Miz. Indecisive

This is only fitting...

2010-03-03T20:43:00.004-05:00

Big girls like toys too! Part 4

2010-03-01T18:38:00.001-05:00

If there is a Part 4, there are also parts 1-3. Read em.

Back at it again. First, my rabbit arrived safely. I canceled plans with Assclown and went with my intuition that this is something that should be explored alone.

I scrounged around for the FOUR double A batteries my new pet requires. I meticulously washed the chemical smelling, pink silicone and broke out the lube.

HERE WE GO. I powered that bad boy up and OMG this thing is scary! As you increase the intensity of the vibe, the lights on the control panel move up and down like a high tech stimulation meter.

It took a little while for me to get aroused. I'm just saying, it is difficult to get over the idea of fucking a robot. There are three controls : one for the 'rabbit ears', one for the vibe on the head of the dildo, and one for the thrusting motion of the dildo. This is a bit overwhelming.

When I did finally get it there to cum-pletion, the verdict is in. Yeah, that was fun. But certainly not by any means a replacement for anything.

I discussed this with a few of my closest girlfriends, all of whom agree that this sort of thing can get you through the tough times, but shouldn't be brought out to be used in a sex-capade.

SIDE NOTE: So apparently, my orgasm was good enough to elicit an immediate snore session. When I got out of the shower the next morning, my son had some choice words for me.

"Mom, that thing under your pillow is absolutely gross."

WHAT?!? You can't be serious! "What are you talking about baby?"

"There is a box on your dresser that says 'sex toy' and it is under your pillow."

"Wow. Well, ***face RED hot, how do I explain this??*** Just stay outta my room!!"

I'm thinking...I'm done with toys for a little while...time to grow up. But its been fun.

More comments...

2010-03-01T18:01:00.000-05:00

Comment function is back in bizzz. If you read, please comment. You CAN do so anonymously. If you don't, maybe you will never know more about whats going on between my sheets because I will abandon my site. Or, I just don't care. But just do it!

PS: This is cyberspace. IF you don't have anything nice to say, say it anyway.

PMS: (Not a typo) Follow me on Twitter! @MiZinDecisive or click the widget on the left.

Big girls like toys too! Part 3

2010-02-25T20:43:00.001-05:00

More toys. So I ignorantly share with Assclown that I had a male friend over and he was currently washing my dishes and about to take out my garbage like a man with time and the ability to give attention does. HA! (This is another story, I'll get there one of these days...) Anyway, here comes the questions. Who? Why? Are you sleeping with him?
No, no, no. As long as I am the 'lover' these questions are irrelevant. Actually, he is cool peoples who happens to enjoy my company, and never fails to bring exotic marijuana to the table. He fits right in for now, as I am re-exploring my burn-outness. Assclown now expresses his 'concern' for me and my increasing reefer smoking. Pssshht. I don't think so buddy.

Here come the texts 3 hrs later

AC: I just called you, you didn't answer. Are you busy?
Oh, now this motherfucker wanna act like he doesn't know me, and how much I despise STUPID questions. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
ME: (hour later) Yes, as a matter of fact, I am busy. I was just feeding my pet monkey.

Crickets.

So of course, he is concerned about me having a male friend at the house, and asks to stop by. How bout later? "I'm gonna stop at the toy store for goodies..."

Yep, of course I sign on to this event. He arrives at the house with not one, but two bottles of wine. Um, ok. I suppose he wants me completely comfortable in my skin. And he knows I'm a lush. Yet, I am a little offended.

We actually talk, for hours. He asks me the same questions he asked months ago. Just shows he only pays attention to my ass. And he pays pretty good attention to my kitty kat too. It's ok. I am not offended.

We ordered my new rabbit online. SCORE. This way, I picked it out and read reviews. And I reiterated to him that he is in fact purchasing his replacement. He laughs. Keep laughing, bruh.

Bed time. Lights on. Toys out. Tonight's ToysRus list: a french tickler vibe, purple, a tingling mint body massage oil, variety of cock rings (necessary to improve his stamina) and of course, my new nipple jewelry.

Begining play...I notice...a GREY PUBE! O-M-G. "Babe, what you want me to do? I'm becoming an old man!" "Um, I want you to go get the fuckin tweezers out of my vanity!" GROSS! (But too funny).

Next, some crazy mexican song blares out my iHome speakers. I crave tacos. I ask him if he agrees, and I don't believe he felt the same way. Anyway...

After multiple tumbles, and toy play, and screaming, and digging, and jumping, and jamming, and even threw in some porn flicks...I could NOT reach an orgasm.

Confession. I faked it. I was on top, arched my back and quivered my voice. I intermittently slowed and pursued and even clenched (yes, thank you kegels!). Although I was a great actress, I could see in his face, he new I was faking. And he was hurt. This NEVER happened with us. Never. I could actually feel his discomfort. How sad.

So what IS this? Over stimulation? Receding intimacy? Boredom?

My rabbit was delivered today. Although my better judgment tells me to just go ahead and introduce myself to my new dick, by myself, he is coming over tonight to check it out. Maybe for safety. Wish me the best, mind blowing O please. Its now days overdue.

Comments

2010-02-23T10:59:00.001-05:00

Ok I realize the comment function is not operational. What can I do about it?

Nipples!

2010-02-22T23:13:00.000-05:00

Ok blog land. I woke up one morning last week, and decided, "Hey, pain is pleasure! I wanna get my nipples pierced!"

I did it. I recruited not one, but two girl friends to come with, who also decided to get theirs pierced as well. It was quite an experience. I guess I have untapped leadership qualities.

I did have a gyno appointment early Friday morning, so maybe that was kinda tacky. One of my girls rolled with me to the coochie doctor. We hit up the BP gas station for a white grape cigarillo and twisted a fatti in a Burger King drive thru. Again, I reiterate, I am one CLASSY bitch!

The burger was gross, and I dropped my onion rings on the floor. They landed in a straight line of O's. Nice. Side note, multi tasking with one dead TomTom, DROID and its ridiculous demands, while smoking some kush and driving somewhere you've never been is not the wisest of choices.

We arrived only a half hour late, after driving in a 5 mile circle. Twice. We met up with Ms.Beauty and headed into the shop.

We were greeted by a young, pierced, pink haired chick.

"Hello, yes, we'd like to pierce our tatas today."

Ms.Beauty went first, afraid that if she saw me writhe in pain, she would chicken out. I held her hand for support and helped coached her breathing like lamaze. PinkHair gave her a lollipop for sugar, when her face went pale.

My turn! I hopped up in the chair, and whipped out my small, supple tits ready to go!

"Can I have a lollipop too?"
"No, I'm sorry they are for if you are feeling faint, and you seem pretty excited."
"EXCUSE ME!?! AIGHT, I'm about to get my fuckin nipples pierced. I think you can spare an extra one. Its a damn DumDum, not EVEN a Blowpop!"

Seriously the fuckin nerve of people.

Here comes the clamp. OWWW! I hyperventilated and got a little lightheaded. The needle went right on through and I felt it more so when it came through the other side. On to the next one...

So far so good. Although, I hope they will not get infected from the CherryBomb I accidentally dumped down my top on Saturday. And six whole long weeks until they can be played with??

S&M Status, I've been inspired!

Big girls like toys too! Part 2

2010-02-20T08:34:00.002-05:00

Read part one HERE.
Of course, Mr. MD Assclown can't let it go down like that. He could never leave me unsatisfied. After some work on my behalf, I was able to have him rise back up to the occasion. I threw him back, and stretched the Double Screaming O cockring over his shaft and balls. He quivered. I hopped on top an grinded my way to a quaking orgasm. It didn't happen immediately, unfortunately. As I smacked my supple ass back and forth, and tensed my vaginal walls with each thrust, my perky titties ended up in his mouth with each movement forward. I found myself dreaming about my sexcapade with C.O. and how my mind blowing O came into fruition when he BIT my NIPS!
"Bite my nipples, Baby. No! Harder! I said BITE them, harder! Harder!"

