Mister Gym Fox Junior

WRESTLEMANIA!!!

2012-11-28T14:52:00.002-06:00

Recess duty:

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, we've got a problem here. Apparently this tag game has turned into Wrestlemania! Look at this spazzfest!"

Super Duper Select High Five!

2012-11-27T14:35:00.000-06:00

5th grader during a game of sideline soccer:

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, I got hit in the turkey gizzard!" (Pointing at his privates).

Same class; two boys let me know they're on the "SELECT" soccer team, and that's why their team is winning, obviously. THEN...they do one of these:

I cringe. "You don't do that move regularly, do you?"

4th grade boy after BOMBING the gymnastics routine with his partner. They literally pulled a Stooges act up there; yelling at each other and flailing their arms at one another. I ask them what happened:

Student (Male): "Well, ya see Mr. Huber, ___ started the routine wrong, not like we practiced. We had this thing all worked out, the shoe was tied. THEN, ___ did his own thing! And that's how we got in this tight knot in the first place!"

MGFJ: "I'd say the lace came untied and you both tripped over it. Is that a fair assessment?"

Have a Happy Thanksgiving at McDonalds!

2012-11-20T14:18:00.000-06:00

Kindergarten as they walk out of the gym:

Student (Male): "You have a Happy Thanksgiving at McDonalds, Mr. Huber!"

That MGFJ will....NOT.

Pilgrams vs. T-Rex Tag

The key to success in most things is to get enough THRUST into it.

2012-11-19T14:36:00.002-06:00

4th grade during the practice session of their gymnastics routine; a few randoms as I walked around:

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, I'm exhausted today, I only ate half a waffle."

---

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, are you growing a beard for MOvember?"

MGFJ did not realize this was a "thing" until he said it. Truth is, I am growing a beard, but didn't realize the potential behind such an act. Check it out, below, ye uninformed few...

---

Student (Male): "Yeah, I used to take Tae-kwon-doe practice, but...I sucked."

---

Student (Female): "You know,

Yeah....that.

Should've been...UNICORN TAG!

2012-11-16T14:57:00.000-06:00

Kindergarten playing a game of Ghostbusters Tag:

Student (Female): "Mr. Huber, I don't like ghosts. If I were you, I'd consider more games with unicorns. Think about it, okay?"

MGFJ thinks...Rainbow Unicorns vs. Demon Unicorns Battle to the Finish...Tag.

HEEEEY! I'm breaking a hip over HERE!

2012-11-15T15:02:00.000-06:00

4th grader raises her hand with this ever important question:

Student (Female): "Mr. Huber, do you ever plan on being a goth?"

To which I said, "Pretty sure I'm past those days..."

OR....am I?

RRRRRRrrrrrrrrrWWWWAHHHHH!

Recess duty; a 4th grade girl is practicing cartwheels for her upcoming gymnastics routine:

Student: "Thanks to you, Huber, I'm breaking a hip over HERE!"

You know, if turds could talk, they'd talk to YOU!

2012-11-13T14:35:00.003-06:00

So today was my 32nd birthday; I threw a raver for the kids:

3rd grade male enters the gym and told me...:

Student: "Mr. Huber, my grandparents are going to be in a record book for attending the most Milwaukee Brewer games in history... 2,015!!"

MGFJ: As a huge Brewer fan, I thought this was awesome, had to share! Made me think of Bernie going down the slide...SLAM!

2nd grade female to another female during a little squabble:

Student: "You know, if turds could talk, they'd talk to YOU! A FELLOW TURD!"

"It totally fell into my brain and dropped out of my mouth!"

2012-11-12T14:41:00.001-06:00

3rd grade choosing groups for their gymnastic routines:

Student (Male): "Alright, ladies, which one of you wants to roll in my Mercedes?!"

Recess duty kickball:

Student (male) runs up to me: "Mr. Huber, ___ keeps calling me 'Princess' whenever it's my turn to kick!"

MGFJ approaches said student (male), who declares: "Buuuuut, buuuuuut, NO! See, it totally fell into my brain and dropped out of my mouth!"

1st grader running past me yells to the person he's chasing:

Student: "Whatever you Patsy!!!!!!"

Kindergarten walks into class:

Across the gym, I hear a student (male) singing, "The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump..."

Doubt the appropriateness, but hilarious, nonetheless.

The Many Versions of the Middle Finger.

2012-11-08T15:27:00.003-06:00

2nd grader comes up to me with two dOOzies in the same 1/2 hour:

1st this...Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, check out this new bracelet. It's a sweat bracelet. So, anytime you sweat, it collects on this cloth part here, which then sends it to these holes, then the sweat pours out onto the ground, giving you a sweat free wrist!"

2ndly..."See this finger, Mr. Huber? In our family, this finger is the middle finger (ring finger). See, most families get by using this finger as the middle finger, but not ours, we use this one. Like this..."(points up his "middle" finger at me, should I be offended? Hee).

Take that!

When the going gets loud, the subjected get earplugs:

Thank you Hearos for making the noise tolerable since 2007, wish I wised up waaaaaaay earlier.

WHAT? What was that? Tattling? I can't hear you.

Chuck Norris Created God by Snapping His Fingers

2012-11-07T14:32:00.001-06:00

Recess Duty:

Student (4th grade female): "So, Mr. Huber, let me get this straight, you teach PE (pronounced it "PEE")? So, like, you send kids to the bathroom to make them do sit-ups and stuff?!"

YOU ARE HEElarious........

Noticed this creation in the hallway:

To save you the time and squint to read this hieroglyphic'd scratch, it says...

Create your own solar system: The Chuck Norris

"The land will be made of meatballs. The oceans will be made out of fondu. It will have two burger moons and 3 rings of spaghetti."

For it is written, "According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers."

BAM!

Kindergarten student (male) says to another male sitting next to him:

Student: "___, stop treating me like I'm your personal monkey bar!"

I LOVE BALL.

2012-11-06T14:52:00.000-06:00

2nd grade finishing up a round of 'Angry Birds:'

MGFJ: "WHOA, THE ROUND IS OVER, LET'S STOP KICKING THE BALLS AROUND THE GYM!"

Student (Male): To everyone..."What's the deal here!?! You people are COO COO! Kicking balls around actin' like you own the house! This is Huber's HOUSE!"

2nd grade reacting to the new Sharkskin Balls purchase for dodgeball games:

Student (Male): Holding on to the ball...."This ball IS perfect, I love you ball."

Kinda weird...

"You know, your teeth are super tough, like a brontosaurus.

2012-11-05T14:41:00.000-06:00

4th grade entering the gym:

Students (Females): "Mr. Huber, ___ and I have some new signature moves, you wanna see them?!"

MGFJ: "Sure..."

...both instantly start the voguesqe moves of Madonna, but from my view, I saw Sprockets.

3rd grade during a game of 'Angry Birds' (my newest hit creation):

Student (Male): "Come on ladies and gents! I'm the LONE SOLDIER over here! Give a man his due!"

Recess Duty:

Student (Female): "Mr. Huber, you have huge boobs!"

*Pockets full of keys and walkie-talkies = boobs

My big ones.

Student (Male): "You know, Mr. Huber, your teeth are super tough, like a brontosaurus."

1st grade during the parachute, a boy runs up to me and starts touching my face like he's doing surgery, slicing motions and cutting sounds (his version of plastic surgery):

Student: "Pop, new ears here, those old ones were stinky........cucumbers over the eyes, check.......new beard and mustache, that's looks nice. There Mr. Huber, I'm only doing this to make you look pretty." (Runs away).

Running Around Like a Fart in a Mitten!

2012-11-02T15:19:00.000-05:00

Gramma Pudge (RIP) said it best. "You kids are running around this house like a fart in a mitten!"

She summed up the day with my favorite phrase (now available).

Imprision as Many Females As You Can, Boys!

