missazra85

SHOPPING TIME :)))

2011-03-26T13:10:00.001+10:00

After four long weeks of hardcore study - I finally had a chance to give myself a well deserved break and go shopping. It started off with Australia Fair in Southport but that wasn't enough so we decided to go to the hijab shop in Brisbane, but not before doing a detour to Westfield Garden City. And since even that wasnt enough we stopped off at Harbour Town on the way back home.

We had a good time, just talked, looked around, had lunch and coffee etc etc. And I ended up buying quite a few things. Here's some of it:

There's more but I put it in the wash so ye.. can't take photos yet.

Overall, it was such a good break, even if I do feel really guilty for not doing any study for the day. Guess I'll just have to work more on the weekend.

Salam

Uni time

2011-03-24T17:11:00.000+10:00

I'm back at uni again :)

I've been here since 10am and don't finish till 8pm.. I am soooooo exhausted. And we didn't even have tutorials today. Just 4 hours of lectures, a long long break, and another lecture from 6-8pm. My brain literally feels like its about to explode.

I did quite a bit today. I went to the lectures, both of them, did my Legal Profession readings, downloaded all my other readings, filled in all the jobs I could for now (from now on its law firm time till the rest of the government applications open), prayed a couple of times, read some Qur'an, and now I'm just writing this since this is all my brain can cope with, and chatting to my sister on skype.

So ye... thats it for now

Job Applications

2011-03-23T20:29:00.001+10:00

It's that dreaded time in the life of a student's carreer... time to put in applications for Graduate Positions. So that's what's keeping me busy in the little time I have left over in between attending classes, doing my readings, studying, sleeping and cleaning.

It is such a draining process.. Each application takes at least a couple of hours. They want to know everything, not just the typical education/employment history/extra-curricular activities... but also every detail of every subject taken (including ones you withdrew from before the end of the semester). That's the draining bit.. having to fill out seemingly never-ending forms and boxes..

But Inshallah it will be worth it in the end. I pray that I receive a good job at the end of this.

But at least I am able to find some comfort and some welcome peace in reading the Qur'an Alhamdulillah.

I still have quite a few graduate positions to apply for. Inshallah I will cover what I wanted before applications close. For now I am focusing on Government departments, in Commonwealth, Queensland and New South Whales because they seem to close the first. Then Inshallah I will apply for the law firms. And if nothing works out, I can continue on with the Practical Legal Training Course next year or do some study at TAFE until its time to apply all over again. I would also like to do some work experience or volunteer work Inshallah (I know I should have done this earlier... what was I thinking??)

So ye.. that's why I've been slow to write - basically cos life at the moment is not that fun.. It's just so repetative. Uni, reading, eating, applying for jobs, sleeping... fun fun fun :/

Alhamdulillah :)

Well, it's almost time for me to go home and I still have a couple of things to do before the library closes (I'm still at uni at 8:30pm).

So Assalaamu Alaikum and Good Night

Busy Bee

2011-03-14T13:00:00.000+10:00

I would like to start this post by saying my heart goes out to all the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in japan and New Zealand. Oh Allah help them with your mercy and give them strength and guidance.

The last couple of weeks have been quite busy. I'm back at uni and doing a full load of study again. So its been quite hectic. I am hoping to get into a good study routine early Inshallah. So there's been lots of classes and reading going on.

Last week was the first week I went to classes, since I was sick the week before. It went pretty well Alhamdulillah. I had Lectures on Wednesday and Thursday, and tutorials don't start till next week. It did feel a little humbling driving into brisbane. Its the first time I went there since the floods. And its kinda sad. Most if it looks like its back to normal. But there are a few reminders here and there of just how much the flood affected the area. Some shops are still closed down, and there are construction zones all over the place with exposed pipes and cracked concrete...

On Friday I didn't have any classes but I did go to a Legal Careers Expo at Southbank. It was pretty good, we listened to some talks by legal professionals from different fields. It was good to see what its actually like working at different law firms and other legal jobs, as well as the steps to be taken to get there. It makes me feel like I can actually do this. I can go out there and get the jobs I have always dreamed of. I just have to break it down into little steps and do them one by one.