God, I hate when people can't follow simple directions!

He finally nibbled on them with just the right intensity and I blasted off and squirted my honeysuckle juices all over his writhing cock, and he followed suit. Thank you very much. I loved how the vibes from the ring sent aftershocks of barely tolerant bliss throughout my whole body.

Next stop: Pillow talk
ME: So...why wouldn't you just BITE my fuggin nipples like I begged you to?
AC: Well, I don't wanna hurt you baby, I don't wanna inflict pain.
ME: Seriously?? MAN UP! I WANTED that! Besides, you FUCK me in the ASS don't you? That is the lamest excuse ever!
AC: Hahaha true. Ok baby, you got it. Ok so we gotta order our next set of toys.
ME: Yes, I want my RABBIT. ASAP.
AC: Ok, so your pink rabbit, and I want a good cock ring, that will hopefully prevent me from prematurely blowing my load. Since it is taking forever for us to find a time to go to the shop together...lets just order online. You find it, and I will just give you my credit card info.
ME: Sounds good to me. I will pay for rush shipping!

Ok, fantastic. But I wonder if he realizes he is purchasing his replacement? Also, I wonder how upset he would get if I did a little extra 'me' shopping with his numbers??

Can't wait for my new pet rabbit to arrive. Big girls love toys too.

Big girls like toys too! Part I

2010-02-18T21:31:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned the 'loss of fizzle' in previous posts. When it comes to anything that excites, it is also likely to disappoint. I also mentioned my purchase of anal beads and impatient frenzy about them. I really wanted this to be a good thing.

Of course, Assclown is DAYS late. Whole, long, pussy pulsating with intolerant anticipation kind of days. However, I needed a release, so I graciously accepted the offer of a full body, hot oil rub down and a serendipity orgasm.

He texts me to come to the door. He hasn't even gotten out of the car yet. Inconsiderate a-hole. He meets me on the couch and complements me on my hair. Aww...but I think its kinda gay he noticed the asymmetrical mastery of my bangs.

Skip the friggin small talk. Its really overplayed. But I must play nice.

We finally make our way to the bedroom, and I toss him my red satin bag of tricks, complete with my new purchases. I swear, you could actually see the gleaming excitement radiating from his large hands as he ruffled through the bag and tossed the anal beads on the comforter. He popped open the package and asked me to go wash it.

Game on! We begin to get busy. He grabs the cherry lube and goes for my ass . In the heat of the moment, I didn't have the heart to tell him the beads were for HIM. Part of the excitement fizzled right there. He pops them in and immediately pulls them out. Although I'm very stimulated by this point, there wasn't too much to it. It was kinda, well, blah. I instruct him to put them back in, then go down on me and pull them out at the very moment of my climax. He likes this idea.

He slithers down my smooth, milky thighs and flicks his tongue over my throbbing clitoris. I moan with appreciation.
YES! I am a lucky bitch. Mmm I love the way he devours me.
My back arches. My quickening pants let him know I'm just about there. He comes up and mounts me.
Fuck! I was almost there!
He thruts me deep and completely. I grind back and begin to release, and here it cummssssss...
BAM! He pulls out and nuts right on my slit. I reach down and attempt to rub the juices around my anxious pussy and make my way into oblivion.
Thanks a fucking lot. For almost nothing.
He grabs a vibe bullet and attempts to bring it out my final blast of wetness. No can do. I beg for him to FUCK me. I mean after all, I could do all the playing with toys shit on my own. And get it done a lot faster.

AND...he forgot all about the anal beads dangling out of my ass.
I guess its my fault for getting over excited to play with toys. Kind of like that toy you wanted sooooo bad because it looked so fucking awesome on a commercial, but really was waste of unbiodegradable space. The excitement fizzled. And it was beginning to look like the my romance with Mr. Assclown was going to twirl its way down the drain as well. If he can't even make me explode anymore...

Toot Toot a quikie

2010-02-18T17:48:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I'm not one to toot my own horn (yeah, aight!) but...I'm pumped. I recieved four seperate requests to update my blog. Yea!! I shall never disappoint, girl scouts honor. For the record, I was a girl scout only for about a month when I was in first grade, but my parents pulled me out when I tossed my desk over in class.

Good girls rarely make history.

The other day I got an invite from a sweetie to catch a movie. Sweet! I made an attempt with my appearance. It felt sooooo good after a 15 day snowcation, in which I basically lived in sweats and busted ass in the kitchen. Good news is, although I spent two weeks smoking good weed and eating hella goodies, I STILL dropped a jeans size, and grew half a cup size. Strange but true. Anyway...

I'm checkin myself in the mirror, on the phone like "damn girl, my butt gettin big!" But my nails...ugh. How could I just let it all go like that? Awful. They looked like I attempted a self manicure with a sand blaster. Recollecting my second date with LegalAid, I was so pumped he complemented me on my beautiful nails, and noticed that I had changed the color less than a week later. He asked how often I 'go' for manicures. Well baby, independent ladies do it best, themselves!

So the only thing left to do was throw some color on these sausage lookin hands. I hastily painted my nails a bright red. Took me 3.6 minutes. And ya know what? They looked fresh. Reminded me of a poem from an English Comp class...

So did I bore you to tears? No worries, I will post JUICY bits later. But c'mon, how much better does a well manicured, delicate hand looked wrapped around a big member or a slippery vagina? (Ha! Member.) Gentlemen, If you can't see the analogy, imagine the hands of the most beastly bitch you've ever seen...with hairy, ashy knuckles, blistered fingertips, and GASP dirty, dingy, dung underneath...caressing your prized possessions. YUK.

I SHALL PAINT MY NAILS RED
-Carole Satyamuriti

Because a bit of colour is a public service.
Because I am proud of my hands.
Because it will remind me I am a woman.
Because I will look like a survivor.
Because I can admire them in traffic jams.
Because my daughter will say ugh.
Because my lover will be surprised.
Because it is quicker than dying my hair.
Because it is a ten-minute moratorium.
Because it is reversible.

AND I SHALL PAINT MY NAILS...for the pure phantasmic satisfaction of just how a money shot scene should excite! ~MizIndecisive

WTF Was that?

2010-02-14T10:51:00.001-05:00

So after the chicken soup incident, I had no expectations of creating anything special with the law-ya. I mean, after the first two dates, decent email/text/face to face conversations, and very obvious sparks with the first kiss...the being sent home thing was pretty much all I needed to know.

However, the madness of the holidays only stretched out the inevitable, and he had obvious intentions of getting it poppin, one way or another. We began to text more regularly and exchanged some pics. Wow. Thats all I gotta say.

A little more backround... this guys is A-1 specimen. He can respect my hustle and struggle as a single mom. He was raised very similar to how I'm raising my boys. He clocked basketball scholarships that got him up and out...made it through law school...got him a trophy wife...made some babies...and is now young, sexy and single...and now considering going conquering medical school. Score.

After the pic exchange, I decided wow, I really want that. His body was cut. His bald head smooth. His long shafted penis gleaming in the token iphone mirror pic that graced my cell screen in my dark, warm bed was very pleasing to the eyes. I enjoyed...immensely.

We had a few canceled/rescheduled plans, and finally decided to take a bite out of the moment, and I agreed for him to come over to my place. At 10 pm. He texts me. At 10 pm. I appreciate punctuality, when it is what has been agreed upon.

