Legos, Spaceships, Breasts

5 Simple Tips for Dressing Down Your Fancy Dress | Inspired By Family Magazine. #1 is my favorite.

Jerry Seinfeld’s Productivity Secret | LifeHacker. Simple, easy, brilliant.

You will want to give up. Don’t. | Shawn Smucker. Gorgeous post about Shawn’s journey around the country with his family in the big blue bus.

Nancy Pearl Unearths Great Summer Reads | NPR. 7 new books of note to consider for your summer reading list.

Things I’m Afraid to Tell You | Apartment 34. Have you noticed the confessional movement in the blogosphere? Here’s a round-up of what everybody’s spilling.

From the Archives: In Honor of the Graduates: 4 Books for Figuring Our What to Do With the Rest of Your Life. 4 books that are great for gifting, or for your own enjoyment.

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Weekend Reading is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

Anybody can browse a bestseller list, but just because a book is a best seller doesn’t mean that you will want to read it. (Hello, Fifty Shades of Grey.)

You all know I love to read, and read a lot. You know where I’m coming from. If you like this blog, I think you’ll find something perfect for you in this guide.

I’ve chosen some bestsellers that are actually good. I’ve also tried hard to give you some fabulous reads that you’ve never heard of. With the exception of the new releases, I’ve personally read every book on this list and I can vouch for them (or answer your questions).

They’re divided by category, so you can flip right to the section that interests you most.

I also share tips I’ve figured out through years of dealing with summer reading’s challenges: sun, water, sand, travel. (Has anyone else ever recommended throwaway books before?)

Sound good? Here’s how to get your free copy.

Get the Guide

The Ultimate Beach Reading guide is free to subscribers. You’ve got two options to get yours:

Option #1 – Subscribe to the RSS feed. You can sign up for via your favorite feed reader by clicking this link.

Option #2 – Subscribe via email. Your can get our posts delivered straight to your email inbox by signing up here.

The link to the guide is at the bottom of each post.

I’d love to hear your feedback when you’re done reading your guide! Come back and comment on your favorite summer read right here, or follow the hashtag #beachreading on twitter.

Happy summer, and happy reading!

Ultimate Beach Reading: A Summer Reading Guide (FREE for you!) is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

But I’m surprised how many devoted online shoppers say they’ll never buy swimwear online, because they think they have to try it on first.

They have a good point: swimwear is hard to shop for. It’s tough to find a suit that fits your unique body.

But I’m here to convince you that shopping online has many advantages, if you do it right. You get to avoid hideous dressing room lighting, an overwhelming sales floor, judgmental (at least in your head) salespeople, and the pressure to decide right then which suit to take home.

But to find a great suit that fits online, you’ve gotta play by the rules–and choose your retailer with care. Here’s how to buy a swimsuit you love–and that actually fits you–online.

How to buy a swimsuit online

1.Know what you’re looking for. This post will help you clarify what you’re looking for in a swimsuit–and convince you that you can find it.

2. Determine your (ballpark) size. Take your measurements and study the size chart on the website. Read the body type recommendations. Great retailers encourage you to call or live chat if you have any questions. Read the reviews to get a feel for sizing.

3.  Order your favorite suit in at least 2 sizes. Order the size you think you need according to the size chart, then order the next size that’s most likely to fit. If you love the suit, but are really unsure what size is for you, order 3 sizes. This is the time to go overboard.

4. Just try it. You can’t know how it will look until you try it on. This is truer for swimsuits than for any other piece of clothing. It might look awesome or it might be downright embarrassing, but if a certain design catches your eye, you have to try it to find out. So just order it. It’s much easier and cost-effective to place all your orders at once.

5. You have the money, right? I hardly ever use my credit card, but I’ll pull it out if I’m ordering multiple swimsuits online. Before you hit “pay now,” stop a moment to consider payment schedules and any holds that might be placed on your account.

6. See how they look. Try your swimsuits on in good lighting, when  you’re in a good mood, in the privacy of your own home (yay!). See how you look, see how you feel. Do a little dance and make sure it stays in place.

7. Return the suits that don’t work by mail or at the local bricks-and-mortar location. This works great if you follow rule #8…

8. For a satisfying online shopping experience, the most important thing is to choose your retailer carefully. Not every store is great to order from online. You want to order from an established company that makes returns easy and inexpensive. I love Boden’s swimsuits this year, but if I order one and it doesn’t fit, it’s going to cost me $17 in shipping both way to find that out. I’m just not willing to go there.

