moments of perfect clarity

tiny kitten perfection

2013-05-22T21:57:00.000+02:00

our beloved molly dolly, the kitten we got last summer in minnesota, had her very own kittens today. she was a little confused at first, wondering what it was all about, but she soon caught on and promises to be a good mother. there are four perfect little kittens - one black, one striped, one black tortoiseshell and one stripy tortoiseshell - so two girls and two boys. the perfect first batch.

my beautiful people and a lot of great links

2013-05-21T23:39:00.002+02:00

my beautiful people, i haven't shared them with you for awhile.

sabin's fancy hair colors even look cool when they're up in a bun.

and husband, despite needing a haircut (he's had one since), just gets cuter all the time.

how come the same isn't true for me?

that's kinda not fair.

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the entrant from denmark won the eurovision song contest the other night.

happily, i wasn't watching, even tho' i do enjoy me a bit of kitsch on occasion.

it was best to learn of it through facebook updates.

and i did read a bit of the guardian's live blog of the proceedings.
that was pretty hilarious.

best quote from that came during the waiting for the votes bit:

"I'm not saying that this bit is long, but I think I just saw time detach from itself and form a spiral and slowly disappear into the universe."

i kinda like when time does that.

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*sigh* - 1913 was just really my year.

i can't even imagine an intellectual avant garde art scandal happening today, can you?

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still enjoying that article about whether you have to like the characters in a novel.

mostly because of quotes like this:

I hate the concept of likeability—it gave us two terms of George Bush, whom a plurality of voters wanted to have a beer with, and Facebook. You’d unfriend a lot of people if you knew them as intimately and unsparingly as a good novel would. But not the ones you actually love.
--Jonathan Franzen

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this makes me want to draw some maps. maps of me. maps of things i love. maps of life.

* * *

ever wonder where those bloody swear words come from?

personally, i think we should bring nackle-ass back into fashion.

happy monday that's actually a tuesday!

2013-05-21T09:51:00.003+02:00

it's tuesday, but it feels like monday since monday was like sunday this week due to another of those danish spring holidays. the benefit of having a tuesday that's a monday is that you don't have a monday kind of a monday, since monday was a lot like sunday and tuesday is well, tuesday. so it can only be a good day, right? it's overcast, but warm and balmy, so i'm not complaining. you can't really complain much when you're wearing bright pink pants. even if you are also wearing your old wellies that are full of holes because you can't really decide what color of new ones to get. plus, it's a good year for dandelions. and is there anything more cheerful than a dandelion?

* * *

do we have to like the characters in the books we read?

* * *

what do we think of flickr's changes?
methinks they took a page from the Google+ design book.

pinse planting

2013-05-20T22:38:00.000+02:00

today was pinse, the last of the easter-related spring holidays that mean loads of days off in denmark. it is ironic that the danes take that whole jesus thing so seriously when they're some of the least religious people i've ever witnessed, but hey they'll clearly take all the time off they can get. and so will i.

it was a great day for planting the garden. overcast, but warm and unusually still. we've been preparing this piece of the garden for nearly two years. it's been covered in black plastic to kill off all of the weeds and husband has tilled in a bunch of cow poo as fertilizer. we have extremely sandy soil, which makes for great drainage, but which requires far more fertilizer. it's taken us three years to realize that.

molly, who is going to have her kittens any day now, had to inspect my work in the herb beds. i fear she thinks they're a giant litterbox, just for her.

she's so cute, i had to include another shot. it seems like her tummy just couldn't get any bigger. i can't wait to see her kittens.

here's a whole day's handiwork. we planted leeks (winter and summer), kale, red cabbage, carrots, beets, parsnips, asier (a kind of hearty cucumber), zucchini, squash, edible flowers, peas, borlotti beans, green beans, potatoes and shallots. look how happy our rhubarb is down at the far end. i've picked enough to make 6 liters of juice and a rhubarb crumble and it hasn't made a dent. apparently rhubarb loves sandy soil.

