Mommy To Two Boys

Anxiety in Children

2012-03-01T17:48:00.000-08:00

Today I have an article featured at Special-Ism, a site filled with great information for special needs parents.

Here is a little taste:

I wish I could say that is the end of my post, he is doing fine and all is well. The truth is, after Christmas break, after Jaylen spent two weeks at home with me, giving him almost undivided attention and coddling, transitioning back into a normal routine was hard. There were days his teacher said she would see him quietly crying at his cubby because he couldn’t find his snack and was too anxious to ask. He would stand outside his classroom if the door was closed and he couldn’t open it, instead of asking for help. He got one wrong on a math test, he normally gets 100% as math is a huge strength for him, and he cried so hard he almost threw up. His teacher had to send him to the nurse and his math test was so soaked with tears the teacher had to throw it away.

Now head over to Special-Ism and read the rest!

Luncheon at Ladies Home Journal and The Golden Hat Foundation

2012-02-24T07:49:00.001-08:00

I had the most amazing opportunity to head into Manhattan to the Ladies Home Journal 29th floor office for a luncheon. They are helping to start a grass roots campaign for the Golden Hat Foundation, http://www.goldenhatfoundation.org, a group focused on autism advocacy. Be sure to check out their March issue where Kate Winslet gives an interview about the book.

Me and Lisa Quinones Fontanez, of www.AutismWonderland.com, a blog friend of mine for years I finally got to meet in person, by the cover of the March issue of Ladies Home Journal with Kate Winslet's story about the Golden Hat Foundation.

I was completely out of my element, surrounded by published authors (people who have whole books published, unlike my essays and articles), and editors of popular websites and magazines. My little place placard simply said:

which paled in comparison to the 20 other place cards filled with accomplishments and impressive titles. I met personable, learned ladies and engaged in some great conversation. And yes, at my spot was a little swag: free copy of the magazine, documentary (mentioned below), and a preview edition of the upcoming the Golden Hat book by Kate Winslet. I flipped through the magazine and on the editor's note page saw the picture of Sally Lee, then looked over to see her sitting 5 places over in real life.

I was able to meet the founder, Margret Ericsdottir, who I immediately recognized from the documentary, A Mother's Courage. I saw it on HBO last year and was so impressed by this mother's tenacity and strength. Look for an upcoming review I plan to do on the piece soon.

Margret has done so much to learn how best to help her severely autistic son, Keli, navigate the world around him. Living in Iceland, she felt isolated and helpless as they dealt with his diagnosis and treatment. One of the most amazing things she did was give him a voice. Through therapies and specialists, they found ways to help him communicate and found all that was going on mentally inside this complex boy.

After years of working to research and find the best methods for him, she felt tired. She wanted to help people with Autism as a whole, wanted to do more globally to raise awareness, but she was overwhelmed.

As she decided to accept she couldn't take on any more, Kate Winslet was coincidentally coming up with an idea to help Margret accomplish her goals. They had met and become friends after Kate Winslet was asked to translate the film from Icelandic to English. Kate became smitten with Keli, couldn't stop thinking about what she'd seen about autism, and knew she had to meet Margret and Keli. She sent Margret this email right around the time Margret had accepted to take a break from her crusade:

Gives me a whole new respect for Kate Winslet

Keli had written a poem about a Golden Hat, which gives kids who are non-verbal a voice:

This boy had a golden hat.

The hat was magical. It could talk.
The boy did not have any voice. He had autism.
His hat was always with him.
His hat was lost one day.
Now he had no way of telling them his stories.
His mom and dad became sad.
They taught him spelling on a letterboard.
It was hard.
end

The Golden Hat Foundation was born. Kate Winslet contacted and hunted down as many celebrities as possible and had them put on her Twilby hat and share the first thought that came into their mind.

Here are just a few celebrities who participated: Elijah Wood, Ellen Page, George Clooney, Jude Law, Conan O'Brien, Kobe Bryant, Meryl Streep, Ben Stiller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Phelps.

Tom Hanks' page

Justin Timberlake's page

Please plan to support this project by purchasing The Golden Hat, available April 3, 2012.

I have teamed up with the Golden Hat Foundation and will be doing work for their grass roots campaign to get the word out about this amazing project. Look for future posts, articles, and other media from me explaining the ideas these ladies have. One includes a campus for individuals with severe autism of all ages to learn, work, and live together, while helping the public understand what autism truly is and realizing people on the spectrum have a place in our society. You can see a video of the proposed campus at the Golden Hat site, http://www.goldenhatfoundation.org.

I am incredibly honored to be a part of this.

Thank you to Ladies Home Journal, for the luncheon, the opportunity, and for supporting such a worthy cause. Thank you to Kate Winslet for supporting a cause which doesn't even affect you personally, a sign of true compassion, philanthropy, and humanity. Thank you to Lisa Helt, Projects Director of the Golden Hat, who is so supportive and amicable. And a special thank you to Margret. It was a pleasure to meet you, tell you my story, and hear your story in person. Thank you for all you do for people with autism, especially my little boy.

