As you can see Mother's Day was a hard one for us as I had forecast. On a day where we had always gathered together as a family, we were fragmented....Other children had gone earlier to her graveside and I came later....Daniel had said he wanted to go, but when we got there he lost it and just Jonny, Jesse, Justin and myself went up  on the ridge where Barbara's grave is.....Though it has been six months, the grief is still fresh and actually more real....especially since now we all realize more fully the reality of the loss that death brings.

 We have learned some things as a family over this stretch of ground..... We know it is important to be honest about our pain. It is okay for us to express our lamentations and complaints to God with frankness and honesty...just like David did in the Psalms and Job did....I've learned that as Dr. Paul D. Tripp says, "Grief blocks my ability to see God, but I shouldn't conclude He is absent." Just because we are in the darkness of grief doesn't mean the Son isn't shining.... We've learned to not just look at our life horizontally-----but to look upward... To look at our suffering from His perspective and to understand that each day  we are harvesting what we've sown ourselves before...

Jesus told us in the Gospel of John that "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Our time here is short, and we have all been told that grief is not forever...but to receive Our Father's comfort, we need to allow Him to come alongside and shepherd us to Hope.....sometimes that path is dark, treacherous, and filled with sadness.

Something to share with you from Barbara.....She was always asking me to put music on her mp3 player. On her last trip before she died she asked me to put this on for her journey , which I never listened to until after she died....but listening to it now is what she was saying to all of us....

 

Arrived home today at sunset and took this picture from our mailbox.  Jonny and I had come from Rochester, NY after seeing Ben's recital at Eastman where he is graduating this week with his Masters. This was the same 6 1/2 hr. journey Barbara had taken to come home to us six odd months ago, and then die. Jonny understood this and kept bringing it up and asking, "why Mommy die?"  At one point he said, "wish never been born...maybe Mommy live." I told him that Mommy was so happy that he was her son, like she was of all her daughters and sons. That none of her children were the reason that Mommy died.... that she was happy and grateful for all her children...that she loved and always wanted the best for each one....All along the way, I kept thinking about her last hours on that drive...how she called all her children and myself....filling her time with what was her greatest love and passion...her family.
 
Tomorrow will be a difficult bittersweet day for us... truly we have much to celebrate with the mothers in our family....but we all know that without Barbara and her life, none of this would exist. Amazing what a hole in the fabric that makes up the tapestry of a family one person can leave...To have lost Hattie as well...whose heart's desire was to be a mother, but never had the chance...is devastating.

Milestones continue to be reached with her children and grandchildren...New lives have come into our circle of life...and in spite of our sadness and sometimes despair...we have our Eternal perspective and the comfort of Our Father who has allowed us to feel some of the things He has felt....which is the reality of loss and the finality of death....
On this Mother's Day, I'm sure Barbara would want us to remember the important things....love of God with a longing for Heaven.... the importance of family ties and reconciliation.... the honoring of Mothers....and the gift of life....
Cherish each other always...

In His grip,
Papa Tripp

Shortly before Barbara died she finished writing this wonderful book.  In many ways,  it is a culmination of her literary life's work. I finished editing it after she left us so suddenly, and am grateful to have this last gift of Barbara's to offer to all of you.

The book is available, as well as so many of her others through our Amazon link located near the top of Mommylife under "Giveaways" on the leftside,  where you'll find this description:

More than ever, if you have children, parenting with purpose is required. In a world where children are bombarded with conflicting messages, both moms and dads must fight the tendency to be reactive and instead proactively become the primary teachers of their children. Raising God-First Kids in a Me-First World addresses media, technology, consumerism, sexual purity, selfishness, and other factors that form children in our society. Curtis empowers parents with the necessary skills to raise kids who are secure in who they are, not basing their worth on society's values. Each chapter includes valuable questions, suggestions, and resources. Topics covered include:

 

    How businesses today are targeting our children with the goal of turning them into consumers, and how we as parents can counteract these forces

    Ways parents can reflect on their own relationship to the media

    Steps to become better role models for our children

    A plan to help children make good choices on their own

 

This book is for parents struggling to help children overcome (while learning to overcome themselves) our inherent self-centeredness--the center-of-the-universe mentality--reinforced ceaselessly by the media and forces of consumerism. Instead, God-first kids are secure in God's love and have learned how to live well from the inside out from the real pros, their parents.

 

All of you... her loving readers made this book possible.  I know she would want me to thank you for your continuing prayers and support as her legacy lives on in our lives and families.

 

In His grip,

Papa Tripp

 

At 3:01 this morning on this first day of May in the year of Our Lord  2013, Jazz and Nathan welcomed Corban Creed Rodgers into our family.  Our Father is so good to us, when we are still reeling from the losses of Barbara and Hattie... to have orchestrated new lives to be embroidered into the tapestry of our family is such a blessing. Truly Our Father knows and understands how to meet our moments.....in the reality of our lives....
In His grip,
Papa Tripp

This picture was taken by Barbara two days after we were married in January 1983...Don't exactly look happy do I? That's because I had realized in those last two days that now I had to become "real"... and I was scared to death. What haunted me were the piercing words a wise young woman had written me  when I was younger after reading something I had written.  She wrote, "Read your words...bleed the nerves...why don't you leave your words and live them," (would have been a fitting epitaph if I had died at the time.) I had no foundation to stand on and I was afraid that Barbara was realizing that. That day I made my commitment and thus began the process of us both becoming "real" through the way God uses marriage to reconcile a man and a woman.

