Mommy used to be so pretty...

Embrace the Minivan

2012-01-14T10:41:00.000-06:00

Not long after my last REAL post in October? Maybe? I was still feeling very down about my weight and dieting and eating healthy. I get really excited about an idea (*ahem* Quinoa) and when it doesn't work out
I throw my hands up for awhile and mope.

Just when I was about to go full-force mope-o-matic, my husband got an idea. If this is your first time reading, or you are not real familiar with Mr. Mommyusedtobesopretty, let me just tell you...he is full of ideas. I get whiplash from his business ideas. In just the past two years, he has run a fully functioning moving business, started a tote rental company (actually a pretty great idea, check out www.renttote.com), to different websites, and is now entertaining the business idea he currently has sitting out on our driveway.

Here's a picture:

"OK, Babe, see, I am going to buy these old cars really cheap, fix 'em up, and sell 'em."
Disclaimer: this is not my car.

We will definitely get back to the mini-van, because it is an integral character in this plot line.

So my husband saw a commercial, which led him to a million websites of "Google research," and he even visited the local Complete Nutrition. "There's this new diet plan called HCG. People are losing tons of weight and it's natural." And his usual sales pitch, "listen to me, babe. I know what I am talking about." My husband, who has never been overweight a day in his life, at almost 6 feet tall and usually weighing in around 175, "knows what he is talking about."

According to Wikipedia, "Human chorionic gonadotropin or human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG) is a glycoprotein hormone produced during pregnancy that is made by the developing embryo after conception and later by the syncytiotrophoblast (part of the placenta)."

PS? Pure HCG is extracted from pregnant women's urine.

OHHH, YEAH!!!!

Basically, the proponents of the HCG diet swear that the use of HCG will keep your body burning fat even when you are eating a super-low (500 per day) calorie diet. You can read more about that here.

I want to stop the bus right now and make something VERY clear. I am NOT a fan of diet pills. I do not endorse or condone the use of diet pills. I think they are super dangerous and pretty mysterious as most of them are not approved by the FDA, and many feature pictures of Kardashians on them.

For whatever reason that day, I decided to let my husband talk me into trying this. I know! I know! I was really scared, but first of all, these are drops, not pills, so somehow, better? Secondly, my husband assured me that the guy at Complete Nutririon assured him everything was natural. After all, it comes from the pee of pregnant women, right?

I opted not to follow the 500 calorie diet. Sorry, that nonsense ain't happening. Me HUNGRY.

I did keep careful track of my calories and followed a 1100 to 1300 calorie diet. I used the drops twice a day and drank a lot of water. Proponents of this diet swear that you can lose a pound a day. They promise that each pound you lose is a pound of fat. I found lots of blogs where people were following this diet and lost a LOT of weight with minimal hunger. (Another promise of HCG is hunger reduction. Whatevs. Feed me.)

In about 7 days, I lost 10 lbs. Seriously. For a moment, I wondered if my husband had been right about other things in our marriage, and quickly got over that. (In retrospect, it was probably the healthy eating and water loss due to eating less sodium and drinking more water.) And this was even happening during my worst week of PMS. (Gentlemen, I apologize if this gets to be TMI, but it is CRUCIAL to the story!) I actually started my period a day early, although it had been jumping around a bit the past few months, I am always happy to get it over with.

The next day was a training for work in Grand Island, Nebraska! WOOOOT!

A funny thing happened in Grand Island that day. My period disappeared. *poof* Gone.

I wasn't panicked at first. My period had been acting funny, and I was on these pregnant women pee drops which certainly could have some kind of hormonal effects on one's body, and I had been very stressed lately... so I waited to see if it would return. I even called my husband on the long drive home and told him to start researching whether or not these drops would have an effect on someone's "special time." He said that he found a few sites where someone mentioned it, but it was attributed to the extremely low calorie diet and not the drops. So we waited.

And waited.

After 3 days of waiting, a tiny seed of doubt was bristling and flourishing into a full grown frenzy.

Am I...? *gulp*

What was going through my mind? "There is NO way. NO WAY. Scarlett is only a year old. There is NO WAY. I was never meant to be a mother of ... *gulp*, and two kids both still wearing *gulp*...Mike and I had just started really trying to smooth out our relationship... (I know what you are thinking!) So this is really CLOSE to impossible...but not totally..."

"*gulp*"

Friends, I have purchased pregnancy tests in my life at many different stages.

The "please, God, no!" Stage.

The "please, please, please, God, let it be positive!" Stage.

This was a new stage. Maybe you could call it, "Whaaa?"

or "*gulp*".

I took the first test. It wasn't exactly positive. It wasn't exactly negative either.

I took the second test. Same thing.

Mike, in true form, keep up a tantric chant "It's gotta be the drops. It's gotta be the drops. It's gotta be the drops."

But with no period in sight, I had to call in the experts. So I called my OB's office and explained the situation with the HCG drops, the weight loss, the disappearing period, the weird tests. The nurse had never heard of such a thing, so they asked me to come in for a blood test. The next day, they called to let me know...

they weren't sure.

So they wanted me to wait a few days and come back in for another test. I went in to get my blood drawn, and explained my situation to the woman drawing my blood. She was mostly excited about my weight loss because she had just ordered HCG from Canada.

Later that day, I received a call from my OB nurse. She said, "are you sitting down?" I said, "I can't. I think I already know what you are going to say." She said, "Yeah, you do."

Then she said:

Baby #3 due June 23
"THE GRAND FINALE"

Soooo...about that minivan...

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Coming soon- "Embrace the Mini-van"

2011-12-07T16:58:00.000-06:00

Don't worry about clicking that ridiculous banner anymore...unless you want to...

Just keep your eyes peeled for new posts coming real soon...

LOVE-
Mommy, who used to be SO pretty.

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Squeamish.

2011-10-01T16:10:00.001-05:00

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeere's Mommy?

Here I am!

Sweet pretty sisters and handsome misters, I apologize for my absence. Mommy took a little...~~mental vacation~~ break.

Exhibit A: Cooking blog post "cooking" away

I know my last post was about me taking a break, but this long hiatus wasn't really planned. It all started out quite innocently. I even had a cooking blog post "cooking" for your reading pleasure right around the end of August. I had been running pretty regularly, I was cooking and eating healthily, I was making tutus (whaaaaa?), working, playing house (as always) and writing away. As per usual, I was holding everything together, stitched in place with a quivering, delicate, spindly thread of sanity.