I almost punched out a 65 year old lady at a Chinese restaurant

2012-01-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

My mom took me and the boys out for dinner at a small hole in the wall Chinese place. As we were finishing, the boys started getting a little loud so we agreed that she would stay and get the leftovers boxed, pay for the meal (moms are so good for that), and meet us at my car.

I was 3 steps from the door when a lady looks at me and then my kids and says,

"Those kids are too loud. I mean, they are really loud."

The woman behind her rolled her eyes and gave me the, "yes you are clear to tear this woman a new one," look.

So I say, "Of course they are loud, they are children, just as you said."

"Yes, but these children are really loud."

"Well what do you expect? They are children. And we are leaving."

"I am a teacher and these children are really loud." (In case you weren't counting that is the 3rd time she said the same exact thing)

"I am a teacher too."

"Well that's great."

I turn to go, but just couldn't.

"Do you have children of your own?"

"Yes. And THOSE children (pointing to my 2) are really loud." (Yep, number 4)

"Listen lady, Karma's a bitch. You need to watch out." (Oh yeah, I was in threat mode by this point.)

She just nodded her head. I walked out....AND THEN WALKED BACK IN! I just couldn't leave without really blowing this lady up.

"Do you happen to teach any kids with special needs?"

"Yes, I have 400 students and deal with all types of special needs."

"Well one of those little boys happens to have Autism, have you heard of that?"

"Oh, yes." (I am looking right in her eye and she is avoiding my gaze)

"So maybe you should learn to use a little f***ing discretion from now on and watch what you say."

And then I leaned in close and actually called her a b****. Yep. I did it. Anger management issues anyone? Good thing is that my mom, who is somewhat of a saint, did not think I was in the wrong. She couldn't believe that lady either. I mean, we were leaving because I knew my kids were getting loud. What more did she want?

Truth is, neither of my boys were being loud because of special needs, maybe a tiny bit could be attributed to ADHD and sensory overload. But all in all, they were just being kids. So this kind of thing probably happens to all parents, unless your kids are perfect, in which case you should stop reading this because I hate you and you are not welcome here.

Come on people, stop judging others. Are two little boys making noise in a restaurant for 3 minutes really so bothersome you have to be rude and insult my parenting and my kids? Get over yourself lady. If you want everyone around you to behave in the way you dictate, then stay the f*** home.

This has been deep thoughts, the real truthful kind, by Jean Myles.

My New Car and Spreading Some Holiday Cheer

2011-12-18T13:57:00.000-08:00

I can't believe there are only 6 more days until Christmas! What happened? Good thing we got our tree and put up decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving or we wouldn't have had time to enjoy them.

Our focus this year, gift wise, was on the boys, getting them a few toys, but mostly things that will last. Our house is so filled with toys, most of which get played with every now and then, but are tossed aside. This year they will get Karate gear and activities they will use over and over.

And for us? Gerald is taking a trip to a huge music convention/trade show in January, and I got...drum roll please...A New Car! We had been talking about upgrading our smaller sporty car, which Gerald loved, to an SUV or Mini van. Sadly, we got word on Wednesday that fixing an engine problem in that car would cost a fortune, almost as much as the car was worth. So we went car shopping and SURPRISE, we got a great deal on a 2012 Honda Odyssey.

It is my first new car ever and the smell is awesome! The boys love it, especially Jaylen. He can't stop talking about the sliding doors and the fact it seats 7. I look back in this thing and it is like an entire room, the kids can get up and walk around in it. We could live in it if we got lost in a forest for some absurd reason.

Speaking of surprises, here is a video that will make you smile. The bystanders in this one are all surprised by holiday cheer and I hope you enjoy it. I am not a huge youtube fan but this one made me smile, a lot. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

This post is sponsored by T-Mobile

Doing a Small Part in Fighting Cancer

2011-12-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

At my last physical appointment my doctor said the words, "Wow, it looks like you are next in line in your family to get breast cancer." Thanks Doc.

My maternal grandmother died of breast cancer shortly before I was born. My mother gave me her name.

My paternal grandmother recently beat breast cancer, caught very early.

And 4 years ago my mom beat breast cancer also.

I guess I really am next in line. Every year I have to get a mammogram and breat sonogram done. Not typical of most 32 year-olds.

My mom's best friend beat ovarian cancer 14 years ago and has been in remission since. Unfortunately, last month they diagnosed her with stage 4 lung cancer. She has never smoked or been around a smoker.

When I was given the chance to promote the American Cancer Society here on my blog, I gladly accepted, it is the least I can do to help in the fight against this disease that affects so many in my family and families all over the world.

This post is sponsored by American Cancer Society.

11/22/08

2011-11-22T08:37:00.000-08:00

"Everyday holds the possibility of a miracle."

