#SariSays of Mogol Media NetCasting.net

God Speed Robin Williams

2014-08-12T16:28:00.000-04:00

Taking in the reality of a man I admired for his vast and one of a kind talent being gone. And how he went. RIP Robin Williams. I will remember his talent. For some reason World According to Garp is one of my favorite roles, and the John Irving book is still in my book shelf with it's paper back broken spine. Of all the books I've culled out over the years, I hang onto it.

Please remember Robin for his talents, his gifts, his truth telling - and not how he went. But, also, please, understand the depth of mental illness that no matter who you are, supported, money, health care or none - a compulsion comes, an idea won't stop circling.

His loss makes my own resolve MORE INSPIRED to over come and heal from the situation I am in. I have challenges and loads of crud, some of my own making to get over, through and around to be BETTER. I have never wanted to live and seek a life as much as I do right now.

I am not angered at Robin Williams for leaving. Who knows, he could not filter his characters when magic took us with him in his performances! This time, maybe an impulse, maybe with no one around, a moment, a thought - and he followed through with a flash of idea he thought was unstoppable in that moment.

I wish him peace, his family love - and for anyone in pain, purely deep understanding.

D-Day 70 Years June 6, 1944 - June 6, 2014

2014-06-06T10:59:00.000-04:00

President Franklin D Roosevelt broadcast Prayer June 6, 1944:

Almighty God: Our sons, pride of our Nation, this day have set upon a mighty endeavor, a struggle to preserve our Republic, our religion, and our civilization, and to set free a suffering humanity.

Lead them straight and true; give strength to their arms, stoutness to their hearts, steadfastness in their faith.

They will need Thy blessings. Their road will be long and hard. For the enemy is strong. He may hurl back our forces. Success may not come with rushing speed, but we shall return again and again; and we know that by Thy grace, and by the righteousness of our cause, our sons will triumph.

They will be sore tried, by night and by day, without rest-until the victory is won. The darkness will be rent by noise and flame. Men's souls will be shaken with the violences of war.

For these men are lately drawn from the ways of peace. They fight not for the lust of conquest. They fight to end conquest. They fight to liberate. They fight to let justice arise, and tolerance and good will among all Thy people. They yearn but for the end of battle, for their return to the haven of home.

Some will never return. Embrace these, Father, and receive them, Thy heroic servants, into Thy kingdom.

And for us at home - fathers, mothers, children, wives, sisters, and brothers of brave men overseas - whose thoughts and prayers are ever with them - help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of great sacrifice.

Many people have urged that I call the Nation into a single day of special prayer. But because the road is long and the desire is great, I ask that our people devote themselves in a continuance of prayer. As we rise to each new day, and again when each day is spent, let words of prayer be on our lips, invoking Thy help to our efforts.

Give us strength, too - strength in our daily tasks, to redouble the contributions we make in the physical and the material support of our armed forces.

And let our hearts be stout, to wait out the long travail, to bear sorrows that may come, to impart our courage unto our sons wheresoever they may be.

And, O Lord, give us Faith. Give us Faith in Thee; Faith in our sons; Faith in each other; Faith in our united crusade. Let not the keenness of our spirit ever be dulled. Let not the impacts of temporary events, of temporal matters of but fleeting moment let not these deter us in our unconquerable purpose.

With Thy blessing, we shall prevail over the unholy forces of our enemy. Help us to conquer the apostles of greed and racial arrogancies. Lead us to the saving of our country, and with our sister Nations into a world unity that will spell a sure peace a peace invulnerable to the schemings of unworthy men. And a peace that will let all of men live in freedom, reaping the just rewards of their honest toil.

Thy will be done, Almighty God.

"The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you." — Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower's message to the troops before the invasion, 1944

Sari Says: Love Like a Mother

2013-05-12T09:30:00.000-04:00

‏ SariJoMogol

#SariSays #HappyMothersDay 2 every nurturer who cares 4 us & loves unconditionally. FeetOfClay TitaniumSoul. Love like a #Mother each day.

You can be a mother if you never gave birth. Mothers are not perfect, we have feet of clay, but we have titanium souls. We may focus on guiding one or many, but we are counted on singularly. We may not tell you what you want to hear, but what we think is best for you to know. We raise you to leave us, knowing you will come back and bring more to love with you as life unfolds. #FamilyIsWhatYouMakeIt

SariSays: Reinventing - updated

2013-02-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

[updated Oct. 2, 2014]

In the USA, we have not lost the pioneering spirit of innovation. I'd like a fast forward button, please.
So many of us live below the poverty lines. People are in poverty with full time jobs in dual worker families! We are underpaid, or under employed, certainly my loved ones are overworked. I feel like it's direct effect of one of the most seriously toxic political periods in our American History. Money talks, and small people balk. 2008 was the explosion, but the volcano has been boiling for the last 30 years. And I am ALL about free enterprise. I am not about criminal behaviors without consequences.

Personally, I am living through triple ripple effects from illness, life changes, an unrecovered economy, and other circumstances. I am wiped down to nothing for several reasons. Most of which, I had no control over. I have to fix this, yet am not sure how. I have to be brutally honest, challenge my worst fear of losing this house when I am told to GO. I've lived through the things I thought were the lowest or worst/scariest thing that I wouldn't survive. I survived. I'm not sure how to solve leaving a house that I've lived in for the longest period of my life without a job, or savings. Yet I have something that's worth being paid for - all this experience has to count!

We are not just what our education, degree, or career path WAS. I have been out of the W-2 work force since 2002. Since then I have become even more multifaceted from many experiences. That has value.

I never wanted to become so ill that I could not hold a job. Now, I have to find work with a body that does not hold up any longer. I have no choice. Reinvent. Innovate. Because - he's gone. So having a job means I have a shot at becoming at least part way back to being as self sufficient as I was before I got married. Aside from the emotional toll, his leaving took my hard earned half of our financial life partnership of all property and savings. I believe I worked harder than any paid job since I've been out of the work world. And I loved doing so.

Sink or swim time. I could become homeless and I find it unacceptable. I am hitting my mid 50's. Because I already have small SSDI from Crohn's, tons of surgeries, and other auto immune illnesses. I am grateful to have some social services. These are not "entitlements". Food stamps, and Medicaid is a blessing right now.

I MUST do what feels impossible and make it possible. Having a job/work is more than money. I miss being around people, having a purpose each day, being needed, accomplishing tasks each day - pressure of deadlines - but especially learning new things from with others every single day. Being exhausted from a job well done instead of codependent crisis and fear.

I have a life long habit of beating the odds, learning to manage illness that is unmanageable - being a wife, mother, and living a whole life for a few decades. It adds up to CAN DO. I have to shake off rust and re-enter a changed work culture no matter if it's within the life long passion of my former radio announcing career or, more likely, skill sets I learned living 5 decades of life. I've run a household as a home maker. I am privileged to be a mom. I've been a good wife, friend, and more. I can do book keeping, have started and run small businesses, non-profits, served organizational boards, and remain into patient advocacy.

Experience.

Mistakes, triumphs, and all - I am still alive, that means there's a lesson, a purpose in all this. I have a ton of emotional housecleaning to do within my soul, but I want to convey that I have hope. Confidence will follow.