the strawberries are blooming. in just another few weeks, we'll be eating them and freezing them and making jam and juice. strawberries also seem to like sandy soil. and plenty of poo. it finally feels like we're getting the hang of this gardening thing.

there's the rhubarb. encroaching a little bit on my asparagus, which is also doing really well. two rows from seed - they have to grow one more year before we can harvest them, but the roots we planted the first year are producing very well and we've been eating asparagus for the past week. it's a short and fleeting season, but worth the wait.

our planting today made husband very happy. he said at one point that having a garden like this was like being in the john seymour books he so loved looking through during his childhood (and still does today, to be honest). it's a gradual process, but we're getting there.

a day of nothing much at all

2013-05-19T22:27:00.002+02:00

it's that time of year again. the rapeseed fields are in full, buzzing bloom. it's that yellow that makes you feel a bit dizzy if you look at it directly. they speak the language of danish summer. short, fleeting, but intense.

today was filled with slow tasks. picking violets to make violet cordial. getting enough of them takes time and there's no way around it, you just have to pick them, one at a time. it was cloudy, but still and warm, so picking them was a pleasant, rather meditative task. it worked rather nicely to clear my mind and funnily enough, i didn't really think about anything at all in particular. some days, that's precisely what you need.

bunnies and books

2013-05-17T10:27:00.002+02:00

don't mess with the sugar nose

this bunny is from a litter of 6, he's the littlest one, but he looks tough anyway, doesn't he? maybe he has to be, being one of 6. i don't know why i'm calling him he, i have no idea whether he is a boy or girl. it's too hard to tell with baby bunnies what they are. often you first find it out when they have just made some more baby bunnies. do you suppose it will damage his self image if i keep calling him he and he's really a she? do bunnies care about stuff like that?

just a little of the light reading that's on my nightstand. the bottom one about technology and urban development and the environment was written by my father-in-law in 1974. you'd be amazed how well the ideas about what makes a city livable hold up. he was a brilliant man. according to goodreads, less than nothing is the most lucid zizek in years. i love the loops he takes my brain on. it's kind of like how i imagine cocaine would be, only without all of the expense and needing to have clear sinuses. it's kind of interesting to think that libraries dispense something with the capacity to make your brain high on thoughts.

lest you think i've gone completely mad, here's the lighter reading on my nightstand. i've never read raymond chandler, but murakami loves him, so how could i not give him a whirl? i'm going to try to read them in order, but i don't always have control of when the books i've ordered come in at the library, so i've ordered the first four to start with.

that celebrating the third place book is full of stories of amazing places - plant nurseries, bookshops, cafés - that people love and use. we're working on something along these lines, so i want to read all i can about great third spaces. i've ordered the book by ray oldenburg that started it all - the good great place - and am impatiently waiting for it to come so i can read the theory behind the concept. roughly, as i understand it, the first place is home, the second place is work and the third place is somewhere you want to be. it can be a café, a library, a bookshop, a bar - anywhere that people gather because they desire to be there. such places develop a life of their own and i want to find out how.

other than reading, the weekend holds a party over on the devil's island and, as it's yet another long weekend with a monday holiday, lots of time in the garden. we've got to get planting now that the night frosts seem to be gone.

what are you doing this weekend?

dip dye!

2013-05-16T08:39:00.001+02:00

hot pink tips! sabin wanted to update her initial foray into the ombre world that's so hot on pinterest. in december, she had gotten the ends of her hair bleached. but after being in berlin and seeing all of the many daring haircolors on the streets, she wanted to go pink and purple.

so the ever-game sophie at sophie's salon said, sure, let's do it! and we had a consultation about what colors and how to approach it on tuesday afternoon and then the actual appointment yesterday. the bright, bright pink went on first, followed by purple.

sophie then worked the purple upwards and downwards a bit so there wouldn't be such a hard line between them. sabin had to sit super still, but unlike her mother, she's capable of that.

her new vans (courtesy of aunt monica on her recent visit) matched the wall!

