Writing on Posterous has been such a great experience for me and I will miss it a lot, especially how it was the first website/blog I've stuck with for as long as six months or more. But, alas, it was time to slide on over to my own domain. I have imported all blog entries, comments and the like to my new website. 

Go to: KARENMAEBY.COM to continue reading me. :) 

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[THIS WAS WRITTEN THURSDAY.]

At work boss gives me a coin to take a photo of. I took the photo. With the SAME CAMERA AND DISK as yesterday. The same one. The same one that has been stuck in and out of the camera to the computer for weeks now. IT WORKED FINE YESTERDAY. 100% fine.

Today? I took the photos, stuck the disk in the proper hole on the computer tower and wait and wait... and... nothing?! The disk being inserted DID NOT bring up a little pop up option to open up what files are on there. Hm. THE ONLY SOLUTION TO THAT IS I think there were ghosts hiding in the tower, taking a spork and pushing the disk back out or stabbing some of the little holes where it couldn't read right. This is my only solution.

Ghost: BWHAHHAA BWHAHAHAAHAH. LOOK AT ME WITH MY SPORK, PUSHING YOUR DISK BACK OUT SO IT CANNOT BE READ.

Me: FUCK YOU COMPUTER WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM!?!?

Ghost: I AM YOUR PROBLEM AND YOU WILL NEVER FIND ME BECAUSE I AM GHOST! I AM INVISIBLE!

Me: YOU WON'T BE INVISIBLE WHEN I FIND MY METAL DETECTOR AND DETECT THAT SPORK YOU HAVE IN  YOUR DIRTY, INVISIBLE MITTS.

Ghost: *poofs*

And........

Computer freezes COMPLETELY UP once.

Inserts disk again when the computer turns back on.

It freezes up again.

I take the disk out.

Computer restarts AGAIN.

Try the disk AGAIN. It freezes the computer up AGAIN.

I restart for the third and last time.

Me (I go to my boss with the disk in hand): Can you try this on your computer?

Him (He gets some card reader & five seconds later...): UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I. HATE. COMPUTERS.

Me: Did it freeze up with you too?

Him: Yes! 

Me: Nice. [Me thinking: Great. I feel like I have transferred some kind of virus. Stupid ghosts with sporks.]

You would think that'd be the perfect ending. You're wrong. I went to EMPTY trash. Guess what I did instead? DELETED THE ICON FROM MY DESKTOP. Took me a while to figure out how to get it back. Thank you Google for saving my life. I blame the ghost with the spork.... He apparently left some of his traces in the trash can and didn't want me to see it. He didn't want me to have the proof.

PS - I Googled "Karen-Maeby" and hit "I'm feeling lucky" - it took me to my Twitter site. Creepy. As. Hell.

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I actually admitted last night that I was depressed again. Depression is like a big black hole, a virus eating you alive... seems like once you get to the top of a ladder to crawl back out, there's a zombie waiting at the bottom to pull you back under. Yeah. That's what's happened to me. 

So... in spite of this, I've disappeared for a while from social networking, again. No one needs to hear how sad I am, or what I need or want out of life and just don't have (yet) or etc. No one needs to hear complaining... none of this. My phone died earlier today. I haven't charged it - so, I haven't checked any messages. Haven't been on Twitter (I posted once earlier) or Facebook to see anything there. I'm just... going to live a few more days without and take care of myself. Or, try to... I just feel like being recluse right now. 

Part of my depression I would blame it on my weight. Always have had a battle with it....all of my life. I don't feel pretty, I don't feel beautiful, I feel probably about 500x's as big as I really am, I have such a distorted sight of myself when I look at me in the mirror... so bad that it's hard to look in the mirror any more. 

I decided to take a stand and start dieting again. This week, I'm not eating meat. Next week, I will be cutting down to one soda per day. And... we'll see what happens after that. So far, since I started this, I have walked every night right before dark. Yesterday the basketball goals were free, so I went for the first time in a LONG time and shot some baskets, as well as walking. That was fun. In order to not pass out and have another heat stroke, I'm trying to take it easy and knowing when to stop. 

I think that being thrown back into this depression all so sudden (and all of a sudden realizing) has led me to writing poetry again. Either that or listening to Gothic Indie music. I'm writing a whole "album" er er should I say, book? full of new poetry that would be FIT for an album. It's very dark, Gothic, very... queenish like. You'll see as I post more. Maybe. 

x

Here's a 1 of 3 I wrote today: 

Spin Top #3

by Karen-Maeby McCormick

Watch

the spin top

go round and round

Watch it

as it spins

d

o

w

n

w

a

r

d

Watch it, closer.

The spirals make you fall inward.

Got a moment with yourself?

Where are you going?

Running away –

Not facing your day?

Are you like a spin top…

Spiraling downward? 

x

And now, for story time... 

Today my boss was given a load of stuff his son in law found where he was working at an apartment/house. In that pile of gold and silver broken jewelry, there was this Chinese Archbishop Chess piece. Well, it spoke to me so for $1, I bought it. It now mine. Not only did it speak to me that I needed it as a collectors item to add to my nic nacs... but... it helped me write a poem. Another poem about chess and queen and kings. I still need to edit it but it is written. 

