• The Boy Scouts of America voted to repeal a ban on gay scouts, but to keep a ban on gay leaders. My previous thoughts on the matter still stand.
• A hearing on legislation that would give equal benefits to gay and lesbian married service members and veterans has been postponed, but you can pop over to Buzzfeed to read sponsor Senator Jeanne Shaheen’s prepared remarks about the bill. I mention this not only because of the servicemember-related holiday this weekend, but also because the bill is named the “Charlie Morgan Military Spouses Equal Treatment Act,” in honor of Chief Warrant Officer 2 Charlie Morgan of the New Hampshire National Guard, a lesbian mom who died of breast cancer in February and was a plaintiff in a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
• “Gay Parents Are Changing the World,” writes the Advocate in its profile of comedian Alec Mapa, his filmmaker husband, Jamie Hebert, and their son. I won’t disagree.
• In “An Invitation to Queer Parenting” at HuffPo, Kimberly Dark explains why she has reclaimed the word—and invites us all to do the same.
• The Las Vegas Sun yesterday profiled gay dads Greg Flamer and Fletcher Whitwell, one of the eight couples who filed a lawsuit to repeal the state’s constitutional ban on marriage for same-sex couples.  Also yesterday, however, the Nevada Assembly followed the state Senate in approving a bill to repeal the ban—clearing the way for the next legislature and then voters to pass it into law. Whether by lawsuit or legislature, it looks like same-sex couples may soon gain the right to be married in a drive-through chapel by an Elvis impersonator within a few years.
• You may never have heard of Peter Hams, but his moms were the first same-sex couple to get a marriage license in Massachusetts—making them the first couple to do so legally in the United States. He wrote in the Boston Globe about his family and what the occasion meant for them.
• LGBT family law expert Nancy Polikoff analyzes a recent appeals court decision in Florida that maintained a sperm donor is not a parent (good)—but that also reminds us a nonbio mom isn’t one, either (according to Florida law).
• Country singer Chely Wright and her wife, music executive Lauren Blitzer Wright, have welcomed twins, reports People. Congrats to the new moms!

In international news:

• “Enough of the stupidity, the kids are all right,” writes Lou Sweeney bluntly in Australia’s The Age. It’s a wonderfully snarky piece in response to  the Australian Christian Lobby’s arguments against marriage equality.
• Portugal’s Parliament has passed a law allowing second-parent adoption for same-sex married couples, but stopped short of giving same-sex couples joint adoption rights, reports LGBTQ Nation.

Dr. Abbie Goldberg

Young adults with lesbian moms and male donors are generally happy with their relationships with the donors, a new study has found. Most do not view their donors as dads, but some still have a growing interest in seeing them more often than when they were younger.

The study, “Donor, Dad, or…? Young Adults with Lesbian Parents’ Experiences with Known Donors,” in the journal Family Process, is by Abbie E. Goldberg, Williams Institute Visiting Scholar and Associate Professor of Psychology at Clark University, and Katherine R. Allen, Professor of Human Development at Virginia Tech. Mombian readers may know Goldberg from her many other articles on LGBT families or her book Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children: Research on the Family Life Cycle.

Goldberg and Allen found that the young adults in their study saw their relationships with their male donors in one of three ways: as donors but not members of their family; as extended family members but not parents; and (the fewest number) as fathers. Even those who viewed their donors as fathers, however, saw them as “tertiary to their primary mothers,” according to a press release.

And even some of those in the first two groups showed a growing interest in seeing their donors more often as they got older. This “indicates a turning point in the participants’ identity that emerges in late adolescence or young adulthood. These individuals may be experiencing greater independence from their mothers, which enables them to craft their own relationships with their donors.” (Say what you will about The Kids Are All Right; they got that part spot-on.)

The takeaways?

Among other findings, the study suggests that therapists should allow all family members to define their relationships to one another, and not presume the nature or meaning of terms like “mother” and “father,” especially in the context of lesbian-mother families that utilized known donors. Further, the study also suggests that therapists should be sensitive to the possibility that young adulthood may represent an important time for further identity exploration, especially in terms of relationship formation, and that young adults with lesbian mothers may express particular interest in their known donors during this period.

I’d say that’s good advice for anyone interacting with children of LGBT parents, including teachers, coaches, faith leaders, and the like. (The authors are writing for other professionals in their field, so obviously their focus is on therapists—but I think their conclusions may have wider applicability.)

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Start by signing this petition started by Jennifer Tyrrell, who was ejected from her son’s Cub Scout troop, despite the protests of the other parents, simply because she is a lesbian. Then, visit this helpful page from GLAAD, which has several additional ideas for spreading the word and showing your support for equality.

Let’s kick the snake of bias out of their tent for good.

Among metro areas with a population above one million, Salt Lake City, Utah tops the list. Among those under one million, Grand Forks, North Dakota leads the way (with a whopping 65 percent). Among states as a whole, the leaders are Mississippi, Wyoming, Alaska, Idaho, and Montana.

This just goes to show that we really are everywhere, and that even if we gain federal recognition of our marriages, anti-LGBT state laws will continue to harm our families. It’s not just marriage, either: Of the top states on the graphic below, Michigan, Mississippi, and Utah still restrict joint adoption by same-sex couples; Utah restricts second-parent adoptions. None of them (except California) have employment non-discrimination laws covering sexual orientation or gender identity. (See the Movement Advancement Project’s Equality Maps.)

Whatever state you live in, please join LGBT families and allies on Monday, June 3, for the 8th Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day.

