Moments of the redeemed loner

Important Security Message from RockYou

2010-01-24T12:11:00.001+08:00

Dear RockYou user,

We are writing to update you on the security breach we notified you about in mid December, 2009 and the ongoing attempts to access this information. We are cooperating with law enforcement, continuing our own investigation, and engaging in efforts to further increase our security given these persistent efforts. We have taken measures to increase the security protections of user data, including the encryption of such data, on the RockYou system. In doing so, we've revised the authentication technology for our system and require all users to change their passwords.

Please visit http://www.rockyou.com/changepass.php to do so.

Please be aware that, notwithstanding any effort to protect user data, no measure can be sufficient to guarantee that user data is totally secure. As we stated in mid-December, we recommend that you change your password and take any additional action you feel necessary to protect your privacy.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact security@rockyou.com. We are sorry for any problems this has caused you.

The RockYou team

Dreaming of Saints

2009-12-23T20:19:00.000+08:00

For the past few nights, I’ve been dreaming of godly people. I couldn’t tell exactly the content of my dreams, but in the midst of my dreams, I‘ve seen these people, and had few conversations along the way. Most of the times, they appeared in my dreams when I was in the point of activity, rushing things, running, and taking time to rest. Then I found myself having conversation with them, and as I was enjoying their company, call of nature or some other external factors disturbed my hibernation. My dreams halted in the most abrupt circumstances. Sometimes, I lied down again to dream, but my dreams seem to have no replay.

I dreamt of one of my pastors in the church. I met him when I first attended Victory church in Dagupan. I still attend church service but we haven’t talked lately.

Just last night, I dreamt of Archbishop Oscar Cruz, the retired archbishop of Lingayen-Dagupan. I had several encounters with Archbishop Cruz during TV interviews. He was very accommodating, very kind, bold in telling the truth. He advocates service, charity, and justice. I love when he laughs and his life is so full of passion and compassion. I don’t know why I dreamt of him last night. But I’m glad I had him in my dreams. †

Sa background ng Feels So Good ni Chuck Mangione

2009-11-04T00:19:00.006+08:00

Hanggang dito na lang ba ako? Araw-araw, paggising sa umaga o di kaya’y pagbangon sa gabi, maghahanap ng balita. Balitang kailangan ng taong malaman, balitang kailangan ko rin para sumuweldo para may pangkape at pang-pizza kahit dalawang beses isang lingo.

Masaya naman ako sa ginagawa ko. Nakasakay sa crew cab, bababa, dala-dala ang micropono para mag-interview, mag-take down notes, o di kaya’y i-type na lang sa cellphone dahil hindi maatupag bumili ng tikler.

Pagkatapos, babalik sa istasyon, mag-script, magboses, magbantay sa editing saglit, kung sasalang sa live report, ayun, may overtime kahit papaano. Kakain sa gabi, kung nagkayayaan, gigimik kung saan, tsaka balik sa lungga.

Magpapahinga sa saglit, basa-basa ng konti, maliligo, magcocomputer habang nakikinig sa nakaka-inlove na tunog ng Summertime at Feels so Good, at maya-maya’y pipikit na, tsaka mananaginip ng kung anu-ano.

Ganito ulit kinabukasan. May bahagyang pagkakaiba lang. Pero parang ganun din. Medyo okay na nakakasawa. Basta kulang. Kulang talaga. Hindi ko matanggap na ginawa akong kawangis ng Diyos para lang magtrabaho at kumain at matulog.

Sabagay, minsan, nakakataba rin ng puso ang nakikilala ka ng tao dahil sa paglitaw mo sa tv halos araw-araw. Pero hindi rin, minsan, gusto mong magtakip ng mukha dahil pagsakay mo sa jeep o bus, halos lahat ng tao, nakatingin sa ‘yo. Nahihiya ka dahil mukha ka ng ngarag, magko-commute ka gawa ng hindi makabili ng kotse ang suweldo mo. Hindi nila alam na gusto mong magpahinga, at walang panahon para makipagtsamihan kung nasa byahe.

Hindi naman ako nagsisisi sa kinahinatnan ng buhay ko sa edad na 23. Kung tutuusin, marami na rin akong natutunan, nalaman, karanasang maikukuwento sa mga gustong makarinig ng kwento. Marami na rin akong nakilalang tao, nakaing kakaibang pagkain, nalagok na alak. Masarap ang gilbeys beer para sa akin sa totoo lang.

Pero wag ka, dahil sa alak na yan, hindi gilbeys ah, naku, may kilala akong nawala sa sariling kontrol. Hayun nagwala sa isang bar. Biruin mo, ang ingay-ingay na niya, ung iniinom niya, ginagawa niyang fountain. Sa bawat paglagapak niya kasi ng kanyang basong may lamang alak sa mesa, sa amin tumitilapon. Ayun, para kaming binibendisyunan ng alak. Mabait naman ung kakilala kung yon. Sobrang bait talaga. Wala kang masabi. Un lang talaga.

Sobrang badtrip kasi siya sa aanga-anga umanong babaeng dahilan para magipit siya sa gastusin. Plus iba pang pasanin sa buhay.hehe. At naiintindihan ko naman. Mahirap talagang mabadtrip.

Minsan din, nakakatawa ang mga katangahan ng tao, pasensya sa word. Minsan, natatawa rin ako sa sarili ko dahil may katangahan din ako. Pero mas malala ung iba na kakilala ko, grabe, parang walang sariling utak. Parang robot na utusan, walang diskarte, walang sariling palo kumbaga. Hindi pa siya cute. Pero hindi naman siya kawawa. May pag-asa naman siguro siyang magbago.

Basta ganun, halos ganun ‘yung nangyayari sa paligid ko. Pero siyempre, ang dami din namang hindi malilimutang kaganapan kumbaga. Da best siyempre ung sama-sama kayong nagpipigar-pigar sa Galvan. Hanep, parang may fiesta lagi ang tropa sa tabi ng kalsada. Lately lang, fishball sa tabi ng sementeryo habang naghihintay na sumalang sa ilaw at kamera. Masarap kumain.

Enjoy din ung kuwentuhan lang sa kapihan. Naku, eto, naalala ko, ung bump car. Ang sarap pa lang magbump-car lalo na kung mga kasama mo medyo may edad na rin, I mean, ung mga may anak at pamilya na. Hanep ang trip, ako sobrang sumakit tiyan ko sa kakatuwa nun. Uulitin ko un sa lalong madaling panahon. Ang sarap kayang maging bata.