After that I went into uni cos I wanted to use the prayer room. Istayed until Maghrib and met a few people in there. And guess what?? I found one!!! (well two - they were twins) A fellow hijabi doing law :) !!! I was so happy I wasn't the only one. She's in second year though.. but that's ok. She told me there's some classes on friday nights and invited me along.. So along I went.. They first had an Arabic class (yaaaay) and then a tasfeer class. I had a really good time and met lots of people. Its a shame that it's taken me until the last year of my studies to gather the strength to get involved. And I thank Allah for giving me the opportunity to go there, meet some sisters and gain some knowledge. Inshallah I will be able to attend regularly and finish the course and one day be able to understand the Qur'an. Its been something I have dreamed of for so long. I am 9 lessons behind, but the sisters gave me a website with the textbook and some recording of the lessons, so Insha Allah I will be able to catch up.

Ever since I have put on the hijab I've been quite lonely. It's been quite hard. I'm not one of those people who make friends easily, I always think I'm not good enough. And I can't do many of the things that I used to, and there are many things I don't want to do anymore. And unfortunately that means loss of contact with many of the friends I was close to. But Inshallah Allah will give me the confidence I need and bring good Muslim sisters into my life.

On the weekend Mohamed came over, and we just hang out with family mostly, but he did take me out for dinner and ice cream last night. And we did a lot of talking. Sometimes I forget what a great guy he is. He's so kind and smart and understanding, and he's so easy to talk to about everything. And he loves me :). I am so thankful to Allah for bringing him into my life. He's working so hard for us to get married. He's working two jobs and sometimes three. I'm not sure if I deserve it. But I love him more than he will ever know.

I pray to Allah to keep him in my life and to make it easy for us to get married soon. And I pray that he gives us a blessed marriage and salih children, to keep us close and living in harmony and with strong iman. And I ask Allah to bless our families and shower his mercy upon them. Amin

Why??

2011-03-07T20:50:00.001+10:00

Why do I let her hurt me this way?
Why do I let her tear me apart?
Why do I let her walk all over me?
Why do I let her humiliate me?
Why do I let her bring me down?
Why do I let her bring me to tears?
Why do I forgive and forget?
Why would I give my life to her?
Why do I still love her?
Why do I still need her?
Why do I put up with her unforgiving nature, her constant abuse, her humiliation?
Why do I let myself be hurt by this?
Why will I sit here in pain while she's on the attack?
Why will I sit here and cry while her pride grows larger?
Why will I let her shatter me?
And why will I once again forgive her???????????

She's destroyed me so many times. I have lost so much because of her. I have lost myself. And just when things start to go ok for me and I gain back a little piece of myself she brings me down all over again.

But she's my sister! And I fear Allah!!

“Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?

23. Such are they whom Allaah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight”

[Muhammad 47:22]

"Fear Allâh through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allâh is Ever an All-Watcher over you." (An-Nisâ 4:1)

"And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allâh (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred, and to orphans and the poor, and speak good to people (i.e. enjoin righteousness and forbid evil, and say the truth about Muhammad (peace be upon him)) and perform As-Salât (Iqâmat-as-Salât), and give Zakât." (Al-Baqarah 2:83)

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter Paradise.” Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh.

.....

And THAT is why.

Because Allah knows. Because one day this will all be over and we will all be brought before our Lord.

Ya Allah forgive me for any pain I have caused. Ya Allah forgive all my sins, known and unknown. Ya Allah please give me the patience and strength to get through this pain. Ya Allah I am hopeless without you!! I am so hopeless without you!! Oh Allah please help me. Amin.

And oh Allah please help my sister and forgive her. Amin

So sick and tired

2011-03-04T14:01:00.000+10:00

Salam,

This week was officially the first week of university for the year. I was supposed to go on Wednesday and Thursday, but I've been so sick lately. Its this stomach bug that's been going around. So I just stayed home with my mum, with plenty of fluids and bed-rest.