and here it is, the vibrancy of the finished product! it looks super cool, even when she piles it all on top of her head into a bun. i realize there are many people who would frown on allowing a 12-year-old to get her hair colored, but i think it's awesome! i'd much rather support her in it and take her to a salon where it's done properly than have her try to do it herself and go horribly wrong. it kinda made me want a little streak of aqua in my own hair, but thus far, i'm restraining.

the A&F thing is much ado about nothing

2013-05-15T22:45:00.000+02:00

i have to start by saying that i have long loved abercrombie and fitch, from the artfully ripped jeans to the dark moodiness of their stores, with that alluring scent of buy-me that they waft through the air. i get a little light headed just thinking about it (in a good way). hell, i even once named my cats after the place. the A&F items in my wardrobe are largely sweatshirts, but one of my favorite dresses - a simple blue linen one, that i've worn to tramp through egypt, russia, morocco, turkey, greece and the balkans, as well as my own back yard is also one of theirs. these clothes are old friends - they've been with me through thick and thin, we've had good times together and we will continue to do so. they're somehow an essential part of who i am. and also of how i see myself. and want to see myself. it's also how i want to see husband, so his wardrobe has had its share of A&F items as well.

there's a tag on the inside of this sweatshirt that says, "this body is incredibly shaped to meet and exceed standards for perfection." i bought it in an A&F shop in a mall in fargo (we could ask how exclusive they really are if they are in the mall in fargo, but i digress) in 2003. it's ten years old. so what the ceo of A&F said recently isn't news. it's how A&F has always been - targeting exclusive, upscale, popular kids. like me. because i want to be that and see myself as that. and i do.

so i have to say that my feelings aren't hurt by his statement. in fact, i find it refreshingly honest. the world is full of hierarchies and most everything is aimed at one or the other place in the hierarchy. it's about marketing and target audiences and who you're trying to reach and what you're trying to sell. am i the only one watching mad men? and he was being honest - their audience is the cool the kids, the posh ones, the snobs. why is it that we can no longer admit that there are differences between people? why does the world (or maybe just the internet) get outraged by something so nonsensical and so not newsworthy (it not being news and all)? what the hell is the matter with people?

maybe it's all just a publicity stunt. but i still love my A&F sweatshirts and especially that blue linen dress. and i'm not giving them to anyone. they're part of me, part of my story, part of who i am. let the homeless have ralph lauren instead.

not particularly wordless wednesday

2013-05-15T11:30:00.000+02:00

strangely, i don't really have a lot to say today, which is odd, because i've got tons of exciting things going on. developments towards that office/creative space that i've been wanting, plus some great projects on the horizon and some that are just finishing. lots of possibilities are hovering all around at the moment. i'm juggling approximately five great books at the moment. it's actually strange that i don't have loads to say about all of this, but i just don't, so i'm not going to force it. instead i'll share with you some really great links. click them, you won't regret it.

* * *

i like this.

and this.

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and how amazing is this flat, abandoned untouched in paris for 70 years?

* * *

this makes me long for manila (and wow, what an inspiring woman!)

be sure to read the interview that comes after all the fabulous photos.

1D in berlin: a concert review

2013-05-14T21:43:00.000+02:00

we set out for berlin on saturday morning, bound for a concert with british boy band One Direction (hereafter 1D). we found a hotel that could accomodate 7 in one room (it was actually two rooms with only one door), checked in, got all ready and set out for the concert. as you can see, it was essential to already be wearing 1D gear upon departure. my favorite part of this photo is the mad scientist political ad in the background (more about those in another post).

after a slight public transport snafu (there were repairs on our line, so it wasn't the four stops away we thought it was...it was three trains and a bus away, but we had time, so that was ok). once we got there, we had to pose for a photo with O2 World in the background (that was the concert venue). i'm not sure what that pose with the hands is, but it's apparently important (we would see it again, several times).

we walked in search of a quick dinner before the concert and came upon the berlin wall east side gallery - a section of the old wall (had to have been reconstructed, if you ask me) that was decorated by various artists, many of them apparently russian. we made the girls (ages 12-14) pose there as well, just to prove we had been in berlin.

traveling with five near-teens and teens isn't always a barrel of laughs, so there were a few times when we wished they would just get human.