Many of you know our story of rocky beginnings and the storms we weathered as well as the golden days we enjoyed in the ensuing years, as both of us became more real. It was a long process with both of us giving and taking ground where God led and a lot of brokenness...Barbara and I came together with so much baggage...but because we did not give up for the sake of the family, God made up the difference.  C.S. Lewis wrote after the death of his wife, Joy....about what love over a period of time becomes, "For this is one of the miracles of love; it gives -- to both, but perhaps especially to the woman -- a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted." C.S. Lewis

 I have been reading, "A Grief Observed" C.S. Lewis, which I must admit has been in our library for years, but neither Barbara or I ever read it...every time we picked it up, (we used to read books to each other) we could not relate. Now I understand what he was talking about...and it is not really something anyone can really begin to comprehend until they are in the midst of this grief and loss themselves. Many people have asked me, "Why do you think this happened?" or my favorite, "What was God thinking?" In answer to that, I came to a realization this week..... God gave us our best time together in the last hour we had before she had her stroke....Knowing Barbara and how she'd become more "real" in those thirty plus years we'd been together...she was perfect in that hour...She had become "real." It was her time to go topside... I'm so grateful for that special hour and our thirty plus years together....but so sad that she won't be finishing the journey with me....She's already in the Winner's Circle, and I'm barely making it around the track... but at least I'm not waiting for her in Monte Rio...(Stick with each other...it's worth it.)

In His grip,

Papa Tripp

"The most precious gift that marriage gave me was the constant impact of something very close and intimate, yet all the time unmistakably other, resistant - in a word, real."
? C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

And this is a very fulfilled Mommy Sophia Rose and an "Oh so ready for Life"  Baby River!
Always,
Papa Tripp

Tonight....a new soul came forth into this world....Her name is River Liliana Head...and we rejoice with her mother and father, Josh and Sophia Rose....Barbara's 15th grandchild and from Nathan and Jasmine soon to follow # 16. In the Circle of Life we get to rejoice with the celebration of a new life and the promise she brings while still crossing our sea of grief and mourning. I know Barbara is smiling and that Our Father's Hand lies on this dear little girl He has brought to us.
They had kept her name a secret and only Barbara knew it. Sophia told me tonight that after they had decided on the name...they had been talking to me after a prenatal visit where they had listened to River through ultra sound, that I had said, "Doesn't her heart beat sound like the River of Life?" They took that as confirmation.   Our Father is so good to us.....Count your blessings tonight...for we are surely counting ours!
This song is for you River Liliana......May you bring the River of Life to all you meet....and may Our Father guide your course for all your days!
Love always,
Papa Tripp

Day 107 post Barbara:  First time in thirty years, I don't have a  Sweetheart to show an appreciation  of love to... but I do have my family and friends whom I consider all of you to be. The purpose of  St.Valentine's Day has always been to let those we care about know that we love them....something we should be doing every day as was exhibited in the life of St. Valentine...see his brief history below:

Valentinus, a priest in Rome and a physician, was beheaded there under Claudius the Goth on February 14 and buried on the Flaminian Way, where a basilica was erected in 350. On the same day in the Roman Martyrology is celebrated another Valentine who was bishop of Interamna (Terni) about sixty miles from Rome and who was scourged, imprisoned, and then beheaded there by order of Placidus, prefect of Interamna. Tradition has it that the two are the same, ------that the bishop of Interamna had been a Roman priest who became bishop and was sentenced there and brought to Rome for his execution. The custom of sending Valentines on February 14 stems from a medieval belief that birds began to pair on that day.

Claudius had ordered all Romans to worship 12 gods. To be a Christian was a crime punishable by death, but the threat of death did not frighten Valentinus who was imprisoned. During his last weeks the jailer asked him if he would teach his daughter Julia: she hadbeen blind since birth. Valentinus agreed and described to her the beauty of God's creation, and taught her how to pray. Julia believed what the Saint taught her and asked God to cure her blindness. As Valentinus and Julia prayed for this, a bright light shown in the jail and she was healed.

On the eve of his death, Valentinus wrote a last note to Julia telling her to always stay close to God. He was Martyred the next day, February 14, 270 A.D. It is thought that she planted a pink-blossomed almond tree near his grave.

Though I love and care for my family and all of you.....my real love this Valentine's Day is for our Heavenly Father who has so loved and cared for me and my family. For some of us the grief is still real and raw and there will always be difficult days for that's what happens when you lose someone you loved.....But through the bare trees of grief and mourning I catch glimpses of His Love in my heart rising like a new day dawning.

In His grip,
Papa Tripp
Here's my Valentine song for all of you..My love to you all....