Exhibit B:Trader Joe's ingredients

I had found this excellent recipe that I thought I could make with quinoa (here's a whole post about Quinoa) that used ingredients I had in my kitchen. Most of the ingredients were from Trader Joe's. (here's a whole post about Trader Joe's) These tidbits of info are totally intregal to the tale, so take it all in. I want you to get the whole picture. Before we get too far into the tale, I do want to express that I will not be sharing the actual recipe because the person that originally posted the recipe really and truly loves and believes in this recipe. I will not stomp on anyone else's culinary dreams.

In fact, here's a picture.

Exhibit C: Looks innocent enough, right? Wait for it...

I took pictures that day because I thought my finished project was simply lovely. I couldn't wait to share with you this delicious recipe for what I will call Trader Joe's Tuna Curry. (*urp) Yeah, reading it now makes me want to puke too. Tuna Curry? REAAAAAAAAALLY? Did I think my children were going to run (crawl) excitedly into the kitchen and marvel over their steaming plate of Tuna Curry?

Tuna Curry? You're the BEST, Mom!

Well, er, I guess I kinda did.

Just one month ago, I was doing great. I was totally into the whole, healthy foods thing. I had my cabinets stocked with grains and bookmarks upon bookmarks saved of recipes to turn my family's life around. At the apex of this giant heap of optimism was pinnacle of light that spilled over the unreached masses still feeding their children chicken nuggets. "Moms! Turn in your Lunchables! I have FOUND the answer! Tuna Curry!!! Follow me!" And all of Heaven and Nature sang.

I took a few pics of the Tuna project so I could create an uber-post to celebrate this magical day. I should have seen some of the signs early on, but what's the fun in that? For instance, I had planned to show you a pic of my baby eating it all up...but she didn't eat it all up because I didn't give her any. It smelled wayyy too spicy to give to a baby. If you can detect the heat of a food based on the smell, you may want to take it down a level. Lesson learned. As far as baby went that day, I gave her some of the tuna and some squishy baby food to play in.

Crisis averted.

Once the food was finished, Trader Joe's Tuna Curry and some super spicy quinoa, I staged a photo with a beautiful array of veggies and a freaking gorgeous onion right in the middle.

Onion. Gorgeous. Right?

I piled some on a plate for my son. I avoided most of the veggies, so his was mostly quinoa and tuna. He took a tentative bite, then promptly spit it out all over the table, the floor, the trash can, the hallway, the bathroom sink, the toilet, the bathroom floor, and then wiped his mouth all over the bath towel. I heard the water running as he "pblth! pblth! pblth!" into the sink over and over, desperately and dramatically (who's kid is this again?) ridding his mouth of the putrid, burning fish dish.

"Mom? I want chicken nuggets."

I did not capture this delightful exchange on film.

With my children full of processed foods, I knew it would be up to me to be the change I wanted to see in the world. (*sigh*) My husband was at work, and honestly, I was quite sure once he took a look at it, there would be no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks he would let this non-domestic-sounding, fish-containing, vegetable-laden cuisine anywhere near his gullet.

I remember a little bit about eating it. I remember thinking the first bite was really good, but the first bite was mostly gorgeous onion. I dug into the quinoa and I too almost spit it out. It was SPICY. I had to keep appearances though, so I choked most of the veggies down, and then set my bowl down to get the kids in the tub. I remember coming back into the kitchen after the kids were in bed to clean up, and trying to get a few more bites down. I wanted the health and nutrients of all the super foods in this dish to heal my soul. How could I get any good soul healing if I couldn't get the food in my belly?

I put a LOT of Trader Joe's Tuna Curry and spicy quinoa in the fridge and then went to lay down with my son for a little bit before my husband got home.

This is the part I remember well.

I have heard it described many different ways by many different people. It's that moment when you realize all is not well. Some people say their mouth fills with water. Some people say their nose starts to burn. Some people's ears start to ring. None of those really apply to me. My son and I were halfway through "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" when what had started out as something along the lines of feeling weird turns into a politely conveyed message from my stomach to my brain, "Sorry, kid. I tried, I really did, but this ain't goin' anywhere but up."

I told my son to stay in bed because Mommy was kind of sick and wanted to lay in her bed. I went into my bathroom and knelt on the floor. I had already accepted my fate. You can get a bit of good thinking done leaning on the toilet, elbows on the seat, staring into the white gleaming porcelain bowl. I remember thinking how grateful I was that I had cleaned the bathrooms that day. I remember thinking, "I'm not a puker. I'm not one of those people. This is not going to happen. I'll fight it..."

When my husband got home, I was on Round 3. I could vaguely hear my son telling my husband, "Mommy's puking up her guts."

My husband came in around Round 5 and dropped off a glass of water and some nausea medicine. "What did you make for dinner, babe? The kitchen smells."

Round 6.

By Round 7, I willed myself into my bed, dragging along the trash can, and to just sleep with my head hanging over the bed just in case.

I somehow managed to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I felt better, but I wasn't about to push it. I could hear clanging in the kitchen, the sound of metal scraping against metal...my husband was throwing away all leftover remnants of *gah* Tuna Curry.

I couldn't make myself run that next week. Or eat anything close to...that stuff.

One week turned into two weeks, excuses upon excuses...

You know how it goes. This is the story of my life.

But here I am. I ran again today for the first time in awhile. I signed up for Weight Watchers online just to see how many points I am eating daily, and to see if I can make some healthy improvements to my daily routine...

And I have used it all of three times in a week and a half. The absolute epitome of self-discipline.

So I guess you could say I am definitely back. Back in the saddle. Back in the bad habit.

Wheeeeeeeeere's Mommy?

Here I am!

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Break.

2011-08-31T01:39:00.000-05:00

I need a little quiet.

I am starting to feel...melancholy. I need to figure it out. I have a ton to say and a ton to think about and I want to do it right. I love you, readers. You echo back to me all the time that we are so very not alone in all we are trying to achieve. I love that we are all trying to achieve.

I don't appreciate my own inconsistency lately. I am supposed to post on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. NOT HAPPENING. I am failure.

Speaking of that...
I ate some pizza the other day. After the pizza, the cravings for processed food came back almost immediately. It was almost like my tastebuds that were enjoying the healthy food just disappeared. SO frustrating and disheartening. I got really sick on Saturday, pretty sure it was food poisoning...(a good story), and my body isn't back to normal yet. I haven't gone on a run since Friday. I miss it, and don't want to get out of the habit, but I also need to get back on a normal sleep routine again, and since getting super-sick, I can't sleep. Hence the midnight oil.

I feel like I am at the fat tipping point where just taking the stairs a few times instead of the elevator should equal at least a 2 lb weight loss. So how is it that running a few times a week and eating healthier does not equal much weight loss at all? Ah! I know what is going to happen next!!! SAY IT. Say muscle weighs more than fat. I'm feeling punchy. (How 'bout it?)

