Miss Communication

Sincerely Not Yours

2010-06-15T14:57:00.002+10:00

"Marriage is not a noun, it's a verb. It isn't something you get; it's something you do. It is the way you love your partner every day" - Barbara De Angelis

Lets get a little mushy.
In a world where we are constantly falling in and out of love, sometimes with the same person over again, how do we ever manage to stay where we are? One will hesitate, the other will get discouraged, and sometimes fighting for the thing we love runs the risk of losing the love you had for yourself.

Toxic relationships with toxic bachelors give you the illusion that time, another person, or insecurities were at play, thus hindering you both from having that Great Love you were supposed to.

Wrong. If he / she loves you as much as they say they do, they'd be with you no matter what. The answer is always clear, and the cosmo quiz is unnecessary as they leave us no choice. Which brings me to my recent need to express the below.

Maybe Jojo was right, sometimes it's just too little, too late...

Dear Toxic Bachelor,

Love is not a drunk phone call at 2am
Love is not ignoring phone calls or making excuses
Love is not "Come over, I miss you, but you can't stay"
Love is not being too good for me one week, then clingier than a hungry koala the next.
Love is not "Sorry I forgot"
Love is not just finding a master for your monster.
Love is not what I should have called slamming vodka down my face to stop crying over you.
Love is not "You're all mine. However, see that blonde with the big rack? I'll have her save herself for me too".
Love is NOT just for the weekend. Love is always; every day.
Love is not fair when you declare it to someone after they have finally moved on and found someone better.
Love is not painful most of the time.

Toxic bachelors like you should be a sweet tooth pick-me-up, or an impulse item on a Saturday night. Loving you was like a lengthy bout of food poisoning. The beauty of this toxic love is it will only happen once for me, like chicken pox. The down-side for you is it will happen a lot, much like catching multiple STD's, curing it, and catching it again.

One day I will be happily married, because I have already learnt my lesson. Even though I sincerely thank you for the learning curve, I am unable to determine where you will end up.

Your love was like buying a tiny fluffy bunny rabbit, accidentally naming it after a well-known vibrator, and posting it all over facebook with the line "I love my Ruby Rabbit".
Embarrassing, shameful, public, and painfully avoidable.

Althought I'll never say it to your face...
If you really did love me the way I used to love you, you would have kept it to yourself, knowing I'm already so happy with someone else.

Sincerely not yours,
<3 Miss Communication

Dear Molly

2010-06-10T16:53:00.002+10:00

As I think about packing for my small weekend trip away, I wonder how you packed for your big European adventure...
Four years, and four lifetimes ago, we became best friends. And now, you bitch, you have decided to leave me for England and the rest. While you are away and unreachable, I decided to dedicate this post to you.
Regardless of the fact that I baked you a two tiered masterpiece of a cake, slaved over a scrapbook, provided a designer notebook all with the secret message of "Please stay", you have left me for 3 months, and extended it for 6.
Even thought I hate you right now, I'm gonna type through the pain and go back to when I loved you and your close proximity.

I think what ties us together most is the many embarrassing moments that we have saved each other from.
Remember that time I was pining after that felon, and in my drunken stupor, tried to run after him to punch him in the face? I will never forget yelling "Hold my bag!" and clicking away in my heels like a centipede with all it's legs missing.
Thank you for being there to laugh at me, and help me remember so that I may laugh too.

You've seen me through when I have been in some serious shit.

Thank you for experiencing miracles with me, like when the Motorway was too busy so we went down a quiet road, only to see the little boat light up on your dashboard. "Oh my god! What does that meann" you cried in horror. Because I am amazing, I reply, "the car overheated, we need to stop, revive survive and get some water STAT!".

I know we will have our own adventures again soon <3.
I think what is really vital, is that we embarrass ourselves enough without embarrassing eachother. Like when you held a dinner party for our friends, but needed help with the cooking. Thank you for finally admitting that, even though you exclaimed "hey everyone, here's a finger bowl for you and a napkin for your hands, aren't I smart!", it was actually my idea. Anybody else would have yelled "LIARRR! IT WAS ALL ME!", I took one for the team and smiled down at my clean hands in shock!