So far, my themes have been around chess, kings, queens, check mate, porcelain hearts, cards, etc. etc. 

While doing a little research on this chess piece I was looking up queen which led me to red queen which led me to Through the Looking Glass. This part freaked me out and you people are going to think I'm insane. Before I go on, you all know that I believe in signs, things happening for a reason and I'm superstitious about some things... and yeah. What comes next is freaky. 

Remember that bag I got from Alice in Wonderland with the Red Queen of hearts on it? Lucky card #7. Queen. Red. 

I wrote ONE part to a poem/song about chess/cards that I posted as statuses about a week ago. AFTER I bought this bag, I haven't been able to stop writing... NOW, glancing at the Through the Looking Glass / Alice in Wonderland description and such, oh my... it's about chess and cards and queens and kings -- just like I'm writing about. 

Funny thing is and what is worth mention of this? I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR READ THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, NOT THE NEW ALICE IN WONDERLAND AND I BARELY REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

Oh yeah. You're darn right I'm superstitious. I also think that this Archbishop piece has some kind of powers within. Yes. I'm crazy. Go ahead, just tell me to reassure me. 

Anyway... I'm out hanging out by myself right now (with Dan). Not socializing. Not social networking. =( I need to get my shit together. I need big, big, big changes. Can...someone help make those changes come true? Please? Grant me one wish or two? 

Blah. 

Tomorrow night, we'll be at Rent. I cannot wait! 

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So amidst it all... I am working on another few songs/poems that have a reoccurring theme strung about. Haven't done THIS in so long. I am VERY pleased about my ideas and how the few that I've written have turned out. This is a new me. A new beginning. This is really wonderful and I'm loving every moment of it...coming up with new ideas, new theme, new 'poetry album'. Very pleased. So, here's a sneak peak of what is to come... 

Porcelain Doll

by Karen-Maeby McCormick

7/5/10

FRAGILE:

Says the outside of the box.

CAREFUL,

as you cut through the tape

open up the package

and

turn the box right side up to pull the sacred gift out.

A beautiful porcelain doll

laying right in front of you, as nice and clean

and fragile looking as can be.

You are afraid to touch her --

for if handled wrong, she will break.

You pick her up to look closely from top to bottom.

You turn her over to inspect for flaws.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing wrong with her.

She is beautiful.

You sit her aside, make room for her on your stable mantel

right above the fire that burns every night

since it has been cold, almost frozen out.

There are photos above and placed around her, unlit candles beside her

and nic nacs carefully placed about…

Look at her face, sitting there, glowing light brightening up the night.

You are most pleased with your purchase.  

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months.

You forget about her, just like everything else sitting around.

The house is so quiet, nothing is making a sound.

When ever so suddenly,

you bent over to pick up a paper that was tossed on the floor

It said, “You’ll be sorry….after all, I only wanted more.”

Within the blink of an eye,

the doll fell over and made a loud crack, like glass breaking.

You rush over to pay attention to her

it’s too late… You’ve already ruined your fate.

Red, what looked like blood, filled the white stoned floor.

As you cleaned this up, all you could think about

was the haunting words of that letter “… after all, I only wanted more.”

That’s odd, you think, how could a doll bleed?

What exactly did she, a porcelain doll, need? 

And, was this letter a coincidence?

The thought of it all made you wince.

No cracked head, no cracked feet or arms…

Open up the clothes and – the heart.

The heart was cracked open.

You broke her heart. You broke her heart casting her aside.

What did you really want with her?

Were you just pulling her in for a ride?

You were warned

that she was fragile. You were warned

you should be careful.

What was the matter

what was the matter that you didn’t understand?

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I really haven't much to say lately... have been pretty speechless, in ways. I suppose. So, here goes a list of what's up, down or what I've been looking around (for).... 

• I am never, ever coming back home again by myself. Not for a rather long time. I-40 West was the longest trip ever. Only at Christmas with my love, that's it. 
• I am reminded each day that I should just NOT CARE about those who don't care about me. Seems to have been a longer list than expected of that. Sadly. 
• Pluranus, my iPhone, is amazingly majestic. Seriously. 
• I have neglected Fred, my iPod, in the madness and excitement over Pluranus. I am sure that Fred does NOT like not being used. I need to fix that soon. 
• Bought originally $27 of stuff from Bath & Body Works for $9. Sugar shampoo and conditioner and apple spray. I have to go back and find more of that cotton spray stuff because I'm highly addicted to that smell and it's about to go away I fear... and, when I bought some of that in Lexington, I only got 1 bottle. 
• Also bought an Alice in Wonderland bag at Claire's. It was originally $24?, marked $7 and actually got it for $3 because they were having some crazy sale. 
• Love love love crazy sales. It's the best way to buy things... so (I) won't feel guilty for purchasing stuff for myself. 
• "When one door closes, another one opens." - This is to a good friend of mine who finally got a job after being out of work for a long time. CONGRATS TO HER :D :D 
• I need my #bedclothes folks back on Twitter! 
• SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT UNTIL PITCHMEN SEASON TWO IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
• My first thoughtful poem in a very long time, http://missxkaren.posterous.com/voice-of-an-angel-poem Just had to write it. 
• Learn, live and let go. Rinse. Repeat. Something like that. 
• This cold weather is nice, however, it means Karen-Maeby can't get in the pool. So, um, hurry up global warming... put us back in the 90s again so I don't freeze when I attempt to go swimming. 
• The Tampa trip can't come soon enough. 
• Did I mention that the Tampa trip just can't come soon enough? 
• I miss my family in Tampa. My pitching family whom I talk to every day... but miss in person, even if I've never met them face to face. 
• Bah. 
• This queen is tired. 
• The Internet just doesn't seem fun anymore. I think I spend more time on my phone than I do the computer nowadays. 
• Eminem's song with Rihanna is wonderfully written. 
• Tomorrow is 4th of July. State Fairgrounds here is putting on a shindig so... we're going. 
• Peace out dudes. 