The stores highlighted below want you to be happy. They want their swimwear to fit you, they want you to love it, and they will help you get there. Online.

Where to buy bathing suits online

Lands’ End was a mail-order business before the internet existed, and they are pros at helping you order a suit you’ll be happy with–without trying it on. Utilize their detailed swim resource guide, or live chat or telephone with a swim expert. Returns can be made to any full-line Sears store, or mail order returns for a flat rate of $6.95.

 J. Crew consistently offers stylish interpretations of classic suits, in a wide range of on-trend colors. They have completely complimentary personal shoppers available online or by phone. Free returns can be made to any store. This year J. Crew is offering free shipping and free returns on all swim styles, all summer long.

Target. Target has a decent selection in stores, but it’s nothing compared to the selection online. Shipping is generally free for orders of $50 or more, and returns are easy. The quality can be hit or miss–they do make some low-quality suits, but they make a lot of great ones, too. Expect to pay $30-$40 for a two-piece; a little less for a one-piece.

Athleta. This member of the Gap family has athletic, high-quality, performance-based suits in a variety of cute styles. Their prints are especially awesome, and their fun online tool helps you mix and match your two-piece. All orders over $50 ship free, and return shipping is a flat $6.00, regardless of the number of items.

Zappos. Think of Zappos as your infinite personal department store, loved for its phenomenal customer service and killer selection from top brands like Spanx, DKNY, Calvin Klein, Speedo. Zappos has tons of helpful customer reviews to help you zone in on the right size and shape for you, and they always have free (and fast) shipping both ways.

(Cash back is available through Ebates on the top four sites–and it’s 13% from Athleta! If you’re not signed up for Ebates you should do that here.  You’ll get paid back for all your online shopping.)

 Do you have a tip for making swimsuit shopping a little easier?  Please share it in comments!

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8 Things You Need to Know Before You Buy a Swimsuit Online is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

He’s also a Lego addict.

My 9-year-old is lusting after a $400 Lego set

My son checked in on me when I was emailing Laura Vanderkam a couple of months ago for this post. I told him that she wrote a book about money and happiness, and I was emailing her questions about it. He said, “I have a question.” It was a good one:

Are kids are happier when they save up their money to buy one big toy (like the big Lego sets that cost several hundred dollars), or when they spend the same amount of money to purchase multiple smaller Lego sets, more often?

A good question! And my squishy answer is that he should do both. The issue is that we get used to most things in life. So every time he gets a new Lego set, it will make him happy, but then, soon, it will cease to do so. If he buys lots of Lego sets, he’ll have lots of happiness boosts, whereas one big set will give him only one boost.

The counter-argument, though, is that we gain much happiness in life from setting difficult goals and then achieving them. Saving up for a big Lego set will have him anticipating the purchase over a long period of time, and anticipation is about as important to happiness as the actual experience itself.

To get both, he could devote half his money to smaller purchases, while building up one big fund for a bigger purchase. That would strike me as the optimal balance.

I saw an opportunity to buy lots of Lego happiness cheap–and took it.

My son has also anxiously been awaiting an out-of-print Lego book from the library since sometime last summer. I wanted to just buy it for him, but it’s out of print and in demand, and last year I couldn’t find a copy for less than $80.

A month ago, I checked the status of our request on the library website (and seeing that we’d be waiting for forever, still), then checked half.com on a whim, just to see. And they had a copy for $5 (and a whole bunch for $80). I’m an under-buyer, and have a hard time pulling the trigger on any discretionary purchase, but I thought about it for all of 5 seconds before I clicked “buy now.”

I knew he’d love it. I knew he’d read it for dozens, if not hundreds, of hours, because he has pored and pored over Sean Kenney’s books. I knew the purchase would make both of us very, very happy.

That’s a lot of happiness for $5 plus shipping.

My son is still toying with the idea of saving up for that $400 Dreamliner, but he’s loving his $5 Lego book. It’s been a long time since I got that much bang for my happiness buck.

Do you lean more towards small happinesses or are you saving up for some large happiness? 

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Deep Thoughts About Money and Happiness (Or, Let’s Talk About Legos) is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

The Influence Conference is for Christian women who are active in social media, and it’s going to be held in Indianapolis, October 11-13. The conference has two tracks–life and strategy–and I’ll be speaking in the life track.

Two years ago, I never thought I’d ever be a blogger. One year ago, I never thought I’d want to attend a blog conference. But this year I’ve attended two conferences and have been blown away by how valuable those experiences were (and how much I enjoyed them). But they weren’t at all what I expected.

