Lately I’ve been deep in thought about this whole motherhood thing. I’m 5 and a half years into it. With a new year comes new focus. Everyone is trying to figure out how they themselves can be better and how they can better others. At least I like to think the latter happens for most people.

A few weeks back I read a post over on Momestary.com blog. The woman completely filled the page of her blog post on Jan 6 with what was in my heart on that day. You can check out her post here: http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/

I’d like to say that I love everything about motherhood. It’s all I ever wanted since I was 4 years old. But its not always pretty. Which brings me to the realization that often what I’m going through or the “secret” feelings I have in my days about parenting, well, simply I cannot be alone. There are other moms and parents thinking and feeling the same thing. There are fathers who come home from work and feel the same way that my husband says he feels. Smothered. Like he was never given a chance to come up for air. After 5 minutes of being home the other night he turned to me and said, “Welp, I’m done after 5 mins. You’ve had em for 9 hours by yourself. You think you can take it from here?” He was completely joking. He knows that I would have thrown the nearest heavy object at him if he wasn’t. (We don’t really throw things at each other people!)

I later in that same week found this blog post over on the gypsymama.com. Check it out here: http://thegypsymama.com/2011/10/for-the-days-when-you-want-to-quit-motherhood/ Proof that I am NOT alone! And proof that if you too have these feelings at times, You aren’t alone either!

My husband and I have had many conversations about parenting. We believe that there is parenting from mountain tops and parenting from within the forest. Currently, we are in the phase where we are deep in the forest. In fact, we are staring at 3 trees extremely close. Sometimes too close.  It’s hard to see around these trees that are in front of us at times. Sometimes its hard to breathe.  I know that I am not alone in this feeling.

I love that the current church is strategizing and learning how to come alongside of families and parents and partner with them in the raising of the next generation. But I cannot shake that perhaps there is something missing in directly encouraging  and impacting parents. They need to know that they are not alone. That they can do this! That like all things in parenting, everything is a phase, and whatever awful thing your kids are doing that you think they will never stop doing, will pass. Sometimes I wish the church would also realize that parents have a one up in the world of reaching other parents before the church does.I have found that parenting is an automatic common ground with another parent whether I know them well or not.

Sometimes parents just need to be told that their doing a good job. They need to hear “You’ve got this thing.” I don’t’ care if you’re a churched family or not, all parents need to hear that they are not alone and that they are doing a great job. They need to hear that as a family unit, God has great big plans.  I wish I could bathe parents in peace and rest.

Much like running a race or playing a sport, cheering fans can be game changers. Not to mention that being one of those cheering fans is almost as equally rewarding as being one of the players on the field. You begin to take on an ownership. A team commrodary. I’ve often heard runners say that they heard someone cheering from the sidelines just when they were about to throw in the towel and they got a big push to finish because of that cheering fan. It’s like everything comes into focus and the Why in what we do as a parent becomes clear again.

So if you see a mom or dad that is struggling or they have that look like “I just want to tie my kid to a chair and return when they are asleep,” give em’ a pat on the back. Even if they look like they’ve got it under control, tell them their doing a great job. Find the common ground. Every parent wants to succeed. Become a cheering fan for parents and I’m pretty sure that its a small step in the right direction of changing the game of great parents that produce some great kids. Great Families! Go ahead. I dare all those that are parents to invest in the next generation (your kids and your kids kids!) by investing in the next generations parents.

Go team Parents! You got this thang!

Cute, right?! These were my test grapes so please ignore their ugliness.These are super easy, tasty and healthy. Winning! To begin, cut a grape in half at an angle. Match up the angles to make a heart and put a toothpick through it.

Grab a brick of cheese and slice a piece like you would to eat. Cut that rectangular piece into 2 squares. Cut triangles out of the squares. Assemble and Wahla! I plan on making these and taking them to my sons class Valentine’s Day party in a few weeks. I think they will be a favorite.

Every day from the hours of 4pm -6pm are the toughest hours of a stay at home moms day. You may think I’m at home watching reruns of Oprah and snacking on something with my feet propped up, but no. In fact, it has to be the most creative hours of the day for a mom. The art of keeping kids content, busy, awake if they didn’t nap, happy, fed, and obedient. Ah yes, it’s a full-time job. For those of you that once had young kids or currently have young kids, you’ll be real familiar with these tough few hours. Your conversations may at times sound a lot like mine.