I still feel horrible, but I'm doing a full load this semester so I really need to study, especially considering I missed all my lectures this week. Inshallah they would have recorded the lectures and posted them online. That would make life so much easier at the moment.

Also, I have this presentation to do for my legal profession course and guess what?? they put me in the first tutorial. So ye I haven't even started and already I have a presentation to work on.. I hate presentations. If this course wasn't compulsory I would just drop it and replace it with one that doesn't have a presentation. But I guess I just have to suck it up and do it. At least it will be over and done with sooner rather than later.

Even as I'm writing this I feel so weak.
So I'm gonna go I think.

TC

Weekend at the Mountains

2011-02-28T13:30:00.004+10:00

I was FINALLY able to convince Mohamed to take me to Mount Tamborine yesterday. I say finally cos he's been promising to take me for maybe six months now, weekend after weekend, but something always seems to come up, or our cars break down, or he's late (sometimes I think he does it on purpose)... But yesterday we finally did it. And I must admit, we both had a really good time.

The mountain is only a 15-20 minute drive from the Gold Coast, so its pretty close. Of course he was dreading it at first but once we got there he was so excited and loved it. We went for a 1.4 km walk first and that was pretty muddy and yucky but we survived.. and he was holding my hand helping me navigate all the rocks and mud.. so cute how he was acting all manly.. until he saw a lizard and ran away waving his hands in the air and screaming like a girl.. [see lizard in bottom-left of collage]

When we finished that we went toward the glow-worm caves. But we didn't realise they close so early so we didnt make it. But instead we discovered they had a wedding expo that day.. and since we were on the market for wedding venues we were pretty lucky (actually Mhd had to drag me along in our muddy shoes..). We visited a few places and got brochures. They were all so lovely.. And they're able to provide halal catering and anything else we need and some of them even had two function rooms so we can separate the boys and the girls. Too bad I think they might just be out of our price range. But they were beautiful.

When we were done dreaming it was time to put in the hard work again. This time we went on the 4.2km walk at another part of the mountain. The track was much drier this time which was awesome, I really didn't want mud getting to the inside of my new shoes. I did get injured though. We were walking when a branch fell off a gigantic palm tree and hit my forearm. I heard the leaves rustle and I thought it was a big bird, but no.. It was a big branch heading right for me. My arm still hurts from it. But at the time I was just in shock. All I kept thinking was that if I went 5cm faster that branch would have hit my head with all its force. Subhanallah. Allah willed that I stood still in fear of a bird attack (I always get attacked by birds by the way), and it only hit my arm. But I am fine Alhamdulillah. Its just a bruise. So as long as I don't sleep on it I'll be fine Inshallah.

Anyway, we made our way to a much shorter trail along the creek. This one was familiar to me, I went there a few years ago with my cousin and sister. I had to drag Mhd there cos he just kept worrying about my arm. But it was worth it. I surprised him with a waterfall which lands in a rock pool. And this was the highlight of the trip. It was really beautiful and peaceful. And Mhd even went for a swim and he loved it. And I loved looking at him enjoying himself in the water.. He reminded me of a sweet child without a worry in the world. There's just something about going back to nature. It felt like thats the way it should be. I almost joined him but didn't have the right clothes.

All in all it was a great day. By the end of the trip we were so exhausted. And starving. We didn't even think to bring some food, and I even forgot to have breakfast. We drove back home with the sunset with a smile on our faces making a promise to return soon.

We didn't get to take many pictures since we only had the phones with us. But here's a collage of the few I took (the good ones are with Mhd)

P.S. I'm starting to sense a pattern here.. every time he thinks something I want will be a bad idea, once he actually tries it he loves it and wants to go all the time. Hurray for me :-))

Quick little update

2011-02-22T00:03:00.001+10:00

I've been sooo busy these past couple of days, I've hardly had a chance to slow down and breathe let alone put my thoughts on paper (err.. that doesn't quite fit huh).

I've been running around getting things organized for uni - textbooks, folders, page dividers, printing, binding... The list goes on. The textbooks cost me a fortune already and I still have one to go. It's driving me nuts. I'm also trying to get a credit transfer from Bond Uni for the one and only law subject I managed to pass in my six months there.

