Momfia

What his favorite sex position says about him

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 23:50:00 +0000

Men love sex(I maintain almost as much as I do), a good portion of their time is spent either thinking about having it, the last time they had it, or how they're going to get it again. No matter how sexually charged(or in charge) your man is, everyone has a favorite position to get put into.

What does his favorite sex position say about him?

1. Girl on top: He loves a woman in charge(or he's just lazy), he loves seeing you show him how it's done and most of all how you want it. Bonus is of course the great view of your boobs bouncing in his face(there's never a downside there). He's probably more of a boob than ass lover and loves it when a girl throws in dirty talk. He's the kind of guy to joke around and like a girl who can keep up with his humour, then throw him down and show him who wins the overall battle of the wits(with the battle of tits). Hop on and remind him you're in charge of this rodeo!

2. Doggie: He loves to be in control, release some tension, and be the man in charge of how hard he hits it home. A lover of an ass to grab onto, he knows what he wants and how deep he can go to get it. In the perfect position to pull hair and remind you who's in charge or reach around and play with all your lovely lady bits, he's in the perfect spot to drive it home and stop for snacks on the way there.

3. Missionary: A guy who loves missionary is that quintessential guy next door with small town values. He wants to look you in the eyes while you make love, kiss you gently, and still have the perfect view of your boobies bouncing in his face with each thrust. He's not the kind of guy to normally take it too dirty(that seems disrespectful) and you're going to have to coax him out of his shell with a lap dance or some dirty talk to get him to get nasty. He's the guy you bring home to Mom, raise a family with, and secretly wish would hold you up against a wall and fuck you without asking once in awhile.

4. The switch hitter: He likes to try it every which way every chance he can, while it certainly gives him points for liking to keep things fresh, he probably isn't the kind of guy to ever be satisfied with just one thing. A bit of a flake, you may have found he's often cancelling dates and acting shady. While an appreciation for multiple positions(and hopefully multiple orgasms) is always a good thing, if it's a nightly occurrence you can be sure he is a guy afraid of settling(and possibly commitment).

I'm not a psychologist, even of sex, but if dirty talk and community college have taught me anything; it's that sexual positions say a lot about a persons personality. Dominant over submissive, clingy, unable to commit. While there are certainly rarities to all "rules", generally speaking what you like with your clothes turned off translates in to how you really feel(example I tend to be passive in bed and love a man in charge. Why? I spend so much time being dominant in real life I want to be put in my place when the chance is given). All complaints over how I'm stereotyping can go to someone who gives a fuck.

Adventures in sobriety

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 23:12:00 +0000

Since the first time I got drunk I've had a love affair with alcohol. It did for me in a half a bottle of champagne what my mother had spent 7 years paying a psychologist for. Freedom: from memories that haunted and clawed at the depths they were repressed into, from responsibility that was thrust too early, and mostly from your normal run of the mill pre-teen angst.

I decided to try and step through the looking glass. To see if my relationships, ambitions, perceptions of the fucking world was any different not seen through the comforting bottom of a bottle.

Life is a constant adventure when you live every moment by the shot. You meet CEO'S, hustlers, beggars, and young people with all the ambition life has yet to beat out of them. I can honestly say that there has never been a time I wasn't meeting someone interesting, hearing a life story, and feeling genuinely connected to someone while I was drinking. I've danced on stage with rock stars and done lines with actors, and we all had a common lover; Alcohol. That's the thing about people who drink like we do, it isn't about social enjoyment of a Cabernet Sauvignon, its about the ultimate fucking Houdini act of disappearing while still leaving our body behind. Who we are evaporates like steam, slowly drowned out by the comfort of drinking.

I quickly learned how intense everything feels when you're forced in to constant sobriety. Having not made it through a single major life issue sober since I was 11, the reality of reality hit me faster than a double shot of Patron.

What did I learn in my 14 days/6 hours/and about 23 minutes?

-People are fucking stupid
-Everyone is always in a hurry, pushing, judging everyone around them
-Time moves painfully slow
-Its fucking cold
-I eat too much when sober
-I'm not very funny
-Neither are you
-Every feeling is more intense(except orgasm): most of all love

Do I regret it? No, it was an interesting trial. I like learning things, especially by trial and error. Do I feel like running out, joining a 12 step program, and giving up my hobby? Not a chance. I've never considered myself an alcoholic(though I admit at times I've walked a very close line and occasionally crossed it), I call myself a problem drinker(it's only a problem if I'm not drinking *ba-da-choo*) that has to keep tabs on how hard she drinks(aka binge). But until that line is really crossed I've learned I much prefer life through the haze of a relaxed glass(or bottle) of wine.

If that makes me a functional alcoholic, well then at least I'm still functioning!

EdenFantasys YAY PROMOS!

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 16:03:00 +0000

It's my favorite time of the month again, you guys! Its promotions time! Yes, of course everyone here knows their very favorite sales arent shitty cars or another Sears going out of business; its my personal favorite sex toy shop around EDENFANTASYS!

You have an extra day to LEAP on their promotions(I'm so sorry, that was even a bad joke for me). 25% off a few very nice vibes, 30% off of some doc johnson products(which we all know and love!), and 30% off of cool icicle glass dildos(perfect for hot and cold play for you naughty guys and girls who still want to play with winter while you get ready to warm up for spring), buy two get one free of Juicy lube, and most of all I'm excited about the 25% off this kit right here(seriously, I've been eye fucking the shit out of it forever, one of you should totally buy it for me obviously ;).

So do some sex toy spring clinging, clear out what you are tired of using or what wasn't really hitting your spots all winter long. I'll be spending the day surfing Edenfantasys awesomely naughty deals and all night enjoying their very sexy products.

This post was a paid promotion, opinions expressed are mine and full disclosure here

Bad at relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:21:00 +0000

A friend of mine recently said "Someone who says "I'm bad at relationships" is a 22 year old hipster, and anyone older saying that is a dick!" I'd have to agree. Most of us are seemingly BAD at relationships. Why? Relationships are one of the most selfless things we're required to do. They mean doing shit the other person likes, thinking of their needs and wants before our own, making commitments, settling down, involving( and putting up with) each others family members. So, how is one "BAD at relationships"? Simple, you're selfish. What makes us be better or worse to one relationship or person?

1. The person: I hate to be cliché and use the term "the one", but often we find ourselves being uncharacteristicly giving and good in a relationship because we've met the person we want to spend forever with. For whatever reason they seem to tickle our fancy, we find ourselves giving and giving our everything to be easy because our desire to be with them is greater than our need to be selfish and fulfil our own needs.