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The other day Jimmy Buffett was on Anderson Cooper/CNN in a pretty long interview about the oil spill on the Gulf. I have always thought of Jimmy as a great man, and that interview proved it. It's NOT selfishness to want to be concerned because of "money" not coming in for his businesses after the oil effects even more of the water (and tourist season gets effected), but concerned for the folks that live there. He walked around the beaches trying to figure out what to do and how to help clean the mess up. He even had a crew ready with the Dragonfly Boatworks ready to clean up [help the wildlife] but the fuckers at BP shut them down and told him absolutely not. 

A lot of the portion of my summer in middle school was spent down on our friend's houseboat. I soaked up the sun, felt close to the water, fell in love with the boats - and the whole scenery of tropical paradise. Alas, it wasn't Florida with palm trees and REAL summer breeze... and etc. BUT it was just enough to do me in for the rest of my life. I later found Jimmy Buffett's music and fell in love with his music because the song lyrics spoke such greatness straight to my heart... And, even now, I find myself being by the lake quite often just to let my soul relax and my mind to think. 

Seeing this happen to the beaches really saddens me and angers me, as it does many others. I love seafood (and would hate to see less of it around the world), I love the sea creatures, I love the beaches, I love the water. I love the water. Did I mention I LOVE LARGE BODIES OF WATER? And for these BP assholes to have blocked ALL KINDS OF ACCESS has even made me madder. 

There are just no words for what they are doing. As Jimmy Buffett said in his interview, they're all lying. They lied to us about the date of when it started happening, they lied to us about how much is actually out there, they lied to us about it all. I mean, come on, anyone smart would figure it out... ESPECIALLY with how they have blocked access to the beaches within MANY FEET. No photographs of what is happening, no one allowed to get xx feet around any of it. What exactly are they hiding? 

In the interview, they said BP is not allowing them to get close to it anymore due to "safety". Right. So, they block access from the American people to help... while they kick back in their office chairs and laugh about what they're not doing to help clean it up. Sounds like perfect asshattery to me. 

I'm just really glad to see Jimmy wanting to try to help out. He was supposed to have a free concert on the beach to help bring people in, but that got cancelled because of the hurricane. However, he did have a concert at his sister's restaurant on the Gulf and there were many people there, anyway. 

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Voice of an Angel
by Karen Maeby McCormick
Written July 1, 2010

Once upon a time, but not in fairyland
a lost little girl was deeply in need.
She needed someone to hold her hand,
put her back on the right path of which she strayed from.  
Her mind wasn’t poisoned,
but -- confused by thoughts? Oh, indeed.
No regrets possible but a mind that wanders…
A lot. How was she supposed to make it stop?

“God please grant me the strength to pull on thru
God just grant me
the supplies for me to ‘make do’”

She falls to her knees, begs and pleads,
looking up at the brightest star…
“Where oh where… where are you?
Send me an angel, someone to help, I can’t do this alone.”

She fell asleep and had a dream
of a beautiful voice that spoke to her…
“Hold my hand; I’ll pull you through…
See life in my eyes?
I’ll make you see,
I’ll open up the world to you.
Once you realize you can…
You – will do.
And, that will be my only mission…
To give life to you.”

A couple months passed by and
she was doing okay, getting advice when needed
putting herself back on the righteous path
the path that felt comfortable to her
a little adjustments here and there…
and finally… seeing the light of another’s eyes,
she finally saw life. She finally felt it!
She finally realized what the angel
had been telling her all along.

This helped her so much…
that she developed a new style of being creative
and, it helped her write many, many songs.
In a different life, she really did belong.

She grew so comfortable to having help
from the sweet angel that held her hand
that had time to be there, to help her
to help her pull through…
That all of a sudden, when time was up,
she really didn’t know what to do.

The hand that once held hers
was laid upon her shoulder.
This was one last look of Heaven’s taste
that was one last look at Heaven’s eyes.
She wondered what she could’ve done
to be a better student
to have listened more carefully and taken more notes.

She wished she hadn’t taken the time for granted,
let alone the lessons be thrown to waste..
But she realized she overthought it all,
as always… She always overthought it all.