Thank you for always pushing me to exercise, even when I regretted it. I now know not to violently throw my legs over my head in pilates, as it makes me roll over and scream.

And BTW, which FYI means By The Way, thank you for being a witness to...

- The brunch where my scones turned into biscuits
- Crashing my mum's car the first day I had it, and watching that stupid fat child get taken away in the ambulance for insurance of some kind.
- Teasing my mother, e.g. the way she says McDonalds... "Mecdaaanalds"
- Teaching me that in fact, party pies do taste good when cold
- Scaring me to death when there was an avalanche in New Zealand where you happened to be.. (the day before)
- Yourself. Being a spastic. All the time. Esp when you cut your essay writing short for an emergency mani-pedi
- Watching New Moon 3 times in cinema (in the month of November)

- Creating Fat Shit day with me, where we eat everything and it doesn't matter, because a magic fairy blessed the day to minus all calories consumed on this day (allocated by us)

- My lint-infested trackies, which were the only pair left for me to where as you always leave my house with my clothes on instead of yours
- All the sexual escapades you rescued me from, lesbian events when I got spooned against my will, and countless funny things we should really write down, seeing as we both have photographic memories, but neither of us have any film!
- Your spastic rants: here is an excerpt from Facebook for your convenience:

" Helen I think we should just be friends.
Plus I like men.
And I have a hunch your cheating on me with many men.
And your bad in bed.
There I said it"

"Question.. is clothing required for tomorow night? I bought really hot shoes and I just feel like they're enough"

Here's some flashbacks from 2007 that I emplore you to make sense of

"Hell 2 da yes!

One day were gonna own our own bubble factory!
And swimmable accserories line!
And we'll play with bubbles and look hot!
And be rich!
And famous!
And laugh at the little ppl!!"

I miss you so much. So many huge things have happened that are only huge to us, and I can't call you up or send you one liner sms' like "omg I just wet myself" or anything cause it's just not the same. There's just no love like moelen love <3

I know I'm selfish, because I want you to have fun, but mostly I want you to hate it so you can come home due to missing me incredibly.

So from me to you, here's a little slice of home, the only way we know how. Incredibly hilarious and twice as cute

<3 Miss Communication

The Pin Up Girl

2010-06-10T13:41:00.005+10:00

As we sift through an endless scale of labels, roles and self-images, we try to identify ourselves and our place in the world. We're constantly changing what we believe, what we stand for and which cause to fight for. When everything changes faster than Lindsay Lohan gets new negative press, how do we ever stop the labelling process?

From the primary school Mufti-Day wardrobe mishaps where the cool kids picked on your Target shirt, to working out how to deal with your first toxic bachelor in Love's game of chemistry, we have grown and changed according to who we 'are' in society. Women unfortunately, sometimes let men to do the labelling. When you want to drown your troubles but your boyfriend won't go swimming, sometimes it's lighter on the soul to do our own re-evaluation.

Women are constantly working to be accepted by the general public, while men have less of this pressure, thus the Pin Up Girl Effect. I don't see any 1950's male model pin ups that other men can strive towards becoming. That tall, dark and handsome Mr Right with a rich knowledge of the female body and an ever richer bank account. No!
There are no old male posters with a man holding a diamond between his pecs, the way a woman models her baby maker.

We love to label ourselves, take little quizzes and categorize. No matter what we say about looks not mattering, women are more likely to feel its importance, regardless if the man doesn't care. Love may be blind, but our own sense of sex appeal isn't. This would be why lingerie is so popular!

It's a proven fact that women are more likely to feel insecure about their image, and watch every thing they do because of it. Of course, I've never been a fan of believing "you are what you eat", because I happen to like fruits and nuts!
It's the unlikeable truth that men are more likely to have a strong sense of confidence, even when it's not deserved. (Read my first blog THE MALE EGO). When it comes to our roles in relationships, how we see ourselves is likely to be how others see us too.

Maybe it's true what they say after all...

<3 Miss Communication

Some believe that a black cat crosses your path and greatly impacts the outcome of your day. Others believe that a black cat crosses your path because it's merely going somewhere. I pity the fool that believes nothing, for then neither have any purpose at all!