WHY IS IT ALL SO FREAKING HARD?!

To be honest, nothing really tastes that great right now. What gives?

I cracked open a fortune cookie the other day (not to eat, gross. Want mine?), and it said something to the effect of "Happiness is where you look for it."

Is that the answer? Am I just not looking hard enough for the happy? It's pretty easy to find things to complain about. I'm real good at it. Real good.

So I want to really look at that. And I will be posting a few of my "greatest hits" for awhile.

Go buy some Greek yogurt, but get the kind with the fruit in the bottom...trust me. (Chobani rules!)

Muah.

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Giveaway Winner!

2011-08-22T21:48:00.001-05:00

I had planned to use that random number generator thing that all the big girl blogs use to determine my giveaway winner...but I got distracted.

And I figure, what better random number generator than my random everything generator under my very own roof?

Me: "Graham, pick a number between 1 and 8."

Graham: "1 and 8."

Me: "Graham, no, dude. Just one number. What is your favorite number?"

Graham: "ummmmm.........2?"

Me: "2? Your favorite number is two?"

Graham: "Yep. And 30-60."

So there you have it. Congrats, Katy! Email me at mommyusedtobesopretty@gmail.com with your address to claim your prize! I will have more natural product giveaways, so come back and visit.
Oh, and on the off chance that Katy doesn't claim her prize, the runners up are 1, 8, and 30-60.

Please click on the brown banner! PLLLLEEEEAAAAASEEE!

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Meet Quinoa.

2011-08-20T13:14:00.001-05:00

Quinoa. (pronounced Keen-wah.)

Mommy definition: like rice, but better for you, a little trickier to make, but can easily be assimilated into family meals without resistance.

According to www.localphilosophy.com, "Quinoa is considered to be very healthy compared to the other types of grains and even to any other vegetables because it has a very high lysine content. Lysine is a very powerful antioxidant, which mean that it help the cells of your body regenerate. This amino acid is lacking from all the other types of grains and there are very few plants which contain it. But lysine is not the only healthy element contained within quinoa, it also contains very high protein levels, carbohydrates that are very low in sugar content and many vitamins and minerals such as calcium, iron, magnesium, manganese and copper. Because it is so nutrient-rich, quinoa is highly recommended for vegetarians, but also for people who are interested in maintaining a healthy diet."

That's me.

Here's the deal, sweetpeas. I am not EVER going to put something in this blog that is not practical for us busy folks to assimilate into our lives. I promise you. If I, with two kids, and a full-time job including on-call hours, ADHD, and a husband that works on a whole different shift than I do, CANNOT possibly fit it into my life, I will not put it on this blog and tell you how great it is and how easy it is.

Quinoa is a no brainer.

Substitute it for rice in recipes! This website taught me how to make perfect, fluffy, quinoa every time!

Fluffy Quinoa and a YUMMY spicy quinoa recipe HERE!

I also discovered this amazing website, Poor Girl Eats Well.

I was worried about how I was going to really be able to make meals that have simple ingredients that my kids might actually eat. Enter Poor Girl. *heaven!* She makes great meals for under 3 dollars a day, most of these meals serve 4-6, and they look really easy! Not many ingredients, healthy stuff, cheap. WHAAAA?

I haven't had my first "official" eating meeting (snort! rhymes!) with Teeners yet, but she gave me some advice. I may have told you this already, but I am too lazy to go back and check.

Teeners sage advice: "Eat things that make you feel good. Avoid things that don't. Check the labels. Can you pronounce it? Would you put it in a recipe at home? Then it is all good in the hood. The less ingredients, usually the better."

I have had to make a sad realization. Sugar is not my friend. Sugar is mean. It makes me edgy. Not in a good way. I also found that when I cut it and junky type food out of my diet, I feel better. I also don't crave it anymore. This is how I know. I can walk by Oreos. OREOS, PEOPLE! Also, peanut m'n'ms. That was a little harder. I don't think this is a forever break-up, but for now, I am ok with it. I didn't unfriend sugar, sugar just can't comment on my photos right now, ok?

So I have been eating a lot of fruit. A lot of (and there is a post coming up on this one too, EASY switch!) Greek yogurt (Chobani Mango, anyone? Shout out Ms. Talcott! I am for reeeeeeealll!!!), a lot of sauteed veggies, chicken, and cheese. A girl has needs.

Fitness check-in:
Mile run: still around that 12-13 minute pace. I still haven't run an entire mile yet. This week on Couch to 5k, I am running 90 sec., walking 90 sec., running 3 minutes, walking 3 minutes, and repeat. See how easy that is? And that is week 3! You can do it! Let me know if you want to know more about the app I am using on the Droid network.

Pushups: I did 4 today on my knees before I laid on the floor and whined.

Situps: I made my hubby sit on my feet (while playing Football NCAA 2011 on PS3, I might add), and I tried. I mentally willed myself to sit. up. I crossed my arms elementary school Presidential Fitness Test style. I squeezed parts of my body I have never squeezed before. I can not do a sit up. It has to be the c-sections.

I would love to hear from c-section moms. Can you do a sit-up? Do you still look 5 months pregnant? Check in with me.

Also, the giveaway ends tomorrow! If you haven't commented on this post to enter, here it is!

And also, if you haven't noticed? I am falling fast on Top Mommy Blogs. I don't understand this because I have more views than EVER BEFORE! AWESOME! So please, if you read this far, just click that brown banner below...ahthankssomuchbye.

Also, also: Are you a previously chunky monkey who lost a significant amount of weight? Are you a C-section mom who lost the pregnancy pouch without surgery? I want to talk to you! I may have a regular running guest post spot for you! I need some fitness smarts for busy moms. Feel free to email me at mommyusedtobesopretty@gmail.com.

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Teachable Moment.

2011-08-16T00:36:00.001-05:00

"Mommy, why are you giving that man your water?"

I rolled up my window and noticed that the green arrow had disappeared. Hoped my good deed didn't tork off too many people trying to leave Wal-Mart. The man with the cardboard sign had folded it up and tucked it under his arm as he used his leathery hands to open a bottle of water. He gingerly set the bowl that had been sitting on my passenger side floor, probably once held some sliced up apples for lunch, on the ground and poured water into it as his dog gulped and lapped at the stream.

"Well, Buddy, when someone doesn't have a place to live, God wants us to give them food, water, and money." It the best I could come up with.

Graham thought about that for a second. "OHHHH. If a kid doesn't have a place to live, then I will give them one of my new, new, new toys!"

I couldn't have been more proud of my little guy then right...

