I played a benefit for Julie Turner yesterday. She’s a local honky tonk piano player that has given so much to our musical community. She overcame breast cancer and now she’s battling liver cancer (the horrible sometimes by-product of chemo). A ton of musicians came out to play, to listen - to say thanks and wish her well.

I had a lot of conversations. I met musicians I’d heard of but had never met or played with before. It’s a hazard of the industry. You have gigs. They have gigs. Lots of times your paths never cross – except online I guess. We all ask each other the same thing, “How’s it going?” And you know what question they’re asking – the same one you ask of yourself every day. The same one you make phone calls for and send emails about. My answer is pretty much the same these days. I’m playing but not as much as I would like. I’ve struggled with personal issues that have taken away my motivation for my music career (note I said MUSIC CAREER and not MUSIC. There’s a diff.). Blah blah. . .

I had a conversation about a year ago with a friend who had some great things going for him. He had 2 songs that he had written coming out in a major motion picture. He was doing some cool tours. I congratulated him. . . . and he said something like, “Yes it’s great right now. You just go with it. . . and try to just deal with the depression.”

Life is a roller coaster - for the musician, but for all of us. We start our lives working through the growing pains. We learn to crawl. We get up. We fall down. We learn to walk. We struggle with the explosion of hormones in adolescence. We manage our way to adulthood and wander through a maze of weddings, births and deaths. We struggle with our internal problems and try to love and give up the hate. We battle diseases like depression, alcoholism, cancer, and heart disease. All to work up to the effects of gravity on our bodies and get through old age.

But where’s our light - That inner light that pushes us through the challenges and obstacles and pushes us to LIVE? Heroes and Epics are not about the challenges but about those that overcome them. They are about those who refuse to allow their inner light to go out. They are about those who realize that the challenges are just that – some part of life to overcome. If you’re in that place where your inner light is waning, read some stories of human heroism. You will note in EVERY story that at some point the hero gives up. The light appears to go out. It is then at that point that the light re-ignites and shines the brightest and pushes the hero to overcome the challenge in front of him.

In my day job, I work in the casting industry. I have learned that there are metals that have certain properties that CANNOT be created without being heat treated. Sometimes we have to go through the trials by fire in order to get to that higher place of development and perhaps enlightenment. I cannot walk without falling. I cannot love more without having more required of me, thereby increasing my capacity to love.

Those who overcome recognize the process of challenges, overcoming and growth. But they also recognize the inner light – the one that is sometimes so small that you think that it is still out.

But the light is still there.

It’s about things that 100 years from now, NO ONE will remember.

But sometimes – sometimes you get lucky and it’s about the music. That feeling in the studio of laying down a great sounding track – you listen to the playback and get chills. You play a festival and the audience is screaming after every song (and they’re not even drunk yet). A DJ calls you because they just got overcome by the album you just sent them. You play a song onstage and get lost in the sounds coming out of your body and the feelings coming out of your soul.

I’ve gotten a little lost in the past year. OK maybe personally, but I won’t go into all of that. . . . except that maybe that’s echoed in my music. I went to the UK and Norway in July and after receiving encouragement to play MY original tunes in Norway, I realized that I’d lost my way a little.

The traditional country music crowd in Texas loves covers. As a friend in Bandera told me, “I can walk into a bar and tell you already what the setlist is. Doesn’t matter who the band is.” Don’t get me wrong. I’m a classic country music superfreak just as much as anyone is. Some of those songs are powerful and stirring. But as an artist that writes songs, there has to be a balance. You have to find a way to be yourself both through those covers as well as finding that way to present your own music. I don’t claim to be Harlan Howard, but I’ve written some songs that deserve to be heard.

Because those songs are who I am. I didn’t write the songs to play in my living room. I wrote them so that they could be heard. I wrote something that I wanted to connect with someone else.

THAT is what music is about. Connection. Sharing. Giving. Receiving. It’s a 2-way interaction of artist and audience. If it’s one-sided, it’s probably a private party that pays well. Money’s good, but music is better. It’s fulfilling, thought-provoking and even life-changing.

Today is a day of affirmation for me - a reminder that I’m in this for the music. No, I’ll probably stay this Unknown Artist in your mp3 player, but that’s ok. It’s not really about me – it’s about the music. . . but then again, my music is me.

So I’ll give a shout out today to 2 places that revived my soul lately – www.tommyalverson.com and www.doseydoe.com. Tommy Alverson is a super guy and great songwriter and singer. The folks over at Dosey Doe are part of the same group of people as Tommy. They get it. They just get the music.

Thanks to both of them for including me in what they do.