When the angel left,
the little girl questioned “why”

“To give life to you -
That’s the only reason I came here
and, now that you’ve got it
that’s why I’m leaving.
There’s no turning back,
I’ve already packed
my work here is done
….so this is goodbye.”

And…. just like that
The little girl fell to her knees,
hopeless, full of pain
and she cried…and she cried…
But a little few tears don’t hurt,
it just means she realized
and, she is a little bit stronger…
just a little bit stronger to get by…

When she woke up,
she had tears streaming from her eyes,
running down her cheeks.
It was more than just a dream..
It had to of been more than just a dream..
It felt like real life, it seemed.

She took a look at herself in the mirror:
she promised some change but nothing ever stays the same.

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On MONDAY, I wanted to do something special to celebrate the life of Billy & all our friendships and everything came out of knowing him.. so, here's my little tribute to one year. <3. I hope you guys enjoy. 

KAREN-MAEBY THE PIRATE HOOKER. GETTING READY FOR THE DAY, DRESSED IN BLUE AND THUMBS UPPPPPP, yo!!! LETS GET WITH IT. CELEBRATE LIFE AND FRIENDSHIP...AND WRITE IN ALL CAPS DAY!!! 

"Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love" - Angels Among Us 

SUCCESS. Billy Mays Jr. had it. Not only out of his work and love for fans/friends/family, but friends and family who love him dearly enough to remember him and talk about him often. Success is not only measured in money, you see. 

Because of Billy Mays... I am more than thankful for those small moments, especially with those whom I have befriended because of him. <3. 

"In daylight, in sunsets, in midnights, 
in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles
in laughter in strife,

In Five hundrend twenty five thousand 
six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life

(chorus)
How about Love 
how about love
how about love
measure in love
seasons of love
seasons of love" - RENT 

"Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you." - RENT 

He oversaw my wish 'for a happy life' in the wishing well. :) 

[Billy with my favorite jewelry... 'keep on loving' 'love life / be brave' 'love' rings, my engagement ring with 'love' on the inside, 2 love bracelets, love necklace & heart necklace/ring.] 

* 

All day Monday, I was checking Twitter, searching #BillyMays tag and smiling at everything everyone said. It was so awesome to see that many friends and fans take time to write & RT to remember him on the 1 year. 

I posted an entry written from before I left for Monday. You can read that here. 

BECAUSE OF BILLY MAYS (& PITCHMEN), I have met ALL of these people on Twitter: 

@ArwenAnaNg @KingSully @SugCain @YoungBillyMays @TheWhitWhit @HelenieBeanie @OCarr @DomesticDebacle @AndiBarness @jfournier_ @Salalena @zydrate_anatomy @bjmoore26 @cdwmoore @McMahon101 @oOoOoBarracuda @pushinupdaisies @jmfindy @gloomcookie613 @felinemommy27 @quack79 @secoh2000 @red_aurora @ganon391 @mitchsurp @winterman5222 @systemgrid @MrsNukem @Peterjmoran7 @ketyree @MavenManagement @JCremeans @territoner @PrimeImageBen @pitchtothepros @livemercial @GrimeOut @natfinn @PortaPocketGal @TracyPitchwoman @CellySmellys @williebike @NOTSethRogen @RobOnDrums @brittanyddawg @homosoup @starkrusher @the_sock_puppet @Rainnede @zilleraify @pianobar77 @mcubedconcepts @ktatgenhorst @mackintoshbraun @camerongrey and... many more, I'm sure! 

Even if I didn't meet these folks from Pitchmen/Billy per se, it's the 6 degrees of separation... when one person knows another. Some of these I talk to often, a few not and a few have disappeared... but... I'm just glad to have gotten to know them and I hope I can make as many new friends this season 2 as last time. 

THAT LIST would be the reason why I said I am ever so thankful for Pitchmen. I have met some of the best people because of that show. And... the one person bringing everyone together? Billy. 

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I am writing this ahead of time because I'll be out of town Monday and won't be near a computer. Even though I have my iPhone, I decided I will NOT write a blog entry that way. It would be too painful. Anyway, today? It's been a full year since Billy passed away.  This is actually really creepy because.... I'm at my parents house THE SAME WEEKEND as last year where Dan and I went back home to tie up loose ends when we all found out Billy passed away. I didn't even REALIZE that until after having already planned and a week passed by. Today will certainly be a struggle to get through - and through the day - I'm sure I'll share many, many tears with a huge amount of people around the world that loved Billy. I [planned ahead of time] some special plans and I really hope they do come true today. I hope everyone is wearing blue in honor of him today. Because of Billy (and Pitchmen, since this is how I felt I really got to know him) - I have met so many great people from around the world and have grown close with several of those. My life has really changed because of these people, too. I have a whole new family - a "pitch" family - and it's one of the best things that has happened. Without meeting all of you that I met BECAUSE of Billy & Pitchmen there would be no.... WONDERFUL CONNECTIONS (friendships that were missing beforehand), "fun Twitter life", silly conversations at night, #bedclothes, pimp + pirate hooker, and etc. Plus, without you guys....I wouldn't have found my voice as Karen-Maeby. Thank you all for being in my life. Side note >> I forgot I wrote this and saved it as a draft in my email on Friday before I left. I had an entry after all. PS there will be a cake being made in his honor. I have a small project planned for when I get back home. And, I will be wearing one of the most beautiful blue shirts in his honor. I miss you Billy....and I love all of you Pitch friends so very much. You guys make the puzzle complete.