LA: Hey sexy. I hope that when I arrive, you answer the door in nothing but a robe.

Nah, can't do that, I just now popped the cork on my bottle, at 10pm, as planned.

ME: While thats cool, lets have some chill time first, ok?
LA: Sure! I'll be there at about 11.

Bastard. I really despise lateness.

He arrives, smelling fresh and looking yummy. He had just finished a good workout at the gym and was ready to work me out. I lead him to my couch where I am half way watching a crappy movie. I offer him a drink, and he reluctantly accepts.   Apparently, Mr. LegalAid is not so satisfied with my cheap wine and cheap brandy. He is after all, a very eligible bachelor who also worked his way through college as a bartender. Either way, its Saturday night, and I'm getting tipsy.

We spark up some good conversation. I attempt to spark up my cigarette, and he asks me not to do that, it'll kill him. Eventually, he expresses his need to use the restroom, and suggests I go outside and enjoy may cigarette.

How bout you go outside and enjoy your piss!

Ok, so now we're flipping channels. I'm half smashed and rambling on about this and that. The topic of Tiger Woods and the worlds oldest profession comes up. He is proud to show me 20 pictures of pussy and a pic of Tiger at the end with a thumbs up. This piques my curiosity. Is he a connoisseur of the pussay?? And if that is so, why aren't the pictures I sent him in his slide show?

Its getting late, and we awkwardly made our way to my bedroom. I flipped on the iHome stereo and pressed play. Mmm deep wet kisses, and he quickly makes his way to stroke my ass. We don't waste much time as we rip each others clothes off. I throw him on the bed rather forcefully, and grab his warm, slightly curved dick with my anxious hands. I quickly wrap my full lips around his pulsing cock and go down rather forcefully, because at this point, I am drunk. He jumps up and bends me over.

This is so not as good as I'd hoped it'd be.

He rhythmically takes me from behind. No spontaneity. Just back and forth, back and forth. I begin to throw it back and put my hips into it, and grind with the reggae beat coming through my radio. He stops to tell me he likes this song. I bet you do now.   I go on to tell him that I have a random shuffle on my ipod and not to be alarmed if something crazy comes on. Murphy's Law. Spongebob Squarepants remix blares from the speakers. We both laugh.

Next, he is ramming it harder and harder from behind until my pussy begins to swell. I moan with passion and arch my back with each thrust. Then the plug to my radio comes out the wall. Miz Indecisive is drunk and suffers from ADD. So I wiggle forward in an attempt to fix it. It happens to be just very necessary for me to have some sort of backround noise. Corny and annoying, maybe, but whatever. I really don't give a fuck.

"Let me get this fixed and you can get back to fucking this juicy pussy. You like that huh? Yeah you like this pussy."

He laughs.

After experiencing some difficulties and noting his frustration, he hops up to use the bathroom. I hear the water come on and think huh, is that IT?

I go and grab my wine glass and impatiently wait for him to come back to bed. He comes in and sits on the edge, naked, sans condom. He glances at the clock and says "Wow, its late!" "No, its an hour fast." Really, I keep it like that so I can get atleast a moment of urgency everyday.

He then goes on to begin telling me how his kids wake up at such and such a time and crawl into his bed. Ok, how the fuck did talk about parenting crawl into my bed? I express my dissatisfaction as he explains the he has to go. He had a sitter until such and such an hour and has to get home. What?? Serious dude??
I tell him that this is crazy. Neither one of us finished, and I'm taking this very personally.

"Don't do that. Really, its just late and I have to get home. I didn't expect to be in front of the TV for two hours first. So...lets plan for next weekend, ok?"

"Sure whatever. Gee, this is awkward."

He kisses me goodnight at the door, hops in his car and murks off. Now here I am drunk, naked and dissatisfied. What should I do next?? Oh this is not gonna work. I need to call in a specialist, stat! I will link this with what happened next, as soon as I get to that post...

I text him. Again, the demons of a cell-addicted sex addict. I reiterate my dissatisfaction, and I don't think he was too pleased with that.

What the hell? Its no secret that I have a belly, if that was a turn off. Besides, we exchanged naked pics. Can't be that. I did the scratch and sniff test. Nope, my pussy still smells like pink sugar. The dirty talk? Maybe its too bold to whip out the freak on a first sexcapade. Perhaps because I was a bit smashed...

To my surprise, he texts me to say hi a few days later. My instincts tell me that perhaps he is doing so that he doesn't come off as a complete asshole. He also explains to me that my constant texting was irritating and distracting. I answered on text on my cigarette break, asshole! Or at least, thats what I could remember.

Anyway, another one bites the dust. The sex wasn't all that anyway...
Good thing I had plan B.

Hello, can you hear me now??

2010-02-13T11:41:00.003-05:00

After a pretty crazy snowcation, I had the opportunity to have an evening out with one of my homegirls. Right on time. However, she just purchased a Droid. I immediately told her it is the devil in disguise and she must dispose of it immeditately. But, she loves it! So now ladies night turns into "train my Droid" night. Good thing I love her!

We walked into Cheesecake Factory, excited to split an entree built for three queens and some yummy over-priced martinis. This is not the greatest idea on a Friday night, the first weekend in three weeks where snow is not keeping the population indoors, on Valentine's day weekend. Of course, there is a fourty five minute wait. So not worth it for mediocre chain restaurant food, in my humble opinion, but I guess many would disagree.

(On a side note, me and Ms.Beauty decide to skip the wait, get some food court crap cause its cheaper anyway and we would have more money for booze, buy new bluetooths, hit the Vicky's sale and hit the liquor store before headed back to the house. I love being such a classy bitch!)

The vestibule and cheesecake counter is packed to the brim with bubbly couples and first dates. You could feel the Valentine's rush in the air. New hopeful couples and cute couples and singles ready to discuss their recent encounters and possibilities, or wallow in the pitiful hole of "IDon'tHaveAValentinesDayDateSyndrome."

However, I made an interesting observation. I took a quick count as I approached the hostess stand. Count em, TWELVE people into their phones. The glow of HD touchscreens and colorful QWERTY keyboards brightens the darkened ambiance of the Factory that the chain strives for.

How could this be? People with people close enough to feel their breathing being, on the phone communicating with other people and apps and facebook, and twitter, and foursquare, and yelp, and Loopt and whatever the hell else. At least I know I am not alone. I suffer from this addiction as well. I am in a bad romance with my phone.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over sexTy cell-devices and --that our lives had become unmanageable.

Yes, it is a true story. I have a bad romance with my cell phone. I finally upgraded to a smart phone, which is actually very stupid. It doesn't always listen to me either. Droid is about as difficult to train properly as a man.

My pretty pink Droid sleeps with me at night. It lays with me in bed, and since it is plugged in it keeps me warm. Whenever I'm feeling like I need some attention, Droid gives it to me. There is no shortage of eye candy contacts that I can holla at any hour of the day or night. It lights up pretty colors in the dark, and plays music of my choice.

Can Droid please me?

Well, I have a 'vault' of pictures. Pictures of biceps, pecs, sexy smiles, abs and cock all sorted into a special hidden folder that I may open at my discretion, for lack of discretion.

I downloaded an app called Dildroid. It is a mock vibrator; a phallic version of the little green 'android' guy that you can slide up and down and take advantage of the powerful vibrate function of the phone. I've counted seven varying speeds to the Dildroid. Not bad for a free app on my baby. Not too functional either...but still impressive.

I also located an impressive free mobile porn site. Just what I need. Mobile access to HD porno that loads to my device in under a minute. This is crack to a sex fiend.