2. The situation: Maybe its timing, maturity, personal growth, or that Zoloft prescription kicking in, some thing's timing is good and sometimes timing is bad. Is this an excuse to be shitty in a relationship? Fuck no. I can name handfuls of people I have personally known who have over come multiple deployments, moving across the country, out of the country, firings, foreclosure, and more for the RIGHT person. However sometimes you just being happier makes being nice in a certain(or multiple relationships) easier. Does that mean you were a selfish asshole in previous relationships where the relationship was surrounded by less than stunning situations? Probably.

So, what do you do when you face yourself with someone saying to you "I'm just bad at relationships"? Someone could be trying to spare your feelings and let you know going in they have a track record of being a selfish prick. They get a half point for realizing they're an asshole and at least warning you, but deduct a point for them not giving enough of a shit about being an asshole to change they're selfish and "bad at relationships".

Most of all realize relationships are give and take, while sometimes situations(job loss, depression, baggage) require one person to take more than the other, over all this should balance out. It shouldn't be 80% of the time taking and 20% of the time giving back over an extended period of time.

Never let someone break a serious promise to you or someone you love. That goes beyond "Bad at relationships" and in to "I don't care who I leave in the wake of my destruction".

And above all realize that someone who claims they love you will never be "Bad at a relationship" if they really love you. Even if circumstances make them temporarily the less than best significant other, those circumstances should never be so dire(there's never an excuse) that they break life changing or heartbreaking promises(this doesn't mean dinner).

Whore Tote

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 00:19:00 +0000

A woman's purse is like an emergency bag. Sure she keeps all the typical things you'd expect(wallet, phone, keys), but for single dating women it is also a go to for making the "Walk of shame" look a little less shameful the morning after.

What every girl needs in her Shameless Bag

1. A hair brush: Great sex should leave you with wild, messy, freshly fucked looking hair. Post-sex you may not want to let the whole world know that he rocked your world. You can find these bad boys at any bullshit store in the mall(claires, etc), Walmart, or Amazon; usually for 99 cents or less. Well worth the investment.

2. A pair of panties: You can shower, wipe, and spritz shit all you want, but nothing will make your vagina feel fresher than a new pair of panties. You can find them sold in single pairs or carry a pair in a plastic bag like you're on an episode of CSI. Either way your vagina will breathe easier in a pair that don't have enough DNA to explain your crimes.

3. Wisp: Tooth brushes on the go! While I wouldn't recommend these for every day use of fighting gingivitis, I would say they can get the job done well enough to wash the taste of cum out of your mouth. Small, cheap, and easy to shove in your whore-tote!

4. Shoes: After a night out in a bar or a club dancing, your feet fucking hurt. I don't care who you are or how much of a champion whore you are. So when city-slips invented a pair of FOLDABLE shoes whores everywhere rejoiced along with their feet. Swap your 6 inch heals for a pair of comfy flats that fit in your bag easier than a box of tampons. For 14 bucks you're saving your feet and making it look like you're wearing ANYTHING other than last nights slut attire(you go girl!).

5. Miscellaneous: Aspirin(for that pounding migraine), feminine wipes(99 cents at target ladies and can also double as make-up removing wipes, vagina tested, face approved), CONDOMS(obvious, but you never know), a cereal bar(hangover + cum stomach = nauseous, food will help).

What are some of your must haves in your "little bag of tricks"?

National sexual kink day

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 02:31:00 +0000

Today is national kink day! Let your freak flag fly in celebration of this dirty dirty day

Let's Talk About Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 20:49:00 +0000

I've read way too many statistics over the years about how many times a day MEN think about sex. Some say its once every three minutes, some claim thousands, some give up on counting because even if men aren't thinking about sex they're still thinking about sex.

As I poured over statistics and (per usual) hit up my guy friends for their answers, I started to realize "Who gives a shit about how many times GUYS think about sex, what about how many times WOMEN think about sex a day?"

I can't speak for every women. Admittedly I have a very high libido. I like sex, I've rarely ever had enough of it, and I probably think about it far too often to qualify as the average female. But, I'm the best you fuckers have for this little experiment, so I let myself become the sexual guinea pig.

Day: February 15th, 2012

Morning: 5:45am wake up and roll around in bed and think about lack of morning sex(1), hop in shower and enjoy warm water/debate bills/think about lack of hot water pounding on my back while getting pounded(2). I have a thing for kitchen sex, maybe it's because I'm so tall and the counters make for a great bending spot, but making breakfast has always made me want to test if I can scramble eggs while orgasming(3).

Afternoon: Reply to work emails and fantasise about sex over my desk(4), continue to tell self it's five o'clock somewhere and I could probably go have a beer or six, beers make me think of drunk sex(5), pass a hot guy in target(6)

Late: Like most women, despite my love of rough sex, there's something about late at night that makes me miss my significant other. I miss laying in bed, tangled in covers, laying on his chest aannndd boom my brain has gone to sex(7), sex(8), SEX(9), masturbate(10), and from 6pm-1am I'm doing nothing but thinking about sex with him(lets count that as 2 an hour, 7 hours = 14 more times).

So maybe I'm not every woman, maybe I'm a weird woman, maybe 24 times in a day is what a normal man goes through in an hour. As for me and my sex drive? We get a good workout daily.

I ran across a webmd article that suggested that the average man under 60 only thinks about sex once a day and the average female(of the same age range) once every other day. Who in the fuck are these people polling, monks?!

So be honest: How many times a day do YOU think about sex?

Chemistry Happens Offline

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 20:24:00 +0000

Why does chemistry happen offline?

The past decade or so ushered in not only plenty of dating websites, but the concept of it becoming a norm to meet people online. Most of us have tried it: you sign up, spend hours trying to explain yourself in a fun, yet relate able way. Then spend ages messaging back and forth, back and forth. Truth is you can't really get a feel(literal and figurative) for someone through back and forth messages over a website or even texts. You need to meet them. What is chemistry? It's that moment your eyes meet, love at first sight, a mix of matching hormones, chemicals, and right timing. It's something that can only truly be felt the moment you meet the right person. You can't feel real chemistry through a message.

How do I know it takes actually meeting offline for real chemistry to happen? I've experienced chemistry and love at first sight. Though we met online(thanks Twitter), it wasn't until four months later that I drove 230 miles to meet him. As I walked towards the doors of the restaurant, hands shaking, head down buried in my phone trying to calm down, I looked up to completely have the wind knocked out of me. Despite months of flirting, sharing, and having fun getting to know him, I was in no way prepared for the experience of MEETING the right person. In a way I couldn't tell through messages, DM's, texts, or even phone calls. It took that moment of seeing him and feeling like nothing else in the world matter. Because real chemistry, real connection, and if you're as lucky as I was, real LOVE happens offline.