Here are 5 surprising things I’ve learned about blog conferences this year:

1. It’s cheaper than you think. When I first budgeted to attend Blissdom, I added up the ticket price, a hotel room for one, gas, parking and food. But I ended up sharing a room with 3 lovely ladies I met on twitter, carpooling to save on gas and parking, and the only money I spent on food was $3 for coffee. Not only did I save money by teaming up with roommates and carpool buddies, but my experience was much, much richer for it.

2. Meeting blogging friends in real life is fabulous. Okay, so I’m sure you’re thinking this is the obvious part of the equation. But it needs to be said–meeting online friends in real life takes the relationship to a different level.

3. Communities spring up around conferences. Blogging conferences tend to attract–or birth–their own tribes. That community can provide very practical support, encouragement, growth, and feedback, but they will also make your life richer. I am so grateful for my online relationships, and I’m still a little surprised at how much they mean to me!

4. You find out you’re not crazy after all. At the fabulous Killer Tribes conference, Daddy-o said, “We go to conferences to find out we’re not crazy.” Many of the people in our lives don’t really understand why we blog or why we  have online friends. There is something powerful and validating about gathering with people who GET you and the whole blog thing.

5. You can get a lot of value out of it even if you don’t go. Bloggers are great at putting out content–it’s what they do. And you can bet they’ll be putting out content about the conferences they’re attending. You can read blog posts about what the experience is like before, during and after the conference. You can follow the twitter stream (for the Influence Conference, it’s #influenceconf).  You can get the session notes from other attendees, or sometimes from the speakers themselves.

Have you ever been to a blog conference? Would you like to attend one? Got any questions? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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I’m Speaking at the Influence Conference! And 5 Surprising Things I’ve Learned About Blogger Conferences is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

Sometimes that journey looks like a straight line, but often it’s more like a rabbit trail. I hope this quick look at 3 people who found their dream jobs will give you an inspiration boost!

Fashion blogger Jessica Quirk of What I Wore fame traces the roots of her fashion career back to the annual ritual of planning her back-to-school wardrobe with her mom:

My first task was to go to the mall and pre-shop–I’d create a long list of items that I liked along with prices. From there I’d decide what made the most sense from both practical and cost perspectives and edit down my list.

Next, my mom and I would set a date and get shopping! We’d go through the list, checking things off, finding new bargains, and making substitutions. And when I had a vision of an item that I couldn’t find or that wasn’t in my price range, I’d head over to the fabric store with my mom to find material to make skirts and dresses. So much of my love for fashion and clothing comes from those mother-daughter collaborations over bolts of fabric and pattern books.

Michael Ruhlman wanted to be a writer, yes–but he never dreamed his true passion would end up being food writing! But one thing led to another…

I went into a cooking school to write about what it means to be a chef, and instead I became a cook, got a job line cooking, lucked into one of the great restaurants of the world to work with the chef on his book, and I kept on writing about food.

A committed cook since fourth grade, I proposed to the Culinary Institute of America, the oldest and most influential professional cooking school in the country, that I be allowed into its kitchen classrooms in order to write a narrative of how the school trains professional chefs. The school agreed, and I wrote The Making of a Chef.

That would be the first of many, many food books Ruhlman would write. “The best things in life happen when you get carried away,” he says. “I got carried away, and it’s made all the difference.”

Erin Loechner of Design for Mankind credits her success to being in the right place at the right time, and for seizing an unlikely opportunity:

I found my way into the design world as an under-qualified, impromptu, very young art director. I had been working as a copywriter at an ad agency in Los Angeles when the existing art director had a [mighty dramatic!] nervous breakdown and left the office the day before an important client meeting. I raised my hand to take his place (not knowing at all what an art director’s duties are!) and went home that night to furiously Google “how to be an art director.”

What those search results opened for me was this: a world of imaginative, creative, well-planned design. I remember staying up until 3am that night, jumping through a rabbit hole of endless links, cataloging hundreds of ideas onto what now exists as DesignForMankind.com.

And although I wasn’t an art director for long (the company folded six months later), I owe that experience so much. It’s amazing how life’s little detours can send you on an entirely different path – or in this case, rabbit hole.

Do you have a story to share about how you found something you love to do? Is your journey looking like a straight line or a rabbit trail?

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Inspiration Via One Straight Line and Two Rabbit Trails is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

What are you passionate about? Do you know? (And if you’re the type who hates the passion question, hang with me–you’ll like how this ends.)

In a recent piece entitled “Your Passion Project,” business writer Laura Vanderkam remarked that young graduates are often encouraged to “follow your passion”–but what if you don’t know what that is?