Its just THAT serious. I have lost two fine specimens to Droid in about a month. A) LegalAid. He called me on it after we had a chill session. (I need to get to that post...) He told me that my phone is very distracting. He also didn't want me to smoke my cigarette around him, just like CO. He asked me to go outside. My own home. I told him how about he uses the bathroom, outside of my home. B) CO. Mr. SupaMcFly himself spent two days at my house, and rather than open up a true romance with him, I continued my bad romance with Droid. When we were smashing hips, my phone was blowing up, and I asked him if he minded if I text someone back. His response: Uh, Yes. Oops. Its not that the sex wasn't mind blowing. It was, almost, at least.

I think I'm checking into rehab. Cell phone rehab. And while I'm there, we can work on my sex addiction, binge eating, drinking and smoking. I just hope I can get into the one that Tiger is at. That is a sexy brotha right there, who must be putting on some hurtin on these average looking ladies. Yeah, if they could get the bizznezz, so can I!

Miz. Indecisive: Let it snow, Let it snow.

2010-02-12T14:30:00.000-05:00

Miz. Indecisive: Let it snow, Let it snow.

Let it snow, Let it snow.

2010-02-12T14:29:00.003-05:00

C.O. has been on my mind ever since I explored that smooth chocolate body and rock hard cock. Patience is a virtue, but I am not exactly a pinnacle of virtue. So last time we hooked up (misadventures and Mike and Ikes.) we discussed enjoying the next snow-in together. And we made it happen. I invited him into my world, temporarily...

Booboo is on point. He comes prepared. Quarter of some yummy exotic buddz. Fifth of the Hennesey. Double Coronas. And Seven sevenths of chocolate dutchie rillos for twisting. Hey, thats a lucky number. (And of course, a whole big cock paired with two gold wrapper-magnums, which fit the him like they were eloquently tailored to do so by Ralph Lauren himself.) Match to what I had cooking up for the evening I was expected to be spending on me...well its all good.

I got the kids settled and its time for chillaxin time. His purpose...he just want me to relax. Easier said then done in my world, but I'm diggin it...and then some. Im trying so hard not to be rude...but I am in fact an icy hearted bitter bitch at this point.

Fact of the matter is, this is a fine specimen He's just perfectly laid back, with a gorgeous smile, well adjusted attitude, and a ridiculous amount of exuded sexiness. Grown man status too, manages his own. I like the possibilities.

Some how he reminds me of the good old back in the days. Cruisin around with a fly azz nigga, sexy with his half shut eyelids. Surrounded by sweet sess smoke and clouded vision on a sunny day.

But there was zero comfort. Ive drawn the conclusion that you really do indeed need to get to know someone BEFORE exploring sexual compatibility. It was too easy to fall out of it, and be elsewhere in my mind. Oh, such a crying shame!

My phone is blowing up. Again. I thought i turned it off, but it didn't listen. Plus there was ringerburn. You know, when you set personal ringtones to personal people. This is what happens when you try to be a juggler, but you are a really awful clown. You know a dirty, cigar smoking one? And a female at that? Yuk. The mirror can be pretty tormental sometimes. Keep the pimp hand strong? No, I need to regain delicacy, because I am a lady. HA!

While the sex that night was pretty good, from what I can remember, it was pretty damn good but missing...that something. That extra oomph. Ugh, gotta redeem it yet again. Also, he 'slipped' and ass raped me. Thats not fun. I mean you gotta ease it in. I guess we were both a lil under the intoxicated spell of good budd and brown liquor. Awkward.

Unfortunately, morning came pretty quickly. And the snow kinda made things a lil crazy. He tried to leave, but after sliding down a hill in the mess outside, he decided to come back in. A-ok with me. Lets make the best of it.

The only problem is, I gotta be a hundred different people at once during the day. Im trying to be supermom, crafting diva, internet junkie, textual relationship guru, julia childs, AND now find attention for this dude? This is a challenge. Maybe Im really not ready for inviting anyone else into my world right now. Shoulda left it as a get out the house, me time, you time kinda thing. Enter panic.

I did manage to get some alone time with him, and he broke my back out, literally. I think I impressed him with my collection of condoms and lubes. Not that I do this often or anything...

Ground breaking orgasm. I felt like a Jill Scott track... "Must. Remember. To Thank Him. Later"
I wish I could just stay still for a moment and get into this man. If only...bad timing.

He cant stand cigarette smoke. I can respect that. It is in fact the nastiest habit known to man kind. I can actually feel its gross, sticky hot hands strangling me and my airways from the inside out. This is NOT a good look. So, I take 'me' time every so often...cigarette breaks alone so i can get it in, and hell play with my phone and entertain the masses while i do so. Big mistake.

Fact is, this man was at my house for 2 days, and I know little about him. Not because there had to be any secrecy or anything, I just didn't take the time to give the matter attention. Bad timing. And timing is everything. I have a relationship with my phone. And the 10 textual relationships I have going on at once. Shoulda put it down...but bad timing.

The long stir-crazy day is coming to an end, and I again find time to give attention to this whole situation. But I hit that bottle...and it was a wrap. Drunk Miz Indecisive is like Miz Indecisive to the tenth power. I interupted our chill time for a cig and a drunk phone call to my home girl. But, this is my comfort zone, this is what I do, so why should I do anything else?

I came back out of my room, and Im pretty sure I just passed out. Ooops. I forgot.

The next morning was super awkward as he dressed and left. He was not a happy camper. I could feel it. Rather than wait around for his call...I texted him...yes the demons of the single girl outta the city lies purely in sms messaging. Swear.

So he tells me he heard me on the phone talking shit about him, and that was greazy. He said he hoped I enjoyed entertaining my friends on the phone. While it was ok while it lasted, take care mama.

Misunderstanding! How could he be so vain! I told my homegirl that he is supa-mc-fly and Im luvin it like Mcdonalds. That I wanna put the hurtin on him...be a good woman to cook and care for a man how a woman should. And then went on to talk about Assclown, Trouble and OhLaLa (all seperate posts, hold on, Im getting there...)

I tried to call him, no answer, and sent him a book of texts of explanation of my mistake and how I'd love to actually comunicate with him for real some time. Oh well, win some lose some...but this took a bite outta me.

Maybe men aren't made to be disposable. Considering my longest relationship since the torment of crazy-beat-my-ass-sicko fucked me up has been maybe 6 weeks in the past 4 yrs...maybe I need to reevaluate.

Have I really become that accustomed to the bus analogy by professor Gucci? Miss one next one cumming. Ironically, this was his FaceBook status when we 'friended'. Again, the laws of attraction are at work. Overtime.

Why the assclown might just be an ASS-CLOWN.

2010-02-12T12:45:00.001-05:00

The term assclown refers to a simple, unavailable, emotionally challenged asshole, who keeps you holding on by taking advantage of your weaknesses, purely to stroke his own ego and and stroke your vajajay at his calling.

I highly recommend taking a peek at baggagereclaim.com if you are dealing with this kind of situation.

Anyway, back to the juice. So we are getting it in. Im enjoying my drinks for the evening. He is enjoying caressing my milky smooth thighs. I can't help but get absorbed into my own bliss of his appreciation for my body. He doesn't mind the belly and the other flaws, he makes sure to get to every inch and crevice and show his lustful hunger for it all. Mmm.

We get busy with the body oils. Flavored lubes. Its usually all about me. This time, I wanted to show him how much i love him and his cock. My buddy. He sent me a pic a few days before that. He asked me to delete it. I said hell no, thats about to be my new wallpaper, I love that cock!

I read some bit on erotic massage that afternoon before he came over. The man's toes were curling. I made his cock feel like it was ten fold worth its weight in gold. And covered in melted chocolate cherry fondue. And I dipped in with the finest fruit.