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I got my first cell phone in 2006. It was a light pink-purplish RAZR. Had it for two years, a contract with Verizon. Switched it out when the contract was up, got a discount off a new phone and got a pink BlackBerry Pearl, signed new contract. This was in October (?) of 2008. The STUPID day AFTER my 1 year warranty ended in 2009, I had a terrible accident with my phone. I was sitting at my desk, getting ready to pick up my drink, the coaster had a magnetic pull (water was kind of between the glass & coaster) and.... bam. Coaster fell, my hand shook, the juice went above the glass and fell on my phone. My ball then stopped working. (And seriously, who can operate a BB without a ball?) It was completely useless.

So, we went to the Verizon store and came out later with just a $25 fee and a replenished phone (not pink like I bought, but, a silver one). This was working fine until closer to the new year. The last three months, I went from using my phone all the time to having to take EVERYTHING off... meaning, only using my phone for 5 minute calls and texts. I had to delete any extra programs and didn't even have a Twitter client on there. I couldn't talk for more than 5 minutes without the phone dying. I'd try to get on the web via the phone and it would turn off about 10 times in a row and then show dead battery. Yeah. It was time to get a new one a while ago BUT it was so close to the Verizon contract to be up that I was like, screw it, I'll live with it until I get a new phone. 

For Christmas, a huge chunk of my presents were Visa gift-cards. THIS I LOVE, btw. I bought Fred. (iPod) with my gift-cards. This was the beginning of my mouth-watering MUSTHAVEALMOSTEVERYTHINGHAPPLE. Typing on this iPod touch has been amazing. I love touch screen. I found that after typing so much on touch screen -- it hurts to type on phones that have actual buttons. It's just so much easier to TOUCH things instead of poking them. Or....something? 

I used to love having backgrounds and customizations for the phone. Had several themes for the RAZR and BlackBerry... but I just fell in love with the simple format Apple's iPhone. I'm difficult enough to put up with...so why not let ME keep it simple, aye? The touch screens are just so responsive. I love the millions of free apps that I have. Twitter client is amazing. Just.. yes. I love Apple. Even though I say this, you'll never catch me with an iPad. I can't stand the name and I'd much rather type on a computer or laptop WITH KEYS. Yes - a touch screen phone but a computer with keys. I know. Hard to please me. 

Besides getting that iPod as my Christmas gift and my new iPhone, I really haven't gotten anything over that $100-200+ for myself. Probably not even in the last TWO years. I've gone shopping like twice this year for pants and shirts on sale. Pants didn't cost over $10 and shirts didn't cost over $5. Thanks, Rue21 for saving me and my money. 

ALSO, must I mention, that the RAZR is STILL in 100% perfect condition? My mom is using it as her phone. When I gave it to her, it had 0 scratches. I had it for two years. My BlackBerry (before spilling the juice on it) might've had minor scratches but nothing else. I had taken care of both in those years I had them. 

Oh and I didn't even get the $199 NEW iPhone4 because it's going to be shipping out later than what I could have it. I needed a phone before next weekend when I will be going home to visit my parents again. So, I had to think fast. I got the 3GS that will have all the new updates and I even saved $50+. So, I got a new old phone... that I will have for 2 years. Again. 

So, if you are sitting there judging me for all this talk of getting a new phone, just think again. I'm not stupid with my money.. and when I say I'm going to buy something or spend money on something, usually I don't spend it. I realize how much stuff I have coming up that I need money for. I try to save money - even down to the penny. I cut coupons - a lot. I usually try to get the lowest priced item they have in the store we're in. I don't get junk I don't need. I don't go to the movies, I don't go "shopping", I don't go out on weekends, we may eat out a few times (but ONLY with coupons), you may see we go on a trip and it may seem like a lot but it's not because it's almost every 3 months, I don't go to clubs, I don't go get crunk... I don't spend money unwisely to the point where I don't have anything in my bank account. My evenings and most of our weekends (minus trip weekends), are spent inside. Our main entertainment? Well, for me, it's sitting on the computer (writing, reading, etc) and watching TV. Again, I'm not stupid with my money.

Instead of getting a few covers for my iPhone, I got one. This one I fell in love with and just couldn't stop thinking about. We also got car chargers and wall chargers for $2 a piece on eBay, which is at least $15 elsewhere. So I saved money. 

I had more to say but it's time for me to try to go to bed. I haven't slept in over two days. My mind won't shut off at all. I have more to say about my iPhone but I'm just too exhausted to think about it. (I had a battle and half with the iTunes last night.) So anyway. I'm taking my happy bum to bed. Night. 

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I was going to write a big ole entry full of comedy and fun stuff, but alas, it's sleepy time just about. The #bedclothes group has seized most of conversations on Twitter and one by one they're falling into their beds like...well...sleepy people. My eye lids are growing heavy and I'm NOT going to fight my sleep tonight, as last night was just horrible. Even though, I feel like I have injected Mountain Dew into my blood stream. That's what happened yesterday that kept me up. I thought I was sleepy but... 

