The Influence Conference is for Christian women who are active in social media, and it’s going to be held in Indianapolis, October 11-13. The conference has two tracks–life and strategy–and I’ll be speaking in the life track.

Two years ago, I never thought I’d ever be a blogger. One year ago, I never thought I’d want to attend a blog conference. But this year I’ve attended two conferences and have been blown away by how valuable those experiences were (and how much I enjoyed them). But they weren’t at all what I expected.

Here are 5 surprising things I’ve learned about blog conferences this year:

1. It’s cheaper than you think. When I first budgeted to attend Blissdom, I added up the ticket price, a hotel room for one, gas, parking and food. But I ended up sharing a room with 3 lovely ladies I met on twitter, carpooling to save on gas and parking, and the only money I spent on food was $3 for coffee. Not only did I save money by teaming up with roommates and carpool buddies, but my experience was much, much richer for it.

2. Meeting blogging friends in real life is fabulous. Okay, so I’m sure you’re thinking this is the obvious part of the equation. But it needs to be said–meeting online friends in real life takes the relationship to a different level.

3. Communities spring up around conferences. Blogging conferences tend to attract–or birth–their own tribes. That community can provide very practical support, encouragement, growth, and feedback, but they will also make your life richer. I am so grateful for my online relationships, and I’m still a little surprised at how much they mean to me!

4. You find out you’re not crazy after all. At the fabulous Killer Tribes conference, Daddy-o said, “We go to conferences to find out we’re not crazy.” Many of the people in our lives don’t really understand why we blog or why we  have online friends. There is something powerful and validating about gathering with people who GET you and the whole blog thing.

5. You can get a lot of value out of it even if you don’t go. Bloggers are great at putting out content–it’s what they do. And you can bet they’ll be putting out content about the conferences they’re attending. You can read blog posts about what the experience is like before, during and after the conference. You can follow the twitter stream (for the Influence Conference, it’s #influenceconf).  You can get the session notes from other attendees, or sometimes from the speakers themselves.

Have you ever been to a blog conference? Would you like to attend one? Got any questions? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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I’m Speaking at the Influence Conference! And 5 Surprising Things I’ve Learned About Blogger Conferences is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

Sometimes that journey looks like a straight line, but often it’s more like a rabbit trail. I hope this quick look at 3 people who found their dream jobs will give you an inspiration boost!

Fashion blogger Jessica Quirk of What I Wore fame traces the roots of her fashion career back to the annual ritual of planning her back-to-school wardrobe with her mom:

My first task was to go to the mall and pre-shop–I’d create a long list of items that I liked along with prices. From there I’d decide what made the most sense from both practical and cost perspectives and edit down my list.

Next, my mom and I would set a date and get shopping! We’d go through the list, checking things off, finding new bargains, and making substitutions. And when I had a vision of an item that I couldn’t find or that wasn’t in my price range, I’d head over to the fabric store with my mom to find material to make skirts and dresses. So much of my love for fashion and clothing comes from those mother-daughter collaborations over bolts of fabric and pattern books.

Michael Ruhlman wanted to be a writer, yes–but he never dreamed his true passion would end up being food writing! But one thing led to another…

I went into a cooking school to write about what it means to be a chef, and instead I became a cook, got a job line cooking, lucked into one of the great restaurants of the world to work with the chef on his book, and I kept on writing about food.

A committed cook since fourth grade, I proposed to the Culinary Institute of America, the oldest and most influential professional cooking school in the country, that I be allowed into its kitchen classrooms in order to write a narrative of how the school trains professional chefs. The school agreed, and I wrote The Making of a Chef.

That would be the first of many, many food books Ruhlman would write. “The best things in life happen when you get carried away,” he says. “I got carried away, and it’s made all the difference.”

Erin Loechner of Design for Mankind credits her success to being in the right place at the right time, and for seizing an unlikely opportunity:

I found my way into the design world as an under-qualified, impromptu, very young art director. I had been working as a copywriter at an ad agency in Los Angeles when the existing art director had a [mighty dramatic!] nervous breakdown and left the office the day before an important client meeting. I raised my hand to take his place (not knowing at all what an art director’s duties are!) and went home that night to furiously Google “how to be an art director.”