The great thing about Howaboutwe.com is how relaxed it all is. It gives room for fun to happen and chemistry to work on it's own. You're able to think up dates that are as creative, fun, awesome, and crazy as you can(and hopefully someone out there is as interested in your crazy creative idea as you are). It takes the pressure off of filling out endless forms, match ups, and back and forth messaging and gets right to the point of meeting someone online..to go meet them offline!

How about we is having a contest: GO HERE you could win $1500(feel free to take me out to dinner if you win!). Here is my attempt, feel free to openly mock me for being mushy. I get a little lovey dovey in February, NOT MY FAULT I HAVE A VAGINA!

HowAboutWe.com is offering a 33% off any subscription with coupon code vdaylove. Go Here!

This post was sponsored: all opinions here are my own and were not effected by compensation. Full disclosure here

EdenFantays Valentines Day Promotions!

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 17:46:00 +0000

Okay kids, it is that annoyingly painful time of year again. Either because you're single or you like it rough, Valentine's day is 3 days away! How are you spending it? Alone or with someone special, let Edenfantasys be your guide to a long night of pleasure.Okay kids, it is that annoyingly painful time of year again. Either because you're single or you like it rough, Valentine's day is 3 days away! How are you spending it? Alone or with someone special, let Edenfantasys be your guide to a long night of pleasure.

Valentine's day promotions are right here. What's so great about these promos? 70% off glass toys, 30% off of one of my favorite companies California Exotics, candles, lingerie, body kits, couples kids, the works. If you're one of many men who's significant other complains they're a tad "romantically challenged", this is a fool proof way to kick up the romance for Valentine's day 2012. Well worth not hearing them complain you fucked up another Valentine's day.

I know I'll be indulging in some of these wonderful promotions myself and spending a little quality time alone on V-Day(Xbox, chocolates, and a vibrator sound like one hell of a perfect romantic gift to myself). You know how much I love Edenfantays, I know how much YOU love Edenfantays, so make your holiday one orgasmicly good memory.

Valentine's day promotions are right here. What's so great about these promos? 70% off glass toys, 30% off of one of my favorite companies California Exotics, candles, lingerie, body kits, couples kids, the works. If you're one of many men who's significant other complains they're a tad "romantically challenged", this is a fool proof way to kick up the romance for Valentine's day 2012. Well worth not hearing them complain you fucked up another Valentine's day.

I know I'll be indulging in some of these wonderful promotions myself and spending a little quality time alone on V-Day(Xbox, chocolates, and a vibrator sound like one hell of a perfect romantic gift to myself). You know how much I love Edenfantays, I know how much YOU love Edenfantays, so make your holiday one orgasmicly good memory by indulging your dirtiest fantasies. I've got my eye on the hearts wand, a few candles to heat up my night of personal pleasure, and a few pieces of lingerie. What items would make your Valentines day more pleasurable than last?

This post was sponsored by Edenfantay, all opinions are my own, disclosure policy here

Nice Guys Finish Last

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:27:00 +0000

The saying "Nice guys finish last" is one we've all heard, depicting reasons to be a selfish douche of an asshole. To "get yours" and not end up screwed over. I'm here to tell you: NICE GUYS GET BETTER PUSSY!

Why? Bad boys may make the unknowing good girls weak at the knees with their charm, lies, and motorcycles, but the bad girls who love sex(& know how to fuck) have played all their tired games before.

I know what I'm talking about here. The saying "Good girls love bad boys" works in reverse too. I'm a bad girl who's always had a weak spot for sweet, boy next door types. Unfortunately often looks can be deceptive and I often end up with a douche in disguise operating under the rouse of "But nice guys finish last!". Bullshit. Everyone gets hurt, everyone gets screwed over, everyone fucks up. Taking your broken heart from one shitty experience and then replicating that experience for other people to suffer through is beyond a dickbag move and won't get your dick sucked by a girl who knows how to beg for it on her knees. Am I claiming that user women aren't out there, gold digging their way along? Of course not, but I AM suggesting that by being a prick in any attempt to avoid finishing last makes you just as bad.

Having spent over a year in a relationship with a truly nice guy, I can tell you they don't ALWAYS finish last. While I'm certainly FULL of faults, we've stood by each other through thick, thin, and 3,000 mile moves. Is that finishing last? This is someone who's never cheated, rarely lied, and spent three days enduring shared breathing room with my immediate and extended family(nor have I ever cheated, etc). He's also seen me naked many times. I call that winning!

The concept of Nice Guys Finish last isn't just a ridiculous one, but selfish. It is an excuse meant to validate someone doing whatever the hell they want, taking what they want, hurting who they want, and justifying it because apparently having any amount of decency means you're going to get fucked over?

You're going to get fucked over somehow no matter what, that's life! What you CAN do is spend less time making cliche sayings as a means to justify your douchebag ways and more time giving a shit about other people. If you're going to get screwed by life no matter what, why not at least try and be decent to others in the process? You'd probably be surprised how much a nice, thoughtful, loyal guy will get a girl giving him blowjobs during Superbowl commercials. Just because ONE girl fucked you over doesn't mean a sweetly flawed, but decent blowjob loving girl isn't out there waiting for you to be the guy who doesn't operate on "Nice guys finish last".

At least when it comes to this bad girl, nice guys finish in about 2.5 minutes.

Top 5 Lies Women Tell Men

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 05:13:00 +0000

If I'm going to be so bold as to call men out on their top 5 lies, it seemed only fair I'd take ownership of having my very own vagina who has lied. I find most women lie to avoid changing the way their men perceive them. I remember my boyfriend and I had once gotten into a huge fight and all I kept saying between sobs was "You can't change the way you think of me". He was fucking bewildered, wondering why did how he thought of me matter? But to women, it does. We want to always be seen as your darling, innocent, sweet love of your life(even if you also see as as your dirty, nasty, cum swallowing whore).

The 5 Greatest Lies Women Tell:

1. "I'm Fine": This comes as shock to no one. She's acting weird, she isn't being snuggley, you can tell by the look on her face(pursed lips, long sighs, martyr act) something is up. You're not a psychic(assumingly), so how the fuck are you supposed to know what's bothering her? "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?" "Did I do something?": all pointless questions to ask if you have a penis. She either isn't ready to talk about what is bothering her(give her a few minutes and wait for it to blow) or is a mind game playing cunt and wants you to jump through impossible hoops to win a power play of your dick. Whichever the situation, know she isn't fine. You're not going to get laid tonight. And women are fucking crazy in general.