- Elizabeth David

11/22/08

11/22/09

11/22/10

11/22/11

Happy 3rd Birthday Xavi

12 eyes

2011-11-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

Well, the JCPenney portrait studio people are gonna be pissed this year. They will have a hell of a time fighting with the glare coming off our family shots. 3 of us are 4 eyes now.

We had no idea just how bad his eyesight was. He recently started squinting, which gave it away.

We all would sit on the couch to watch TV and he would sit in his own little folding chair right next to the screen. Him needing to be this close to the TV, and considering his brother is almost blind, we decided to get his eyes checked. Sure enough, he has severe myopia like Jaylen and I.

It is amazing to watch him adjust to being able to see. For two days now he has been looking at everything, even me, differently. He walks around saying, "oh my gosh, oh look at this."


The day Xavi got his first pair of glasses, age 2

The day Jaylen got his first pair of glasses, age 2

10/27/2006

2011-10-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Elizabeth Stone

October 2006

October 2007

October 2008

October 2009

October 2010


October 2011

I've let my heart go walking outside my body for 5 years now. It was the best decision I have ever, or will ever make.

Happy Birthday Jaylen

Getting the Song out of my Head

2011-10-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

Jaylen's Autism makes him extremely literal, but I am starting to realize how literal most young kids are. I taught PreK, Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade before having Jaylen, and guess by those ages most kids get sarcasm, and understand what to take literally.

This post on Mommy To Two Boys is about how Jaylen processes the term "private school." His literal thinking is one of those things I enjoy, crack up over, and love about him.

We recently moved and every time I mentioned our "old house" Jaylen asked when it was going to fall apart. When I told him a new family was moving in he was surprised they would live in a house that was old. When in actuality our "new house" is in worse condition than our "old house." In Jaylen's mind, for some reason, all things die or fall apart when they turn 100 years old, so he assumed the old house is close to 100 and will crumble to dust any minute.

At my grandmother's 89th birthday party he basically told her she had 11 years left till the reaper came for her.

I could go on and on with stories like this when it comes to Jaylen, but recently Xavi made me laugh hysterically over the same thing. He was singing a Lady Gaga song which I started singing too. After a few minutes I told him he got the song stuck in my head. He pulled my head down and started pushing my hair all around searching for something. When I asked what he was doing, he said he was looking for the song stuck in my head.

I guess taking things literally isn't only for kids with Autism, neurotypical kids do it too (even though Jaylen does it a LOT more). Oh, the things I'm learning by being a mom to both...

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This post was written for Best Of the Best (BOB) series on SOS Research Blog. Starting October 15th you can click here to read more of the posts from some fabulous special needs bloggers who contributed. This month's topic is enjoying our life with Autism, sharing things that make us laugh.

I am Published!

2011-09-28T19:08:00.000-07:00

If you buy this book, which you really should, go to page 179 (total coincidence that is my birth month and year January 1979) and read "The Suspense is Killing Me!" Yes, that's right, my work in a published book.

Wit and Wisdom is perfect for any parents of special needs kids, especially those on the spectrum. Parents of newly diagnosed kids will find this different than every other Autism book out there. What we have is a compilation of essays from some of the best storytellers I know, who also happen to be parents of kids on the spectrum. Teachers, therapists, educators, and anyone else who works with kids with Autism will get joy, understanding, and information from this book.

So where can you get your copy? At Amazon or just click on the link right there to the right.

Thank you to my good friends Lynn and Big Daddy for putting this together! What an awesome project.

Also, I was recently hired to be somewhat of a reporter for a local news website. So far, I haven't begun, but I will be taking on assignments soon. I will definitely provide links once I start!

Where I've Been

2011-07-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

I realized it has been selfish of me to not post in a month. I have received countless emails and tweets asking if we are all OK (countless=15).

The deal is, I've been just enjoying summer with the boys. I needed a break from everything and set aside blogging, my writing course (just finished an assignment 2 weeks late), and at the end of the day I am so tired I end up reading until I fall asleep!

Here's what we've been up to. A little of this:

The boys really starting to get along, for at least an hour a day

Our ghetto zoo, no really, it is in the middle of the ghetto, look it up, Bridgeport, CT

This will lead to another summer activity: a hospital trip

A lot of this:

Season passes at Playland, the boys love it

A little of this:

And a WHOLE LOT of this, we are at the beach at least 3 times a week. We pick a spot and camp out for 7 or 8 hours a day.

This month I've read these 4 fabulous books I recommend. For me to read a novel a week is shocking, and feels really good. I decided to let the TV cool off for the month.

Exposure by Therese Fowler, gripping, couldn't put it down

Bird Sisters by Rebecca Rasmussen, different

State of Wonder by Ann Patchett, best book yet this year, if you read on thing this year, read this

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs, creepy, had to sleep with the TV on one night after reading, heard it may become a movie?

Oh, and I've started running. Yep, you read that right. I got my fat ass in gear and starting running from Jaylen's summer school to the beach, about half mile, and then run at the beach until I feel like I am on the verge of death (about 5 more minutes), then I briskly walk back to the school. It is great me time and I feel so good after...waaaay after I've stopped.

