Searching & Misc

A Blog: Change

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 05:21:00 +0000

Original title, nu?

So I was scrolling through my old posts looking for a poem I had written forever and a day ago. It's absolutely ridiculous. I can remember so much stuff that was going on in my life at each particular point in time. So many people in my life who I miss now...the Chamberlains, Megan, Alyssa, Maria, Christin, Leo (really every ex-MyPraizer), just to name a few...life has been a crazy trip.

It feels so weird looking at all the things I've said, seeing who I was, and seeing who I am now. I hate to use the phrase again, but it really is absolutely ridiculous. I was so freaking arrogant in so many different aspects. One thing I do miss is how passionate I was. I feel like I've lost a lot of that, sadly. Maybe that's maturity? Heck if I know. I've just become really reserved for some reason.

In other ways, I know I've definitely improved. My stances are generally based on an unbiased look at things. I'm a lot less demanding and carefree than I use to be. I'm not nearly as judgmental. On the downside, it appears as though this has come with a tradeoff. I no longer have any friends. It's kinda weird. I had so many people I enjoyed hanging out with in and after high school...and we've all gone our separate ways. I mean, I guess I rarely would have time to hang out with them anyways; heck, I barely have time to hang out with my ever-so-lovely girlfriend as it is. I just wish I had a wider circle. I wish there were more people I could bounce thoughts off of or play video games with or just go on random road trips with. I have no idea how to create that circle.

I feel as though I'm a pretty dull guy. Heck, my idea of fun is administrating MyPraize, beta testing video games, debating theology (and sometimes politics), reading about technology and science...and that's about all I got for now. I mean, I enjoy doing pretty much any activity. I like laser tag, paintballing, bowling, go-karting, swimming in the ocean, walking on the beach, making short films, playing sports, camping...just about anything. I just have no one to do this stuff with.

Wow. That's a lot of whinging.

My theology has changed a lot. I'm a Calvinist. I don't see any reason as to why strong language is inherently sinful. I feel like man-centered religion is one of the biggest things that's wrong with Pop Christianity. Theistic evolution? It's up in the air for me, and since I'm no scientist, I have no plans to form an opinion on it.

I took a political quiz (the one at ontheissues.org), and I'm apparently a Libertarian...so yeah. There's that.

I feel like I'm at a really weird place in my life. The future is really foggy. I have no plans. I kinda have goals, but they're more "take it or leave it" than cemented. I'd like to go back to college, but I don't want to work as a graphic designer (except maybe on a very small, freelance, I-call-the-shots basis)...so I guess I don't really care what I do with my life, career-wise, so long as I can meet my financial obligations and raise a family. That's really the only firm goal. Get married. Raise a family. Ever since I was little and I first learned of this idea of a rapture...I turned to my dad and said, dead serious, "I don't want Jesus to come back too soon. I want to have a family."

I was hoping to move out this month...I guess I'll just wait and see how that works out. It looks like another deadline to be pushed back.

I really feel like a completely different person every year that goes by, from my senior year in high school onwards. I changed in a lot of ways my senior year and a lot afterwards. I've changed a ton since the ending of my last relationship...and, all things considered, I'd say for the better. It's mostly been in how I deal with relationships. I really was clueless. Terribly clueless. I'd rather not even admit to all the mistakes I've made, they're so embarrassing. Suffice it to say that Our Love Is Easy by Melody Gardot (aside from a line here and there) more or less describes my philosophy, and I am inexpressibly glad that this change has made its way to my heart. My past relationships were essentially doomed before they began due to the foundations being so off base. Now, I am happy to say that it's based firstly on God, and secondly on a "I'm giving myself to you" mentality, not a "you're giving yourself to me" mentality.

I really feel like I was a completely different person in the past, and would rather not be associated with any of his actions.

I guess that's about all I have to say. It was just on my mind. G'night.

[I'm Taken By Your] Idiosyncrasies

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 05:44:00 +0000

Every guy looks

For the perfect girl

One in a million

To rock his world

He searches constantly

For the flawless grin

Butterfly eyes

And the perfect chin

Curvy hips

Bulging chest

Who'll drop her pants

At his request

After much looking I've found

There's much more to be had

A more perfect girl

Who's cute when she's sad

Hair a mess

Tears run down

Mixing with makeup

Meeting at a frown

It's times like those

I realize I don't want the fake

I want your flaws;

Perfection they make

The sound your voice makes

When you've just woken up

The look always in your eyes

Like a long lost pup

The look on your face

When you're caught off guard

The sound of your breathing

When you're sleeping really hard

All these things

Serve to fascinate me

In short, I'm taken

By your every idiosyncrasy.

Remembering Her

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 04:27:00 +0000

The side alley is somewhat desolate save for an old man sitting amongst some cardboard boxes and bags of trash, clearly homeless. He notices a car driving past to dump its trash. He doesn't take much notice, as this is a common occurrence. As the car drives off, he looks over to see what they dumped. His eyes rest on a paper mannequin. His eyesight being as poor as his wallet, he can only make out a vague form, and in his despondency, lets his imagination do the rest of the thinking.

“Ruthy? Is that you?”

He gets up as quickly as his aging limbs will allow.

“Aw, Ruthy, I was wondering when we'd get the chance to talk. It's been a while, but I think we still have that spark. Shoot, remember our high school prom? You were as gorgeous as ever. I remember taking you under the moonlight and telling you exactly what you meant to me as we swayed to that song. Remember, Ruthy? I know I've kind of neglected you lately...but I mean to make it up to you. Honest. Here...we can dance like we did for prom...when everyone knew you were the queen of my heart.”

While a fond smile, the old man picks up the mannequin and pulls it to him, inhaling a scent that exists only in his mind. He slowly begins to sway.

“Aw, I've been meanin' to get a better job so's I could feed you right. I guess it just takes a dance to notice how much you could use a good meal, eh, Ruthy?”

He continues to sway. At one point, if you look closely, you can glimpse into his world, where only he and Ruthy exist, as he inhales the scent of her blond locks and looks deeply into her blue eyes. He smiles, pacified as his love is held in his arms. He whispers into her ear, causing her to throw her head back and laugh. They go on, doing every dance they did on that golden night. Eventually, the aging man can no longer stand from all of the exertion. He settles down with the mannequin comfortably in his arms, running his hands through the non-existent hair.

He smiles contentedly, resting his head against the brick wall. A few words escape his heart as he closes his eyes and drifts off.

“Aw, Ruthy. I've missed you so much.”