2. "You're the best sex I've ever had": Somewhere in her sexual history IS the best sex she's ever had. Is there a chance you and your dick really are it? SURE, but assume you're the rule and not the exception. When women love a man we want to inflate his ego, we want him to forget about the fact our vagina has known anyone other than him, we may even trick ourselves into believing you're the best sex we've ever had because we love you THAT much(love and the female mind is insane). That's not to say you're not the most emotional sex, have the biggest penis(personally speaking the best sex I've ever had and the person with the biggest dick are not the same person), or have the best connection. Don't ask a woman this question if you're not ready for her to possibly be honest enough to give you the truth or be able to deal with the fact she maybe lying. Maybe you are the best, maybe you're the worst, either way she's still WITH you(presumably fucking you regularly), so does it really matter?

3. "We're like brother and sister": I'm friends with more men than women. Women and I don't get along 99% of the time, which leaves me with a slew of sports loving, boob obsessing, shot taking guys most nights. I've dated a few in the past, I've made out with more than a handful, I've cried on an embarrassing amount. Like it or not, I've had SOME KIND Of relationship with each and everyone of the men in my life. It can be intimidating for a guy I begin dating to realize that a large number of other guys know me, some better than others, and have been through years of experiences with me. While I may see some of them truly as my brother/me their sister, women and men are rarely in a "just friends"/"brother and sister" type of relationship. It certainly isn't that way between twenty guys, ONE of them thinks of our relationship differently(if not both sides). While I've never lied about a past history of a relationship to a boyfriend or even my feelings for my guys, I can't speak for my boys. You probably have every right to be a little worried/jealous of her and her "boys", as much as she does of you and your clingy ex-girlfriend just being "close, but it's super no big deal".

4. "Sure, here's my number": I've never had a guy I wanted to call me and not texted him my number(vice) while standing right there. No woman tries to take the number of a guy she's into over a loud, crowded club. It's too easy to hear wrong, be too drunk, what the fuck ever. It's 2012, trust that any girl who scribbles her name on a piece of paper is seriously full of total shit.

5. "I only weigh": If you're asking a girl what she weighs, you're an asshole. Not only does weight change(in and out of a relationship), but it shouldn't dictate the reason you're with someone. You can look at her, you can know if you find her beautiful/attractive, so what the fuck is in a number? I honestly think if you feel the need to ask a girl how much she weighs, she has every God damn right to lie to your face. Be a gentlemen, if you want your girl to get back in shape try doing couples activities(hiking, more sex, whatever) to get her booty back to prime shape. Any man who tries to shame a woman by making her reveal her weight is a dick who certainly doesn't deserve her.

My Favorite Toys of 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 04:23:00 +0000

EdenFantasys has proudly presented their top 30 selling toys of 2011: Here

Some of their top sellers of 2011 include the Hitachi Magic Wand, Bcurious clitoral stimulator, and the Seduction Holiday Edition. While all great top toys, I couldn't help but feel a few of my own favorites got left out of their list.

Momfia's Favorite Toys of 2011:

1. Bliss by Evolved: I like toys that are visually "girlie", so right out of the box(which is a very nice storage keepsake made of tin, perfect for long term storage) Bliss had my eyes sparkling. I had never tried any kind of toy with bulbous ridges before, so let me say how much of a believer Bliss has made me! While it is a little louder than I tend to prefer, it is without a doubt not anything that couldn't be made up for in endless orgasms. Three speeds that will vibrate you into ecstasy, at $35.99 you really don't have much to loose if this toy doesn't end up sending you off with waves of endless Bliss.

2. Conqueror by ShotsMedia: I have to admit I was a little intimidated by the Conqueror's size, power, and overall "command". The bulbous head is a lot to take in visually and physically, this one is definitely one you want to add some Astroglide to and get familiar with before just going for your big orgasm. The round tip has a little petal/lip that is perfect for clitoral stimulation to get you started and into the perfect mood to let yourself relax and be Conquered.

3. Petite Couture Precious by Cal Exotics: When I first got my Petite Couture I was less than impressed. It came in a plain box and wasn't "girlie" visually stimulating like I've expressed I like. But the longer I had it and the longer I played with it the more the Petite Precious became one of my favorite toys to use. The flexible 100% body safe material, quiet motor, designated on/off switch, and slight curvature hitting my G-spot quickly made up for its less than stunning visuals. It also makes for great clitoral stimulation due to the smoothness and the texture of the toy.

This post was sponsored by edenfantasys, full disclosure policy can be found here

How to Get Laid on Valentines Day

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:12:00 +0000

I could make a long rant about the problems with Valentines day from a social stand point. I could tell you how it cheapens love by feeling forced to perform and express it on one day with everyone else. I could sound like one of those single women who sit at home eating ice-cream and day dreaming of Prince-Charm-N-Fuck-Me. Instead lets be honest about what Valentines day is: a day women want to be shown they are appreciated and a day guys want to get fucking laid(more than usual only for the work they put into the mushy stuff).

How to Get Laid on Valentines Day

1. Be Creative: Women dig creativity, especially when it's directed in the direction of their vagina. Creative doesn't have to mean expensive, it means thinking outside of her box. Make a picnic in your living room. Color her a fucking picture. Make her go on a scavenger hunt and then use all the items for foreplay. SOMETHING! Women, as much as we try to hide it, are emotional. We over analyze, over feel, over think your every move. What you take to be just a sigh, we take to mean we did everything wrong and your mother was right about how you should of married your high school girlfriend instead. Go outside of the dinner norm(where you'll be very unromantically surrounded by tons of people anyway) and really think about whatever small gestures(which often mean the most) would make HER happy. Her happy = your penis happy.

2. Don't Expect it: If you think you did all the "work" of planning together a Valentines day and thereby DESERVE to get laid, you're not going to get laid. Men hate being expected to be romantic? Women hate being expected to put out. The intent behind your {hopefully creative} planning should not be securing a blow job. Get over yourself. It's about letting the other person know they matter, they mean something, you enjoy just being with them. Really do and think like that and sex won't be a question(beyond just Valentines day). It's the idea that YOU DESERVE SEX, DAMN IT! Expecting isn't sexy, giving a shit is.

3. Find Someone Desperate: If all else fails(or you're single) remember that Valentine's day is like going to a wedding. It makes women think of whirl-wind romances and marriage and all that shit that freaks men out. Most of the "work" of romance for V-day is people in long term relationships/marriages where they've been unappreciating each other so long the expectations weigh on trying to use this one {already very forced feeling of a} night to somehow magically solve all problems(Valentine's day is NOT your Fairy Godmother, y'all). If you're single you don't have that. You have many bars/clubs catering to the fact a lot of women want to feel special just long enough to say someone gave a shit about them on Valentines day. Effort. Put in even the slightest effort of telling the girl at the bar she's pretty or offer her one of those candy hearts with trite sayings that taste like shit.