What those search results opened for me was this: a world of imaginative, creative, well-planned design. I remember staying up until 3am that night, jumping through a rabbit hole of endless links, cataloging hundreds of ideas onto what now exists as DesignForMankind.com.

And although I wasn’t an art director for long (the company folded six months later), I owe that experience so much. It’s amazing how life’s little detours can send you on an entirely different path – or in this case, rabbit hole.

Do you have a story to share about how you found something you love to do? Is your journey looking like a straight line or a rabbit trail?

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Inspiration Via One Straight Line and Two Rabbit Trails is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

What are you passionate about? Do you know? (And if you’re the type who hates the passion question, hang with me–you’ll like how this ends.)

In a recent piece entitled “Your Passion Project,” business writer Laura Vanderkam remarked that young graduates are often encouraged to “follow your passion”–but what if you don’t know what that is?

Vanderkam offers practical advice on how to zoom in on your passions: basically, combine a little bit of dreamy soul-searching with a whole lot of pattern recognition. Pay attention to your interests and habits: What topics suck you in? What blogs do you read? What did you love to do as a kid?

On the other hand, Author Dan Pink detests the passion question. He thinks we’d be better off if we’d “take a break from this daunting and distracting question and ask a far more productive one: What do you do?“

So what about you? What are you passionate about? Or, what do you DO?

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How To Find Your Passion (Even If You Hate the Passion Question) is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

But I do love being appreciated for who I am and what I do as a mom. Everybody needs appreciation, and as a mom that can feel hard to come by, at least from my kids.

That’s okay. As a mom to young children, the person I most want appreciation from is my husband.

*****     *****     *****     *****     ******

When we were just at the homeschool conference , my husband and I heard Crystal Paine speak about the challenges (and joys) of being a mother and an entrepreneur. She gave practical tips on how she structures her days so she can run a thriving business and be there for her kids.

She also shared how she didn’t succeed in a straight line: Money Saving Mom wasn’t the first business she dreamed up. She tried several ventures before that, and they flopped–hard! But she kept persevering and coming up with new ideas until she hit on the idea for Money Saving Mom, which took off and continues to do very, very well.

Here's Crystal and me--but how I wish I had a picture of the boys!

After the talk, my husband struck up a conversation with her husband, Jesse. When I stepped over to join them, my husband shot me a mischievous smile and said “I’ll see you in a minute, okay?”

I was so curious: What did my husband want to discuss with Mr. Money Saving Mom that he didn’t want me to hear?

To my surprise, he didn’t volunteer the information when me met back up later. On the drive home that night I finally asked: what were you two talking about?

My husband asked him what he’d done to encourage his wife as she pursued her business in those early years–before she knew she’d succeed, before she ran one of the top personal finance blogs on the web.

(Jesse’s answer was to be patient and encourage her, to help her make it work and don’t tell her to give up.)

But what mattered to me was that my husband had asked the question.

His question showed me that he’s thinking about how to encourage me. I love Lisa McMinn’s pithy quote:  “A strong marriage is one in which the husband and wife say to each other, ‘I am highly committed to your growth as a person.’” His actions show me that. Constantly.

I wouldn’t mind a little show of appreciation on Mother’s Day, but I love that my husband shows me with his daily actions that he appreciates what I do, that he wants to help me do it well, and that he’s highly committed to my growth as a person.

Don’t get the wrong idea–it does get rocky around here sometimes. But the day-in, day-out is pretty darn good, and I wouldn’t trade that for a hundred giant Mother’s Day bouquets. (Although a small bunch of tulips would be nice.)

What’s a small thing that makes you feel appreciated by your friends and loved ones, for whatever it is that you do? Leave your answer in comments so we can all have more ideas on how to appreciate the women in our lives–whether they’re moms or not, coupled or single.

Mr. Darcy Meets Money Saving Dad is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

I love my Kindle Touch, and we’re definitely keeping it–the Fire is an addition to our family gadgetry. I’ve had the Fire for 2 weeks now, and I’m ready to tell you what I think.

Why I LOVE the Fire:

The Kindle Fire is gorgeous, fun to use, and easy to navigate. If you’re used to browsing the web or navigating your smart phone, I think you’ll find the Fire’s navigation very intuitive.

Reading ebooks on the Fire is a pleasure. The “bookshelf” layout is beautiful and makes it easy to find what you’re looking for. Surprisingly, paging through books feels very similar to paging through regular paper books–it’s easy to just “flip” through the pages.

