mobileWOMEN.org

mobileROMANCE: Advice for a Lonely Lesbian

2012-05-17T18:21:00.000-04:00

Tiffiny Carlson

Hello Tiff-

I’m a 34 year old woman with cerebral palsy and I use a power chair. My first and only relationship was in high school. Dating with a disability is hard enough, but throw in the fact that I am a lesbian and it gets so much harder. The stereotype is that people with disabilities are not sexual beings, but then you throw in a deviant sexuality...

I am not in to the bar or club scene, but I am wishing I had someone in my life.

Thanks,

Lonely Lesbian

----------------------------------------------------

Dear Lonely Lesbian,

Sorry to hear you’ve been single for so long. I hate hearing stories of people who’ve been single since high school. And putting a stop to the single streak, like you already recognized, when you’re both disabled and gay, isn’t the easiest hand to play, but it can still be played with success.

Since I’m a straight woman with not a lot of personal GBLT experience, I decided to ask a friend of mine, Sue, a T2-T3 paraplegic and gay woman what advice she had for you. Enjoy her wisdom!

Hi Lonely Lesbian,

There are lots of things I want to tell you. First of all, I found that coming out as a gay woman was very difficult. I didn't come out until I was 30. Before I took that step I was married to a great guy, but after five years of living a lie, I finally got divorced and began living a life true to myself. Accepting myself as a lesbian was a difficult journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Then at age 40 I found myself on another unexpected journey of self-acceptance: accepting myself as a disabled woman (T2- T3 paraplegic due to a spinal cord tumor). Today, however, I am proud to be who I am, and once I found my inner peace, everything in my life changed. I met a great woman and am now in a wonderful lesbian relationship of 9 years.

My advice: Remember, you are not “deviant.” Keep in mind that our President and Vice President want to see you happy and married to a woman (yahoo, President Obama).

Secondly, there may be a sterotype that people with disabilities are not sexual beings, but we are definitely breaking that stereotype! Girlfriend, please help by going out, meeting a woman and getting...... well you know. And as far as breaking the stereotype that disabled women are not sexual, check out the website http://therawbeautyproject.com/models.html. I was part of this photographic project which was critically acclaimed. "Uncensored Life: Raw Beauty" is an innovative visual arts project designed to inspire the public to create new perceptions, transform stereotypes and breakthrough personal obstacles by expanding awareness of women with physical challenges. The photograph project showed beautiful, successful, inspiring and sexual disabled women.

On the website you’ll see Marjorie, my (straight) friend with cerebral palsy who insisted on posing nude for her photo on the beach! She’s sexy and amazing!

Also check out Shelly Baer’s talk (at a national convention), that is posted here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX1Job6O60E. She speaks about living with a disability and being beautiful. Her word are inspiring. Shelly is a terrific (straight) friend and person!

Next, girlfriend, you have got to get out and hang out where the lesbians are. It doesn’t have to be in a bar. There are lots of gay organizations, ie. gay chambers of commerce--They have lunches.

You should try to get yourself to a “Gay Pride Parade." They occur in cities all over the country and the world. You will see lesbians in all shapes, sizes, abilities and disabilites.

Don't miss a yearly lesbian event in Miami called “Aquagirl,” where thouasnds of lesbians from all over the world desend upon Miami for four days of fun and sun.

Here are some links to organizations where you can see if they have anything going on in your city: http://www.glaad.org/, http://www.thetaskforce.org/, http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageServer.

In addition to attending events, I recommend reading gay magazines such as the "Advocate" or "Curve." Lots of lesbians I know go on Match.com. My friend in a wheelchair (okay, she’s straight) met a guy on the site. She posted, “Don’t let the wheelchair stop you, it never stopped me!”

In a nutshell, get out there! Everyone has stops in life; as disabled people, our stops are just more obvious. Be bold, be proud, and BE SEXUAL!

So there you have it. Great advice from a great gal. And don’t forget to work on being as approachable as possible too. Smile, flirt and when you see a girl you think is cute, chat her up. Being shy and in a wheelchair will get you nowhere.

Good luck!

Tiffiny

To submit your question to Tiffiny, email tiffiny@beautyability.com.

Ms. Wheelchair Massachusetts, Patti Panzarino: Creatively Persevering through Life

2012-04-23T21:42:00.003-04:00

Amy Saffell

by Amy Saffell

Greatness lies within us all, however sometimes we don’t recognize our potential without someone else’s help. This is the case with the newly-crowned Ms. Wheelchair Massachusetts, Patti Panzarino. What started out as an ordinary trip to get her wheelchair serviced turned into much more. A woman who worked at the shop mentioned the pageant to Patti, mentioning that she happened to be on the board of directors and thought that she would be a great contestant. Patti had never thought of herself as the “pageant type.” Particularly at the age of 53, she had her reservations about a pageant, but after learning that the contest focused on advocacy and accomplishment, she began to consider the idea a little more. With the encouragement of this woman and her husband, who she married in August of 2011, Patti was eventually convinced to compete.

Patti Panzarino

Although she was originally reluctant to participate, as Patti began to prepare and the days got closer, she became increasingly motivated and excited. Becoming a part of this pageant meant something to Patti, and she wanted to put her nerves aside. She was worried that her accomplishments thus far weren’t on par with the other contestants, nonetheless Patti stuck with the process.

It wasn’t until she began filling out the pageant application, and saw her accomplishments laid out before her, that Patti began to realize that she did have a long history of achievements. Patti was able to connect a lot of what she experienced as a child to philosophies that she now lives by as an adult. “As you look back on your answers you write down, you realize all that you’ve done,” Patti said. While that application may have been one of the most tedious parts of the process, it ended up giving Patti the deeper confidence that she needed to go into the pageant believing in herself.

A Lifetime of Preparation

Patti realized that all along, even in her childhood, she had known what it took to rise above her disability and to succeed. Growing up in the ‘60s with spinal muscular atrophy (SMA) before the Americans with Disabilities Act, Patti learned that one of the keys to having success as a person with a disability was to be creative. Her sister, who also had a disability, was her mentor, teaching her how to do things in ways that someone without a disability would never think about doing. Having someone with a disability help to navigate her through becoming independent was important to her, inspiring Patti to want to become a mentor to others.

Patti also discovered that perseverance had been instilled within her at a young age. She broke barriers at a time when many people with disabilities were stifled by society’s notion that they didn’t have dreams and goals like everyone else. Patti had a desire to fit into mainstream society. She joined the Girl Scouts long before girls with disabilities were common in local troops, and she found ways to earn the same badges that the other girls were earning. At school, she was always in a mainstream classroom. Despite occasional opposition, Patti graduated from high school and then enrolled at Hofstra University ,where she lived independently and majored in Interdisciplinary Studies. No matter what it took, she just never gave up.

Preparing for the pageant reminded Patti of the importance that music had in the development of her character. She grew up with music in the house at all times. Patti began piano lessons at age 6. These lessons served a variety of purposes, one of which was that playing the piano was a form of therapy to strengthen her hands, but it enabled her to do so with an activity that she shared with many of her classmates. Instead of therapy isolating her from her peers, it actually united her. In addition, piano also developed her sense of creativity. There were times where she couldn’t stretch her hand to reach the keys for specific songs, so her teacher would help her think of a new way to play them. It was during this process of learning to adapt that Patti developed good problem solving skills. Patti said that she learned to “assess situations anywhere. When you hit a wall, turn around and go the other direction,” which is a skill that she now uses each day in every aspect of her life. These days, Patti remains commited to music and is the lead singer, keyboardist, and songwriter for the band OLYPSYS.

Patti was a guest on WBSM radio station where she talked
about her pageant experience and her platform of Creative Perseverance

Her Crowning Moment

Despite her renewed sense of confidence, Patti did feel the pressure when it came down to the wire. On the day of the pageant, original doubts crept back into Patti’s mind, but they were mixed with anticipation. “I was a wreck, but it was great,” she recalled. Citing the importance of the day, Patti joked, “I woke up at 6:30, and I’m a musician, so I don’t normally get up that early.” She wanted to make sure that her hair, makeup, and outfit were perfect, not to mention having her talking points set in her mind. Her platform that day was, and will be for the rest of the year, “Creative Perseverance,” which Patti uses to describe her way of using creativity to overcome challenges.

The Ms. Wheelchair Massachusetts Pageant, sponsored by the Ms. Wheelchair Massachusetts Foundation, is not a beauty pageant. It’s an advocacy forum in the form of a competition consisting of personal and onstage interviews, a platform speech, and past accomplishments to select the most articulate spokesperson for advocacy around the state. One of Patti’s favorite aspects of the pageant was meeting the other women competing. They all come from different backgrounds, and although they were competing, they were really all advocating for the same cause. The contestants also got to meet people from a variety of organizations, from wheelchair companies to adaptive yoga instructors, to provide them with helpful information for wherever life takes them next.

Patti felt positive about how all aspects of the day went for her, but she was stunned to hear her name called as the winner. In fact, a couple months later, it’s all still sinking in: “I feel like my alarm is going to go off, and it will all be a dream!”

Patti works with the members of Partners For Youth With Disabilities

Using Her Voice

Patti is proud to wear a crown that serves as much more than a sparkly accessory. “I have a voice now,” she said. “The crown gives you a voice to make a difference in society.” While Patti has been using her voice for advocacy for years, now it is on a much bigger scale.

Even though her reign has just begun, she already has a full schedule. Because Patti has a passion for music, one of the first appearances that she wanted to make was at a songwriting session at the Parters for Youth with Disabilities meeting. Patti helped the group write a song solely from their own lyrics. What was once thought of as disability became ability in their songwriting session. Knowing that music should be experienced by everyone, one of Patti’s goals this year is to advocate for more accessibility in the entertainment industry for both spectators and performers.

Patti will soon be appearing on Ablevision, a television and media program produced entirely by people with disabilities; at the Massachusetts Hospital School graduation; the SMA Walk & Roll; the Equal Opportunities Career Day; and that’s just in May! As for experiences that she hopes to have this year, the top of that list centers around music. She submitted an audition CD to sing the National Anthem for the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park for the Disability Awareness Day this summer. Ultimately, though, Patti hopes to help promote more overall opportunities for people with disabilities. She said that she has seen many people get frustrated at the lack of opportunities for people with disabilities, and she wants that to change both by advocating for change in overall society and by encouraging others with disabilities to keep living life to the fullest. “People give up. Don’t give up. I’m still going. Life’s not over,” said Patti.

Later this summer, Patti will advance on to the Ms. Wheelchair America Pageant. She is excited to meet other women with disabilities from across the country, and she has her eyes set on the crown. “I really want to win the title,” she said with confidence. “It’s a second chance to show my abilities to an even wider audience.” Patti knows that she has a lot to do in preparation for the big stage of Ms. Wheelchair America. In addition to building her experiences, she’ll also have to raise money for the entry fee and travel.

With the grace with which Patti carries herself, her positive attitude and determination when it comes to reaching her goals, those around Patti often refer to her as an inspiration. Patti is quick to say that she is simply just living life the best way she knows how. There are times, however, when those compliments come in handy, as Patti admits, “No matter how well adjusted you are, there are those days when having a disability gets you down. But you can’t stay down. I store those compliments up for a rainy day and keep on going,” she said.

With the way that the last few months have gone for Patti, it’s safe to say that those rainy days will be few and far between and that she’ll have plenty of inspiration to get through them.

To follow Patti’s progress or to learn more about the Ms. Wheelchair Massachusetts Pageant, visit www.mswheelchairmass.org. To check out Patti’s band OLYPSYS, visit www.facebook.com/olypsys and www.reverbnation.com/olypsys.

Columnist Amy Saffell lives in Nashville, TN and works in the music industry. She enjoys spending time with friends, concerts, and volunteering for a local youth wheelchair sports and independence group.

Let's Rock & Roll!

2012-04-21T23:26:00.001-04:00

by Bethany A. Hoppe

News Flash: We have skipped Spring. None of us are swimsuit ready! I have bought Zumba for my Wii and a DVD of Intro to Yoga for Toning and Shaping.

Clearly I've been thinking about body image. What we think about our bodies, what we think about other people's bodies, and what maybe-kinda-perhaps other people are thinking of our bodies can be overwhelming.

That's an awful lot of people thinking an awful lot about bodies.

I don't know about you, but when I think about my body I find sometimes we're friends. Sometimes we're enemies. And sometimes we're frenemies. It depends on the day, the occasion, the weather, the moon phase, the tide, the year, the age, the color of the sky, the traffic, the atmosphere, the mood, pre-or-post coffee, the season, and most particularly what major event is coming up.

To name a few factors.

Women have more body issues than men. Men, however, are catching up with women when it comes to dealing with body issues. The more media displays the ideal male - aggressive, muscular, traditional-typed masculine traits - the more men are beginning to believe that this is the way they should be in order to be desirable.

Women have dealt with this since God gave birth.

Women are much more wiling to alter themselves, at whatever the cost, to fit what they have been told is the ideal woman. Eating disorders teach us that women will starve their bodies, damage their growth process, hinder their childbearing years, and even die to look thin. The billion dollar diet industry succeeds in selling us pills, lotions, potions, drinks, powders, and lists of off-limit foods that will cause base-line chemical imbalances to our system, and cause damage our livers, kidneys, and digestive tracts, just to look thin.

Powerful advertising frequently tells us this girl is popular, this girl gets sex on a regular basis, this girl is successful, this girl gets drinks bought for her, this girl gets the job offers, or this girl is trustworthy. We take that information and ask ourselves where we fit in on that impressive spectrum, and frequently find we're not this girl. But we often want to be.

Soon, we learn, pretty passively and without too much effort on our part, that we can be just like her if we buy what she has.

I often wonder where women with disabilities fit into this. If nine out of ten women can immediately point to a physical flaw they wish they could make go away, then what do we women with disabilities point to? If women walking among us are unhappy with their healthy thighs, how do women feel about their thighs that aren't as muscular or mobile?

In the many conversations that I have had with both standing and seated women, I have found that more often than not, we even the score for one trait or another. I can envy another woman's height while she is envying my...uh....endowment fund. Basically, whenever you get a group of women together, disabled or not, we will end up sitting around offering to trade each other what we think the other has more or less of: I'll trade you my calves for your butt!

I have struggled with body issues in the past, as I tried to logically place myself in a taller, standing world. The first step for me was just physical acceptance. Being born with Spina Bifida means that my current physique is all I've ever known; I didn't have the life-altering experience a spinal cord injury might impress on someone. Therefore logic tells me that since my disability has always been there, it should be settled in my mind that it is what it is. Regardless, it still felt like there was a lot to grapple with growing up, such as confusion and anger over physicality and body image.