But then it happened. The man cocked his legs up. Like a bitch.

W. T. F. I have never seen such a thing! Wrapped in the moment? He killed it. Is he gay?? Ive been fucking him for over a year, how could I not know this? Oh god, i think Im traumatized! And here I thought I had seen it all.

It hit me all at once. He had asked me to play with his ass before. And I kindly ignored his request that time. I wanted to give him what he wanted, and he obviously wanted THAT. I really tried, but couldn't force myself to to it. Ive come close, but no cigar. Just couldn't do it!

I called my girl in the morning for advice to rip this trapped image out of my tormented head. We brought in a specialist.

She says: Oh dear, all men are gay like that. When you are intimate with someone for a long time, they bring the freak out. Doesn't necessarily mean they are gay. They just know about their Gspot. Just get some toys and give him what he wants. You might even enjoy fucking him in the ass! Power trip!

So I took it in stride. I hopped online and did my research like a good lil mistress would do who wanna keep her Captain Cock content. I ordered some anal beads, special lube, and a monster status cock ring for the next occasion. When I told him I had did some naughty shopping he was ecstatic.

Problem is...he wont make the time now. We got fucked with like six feet of snow here. Got too much going on and the excitement fizzled. Too bad, I shoulda ordered a rabbit. Lesson Learned.

Back to assclown...

2010-02-12T11:51:00.001-05:00

Yes, I reneged again. With assclown. So it goes.

After receiving happy holiday wishes from him consistently three days later throughout the HoHoHo season, I decided enough was enough. He is, in fact, an assclown. However, I asked him to 'borrow' some money because the season really took a bite out of my single mommy's budget. He replied with a resounding yes, "sure no problem baby, I'll hit you up on pay day."
Payday comes and goes, not response...gee theres a surprise.

Then I remembered, my new years resolution was not to take any more shit. And, not be a slut, really. So I called his bluff.

ME: Just gonna ignore my texts huh?
AC: No, just have been busy with the kids and whats her name, you know what i mean?
ME: Whatever, excuses. You phony, you fake, thats the type of people I hate.
AC: What-ever. Lol
ME: No, I'm serious like a myocardial infarction. Ive had enough of you and your excuses, so either make the time or just forget about it.
ME: You suck. Im done with you. It aint about the money either. Its just you. You are a hinderance to my progression.
AC: REally, im sorry I'll bring it over Saturday.

Ok, a few more exchanges where I was really mean. And he was kinda persistent. Until he said "goodbye." He said, it was "sweet" knowing you, I love you and take care.

It crushed me. Why can't I do the goodbye thing gracefully?

So ultimately, I let him come over. Like it never happened. And of course, we had mind blowing sex a few times over that week, complete with flavored lubes and juicy moments of passion. But I was disturbed by something...

I was getting some head in a rented bed.

2010-02-12T01:21:00.001-05:00

So back to the beginning of winter break. Strike one. Watching all my friends with their man's problems. I mean hey, we all got problems. Its just always such a friggin hassle to have to think about the 3rd wheel, and what if YOU are the third wheel?!?

So I smoked da fuggettabout it. That fuckit, yep. Ladies to the club...and a third wheel...but not me! My friend decided to bring a long her luv interest. And he is an irritating prick. Ive known him since 8th grade, and he just irks me! Oh well. I was on a mission. I had one of those bangin me time moments. Kids outta my hair for the evening. Hotel room for the night. Enjoyed one of those hot, steamy showers. *winkwink* My chilled bottle of white zinfindel and some bacardi dark. Rubbed myself up and own with all my yummy smellgoods lotions. Did the hair and painted my face on. Put on a fly outfit and just feeling good. It was another mission to finally get to da spot, but atleast Miz Indecisive got smashed first. Yeah, I'm classy with it.

We drove around looking for parking for almost 30 mins. Walked 2 blocks in the torrential rain, and my seasoned knock-off Chanel bag practically melted. Peep the crowd. Ugh, not feelin it. Leave it to me to find da only dude in da spot, just on it like that. The spot was packed, and I expressed my dissatisfaction with the bar service. He handed me his ice cold Jack and Coke and we began to chat.

Heres the set up. Yup Im yummy. You feelin it? I just want some brains from a thinker, yes a thinker. Exchange contact info and its on. Non drivin ass. Ugh, dissatisfied. He catches a cab to the telly, and now he gets to ride with me back to where he just came from to take someone home. At 3 am. Nice gesture. Atleast we stopped at the diner first as my drunken homegirl needed some grease to go home with. Me too.

Im driving, hes staring at the goodies. Before I hit the freeway, I pop the breaks.
"Just to be clear, you are just gonna eat me up right?"
"Serious? Aight Ma, you got that. I like your assertiveness. You get what you want in life, don't you?" Step on the gas fast.

When we got back to the hotel, he had the opportunity to watch me eat my mozzarella sticks. Atleast I did in a sensual way. Phallic foods are my fav. But cmon, a big girl gotta eat! I guzzled down the last of my Bacardi and coke and climbed into bed next to him.

It was rather nice. We had a nice chat about this and that, and he dove in. Ate me up just like I asked him to. Even though I made myself clear enough this is just an oral fixation, he still tried to get him some. It wasn't happening. He couldn't even harden up, claiming its guilt...he hadn't spoken to his girlfriend all day.

HA. Hello, its already been established that its not that kinda party. He asked my why Im single. I
replied I am, but my dude isn't. So thats that. He went back down and made me squirt. Enjoyable. We snuggled up and had the half awkward morning thing. Exchange contact info ect, and he hoped I would give him a call so he can get some more before I left town. He recently defriended me on Facebook. Good times.

Laws of Attraction Part Deux

2010-02-12T00:35:00.000-05:00

Where to begin? Gotta know where your coming from before you know where your going right?
Ok, so this is the girl who gets busy, too busy. I think I have adult ADHD. Really, wait, what was I saying? Perhaps I just require the medication, addies, percs, vics, or whatever else got me here. Just add up the statistics and there ya have it. In the mean time, I've been fried like a bad perm, or coloring, ladies. In a previous post I talked about laws of attraction. Well, for the entire week that Ive finished classes for now, Ive basically been smoking grass like I'm fucking a landscaper. That is what the hell showed up on my doorstep, or what I attracted. Right on time, wrong place. No, really. Three outta four days high before noon? Score. Still more productive than napping the days away when its time to hibernate. It just so happens, that for whatever reason, ive bumped into some cool azz people who smoke the fuggeddaboutit. And its been awesome to have the quality time. It happens. What you attract tells you all about what you give out. And really its been a good thing! Now let me just blogg about it. Cheers.

Misadventures and mike & ikes

2010-02-04T21:01:00.001-05:00

I wrote a lil rhyme about it and here it goes. Nah, not really. Ok Im gonna make this one short and sweet and to the point to get me back on track here. Time goes by and its well, #ontothenextone!

SO...meet C.O. On a whim, we decided on a last minute mid morning meet up. The impending snow storm has kinda put all weekend plans on hold, so why not live for the moment and catch it before the buzz fizzles. Carpe Diem.

I arrive. Ring bell. No answer. Call phone. No answer. Walk to car, madd as what! Open car door, he calls back. "Wow, mama didn't realize you drive that fast." Buzz me in. Open door. TOWEL. That is all he is wearing. Please don't let jaw hit floor. This dude is fiiiiine. Pictures don't do him justice. I mean, I hadn't expected to have the opportunity to preview the merchandise, but I think it is quite acceptable.