The Bucket List

2010-06-09T17:00:00.001+10:00

After watching "I love you too", I decided that unless you are Peter Helliar using any excuse to hit on women clearly out of your leauge, it's ok to write a Bucket List anytime you want.
Aside from a great time in bed, we all need to achieve certain goals in order to feel satisfied. If we satisfy certain needs, we can move on to achieving greater well being.
I will start by noting that "go bungee jumping" is NOT on the list. I used to shake so violently on the high school balance beam that I recited the whole bible before getting coaxed down with a Cherry Ripe.
So without further adieu, suspend your judgement and secure your underwear for

My Bucket List

1. Go skinny dipping
2. Swim with the dolphins
3. Create my dream home with a really big kitchen and throw an awesome dinner party
4. Have a baby and make them very happy
5. Get married... and stay married
6. Name a star
7. Have a puppy (own one... not give birth to one)
8. Spend 24 hours completely naked
9. Learn to ski
10. Canter on a horse and NOT fall off this time.. aka without bruising my ego or my back
11. Fly first class
12. Punch someone in the face and break something
13. Visit a castle in Ireland
14. Visit the Greek Islands and stay at least a week in one place
15. Tour America
16. Have a really nice bar collection... and not drink it all
17. Sell my writing in some form
18. Go a week without make-up (eep!)
19. Stay up all night without passing out, throwing up or engaging in strange drunken acts one may regret
20. Received a bouquet of flowers for no special reason
21. Hand over my old diaries to my kiddies.
22. Apologise to my boyfriend for wetting myself when he dribbled tea into my mouth from his.
23. Try 22 again and not wet myself.
24. Have 100% job satisfaction
25. Have a black and white Old England photo taken from Movie World. I went with my ex, but we left early to go and see strippers instead. *Sigh*
26. Grow a pretty garden.
27. Go scuba diving. Not sit on the edge of a boat and shake of fear; actually do it!
28. Get on that god damn balance beam without shaking

29. Finish what I started: including but not limited to
- A whole bottle of Moet
- Every Marilyn Monroe film
- A Star Wars film.. so help me God.
- Learning the keyboard...That retched thing is harder than it looks.
- Saving for Europe
- an entire collection of something

"You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experiences. "Gordon B. Hinckley

With love,

<3 Miss communication

TLC, Trouble Lies with Choice

2010-06-08T16:46:00.000+10:00

In a world of uncertainty, where men are at women like dogs to fire hydrants, it's become more common to find something else than stick to one partner. Plans are never kept, choices remain unmade and somehow the person we are interested in always has another 25 options.

Have you ever walked into a supermarket with the sole intention of buying bread, or hair dye, and walk out empty handed, or with something completely irrelevant - like gum? Making a choice became so difficult and frustrating, you shook your head in awe and gave up on your mission all together. Plain, rye, wholemean, wholegrain, wholemeal with grains, mixed, sourdough, flat, fat, f*&ks sake! Nobody ever wants to live with making the wrong choice, so we choose not to choose at all!

Variety: the spice of strife!
One could argue that we are so used to being spoilt for choice, we view our relationships the same way. Hey men, don't worry, if you lose the Original flavour. There is always Diet girl, Vanilla spice, Sugar free Mama and Raspberry Red head. Clearly "The Bachelor" was created by a man.

Where Mr Right's first name is Always, and always turns out so be so very wrong, finding one we like is challenge enough. When dating becomes more difficult than a 300-suitcase game of Deal or No Deal, how do we ever manage to get what we want?

Newly single people argue that sometimes the best way to get over one is to get under another. With so many under your belt, how do you know that the right one hasn't already come and gone?
After bedding countless people, how would you begin to choose the best, the worst, the sacred, the One.

We're always driven to see, buy and want more, because it can never seem that we have enough with a world full of choices. Researchers believe the problem is that when you have too much choice, you become obsessed about what your decision will say about you.

Who knows, maybe we all divulge in a little Gluttony every now and then and just choose everything. I know many men do!