Pero kalungkot din maging bata minsan. Na-realize ko yan nung may mga namatay sa dengue, nalunod, ung mga batang nabubuhay sa limos at tira-tirang pagkain. Yung mga batang binabato ng paso kaya’y pumutok at namaga ang noo. Hindi lang awa siguro ang mararamdaman mo sa bawat biktima ng abortion. Ang daming kwento ng pagkabata at minurang bata sa kanto. Sana matupad din nila ang kanilang pangarap.

Uy, gusto ko pa lang makapunta sa Batanes, dulo ng Luzon. Wala lang, gusto ko lang makita ang itsura ng Batanes na laging sikat dahil sa mga bagyong dumadaan sa Pilipinas. Pangarap ko din pa lang makapunta sa hindi ko pa nakikitang lola ko sa mother side. Biruin mo, sa Quezon province lang siya, di ko man lang mapuntahan. Pero pangako ko yan sa sarili ko, pupuntahan ko siya… Wish ko lang, hindi pa huli ang lahat.

Lalo pa’t wala na atang lugar na hindi nalulubog sa baha. Kung hindi naman baha, pagguho ng lupa. Kung hindi naman kalamidad, giyera. Bahagi ng buhay habang nasa mundong ibabaw. Makasalanan kasi. Pero may heaven naman, tulad ng pagkakaroon din ng hell. Dapat alam mo lang kung saan ang byahe mo.

Gusto ko talagang bumyahe. Kung marami lang akong pera, naku, kung saan-saan na siguro ako napunta. May goal pala ako tungkol sa pagbabyahe. At least 50 provinces sa Pilipinas mapuntahan ko. So far, 15 pa lang na probinsya ang masasabi kong napuntahan ko. Ung sa NCR, binilang ko lang as 1. Asa ka pa!?

Self-centered ba ako? Hindi naman siguro. Hindi naman siguro masamang lumigaya at kahit papaano makaramdam ng sense of fulfillment. Nasubukan ko rin namang maglingkod ng libre at bukal sa loob sa aking kapwa. Hindi rin madali un ah. Pero da best. Masasabi kong ang sumunod sa kalooban ng Diyos at maglingkod ng buong puso at lakas ang isa, kung hindi man ang pinakamaligayang karanasan sa yugto ng aking buhay. Nami-miss ko yun ng sobra. Ung tipong hindi mo agad nakukuha ung gusto mo, un bang kailangan mo talagang magtiyaga, maghintay, at huminga ng malalim para mapasakamay mo ang ung tinatamasa.

Hindi siya madali. Lalo kung mag-isa ka lang. Kaya nga, madalas sa kadiliman ng gabi, nag-i-imagine ka ng kasama, nang kayakap, at siyempre, alam mo na un. Para hindi ka mabangungot, sinasabi mo na lang sa sarili mo, darating yan. At naniniwala ka naman talaga.

Basta, may bukas pa. Kaya mali ung unang entrada ko sa sulating ito na “hanggang dito na lamang ba ako?” Kasi hindi eh. Alam mo naman ang sagot. Alam ko din… †

A wanderer’s tale

2009-10-30T20:17:00.005+08:00

Almost every time I open the door of my pad, dogs and cats are all waiting for some food to eat. Unfortunately, they cannot depend on me for the reason that I seldom cook my own food. I spend more than half of my day outside my shelter working and traveling to news gather. I just open the door for the air to at least fume inside my pad, and be refreshed due to the suffocated aura of my room’s solitude.

Watching these dogs and cats flirt with one another drives me into a playful fantasy. It feels good to film these creatures enjoy their very animal instinct, with all their caresses and affection. Like human, they also have blood circulating from all over their body; sensation is obviously manifested in their cuddling. Because I could not offer them hope for their stomach, all I can do is to have an eye-to-eye contact with them. Their eyes are colorful than mine, admittedly.

Sitting in my wooden chair with my feet wide open, my sight takes me into the single, old flower frame nailed on the wall. It’s like the green curtain that seems to lose its glow for so long displayed. It’s also like wisdom unsharpened because of the books that are forever shelved. In the middle of the sala is a small stand that supports the most read magazines I have. And I just want to travel in stellar space I’ve never been into...

Since boredom weakens me all the more, I found myself traveling in the city of pines for the nth time. My mom got so concerned about my traveling late at night, given the discomfort of the roads devastated by the recent typhoon Pepeng. I reasoned my over familiarity with the place where I’d go, and that’s enough assurance for her to sleep unperturbedly.

My eyes were opened the whole journey. Noticeably, there were few vehicles traveling via Kennon road. Despite the evident danger, the driver really braved the bumpy roads with shifting speed. My eyes saw the ruins of the houses enveloped by the series of landslides. Road cuts greeted us several times. But instead of fear, I was comforted upon looking at the moon peeking on us as it rams into the trees while we’re in motion. The serenity of the night signals the much-awaited respite I longed for.

I found myself haggling at the ukay-ukay area. I bought nothing but the thrill of bargaining. I then treaded back and forth the Session road, no itinerary, just following wherever my feet would lead me. Two cups of brewed coffee were such a delight. Afterwards, I walked again.

Drunkards roamed around the city even though it’s Sunday. Twenty-four hour café, bars and resto were never spoiled of customers. Smokers were like natural mannequins. Cabs were so dependable especially for those unable to bring themselves home. With my hands inside my jacket and its hood giving warmth to my neck, the cool breeze of midnight Baguio was so irresistible I could just hate myself for being romantically unattached with someone.

It was a solace for me to be alone. But being an average introvert was never an excuse for my whim and yen of exploring the magic of touch, of love. I could just love myself for being me, but I could also just blame myself for not being one.

It was about 2am that I realized I was heeding nowhere. I stopped at the lamppost, gasping for breath, with smoke-like fog coming out of my mouth. The place I travelled was so familiar but there’s a sort of uncertainty that hindered me from lavishing the bliss of Baguio. Its mist was so peculiar it failed to give joy to my heart.Probably, the city is still recuperating from the catastrophe caused by the typhoon.

Waffles with butter and syrup halted my stomach’s grumbling for food. I needed to pause before my feet and legs collapsed from over fatigue. I walked the distance, and I saw much. Indeed, I considered myself a wanderer in my own comfort zone…

All along, I thought my ten-hour adventure in the mountain resort city of Amianan was real. But the dogs and cats outside my pad are still waiting for me to feed them. All I could do was to see them eye-to-eye, and test who among us would shed tears. †

In pursuit of happiness

2009-09-24T20:25:00.001+08:00

I can no longer write. They say just write through streams of consciousness but my shattered thoughts kept me nowhere. I can’t even figure out what topic to write, what feeling is outstanding, what emotion drives me in sanity. I can’t focus. I can’t even smile, and worst, I want to cry yet no tears seem to fall down.