"Sorry I kept you waiting, I was in the shower." Oh, its quite alright...
CO walks me into his bedroom proceeds to lotion up. His bedroom is comfortable and warm. Black lacquered furniture. An array of nicely organized good smelly shit on a gleaming dresser. King sized bed, with a black satin cover. NICE...ha.

I begin to get the feeling I bit off more than I could chew. I hadn't planned on coming by for some dickdown. That was not my intentions. But...

Shit, what WAS I thinking?? It's a bad week, Im on my period!

Spark up that exotic. Damn, I really shouldn't smoke during the day, but I'll hit dat...
Mmm nice, kisses...you know those kisses that elude to being skilled at other things. But it was hella cute. We were fighting over mike & ikes in each others mouths. Kinda feels like 8th grade, but I'll take it.

Ok, so somehow I got 'conned' into giving a massage. Actually don't mind if I do...this body is A-
More kisses and cutesy ish. CO decides he wants to play with my nose. Strange, but whatever. Its all in fun. Wasn't such a great idea. Back to yummy mike and ike kisses. He stops doing wonderous things with his tounge in my mouth...and picks something off his lip, and chuckles. WTF?? Whats so funny dude? Hair? "Do YOU have hair in your mouth?" No. "How bout you dropped a booger out your nose?" NO!!!

Yes. As a matter of fact, this DID happen. Landed right in the corner of his mouth. We erupted in laughter. Never ever in my life. Well, never say never.

I did get to glimpse at the whole body, and have my fun. This dude could mos def get me dickmatized. Should we go there? I gave him the happy ending to the massage.

What?? I couldn't help myself, the rest of him was so yummy...

Oh here it cumsssss. And then it hits me. Wait i'm not a porn star, and I dont know you like that dude. So I spit it back up on him. I don't think he was too pleased with that. Hahaha.

So, do you think this date is over??

stay tuned....new juicy posts coming soon

2010-01-06T18:28:00.000-05:00

Chicken Soup for the Slut.

2009-12-21T21:56:00.002-05:00

Whew its been a while. The Holidays are throwing me all around every which direction. Anywho...
Had an interesting experience last week. So I went out with LegalAid a handful of times...not very eventful, but a cool sexy guy. So he goes on to tell me he is sick, and I tell him that he needs some of my homemade soup for a cure. To my surprise, he accepts my offer. Hey, why not? Its cute...

So I arrive at his condo with some hot soup and a bottle of wine. He hands me a glass and he enjoys the soup. We watch a movie, as I polish off the entire bottle by myself (oops). I mean, I needed some kind of entertainment other than the crappy B-list movie. I was hoping for some cuddle time, however he was pretty distant and I didn't even feel up to initiating anything. We had a nice passionate kiss...and well that was about it.
He turns to me and says..."well young lady, its just about my bed time."

Yep, thats bad. Micheal Jackson bad.
Never in my life...
Ok, so there was no sparks. No nada. What happened? I thought it was all good! I was pissed. I wanted a refund on my childcare fees for the night. Ah, live and learn.

I spoke to him the next day online. I'm bold, and tell him I'm disappointed that he is not into cuddling. His reply? "Eh, cuddling is ok, but I prefer rolling around, Naked. Sex."

Interesting. The guy must have thought I just roll like 'that drunk girl' as in get nice and sloshed and jump on da dick. I got the nice n sloshed part down...but I wont just run the next part like that. Very interesting...

Pretty pointless.

2009-12-13T19:58:00.001-05:00

Well, the week has been pretty stressful and busy, so this will be an aimless post just to pass some time. I am currently working on a piece with some more substance...but haven't gotten very far as of yet. Anywho...
Assclown has attempting to be social lately...with the "i just wanted to say hi" texts. I can't help but feel that is so phony and pointless. I am soooo past considering what we have is anything more than fuck buddy status...so its like dude-just hit me up when you are asking to come over.
Assclown hits me up Friday "What are you doing tonight?"
I hardly think that is any of his effin business!

Me: I don't have any plans yet.
AC: I would love to do something with you tonight.
Me: Oh yeah, like what?
AC: Idk movies maybe, it will have to be late night b/c I have the kids.
Me: Ok, thats possible. How late is late? Also, I would like to be upfront with you. I had a procedure yesterday and can not have sex for a week. I won't be mad if you dont want to chill, just keep it 100.
AC: What happened? Are you Ok?
Me: I had a biopsy, so if I don't have cancer, Im ok. So are we hanging out tonight or not?

No reply for about an hour...

AC: Oh shit, I forgot I have a family party in DC tonight, but maybe I'll leave early.

WHAT A FUCKIN DOUCHE!!! THE POOR MAN CANT EVEN KEEP IT REAL!
WOMP FUCKIN WOMP

He is seriously not capable of just keeping it real. I am realistic in the fact that all we really share is good sex, and that is the only thing I am ok with. Why does he have to justify it more to himself and be phony to me? I saw him the next day at a football event. Our sons play in the same league. We said hi, said bye and that was about it. But why does seeing him bring forth thoughts about him?? That idea makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. He later told me that seeing me out and about made him "tingle." He said his friend noticed his ancyness and asked who I was, and if he could find out. He told him, "yeah, remember my outta town trips to see a girl..." His friend replies "yeah, I would go there for that too. Nice." Thank ya very much.

A friend and I went out for dinner and some drinks afterwards. I was such a downer, because I couldn't help but obsess on the fact that I was going home to an empty house. I was upset with myself for getting a babysitter for the night simply because we had discussed possibly getting together later that evening. During a moment of weakness, I text him with a simple "yo".
He replied with "I cant do anything tonight. Sorry" Hmph.

On a side note...I went out with LegalAid early on in the week for some drinks and convo. He invited me back to his place for a drink and I hesitantly accepted. During the short ride to his house, I chanted to myself. Be a lady, do not sex him, be a lady do not sex him. It was actually really nice. I didnt feel pressured at all. We went as far as a nice kiss. And it was super nice, I mean perfect rhythm, depth ect. I was giddy like a freakin school girl. I couldn't help but imagine that if a first kiss was that good, how great could other things be?
His apartment was nicely appointed and spotless despite having young kids at home. I used the bathroom through the master suite, and had a chance to be a little nosy. Jacuzzi, check. Closet? Business attired arranged according to color. No trace of female inhabitants. Bed made, and looking super comphy. I must have had a smirk on my face when I came out cuz he asked me what was on my mind. The tipsiness we were both experiencing surely added to apparent sexual tension that was almost thick enough to be carved with a knife. We ended the evening with discussing when we could get together again. He said "you have my number, use it." Hmm...
I took a chance later in the week on Thursday and asked if he'd like to do something. He said that he had a real limited window of availability, so I told him to give me a call next week if he'd like to get into something.

LA: Will do, have a nice weekend.
Me: I sure will, you too.

So Friday comes around...and he texts me out of the blue..."Have a nice weekend." I have a problem taking this at face value. To me, it kinda says "dont call or text me this weekend," which I don't do anyway. Could it simply be wishes to enjoy my weekend? Maybe I am biased...I frequently come across losers who are unavailable. I guess...time will tell. What do you think?

Single in the Snow? Try This...

2009-12-06T11:59:00.003-05:00

Winter has reared its cold, bitchy head. Don't get me wrong, I love snowfall. The way the crystallized white flakes make their way to the cold earth has some magical qualities. I love when the entire outside world seems to be covered in its glory.

However, I can't stand people who have no idea how to drive in the snow. C'mon people, just fuckin drive with a little caution and move out the way. More notably, I can't stand Winter's way of mocking the single people of the world. Its like Winter comes around every year for the sole purpose of poking the single people in the ass to remind them that about what they are lacking in their lives. I am blessed enough to have beautiful children to share the first snowfall of the year with, and I am thankful for that. But what is it about Winter that makes you want to snuggle up under someone bigger than yourself...with a warm drink in hand and twinkle in your eyes?