2012-11-01T15:09:00.000-05:00

You've heard the old, "my dog ate my homework" bit. How 'bout this?

Student (Male): "I didn't get my assignment notebook signed this morning because my Dad was on the toilet."

Which is like:

TMI!

Recess Duty:

Patrolling 'the yard.'

Student (Male): "Imprison as many females as you can, boys! It's our only hope!"

Student (Male) to another male while walking out of class:

Student: "TAR. You will eat tar. You will digest tar. It is your fate!"

I'M SWEATING FROM MY EYEBALLS OVER HERE!

2012-10-31T15:09:00.000-05:00

4th grader during our introduction to the day:

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, I just wanted you to know you are by far the best gym teacher I've ever had. I mean, no question!"

MGFJ: "How many have you had?"

Student: "Well, just you, but....it's obvious that you would be the best!"

MGFJ agrees :)

3rd grader during our game of Snowball:

Student (Male): "MR. HUBER, I'M SWEATING FROM MY EYEBALLS OVER HERE!"

Same class:

Student (Male) jumps and yells "NINJA MOVES" after EVERY throw, for like, 15 minutes. Funny became disturbing became OCD.

Disgruntled lunch ladies. Oops.

Lunch, from my office I can hear students commenting on the photos of me...I hear this about the photo below:

STEEL.

Student (Male): "FIRST MARATHON AT AGE 19! Mr. Huber is like steel! Like, marathons are 26 miles! And at age 19, come on...most people don't do marathons until....like...age 35!!!"

Haunted Halloween Gymnasium Centies:

___ BUSTIN' her shaky skeleton leg moves...

"GET BACK HERE, TURD FERGUSON!"

2012-10-30T14:31:00.001-05:00

5th grade student walking out of class, I overhear this:

Student (Male to another male): "Oh yeah, man, my dog eats my cat's poop from the litter box all the time!" (Random).

Recess duty; a second grader running by me yells as he's chasing another student:

Student (Male): "GET BACK HERE, TURD FERGUSON!"

MGFJ: Dying of laughter because it's one of me and my wife' go-to SNL sayings. And....I didn't think it was something a second grader would say because if it came from this skit, it preceded his age by ten years! "It's funny cause it's bigger than a regular sized hat..." Hee. Love.

Sidewalk Graffiti Slam Session

2012-10-30T08:29:00.001-05:00

Without any prior prompting or chatting with the culprit, I happened upon this TAG at recess. The question is: Is it a cute factual note? Or...an elementary 1st grader slam, like, "Mr. Huber has a girrrrrrrrrrrlfriend, neh nehhhh neh neh neh."

However it was meant, I liked it.

Tagged.

MGFJ Tees - Gym Class Inspired Hilarity.

2012-10-29T15:38:00.000-05:00

The products in this online shop are printed by Spreadshirt, the platform where you can design your own customized t-shirts.

SAFETY TORCH! God Help Us.

2012-10-25T16:15:00.002-05:00

Mailbox ALERT:


CHEESEBALL! (Side note: best picture I've taken for school in 25 years; my opinion).

5th grade softball, THIS song is all I heard for 45 minutes straight...

Mind you, I've NEVER heard of this song before, and hearing it from them for the first time made me feel like I was surrounded by insane people. WTF?! But kinda funny.

Walking to recess duty...

...I happened upon these FACTS in the hallway, courtesy of my 4th grade class (and most likely EVERYONE in school). BAM!

Second to left: CHECK!

Third to the left: FARARITE class, baby!

1st grade entering the gym, a student (male) shows me a cut on his leg:

Student: "Mr. Huber, check it out! This is going to be fragile today, but I'll do my best."

MGFJ: "Oh my, what happened?"

Student: (Shrugs nonchalantly) "I was riding a bull."

1st grade class during the parachute, a boy says to the girl next to him:

Student: "COME ON, stop getting so close to me, you're going to make me smell!"