I am very happy with myself, and I am extremely comfortable in my own skin. Just like anyone else, that was a process. And just like anyone else, I know there are all sort of ways that I can help or hinder what I have. Eating well and exercise (on whatever level possible) makes a huge difference in our positive self-perception, which is also rated "E" for Everyone.

Feminist studies research tells us that for women with disabilities to be visible, to compete for mates, relationships, jobs, or media portrayal and basic representation, they must do a hundred times more than their non-disabled peers to even begin to be in the player's circle. It's known, academically, as double-oppression. Obviously it should not be this way, but unfortunately it frequently is.

Sometimes it seems that women in general, and more specifically women with disabilities, often have to rock-star it out and always be dialed to "ON," by making sure we're well dressed, our hair is in place, and our makeup is on. During a time where many women are taking a stand against feminine stereotypes, media portrayals still dictate to all of us how we should look, be shaped, and behave. In terms of women with disabilities, it is almost as if mainstream society requires us to be loud enough and relevant enough to bring them up and over the hurdle of disability and difference, by looking beyond exceptional by working what we've got. Yet, from our own personal perspectives, we've already been there done that, and certainly see no need to constantly work it just to maintain status quo.

From our standpoint, we're fine. We've got our lives and goals totally under control. But because we're often not seen, heard, or represented in the media frequently enough to be simply considered part of the tapestry, we find ourselves filling the constant role of being educators who jump on each teachable-moment that we can. Quite honestly, we frequently really just want to zip into the grocery store on our way home to buy chips and salsa, not take the time to always "represent."

When we are out and about, whether we like it or not, we experience our own mini-version of a body scan. The assessment is quick and calculating. Simply put, we get stared at. And those staring moments are teachable moments, especially if for some odd and tired reason, we are one of the only people with a visible disability someone has seen or interacted with. At first it's easy to think that it's impossible to be the first person with a disability that others may have encountered. If I earned a dollar every time a cashier, student, taxi driver, or waiter has mentioned to me that I am the first person they've ever met/helped/waited on that had a disability...my credit cards would be paid off. Take it as sad, or take it as a bit of a giggle-ha-ha...it is true.

My sister Becky once said to me, "People are going to stare at you. You're different than they are. Make damn sure you're giving them something really good to look at." That stuck with me. I was sitting on the side of her bed watching her put on her makeup, getting ready to out with her friends. I couldn't wait to start playing and splashing around in makeup as it was...and her advice, which I truly absorbed, only made me want to scour her clothes closet and makeup drawer all the more.

It isn't a matter of "makeup and clothes makes the person." We know that the spirit and internal self is what makes the person. But I have self-experimented with my sister's advice. Coming from a place of confidence, I have gone out on errands without much thought to my general appearance, and noted dramatic differences in general reactions to me. More small children verbally asked their parent what was wrong with that woman while pointing from a distance, I got a lot more down-played verb-cap (sugar, honey, sweetie, hon), and males averted their gaze quickly. Now, granted, I didn't look like an ogre...I just was a few clothing options shy of fun pajama bottoms, a ripped up sweatshirt, zero makeup, and a granny bun hairdo. Please keep in mind I come from a fabulous line of women who never left the house without lipstick...this was not easy for me to do.

Coming from the same place of confidence I have gone out on errands where I'd dressed with intention, did minimal makeup on purpose, and did something my hair - as 1950's and archaic as that sounds. (And yes-I-had-to-had-to-had-to-wear-lipstick).

Keeping in mind that I internally felt the same about myself so that there wasn't any emotive projection going on, I found small children waved at me shyly and asked me directly what was wrong. Some approached and wanted to move the tires, which I let them do with guidance. I've had random children actually clamored onto my lap after they start talking with me - their mothers were horrified at first, but I let them know that its perfectly fine. Maybe my standard answer of, "I use my wheels like you use your legs...only a bit faster...like a race car!" is too inviting for the tiny tots. So, I make race car sounds as I wheel them the two or three feet back to their moms, who are by now smiling, relieved I'm not offended or that I'm not a four-wheel drive child abductor.

I also found that the sugar-honey-sweetie terms morphed into mostly ma'am. Then again...I do live in the South, so granted there will always be some sugar, honey, and maybe even a baby girl nomenclatures tossed in there...albeit with a totally different tonality. Honestly, I'd be worried and offended if I got through a day without hearing some of my favorite Southern sounds, actually.

In terms of men, males stared, only they didn't avert their eyes quickly. Instead, they smiled and meandered on their way through the produce aisle. From time to time I like to think that I just got checked out....yeah...still rockin' and rollin' in her fabulous forties!

Either way...I still got stared at...only differently, which held some great importance and value to me, and it may be the same for you. In fact, I would gamble on the fact that all of us put value and importance on getting positive feedback, kind looks, and sociable words when we're out in public. And that has nothing to do with disability. It does however, have everything to do with humanity.

I'm not advocating that women with disabilities have to look their utmost best when they go out. In fact, I think that women - regardless of disability - should not have to play the visual games we find ourselves playing. But moreover, women with disabilities should not have to play those games harder than your average woman.

They should just be able to be.

My Gender Communications class studied media, gendering, and body types this week. I specifically asked them whether or not they found themselves truly represented in the ads and shows that they watched. Not a lot of them had. They identified with personalities or characters...but they didn't feel like they saw themselves actually represented. I agreed with them and said I hadn't either, until now. Then I played the teaser for the upcoming reality show Push Girls and asked what their opinion or personal knowledge of people with disabilities - outside of myself as their professor - and specifically women with disabilities was, after they watched the clip.

Their reactions were interesting. They all agreed it was about time a show featured people with disabilities - so kudos to my students for recognizing that, and being impressed that such a show was coming to television. They were for it, which I was happy about. I am encouraging them to watch it this summer, and thus far their feedback has indicated they are interested in watching more. We all are! Because just like my students feeling like they don't see themselves represented in media, neither do I. Push Girls will be the first time I will ever see real women with disabilities, who are active, who are strong females, representing women who happen to have a disability, who are also fashion conscious, on television which has literally hundreds of channels. It will be the first time I will be able to see me in the media. It will be the first time women with disabilities will see themselves collectively, in the media.

Interesting enough though, one of my female students made a strong point when she said, "I think it's awesome...but it is doing what all other media does...I mean these girls are hot! They all look like models, and unfortunately, I think they have to be in order to start to make change in people's perceptions of women with disabilities. I don't know how realistic it is...but I almost think it has to be that way to get the attention of television viewers."

I agree....to a point. If the fact that the ladies of Push Girls are indeed hot, and do in fact rock star their lives...does that somehow translate to the idea that the social perception of women with disabilities is normally frumpy? Is that what media has taught us? If so, then that means women with disabilities are in the same tank as their able-bodied peers: They're held to a norm that sets the bar at an either-or scale: Appealing or homely. Sexual or frigid. Intelligent or dumb. Powerful or weak. When in reality, none of us are any of those extremes, but are instead each in a different place on a spectrum scale.

I once pulled into an accessible parking spot, and before I could pop my placard up on the rearview, a woman was rapping on the passenger window. I rolled it down enough to hear her rant at me, "Hey! You can't park here! This is for the handicapped!"

I smiled, held up my tag and said, "I am. Just hanging up my tag..."

Her eyes popped open and then narrowed. And then she har-humphed and stated, "Well. You don't look handicapped!"

Wow. Okay. Whatever.

Body image is important to a lot of people. I like to bring it every day. I like to inspire others to bring it every day. Not because I have a disability, but because grabbing life by the horns and living with intention is just so vital for all of us. I think that Push Girls is a step in the right direction, and that it will bring more attention to all of us who live our lives in ways that celebrate life.

This approach to my life is my center. It is who I am. I am glad that I will see myself reflected in television. I am glad that you'll see yourself reflected in television.

A woman...who happens to have a disability.

A woman who takes that disability and makes it rock....and roll!

Check out author & speaker Bethany A. Hoppe's website Raspberry Vogue, www.raspberryvogue.com, the Lifestyle Blog of a Rolling Diva!

mobileROMANCE: Always in the friend category

2012-04-02T21:52:00.001-04:00

mobileROMANCE columnist
Tiffiny Carlson

Hi Tiffiny,

I’m a 29 year old guy in a wheelchair, very independent and somewhat successful. I’d say I’m a good looking guy and think I come across relatively confident and talking to girls has never been a problem. I realized early after my accident that life was going to be significantly different when it came to women and relationships (I know, not rocket science…haha). It was not going to be nearly as easy as it once was, but I’ve been pretty determined to not let my chair be my excuse.

After trying and failing to pick up girls in a similar way to how I once had, I decided that a better way to approach it might be to rather befriend them rather than actively perusing them. Only problem is I now have a bunch of girl “friends” and no girlfriend, and it’s beginning to feel not too dissimilar from the relationships girls have with their gay guy friends! If I try to make a move and the feelings aren’t mutual, the friendship will never be the same.

My question is, what--if anything--would you do differently?

Sincerely,

Mr. Always Platonic

__________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Always Platonic,

Sorry to hear your post-injury dating method isn’t working out! Whether you’re a woman or a guy with a disability, I think a lot of us can relate to your situation. It’s not easy trying to persuade the world we’re still a great catch despite our disability and I know a lot of us have tried your exact method. You’d think it’d work….it sounds like a great technique, “Become their friend first, then see where it goes,” even dating experts recommend trying this approach, but as your situation proves, sometimes being friends-first can backfire.

Here’s the deal: Becoming too close of friends with those of the opposite sex can asexualize you in the eyes of AB-friends (i.e. possible love interests) who may never known a person with a disability until you. If that happens, it can really throw a wrench in your plans. Once they put you in the friend/guy-but-not-sexual category, it’s really hard to backtrack. Are you talking to your female friends about your sex life and dating woes to at least clue them in that you’re still interested in sex and dating? If not, you should be.

Girls are transparent creatures. Unless you’re dealing with a very shy woman or an amazing actress, if any of your female friends like you, you would probably know by now. So if any of them haven’t flirted with you yet, assume the worst - they’re probably not interested (romantically). You just need to step-back and stop pursuing anyone in that group (hope you haven‘t fallen for any of them yet) and reconfigure your approach (again. I know!). But I promise you I’ll set you on the right track.

Instead, you’re going to need to a better “friendly” approach. You were right to a certain degree. Being a friend is more effective when trying to pick up women rather than the in-your-face “you’re hot” approach. Unfortunately, you took it too far into the “best friend” territory, killing your chances. Next time you meet a woman you‘re interested in, continue the friendly approach and don’t be annoyingly flirty, but remember to keep some mystery once you become friends and never allow yourself get too close (her female best-friends are for that!).

As a woman, we’re told a little mystery always helps in attracting men. This is more true than any of us realize - and it applies to the guys too! I know it’s not easy withholding a possible friendship from blooming, hoping something deeper may develop in its place, but if you’re serious about finding a woman who’s really into you and looks at you as she would any other man (100 all-male oh yeah!) then you’ll have to try your darndest to prevent the friendship from becoming too close. Be there, but don’t be there for all the crises if you know what I mean.

Love will come. Be patient, and good luck!

Tiffiny

To submit your question to Tiffiny, email tiffiny@beautyability.com.

Hello...World!

2012-03-26T23:58:00.005-04:00

by Jenny Addis

Hey Jen!

Someone close to me has a very similar story to yours, but unlike you, she is giving up. It's been only three years since the car accident that caused her paralysis. I have seen your inspiring website and posts on Facebook and it’s obvious you are living life to the fullest. My friend has a child and so much to live for; I just want to help! How long did it take you to decide to rejoin the world?

~ Anonymous MW Reader

Hey Anonymous MW Reader!

I'd like to say I have a straightforward answer to your question, but I don't. I'll explain...

First, the feelings your loved one is experiencing are only natural. When an individual goes through such a life-altering, traumatic experience, especially being blindsided by it, there is no knowing how that person will react. Everyone deals differently with pain, grief, and loss. Some people are headstrong and determined from the start, while others melt, breakdown and give up. Is there a right or a wrong way to deal with it? In my opinion, no! What matters is how we overcome the stumbling block and what path we then choose.

I remember being in the hospital, for only days, wondering how I was going to face the world, everything and everyone I had ever known in this new and abnormal state; in a wheelchair, as a quadriplegic. The fear was unimaginable and seemed literally unfeasible.

I was only 24 years old when paralysis struck me. My world was turned upside down. I had a great career that I enjoyed immensely. I had amazing friendships and a great family life. Growing up, I wasn't your typical girl, though. I loved styling hair, applying make-up, manicures, dancing, getting all dressed up for a girls night out, but I also loved my red pick-up truck, jet ski, hanging out with my four brothers and getting dirty. At the end of the day, I was loving and living life to the fullest! I went from being a completely independent woman to a woman completely dependent on everyone around me for everything I needed in life.

The night of my car accident, I had thrown a bachelorette party for my future sister-in-law and was enjoying my role as her maid of honor. About three weeks into my hospital stay was the big day. It was touch and go, but the doctor's had approved it and let me attend the wedding. This was my first encounter with the real world without a doctor, nurse or therapist by my side and, honestly, it was one of the hardest days of my life. If I could have, I would've passed on it altogether, but I had to stay true to my promise and commitment, even under the circumstances and regardless of my inner fears.

The real question is...would I have faced the world, so early on, regardless of my promise? I don't know. I do know, however, that without my loved ones, I wouldn’t have gotten through that night.

This same support system has been there for me from day one. It’s their encouragement to my inner spirit that showed me I can live this new life! I'll be honest, though, no matter how much strength and positivity I put forth, it hasn't been the easiest path.

For example, from the beginning, I always had intentions to go back to my career as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I wasn't welcomed back the way I had been originally promised and lost my position. Basically, higher management decided they would take me back, but it was at a different location, in a basement answering telephones, which would alienate me from our customers, visually--nothing even close to the job I was performing for the last six years. When I found out that my livelihood was being taken away from me, I was heartbroken and devastated! I was always career-oriented and loved my job, but most of all, my independence, so losing my job for wrongful reasons was a hard pill to swallow.

As I had mentioned, this journey hasn't been easy. There have been countless instances along the way where I attempted to take a step forward yet was pushed back three. Does it make me tired? Yes! Do I ever feel like giving up? Of course I do. I think we all do, especially when faced with adversity. I want to express to every able-bodied MW reader who may have a loved one facing adversity, especially to this degree: don't give up on them! Your support can help assure them that they're not fighting this fight alone. Please empathize with their situation and don't judge, whether you agree or disagree with how they may be dealing with their adversity.