"WHAT THE...?!"I barely bit my tongue just as a blue Saturn beater cut across traffic and narrowly missed my front bumper as it sped across 4 lanes of traffic.

My blood immediately boiled as I thought about how close that Saturn came to crashing into the side of my car. How close that Saturn came to hurting my babies. How close that Saturn was about to come to my fist...except I just got my nails done, and I have never physically fought anyone in my life...so maybe fist is a stretch...but you get the idea. So by fist, I mean loud, stern redirection.

I immediately swung into the turning lane, looked both ways, then flipped a U-turn (legally) and sped (the speed limit) the opposite direction until I reached the street the Saturn turned onto. I used my turn signal, of course, and then went on pursuit. I'm not really sure what I thought I was going to accomplish, but he was about to get a taste of TIME OUT.

"Mommy, why are you mad?"

"Because, Buddy, some people don't know how to drive. That car almost hurt us and I am going to go tell them that's not ok."

The street turned into a neighborhood. Not just any neighborhood, a very poor neighborhood. I drove slowly not only to manuever the speed bumps, but also to keep an eye out for the Blue Devil.

"Mommy, I see a blue car!" I saw it too. A blue saturn next to a camper. A camper on blocks.

"Why aren't there wheels on that truck, Mom?" I didn't know what to say. "Because people live in that truck."I felt my anger melt away.

He was quiet for a second. "Maybe I should give them some of my toys."

Teachable moment. Thanks, Buddy.

Make sure you check out my giveaway post! I will keep the giveaway open for a few more days!

Please click the brown banner below! We are slipping in the ranks. BOO!

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www.mommyusedtobesopretty.com

2011-08-13T09:58:00.000-05:00

BIG NEWS!

Mommy used to be so pretty is moving soon...to my very own website!!!

www.mommyusedtobesopretty.com
don't click it yet, it isn't exactly up yet...

eeeeEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEeeeEEEeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeeee!

The blog's one year anniversary is looming in November. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Seems like a great time for a giveaway!

A representative from a group of natural health care companies sent me some of their products to give away. Before I could hand them out to you, my preciouses, I to run then by my new health guru, the Teeners. She checked out the ingredients, compared them with an ingredient database, and gave them the green light for safety!

I trust this woman. She went running with me the other day in her orange llama socks. How can you not trust someone with llama socks?

So all you have to do is comment on this post! I would love to hear about your health journey, or something (funny or not) that motherhood has taught you. Each comment is an entry into the contest. I will do one of those fancy random number generator deals and pick one!

The items up for grabs are these:

Soothage Soothing Gel!

"Soothage is a natural gel made of Dead Sea water and algae extract, plant extracts, and pure olive oil that refreshes your skin and promotes a sense of wellbeing. Its scent will also energize you and provide you a feeling of sensory improvement." This soothing gel is made in Israel and contains no parabens! http://www.toniccare.com/

Prenatal Multivitamin

Also up for grabs, a prenatal multivitamin from Delta Labs. These vitamins are gluten free and caffeine free. "Our easy-to-swallow capsules are gentle on the stomach for those women who experience morning sickness, and still contain a complete array of vitamins and minerals that many pediatric professionals believe critical to supporting a baby's health." Also included? 200% of the recommended daily allowance of folic acid. http://www.shopdeltalabs.com/

Leave me a comment and you will be in the running for the giveaway! I don't do many of these, I am too distracted...

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Week one: Check-in

2011-08-06T15:52:00.001-05:00

Ok, so new life, new rules.

No scales. (check...*kinda*)
Healthy eating. (check...*kinda*)
Exercise. (CHECK!)
Dream-chasing. (Got a voice coach this week!)
Love the moment. (every chance I get!)

If you didn't read my last blog, this blog will make no sense. Go on, now. You don't want to be behind the rest of the class. Go here.

Here are my stats right now:

Sit-ups I can do in a minute: Uh, none. That's right. I can't do a sit-up to save my life. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? I could blame it on 2 c-sections...or never doing sit-ups. So I resorted to crunches. I can do 57 crunches in 1 minute. But who can't do 57 crunches in one minute? YIKES. Going to have to re-evaluate this one.

Push-ups I can do in one minute: None. I have to do the knees version. I can do 3 before I want to die. I am in worse shape than I thought.

How fast can I run 1 mile?: Well, it started out UGLY. When I finally figured out the GPS thinger on my phone, it said I can run 1 mile in...wait for it..."17 and some change" minutes. HOT!

As of this week? (Week 2 of Couch 2 5k): I can run/walk 1 mile in: 12:54 minutes.

I guess that is making progress, right?

Final (fear) factor? BMI.

There is a scale at work that measures BMI. The good thing about that is that it is real, real easy for those of us that don't excel at math to just hop on the scale and read the numbers. The bad thing is that it is tempting to peek at my weight...which, hasn't budged. I KNOW, I KNOW! That's cheating! I will stop looking at my weight, I swear.

And my BMI last time I checked? 41. WHAT THE...goodness gracious me. That's a lot.

So there you have it. My first checkpoint. I will keep you updated. And now that we are back on the front page of Top Mommy Blogs (woooooo!) Look for a West (Sob) Story and a giveaway!

Love.

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Smash the scale...

2011-07-30T15:29:00.004-05:00

I think I am done with dieting.

I'm sorry, I really tried to stay with it these past three weeks. I really did.

Ok, that's a lie. I tried really hard the first week, did great, gained it all back in 2 days, tried a little bit the second week, and then said I was going to do it the third week and didn't even really bother.

I thought about it. I ate better. I weighed myself yesterday. 1 lb lost in 3 weeks. And I had just peed.

What is it about dieting that sucks so bad? Oh, that's right. Everything.

It takes a lot of time. Extra thought. Extra planning. Lots of cooking. Eating different stuff than the rest of your family. Eating different stuff than the rest of your coworkers. Being aware at all times that you are different. Being aware at all times that you are on a DIET. Pre-planning what to order at restaurants. Worrying about what will be available at a wedding. Feeling guilty because you care so much about what you are going to eat. Feeling dumb if you order something with steamed veggies and whatnot because everyone will know the fat kid is on a diet. Feeling dumb if you order french fries because everyone will think the fat kid SHOULD be on a diet. Passing up dessert, which wouldn't usually be a big deal because really, who orders dessert EVERY time, but being hyper-aware of it because now everyone will know you are on a diet. Scouring the internet for calorie contents, fat grams, fiber content, ingredients lists, portion sizes, blah blah blah. Special grocery lists. Eyes catching every magazine headline at the check-out line,"Lose 30 lbs. in 30 days! She did it by drinking this amazing Tse-Tse Fly Tea! Lose 5 lbs. just by looking at this ancient Chinese word!" Books at the bookstore taking up whole sections with promises, promises. Books at my house taking up whole shelves with promises, promises.