i had declared before we left that we would not eat at mcdonald's and where do you think we ended up eating? yup, you guessed it, mcdonald's. i, however, grabbed a box of sushi from a nearby food court. i have to admit it was probably the mcdonald's equivalent in sushi form, but at least it wasn't actually mcdonald's. the girls were excited and happy by this time (feeding them helps) and this is probably my favorite photo of the whole trip.

they were singing loudly at this point, so we (my friend, who is the mother of two of the other children in the photos and i) let them get a little ways ahead so no one would know we were with them.

we then waited several hours in line to get into the actual venue. they were individually checking everyone's bags and taking cameras and iPads away from people (carefully numbering them, german style, so people could have them back after the concert), so it took hours to get in. i had time, while we were in line, to conceal my little nikon underneath my little iPad (which was in a case and therefore looking rather like a book). i was so happy i succeeded in smuggling my camera in (i actually didn't know at the time that they were taking iPads from people, so i didn't know that i was guilty on two counts).

as for the concert itself, 16000 screaming girls and a handful of dads and moms made up the audience. it was a cheerful, happy group. the boys are cute, well-mannered and not lip synching. they're humble and sweet. it made me totally ok with my child being so into them that her room is plastered on every wall with posters (and with driving 6 hours to see them). they can really perform and the production values of the entire show were high.

it was really worth the drive and the €50 per ticket. i loved the graphics - we could see the crew with computers and cameras down in front of us, expertly producing the show as it happened. and they did an awesome job. i loved this monty python-esque set - it even includes a blimp flying a red london double-decker bus. it seemed clever and not a gimmick.

it really is hard to decide which one is the best and the cutest. we all thought it was harry before we went, but actually zayn did most of the talking and is a pretty good singer. niall actually played the guitar on multiple songs. and there were a couple of moments where they were slightly off key, so they weren't just playing it all back. they actually gave a helluva show.

but the moment when they totally won me over was when they sang teenage dirtbag, that anthem of late 90s alternative loserdom. and it didn't even seem ironic. and the graphics on that song, like a cartoon - and awesome, just awesome. they also did a WAY better job on their cover to blondie's one way or another than they do on the recording of it. they won me over with that too.

in all, it was a really good concert. even i enjoyed every minute of it. the atmosphere was positive and the energy was great. the girls loved it and were so glad we went. and i'm so glad i smuggled my camera in. we thought about following them to hamburg the next night (it's impressive how they can take down and set up their elaborate sets/screens and move to another city and often another country on a nightly basis), since it was on our way home, but we restrained. it was really kind of the experience of a lifetime! tho' nothing like seeing lyle lovett at mesa amphitheater in the mid 90s.

monday's lesson in spending your energy wisely

2013-05-13T22:01:00.002+02:00

i learned a lesson this evening that i really need to remember. because it was something that i already knew, but rarely act on. i was supposed to go to one of those soul-draining meetings this evening. but i had had a headache all day and so i said i couldn't be there. and oddly, at about the same time, the clouds lifted, the skies cleared and the sun came out. really, i mean it. and my headache faded. and i went out to the barn and i spent time checking on all of the animals. we've got a regular nursery going around here - frankie's mama pepchen has 3 new kittens. this little black hen hatched out 4 fluffy little chicks (i zoomed in, i don't dare get too close, she's a meanie pants). and the bunnies, two batches, are almost 2 weeks old.

our coming 2 filly has gained weight in leaps and bounds since her worming and has shed her winter coat and is looking very pretty (tho' i didn't have the camera on me at the time, so i'll have to show you that another time). and after i tucked the horses in with their grain and some fragrant hay, i stepped out of the barn and across the greening field (i don't know whether it's wheat, barley or rye, but whatever it is, it's coming up fast), there was a deer grazing in the distance. the air was full of birdsong and it was peaceful and glorious and my soul felt restored. way better than some meeting full of senseless powerplays by a sexist, racist troglodyte. with my energy levels filled to overflowing, i can see him for the silly little man he is, rather than being angry or wound up about it. maybe my own skies have cleared now and it won't ever go back to how bad it was. but maybe, just maybe, i'll have to skip another meeting or two to be sure. in the meantime, i'll just enjoy this beautiful, peaceful calm contentment that has come over me after spending the evening in the company of my animals, the garden, the trees bursting forth in all their glory of green and the cool evening air, tinged golden by the last waning rays of sunshine. i will remember that this is how it feels to have made a good decision, just for me.