I’d rather change my status to Singular.

sin·gu·lar adj.

1. Being only one; individual.

2. Being the only one of a kind; unique.

3. Being beyond what is ordinary or usual;remarkable.

4. Deviating from the usual or expected; odd.

I understand that we want to find ways to group together – Singles, Single Men, Single Moms, Single Dads, etc. But can’t we value our uniqueness?

I live in a world where the goal of the music industry is to categorize – where the mainstream is looking for that which will appeal to everyone. In this effort to please the masses, vocals, instrumentation, arrangements, and songs become generic, watered down, and cookie cutter. Everything blends. Everything sounds alike. Everything is perfect. . . . or is it? If you want to be successful, sound like whoever is hot right now. But hasn’t music history proven over and over that the most successful music is unique and instantly recognizable?

Did you ever hear that song that just grabbed you at your heart? That one that you had to listen to over and over? Or that you looked desperately online to try and find out who the artist is?

Singular. One of a kind. Unique. Remarkable.

Single many times is an implication of lacking – of needing something else in order to be complete. But Singular stands alone. Singular IS. Singular thrives and shines.

I can’t change my Facebook status to Singular. Maybe it’s because we can’t seem to look at our uniqueness as having value. I wish we would. I know quite a few Singular people.

Authenticity is actually not that hard to find. It surrounds us in the natural world. But there are many of us that do try to stay true to who we are and try not to lose ourselves in roles and categories that our unnatural society tries to force us into. I’m looking back and understanding how much I’ve lost of myself and once again trying to figure out why. And the only thing I can ever come up with is my theory of Adjustments.

If you’re a musician, you understand adjusting. You begin the show at a certain volume level. Many times, whether it is because of room acoustics or what I think happens the majority of the time, general excitement and adrenaline, the music gets louder and louder.  One person turns up just a bit to hear themselves better.  The person next to them turns up. And on down the line. And sometimes over and over. And sometimes you end up a lot further from where you started.

I believe in dynamics in life. I believe that it is necessary to have opposites. I believe you have to have loud and you have to have soft. I believe you have to have down and you have to have up. I believe you have to have happy and you have to have sad. It’s necessary – for growth, for understanding and sometimes to avoid total boredom. But it is a rhythm. It is sometimes a roller coaster, but most of the time it is a pattern of ups and downs and happiness and sadness. The cool thing to remember is: It all comes back around.

I’ve spent countless hours at baseball games. My brother, Joel (who is 1 year younger than me), played Little League ball and played thru high school. I’ve heard hundreds of mothers say, “Wait for your pitch, honey, wait for your pitch.”

The key to authenticity is waiting. It is a remaining true to who you are amidst the changes. The key is reminding yourself that you ARE who you are and NO ONE (not even those that you love with all of your being) can change that. The key is a perseverance that withstands the hardest times and the lowest lows. Sure, you adjust. Sure, you sway a little bit. But remembering that core of who you are – that person that waits for their pitch – is what keeps you YOU.

I don’t want to see a world where we’re all the same. There’s a uniqueness to me that I like. Not everyone does. I’m ok with that. Because if I’m not me, I’m someone else, and I don’t like her. I like me.

I have more music inside of me than probably I even know. It is diverse. It is unique. It is dynamic. I learn more about this music every day. I’ve got enough songs to cut an album (actually about 2 albums), but I’m not ready yet. Life has been a storm lately and creation is better after the storm has settled.

My music is about my time. My soul. My heart.

I wait for my pitch.

It’s not like that. It’s not like some bolt of lightning that hits you and suddenly you have freedom – suddenly you are emancipated from the darkness and haze you’ve been in and now you have peace, happiness and even joy.

I have been told that I am not looking for the answers. Answers come later - I am looking for the questions. In order to know the questions I have to listen.

But what am I listening to? What am I focused on? Am I really paying attention to this life, to my soul, to my heart?

Do you remember going to the pool and play the game where you talk and try to understand your friends underwater? Do you remember the muffled sound? The ability to semi-understand what is being said, but in general you’re not having a deep conversation. If someone says watermelon, the game is over.

Are we so buried in noise and sound that we’re no longer sure of what to listen to? What I think about more, as a musician, is the loss of purity of sound. Have we become so accustomed to layers of "perfection" that we no longer understand how to take in sound that is pure, genuine and real?

How can we find our authentic selves, stripped of layers of artificiality without being able to listen to what is authentic? Have we become so glossed over that we don’t know the difference?

A friend of mine was talking the other day about preferring the sounds recorded to tape, and instantly recognizing a digital recording (and, by the way, virtually EVERY musical recording you hear nowadays is recorded digitally). He preferred recorded sounds that are more raw and real.