Highlighting books on the Fire is amazing, and I love being able to quickly scroll through my highlights. If I log on to my Amazon Kindle page, I can even see highlights from ebooks I borrowed from the library–after I’ve returned them.

Sadly, my photography skills don't do justice to either of these devices.

I also read a lot of PDF ebooks, and these are much easier to read on the Fire. (Although it’s worth noting that you can highlight PDFs on the Touch but not on the Fire.) Obviously, images look much better on the Fire: check out this side by side comparison of pages from The No Brainer Wardrobe.

The Fire is a tablet, and I’ve loved using its features to check my email, stream Pandora radio, listen to podcasts, manage my social media accounts, fire up the tiny timer, watch movies, and more. I’ve only had it two weeks, so I’m still learning everything it can do!

About those movies: I’d be lying if I said my kids haven’t watched a lot of videos on the Fire already. (And by a lot, I mean 30-60 minutes a day.)  We can stream a large selection of movies for free with our Amazon Prime membership, and we’ve been taking advantage of that. Ahem.

Why I’m glad I still have my Touch:

The Fire is definitely a computer screen, so if you limit screen time before bed like I do, you won’t want to use it then. (On the other hand, many people love the bright screen because they can read it in bed without a light.)

The Fire’s bright screen also means it’s nearly impossible to use in the sunlight, where the Touch–with its e-ink screen–does great. I do a lot of reading outside while my kids play, and I always choose the Touch for this reason. I can also easily hold the Touch in one hand, but the Fire’s a bit to heavy to manage that comfortably.

There’s also the issue of distraction potential. With all its capabilities, you can be tempted to check facebook instead of reading that book you sat down to finish. This just isn’t an issue on the Touch.

Why the Fire is going to cost you more than $200.

You’ll really want Amazon Prime to go with it. Amazon knows this, so they include a free month of Prime with your Fire purchase–they know you’ll be hooked.

Prime members can watch a large selection of free videos instantly (via wireless only). You can also borrow one book a month from the Kindle lending library.

You’ll probably want a cool case to go with the Fire, especially if you watch movies. I’m thinking about a case like this that will not only protect my Fire, but also fold back to support it upright.

What’s your experience been with e-readers and tablets?

Recommended Reading:

My Thoughts on the Kindle, One Month In. My initial review of the Kindle Touch. The comments on this post are really excellent.

What to Do When Your Productivity Tools Are Your Biggest Distractions: A Two-Step Plan. Here’s a simple plan to stay on task when you’re using your computer/phone/tablet.

This post contains my affiliate links. Thanks for supporting my blog!

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I Love My New Fire (But I’m Keeping My Regular Kindle) is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

My old friend had a famous catchphrase.

If I complained that my baby wasn’t sleeping well, she’d say, “What are you looking for? Do you want problem solving or sympathy? Because I’ve got both in my toolkit.”

When another friend of ours mentioned that family drama was getting her down, this friend would say, “What do you need: a shoulder to cry on, or advice?”

At first my friend’s questions struck me as tactless: I wasn’t used to coming right out and saying what I wanted.

But my friend was sassy and fun: we all knew her heart was in the right place. And to my surprise, I found I appreciated her straightforward approach. She listened well and gave great advice–but only if you asked her for it.

My friend moved out of town years ago, but I always think about her when I’m talking with a friend and find myself wishing she would just tell me what she wants from me. Often, I just ask: “What are you looking for?” Sometimes straight out asking doesn’t seem appropriate, so instead of asking I just wonder what response she’s hoping for, and hope that I’m able to help.

Sometimes I’ll be talking to a friend and she’ll hint at bad news–and hint and hint. I’m not really sure if she wants me to ask what’s up, or if she’s veiling her meaning because she needs to keep it a secret. In moments like those, I wish she could just tell me what she’s looking for: does she need a little empathy, so she doesn’t feel like she’s struggling all alone? Does she need a shoulder to cry on, or advice? I could be a better friend if she’d just tell me what she wants.

Sometimes it’s easy to put my old friend’s conversational strategy into practice. My husband’s had a stressful season at work, and I recently realized that my reactions to his daily report might be fueling his stress instead of helping him. So, I asked him: when he comes home after a difficult day, what response would he like from me? He said to please just listen and say, “Golly, that sounds tough.” I’m glad I asked, because that is not what I’d been saying!