In a perfect world, we all would have a worthy partner to spend Winter with...flirty snowball fights, hand holding when you forget your gloves, dates to holiday parties, ice-skating, and of course body heat while drifting off to sleep. And what about that dreaded hour 12am on January 1st with no one to kiss?

It seems the masses of the un-coupled are in high gear looking for their Winter partners. What a great way to add to the stress of retail madness, maxed out credit cards with rising APRs and family pressure during the holiday season! For those of you who are looking for something to do to fill the gaping void left when that bitch Winter reminds you that you are alone, check out my top 10 ideas for activities to do in early winter. (by clicking the link below to view more...some of you need the explicit instructions.)

Top 10 Things to Do If You are Single in December

1) Give yourself a gift. You deserve it. You are after all enduring the shittiest time of the year to be single, and will not likely be receiving a gift of any sort from a relationship prospect if you haven't found one by now. May I suggest something you can enjoy alone...a deck of cards to play solitare or a personal sex toy (hehe)

2)Torture yourself with a romantic comedy. In fact, there are quite a few movies out there that even have a holiday theme mixed in. I watched Four Christmases the other day...it was actually pretty funny. Here...I'm gonna hook you up. Click here to stream free movies online. Just don't blame me that many of the movies are bad bootleg quality and many don't work.

3)Watch Elf Porn. Corny. I know. But if anyone knows if a porn of such entertainment value exists, please tell me where I can find it.

4) Get a snuggie. Oh, hell to the no! Scratch that.

5) Go to your local Walmart and laugh at couples of lower socioeconomic status than yourself. Yeah, I shop there too, we all do at some point...but its more fun to pretend you don't HAVE to shop there and poke fun at what they have in their carts. Who wants a NASCAR bathroom set under their tree?? Me, oh Me!!

6) Add interesting items to peoples carts at the grocery store or Walmart or Tar-jay. My mom taught me this during a period of attempting to kick her alcohol/pill popping habits. Its mean, yes, but a lot of fun. And did you know that being shitty to people will help you feel better about yourself? How about a pregnancy test in a young couple's cart. Honey, is there something you would like to tell me? Or a block of lard in a cart of a morbidly obese person. Tis the season of giving, even if it IS really, really mean. A box of condoms in an elderly person's cart. And for that disgustingly obnoxious cute couple who is happily shopping, and stopping to kiss and oogle each other...throw in a extra large package of Vagisil cream for her vaginal itchiness. Extra points when they don't notice the item until they are at the register.

7) Watch said romantic comedy and get wasted. There is nothing wrong with indulging in an entire bottle (or 3) of fine wine or a 40 oz of Old E. Pick your poison and enjoy. I would also suggest gratifying your inner bitch/doucheness by drunk texting a former lover with a message like the following:
"I hate you. You are such a(n) (asshole/bitch/whore/douche/bastard) and I hope you (choke/get hit by a bus/catch an STD.) Happy Holidays! I (miss/hate/want/need) you. Wanna come over?"

8) Go spend way more than you can afford on gifts. Manic spending sprees are more fulfilling if it is all in the name of giving in the holiday spirit. Max out those credit cards! Overdraw your checking account! Fill that void with giving better gifts than anyone else will.

9) Inversely, shop for everyone on you gifting list at your local dollar store. Oh, you can not beat the deals they have there! You can fill your whole cart and spend under $50. That is what I am doing this year. I will also be enclosing gift receipts in case they would like to exchange their present for something they would like more.

10) Sit on Santa's lap. Look like a total nut and go visit Santa, sans kids. Maybe even grind a little bit and see if you can feel something pop up under the cheap smelly suit. You might even get a date out of it...or a sexual predator reporting requirement.

If you are not as cool as I am, try this. Remember that the majority of other singles are also uncomfortable this time of year. They want the same things you want. Get out there and mingle! Accept date offers from people, even if they seem like complete losers! If all else fails, you can always roll around naked in the snow in hopes to kill your libido and require medical intervention for your hypothermia, which may or may not include special treatment at the hospital and painkillers.

Save the Small Talk-Dry Hump a Stranger

2009-12-04T12:18:00.002-05:00

OK…so I have this friend…lets call her Ms. NotApplicable. She has made a special request to describe her early morning enlightening experience in a ‘special’ way. No doubt mama, I got ya!

Ms. NotApplicable is unhappy at home. She is in love with a loser. We’ve all been there/stay there… sometimes men and women alike fall victim to all the clichés and the power of gold-plated dick and platinum pussy. Time and time again, she leaves him/hates him, fucks him and pretends he is going to go from wart-infested toad to price charming. Unfavorable probability for that one…but I failed statistics so what the fuck do I know? She then goes full circle-lather, rinse repeat.

Text I received from her this morning: “I’ve been a bad girl. I’m in pain. He blew my back out last night. I had dirty whore sex it was great. I’m inspired, maybe I CAN just fuck him and squash my feelings. Call u in a few.” The lucky bitch gets to roam the worlds greatest city for a few on her way to work, check out NYs finest AND share her thoughts with her best friend.

She hops on the Path Train to NYC… pleased that its Friday… and delighted that she has a few minutes of crowded solitude so that she can replay the previous nights sexcapade in her mind.

Enter sexy stranger.

Enticing glances are exchanged. They nonchalantly inch their way closer to each other. She notices him eyeing her ample booty with a slight, inconspicuous grin. Don’t you love undressing people with your eyes? She reciprocates with a certain twinkle in her eyes and a bat of her tired eyelids.

Bump, shake, jar…tunnel…lights out.

Somehow…he landed directly behind her and her booty. She pops it out a little more. He lunges forward, prowling behind her just to test the waters. She leans back and quakes with the rhythm of the subway.

Tunnels…lights flicker on and off.

They indulge in public arousal. A crowded subway filled with important and non important people rushing off to the last work day of the week to mediocre jobs and meaningless deeds. She can feel his rising package clinging to her ass with magnetic power. He imagines her enjoying this as much as she is, because of course she didn’t move. She was turned on by his creepiness…but more so by his sexy bald head, chocolate skin, crisp suit, soft leather briefcase, and the throbbing cock.

Her stop approaches. Doors slide open. She turns around, gives him a naughty smile and a wink and walks
off. She now walks away giddy and satisfied. She will be smiling all day. THAT was FUN!

Now, this is impressive. No exchange of words, phone numbers or bodily fluids...no beer google syndrome, regrets or attachements. Just a fond memory of the time she dry humped on a subway...and it made her day! And...the thought that he will mos def use this experience to please himself with later. (It is in fact NYC, so maybe he whipped it out right there on that train…)

You go girl! ‘L Chaim!
Happy Friday!

Law of Attraction: Thanks but no thanks.

2009-12-03T15:53:00.008-05:00

The Universal Laws of Attraction can be boiled down to the idea that "thoughts influence chance." It is the idea that perhaps what you focus on is what you will attract into your world. Think negative thoughts, receive negative results. Focus on your debt and the things you don't have, and that is all that will manifest. Allow your mind to be filled with porn-worthy thoughts...well you get it.
(If by chance you are among the majority of population with limited common sense and don't get it...I could give you 1000 links for your own research about this concept, but google it for fucks sake!)

Why is it that some men assume that since a lady is in fact a freak, regardless if they happen to know if first hand or no, that they can just send unsolicited texts and/or picture mail? Ugh. It is generally easy to tell upon a few convos with me that I am a profound lover of sex. BUT...um ew??