Plus, my cousin from Sydney is staying with us for a couple of weeks with a broken heart. So now on top of all the uni mess there are two broken hearts I'm trying to mend (my other cousin also broke up with his fiancé of 2 years). I'm glad to help with whatever I can. I remember the time when I had my heart broken. It hurt like nothing before.

And then there's the usual cooking and cleaning (multiplied by 3) as well as a never-ending washing cycle. My washing machine must've had one heck of a workout. I don't get it why some people find it so hard to put their clothes in the machine and press a few buttons. I guess it's easier to just chuck them on the floor and let me deal with it. Seriously, we are all grown ups here. Would be nice if someone else (ie my sister) would help out every once in a while. Not to mention the dishes. I would LOOOVE to just once walk into the kitchen and not find a sink full of dishes. I hate being the only one in this house who can't stand the sight of mess. But anyway.. Enough ranting for me.

Hmmm I'm pretty sure there's more.. Oh yeah, the car hunting. How can I forget the car hunting.

And I haven't been a good girl when it comes to the diet. I've been so stressed out lately that I just gave in and ate some yummy buttery Bosnian food. And once u do it the first time your power to resist plummets. And it doesn't help when everyone else is always pressuring me to eat either. So I've given up on the diet for now. But I'm starting back from the beginning from Wednesday Inshallah.

And the insomnia isn't helping either. I think it's about time I go get some sleeping pills. I hate taking them but I think it's time, especially with uni just around the corner.

Anyway.. Looks like this quick little update isn't so quick and little. I'd better go and try to get some sleep (LOL).

I pray to Allah to ease the pain of my cousins and to turn their hearts towards Him (Allah). And I Pray that Allah keeps me and Mhd steady and allow us to love each other and care for each other and to give us a blessed marriage and salih children. Amin.

Take care people.

What's keeping me busy...

2011-02-19T00:18:00.001+10:00

Ok so I haven't blogged anything for a while.. but I had a reason this time.

Since my final year of uni starts just around the corner, I had to get going on a few things I planned to do before that, but just kept putting off cos the holidays seemed never-ending. But its dawned on me that unless I do it now, it will be put aside untill the semester is over.

My main goal was to complete the Diploma of Foundations of Islamic Studies from the Islamic Online University (see here) which I discovered on facebook of all places while procrastinating studying for my final exam last year. I've been doing bits and pieces for the last couple of months, but its only been the last week or so that I put my head down and studied hard. And I have to say I'm pretty proud of my effort and I hope Inshallah to continue studying with such regularity and motivation when the real-life university semester starts. So ye.. I'm almost finished now, did all the modules and tests in about 2 weeks and now I just have to do the assignments. I am really pleased with the program and would recommend it to anyone interested in improving their knowledge of the deen in their own time and at their own pace. And did I mention its free?? They have quite a few courses on there and Inshallah I will get back to it when I get a chance. They are pretty interesting. And they also offer a BA in Islamic Studies (completely free) for all those who are interested in higher-level study. I for one would be happy to just finish my law degree for now before I even think about commencing another one.

I've also started the Arabic Reading and Writing Diploma, mainly for the writing bit since I already taught myself to read, but I do want to make sure I m reading properly too. But I plan to work on this one on a slower pace and not pressure myself once uni starts.

But anyway.. I'm gonna try and get some shut-eye. I haven't slept more than 2 hours for the last 3-4 nights. As soon as I hit the bed I get wide awake.

Tootles

Another weekend gone by

2011-02-07T23:14:00.001+10:00

Another weekend has gone by... feels like they're just slipping away...

On Saturday we went out for a barbeque by the water with the whole family, aunts, uncles and cousins included.. which was a bit of a bummer since I am on that diet and couldn't have all that yummy food. But it was good.. I played around with my little niece and went for a long long walk. It was good to catch up with my cousin since I haven't really spent any time with him in a long time. We used to be really close when we were younger but I guess we just grew apart.

