the pencil. This is enough of a challenge for a beginner in the art of paying attention, but I imagine that the more advanced artists use the tip of consciousness to draw great art-work, because they master the ultimate goal of becoming one with the pen, or “becoming the pen”.

Frozen Feelings

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:59:00 +0000

Working on self-improvement leads to the uncovering of some buried feelings, deeply hidden off in the subconscious, silently influencing our actions until the day we manage to unveil them and kick them off to oblivion. The sensation that goes along with such a kick-off is usually one of great relief, as if a weight has been lifted from our shoulders.

For instance; the sense of never being good enough; rooted way back in our childhood, certainly putting a grey film over some of life’s experiences; has become so incorporated in our identity it takes drastic measures getting rid of. Still, by working on self-acceptance over time the frozen feelings of insecurity and low self esteem thaws and finally gets released like icicles melting in sun. Naturally this process hurts quite a bit, sort of like going to the dentist and pulling out a bad tooth, but endurance will pay off eventually. Keeping this in mind makes it a little easier to tough it out when our inner world is changing...

Uncovering these frozen feelings isn’t pleasant, and perhaps that is why we have such resistance for change. Since change often leads to the resurfacing of long forgotten heartache, why bother? Isn’t it better just leave it be?

Dalai Lama put it this way:

“Encountering sufferings will definitely contribute to the elevation of your spiritual practice, provided you are able to transform calamity and misfortune into the path.”

Perhaps we should consider pain and suffering to be our teachers, showing the way, pointing at what needs to be overcome and guiding us in the right direction. The hindrances within that are ready to be overcome show themselves through the pain, leaving us with the choice of whether to face the challenge constructively; or desperately try to avoid it.

The biggest challenge is recognizing suffering as an opportunity; resisting the urge to sweep whatever has surfaced back under the carpet to avoid facing it. Awareness and attentiveness are essential tools, as in all self-improvement, and meditating on the subject can be of great help, stimulating the healing process.

How to improve your communication skills

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:59:00 +0000

Although I love to read the many great “7 ways to...” articles around the blogosphere I never really saw it as my thing, until this morning when a perfectly good “how to” post fell from the sky and hit me in the head as I was walking to work; here goes:

Ever felt incapable of making good conversation at a social gathering, getting tired of all the small talk about the weather, the latest sports event, what his or her kid did last night and such, feeling that your own contribution to the conversation really isn’t that interesting either? Well here’s my advice, and it is free; Find the most intriguing quality of the person next to you and make this the topic of the conversation.

This works wonderfully because everybody loves to talk, specifically about themselves, and they will probably leave the conversation thinking that you are really interesting to talk to. I once heard this saying; “the key to being interesting is being interested", and if it is true then it’s a point to the argument. This way, instead of getting “The kids stomach flu - extended version”, you get to hear about something you find truly interesting, and you might even come across as being interesting yourself, as an added bonus.

I figured the tricky part would be finding something intriguing about whoever is sitting next to you, but when I went through the list of my co-workers, all of whom just might sit beside me at nest lunch-break, I was surprised by how easy it was to think of something I would love to learn more about, such as what they prioritize in life, how they manage to squeeze in regular exercise in their daily schedule, what is the best book they ever read, and so on.

Even if unable to change the way other people relate to you, you can still change the way you relate to others. It might be a good idea to make some preparations, sort of like a journalist would prepare an interview, by writing a list of acquaintances, colleagues or others you frequently meet and converse with, adding the most interesting qualities of these people and a list of questions and follow-up-questions, - then wait for the right occasion.

If you’ve never met the person sitting next to you before in your life, you might regard the first part of the conversation as research until you discover the right topic. If you know the person next to you extremely well you probably need a completely different set of communication skills.

My Secret Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 15:10:00 +0000

Make my surroundings beautiful and serene with calmness and order.

Grant me balance between work and that which nourishes my soul and wings my spirit.

Give me a harmonious relationship with my life partner.

Make me a good teacher and guide for my children and fellow human beings.

Grant me an exuberant coexistence with humans, animals, plants and things.