Vanderkam offers practical advice on how to zoom in on your passions: basically, combine a little bit of dreamy soul-searching with a whole lot of pattern recognition. Pay attention to your interests and habits: What topics suck you in? What blogs do you read? What did you love to do as a kid?

On the other hand, Author Dan Pink detests the passion question. He thinks we’d be better off if we’d “take a break from this daunting and distracting question and ask a far more productive one: What do you do?“

So what about you? What are you passionate about? Or, what do you DO?

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How To Find Your Passion (Even If You Hate the Passion Question) is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

But I do love being appreciated for who I am and what I do as a mom. Everybody needs appreciation, and as a mom that can feel hard to come by, at least from my kids.

That’s okay. As a mom to young children, the person I most want appreciation from is my husband.

*****     *****     *****     *****     ******

When we were just at the homeschool conference , my husband and I heard Crystal Paine speak about the challenges (and joys) of being a mother and an entrepreneur. She gave practical tips on how she structures her days so she can run a thriving business and be there for her kids.

She also shared how she didn’t succeed in a straight line: Money Saving Mom wasn’t the first business she dreamed up. She tried several ventures before that, and they flopped–hard! But she kept persevering and coming up with new ideas until she hit on the idea for Money Saving Mom, which took off and continues to do very, very well.

Here's Crystal and me--but how I wish I had a picture of the boys!

After the talk, my husband struck up a conversation with her husband, Jesse. When I stepped over to join them, my husband shot me a mischievous smile and said “I’ll see you in a minute, okay?”

I was so curious: What did my husband want to discuss with Mr. Money Saving Mom that he didn’t want me to hear?

To my surprise, he didn’t volunteer the information when me met back up later. On the drive home that night I finally asked: what were you two talking about?

My husband asked him what he’d done to encourage his wife as she pursued her business in those early years–before she knew she’d succeed, before she ran one of the top personal finance blogs on the web.

(Jesse’s answer was to be patient and encourage her, to help her make it work and don’t tell her to give up.)

But what mattered to me was that my husband had asked the question.

His question showed me that he’s thinking about how to encourage me. I love Lisa McMinn’s pithy quote:  “A strong marriage is one in which the husband and wife say to each other, ‘I am highly committed to your growth as a person.’” His actions show me that. Constantly.

I wouldn’t mind a little show of appreciation on Mother’s Day, but I love that my husband shows me with his daily actions that he appreciates what I do, that he wants to help me do it well, and that he’s highly committed to my growth as a person.

Don’t get the wrong idea–it does get rocky around here sometimes. But the day-in, day-out is pretty darn good, and I wouldn’t trade that for a hundred giant Mother’s Day bouquets. (Although a small bunch of tulips would be nice.)

What’s a small thing that makes you feel appreciated by your friends and loved ones, for whatever it is that you do? Leave your answer in comments so we can all have more ideas on how to appreciate the women in our lives–whether they’re moms or not, coupled or single.

Mr. Darcy Meets Money Saving Dad is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

I love my Kindle Touch, and we’re definitely keeping it–the Fire is an addition to our family gadgetry. I’ve had the Fire for 2 weeks now, and I’m ready to tell you what I think.

Why I LOVE the Fire:

The Kindle Fire is gorgeous, fun to use, and easy to navigate. If you’re used to browsing the web or navigating your smart phone, I think you’ll find the Fire’s navigation very intuitive.

Reading ebooks on the Fire is a pleasure. The “bookshelf” layout is beautiful and makes it easy to find what you’re looking for. Surprisingly, paging through books feels very similar to paging through regular paper books–it’s easy to just “flip” through the pages.

Highlighting books on the Fire is amazing, and I love being able to quickly scroll through my highlights. If I log on to my Amazon Kindle page, I can even see highlights from ebooks I borrowed from the library–after I’ve returned them.

Sadly, my photography skills don't do justice to either of these devices.

I also read a lot of PDF ebooks, and these are much easier to read on the Fire. (Although it’s worth noting that you can highlight PDFs on the Touch but not on the Fire.) Obviously, images look much better on the Fire: check out this side by side comparison of pages from The No Brainer Wardrobe.

The Fire is a tablet, and I’ve loved using its features to check my email, stream Pandora radio, listen to podcasts, manage my social media accounts, fire up the tiny timer, watch movies, and more. I’ve only had it two weeks, so I’m still learning everything it can do!