I crave to express what my soul wishes to articulate. My soul so longs for happiness, for pleasure, for ecstasy. It seems boredom has been tired to replace my melancholy. Happiness has no effect with my desire to be satisfied. How elusive happiness is for people who just want to make sense of earthly blessings promised to be available for those predestined by the Creator?

I don’t want to be desperate in pursuit of happiness. I just want to feel and lavish it. I just want to be satisfied knowing who I am, no insecurity, just fulfilled. Do I have to search for it, or I just have to wait for it? Or do we have to settle on the opinion that happiness is not for everyone? Why do I put questions about happiness? Is it not the answer to one’s misery and discontentment?

I let other people define what happiness is. And I sense, they’re also in search for it:

What is happiness? Does it exist? If it does, why, then, crying is essential to most of us mortals? Maybe happiness is just an idea that we ought to be felt; thus we invented this word and included in our memory bank. I guess we invented it for the sake of trying to feel it.
In every song and in every poetry, there is always an epitome of happiness. (Allister)

At times I find happiness within my solitude but being alone wasn’t enough. This comes in every bit of something that we don’t expect and most of the times, being ignored. One thing is for sure, it comes with fulfillment. I know I’m not yet there but who knows maybe soon. (Darix)

I heard it many times that death is the gateway to happiness. And some philosophical fools would just commit suicide to experience it, and prove that happiness exists. But such foolishness I will never do, because I believe that life on earth should be like you tasted heaven as if your first time you kiss goodbye.

I hope one day my queries on happiness would come into halt. I hope one day I would find the answer from other people, because I am already desperate that I couldn’t discover it myself. I hope one day someone, somebody, will just be my happiness. Good thing, my Lord is not only my happiness, but my joy. †

Place of ministry

2009-09-06T14:14:00.002+08:00

I’ve been longing for a specific area where I could participate in the ministry of God. After reckoning that I still have ample time despite the nature of my job, I can’t still find myself acting in motion. I don’t want to take the initiative because I know in my heart that my passion has been consumed and needs refreshing. I just want first to observe, explore, test the waters. I don’t want to be double-minded, unstable of everything I do.

Start where you are. I so believe the Lord placed me in this very influential market place. The power of words, the promise of hope, the truth uncovered, the odds of reality, the magic of corruption: these are experiences and opportunities I am privileged to savor, but sometimes, wish have gone through filtering and cleansing to protect my innocent mind. These are all part of the journey in this fallen world…

I am missing the thrill of ministering to the students in campus. For five years, campus ministry has been my ground for serving, learning, and fun. It has been my springboard, my renaissance in the mystery of spirituality. It’s also the period where I started to become a world Christian (different from worldly Christian) having the taste of heaven in this cruel and tempting world.

I thought I couldn’t perform anything good after that. But I notice I can still integrate my training in campus ministry with my present work environment. I still perform the function of being a “kuya” to the younger ones, and a friend to colleagues. If I would become more discerning to their needs and be still to know that the Lord is at work, nurturing a Christian community in the company is possible.

Work is work. Job has to be performed excellently. I am just delighted to know that I am not the only one who offers our work for the glory of the Lord. That we are not working just to earn money, but to earn the nod of God.

In one meeting with IVCF staff workers, I felt the urge of participating again in the campus ministry. In another church activity for the students, I thought I would be out-of-place since I was with teenagers, but i was wrong. I enjoyed very much their company. I said, “di pa ako matanda, I can still relate to them.” I can still sing their songs, dance their moves, and laugh out loud. I believe I shouldn’t forget the freshness and fire young people exude in their worship with God. It made me wonder that these were things that I did before, and makes me glad today. †

Time ticks quickly

2009-08-26T23:11:00.003+08:00

Time is ticking so quickly. Few days from now, it will be the BER months, the so-called happiest and grandest months to come in a year. We are inspired to count our days as if it were our last days. There’s really wisdom on this principle, however, why bother counting your days if you’re enjoying every tick of the clock that transpires? As long as you’re with the presence of the Lord, I believe you’re in good hands.

Life is like a laptop that needs refreshing and updating. Every day is like a sunshine that never promises to radiate in its fullest. Sometimes, it’s being blocked by the moving cloud full of moist and rains, ready to pour out once filled. Life is unpredictable. People say expect the unexpected, but I would say expect the best as long as you’re doing what God wants you to do.

Life is not about living for one self. Life is about sharing the beat of your heart with other people. It’s sharing a part of you for other’s to live. It’s love tenderly shared; it is fountain that flows steadily, like a jar waiting to be filled with abundant water.

Time is the most fluid element on earth. Tell me something at this very hour, but in the next few hours, it becomes different.

Just chill out until you can, and never regret the things that cause you to smile and chuckle. Sometimes, just ponder on what you call life’s stupidity; it may be an ingredient of the game called life. Pardon my shattered thoughts… †

Also a proud Filipino because of Cory Aquino

2009-08-05T22:37:00.003+08:00

The passing of former President Corazon Aquino manifested the glory and pride of being a Filipino. One more time, aside from the well-known Senator Benigno Aquino’s assassination and Manny Pacquiao’s victory on the boxing arena, Filipinos showed unity amidst political and economic crisis Philippines has at present.

The thousands of people who followed the last moments of Cory up to her tomb are very loyal, enduring, sacrificial, and loving citizens of the country Cory had fought for during her time. Cory just received the honor she deserved; I’m just not sure if she expected the crowd who witnessed her passing. But definitely, I believed she’s at peace wherever she is right now. Bow:)

“Ako’y nagpapasalamat sa inyong lahat at lalong-lalo na sa Panginoong Diyos, na ginawa niya akong isang Pilipino. Talagang karangalan ko iyon, na maging katulad niyo at maraming salamat sa lahat ng tulong na ibinigay niyo sa akin." – Corazon C. Aquino (1933 – 2009)

This statement really makes me a proud Filipino. Thank you Cory Aquino… Amen! Amen!

Times of Refreshing

2009-07-27T21:09:00.002+08:00

It was such a brief yet meaningful reunion of some Baguio friends. The warm atmosphere, the new group game (cranium club), the delectable dish, the hot tea/coffee, the familiar faces I dearly love and cherish… I was trying hard to find myself comfortable with their presence. It seemed I so missed the nobleness of friendship being breached by distance. But It’s always there, I believe.