Give me freedom to seek truth and peace in my heart and soul.

Feed the Beast

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:36:00 +0000

“Know that the Self is the rider, and the body the chariot; that the intellect is the charioteer, and the mind the reins. The senses, say the wise, are the horses; the roads they travel are the mazes of desire.” The Upanishads, Katha.

Working on mastering my impulses by trying to change my eating habits, I realize that the answer isn’t starving my senses. Whenever I start out with that intention the result is usually frustration and general grumpiness. A build up of dissatisfaction rapidly transform the initiated change back into old habits. By viewing the senses as the horses pulling my chariot (body) in whatever direction I communicate them, it really makes sense not to starve them, since starved horses obviously won’t do me much good.

On the other hand it’s no good to indulge them either, so I definitely shouldn’t give in to my every impulse uncritically. That would mean to give the reins to the Beast, so to speak, and my chariot will probably get lost in the mazes of desire. First of all I need to get to know my way around it, and then learn how and where to navigate.

According to the book: Yoga, Tantra and Meditation by Swami Janakananda the distractions of the mind should be handled in such a way that the mind can learn to truly let it go. “That which the mind has experienced totally and completely, it will lose interest for.” The craving for sensual satisfaction is definitely a distraction of the mind. The important question is how to gain control over it.

The image portrayed in the Upanishads describes the senses as the horse pulling the chariot. The right approach, it would seem, is to achieve a balanced relationship between the elements in this image – rider=Self, chariot=body, charioteer=intellect, reins=mind and horses=senses. I should train the horses so to serve me well! With a healthy body, a sharp intellect, and a sound mind I can go anywhere I want, but I need to feed the Beast once and again.

This doesn’t mean to mindlessly stuff food down my throat, but to thoroughly enjoy it when I do indulge myself, and truly relish whatever I chose to eat and drink.

A COSMIC SPECK

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 19:18:00 +0000

A tiny speck of dirt
On a cosmic sky
Lacking inspiration
Scurrying towards wisdom
At an ants pace

My anguished cry
Inaudible
Outside the head

Taunting those
Who came through me
With faith
To rest and grow
By my side

In their eyes
I am cosmos

A speck of dirt
Unbearably insignificant

Insight -
In a speck
Or cosmos?

2004

What is the fuzz about LOVE ?

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 20:51:00 +0000

Why are we more concerned about receiving love than of giving it? He loves me, loves me not, is the excruciating question, not – do I love him? Or, am I capable of truly and unselfishly loving someone? That is a paradox because giving love is much more important, and even more rewarding, than receiving it. It is also something that is partly within our control, whereas it is beyond our control whether or not Mr. Dreamy loves us back.

The movies and magazines leads us to believe love is something that might strike us like a Cupids arrow, and then let us own it. If you happen to lose it – it probably wasn’t true love after all, just some look-alike. Truth is “they lived happily ever after” probably means: THEY WORKED ‘{!¤!§` HARD ON IT! A romantic relationship is just one of the shapes love can take. Other forms can be the love parents feel for their children, or siblings or friends for each other. More unselfish is the love for all fellow human beings, animals or even plants.

In the Yoga Sutras being selfless is described as actually being quite selfish because the selfless person doesn't want to lose his or her peace of mind. One of the rewards of making others happy is pleasure and happiness. As a step on the way of becoming completely free of selfishness Satchidananda suggests that “if you really want to be greedy, be greedy in serving others". Love in it’s pure form is ENERGY that flows from within your being towards another person, object, animal or whatever it is you love. The ultimate ideal is to be completely filled with love for everything, which I imagine is what Nirvana could be like.

Why not focus on giving love – and family and friends is a nice place to start - and then work on expanding our ability to love to include all living beings. Being a loving person is an ideal to be worked on, much in the same way as humility. Working on becoming a more loving person is a win win deal, because no-one is more lovable than a kind, giving and loving person, right. And, according to Satchidananda, no one is happier either.

Fabulous blog award

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:26:00 +0000

Thanks a lot Khaled KEM for nominating my blog! Your blog is one of my favorites.

