Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Double the Spirit: The Little Empress & Stitch

The Little Empress is the textbook definition of a spirited child. She’s always in motion. She’s the world’s worst sleeper. She fixates on things and doesn’t. let. go. Despite her speech delay, she’s obviously crazy intelligent and hyper-observant. She can throw the most nightmarish tantrums and be the sweetest, most thoughtful child you’ve ever met… usually within minutes of each other. On a scale of 1 to 10, if your average child is a 5, The Little Empress is a 7 on a “good” day and can very well go past 13 on her worst.  She’s just more of everything. I am constantly amazed at what this little girl is capable of. She will grow to be a force to be reckoned with… the catch is that The Hubs ™ and I need to be able to survive her, first.

But spirited and bratty are two different things. A spirited child can be bratty but a bratty child isn’t necessarily spirited. There’s a difference when The Little Empress is being spirited and when she’s being bratty.  If  she is throwing a tantrum because she needs something, the tantrum is met with understanding and helping her get through it. Her needs can range from the usual (hungry, tired, needs a change) to the sensory (needs to be spun, needs to hold something, wants deep pressure.) It sounds odd and I’m sure it must look odd to onlookers when I go through my bag of tricks to calm her. (“Want to hop? Want to spin? Want to be wrapped up like a mummy??”) Sometimes her spirited tantrums can last for a few minutes or up to an hour. The longer tantrums can be exhausting but when I meet her needs, she is fine.

Hitting, punching and willfully acting mean to others is not being spirited; that’s being bratty. Throwing a screaming fit because she wanted a popsicle for breakfast? Bratty. Hitting because she wants a certain television show? Bratty. Scratching because she didn’t get her way? Bratty. Being able to spot the difference is crucial to dictating how we deal with the issue. If she’s being bratty, she gets disciplined accordingly. No, you don’t get that popsicle. Cry all you want on the ground, if you want. Hitting or scratching? Banishment to the time out corner you go. We set very clear boundaries for TLE’s behavior. Now that she’s able to communicate better, we’re able to dissect her behavior more easily. Is she crying because she got over stimulated or needs stimulation? Or is she howling because she wants a particular toy? Just because I recognize that she’s spirited doesn’t mean I let her get away with being a brat.

I’ve seen quite a few moms label their discipline problems “spirited” to avoid admitting that they have a full blown brat. I dislike seeing parents call their discipline problems “spirited” and then blaming their child’s behavior on their “spirited” nature rather than calling it for what it really is.  Being spirited or having sensory issues is not an excuse for being a brat. So please, if your kid is truly a brat, do the parents that have truly spirited children a favor and discipline your child rather than label them “spirited” in an effort to excuse their behavior rather than perpetuate myths about what being spirited actually is.

Reading to write

The month of August has been spent practically killing myself at the keyboard, trying to deal with some recent financial issues. It hasn’t been easy but we’re pulling through and it looks like we’ll be okay for at least the foreseeable future. Praying to God that nothing totally disastrous happens in the meantime… The economy really has me uneasy these days.

The Hubs ™ hasn’t been too happy with the fact that I’ve been pulling serious writing overtime. It couldn’t be helped this month, unfortunately. When I first began to stay home, we agreed that I would pursue freelance writing as a supplemental income but that my goal, along with taking care of The Little Empress, would be to get my novels written and (hopefully?) published.

While I have been working on my novels, I admit that I haven’t been working on them as much as I should have been. Life just gets in the way. But this last month reminded me that while I do like the freelance life, my dream is to become a published fiction author. And that won’t happen by just sitting around and talking (or writing) about it.

I’m challenging myself to actually do something about this goal rather than sit on my ass six months from now and wonder where the time went. There’s no guarantee that whatever I write will sell but a manuscript is much better than just an idea. I’ve set myself a concrete work goal as far as my fiction is concerned. I’m looking to finish my novel by December and begin work on another novella as well. Two very different stories. I’m sort of torn about doing NaNoWriMo come November. I’ve always loved the idea but I don’t know if the pressure to make word count will work for or against my creative process. We’ll see.

And yes, I’ve made a new blog for my fiction: Truth via Fiction. There’s nothing there quite yet but hopefully I’ll have something to show for myself in the next few weeks….