To every disabled MW reader, please don't give up on yourself. Believe it or not, when faced with this type of adversity, you have a power that no one else has. You have the power to change other's lives, in a positive way. Your strength can give others, disabled and able-bodied, strength. Your optimism can give others hope and a glimpse into a positive and a better tomorrow. I wouldn’t trade these powers for anything!

To this day, it takes a conscience effort to wake up and get out of bed; to live, move forward, all with a good and positive attitude. Ironically, my life today is more fulfilled than ever. I have six nieces and nephews who give me six huge reasons to keep on living and inspire me to be a better person and a positive “roll” model. I want them to be proud of me. I have a very rewarding and amazing career that allows me to change other's lives. Plus, I have met incredible life-changing individuals along the way. I have wasted years of my life terrified at the thought of the world, whether they'd accept or were accepting of me in this condition or not. Today, I embrace it! My attitude is "Hello...World! The wheelchair and my disability equals the new "Me"! Take Me or leave Me, because I'm moving on with or without you!”

"There is no way to run from a hardship. It is what it is…nothing more. Either choose to live life being angry and pessimistic with a hardship or choose a life of happiness and optimism with that hardship. You cannot go back and change your struggles and hardships." ~ Jenny Addis

To read Jenny's previous entry, "Age Appropriate...Or Not!" Go to: http://www.mobilewomen.org/2011/04/hey-jen-age-appropriateor-not.html#more. To find more "Hey Jen!" columns, visitwww.mobileWOMEN.org/heyjen. Remember, nothing is too personal in my book, so send your questions to “Hey Jen!” at: mobileHeyJen@gmail.com! Learn more about Jenny at www.InspirationSpeaks.Me.

March is Women’s History Month! Let’s Get Rolling!

2012-03-09T21:52:00.000-05:00

by Bethany A. Hoppe: Raspberry Vogue

March is National Women’s History month, which dates back to the first International Women’s Day in 1911. Much like “traditional history,” where women have been left out of the majority of our pivotal moments in history, women with disabilities have been left out of our collective oral and written histories, too.

Studying women with disabilities in relationship to the feminist movements has become a rather new adventure for me. I know that I was born at a critical time on many levels. In 1970, The Disability Rights Act, which began its movement in the mid-1960’s, was written into law.

Also, on a personal note, the year I was born, surgeons at Buffalo Children’s Hospital, New York, took brave and drastic measures to set the course for my life, having been born premature with Spina Bifida. Family legend has it that the surgeons argued over my body on the table. Thankfully, the innovative, aggressive physician won, and in an unprecedented move, he surgically broke my back and reset it, thereby eliminating a lifetime of pressure, pain, and the need for a shunt.

I believe I was born in an excellent year.

During the first wave of feminism, women wanted the right to vote. And while we look at those pioneering women admiringly today, at the time they were balefully unpopular – even in the minds of other women. The small group of educated women and laborers in America worked to achieve the vote, which was awarded them in August of 1920 in the state of Tennessee. From the beginning, the suffragists movement was headed by bourgeois women – privileged women who had at their disposal the luxury of time, resources, literacy, and finances. The working class or labor force women felt left out and were often bound to a double day; their fulltime factory job in the daytime, and their domestic family work in the evenings. The women who needed rights the most were frequently the very women who were working in the homes of the elite, washing their clothes, cleaning their houses, and raising their children before returning home to do the same for themselves.

After women achieved the vote, not all women had access or permission to exercise their rights. It would take years before all women--of all classes and all races-would be, as citizens, equal. At the time, race and class were the primary difference. Women with disabilites were not part of the equation.

Decades passed before the second wave of feminism developed in the 1960’s. These reformations dealt with women’s equality in the work place, and it fought the all-powerful cult of domesticity. Again, even the women were split among themselves regarding the goals of women’s rights. Some felt that feminism took away a woman’s femininity, as well as men’s masculinity – while the feminists worked towards removing the systems of oppression that kept women in their current status, without choices. So two parallel female forces went to work – one to preserve the way things were, and one to change how we approached marriage, contraception, childbirth, work, and wages. This time around, black feminists rose and ensured their own representation and voices were heard. The class division, though in the turbulence of the racist 60’s, was more balanced than during the first wave where black female rights were not part of the conversation. Finally, black women were speaking out against racial, class, labor, and economic issues that faced specifically black women in their unique experiences, which were far different than those of middle to upper class white women. Again, women with disabilities were not part of the equation – even though at the time, through coalitions with non-disabled established entities, people with disabilities were beginning to address hospital conditions, treatment options, access, and safety. The concept of women with disabilities was not yet a singular subject.

Now, here we are in the midst of the third wave of feminism. And it is a totally different ballgame. Feminism is no longer looked at as middle-to-upper class white feminism, with a separate entity of black feminism as a blanket statement. Instead, feminism is viewed from a global perspective, encompassing everyone. A collective, collaborative approach hinges itself on coalitions that address issues faced by all women, regardless of class, race, nationality, sexual orientation, or economic status. Women with disabilities are now participating.

What is unique about the disabled woman’s perspective is that women with disabilities cover all categories within women’s issues. Disability is not limited to race. It is not picky about sexual orientation. It does not decipher class. And it occurs around the world. It is something that can become part of anyone’s experience in a split second. It exists.

It is visible and tangible. As a force, it is one of the most non-discriminatory factors we have next to being human. Disability is pervasive, and it reflects the current gender statistics that indicate there are more females than males in the world, meaning there are more women with disabilities than there are men with disabilities. This means there are more women with disabilities that need access to proper healthcare that not only addresses women’s specific needs, but also meet specific disability needs.

Current statistics show that disabled men are healthier than disabled women, they suffer fewer infections, have fewer hospital visits and stays, and resume normal life quicker post-injury. They hold more jobs, though they are not paid more than their non-disabled male peers. They are more often married, and experience far less divorce post-injury. They live more independently in safer neighborhoods, they take care of themselves better, and they live longer. And they are less discriminiated against, and experience far less violence. They are more prone to become active in sports both with congenital disabilities and disability due to injury.

It seems that by the numbers, the disabled population reflects the non-disabled population.

Yet there is more. Women with disabilities often face what is commonly called Double Oppression. First, according to feminism, they are oppressed because they are women. Secondly, they are oppressed because they are disabled. What the theory of double oppression does for women with disabilities is make the percentage of violence against women in this category soar, while making the percentage of women in this category who are married/in a relationship and employed plummet.

What can we do about it? Everything!

We - women with disabilities - can do exactly what non-disabled women within the third wave of feminism are doing: Utilize the power of the Internet and easy access to the media to our advantage.

In 1911, women communicated through letters, speeches, meetings, and conventions. They traveled by train. Everything took an excruciatingly long time, particularly compared to today.

Today, with global Internet capabilities, web sites, digital conferencing, social networking, blogs such as this, YouTube, film making, documentaries….messages and images are able to be distributed across the globe in the matter of seconds. Access to support systems that cross class, economic, and language barriers are instantly possible.

I want to ask each of you that reads this to do something: This Women’s History Month March 2012…I am asking women with disabilities to post, upload, speak, perform, write, and reach a global audience and make yourselves visible. If every women with a disability chose just one of the following options: write to a blog, contribute or generate a chat-room or discussion board, upload a speech, video tape your dance, your monologue, your vocal performance, write to your congressional representative, volunteer at a children’s hospital or rehab center, register to vote, register to become a member of a women’s organization near you….the shift of our presence would be noticeable.

If we agree that women with disabilities should not be a statistic, then let’s each do something to combat at least one aspect of those statistics in any way possible. If we agree that women with disabilities are not visible in the media, then let’s each do one thing, however small or personalized, to combat at least one aspect of being invisible in American media. If we agree that women with disabilities deserve not only top healthcare as a women, but top healthcare that is specialized, then let’s each write to our representative on behalf of one another.

Pick any one of these important aspects of being a woman with a disability, and start the ball rolling towards visible equality and representation by women with disabilities this Women’s History Month, March 2012.

Bethany A. Hoppe is a speaker and author who works to promote women with disabilities in mainstream media, who has a disability herself...Spina Bifida. She holds a Masters in communication studies and teaches at Middle Tennessee State University. Bethany writes Raspberry Vogue, a lifestyle blog of a wheelchair diva (www.RaspberryVogue.com).

MobileROMANCE: Looking to get her feet wet

2012-02-10T21:22:00.003-05:00

mobileROMANCE columnist
Tiffiny Carlson

Dear Tiff,

I have type 2 Spinal Muscular Atrophy, but I also have a trach and a G-tube, so it's not just the wheelchair with me. I just graduated, just moved into my first apartment, and never had a boyfriend in high school (for my own personal reasons). But now that I'm on my own and going to college soon, I'm totally ready to enter the dating scene. So, as a young disabled women with zero dating experience, what kinds of advice would you give me in regards to basic dating rules, how I should carry myself, what to do with the sex subject...pretty much basic advice on how to become a "hot chick in a wheelchair" too, and not "Just that disabled girl."

Thanks so much!

Dear A,

Congratulations on being ready to put yourself out there! I too waited until after high school to begin dating. You’re actually at an advantage in many ways. You’re choosing to start on your own terms and not barreling into it haphazardly. And even better, the internet is at your beck and call, for both advice AND men. You almost can’t lose.

There are a handful of important things a woman with a disability in your position should possess before making her debut in the dating world. Carrying oneself with poise and flair is something all girls want to achieve, and you can achieve this too despite your disability. The first thing you need to do is arm yourself with a wardrobe of stylish, figure-flattering outfits. You don’t have to spend hundreds. I have put together dozens of cool outfits from thrift store finds. Figure out your best physical feature and highlight it as much as possible whenever you dress. This is a must when you use a wheelchair since sitting down can hide so much. Guys are visual creatures. You must tap into that when you’re out there trying to meet men.

And make sure you have some stylish yet sexy accessories to add to your look. A cool hat, some pretty scarves, a belt that highlights your waist, printed tights and at least one pair of sexy heels. Accessories, whatever they are, are a great way to show the world you still have style and it shows the men you meet you may be disabled, but you’re also a hip chic they should get to know. Guys love interesting women. And don’t forget, hair and makeup matter too. Not a lot of makeup - concealer, light eyeliner, bronzer and a natural pink lip work great for most girls (guys hate too much makeup). When you’re serious about meeting a guy, girly checkmarks still stand for something.

Even more important than how you look, is how you carry yourself. Being a “hot chick in a wheelchair” takes a lot of confidence. When you leave your house, you need to carry yourself with poise. Hold your head high, roll down the street not afraid to look people in the eyes, cross your legs to look extra feminine, smile easily, be in tune with your funny bone and remember, life is short and that men love a girl who’s easy-going and easy to approach.

If you decide to go the internet dating route, remember my two golden rules: 1) Always put your disability in the intro paragraph of your dating profile. Never keep your disability a secret at any time. Be upfront about your disability and you will attract the right men. And 2) Add to your dating profile that yes, “I can still have sex.” Make it funny if you must, but put it in there somewhere. It may seem ridiculous that you even have to add that to your profile, but almost every guy who’s going to visit your profile will think this. It’s best to satiate their curiosity right away without them having to ask the big sex question when you first begin chatting, making both of you feel awkward.

And when you’re meeting men, remember to keep your creeper-detector turned up to maximum. There are a loads of creeps out there who will prey on you because of your disability. Most are of these guys are only interested in one thing, so make sure you date smart and stay one step ahead of the game. Remember, you’re worthy of a great, sexy and successful guy just like any other woman out there. Never settle.

So there you have it. Show off your curves as stylishly as possible, find your poise and always be open about your disability when meeting men, making sure they respect you in the process. Good luck and girl, have fun!

Tiffiny

To submit your question to Tiffiny, email tiffiny@beautyability.com.

Introducing Tiffiny Carlson, our mobileROMANCE Columnist!

2012-02-01T23:15:00.000-05:00

mobileWOMEN is proud to announce the addition of Tiffiny Carlson to our columnist team! Tiffiny will be our mobileROMANCE columnist, answering your questions about love, dating, romance, and relationships for the mobileWOMAN.

Tiffiny Carlson, a C6 quadriplegic, has written extensively on relationships and disabilities. She has been published in Penthouse, Playgirl, Marie Claire and wrote a disability love column several years for Lovebyrd.com. She's dated extensively since her injury and although she's now settled down, she's excited to bring her wisdom to help people with disabilities who are struggling to find love. In addition, Tiffiny is the founder of the disability blog BeautyAbility.com and hosts the disability lifestyle podcast "No Free Rides."

To submit your question to Tiffiny, email tiffiny@beautyability.com.

Resolve to Live Vibrantly in 2012

2011-12-31T01:11:00.003-05:00

by Amy Saffell

2011 has come to a close, and we’re ushering in a new year. For many, the end of holiday celebrations signals a time for reflection. Most of us realize we still have room to grow into who we want to be, and that means it’s time to make some new year’s resolutions. We make resolutions because we realize that, no matter how great the previous year has been, the new year can be even better. If you’re on the fence about new year’s resolutions, let’s look at how you might make (and keep!) one!

What do You Resolve to Do…?

If we’re really honest with ourselves, we all have some area in our life that we know isn’t what it could be, yet we’d like to reach our potential. The new year is typically a good time to address these issues. A few general themes seem to be present in many people’s resolutions, and those items usually involves things we’ve delayed throughout the year.

Of course, there are the ever-popular health related resolutions. The holidays generally mean eating a lot of unhealthy food, so weight loss through proper food consumption and exercise are great resolutions. If you’ve never visited your local YMCA or recreation center, give it a shot. I’ve found both places to be really helpful in my own exercise routine. As much as we may hate to admit it, having a disability comes with its own set of health concerns, so maybe 2012 is the year that you finally get some of those issues under control.

Another popular topic of new year’s resolutions relates to finances. Getting rid of debt and having savings are important steps to financial freedom. There are lots of online resources to help you manage your finances, as well as those friends and family members who can offer their advice.

With the popularity of health and money-related resolutions, many people don’t realize that new year’s resolutions don’t have to fit into either of those categories. Resolutions that lead to an improved life, no matter what form that takes, are the best kind. We all deserve to have a happy, meaningful life. Think of a way in which your life might be lacking the richness that you imagine it could have, and make a resolution to improve in that area.

As women with disabilities, we have a unique opportunity to teach others in our community that having a disability doesn’t need to hold us back from leading a full life. If others haven’t been seeing that from your own life, 2012 might be a great time to make some changes towards getting involved in your community. I love to volunteer my time around town, but even making regular trips to the grocery store is a way that I can represent the capabilities of people with disabilities.