There is no photo of that because it would be horrifying!

Brain Rotting Fun?

2011-06-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

When Jaylen was a year old, he had a tendency to become addicted to certain things. We didn't know it was Autism yet, but knew him not connecting with us, retreating into his own world, and filling and dumping buckets for hours was strange. I can still hear his first home therapist's nervous and appalled laughter as she told me not to let him fill and dump or play with dirt for more than a half hour. Who knew? I thought he was just really independent.

One of his "things" was TV. He loved certain shows and could watch Noggin (now Nick Jr.) for hours on end. I always judged those parents who let the TV babysit their kids before I had kids of my own. For us, the only alternative to tantrums, self injurious behavior, the constant filling and dumping, or spinning in circles was TV. So we let him watch.

Fast forward 4 years and Jaylen is really not into TV much at all. He will request an episode of SpongeBob most days. According to him, "I don't watch little kid shows anymore, just big kid ones." Which is crap because as soon as Xavi is watching a "little kid" show his eyes are glued to the screen.

In the winter, we watch more TV out of cabin fever and boredom. Now the weather is nice, we are out most of the day, and when we come in the TV just stays off. As long as they are not asking for it, why use it? Every once in a while they will be hyper or fighting and TV is a good way to calm them down. Sometimes I need to get work done and the TV does babysit for a half hour. Overall, it does feel good to find other things to do besides TV.

The boys in 2009

The boys in 2010

Am I one of those people that thinks TV rots kids' brains? No.

Do I think it may affect their attention span? Yes.

Can we find other things for our kids to do to get exercise, interact socially, and learn actively? Easily.

But do I love when I get a minute to myself as Chuggington is blaring from the playroom? Absolutely.

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This post was written for Best of the Best on SOS Research Blog.

I did it for...

2011-06-13T04:41:00.000-07:00

I walked for Jaylen.

I walked for all the kids I know with Autism, who are loving, sometimes frustrated, special kids.

I walked for frustrated parents doing the best they can.

I walked for the parents who just got the diagnosis and are confused, sad, lost, and hopeful.

I walked for people who raise awareness, promote understanding, and do the research to help our kids.

I walked for Jaylen.

Thank you to everyone who donated to Team Jaylen. Together we raised $3,106.00

(In the pictures: me, my husband Gerald, Jaylen, Xavier, my Mother-in-law "Mimi," and my sister "Aunt D")

Summer Sorrow

2011-06-01T18:14:00.000-07:00

Had I known, back in August of 2008 when I dropped my 22 month old off at school, that he would be in school year round forever, I may have done things differently.

It seemed so simple, I was only dropping him to get ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Therapy, he would get better, then he would be home with me again, right?

Here we are 3 years later and he is still attending school all year. He did get better, but not as good as a child whose parent gets to choose how their child will spend the summer break. Nope, that choice has been taken from me for 3 summers, and it probably will be for years to come.

Right now I absolutely cherish our mornings. He, Xavi, and I pack each AM with the best activities. This last summer, before full day Kindergarten, and before he started wanting to go to camp, was supposed to be mine to cherish as well! I had plans, activities for each day, memberships to here and there, beach days every other day, but now those are tossed.

Nothing like the clear blue waters of Long Island Sound. Jaylen is probably carrying that stick for protection from things like the Montauk Monster (Google it).

Jaylen did not qualify for ESY (Extended School Year) which is a summer special education program, but is going to a different program for kids who need Kindergarten readiness.

He's got the academics, as a former K teacher I know he is already in 1st grade academically. But socially and emotionally, he is back at that first classroom I mentioned from 08. He still cries, a lot. He still doesn't know how to interact quite right. And he gets extreme anxiety over everything.

Since I have to miss yet another summer with him, I hope he at least learns those skills and shows signs of K readiness by the end.

I know many parents don't have the choice either, mainly due to work issues. Especially single parents, the majority of whom will never be able to take a summer off to spend with their child. Camp it is! There is something to be said for the choice being taken away. The choice to have Jaylen home during the summer, is not ours. It is written, documented in his IEP.

I know this is somewhat petty in the grand scheme of things. But I can't help but feel a slight bit of pain over never getting to spend a summer with my boy. It is yet another issue Autism has created. And yes, Xavi and I will have a blast at the beach and the Children's Museum every day, but my heart will ache, and Xavi will be lonely, with our 3rd morning buddy missing.

How is everyone else's summer shaping up? Will you be home with your kids?

For you Jen (An ecard in blog form)

2011-05-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Jen (and family),

In case you haven't noticed, your son's recent illness has affected so many of us in the blogging community because of the relationships you have made. You are a kind, supportive, and funny mama who we all relate to, emulate, and love. Your positive attitude throughout this process amazes us all and we want you to know we support you, are grateful for your friendship, and love you and your family.