As a parent, I am finding myself bristling a lot these days when reading my social networking feeds. I have quite a few friends who do not have children, some of whom are childfree. Which, honestly, is fine with me. I am not one of those parents who will espouse a misguided belief that one is incomplete without children. In fact, I respect folks who know, for whatever reason, that they don’t want children.

But if I read another status update about how annoying children are, I will have to smack someone. Hard. Upside the head with a truck, even.

Yes, children that tantrum can grate on one’s nerves. Trust me, I know. I have a champion tantrumer whose tantrums can and have lasted near two hours. But let me tell you something: that child is not out to annoy you. Trust me, you’re just not that damn special. So for the love of god, don’t act personally insulted that just because you can overhear a child tantrum, or that they’ve ruined your day and/or your entire outlook on children. Small children tantrum. It is normal. You, oh-insulted-one, most likely tantrumed as a child and embarrassed the everloving snot out of your poor parents at some point during your esteemed life. So quit with the holier than thou attitude. The End.

For the record, I can’t stand it when people assume that just because a child is tantruming that they are either a) being ignored or b) being bratty. Some kids, for whatever reason, due to sensory issues, special needs, etc. tantrum like they’re on fire and there’s nothing that can be done until it passes. And just because a tantrum lasts for god knows how long doesn’t mean that the parent is somehow absent or not taking care of their child.  I can assure you that while I’m sure there are some douchenugget parents out there that don’t take care of their kids, this is probably not the case for most parents. In fact, I can attest to more than a few occasions when I’ve simply sat down and sobbed right along side my tantrum-prone child because I dared to change her diaper at the wrong minute. And absolutely nothing prepares you for the stares and the not-so-silent blame that you get when you seek help for a tantruming child.

And while I’m in a ranting mode…

To those that complain that folks bring their kids to conventions or geek parties or another function with adults… stop whining. Seriously. Geek parents do not bring their children to geek functions to piss off their childfree geek peers. We could really give a sh*t what you think. God forbid that a geek family want to do something together and include their children in their geekery. Granted, parents shouldn’t run over people with their strollers (that’s just plain rude) but blaming it on the kids? How’s that work? Blame the parents for being douches, not the kids for having been brought to the convention. Jeezus.

Basic Pizza Dough

• 1 c. warm water (110F)
• 1 Tbsp sugar
• 1 Tbsp yeast
• 2 Tbsp vegetable oil

• 1 1/3 c. all purpose flour*
• 2/3 c. whole wheat flour*
• 2 Tbsp vital wheat gluten*
• 1 Tbsp salt
• Up to 2 Tbsp of dried herbs / other flavorings (optional)

• Proof the yeastDissolve sugar in the cup of warm water and sprinkle the yeast on top. Let sit in a warm spot for 5 to 10 minutes or until foamy and yeasty smelling.
• Mix the DoughIn the mixer’s bowl, combine the all purpose flour, whole wheat flour, gluten and salt. Add the proofed yeast mixture to the flour and mix together with a dough hook until it comes together. Knead for 5 to 10 minutes until smooth and elastic. Form the dough into a ball.By hand, combine the water + yeast mixture with 1 cup of the flour to form a batter. Add the rest of the flour in 1/3 cup measurements until it gets too difficult to stir. Turn out onto a flour board and continue to mix in the flour by hand until everything has been incorporated and you have a slightly tacky dough. Knead for 5 to 10 minutes. Form the dough into a ball.
• Proof the DoughDrizzle a bit of oil into a bowl. Place the ball of dough in the bowl and turn over to coat. Cover with a wet kitchen towel or plastic wrap and let proof for at least an hour or until doubled in volume. Punch down and cut off a piece of dough big enough for the pizza you would like to make. This recipe can make 4 thin crusted “personal” sized pizzas (big enough for a Mommy + toddler for lunch!)
• Bake Preheat an oven to 400F. I don’t have a pizza pan or anything fancy so I just line a baking sheet with foil, spray it with non-stick spray and place the formed dough onto the baking sheet. Top with your favorite toppings (mine are Ranch dressing + cheese + meat) and bake for 10 ~ 15 minutes.

