Mommy Lite - Mom and Dad Parenting Humor

New Day New Job...as a Fashion Cop!

2012-02-22T10:18:00.001-08:00

So, I'm sitting here at my NEW desk (actually, it's an intern's desk...but I'm here now!) at my NEW job at E! TV's Fashion Police! I'm writing online content for the website and new App (TO BE LAUNCHED SOON) and while I had no idea when it was going to start - they offered me the job in October - I got the call last week I was starting this Monday. Months of sitting around and I'm all psyched

10 Ways To Make Your Child Miserable

2012-02-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

Ever look at your dirty, smiling child's face and try to clean it off -- only to be rewarded with an ear piercing wail? Or perhaps you see your precious baby slumped over in their car seat snoozing -- their head lolling at an unnatural angle. You think "Aw. Poor thing. They must be so uncomfortable." You want to fix it. In fact, as their mom (or dad) you are compelled to fix it. You lift

Diamonds Are Whose Best Friend?

2012-02-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

I was hanging out with Izzy saying goodnight and she stole my ring off my finger to try it on. Here's how it went down: Izzy: "Mommy? Can I have a diamond?" Me: "No. You're too young for diamonds." Izzy:"WHAT?! Diamond's are a GIRL'S best friend - not a WOMAN'S best friend..." I'm so screwed.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T19:51:00.000-08:00

Thanks Doug at SavageChickens.com. You have a new fan.

A Night Fit For a Princess

2012-02-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

Tonight was the Beverly Hills Community Father/Daughter dance at Greystone Manor. Livi was so excited all day. She actually got dressed when I asked her to. She let me brush her hair, and she even let me put the prettiest sparkly flower clip in her hair. She looked SO CLEAN CUTE! Steven and a bunch of other dads all chipped in for a limo to take them all to the party. You heard me. A limo

Shoe Stories: Episode #4 "The Ghost of Manolo..."

2012-02-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

Welcome once again to Shoe Stories! I am very pleased to present the 4th diary entry in the weekly series that pays homage to my (and many of your) favorite accessory. Why tell shoe stories? Because there's something about a pair of shoes that changes your whole mood. Your whole outlook. Let's face it, Cinderella's story would never have worked if she had a glass hat, or a glass handbag

Is Yelling the New Spanking?

2012-02-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

Today on TODAYMoms.com, Linda Thrasybule talks about the results of a new 20 year long study that links aggression in children to spanking. It says that when children see their parents respond to situations with aggression, they're more likely to as well. I have never spanked my kids. But I was surprised to see that 22% of parents do still spank their children. And I'm a little jealous of

Shoe Stories: "Red Shoe Diary" Ep. #3 Of My New Weekly Series

2012-02-02T08:26:00.000-08:00

Welcome once again to Shoe Diaries! This is the third week now in the new weekly series that pays homage to my (and many of your) favorite accessory! Why am I doing this? Well, I believe there's something about a pair of shoes that changes your whole mood. Your whole outlook. Let's face it, Cinderella's story would never have worked if she had a glass hat, or a glass handbag. She

"Mom" is Not Another Word for "Diner"

2012-01-26T11:44:00.000-08:00

Just sharing a little poem I felt compelled to write... "EAT!" You'll eat what I make you for dinner. Is that simply too much to ask? Your helping of broccoli’s SO tiny And there’s almost no milk in your glass. You'll eat what I make you for dinner! I’m not making you rice or some toast! I won’t make you PB & J, or grilled cheese, And I don’t have a chicken to roast! I refuse to make any

Thoughtful Thursday - For the Love of a Sloth

2012-01-26T10:35:00.000-08:00

I'm kind of in this whole Redesign/Reconceptualize/Redefine mode for MommyLITE lately. Which is good and bad. Good, because after two years of blogging, I feel like I'm beginning to understand what I want to do here. Bad, because every time I redesign my template I lose ALL of my analytics!!! ARGH! Anyway, I'm thinking Thursdays are a good day for what I'm calling "Thoughtful Thursdays." "

Shoe Stories: Episode #2: "Ottos"

2012-01-25T10:26:00.000-08:00

Welcome to week #2 of Shoe Stories - a vapid weekly on-line series honoring the great loves of our lives...our shoes. (Click here to read last week's introduction to the series and story #1). This week I give you "Ottos" (by a ridiculous [but adorable] anonymous friend who wouldn't let me use her name.) I named my shoes “Otto.” I call them Ottos because I was living in NYC during my 20’s “

Are Pink Legos Building Stereotypes?

2012-01-24T12:38:00.000-08:00

This morning, I again had the privilege of being on NPR's "Tell Me More with Michel Martin." The topic of conversation? Legos. Turns out Legos has made a line of toys marketed toward girls called "Lego Friends." It's pink, the "people" have pretty hair, and it revolves around more of girl-patterned role-playing. Kids can build a beauty shop, a Vet's office and other "girl-friendly"

Shoe Stories - A Shallow New On-Line Weekly Series

2012-01-18T10:54:00.000-08:00

I love shoes. Like, REALLY love shoes. Flats, boots, ballerinas, loafers, strappy sandles, sneakers, "f*ck me" pumps. I love 'em all. There's something about a pair of shoes that changes your whole mood. You're whole outlook. Let's face it, Cinderella's story would never have worked if she had a glass hat, or a glass handbag. She needed a pair of beautiful shoes in order for her

Would You Be Happy for Miss Wisconsin?