The times of teasing quickened my pretension. I really couldn’t deny or hide things from them. Though some things changed, I noticed we’re still united in harmony. The one spirit continues to bind us into one community, redeemed by the same blood shed by Christ Jesus. Indeed, if I could really boast, I should boast the name of the Lord.

Thanks for the gift of friendship. And sorry for my shortcomings. Thank you for your prayer, folks. And pardon my ignorance of self-sufficiency. The journey continues, and I hope I won’t pass through the wide gates. Bow!

One Year Older

2009-03-29T04:19:00.002+08:00

I don't know if it's part of growing up, but I think I was happier and contented a few years back. I missed laughing out loud like there's no tomorrow. I missed chatting with friends with sense. I missed rendering service out of love and compassion. I missed crying out of joy. I so missed my Baguio years.

But I have no regret of my present status now. Maybe, life has just its own twist and delight. Or perhaps, I became too work-oriented that I failed to give myself a quality break. Or probably, I just forgot the meaning of happiness...

Last Friday, I became one year older. I feel blessed to be bombarded with birthday greetings and messages. (Thanks!)To capture the realization I've got from my wondering, I would say the Lord has impressed on me the distance I've traveled without Him. I am now trying to figure out how to bring back the joy of journeying together with Him, again... †

A stranger's Talk

2009-01-25T04:21:00.004+08:00

Walking in the streets of Baguio City in the dark, cold night has always been my way of winding up. Aside from the physical benefit I get from walking, I am always engrossed in watching people’s activity and their dealings with one another. I consider this as a wonderful result of communication, a process where one can learn from the other. And I personally take each communication process an opportunity to listen lessons gained from bitterness but surpassed with resilience.

I want to share my encounter with a single mom who tries to earn a living by selling Ukay-ukay products in the dim streets of Baguio City. I approached her out of curiosity, asking her where have all the other ukay-ukay vendors gone? She said they were instructed by the city government not to sell anymore in the pavements of the streets on night time. She failed to provide me further information of her comrades’ disappearance in the street. But she still persisted in selling used clothes; otherwise, she’ll go home with nothing to eat.

I was surprised when she’s been talking and telling me stories of her life. I did not know her, and she just met me right there. I got her complete name but let me just call her Andrea. I just told her my first name so we could address one another by name. We’re both strangers at that moment. And I think we became friends.
I came to know that she’s from Cebu, migrated in Baguio City more or less twenty years ago. She’s been separated with her husband for quite some time now, and she serves as the father and mother to her only child. Andrea speaks good English, very vocal, high-spirited, principled. I would say she’s gentle and sweet at the same time.

I got carried away with her story. I was flabbergasted with the trust she gave me. Andrea speaks from the heart. She’s not ashamed with her past; she’s confident to say she has moved on with her past relationship. She’s not even afraid to face tomorrow all by herself. We talked for less than an hour until the policemen told her to vacate the area. Ukay vending is already forbidden in the pavements at night time. She has to leave and so I had to bid good-bye…

What a stranger’s talk with nothing to lose! It only requires willingness to listen and to learn, to respect and to trust, to consider others more highly than one self. It’s a simple talk that can edify a lowly-spirit like mine, who fervently misses to commune with the One who only searches the attitude of the heart. †

DRUG WAR

2009-01-19T19:07:00.007+08:00

The eradication of marijuana (Cannabis sativa) plantations in the hinterlands of Northern Luzon has been a consistent effort of the drug enforcement agency in the Philippines. Early last year, I personally witnessed the process of phasing out the illegal hemps grown and cultured in different remote areas in Santol, La Union and part of Kibungan, Benguet.

I saw how these fully-grown marijuana plants were cultivated, well-nourished with all fertilizers – proof that there ARE indeed protectors and masterminds behind these lucrative “agribusiness.” But the operatives failed to catch one; the site seemed to be left unattended, or probably, cultivators found their escape elsewhere. Nevertheless, those illegal hemps were burnt into ashes, and the operatives just carried some stalks as evidences.

That battle put into flare illegal hemps worth P28 million pesos, exclusive of other marijuana bricks and seedlings confiscated in the area. The operation labeled as Oplan Apol Green Scorpion was a three-day journey of combined elements led by Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA), Philippine military, air force, intelligence units, and other anti-drug enforcers. It was a risky, all-sweat, operation all for the sake of putting into halt illegal drug operation in the country.

We had the chance to meet face to face with the members of the community in the area. We were never in the position to judge any one in the community as cultivator, or something to that effect. They might just be victims of coercive power, and no recourse to fight back. (I want to emphasize that I was in the area, and I could speak from my own heart and judgment whatever info and pulse I gathered from them).

The drug enforcers tried to have a fruitful discourse with the community members. They shared to them why these marijuana plants had to be eradicated, that there are laws enacted and provided for the punishment of (law) breakers, and protection for the tipsters and allies of positive advocacies. Apparently, the community has a problem worth-considering by the people in power.

The Nature speaks nothing less of the beauty and peace of the area, a haven for nature lovers, ideal for those who seek solace. But the community has a problem. People there are in need of farm-to-market roads for the transport of their produce. They lack electric services, they need medical assistance, decent shelter and education. These are all left unnoticed because people in power seem to be blind about their situation. They are busy trying to earn the nod of the majority, probably, to remain in power and keep hold of their hidden interests. I do not know how to describe them any more….

The reality is that they are in need, and righteousness in governance if transformed into action should address these needs.

RECORD BREAKING
After two months, anti-drug enforcers launched another operation tagged as Oplan “BUNTOTPUSA,” a six-day operation which started January 14 in the disputed boundaries of Ilocos Sur and Benguet. According to the report of PDEA Region 1, the operation yielded to the destruction of 170 MILLION worth of marijuana plants, the biggest so far in the history of marijuana eradication in the Philippines.

The operatives seem to relate the cultivation of these plants to the members of the communist rebels. According to their intelligence reports, communist rebels are sighted in said areas providing protection for the cultivators of marijuana plants. And so operatives of the government call their existence and alleged connection to the marijuana cultivation as narco-terrorism.

This latest effort of the oplan buntotpusa was commendable in nature. They arrested one cultivator in the area and was charged with the violation of Section II of Article 16 Cultivation or Culture of Plants Classified as Dangerous Drugs of RA 9165 otherwise known as the Dangerous Drugs Act of 2002.