And Mr M came over on Sunday.. But it was such a moody day for me.. everything just got to me and all those emotions building up inside just burst. But Alhamdulillah things are fine. I am so grateful that Allah has sent me such a wonderful man who is there for me always.

I went for another walk by the beach today with my sister. It was really nice and relaxing. Except by the end of it I did feel quite worn out. I've been wearing those Reebok Easy-Tone sneakers every day for about a week and the muscles at the back of my legs are getting tired. I think I should give them a break and just wear normal shoes for tomorrow. By the way those shoes are awesome. I was a little skeptical when I first heard about them and even when I bought them, but they are really great and you can feel them working within 2-3 minutes of walking. And they look great also :). I wear them all the time - for workouts, to the shops and just generally whenever I am out (if my outfit permits). I would definitely recommend them to anyone.

But unfortunately that incident I talked about in the last blog post really got to me. I flinch at every sound I hear and I am really scared to be in a place where there isn't many people, let alone going out by myself. I pray to Allah to keep me safe. Amin.

Anyway... I'm off to have a shower and to read the Qur'an for a bit before I go to sleep Inshallah.

Take care
Salam

Why I'm scared to walk alone...

2011-02-03T22:44:00.002+10:00

When I have a goal I like to keep my plans organised. And I have the diet down, the support, the motivation. But not the exercise plan. I would love to say with certainty that I'm gonna get out there three mornings a week and just walk like I used to, but I can't. This is one of those times where I wish I could just blend in.

So just as I finally get over the new-hijabi "but everyone will look at me" excuse/fear, this happens. Today I thought I might squeeze in some exercise by taking the 15 minute walk to the shops from my sisters place instead of driving. The walk there was great and we had a great time. But on the way back some druggo bogan who seemed to be suffering from some sort of withdrawal symptoms rides by on his bike and screamed out some of the most lewd obscenities against me, my hijab, and worst of all, against Allah that I have ever heard. It doesn't need to be said, but it terrified me. There I was minding my own business walking home with my sister, and her 15mth old daughter might I add, and he screamed at the top of his lungs at us (well at me since I was the only hijabi there). And he kept screaming while riding away, in that typical manner you see of serial offenders high on drugs. I can't explain how scary his voice was on paper. This wasn't the average bogan you would see sitting outside the pub or at the bus stop minding his own business or giving me the odd stare or a "go back to your own country". This guy was different and his voice was deafening and you could hear the effects of long time drug abuse..

But I was fine Alhamdulillah. Like I told my sister I am happy. I have some thing so irreplaceable. I have this deen of ours. I put my trust in Allah and my hope in Allah, and who was he to try and bring me down?

But then just as my heartbeat calmed down a little, he came back to have another go. He even threatened me. He said "How dare you come out around here like that you f****n &^$@$^... you &%$@#%^... Don't you dare let me see you around here dressed like that you *^@$^... If I ever see you dressed like that again I will slit your throat!" That last one scared me. Just to think that there are people living near me with so much hatred in their hearts is terrifying. I couldn't believe it. Like I said, I even had a baby with me but that didn't matter apparently. There were quite a few people around and many cars drove by but they just looked on. I was just so glad that as we were approaching the main road near my sister's place a police car stopped at the lights we were on and we got home safe and sound.

Don't get me wrong, this is a pretty safe area. I don't live in a ghetto or anything. And I've done the walk from my sister's place to the shops so many times, at least every fortnight or maybe even weekly and it was fine. I've never had any rude comments around here. I'd even see the odd couple of hijabi's walking with their family more towards the residential side of the street. But there is this corner about half way there where there is a pub and a bottle shop and you would sometimes see young tattoo'd guys sitting around there or at the Domino's or bus stop. But like I said, they would mind their own business and would only occasionally stare, and just crossing the road does the trick. That doesn't scare me at all. What does scare me is when they are not sober and especially when it is obvious they are high on drugs or just getting off them. Thats when they are not in control of their thinking.