I am a little sad thinking about all this. How much of my life, time, precious brain cells have I used up on this crap? I heard a song on the radio today that I have heard a million times, but today, it came right out of the car speakers and all up in my face.

"This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"

Whoa.

My mind trickles over a few memories and splashes of sunshine and sprinkler dancing. Debbie Gibson's "Electric Youth" and the soundtrack to "Dirty Dancing" blaring out of a small purple ghetto blaster (righteous) perched on chipped country blue wooden stairs. The screen door is propped open just a bit from the cord that winds up the steps and into the house, because who keeps 12 D batteries around? Little chunky me, choreographer extraordinaire, bossy as I wanna be, leading a few ~~suckers~~ neighborhood girlies through my latest routine. The back porch was nothing more than a giant concrete slab poured next to the house, but to me, it was a grand stage. The pavement burned our dirty feet, and we would frequently have to jump into the grass for solace, but these are the breaks when you are in love with the dance.

I don't know if I ever really thought that hard about who I wanted to be, but it sure as hell wasn't this calorie obsessed, guilty eater, couldofbeenDebbie Gibson backup dancer trapped in a stifling suit of stiffness, fatigue, and fat.

When I say fat, what I really mean is regret, uncertainty, complacency, and most certainly fear.

I had a giant awakening this past week. What started as a little adventure into facing this aforementioned fear, ended up one of my top 10 most humiliating moments of my life (that I haven't blocked out.) I will most certainly blog about it, just not quite sure if I am ready. It also will probably not seem so bad to you, my precious readers, but lordy. The bitter taste of my broken pride is still on my tongue. I will call it, "My non-triumphant return to the stage..." and it is coming soon.

What I got from that experience is priceless, though. I cannot be what I want to be simply by thinking about it a WHOLE LOT (which I am real real real good at.) Gifts that you possess have to be well taken care of, or they can rust and wither. It's not always "just like riding a bike."

But you do have to get back on and try.

This is my life. This is who I want to be:

a great mom
someone's great love
God's messenger, paintbrush, soapbox stepper, etc.
someone's answer to prayers
the shoulder to cry on
words of comfort
a true friend
a reliable source
inspiration and courage for my children
an artist
a writer
onstage
a singer
a dancer
a runner (surprise!)
beautifully healthy, not skinny, not fat, and not obsessed

Also, someone who wears their hair long and curly (check), and lives in dresses (check) and boots (check), but just so you know, I had that idea WAAAAY before Taylor Swift.

So I am done with dieting. Please remind me of this if I try ANYTHING else (except maybe Weight Watchers because I really think it tries to teach you how to be healthy, but I am a little leery of the focus on the scale...) again. I am going to get together with my friend Teeners of www.christinawellness.com and learn how to be healthy. I think I am going to measure my healthy success by something cool, like how many pushups I can do in a minute, or how fast I can run a mile. That kind of cool. I may measure my body in inches, but I am DONE with the scale. DONE.

And you wanna know a secret? I have been running using the Couch to 5k training program for 3 whole days. THAT is freaking awesome. So maybe, soon, someday? I can call myself a runner...cool. Check?

Who wants to smash the scale with me? Count your pushups. Let's go.

This is your life. Who do you want to be?

just CLICK IT! Each click is a vote!

TLC For Frazzled Kids, Helping Grown Ups Help Kids

2011-07-28T23:04:00.002-05:00

It's my first product review! The review will permanently be up on my Reviews! page after today.

TLC For Frazzled Kids, Helping Grown Ups Help Kids

by Nancy Goodell & Ann Garrett, and illustrated by Gasper Vaccaro

www.frazzledkids.com

Frazzled: "extreme physical and nervous fatigue."

Sounds like us grownups most of the time, right?

When life gets stressful as an adult, it can seem like your world is going in a million different directions. Everyone wants a little piece of you, your time, your money, your sanity. One more request might just break the bank! We seethe under the surface, volatile and ready to explode at the slightest snag in our day, and the only thing holding us together might just be the fact that we are adults and understand that it is not socially acceptable to explode into a screaming, cussing, whining pile on the floor until we get our way.

Now, try to imagine handling that kind of stress as a child.

According to the authors of this fantastic guide, "today's children face considerable stress in their lives. The world is a complex place. We cannot protect our children from the challenges they face, but we can support them to learn strategies that will enable them to be safe and successful even when they are stressed."

TLC For Frazzled Kids, Helping Grown Ups Help Kids by Nancy Goodell & Ann Garrett is a simple, step-by-baby-step map for those of us adults who are trying to help kids navigate the choppy waters of life in a stressful environment.

The last thing in the world that I personally will use is a long, drawn out book with a million rules. Never gonna happen. Period. Do you remember reading? Long hours of uninterrupted time with a glass of wine and a book? Me either. This book is short, to the point, and provides simple, easy-to-implement steps to success.

This book is well written, inspiring, and effective. I have noticed after using just a few suggestions that my son was responding more positively to redirection. Now I just have to try it on my husband.

And although I jest (mostly), I can honestly say that these tips might just work on other adults. The authors really focus on a few major points: "the behavior is there for a reason, setting limits to ensure safety and success, and teaching a new way."

Emphasis is on understanding the underlying need, boundary setting (for security and safety more than anything), and redirection through education. The authors are very clear that real change will take time and effort, but their simple solutions are there to guide us every step of the way. The suggestions are so practical and natural, it seems like something you have known all along and the authors are giving you the gentle encouragement and affirmation you need to remind you that you can do it.

Do I recommend this book? Absolutely. HIGHLY recommended for parents and people who work with children.

You can learn more about the book at www.frazzledkids.com

I was graciously gifted this book by Ann Garrett & Nancy Gooddell. THANK YOU LADIES! The opinions expressed in this blog are mine, mine, MINNNNNE!

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Week (Weak) #3

2011-07-24T23:38:00.002-05:00

The ultimate diet enemy came to visit right smack dab in the middle of week 2.

If you don't know what I am talking about, let me put it to you gently:

There is only one thing that helps during this "delicate time."

Chocolate.

I didn't even bother weighing myself at the end of this week. Chocolate is not part of the 6 Week Body Makeover. I made exceptions. Lots of them. I bloated up like a floating moose. I really, REALLY didn't feel like being on a diet.

I have had several people, people I respect, people whom I give the rare credit of being smarter than me, THOSE people...asking me what the heck I am thinking. Why in the world would I put myself through 8 months of eating the MSPI way, and then go on these "diets" where you can only eat this or that, and none of it includes chocolate?