we drove 600km to see a boy band in berlin

2013-05-12T21:09:00.002+02:00

we've been in berlin. seeing one direction. hottest boy band in the world. it was, surprisingly, awesome. more soon, but first some rest.

modern mosaics

2013-05-10T15:24:00.000+02:00

generations (slægter følger) by carl-henning pedersen, 1987

after the flood (efter syndfloden) by carl-henning pedersen, 1985

the cup of life (livets kalk) by carl-henning pedersen, 1986

the acension of elijah (elias' himmelfart) by carl-henning pedersen, 1985

jacob's dream (jakobs drøm) by carl-henning pedersen, 1987

mosaics by danish artist carl-henning pedersen adorn the cathedral in ribe, one of the oldest towns in the country. it's a very pretty place, idyllic little winding cobblestone streets and the cathedral in the center. i love the atmosphere of churches - the hush, the way people whisper, how often they are over-dimensioned, especially if they're called a cathedral. it is a bit surprising to me that carl-henning pedersen was contracted to do such mosaics for the church, and i don't know if there was controversy at the time. i see it as only being able to happen in more open, less correct times (were the mid 80s really like that?). i love the irreverence of the mosaics and the way that i can't really see much religious imagery in them at all. i think it fits perfectly with the danish lack of religiosity despite their love of spring holidays and having a state church. these mosaics provoke me to think far more than some fresco of an overly-adult-looking baby jesus on mary's lap. i say bring on modernity. especially in religion.

saturday on thursday or just another random list to clear my head

2013-05-09T22:51:00.001+02:00

things i've learned in the past few days:

~ do not be tempted to cook with the beautiful, smooth, fragrant, white inner bark of an oak tree. it's bitter as hell.

~ once you have had the iPhone above, you cannot go back to an iPhone below. i smashed the screen on my 4S the other day and am borrowing a friend's 4 while it's at the iPhone hospital. the 4 is not the same as the 4S - it's slower and apparently cannot be used for actual phone calls (not that that bothers me all that much). i guess i didn't really know this as i went from 3S to 4S back in the day.

~ oak is heavy. really, really heavy.

~ a photo of a baby bunny is almost a shoe-in to go explore on flickr.

~ not all writing is equally easy. the more you care about it and the closer you are to it, the harder it is.

~ good things really do come to those who wait - we've waited three years to eat the first asparagus from our garden. it was heavenly.

~ when you read the no. 1 ladies detective agency books, you will want to drink excessive amounts of rooibos tea.

it feels like it's the weekend, but it's only thursday. that's because it's ascension day in denmark and therefore a holiday. because the danes are so religious and all. not. but hey, it's like having a saturday already on thursday, so i'm not complaining. here's hoping your thursday had all the goodness of a saturday as well.

peachy perfection

2013-05-07T21:24:00.000+02:00

the danish model rears its ugly head

2013-05-07T09:24:00.000+02:00

i love the danish model. NOT.

honestly, there are times when i'm less than fond of the danish model. i mean in general, not the union model being referred to in this headline (i just couldn't resist using it, since it fit my ironic mood). even down to the word nydansker - new danes - in the little headline below the big one. that term has, in the past decade, taken on a negative connotation. and really, does anyone expect to be allowed by the old danes to actually become a new dane? i don't think so. the danes are too much of a tribe for that. i could go on and on about this, but today i'm thinking about one aspect of the broader danish model that i'm not that keen on...and that's blind allegiance to bureaucracy.

sabin will move over to what is effectively middle school next year. in connection with this, there is a form we had to fill out. after name, address and social security number, the next questions are "mother tongue" and "land of origin," followed by whether or not danish is spoken in the home. it is unclear how this information will be used.