I have the pleasure of giving this award to these great blogs:

1. Nordic Soul
2. Papier Collés
3. Philosopher-at-large
4. Abbys Musings
5. A Spiritual Journey On Planet Earth
6. A view from Carmine Superiore
7. Puerhan
8. Meditation Matters - St. John's Center
9. The Buddhist Conservative
10. The Daily Mind

Rules for the award:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Nominate your favorites and link to this post.

Congratulations and thanks for inspiring blogs!

Going with the tide

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 13:43:00 +0000

Living on the northern hemisphere I must admit I get the winter blues. Every fall starts out on a hopeful note, which inadvertently turns into despair by the time the daylight all but disappears by the end of November. When the sun turns with the arrival of a new year the optimism slowly returns and brings energy for new projects. It is the ebb and flood of the seasons, winter being the time for low tide, retreating and reflecting over things, and summer being the time for high tide. I love the sweet promise of springtime, the prolific days of summer, and the abundance of fall. Wintertime, I get the blues… I turn introvert and would most of all like to go into some weeks of dormancy.

This winter I have been keeping a close eye on myself, noticing the changes and reflecting on the reasons for them. Specifically I’ve been paying attention to my breathing, and I noticed it is like a miniature tide, inhaling the flood of air and exhaling on the ebb.

Accepting the difference of scale I discover this rhythmic beat everywhere; in the endless turning of days into night, nights into day, in the way the heart beats in a rhythm, and the way my mood gets a downward dip every month right before I get my period; etc, etc.

All of our major functions follow a sort of rhythm of off and on, sleeping – waking, working - resting, eating – fasting, etc. The different pulses interact with each other in a finely tuned system. I suspect these interacting rhythms have inspired quite a few musicians writing new tunes. Even inspiration follows the tidal rhythm of high and low, off and on. We all experience dry spells followed by a new flow of inspiration.

The other day I made a decision to change the way one of these systems work for me, namely my eating habits. My current habit isn’t in my best interest as I use food inappropriately; for comfort, I eat things that don’t bring good energy, and I tend to eat too much. The decision to change my eating habits has had immediate effects on my breathing exercises. My breath has suddenly turned completely shallow and it is like this dormant resistance has awoken.

This has made me think about the way things are interconnected and delicately tuned in the maze that constitutes life as I know it. I have incorporated all of my habits, and I cannot make even the slightest change without the saboteur raising its ugly head to challenge me. It is actually quite scary to make such a change outside the comfort zone. So where did all the bad habits come from? Why does it feel scary to commit to making changes of this character?

Last year I added the habit of doing morning rituals, as many of my posts are reflections of. This year I start with a resolution to eat healthier, and I am committed to exercise my self-discipline and conquer any resistance that may come. I know that making lasting change costs and requires a strong will to carry through. It takes time to incorporate the change, but at least I know that once the new habit is incorporated it won’t be a constant struggle anymore, but a part of the new pulse.

The promise of serenity

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 14:28:00 +0000

By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, book one, verse 33.

In his brilliant commentary to The Yoga Sutras Sri Swami Satchidananda explain that people at any given time can be put into one of four categories; happy, unhappy, virtuous or wicked. The people we encounter will fit into one of these categories, and using the “keys” of friendliness, compassion, delight and disregard will let us keep a serene mind in any situation.

It may sound easier than it is, but it is worth the effort, according to Satchidananda. If you have no intention of practicing yoga, meditating, or following any other of the Sutras, you still should try and follow this one. Who wouldn’t want peace of mind in any situation?

Our first reaction to seeing someone truly happy might not necessarily be friendliness. Perhaps some of us feel a little sting of jealousy instead? I know I do sometimes… And it is very easy to say that an unhappy person probably has put him or herself in that situation, instead of being compassionate towards them. We might feel annoyed at the virtuous when we really should be happy for them, and try to learn from them. And the wicked certainly don’t want our advice, so it is better to ignore them, according to The Yoga Sutras.