Please use this gift to help out with home expenses, something you do not need to stress over at this time. We raised about 350 Euros, sorry don't have that cool symbol on this darn USA keyboard, and it is our hope that it will go towards groceries, a meal out, or maybe even something fun HRH would enjoy! Jazzygal will deliver the goods to the hospital soon.

And most importantly, don't you DARE even think about saying thank you to us. Just accept the gift, without feeling the need to take the time to send us messages (I know that's exactly what you were thinking!).

With love,

Thinking of you too Jen, as you know! Jazzygal

Hope this little gesture we could give provides some help and relief. Jean @ Mommy To Two Boys

Praying for HRH and your entire family, Cyber (((hugs))) from Craig, Anara, Clara-Bear, and Alan Midgett @ able2able

May each day bring you renewed strength and brighter times. Tiffani @ OURJourneyTHRUAutism.com

Jill @ Yeah. Good Times

Kitaiskasandwich

KWombles @ Countering

Big Daddy Autism

Laura @ Life in the House that Asperger Built

Patty@ Pancakes Gone Awry

Spectrummy Mummy

Lynn @ Autism Army Mom

Trish @ Another Piece of the Puzzle

Lisa @ Autism Wonderland

Danette @ SOS Research Blog

DS Walker @ AuthorDSWalker.com

Kathleen @ Autism Herd

Praying for you and all the family. With love, Mich x @ Mummy From The Heart…

With love from Nickie @ Typecast and family to a very special lady and her family

Jen, wrong diagnosis or not, it's still a horrid thing to go through and I hope we can just help you and your family a little bit. Beatrice @ frogs+sprogs

Thinking of you and your family Love Cass @ frugalfamily

Jen and family reaching out to you all at this tough time. Much love Aly @ Plus2.4

Jen, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Following your story over the past few months has left my heart heavy and I hope and pray that you get the answers you deserve soon. Love Heather @ SAHMlovingit x

I hope this helps a little bit xx Clare @ The Babbling Mummy

All my love to Jen and all the family BareNakedMummy

Thinking of you and your family Jen, be brave and keep smiling MrsShilts xx

I am a Theta Mom

2011-05-20T04:00:00.000-07:00

I found Heather, Theta Mom, just days after starting my blog in November of 2009. She left one of my very first comments.

Even though she already ran a successful blog, she took the time to help me out. Back then I had no idea how much work running a blog like Theta Mom entailed, so I emailed her with questions often, and she always got back to me, without any complaints. Only a few months later I realized Heather was "big time" and really didn't have extra time to helping out a newbie blogger like me, but she did. I will forever be thankful!

When Heather asked me if I'd like to be featured in the Theta Mom Community I was excited to say the least. Head over to Theta Mom and take a peek!

And if you are new to Mommy To Two Boys, take a peek at a few of my reader's favorite posts:

A Beautiful Mind

The Short Bus

I Hate Autism

Accepting What I've Been Given

Time to Face Reality

2011-05-18T19:29:00.000-07:00

I am only one person.

I am only one mom to my two little boys.

I am only one wife, one cook, one cleaner, one bill payer, one paper filer, one appointment setter.

I am only one mom dealing with behavior issues, IEP meetings, researching Autism treatments and therapies.

I am only one tutor.

I am only one Autism advocate.

I am only one blogger and one freelance writer (and freelance work is never done).

I am only one mom trying to save my son's eyesight by doing vision therapy every day.

I can't do it all.

I have hardly visited my bloggy friends at all in the last 2 months and that makes me sad.

I have only posted once or twice a week for the last month or so and that makes me feel inferior, I know I could do more.

I know the time will come quickly, when our roles are reversed and I am the one begging my sons for their time, love and attention.

Writing has become a passion, good thing it was my minor in college. I'm taking a course on getting published and soon will be proud to say I am in print and that makes me feel happy and accomplished.

But still, there is only so much I can do in a day, a week, a month, a year. Some evenings, after the boys are in bed, I am completely drained mentally and physically. It takes effort to simply sit on the couch and watch TV for an hour before passing out. My weight has been slowly creeping back up which adds to my depleted energy.

A friend's son recently became very ill and it has made me look at my priorities; what I want from each day, what is truly important. Jaylen will be off to full day Kindergarten next year and I want to enjoy our mornings together. I love that we go everywhere and do everything. I don't know the future of his eyesight, or the future of anything for that matter. For those reasons I want to live every day to the absolute fullest.

Here is to facing the reality I can't do it all. I have to pick and choose. Some things will have to fall to the side, while others become the forefront.

Do you feel this way? How do you divide your time and set your priorities? How do you fit it all in?

They Never Cut the Umbilical Cord

2011-05-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

A perfect metaphor came to mind the other day while talking about my love for the boys. Even though Xavi is only 2, I can see his independence. I know his future includes the cliche, "spreading his wings and flying." Jaylen, however, is permanently attached to me, and I feel he always will be. It's as if they forgot to cut the umbilical cord on that cold October morning.