ANYWAY. 

I'm going to try to start a "weekender" that will come out on Mondays. Before everyone goes to bed, that is. I hope. Maybe. One day I will get organized. Something. Maybe. Maeby. 

On Friday or Saturday, I can't remember which day, but... I started going through all of my favorite links/bookmarks that I had saved on two computers and about 6 browsers. Who the hell uses that many browsers? Yeah. Me. Apparently. I threw an absolute fit trying to figure out how to save and upload and get it all saved the right way so I can import and export... it took many MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY hours. It SHOULD HAVE NEVER taken that long. I was angry. I was throwing a fit. I almost became a Bridezilla but without the bride part. Just a zombie zilla that wanted to choke someone. About twenty four hours later, I figured it out and I am NEVER messing with that... EVER EVER again. Ever. 

I worked on the ending of my Push Pin Memories book this weekend, as well. I'm very excited about how it's going to be looking. It's getting there... maybe another year or two and it's ready for publication. Or even sooner if I can finish all of it. I've done the beginning (or what I think will be the beginning), I'm working on the ending and have about half portion of the middle completed. I have lots of middle to fill up. I'm working it. That's for sure. 

I have started another 101 in 1001 goals list. Two, actually. One for small tasks and the other one for long term goals. 

Today (Monday) I cleaned my desk and found my new insurance card. I can see my desk again. I moved a few things. I was hoping to redecorate around my desk (as loads of my decorations are STILL in boxes because we really don't have any extra room for everything to be out). 

I also cut my hair. It's like way short. I can't believe there's still a light touch of red in my hair... haven't had it done since before Christmas. Been cutting my own hair since then. About a week before my birthday and we leave for Tampa, that's when I'm going to get my hair colored red again. I was GOING to do blonde but after getting red hair... I just can't go back. ONE DAY I would love to get red hair with pink tips. I would love that. But, eventually. 

I've been on a RENT RENT RENT everything has to be RENT verge this weekend. "I should tell you..." 

I really thought I had more to say but apparently I don't. My brain is too fried. Guess I need sleep. 

Conversations about SPORKS came up today. Apparently sporks are dangerous? I want one. Stay away. See? 

Goodnight world. 

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We Dream in Mozart (Unsettled title) 

by Karen-Maeby McCormick, started a couple years ago... it's possible it'll never be finished. Maybe. 

Prologue

            “…and now, I’m in such a predicament right now, Sissy! I can’t find a darn thing around my room nor my mother’s stuff to suit me well for that party tonight. The velvet multi-color pink and purple dress I picked out, for a couple hundred dollars, mind you, doesn’t seem to suit me as it did a few weeks ago. The accessories just don’t work right. Nothing is pulling together! At all. Mainly because EVERYTHING I have is already out of style and what would people think of me then? And I’m at the best of me…We‘ve only got two hours until this Classical Music Era party will start -- it will be the talk of the entire town of Philadelphia!” Claudia exclaimed to Sissy, her best friend, over the speakerphone. “The newscasters might even be there! They might see how gorgeous I am and want me on camera!”

            “Just breathe -- and -- don’t let your head swell too big, Claudia. You might not want to be filmed with your head looking like a strawberry. From what I had seen, your outfit looks gorgeous and in style and you will blow people away when you walk in the door. Unless you fall, that is, then they won’t notice your dress -- they’ll laugh at you over that great trip you took! And, look at it this way: your outfit will totally be better arranged than mine. I could just go in my dirty jersey uniform if you wanted me to… if it’d make you feel any better!” Sissy said.

            Claudia pouted, “That’s mean to call my head a strawberry!“ She turned to look in the mirror, “OH GOD!“

            “What‘s wrong? Did your head turn out like a strawberry already?” Sissy asked.

            “NO! I look FAT! Like, that’s my worst NIGHTMARE!”

            “Ugh. Great… Here we go again...with Miss Drama Queen…” Sissy mumbled.

            “What did you say? You know what? Never mind. We’re so wasting time on here gabbing about nothing. Go get dressed and make sure you have your winter coat, you know the carriage will be picking us up from my house promptly around 7 p.m.”

            “Yes, mother dear.” Sissy giggled as both girls hung up the phones. 

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So, I'm going to be making a REAL GROWN UP 101 in 1001 list over the next few days, clearly, this one has expired without me knowing.. so... Please ignore how "child-like"+ dumb some of these goals may be. It was 2007 when I came up with them. 3 years later, in a different world, I have much better goals on my mind. Crossing out + writing next to the ones I've done or not done... just read :) 

This list sucks. I want the next one to rock and roll with things being crossed off and not just simple tasks but big changes. 