Each thing I must try will bring me refreshed or brand new learning. I am going for hit and miss for now. OPEN SOUL

If I fail, at least I tried. My new American Dream is based upon personal responsibility and creativity. It's the trying. Interacting with people, being present, being willing to push back all fears. So much has changed for so many - so, if anything I write resonates with you - my prayers are with you.

Bank of America Fiddled with our HARP

2013-01-25T15:46:00.000-05:00

Like you, we paid our mortgage in full and on time - we have good credit and scores. We live within our means. 2008 took all of that and threw it in our faces when the housing and banking industry tanked. Our house worth so much less, and the city devaluated assessments but kept raising property taxes. My family and yours felt trapped and no new rules to fix failed old rules. THEN CAME HARPII refinance. HARPII was signed by President Obama in October of 2011 by Executive Order. Quoting Dan Green, "... Then, in 2012, HARP was expanded. Dubbed Harp 2.0, all loan-to-value requirements were suddenly waived, as were proof of income requirements; proof of asset requirements; minimum credit score requirements; and, as a host of other qualifiers. In many cases, HARP 2.0 won't even ask for a home appraisal."
My husband and I felt like kids waiting for the best Christmas ever - we dreamed of this refinance ever since the crash. March 2012 - Bank of America was where our loan was being serviced. We would have been foolish not to see what they offered as they already had all the information by us being with them since they snapped it up from Countrywide back in 2007. We started working with a GoTo Loan Officer, and some in-house offers and price breaks in interest and lower payment that were beating everything else. We were promised HARPII! After a lot discussions with this officer, and educating ourselves about HARPII under Bank Of America's terms - we signed filled out the application with the BAC loan officer in May. Then the 'complications' began. Information that we'd offered, and was refused as not needed or included in the loan application ... became needed. We became lost in a sea of underwriting departments and new people tacking themselves onto our loan process.

Bank of America led my husband and I on a 90 day waste of time and energy all through spring and summer 2012. BAC blew the 90 deadline, they breeched in contract terms as well as loan product we sought with them well before the 90 day terms.

Because I did not trust BAC or any other TARP bank, I made many detailed email trails, starting with pre-contract signing back in March. BAC replied and kept adding more persons in various departments in their replies. I saved EVERYTHING. There are emails between BAC, our Closing vendor (and their closing attorney), our HELOC subordinator, SBA, home owner insurer and more. Each day of fresh hell by BAC was captured by many kept in the loop. The 90 day contract end was approaching, and BAC was blowing it, so they asked us to extend the contract. We refused. Then they sent us a FedEx packet of a substandard loan type application so far from decent terms and HARPII goals they would have taken us straight to foreclosure had we considered the inferior loan offered.

While they currently deny this in complaints we filed and they mislead the investigation - the FACT is that BAC failed our refinance goals within their 90 day contract closing date terms. We did not walk away or give up getting them to the table. My email proof shows from start to finish Bank Of America's use of time and elements to bring us to a closing date in the contractual period. A key reason was finding further breach of our trust and intent. As we dug into the paperwork of our loan application and contract to refinance, we found out that BAC did not offer us a HARPII product at all. This perhaps is the most infuriating aspect as from start to finish of our interactions with them - our meetings in person, phone calls and all email correspondence on our end mentions HARPII as the product we were seeking and had thought was the refinancing product we were entering into. We demanded Bank of America return of our application/credit fee AND pay us back for the Subordination fee of $295 our Credit Union charged to continue remaining second lien holder on the HARPII refinance. The CU did not have to return the fee as they'd done their job. We had so much proof of wrong doing in the emails that Bank of America met our demand to make us whole. They repaid the $295.00 we lost because we MADE THEM. Had we not been so diligent to memorialize their behavior in emails, and had they not exposed themselves to outside vendors via these emails - we'd have never gotten our money back at all. We were obnoxious. No apologies! We walked away, but still have a home that is underwater and a mortgage that is harder and harder to pay. While cost of living has risen to impact our small life (we don't live large!) and my husband's company not giving him a raise in SIX YEARS (another story for another time for middle class families staying in their jobs out of fear to be without a job!) has begun to deeply affect our ability to keep our heads above water. Had we obtained a HARPII, or other relief from TARP greed after the 2008 collapse, we'd live in a home what it is worth with appropriate equity to obtain a lower interest rate and lower monthly payment with our Fannie Mae home.

The latest insult was in filing a complaint against BAC's handling of what we thought was HARPII with the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Bank of America receives this complaint and is made to answer to it. They answered alright! Using slight of hand, ignoring my evidence of email throughout the period of contract, the answer to the complaint BAC provided was to turn it back around on us for being at fault. They said we walked away during the 90 day period with no mention that they'd timed out on fulfilling the contract terms in product expected and time to come to a closing day. I have yet had energies to provide rebuttal and rebuke their statements to blame us and walk away without accountability. I have all the proof I need in the emails for the entire timeline of what went wrong, what was wrong and their written acceptance of responsibility for failing to provide us with a HARPII refinance.

We are just one family affected by this sort of behavior by all of the TARP banks continuing to hold property owners hostage to homes that were devalued, left without equity or ability to sell - under the provisions that the federal law provided with all the products to remedy the 2008 outcome that befell most American home owners. We have also tried to obtain refinancing relief tools by the lawsuit settlement against the TARP banks to work specifically on remedies for folks like us. The National Mortgage Settlement website helps those who did lose their homes to foreclosure during certain time periods, as well as help for folks like us, who are not in foreclosure, but experiencing the impact of underwater values and inability to refinance as we tried to do under HARPII. So far, I cannot find relief, but rather many trails to further confusion. I knew we fit in somewhere, and I know there's some sort of help available to rebalance what was taken from our family, and perhaps yours. At this point, we are hard pressed to keep up on our mortgage as we foresaw last year as our objective to obtain timely refinancing using the HARPII relief. We are slowly slipping through the cracks.

This is our story - and I am more than open to asking for media help to tell it - with all the proof of paper, emails and evidence to turn this around and help ourselves and for thousands of families like us to help retain our home, or sell it to tighten our belts. The housing industry is still in down-market ruin, keeping folks from selling, downsizing or moving to where jobs are in rebuilding our national economy.

A Friend Said It For Me

2012-12-12T19:02:00.001-05:00

Sometimes all the signals in the universe are crashing into you so hard, but you are not ready to listen to your soul, your gut, your friends - that things must change.

I am blessed to be friends with CarolAnn Bailey-Lloyd. She's kind of the whole package. I love reading her blogs, but this one - well, it's got to be shared.

The Courage To Say ... ENOUGH

Honoring Jennifer Jaff, A Candle Light Memorial

2012-09-21T14:51:00.000-04:00

Candle light Memorial Sept 30 - Virtual Invite

Until we can gather at the memorial to come, may this bring you some peace in your sorrow, and love directly to Jennifer from your heart.