My Nightmares

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Wed, 12 May 2010 04:42:00 +0000

Sometimes I pray

That I won't fall asleep

Lest the nightmares

Into my mind seep

They aren't the usual nightmares

No boogeyman here

In fact, for a moment

I find in them cheer

I stare into the eyes

Of my deepest regret

Touching the skin

I wish I'd never met

The countless 'if only's

Haunt me throughout

Tears stream from my eyes

My lips turn to pout

I can not piece together

The shambles I've made

My heart for this demon's

I'd gladly trade

It's over my shoulder

Reminding me the truth

I am but a ghost

Upon myself I'm loosed

Me, the ghost

Faces my worst demon

I stare into its face

As my heartbreaks deepen

In truth it's all a lie

There is no ghoul

No haunting demon

And its torturous howl

But it may as well be

For all the pain I feel

I take a deep breath

And partake of my last meal

I then close my eyes

As the apparition appears

Her smiling face

I can no longer endear

I hurt her so badly

Through my unforgivable inaction

Though for her heart

I never lacked passion

The ways I've failed

Go further than one can see

And it's for this reason

I pray I don't sleep

Maturity

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:22:00 +0000

It was recently implied by a friend of mine that I am more or less stuck in an immature state. Unfortunately, this got me thinking. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know I'm often light hearted to the point of exasperation; however, it's been a long time since I've thought of myself as, overall, immature.

Firstly, what is considered 'maturity' anyways? I know it's the completion of the developmental cycle, which won't be complete until about twenty one years of age...from there we pretty much just start our decline, physically speaking...and eventually mentally. Aside from the dictionary definition, what leads to the conclusion that one is immature? Does it consist of pulling girls' pigtails and giggling? Making jokes about fecal matter? The inability to rationalize properly? Having no desire for a life worth pursuing? I'm still not entirely sure.

I know it's common to joke around and insist that we're all so immature, even though we, for the most part, are not. Most of the people I talk to and consider friends have an exceptional ability to distinguish what is important and what is not, and are able to react rationally as the situation requires. This is, essentially, what I consider to be mature.

Even though I try not to take myself seriously and rarely offer a stern word to most people, there are still those occasions where I must rid myself of this fun-loving facade and become real. Times like staying up on the phone for hours upon hours from sunset to sunrise, begging my friend to not commit suicide, only to fall asleep from exhaustion without realizing it. Times like having a friend hang up after discussing why they shouldn't end their life, and knowing that they aren't fully convinced. Times like listening to my friend mournfully sing O Happy Day when told they only have a few months left due to cancer. Times where I've just been there for a friend when I found out she'd been raped...because what else is there to do? Times where the word 'empathy' just doesn't do it justice.

I believe that these are marks of maturity: owning up to your responsibilities and mistakes, being a friend, and realizing that a life worth living is a life dedicated to ensuring others' lives are worth living. I know there are times when I fail at these goals of mine...these marks of maturity, and honestly, I have no excuses for that nor do I care to have them.

I know my friend will probably never read this, but I do wish they would realize I'm not as bad as all that.

A New Typewriter

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 17:41:00 +0000

Firstly, forgive typos in this post, because my keyboard sucks and will occasionally not register a keystroke.

Now, I was on my way back from lunch with a good friend of mine, when I passed by this thrift store I had been meaning to check out. Of course, by "passed by" I really mean "stopped and checked it out". I purchased two things during their Friday Sale (25% off): Roots (the book) and an old typewriter. Sexy, right?

This is before electricity, before the auto-return feature once you hit the end of the line. There's a ding when you're nearing the end, then it cuts you off, you have to push it back, then hit the arm on the side to lift it up a line. Yeah. On a scale of one to ten for rockingness, this is definitely pushing a twelve and a half. I'm still playing with it, learning all about it and stuff, since I've only toyed with older typewriters, not actually used them, but I think it's coming along really well. Surprisingly, it really does induce creativity. I'm used to using an electric typewriter, and honestly, I just stare at a blank page when I use it. This time, however, I typed up this little piece (I'll transpose it exactly as typed):

First of all I hadly kow whee to begin. I was once
so alive ut now I can hardl y breathe for all the
confusion in my head. It haunt me day in and day o
out. It s like a monster creeping into my very exis
tence, waiting to catch me off guard, focused on th
frivoloti es in life i nstead of the monster buried
inside of me, eating me away.
The life that Ionce
lived I ca n not stand to even sense it nearby. Its
existence offends me in the deepest, most intimate
sense. The wort part is is that I know that th at
is the real me, the monster that would have my mind
for a midnight snack whil it feasts on my fleshly
desires. I no more desire who I am , but do I have
a choice? I wish to God in the twilight of my
existence that I could reach for the light even
though I know that that is wha t truly offends
me. It is that which reveals wh o I am that I can
not stand...that which reveals how utterly black with
mire. It is the light that repulses me.
So I lay here at night -- always at night -- wishin
for relief from the light so that I can continue b
being the disgusting person that I am. The light
is what truly offends me, I suppose. The darkness is
more than just a blanket of comfort for my despicab
le self. I am the black. It is me. I am who I fea
r the most.

Yeah, it can be a little tricky to follow, but in my defense, the keys are hard to press and when two keys catch each other, it can distract me from my sentence.

So yeah, that's about it for now.

The Island [Part IV]

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:45:00 +0000

Richard Davis was in no mood for another animal creeping around. One time a squirrel had managed to get in the museum and he had chased it for two hours. He finally managed to get it out of there. Unfortunately, it was only after two old vases had been smashed and a display containing an assortment of memorabilia from the Civil War had been scattered. From the sounds of it, another squirrel had sneaked in the building. Dang squirrels. He heard a rattle down the hall, towards the front entrance.

“Beat it! G’on! Git!”

Of course, he couldn’t really complain too much. The only thing he really had to deal with anymore was an occasional squirrel. Gone were the days of fools trying to rob museums. It was nearly impossible with all of the new security devices installed. Why, at this very moment, I’m liable to be on camera, Richard thought. He was tempted to do a little jig for the unseen camera, but decided against it. The last thing he wanted was a stupid video of that nature being posted all over the internet.

“Meow!”

David looked down to see what had invaded his thoughts. Oliver, the resident cat, had apparently arisen from his slumber, which was unusual considering there wasn’t any food out. He bent over to scratch the cat behind his ear. Oliver replied with a purr and continued on to explore the mysterious depths of the museum. David chuckled. Over the past four years, he had grown close to that cat. Ever since Terri had died of cancer, he had been found himself getting lonelier during the night shifts. Then one day Oliver had slipped into the building and into David’s heart. On many occasions, David had held Oliver, trembling at the onslaught of memories. It wasn’t easy being as old as David and alone. He had to entertain himself, which was unfortunate in light of his seemingly mundane personality. Of course, the fact that he was an old museum security guard probably didn’t help his image.

Oliver was probably the only person in the world that even bothered to get to know him. The amazing thing was, even after knowing David, Oliver still loved him. David sighed, wishing there were more people on this planet like Oliver the cat.

The unmistakable sound of a vase hitting the ground shook him from his thoughts. He walked briskly down the hall, ready to confront that squirrel from hell for the last time. That was his intention, anyway. That all changed around the same time he was knocked unconscious.

Two guys and a girl. How romantic. Of course, this was hardly an occasion for romance; at least, romance in the conventional sense. Oh, this was true romance: desperate people romancing their true selves. They hardly even knew who they really were yet. Yes, they had a better understanding than most. But what were they being compared to? The Freaks. The people of this world hardly made a worthy standard of comparison.

“Enough!” he muttered. Thinking too much bothered him. Putting thought into action, on the other hand, was quite joyous. Affluent people sat at the top of their corporate ladder, looking down and thinking that they have done a good job. They think they have power. The problem is that all they do is think. Then you have the polar opposite. These people are at the bottom, doing mindless actions all day. These people have no power, either. True power is when you think, and act upon those thoughts. Thoughts without actions are dead.

He carefully finished writing the last note. Somehow things were always more personal when it was written by hand. It brought a whole new level of depth that was needed for a project of this magnitude. He slipped the note into the envelope and sealed it. He was almost finished with the opening round.

The Island [Part III]

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:16:00 +0000

Gary Jones pulled up to the apartment complex in his small Toyota. It wasn’t much, but it was his; bought and paid for with his hard earned cash. Working a six day week for nine hours a day had its benefits. As an architect, he got paid plenty. But working as a construction worker, getting to bring his designs to life, was what really brought him joy, despite frequently being the resident Christian on the work site. The mixture of sweat and geometry was what kept him alive. Thankfully, it also provided him with just enough intellect and body to be able to date – which brought him to where he was tonight.

He hurried up the staircase to find Whitney’s apartment. Beth had made her sound like a Greek goddess, but he wasn’t getting his hopes up. Friends will do a lot for friends going on blind dates. He could only imagine how he had been described. He finally reached her apartment. He stood there for about a minute, praying for God to give him wisdom and strength.

“Here goes,” he muttered, and knocked and waited. No reply. After a repeated attempt with a repeated result, he dialed her number, also to no avail. He cautiously tried the door. Finding it unlocked, he opened it and called out.

“Whitney? It’s Gary. Are you here?”

Gary felt a little awkward being in his blind date’s apartment uninvited, but he began to feel a wave of concern. He called her name again. Receiving no answer once more, he started looking around her apartment, wondering if something was wrong with her. A brief search resulted in a perplexing question. Where was she?

The answer occurred to him, and he disappointedly walk out. Apparently Beth hadn’t done a good enough job describing – or exaggerating – him.

Whitney jerked upright. She quickly realized her mistake as the gargantuan headache began its onslaught. She quickly shut her eyes, hoping that filtering out the intense light would dim the pain. “Good to see you’re awake. I was worried that you got hit harder than I did.”

She jumped at the sound of the voice and looked for its source, immediately regretting it as her head voiced its complaints. “Who are you?”

There was a faint whooshing noise in the background. It was not quite constant, but it was enough to irritate her all ready pounding head.

“My name’s David. Judging from the fact that you’ve been unconscious for the past two hours – maybe longer, I just found you here – I’d say that you’re in the same boat as me,” Ricardo said.

Two down, one to go. He walked up to the front doors. The knowledge that this next feat would be captured on camera provided an extra edge.

The Island [Part II]

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:32:00 +0000

Whitney Jackson was nervous. She looked at her reflection once again; making sure every hair was in place. She wasn’t very pretty by most peoples’ standards, but she could make herself look decent. Beth had told her that the guy had everything she wanted and more. Nice hair, tall, fit, but most importantly, he had a good heart. She really didn’t put a whole lot of stock in a man’s looks, but she wasn’t planning on turning down a bonus. She just hoped he felt the same way that she did.

She glanced up at the clock. His smooth voice had told her that he would pick her up at six. She had eagerly agreed over the phone. Six was the perfect time, really. Not only did it give her plenty of time to prepare, but it also allowed her to be home by a respectable hour. It was now five forty-two. It was getting close.

Whitney looked down at her shaking hands and quietly scolded herself. There was no way that she was going to allow herself to appear easy. She preferred to be slightly aloof; just enough to get him to like her, not enough to make him want to sleep with her. Her past dates had all missed that category, unfortunately. They either had too little or too much interest. If only she could find a happy medium: a guy who loved her for who she was.

She sat down and tried to form a mental image of him in her head. Gary was a nice name. It sounded like the name of a smart man with rugged features. Not incredibly gorgeous, but nice to look at…maybe hazel eyes. She nervously tugged at a loose thread on her dilapidated couch. A fleck of paint from the wall fell on her arm as the air conditioner kicked in. Her apartment was made for comfort, not quality. It reflected on her personality as much as her college student budget. If her art company ever picked up any business, she might be able to get some quality to accompany that comfort. The irony of being a business major and failing miserably at starting her own business was not lost on her.

The doorbell rang, jerking her out of her reverie. She excitedly rose from the couch, making sure to pass the mirror on the way to the door. Quickly taking inventory of her looks, she continued on to the door. She opened the door, the suspense unbearable. No one was there. Confused, Whitney poked her head out of the door, wondering if Gary got cold feet. She was met with a prick in the neck. Hands shaking, she touched the offending region and pulled out the tranquilizer dart buried in her neck.

She then blacked out.

The Island [Part I]

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 03:12:00 +0000

“That line about the orphanage needs a little revision,” David Ricardo said, staring out the window. “Talk more about what the children were provided with, rather than the great need.”

The speech writer sitting opposite him in the limousine looked a little unsure, but wasn’t in a position to voice her objections. She had been brought in at the last minute to replace Ricardo’s former writer. He had been fired for an awkward typo: the word ‘fags’ instead of ‘fads’.

“How about this: ‘The children there were found in dire need of the things taken for granted by most American children, and we were proud to supply them with numerous necessities and commodities such as toiletries, shoes, and various toys. Is that what you were looking for?’”

Ricardo continued staring absent-mindedly out of the window. Just as she began to wonder if he had completely ignored her inquiry, he sighed, “Thank you, Jenny. That will do.”

She breathed a silent prayer of thanks, thinking that she might actually be able to do this job.

Ricardo was troubled. He felt such a desire to help people, and help them he did. But no matter how much he did, there was always more. If only everyone would realize that fact, maybe a change would actually take place within the poverty-stricken realms of the world. He would give up his nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize to have his desire imparted into the people of America. It seemed that no one was willing to do anything to make a difference. Everyone was unwilling except him, rather. That would be the reason for his nomination.