ME:

“No, no snack right now. Dinner will be ready in a little bit.”

“Where’s your brother?”

 ”Are you whining? “

“Stop that.”

“What’s in your mouth?”

“You’re such a sweet boy”

“Where did you find that?”

“Ewe! Yuck! We don’t eat things off of the floor.”

“Let’s play a game.”

“No, don’t fight. We can agree on something or take turns.”

“Alright, fine. We’re not playing any games since you can’t get along.”

“Where’s your brother?”

“How did you get into the bathroom?!”

“Gross. We don’t drink the toilet water!”

“Why is your sister crying?”

“What happened?”

“No. We are not playing a game because of the way you guys are acting.”

“Daddy should be home soon.”

“No, no snacks. Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Please don’t sit on your sister.”

“No. She doesn’t like it.”

“Where’s your brother?”

“Now whats in your mouth?”

“Ewe!”

“No! No snacks! Dinner will be ready soon!”

Compassion International

Compassion International is just a phenomenal organization doing so much right. We are long time supporters of Compassion and we love all the many ways that they have added to give back this holiday season and all year long. We are getting several items this year for my in-laws. My father in law is a farmer and he teared up last year when we gave him a gift that helped teach a village in Haiti how to farm and plant crops. This year, you can purchase a cow for $100. Or you could go out to  eat with your family 4 times. Just saying.

Your gift will help provide clean drinking water, medical treatment, disaster relief, food supplies and much more for Compassion-assisted children and their families. Check out their opportunity to support a future leader program too! Once you purchase a gift, you will have the opportunity to choose from a variety of complimentary greeting cards to send to your honorees. For a last-minute gift option, you can print a card at home or send via email.

31 Bits 

This is one of my top 3 gifts to give. Its just so personal. If you are looking for a gift with a heart tug, look no further than purchasing something from 31 Bits. Husbands, your wives will have a daily reminder of how special this gift is every time they put on a 31 bits piece.

Not For SALE

The Not For Sale Store generates enterprise & employment to prevent human trafficking and create new futures for survivors. Every purchase you make is an action to end slavery — because no one should be for sale. We’re not talking about human trafficking in 3rd world countries, but amongst the very cities we live in. Not For Sale has beautiful bags, jewelry, tshirts and much more that all fight to end slavery.Welcome to the movement.

Rescue Gifts

Rescue Gifts help refugees and others who have been impacted by war and natural disaster. Holiday shoppers can choose a gift that inspires them and dedicate it in honor of a special person in their lives. The IRC will send gift recipients a beautiful acknowledgement card with the gift giver’s personalized message.

There’s a perfect gift for everyone: for a mom: A Safe Delivery ($24) can ensure critical supplies for the safe birth of a child in a crisis zone.  For the foodie or friend with a green thumb: A Community Garden ($60) can provide tools and seeds to refugees who have been resettled in the United States, so that they can grow their own fresh, healthy food in an IRC community garden.   For a teacher:  A Year of School ($52) can supply the tuition, books and other materials for one year of a child’s schooling in a country recovering from war.

 Ever After Clothing

Ever/After is a casual lifestyle clothing brand for kids and adults. They’ve paired simple, modern design with super-soft premium fabrics.  Best of all, the company will donate 25% of the net profit from each garment you buy to the cause of your choice. We’ve partnered with charities that share our vision of creating powerful & sustaining change in the lives of children in need. We believe helping others can extend to all areas of our lives, even the clothing we buy. Every garment comes with a change the story card that holds the value of this donation. A huge aspect of ever/after is to get the children involved in giving back. Our goal is that children wearing our brand realize that helping others can extend to all areas of our lives, even the clothing we buy.

Krochet Kids

What I love about Krochet Kids is that it’s a company that is empowering impoverished people to earn an income for themselves. Krochet Kids offers 3 year programs to women living in poverty. In this program, the women learn to krochet hats to earn an income and be able to fully support themselves for the first time in their lives. Based in Uganda and Peru, the hats are sold in the US, on their website and at most Nordstroms.

Live FashionABLE

You are ABLE to provide opportunities, and these women are ABLE to have a new choice.

Live FashionABLE is a non-profit. That means that your purchase of a scarf does far more than just create jobs. The fashionABLE mission is to create sustainable business in Africa so that the women are not dependent upon charity, but instead are a vital part of a developing economy. I personally have two of these scarfs, have asked for another this year and have given a few as gifts. They are heart tuggers and I love that every time I put my scarf on, I’m reminded of Gladys over in Africa,who made my scarf, and I pray for her and her family. I also want you to know that the packaging of these scarfs are beautiful and complimented with a tag by the woman who made your scarf and what it “ABLE’s” her to do. Doesn’t get much better than that!

