Mixed-number

Review: Is Sonic 4 you?

2010-10-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've had a couple of days with this game since it was released for Wiiware. Since it was the earliest version of the game to be released anywhere, I was one of the first among many normal consumers to play through this game. This whore of a game, however, will be touching just about every other platform out there, including the iphone.

I've decided to give my own reflections of the game since a lot of people seem to be interested in it, but afraid of falling into the sonic cycle. My system of reviewing will be simple. I'll list the positives, the negatives, and then a final analysis along with a score. Is this game worth your rings?

The Sterling:

Nice Challenge

Surprisingly to me, this game got pretty hefty on the difficulty, and rather quickly. It wasn't too frustrating, because for the most part, the difficulty felt fair. At least, it was as fair as the genesis Sonic games were. Except for the special stages. Fuck the special stages.

Somewhat decent looking

I wasn't a big fan of the graphics in this game at first. I'm still not very fond of them. I think that high-res sprites with hand-drawn backgrounds would have looked much better. Then again, that's what I believe for a lot of games. For how this game looks though, it's not bad. The model of sonic is kind of nice, and the surroundings doesn't make me want to puke.

Nice throwbacks

They seem to be trying to hook older Sonic fans with large doses of nostalgia treats. There are so many throwbacks, nods, and mechanics used in older sonic games that I lost count. Though it's not respectable in itself to take such an easy route, and reuse so many aspects of those games instead of making fresh content, I'm sure that Dimps, and Sonic team are just trying to hook us in. I didn't mind it.

The Stupid

Short Game

Though the moderate difficulty almost hides this, it feels like the game was cut short. That's likely due to the fact that this is only the first of an episodic release series. Still, few may feel like they didn't get their money's worth. Especially if you are generally good at games, and get through it in about two hours, like I did. The special stages may slow you down a bit if you're a completionist.

Physics don't feel right

Though I'm not sure if this was done by the developers intentionally, but Sonic still doesn't feel right. For example, his momentum comes to a complete halt whenever you release the directional pad -- especially noticeable in the air. This makes platforming feel awkward, and movement feel slow and tiring. You're not playing with Sonic's momentum anymore, and it felt like I was dragging the fucker the entire game. It doesn't ruin the game completely, but it just made the tedious sections of the game even more tedious. Oh, and fuck the homing attack.

Fuck this music, dude.

Sonic to me still has high standards to keep when it comes to music in his games. Even in the worst sonic games, the tunes are still at least listenable. This game however saddens me. I don't know what the fuck I'm hearing in this sonic game that's supposed to be redeeming the series, but it certainly isn't catchy, structured, or memorable. Some of these songs loop so many times, that you'll want to loop the controller around your neck, and hang yourself. Provided that some of the songs have potential, that doesn't help the game, seeing as though there are some users on Youtube remixing some of the songs on this game, and making it sound a million times better. That shit isn't doing much for Sega's credibility.

Overall, I have to admit that I was interested enough in this game to finish it. I even went back to it once or twice to re-do some of the levels, and to try to get the emeralds. I had fun playing it for the most part, and I wouldn't mind playing the second episode just to see what they improve on it. The level design kept this game enjoyable, and it reminded me of what a sonic game actually is. It's a step forward -- Pray that it's not followed by another two steps back.

Score:
7/10

OH GOD

2010-10-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

You might have had a good day. You might have even had a great day. But your day will not compare to mine, because you see, I finally have my copy.

You think you can dance?

2010-09-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

Well, think again faggot. Your miserable attempts at rhythmic body movement is nothing compared to a God.
But not even a god can compare to this guru of dancing. Movements like these can't even be compared the the natural fluidity of H2-fucking-O. Don't even blink. This break-dancing prodigy makes the floor beneath him his bitch. You think you've seen art? You think you've seen anything that even closely resembles the magnitude of sheer genius displayed when this guy jigs on the dance floor? You don't know SHIT.

Note the numerous creative, and structured dance moves that he, no-doubt, made up on the fly. Those quick movements that you nerds only wish you could emulate. Instant classics like:

[0:27] The burger flipper
[0:40] The Push-up bounce
[1:19]The Mother Earth Patty-Cake
[1:30]The Thelma 360°

Genius.

Shut up, and look at my videogame-related videos.

2010-09-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

A lot of these are kind of old by now, but I thought it was worth sharing. If you play the vidya, chances are, you enjoy some vidya music. Being the immense faggot that I am, I made some song remixes of video game tunes, using only my voice. It's not as bad as it sounds.

This is one of my favorite ones. It didn't have too much of that annoying sound-noise that usually comes out when I speak. I daresay -- It almost qualifies as a passable melody. Can you guess the vidya tune I was using?

This one is my latest one, and another one that's actually listenable. GO ON, GUESS THE SONG I WAS USING.

These videos are just intermission type thingies that were to be played in between live streams at Vidya². It's a video game stream that I joined over a year ago. Basically, we stream ourselves playing video games for a chat room of over 100 viewers daily. It's a pretty good way to waste time, and it's a pretty entertaining way to fail at video games in front of dozens of people. Hell, If you're interested in checking it out, visit the site. If you want to see more of my intermissions, just take a gander here. I know some of you probably want to punch me in the cock now for making you listen to these.

Who would you trust?

2010-09-28T00:14:00.001-07:00

My buddy who goes by the alias "Dojo" frequently tortures himself with rap music. Very often in fact. Even as I type this, he enthusiastically quotes the lyrics to his tunes -- much to his amusement. Classic lines, including:

"Yeah you boys are washed up, and I'm shittin' on 'em like 2 girls, and one cup."

and:

"I wish I never met ya, I wouldn’t wanna be ya. we some asshole niggas, ca-call us diarrhea"

I'm guilty for listening to "bad" music. I'll listen to anything, really. However, if me and my friend Dojo were to ever run against each other for president, I'm fully prepared for my smear campaign. I've even prepared an image in MS paint for such an occasion.

Introduction

2010-09-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

Now I'm going to introduce myself. I am a bee. I like video games. What kind of video games? Video games with realistic graphics, and physics. None of that kiddy stuff. Put away your mario/pokeman/polly pocket, and play a real man's game.

Like Halo.