By keeping these four keys and using them in appropriate situations we are promised a serene mind. That is quite a promise, if you ask me, and I try to remember these four keys when I encounter somebody. Sometimes I do remember, and it is amazing how easy it is to fit someone in a category and how effectively the key works.

Make it count

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 18:53:00 +0000

"When the Breath wanders, the mind is unsteady, but when the Breath is still, so is the mind still." - Hatha Yoga Pradipika

The habit of doing breathing exercises every morning has added a new dimension to my search for tranquillity. The biggest part of the Nodi Sodhana exercise (alternate nostril breathing) is holding and exhaling the breath. Only for 6 out of a total of 54 counts am I allowed the privilege of inhaling. The other 48 counts are all about restraining and controlling the urge to fill the lungs with fresh air. This is repeated 10 times and it varies quite a lot how it goes. On some mornings it’s a breeze (no pun intended) while other mornings it feels almost impossible to finish.

Experimenting with my attitude on the inhalation I’ve learned that it is no good to let the “panic” overcome me and the air rush in uncontrolled. When I do that the air doesn’t satisfy me very long and the rest of the cycle is hardly bearable. However; by doing it with intention – and making it count – it feels easier somehow. I concentrate on wherever I am at that moment instead of focusing on what comes after. Yes, it is still unpleasant, but this attitude gets me through the exercises with less discomfort. Next I also apply this attitude on the rest of the breathing cycle, and guess what? - It helps there too.

I guess this attitude is applicable on other areas of life. Whatever I’m doing, this will be a good attitude; be it spending time with my children, taking in food or drink, making love with my husband, doing chores in the house, working, sleeping, meditating or, obviously, breathing. Why not make every second of life count?

I’m sure my seven year old son made every second of that roundabout count. It is even possible to live every second of life with such intensity. This is what I learn from making every second of that breathing exercise count, being completely in the present. That, I believe, is what makes for a happy, fulfilling lifestyle.

Previous posts on breathing exercises:
Need to breathe
Craving air

In search of Zen

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:00:00 +0000

Book review:
Zen in the art of archery by Eugen Herrigel, written in 1948

Readin this little classic about a German philosopher and his search for Zen I really wish I could google myself a Zen master! Eugen Herrigel went across the world and lived in Japan for six years while receiving his training from a famous Master of archery. When Herrigel first arrived in Japan to learn more about Zen Buddhism he was refused by many Masters because no one believed that western people were capable of grasping the concept of Zen. Relentlessly he kept looking until he discovered that his only chance was to study an art – such as archery, flower decoration, painting, sketching or other.

Traditionally the Japanese students got appointed a Master at young age. The symbiosis between the student and the master is very powerful. First they learn the craft with perfect precision, slowly and patiently. Eventually they learn to let go of themselves when performing their art. The danger in their training is that the process stops altogether when the student is getting really good at his craft. This is a loss because the ultimate goal of learning such a craft is to become free of the ego! The master shows his students how to do so – by demonstrating it. Copying the master is a big part of the learning process. At some point the student must go on by himself and the master can only stimulate further growth by challenging the student to surpass him.

As a person from the western part of the world Eugen Herrigel had a hard time letting go. His first challenge was releasing the string of the bow in a state of complete unintentional awareness. Suddenly, but not abruptly, like a branch weighed down by snow which springs up when snow slides off. This seemed like a paradox until it was overcome. And the greatest challenge still remained: to become one with the bow and arrow, with the blink and everything. At this time “it” shoots, whatever that means, and he is filled with Zen.

PARALLEL UNIVERSE

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 21:30:00 +0000

I am a portal
In to a parallel universe
Embellishing or strident
By intention or mood

The apparitions are the same
Though diffuse
The sounds deflect
Unwanted
The colours are the same
But different

An illusion of reality
An illusion of reality

Free will in the prison of personality

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 06:40:00 +0000

What is said to separate human beings from animals is our awareness of our own existence. Well – are we... aware? Or do we allow ourselves to be lulled in by the worries and pleasures of daily life in such a way that free will become but a possibility?