Gift Card Giver

Gift Card Giver is a new form of giving.  The Gift Card industry has risen to be a 60 billion dollar industry. Ever wonder how many gift cards are unused?  Between 10 – 15%.  That means billions of dollars are sitting on gift cards, waiting to be used for good.

How many gift cards do you have sitting in your wallet?  I guess you have at least $5 of unused gift cards right now.  What’s 5 bucks going to buy you?  Maybe a pair of socks…but 10 people giving 5 bucks will buy a kid a winter coat, or 1000 people giving $5 may give that same kid a warm bedroom to sleep in through the night.

LUO

LUO is dedicated to breaking the barriers across nations to connect hearts and set children free from poverty. The word Luo means “to set free.” Buy a Canvas. Change a Life. $250 will provide nutrition, medical care, biblical curriculum and academic education for one child for one year. Buy a canvas made by the children in their partnerships and change a life. I have met this amazing couple that runs this organization and they are the real deal. These canvas pieces are stunning and serve as a constant reminder wherever hung, that someone has a better life because of that purchase. I’m a huge advocate in supporting organizations that provide hope and also teach hope to kids in need. They also have great tshirts in their store and you can donate in any dollar amount too. Spread the love.

Plywood People- Billboard Bags

When you carry a Billboard Bag, tell the story.  The material was upcycled from billboards on the streets.  They are handmade in America by legal refugees who were forced to flee their countries because of conflict.  Your bag is providing English classes every Friday and restores dignity for the workers, all the while addressing local social needs.  The bags are made with 90% reclaimed materials, so when you carry one of their products, you’re not only helping the environment you’re also helping a community in need. I personally have one of these and they are amazing. Check out their laptop sleeves too. Bags with hope. #winning

Looking for more gift ideas? Then you might want to check out one of my most popular posts from last year, the Top 10 Gifts Mom Wants This Year.

#1) Rock, Paper, Scissor:

#2) The BLT sandwich:

#3) The Starbucks Frappuccino: 

The difference between now and then is simple. I’m a parent. Anyone in leadership and/or ministry that is not a parent I can confidently say you won’t get it fully until you become a parent. I use to take offense to that when I would hear a leader say that. But its truth.

I have learned more about the church, leadership and being a parent far more in the last 4 years of my life than when I was deep in the trenches of ministry.

Hear me out on this. For those of you in ministry, Sundays come fast every week, don’t they?! It’s what I like to think of as the “head down and keep moving” syndrome, the “plug and chug”  or the “just keep your head above water one more week” syndrome.  I rarely was encouraged to take a step back to see the full picture. I rarely was given the opportunity to see things through the eyes of those actually experiencing the environments or processes. I often thought I was doing those things, but I wasn’t. I rarely was led in a way that put everyone in leadership on the same page, but rather drew the unspoken hard lines and siloed them even more.

On day one of entering my kids into a new church nursery, I was struck with so many negative thoughts about the church that i had never had before. And from the look of some other parents faces, I don’t think I was alone.

You see, for the first time since I was 12, I realized that the church and the staff of churches often don’t realize that their church has many doors. Doors are multi-functional if you think about it. They are for entering and exiting. Just as easy as you can enter into one, the same is true for exiting. It’s not hard in a church. Some are even revolving doors.

That day 4 years ago, I realized that the church doesn’t always step back and realize that some of the most important doors to their church are neglected. Uninviting. Unmanned. Manned improperly without any review or strategy. Existing for the purpose of existing because it simply always has. Nobody really knows why, but its there. Existing for childcare to keep parents happy and attendance and giving up in the main service. And the saddest one to me is looking great on the outside, but no strategy at all once you enter.

Pastors, Children’s Ministry is a door to your church!  Preschool Ministry is a door to your church!

I don’t care how great your main service is, as a church, you will never grow to the fullest and reach the families of your community effectively if you are not paying attention to the Doors! Doors need strategies.The environments behind those doors need strategy.