Some additional life-improvement resolutions that you might want to consider are: having a more positive attitude and outlook, picking up a new hobby, stopping procrastination, becoming more independent, keeping in better contact with old friends and family, or joining a group in the community.

…And How do You Resolve to do It?

Once you think of a resolution, it’s time to spring into action. Some people are scared off from making resolutions because they fear that they’ll never stick to them. Resolutions take work, and big changes don’t happen overnight. Be realistic about your goals. It’s important to take one day at a time and to start small. No matter how small, do one thing every day (or week) that supports your resolution. If your resolution is to be healthier and you’re starting from scratch, cut out one unhealthy food from your diet every week or take one trip to the gym a week at first, and then add on more as you progress. If your resolution is to have a more positive attitude, start by thinking about what you say to yourself, and change a negative thought when you can.

Perhaps one of the most important components to helping you stick to your resolution is to tell someone else about it. You may think it’s embarrassing, but speaking from experience, people love sharing in someone else’s triumph. Maybe someone will join you on your journey so that you can support one another, but even if they don’t have the same resolution, simply telling someone about your goal gives you the accountability and encouragement that you need. I work out at the YMCA or recreation center a few times a week and typically see the same people. If I skip going a few times, people will ask me where I’ve been. Even though they may just be acquaintances, I don’t want to have to tell them that I’ve been lazy, so they help me stay with my routine. If you know that someone will be asking you how your resolution is going, you won’t want to disappoint that person by admitting you’ve done nothing. Post your resolution in the mobilewomen.org forum, and we can be a support system for one another!

Although people make new year’s resolutions at the beginning of the year because it’s a tradition, it’s never too late to make a change in your life. If you think of a resolution in February, May or August, don’t wait until next January to make that improvement in your life. If you start something and fall off the bandwagon, tomorrow is a new day to start again. The strongest resolutions lead to ongoing lifestyle changes.

New year’s resolutions take work, and they’re a journey. They’re meant to be enriching to your life, but not always easy. Know that the effort that you put into the resolution will be worth it. You may end up helping not only yourself, but also countless others in the process as you share your progress. Take that leap of faith and be on your way to a healthy, happy and productive 2012!

To post your new year's resolution with mobilewomen.org, visit http://mobilewomengroup.ning.com, click on "Forum," and then add your post to the "New Year's Resolutions" thread under the "Miscellaneous" category!

Amy lives in Nashville, TN and works in the music industry. She enjoys spending time with friends, concerts, and volunteering for a local youth wheelchair sports and independence group.

Bringing the Extraordinary into 2012

2011-12-19T21:59:00.001-05:00

by Camile Araujo

As the year ends, I am delighted to say that 2011 was a pleasantly surprising year for me. I took on the role of mother, and I also put on the hat of “writer.” As long as I can remember and discovered that books were written by actual people, I knew I wanted to tell stories. I wanted to write. Then, as I grew older and my grandparents introduced me to classics such as "The Wizard of Oz," "The Sound of Music," "Gone with the Wind," "Singing in the Rain," "Mary Poppins," I discovered I had a yearning to write and one day direct a movie.

This past year, one of my dreams came true. I am now a published author in five different countries! I was invited to be a co-author in a book called "Extraordinary You: The Art of Living a Lusciously Spirited, Vibrant Life." The creator of the book is my Aussie friend, Vanessa Talbot. Vanessa brought together 11 powerful voices across two continents and compiled a book in which the reader goes on an inspiring, heart warming journey.

The book is proof to me that dreams do come true as long as your intention is congruent to your inspired nature. 2011 has been a blessed year and I am very grateful for all the opportunities and the lessons it brought for me. Because of the incredible opportunity to be part of this book, I have been invited to participate in other compilations and am working on my memoir as well as an inspirational novel. My memoir and novel are both due out next year.

Also, since my Yoga Nidra article published on mobileWOMEN.org, I have received many emails requesting my own Yoga CD or DVD. I am not a Yoga instructor, so in lieu of recording a Yoga DVD, I have recorded a guided meditation CD: The Voice Within Guided Meditation. My CD has four meditations that will help you relax and practice the art of breathing and gratitude. You can find the CD on iTunes or at www.amazon.com.

Next, I’ll focus on my dreams of having a story on the big screen!

Happy holidays to you all!!

The website for the book "Extraordinary You: The Art of Living a Lusciously Spirited, Vibrant Life" is http://extraordinaryyoubook.com. You can also visit its Facebook page: www.facebook.com/extraordinaryyouthebook. If you’d like a copy autographed by me, you can email me at camile@camilearaujo.com. Visit my website at www.camilearaujo.com or www.facebook.com/camilearaujo.thevoicewithin.

Congratulations to Alana Wallace, mobileWOMEN's First-ever Photo Contest Winner

2011-12-03T00:55:00.001-05:00

mobileWOMEN is proud to announce Alana Wallace as the winner of our first-ever photo contest! After carefully going through all our photo entries and their accompanying written submissions, we chose Alana as our "Ultimate mobileWOMAN"!

As the contest winner, Alana will receive a $50 Amazon.com gift card, an official mobileWOMEN.org coffee mug, and a Chair Flair cover, a fashionable accessory that turns ordinary wheelchairs into extraordinary wheelchairs.

We thank our readers for enthusiastically participating in our contest. We are proud to have you all as part of our community!

Alana's winning photo is posted above, and her explanation is as follows:

"I hope this photo “wheelie” highlights the fact that I am “The Ultimate mobileWOMAN!” I just celebrated my 60th birthday – but I feel more alive and vibrant today than ever! Growing up as a little “colored” girl whose hair wouldn’t grow pigtails like her best friends’, whose legs didn’t work like the other kids on the block, and as child who was told not to dream too big . . . never did I think I would grow up to become of all things a professional dancer!

For years after contracting polio at age five, I hid my leg braces, strapped down my way too big 32DDD breasts, covered my fat arms, and felt ashamed of my body. When dance came into my life - my hiding days ended. I now embrace my disability and my body in ways I never have before. I put on my form-fitted leotard, look in the mirror and I like what see – flaws and all.

To be “The Ultimate mobileWOMAN” you must believe as I do that the only limitations we truly have are stinking thinking and lack of imagination. I have learned that if I believe it, I can achieve it. Thus, I overcome all mental and physical challenges by first embracing them and then finding ways to turn lemons into lemonade.

I hope my photo and life example can inspire others to pop a wheelie and DREAM BIG!"

More than Fifty Years Later, Quadriplegic Deauville Continues to Beat the Odds

2011-10-30T23:25:00.003-04:00

Lani Deauville

When 17-year Lani Deauville dove from a seawall on a Jacksonville, Florida, beach in 1958, it didn't seem particularly risky. After all, the athletic champion diver was used to diving from bridges, racing cars at high speeds and generally, as Deauville remembers, "performing any scary activity I could think of." With this particular dive into shallow water, however, Deauville slammed hard into the ocean floor, breaking the fourth, fifth and sixth cervical vertebrae in her neck.

Deauville was paralyzed from the neck down. "If you broke your neck in the 1950s," explains Deauville, "you died. If you survived the initial injury, the life expectancy of a quadriplegic back then was five years." Quadriplegics typically have to battle of variety of health complications, including urinary tract infections, pneumonia, central nervous-system infections, gastrointestinal ulcerations, osteoporosis and bowel blockages.

Deauville refused to accept her fate. She changed from a neurosurgeon to an orthopedic surgeon when the neurosurgeon wouldn't recommend surgery to stabilize her neck, because he thought her case was hopeless. After getting neck-stabilization surgery and spending a year and a half in the hospital fighting skin ulcers, spasms and infections, Deauville became the first quadriplegic patient of the State of Florida's Vocational Rehabilitation Agency.

Over the next few years, Deauville pursued an education with the same level of drive that used to propel her adrenaline-soaked youth. She obtained her GED, entered Daytona Beach Community College and then went on to earn her undergraduate degree at the University of South Florida – all at a time when quadriplegics usually stayed home and out of sight. Lack of disability-friendly ramps and facilities sometimes meant that Deauville had to hire strong assistants to carry her up and down stairs. After graduating with honors, she was accepted to the University of Alabama to pursue a doctorate in clinical psychology.

During her eight years as a student, Deauville continued to battle critical illnesses that kept her hospitalized at least once a year. A dangerous infection ultimately led her to leave school and focus on regaining her health and earning income.

Lani with her son Ryan

Following stints as a rehabilitation psychologist and then as a coordinator in the Florida Department of Health and Rehabilitation Services, Deauville helped write universal-access legislation for disabled people that became law in 1974 in Florida and was adopted in part by the federal government.

"Now that the United States is more accessible to persons in wheelchairs, a physically disabled person can go nearly anywhere." In 1976, Deauville and her husband Jude were invited to the White House by President Ford, who honored her as "Disabled Employee of the Year."

In 1980, Deauville became the first female and disabled person to be direct the Florida State Vocational Rehabilitation Agency – the very agency that was responsible with her own rehabilitation years before.

But the recurring illnesses that tend to plague quadriplegics were attacking with increasing frequency, exacerbated by the fact that a very busy Deauville wasn't eating healthy food or getting enough exercise. In 1987, after retirement, she broke a hip and suffered from several infections. "Each hospitalization saw me ending up worse off than before," she remembers.

Everything changed in the late '80s. Her brother-in-law – Sam Graci, a Canadian biochemist – had been developing a highly nutritious "green drink" made up of superfoods that he thought might help improve Deauville's health. "Sam used me as his favorite guinea pig," says Deauville.

He continued to refine the powder into a supplement – mixable with juice or water – that became known as Greens+®. "I've been supplementing my food intake with this formula for 19 years," says Deauville, "and it has totally transformed my life and health. After suffering numerous hospitalizations for more than 30 years, I can say that I've not had a major illness in years, and I am healthier today than I've ever been."

Lani has been awarded with Guinness World Record
for longest-living quadriplegic

Greens+ is a whole food supplement consisting of 29 enzymatically alive foods. Each serving of Greens+ is equal to five servings of fresh fruits and vegetables. It helps to support the immune system, provide increased natural energy, strengthens mental acuity and cleanses and detoxifies the body.

In 1991, Deauville and her husband began distributing Greens+ to their family and friends, and – eventually – to health-food and healthcare professionals in 19 countries worldwide. Today, a variety of other supplemental products based on Greens+ are available, including the Chia™ product for cooking.

Given up for dead more than 50 years ago, Deauville has managed to beat the odds. In the process, she's lived a fulfilling life that has included improving opportunities for other disabled. At 71, she credits her longevity to healthy eating, Greens Plus supplements and exercise (she lifts weights twice a week and swims regularly). Along with all of Lani's other achievements, she has been awarded with the Guinness World Record for longest-living quadriplegic!

"In retrospect, I wouldn't exchange five minutes of my life with anyone. I am living a wonderfully blessed life."

For more information about Greens+, visit http://greensplus.com.

The “Original” Roller Girl

2011-10-16T20:51:00.004-04:00

by Tammy Wilber

AKA “Hot Wheels, # T-5/6”

When most people think of Roller Derby, the Drew Barrymore movie “Whip It” usually comes to mind. But not everyone has the opportunity to watch Roller Derby live. Fortunately though, the sport is rapidly increasing in popularity across the nation.

I didn’t have any exposure to Roller Derby until 2006, when one of my co-workers invited me to watch her. At the time I was Ms. Wheelchair Washington and was looking for some interesting and different ways I could break down the stereotypes of people with disabilities. Watching Roller Derby on that day, I became inspired to get involved. Roller Derby is not a wheelchair sport, but watching these women on skates speed around the track, I knew that I belonged in this arena somehow. I loved the fact that it was a women-dominated sport, but I wondered what role I could possibly play. After some brainstorming, the idea came up for me to be the flag bearer during the National Anthem. As long as I didn’t have to sing, I was up for the part. Once I was flag bearer for the first time, I was hooked!

It didn’t take long to figure out the best way for me to push while holding the American flag. During the National Anthem, I attach the American flag to my tennis wheelchair, which I can push and turn much faster than my everyday chair. I have to get going at a certain speed to make sure the flag waves behind me, and sometimes I add really fast spins to get the crowd going. I am known to the roller derby girls as “Hot Wheels” and my team number is T 5-6, which is my spinal cord injury level.

After my first “bout,” people came up to me and asked me if I got hurt as Flag Bearer? First off, no I did not get hurt participating in Roller Derby, but I have seen many women get pretty bruised from falls, get knocked down or land in the crowd as they round the corners on the derby track. This is a tough sport!

Tammy as Flag Bearer

The league that I became the Flag Bearer for was the Rat City Roller Girls of Seattle, WA. When I first started, their bouts were held at an old airport hanger, and after the third season they moved to a huge facility called at the Seattle Center. All the teams in the league wore funky team outfits, which included everything from fishnet stockings to skulls on their helmets. I loved it because once a month I could pretend it was Halloween and step outside my comfort zone and get crazy with my outfits. The atmosphere at the derby was filled with tough women on roller skates, hard rock music playing and a diverse crowd. This sport attracted everyone. It was so funny because I felt such a connection to these women and, even though they were all able-bodied, for a few hours each month they were all on wheels like me.

One of the most amazing things that came out of my participation in Roller Derby was what it did for my good friend Addie. A few years ago I met Addie while visiting her in the hospital when she was newly injured. She was injured while on Spring Break from college and became paralyzed from a rare surfing injury called Surfer's Myelopthy. From the beginning, Addie and I had a lot in common; I hoped I would be a good mentor. I learned that prior to her injury, Addie had been a competitive figure skater and loved being in the spotlight. One way I wanted to help Addie was by showing her different types of activities she could still try to keep her competitive spirit going. Together we tried wheelchair dancing, among other activities.

When I first told Addie about my involvement with the Rat City Roller Girls as their Flag Bearer, she thought it was pretty cool. Then one day a perfect opportunity presented itself. I had to travel for a work trip, and I asked Addie if she would sub for me at the next bout. I set her up with my tennis wheelchair and she practiced the turning and speed needed to make the flag wave. She was a natural! I asked Addie what it was like for her in front of the crowd of 3,000 people and she answered, “I remember being a little nervous before I went out with the flag for the first time, but as soon as the spotlight came on I felt comfortable. I found the experience to be very fulfilling and even thrilling. I had heard of roller derby before, but I knew nothing about it; however, I fell in love with the sport the first time I was the flag bearer.” Addie filled a void that existed within her as a competitor, and I was happy to know that anytime I had to miss a roller derby bout, she would take my spot!