The beautiful blogs, articles, her Board , many websites, and replies to news or blogs are remarkable. So many speak of her service, her devotion and all of it is SO true. She was my hero for what she did/gave to the world. Mostly, and for so long, she was simply my dear friend. She didn't give herself much downtime to relax and even while talking "off duty", she'd be multi-tasking for Advocacy. Rarely, she'd tell me that she and Emily Cat were all snuggled on the couch or in her room while we talked. She was all about Advocacy, but she was real too - and we'd span all subjects we felt like, or talk a lot about nothing at all, or deeply sharing our thoughts. It will be those times I miss most. And yes, it was a pleasure working in common areas of Mission or IBD work. Anytime she'd call upon me for something, I'd jump. I loved that my son and I could DJ her annual Hartford location for the Worldwide Advocacy gatherings each spring. 2012 was not in Hartford and I should have gone to New York to hang out. She still shines. No past tense - her Handbook is a patients light in the dark, and her other published works will continue to extend her Mission reach through your empowerment!

I will be Lighting Up for her on September 30th, and hope you can too.

While this was Jennifer's deeply favorite Pearl Jam song, I know everyone there is reeling with her loss too. And, I hope it's okay to also give comfort to Team McCready, Wishlist and the Band (and their families) who loved Jennifer so much to play Just Breathe done by Willie Nelson. Allow cleansing tears to flow. Together.

God Bless everyone loving Jennifer, missing her, and to her office especially - your load is hard right now, but you will find balance to do all you need to do in short term to map out the long term vision that Jenni pioneered. You are wounded too, so you are doing Jennifer PROUD! And much love to Emily Cat's new forever home family.

GOP Convention's National Debt Sign Reminder

2012-08-29T16:37:00.001-04:00

This number is PROOF that the "GOP Way" is a global failure. The majority of We The People in this great nation want balance. We are not Red or Blue. Most of us are not even White. We are the "huddled masses", and we don't want a free ride. We do right, we follow the rules and we are penalized for our efforts. The GOP claims that 50% of Americans don't pay taxes. Most of that 50% do pay taxes, but we get Income Tax Refunds as sure as the wealthiest pay no more than they currently have to! I still don't get how major corporations don't pay appropriate taxes, still get subsidized, send jobs overseas, cash flows elections with unchecked Super-Pac money - and then the GOP calls Social Service agencies THE "entitlement" that is crushing our country.

This year, there's 'only' a hurricane to kick off the S**t Storm of National Conventions. The 2008 economic collapse happened in the middle of the last presidential convention season! The Obama Administration inherited the country during the worst depression since the Great Depression.

Here's the order of history highlights: Bill Clinton's administration left balanced books. A small breakdown of George W Bush 8 years of GOP leadership: No one could believe we had "that guy" for President, September 11, 2001, predatory lending becomes household word, 3 wars, multiple GOP scandals, loads of Dick Cheney scary stuff, spy stories, mercenary war contracts outpacing exhausted, underpaid veterans, and the topper was the 2008 economic crash. GOP John McCain and Sarah Palin were NOT elected. The Bush Administration pushed TARP during lame duck last days of his administration (and added the hidden billions more) to reward greed with bail-outs both parties said they HAD to do. Obama is sworn in and gets busy on his promises but is watered down to stinky bog by Republican obstruction and obfuscation tactics that too many took as fact. The 2010 mid-term elections had us all whining that President Obama had not fixed everything in under 2 years. Both sides have been campaigning for 2012 since 2010. Politics and Big Money are too busy playing Lord Of The Flies with each other to bother about you.

To me, the repair comes from dealing with what the BANKING Industry caused. They were infused with YOUR money, there's your National Debt on top of THREE CONCURRENT FOREIGN WARS. Did TARP rescued banks restore your housing market values and city assessments? Can you sell your current Fannie or Freddie home to up OR downsize your family finances? Does the word "short sale" sound fair for something you didn't cause? Are you like my family who bought within our means, always paid on time and in full, but your lender says you have no LTV to take advantage of lowered interest rates? No? No revised lending industry = no fixed housing industry = hostage to unfair mortgage interest rates = no jobs = foreclosed homes and businesses = VANISHING Middle Class. Have TARP receiving institutions repaid every single penny of YOUR money with their restored profit margins? Have they been made to do so, or given more breaks and time like you don't get to advantage for sustaining your property and rising property taxes?

Why aren't EITHER of our Presidential candidates talking about the Number One factor keeping most of us awake every night?

I have little faith in elected officials of any party at any level, but I will vote in both my primary and general elections - I still feel it my American Duty & Privilege.

Showing the National Debt all through the GOP National Convention does not rewrite history, it best serves as a reminder of how it happened.

Sharing Advocacy For Patient's recent Blog

2012-06-20T21:24:00.001-04:00

There but for the grace of God, go I. Chronic Illness and flying seldom go well together. My friend, an expert in Patients Rights, could not make herself heard! She was badly abused in her recent flying experience on US AIRWAYS on the flight, but then again by customer service afterwards. This was so avoidable - it is unconscionable. I cannot console her properly, but I can help her get her story out. Please read: http://advocacyforpatients.blogspot.com/2012/06/crohns-patients-open-letter-to-us.html

RI Municipal Pension Committee OpEd on public comment 4/23/2012

2012-04-30T14:30:00.000-04:00

I Tweeted both of these clips. First, Bob Cushman's public comment time providing handouts for anyone wanting one. He verbally highlighted the independent fiscal report analysis in order to compare against Warwick's public accounting budget projections. The Pension Committee all the tools to insure that all checks and balances meet our best interests now, and into the future. Cushman and others are not raising new questions. They have been clear about their concerns for nearly a decade. Mr. Cushman's report suggests that [accounting] recipes used with "cooked books" taste very bad to the citizens who are continually told to EAT IT.

Cushman was followed by a 'soft shoe' act defend/deflect tactic performed by Council 94 President J. Michael Downey. Mr. Downey knows who Bob Cushman is, but feigned pretense of saying "Cashman? Cushman?" Downey admits he didn't even take the handout or read the report Mr. Cushman just used. The uncut video shows attack mode clearly. Warwick citizen Roger Durand rebutted Downey's comments in order to remind the committee to focus on the analysis differences. Mr. Durand underscored the areas of concern that demand fair review.

Favors and Cronyism instead of do-able #TaxRelief has to be stopped. Our leaders and those they negotiate with must do fiscal diligence for the times we live in today. Deals are struck behind closed doors to keep the past players mollified. Their $$DD keeps devaluating your properties while raising taxes annually that drive people from their homes, businesses and our city. Anyone trying to provide transparency is attacked and neutralized. The citizens can't afford status quo deals. Taxation without Representation led Pre-Revolutionary Warwick citizens to sinking the HMS Gaspee long before Boston threw tea off of The Beaver and The Dartmouth. We need to use that same spirit (with modern laws respected!) to make changes occur today.

Thank you, Bob Cushman for your public comments. Thank you, Mr. Durand for the rebuttal for fiscal integrity. Thank Pension Committee for your hard work. Thanks to Mayor's Fung and Tavares for showing it can be done! Warwick needs the Cranston #Fung'shWay template to remove the hoarded clutter where all the buried garbage is hiding the ability to revitalize Warwick's design flow.

Decision 2012 - The road to "SSDD" - Vote anyhow!

2012-04-23T12:55:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine sent an email joke forward today. Like you, I have friends who vary in their political beliefs. Political affiliation or opinion does not determine my friendship with them. Sometimes I reply with a basic, "LOL" or, I ignore and delete because it's easier. Sometimes I will 'feedback' to the Sender. And my friends still remain my friends.

Here's what I got from my friend: Tax Return Returned - I was trying to get a jump on doing my taxes this year, however, the IRS sent my Tax Return back!! I guess it was because of my response to the line, which said: List All Dependents. I replied, 12 million illegal immigrants, 3 million crack heads, 42 million people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons, and 535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate. Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer. So I sent it back with a question "Did I forget someone?"

I enjoyed that politicians were lumped into the joke. Today I elected to "feed back":

As an Independent, I am rather tired of ALL of the behaviors called "leadership" at any level. All they do once elected is spend time blocking each other to cancel any repairs or progress for those who elected them. They blame each other instead of apologizing for not being accountable about their behavior or inability to serve their purpose. I am tired of this election campaign that is no where near over, and began 14 months ahead of Voting Day.

These political people can raise billions of dollars to run for office. Each 'winner' can't do any work because they have to start running for office again, right away. They are elected for their own growth to enter into political life so they can platform into books, speaking and media coverage.



All their raised money for attacking each other could be better used if put towards growing the economy, fixing roads and bridges, lowering the deficit, meaningfully change or refurbish policy, help our vets, create global good will, etc. They blame each other for problems that existed before, during and after their term instead of paying attention to what is best for SERVING America.What I need is Bi-Partisan FOCUS on getting their WORK DONE without party or lobby, Super Pac, and news media abuse.

Ability to act with one's own personal intellect is no longer allowed.

Allegedly these politicians have brains that got them through other aspects of their lives, but cannot act independently once elected. They are minnows that move as one body no matter how the water ripples. If one strays, the others consider them bait to protect the rest of the group.

Politicians work to make changes for those that they owe for financially backing them to get elected.

The only unlimited fuel resource in America is: Political hot air and flatulence polluting the atmosphere.

You want your tax dollar to work for you?

Do you pay income tax, or, do you get refunds, or do you have social program assistances?

Or some of each?

You can owe income tax, but pay less because you are careful about deductions to lower your tax bill, and you can be a Social Security recipient at the same time.

Are you a bad citizen?

Why are you are accused of NOT paying taxes to support your country when you EARN a Tax Refund?

They count people who get tax refunds into their statistics as if you are the same as those who do use social programs.

Your taxes are taken from your paycheck to pay into Social Security, you also appear to suck

the life out of your country when you earn the right to start receiving your checks, get refunds and no longer receive a paycheck.

Depending on who's mouth is flapping from their political party - you are the problem for not being in their party. They can't help you if you don't help them.



But I'll still vote anyhow because it's my duty to do so. :P

Women in America - Puritan bonnets Conservative de rigueur Couture

2012-04-18T09:48:00.000-04:00

How did women get swept up and thrown into the trash in our country? Where are we? Why isn't anyone gathering in huge numbers to stop this #trend against female citizens in several state and federal laws? Is this what elected leadership has boiled down to? When do elected GOP female leaders push back? Rather than being accused of "liberal bias", here's a link to a Google for your own search on what I feel is the most egregious offense against #CivilRights for #Women in Wisconsin - and yes, it's real! http://www.google.com/searchclient=safari&rls=en&q=wisconsin+equal+pay+for+women&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

Even #AnnCoulter may take a pause on this one! By the way; Women are the majority in our populace. What IS happening?

Tell DC to stop Deep Cutting Lies! We Know What You Do in Office!

2012-03-01T13:09:00.000-05:00

WHEN DOES THIS COUNTRY STOP ALLOWING THIS MADNESS? The link below to Steny Hoyer was my last straw of what straws are left. I had to write to you today. Tell them to take OUR money out of THEIR pockets in Washington DC and in your own State. No COLA raises for legislators, congress and no INSIDER TRADING benefits. It's not about being a bleeding liberal, it is about shoving the wealth "leaders" make off of your backs right into your face! Then they give you the scraps IF they FEEL LIKE IT? Citizens see The Emperors Have No Clothes, they know we see them and they are naked and proud to exhibit themselves while you can't shield yourself from their corrupt gains while you are being violated. In my state of RI, Governor Lincoln Chafee is going to cut DENTAL BENEFITS out of Medicaid while allowing our state legislators to give themselves a COLA RAISE when they just robbed us last year with unprecedented self and staff raises.

Tell Steny Hoyer: Don't sell out Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid

act.credoaction.com

House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer is pushing a proposal that would sell out our social safety net. He is working on a potential backroom deal to put the cuts we defeated last year back on the table. Tell Steny Hoyer: Don't sell out Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.

- This is a systemic leadership issue and NOT Party issue. ALL OF OUR Elected officials don't even hide telling all citizens to 'eat cake' while they vampire benefits and wealth growth for themselves by the ENTITLEMENTS they get from our voting them into office to WORK FOR US. It's not even subtle, we all know what's going on and our country fails while they rake it in. They don't cut their own spending and redundancies. They get raises while Social Security recipients did not get anything for two years until 2012 started. STOP the money flow from your gas tank to SPECULATORS HANDS, it's not the Middle East that is raising the cost of fuel. It is WALL STREET and oil company loopholes. Oil does not need to be subsidized. Corporations (like GE) need to pay income taxes. STOP blaming the FixedNews lie that those of us who do not pay taxes are the problem. WE FILE AND EARN REFUNDS UNDER THE LAWS IN THE TAX CODE the same way MITT & Co. FOLLOW THE LAW TO PAY LESS TAXES THAN YOU DO! It's not that people do not pay taxes, it is that they earned their REFUNDS. The majority of people FILE TAXES. DC and the Media has us at each other's throats with distractions and subterfuge while they sink our country into last place as a world leader.

LaPorte asks Burning Question - SariSays Answers

2012-02-21T16:28:00.003-05:00

Author, thinker, speaker Danielle LaPorte asked her readers to answer:

what's one dumb thing that you used to believe in?

I was certain that my answer would be in sharing how I used to think MY LOVE could CHANGE someone who I was attracted to because they were diamonds in the rough. I believed in POTENTIAL. "All he needs is the love of the right woman. Me!" Ah foolish youth. Dysfunctional family of origin sets of beliefs were running my romantic rough boy taste in men until I married one. On the surface, that's pretty dumb! Loving a person for their potential may have been a good enough example in answer to Danielle's challenge. I have determined that "loving a person for their potential to be my hero and believing 100% my love can change them" is the thin skin covering my dumbest core belief in days of yore ...

EXPECTATIONS were the core of my dumbest belief system

I picked him, I ignored all those around me while I lived with him for 4 years, then still married him in 1986 based on my belief that I could repair HIM! That - despite knowing he'd been to 13 rehab programs before I met him in 1982. I started attending Alanon around 1984, while checking out this cool new TV lady, Oprah. In the earliest days of attendence, I went to meetings with the notion that this group would help me change HIM! I was quickly disabused of this goal. I was told I was attending to change myself because THAT IS ALL I CAN EXPECT about my life. I rejected this premise, plus, it bothered him that I was going, so I didn't really go very often. It did not penetrate that I'd become what I'd learned as a kid. I was born a Care-taker and a People Pleaser. Besides, I did not have the drinking problem HE DID. I EXPECTED that if I hung in there with him, all my hard work, years of tears, damage control, paying off tabs, enabling his worst traits with my own worst traits would end up in my being THANKED, being a hero. I EXPECTED that all my friends and our families would see what a wonderful girl I was to have been that Chalice Of Permanent Sobriety he would crusade for.

I was sporadically attending Alanon meetings, giving lip service to my brain ... some of the group think and lessons made osmosis changes in my behavior. I was not cognizant that I'd started to behave differently in the home. He went to rehab as a condition of my marrying him in May of '86. I bought him a 1981 Harley Davidson Sportster for "us" as a marriage gift. In our 5th year together, trying to change for each other, he began to reject me and my expectations of 'saving him' with escalating verbal abuse. I grew up with emotional abuse, so didn't think it was abnormal. Then came the first shove. I didn't EXPECT that! Then came a punch in the arm. A slap here and there. Each of these ignored warning episodes came with an apology and honeymoon period of compliance from him. I still Expected that having gone so far, he would really bottom out and do as I and all his family EXPECTED of him. He did not have his bottom out, but I sure did!

One night, a full blown tackle on our ice covered, rural driveway ensued and all my expectations were about escaping alive. He'd been drinking, I'd been working, normal to us. I came home and smelled the fumes ... I EXPECTED I WOULD. I'd learned to avoid noticing out loud. He Expected that I would notice and say something. I Expected that if I said nothing, I could keep to myself. Expect the unexpected. That much is true. Domestic violence does not have expectations above the fact that there will be more of it. He did not like the "looks" I was giving him by not looking at him! That was enough for whatever red mist of mental blackout exists within the abuser. I had changed out of work clothes to put on a Tee shirt and robe. Nothing more. That was/is my choice of comfy wear. He kept trying to engage me. I kept deflecting any hint of whatever it was that he was waiting for. No such luck. Picture a 230 pound man, 5 foot 9 inches. Picture a 115 pound 5 foot 2 inch woman. A collar grab and shoulder shake. Thankfully, my mind has blurred most of it. In 1987, so there was no cordless phone. He'd ripped out so many phones over the years. At some point, I found wiggle room to put my bare feet inside his big Sorrel clunker boots, and out of the door, up our endlessly long driveway in hopes of making it across the street to another year round neighbor and get help. I heard his elephant bellow as he came out of the house to catch me. I was near the half-way point and it did not seem to matter that my tiny feet were driving the clown sized winter boots under me. I tried to go faster, but nightmares slow the best runners. He bashed into the back of my body with full on NHL strength. Front down, I hit the iced drive and the force of his body upon mine created a human sled out of me for a few more feet. I did not have to play possum. I had no air. I was awake, but that was about all I was. He stopped himself. He always did. Many abusers don't until they have created a lifeless body.

Until he picked me up, I had no idea of the pain I was in. My mind went away here and there. He was scared enough to call an ambulance. We lived 25 miles from the dispatch starting point. He was so nice. So sweet. Coaching me not to tell on him. I agreed out loud. Inside I knew I was going to tell. Could he detect this? Could I make him believe my nods and swollen lips trying to form the allegiance? My Angels were on my side. He opened the door to the EMT's. Of course, their eyes had seen this scene in too many horrible variations before they met me. They smelled his alcoholic perma-stink. My eyes sidling here and there like a skittered horse, his tale spinning while they paid no attention to what Mr. Concerned, It Was An Accident - was saying. They had to get me checked, onto the back/neck board and onto the gurney. No one was talking but my husband. At some point, one of the EMT's radioed a squad car. As I was being loaded into the ambulance, my husband was going to climb in too. The EMT's made excuse that he had to follow in our car because they needed room to work. He nods. As soon as the bay door shut, one of the EMT's said, "He did this right?" I stared at him. "He can't follow, there's a squad car at the top of the driveway, they can take him on drunk driving for the night. If he did this to you, they can do a lot more. You could have been killed tonight, we don't know if you have internal injuries, you still could die. DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?" I nodded yes, I mumbled yes, my head was screaming, "Yes!"

I wish I could say it was the end of the marriage.

It was the beginning of the end of the marriage.

It was the beginning of me as I am today.

In an Alanon meeting, not so long after I was the hockey puck in our driveway ... a member stated a bit of 12 Step gold that lives in my core soul every single day. "The brief definition of insanity is expecting better results from the same behavior." As I wrapped up the relationship and ended that chapter, I'd devoted myself to having learned as certainty - that - I cannot EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE BUT THE BEST OF MYSELF, and that's not always going to work out, but keep challenging MY beliefs & expectations.

I outlived my first husband. He died in 2001, 11 years past our time together. He died from mostly the complications of a life time of substance abuse. His sister got his adoption papers unsealed after his death and after their folks passed away. His records showed he was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This was how it was done in 1955. He never had a chance at life. I never had a chance with him. Catholic Charities Adoption laws are changed now.

I had long ago forgiven my first husband because without him crossing my bow, I would not have learned what was wrong with me due to my Expectations of Fixing Another. If not for living through an abusive and sick relationship, and then re-parenting my 'root of origin' dysfunctions, I could not have raised my own child in better capabilities a few years later. I would not have gained the coping skills to endure and survive my auto-immune illness of Crohn's Disease and the acceptance of expectations realistic to getting the best out of life that I could. I am grateful and humbled by the broken man I tried to love into his potential best self so he could role change and then be my Knight. (looking down as I write, and shaking my head at the girl I was)

Dear Danielle, this was not dumb, I was deaf. I acted out of ignorance. But then I acted in stupidity for knowing better and still tilted at windmills. I nearly died for my dumbest belief 'thing'.

When my son was a brand new 4, I met the man I would risk marrying again. I was 8 years past the first marriage. I was an IBD patient advocate, full time mom, full time job(s), and started sharing my tales of survival for others in my radio jobs and Crohn's Colitis forums. Early in 1997, I met my man who had the baggage set one collects by age 36. I did not fall in love with potential. I fell in love with eyes wide open. We married 14 years ago today, on 2/21/1998. We separated just after Thanks Giving 2011. We accept the loss of each self and circumstances we both now understand and are healing in couples therapy. I am embracing the original beliefs that my 12 Step program ingrained so long ago. I left a lot of my tools out in the rain. We both Expected in sideways directions. He is picking up some new self ownership and is doing the good work. No ONE is perfect and I have blessed again the idea that two whole selves make one good marriage. He'll come home in April as we are still working on important things we both need to do better within. The last couple years of our marriage feel like puberty upheaval! Middle age crazy for him, menopause for me, leaving off old pains and paradigms for each. Utilizing Personal Accountability to love a person just as they are, without EXPECTATIONS that they will change is our priority to repair what time, illness, economy and exterior challenges exhausted in both of us. We are deciding what we can accept or find unacceptable. And we are open to seeing where this will take each individual. We are making amends, we understand that no one acted in malice. We owe amends to our son and others. We are behaving our way away from unrealistic EXPECTATIONS. We each really did pick the right person to love and have more Pro's than Cons to build upon. We need to be mindful to EXPECT that 'each is what they is'.

To my SariSays readers, receiving Danielle's email motivation of the day for her Burning Question challenge - was not an accident, it was an anniversary gift. My Daily Hazelden was the anniversary card with their Thought of The Day quote: "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all." By Emily Dickinson Hope is not to be confused by Expectations - it is a human cry to make into reality the best of your desires if you go about it with realistic EXPECTATIONS of SELF.

Thank you!

TV without Soaps would not be TV regardless of format

2012-02-17T16:50:00.001-05:00

Without Soap Opera's there would be NO episodic prime time TV shows. There would be no Real Housewives. There would be no Jersey Shore or Real World. There would be no #ArmyWives, no #ProjectRunway! What - no #TLCFamilies? There would be no #NCIS ! There would be no Idol, Bachelor, Big Brother, Survivor ... we learned to TUNE IN TOMORROW because of SOAP OPERA stories that make us want to follow the TV lives of well written character families developing over time and circumstances that take place in our real lives/news - and then incorporated into television story lines. There's revenue for Soap program slots, just like other new ways of making money in hard economic times - do it new, do it better to live in new times. #AMC #OLTL #GH

RI/Warwick AUTO TAX - BEST NEWS YET, PASS IT ALONG

2012-01-12T19:19:00.000-05:00

WARWICK, RHODE ISLAND From the Desk of Rob Cote; Release:
Please be advised that the Public Hearing for the car tax bill will be held at the State House on Wed. January 18, 2012 at 5PM after the rise in Room 313. It will go before John Brien in the Municiple Finance committee.
Everyone from the general public is invited to give both written and verbal testimony.
This is the key meeting that we need everyones support and attendance.
Very few bills if any move this quickly. There is a lot of support and excitement for this to pass.
We have been asked to give verbal testimony from the heart, not read from a sheet.
This is a very emotional issue and our statehouse supporters want us to drive home the personal impacts that this issue has had on all of us. This is a major moment and we need as many bodies as possible.
Please try to attend this meeting.

Regards,

Rob Cote

cartaxrevolt@aol.com

401 965-7934

Ellen Payne Osborn Memorial Gathering on Facebook

2012-01-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

A page has been created for Ellen to join her family and friends in Indiana. No one has to miss her alone.
Ellen's World Light Up

Ellen's Memorial Information & Her Wishes

2011-12-31T14:09:00.001-05:00

For Ellen Payne Osborn - a gateway to assist your way to her loved ones. Click HERE:

A Celebration of Life service will be held at 2:00 p.m. Saturday, January 7, 2012 at College Avenue United Methodist Church, 1968 W. Main Street.

In her loving and generous spirit, Ellen requested that, in lieu of flowers, memorial gifts be made to help others. Gifts may be sent to Advocacy for Patients with Chronic Illness, c/o Jennifer C. Jaff, 195 Farmington Avenue, Suite 306, Farmington, CT 06032; Ball State University Foundation, P.O. Box 672, Muncie, IN 47308; or ARF (Animal Rescue Fund), 1209 W. Riggin Road, Muncie, IN 47303.

Some of Ellen's on-line friends have organized a candle lighting in her memory on January 7, 2012 at 2:00 p.m. Muncie local time. If you cannot attend Ellen's life celebration service, please join her friends from all over the world who will be lighting their candle in loving memory of Ellen Payne Osborn.

Online condolences may be sent to http://www.parsonmortuary.com

A bit more of: Once you know something

2011-12-23T15:43:00.003-05:00

Ellen has been resonating within me. I missed the last year of her life and she was still here! We intellectually know we each have phases coming in and out of each other's lives. We loved each other, that remains true. That's all I gottq say on that deal. I leave time to guide me. Reacquainting my self with her writing talent has deeply impressed me. Ellen's abilities to speak the hardest to speak of, but giving strength to her reader as she writes - is some remarkable Mad Skill! For myself and a lot of loved ones, we've been side tracked since her passing on December 19th. Some have felt utterly derailed, and I send my love to you especially. Knowing perspective will return, but Phases and tears are allowed for the duration. We each get there in our own way. So many of you read my Part Two across our GLOBE. You have gifted me with such Humbling, beautiful (and validating & even medical/professional) feedback and praise. Since Part Two came out, several life changing events have come to me including Ellen's all too early death. Thank you for encouraging me with the repeated messages to keep writing. You blessed me, and that is not taken for granted.
I intend to bring you the best writing I can give to you. No matter what deity, faith or belief - the human condition is as common as the red blood we all share as a species. We need to be COUNTED, valued and seen by our own validating eyes for those around us to see the best within our flawed human selves. I am freshening my vision questing for personal better days. Maybe my sharing will inspire you to make your own best changes happen in your unique ways and needs. Very Blessed Winter Solstice, Faith Celebrations for each - and HEALTH to you and yours as my wish for your life. Take It, Make It, Live It! Neil Young says, Rust Never Sleeps, and I always interpret that as a good thing! Partly 'cos I am a Ginger Haired Capricorn! :) Fondly, Sari Jo

Elle's Obit Link

2011-12-22T13:00:00.002-05:00

Official Obituary update provided with loving care from her most cherished, left behind, please read.
Ellen's Guest Book web site page for Ellen Payne Osborn please leave a note for her Husband & Family. For those of us who met her and watched her 'grow up' on our patient support boards over a decade ago - and those who met her along the way since she got MS along with her first auto immune illnesses ...
A couple of friends have a good answer for all of us who cannot be present: Ellen's Memorial Celebration will be on Saturday, January 7, 2012. Visitation at 1:00 p.m. Service starts at 2:00 PM at College Avenue Church in Muncie Indiana. Ladies of the church will have cookies, punch and coffee afterwards.

As people loving and missing Ellen are GLOBAL in their sorrow and wishes to comfort the family and each other - there will be a world-wide candle lighting vigil to take place simultaneously with those attending the service. 2 PM Eastern time, 11 AM Pacific time, and Internationally. Please calculate your Time Zones. You just need a candle and a match. We can all pray together and know that Ellen will be watching us and seeing all of our candles flicker together.

More information - flowers, donations and attendence, & virtual guest book.

(TY to SB/JJ/KO)

For Ellen Payne Osborn- Dutchess of Kent

2011-12-20T12:07:00.002-05:00

36 is too damned young to die. At nearly 51, this lesson is cemented in me as of yesterday, when a young lady I had the honor of knowing for a phase of life - no longer occupies her beat-up, broken body. I want to tell you about who she IS. Not was. Who she is right now as the vibrant Angel she said she was, and shall be. She IS. She knew she would go early. We all sort of knew, but never wanted to grasp. For Kent, their families and oh so many friends - When Ellen loved, she lived. She lived to love. Live with her, through her - and, now - live her span FOR HER. We can carry a bit of her with us forever more. God Bless. Elle, here's to you, Kid: DANCE IN PEACE, you don't have to Rest any longer. If I can do Ellen Payne Osborn any honor, it is to use her own words ... Elle's Cliff Notes

SariSays: Part TWO - Once you know something, you CAN'T UN-KNOW IT

2011-12-16T23:34:00.003-05:00

The impression that most have of me is of strength, common sense, humor and a good grip on making it through anything life can throw at a person. I can be deeply failing within myself, but appear to function so that no one really knows. Except, that's a lie to myself, and I can't do that any longer. In some odd convergence of good and evil, I have to pair these next two blog entries because "one thing leads to another". PART ONE

If you are like me with a chronic illness (mine is IBD, an auto-immune disease), you are even more vulnerable to having mental health imbalances. Emotional health issues are a symptom possible within a physical illness. Mental health problems can create systemic reactions in your physical well being. I finally have a "correct label" after years of being Clinically Depressed as a wrong diagnosis. So many of us are chipped away at these days. It's been a rough decade for our society. Politics, wars, and especially this financial strain of historic world impact. For me, stress and challenges tend to trigger my auto immune body. Along with Crohn's Disease, I got Uveitis in 2007. I have been cut open 6 times since 2004 for hernia and other gut fun, even though my Crohn's is in remission since 2002! Then came menopause at age 47. I was losing my essence and doing no good for those around me. And, those around me - have their own ticks, quirks and human weaknesses going in simulcast. We all did the best we could with what we knew and wanted to make it better. I have the responsibility to have learned from bad times, heal what I can - and move forward having survived yet again.

Head-Meds: Doctors of good intent continue to dispense without questioning multiple combinations of SSRI/assisting psychotropic medications. Before you add yet another drug to your body, you deserve a REAL diagnosis. Get yourself to a MENTAL HEALTH PHYSICIAN SPECIALIST to diagnose you as accurately as possible. This may mean physical exams with lab reports as well as piles of questionnaires. Consider your individual body/daily life and health histories. In many cases, as I have come to discover for myself ... meds can FAIL intended results or, as I found out - exacerbate/create mental impairment via taking the drug itself! Many patients benefit from anti-depressants. Set goals and time of use guidelines with your doctor. ASK if your doctor is versed with continuing education for accurately prescribing a 'head-med' if this is your PCP/GP/Family Doc. Ask for a referral to a doctor who is a mental health physician. In my very personal opinion, and based on my experience - pills should not be the first, singular or final answer. Companion therapies should be integral, as well as frequent reviews of efficacy to track your efforts and progress. QUESTION and INFORM your doctor about what you KNOW ABOUT YOURSELF.

I was put on and off various SSRI type drugs since around 1996. Since 2007, I had been on several right through to this fall. We now know why Anti-depressants failed me. I should never have been on that type of medication! Some made me flat, some made me eat, or not eat, sex, or more often - sexless ... over the years, no head med of any type did what it was to do. I have to tell you how much I am questioning these TV ads to ask you to insist on MORE drugs to go along with the drugs that are not working - to ... get them to work? Is that the final or best answer? If I can miss something this crucial, anyone can. It's not like I was not seeking help. I had support at home and used medical and talk therapy providers. I had good care, yet we mislabeled me for YEARS. I even tried holistic, non medication therapies. I did okay or better for long periods of time without meds too. Not one care provider had bad intent or lack of professionalism.

Early in 2008, my excellent GP dispensed yet another try at an anti-depressant. Due to my surgical history, I have no large intestine and very short amount of normal length of small intestine remaining. We all kept thinking the problem with all the other anti-depressant trials of past and this new drug ... were about gut loss and malabsorption issues. This time, we kept UPPING the dose. This was a maximum dose of any med I have ever had. I waited 8 months with this last drug for feeling better. Effexor ER can be a dicky medication (in my opinion) from what I have since studied. The side effects became horrific in my body and mind reactions to Effexor in extended, non-extended, generic or manufacturer trials and doses we tried. Problems across the board got much bigger than they had to be. I am working to fix myself and make amends to those I affected. Around July, I experienced accelerated depression, body sweats of anxiety attacks, NIGHTMARES, weeping, no eating, sleeping 16 hours a day - dead sexual self, brain fog, tangential lack of articulation, exhaustion, hermitting and more. Even thoughts of wishing I would fade away began to be a problem. By late September, the Dark Thoughts started whispering to me. Suicide has never been or would ever be MY answer. I knew right away this death wishing was not of me. I WAS DONE TAKING THESE PILLS. I weaned off safely, but I have been off and healing since October 2011. I would be dead several times over if not for the core of strength I am made of. I have been dead two times in surgeries. I have things to do!!! I BELIEVE in my guardian angels protecting me during the worst of life and illness/surgeries. I was not going to let A PILL be my early ending! I have my son to finish raising and enjoy his journey - I have family and friends - and a happier life span to live on my own stable terms.

QUESTION and INFORM your doctor about what you KNOW ABOUT YOURSELF. Please SPEAK UP ASAP when you experience medication side effects. Write down and report to your doctor all or any of the side effects you are having and what they do. Check carefully about drug interactions with other medications you may be taking. NEVER feel like you are 'bothering' your doctor. They work FOR you. If you are in serious need and cannot reach your doctor about your medications - please call your pharmacy. Some of the most caring and proactive people in the business are at your drugstore! You will also find advocacy or case help access with your insurance provider via customer service.

My Effexor induced nightmares were so bad. The dreams had become vomited memories of what was already a known challenged childhood past. I knew the drug opened up locked doors in my mind. I am still working towards reconciling with what my journey of life has been - and what choices I can make each day towards healing myself towards who I need to be today. I am full of flaws, and it is the hardest turn-around I will ever take upon myself. I am not without support and tools. 2012 UPDATE: I have not been on any anti-depressants since last October. Life is still very challenging, and I am imperfect, still trying to find where I belong and why. I only know I belong in this life. I know I deserve to be happier and that it is upon me to ultimately SEE that my happiness is not on anyone else's shoulders but my own. I am thankful that I am still here, and that I have better awareness to work towards peace from within to live a better life experience.

Teaser Part Two - Once you know something ...

2011-12-13T14:27:00.000-05:00

SariJoMogol MogolMediaNetCasting

MMNTeaser Part2: A word of Caution about the ease with which we/me are put on anti-depressants and left on them without review of diagnosis.

I am about to get very real, very personal - what happened to me - can it help you? I believe so, yes.

SariSays: Once you know a thing of life, You Cannot UN-KNOW It. PART ONE

2011-12-10T20:01:00.001-05:00

I'd be dead and in a jar if I wasn't stubborn, loyal, left brain leading with a good chunk of right brain talent. Every idiot has a blog now. I hope to be a readable idiot. I have been "out" and advocating about Crohn's Disease and ulcerative colitis for decades. I talk about my own life being saved with my Ileostomy. I am known as Sari Says or Dear Baggy in a lot of internet and organizational forums. I have been blessed by every bad day of illness by being able to work directly with other patients and seeing them avoid or rise up from really awful situations. Professionally, my W-2 Career was cut short due to my illness and surgical losses of too many body parts - in 2002. I was accepted (on first pass with an 'invisible' disease) for SSDI. Since 2003, I have had 6 more operations, but kept most of my innards. More surgery in 2012 first quarter, like as not. I don't, but it is what it is.

On the home front, my husband has carried the only steady income holding us together (and family medical insurance Thank God) since my downfall. I am good at small business, so I am his partner for maximizing and holding us stable as my valuable contribution. I earn my keep. Especially in these world economy challenged years for all of us. I know a few things about a few things. We have sustained with integrity at a time when so many are losing everything. I am grateful for this each day.

When you have an illness, how you cope with being in a chronic battle for staying alive is totally intertwined with your personality and life history. Every aspect of who we are comes to bear during the hardest times of life. If you don't feel good about who you are apart from illness challenges, it is much harder to accept, learn and manage your entire life. IT IS MY PERMISSION TO BE HAPPIER. If you are happier, your whole life set of choices looks very different in a most wonderful way. You can be a better friend, spouse, parent or career person. You in turn, thinking better of yourself, will attract to you others of the same outlook and healthier relationships as kindred support lines and fully reciprocal relationships. I make mistakes even as I try to correct them. Each time I get too far away from my standards, I get into trouble. I am a slow learner. But I get there eventually. With some very serious life changes in front of me ... I need to make a living out of what I have lived and what I can give to the world. I dream of being off SSDI all together and still work from home. The busted body parts are not comin' back. But my brain works just fine! What I know is worth being paid for. If you see me and can put out your hand to open a door as I have made my life mission to do ... lemme know. I trust that "karma does come back around."

I have my degree in Broadcasting from 1979. I was a small town radio jock for a good run of 20 years on various central Minnesota dial locations. I have had all kinds of other jobs and run small businesses to speak to that area of life. I am a parent. Our son turned out better than I could want, even if we made mistakes as all parents do. He's CAPABLE of what he will be and get there with his own good radar. Probably that's why you read my blog and see all my sides. I am plugged in. I am a politically interested person, a life coach person, a funny wise ass person, wife, mom, protector and massive scrapper when I see imbalances going on. Having run our former car repair front office for small business management along with our current one income property by dealing with tenants - I have a sharp BS Meter. Paraphrasing Judge Judy, "I have met you a hundred times and know what you are within moments of being around you." Although I am not passionate or even all that articulate in Astrological studies - being Capricorn and a Red Head give you a clue about who I am. I am a survivor of oh so much.

Any phase of change in my life has not been easy or without pain, or without some further knocks to climb out of it. But in most cases, even years later, it makes sense to those I affected. Or even myself. Loss is hard. I want the silver lining, but have to wait and I know this. I have to keep my humility to accept this journey. This feels like a life job I was handed. I have tried to give it back so many times, but it seems I was given a purpose, and I am doing the best as I can.

I write this First Part in order to write the next two entries in the next couple days. More personal than my IBD illness. Hell, that's just social discomfort in body function. Millions of us with broken guts are simply more Turbo Charged. Nope, this is harder, but I am not ashamed. I am a little scared. I am back on a much over-grown path of Good Esteem. I am flawed, I have pains to understand in order to heal, but I can still reach out to you if you are on the same journey too. "God, grant me the serenity to ..." PART TWO

A Sense Of Place/Seeking Growth - PART TWO

2011-12-10T14:03:00.003-05:00

From MMN's November 22, 2011 entry, I decided to put these entries as parts One & Two. The female feedback has been that it is good, but too much for one sitting ...

Another conversation, set amongst close friends was about Having a Sense Of Place. Here are bits and pieces culled from the best of our group think. It was a remarkable discussion. The following are loose quotes, pared down to the essence.

Each statement is a voice sharing their point of view:

I got the impression from earlier that you were in a bad place.

Understanding context is really difficult being new to each other's history.

But I like your point of view, already!

You are appealing to speak with because it looks like you are striving for betterment of yourself and wanting to gain your wisdom. So many do not - they want a shoulder, but no fresh ideas to share about how to make life better.

You are plugged in, you have a well rounded view of the whole relationship circle and your view of it.

You answered my questions and ideas in kindness and the respect of seeing each other as having walked similar paths in life and coming out better.

I look at my current situation as two very worn out souls who faced too many external business and financial challenges, add in health and each other's imperfections ... and being so worn down, I, at least, have cognizance of how we got to where we are rutted in a place of burnt out psyches.

The way s/he feels about themselves seems to continually lead her/his choices to do the same things that failed him/us earlier in the daily methods choking our marriage!

S/He hides from that fearless self inventory as a list of shame rather than something to learn from. Bound to repeat things that cause hardship which keep the idea of success as never attainable!

I think s/he has never lived without a crisis, so when waters are calm - it does not last as an accomplishment to live in a peaceful place of stability.

S/He tends to throw a new component of either mood or financial impact back into the midst of our marriage.

It is astoundingly clear to me, and those who know us - that s/he is totally and not of a purpose - actually obtuse to their own accountability in why they are not happy or why situations do not work out time and again.

Yeah, it never comes off as manipulating, just ingrained and deaf about it.

As it becomes worse, the gaps between being the spouse as the only one close enough to call them out is too blurred from living away from anyone who could echo or validate how you see it too!

It is not healthy.

S/He insists, as their pattern to live apart from clan and roots. No pack input to support or guide us. As it has come to be only me this last decade, s/he wonders, and I mean - seriously, does not know why they feel "picked-on" just at home where reality must bite! (giggles around)

My deal is different, but I can see that I have lost my connection to my own balance or being a partner to him that he had in me.

Running a family business and career is killing us with stress and blurred roles.

(mutual voices; OMG! Ditto! Exactly! You too?)

I can't be a partner in be business, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom - there's no separating even when you know you have to make boundaries inside the roles, you can't!

I get such crap about this!

I hear that! How can I be Jiminy Cricket and keep my legs open? I am too busy rubbing them together doing the Hard Work! (YOU WENT THERE!!)

No load balance = no sexuality.

You cannot be all roles.

Who can interpret unstated expectations? No matter how long we've been together, I am not a mind reader!

I am always wrong if I guess and not ask - but then, told, "You should have known!"

Even as anyone close has pointed things out for self directed growth as a good thing - and change for THEIR OWN sake, it is not within them???

Guess not. S/He is always the victim in their own head.

With our situation, this is a wonderful person, generous and the soul of kindness and giving.

They are so smart, funny, talented and praised by being at the beck and call of all but home where we have been waiting for them to be present. No one sees this but our isolated unit. I feel totally GASLIT, that I must be making this up!

Or, are you asking too much of one person?

Yes, for sure. I actually think I am more crazy!

That makes sense! We see [this person] as all others do, but also see the clay feet that ownership of family and maturity require of a person.

By the time s/he falls in the door from a day of accolades from others ... s/he is actually astounded at the upset we find due to their behavior and the messy pile of "real family life" that got out of control while s/he was off playing "Hero".

Oh, yeah, for sure! In our house - I am then the demanding and questioning nag of responsibilities - our kid just fades craving to be lavished with the same focus s/he gives to everyone else.

What I do to continue, knowing this is accepting or not?

I know, right? And I don't think I can bless what is good until I step out and away from the bad. I have detached and unassigned myself being The Administration Monitor. Does that make sense or, am I really fried?

Yes, you're fried! But you make sense.
We need more coffee!

Could I just have some ice water?

I need to nip off to use the ladies...!

... After that, I think we were all exhausted but a little lighter for finding the honesty to sit around at 'tawk'. I believe this should be an ongoing thing. SARI-SAYS: For myself, I keep going back to the old quote: "The brief definition of insanity is expecting better results from the same behavior." Since the original "klatch" of this conversation took place, I am living those words. It is painful. It is not the easy way. It is unwelcome. But it is saner than I have been for many years.