I’ll often frame conversations by starting with “I’m looking for advice” or “Listen to how hard my day was” so my listener knows what I’m looking for and can help me out. Sometimes, I’m not sure what I’m looking for when the conversation starts, and that’s when “help me think through this” are magic words.

When you’re talking with others, do you tell them what you’re looking for? Do you ask them what they’d like from you? Share your thoughts in comments.

Recommended Reading:

1 Good Reason to Gossip (and 5 Better Reasons Not To). According to researchers, hearing gossip helps us make savvy choices out in the real world–but is it worth it?

Pssst! A Secret About Secrets. Keeping secrets is bad for your health. Here’s why–and what to do about it.

“Talking” Etiquette: A Timeless Guide to Modern Technology. There’s been a lot of talk recently about the new lows in etiquette we’re reaching because of our cell phones. But cell phones aren’t to blame–they’re just tools, and whether or not they’re used well depends on the user. Here are some tips for using yours well.

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What Do You Want From Me? is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

A must-read for you writerly types: The Agony of Writing | Anna Quindlen for the Wall Street Journal.

Becca linked up her post Books That Blew My Mind to The Book That Changed My Life Carnival. Then she left a comment about a recent great read, finishing it by saying, “I think I’ll just copy that paragraph and paste it into a new post.” And then she did.

I’m thinking of making these. Homemade Sunscreen Bars | Wellness Mama

Have you heard yet about Influence, the Conference? It’s “the first stylish and fresh conference to make much of Jesus in social media” and it’s happening October 11-13 in Indianapolis. I’ll be there!

Check out Simple Living Media’s newest site: Simple Design

You gotta read this:  Jon Will’s Gift | George Will for the Washington Post. George Will reflects the 40th birthday of his firstborn son, who has Downs Syndrome.

Have you read anything great on the internet lately? Share in comments!

Weekend Reading is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

I’ve been to the Derby once–and of course I wore a hat! I’ll put a photo on the facebook page for Derby Day tomorrow.

Answer:  A love for millinery. It was announced in February that famed hatmaker Philip Treacy would be designing the hats for Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding day.  The fashion world has been atwitter ever since wondering what Kate’s headwear would look like on her big day–the speculation being second only to the designer of her wedding gown.

Philip Treacy creations have also been filling boutiques all over Louisville, Kentucky this spring–as Louisville ladies and out-of-town guests prepare for that city’s annual Big Day–the Kentucky Derby, held on the first Saturday in May.  If you’ve never been to the Derby–which has a rightful place on many bucket lists–make no mistake about the importance of the Kentucky Derby Hat.

Hats are not a modern accessory. The milliner’s shop is a historical exhibit in Colonial Williamsburg, not a store at your local mall:  women don’t wear hats these days (unless, of course, they’re baseball caps).

And this, I believe, is the appeal of the Royal Wedding–and the Kentucky Derby.

In this age, when casual rules the day, irony is hip, and much of the solemnity has been drained from the ceremonies of life, we are drawn to the circumstance and solemnity of the royal wedding.  We love to watch the royals don their hats–because  royals still wear them!  For a solemn occasion such as this, it’s inappropriate to be bareheaded in church.  (Truly!  It was even on the invitation!)  And Philip Treacy is making sure those head-coverings are fabulous.

The Kentucky Derby is about much more than the horses.  It’s about tradition and ceremony: 100,000 people singing My Old Kentucky Home, the bugle call to the races, the blanket of roses–and the hats.  I’m a Louisville girl, so take it from me: a huge part of the fun is strolling the grounds between the races, taking in the scenery and gawking at the hats.

What is it about the hat?  These fanciful creations serve no functional purpose.  Says Treacy:

A hat is the ultimate glamour accessory. It’s been around since the beginning of time. It will always be around, in one form or another. And the whole purpose is to inspire people to think in terms of elegance and beauty.

Hats are about playing dress-up in real life. We may tune in to royal wedding coverage and vicariously experience the thrill of getting decked out for a special occasion.  We may seize the opportunity to don our own hat for Derby Day.  Either way, we recognize the importance (and fun!) of dressing for the occasion.