He looked up at the beautiful clouds and saw the faces of the children in the orphanages he had visited in India. They were crying out for help – for love. The burden to give them that love had seemingly been placed solely on his shoulders. In a sense, he was very proud of his accomplishments. But at the same time, he felt drained. It seemed that every bit of life within him was being sucked by thousands of sources.

Ricardo’s focus went back to the clouds. How could a God create such an incredibly complex world, yet leave it to be ravaged by the intense evil he had encountered on so many occasions? If there was a God, His ways were completely foreign to Ricardo. Tired of thinking about it, he changed his line of thought to the speech he would be making about his trip to India. He had long ago come to the conclusion that religion was for the lucky people who did not have to come in contact with the poverty and brokenness that he encountered on a daily basis. Well, the road was flying by and he was still no closer to feeling like a nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize than he did when his plane had landed in the United States two and half hours ago.

He snapped his head around at the sound of glass being pierced in time to see Jenny jerk to the side at the impact of the bullet. It registered in his brain the she had been shot in the head at the same time he heard a second gunshot and his limousine swerved, out of control. Panicked, he pushed aside the black plastic separator between the driver and the passengers to take in his driver lying across the front of the vehicle, blood smeared across the dashboard. Ricardo’s heart began to race even more as the realization that this was the artwork of an expert marksman came over him. Even though he was as good as dead, Ricardo still reached past his dead driver to grasp the steering wheel, hoping to take back control of the car. He looked through the windshield and jerked the wheel simultaneously. The limousine went into a slide and started to flip. In his peripheral vision, he saw the ditch that he was about to fly into. Letting go of the wheel, he braced himself for the impact, adrenaline still pumping too hard to go into shock.

He was knocked unconscious in the next instant.

In Recent News

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:16:00 +0000

So, this is basically just a blog. Weird, right? Anyways, I figured since I have this place to talk about myself, be vain, and all that jazz, I may as well take the opportunity.

First of all, I kinda got screwed out of my final exam due to my professor giving everyone the wrong time for the final, then denying it. On the brighter side, he said he'd omit the final test from my grade as opposed to flunking me. Oy.

Another thing, I recently added a little shoutbox to my blog for one purpose: I ask a question, you give me an answer! Nifty, eh? So, it's at the tip top of my blog and it's called 'Current Question'. Right now the question is "What problem(s) do you see with Calvinism?"

After I feel like I've gotten enough issues to tackle, I shall compose a blog addressing your answers. Enticing, nu? Yeah, so...get to it! Go! Post your issues or just questions, if that's the case.

On another note, the job at Target is working out nicely. I'm getting decent hours and my body is finally adjusting to waking up at 3am on a semi-daily basis.

In future news, I'm started a blog a while back when I was having some serious questions about my own beliefs. It got pretty hectic and pretty deep, but, as a friend once told me, "Doubting ultimately serves to strengthen faith." So yeah, there's that to look forward to.

Final update: I lost my cell phone. Utterly ridiculous and frustrating.

Oh, like the new layout?

The Songbird

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:12:00 +0000

I can remember growing up, as most adults can. Just as with most children, I would always be sure to find a place of comfort that did not depend on fickle humans. A father could be angered, a mother could be cross, and a friend could just be flat out selfish. It was at an early age that I discovered these facts. People were just unreliable. Following this line of reasoning, it only made sense to find this solitary place where I could go and just focus on myself – not the situations that involved me, but just me.

At any given opportunity, I would sneak outside to pay a visit to my Me-Hole, as I called it. It was a place of refuge in a tornado, a castle when under attack, and a bed when exhausted from a harrowing day of performing chores or eating liver or some equally treacherous task. The thing that really made it a Me-Hole was that, for some reason, some birds had decided to make their nest there ages ago. They had children, as birds will do. Each of the tiny birds quickly grew and was out of the nest before I knew it. Each of them, save for one little bird, that is.

It was not really a runt. I personally like to fancy that it had grown so used to the sight of me appearing from day to day that it felt it could not survive without this constancy in its life. Either way, it built a nest just a few feet away from its parents, which is highly unusual for most birds. I never really knew what type of bird it was, of course. They were not exactly my area of expertise. All I knew is that it would chirp a delightful melody which brought me countless hours of comfort during my childhood. I called it my little songbird.

One day I went up to the Me-Hole only to find an unsettling silence. I did not quite realize what was missing at first. I suppose it is like those people who live by train tracks or an airport who are so adjusted to the sounds of heavy city life that, when absent from it, they feel deafened by the silence. I realized that I had been relying on something outside myself, at that point. I had relied on something as fickle as a tiny bird which I could not even see to provide me with comfort. It was a realization that left me mentally kicking myself all the way back to my house. Knowing that it was my own fault did not stop my visits to the Me-Hole from shortening and become more infrequent, though.

Eventually, as most people do, I grew up. Of course, by ‘grew up’ I mean ‘became social’. It seems that this is a requirement of humans. A few more ticks of the clock and I found that I had become married, had a decent enough job, a house, a car…and with all of these items, mountains of bills. Such is the stuff of which life is made, correct? Or was that time? It is getting easier to forget which is which.

The thing that really got to me through this thick skin of self-reliance I wear was when my wife received the test results from her doctor after a physical, which was quickly followed by some more tests. She had breast cancer. Apparently, it was really advanced. I don’t really know all of the details. I guess I was not really focused on that sort of stuff at the time.

What was I supposed to do with that situation? Here I am, doing my best to rely on myself instead of others and when it really matters, I am helpless. There wasn’t a thing I could do for her – not a single freaking thing. I had failed her and I had failed myself. Her passing was quick and I had to walk home to not only an empty house, but an empty shell of what I once was. Just as the house was a sturdy frame with no life inside, I had become nothing but some armor of self-reliance with nothing inside. What good was relying on one’s self when there was no self to rely on?

I couldn’t help but remember the days of the Me-Hole, sitting in the grass and listening to my little songbird lull me into afternoon naps and keep singing until I woke up. It put a bitter smile on my face. Now that I’m involved in the “real life” I have become certain of one thing: songbirds are just a façade to mask the rotten truth of life. This truth, of course, is that happiness is unattainable. It is a fleeting item – blink and you will miss it. No amount of songs can bring comfort, and no amount of people in your life to console you can ease the ache of a departed soul whom you loved.

The songbird is just a reminder that nothing on this earth is reliable. No person or creature will always be there, and you yourself are perhaps the most unsteady thing of them all. This is beyond doubt pessimistic, but the songbird teaches me that no other view can ever attain reality. The only happiness we can ever truly attain is held in our own secret fantasies.