Vital wheat gluten + all purpose flour is a quick alternative to “bread flour” and quite a bit cheaper! I like keeping vital wheat gluten on hand than keeping several different flours on hand. (Psst… “cake” flour is just sifted AP + 1 Tbsp of corn starch per cup! Don’t be fooled by marketing.) Vital wheat gluten is also marketed as “bread improver” — I get it in the bulk bins at my local discount supermarket so it is never too expensive since I can buy only what I need. Otherwise, it comes in 8 oz bags which can be a bit pricey.

You can also use plain AP flour if you can’t get a hold of wheat gluten. It is not that critical.

Homemade Adobo Sliders on Pandesal

Chicken & Spinach Ranch Pizza on Whole Wheat Crust

Everday Chocolate Cake (from the Smitten Kitchen's recipe)

Here’s the original recipe for SK’s Everyday Chocolate Cake.

A long time ago, we got a large yellow rubber ducky blow up bath for The Little Empress. She bathed in it from the time she could sit up until she was a little over a year old. Since then, it has been retired to life as a diaper holder in our master bathroom.

For whatever reason, The Little Empress decided on Friday night that Mr. Ducky is the bestest. toy. ever. and insisted that Daddy bring Mr. Ducky downstairs for her to play with. Daddy complied and TLE spent the rest of the night toting this rubber duck bath tub with her everywhere she went. Mr. Ducky is easily just about as big as her and quite unwieldy but TLE still insisted on toting him around.

TLE thanking Daddy for bringing Mr. Ducky downstairs

On Sunday afternoon, TLE was playing on and off with Mr. Ducky as well as just running around like a maniac, per usual. Oddly, she’d chosen a pair of pink footie pajamas as her outfit of the day. (This after wearing mismatching pajamas when we went out yesterday. I let her out in public in the most horrific of outfits but she’s so proud to do so. Who am I to stop her?) Eventually, she settled down (somewhat) to watch a few episodes of Futurama with Daddy while I attempted to wade through my work backlog. It was a nice change of pace as The Hubs ™ has been working 12+ hour days for the past two weeks so I think both of them were happy to have some bonding time.

About an hour into Futurama, I hear The Hubs ™ call out.

“Uh, honey? We’ve got a situation here.”

Situation, huh? I pushed back my chair and started to make my way out of the office when The Little Empress ran out right in front of me. Grinning, she handed me the diaper off of her naked butt and then promptly ran off. According to The Hubs ™, she had suddenly tired of her pink footies and decided that she wanted to run around nekkid. She continued to run around the rest of the afternoon, happily bouncing from chair to ottoman and to the floor again, reveling in the awesomeness of being nekkid. It took me about two hours to convince her to at least wear a diaper. (I’ll defend other families’ decision to EC but we are definitely NOT an EC household!!)

TLE & Mr. Ducky

Oh well. At least I got a few photos to embarrass her with later in life. And really, isn’t that what digital cameras in the hands of mothers is all about??

TLE and Lolos golf stuff

This photo has absolutely nothing to do with the entry. Oh well. (But is cute, yes??)

As I mentioned a few posts ago, The Little Empress is currently on vacation from her developmental nursery school so I’ve had her home with me for the past week and a half or so. Annoyingly, some financial issues came up that demanded that I work around the clock during her vacation. Not at all ideal since I had really counted on this time to be filled with fun activities for her. Despite that, I was determined to make the time to be with her. It was fun for both of us but I’m still woefully behind on my work

Working at home with a small child is difficult. Working at home with a small child that is as intense as The Little Empress is damn near impossible. I’ve been pulling some late nights after she’s gone to sleep in an attempt to try to catch up with what needs to be done. It isn’t working.

All this has got me reexamining the idea of homeschooling her. Homeschooling is an idea that I haven’t completely decided on. Between the school district’s test scores and the feeling that TLE may grow to be a “behavior” problem as she can’t. sit. still. (though who knows, she may outgrow this) I have my reservations about putting her in public school. Putting her in private school isn’t exactly an option, either. Which brings us to homeschooling. A strong advantage to where we live is that this area is filled with homeschoolers, though the majority are religious while I would opt for a secular approach. This would make us the odd ones out, as usual, and also makes material a bit harder to find.