Even the PDEA Region I Director Roberto Opeña is strong in its stance: “Our directive and objective is to win the drug war, and we are tapping all our partners to wipe out the enemy. We are not afraid of who they are or their cohorts and financiers.” I say more power to him… (to be continued) †

Si Gamgamba at Si Ewan

2009-01-03T18:11:00.003+08:00

Hindi mapakali sa paglambiti’t paghulma ng sopistikadong sapot ang isang gagamba tuwing nakahimlay ang araw. Mapaglaro itong paikut-ikot sa binubuong dugtung-dugtong na tulay na kanyang maituturing na kaligayahan. Kumpiyansa sa katiwasayan ng gabi, kanyang sinsamantala ang kakaibang lakas at kasiglahan, nagpapakita sa hindi nanlilisik na mata ng kalikasan, upang isakatuparan ang anumang gawaing hindi nagagawa, madalas, sa kaliwanagan.

Taglay ang mainam na reserba at mapotensyal na galamay, lalo’t higit sa estado ng katiyakan, kusang naglalabas ito ng makabuluhang sapot na hinuhubog upang maging isang matatag na pundasyon, parang makatang nagbibigay-buhay sa bawat katagang nagmumula sa kanyang madamdaming imahinasyon at ikinukumaps ng malayang kamay tangan ang panulat.

Madalas, nag-iisa. Tila binubukod ang sarili sa ibang nilalang upang protektahan ang kanyang himlayan, ang kanyang buhay. Pakiramdam niya’y malupit ang kalikasan at hindi mapagkakatiwalaan. Oo’t maaari niyang akuin ang teritoryo sa ganang sarili. Subalit sa kanya lamang sarili, sa loob-loob niya lamang. Sapagkat hindi kanya ang mundo. Nakikihati lamang siya at, sa katunayan, kapiranggot ang kanya at malupit ang kinasasadlakan.

Isa ‘yon sa pinagkaiba nitong si makata. Para sa kanya, may potensyal siyang baguhin ang takbo ng panahon, ‘pagkat mas malawak ang limitasyon nito. Hindi siya nakikihati, bahagi siya ng mismong mundo. Sa isang pagbiyahe patungo sa ibang dimensyon, kanya na ang mundo – maaari niyang gawing paraiso o di kaya’y impiyerno. Maaari rin niyang kitlin ang sariling buhay o di kaya’y ialay ito sa iniibig. Simple. Hindi siya tao.

Madali siyang mabusog at magsawa. Kung malakas ito at kayang-kaya ang kalaban, tiyak uumbok ang kanyang tiyan. Kung talagang sobrang nangangasim ang kanyang sikmura, ni katiting ay wala siyang ititira. Kung may ititira man, itatabi niya ito. Pero kadalasan, hindi niya ito inuubos, nilalanggam… kasama niya. Kaiba ng bahagya sa natatawang makata. Madali rin siyang magsawa subalit mahirap mabusog. At hindi siya nilalanggam. Siya ang nanglalanggam pero iniluluwa kung hindi nagustuhan.

Hindi sanay si Ewan sa regular na takbo ng buhay. Kung may pagpipilian, hindi niya babaybayin ang kalyehong araw-araw niyang tinatahak. Kung dalawang tsokolate at isang pulburon ang nasa kamay niya, hindi niya uubusin ang dalawang tsokolate. Isang tsokolate at isang pulburon ang kakainin niya, at… ipapalit ang isang tsokolate ng ibang putahe. Sobrang hirap ng buhay ngayon! Alin naman dito, birhen o hindi? (ito talagang si makata, biglang umiba ng eksena). Dapat matikman niya muna (O, humirit pa). Sa kabilang banda, nagpapalit din siya ng damit araw-araw, gayong hindi araw-araw ay bago ang mga ito. Marunong siyang magtiis at magsakripisyo. Malambot ang kanyang puso sa mga nagmamahal sa kanya.

Samantala, masyado silang malikot at mapaglaro. Hindi magkandaugaga itong si gagamba sa paglalaro ng kanyang sapot habang si makata nama’y walang puknat sa kakasubok ng kung anu-anong bagay. Madalas pa ngang nilalaro ni gagamba ang kanyang tanghalian o hapunan, at kung siya’y nasa sanga o dahon, wala rin siyang pagod sa pagbaba’t pagtaas gamit ang matibay na sapot. Talagang malikot at mapaglaro ang isipan nitong si makata. Ibang klaseng maglarawan!

Sa kabila ng malikot at mapaglarong isipan, hindi ito sapat upang hindi mabahiran ng kalungkutan ang mukha ni Ewan. Hindi sapat na isipin na lagi siyang nagtatagumpay, na lumulundag siya sa galak, na matamis ang asukal, na may kiliti sa bawat iyak. Humuhupa ang imahinasyon. Lahat ng ito’y pansamantala lamang. Makapangyarihan ang imahinasyon subalit hindi nito magagawang palitan o dayain ang damdamin ng isang makata o manunulat. Hindi nito magagawang pwersahin ang isang manunulat na gawing masaya ang tema ng kanyang isinusulat gayong kalungkutan ang nasa damdamin nito. At hindi rin maaaring gawing malungkot ang tema ng kanyang susulatin kung ubod-galak na karanasan ang kanyang nais ibahagi. Kung maaari, isa siyang huwad na manunulat.

Sa kabilang banda, iisipin niyang mas mabuti ang katayuan ng isang gagamba. Wala itong mabilog na mata na kakikitaan ng hinagpis at dalamhati dulot ng mga taong nasa paligid nito. Walang luhang dumadaloy mula sa kanyang mata pababa sa pisngi hanggang sumayad sa lupa. Mabuti sana kung iisa ang kulay ng mundo. Gayunpaman, wala naman siyang tinig upang marinig ang lutong ng kanyang halakhak. Marami pa ring bagay na hindi magagawa ni gagamba sapagkat hindi siya tao, tulad ng sariling pagpapahayag.

Manatiling buhay, marahil, ang pangunahing layunin ng pananatili ni gagamba, bukod sa papel nito sa balanseng ekolohikal. Walang puwang sa kanya ang malawak na salitang pag-ibig, isang anyo ng ekspresyon. Wala siyang pusong nagdaramdam at nagagalak, ni di nga siya marunong manligaw. Hindi nga niya magawang mambola o sumambit ng katagang matalinghaga. Samakatuwid, nasa kinita ni Ewan na siya’y magiging makata ‘pagkat marunong siyang magmahal. Sabi nga ni Joi Barrios sa kanyang Minatamis at Iba pang Tula ng Pag-ibig, “bawat mangingibig ay makata.” Gayunpaman,, hindi lahat ng makata ay mangingibig at hindi namumusyaw ang may dugong makata kung siya’y namumuhi.