2012-01-15T22:52:00.000-08:00

I love Toddlers & Tiaras. And by "love it," I mean I can't look away. Or change the channel. There's something about seeing the embryonic stage of a future beauty queen that is fascinating. Watching three year olds do that weird Betty Boop kissy thing; get spray-tanned, and try to stop their "flappers" or "floppers" oh wait..."flippers" from falling out on stage. It's good stuff. But what I

My New Years Resolutions for 2012

2012-01-04T12:28:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to see my Huffington Post editors approved of my 10 Tips for Being a Happy Mommy in 2012 despite the fact I encourage sex with strangers and laughing at other people's expense (Thank you HUFFPO for your good sense of humor). To see my 10 Tips just click here. Writing this article made me think about my resolutions for for 2012. I tend to shy away from resolutions because

Christmas Carols Written by Older Siblings...

2011-12-16T04:10:00.000-08:00

This post was inspired by Isabel who just started singing "Let it go, Let it go, Let it go..." to the tune of "Let it Snow" in response to her little sister getting mad about her doing something (I have no idea what - nor do I particularly care) to her. "Let it Go! Let it Go! Let it Goooooo!!!!..." Oh the weather outside is frightful not an ummbrellaaaaa in sight-ful I'll use yours and you

The Fine Art of Procrastination

2011-12-15T11:04:00.000-08:00

I should be writing. I've been sitting at my computer for 2 hours and I have lists and lists of things I really, really want to write about. Things I KNOW would be fascinating and exciting to read. PEARLS of entertainment I just KNOW I could bring to you...if only I actually wrote them. But no. Instead, I am sitting here with a friend of mine who is doing her Holiday Cards (btw she has an

Liebe Schab 1998 - 2011

2011-12-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

This post is in loving memory of Liebe Schab, my mom's most beloved companion. Liebe, you were loyal, sweet, eminenently forgiving, occassionally a little disgusting, and always incredibly adorable. We all loved you so very, very, very much. We will miss your visits, and we will miss seeing you at Grammy's house. You brought Isabel, Livi and Ben so much joy and happiness and we feel so

Kim Kardashian Reveals Lifelong Battle with Tartar!

2011-12-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

In world news today, reality TV star Kim Karadashian revealed she has tartar.* Word of the star’s condition was revealed yesterday when she tweeted “I need to floss” shortly after lunchtime. Sources close to Kim said they were stunned by the news. “I have tartar. My sister has tartar. But Kim? It’s just totally shocking!” The few insiders who have known about her condition spoke of

10 Reasons to Love LA During the Holidays

2011-11-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

I am a transplanted New Yorker. And like all transplanted New Yorkers, we love to kvetch about how LA doesn’t measure up to our gritty, crowded, bagel-laden homeland. Well, the holiday season is the perfect time for us and our "ilk" (i.e. Chicago natives, Ohio natives, the random Philadelphian…) to amp up our complaints; "There's no snow." "There aren't any seasons..." "your pizza sucks!

10 Things I am Thankful For This Year

2011-11-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

1) My family: Because they are a part of me, and I am a part of them, and they "Complete me"...blah, blah, blah. 2) My boyfriend: Because he makes me laugh every day and if I don't say it, he won't give me a backrub tonight) 3) The invention of wine: God bless the first person ever to take a swig of really old grape juice. 4) Tee Tree Oil: My only defense in my battle against that most horrific

The Girl's Got Game...

2011-11-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

I figured with the TODAY Show/TODAYMoms piece up about Livi and possibly quitting gymnastics, I'd share a couple videos of her at States this past weekend. Keep in mind, it's Level 3 (7 and 8 year olds), so it's not quite the Olympics - but I am kvelling (which, by the way, is also something else we Jews do in addition to kvetching. Wait, maybe there's a kvelling version of a cheer too... 2! 4

This Mama Didn't Raise No Quitter! Or Did I?...

2011-11-16T13:56:00.000-08:00

If you read MommyLITE regularly, you've heard me rave about Livi's gymnastics prowess. (Click here to read my "Confessions of a Bleacher Mom") About a month ago she told me she wanted to quit to be a cheerleader. A CHEERLEADER! Jews can't cheer! We kvetch, but we don't cheer. Unfortunately, competitive "kvetch-leading" never really took off (outside of my family at least): "2, 4, 6, 8! WHO

Haiku Tuesday

2011-11-15T10:29:00.000-08:00

I sit on my bed Surrounded. Too much to file. I think I will nap.

"Massage a Trois" and Other Things They Have in Heaven

2011-11-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

First off...let me just say that going on vacation without children should be law. Like maternity leave, our jobs should compensate us and cover the cost of child care while we escape, I mean "rejuvenate." Every time I go away without children, I forget how TOTALLY AWESOME it can be! Peace, quiet, adult conversation. No children fighting, no children arguing, no children screaming. The law