i wrote to the principal yesterday, expressing worries about the purpose of that information. i said that i hoped that the fact that we speak mostly english in our home wasn't going to be used to discriminate against or exclude my child in any way.

i promptly received the answer that the reason it was there was that the school had to send a report about two-language (tosprogede - another word that's taken on a very negative connotation in danish) students to the municipality every year. she assured me that it was not, under any circumstance, used to discriminate or exclude children - tho' she offered no proof of this and provided no information as to what it was to be used for. she also offered no information as to the municipality's purpose in gathering such information on a yearly basis. i can make some guesses about this, with extra funding being at the top of the list. she further advised me to contact the municipality if i wanted further information.

if you recall, this isn't the first time the school has tried to pigeonhole my child with objectionable questions about the languages she may consider native. in that instance, they were also very poor at explaining the purpose of the questions.

and i've thought a lot about that. and i think the answer is twofold. 1) danes trust blindly in their bureaucracy. if the municipality wants a yearly report of what languages the school age children speak in their homes, then they must have a reason for it, so we'll just provide them with that information without asking or even wondering how it will be used. 2) the danish higher education system does not include a set of general education credits which force students to have at least been exposed to basic rhetoric and argument-building. therefore, the principal of the school thinks she actually answered my questions and concerns, not realizing that "the municipality asks for it" is not an argument and does nothing to persuade me that there are not ulterior motives behind it. nor does her proof-less assurance that the information is not used for discrimination or exclusion. these are not arguments, but i have encountered such statements so many times that i have come to believe that danes believe they are arguments. because they don't know any better. me, however, i'm grateful to the TA who taught my rhetoric course at iowa because what i learned from him is still helping me recognize bad arguments on a daily basis.

watching the asparagus grow

2013-05-05T21:34:00.002+02:00

at long, long last, it was a lovely day today. warm, sunny, light breezes. i swear you really could actually see the asparagus growing. tho' my dad needs to get back here and weed it again. the weeds, you can definitely see them growing, right before your very eyes. i also planted 50 strawberries plants today. in a month or so, we're going to be so glad i did that. it's such a relief that spring seems to have actually come, i was really beginning to lose hope.

spring exhibition - movement

2013-05-04T09:41:00.000+02:00

i probably didn't really tell you that at last i found a group of creative people to hang out with. it's weird, i'm no longer compelled in the same way to share every aspect of my analogue life here (probably because i spend a lot less time alone in a hotel room). but i have indeed found a group of creative people to spend time with. yesterday, i helped out with setting up for the spring exhibition, which takes place today. i mostly helped out by photographing the process and then sharing it on facebook and encouraging people to attend.

i don't have anything of my own in the exhibition. i have to admit that since the vast majority of the group are painters, i didn't feel like anything i might have contributed would fit. i hadn't really seen one of their exhibitions before, so i also wanted to get the lay of the land before jumping in. that, and i've been very busy with work-related things of late. i know. that's quite a collection of excuses. but suffice it to say that i didn't feel ready to be part of the exhibition this time around.

but i will be the next time. because if there's one thing that i learned, it's that there is an enormous variety of styles involved. the theme this time around is "movement" (bevægelse), so i could easily have contributed photos of horse feet, nicely framed. i also had an idea of making a whole lot of teeny tiny origami birds and hanging them by threads, so that they would move when people passed by. but all of the writing i've been doing this week on various projects and proposals prevented that idea from materializing. (hmm, there's those excuses again.) i am content to be the official event photographer.

there are talented painters and some less talented, but what's common to all is that they dare to show their work and that the group is open to everyone's level. all of the works were cheerfully accepted and something positive was seen in all of them. they have been carefully hung to their best advantage and today, there will be a reception where friends, family and the whole town can come and have a look. they represent a diversity of styles and passions and i find it comforting to be involved with a group where there is room and a welcoming spirit for all. it's so refreshing and it's what this whole culture house thing is really about.

next year, i'm definitely going to show some of my work too. who knows, maybe i'll even paint something!

happy colors, happy feet, happy weekend!