It is obvious that most things in life are perishable. In fact there is no proof that what I conceive to be reality is even real. I could be a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation, being manipulated to believe what my perceived senses tell me to be true. The only way I can be 100 % sure that I even exist is because of my consciousness. “I think, therefore I am” is one of the most famous philosophical proofs in history (by Descartes in 1637). But who am I who think? By method of elimination I conclude that I am not identical with the roles I have, the thoughts I think, or the feelings I feel. Getting to know my true self is what motivates me to practice yoga, read certain books, meditate, etc.

It is still very easy to identify with my unique (?) combination of attributes and vices, or by the roles played in life, such as spouse, parent, employee, friend, colleague, etc. This self definition is not synonymous with my essence, soul or consciousness. On the contrary these roles might be designed to pacify and make me into an un-troublesome member of society. The tags that I put on myself are also the fundament of my personality prison.

Is it even possible to experience real freedom in this situation?

Every time I face some alternatives I either make a conscious choice or mindlessly do what my instincts or subconscious dictates. The hidden motivation might be to seek gratification, or to avoid potentially painful consequences. In order to make conscious choices I need to unveil my true motives.

By paying attention and accepting my imprisonment, it is possible to catch glimpses of freedom. Basic urges, instincts, illusions, ignorance, decay, darkness and pain are undeniable parts of life. It is better to accept this as a fact and surrender my ego, then to waist energy on fighting it.

I believe that I have free will and an obligation to use it. First of all: to observe and analyze my situation critically. Secondly: to make conscious decisions. Thirdly: to exercise self discipline and turn my choices into action.

Leaking psychic energy

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 13:01:00 +0000

I’m drawn to the notion that every experience has the potential to teach me something. Growing more aware I keep asking myself what I am supposed to learn from the situations encountered.

The last semester was a tough one for me, on account of working full time while maintaining a big house and a family of seven, or at least I thought that was the reason for my lack of energy. When I’m still feeling kind of beat after two weeks of Christmas vacation with lots of sleep and rest, a bell starts chiming. To top it off I get a bladder infection to greet the brand new year with. Ding dong.

While I was doing my morning rituals the other day it occurred to me that there may be some leakage of energy going on! Perhaps something that might be stopped without changing all the premises of my life. If vital energy is going down the drain, so to speak, there will be great advantages to discovering the leak and plugging it.

So I hit the books to find out what is written about leakage of psychic energy. As the idea struck me during a meditation session I started reading the book Yoga Tantra and Meditation in Daily Life, by Swami Janakananda Saraswati, which I often turn to for instructions about my practice.

Janakananda says that breathing exercises gives insight about the body’s energy and nervous system. They help develop the ability to experience and control this energy, and thereby control tension build ups in muscles, nervous system and brain. This insight is called Prana Vidya (energy knowledge) in India. He furthermore says that infections often have an emotional or mental cause, or they are being brought fourth by an inability to cope with the terms of the surroundings. Breathing exercises liberates the mind and enhances the ability to discover leakages or blocks in the energy system, which undiscovered might lead to diseases such as infections.

It kind of makes sense that I come across this after half a year of doing breathing exercises on a regular basis. According to Janakananda doing these exercises brings forth awareness about the energy flow in the body, which seems to be exactly what is happening with me. One of the lessons hidden in the hardships of last semester was getting the vital insight that my energy system could be off balance.

Now all I have to do is rectify this – once I find out how! Reading about the psychic energy and chakras of the body gives only theoretical knowledge, which is probably insufficient for bringing about deep changes like this.

So I have enrolled on a yoga retreat next summer, which means working intensely with the energy system, among other things. At the Scandinavian Yoga and Meditation school founded by Swami Janakananda himself. This is a big step for me and my first retreat ever! In the meantime I will continue working on the challenges encountered in my ongoing search for tranquility.

Need to breathe

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 13:29:00 +0000

Whenever anyone feels the need to breathe we normally just do it. If we “forget to breathe” for a minute or two, the panic button is struck and the survival instinct activated. Breathing is not a thing easily forgotten – as my artist friend Neda so humorously has illustrated.