Drowning In Your Imperfections

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Wed, 06 May 2009 21:46:00 +0000

Due to recent events, I feel the need to blog...and this will probably be the most bloggish blog I've posted in a while. So, recently I have been talking to this girl. She posed a very simple question to me. Actually, a series of simple questions.

"Where was God when I was raped? And then raped again? Where is He when I get beat by my father? Where was He when my first father walked away from me at the age of three?"

You know...simple, everyday questions like that.

At this point, I realize that there are two types of Christians in this world: there are the ones who will lie and spout nonsense -- whatever it takes to comfort the person -- and there are the Christians who will tell the truth -- whether the truth is that they don't know or not.

I'm going to try to answer these questions once again (I did this a long, long time ago on here, and as you can imagine, my answer will have changed somewhat). This time, I'm going to have to answer slightly more delicately because it's really hitting close to home.

Of course, this friend whom we shall name Sarah for the time being, told me that she had already heard all the typical answers (then proceeded to list them) and told me that they were "bullcrap."

I am convinced that there is something to tell the dozens of people who have posed these questions (or something similar) to me throughout my life as a whole, and more recently, in my time as an administrator on MyPraize. I mean, there is the seemingly harsh answer that everything happens to glorify God and nothing can make Him less glorious or seem less glorious. However, that's not exactly what I'd like to tell someone who is spending some time in the pit of their earthly hell.

First of all, I would like to say that God has "no delight in the death of the wicked," (Ezekiel 33:11 MKJV). How much less then, that He delights in the mere pain of those whom He has made righteous? However, if He is grieved at each of these tragic events, then how can you "enter into the joy of your lord" (Matthew 25:21 MKJV) if at any given time He is in grief? The only possible answer is that He is grieved at the event itself, while He is joyful at the perfection of His Plan flowing into and from that horrid moment.

He is in agony over the rape of His daughter...yet it must happen for a reason yet unknown to us so that His ultimate goal which is somehow full of love and mercy may be accomplished. It's not much of a comforting answer in the wake of the event, but it is something.

To continue with this, while we experience incredible evil and tragedy such as abuse and rape...in the broad scope of eternity, it is but as "a wind that passes away and does not come again" (Psalms 78:39 MKJV). The only thing we can do to get through this is to look forward to eternity...never losing sight of the Kingdom of Heaven. It is the only way to find hope and peace and true happiness. Alternatives to happiness never last. They are gone with the blood that dries on Sarah's wrists.

That is the love of God in this situation: preparing a place for us to wash away every hint of pain of crap that ever could happen to us so that He can take us into His arms and hold us there for eternity as our souls implode with the love that He lavishes on us in that moment. We can do nothing but long for that moment; long for it even as He does. Look forward to when this temporary body which is prone to do evil and is so easily affected by ghastly events can be done away with and you and I can finally be made whole in Christ for the rest of eternity.

You fall to your knees, you beg, you plead

Can I be somebody else for all the times I hate myself?

Your failures devour your heart in every hour

You're drowning in your imperfection

You're worth so much, so easily crushed

Wanna be like everyone else

No one escapes every breath we take

Dealing with our own skeletons, skeletons

Skillet - Imperfection

Calvinism Revisited

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:34:00 +0000

A while back I wrote a post entitled Free to Run. It spoke of my beliefs regarding Calvinism and Arminianism. Since that post I have studied the Bible a bit more (I should hope so, as it's been over a year). Join me as I revisit Calvinism, it's logic, and it's biblical basis.

I suppose I'll start off again with TULIP theology. I might end up breaking this into (at least) two posts, as it seems that it will be rather long.

T - TOTAL DEPRAVITY

This states that every human being is depraved from birth. It is an important doctrine that I think is hard to ignore. Isaiah writes in Isaiah 64:6-8 (MKJV),

"But we are all as the unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as a menstruation cloth. And we all fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. And there is no one who calls on Your name, who stirs up himself to take hold of You. For You have hidden Your face from us, and have melted us away because of our iniquities. But now, O Jehovah, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You are our Former; and we all are the work of Your hand."

This is a powerful passage to me. It starts off with him stating that everyone is unclean, any good we try to do is like a used tampon before God. Our lives are as short as leaves, which fall from a tree and rot on the ground, and are easily blown away by ill winds...in this case, sin. No one calls on God's Name; no one even tries to do so. He then goes on to say that He is God the Father, and we are mere clay in His hands. All of what we are comprised of is the work of His omnipotent hands.

To continue with a bit more Scripture, Romans 3 is chalk full of evidence of our sinful nature. In this passage, the Jews were feeling like they were better than the Gentiles because they were circumcised. Paul sets them straight in this chapter (among numerous others). I'll pick out the most famous one, as it sums up the gist of the chapter (there is a LOT more in that chapter though, and I'll probably bring it up sometime soon).

Romans 3:23 MKJV

for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God

All. In case you're wondering, all, in the Greek (pas), means all. Everyone. There is no exception. Every single person, from the moment of conception according to Psalms, is sinful. We are totally depraved, incapable of doing anything good on our own. This brings us to the letter 'U'.

U - Unconditional Election

Since we are incapable of doing any good on our own, since there is no one who seeks after God (Isaiah 64:7, Romans 3:11), God must predestine certain people to seek His face. If He did not draw them, they would not come. Jesus Himself says this much.

John 6:44 MKJV

No one can come to Me unless the Father who has sent Me draw him, and I will raise him up at the last day.

No one can come to Jesus unless the Father draws the them. This isn't talking about physically, this is talking about spiritually. Hence the "I will raise him up at the last day". Whoever is drawn to Jesus will have eternal life. They will be saved from eternal death. They are elected...not based on any good they have done, as no one has done anything good. Paul says something quite to the contrary of the idea of us being good or deserving.

Ephesians 2:8-9 MKJV

For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

We are saved by grace...it has nothing to do with us. Nothing we could do on our own. It is God, as Mark Driscoll puts it (and as I paraphrase it), "preaching repentance as He comes to rescue us from impending doom, yanking us by the collar just as the truck is about to hit us."

This brings us to the third letter, 'L'.

L - Limited Atonement

Limited atonement is the next logical step from Unconditional Election. It is also the next Scriptural step. This states that Christ's blood was only shed for the elect. It only atones those who God foreordained should be atoned. I had a problem with this point more so than others to begin with. Through studies of Scripture and conversations with different people about it, I have come to recognize the Scriptural basis for the doctrine.