I really thought this would work. I figured I would be able to stick to it because I don't have much of an attention span, and this changes it up. So far, I think I am two weeks crabbier and no better off weight wise. Atkins helped me drop 7 lbs, but then I put it back on in 2 days. That means I really just lost water. 6 Week Body Makeover is almost impossible to stick to if you aren't making huge batches of protein and veggies every 3 days. I may have had different reviews of these diets a few years ago, but I am a freaking mom and I do not have freaking time for this circusry. Circusry? Oh no, she didn't!

Oh yes, I did.

So this week, my plan is to use my old Weight Watchers menu that I had worked up for ease of use. It is basically three different options for each meal and snack that keep me well within my point range. I included things in it like Weight Watcher snack cakes and cheese roll-ups to keep it interesting.

So I will weigh in tomorrow, and I will follow this flexible eating plan this week and see how it goes.

You know what I think would really help? If I could squeeze one more hour in the day for some working out. I think another goal of mine will be to fit a walk in my evening with my kids.

I asked my awesome friend, "The Teeners," what she did to shed 25 lbs. since our college days. Teeners is a holistic health coach, and you can check her out at www.christinawellness.com. She said that she stopped dieting. She said that she started eating healthier versions of the foods she loves. "I can pretty much take anything out of Betty Crocker's cookbook and give it a makeover."

For instance, chocolate. Teeners says, "some has hydrogenated soybean oil. Not good. It can pack on the pounds. It's a highly processed, chemical oil that they stick in foods to give it a longer shelf life. The more natural the foods you eat, the easier it is for your body to process, and the less weight will stick to you. Foods should have an expiration date, and it shouldn't be months from now. Another culprit? Food dye. Our bodies are not meant to ingest Red Lake 40 or Blue 1. So, toodle on over to a health food store. Look at all the ingredients. You should be able to pronounce all of them. Ingredients should be pure and natural. One thing that is not pure and natural is High Fructose Corn Syrup, it keeps you comin' back for more, it's made in a lab. It's a lot sweeter than actual sugar. It's easy and cheap to make. Corn is used to fatten up cattle, think of what it is doing to us." I asked her if that meant we shouldn't eat popcorn. She said, "you need to pay attention to how it affects your body. Listen to your body after you eat it, does it make you crabby, itchy, tired...if you feel any different in a bad way up to two hours after you eat something, it could be a negative reaction to that food."For me, that sums up pasta. Any pasta that contains Durum. I asked Teeners what that is, and she said "wheat cousin." Lol. Makes me wonder if that is why Scarlett has problems with wheat. I think she has problems with corn too, and strawberries. Poor kid.

And sitting here with Teeners makes me wonder if maybe I should ditch this diet biz and work with her to just eat healthier. What a crazy concept. For someone (me) who knows a little about every diet in the world, it is weird to think that I might need someone to help me.

My next blog entry will also contain a review of a great book that was sent to me called TLC FOR FRAZZLED KIDS, Helping Grown Ups Help Kids.

There will also be a giveaway this week, so get those comments rolling in for your chance to win some pre- and post-natal vitamins! I love to hear your weight loss ideas, triumphs, and struggles. So rock it out!

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Water.

2011-07-20T00:39:00.000-05:00

"You're just like a little camel!"

I was talking to my friend at work who just happens to be a nurse practitioner.

"I lost 7 lbs. last week and gained it all back over one weekend. Totally NOT fair!" I lamented.

"It just goes to show you how much of a crock Atkins is, and how much of a crock quick weight loss is for that matter. It's obviously water you lost and gained."

We talked about how much water I retained during my pregnancies. I really looked miserable. When I gained 100 lbs with my son, I know most of that was water. I lost 40 lbs right after I gave birth. GROSS.

"Look at the bright side, at least you will never die of dehydration!" she offered. "What you really need is a flusher." As disgusting as that sounds, what she meant by "flusher" is that I need to drink more water, specifically at least 64 oz. a day. I know I am supposed to drink 100 oz. a day on the 6 Week Body Makeover, but I can't say I am doing that. I can't say that at all.

I notice when our family goes out to eat, we seem to be split into two different kinds of people. One kind, like my husband, will go through several glasses of beverage during the meal. He will look around expectantly right about the time his glass is half-empty. He is the guy who expects a new drink to appear before he finishes his first. He has NEVER struggled with his weight. Then there are people like me, and I have also noticed it in my mom. We are lucky to make it through one whole drink during an entire meal. It may not be anything, but it may also be one of the keys to my lifelong battle with the chunks.

So maybe I need to start a list (YESSSSSS) of the lessons I need to remember to apply to break this cycle.

1. Drink more water.
2. I need to watch my intake of processed carbs. (Pop and pasta are what I am assuming put on the 7 lbs. this weekend)

I will try to add more as I go along. I also noticed something else. I know that I have talked about self medicate my add with caffeine. Today I realized that I self-medicate my anxiety with eating. I knew I was an emotional eater, but it kind of really came clearly into focus today. I will try to think of a way to put that into application.

So back to my conversation with my friend at work.

"You just got through the whole MSPI diet, and now you are doing this to yourself?" she was incredulous at my plan to try a different diet every week. I asked her thoughts on a good plan. "I really can get behind Weight Watchers. The weight comes off slow and steady, and it really teaches you new eating habits." I countered, "I can cheat too easily on Weight Watchers."

She replied, "that's the point."

Definitely something to think about.

OK, so keep on clicking, ok? We are moving back up the ranks and I REALLY want to do this giveaway before July is through. CLICK THE BANNER!!!

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Whatever!

2011-07-18T23:58:00.001-05:00

SO my one cheat day turned into cheat weekend. I just hadn't had time to make the chicken for the week.

My second cheat day wasn't really noteworthy. Oatmeal for breakfast. Coffee. I don't even remember eating lunch. Then we went to a new restaurant for dinner. It was an italian buffet with a game place for the kids. Think Chuck E Cheese, but clean, uncrowded, and good food...

I ate a small salad with blue cheese dressing. I ate super tiny portions of the different things that sounded good, a little Chinese, a little Italian, and a little mashed potatoes. I thought I did amazingly well. I was really proud that I didn't make more trips. I even had a little ice cream with Graham before we went to play games...

And then I weighed myself today.

ALL 7 POUNDS WERE BACK.

What?! Very disheartening.

I saw a glimpse of myself in the window today and felt discouraged. It seems like I have such a long way to go. But, I will press on.

This week? The 6 Week Body Makeover.