Humans have a strong survival instinct, and it has allowed our race to expand and evolve on the planet earth for thousands of years. Even in today’s society we need our survival instinct to keep from having lethal accidents. Ever avoided being hit by a bus by leaping back to the pavement at the last second, or acutely hitting the brakes to avoid a car-crash? Notice how your heartbeat race and breathing quickens in the process? This is a rational reaction to a potentially dangerous situation, and without our survival instincts we probably wouldn’t still be alive.

When I do breathing exercises in the mornings I easily trigger these instincts by holding my breath in or out for some time. Withholding and controlling the breath is the main part of the exercise, and getting acquainted with these basic instincts is one of the things I am learning. Doing these exercises in a controlled setting the panicky feelings aren’t rational, but the instincts don’t discriminate between rational and irrational fear.

Sometimes the panic button is struck in completely inappropriate situations, for instance when I’m standing in front of a crowd holding a speech or singing a solo. In these situations there is no real threat, but it can certainly feel that way! Pulse quickening, throat getting dry, etc. Getting acquainted with my panic button might help me conquer some of the irrational fears in my life, and enable me to make more rational decisions.

The other experience of the breathing exercise is when I breathe in after holding the breath in, slowly letting it out, and then holding it out for some time. Allowing myself that deep breath gives me a rush of satisfaction. These feelings flow around in my body for some seconds before the need to breathe starts building up again. I recognize the need-satisfaction. Of course the need to breathe is essential as I couldn’t live without satisfying this particular need. But other needs aren’t necessarily quite so rational. Since breath is an essential need it is a very effective way of triggering the need-feeling (or craving as I wrote in the post: Craving air).

Breathing exercises makes me more aware of my basic survival instinct and needs, and the feelings and sensations that accompany them. I feel like I’m really getting to know myself better. For instance by recognizing when my needs are irrational, and perhaps should be overcome, or when my panic reaction isn’t rational, because the threat is only in my head.

My 7 commandments

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 15:57:00 +0000

This post is inspired by Leo’s latest post at Zen Habits where he shared his 4 commandments. The word commandments give a biblical association, but I could just as well have called it goals or ideals or even new years resolutions.

Simplifying it down to the essentials is a good idea. My list could probably be cut down even further, and if there had to be only one commandment it would be:

1) PAY ATTENTION

I believe this is the most important lesson to be learned in life. By paying attention all the answers can be found. It is surprisingly difficult to stay focused and attentive in the present. But as with everything else in life, practice makes better! Read more on my post The art of paying attention.

I also try to:

2) be truly humble

By this I mean – be compassionate, tolerant, patient and giving. Put other people’s needs before my own. Here I get to practice on being compassionate towards myself for having such a long way to go before even remotely reaching this goal! Read more on Proud to be humble?

3) keep learning something new

Be curious about things that tickle the intellect. Keep the brain in shape by giving it challenges of learning and doing something unfamiliar once in a while. I think this might be where the fountain of youth lies. Old people who manage to stay youthful are consistently those who never stop learning something new.

4) be honest to myself and others

Sometimes it costs to be brutally honest. I’m not proud of everything I choose to do and say. Although I very seldom tell a lie, I must admit I don’t always volunteer the truth either.

5) LOVE

Need I say more…

6) develop a strong self-discipline

Self-discipline is essential to reaching any goal in life. The resistance to change will win every time without the self-discipline to overcome it. Self-discipline could be considered to be a kind of muscle that needs toning and training to become strong and lean. Read more on Practicing self-restraint.

7) do that which is right

Every choice I face has an answer which is right for me. The right answer is whatever leads me towards greater clarity and understanding in life. This would include; keeping in shape, eating healthily, keeping my surroundings tidy and clean, working on my relationships, working on my weaknesses, etc.

A time for expectations

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 20:28:00 +0000

The greatest gift ever!

I brought two of my kids to church on Christmas Eve and listened to the priest talk about our expectations of getting gifts, foods, and good times with our loved ones. My five year old, not understanding the grown up word, asked me “Mother, do we have expectations?”
I told her that her looking forward to opening the presents under our Christmas tree is what having expectations means.