Do you like to dress up?  Have you ever worn a hat for an important occasion? Have you been to the Kentucky Derby?  Share your thoughts in comments!

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Photo credits for purple hat and Philip Treacy

What Do the Royal Wedding and the Bluegrass State Have in Common? is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

I was so curious to see what you’d link up, and you didn’t disappoint.

Many of you wrote about the first book that really grabbed you–the book that turned the switch and turned you into a reader. I love the way Heatherly describes what this looked like for her:

A Bath For A Beagle changed my life because it was the first book that I read cover to cover all by myself.
I was four years old.
And my life was changed forever.

With the confidence that I gained from this first monumental read-through I became “a reader.”

Without Beagle I would have no escape and little adventure.
I would not be an English teacher, a blogger, or have logged years as a bookseller and recommender. I would not have had the privilege of introducing hundreds of students and customers to their new favorite books.

And what would I do without my Nook? Or my library?

This little Beagle changed my life.

Many of you chose books that influenced your faith (and it was so interesting to see several titles pop up again and again). I admire (and relate to) the way Virginia–who chose The Hiding Place, Grace for the Good Girl, and the book of James as her books, identified the common threads running through her life-changing books:

When pondering this list of mine I realized the common threads through them.

• Faith in God.
• God can and does use 1 person who is willing and available to do amazing things.
• Eternity Matters.
• We’re part of a bigger story.
• These stories impact many people on a daily basis, including mine

And I loved the way Adriana at Classical Quest wrote of her longstanding hunger for a classical education, and the book The Well-Educated Mind: A Guide to the Classical Education You Never Had:

I have noticed that readers of the classics always seem to have in common a love for sumptuous food. Perhaps science will one day prove that a refined palette and a love for classic literature are genetically intertwined; regardless, the analogy of food is a good way to describe what reading a classic work does for me — It feeds me. Entering into “The Great Conversation”, I have found I’m not eating alone. I am joining into a shared experience with countless others through the ages.

And these are just a few of the 30ish posts linked to the carnival. Thank you so much for sharing your life-changing books here!

Head on over here to peruse the posts readers have shared! The link will be open until Friday night.

The Books That Changed Your Lives is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

There are so many ways a book can change a life.

Many of us fondly recall our first loves: the special book that really grabbed us and sold us on reading forever. For me, it was Emily of New Moon. I was quite young when I stayed up all night reading it under the covers. My husband didn’t fall in love with reading until high school, when he encountered John Grisham’s The Firm. My daughter’s 7, and I wonder if she’ll remember–as I do–how she really began to read when she was determined to find out what happened next to Felicity in the American Girl books. I hope some of you share your first loves.

There are books that walk with us through difficult times. Susan Yates’s And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children gave me hope when I was an exhausted new mother. I was in the middle of The Divine Conspiracy when our son was diagnosed with cancer, and reading that book at that time was a gift.

Books can help us glimpse our life’s calling and alter the course of our lives. Books can teach us skills that blossom into vocations and hobbies and sources of joy.

The right book can help us navigate a difficult relationship. Strengthen our faith. Give us hope. Or help us come to terms with loss.

Don’t underestimate the power of good fiction. A good novel can let us slip into another’s shoes and walk around a little while, and this heightened sense of empathy spills over into our real lives and relationships. We can travel through time and around the world if a good author shows us the way.

Sometimes, we’ll encounter a book that shakes us to the core. Or affirms something about ourselves we’ve suspected for a long time, but were afraid to admit.

But those are just a few ways a book can change a life. I’m excited to see how your life has been changed by something you’ve read.

Here’s how this works:

• Link up a post you’ve written about a book that’s changed your life, and leave the link to that specific post (not your home page).
• Link back to this post so your readers can find everyone’s posts. (Feel free to copy the carnival image to use on your blog.)
• Please visit at least a few other blogs. I’m sure they’d love to hear your comments!
• Please share about the carnival through facebook, twitter, pinterest as you feel comfortable.
• Let me know in the comments what your favorite posts are. I’ll be sharing your favorites (and mine) on the blog later this week, and on facebook and twitter. (Join my facebook community here, or follow me on twitter here.)

Thanks so much for sharing your words and for coming here to read Modern Mrs Darcy. I’m so grateful for you and for the community here.

Link will be open until Friday at midnight EST.

Welcome to The Book That Changed My Life Carnival! is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy