“You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.”

Zig Ziglar

Call for help!

Helping others is noble.

It makes you feel good.

It is the right thing to do.

These are good enough reasons to help others. If you are someone who is into details – here is an interview with Stephen G. Post, author of The Hidden Gifts of Helping. It says that helping others is good for your health. Here are more healthy reasons to help others.

It makes sense to help a cause you believe in. Helping someone under pressure does not do any good.

How to help others

I really like this quote by Maya Angelou.

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

So if you want to give and help others, then help yourself first.

Helping someone in something that you do not feel is right. Doing it under any sort of moral pressure should also be avoided. Do it because you want to.

Here are some ways you can help others.

• Teach people a new skill.
• Inspire them to pursue their goals.
• Listen to what they have to say.
• Share your moments of joy with them.
• Smile when you look at people, even strangers.
• Write people in your life a letter (on paper) and mail it to them old world style.
• Remind them about their strengths.
• Help them plan their business or design their life.
• Volunteer for their cause.
• Donate money for their cause on Kickstarter, Indiegogo, Rally or any other place.
• Like their Facebook page.
• Call and talk to them.
• Help them organize their work life.
• Help them identify clutter in their life and also help remove it.

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Here are more ways to help people in different stages of their lives.

Kids

• Feed them
• Love them
• Buy gifts for them
• Play with them
• Teach them to draw, paint and make things with their hands

Teenagers

• Tell them about what really matters in life – values, people, good use of time
• Teach them about science, spirituality, and balance in relationships
• Tell them about being principle centered
• Gift them good foundation building books
• Support them in their decision
• Give them resources to pursue their dreams

Youth

• Talk to them about differet career choices
• Tell them how to live their dreams
• Introduce them to a potential life partner
• Tell them how to choose a life partner
• Be a mentor to them
• Talk to them about the importance of good health
• Tell them about things that every young person should know

Middle Age

• Help them write a book
• Talk to them about work that really matters
• Collaborate with them to give back
• Teach them about a new trend or new technology which seems alien to them

Old Age

• Help them run errands
• Listen to them talk about their life
• Provide them an opportunity to experience what they missed in life
• Read to them books of their choice
• Accompany them to their favorite restaurant or concert or just to a park

What do you want to add to this list?

Also to help me – tell me what should I write about next

If you need help with something write to me.

I will leave you with this video about kindness. This is not the end, this is a new beginning…

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So happy to meet and talk with you.

I was scared.

My sister’s friend had just entered the room I was sitting in – doing nothing. I was scared – because my sister was not around – and now I had to talk to her.

I was usually scared in situations like these as a kid. It happened at school also. May be because all my friends at school were 1-2 years older than me. I thought they were smarter than me, because they could be clever while talking. May be they actually were, maybe they still are. I don’t know. Does it even matter?

Back then, I was not able to hold any sort of conversation with people. I am not sure how my friends felt about it, maybe they didn’t even care. But it was important for me, so I looked around.

They say when you (really) seek, you find. I found help in Dale Carnegie’s classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. This book is not about having great conversations. But it taught me an important lesson.

This lesson was to understand that if you make it about another person and not about yourself – you can win people. There was no overnight transformation. But I slowly started to get into YOU mode more than ME mode. And it worked.

I feel embarrassed to say that I faked it for a while. Saying things like – you look really good in this dress – when I didn’t exactly feel that way. This was totally my fault; because Dale Carnegie talked about being genuinely appreciative of other person and saying things when you really mean it. But I corrected myself as it is not in my nature to shower false praises. Now if I talk to you – you can be sure that if tell you that the gown looks good on you – then you can wear it to red carpet.

Now it is turning into a tale that is more about me – but my intent is to make it about you. Back to the idea that we started with.

How to be good at conversation

First principle is to be genuine in your praises and your discussions.

Also believe that conversations are important part of our lives. Conversations are the wires that connect us in life, at work. So it makes sense to pay attention to know how to hold an engaging conversation.

Settings do not matter much. You may be at home with your loved ones or meeting someone for business. Wherever you are – you will do good if you focus on other person. See this person – can be your boyfriend, brother, friend, son, father, husband, business partner, client, boss, a stranger – as your partner during the course of conversation. You chose to spend this time with this person – now better make it count.

My friend Rajesh Setty (he has an amazing life story, and you must check it out) introduced me to the concept of ROTI (return on time invested) – during our meeting at Blog Camp in 2006. The concept of ROTI is to give good return on the time – a person has decided to spend with you. It struck me as a powerful idea, and I try to remember and apply it whenever I am meeting people.

1. Give value to the person you are with.

This idea alone is worth more than any trick. As to tricks – I have none to share. Tricks in my mind are short time fixes. They are just that – short term. I am a long-term type guy – so let us talk about those ideas.

2. Be a good listener.

Do not do anything else. Just actively listen.  A good listener does not think about what to say to you while you are talking.

3. Forget connectivity. Focus on conversation.

These days, connectivity is something that keeps us away from good conversations. It is strange that the tools that are supposed to enable a good conversation – keeps us away from it. How? You may think. Think about last time you were meeting a friend. How many times did you pull out the phone to check on your texts or to receive a call from someone you know or don’t. When you do that – you are not present in the conversation.

A good idea will be to switch off or mute the phone and just converse. This will make for a far engaging conversation.

4. Be present in the moment.

On an even higher level – If you are with a loved one – you may not say anything and just be together. This togetherness with both of you being truly present is also as good as any conversation can get.

5. Learn a bit about the world. Also know how to talk.

When your chance comes to talk it helps if you have something worthwhile to say. If you need to meet someone for business it makes sense that you prepare ahead of the meeting and learn about the business/industry and also about the person you are meeting. At least get a good macro perspective on the industry.

A blog is an amazing idea to learn about new things. Aim to teach via your blog. So you learn with an intention to teach others. During the course of writing this, I connected with my inner being, reflected and also tried to learn a bit more about the art of conversation.’

Reading also helps. I rarely read/watch news these days but I try to read about other topics – some regular and some out of the box. During my recent retreat, I read two books simultaneously. I did not finish reading them still, but even in the early pages I found a lot to ponder over.

One of these – Start with Why by Simon Sinek – though aimed at businesses and business leaders – helped me get a perspective about my own Why. Another by Dalai Lama “The Universe in a Single Atom” – helped me decipher the connection between science and spirituality. I do not read with an intent to use what I read, in my conversations. But ultimately it is there in your subconscious to dig in when you really need it.

So reading about different topics helps. Blogging helps.

Aim to know a good deal about one or two topics. You need not be an expert; but you should know more than a regular person.

6. Look softly in the eyes of another person while you talk.

This makes you look confident and sure of yourself. I think it is fair to accept that we are all vulnerable and have our pitfalls and grey areas. But people want to listen to someone who knows what she is talking about. So look confident and assure the others that you are there with them, and that you know your stuff.

7. Tell the person you are there.

You need a hook for the conversation. Words, eyes, gestures are part of that hook.

Nod your head to tell other person that you agree. Thought in some cultures nodding does not equal to agreement. But mostly it does. Know when it doesn’t. It situation where you disagree with something – be respectful while showing your disagreement

8. Comfortable distance and position.

Depends on your relationship with the person you are talking to. Under normal circumstances, maintain a comfortable distance. Not too much but do not sit too close also. Imagine yourself in a business meeting at a restaurant – and you are meeting this person first time – then good to sit across the table. If for same meeting – you are meeting in a boardroom then one corner of the table is fine. If you are with family or close friends then it is cool to sit side by side.

What else do you think makes for a good conversation?

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It doesn’t take much to be happy.

(In no particular order)

1. Mind your own business.

2. Ignore everybody.

3. Sleep well.

4. Move your body.

5. Talk to people in person.

6. Speak the truth.

7. Be good to others and to yourself.

8. Find your purpose.

9. Work in sync with your purpose.

10. Do not keep a very long to-do list for your days.

11. Finish one important task every single day – however small.

12. Bring joy into the lives of others through your actions.

I wrote about it earlier with more details and some different dimensions. Go see the happiness formula to check what I wrote.

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I crave for it like a thirsty man craves for water.

To quench this thirst of mine, and take a break from mundane – around a week back I ended up high in the hills, so high that you can only use your feet and some tools to get there.

So there I was. With me and my silence and without that thing that makes the world go gaga …. our dear internet.

Now that I am back, I started reflecting about my experience … with the silence.

As I look back – I do not think there is any place in the world with true silence.

The experience that we call silence has its own sound. The sound of crickets, the sound of rain, the sound of sometimes scary thunderstorms, the sound of water stream with mud running down the hill – that sounds like it’s raining heavily – hours after it stopped raining.

I am not saying it is a bad experience – not at all. If you are the kind who will not miss getting in front of the the idiot box, and if you are cool getting your clothes soaked in rain – even after having a big umbrella open above your head; if you are fine with having your boots and socks drenched with cold water. Then go for it. No ride in a water park in a big city can match this experience. It opens up a new zone inside you.

But, the true silence can only be found inside our own self. If we get a chance to meet that silence, it has the power to uplift us and to ignite our inner light.

So now back on the plain turf, I will try to find that silence without sound.

What’s your story about silence, do you love it or hate it?

It’s a work in progress, has been since 2005.

Thank You. Celebration Time!

Few baby steps brought me here.

I coded the early version of the site myself. Few years later dear Chugs took over with his design chops.

The story began when I transferred few posts from my old blog. Things were exciting for first couple of years. Then mostly silent – until a reboot in 2010 started the party again. This was the time when I posted every single day of the month.

This has been an exciting journey.

It got me friends, connections and visibility. They were not the goals when I started. But there were times in between when I fell for the fancy. Not any more.

Blogging helps is an understatement. You must try it to experience it.

I write because I love writing. I write because I can.

I write because you are here.

It is an awesome privilege to be able to write to for you.

I wish that next 250 comes quicker.

Hope that you will be here then, to share, to cheer, and to make we want to do it.

Now tell me your story in comments.

Are you a blogger? What got you started? How long you have been reading? How you reached here? Your favorite post. Any message?

Offer for You.

Here is the offer I talked about in the headline.

I will write a post (250 words) for your blog. Whether your blog is old, new, popular, not popular does not matter. Cool.. if it is on a topic similar to what I write about. If it is not similar then share the link in comments and let me see. I will give my best shot to stretch myself even if it has a small connection.

[If you do not have a blog, I urge you to start one. Go to WordPress.com and get started. It's free to start.]

Here is how it works. Post a comment here – Share your blogging story in 2-3 lines. More is welcome, also write the topic you want me to write about with a link to your blog. We will take it from there.

(Offer valid for comments that are posted between today and June 17th, 2013.)

Thanks for reading

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Good if we take time for work that matters.

Most of us think about doing a lot and accomplish little.

Much of it has to do with – not finishing things that we start.

I wrote about starting and finishing projects in detail many years ago and all of it is still valid advice.

Here are more ideas with a different perspective that have helped me move through small to-dos on tough days also in bigger projects.

It works for something as simple as writing a blog post, creating a client proposal, doing research on a big project like the idea for your app or new business, writing an investor pitch and also for personal goals like eating right or planning a holiday.

1. When you get stuck – Put it aside and come back later.

A good way to get new ideas about work you are doing or situation you are in – is to step away from it.

Come back to it later – preferably after sleeping over it. You will be able to look at it with a new perspective.

2. Collaborate, Delegate, Outsource.

This gives you a new pair of hands to take action and mind to think about the problem.

Collaboration is also good for staying motivated, because your work partner, co-founder, colleague can bring their unique talents to finish a task. This also gives you opportunity to brainstorm for new ideas.

While coding you can try pair programming, if you are stuck working alone.

The task need not be complex to use this. It can be as simple as writing an important email. You can write your version and send it to a trusted mentor or friend for feedback.

If you outsource a task, you will be free to focus on important stuff that you enjoy doing.

3. Divide it in Small Parts.

Do you want to write a book?

Many of us want to do it.

Problem is – it looks like a big, enormous task.

In reality it is not. A book is just 15-20 chapters or 200 pages – that can be finished at 250 words per day in 6-7 months.

Can you write 250 words per day? Chances are you can. You already write much more than that in single day’s email.

So breaking it in part helps.

4. Do not Make Big Promises.

When the times are tough or days when it seems that you can’t get anything done – do not expect big things out of yourself.

Just tell yourself that I will send 1 email today that I have been putting off. If it is for a personal dream or project – then tell yourself that you will book the ticket for that holiday you wanted to take – research on places to stay can wait.

Get that small things done and be happy about it.

(Don’t get me wrong – I am all for big dreams and hard work.) But there are times when that advice does not work. It is for those days and weeks.

Small success will motivate you to do more – and then you will get on a roll. Who knows you will get even more done that what you imagined.

5. Use Templates and Outlines.

Our brain does not like extra work and thinking. That is why we tend to procrastinate. We delay things like creating proposals, making pitches for new business – stuff that needs to be done but is not done.

To make it is easy, create a template.

A client proposal template can be – table of content, company details, projects details, project pricing and terms and conditions.

For investment pitches template can be – your offer, what is in for the company/person you are pitching it to, financial details, terms and conditions.

Reuse these templates after some customization.

This work for workouts also – a weekly template (flow) in consultation with your trainer. 4 days a week, activity/activities for each day. Don’t think, just do.

If you are a blogger – use a template… something like - Headline, opening paragraph, key points 1, 2, 3 and 4 (add more if you have something relevant to say), closing paragraph and call to action.

6. Work on Two Projects at once.

This is different from regular advice – which is to focus on one thing at a time.

If you are stuck with a project then pick up a different one.

Work on two projects at one go.

When you are short on ideas about one and you are not liking it much – then dive into another and run ahead.

Chances are..  your chaos with one project will help you create a solid flow in another.

Better pick two projects in different areas/with different themes. This is similar to Parallel Path method but on a more micro level.

And when you are inside (working on) any one of these projects apply the virtues of focus, working to a timeline – things that help you get things done.