Addie as Flag Bearer

While discussing our respective experiences as flag bearer, Addie and I shared the same feeling of typically being left out of the National Anthem tradition. You see, at many major sporting events, the announcer says, “Will you please STAND for the National Anthem?” In fact, a few years ago I wrote a blog about this very topic: http://tammy4varilite.blogspot.com/2008/09/please-stand-for-national-anthem-but-i.html. Addie stated that she found the idea of being the flag bearer exciting because it is another way of being involved in the tradition, and I can’t agree more.

After five seasons with the Rat City Roller Derby I was sad to tell the team I was moving to Las Vegas and would not be returning as their flag bearer. As sad as I was to be leaving, I was thrilled that Addie was going to carry on the tradition and continue what I had started. She has now been the Rat City Roller Derby’s flag bearer for a full season and said she feels like part of the team. Addie elaborates, “It is rare to see a disabled person highlighted at a sporting event like this, but I think it opens people’s eyes to the many abilities that disabled people have….I no longer feel left out of the opening ceremonies as I watch everyone else rise; I am now part of the ceremony and represent America.”

After moving to Las Vegas, I couldn’t believe how much I missed my role as flag bearer, so I contacted the Sin City Roller Derby. I wasn’t sure if they were going to be open to the idea of a flag bearer in a wheelchair, but they welcomed me into the league. So there I was in a new city, in a new derby league and, once again, I was representing women rollers during the National Anthem. Addie and I are both heading into our second seasons as flag bearers for the derby leagues in Las Vegas and Seattle. We are both having a blast and changing people’s perspectives about what it means to represent a different kind of “rolling.” Catch the roller girl fever and contact your local roller derby team!

What is Roller Derby?

* It is was invented in America and is a contact sport

* It was formed on the base of roller skating around an oval track

* It consists of two teams

* Points are scored when one player who is called “The Jammer” laps the members of the opposing team

* The National league is called Women’s Flat Track Derby Association

* Every derby player has their own unique name and number. Half of the time I never know the players real names, instead I might have to ask for “Momma Cherry” or “Pia Mess.” Here is a link to the “Master List” of all the Roller girls’ names: www.twoevils.org/rollergirls/

* For more information on Roller Derby, visit http://wftda.com

Tammy is working as a Clinical Admin Coordinator at United Health Group in Las Vegas and is also State Coordinator for the Ms. Wheelchair Nevada pageant. Send Tammy an email at Tammywheels@yahoo.com.

Enter our First Ever mobileWOMEN Photo Contest

2011-10-08T23:46:00.001-04:00

mobileWOMEN, it is time for our first-ever photo contest. We want you to look through your photos or think of taking a new one the depicts "The Ultimate mobileWOMAN." Along with your photo, you'll need to write a paragraph of approximately 150 words or more explaining how this photo in fact highlights "The Ultimate mobileWOMAN." Remember, being a mobileWOMAN encompasses so much and doesn't solely refer to a woman who's physically active; therefore, remember to think outside the box and show us what makes you a reflection of the community we represent!

IMPORTANT: To be eligible to win, contestants must be registered in the mobileWOMEN.org Community Forum. If you are not yet signed up, it is free and only takes a couple of minutes. Visit http://www.mobilewomen.org/p/forum.html to join our Community. If you have any problems doing so, please email info@mobilewomen.org.

We will judge each photo on the following criteria:

Relevance to category- Does the photo illustrate a mobileWOMAN?

Creativity- Does the photo have a unique quality, without being the standard posed shot?
Technical quality- Photo is clear, unblurred, no distraction from the subjects.
Overall impression- How does the photo impact us?

The winner of "The Ultimate mobileWOMAN" contest will receive a $50 Amazon.com gift card, an official mobileWOMEN.org coffee mug, and a Chair Flair cover, a fashionable accessory that turns ordinary wheelchairs into extraordinary wheelchairs. Thank you Chair Flair for generously donating to our contest. Please visit chairflairforyou.com for more information on these stylish covers.

It's time to show us your winning photo! Deadline for entry is Sunday, November 20. Email photo entries in .jpg or .tif format to info@mobilewomen.org. mobileWOMEN.org will contact the winner via e-mail by Friday, November 25, 2011.

Ask mobileWOMEN's Financial Advisor--Health Insurance and Pre-Existing Conditions

2011-10-04T20:29:00.000-04:00

by Matthew McManus

Dear Matthew,

For those of us with physical disabilities who need health insurance to cover our pre-existing conditions but are not working, what do you suggest?

Signed,
Jen from Florida

Dear Jen,

Thanks for your email. I completely understand your concerns regarding obtaining medical insurance if you have disability. It’s a tough hurdle to overcome but hopefully this information will point you in the right direction.

Basically there are three different options for you to pursue. The first is to simply enroll in the group health/medical plan with your employer. Most large organizations offer health/medical insurance to their full time employees, regardless of a pre-existing condition and it is usually a very manageable expense. If married, your spouse should simply enroll in a family plan and add you to his plan; once again usually in this circumstance a pre-existing condition won’t exclude you from coverage. Fortunately, some organizations also recognize same sex partnerships and allow partners to be enrolled just as a spouse would be permitted. Call your human resources department and see what enrollment opportunities are available. Definitely pursue this option first as it should prove to be the most cost effective and comprehensive.

If you’re single, can’t work full time or your employer simply doesn’t offer health/medical insurance, Medicare or Medicaid may also be viable options. Keep in mind that Medicare and Medicaid are two completely different programs but in some instances it is possible to qualify for both. Medicare is a Federal program while Medicaid is a State run and funded so obviously the rules for each state are slightly different. Both programs have strict qualification guidelines and particular attention is given to an applicant’s financial resources, including income and savings. To see if you qualify for either one of these programs visit www.socialsecurity.gov or call 1-800-772-1213.

If you’re not working and have too many financial resources to qualify for Medicare or Medicaid you can apply for insurance through the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services .The Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan makes health insurance available to people who have had a problem getting insurance due to a pre-existing condition.

The Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan:

•Covers a broad range of health benefits, including primary and specialty care, hospital care, and prescription drugs.
•Does not charge you a higher premium just because of your medical condition.
• Does not base eligibility on income like Medicare and Medicaid.
To be eligible for the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan:
•You must be a citizen or national of the United States or reside in the U.S. legally.
•You must have been without health coverage for at least the last six months. Please note that if you currently have insurance coverage that doesn’t cover your medical condition or are enrolled in a state high risk pool, you are not eligible for the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan.
•You must have a pre-existing condition or have been denied coverage because of your health condition.

To learn more about the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan please visit www.PCIP.gov. You can apply online and monthly premiums are very reasonable. For a 38 year old male, monthly costs are about $210.

I hope this information is helpful! Please email your financial questions to matt@veritas-llc.com.

Introducing Matthew McManus, mobileWOMEN's New Financial Advisor

2011-09-19T11:14:00.002-04:00

Matthew McManus

Finances are a key component in all our lives. Whether we're struggling to make ends meet, figuring out how to make the most of the money we do have, or are deciding how best to invest, finances require attention and knowledge. Those of us dealing with physical challenges have the added burden of medical expenses, many of which require out-of-pocket payment and bills that seem to never end. Due to an influx of questions and concerns from mobileWOMEN readers, regarding all matters financial, we decided to bring on board Matthew McManus as our Financial Advisor. He will write periodic articles, sharing his wisdom and insight, and will answer your specific questions in his columns.

Matthew McManus has been working in the business world for quite some time. Most recently he founded Veritas Wealth Management to meet the needs of high-net worth individuals and their families who desired honest professional advice and personal attention. Matthew earned his undergraduate degree from the University of Miami and his Juris Doctorate from the University of Miami School of Law.

Prior to founding Veritas, Matthew gained valuable insight into the world of investments, tax-planning, fiduciary services and financial planning while serving as an advisor for clients of Morgan Stanley, SunTrust and Wells Fargo Private Wealth Management.

Matthew’s diverse and robust background has provided him the opportunity to counsel professional athletes, prominent physicians, business owners and corporate executives across the nation. He currently advises clients in 11 states with an aggregate net-worth exceeding 230 million dollars.

Matthew is an Accredited Asset Management Specialist, maintains a Florida Life, Health and Variable Annuity License and possesses FINRA Series 7, 24, 31, 63, 65 and 66 licenses. In 2011, he was named to the prestigious “Top 20 Under 40” list of business executives in South Florida by the Miami Herald and Brickell Magazine. He is the only person ever named to both lists in the same year. Moreover, Matthew has done non-profit work with the YMCA and was a Corporate Sponsor of the Miami Women's Summit.

A wheelchair-user himself, Matthew competed on the wheelchair tennis circuit for years. While at tournaments, he often worked via computer from the courts and provided clients with important and time-sensitive investment information. As word started to circulate amongst the players that Matthew was a lawyer and a financial advisor, he was asked how to handle certain legal, financial and insurance concerns that his friends/competitors were facing.

He was often asked questions such as:

“Is my portfolio too risky or too conservative?”

“Can I get disability insurance since I am working?”

“Is it possible to get health insurance if I have a pre-existing condition?”

“Can I inherit money from grandmother’s estate and remain eligible for my SSD benefits?”

“Should I establish a Revocable Trust?”

“What is a Special Needs Trust or SNT?

“Does it matter how my bank and brokerage accounts are titled?”

Matthew explains, "The reality is that creating a comprehensive financial plan for a disabled individual and her family is much different than a typical client. Fortunately over the last ten years, I have accumulated the necessary experience requisite to providing accurate advice and guidance."

Finance Facts:

-9 out of 10 women will be solely responsible for their finances at some point in their lives

-75% of women are widowed at an age of 56-and 1 in 4 of these women are broke within two months of being widowed

-Less than 15 percent of women who are married or are living with a significant other feel responsible for planning retirement

-Only 41 percent of women participate in their employer’s retirement or pension plan

-87% of poverty stricken elderly Americans are women

-Women outlive men an average of 8 years

-A typical woman spends 10 years out of the workforce for caregiving, while the typical man spends just 2 years out of the workforce

Stay tuned for more from Matthew. Email your financial questions to matt@veritas-llc.com.

Wilderness Vacations: They’re for People Who Roll, Too!

2011-09-04T22:40:00.002-04:00

by Amy Saffell

While I certainly can’t claim to be a world traveler, family vacations are an important part of my summer. My parents and I have taken yearly vacations nearly every year for as long as I can remember, often to big cities that offer options in accessibility. Even with beach wheelchairs available, I’ve never really liked the effort that beach vacations require, as well as the feeling of not being able to move easily in the sand. I do, however, enjoy the outdoors in ways that are easier for me to manage.

At least once a year, my parents and I brainstorm where we’d like to go on our next vacation. When we were thinking through where we wanted to go this year, my mom was the first one to suggest The Grand Tetons and Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming. Family friends of ours with a daughter also in a chair went there several years ago, so we knew that though accessibility would take some research, it was possible. I was ready and excited for the adventure.

Grand Teton sits behind Jenny Lake

The first challenge was getting there from our home in Nashville, Tennessee. RVs and motorcycles seemed to be the vehicle of choice for a lot of visitors, but taking to the air was much more plausible for us. From much of the country, part of traveling there includes a flight layover, never a fun process for someone in a chair. I use a manual chair, and I can imagine that power chair-users might find flying even more challenging, but it is definitely worth the hassle. We flew on Frontier Airlines, and I have to say that I had great experiences (well, three out of the four legs were great; one was just okay, which is a pretty good percentage!). In one leg, the co-pilot actually was the one who helped me board the plane, and because he was there in the next city, he also helped me exit, a practice that I think all airlines should put into place. The process was made much easier by having him help both times since he was already familiar with how I liked to operate, but I also give him a lot of credit because he had worked as an EMT prior to co-piloting and was familiar with working with people with disabilities. He even asked me if I liked to transfer with the aisle chair at a 45-degree angle, and I can assure you that I have never had anyone know that. After a good day of travel, we landed in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

We spent our first afternoon in downtown Jackson Hole. While we were here in the summer, the grass-covered ski slopes that run into town made it evident that Jackson Hole is a ski town at heart. We perused the shops and art galleries and took advantage of this early opportunity to pick up some souvenirs. Although it appeared that a few of the shops weren’t accessible since their storefront had a step at the entrance, those were very small in number. My family loves ice cream, so we made sure to check out the local ice cream shop as well. It was my first inkling that huckleberry, something that I’d never tasted before, would be big and something that I’d enjoy throughout the vacation. The huckleberry ice cream was indeed fabulous, which led me to later buy some huckleberry lemonade that I’ve enjoyed back at home.

Opportunities for new experiences really were at every turn on our trip. In the world we live in, it’s hard to imagine a week without technology, but neither of our rooms had a TV, there was essentially no cell service, and we didn’t bring a laptop. As it turned out, though, the lack of technology became the driving force for the framework of our days. The mosquitoes there were like nothing that I’d ever seen, so bug spray was an essential, in addition the sunscreen, since we were outside most of the day. While we would normally take our showers in the morning while watching TV, we decided that it made more sense to take showers at night to wash everything off, enabling us to just get up and get ready for our day. Since we didn’t have a lot to keep us occupied in the evenings, our strategy worked well. Nature wakes up early (despite dipping below freezing in the early morning hours, even in the summer), and getting to witness the beauty of the early morning without being exhausted was another advantage of winding down early.

In the canyon, a waterfall leads to
the Yellowstone River

It was quickly apparent that, although Yellowstone may be most talked about when it comes to national parks, The Grand Tetons are an area not to miss. The massive snow-dotted mountains, even in summer, made for a breathtaking landscape that can’t be found many other places. In The Grand Tetons, we stayed at the Jackson Lake Lodge. With its own shops and restaurants, it gave us everything that we needed. The biggest perk of staying at Jackson Lake Lodge was that the view of these gorgeous peaks was out of their back patio. Each morning, we got up to see the sunrise, and we made sure to get back to see the sunset. Particularly in the mornings, rangers would often be around to help guests spot wildlife and to answer any questions.

From the patio throughout our stay, we saw elk, coyote, and a wolf. Binoculars were an essential for the trip. Seeing wildlife was definitely my favorite part of the trip, so staying in such a wildlife-rich area was perfect. The area is particularly known for elk, and every day we saw them in the field right outside the Lodge. One morning, we spotted probably 100 elk hanging together in a herd. We knew that they were in the field that was actually across the street from us, so we hopped into our cars to get a closer look. While they had moved from where we saw them, we caught up with them as they crossed the creek. It was an amazing sight to see such a large group of elk in the water, living life totally in the wild.