So ye... no more thoughts of walking alone for me... Although there are quite a few popular walking spots around here where I know I would be safe. Like at the park at the Southport Broadwater or by the beach. Especially the park by the water, that place always has Muslim families out with their kids. But I'd rather be safe than sorry, even around there. So ye.. I guess I'll have to stick to annoying everyone to come with me for a walk. Inshallah. But everyone's always too tired or too bored (or just plain fussy to be honest) when the heat is bearable enough to walk. I would just love to have the freedom of going as often as I like, when I like and at my own pace without depending on people's moods. But like I said, better safe than sorry.

I am soooo glad that Mr M (my fiancé with a popular Muslim name starting with M, I'm sure you could figure it out) is seriously considering moving to Sydney. I just blend in so well over there and I love it. As they say, there is safety in numbers.

On another note, the rest of the day went by pretty well. The diet is going fine.. today's lunch wasn't that great but the dinner made up for it. We had a chicken and salad wrap. I was out of meat for a while so to be able to finally get some in my stomach was great. And M's car is all fixed so Inshallah I'll be able to see him on the weekend.

Ooooh, and he's calling me now so I'd better go... take care and be safe :-)

Me, on a diet

2011-02-01T23:43:00.001+10:00

I found this recipe/diet book a couple of weeks ago while shopping with my sister. It looked pretty healthy and easy so we decided to give it a go. I liked the fact that the menu looked pretty balanced (I'd hate to starve myself), easy to make and tastes great (or so I've been told). And best if all, it's all planned out for you. My sister is better off with finances than me so she had a head start and ever since she started, I've been hearing great reviews. And now it's my turn.

I've finally collected all the ingredients and starting from today, I'm on a diet. And so far so good. I didn't feel hungry at all today and the snacks kept my energy up throughout the day. Although I must admit, I'm one of those people who munch throughout the night so I am feeling a bit peckish at the moment. But Inshallah this will go away and Inshallah I will stick to the meal plan and lose some weight. I've also been going for walks along the water a couple of nights a week and I am hoping to do that a little more frequently Inshallah.

This is the book I was talking about. It's only $15 at BigW and well worth it I think. My sister's been following it for only 6 days and I can already see a difference

Today was a good day Alhamdulillah. I woke up early, went to my sisters place and from there we went shopping till it was time to pick up my niece from playschool. All in all it was a great day :-)

The only bad thing was that i found out I can't see my fiancé till the weekend. He was planning to come see me tomorrow but unfortunately his car broke down after work :-(

Cao for now..

Yeah... I do this all the time.....

2011-01-31T22:21:00.001+10:00

I wonder why every time I start a diary, or any thought-releasing process I guess, I just stop. I get so into it and love the idea, but then I miss a day or two, feel guilty, put writing off for the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and then feel guilty some more and put it off for so long that I feel embarrassed to write again... guess I'm just too lazy sometimes huh??

I'll fill you in on what's been happening...

I've FINALLY managed to go on holiday to Sydney at the end of last year. My fiance surprised me and said he wanted to take me there. It was sooooo good to be back. I grew up in Sydney but my family moved to Queensland during my last year of high school. I caught up with some dear friends of mine and just showed my fiance around the place since he's never been there. The best thing about the trip was that he fell in love with the place... And he's seriously considering moving there after I graduate. Yaaaay for me. Sydney's always been my home, I just love the different cultures, mosques, shops and the people.

Here's some pics from Sydney and some places we stopped at along the way

Hmmmm... other than that it was just the usual - stay at home/see a friend, cook, clean, clean, cook... it sux being the only clean-freak in the house.

And then there was the floods... May Allah provide sustenance and make it easy on all the people who have been affected. Alhamdulillah the waters didn't reach as far as my place, and the friends and family who lived in Brisbane were not affected. Nevertheless, we did have a couple of families take shelter at my house just in case.. But Alhamdulillah their homes and possessions were safe. My house has always been open for when needed. I remember even in wartime in Bosnia we had refugees who lost their homes staying with us... and in Germany... and Sydney... It's all good in the end.

On another note, I feel as though I have gotten closer with my sisters, especially the younger one. I am so happy she opened up to me the last few weeks. You know how teenagers can get.