7. Launch early, launch often.

This is lean method of doing projects.

Do not be too ambitious about your project.

The idea is not to ship poor, half baked projects – but do not spend a week editing a 20-page report.

Do not wait to launch your app – unless you have that perfect launch website ready.

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Try these and tell me how they work for you.

PS: I really wanted to add – switch off email/browser and do the work – to this list of hacks. But that would be unfair given that I wrote this post online in a WYSWIG editor, searched for the picture above online and had more than 20 tabs open on my screen while I was working on this, so that is a topic for another post

PPS: Do you have any unique hacks of your own that you use to get things done? Please share in comments.

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From the time you wake up till you sleep.

Take a deep breath and smile as soon as you open your eyes. Experience the beauty of the moment before you jump out of bed.

Enjoy the ritual of getting ready for the day.

Relish what you eat. Focus on only eating when food is in front of you.

Pay attention to the task at hand. Finish what you start. Bit by bit, day after day.

Spend time with your loved ones.

Experience the power of stillness everyday.

Be present when you meet someone.

Make joy and peace your key metrics.

Learn to stop for a moment. There is no secret to find balance in life. If you are still searching - try this.

Nothing else matters.

Things that you think matter more – money, stuff.. will take care of itself when you experience joy every day and greet the day with an open mind.

Do you take time to ask yourself important questions?

Questions you can ask yourself today.

(This is as much for myself as this is for you. I indulge in such things from time to time. Give it a try. Decide after you read. Some of them are triggers more than they are questions.) Enjoy

• Am I I feeling good?
• Do I (really) know what makes me feel good?
• Do I take time everyday to indulge in this activity?
• Am I too comfortable in life? (Means I am not getting out of my comfort zone enough)
• Am I being good to those around?
• Am I being a better human?
• Am I doing the best I can?
• Am I doing it without compromising things that matter (health, relationships, values)?
• Am I really stretched for resources or just being lazy and not applying my creative brains?

• Am I right in being angry with others – when just taking few deep breaths (and at times walking away) will make sure that there is no need for it?
• Am I finding time for myself?
• Am I loving myself enough?
• Am I on the right path?
• Am I being judgmental?
• Am I looking at the means as if they are the end?

• Have I been generous enough today?
• Am I at peace with myself right now – this very moment?
• Am I too busy to take one or five deep breaths?
• Am I being kind to myself? Not too tough, not too harsh?
• Am I the (wo)man that I always wanted to be?
• Did I spend last week/month/year – life so far – like I wanted (should have)?
• (If not) Am I ready to change my ways?
• Am I doing everything possible to make it work?

• Do I know what success means to me?
• Do I know that to change the world – I need to change myself first. (And that may be the only thing I need to change).
• Do people feel happy when they meet me? (Question by Sushil Bharwani)
• Am I in a hurry, or am I too slow to move?
• Am I breaking rules enough, without breaking the hearts

• Am I setting the right example?
• Have I given back?
• Do I give as much thought to designing my life as much as I gave to designing my living room? (or kind of thought that I give to which hairstyle this time?)
• Do I remember my roots? (You may or may not want to remember them – your choice, but it makes sense to have some ideas about your ground and your origins). Read this insightful New York Times article about family stories that bind us.

…

Now coming to the end – I feel these are too much to ask in one day.

So if you want to give it a shot – do so one by one. Pick one at a time, may be 3, 4 or 5 in day.

I also did not try them all at once and there are many more still to go. So be kind to yourself and do what works for you.

Do you think there are more questions that one can ask (I am sure there are)? Add those in comments. Nature and I will thank you for your generosity.

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And I love you.

May be you do not know this already but I just wanted to tell you that you are special.

You have the power inside you to find your inner light and shine like a star.

There is something about you about that makes you different in a good way from each one of us.

If you do not know – what it is – still, that is fine.

Will you do me a favor today? Will you just ask yourself what is this special thing about you?

Will you take some time to find the purpose of your life?

Go and take time to find it.

I will meet you here when you come back.

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Girl waiting for the bus

Do not wait..

To get the big break.

To find the ideal business opportunity.

To get your dream job.

To meet the man or woman of your dreams.

Take chances, listen to your heart, trust your gut and jump.

When you do that – you open yourself to surprises. Almost certainly, some unpleasant ones too.

But do you want to die wondering what lies beyond that mountain and never go on top to find and see A Brave New World.

Be bold for once, and once again and once more – and your life will not be same again.

You will meet a new you – which you never thought – existed.

No more waiting.

Now is the time.

Today is the best day.

When you need help, it will come.

You just need to ask for it – with all your heart.

Ask, because nobody did it alone.

There will be rare times, when you will need help – and (in your eyes) it won’t come.

But this is nature’s way of letting you help yourself.

Go.

Are you still waiting?

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