Oh, yeah. It's an infomercial. In 2006, I met a girl at my work that lost 40 lbs. fast on this diet. So I ordered it, and I dropped 30 in little over a month. It's pretty good. I was also faithfully going to Jazzercise with some co-workers. Soon after I lost the weight, I found out I was pregnant with Mr. Graham. Obviously, that reversed the weight loss. I have used it a few times to drop weight, but it is kind of restrictive, so it is hard to stay on for long.

The basic idea is small amounts of lean protein (think 2-3 oz) coupled with small amounts of carbs and unlimited veggies. No salt. No sugar. No dairy. No bread. Oh yeah, also no pop or alcohol, and 100 oz of water.

The easiest way I have found to do it is to make a big batch of protein and use it for my meals. Right now, I have a crock pot chicken I made with garlic powder, onion powder, and Mrs. Dash. I will use that with some cucumbers, carrots, green beans, and see where we are in a week.

Boo.

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Cheat Day #1

2011-07-16T21:24:00.001-05:00

STOP class couldn't even ruin it!

Breakfast: glazed doughnut and large coffee
Lunch: Taco Bell Mexican Pizza with Verde and Fire sauce all over it, Dr. Pepper
Snack: Peanut m'n'ms, Diet Coke
Dinner: Amigo's Soft Taco, Dairy Queen Large Sundae, FUDGE and CARAMEL!

I noticed that even though I really thought I wanted the sundae, I could barely finish it. I was over the sugar pretty quick. I even put half of it back in the freezer. I don't know if you KNOW me, but leftovers aren't usually my gig. I kind of thought for a second that must be what it is like to not have an issue with overeating, emotional eating, etc. It was nice. Then? I remembered it was in there about an hour ago.

Yesssss....

Stay tuned. Tomorrow= Diet #2

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Week 1 Results

2011-07-15T23:44:00.001-05:00

So, I lost 7 lbs this week.

Right?

New goal: Goal 1+11.

Maybe I could handle Atkins again with some different recipes.

No more pork rinds.
No more Slim Jims.

*puke*

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Atkins sucks.

2011-07-14T21:06:00.003-05:00

Oh my goodness! That is SO not family friendly.

Guess what else isn't family friendly, Tinkerbell?

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE on a low carb diet!!!!!

*Raiodjap;gihap dkngfasdjghasdjkgasdngvalsdknv!!!* That was my evil decree, in case you don't habla Sarie.

SO CRABBY. I hate you low carbs. This is crap. I feel my soul being sucked inside out, vortex first. Who even knows what that means? Who even cares?

I have never been so mildly depressed and disinterested in my life, well...in my life. It's like a low carb low front has moved in on my sense of humor. Get it? It's irony. Try to keep up.

See? Pure evil is seeping through my pores.

Maybe it was the pork rinds. *puke* *gag*

I don't know if I can do it. It just seems so unnatural. Meat, cheese, sour cream, and a few veggies. I am going to check through some Atkins recipes to try to make it through these next two days. TWO DAYS until my free day. My #1 craving? Soft serve vanilla ice cream. Makes no sense...oh, wait...soft serve vanilla ice cream is AMAZING.

I will weigh in tomorrow and post my results. The things I notice about being on Atkins: crabbiness, depression, headaches, lots of peeing, lots of water retention in my ankles and hands, super deep sleeping, low to no reaction to caffeine. One thing I do enjoy about Atkins? I like the celery. I like celery and cream cheese, and it feels ok to eat that, not like my arteries are slowly suffocating. I think I will keep celery and protein as a snack. Some light cheese or peanut butter...yessssss, my pretty. So as for Atkins, I will keep the celery.

If you have a crazy diet you think I might like to try for a week, hit me up! I have the next two weeks plotted out, maybe three if I can stomach string cheese again by then.

Keep clicking on the brown banner, please! I have this need to get back on the front page before I do my giveaway. I don't really plan on doing many giveaways, so let's get it, girl.

PS, please read these. Hug your kids extra tight.

"Tips on walking home from school safely"
"Stranger-Danger slogan not effective at protecting kids"

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Cheater, cheater!

2011-07-13T23:20:00.000-05:00

So, I am on day 3 of my experiment.

One diet a week for, well, until I run out of diets.

This week it is Atkins.

I remember Atkins, you probably do too. You probably were on Atkins sometime around 2002-2005?

Yeah, me too. Except back then, I smoked. I had plenty to do with my hands and my mouth that didn't involve stuffing my face.

Now, there is nothing between me and food.

So on Atkins, you basically eat meat, cheese, and a few veggies.

Honestly? It's gross.

I thought it would be great, seeing as how I couldn't eat cheese for 8 months (see here.)

I'm already over it. Two days of this and I am over cheese. I am almost over meat. This week cannot pass fast enough. It is super sad when I am actually looking forward to the 6 Week Body Makeover.

I had asked my hubby to get me some beef jerky for snacking on this week. He bought me a Slim Jim. Bless his little heart. I vaguely remembered not liking those, but I thought it was super sweet of him, so I took it to work. One bite. That's all it took...Do you KNOW how disgusting those are? It's like taking a bite into a greasy, chewy intestine. Sick. The grease actually pops in your mouth.

The only thing I can come up with that is a legitimate treat is Diet Coke. So I had *3* of those today. I also had a LARGE coffee. And you know what is weird? I am exhausted. I am usually hyped up and crawling out of my skin with anxiety after a half caff SMALL coffee. What the heck? This is why I don't usually even touch pop. So I am sure this is super healthy.

I also notice my tolerance for stress is GREATLY reduced. I have a super short fuse right now, almost ZERO patience, and a constant dull headache. I don't know if it is the caffeine, the lack of carbs, or the fact that my AMAZING sleeper, little Miss Scarlett, has recently decided that sleeping can kiss it.

Instead of our sweet night cuddling together, now I have kicking, bucking, crying, screaming, and wide shining eyeballs for at least two hours. Sometimes I give in and take her in our bedroom where she crawls around and climbs on things until my hubby gets home...AT 10 PM.

Perhaps you are inclined to recommend a nighttime routine? Many, MANY folks have.

Routine? What is this ROUTINE you speak of? There's so many syllables. You don't happen to mean every night when we eat dinner around 6, take a bath at 7, put on lotion and jammies, get a bottle, and rock to sleep by 8? Oh that? THAT'S RIGHT. This ain't my first rodeo, clowns.

See? What did I tell you? Atkins is making me EVIL. Abrasive, even.

As far as my weight loss goal? I have been kicking around how to identify that. I am probably not going to disclose my weight to the world. I do want to get pictures up, so that is in the works. Let's make my first goal weight= Goal 1+18. 18 lbs to my first mini-goal.