2nd grade leaving class, student approaches me with this zinger:

Student (Female): "So, the other day, I read a word that no one else in class could read. Yup, pretty sweet, huh? The word was (said slowly) 'kilometer.' It's a form of distance in case you didn't know. Oh, and if I was a cheetah, I'd out run you like cake and pie. Plus, I'd also kick harder than you! I'd be overall better than you."

MGFJ got owned.

2nd grade game of SHARKY (aka Sharks and Lifeguards):

DANGER: EAR PLUG ZONE!

From the grapevine, a kindergarten student (male) doing THIS on the bus during a field trip to the pumpkin farm today:

Class!

"WE DON'T HAVE ANY BALLS!!!" (awkward moment)

2012-10-24T14:54:00.001-05:00

4th grade Pin "Dodgeball" game:

Random male student yelling: "WE DON'T HAVE ANY BALLS!!!" (awkward moment).

Fire Drill, student (male) walking next to me declares:

Student: "Mr. Huber, I don't like fire drills, they're loud and annoying."

MGFJ: "Did you say the fire drill, or...?" (Nevermind).

HOW can you NOT wear this during dodge games?!

Recess Duty:

I was attacked by this Zoro-eske masked child on my way outside...

"Multi-scissor weapon" and "invincible hammer hand" so I'm told...

Then stumbled upon a "drawbridge" and "beaver dam" to hide in...

Whew, close one.

Kindergarten locomotors practice, MGFJ asks them to perform the said locomotor up to him and back:

Student (Male): "That's right everybody! Up to Mr. Huber, but don't go past him or he'll SHOOT you!" (I will!?)

Kindergarten student (male) looking at a poster of spiders on the wall:

Student: "OMG, I love spiders! They're just, I don't know....so.....Halloweenie! (flick of hand during the Halloweenie part). And, they're webs.....don't even get me started."

What Did the Zero Say to the Eight?

2012-10-23T14:52:00.002-05:00

Recess Duty:

Student (Female): "Mr. Huber, you have to shut down these CATS!!! JUST SHUT IT DOWN! Look at this, they are ruining everything (pointing to little girls walking on their hands and knees meowing)."

MGFJ: "If you have cats in real life, then you probably know that's what they do!"
*Aside, for the past eight years, and most likely for all eternity, 'Cats' has been the favorite game for 1st grade girls. What do you do? Well, you walk around and pretend you're a cat. Meow?


How does this even happen???

2nd grade after class, the students are filing out:

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, it feels like there's a puddle in my shoes!"

MGFJ: "Like, sweat? Or from....I'm gonna hope sweat."

Bus Duty:

Student (Male): "I know yoga." (And proceeds to do this move to the T!)

Yoga to a kindergartener.

Joke of the Day:

Student (Male): "What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.

HOLY CACHE(s)!

Dodgeball: America's Twist on Stoning

2012-10-22T14:58:00.000-05:00

Saw this t-shirt last night in my Mental Floss Magazine. I liked it.

TRUE

So these arrived today! Part of my $3000 Geocaching Grant that I received last year. Fifteen Magellan eXplorist GC Geocaching Units. Stoked to get this unit underway!

GEOCACHING!!!

Bus Duty:

Student (Kindergarten male): "Listen, man (to another K boy), you're going to have to stop climbing on my wee pee. (?)

Student (1st grade male spotting the bucket of the Shark Skin dodgeballs in my office): "WHOA, Mr. Huber, that is a great set of cushy sqwooshes, my mom has a couple of those as well!" (Huh...)

I'm Sittin' on a Bar Stool, Actin' Like a Dern Fool

2012-10-19T14:39:00.001-05:00

As students are entering the building, I overhear the best thing to start out my Friday morning with a smile. THIS...

Student (Male in 1st grade singing): "I'm sittin' on a bar stool, actin' like a dern fool, that's what i'ma doin' todayhee."

5th grade as they are leaving class:

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, will you rearrange my face." (?)

Recess Duty:

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!