If all else fails you can just have your usual Valentine's day of her heating up a lean cuisine and crying in the bathroom, while you jack-off into her bathrobe and dream of Scarlet Johanson. As a personal note: I hate this fucking "holiday". If a Hallmark sponsored day needs to be the reminder to show anyone you love them, you're an asshole...Also I like white roses best, but please feel free to send those any day out of the year.

Slut is a four letter word, like cake.

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

The term slut is a derogatory term in our society, it "defines" a woman who is considered sexually open or loose(though funny enough the exact definition of what does or doesn't qualify someone as sexually loose is up for interpretation). I define someone who is sexually open as someone who is a grown ass adult in charge of their own vagina.

When you think of a slut, what comes to mind? A Kardashian? A hooker? Your ex who really pissed you off because she did something sexually hurtful(emotionally not physically..unless there is a really interesting story there. In which case email me that shit)?

Here is the thing about the word slut: I'M RECLAIMING IT. Like The Vagina Monologues did for the word cunt, I am starting a slut revolution. Ending the stigma attached to a word we've let define women we judge or hate or dated and have unresolved issues with. The way we use the term is contradicting at best. How many men would call a woman a slut as a put down to her self esteem and sexuality, only to turn around and fuck her at the first chance? Does calling her a slut and lowering her self esteem make it more likely she would fuck you because your own self esteem can't imagine a woman who is sexually expressive finding you attractive? To validate your own issues you have to give her a "slut complex" to level the sexual playing field? We're putting women down, we're putting ourselves down, we are feeding into an idea that we can be defined by a word that has zero bases for its definition.

What makes a slut? 10 men? A gang-bang? A fetish that doesn't match the one of the accuser? Having owned my very own pair of Double-G boobs since my late teens, given to me by nature and not a plastic surgeon, am I a slut? Would I be a slut if I had paid a skilled doctor to sculpt them? Is a slut just someone who professes a love of sex(despite how few people she may have possibly fucked)?

Can anyone really tell me what really makes a slut? Even the dictionary definition of a slut is vague at best. Slut: A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous. Oh FUCK YOU Merriam Webster! I especially love the addition of "especially a woman". Says who? Who the fuck got together with a bunch of other people and decided that a slut meant ESPECIALLY A WOMAN? I'd like to poll them about their sexual experiences. Promiscuous is a debatable number, debatable actions, debatable definition.

Until someone can pin down what "SLUT" actually defines, I'm reclaiming it as a positive sex word. I'm reclaiming it to no longer define each persons blind judgemental interpretation of another persons sexual choices or history and to define someone in charge of making their own god damn decisions for their genitalia.

Don't like it? Well I guess call me a a fucking slut, cus I'm going to do who and whatever the fuck my adult ass wants to! Slut is a four letter word, like cake, and I intend to make the way we define slut as fucking awesome as the word cake.

Sally Field Moment: You like me, you really really must be drunk enough to like me

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 23:51:00 +0000

I'm just a Midwestern girl with big attitude, even bigger boobs, and a loud mouth. I'd like to sincerely thank the RFT(River Front Times) of St. Louis for nominating me for their 2012 Best Sex Blogger.

I started running my mouth here in mid October of 2011, so I'm not only humbled, but genuinely fucking shocked that anyone ever gives a shit about the stuff I ramble on about here {mostly for my own entertainment}. Especially enough to add me to a list with such very awesome people.

So thank you RFT, thank you Saint Louis, thank you to all of you for giving a shit about the dumb crap I have to say. I more than appreciate it.

-Emmerson

Reputable

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 22:31:00 +0000

What's in a reputation? That by any other name would smell just as much like bullshit. Reputations are gossip attached to a person, an idea of who someone is or was. Yet who we portray ourselves as is always evolving, contorted for each new person we find ourselves facing, so how is it reputations are built if who we are is constantly changing? Does that make everyone fake? I believe it makes us intricate(well some people are fake because they're assholes, for the sake of this let's pretend assholes are shoved on an island and can't read this). I believe it makes us human. I mostly believe most reputations are built by others out of fear.

Reputations and sex go hand in vagina. We label people open about sex or open to talking about sex as whores, sluts, prostitutes, or loose. Instead of thinking of them as innovators on the sexual front, taking charge of their sexuality and being able to say proudly "I like sex, ask me how". We're a culture so stuck in our sexually repressive ways that anyone(seems especially anyone with a vagina) who dares to stand up and take a stance on sex and their sex life is easily boxed(pun totally intended) in to a category and given their scarlet letter: "R" for reputation.

Wear a low cut top? Letter S for slut. Use boobs to get drinks from lurking guys in a bar(who are there to pick up women doing such)? Letter W for the whore you "clearly" are. Why is it the Saint and Sinner complex is still prevalent today in 2012 society of cam-girls, legal prostitution(The Bunny Ranch), and a porn industry ranking in more money than any of us could ever dream about. Reputations. We've labelled the people who work, buy, or enjoy these things to make them "deal-able", to make them understandable. To be able to box them in, to maintain comfort of things our close mindedness demands we refuse to be accepting of, and point out(for whatever reasons) why we're not like them and never will be. Reputations are nothing more than finger pointing(not fingering, but nice try!).

The next time you find yourself jumping to conclusions, ruled by your assumptions of what someone's reputation makes them seem, try to stop being an asshole. I know it's hard, we live in a selfish world, but imagine what you might actually learn by being brave enough to peel back perceived notions and dive into understanding another culture, another person, another idea beyond the reputation its been saddled with. You might learn something about someone else OR you might just learn you're a selfish, xenophobic, asshole; At least then you'd know it wasn't just your reputation and you are indeed an asshole! In which case own the fact you're a douchebag, if you're not willing to change, at least be willing to embrace self acceptance!

Why Vagina is Awesome

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 22:11:00 +0000

I'm not going to beat around the bush here(*queue cheesy drums*), Vagina is awesome. Sure it has it's monthly annoyances, but nothing in life comes free. All in all, I'm pretty glad to be the proud owner of a vagina.

Vagina makes life: Which whether or not you're in a stage of your life to be responsible for caring for another human being, it is pretty undeniably cool that we essentially have 'Easy Bake Baby Ovens' built into our lady bits).

Vagina makes orgasms: Few things in life are as amazing and underrated as orgasms. Whenever I hear people insist that "chocolate is better than sex" I go home and masturbate as an apology to vagina's everywhere for being insulted by their owners who don't know how to properly work them

Vagina likes to cuddle: Vagina's are a security blanket you can take anywhere. They're warm, soft, and love to cuddle. Feeling lonely? You have your vagina! Feeling down about yourself? Remember you still have your vagina!