The New York Times has a video of actor Tom Mizer and his understudy in Blue’s Clues Live, Travis McGhie, explaining their initially tense relationship and eventual romance. It’s adorable. (Thanks, Change.org Gay Rights!)

My thoughts and wishes are with all of those affected by the tragedy, but especially the parents and families of those children. May you find the strength, comfort, and support you need.

Once again, two resources that may help:

• “Helping Children Deal with Traumatic Events,” from Open Circle, the elementary school social emotional learning (SEL) program at the Wellesley Centers for Women. The article was first posted in the wake of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. (I work at the Wellesley Centers for Women, though not in the Open Circle program. I post here as an individual, and not on behalf of the organization.)
• “Helping Children Cope with Tragedy Related Anxiety,” from Mental Health America.

The good news, such as it is, for Carolyn Compton, her partner Page Price, and the children, is that morality clauses are rarely enforced and the ruling is likely to be overturned on appeal, says Ken Upton Jr., a senior staff attorney with Lambda Legal.

Still, what a trauma for the family. Even as we celebrate recent victories in some states, we still have a long way to go in others—and it is children and families that pay the price.

The Dallas Voice also notes that people can contribute to Page Price and Carolyn Compton’s attorney fees by sending checks to Dee Pennington, c/o Dallas Credit Union, 1301 Young Street #100, Dallas, TX 75202. Make checks payable to Page Price and mark ”Personal” on envelope. (I have not personally confirmed this information; use your own discretion when sending anyone money.)

I encourage both those who don’t usually post about LGBT families or LGBT issues, as well as those for whom every day is Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Give it a spin based on your usual blog topics. There’s no set formula or format.

Thanks to the Family Equality Council for sponsoring the event this year.

Here’s how it works:

• Blog on a topic related to and supportive of LGBT families on or before June 3, 2013.
• Complete the form at the bottom of this post to submit your entry. I encourage people to post on June 3, but I am putting the form up now in case anyone really wants to submit something early.
• I’ll compile the posts and highlight them here on June 3. Come back and read the stories and insights of our community and allies.

Additionally, you can:

• Tweet in support of LGBT families on June 3, 2013. Include the hashtag #lgbtfamilies. I will display the tweets in a scrolling box here at Mombian, or you can follow the hashtag using most popular Twitter software.
• Upload a video to YouTube or other video sharing service. Tag it “lgbtfamilies”. Complete the form at the bottom of this post to submit the permalink to your entry.

Grab a banner (see below) and promote the event on your blog, Facebook, Twitter, etc. The more people who participate, the more impact our voices will have.

The lists of contributions from 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, and 2006 are still online for your perusal.

I look forward to reading your posts!

Banner instructions:

• Right click the link (Mac users: click and hold) for either the small image (200×200) or large image (403×403)  and choose “Download image,” “Save image as…” or “Save picture as….” Follow the prompts in the dialogue box to save to your computer. The small image is best for within a blog post of text; the large one is best for Facebook, Tumblr, etc. where the image is the focus.
• Upload to your blog or Facebook as you would any image.
• Link the image to http://www.mombian.com/2013/04/23/save-the-date-blogging-for-lgbt-families-day-is-june-3/.
  
• You may not modify the images and may only use them to link to the Blogging for LGBT Families Day posts at Mombian.
• Please download the image(s) you want and then upload them to your blog, Facebook, etc., rather than link to the image files here. (If I find people are doing that, I will change the image names so old image links won’t work.)

Congratulations to Stacy, who won a copy of What Makes a Baby earlier this week. Here’s a second chance to win Cory Silverberg’s picture book that explains human reproduction in a way that works for all families.

Details of the book are at my first giveaway post; suffice it to say that no matter how you created your family, and no matter your gender identity, the book includes you. It does this by focusing on the key part of human reproduction—the meeting of egg and sperm—and leaving plenty of room for parents to shape the telling of how that happens. (If you need some suggestions on how to do so, Silverberg, a certified sexuality educator, has written a very useful Reader’s Guide. You can download it free at his Web site.)

I’m leaving the contest open through the weekend this time. Hope you’ll enter for a chance to win.

The Prize

A copy of What Makes a Baby, signed by Cory Silverberg.

The Giveaway

Leave a comment below listing some of the people who helped you create your family, biologically or through emotional or other support. (Not personal names, just role/title, e.g., “our sperm donor,” “our OB/GYN,” “our child’s birth parents.”)

I will randomly select the winner from all comments received before 11:59 p.m. ET, May 19, 2013.

Additional Rules and Restrictions

U.S. residents only, please. One entry per person. Don’t worry if your comment is moderated; once I approve it, it will appear based on the time you submitted it. Spam comments, including off-topic or commercial comments, will not count. If you win any one of the drawings for this book, you cannot play again for this book. (You can leave a comment to participate in the discussion, but I won’t enter you in the drawing.) If you are or have been a paying advertiser (or an employee of a paying advertiser) on Mombian, you can’t play.

You must also leave a valid e-mail address with your comment. Don’t leave a postal address, though. If you win, I’ll contact you by e-mail about shipping. I will then share the winner’s name and postal address with the author, for the sole purpose of allowing him to mail you your prize directly.

I am a member of the Amazon Associates program, and get a small referral fee from all purchases made at Amazon.com via links on this site. You are under no obligation to purchase through them.

Kudos to Caine for his bravery in standing up on behalf of those who could not do so. (The Bully Project, via Upworthy.)

Caine Stands Up from The Bully Project on Vimeo.