The future profession of students playing army on the playground. They run past me everyday with said "lasers" (no guns in school...loophole found).

Kindergarten and 1st grade throwing centers:

Student(s) throughout the afternoon at the most popular center, Throw the Ball at Mr. Huber's Face: "Take THAT, HUBER!" ... "YOU'RE GOING DOWN! BRING IT!!!" ... "What's up, Huber?! I'll tell you what, THIS (SLAM)!" ..."BOOM! Yeah HUBER, take you OUT!" etc...

And the apparent hatred towards Mr. Huber also caught in the act. Ouch, man...ouch:

You're on a Gravy Train with Biscuit Wheels!

2012-10-18T15:09:00.000-05:00

Gettin' the bowl on

ZOOOOOM, Zrrrooooom...

1st grade during a game of pin bowl, student runs up to me after I see her dancing emphatically:

Student (Female) dancing as she talks: "Mr. Huber, I'm tellin' ya, this music is kickin'! I've got an idea, could you ask Mrs. ___ (our principal) if we can set a day aside for an all school dance party? I'll go with you to ask and all, but doesn't that sound amazing?!?!"
*Song at the time of request: Chromeo, Night by Night.

2nd grade pin bowl, I hear a yell from the distance:

Student (Male): "ONE PIN LEFT...YEAH, BABY, we're riding the gravy train now!"

MGFJ: I'm dying inside laughing, recalling Bill Murray's Big Ernie McCracken line from Kingpin: "You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels."
*I'm seriously seeing kids with reactions like this...

GOOD MORNING PRINCE LAMBCHOP the FIRST!

2012-10-17T15:17:00.002-05:00

A Kindergarten student walking into the school this morning spots me:

Student (Female): "GOOD MORNING PRINCE LAMBCHOP the FIRST! Tell me, where is PRINCESS LAMBSHANK the THIRD?!"

MGFJ: "WHAAAA?! Did you watch the show Lambchop's Play-Along recently?"

Student: "Nope, never heard of it." (She smiles and just keeps walking).

*Mind you, as far as I know, there is NO prior history that I referenced Lambchop, or my wife as Mrs. Lambshank. Of course she has no clue about Lambchop, she's five.

JUST THEN, freeeeeeaking THIS pops into my head:

Then, and to this moment, I want to beat my head against the wall. God bless ya, Sherry Lewis!

3rd grade kickball, I see and overhear this:

Student (Male) staring intently at another male student who is standing nearby: "You know, ___, you look SO CUTE when you smile." (Then continues to stare uncomfortably at the other student for FAR too long...until he sheepishly walks away).

MGFJ recalls this A Christmas Story moment:

2nd graders running mileage laps outside:

Student (Female): "Mr. Huber, the last time we did this I pulled a lever in my neck and I haven't been the same since."

Same class:

Student (Female): "Mr. Huber, do you wanna know something? So, I have a few goals planned for my life, want to hear them?...Number one, run 1000 miles. Think about it, it seems impossible because, really, we only live to 80 or so, no one lives to 1000. That would be quite a feat! Number two, get a good job, like my mom, she's got a great one that pays well and stuff. Number three, to be the fastest girl in my class. Well, like I already am. Do you know the secret to running fast, look down, not out to the side, it's deceiving. (?)

MGFJ thinks: Randomly awesome.

Final 2nd grade class of the day, doing laps:

MGFJ: I'm telling this ditty, because quite honestly, this scenario happens to me more than I can count in a week. This...

Student (Male): "Mr. Huber, watch me! I'm going to jump over this cone and touch it with my finger at the same time." (Proceeds to do just that)

MGFJ: "WOW, (insert superlative), what do you call it?!"

Student: "The CONE FINGER JUMP TOUCH!"

MGFJ: "MMMMmmmmmm, of course."

Just so you know, the following photos are just simple styles going around elementary schools these days. Thank Lady Gaga, I guess...

Makes sense in a lot of ways (?)

This hat actually kicked its legs!

The elusive squid. Mmmmm calamari.