March 1st of this year I was sick with a combination of the flu, a sinus infection, and strep throat. I could not physically get out of bed and simply laid for almost 48 hours, the longest I have been unable to care for my boys since their births. To say Jaylen was severely affected by those 2 days is an understatement.

Anxiety set in with a vengeance. Jaylen was on edge, crying constantly, and scared of everything around him. He cried at school drop off, then all throughout the school day. He cried when he went to bed, he cried when I wasn't at his side in our house, and he cried for what seemed like no reason at all. He carried around his Leapster Explorer (which has a digital camera) in order to look at a picture of me. He even fell asleep looking at the picture every night, even though I was physically less than 100 feet away.

We were able to assume the anxiety originated from my 2 days of quarantine, since there were no other changes in his life. Our assumptions were verified when one day a month later, I laid on the couch for just a few minutes, which is rare, and he started to panic, asking if I was getting sick again.

I cleared my schedule, switching my tutoring students to only times he was at school. I spent as many minutes of the day with him as possible. Then I attended a seminar on anxiety in children with Autism and the speaker, who had a PhD in anxiety (who even knew they had that?), said I was doing exactly the opposite of what I should. Rearranging my life to help Jaylen through this time was not helping him, but hurting him. I was enabling his feelings of anxiety and fear of me not always being present.

When my personal hurt at the thought of trying tough love became obvious, the doctor told a story of a mom who for 8 years was never apart from her daughter, except for school hours. The doctor had to counsel them from square one, starting with the mother leaving the house for two minutes to take out the garbage. The daughter screamed for the entire two minutes, but they were able to establish that both of them did not die, or get hurt. Over the next few years they increased the time apart until they had a healthy, normal relationship.

The example hit home, and in my deep subconscious I could see myself getting to a similar point with Jaylen if I didn't reign it in. So I slowly backed away, and he slowly became more independent again, which isn't a normal or typical level of independence, but it works. I equate it to my fear of bridges. If I always avoided them my panic and fear would increase until they evolved to the point I couldn't ever cross a bridge.

Autism, Jaylen and I all have a hand in that remaining umbilical cord. But I do realize I can take more steps to slowly snip at it. Even though Jaylen's future gives me heart palpitations, I do know I need to prepare him for that future, no matter how much it may hurt he or I in the process.

This post was written for Best of the Best on SOS Research Blog.

Visit the site for more posts on anxiety and stress starting May 15th.

A Long Trip to South America

2011-05-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

Me, preparing him: "Jaylen, it is going to be a long 4 hour car ride to Cape Cod."

Elapsed Time: 12 minutes

Jaylen: Now are we close?

Elapsed Time: 2 hours

Jaylen: "Oh my gosh, are we in South America now?"

After arriving and settling into our cottage

Me: "OK, let's go get dinner."

Jaylen: "Go eat dinner? But it's gonna take a really long time!"

At first I could not figure out what he meant, but realized he thought we were going to drive the 4 hours back home to eat, since we rarely eat dinner anywhere but home. Love how his mind works.

Jaylen stood and watched the waves for an hour, then sat and watched for an hour. He didn't want to play with sand toys, collect shells, or do anything except watch the waves. Autism + moving water = LOVE

Letting my 2 year old row the rowboat: Parent Fail

Taken on a cell phone camera

Jaylen's feet out the window on the ride home as we passed through South America

Thank you to my sister for finally forcing me to get away with her and the boys. She booked the cottage and was going with or without me.

Reading? Who has time?

2011-04-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

About 5 years ago I was tagged in a reading meme by Heather and Allie and never had a chance to participate (shut up Lynn, who always gets on my back about how long I take to get things done).

I still want to share even though the meme has long since been passed around and fizzled out. Gosh I suck.

I usually read a few pages in a book before bed, then reread the same few pages the next night because I was half asleep and don't remember what I read. I have been on Sweet Valley High Book 2 since I was 14 and am just getting the gist of pages 25-28. A few more nights should solidify it for sure.

My friend Brandy is always reading romance novels and I am a virgin at reading anything with Fabio on the cover. So she Kindle loaned me my very first smutty read (who even know you could Kindle loan, wtf?) and I burst out laughing at the cover.

I am just finishing up Mockingjay, the last book in the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins that I highly, highly recommend. I have been up till 1 in the morning some nights reading these. Then Going Down (above book - since I know you didn't even realize there was a title) is so on.

On a more serious note, I also just recently bought these fabulous special needs books to try and deal with some serious anxiety issues Jaylen has been having.

The book of feelings is something we read together and fill out. Jaylen doesn't get the concept at all, but maybe some is sinking in.

The New Social Stories Book is awesome. All the social stories you'll ever need (kind of, you know how our ASD kids are) written and ready to read. There are pictures, just not personalized as some say social stories should be. But it is written by the expert, Carol Gray. Here are a few of my favorite stories:


AKA: Stop flapping and grabbing your junk just because there are birthday presents and don't tell people you don't like their gift.

Ain't that the truth

Oh the horror, damn fire drills

I am also eagerly awaiting my signed copy of this:

Wow, Big Daddy is on the cover of 2 books in my post!