May dalawang bagay na maari nilang sang-ayunan. Una, sakop sila ng konsepto ng kamatayan. Si gagamba at si Ewan na kapwa may pagkakatulad at pagkakaiba sang-ayon sa ginawang pagsasalarawan ay parehong nakatakdang pumanaw. Ang mga nasabing deskripsyon ang siyang inaasahang katangian ni Ewan bilang isang nangangarap na manunulat o makata. Pangalawa, isang simpleng lohika na hindi makapagsulat si gagamba sapagkay siya’y insekto, at si Ewan ay tao. †
(This was written sometime in 2003. Pardon my forgetfulness, but I really can't remember the exact date when I wrote this piece. I posted this writeup to remind myself that there's a creative juice in me, charing! Hopefully, future writings will follow).

Newscasts

2008-12-21T04:11:00.005+08:00

YearEnd Report: I happened to waste my time surfing the site of gmanews.tv and thought of posting the links of my major reports aired in national newscast. For those who missed watching me, you can have a glimpse of what I'm doing in the region with the following links:

http://www.gmanews.tv/video/27846/10-Koreans-die-in-car-crash

http://www.gmanews.tv/video/31406/QTV-Police-destroy-marijuana-plantation

http://www.gmanews.tv/video/31395/Marijuana-plantation-in-La-Union-Benguet-destroyed

http://www.gmanews.tv/largevideo/related/31425/Govt-authorities-seize-hectares-of-marijuana-plants

http://www.gmanews.tv/video/31425/Govt-authorities-seize-hectares-of-marijuana-plants

*(these were two same stories aired in different news programs of gma7)

The Challenge of Rebuke

2008-10-26T21:55:00.001+08:00

It comforts me to know that someone understands me, even the complaints I have carried all through out my adjustment period for more than six months now. I am grateful I have friends who believe in me, who trust me, who show both the good and ugly in me. Though it’s hard to accept rebuke, it is better than hidden love, indeed.

But what’s the good of such admonition if I won’t heed on the challenge of deliberate change? I admitted I was spiritually “stagnated” the past months. I confessed I have been tempted of all kinds, and have sinned many times. But what I have gone through, I could say that I was mindful all along - the consequences of my actions, the trust that might be lost, the character that might be tainted with malice.

Grace. Gracia. Panangasi ya Katawan. It fuels me to breathe like a regenerated one. But right now, I am restless, tired, exhausted. It seems I am moving and acting without joy and sacred hype. But like a wounded soldier, I will rise. I accept the challenge to end this “game” of faith, to finish the good fight. But I can’t do it myself. I need YOU. †

broken-heart

2008-09-14T17:50:00.000+08:00

I regret my coward act of not showing and telling her my true feelings. There’s no such thing as secret love, indeed. And so I have to suffer the pains of great memories we’ve been through as friends, as she’s now with somebody else.

I was hurt. I blamed myself for that ‘loss’, for not doing anything to have her. I did crazy things to move on. And I was surprised because I’m hurting myself to the limits, for more than two weeks now. My first broken-heart experience, indeed, but I opt to stop my litanies here. I am done and over with my self covenant of waiting for her. She has decided, and I am free.

Lessons learned: enjoy being in solitude, and enjoy being with somebody you feel like hanging on; always forgive yourself; wish the person all the best, don’t curse; pamper yourself with a fresh bath every night; just cry when you feel like crying, and smile afterwards; love the Lord still...

" I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. " ~ From the television show The Wonder Years †

Good News & Bad News

2008-08-31T19:24:00.001+08:00

My night duty was over. The moments of seeing cadavers, blood, wrecked vehicles, sleeping police officers, commercial sex workers during raid, etc. have come into halt. I can now rest my pathetic eyes during night time, and I can now read my books again, hehe. It’s both good and bad news for me.

It’s bad news because I’ll be annoyed again with the scorching heat of the sun during coverage (arte, hehe). It’s time again to be pressured in beating the deadline for the afternoon newscast. I’ll be forced to adjust my eating habit. I can’t wear a jacket anymore, except on rainy days and typhoons. But then, these can all be good news depending on perspective.

It’s good news because I can now go out for night life (where? hehe). I can meet again my sources. I can set appointments for interview. I can see Amianan staff more often. I can watch movies on marathon basis (as in?hehe). Well, adjustment time again, but definitely, I’ll be missing both day and night practices.

What is important is that I should enjoy every course of the day, every camera roll, every story I cover. When I see good news in this bad news world, then, I am blessed because I am not missing the point of life as I see the positive side of life. Indeed, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1, NIV) †

Lessons learned

2008-07-20T19:24:00.002+08:00

Happy 2-monthsary… hehe. Yup, yeap, it’s more than two months now that I am working as a correspondent. Congratulations

But I am quite exhausted; not a complaint but a natural feeling of a human being. It’s not the work per se, but actually the details within the work. And absolutely, I would say that this job that I have now is the job that I prayed for, and the job that I like, the job that I am still learning to love. Oh, yes, it’s a process of loving this kind of work, and so far, I am enjoying the journey of growing in love with my work.

I just want to share some lessons and realities that I encountered for the past months as a correspondent. First, even though I want to effect change in the story that I want to make, I just can’t help but cover the event as it is because I know my limitations. I cannot involve directly with the pleas and concerns of the people involved especially faces and hearts so deeply in need. I cannot curse people who blatantly violate the rights and simplicity of the marginalized in my story, otherwise, I may be judged bias. I can hide my partiality but not my empathy.

Secondly, it’s difficult to blame “uneducated” people when I see them in desperate situations, fighting with their fists but ended up losers. Some of these are victims of ignorance and unequal distribution of favor and wealth. I may just listen to them, sympathize with them, but I can’t just do mighty things for them to redeem their zeal. Nevertheless, I am thankful that with the kind of job that I have, I can inspire them, and trigger them to be hopeful and wishful.

Lastly, I learn to smile even though it’s not needed, and I learn to hide my resentment to those who are contemptible…. 

Grow where I am planted

2008-05-11T14:26:00.003+08:00

Wherever I am, whatever I do, whenever I will be, I should know who my real boss is. I should know why I should behave this way, why I should write this way, why I should broadcast report this way.