John 3:16 LITV

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that everyone believing into Him should not perish, but have everlasting life

This was the most problematic verse for me to begin with. However, upon further review I find that it confirms Limited Atonement. Here it clearly states that the Father gave His only begotten Son for the purpose that everyone who believes in Him will not perish. There's a prerequisite for being one of those who Christ's blood is shed for, we see here. You must be one of those who believe. Why does it mention the world (Greek: kosmos)? Because the entire cosmos "groans and travails in pain together until now," (MKJV) as Romans 8:22 puts it. Until those who believe are given the power to become the sons of God, all creation is in bondage (Romans 8:19-21, John 1:12). The power was not given to become a son of God until Christ came and shed His blood.

It was because God loved the entire cosmos so much that He gave His only begotten Son the believers will become sons of God and free the cosmos from its bondage.

Later on, John writes that Jesus says, "I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep," (John 10:11 MKJV). Notice that last part. He is laying down His life for the sheep -- those who are His.

Now is the part where letters 'U' and 'L' work together to lead us to the letter 'I'.

I - IRRESISTIBLE GRACE

The doctrine of irresistible grace states that since God chooses whomever He wishes to be one of the Elect based on no condition whatsoever, nothing can thwart the change that the Spirit of God creates in their lives. They are drawn irresistibly to and by the grace of an omnipotent God.

During His speech to the Pharisees in John 10, Jesus says, "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me," (John 10:27 MKJV). He knows who His sheep are. When they hear His voice, they follow Him. There is no 'maybe' or 'sometimes' here...when His sheep hear His voice, they follow Him.

In Romans 8:28 (MKJV), Paul writes, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

What does it mean for all things to work together for good? Does that mean we have favor with people here on earth? Does that mean we can go from rags to riches the instant Christ becomes the Lord of our life? If that is what you consider to be truly good, that's rather sad. Nothing on this earth can compare to the goodness of God. Being with Him and satisfied in Him...that is the ultimate good for those who love God. So we know that all things must work together for the purpose of being satisfied in God for those who love God. Nothing can stand in the way of us being with God if we love God, if we are called according to His purpose.

Paul solidifies this in the next two verses (MKJV):

"For whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son, for Him to be the First-born among many brothers. But whom He predestinated, these He also called; and whom He called, those He also justified. And whom He justified, these He also glorified."

Before the foundations of the cosmos, God knew who it would please Him to have love Him. These people, He predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son. His Spirit replaces the heart of stone, and gives us a heart of flesh so that we desire to be like His Son, just as God told Ezekiel in Ezekiel 36:26-27.

It is clear that the pull of an omnipotent God to change and conform to the image of His Son is irresistable.

All of these letters once again transition us to the final petal in this quintet, 'P'.

P - PERSEVERANCE OF THE SAINTS

This doctrine is sometimes hotly debated amongst Christians from all different walks of life. Premised by the four letters T, U, L, and I, along with a good bit of Scripture, it seems to be an obvious doctrine. More people will likely recognize it as the phrase "once saved, always saved". Although this phrase carries some negative connotations, those merely originate from a misappropriation of the actual phrase.

Many people will insist that once someone accepts Christ, they are saved from eternal damnation regardless of what they do. This message is completely contrary to Scripture such as Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, and Matthew 7:15-23.

The doctrine of the perseverance of the saints simply states that once someone is drawn to God, it is impossible for them to be satisfied anywhere else, so they will never leave Him. They have been elected, atoned, and given a heart of flesh, in spite of their depraved nature. A heart of flesh can not beat anywhere else but in God. If it ever attempted to return to a world of stone it would be crushed. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 (MKJV), Paul states that, "if any one is in Christ, that one is a new creature; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

To put it in terms that are perhaps more easily understood: once a woman gets a sex change to become a man, she can never return to the women's bathroom. There are, of course, more spiritual terms for this, such as found when Jesus speaks in John 6.

John 6:37-39 LITV

All that the Father gives to Me shall come to Me, and the one coming to Me I will in no way cast out. For I have come down out of Heaven, not that I should do My will, but the will of Him who sent Me. And this is the will of the Father sending Me, that of all that He has given Me, I shall not lose any of it, but shall raise it up in the last day.

Jesus states as clearly as black paint on a white canvas that all who the Father gives to the Son will come to the Son (which, by the way, furthers Irresistable Grace), and all who come to the Son will never be lost.

Many who ardently study the Scriptures may perhaps see a contradiction between what Jesus said and is writted in Hebrews.

Hebrews 6:4-6 LITV

For it is impossible for those once having been enlightened, and having tasted of the heavenly gift, and becoming sharers of the Holy Spirit, and tasting the good Word of God, and the works of power of a coming age, and having fallen away, it is impossible for them again to renew to repentance, crucifying again for themselves the Son of God, and putting Him to open shame.

Whereas Jesus states that no one who comes to Him will fall away (apostatize), the author of Hebrews warns against apostacy. If what Jesus says is true, then the warning appears useless. Of course, what Jesus says is true. However, these two portions of Scripture do not contradict as they at first might seem.

It is the fact that warning against apostacy is so somber and grave that we are ensured no one will commit it. Thus, both Jesus and Hebrews are correct. Those who appear to fall away were never truly regenerate in the first place. To say that they would contradict the words of Jesus, and if they came back, the words in Hebrews.

So there we have it. Although this is just a brief survey of TULIP theology, it seems to have overextended its stay for this post. Hopefully, I'll get around to making a second post on my initial problems with Calvinism and the Scripture that was given to me in support of it. So, in the mean time, I guess this concludes Part I of my post on Calvinism.

Sweet Lady Irony

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:12:00 +0000

In her classic fashion, Lady Irony has allowed me to gain a trojan...more specifically, a hijacker, that Avast! isn't detecting. Fun stuff.

Also, that last post...it was my 100th blog.

Expensive Is Not Always Better

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:03:00 +0000

I've noticed that many computer users of all types (this inherently excludes Linux users) have this mindset that if you pay for it, it is automatically better than something free. Case in point: Linux. It is a free, open-source kernel by which innumerable free operating systems have come into existence. VLC Media Player, a free, open-source media player has worked better for me than Windows Media Player.

My final case, the one which bugs me to no end, is Avast! Antivirus and AVG. they are not open-source, but they are free. Avast! has more features on the free edition than AVG, but they are both excellent antivirus programs. They are known amongst professionals for their efficiency. Yet, many turn to McAfee and Norton's. Why? Because since you have to spend money, they must be better than any alternative. The problem with this is that McAfee and Norton's install themselves so deeply into your system that it's insanely difficult to completely uninstall. Another thing about that is that because of how huge the programs are to spread themselves all over your system, they take up an ungodly amount of system resources.