I find that sometimes, the greatest relief is to sit back with a glass of wine and watch the chips fall where they may. That and of course, sign up for online shopping to save yourself the look of disgusted amazement at the supermarket. Unlike Kathy Lee Griffin, sometimes it's best to quit while you're ahead.

From me to you,

<3 Miss Communication

Driving Us Crazy

2010-06-07T16:38:00.001+10:00

After changing my morning travel routine from public transport to driving in peak hour traffic, I came to observe how traffic and road rage brings out the worst of our personalities.

I am quite confident when I state that I never talked to myself until I was in the car alone for long periods of time. I know I do it, I’ve seen you do it, so here’s how we identify it. Popular examples may include

- Yelling out all the unconventional ways you think the other person got their license
- Wishing for a loudspeaker so they can actually hear you yelling “are you DRUNK?”
- Stating “bet you they’re Asian!!!” when there is only yourself to bet
- Contemplating / muttering all the ways you could get away with hurting them
- Forgetting there are other people in the car and putting them in mental / physical harm
- The passengers would rather commando roll out of your moving vehicle than deal with another fit

When the craziness of driving triggers the craziness within, it can turn an equal rights activist into a racist, and a green peace volunteer the same green of the hulk. It got me wondering; maybe we’re all a little crazy!

Triggers
....
For some it’s bad drivers, for others like my mother it’s a grand mixture of loud noises, small spaces, big crowds, a smudge on the carpet, being rushed, others going too slow, an unmade bed, yelling, whispering, a dish in the sink, general human error and on the odd occasion, men’s facial hair, clingy men, cat hair, dog hair, dirt in general, people breathing erratically.
From breathing to cheating, no matter what it takes, everyone has at least one thing that makes them tick.

Some people can be so sensitive; you’d have better luck not getting burnt in an attempt to catch a falling hair curler (on high). Warning: chances are slim to none.

For some people, only being sensitive to one trigger is bad enough. I call these people the Morphers. They turn from Tweety bird to T-Rex in 0.5 seconds as they roar at that guy that merged without looking. The face goes red, the eyes swirl green and their fist grip the wheel so hard it buckles. As they turn the corner, they continue to happily sing along to the radio, until the next event occurs. This is a great indicator of the Morpher effect.

Even beautiful people, with hair that glistens in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze, have triggers that turn them senseless.
What’s yours?

<3 Miss Communication

A Good Night Out

2010-06-02T16:50:00.003+10:00

After being quoted after a big night out saying "It isn't a quest for a freaking ring, I just want you to go and get me a drink", I thought about ways to be an efficient Saturday-Night-Alcoholic (in the most classy way of course), and included very thoughtful prediction on how you might feel the next day!

If Charlie Chaplin was right when he said "A man's true character comes out when he is drunk", I know a whole lot of voyeuristic, compulsive and clumsy people! Oh Charlie- if only you could see us now.

An 'Efficient' Saturday Night Out:

- You have your eyes locked on a hot prize of the evening, and you're finally talking. It's a basic guarantee that if either of you excuse yourselves, you'll get caught up in the bar/club hype and not get to speak again. This is what I like to call a Flock Block. Much like the infamous Twat / Cock block, except it involves circumstances in which a person has to flee due to:
- Needing to urinate
- Needing to buy a drink
- Needing to vacate the area due to an unnatural disaster (I call this the ex-boyfriend sighting)

One way to avoid this, or at least the drink issue, is to become an efficient alcoholic and purchase two drinks for yourself at a time at the bar (and urinating before you leave the house for goodness sake).

Less time at the bar means less time wasted, and more time avoiding the eldery lonely men that lurke the line-up hoping to charm you with their gold teeth and Wooden-Spoon-Award-Pick up lines!
(HINT: may come in handy if you need to score a free drink, WARNING: this may attract a wrinkly leech)

When your beautifully-clad feet are throbbing, and so is your heart, the last thing you want to do is leave your prime position.

Things you want to avoid:

- Whining to the same person to get you a drink - pick someone new each time and offer them money for it. You don't want to look like a Winona ;).

- Drinking so much you: have to leave / vomit up your cocktail / text your ex your exact location with co-ordinates / cry and get the all famous Mascara Neck.