It was just a dream way back in college that an “impaired, lisping, loner” can become a reporter. And this dream came true just in time, just when I waited and prayed the most, when I needed direction in a confused and staggered blueprint waiting to be discovered. I asked of this, and it was given to me. Or should I say, it was given to me because HE is just simply good. :)

Working in the media industry, particularly under the contours of the best and most reputable network in the country, is a totally different field just to highlight the excitement, the thrill, the hype, the lesson, ethics and principles one can incur working within. But it is no different field when talking about where God puts me to influence where I am planted…

I am enjoying what I am doing right now as a reporter. Never mind the butter in the bread, aheemm for now (ano daw, hehehe). Thanks anyway for the psyche income triggered by the billboards, posters, and ads.

But I want to share about why the Lord has put me in this workplace. For almost a month now, I find it hard to find myself behaving in a manner worthy of Christ’s standard. I have no serious problem working with people inside; they’re all unique, well-crafted, wonderful individuals. I am just concerned with my own character, with the way they influence me, and I influence them. Do I still know that I should let my light shine, and not put it in the shed where my light is distorted and controlled? Do I still know that in everything I do, I should do it for God’s glory?

This is my wake up call indeed. I just hope and pray that the fast pace in the newsroom will not cause me forgetful that once in my journey, I was redeemed. From the simple use of words to dealing with people, I should let my light shine. No turning back… †

A heartbeat for transition

2008-03-09T16:57:00.004+08:00

Transition will be my next disciplinary program in the coming days. I'll be moving out of Baguio to traverse a new path, to exploit greater heights, to grow more and to love deeper. I anticipate positive things to happen in this new journey, confident that the hands and blessings of the Lord are upon me.

The city of pines has become a comfort zone for me, enjoying every freedom and access crucial to my development as a human being. It has given me the chance to see all kaleidoscopic enigmas of life. The beautiful and the not-so-wonderful are all part and parcel of the lessons of life. Oppositional binaries are at work all the way, but praise be to God who sustains and preserves those He called, justified and destined to be with him.

Though not everything has been laid down crystal clear, the plans of the Lord are sure to come. His plans are a work in progress, and He considers it done when He wills it to be. And so what will I do? Follow his leading, remain in him, know his heart, seek his face, ask for his blessings and favor, and continue to serve him wherever he leads me. (It’s really easier said than done).

All I really need is to put my hope and trust in the Lord, the author and perfecter of my faith (Heb. 12:2). He understands the beating of my heart, and I believe that as I long as I know the heart of the Lord, (which is also a process of knowing) I will never go wrong. And when I go wrong, I, myself, will be blamed – a vulnerable sinner who needs grace and mercy every now and then.

”You may not always be able to feel a deeper heart feeling right away, but stay focused in the heart. The sincerity of your effort can reconnect you to your heart current and start the juices flowing. To plug in, think of someone you love or remember what feels good, maybe a fulfilling experience. Feelings help you remember.” - Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart

Sayote Republic » Second Call for all UP Alumni: A Time for Solidarity

2008-02-13T17:41:00.000+08:00

Sayote Republic » Second Call for all UP Alumni: A Time for Solidarity

My Springboard

2008-02-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

My short government stint has come into halt last January 2008. I resigned with peace and joy in my heart because this has been a result of prayer, a gentle wrestling with the Lord. Main factors involved my desire to give more time with the campus ministry and the master's program that I am learning to love. All other reasons are valid secondaries. Period :)

This time, I am enrolled in what I call exploratory, disciplinary program under the rubrics of spirituality, professionalism, and relationship building. Spirituality involves an integral, holistic approach in life where I expect myself to unify every diverse, fragmented “blueprint” awaiting its discovery and fulfillment. It will bring me to a certain divinity where I won't create any secularity over any mundane activity, but rather recognize that everything is divine when Jesus is in control. I will definitely anticipate a more intimate encounter with my Creator.

Under professionalism, no big deal actually, as I will just try to work part-time as a self-confessed, “desperate” writer and journalist. This will be an experimental stage to test the water, and decide if there is something else my heart longs for. Lately, I'm gaining interest in linguistics, particularly on the development of Pangasinan language, and in making documentaries on children and youth. Teaching in college by June excites me as well. Or perhaps, I could be all around, all at the same time, hahaha. Ambitious me! :) Financially and (theologically) speaking, I am “living by faith.”

What and how I live at present will be my legacy. I want to be remembered as someone who loves the Lord passionately, who blesses others in various ways, who makes people smile, who upholds justice, who is so concerned with youth and children's welfare, who gains satisfaction with the life I live. And when people remember me, only praise and worship to Jesus will be their sweet utterance. And these things will happen if as early as now I develop the edifying process of relationship building. What I will share are the things that I have. I cannot give something that I don't have; but “praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us (me) in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessings in Christ” (Eph. 1:3, NIV).

Will I be able to surpass all these challenging things? By God's grace, love, and providence, Yes! And my springboard at the moment, and for tomorrow's tomorrow, is the peace and joy I have with the Lord. Pray with and for me as well. †

The Return of the Comeback

2008-01-31T16:56:00.000+08:00

The 70-day vacation of my father will soon be expired on February 14, the date of his flight back to KSA. His riyal-converted-to-dollar reserve is already depleted, and my family is once again on the verge of belt tightening. After happy days come the not-so-happy days, at least for a month.

Like the global economy’s bloodbath scenario brought about by US economic slowdown, my family needs to take a breather and employ all necessary means for recuperation. But with all these things, I praise God for each counted days that we are together as a family.

Christmas, New Year and my sister’s wedding – these are the prime peaks of our family’s revelry. These are as well the major sources of expenses outlaid for such joyful revelries. And who would regret such expenses in exchange of the time spent together as family? Not us.

What the reality speaks of is that his money reserve is not sufficient; so as his vacation time. My family, particularly my father, has not yet entertained the idea of investment and so we can be sustainable in our resources. Of course, I understand his limitation, especially his meager salary as a caretaker. Except for my sister and I who now work independently, (ahemm), my family depends solely on my father’s income. We combine resources together, as much as we could, to withstand the high cost of our youngest’ education expenses.

Another reality is that, we really don’t have savings. And that’s what we should work for now. I, myself, don’t have savings for more than one year that I am working. (Let the poor say I am rich!:)) And I hope this will change for our future’s sake, haha. We should as well learn how to venture in small-scale business, and really be wise in managing what the Lord is giving us.

Time will really come that we will not be dependent on foreign remittances.

To respond to my previous post about my “hope” for my father’s comeback, I would say they were all granted and realized, although not the exact ways and means. Praise GOD (Giver Of Desires) indeed!