Vagina's here to stay: Maybe you have some childhood abandonment daddy issues. Maybe every ex you've ever whispered those three little words to has disappeared no sooner than you spoke. The great thing about vagina is that it won't leave when you tell it you love it.

Women today live in ballsy world. We're trying to beat men at their own game in the corporate world, to show we're worth that extra sixty-five cents they make in the boardroom over us. In doing this I feel we've lost sight of how amazing vagina is. While I'm not suggesting all female CEO's quit their job to stay home and masturbate all day(although how awesome would that be, ladies?), I AM suggesting getting back to the 'roots' of being a female. While you may not be the dressy or overly feminine type, you can remember what makes being a female so fucking awesome: VAGINA. Like Gold, vagina is a commodity(no, not suggesting you sell your vagina to Cash4GoldPussy either). People wish they have more of it and it's one of the few things worth its own weight. Realise the awesome power behind being the owner of something ever straight man would do(and has done) crazy shit for. I am vagina hear me ROAR! Stop complaining about birth control, tampons, pregnancy, and general upkeep and start(or rekindle) thinking of it as something that is beyond awesome to own.

It's your vagina, give it some love!

I Dumped Cheeseburgers for My New BFF Gaiam TV

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 21:20:00 +0000

I rarely say this, so forgive me: PUT DOWN THE BACON AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COMFORT FOOD! We're already into the second week of January and my resolution to get fit and be a gym bunny in 2012 is quickly dwindling(like everyone else's) with my dedication to staying away from cheeseburgers. It doesn't help that Saint Louis also just got its first real snow fall of the winter and people have apparently forgotten how to drive in the Midwest. Driving along side the winter phobic idiots to get to the gym to fight more idiots for the elliptical machine is not on my list of shit I want to do.

That's how I ended up in love with Gaiam TV. I've been referring it to my friends as " The Netflix of not being a fatass". Pilates, Yoga, cardio, and general fitness is on demand for ass shrinking, whenever you damn well want it, from the names you know helped other people be less bacon dependant (Jillian Michaels, Mari Winsor, & Rodney Yee). Yay for 24/7 streaming! I'm a big fan of anything I can demand at any hour of the night(one might say it's your REAL Booty Call?). I like to work out in the early morning hours, personally. It's quiet, I have nothing better to do, and I can make a total douche of myself trying to keep up with my workouts while avoiding getting made fun of. They also have a neat feature for making your own playlists, which is great to be able to quit flinging my ipod around or trying to keep it stuffed in my bra while jumping up and down.

Gaiam is easy to navigate(and totally customizable to your level, style, time), fun to use in the comfort of your own home(free of gym douches), and giving you a trial offer so you can see why I'm divorcing cheeseburgers and courting the shit out of them. Gaiam TV offers a Free 10-day Trial, No Strings Attached! Still not convinced? You can also access Gaiam TV on your smartphone, ipad, or if you've got one of those smart TV's that I really fucking wanted and Santa shorted me on.

(Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Gaiam TV and reviewed honestly from my experiences. Full disclosure policy can be found here. Gaiam TV offers a free 10-day trial to prospective subscribers. Gaiam TV’s $9.95 per month subscription fee allows subscribers to stream unlimited content. The subscription to Gaiam TV is no strings attached; there is no commitment, and members can cancel at anytime.)

What Her Favorite Sex Position Says About her

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:14:00 +0000

Men spend more time confused over women's actions than we ladies realise. Among wondering why we over think, give a fuck about celebrity relationships, and cry at The Notebook is the need to please. Yes, men love sex, but men also love it when women enjoy sex. It makes them feel needed, they {hopefully} get off on you getting off, and it's undeniable the awesome feeling of knowing you're responsible for someone else's mind blowing orgasm.

If you haven't yet gotten a girl into bed, try working the "What's your favorite position" question into playful conversation without coming off like a creepy pervert(good luck). You might save yourself from a bad fuck, a crazy bitch, or be even more excited for where thing's may soon end up.

Girl on top: She's a teaser, a pleaser, and a bit of a control freak(emphasis on the freak). While at first she may seem to be more of the independent type, underneath her strong exterior is a woman looking for some support in her relationships and from her partner. Like her favorite position, she enjoys calling the shots, while knowing you're still there to support and guide her. Be prepared to peel this girl back an orgasm at a time, her depth goes deeper than six inches.

Missionary: She's more your girlie girl type. She likes love and sex to be slow, sensual love making. She isn't the one night stand or fuck on the first date type of lady. Make sure to pull out your inner gentlemen before pulling out your dick with this one, she has high standards for the men she invites between her legs and no problem turning you away if you are anything short of her expectations. She's the most idealistic, the most demanding in her expectations, and the most likely to stalk your apartment if you don't call when you promised you would. It is a fact(made up for this blog) that 89% of all Stage 5 clingers favorite position is missionary.

Doggy/Behind: Be prepared for a fucking nymph(double points if she's a ginger). Many women find this position to be "degrading", making them feel like nothing more than a sex object, while many other women enjoy that feeling. To each their own, the lady who prefers it while on all fours is one who surely won't disappoint. She knows her body well; what positions and speeds give her the most powerful orgasm and how far up to position her ass to ensure you'll hit her G-spot and pound her into bliss. Never a dull moment, she'll be the most receptive to trying new things. Pull her hair, smack her ass, and call her a few dirty names to spice things up

Spooning: She's the type of girl who's willing to open up once you've built up trust. When sliding into the "55 position" your chest is against her back, providing her with the feeling of support from your strength. When she receives that desired comfort from you she is able to let herself(and by herself I mean boobs and vagina) be open to your touch. She wants to be explored, she wants to receive as much as she wants you to give. While typically lower on the freak scale, she's also more likely to be sane and not set your Xbox on fire when you forget her birthday.

While I am not claiming to be a sex or vagina doctor, I am stating I own a vagina and have played Doctor quite a few times. These 'facts' are based purely on my opinion, some Psych 101 from community college, and this bottle of wine. All hate mail about how I'm discriminating by sexual position can be sent to my vagina.

$35 Giftcard to Eden Fantasys- ITS A GIVEAWAY, BITCH!

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 01:41:00 +0000

I was asking myself today how to show you bitches how much I love you. While naked photos DID cross my mind, I knew not all of my readers were into chicks. SO, I decided to give you the next best thing to fucking me: FUCKING YOURSELVES!

That's right. I am giving one follower a $35 gift card to EdenFantasys.com sex toy shop because I am fucking fantastic. What can you use this for? Vibrators, massage oils, batteries, regift that bitch, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! It's just my little way of saving "Hey, I love you twisted fuckers".