KEY INDICATORS YOU WENT OUT LAST NIGHT
(The good, bad, and the Long Bay Jail level of Ugly)

- There are kebab wrappers in your bag, bin, floor, mouth, random hotel room.
- You get notifications of photos added from people you were with last night and your first reaction is to delete your entire Face book.
- Your first words are a painful "ohh shiiiiit"
- You find unexplained bruises. Upon realising their explanation, your next words are also "ohh shiiiiit" (see embarassment blog for an A++ example)

- You walked through a drive through McDonalds / got into a taxi so they can stop on the way home
- You're written on
- You wrote on people
- You're now famous for being Smirnoff's best consumer
- You believe you should be famous for being Smirnoff's best consumer.. AND...

- My Classiest Gold Star Moment of 2009: You pull into a service station to throw up on the way home. The young indian won't let you in... So you let it all out on the glass front door, that isn't so sparkling-clean anymore.

- My slap-your-forehead Moment of 2010: You text your best friend wondering how they got home last night, and they reply, "are you serious, you idiot, the same way you did. I'm upstairs". (Suddenly all those kebab wrappers explain themselves slowly).

As always, another lesson learnt. They say some of the best ideas you will ever have, dawn like a bright country sunrise after a cocktail or two; so I have now brought to you the most intelligent thing I have, and ever will write in my life!

<3 Miss Communication

Little Thrills

2010-06-01T15:07:00.000+10:00

We’re bound by a world in which routine is a god forsaken need that rules us. We may not be as bad as Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, where having guests over threatens his morning bathroom schedule (7am – 7:20am) but monotony gets us all.

Maybe this creates our need for little thrills. Maybe we really do just need to shake things up with a bit of drama every once in a while.

From breaking at the last second at a red light, to teenage boys playing chicken on the highway, little thrills are our secret small pleasures throughout the day.

You’re merging onto the motorway when the truck starts to accelerate. You

a. Play it safe and stop, even though you probably have room

b. Slam on the accelerator and zoom in front. YES I made it mother F&^%er!

You let go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding and there it is: the little thrill that suprises even you. It feels gooood.

Little thrills, I’ve discovered, is the reason why very smart people sometimes do VERY stupid things.

It’s the thing that makes you wait to text someone back, knowing they're waiting, and giggle when they text a second time.

It’s the thing that keeps your face book window open at work until you feel the boss’ retched breath on your shoulder.

It’s the thing on a Saturday night that says “Come on, you can have another shot” even though your up-chuck reflex is screaming ‘please God, not another work out’.

Somehow, after screwing up your face till you resemble an Alien that loves sour lemons, you manage to keep it down, and then comes the little thrill that excites you so.

And just like the New Age Dating Bible (He’s just not that into you) states:

Guys invented the "spark" so they could

not call and treat you kind of bad and

keep you guessing, and then convince you

that the anxiety and fear that it creates

in you is actually a "spark." And you

all buy it. You love it. You all thrive

on it because you all love drama.

Dear Gigi’s of the world, call me your Alex ;). He’s right. We all thrive on paying our bills last minute, and subtly rebelling in a not so rebel way.

A woman will fret over a date, even if it was only average, and a man has his comforting ego to tell him there will always be a younger, perkier version around the corner.

Girls LOVE little dramas, this is true. Men do too, but they just cover it in gift wrap and call it an "adrenaline rush" for the masculine. Aside from driving too fast, and smelling too foul, it's exactly the same thing.

Drama

Have you ever wondered why t.v shows like Home and Away and Neighbours are so popular?

It's every day people with an accelerated amount of drama, raging fires, hospitalisations and infidelity that we can then gossip about. It's fun!

Ever found yourself throwing a dirty look and then telling people all about it? That would be that little voice in your head that says "Self- I am bored. Let's cause some trouble"

In men, it may come in the form of flirting with a woman that's taken, or flirting when he himself is taken. Aside from the fact that it's the biggest ego boost since man created steroids, it's just another way to get a little bit of drama to keep life a little interesting.

Next time you find yourself expelling that little breath of air you didn't know was there, think of me, and those little thrills we all secretly love!