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

MY LIST:

1.      read 50 books (0/50) 

2.      find the soundtrack to hairspray and buy it

3.      buy the hairspray poster

4.      go back to school (even if it is for one class at a time)

5.      figure out what i do want to get a degree in

6.      eventually get a degree in something

7.      travel to chicago again

8.      enter some of my photos in contests

9.      (end of summer cleaning) get rid of old clothes i dont want anymore

10.  keep resume updated (starting 8/13/07)

11.  every week for a month take pictures somewhere (0/5)

12.  make a video of favorite pictures ive taken (something memorable)

13.  keep up with journaling in my art journal (no week goes by without being written in)

14.  sort out all of the pictures in my computer

15.  sort out all journal entries on the computer

16.  delete nortons virus thing

17.  get rid of the old aim

18.  send a secret into post secret

19.  get my license renewed (a 21 year old license)

20.  go to the doctor about my wrists hurting

21.  get my ears pierced

22.  have professional pictures taken for christmas pictures

23.  get a picture with the boy and i

24.  write at least 20 decent poems (0/20)

25.  make it to NY for Christmas or times square for new years

26.  send mike's christmas present to him (super late, whoops)

27.  send finished booklet of elaine’s to her husband

28.  make a day out of each week for a year to stay off the internet (0/12)

29.  go see an opera

30.  go to a jimmy buffett concert in 2008

31.  volunteer for something once again

32.  clean my dresser

33.  find my way back to philadelphia again

34.  go to washington dc again

35.  at the end of this 1001; be in a different store/location if working for the same company

36.  have a same or higher position

37.  or have another job

38.  get married

39.  secret ;) 

40.  move out of parents house

41.  have truck paid off

42.  have push pinned mem'ries almost done

43.  and perhaps, ready to send in to get published

44.  fix my VCR

45.  go thru my taped VHS

46.  volunteer for big brother / big sister

47.  get new songs into my mp3 player

48.  organize / work with my other photo albums

49.  clean my unused purses out

50.  and minimize them

51.  organize all my music files

52.  go thru old magazines

53.  take older school books back to bookstore to see if I can get money back

54.  polish / clean my jewelry

55.  get everyone’s updated #s programmed in my phone

56.  go to somerset for a day trip

57.  repeat of above 

58.  organize all my pay stubs, saved bills, etc.

59.  have a set cleaning day every month for a year from the start date of _____ (0/12) and it be successful

60.  start walking at the least once a week

61.  go on a cruise

62.  go thru favorite links

63.  update delicious links

64.  color my hair or perm

65.  see what’s on all my data disks

66.  learn about catholic religion

67.  find five new favorite diarists (0/5)

68.  lose weight (go down a size or two)

69.  be kissed in the rain

70.  for Christmas cards this year -- include something nice, memorable or how they’ve helped change me

71.  meet five new friends thru myspace groups or groups on face book (0/5)

72.  have new “business” cards made

73.  go downtown lex 2 times [dates] (0/2)

74.  take pictures of the waterfall downtown

75.  go to same place our cast went to in 04 (atomic cafe)

76.  join a choir

77.  get 30 credit cards (for work) (23/30)

78.  go to a catholic church service

79.  re-organize all of my poetry stuff (rough drafts / final copies / etc)

80.  get a decent printer (to print off pictures, more so)

81.  find use for all my empty notebooks

82.  request another signed betty white picture

83.  become knowledgeable about Mozart again

84.  $20 in Canadian coins

85.  start back writing down inside jokes

86.  picnic one day in the park - boy and I

87.  make my boy like one country song

88.  clean all of my shoes

89.  get comadore 64 working again (so I can play the GOOD games! ninja!)

90.  pick a day, plan a random holiday and call it my own

91.  dance with my boy

92.  go boating again

93.  paint nails (this has been a challenge this year) 

94.  stand beside my boy and help him 

95.  clean out the “junk files” on the computer 

96.  have pictures taken with my favorite people and I 

97.  start using coupons! 

98.  don’t let the little stupid things get to me and ruin my days

99.  complete more than 50% of this list

100. after each goal has been completed, an entry follows

101. make another list once it’s done

This list started on Friday, August 17, 2007 and will end on Friday, May 14, 2010.

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THIS:

"Your Love Is My Drug" - Ke$ha 

Maybe I need some rehab
Or maybe just need some sleep
I got a sick obsession
I'm seein it in my dreams
I'm lookin down every alley
I'm makin those desperate calls
I'm stayin up all night hopin hitin my head against the wall

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
Im all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Wont listen to any advice
Mommas tellin me I should think twice
But look into my own devices, im addicted its a crisis
My friends think ive gone crazy
My judgments gettin kinda hazy
My steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head

What you got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
Im all strung out my heart is fried
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

I dont care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when your with me
But crash and crave you when you leave

Hey, so I got a question
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum
Is my love your drug? your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Huh, your drug?
Is my love your drug?

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
Your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Hey, heyy, sooo
You love, your love your love, is my drug
(She says) I like your beard 

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I'm working on PPM and came across this.... Interesting. 

[13 Dec 2007 | Thursday] 11:59 AM

Music Within My Heart

Current mood:  nostalgic

Just a little something I needed to write to get off my mind... This came about the night I got one of my Christmas presents (going to Ellen's concert in Lex)... It was good. I miss choir, I miss music... bottom line.

Music Within My Heart

by Karen McCormick

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I'm a silly fool

who walked away from her dreams

from years ago.