In Part 2 and Part 3 of The Door To Your Church, I’ll discuss ways that churches may not recognize doors within their church through their Preschool Ministry and how they are often ineffectively used. Things like,the Parking lot. Your greeters and signage. Your child/family registration process and drop off experiences. Your volunteers and the procedures for new volunteers. Your strategy on what you want the kids in your church to walk away with weekly. Your follow-up  and your Main Service. All things that are Doors to your church through Preschool Ministry.

I have 3 children under the age of 5. Life came at me fast. I had 2 kids in 11 months, and I was so ready to get plugged into a church and community with others in the same phase and experience what it would be like to have my kids growing up in a church that we loved. I never knew that the journey of parenthood would bring me to wondering if the church has placed silencing plexi-glass boxes over families and hope and pray that they fit through their doors.

What Doors are there in your church that you might not be seeing? What Doors within your ministry need work? What Doors have you as a parent experienced both good and bad? 

Summer brings warm weather. Duh! I think we’ve all been experiencing that lately. I love Summer! There’s so much fun to be had– from vacations to playing outside to swimming and much more. However, safety should also be a part of summer fun to help avoid accidents.

State Farm Insurance has lots of quick and easy resources and tips to make sure everyone stays safe, whether it’s playing in the backyard or piling into the car for a road trip.  Some important tips include:

Home Safety

• Check your wood deck or concrete patio for possible deterioration

• Be sure to follow and enforce proper rules and safety measures around your pool

• Click Here For More Home Tips

Auto Safety

• Get your car serviced before you travel including a check of the engine and other systems such as the air conditioning and cooling, the tires, brakes, lights and windshield wipers.
• Keep an emergency kit in your trunk – jumper cables, tools, water, emergency flares, and a flashlight and gloves – just in case.

• More Summer Auto Tips Here

More info about safety tips for your summer can also be found at www.StateFarm.com.

Giveaway

REQUIRED ENTRY:

1.  Leave a comment with your best summer safety tip.

BONUS ENTRIES:

1.Follow MomWithAMinivan through Facebook and  Twitter and leave a comment on this post

2. Like State Farm on Facebook and leave a comment on this post.

You have until Thursday (8/11) at 11:59 pm ET to enter the giveaway. I will choose a winner at random using the “And the Winner Is…” plugin, and send the winner an e-mail. The winner will have 48 hours to respond with his/her contact information or I will have to choose another winner. Happy entering!

Disclosure: I received the same gift package that the winner will be receiving to facilitate my review. I did not receive any compensation to write this post. The opinions are all mine!

As I sit here on day five of swim classes and watch my two 4 year olds swim unassisted laps, I’m in awe. How could this happen in just 5 short lessons?! We, my family and I, have been working with them on swimming all summer. You know the classic parenting lines to beginner swimmers: “Keep your mouth closed!” “Kick, kick, kick!” “I’ve got you.You are safe” “Reach with those arms!” “Stay on the side until I get there.” “Way to go!” All great things for us parents to say. But honestly, my kids were no where near the swimmers they are now this entire summer until swim classes. Why? What was the difference? I was saying all of the right things to teach them. I was patient and encouraging. I took several splashes to the face for the sake of teaching them. I’ve come to one conclusion that has made all the difference: Ms.Jillian. Ms.Jillian is my kids swim teacher. I was a little concerned about how my kids would respond to being in a pool without the safety of mom or dad or someone they know. Man,was I wrong! Here’s the reality that stares me in my face today: Ms.Jillian has said all of the same things I have said to my kids about swimming. My kids needed someone else to show them and say the same things  before they “got it.”

Life lesson here for me as a parent: Sometimes my kids need the voice of another in their lives.

My  kids will not always hear or “get” what I am saying every time. As a parent, that’s a hard one to swallow isn’t it?! But whether Ms.Jillian knows it or not, she is in a partnership with me as a parent. She too wants my kids to know a life saving skill.  There will be things that your kids need to hear, talk through and/or be influenced on by another trusted  individual. You as the parent certainly will always have influence on your kids lives. No doubt about it. Even the worse of parents have an impact on their kids whether they know it or not.  For me, I want to set my kids up for success in the department of being able to trust another adult individual to talk through life things with, when they don’t really want to “hear” what mom and dad are saying. I want to think that my kids will always listen to me and always learn what I teach them. Sometimes though, it  takes a partnership with a Ms.Jillian and her voice in my kids lives for me to be the best parent I can be to my kids.  It’s the partnership of having the same goal in mind that makes all the difference.

Partnership: a cooperative relationship between people or groups who agree to share responsibility for achieving some specific goal