<3 Miss Communication

How Embarrassment!

2010-05-31T15:57:00.002+10:00

After an interesting weekend of embarrassment, tears and laughter, I got to thinking about the difficult social situations we regularly find ourselves in.

A wise musician once said to me, ‘It is not the problems we face that mould us, it is how we deal with them.’ He went on to say that sometimes the metaphorical poo has to hit the fan, so we have the opportunity to test our strength.

Who knows? Maybe I developed my own wisdom after falling heels-over-speaker into a live band this weekend, and hitting my head on some life experience?

Picture this: you’re feeling hot and dancing at the front of a large crowd, booty shaking away, when suddenly you lose your balance and fall backwards over a feedback speaker and into the lead singer. Your best spread eagle is now on display for 100 strangers, till a friend fishes you out while the lead singer laugh-sings the rest of the set.

You can either

a. A. Cry- (not a fan of this one. I prefer my mascara on the eyes, not running down my neck)

b. B. Be brave. Just keep on dancing and brush it off

c. C. Giggle, pretend nothing happened, but slowly make for the front door.

d. D. Laugh at yourself and tell everybody

e. E. Yell at someone so it looks like their fault

It wasn’t the situation that formed me (even though it was the funniest and most embarrassing moment of my life), maybe it was the way I dealt with it that showed what I was like. I was a C / D combo to be quite honest.

Haven’t you ever been on a first date, when the waitress spills coffee on your date, or their car breaks down, or they step in not-so-metaphorical poo, and you hold your breath to anticipate their reaction? Are they going to yell at the waitress, get a bout of road rage or have the ‘poos’ all evening?

And you pray to whoever is listening that they have a good giggle, say “no dramas” and brush it off, so that your crush doesn’t turn into a crash. These are the tests we all face, and the way we handle them shows people who we are under the surface.

In conversation, if someone bad mouths a person to me, I can’t help but wonder what they are saying about me. It then dawned on me that people probably think the same of me- and I know I can bodge up and say something mean every now and then just like anyone else.

It's Monday, aka end of blog time- short and sweet lovers xxx.
To cure my Monday-itis I like
my trusty Cotton On Body Robe
Berroca mmm
and my lovely new Grosby Hoodies for your feet <3
<3 Miss Communication

The Thing about Relationships is...

2010-05-28T14:44:00.001+10:00

More and more my relationship and those around me are reminding me of tug-of-wars. Relationships to me, in an idealistic world, seem to be about making compromises. It would seem that it's the only logical explanation to get along. If both parties have strong ideas and beliefs and aren't ever willing to budge, how do we ever end a cold war?

Which got me to wondering... Maybe opposites really do attract! Taking on the idea that everybody has a 'personality type' ( see http://www.personalitypage.com/relationships.html) Different personality types hold different values, for example

The Idealist: They have a very deep capacity for love and caring above any other personality type (which is normally the issue in most men- this hurdle has been cleared! Hallelujah)!. They usually adapt easily, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation. Hint: you do not want to fight with this one.

Adam (the Idealist) says to Eve (also an Idealist): 'I want you to stay home while I hunt and that is not negotiable'
Eve: 'Those vegetables aren't going to plant themselves Adam, I need and want to go out.'
Adam thinks: I'll make her see
Eve thinks: He's not getting laid till he agrees with me

Both parties are at a stand still, and neither will budge, wanting to grab each other's shoulders and shake one another until they make a My-Way-or-the-Highway smoothie. So they're up Serpent creek without a paddle, while Adam sulks under the Tree of Knowledge (not that it helps), and Eve waits at the bottom of the hill ready to pounce and plead her case one more time.

In my experience, the only way a couple get out of this mess, whether it's a big issue or a 'you didn't wash my leaf briefs' squabble, is if both respect each other and want each other enough that it just doesn't matter. Personalities aside, it all comes down to fighting fair.

No matter what the issue is, there is always a reason or insecurity behind it that they just don't want you to see. It takes patience and honesty to work through it- even though your first reaction is "what a bloody tosser, what's the big deal!!!"