I'm a silly fool

who threw out what she liked

and had a deep passion

for something she thought she knew.

Silly fool, silly fool.

Those lost dreams

found in a pool

of regret.

Can't look back, can't look back.

You silly fool, you silly fool

you - you

threw away your dreams

for something you thought you knew.

If only I can gain back

what I have missed all these years

the one subject

that made me come alive

and feel passion

about

everything.

Music.

Dream it, breathe it, believe it.

Have it in my heart.

The music within my heart.

Need to have the hope and faith

that one day, I'll return to the arms

to the arms of music…

to reside as the written of my dreams…

Just believe, believe

breathe

and

believe…

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So.. everyone that knows me by now should know that I have a restless heart. I take turns throwing myself into all of the creative outlets. I'll write for a while, work on photos for a while...and sometimes, if I'm really feeling it, I'll draw some pretty little pictures. Or, funny ones. Or, something. 

Meet Little Red Riding Hood: 

Little Red Riding Hood 
That basket of Snickers are sure
Lookin' good...

This is the drawing that represents our #bedclothes group. If you care to join, please click here: http://bit.ly/90AfCG

Above is the playlist with songs I've been listening to over and over... 

Anyway. Coffee is almost gone. Gotta get ready for work. See ya. 

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Feels like me tonight... Picture was taken Friday, poem written all the way back in 2005. Wish I had a recent photo of a houseboat, but alas, I don't. :( 

Rock Me, Water

by Karen-Maeby McCormick

Written in Oct/Nov 2005, edited on Christmas day 2005, Finished on Dec 27th, 2005

I lay on my back looking gracefully up to the sky…

Viewing the stars as closely as I can…

They sparkle and glisten in the dark night.

I’m secretly hoping for a shooting star…

But knowing my luck, I could never be that lucky.

I close my green eyes and imagine

            that I am on the roof of a houseboat.

Just letting the boat rock me back and fourth…

            literally to sleep.

There, then, that’s when I dream of what I really need.

I need something, an emotion, that goes directly to my heart…

Speaking to it - about love, memories, the little things.

I need you to rock me, water…

            and let me see a shooting star.

Prove to me that my dreams have come true. 

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Alanis Morissette - Ironic 

An old man turned ninety-eight 
He won the lottery and died the next day 
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay 
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late 
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think 
Chorus 

It's like rain on your wedding day 
It's a free ride when you've already paid 
It's the good advice that you just didn't take 
Who would've thought ... it figures 

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly 
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye 
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight 
And as the plane crashed down he thought 
'Well isn't this nice...' 
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think 
Repeat Chorus 

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you 
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right 
And life has a funny way of helping you out when 
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up 
In your face 

It's a traffic jam when you're already late 
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break 
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife 
It's meeting the man of my dreams 
And then meeting his beautiful wife 
And isn't it ironic... don't you think 
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think... 
Repeat Chorus 

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you 
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out 
Helping you out 

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I updated Fred. Apparently there WERE hundreds of programs on my iPod then I deleted about half of them so now it's not so bad... but half the programs that were still on iTunes had been deleted from Fred. already. I have to remember to delete from there or if I delete on my iPod I have to go back to there and delete. 

I also redid my blog... so look at it on an actual computer. It's awesome. I love it. I've linked my actual website back to this blog until I have enough time to figure out how to MAKE a blog/design for my .com website. 

I'm no where near finished but all of this past couple weeks while busy I just randomly favorite articles I want to read but don't have time to on Twitter. Here's some interesting stuff... 

Ryan Seacrest had a post on his website about Ashton Kutcher wanting to buy land to eventually build a house for him and his wife. That reminded me of the whole castle story from Versailles Kentucky (close to where I had lived) that was built out of about the same love, same story, same been there done that... and look at what it's become now. PLEASE read the story of how the castle came about, it's actually really amazing, to be honest. However, sad when something so "romantic" turns tragic. Simple rules: don't trust romantic antics that lean too much into fairy-tale range. Yep. I am absolutely amazed at how beautiful the pictures of the now castle aka inn/hotel. It's like a million dollars to stay there even for one night... but it'd be well worth it for a special occasion. I'm definitely a castle-loving girl only by admiration of the buildings and the oldness feelings. 

My love posted/retweeted an article on his Twitter about old vintage ads that are extremely sexist. Even though they are, they are hilarious. I'm posting one of a girl fonding a vacuum because yes, clearly, it's all she's ever wanted for Christmas. Lmao. Boy have times changed. I'd be hung for my undying hate of cleaning and acting like a "proper lady back in those days when they didn't have a voice". 

I have more to say but clearly I've run out of blogging juice for today... as I'm thinking of the Push Pin Memories story that i need to be working on. TODAY marks six years since Key of Trust. And, if you don't know what that is... you will, whenever my book is actually done and out lol. 

But, before I go, have to post something funny that Justine (@jfournier_) linked to me... 

LMAO. The "1700s" part cracked them up... of course. :) I'm an old pirate hooker. Bwahahahaha. Anyway, I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE FIND PICTURES RELATING TO ME AND POST THEM FOR ME. It's like a surprise! An awesome surprise! :D 

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