Walking home after the service I reflected a little further on the concept. At Christmas time our expectations are quite explicit and easily granted. We have a nice family dinner with plenty to eat and drink, and the kids get to open lots of presents. Everybody is happy. Of course there may be disappointments – like when the seven year old unwraps a wool sweater right after his little sister gets a pink I-pod. His greatest need is to get something cooler than her, and a red wool sweater doesn’t quite do it…

Expectations and disappointments go hand in hand. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment, when the former go unfulfilled. By building up our expectations we set ourselves up to being disappointed. So why not work on reducing the expectations instead? Perhaps everything doesn’t need to be perfect in order for us to be happy. If we focus more on all the good things we have, and about what we can do for others, perhaps we will actually be more content. Less is more, right.

When my daughter asks whether or not we have expectations of course I have to answer yes. Having absolutely no expectations might be the ultimate goal in life, and leave only contentment. However, prematurely turning off our expectations could be devastating and in fact mean giving up! By treasuring the great gifts life has given in abundance, there’s no need to settle. But we do need to notice the riches we have and remember to appreciate them.

Meditate your life

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 14:58:00 +0000

Every second of life is precious and ought to be treated as such, instead of wasting away moments as if the flow of them is never ending. As children we do this automatically while playing in the snow on endless winter afternoons. I remember the taste of snowflakes on the tongue, and the sensation of being inside a cocoon of white and blue fluff. As grown ups we mostly hurry inside and shut the door behind us, afraid of getting caught up in this specific moment because we’re so busy getting to the next one.

The purpose of meditation is to reach a state of awareness. By directing the attention to a single point of reference the mind quiets down and we notice our inner voices, endlessly commenting the thoughts and feelings that come up. Practicing meditation teaches us to let go of the things that stand in the way of experiencing our inner selves, and make our minds quiet and lucid. By repeatedly returning the mind to the chosen point of reference our ability to concentrate and exercise self-discipline develops.

In my experience staying focused on the present requires a lot of practice. I certainly often let my mind cling to past events or future worries. The moment slips away because of my fear of unknown obstacles. Why not face the obstacles right HERE and right NOW, which is where life is actually going on.

By paying attention I notice the way certain foods affect me, sweets for instant. The instant gratification of eating a chocolate soon gives way to dissatisfaction, frustration and a feeling of dullness. Was it really worth it, I might ask myself, and sometimes it really was worth it. But quite often it was put in my mouth of the wrong reasons – out of habit, need for comfort or to avoid feelings of emptiness, for instance. These feelings and needs are obstacles and I am better off facing them right now, rather than waiting for the right moment which might never come.

Inspired by my kids’ ability to live completely in the present, I try to let the attitude obtained in meditation bleed into other areas of life. By paying close attention to what is going on at least I notice it whenever my mind wanders off. And believe me, it does!

Simply say YES

noreply@blogger.com (Nicone) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 21:13:00 +0000

Feeling down in the dumps and tired of everything. Focusing on all that is bad and not working well in life. Being angry at destiny for all that is bestowed upon me - this set of challenges; these dispositions; these weaknesses. In the middle of some mid-life crisis, longing to break free and escape it all. Feeling like I’m drowning in the pressure all around.

I’ve been meditating on this feeling lately, trying to see the lesson to be learnt so I can move on. Now I’ve decided to try a new approach: EMBRACE IT! Accept that this is what my life is like now. The bad things are part of life as well as the good ones. I need to find a way to turn them into something positive.

Yes is a powerful word which opens up to new possibilities. The first time I meditated on this word tears streamed down my face. I realized that I have been fighting against everything I didn’t appreciate. Saying no to it and trying to restrict myself. Even the good things became stricken by this confinement.

Working on acceptance could be a key to letting go. Saying yes opens the mind. Physically we nod our heads, lift our chins up and relax our jaws when we say yes. This doesn’t mean having to accept the things we don’t like. I have posted the Serenity prayer once before in "the healing powers of CRISIS". I still want the courage to change the things that I can!