So I just wanted to drop a line with a guy who I haven't seen or spoken to in quite a while. He was kind of a fantasy one nighter I had a few years ago. A big, strapping sexy construction worker who frequently gave me the google eyes. He probably wasn't even worth the casual hi, but I saw his number in my phone and decided that I would say whats up before I deleted it.
"Hey, remember me? Just wanted to say hi...hope all is well."

"Of course! How could I forget my sexy, half-jewish girl? How the heck ya been babe?"

...shoot the breeze I'm good, hes good yadda yadda yadda...

NEW PIC MAIL...open...see picture of big cock with the caption "want some?"...close phone with a giggle. Do not give reply.

30 mins later..."Hey where you go? You like? Cmon, don't be like that. I know you got that bunny in ya."
Ew. No fuckin comment.
Note to self...one nighters are just that. No need to reconnect.

Later in the day...

Trouble texts me. (That is actually the name he introduced himself as...when I met him I immediately thought "RUN"). I met him a lil while back...and after it became apparent he is wife shopping, with little to offer, and his lack of confidence as well as an apparent likely hood that he is crazy possessive...I just stopped chatting with him. And so glad I never gave him some of my platinum; he would probably be stalking me by now.

"Hey how ya been girl? Miss ya.." How could you possibly miss me, you never HAD me?!?

"Busy."

"Ok, just wanted to give you something to think about"...(and here it goes, verbatim)..."Think of my licking and nibbling every inch of your body. From your lips to your neck, to your nipples, and then from top to bottom of your juicy pussy. Ever since I met you, I can't stop thinking about how bad I want to fuck you."
Motherfucker, you will never get that opportunity, but dream all you want.

Although opening these texts did make my classes a little more interesting, thanks but no thanks. Yuk. His contact ID in my phone is now 'No Thanks.'

Do you think perhaps that it is my hot-assness that is to blame for meeting just fuckable dudes rather than encountering Mr. Right? I am a true believer that Mr. Right will come along when I am ready for him...and have all the necessary sexual experience and know-how to keep him satisfied, on a moderately tight leash, and away from Miss New Booty.

I am not ready for Mr. Right for other reasons...

So I'm also thinking that perhaps it was my recalling the previous night's sexcapade that vibrated the universe in such a way that these guys had the urge attract themselves to me. I am purging my thoughts of sexual thoughts for now. My new focus for the next couple of days will be acing theses final exams, acquiring an abundant cash flow, and losing 50lbs...some checks in my mail box would be nice, along with some UPS packages at my doorstep...maybe even containing a new vibrator! Oh shit, here I go. Wish me luck.

Reneged

2009-12-02T13:01:00.004-05:00

(Caution: moderately detailed sexcapade below. Read with caution)

Ok, I reneged my deal to be done with him. But if I didn't, I wouldnt be Mz. Indecisive. Assclown managed to hit me up the day after the Thanksgiving weekend to wish me a happy Thanksgiving. (Seriously??Assclown?) BTW...the term 'assclown' comes from the blog "Baggagereclaim" so I must give credit where credit is due. Anyway, he revealed that he had been dreaming about me and is jonesing to taste me. Mhm. Although I am disgusted at his true degree of assclownism...a few texts had me almost creampie in my panties. The very thought of the naughty things we do had that pussy poppin beyond my control. Eventually...I agreed to let him come over last night. He took fuckin forever. I just wanted to get it over with already. The anticipation of doing my dumb deed was getting the best of me.

He finally texts me to tell me he was on his way, but wanted to stop somewhere for some flavor lubes. Pina Colada mmm mmm good my fav. I was diggin it. He knows that I just happen to give better than average head, but add in flavor, and it goes to mind blowing. After stopping at a few stores, and driving by a few that were closed...he finally showed up...with a box of assorted condoms. Yea. Note my sarcasm.

So here I've been waiting and ready to go...clothes off, ipod playlist selected, candle lit...and he needs to get in the shower?!?! Is this the fuckin YMCA? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a clean cock...but I was ready at 9am. I have yet to master the sublime practice of delayed gratification. I am entirely too impatient. I should have broken out Mr. Wiggles and did this myself!

So he gets in bed and dives in between my legs like godiva. YES! I've been dreaming about this. I wouldn't allow him to go inside until I had a chance to put my work in...and worship the cock with my mouth. He seductively asked me to touch myself for his enjoyment. I graciously complied and could see the appreciation of my actions on his face.

We get it in...but its different than it usually is. He didn't sex me, stroke me, make love to me or anything along those lines...he fucked me. He pounded me from every position until my walls were swollen. Don't get me wrong, I love me some dirty whore sex as much as the next one, and this shit was good...just different from his usual self...and at times it was even a lil awkward. Nonetheless, electrifying and gratifying. That burning of inner-whoreness finding a short release. He got it from the back, the nono area...and I had a ground breaking orgasm. I needed that. He must have been dreaming about this. Good, I have been too. Although I can fantasize and touch myself fondly thinking of any man , it is him and his cock that usually manages to creep into my personal time.

We layed in bed and attempted some empty pillow talk. What is it about this guy that I just can't seem to speak around him? I generally get pretty far with my witty quips, none of which are evoked by him. Every word that comes out of my mouth when I speak to him is filled with dumb-assness and even some stuttering. Apparently. the only completely clear message I can send to him is just fuck me. At that moment, I couldn't see how that previous emotional attachment thing happened and I finally realized, yes this IS and HAS BEEN just sex. Maybe it was the dirty whore sex that brought about that anti-cuddly feeling...if so, thank you sex gods. I needed that.

Round 2 was a little more typical of us...more sensual and teasing. I swear my pussy took on a life of its own. It quivered with every stroke...he must've felt it because he just stopped and layed in it motionless for a while. Fantastic. I'm selfish. I asked him to go back down on me. I love for my pussy to be worshiped, appreciated in a way only a man who acknowledges the beauty and power of having that sweet juice flow onto his tongue could. I got all I asked for.

I kept cuddle time to a minimum. After all, we are only fuck buddies, not even friends with benefits. In fact, I've vowed to cut him off time and time again. We stretched away from each other, fluffed the pillows and slipped into sweet post-coital slumber. I recall having some crazy dreams which awoke me. When I did, I realized this motherfucker had put a body pillow in between us. WTF?? I woke him and asked him wtf is with the barrier between us?? He grabbed the pillow and tossed it. Seriously though...WTF?? Maybe I farted on him. Maybe I smacked him. Maybe I snored in his face...who knows. But I have to admit, I appreciate the boundary to some extent.

And why why why does Assclown insist upon leaving his shit at my house?!? Marking territory? I took pride in tossing his toothbrush into the trashcan this morning. The only thing I want left behind is hot memories of sexcapades past to add to the spank bank.

So, I am undecided. Can Assclown/Mr.MD remain in my life as my dick in a glass case despite harsh feelings and a broken history?? I'm so excited! I think I can handle it!

Miz. Indecisive

This is only fitting...

Big girls like toys too! Part 4

More comments...

Big girls like toys too! Part 3

Comments

Nipples!

Big girls like toys too! Part 2

Big girls like toys too! Part I

Toot Toot *a quikie*

WTF Was that?

Hello, can you hear me now??

Miz. Indecisive: Let it snow, Let it snow.

Let it snow, Let it snow.

Why the assclown might just be an ASS-CLOWN.

Back to assclown...

I was getting some head in a rented bed.

Laws of Attraction Part Deux

Misadventures and mike & ikes

stay tuned....new juicy posts coming soon

Chicken Soup for the Slut.

Pretty pointless.

Single in the Snow? Try This...

Save the Small Talk-Dry Hump a Stranger

Law of Attraction: Thanks but no thanks.

Reneged

Toot Toot a quikie