And my best friend's pregnancy is going along nicely Mashallah.. I am so looking forward to the end result, and with this heat and humidity I'm pretty sure she can't wait either.

My parents have been nice enough to allow my fiance to spend the weekends at our house (while I sleep in another room with my grandma of course). He lives in Brisbane and so has to drive for an hour each way... it was my grandma's idea actually. They felt bad making him drive back all by himself late at night. It's been a bit of a mixed blessing.. On the one hand we get to spend a lot more time together, on the other it gives me more things to complain about. Like when he spends waaaaay too much time with my dad. I know its a good thing they get along so well, but he is MY fiance and so he should be giving ME the attention lol (no I'm not an attention hog, but after 6 days of not seeing him I miss him a lot). But this weekend was different.. We got along quite well. He came over with a bunch of flowers, just for me :) and anything that begins with flowers has got to be a good thing right?

Eeeep I miss him already...

This break from uni is slowly drawing to an end.. And even though i am getting over it and looking forward to starting up another semester, I am going to miss the freedom it gave me. It looks like we won't be ready for the wedding by the time the semester begins so I'll have to drive all the way there again :(

Oooh... and I got a pleasant surprise when I went through the subjects for my degree.. turns out I can graduate at the end of the year Inshallah.. I thought I would have one subject left over for next year but then I realised I didn't take into account some credits I received from another Uni.. That totally made my day.

Anyway... thats all I can come up with for now with this headache..

So ye... till next time..
xoxo

Old but new

2010-12-24T07:57:00.001+10:00

Yesterday I spent some good quality time with my little sister. We went out for coffee and just a bit of shopping. I bought these runners and she bought a fabulous bag. I loved it. But then we decided to drive down to Surfers Paradise just to see what's new. And I was amazed at the changes. I knew they were building new high-rises and doing upgrades to the shoreline but I didn't expect such a big change.

I live only five minutes away, but when u live here you kinda learn to avoid that area altogether. But to be honest I really liked what I saw and I am looking forward to see the end result.

Here's a couple of pictures I took of the beach-side from my iPhone. Plz excuse the gloomy weather and the poor picture quality

Some hijabi reflections

2010-12-22T08:02:00.002+10:00

Its been six months since I’ve put on the hijab full time Alhamdulillah. Some things went by as expected… others were quite a surprise.

There are some things which I never even contemplated.. yet they came to life

For example the tan-line. Who would’ve thought that from now on my face would look like its been dipped in mis-matched foundation?? Not me…

Another thing I didn’t expect was that I really miss my anonymity.. I miss just blending in with the crowd. Its something my friends never really understood. I figured this out at uni. Although there are many hijabis at my campus, there is not one in any of my law classes (to be honest ever since I started uni I still haven’t met any Muslims doing law either). And as soon as I entered a lecture theatre it just felt like all eyes were on me. That’s when I realised I lost my anonymity.

But something that really got to me was that even though I was now covered, I felt so naked. Every curve that poked out of my clothes felt like it was so exposed. I just wanted to hide it. Even though my clothes were loose, the shirt felt like it should be longer, the pants felt like they revealed too much and the chest felt naked. And then I understood when they say that hijab is not just a piece of cloth on your head and the covering of skin.. it was so much more than that. In my family, and in my culture too, hijab is not something that is taken seriously. I understood hijab as loose clothes to cover the skin and a head-cover… and I thought everything else was up to the culture… And although I am still not covered to the extent that I would like to be, the clothes cover much more than they did when I started.

Inshallah I will try to wear long loose skirts when I go out, at least when I am with my family or hijabi friends to start with.. And pretty soon I would like to wear the abaya full time Inshallah. I ask Allah to give me the strength to wear proper hijab and to guide me on the right path. And I ask Allah to let my family accept my choice to wear the hijab and to open their hearts and guide them to the real Islam. Ameen

I wonder what other hijabis found interesting after they put on the hijab??