2013-05-03T16:33:00.000+02:00

nothing says spring quite like a new pair of shoes.

lots of goodness planned this weekend.

an art exhibition.

a couple of lectures.

some time in the sunshine.

maybe even a run or two (just not in these shoes).

and at our house, we're counting down to One Direction in berlin.

happy weekend, one and all!

signs of spring and sunshine

2013-05-02T23:00:00.000+02:00

at long last, some sunshine and signs of spring have begun to show themselves...let's hope it continues! we really could use some warm days so we could open up the house and air it out!

gifts for no reason

2013-05-02T10:23:00.000+02:00

the past week has brought a number of lovely surprises to my door. my sister's visit wasn't a surprise as we had long been planning it. what was a surprise was that she came bearing an iPad mini and a super cute owl case just for me! (THANK YOU!) it's a bit hard keeping all of the other mitts in this household off of it. i foresee another one (or two) in our near future.

on the day my family arrived, the mailman knocked on the door. he had a little square package and a pretty flat red one. we had recently ordered alfie the jacabob from the fabulous kit lane and i thought it was that. turns out the package was from kit, but inside was a little jar of liquid sunshine in the form of orange jam from the juice of oranges from the family tree (orange tree that is) in warmer climes. in the midst of the longest, most lingering winter ever, it was a very welcome surprise. and again I had a hard time keeping everyone else's mitts off of it around here. but then again, we all had need of a bit of sweet sunshine. thank you, kit! as you can see, alfie made it safe and sound as well.

the last package was from sweet tracy in south carolina. she knows of my delight in helene hanff's 84 charing cross road book and sent me the equally delightful memoir Q's Legacy, along with a to do list tablet. tracy, you know me well, thank you! i've already finished the book, tho' i tried to make myself read it slowly, it just didn't work. i so wish i had known helene in real life and been able to hang out with her. she's charming and witty and positive - everything i need in my life!

i have to say that out-of-the-blue gifts, the kind that come just for no reason, other than to indicate that you're thinking of someone are way better, in my book, than christmas and birthday gifts. thank you all for making my day (and my week and possibly even my whole month!).

desuetude in photography

2013-05-01T11:46:00.005+02:00

this photo of an abandoned farmhouse in SD is by me

bloggy friend celkalee sent me a link to some stunning (if a bit over-processed) photography of abandoned places by dutch photographer niki fejen. some of the the photos were featured yesterday on huffington post. i initially thought the photographer was a woman and it's weird how i had a different feeling about the photos before i found out fejen was a man. fejen calls the style urbex (urban exploring) and he likes to wander places you're not supposed to go (i like him already). he makes me want to visit chernobyl even more than i did before. (note: i have chosen not to post any of his photos here (it seemed impolite) - please visit his website to see them.)

but as usual, the photos have me thinking. i find them, with their HDR style, to be over-processed and despite the subject matter, too slick. tho' at the same time, they are rich and lush and i linger at each one, taking in all of the details of the desuetude. but the processing gives me pause as to their authenticity. i have to wonder if some of them aren't staged.

errol morris devoted an entire chapter of his book believing is seeing (which i highly recommend, it's a must-read if you like to ponder photography) to a photo of mickey mouse amidst rubble that may or may not have been staged by photographer ben curtis in lebanon on 2006. morris does an exhaustive analysis of whether the photo was staged, even interviewing curtis, who says it was not. he also sensitively explores the feelings such photos bring forth in us and the meanings we instinctively ascribe to them and how they can be used to manipulate public opinion. it's a discussion of authenticity and staging that's worth reading. but i digress a bit from fejen's photos. and i recognize that if they are at times staged, it means less than if photos of war are staged.