Make sure you leave 1 comment for each entry to get credit! Contest ends Jan 20, 2012

How to enter?

Leave a comment telling me what you'd use the gift card to buy - worth 1 entry
"Like" The Momfia Blog on Facebook - worth 1 entry
Follow on Twitter -worth 1 entry
Tweet about this giveaway(worth 1 entry per post, up to 4 a day)

Guess what? I'm not psychic or stalking you(well probably not, unless we've fucked cus then yes I am) so if you do any of those awesome things you have to leave a link in a comment to let me know or else your entry doesn't fucking count. And yes I will check because I'm unfortunately not getting laid and have nothing better to do

Disclosure: ZERO no one is paying me or even giving me the gift card to do this, I just love you fuckers and decided to be nice and do this out of pocket. Sexual favors are welcome to say thanks!

Cum On Strong

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 01:31:00 +0000

I was recently sitting around over sushi(not a euphemism) with The Asian, an ex, and a virgin when the topic of women not liking men who came on strong got brought up. Running on far too little sleep and just enough vodka to not give a fuck, I decided to start spilling secrets that men have spent more time agonizing over than searching for the G-spot.

"If a woman is truly interested in you, you can't come on too strong". Fuck, sorry ladies, I gave our secret away. With a look of disbelief from the ex and the virgin, I knew I had to explain.

Truth is if a girl is head over heals or really and truly interested in you, there is nothing you can do that she will consider coming on too strong. Stalking her house? She'll invite you in. Blowing up her phone with texts? She will find you attentive. Kidnap her and throw her in a basement well where you send down a basket of lotion for her to put on her skin or else she gets the hose again? Okay, creepy no matter how in-like she maybe. However, for the most part, there isn't much you will find doing turning off a girl and making her run for the hills if she's truly interested.

Like men naturally like to bang women due to their inner spread the seed survival instinct bullshit, women like to be pursued. I'm an outgoing, dominant, no bullshit kind of woman. I yell loudly, I can drink any man under the table, and I [quite obviously] proudly profess my love of sex. With all that said, even I like to be pursued. I like to feel feminine, wanted, and I find not only attraction, but respect for a man who has the nerve to stand up to me.

If a girl is playing games, telling you you're "coming on too strong"(or "kinda freaking me out"), or seems distant there is a reason: She's not fucking interested. Women are pretty fucking crazy. We will Facebook stalk, forreal stalk, send endless texts, and do some weird shit when we're sober and claim we're drunk because we know its embarrassing. A woman in like(even worse if in love) will take way too much shit, do some crazy shit, and make your life a roller coaster out of all of it. If freshly in a relationship or years in you start to feel like you're walking on egg shells and nothing you do is right, it's because nothing you could do would be right. It just isn't right. You're just not right together. She just isn't right in the head. Call it whatever the fuck helps you get over her vagina and move on. If you've manned up and made it clear you're interested, made numerous attempts to express how you feel, and she still isn't getting on board the sex train you know not to keep wasting your time.

Sorry for spilling the secret ladies, might have to start buying some of your own drinks now!

Interviewing PluckyCharms made me fall in love with her pot of gold

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 19:51:00 +0000

I rarely read blogs, that's right I'm a blogger who doesn't really give a fuck about other blogs. A selfish blogger, I'm out to run my mouth and get mine, while not having to sit around and listen to other people drone on. One of the few I love to read religiously is my new friend Plucky Charms over at PluckyCharms.net. She was kind enough to not only put up with my bullshit back and forth "fan girl" worthy emails to her, but to let me interview her. Which was extremely exciting for me because people rarely let me ask personal questions when they're sober and they aren't at least going to get a blow job out of me. I also am going to openly admit my extreme girl crush on her.

Q: What is your favorite thing about being a woman?

PluckyCharms: Well, I don't have to worry about hiding my boner at the pool, so there's that. I also enjoy having acres and acres of freedom to explore my sexuality. It's not the same for men. There's no doubt in my mind that a man's sexuality is comparable to a woman's in terms of fluidity and interchangeability, but man does not have the luxury of feeling like he's free to enjoy that aspect of his personality if he is so inclined. Men get boxed in. I wish that wasn't the case. I think men are splendid and deserve as much sexual liberation as I'm clearly enjoying at the moment.

Q: What gave you the idea, especially as a lesbian, to write a blog geared toward straight men's dating and sexual life with women?

PluckyCharms: I like men. They're the best. Don't get me wrong here. I'm a tremendous lezzie who will fuck your brains out if you have a pretty face and perky tits, but men taught me how to drink, change the oil in my truck, and cook a 14 lbs. turkey in under 2 hours. Men are kind in their criticism and honest in their compliments. Men are awesome, but many of the awesome men in my life end up dating and sometimes even marrying women who are clearly heinous she-demons with hearts blacker than old motor oil. I aim to put a stop to that.

Q: Best advice anyone has ever given you about sex and dating?

PluckyCharms: Everyone gets what they think they deserve.

Q: What turns you on?

PluckyCharms: Being aggressively pursued by a woman is unimaginably sexy. I like girls who don't play coy.

Q: Why do you consider yourself a “Geek Girl”?

PluckyCharms: I really do enjoy getting all geeked out with life-minded fellows, among many other things. I'm a huge Star Wars fan, but I'm also a huge Richard Dawkins fan. I like Doctor Who (I will always have a soft spot for Tom Baker's 4th Doctor) and keeping chickens in my back yard. They know my name at the comic shop, at Gamestop, and at the feed store. When I wake up in the morning, there's a lot for me to get excited about and part of that is being nerdy.

Q: Where did the name/nickname Plucky Charms come from and how does it reflect who you are?

PluckyCharms: My mom came up with it. "People are going to read it and go 'Is that supposed to be dirty? I don't know. Maybe?' and they won't know if you're being campy and sexual or just goofy."

Q: What do you love about being a sex blogger and does the some what “controversial”-ness of it ever come up in your private life?

PluckyCharms: If there are people in my life who are uncomfortable with frank discussions about sexuality, that's very unfortunate. Not for me, of course. But it's a tragedy for them.

Plucky Charms is the resident humorist and advice lesbian at PluckyCharms.net (formerly ForeplayForMen.net). Women have Oprah. Men have Plucky. It's that simple.

DTF: Drunk To Fuck

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:09:00 +0000

There's something about alcohol that makes everything awesome(okay, maybe not driving). Shitty music is suddenly the most amazing jam, mediocre pick up lines become Shakespeare, and sex often goes from half way decent orgasms to floating on a fuck cloud made of gold. It lowers inhibitions, increases sex drive, and turns Facebook into an untapped Fuckbook. With enough booze to get you loose, its easy for DTF(down to fuck) and DTF(Drunk to fuck) to become interchangeable.