First, I have told him I loved him, and every time we talk over the phone, I make it a point to utter that “uncomfortable” yet precious word “I love you.” It really takes practice before that utterance becomes a habit. And I crave to be hooked on that habit and hope it becomes my “disciplined vice.”:) I have also become more expressive to my mother and sister, and appreciative to my two brothers.

My father got the chance to visit me in Baguio and he admitted that money could be spent as easy as chewing “garlic nuts.” What I remember the most during his short visit in Baguio was the time he bathed without heating the water. He appeared to be okay after that fresh bath, but its noticeable it caused him some wobbling effect. Though a denial thing on my father’s part was evident, because according to him it’s colder in Saudi (seasonal), I just chuckled out of respect and said to myself “I love my father for his ‘airy’ remarks.” :)

We also had the chance to be together as a family by going to the nearest and most accessible swimming resort in our town. We opted to go there because we had previous minor accident when we went to San Fabian, a three-town away beach from our town, just after my sister’s wedding. It was a good bonding time anyway, and that’s another granted wish. Praise God!

My father’s flight is fast nearing. I don’t know how long will we wait again for him, but absolutely, we will never cease to love him during his absence. It’s just really sweet to have a father like him. †

A son’s wishful treat for his father

2007-12-04T08:50:00.000+08:00

I’m just counting hours for my father’s arrival this week. I am not particular with the exact time of his coming because I will not meet him at the airport anyway. There will also be no placards and exorbitant banners to welcome him. Since the time he left the country, and every time he goes back on intervals, we are not used to join and meet him at the airport.

Perhaps, this is just a mechanism for all of us to avoid emotional outpourings of bidding goodbye or welcoming him, or maybe, for practical reason that we could save money if we don’t join him at the airport. What is important is that we’ll see him home.

His arrival this time would be different. My sister who works in Manila can welcome my father. The history of not meeting him at the airport would be changed, and my sister will be the first one to experience how it feels to welcome our father, fresh and sound. Aside from the Yuletide season, my father will be with us for three months because of my sister’s wedding in January.

He will be one of the thousand, if not million, OFWs to go back to their homeland to spend Christmas and some other important family events. Their comeback is much rejoiced, but their exodus is hard to reckon. I am now calloused to recall the moments without him. And I am even trying hard to reminisce the moments with him. But excitement always dominates the feeling when someone I love is coming.

Thinking him and my bilin of a digicam, I’ve got bunch of suggestions in mind when he arrives that I haven’t told him yet. I will lure him to treat the whole family to visit Baguio where I stay. If that happens, it will be our first get-together as a family outside Pangasinan. I will tour them in places I usually go, introduce them to friends, churchmates, orgmates, and special people who serve as my second family in Baguio.

I will maximize the digicam he had bought for me to take family photos, be it stolen or wacky shots. Or maybe, we’ll just go to the professional photographer to take our first family portrait. And then, since there is a resort about 30-45 minutes away from Baguio, we can go swimming and pamper ourselves with the soothing effect of the hot spring, and the rest of the day would just be perfect.

You see it’s very easy for me to suggest such things, but I know the possibility that it may not happen. But I’ve got plan B at hand just in case the first one fails to happen. However, it would be limited for him alone. If, hopefully, I receive my little bonus from my work in December, I will propose that he stays in Baguio even for three days or a week, my treat, so he could just unwind and see a bit of what life his son is enjoying and enduring in Baguio.

Perhaps, he will understand why I keep on staying in Baguio, not just indulging the freedom of living independently, but because of higher calling of serving God. He will understand why so far I don’t follow his advice for me to work abroad. He will understand why I keep on saying I am still young, and I am not in a hurry to get rich, which is not all that matters. And hopefully, I could say to him that I love him, a phrase I practiced during his absence, solely intended for people I truly love.

On the other hand, I hope to further understand why he keeps going back to Saudi to work aside from financial reason. I hope to hear him speak from the heart what he really wants me to become. I hope to hear from him his plans after he retires from being an overseas worker. I desire to hear from him his stories on raising us up, and how he struggles to overcome the boredom of working far from us. I desire to feel his love skin deep. We haven’t done that ever since.

It was very hard writing this piece. Many times I swallowed my thirst just to control my emotion, just to spare me from looking like a jerk when I cry. Though I treasure the culture of crying because of its healing and edifying effect, the emotion that exudes in remembering the times with and without my father is irreconcilable. I could not blame him for working abroad, but I could not also discount the fact that with his absence, a sense of longing has been cultured in my heart, in our hearts.

With his presence, things would have turned better. He would have been prouder to see me receive academic honors and how I turned out to be a volunteer campus minister. He would have been my younger brother’s best basketball coach. He would have been my older brother’s best pal in giving pieces of advice about fatherhood and parenthood. He would have been my sister’s most appreciative audience when she sings. And he would have been my mother’s comfort, strength and joy in raising the four of us.

Things would have been better during his presence. But it doesn’t mean we cease to love him during his absence. When my father comes, I will really say I love him. And I will not mind crying and looking like a jerk, as some women say of crying men, but I’ll be grateful that God has gifted us a father like him.

I may not be at the airport with all those welcoming paraphernalia, but when I receive my bonus, Pa, how I wish I could treat you. Go up and cool down in Baguio. †

Patience 101

2007-11-10T18:23:00.000+08:00

After quite a long time of making myself busy for various activities, I realized I am in a hurry. It seems I was trying to outrun God, which I can never do. I was dealing with my plans like a solo fighter, forgetting that without Him, everything would be in misery. Though I win in a battle, my victory is nothing without Him as my commander.

But I’m back; You brought me back to my senses. I delighted in times of moving on to something new, something prestigious, something good. I delighted in reaching my goals. I forgot my present which is all that matters. I am just thankful that God puts restraint and limits to such basking, because it’s silently crushing my character and stance on clinging to His will. I was tempted to force God to instantly grant my heart’s desire, which is an insult to His sovereignty. Who am I to talk to my potter? (Batok na naman:)).

I praise God I am always a recipient of His grace, unmerited favor granted to those undeserved. Only those who are undeserved, including myself for being a sinner, are candidates for receiving His grace. And I am forever grateful that my God is gracious and loving, holy and just. It is the acceptance of being nothing apart from God that makes people experience the savoring grace of the Lord.

I really admit that I am ambitious, and I believe the Lord understands my heart’s desire. He even knows what’s best for me, so when it seems God is delaying something, it doesn’t mean He is denying it. Rather, He’s teaching me to trust in Him, to be patient, to learn the process of growth, to love him still and still.

And as I wait for that day of reckoning tomorrow, never will I say “God, make me patient, and please do it now!” †