Around me, I see friends whose partners know they are weak, and play on their insecurities like salt on an open wound. The girls that tell tales and manipulate, and the men that don't call. Why? Because they can!
My advise to those people is always "She / He did this awful thing to you, and wants you to get over it. I know you don't want to lose them, but think about this for a second...

Do you think that 5 years from now you will be married or be with this person if they're capable of doing this to you?"

If the answer is no, maybe there isn't anything worth fighting for.

How to avoid it

It's all about balance. One needs to know their worth, and maintain a good self esteem no matter who they are with- that way no one can ever shake it or threaten it.
At the same time, couples have to be able to talk things out assertively, and discuss how they are feeling and why. If this isn't happening, then one of you isn't caring at all. I guarantee it's not the person caring enough to read this!

Love Always,

Miss Communication.

Things to pack on a Weekend Away

2010-05-27T16:36:00.001+10:00

I finally admit how forgetful I am, and so begins the need to become a list maker. In excited anticipation of my weekend away with my friends, I decided to get more organised than Jlo in The Wedding Planner.
In true female tradition, it seems no matter how long we go away for, we always pack like we're not coming back. If you're anything like me, there is always something vital you forget to take. My furthest-from-fondest memory would have to be the Melbourne trip of 1998 where I had forgotten underwear and didn't want to admit it and look like a noob...

It was an interesting week!

So to save myself, and other prospective trip-goers, I comprised a fool proof list of things to pack on a trip away- including everything for an empty apartment where I will be staying soon =)

TOILETRIES
- Loofah
- Toothbrush / paste
- Shampoo / Conditioner in mini bottles
- all make-up necessities
- Cleanser / Toner
- Moisturiser
- Sun screen

CLOTHNG
Layers can always prepare you for whatever weather comes your way
- Singlets x 2
- Cardigans x 2
- Jeans x 1
- Tights x 1
- Dresses x 2
- Underwear and Bras (see introduction for importance!)
- Socks
- PYJAMAS (remember this time!)
- Robe (if there's room)
- Swimming costume x 2

NECESSITIES
- CAMERA and charger
- Plastic bags for dirty clothes. They always come in handy for random things
- Hair Straightener / Curler
- SUNGLASSES
- Beach Towel
- Bath Towel
- Linen (if not supplied)
- GOOD COMPANY =)
- Wine / Alcohol

EXTRAS
Depending on the relevance to your holiday, it might be beneficial to bring:
- Laptop and charger
- USB with all your movies on it
- Books- I love Paullina Simons: The Bronze Horseman NOTE: in case of emergency only. Socialise where possible on this trip- it will be far more memorable!
- Plastic ware e.g. cups, spoons, fork, knives, shot glasses, martini glasses, champagne flutes

I can't even make a light LIST, let alone pack light! With all these things, you'll definitely be set for at least a month! (depending on your underwear supply of course- we don't want a Melbourne 1998 repeat).

the girls night in

2010-05-26T15:23:00.005+10:00

As I sit here at work struggling to find anything remotely interesting to do in this cold, windy torrential rain, I decided to share my favourite things to do on a cosy night in!

Life in the fast lane can leave burn marks on the soul, and I'm definitely due for a nice Friday night in. Who ever mentioned living fast and dying young clearly didn't mind the eyelid-tugging sleep depravity, money burning and moodiness that goes along with it.

The last straw for me was dreaming I was glued to a rat wheel and couldn't get off. I pedalled so furiously to keep up that I woke up even more exhausted!

Living fast is great, only if you get to have a slow night every now and then, and balance out your lifestyle.

Tips for a good night in:

Don't be afraid to say 'no' to invitations that arise throughout the night. Set out to do what you have decided to do.

THE GOODIES:

My personal favourites include

- Fluffy new Grosby slippers called “hoodies for your feet”. They are $30, but priceless for the warmth and snugglies they provide!

- A bottle of red wine / pink sparkling to go with fruit

- A good movie or TV series. Some of my guilty pleasures include...
Sex and the City
Mean Girls
Friends
White Oleander (but the book is way better)
Romy and Michelle's high school reunion
How to lose a guy in 10 days
Devil Wears Prada (but the book is way better)
The Notebook (when you just want to cry! I myself like to keep my mascara on the top half of my face, so this generally gets a miss)

- Making a nice dish like banoffee pie:
2 packets oreos in a food processor to make the base
1 tin of Caramel top 'n fill over the oreo base
2 bananas thickly sliced and placed over the caramel
thickened cream on top. It is the secret to happiness, from me to you friends.