An elk peeks out from behind the trees

As our vacation progressed, we spent a lot of time in the car. A vacation in this part of the country includes a lot of driving, particularly in our case because we were trying to see a little of everything. In the Tetons, we drove to the top of Signal Mountain for a 360-degree view, parallel to the mountains and through the Jenny Lake area, and also to Rendezvous Mountain near Jackson Hole for a tram to the top, while stopping at look-outs all along the way to take in the view of the pristine water, sky, and mountains. Those hiking in the area, which we learned actually was possible for someone in a chair, may do a little less driving, but we went for breadth instead of depth, overall.

Something important that we learned was that whenever we saw a crowd of people pulled over, particularly if people had binoculars and scopes, they were looking at wildlife and that we should stop, too. That’s how we knew that the elk had moved to the creek, and following the lead of other people served us well throughout our trip. We even spotted two rarely seen mountain goats high up on a cliff after we stopped to ask what a group of people were looking at through their scopes. Every once in a while, like when we spotted three pronghorn in a field, we were the first to stop, and we all felt pretty proud of ourselves! It was really important to always look out the car window!

After spending three wonderful days in The Tetons, we drove to Yellowstone National Park. In recent years, Yellowstone has made significant strides in making the park accessible, particularly by paving or installing boardwalks onto trails. It’s a delicate balance of making things accessible to visitors with disabilities but also not compromising any of the natural beauty that makes the area so beloved. After all, if the natural areas are damaged, there wouldn’t be anything worth looking at, regardless of accessibility.

My parents and I in front of Jenny Lake and The Tetons

Our first destination in Yellowstone was Old Faithful, but I soon realized that it wasn’t the only feature in the area. Yellowstone is home to geothermal features like geysers, mud pots, and hot springs scarcely found in other areas of the country. Old Faithful erupts approximately every 90 minutes and is a crowd favorite. A large walkway and deck area surrounds the geyser, making room for thousands of spectators. After we watched Old Faithful, we walked on the paved and boardwalk trails to the numerous other geysers and hot springs in the area. Even after learning how they were formed, it’s still amazing that a mix of natural causes creates such stunning phenomena.

For dinner that night, we went to the Old Faithful Inn. Known for its rustic beauty, we had heard that the Inn was a popular dinner spot, so we made reservations in advance. Our experience at the Inn certainly didn’t disappoint, as we thoroughly enjoyed both dinner and the wood and stone-laced construction of the Inn. While we were there, we met another family that also consisted of a young adult daughter in a chair and asked them how accessibility had been so far. They had just arrived, but they let us know that there was an accessibility guide from any of the visitor’s centers across the park that we hadn’t yet heard about, and throughout the rest of the trip we found it to be really helpful. In each major area of the park, the guide gave the most accessible routes to see the area’s features, as well as bathroom, parking, lodging, and restaurant information. Having accurate information as we planned our daily activities made for a smooth rest of the trip.

At Yellowstone, we stayed in an accessible cabin in the canyon area, providing convenient driving locations to the rest of the park. The canyon was caused by a volcanic eruption that occurred long ago and resulted in an array of colors on the rock from different mineral deposits. Numerous look-outs provide views of waterfalls and the Yellowstone River. The accessibility guide was really helpful in this area. I didn’t expect to be able to see so much, but the guide told us which path to take, and although there may have been closer views via stairs, I didn’t feel like I missed out on anything. The guide noted pathways that were steep or had rough terrain, which was a helpful warning, but particularly with my parents with me, it wasn’t much trouble getting to the look-outs. Even on my own it would have been possible, but I was definitely appreciative of the extra help at times! From there, it was simply a matter of figuring out my best vantage point. We actually saw other visitors in power chairs (fully charged batteries are a must!) who were also able to maneuver well throughout the pathways. I couldn’t have imagined a more picturesque place, and I’m so glad that I was able experience it. Although we took hundreds of pictures throughout the week, we took the most pictures here as well as at the Beartooth Highway, a gorgeous drive just outside of the park.

While we saw an array of animals in The Tetons, Yellowstone provided an even greater wildlife experience. In the canyon area, one of the most interesting things we saw was a on a tiny rock ledge, presumably to create difficulty for predators, where an osprey built its nest, and three baby birds were inside. As we were watching, they were in the process of learning to fly. They hovered over the nest and then landed in it again. They’re large birds, so it must take a lot of strength to learn to soar like the adults!

Snow still covers part of the ground in the higher elevations

The larger animals created their own set of interesting sights, particularly in the Lamar and Hayden Valleys. While I’m much more accustomed to cars causing traffic problems, in Yellowstone it’s often the animals that are the biggest cause of traffic problems. One animal that we saw so many of was bison. We must have seen at least 500 bison in Yellowstone! Although we did see one on its own at times, they often are found in large herds. They don’t seem to mind getting close to the road, crossing it, or even standing completely in the middle of it and aren’t easily lured out of the way. I learned that ambulances actually can have an entirely different purpose in Yellowstone. Park rangers slowly drove the flashing ambulance vehicles with a special sound to successfully but unhurriedly move bison from the road.

The second most numerous animals were our old friends from The Tetons, the elk. The Mammoth Hot Springs area, where the hot springs create landscapes that look like an entirely different planet, has a grassy area once controlled by the US Army. Elk visit this area of the park each day, and we were lucky enough to be there when a herd of mothers and their young decided to stop by. They ate, and ate, and ate until they got hot and decided to seek shade in the shadows of the trees and buildings. One curious elk even decided to walk up the front steps of one of the buildings to look into the front window!

Mammoth is also home to the administrative offices of the park. It was here that I learned that the park spokesman used to work for Quickie wheelchairs! I imagine the spokesman’s history played a big role in recent accessibility advancements.

For sure, my favorite animal sightings in Yellowstone were the grizzly bears. We saw six in total, an impressive number for the amount of time that we were there. The first of the sightings seemed like something that would come right out of National Geographic. We saw several dozen people out of their cars and looking towards the valley, so we asked what they saw, and they told us that a mother bear and her two cubs were feasting on a bison carcass. It was several hundred feet away, but with binoculars, I could see the scene well. As we continued to watch, we saw two wolves creeping down the hill towards them. As they got closer, presumably to try to steal either the carcass or the cubs, the cubs ran to their mother’s side, and the two groups of animals faced off. We weren’t close enough to hear them, but each side must have said their peace because they parted ways after a few minutes, and the bears stayed near the carcass.

We saw this guy digging for food as we drove through Yellowstone

Bear sighting number four was also memorable for how close we were. As we were driving, we saw a few cars stopped, and we quickly realized that a bear was in the field right next to the road. At its closest point, we were probably 15 feet from him. Of course we stayed in our car, but it was amazing to watch him walk around searching for food. Despite his long, sharp claws, the gentleness with which he dug through the dirt was mesmerizing to me. He wore an ear tag and collar, which we later found out are given to some bears to track their health and their movement throughout the park. Bears five and six weren’t close or facing off against enemies, but I was equally as grateful to get to see such beautiful animals in their natural habitat.

As I think back to my trip from my home, I know that there aren’t words or pictures that can truly do justice to the magnificence of The Grand Tetons and Yellowstone. Their splendor is truly something that has to be experienced. I’ve come to strongly believe that everyone should add taking a visit to his or her bucket list. Thanks to the planning that has been done in the area of accessibility, people with disabilities can explore the area with excitement and confidence, and I hope to get the opportunity to do so again some day.

For more information about Grand Teton National Park, visit http://www.grand.teton.national-park.com. To learn more about Yellowstone National Park, visit http://www.nps.gov/yell/index.htm.

Amy lives in Nashville, TN and works in the music industry. She enjoys spending time with friends, concerts, and volunteering for a local youth wheelchair sports and independence group.

If You’re Going to Stare, Please Educate Yourself!

2011-08-29T21:32:00.001-04:00

by Camile Araujo

As I read fellow contributor Jenny Addis’ most recent article ‘It’s Not Polite to Stare,’ I couldn’t agree more with what she expressed. Unfortunately, even in the 21st century and in a first -world civilization, we still encounter people who haven’t yet learned about proper etiquette when dealing with people who are slightly different than they may appear on the outside. I still consider myself a “rookie” wheelchair user, and although I live my life pretty much the way I did before, I notice the stares. In the beginning, I felt my own insecurities dictating the reason for the stares. Now, however, I agree with Cheryl Price’s comment; I pretend I’m a celebrity and take it all in. I make up my own reasons why they must be staring. As a result, I’m no longer phased by what used to feel like an invasion.

One of the points in Jenny’s column that I loved is how we can use the staring to EDUCATE those who are less informed--children, especially. In 2008, I was still in rehab and another para at the rehab was telling me a story of how she was waiting for the metro-rail to go home, and she heard a mother tell her daughter, “If you don’t behave, I will tell the wheelchair lady to take you.” I was horrified to hear that a mother would paint a “boogie-man” analogy about wheelchair users. Luckily, my friend, who is very quick-witted, turned around and said to the little girl, “Honey, I will not take you. I am not mean, your mommy is wrong to make you think that just because I use a wheelchair, I am a bad person.” The little girl ran up to her to give her a hug, however the mother ran after her child and yanked her away as she was a few inches from embracing my friend. As I heard this story, I got my first idea to write children’s books depicting disability (to be available soon). I felt it was my duty to do so and to help parents educate their children on the subject. Disability is not taboo, in fact it is part of many people’s lives.

My own daughter just turned one. As she grows older, I know she will see pictures of me standing, videos of me walking and ask me many questions, as my nephew and little cousin have when they reached the age of the “why’s.” Of course, I know I am different from the world they are accustomed to, and I like being different. I like answering their questions and keeping them interested. A 4-year-old boy recently asked me, “Why are you in a wheelchair?” I replied, “I have special powers, and I have to use the wheelchair because it helps me keep these special powers.” The little boy’s eyes widened in utter awe. As I saw his interest peak, I removed the batteries from my e-motion wheels and told him, “You see these wheels? They are magical. When I put these batteries in, I can roll faster than you can run.” I clicked my wheels into the “fast” mode and, sure enough, beat him in a race. He ran to his dad saying, “Camile has super powers! Daddy, you are not as fast as she is!”

As children grow older, I know the super powers stories will no longer work, but I love kids’ ingenuity, creative imagination and the willingness to accept all things the way they are. It is really my wish that society is more aware of who we are as people rather than what type of disabilities we have. In my opinion, everyone has his or her own “wheelchair,” it just happens that ours are visible to the naked eye. As a relatively new wheelchair user and brand-new mom, I am on a quest to expand knowledge about how disabled women are just as capable as able-bodied ones in all areas. Sure, we may need some help once in a while, but who in the world doesn’t need a little push now and then? So please, before staring, educate yourselves.

Visit Camile's website and blog at www.camilearaujo.com or www.facebook.com/camilearaujo.thevoicewithin. You may also email Camile at cfaraujo16@gmail.com.

It's Not Polite to Stare!

2011-08-21T16:05:00.003-04:00

by Jenny Addis

Hey Jen!

Yesterday I went shopping at the mall and it felt like everyone was staring at me as if I was some sort of attraction or alien! I was wondering if others respond to you that way as well. Do you feel like everyone is staring at you when you are trying to enjoy the same experiences and activities as every other person in society? I have been injured since January 15, 2011. Am I being oversensitive since being a paraplegic is new to me? What is wrong with people? Is this what I have to look forward to? I feel frustrated, alone and alienated from the rest of the world!

Dear Maika:

First, I'd like to start off by saying, "NO," you are not being oversensitive and you are not alone! I went through that same frustration, alienation and adjustment period right after my injury. In fact, I still feel that way at times. I don't think I am out of line by saying that everyone goes through that same feeling of alienation and loneliness after such a traumatic, life-altering change. I think that feeling alone is a natural response for anyone who has gone through such a loss. A part of you died that day. Your health, which we all take for granted, was stripped away from you with no prior notice.

And now as you adjust to a new way of life, to have people stare is by no means helpful! To anyone out there who is guilty of this behavior…shame on you! Didn't your mother teach you that it's not polite to stare? I remember when I was a child, my Mom always taught my brothers and I it wasn't polite to stare. I'd like to think that this is still a common practice among parents and their children today. Why, as a society, do we have this urge to stare? Think about it. We all have been guilty of it, young and old, but as we get older, we should know better. We expect this type of behavior from a child. Their curiosity and urge to learn is why they do certain immature or unacceptable behaviors, because that’s part of the learning process.

One of my previous columns, “Age Appropriate Or Not,” is an informative "Hey Jen!" entry on how important it is to teach our children that it's not polite to stare. Children should be taught that we are all equal and deserve the same respect as all individuals in society. A common question I receive from a staring child is, "Why are you in that?" obviously referring to my wheelchair. I have no problem answering any questions a child is asking and helping the parent by interacting with the appropriate answers to any questions their child has or they do as a parent, because sometimes the adult may not know the appropriate answer.

My first reaction after my quadriplegia was the same as yours, Maika. I assumed the stares had negative intentions attached to them, but why in the world would anyone, after going through a traumatic physical body change, not by choice, feel like a stare by a stranger would have any kind of positive attachment? The images of my own insecurities and fears of the unknown on how people were going to treat me after my quadriplegia reside in my head yet today. I found the most consistent place that produced the majority of those unwanted stares was at the shopping mall as well, which was one of my favorite places to visit and enjoy time with my friends and family. Sadly, my favorite activity started becoming my least favorite.

The question of why people stare is extremely universal, whether you become that chosen object due to a physical or developmental disability, obesity, overly attractiveness, unattractiveness or a nontraditional appearance. Whatever the person staring is obsessed with causes the victim or the person being stared at to become insecure and closed off from the outside world. As I researched this subject, I found some interesting and beneficial reasons to why people stare. Here are just a few:

Admiration. There is a possibility that the person staring at you admires you for some reason and wants to initiate a conversation with you and continues staring at you to see whether you reciprocate the stare or not. Reciprocating can be a sign of interest.

Insecurity. People who feel insecure about themselves may stare at others, so they know what others look or behave like, or as a defense mechanism.

Amazement. The person staring at you may just simply be amazed by your attractiveness that they just cannot take their eyes off of you.

Judgment. The person may be judging you through their stare, especially if they see something different or outside what's considered the norm.

Why people stare is really hard to answer unless you speculate or guess. Staring is not hard behavior to notice, because you can easily make out if someone is gazing at you for an inappropriate amount of time. The reasons above can be beneficial when you are searching for an answer. Keep in mind, whatever the reason, it is still rude, impolite and an invasion of an individual's privacy.