It's time to make a change

2010-12-21T16:11:00.000+10:00

It's been a while since I've seriously had a look at myself... I've been too scared to face the truth.. Too long have I been in denial. But it's gotten way out of control. I used to be fit, going for a jog along the beach every 2-3 days, doing Bosnian dancing classes, eating healthy. But ever since I've met my now-fiance I've kinda let it all slip away. It started with the extra dessert, then the larger serving size (what's with Muslim men expecting you to eat the same amount of food as they do anyway??), then not jogging anymore cos he made me feel comfortable the way I am, then even larger serving sizes, and now an all-out addiction to food. So now I'm 20kg heavier than I was two years ago... And I don't really know how I let myself get here.

But it HAS to stop. I just HAVE to do something about my body.. not for my looks but for my health and for my future children. I don't want my children to have a mummy that can't play with them, or who gets too tired after 10 mins of playing tag with a one-year-old. They deserve better than that. And I pray to Allah to help me get there. And to give me beautiful, healthy children and to make me a good mother to them Inshallah. And even though my fiance tells me I look great, I still want him to look at his wife and think - wow she's beautiful.. And no matter how many times he tells me this now.. I doubt 20kg down the track anybody will find me attractive, not even him. And yes I know its whats on the inside that counts and he must find something in me.. but its still not the same.

Ive always had weight issues with my body... but this is out of control. And its time to fix it. So this is it.. I'm going to make a change. I would say I'll first start going for a walk like I used to.. but this place is not so hijabi-friendly for me to go walking by myself. So for now I will work on my diet Inshallah. I'm not making any promises yet.. I need to sit down and make a goal for myself, and then I'll get back to you. But what I can do for now is switch from white to wholemeal everything... that's easy enough don't you think?? I remember when I used to do that I felt so much healthier.. not to mention the reduced cravings.

So yeah.. that's my rant for now.. I just know I have to do something about this

Another day at home...

2010-12-17T14:07:00.003+10:00

These days seem more common lately.. U know, on holidays, car's gone, parents are gone, sisters are gone... The perfect day to sit at home, relax and read a book.. EXCEPT that it's not so much relaxing anymore, more like boring to the point that you want to climb onto the roof and do a dance (no I would not do that even if u paid me big time)...

So I decided to try something different... Looking through some old photos brought forth a hit of nostalgia.. I remembered a time when my mum used to make us yummy Bosnian sweets when we behaved. She would make them in all shapes and sizes, write our names, with walnuts, without walnuts... U get the picture. Hurmice were my favorite. All of a sudden I got inspired to make them.

Now I've never made hurmice before.. But I wasn't gonna let a small detail like that get in the way. Hurray for google. Found a recipe quickly and I was surprised how non-complicated it was. It took some time to make them but the result came out pretty well surprisingly...

Now all that's left to do is to wait for the syrup to soak in and eat these babies :-)

My First Blog

2010-11-30T19:44:00.000+10:00

Not sure where to begin....

I thought i should start by writing a bit about myself and why I am doing this.

Basically I am a simple girl.. going through many many changes in life. Things are changing rapidly, so far for the better Alhamdulillah. I am writing this blog to kinda keep track of my life and as a general outlet to share my thoughts
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I come from a muslim family, although they are not practicing. I am the only one who prays regularly and the only one to wear the hijab. This has caused quite a bit of conflict for me, especially since I decided to wear the hijab. But Alhamdulillah Allah gave me patience and guided me. And Inshallah one day I will be able to influence my family towards the deen. I live with my parents, young sister and grandma. I have another sister who's married with a child.

I am also recently engaged to a wonderful man :-)). Inshallah we will be able to get married early next year just in time for the next semester of uni to start. So here comes the wedding planning, trying to blend families of different cultures, finding a new place to live, moving, finding a job, back to uni.... kinda scary when I think about it considering I'm the type of person who needs everything to be organised. Hence the need to put it on paper

So I guess you can describe me as a new hijabi - bride-to-be - student... and a TOTAL STRESSHEAD!! Yep, that describes my life at the moment pretty well. But most importantly I am a young muslimah facing new challenges in life. I pray that Allah will continue to guide me on the straight path and open the doors for me to serve Him and follow Islam to the best of my ability.

Thats it for now..

Till next time,
Azra