And I told him it’s impossible to record that way nowadays and be competitive.  While you struggle as an independent artist to even get satellite radio airplay, there’s NO way that you could receive anything close to the mainstream with an analog recording.

 Because we don’t want real. We want perfect. The irony of this is that we are still obsessed with “reality” shows. Reality shows that have shown over and over that the more they play up the drama, the better the ratings are. So reality becomes manufactured reality. And we drink it in.

Take a day and just listen.  Go out to a park and just listen to the sound of the wind, the leaves, the birds, the insects, the frogs.  Find a place that has a record player and listen to a vinyl recording (if you can find a 78 to play, EVEN better).  Go hear a live band.  Sit down at a water fountain.  Hear kids at play on a playground. SING IN THE SHOWER.

LISTEN. But listen to something REAL. Listen to something that hasn’t been run through a machine, then reworked digitally on a computer so that whatever the engineer “perceived” as an imperfection got taken out. Listen to hear a voice within you that connects with something authentic. THAT is the way the revelation comes. THAT is a way that the lightning bolt hits – in that moment of hearing something that echoes within yourself.

Because YOU are the one with the answers inside of you. Waiting.

Listen.

Ever thought that maybe it’s not just coincidence? Ever think that maybe YOU are listening – you are in that moment where you are open to hearing what your soul really needs?

There is a Buddhist saying, “When the student is ready, the master appears.”

We don’t need to LOOK for our answers. Our answers are within us. The question is, “Are you ready? Are you willing? Will you listen?”

And that’s the funny thing about listening. Signs are all around us – whether they are the words of a friend, the sights and sounds of nature, or a new book.

I’m a fix-it kind of gal. I tell my kids all the time, “There’s a solution for everything.” They know this. They quote it back to me all the time. . . . But sometimes the solution is there – waiting at our fingertips. Waiting for us to recognize it. Waiting for us to believe it. Waiting for us to LISTEN.

So the question is not whether there is an answer, the question is:

Are you listening?

I think I’ve been a little bit of both.

My personal life has been turned upside down. I don’t want to go into it. I’ve never been one to be public about my personal life. I know people that post their drama all over social networking sites. It’s just not me. I have friends and family to help get me through.

But I have found over and over through crises in my life that you cannot over-value listening.

When I was 5 years old, I began taking classical violin lessons. I studied the Suzuki method, which relies heavily (and some critics say TOO heavily) on ear training. I would listen to tapes of the songs I was learning to play. I would listen over and over and over. I could then play the songs because they were already in my head. The key was that you had to listen and get those songs in your head BEFORE you could begin attempting to play them.

We go through life sometimes just like a bull charging from one thing to the next. We encounter a crisis and can’t wait for it to be over instead of just sitting and feeling those moments. How can we learn from a crisis that we don’t allow ourselves to even experience?

What if we just stopped and listened? What if we filled our heads with the “sounds” around us – those notes and chord changes and melodies that fill the air around us. We could learn from the pain, or the things people are trying to tell us, or the new change that life is trying to bring us.

I’m trying to listen. I fully admit that there are days when I turn it all off and don’t feel it. But I’m trying not to do that very often. I’m trying to train my soul into gaining a new perspective from this so that when it’s all over I can play new music – and if I’m very lucky, even more fulfilling music.

"Authenticity means you know how to play.

Authenticity means you don't dance on stage, unless you're spontaneously inspired, choreography is taboo.

Authenticity means you write your own songs.

Authenticity means you don't go on morning television shows.

Authenticity means you know fans are first.

Authenticity means you know without your fans, you're nothing.

You write and sing from the heart because you have to, not because you got an MBA and want to get rich.

Yes, the public is craving something real. And we've got a whole industry built on not providing it. The music infrastructure is teetering because it's built upon a foundation of crap. The only acts people want to see with consistency tend to be over fifty, who did it right back then and can tour until they drop, which they're gonna.

Sure, there are exceptions. But don't you get it? When you co-write and polish to perfection, when you get a clothing line and consider yourself a brand, when you hype perfume and refuse to be honest, never saying a negative word, you're working against yourself.

The public craves authenticity. According to the Oxford Dictionary, that's an adjective meaning:

1 of undisputed origin; genuine

-made or done in the traditional or original way, or in a way that faithfully resembles an original : the restaurant serves authentic Italian meals | every detail of the movie was totally authentic.

- based on facts; accurate or reliable : an authentic depiction of the situation.

- (in existentialist philosophy) relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, significant, purposive, and responsible mode of human life.

Let authenticity be your credo."

--http://www.lefsetz.com