My suggestion and advice is straightforward. What I have learned over the 14 years I've been living with an obvious, out of the norm, physical disability known as quadriplegia is that whatever the reason is for the stare...don't let it get to you negatively. For me, it has become important to me to get to the bottom of the stare, because after all these years I know the stares are more out of curiosity and a lack of education, not necessarily negative. My response to a stare usually begins with a smile, saying hi and I may even initiate a conversation with the individual staring at me, even if they do everything possible to avoid me! The person is either going to quickly turn away out of their own feelings of discomfort or respond positively and appropriately with a smile right back and a verbal response. If they quickly turn away, then I know the answer to that stare. It was impolite, rude and hopefully, I made them as uncomfortable as they could have made me feel. If the response is appropriate, it may become an opportunity to share my personal experience of overcoming adversity and to educate them. This is a perfect example for others to see that just because we may be living with a disability, does not mean that we cannot be as intelligent, beautiful, handsome, funny, capable of loving, being loved, career-oriented and the list goes on and on. Whether you are living with a physical, mental, or developmental disability, does not mean that you are not capable of giving, wanting or needing the same everyday needs and wants as the rest of the world.

I think I speak for everyone living with any type of disability or in a situation that may be considered "out of the norm" when I say that, if you find the urge to stare, please be polite and walk away or simply approach us and say what’s on your mind. We will appreciate your honesty and respect. The moral of this story is simple...Remember, "It's NOT Polite to STARE!"

To read Jen's previous entry, "Age Appropriate...Or Not!" Go to: http://www.mobilewomen.org/2011/04/hey-jen-age-appropriateor-not.html#more. To find more "Hey Jen!" columns, visit www.mobileWOMEN.org/heyjen. Remember, nothing is too personal in my book, so send your questions to “Hey Jen!” at: mobileHeyJen@gmail.com! Learn more about me and my story at my website: www.InspirationSpeaks.Me.

A Rolling Bride: Part I

2011-08-14T21:25:00.005-04:00

by Tammy Wilber

Tammy in her Abilities Expo 2009 fashion show
wedding gown, when Cameron first saw his future bride!

As a little girl, I dreamed about what my wedding day would be like. Who will be my Prince Charming and will I live happily ever after? The answer is this: I do have a fairytale ending, but the story turned out much differently than I expected. The introduction to my story starts like this:

“In a kingdom far, far away lives a 35-year-old princess named Tammy. She is going to be a bride for the first time. She never imagined that, on her wedding day, instead of walking down the aisle next to her father, she would be she would be rolling down the aisle in her wheelchair.”

Cameron and Tammy

On April 18, 2011 I got engaged to Cameron Stay, but it took quite a journey to get to this magnificent day. In 1993 I sustained a spinal cord injury that left me paralyzed from the chest down. This injury obviously had a significant impact on my entire life, including where dating was concerned.

When I was first injured, I wondered who was going to love a girl in a wheelchair. Then as I started dating, I went through the typical ups and downs in relationships. I have attracted some strange guys over the years and have dated the bad boy, the Jerry Seinfeld look-alike, and even someone covered head to toe in tattoos. What hurt the most was years ago when I was interested in someone whom I had known a long time, and he was honest enough to tell me it was just too difficult to date someone in a wheelchair. It was very tough for me to accept these words because I had no control over having a disability and realized that anyone I dated had to accept the whole package or I needed to move on.

I have never really had a “type” of guy because I felt that when you are in a wheelchair, sometimes your choices are limited. Nonetheless, I still had standards. I always found guys that I dated fell into three categories: 1) They worked in the medical field, 2) They knew someone already in a wheelchair, or 3) They just didn’t care about my disability. What always bothered me the most was when people made assumptions about my dating life and assumed I only dated guys in wheelchairs. I took offense to a statement like that because I hated being judged and I felt like they were saying that an able-bodied person would never be with me. What I could have never predicted was that it didn’t matter if the person was in a wheelchair or not; love is love! In my “happily ever after,” instead of Prince Charming riding up on his horse to save me, he sat in a silver wheelchair!

Cameron and I met two years ago at the Abilities Expo in Anaheim, California. I was there to model adaptive women’s clothing in a wheelchair fashion show. Cameron attended the Abilties Expo to learn more about the disability community since he was only three years post-injury. While at the Expo, Cameron made his way over to the fashion show and saw me on the runway wearing a white silky skirt with a matching white top. After I added a flower to my hair, people said I looked like a bride. When Cameron saw me, he said I took his breath away, and he thought to himself, “I’ll take that one!” Then, at the Expo, Cameron and I met and exchanged information. I went back to Seattle and he went back to Las Vegas. We become instant friends through social networks, a few phone calls, and then I moved to Las Vegas two years later for a job. I ended up moving right down the road from Cameron, and for a few months he was perisistent and asked me out a few times, but I just wanted to be friends. However, once I realized what an amazing guy he was I didn’t want anyone else to get him, so I finally agreed to a date and we have been inseperatable ever since.

When Cameron proposed to me, the scene was right out of a movie, except the leading couple used wheelchairs. We went back to the place where our love story began and attended the 2011 Abilities Expo. On the pier at sunset by our hotel in Hermosa Beach, Cameron used a bench to lower himself out of his wheelchair, and to the best of his ability got down on one knee, took my hand and asked me to marry him. I immediatley said yes!

After Cameron's proposal to Tammy

Cameron and I have bonded because of our disabilities; however we are just two goofy kids in love. We have learned how to adapt to our challenges of being a couple where we’re both wheelchair users, but doing so has also made us stronger. Years ago, when I dreamed of my wedding and my prince, I didn’t think that person would be in a wheelchair, but when you love someone, you love all of them.

There are advantages to being with someone in a wheelchair because you will never have to look up at them, and there are always enough medical supplies to go around. Or if my tire should get a flat, I can transfer onto his lap and Cameron can give me a ride. We can share and participate in many activities geared towards people with disabilities. Yet, despite all the advantages, there are disadvantages: grocery shopping with two people in wheelchairs is not easy. Cleaning is a challenge when both one of us can’t reach very high. Moreover, two disabilties add up financially. We have discussed ways to make our lives easier, but everything costs so much. I would love to renovate his kitchen to make it bigger for both of us, but it is too expensive. A mini-van would also make life easier but who has forty thousand dollars to spend? Right now Cameron has a truck and it takes us forever to get and out, but we manage. We will continue to figure things out and adapt as we move forward with wedding planning and our future.

It has now been a few months since our engagement and we are a little slow in the aspect of wedding planning. We are trying to get all our ducks in a row and take then next step, moving in together in January! Although, this slow-paced planning hasn’t kept me from looking for a wedding dress because, “It’s all about the dress!” I took a trip to David’s Bridal with my mom and future mother-in-law. It was quite an adventure trying on those dresses because it takes an army to put a gigantic wedding dress on a paraplegic. After the first couple of dresses, my mom and Denise realized it was easier to lay the wedding gowns on the front of me and then if it looked like a possibility, we would fight our way through my leg spasms and all the dress material. After a couple of hours, we were all exhausted from wedding dress shopping and, just when I thought I found the wedding gown I wanted, I went back a couple days later and found the dress I truly knew I wanted to wear as I married Cameron.

Cameron and Tammy

The next step in my wedding planning is location, location, location and trying to figure out how to pay for this wedding. We do know that we want a beach-themed wedding with the idea of certain things to represent the earth and water. We also know it is going to be for 50 people. I look forward to the next few months of planning and getting some more details in order, but for now I am just going to let things fall into place. So stay tuned for my subsequent article, as I look forward to sharing more details of my engagement, wedding planning and being a bride who just happens to be sitting down!

Tammy is working as a Clinical Admin Coordinator at United Health Group in Las Vegas. Visit her website at http://teamcamtam.blogspot.com and send Tammy an email at Tammywheels@yahoo.com.

Yoga Nidra: Yoga Accessible to All

2011-07-13T20:32:00.004-04:00

by Camile Araujo

Before becoming a T-4 complete para, I was an avid long-distance runner. Running was not only a daily must for me, but it was when I spent time with my inner self. After my paralysis, however, it became a challenge to have alone time. In the beginning, I was faced with numerous complications that accompanied my spinal cord injury. It wasn’t long before I was emotionally and mentally drained. I needed 24-hour care to deal with the complications and could not find a way to disconnect from the world and connect within. For two years, I dealt with the physical, as well as mental, challenges.

I researched relentlessly how to again have some "me" time, while practicing some type of exercise/meditation and achieving the same results running provided. In 2009, I found my solution. I wanted to try yoga, but knew that I could not adapt myself to traditional yoga classes; so instead I needed to find a different form of it to bring my mind to peace. I searched for private, flexible instructors, who would be willing to work with someone in a wheelchair with limited mobility. Many people were not too comfortable with the idea. Perhaps they felt as if the responsibility was too great. I also had no luck finding an inexpensive private instructor. I was determined to find anything that resembled a yoga practice and that worked the mind as well--especially the mind. Unexpectedly, one day, I came across a CD online.

Yoga means “union” in Sanskrit. Nidra means “sleep.” It's comprised of the secrets of total transformation which give a real positive direction to our life and eliminate the root cause of all negativities, like stress related disorders, ailments like hypertension, depression, insomnia, asthma, digestive disorders, etc., all which drain our life energy. During Yoga Nidra, one appears to be sleeping, but the mind, body and intellect are simply in a deep state of relaxation, while the subconsciousness is in a deep state of awareness. A single hour of Yoga Nidra is equivalent to four hours of conventional sleep. During this dynamic sleep hour, all three kinds of muscular, emotional, and mental tensions are released, thus Yoga Nidra is highly beneficial for people with psychosomatic diseases as well. Yoga Nidra differs from a simple act of relaxation (lying back and closing your eyes) because it allows you to release the built-up tension in your body that you are not even aware exists. During the hourly practice of Yoga Nidra, you will find the secret of total transformation - Sankalpa. This is an important, powerful stage during the process that will help you reshape your personality and give you a new direction along positive lines. Sankalpa is a resolution you will make that will get fulfilled. Sankalpa is not to be confused with a “genie in a bottle.” It will not fulfill desires, rather it will help you build a stronger and more centered mind-set to go after what you seek.

(“What Is Yoga Nidra” yogawonders.com. 2007. June 21, 2011 <http://www.yogawonders.com/yoga-nidra.php)

Yoga Nidra has changed my life. I still need to exert energy the old-fashioned way (I have a VitaGlide and a hand cycle for that), however to help with my daily anxieties and much of the brain noise we create ourselves while living our daily lives, Yoga Nidra plays a huge part. I have used my guided Yoga Nidra meditation CD for almost two years and I have gained beautiful results from it. I feel more connected to my body, and for a moment, while meditating, I even have a bit of feeling in my legs. I wonder often why Yoga Nidra is not advertised more as a way of relaxation, not only to our community of mobile-people, but to able-bodied as well.

If anyone is looking for a way to practice yoga yet feels discouraged with the traditional methods, try Yoga Nidra. You can find a variety of CDs online. All you need to do is lie flat on the floor or your bed for the duration of the guided meditation. No need to worry about poses such as downward-facing dog, downward-facing tree, half moon, crane, wheel, staff pose, etc. Finally, a yoga practice that is accessible for everyone.

Visit Camile's website and blog at www.camilearaujo.com or www.facebook.com/camilearaujo.thevoicewithin. You may also email Camile at cfaraujo16@gmail.com.

mobileWOMEN Introduces our Newest Contributor, Camile Araujo

2011-06-29T22:39:00.005-04:00

Camile Araujo

One week after her 30th birthday, Camile was involved in a work-related car accident that has changed her life forever. At the time, Camile worked as a police officer for the Miami Dade Police Department. She had ahead of her a promising future within the department and all her dreams were based upon her career. Camile’s accident left her a T-4 paraplegic and rendered her numerous complications which she took over two years to overcome. What was most traumatic to Camile about the whole experience was that, during her in-patient rehabilitation months, the physical therapists told her that she could no longer wear skirts, sandals, tight jeans or certain types of shirts. Camile’s spirits were devastated because not only she had to deal with the physical aspect of the spinal cord injury, but she felt as if the injury had also stolen her identity as a feminine woman.

Almost one year post-injury, while dealing with some severe complications from the accident, Camile met other women in wheelchairs and learned that life could be as rewarding, if not more rewarding after a spinal cord injury. She began, then, to look for alternative ways to feel like herself again. In the process, she has found a world full of new possibilities and endless opportunities for "mobile" women.

Prior to getting hurt, Camile was a long distance runner and took pride in taking care of herself. She has always believed that mind, body and soul are inter-connected and one depends on the other for optimal health. Camile’s passion is writing and she has taken it forward wholeheartedly since her accident. Besides writing, Camile is passionate about empowering people, especially women, to follow their heart, listen to their own voice and live the life of their dreams. Camile thinks that it is her duty to help other women in chairs to find alternative ways to continue feeling beautiful, sexy, intelligent and empowered. Each person carries a light inside of them and being in a chair should not shadow its glow.

Camile currently lives in Coconut Creek, FL with her family and is a proud mom of a beautiful baby girl.

Visit Camile's website and blog at www.camilearaujo.com or www.facebook.com/camilearaujo.thevoicewithin. You may also e-mail her at cfaraujo16@gmail.com. Stay tuned to mobileWOMEN.org for articles written by Camile!

“Collision - the Movie” Breaks Barriers and Shatters Perceptions

2011-06-21T23:39:00.005-04:00

Teal Sherer in "Collision - The Movie"

by Cheryl Price

Audiences loved it when Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz teamed up in the “Charlie’s Angels” movies. Uma Therman instilled fear in “Kill Bill,” and Linda Hamilton took no prisoners in “Terminator.” Well make some room, ladies, because two new action stars are making their way into the spotlight. Actresses Tiffany Giddes and Teal Sherer know how to throw a punch, lock you in a chokehold and knock you to your knees. You’ll be so busy watching their intense moves on-screen that, chances are, you won’t notice their wheelchairs.

When Tiffany Giddes had the idea to make a film, her original goal was to highlight the strength and power of women in wheelchairs. She thought to make a film that breaks stigmas and barriers that society has put on people with disabilities. So Tiffany contacted Alexis Ostrander, Teal Sherer and Katherine Beattie to join the project. They set out to create a fun, humorous, empowering product that would give everyone involved in the production an opportunity to showcase their strengths. Katherine was given an outline to work from, and after sitting down for a story meeting with Tiffany and Alexis, they decided the main objective would be to create a real, honest, relatable story in a fantastic setting. Since then, the team has started to assemble an amazing and talented crew and are in the beginning stages of pre-production and fundraising.