as i looked through the gallery on fejen's website, some of the photos just rang with a false note for me. was that moss on the bed in photo no. 11 really that green or has he dialed it up in photoshop? photo no. 36 - i have to wonder if that bowler hat was really there on the back of the chair, or did niki pick it up and place it there for the shot? the wheelchair in no. 44 and no. 45 would seem to indicate proof of staging. the open doors, affording a peek in to a jesus statue down the hall in no. 46 seems a bit too perfect. the way the chairs are carefully lined up in no. 122. and the doll with the gas mask on in the chernobyl set, did she really have that on and was she really sitting on that chair? but does any of this matter? anytime you raise your camera and take a shot, you're making choices about what's included and what's not and you are, in a sense, manipulating the scene. it's part of the medium. i think when it bothers me is when it causes the photo to ring false.

i also find it a bit annoying that for the most part, the photos are not labeled as to where they are taken, tho' i recognize that abandoned hospital near berlin that so many have photographed. i wonder why he has chosen to do that? i look at them and the first thing i wonder is where it's at. is he afraid we'll all jump on a plane and go take our own pictures? or does he think it lends meaning for us to imagine for ourselves where they are? me, i just find it rather irritating.

i am, however, a sucker for a dead piano (no. 28, 33, 36, 146, the organ in no. 58) - there is such aching beauty in those. and i still remember the first one i saw and photographed, in an old castle along the banks of the volga river. unfortunately, it's buried somewhere in a box somewhere in this house and i cannot locate it at the moment, so i can't show it to you.

goodbye april

2013-04-30T21:22:00.000+02:00

april wasn't kind this year. it was cold. it was long. it was windy. did i mention that it was cold? we were all sick at one time or another. we're all coughing. some of us currently are running a temperature. more than one of us. i'll be glad to see april go. please, please, please let may mean spring.

dabbling

2013-04-28T18:27:00.000+02:00

just catching up on my blog reader (in flipboard, still thru google reader, while it lasts)...also writing this on the iPad mini my sis gave to me (how fabulous is she?)...and having this sinking feeling, as i read blogs i subscribed to ages ago, that i do not sufficiently stick with the things that i try...whether stitching or dyeing or felting or sewing or quilting or whatever....i am a dabbler. it means that while bloggers i long ago followed continue to share their particular area of interest, ever more honed and refined, ever evolving, their techniques more and more beautiful, i dabble and never get any better at anything, continuously flitting from one thing to the next.

what holds me back, prevents me from embracing a thing that is me? or even figuring out what it might be? i'm honestly not sure. it's surely bound up in all kinds of unutterable fears - of failure, of success, of exhausting ideas, of never having another one again, of being derivative, of being unique, of critique, of praise, of it becoming humdrum and boring (hmm, seems i could utter a few of those fears after all).

there are a few things i stick with - breathing, writing, taking photos and cooking. with cooking, i've slogged through a recent slump, cooking daily anyway, despite not feeling like it. at all. i suppose on that front, i'm driven largely by hunger. but it's the same with daily photos - i'm not always inspired to take one, but i persevere anyway, always finding something to notice and photograph. but even there, i don't think i've pushed my photography forward in any meaningful way in a long time.

where do people find their motivation? their dedication? their confidence? their belief? their dogged persistence? their spark?

i don't really have trouble at all finding sparks, it's more that i find too many of them. i am an ideas person. i love new ideas and spending time with people who give me new ideas. i love thinking of new ideas, but i also love letting go of them again and moving on to a new one. and that doesn't lend itself very well to developing a craft. or a job. or a business. because those take persistently and consistently developing and pushing the ideas further and further. and that's what i admire about so many of the blogs in my reader - the ability their creators have to keep working on their ideas, pushing them further, honing them and polishing them and perfecting them.

maybe my thing is initiating ideas and i need to do a better job of passing them to people who will nurture them. i don't think that i ever need worry about running out. now, to turn that into a viable business...

* * *

perhaps i should just go read this article on finding fulfilling work.

where did they go?

2013-04-27T18:58:00.002+02:00

they were here.

they drove me up a tree.

but now where have they gone?

they didn't really drive me up a tree, it just seemed like that's what molly was thinking. my family has continued on to london, stonehenge, omaha beach and paris and their stay here is over. it flew by and it wasn't long enough at all. i'm feeling a little lost this afternoon, amidst the quiet that has descended over the house. i'm very glad they came, even if the visit was far too short.