But with the busy-ness of the last week, I’ve begun to seriously doubt whether or not I can homeschool. The time and effort involved in homeschooling is just insane. I’ve come to relish the break that I get with TLE being in school. Maybe it is selfish of me but it gives me time to decompress that I realized that I really needed. And I intend to continue to work from home. Especially as a young student, can I risk trying to balance my work and her school? Her education is of the utmost importance — would I be risking it?

More things to muse about as the years keep ticking away….

As predicted, TLE fussed enough during the ceremony that I had to take her outside not once but twice. The ride to the church was pretty long and the wedding was delayed for about half an hour so by the time the ceremony started, she had run through her tiny little well of toddler patience. The Hubs ™ offered to take her but TLE was starting to (loudly) crow for boob. I was left with the options of either ignoring her cries and letting her fuss, with the cry of “BOOB” ringing throughout the church or I could give in. I gave in for the sake of Blackberry’s wedding. This meant that I ended up missing a good chunk of the ceremony.

Of course, I brought along my dSLR. Blackberry had asked me months ago if I’d be their photographer. I declined because 1) I’m not that great of a photographer and 2) wrangling The Little Empress usually prevents me from doing anything other than, well, wrangling her. As it so happened, there was a communication mixup and our friend that she thought was going to photograph the wedding didn’t get the invite. (Ooops.) So the backup photographer ended up being the primary photographer while I ended up supplementing some shots.

I didn’t get quite as many photos as I would have liked. I was far too afraid of getting in someone’s way, blocking someone’s view or otherwise ruining someone’s experience to get in to get some of the shots I would have liked. I think this is why I know I could never be a great photographer. Great photographers aren’t afraid to get the shot. I’m a chickensh!t. Despite that, this chickensh!t photographer did at least get some decent shots, including one of Blackberry as she took her mom’s arm to walk her down the aisle. Blackberry later told me that she had only a handful of photos with her mom so this one would be extra special.

While I won’t share photos of the couple online, here’s a few shots I took of the decor and what not…

Bouqets on the train

Flowers at the church

Reception table decor

And of course, I have to include at least one picture of TLE and Daddy at the wedding.

TLE and Daddy

J U M P !

After somewhat wearing her out at the gymnastics center, we headed off to Lolo & Lola’s house so she could get some quality time with her grandparents while I got some quality time (and aggravated my carpal tunnel) with my keyboard. Ugh, deadlines. But at least I got to take a quick break to get a photo or two. Here, my mom is holding her (you can see her hand trying to tickle TLE to make her smile. Didn’t work.) while posing her with a photo that her teacher took of her last week. One photo has nothing to do with the other but I think it looks funny. (Plus, I love the crooked, upside down sunglasses in the photo she’s holding. Classic toddler action!)

Double TLE

Later on, TLE decided it was time to practice piano. It is horribly out of tune right now but that didn’t stop TLE from playing. She looooooooves the piano at my parents’ house. Someday, we will move it to our house once we get the money for the move and a good tuning.

TLE and the piano

She got very into her piano playing at one point, banging on the keys with the utmost purpose. I see a tortured artist musician in the making…

Future experimental pianist

What evil lurks beyond this grin?

• Michelle: OOOOOOOOOOMFG.
• Michelle: DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER JUST DID
• Michelle: She came up to me and was like, “Baby euw. Baby euw.”
• Michelle: She had a full diaper. So I was like, “Okay, I’ll change it in a second.”
• Michelle: She keeps tapping my shoulder. “Baby euw. Baby euw.”
• Michelle: Then she PUTS HER FULL DIAPER ON MY ARM.
• Michelle: SHE DONE TOOK IT OFF. POOP AND ALL.
• The Hubs ™: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*SOB*AHAHAHAHA
• Michelle: I realized that she was telling me — “BIG BIG EUW! BIG BIG EUW!”
• The Hubs ™: If I could praise her from here, I would.
• Michelle: YOU SUCK.
• The Hubs ™: <3

ADDENDA: Poop was (thankGOD) contained within said diaper. But still. OMFG EUW.