What does that mean for you? That means that it's going to take forever for you to do anything on your computer unless you have some more-than-decent specs. In contrast, Avast! and AVG take up very little. Upon reviews (I believe it was C-Net who conducted this particular review), AVG catches the most, but it also recognizes some non-malicious files as threats. For this reason and a few others, I use Avast! Antivirus.

That is my rant for the moment.

Short Update

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:05:00 +0000

So, yeah. I've kinda neglected both posting and commenting as of late. It's been a rather hectic past few months.

First and foremost, since it's at the forefront of my mind right now, for those who don't know, a good friend died a week ago yesterday. I'm currently putting together a slideshow for his memorial service. The important thing to remember -- that which I keep reminding myself -- it's not a death; it's a passing. He is passing from this temporary life full of suffering to an eternal life that he can spend worshiping God. It is not a time of grief and sorrow. Sure, I, for one, will miss him greatly. There's not really another Pete. However, it is a time of celebration. He is now saturated in perfect peace.

Secondly, I haven't been completely idle in regards to blogging. I currently have two blogs in draft and I'm thinking about cooking up another.

Thirdly, I wish I had been able to get into more classes. It stresses me out at times, but then I just remind myself that there's no reason to stress. This life is temporary. All that is important is that I serve God.

Fourthly and finally, I just noticed that these jeans have developed a hole in the knee. It's a bit of a bummer, since these are my last non-holified jeans. Whoa..."holified" is a word. Interesting.

Moments of Eternity

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:47:00 +0000

VERSE 1

I reach out

For the ashes

Of a broken life gone

I cry out

From the rooftops

But still life goes on

CHORUS

Where there’s pain

It will cease

In these moments of

Eternity

I can only thank

You for mercy

On this person of

Depravity

VERSE 2

I look up

To the skies where

No comfort seems to come

I fall down

To my knees

And I can not carry on

BRIDGE

And I will spend

Each moment with

A heart full of

Your grace and love

And I will not

Ever doubt

That You are who

You say You are

Canvas of Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 03:40:00 +0000

As my hand touches yours

I look up to the sky

And as far as the eye can see

Is a canvas painted for you and I

The gold of the moon

Only serves to reflect

The beauty of your hair

And its stunning effect

It draws my gaze

To the cool blue sky

Speckled with stars

Just like your eye

My breath turning to vapor

As from my mouth it leaks

Reminds me of the softness found

As my fingers brush your cheeks

Our hearts beat to the same rhythm

Found in the ocean waves

It reverberates through my pulse

As I turn to meet your gaze

All is created

For this one night with you

The whole world frozen in a moment

Of my best dreams come true

Breathe

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 03:27:00 +0000

How can I catch my breath

When all that I am worth

Has been taken by my Lover

The Creator of the Earth?

On a sidenote...anyone interested in helping me write a poem I'm working on?

Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:27:00 +0000

I was hoping to expound even more on this before I posted it here, but perhaps there will be a sequel post. Who knows? I still have too much on backorder to really think about that right now.

So, lately I've been listening to some interesting teachings on marriage, sex, etcetera. That combined with the fact that a youth outreach I'm involved in is putting on an event entitled The Wedding, this topic has been shoved to the forefront of my mind as of late. You see, I'm a firm believer that sex should be talked about in church, yet so many preachers tend to shy away from it because it's awkward. Granted, there may be certain age groups that would benefit to not hear about it (e.g. under 10), but yeah. Some people will dispute the age I suggest, but the fact is, most kids have looked at porn by the age of 11 [Source].

It wouldn't be as big a deal if churches didn't talk about it if parents actually did. Aside from the fact that it's in the Bible and churches are avoiding it, when parents don't talk about it, that leaves the kids to find out about it from two places: public school and pornography. Neither teaches morality.

Now that that has been covered, on with the topic.

Sex is a beautiful thing, honestly. It's the product of a fruitful relationship between a man and a woman, when used correctly. Not only is it a display of affection, it's also a way to pleasure your mate. Now granted, there are many ways to bring pleasure to one another, and Song of Songs gives the best example of the many ways.

We see from the very beginning, that she desires him very strongly:

Song of Songs 1:2 BBE

Let him give me the kisses of his mouth: for his love is better than wine.

Skipping down to verse 9, we see something kinda interesting:

Song of Songs 1:9 BBE

I have made a comparison of you, O my love, to a horse in Pharaoh's carriages.

Now, while many men will be somewhat hesitant to compare their wife to a horse (I can only hope), this is actually a compliment. In Pharaoh's carriages, there were many stallions (male horses), and susah the word he uses here means "mare" which is a female horse. When a mare would come amongst a bunch of stallions, as you can imagine, they'll give her their full attention and be pretty antsy until they can have her. He's saying firstly that she is very desirable to all men, and secondly that she has his full attention.

In the next verse, he mentions that she has jewels on her neck. Where did she get them? I would venture to guess that they are a gift from him. Where did he get them? Well, he has a job. *hint*

Now, many people (well...usually amongst the older generation) will find anything other then your average, run-of-the-mill sex disgusting and perverted. I think it's interesting that in chapter 2 verse 3, she states that "his fruit was sweet to my taste." This has caused a great debate among Christians, and most would rather not partake of it. However, many scholars will agree that she is referring to oral sex.

Say it isn't so! But it is! God created all kinds of sexual conduct so that lovers will never become bored with one another, so that they will always satisfy one another and never even consider looking for someone else to excite them. I submit to you that married couples should always try new things. Learn what the partner finds enjoyable.

Let me take this moment to state that any kind of sexual conduct should only be enjoyed within marriage, as it is sexual conduct that is created for that very purpose. Any misuse of it is dangerous, to say the least. Maybe not physically, at least not yet, but spiritually and often times emotionally. I know this will probably make some of the younger crowd uneasy, but have patience, I'm gonna say something soon that will hopefully make this a lot easier to bear.

In chapter 1:3, the woman states that her love is "As a bag of myrrh...when he is at rest all night between my breasts."

Firstly, it insinuates that her love is delightful and pleasing, and secondly that he spends a lot of time between her breasts. This would go along with Proverbs 5:19 when it says to "let her breasts ever give you rapture."

God created marriage so that the two people could become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). They are to give each other their own body to enjoy. Not in a selfish manner, but in a manner that reflects Christ. Each partner in marriage is supposed to focus entirely on what satisfies the other.

Now, what I find interesting, is this parallel between a bride and a groom, and Christ and His Bride.

Everything we do is to give God pleasure to the best of our ability, just as He has promised us pleasure. Not physical pleasure, not by any means. Eternal pleasure. All he asks is that we do our best to return that pleasure, as a wife should do for her husband.

