Miss Cellania

First-class Section

Miss Cellania — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:03:04 +0000

A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.

"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.

The businessman orders a coke.

After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"

The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.

Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.

The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for a coke.

Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.

The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"

Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.

At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."

(Thanks, Duke!)

Headline Gold

Miss Cellania — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:00:32 +0000

(via Probably Bad News)

Funkytown

Miss Cellania — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:00:45 +0000

Performed by old computer equipment! (via Geeks Are Sexy)

Gold Teeth

Miss Cellania — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:02:06 +0000

Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.

When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth.

So Moisha explained: "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."

The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"

Moisha then said, "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover,
but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food."

The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"

"Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich."

(Thanks, Holistic CPA!)