THE RESULT:

A Friday night that is enjoyable, light on the wallet, and won’t have you waking up with tired rumbly eyes!

The Male Ego

2010-05-26T09:36:00.011+10:00

An old boyfriend of mine once said that 90% of what men do and say towards women is driven by the intricate, fragile and easily triggered male super ego.
Of course, we females were subconsciously aware that a single word to damage said ego can send a man into a hole so deep, we'd have better luck finding a heavily discounted Chanel Chance perfume (impossible- I tried).
In reading this, not every man necessarily has to fit the 'macho type' of characteristic, but when the ego is inflated, there are many common responses all men ( and many women ) tend to display.
It still shocked me how right he was, however. So I researched and fine tuned my discoveries.

Identifying the male ego

For some it makes us competitive, always striving to be first, to be better, to go farther, faster, longer. For others, it drives the inability to say no, always involved in the next thing in hopes of praise and complements. And it contributes to the martyr syndrome, the one who continually feels they have to sacrifice their time because, tsk!, no one else can do it!

So how does this relate to men and women's relationships?

- It motivates extreme advances
- It rears its ugly head in arguments
- It creates a feeling of superiority and power- BLEH!
- It doesn't call the next day to reassure you
- It puts the car in 'park' at the end of a date in the middle of a deserted parking lot in hopes of a happy ending. ( We certainly do not need examples for this one )
- It is the first not to care any more
- It triggers the need to chase, and receive satisfaction of attaining the 'next best thing'
- It creates the beloved familiar wall we like to call their 'defence mechanism'
'What have I done wrong now?'
'Is that what you think?'
'I apologise if that's what you think I do, but I don't'
'And when exactly? And what exactly did I say? And why is that a problem?'
'That's not going to be a problem, now is it?'

Worst of all, it overrides the simple apology with "what makes you think I'm the problem here?". The male ego clearly knows no bounds. For example, Winston Churchill, who would rather lose 40,000 men at war than to admit his genius plan was indeed a genius mess.

Deflating the male ego

In a time when his ego is so puffed up he can barely storm out of the room, the only things that can calm the situation are
- Time, where you or he have to end up walking away, hastily saying a goodbye over the telephone, or like myself, quickly evacuating down a shopping centre fire exit.
- A bigger ego, to only be used by professionals that can control it long enough to throw it back into its cage. In my case, a friend intervening as I myself have not yet learnt its ways
- Common sense kicks in and overrides the mighty ego. Note: rare.

Now of course, some women already have acute awareness of as to who is really in charge in a relationship. We are the enablers, the obligers and the humourers of the male super ego, those who allow them to believe they are in charge.

Responding to the male ego

We see it, identify it and learn to accommodate a man's need to feel

Smarter, i.e "I'm just letting you know"
+ response "oh really darling how interesting!"
- response ".... yes I knowww"

More Competent, i.e "why don't you let me handle this"
+ response "you're probably right big boy"
- response "I can handle it!"

Great in bed
+ response "you're the biggest and best I have ever had
- response "not bad"... to which of course you will receive "NOT BAD? Is that it?"

Capable of having you any time they want, i.e "wanna catch up tonight, say 11pm?"
+ response 'whenever you're free' or 'yes, yes, yes'
- response ( my favourite ) 'actually I'm not really interested'

We have the ability to turn man to monster, in need of a master. Sometimes we have to remind them that a great boxer has to be able to take a punch!
We know when to stroke it, when to nurture and accept it, and when to bruise it so hard it struggles to return more than Kathy Lee Griffin's career.

So to my dear old.. friend, you were right on the money after all. Thank you for your honest insight into male and female interactions, and what really goes on beneath the surface. I think actually being aware of a man's needs and how we affect you really improves my personal interactions with other men. And even though I didn't know you were right at the time, I let you believe so anyway ;)