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Blog Gems - Air Your Archives #14

2011-04-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

My best blog friend Jen from The King and Eye created Blog Gems about 7 months ago, and wants to continue the tradition while she focuses all of her attention on her son's health. I offered to take over hosting this week and we will find others who are willing to keep it going too!

Button HTML

How many posts do you have languishing in your archives? Great posts that will never be dusted off and brought out to breathe again! Maybe you created fabulous content before you had lots of followers, or maybe you have been blogging for years and your current followers haven't seen your older material.

Blog Gems - Air Your Archives is a forthnighly linky list where we will give a prompt and you select a post from your archives that fits the prompt. You do not have to create content for the prompt, unless you want to. All you have to do is copy and paste the url of the post into the linky list. Voila, an old post gets a second shot!

To take part:

1. Follow my blog to get future Blog Gem posting information and linkys.

2. Grab the Blog Gem button and place it on your sidebar (html code here or above)

Putting the button on your blog is not a dealbreaker, some people just don't like doing it and I have no problem with that at all. What I will say is that something like this can't be successful without 'word of mouth' so I would appreciate if you could find another way to let people know that this is available and they are welcome to join in.

3. Enter your link.

4. Read and comment on the submissions of the two blogs posted before you on the linky list. (Please!)

5. Help me spread the word by telling your blogging friends, either by tweeting this or blogging about your entry.

Since Jen is in need of some laughs, let's link up to anything that is laugh out loud funny. If you have nothing laugh out loud funny, just link to a post that will make us smile!

Broad interpretations of the prompt are encouraged so this could be a good chance to be creative!

For any newer bloggers don't worry if you have to link up posts that you have linked up before, it is very unlikely that you will end up with the same readers as last time so continue to join in and have fun. Many, many thanks to those of you that blog about Blog Gems, I really appreciate the links and help getting the meme 'out there'.

Brotherly Love of the Autism Kind

2011-04-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

"I always thought Jaylen would remain in a shell and Xavier would be left without a companion, but instead their worlds intersect a lot. As a baby, Jaylen's therapists were so concerned over how he could spend hours in his own little world, filling and dumping buckets of toys, watching water pour out of a hose, and spinning to Maroon 5 tunes (I know, it was as unbearable as you'd think. The most sadistic torture has nothing on being forced to listen to that guy for hours everyday). Jaylen never seemed to notice or care when I got upset, my husband and I fought, or if we were trying to include him in play. Xavi is the complete opposite, a personable, always in your face 2 year old."

That is a sneak peek of my featured post over at The Squashed Bologna. To read more, head over to Varda's innovative series Special Needs Siblings Saturdays (SNSS).

MT2B is Featured on SITS Today

2011-04-20T05:48:00.000-07:00

SITS resident RN, Jen, who also happens to be a blogger at Buried with Children, and mommy of triplets + 1, decided to do a segment this week in honor of Autism Awareness month.

Today Mommy To Two Boys is featured along with some other fabulous Autism moms. SITS is a fabulous site for moms, bloggers, and women in general so if you haven't been by, check it out!

http://www.thesitsgirls.com/2011/04/stories-from-moms-of-children-with-autism/

Thank you Jen and SITS for helping to raise awareness of Autism.

(Special note to my bloggy friend Big Daddy, I know only one of those descriptors (blogger) includes you, but you can still stop by and show some love, then peruse the site for tips on the hottest nail colors or flirty spring fashion trends...)

Do you believe in Karma?

2011-04-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

When someone tails you on the highway then a few minutes later you see them pulled over: Karma.

When your 2 year old screams, "No!" at you and hits you. Then when he turns to walk away he trips over his firetruck: (not getting hurt of course, I'm not that cruel) Karma.

When you help an older woman pick up all the boxes of hair color after she knocked literally every one off the shelf at the store and then you find a $10 bill on the ground by your car: Karma.

(Note: If you are looking for crisp, clear, artistic, or even remotely good pictures, you are at the wrong blog.)

I watch my two boys enjoy their packets of Dora fruit snacks while gazing at the tank of sharks. A little boy wanders over, interested in what they're eating. He turns to his mom, "Can I have those?"

I rifle through the diaper bag, which has enough junk we could be lost in the wilderness for a month and still survive, to try and find an extra package for the little boy. I hear her respond loudly, yet not to me, "Oh, is that those fruit snack things? They are just straight sugar. We do not eat those." "But mom, can we get some?" "No, I have healthier snacks for you over here."

After I was done apparently poisoning my kids, we left the aquarium and saw Mrs. Healthy headed to her car. As I put the boys into the car, she started to yell, this time to me,"Oh my god, did you get a ticket?!?!"

"No, because I parked my car facing in the right direction. I think there is a law about parking in the wrong direction on the side of a street." Smug? Oh yeah.

She continues yelling, "But this is the right side of the street!" "Nope. This is a one way street, so you are facing the wrong way."