When you watch the promo for “Collision,” you will be shocked at the stunts the actresses attempt and pull off! You will be surprised, impressed and certainly will see things that you’ve never witnessed before! Check out the video at www.kickstarter.com/projects/1365110527/collision-0, where you can also pledge to help raise more money for this amazing project!

Teal Sherer and America Young

The actors and stunt team are not holding anything back in terms of stunts. America Young and Chris LaCentra make up the stunt team, and they truly did their research. Viewers can expect to see flips, dips, dives, and falls. Tiffany and Teal will be training in martial arts and learning how to use weapons for the film. Director Alexis Ostrander describes “Collision - The Movie” as “a cross between 'Kill Bill' and 'Wanted'...” There’s no question, then, that viewers will be wowed!

Tiffany Giddes with Chris LaCentra

Indeed actresses Tiffany and Teal will have you cheering for them in this movie, and that’s just from watching the promo! The script of “Collision” was written as an opportunity for Tiffany and Teal to bring their real life experiences to their characters; both women are paraplegics. As writer Katherine Beattie says, “When you have a character with a disability, actors with disabilities should be first in line for those roles.”

“Collision - The Movie” shows Jessica (Tiffany Giddes), a prominent Los Angeles lawyer, ending up in the hospital after a motor vehicle accident leaves her paralyzed. While still in the rehab she is approached by Charlie (Teal Sherer), a fellow wheelchair user, who offers her the support and resources she needs to work through her injury. Jessica accepts Charlie’s offer, but soon realizes she's in too deep. Jessica is unknowingly being trained as Charlie’s partner in a secret assassin organization, one Charlie has been involved with for years. Jessica, ulterior motives of her own, decides to go along with the arrangement. As the new partners work to eliminate evil, they soon find themselves targets in a much larger game – one they’ll only survive together. While Jessica looks to get revenge on the man that put her in a wheelchair and Charlie seeks protection from former bosses that are trying to have her killed, both women learn that you can’t change the past, and friendship is the key to moving forward. “Collision” is the story of how brief, unexpected encounters change our lives forever.

Teal Sherer, Chris LaCentra, America Young and Tiffany Giddes

When it comes to people with disabilities being displayed in the media, it’s no secret that “Collision” is breaking barriers. Historically, most portrayals came from a place of either pity or undue adulation. Not so with this film. There's no reason to feel sorry for these characters, but, if these women do their jobs correctly, they'll earn the audience's admiration not simply through living with disabilities, but through the lives they lead. They have great jobs, close relationships, adventurous spirits, and somehow they always manage to save the day!

About the Actors:

Tiffany Giddes has been a performer since the age of three, however, it wasn't until 2007 that she returned to acting full time. Going after her dream, she left her hometown in FL and and in 2008, moved to Los Angeles. There she enrolled in the Howard Fine Acting School, where she studied under Laura Gardner. Tiffany got a few background jobs on different shows, but her big break came in 2010 when she was cast as a receptionist in an episode of the FX show "Sons of Anarchy." Tiffany was the first actor in a wheelchair to be on the show.

Teal Sherer is best known for playing Venom on the hit web series "The Guild." She most recently filmed the TV pilot "One Sharp Girl" and she is currently producing and staring in a new web series she created called "My Gimpy Life." Teal has produced and performed in numerous plays and has worked on stage with Dustin Hoffman, Annette Bening, and James Cromwell. Teal starred in the popular Liberty Mutual "Election" national commercial. She is also in the Emmy Award winning HBO film "Warm Springs," where she also served as an advisor to Kenneth Branagh. Teal hosts a weekly World of Warcraft podcast called "I Hearth Geeks" where she shares her "noob" experiences. For more information check out www.TealSherer.com.

“Collision” will hopefully get into numerous film festivals and ultimately it would be perfect if the film got picked up as either a TV series or a feature. Shooting starts in July. Take a few moments to check out the promo for “Collision - the Movie” at www.kickstarter.com/projects/1365110527/collision-0; be sure to “Like” Collision - the Movie on Facebook! www.facebook.com/collisionthemovie; visit www.collisionthemovie.blogspot.com; and www.twitter.com/collisionmovie.

Get Out There!

2011-05-30T15:18:00.001-04:00

By John Caden-Accessibility Specialist, SR Smith

In the early 1990ʼs, Marilyn Hamilton introduced a marketing campaign for her Quickie wheelchair company extorting her customers to Get Out There! Patterned on Nikeʼs successful Just Do It campaign, Marilynʼs goal was to get more people inspired to get out of their houses and to participate in mainstream society.

The timing for this campaign couldnʼt have been better. It came on the heels of the 1990 signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act and the 1991 release of the first set of barrier removal regulations for public accommodations. As these regulations took effect, they resulted in curb cuts, accessible parking spaces, ramps, wider doorways, and accessible toilets. Because of these regulations, getting out there became much easier for millions of people with disabilities.

Fast forward to 2010.

Last July, the Department of Justice launched an update of the ADA law that encompassed many areas that were not addressed in the original legislation. This revision went into effect on March 15 of this year and compliance with the new regulations will be expected by March 15, 2012.

This means that within the next 12 months, businesses in the United States will be spending billions, thatʼs billions with a “B”, of dollars to provide additional accessible opportunities for people with disabilities.
One of the key areas that will be impacted by this new legislation is recreation. The 2010 ADA regulations will require barrier removal modifications for such activities as amusement rides, recreational boating facilities, exercise machines and equipment, fishing piers, golf facilities, miniature golf facilities, play areas, saunas and steam rooms, swimming pools, shooting facilities, bowling alleys, and tennis courts.

People with disabilities will now have significantly more opportunities to become more integrated into mainstream society. Now, more than ever, the ability to Get Out There is readily achievable. The challenge to the disabled community is to follow Marilynʼs original charge and to take advantage of this opportunity.

As the business world is coming to terms with the barrier removal requirements of the 2010 regulations, a frequent complaint is “Why should I spend all of this money to make my facility accessible? We never have any disabled customers.” In many ways, this is a valid claim. Although statistically, 18% of the population is comprised of people with disabilities, few if any of the recreational facilities in the categories listed above have a mix of customers with disabilities that comes anywhere close to that percentage.

Facilities that have previously made barrier removal modifications in anticipation of this revision to the ADA law have seen their efforts largely go unused. For example, there are many instances of businesses with swimming facilities who have purchased pool lifts to provide access, only to see this equipment languish in storage closets for months at a time.

Certainly, the argument can be made that the reason for the lack of patronization of these kinds of facilities is due to the fact that they are not accessible in the first place. Now that accessibility will be required, however, this argument becomes moot. Now the ball, so to speak, is in the court of the disabled community.

There are studies and papers, too numerous to mention, that clearly demonstrate the benefits of exercise and activity for any group, but especially for people with disabilities. Many people who are already involved in such activities, typically gravitate to a gym that is connected to, or affiliated with, a rehab center. With this new legislation opening the door to mainstream facilities, itʼs time to emerge from that cocoon and venture into the local Goldʼs Gym or LA Fitness for your next workout.

Similarly, itʼs time to drop in a line at a local fishing pier, tee off at a golf course, putt around a miniature golf course, or take the plunge into the pool during your next hotel stay. Itʼs time to take advantage of the fact that the world is becoming more accessible.

A few months ago, Scott Raines wrote in this magazine that accessibility is the first step to the real goal of inclusion. Society is taking those first steps by mandating accessibility. Inclusion, however, is a two way street and requires the active and willing participation of the disabled community.

Many advocates have worked diligently for decades to get society to recognize the need to provide an accessible world. Their efforts are now requiring the business community to invest substantial amounts of money to remove barriers to provide that level of accessibility. One fear is that the disabled community will not use this opportunity in sufficient numbers to justify these efforts. If utilization does not justify the expense, there is always the possibility that many of these opportunities will go away. It is vital for thebdisabled community to demonstrate to businesses making these investments that these types of modifications will bring in new customers.

Businesses are being encouraged to expand programming to include activities for different populations. They are advised to consult with local organizations that provide services to people with disabilities for advice on program expansion. It is also valuable for people with disabilities to take a proactive role in assisting businesses to provide this type of programming. The more interaction between these kinds of businesses and the disabled community, the closer we are likely to get to achieving the ultimate goal of an inclusive society.

This is why that now, more than ever, we need to heed Marilyn Hamiltonʼs call and GET OUT THERE!!

For more more information about swimming pool accessibility, please go to www.poollifts.com.

“Hey Jen!”--Age Appropriate…Or Not?

2011-04-23T20:56:00.003-04:00

by Jenny Addis

Courtney (MW reader) asks…

Hey Jen! I grew up with a disabled father who was in a wheelchair my entire life. As a result I have always felt strongly about teaching my children that just because someone is using special equipment to help them get around, such as a wheelchair, they are no different than anyone else.

What is the appropriate age to begin discussing with your children the physical and mental differences amongst individuals?

Hey Courtney!

In my opinion, from the moment a child is born, he or she should be introduced to the diversity that exists in this world, whether it's his or her own differences, a family members or a stranger. I am not a parent, but I am an Auntie to six beautiful nieces and nephews. All of them, but one, were exposed to their quadriplegic Auntie from the day they were born.

When paralysis hit my world, like most, I had a difficult time accepting the fact that I had lost the ability to do certain things in my life and be as independent as I always had been before, especially regarding my role as Auntie. At the time, I had a 4-year-old nephew who was my little buddy. I would regularly take the day off of work and pick him up so we could have a play date, just the two of us; but then I became a quadriplegic. Some of the losses I endured were the use of my arms, fingers and the ability to walk, so I couldn't get in my car and just pick my nephew up anymore or even be alone with him for long periods of time.

I was left with a void and many questions. How could I be that same Auntie as I had been prior to my paralysis? Would my nephew ever look at me again with that excitement in his eyes, the way he always had? How would he handle the wheelchair, the brace that stabilized my neck, which all made me feel so different? I was an adult, and I was confused. How would this young child understand and deal with this life-altering change? It was difficult being in the hospital, in that condition, and imagining how the first visit would go in a positive manner. It seemed nearly impossible.

Jenny with her niece and nephew

Finally, my nephew's first visit to see me in the hospital was planned. I remember how ecstatic, yet extremely concerned and worried, I was about how he'd react towards me and whether he could accept his Auntie in this new capacity. When that day came around, I was on the verge of tears, not only because I missed him so much, but not knowing what his reaction would be. I knew I couldn't cry, though, so I put on my usual Auntie happy face, the one that he'd remember and always knew. As my brother, sister-in-law and nephew walked into my colorful, decorative hospital room, my nephew was a little quiet while he first observed the new environment, but then something very unpredictable happened that caught me off guard...

HE HUGGED ME...MY NEPHEW HUGGED ME LIKE HE ALWAYS HAD BEFORE MY PARALYSIS!

All those fears and the anxiety I had about his reaction were for no reason. He loved his Auntie unconditionally and the future only solidified it. From the beginning, he always sat on my lap, whether we were going to the park, a happy meal and the playground at McDonald's, turning up the stereo for a spur of the moment dance party at home or a day at the mall, which always turned into nap-time on my lap at the end of the day. As he grew up and my lap wasn't such a perfect fit anymore, he began standing on the back of my electric wheelchair and holding onto the arm handles as we cruised along.

I was looking online for some great children's books related to disabilities and inclusion to share with my nieces and nephews when I realized that there were many books out there relating to social issues and disabilities that children face and struggle with on a daily basis, even more than we realize. Amazon.com is a great website to find and purchase books related to disabilities. I found books relating to Autism, speech impairments, Tourette’s Syndrome, race differences, cerebral palsy, divorce, and disabilities in general, just to name a few. Plus, you can look at what ages or grade level each book leans towards.

Of course, as a parent, you'll know if something is not appropriate for your child at their age level or if it’s a book they can grow into. I find that sometimes, with younger children, you can improvise if needed. The point is that you are opening those little minds up to help them feel comfortable in real life scenarios, such as day care, school, the grocery store or the park, to be accepting of others who may look a little different and, most of all, encourage them to ask questions.

Here is one book that was recommended to me and that I found not only to be educational, but it also left a positive and appropriate message. I was also able to relate to this book in my own life.

"Mama Zooms," written and illustrated by Jane Cowen-Fletcher, really touched my heart because it reminds me of my interaction with my nieces and nephews. I haven’t had the opportunity to share it with them yet, but I’ll improvise it to fit our lives by calling it “Auntie Zooms.”

I found this book to be a great learning and teaching book for not only the child, but a parent themselves who uses a wheelchair. With imagination mixed with his real-life scenarios, this little boy sits on his wheelchair-using mother's lap and imagines himself as a racing jockey, a ship captain at sea, a race car driver, an airplane pilot, a train engineer and an astronaut, all the while the extraordinary key to the whole story revolves around his Mama's zooming machine, her wheelchair, that transports them everyday to work, school and play. This book uses imagination in a way every child displays their curiosity and engages their minds on a daily basis, but the remarkable example is that it is preparing them for their future. The pencil illustrations capture the detailed costumes and facial expressions in every adventure in a way that is so detailed you and your child will feel as if you are "zooming" right along with the author, so articulately drawn that you see the joy in the mother and son's faces in every scene.

Jenny and her niece

I highly recommend this book because I am in a wheelchair and use imagination to interact with my own nieces and nephews, so I know firsthand how this technique is a great way to interact and it helps to remove any fears your children may have. Most of all, “Mama Zooms” presents a physically challenged individual in a positive light.

The first photo you see in this article is from Thanksgiving 2010. I am holding my 3-week-old nephew and my 2-year-old niece, his big sister, is standing on the footrests to my wheelchair. We were discussing sharing and that we had to take turns sitting on Auntie's lap. It was hard for her to understand at first that she had to share that space with her new baby brother, because for the majority of her life, she was the only one sitting on Auntie’s lap. We all know how change can confuse and disrupt a child, but on this day she accepted that fact and was willing to share her Auntie with her baby brother.

The second photo shows my 2-year-old niece helping me apply my make-up.

Overall, I want to highly express that when we are faced with questionable and challenging real-life experiences, we must keep in mind our children are as well. Instead of sugar-coating them, we need to face them head on, because if we are questioning them, our children are too. You know, as a parent, to what degree your children will understand certain topics or if something is going to be way too personal for them at that time in their life or age level. Use your parental instincts and these topics will become great social advantages for your children, whether it's school today or a workplace tomorrow. I have learned, especially through adversity, how resilient, honest and accepting our children really are. They could teach us adults a thing or two!

Remember, nothing is too personal in my book, so send your questions to “Hey Jen!” at: mobileHeyJen@gmail.com! Learn more about me and my story at my website: www.InspirationSpeaks.Me.