About those movies: I’d be lying if I said my kids haven’t watched a lot of videos on the Fire already. (And by a lot, I mean 30-60 minutes a day.)  We can stream a large selection of movies for free with our Amazon Prime membership, and we’ve been taking advantage of that. Ahem.

Why I’m glad I still have my Touch:

The Fire is definitely a computer screen, so if you limit screen time before bed like I do, you won’t want to use it then. (On the other hand, many people love the bright screen because they can read it in bed without a light.)

The Fire’s bright screen also means it’s nearly impossible to use in the sunlight, where the Touch–with its e-ink screen–does great. I do a lot of reading outside while my kids play, and I always choose the Touch for this reason. I can also easily hold the Touch in one hand, but the Fire’s a bit to heavy to manage that comfortably.

There’s also the issue of distraction potential. With all its capabilities, you can be tempted to check facebook instead of reading that book you sat down to finish. This just isn’t an issue on the Touch.

Why the Fire is going to cost you more than $200.

You’ll really want Amazon Prime to go with it. Amazon knows this, so they include a free month of Prime with your Fire purchase–they know you’ll be hooked.

Prime members can watch a large selection of free videos instantly (via wireless only). You can also borrow one book a month from the Kindle lending library.

You’ll probably want a cool case to go with the Fire, especially if you watch movies. I’m thinking about a case like this that will not only protect my Fire, but also fold back to support it upright.

What’s your experience been with e-readers and tablets?

Recommended Reading:

My Thoughts on the Kindle, One Month In. My initial review of the Kindle Touch. The comments on this post are really excellent.

What to Do When Your Productivity Tools Are Your Biggest Distractions: A Two-Step Plan. Here’s a simple plan to stay on task when you’re using your computer/phone/tablet.

This post contains my affiliate links. Thanks for supporting my blog!

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I Love My New Fire (But I’m Keeping My Regular Kindle) is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy

My old friend had a famous catchphrase.

If I complained that my baby wasn’t sleeping well, she’d say, “What are you looking for? Do you want problem solving or sympathy? Because I’ve got both in my toolkit.”

When another friend of ours mentioned that family drama was getting her down, this friend would say, “What do you need: a shoulder to cry on, or advice?”

At first my friend’s questions struck me as tactless: I wasn’t used to coming right out and saying what I wanted.

But my friend was sassy and fun: we all knew her heart was in the right place. And to my surprise, I found I appreciated her straightforward approach. She listened well and gave great advice–but only if you asked her for it.

My friend moved out of town years ago, but I always think about her when I’m talking with a friend and find myself wishing she would just tell me what she wants from me. Often, I just ask: “What are you looking for?” Sometimes straight out asking doesn’t seem appropriate, so instead of asking I just wonder what response she’s hoping for, and hope that I’m able to help.

Sometimes I’ll be talking to a friend and she’ll hint at bad news–and hint and hint. I’m not really sure if she wants me to ask what’s up, or if she’s veiling her meaning because she needs to keep it a secret. In moments like those, I wish she could just tell me what she’s looking for: does she need a little empathy, so she doesn’t feel like she’s struggling all alone? Does she need a shoulder to cry on, or advice? I could be a better friend if she’d just tell me what she wants.

Sometimes it’s easy to put my old friend’s conversational strategy into practice. My husband’s had a stressful season at work, and I recently realized that my reactions to his daily report might be fueling his stress instead of helping him. So, I asked him: when he comes home after a difficult day, what response would he like from me? He said to please just listen and say, “Golly, that sounds tough.” I’m glad I asked, because that is not what I’d been saying!

I’ll often frame conversations by starting with “I’m looking for advice” or “Listen to how hard my day was” so my listener knows what I’m looking for and can help me out. Sometimes, I’m not sure what I’m looking for when the conversation starts, and that’s when “help me think through this” are magic words.

When you’re talking with others, do you tell them what you’re looking for? Do you ask them what they’d like from you? Share your thoughts in comments.

Recommended Reading:

1 Good Reason to Gossip (and 5 Better Reasons Not To). According to researchers, hearing gossip helps us make savvy choices out in the real world–but is it worth it?

Pssst! A Secret About Secrets. Keeping secrets is bad for your health. Here’s why–and what to do about it.

“Talking” Etiquette: A Timeless Guide to Modern Technology. There’s been a lot of talk recently about the new lows in etiquette we’re reaching because of our cell phones. But cell phones aren’t to blame–they’re just tools, and whether or not they’re used well depends on the user. Here are some tips for using yours well.

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What Do You Want From Me? is a post from: Modern Mrs. Darcy