"Well how would anyone know this is a one way street? There is absolutely no way to know that!" I search frantically for a way to burst her bubble. When I can't find one, another mom watching the episode comes to my rescue, "Actually, there are stop signs on both sides of the street, and on the opposite sides are Do Not Enter signs you must have passed when you turned onto the street."

And there you have it folks; karma.

I don't wish bad things on people, especially harm, but a big fat fine? Any day. Especially for someone who had it coming. My kids may be doped up on fruit snacks, but they will know how to legally park a car.

All I Can Handle

2011-04-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

True Random Number Generator Min: Max: Result: 4 Powered by RANDOM.ORG

Congratulations to Heather! One of my long time blog friends. Hope you enjoy!

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"Oh God. Not another book about Autism."

The very first line in Kim Stagliano's book detailing life as the mother of 3 girls on the spectrum hooked me.

Kim's chronicles and explanations had me saying, "Yes," out loud. She compares having a child with Autism to a game of chess, "You need to think several moves ahead in order to ward off potential problems" and chronicles an experience of how simply going to pick up Chinese food turns into a nightmare. I couldn't help but reminisce so many experiences we've had, including just last Friday at the local children's museum.

The honesty in All I can Handle is uplifting for anyone who wonders if others think similarly. After she and a cop confront a woman who leaves her 3 very young children in the car while going into a store, she confesses her anger isn't just about the woman's horrible parenting. "It was as much about my disgust and jealousy that she could treat her perfectly healthy, typical kids so callously...that she had the luxury of jeopardizing them in any way infuriated me, when every day I was losing my mind trying to tend to my three girls, who were so far from neurotypical, despite my rules, my good parenting, my expectations." I've felt this way so many times, but thought it was wrong and taboo to say it. It's nice to know I am not alone, even though I was a coward until Kim said it first.

It is good to know I am also not solo in thinking, " Sometimes I have to fight the pain of going down the "whatif..." path. If I start thinking about all of the losses the kids experience...my breathing gets too shallow to be healthy. My heart beats too fast."

She addresses the volatile vaccine conflict, but lets the reader know she is very open minded, won't push anyone in any direction, and won't persecute anyone for their beliefs. She labels herself a "curebie," an Autism parent who believes her kids will be able to, "live full, independent lives-through a combination of medical treatment, therapy, schooling, and a rosary that stretches from Connecticut to California." I have personally always had trouble with the words cure and recover when addressing Autism because I feel my child must change from who he is in order to be "cured," and I love him too much the way he is. Petty, I know. Kim called me on it, put my mind at ease and had me laugh out loud when she went on to say, " Call it recovery. Call it cure. Call it remission. Call it pasta e fagioli. I don't give a crap what it's called. I'm not going to argue semantics." So from now on, I am going with pasta e fagioli, it'll help me sleep better at night.

A few of my favorite quotes, which I am hoping will prompt you to go grab this book:

When talking about her 9 year old who is non-verbal using a communication device, "First she has to learn how to point her index finger. That's the complexity of Autism, friends. You have to teach all the way back to the most basic skills." I don't think many people realize our Autism kids are missing so many of those basic skills we all take for granted or know how hard it is to try and teach those skills.

"Autism resets your priorities and your budget whether you like it or not." No explanation needed.

"Most of us in the autism world can spot another child (with autism) from across the mall," kind of how people claim to have gay-dar, and yes, most of us Autism parents do have Auti-dar, hmmm, not the same ring.

"My children are not a burden. I carried them in my body and will carry them as long as they need me. That doesn't make me a mother superior. Just a good mother."

I love reading my fellow special needs parents' blogs, and that is what reading Kim's book felt like; reading 200 pages of great posts on a favorite blog.

I actually received my copy of Kim Stagliano's All I Can Handle about 5 months ago. I am embarrassed it took me so long to find time to read and write up my review. However, throughout Kim's book she mentions how up in the air life with kids on the spectrum is, so I hope she understands. I actually found out Kim lives a few cities away from me, we are on the same Autism parent support group email list, and a story I have been following in the papers is about her daughter.

The Giveaway

I am giving away a copy of All I Can Handle by Kim Stagliano to one lucky reader.

To enter, simply follow Mommy To Two Boys using Google Friend Connect, then leave a comment telling me you are. If you'd like, let me know why you want this book (has no bearing on the outcome, I just like to hear other people's Autism experiences).

Giveaway Rules: This giveaway is open to anyone in the US and Canada. It begins on April 13, 2011 and will end on April 30, 2011 at 9 pm. One winner with valid entry will be selected at random using random.org. The winner will be announced and must respond with a current email address within 48 hours to claim. Otherwise, another eligible entry will be chosen. Good Luck!

I was not compensated for this review. I received a complimentary copy of All I Can Handle. These are my own honest opinions and thoughts.

This post was written for The Best of the Best Biggest Book Review and Giveaway. To see more reviews on special needs related books and to enter giveaways totaling over $1000 please visit all entries here.