There's something awesome about drunk sex, it makes you nostalgic for the first few times when you were young and unsure. There's fumbling, giggling, and heightened intensity. You quickly find yourself thrown, pushed, and spread into positions you've only read about(and fantasized about, lets be honest).

For women it's the removal of inhibition and fear. We're constantly thinking during sex: "Is this good for him?", "Should I keep doing that?", "Fuck, I bet his ex was better at doing this than I am". Drunk sex removes all those thoughts, those fears, those give a fucks. Drunk sex is incredibly selfish. We're less than fucking interested in what you want, if it's getting you off, or if we're on par with your previous sex sessions. It's pleasure in its purest form, unbiased and selfish.

From the penis aspect many men find themselves able to last longer(bonus for all) and completely aroused by her selfish attitude. Women's over thinking doesn't just plague women(not only in the bedroom, but in most aspects of a relationship), it unhinders pleasure in sex like a guy who can't find the clit. With her mind free, her body willing, and all the inhibitions between you two out the window and down a bottle of tequila, drunk sex can be an aphrodisiac like oysters and a back rub.

If we wanted to get scientific we could point out that booze fucks with serotonin levels in the brain(something like CH₃CH₂OH + NAD⁺ -> CH₃CHO + NADH + H⁺, but who's really a scientist up in this bitch) just like love or drugs, that ultimately lead to interesting and hindered decisions. If you're one of the few people who's never made some interesting phone choices, sexual exploits, or an ass of yourself on social media while drunk: Congratulations, you're the .1% of drunken superheros(and fuck you, lucky bastards).

Down side to drunken hookups is forgetting to be responsible. Condoms and remembering the name of the other person are concepts that rarely keep up with the drunk minded pursuit of pleasure(and 80's music or is that only me?). While I have to give 'drunk me' props for her mad cleaning skills(I love waking up the next morning to the drunken cleaning fairy having been so kind), I shudder to think of the near misses she's often escaped during her drunk exploits.

Everyone needs some liquid courage now and again to do the damn thing. New sex position, new partner, or having the confidence to get out on the dance floor. I give drunken sex a thumbs up(on occasion, apparently too much is a "problem" or some shit), a top off, and a "LETS MOTHER FUCKING DO THIS!".

Wetter is Better: Single Ladies Love Lube too!

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 21:53:00 +0000

Being single is often thought of as a curse to women, as if we're fundamentally missing something date-able or sexy by not being someone's other half. My vagina would like to disagree! Wet, warm, and inviting. Lube: it's not only good for the soul, but fantastic for the vagina!

I've never been the type to shy away when it comes to any opportunity about spilling the truth about sex, embarrassment, and the joys of owning a vagina. Believe me when I tell you I have encountered my fair share of bad sex due to dryness. Whether I'm on a hot date or spending some quality one-on-one time with myself and favorite toys, I break Astroglide out of my purse or goody drawer every time. It makes everything about my sex life better. So much so that when sitting around with my best friends(including the infamous Asian) talking boys, dirt, and even dirtier sex, I have talked about the amazing difference Astroglide has made in my sex life. Quickies? Partner a little bigger than I'm used to? ASTROGLIDE(to the rescue)! Women enjoy being excited, wet, and ready to go as much as men enjoy sliding their penis down our slip and slide. This isn't just about what my partner enjoys, but how it makes me feel about myself and my body. How it makes me feel sexier, more relaxed, more "ready to go". Even on nights when I'm home alone with just my drawer of toys and enough stress to fuel an army, I know that I can take a deep breath, lube up with Astroglide, and orgasm my way in to a sigh of relief. I can say without question that lubrication has changed the way I masturbate, deal with stress, and know and enjoy my own body.

If you're anything like my vagina (she's very sensitive to what I bring around, and put in, to her), a natural product means everything. Astroglide Natural is made with botanical ingredients like Aloe, Chamomile Flower Extract, Vitamins C&E. It also is a leading brand recommended not just by my vagina, but by Doctors (not only OB/Gyns, but General Practitioners, Family Practitioners, and other specialty practices).

If you're a fellow fan of sex in water I can tell you how much my vagina and I have more to thank than just bubbles for the fun in the tub. Lighting candles, turning on some music, and self-sexing has a whole new feeling of fun after bringing in Astroglide X Premium Silicone. Not only is it my go to for water play, but it moisturizes my skin in ways other lubricants and even normal specialty skin creams can't accomplish(brings a whole new meaning to facial).

Astroglide just makes sex BETTER! More enjoyable, more fun. Astroglide original has been a favorite in my sex collection since I let my first boyfriend get to home base. That's right, Astroglide original was there when I gave up my V-card(and thank goodness it was, lets just say I was quite the good Catholic school girl virgin and he was a big guy) and feels the most like the natural wetness of a woman's body. It gets me going on nights I think I'm too tired to be turned on and turns my outdoor exploits into a whole new adventure.

Enjoy your single hood, with a side of Astroglide! I know what you're thinking now(and not just about how Astroglide makes my vagina even better), where can you get your hands on some free Astroglide? Samples are right here!

This post was sponsored by Astroglide and written honestly from my experiences. Disclosure policy is here

EdenFantasys Sale

noreply@blogger.com (Momfia) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 05:07:00 +0000

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hopefully your New Years Eve was better than mine(seriously, mine was like bad sex). If you're one of those Mayan conspiracy people who is positive we're all going to be fucked in 2012, I have some exciting news! Start fucking yourself 11 months early with the help of EdenFantasys! If you're remotely sane like the rest of us, just be excited about the fact that sex toys are fucking on sale.

If your resolution was to have more orgasms, you're in luck! They're running all kinds of sales and promotions that I just can't keep my hands off of(including myself, can't stop touching myself either thanks to these awesome promotions going on). They currently are offering 25% off sexy outfits to add some 2012 spice to your love life and best of all 75% off of toys(I seriously just got a sixty five dollar vibe for thirty bucks. Who's one happy momma? THIS LADIES VAGINA!). For all the late gifters like me, they have an idiot proof Adult Gift Idea section on ideas of what to buy for the lady, the gentlemen, the couple, the friend, or fuck all those people and just spoil yourself.

Was one of your New Years resolutions to work out more? Masturbation is one hell of a work out. Work those arms and vagina muscles, and fuck fighting your way to the treadmills at the over crowded gyms! Can you tell how excited I am? This is the excitement of a woman who's been enjoying not only her new toys, but herself.

I wish you all merry orgasms!

This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys. Disclosure policy can be found here