An Introduction to Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 05:03:00 +0000

I hardly know where to start on this. So I won't for now. Just beware that lurking in my mind is an incredible (or so *I* think) post on this topic through the ever-focused lens of the Bible. I think it will be interesting, I think it will help married couples, and I think it will help Christians in general understand God a little better and perhaps even strengthen their walk with Him.

So yeah. That's my little teaser for you. If you wanna know what's going through my head, check out Song of Songs, a bit of Proverbs, and some good old fashioned Genesis. Until I have time to create this mind blowing post: au revior!

Nathan.

P.S. You might wanna subscribe so you catch this one ASAP. ;)

Revelation Part I [1:1-3]

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:04:00 +0000

Well, well, well. The book of Revelation. I didn’t want to do it, but it has pushed itself to the forefront of my mind in recent studies. Not in the eschatological sense that you might think, but in common, every day ways. I’m looking at the book of Revelation in a way that can be applied to every day life rather than looking at it in an end times, prophetic sense that most people see it in. This is not to say that I won’t look at certain eschatological implications, but, by and large, I will look at it preteristically and idealistically.

I’m thinking about tackling this book chapter by chapter. During this study, I’ll probably switch between the King James’ Version and the Holman Christian Standard Bible. The latter is the version that my Apologetics Study Bible is in – a Bible which I am growing more and more fond of, I might add. It will be tempting to copy the study notes into this verbatim, but I will do my best to give it in my own words whenever possible.

I guess before I really delve into it, I should explain some words so I don't sound like such a smarty pants to those who aren't familiar with eschatology. I might as well start with that little nugget right there. Eschatology is the study of the end times. The preteristical view of Revelation is that the book depicts the time of its authorship (around 95 A.D., most likely). The idealistic view of Revelation is that the principles and ideas of the book are applicable across time. The futuristic view is that, as the name suggests, Revelation is a depiction of the future, and more specifically, the end times. There are numerous other words which I’ll define as we come across them (if we really do come across them…I’m not quite sure what I’ll be writing, yet).

To give a little background on the book, according to verse one, we know that the book is authored by John, most likely the apostle. As I said before, it is usually dated around 95 A.D. During this time, John has been banished to the island of Patmos by the Roman Emperor Domitian. If memory serves, this occurred after John had been thrown into boiling oil – and come out unharmed. What else can you do with a guy like that? Banishment is really the only option.

I guess since we have a bit of background, we can go ahead and scratch the surface. Keep in mind throughout all of this that these are just my studies. I am not a historian. I am not a theologian (by profession, at least). I am no specialist of the Word of God. I have no degree in any field (although I one day hope to have a DrApol). Study for yourself. I will always encourage you to do so. I’m a human; I can be wrong. This is why I put the Scriptures up as well: so that you can see it for yourself. Open your Bible and get the context of each verse. Have a time with Jesus.

Revelation 1:1 HCSB
The revelation of Jesus Christ that God gave Him to show His slaves what must quickly take place. He sent it and signified it through His angel to His slave John,

The purpose of this book is boldly stated within the first five words of chapter one. The book of Revelation is "the revelation of Jesus Christ." We are given this revelation so that we can see "what must quickly take place." Quickly, used here, is somewhat relative. When we are dealing with an infinite God who is Himself placed outside of Time, quickly could be five seconds or five years or five thousand years. We honestly can't know.

I've always found pleasure in the Bible's reference to Christians as God's slaves. We aren't servants in that we expect any payment from Him. We are slaves. Think about it. Jesus' blood cost thirty pieces of silver -- the price of a slave. We are bought with that blood. We have been purchased as a slave to God. We have surrendered all rights to the selfish life we used to live. We must now live selflessly following God's commands. That's just something you don't hear from the pulpit much. We hear about God's love all the time, which is important. He is our Love, our Father, our Friend that sticks closer than a brother, and our Master. We tend to leave out that last one. John thought it was important, though. He constantly referred to himself as a slave to God. He was glad to surrender his rights. We should learn from his example.

Revelation 1:2 HCSB
who testified to God's Word and to the testimony about Jesus Christ, in all he saw.

It's nice to know that he witnessed these things first hand. He is writing down things (God's Word) as God spoke them to him directly. Eh...the whole idea of God's Word is mind blowing to begin with. I mean, John 1:1-14 tells us that Jesus is the Word. How incredible is that? I mean, seriously. God's Words took on the shape of a human. It's mind blowing. There's no other word for it.

Revelation 1:3 HCSB
Blessed is the one who reads and blessed are those who hear the words of this prophecy and keep what is written in it, because the time is near!

You'll note that there are three actions taking place here: read, hear, and keep, respectively. Reading and hearing work together. That's something I remember my high school English teacher (a genius of a man, really) telling the class. Studies have shown that when you hear something and read it, you're far more likely to remember it. I can personally attest to this, as it is the only way I can study for a test. I have to read it, then listen to someone recite it. On top of this, hearing also implies letting it sink in. We have to absorb these words and apply them -- which brings me to the third action. We have to do more than hear; we must obey. As James 1:22 states, we must be doers of the Word, and not only hearers.

Man, that was more than I expected for just three verses and some background. Hopefully Ellen will be helping me out with the rest. I'm pretty excited about this. As always, feel free to journey with me as I try to understand God just a little bit more by subscribing to my blog.

Nathan.

Getting Into the Swing of Things

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:33:00 +0000

Well, I'm free of my classes for a day or two, so I have loads of time on my hands. What else to do with it but blog?

Well, in recent news, House the movie will be released here in Jacksonville on November 14th. I really can't wait. That's about all I have to say about that.

I was asked via an email to make a post about Evolution vs. Creationism. It was an interesting conversation. In the end, I promised to research the topic and possibly post about it. However, I'm waaaay behind on my current promised posts, so that'll have to take a back seat for now. I still need to do The Sermon on the Mount as well as Communion for one. In fact, I might do Communion today or tomorrow. Hmm.

In other news, I'm looking forward to finally starting my Graphic Design courses this semester. Oh, glorious graphic design. I'm bettin' the first few courses on the subject are going to be a breeze.

I think I need to go to the chiropractor. I've noticed that I can't turn my neck all the way to either side, and I'm in frequent pain at night. I'm guessing that and the fact that I can rarely fall asleep without sleep aids are related.

Well, this is just a short blog about my life while I get back into the swing of things. Expect a blog on either the first chapter or the first few verses of Revelation coming up shortly. Either way, it'll probably be sizable.

God, the Lover

noreply@blogger.com (Mister Nathan) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 03:27:00 +0000

So, I adapted this from an old blog of mine, and I think it even has the same title. Oh, well. Here it is (I forgot to post this before).