I haven't decided how often I am going to weigh in. Ok, that's a lie. I weigh myself every day. With shoes off. After I pee...every time I pee. I can't help it. I am an optimist. I haven't decided how often I am going to report my results. How about once per week?

OK, so I think that covers it. Oh, the title? Cheater, cheater? FINE. I had some peanut butter tonight. Just a taste...on a spoon...ful of peanut butter...

Busted.

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The End.

2011-07-12T23:51:00.000-05:00

...of my blog neglect.

What did you think I was going to say?

Geez! Pessimism.

Also, THE END OF COMPLACENCY

So here is the deal.

4 years ago, I had a baby. I felt amazing, and didn't really fret much about the 100 lbs that was slowly suffocating my skeleton. I was pregnant, after all. The baby NEEDED ribs. A lot of ribs.

2 years ago, I lost all but 14 baby lbs.

Shortly after that, my husband returned. If you don't know this about my husband, you need to or much of this blog will not make sense. My husband is a business ideas machine. At the time of his return from Iraq, he decided that our business should be to deep-fry things and dip them in chocolate.

2 years ago, I gained 35 of those lbs back. Then? I found out I was pregnant again.

I gained about 65 lbs with my second pregnancy.

2 months ago, I crossed the threshold. I lost my pregnancy weight.

I didn't really even try.

Last week, I was helping a little girl at work and she asked me, "do you have a baby in your belly?"

Awesome.

I haven't seen my original body shape in years, so I am surprised this is the first time this legitimate question has come up. I still look at least 5 months pregnant. I don't know what happened to my AMAZING badonk. I recently learned I have "Bingo" arms. I am guessing you get it. It's close to "bye-bye arms," but funnier.

SO in other words, it is really time to do something about it instead of whine all the time.

I was overwhelmed thinking of how to get started. I wasn't sure which diet I would follow. There are so many. It's expensive and time consuming and how do you know you are on the right track? That's when I got an idea...

GENIUS!

I am going to go back on every diet I have ever spent money on. I can't even comprehend staying on a diet for more than a week anyway, so here is my plan...

If this works, I want the rights, got it?

I call this the MOMMY USED TO BE SO PRETTY "HOW MOMMY GOT HER GROOVE BACK" DIET plan...

It's simple really. I basically gathered up every single diet book, plan, packet, etc. I have in the house and I am going to do one week of each.

For instance, this week, I am on Atkins. On Sunday, I am going to eat whatever the heck I want. Then on Monday, I am going on the 6 Week Body Makeover, and Weight Watchers after that, and then, South Beach...and then after all that, I will see where I am and see if I can dig up any more diets in my house.

For exercise, I decided to go the same route. I have gathered up the initial stack of workout DVDs we have in the house for the intent of using them one week at a time.

I haven't quite figured out how I am going to measure this progress to let you all know how it is going. I have a few pictures I might put online, back when Mommy was still SO PRETTY. I have done a little research, and so far, my favorite is a woman who is keeping track of the "butt print" she leaves behind.

Pretty much hilarious. http://www.blogger.com/profile/06387104569574497736

So I am on day 2 of Atkins. Day 1 was easy, I was sick. Today I just want sugar like it is my job. But I think I can do it. Day 2 and only 6 days of this crap? I think I can, I think I can...

I can't wait to get some pictures up. And to tell you about the weird dream I had. And to eat Peanut M'n'Ms again...

AND, I have a giveaway to do, and I will do that as soon as we get MUTBSP back on the front page of the Top Mommy Blogs where we belong. Click away, pretties!

Well, I am exhausted, so that is all for now, but I look forward to getting to the give-away. SO please, click and I will entertain...I promise...

And as for that weird dream? I don't know if it was sleep depravation or low-carb induced, but Will Ferrell was driving me to Czech Days in Wilber, NE. He was also the President of the United States.

I'll keep you posted.

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I'm Back, sister.

2011-07-10T03:12:00.000-05:00

I took a little break, and it took a little toll on my rank. It's whatever, we will rock it back on up the charts.

Stay tuned for my first giveaway. Coming this week!

Here are some pics from the tutu show! SO fun.

Check out our etsy site if you are looking for a fluffy tutu. I don't have much up, but we will make you anything!

Oh yeah, pics.

Pretties.

Fields of Tulle.

Ensemble cast.

My cute lil' sister-in-law/business partner!

You remember how this goes...do it.
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Peek-a-boo.

2011-06-29T21:48:00.000-05:00

Here I am!

You won't see me much this week.

Or maybe I will throw out a few old favs.

I am drowning in tulle.

PS- I made it through the spray tan, no green armpits. The wedding was fantastic. Had a bit of a bummer day, but so much to be happy about. So much to look forward to. Plus, So You Think You Can Dance is on!

So here's a little peek at what I have been up to.

Great job, little models!

Hang in there with me. In July, I am going to review a book, maybe try a giveaway, and definitely regale you with hilarity.

Gosh, I sure love you.

Please don't let me disappear! Click!

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Because I don't have enough going on...

2011-06-24T00:16:00.000-05:00

Hee...heee...heee....heee....BREATH....

Hooo...hee....heee...hooo.....hee...hee...hoooooooooooo.....and BREATH...

What exactly is this?

Lamaze? Maybe.

It's mostly me trying to get through the next two weeks.

You see, as if I didn't have enough going on: full time job with after hours on call responsibilities every few weeks, two beautiful children ages 4 and 8 months, a husband who works a different shift, a blog I love, a friend's wedding, some theatre and writing bubblings, and of course the usual bills, cleaning, etc...

Nope. Not enough for this gal.

My sister-in-law and I are whipping up a little side project. A crafty venture. I have succumbed to the sweet temptation of tulle, part of having a little girl I would imagine.

I now make tutus, and our little craft project has now turned into Sugar Charlie's Boutique. A few little tutus and headbands has now turned into sales tax id numbers and sales goals. Weird.

Our first craft show is on July 4. Let me know if you want details. We would love to see you!

You can check us out on Etsy, but as of now our store is empty. This weekend on top of my dear friend's wedding festivities, stocking the house with groceries for the kids and nanny (best decision EVER!), and trying to hit my goal of making two tutus a day, we are having a little photo shoot with some adorable little models (bet you will never guess who the star of the show will be) to get our Etsy store stocked with photos and make some business cards.

Hee...hee...hee...heee....hoooooooooooo.....

Just re-reading that makes me want to freak it on out.

I have also scheduled a spray tan tomorrow. I have never done that before. I am a little nervous about it for a few reasons...

1. It's not a booth. It's a person. A person and me, naked, as she hoses me down. I already warned her to prepare herself to get a little jealous of my double c-section silhouette.

2. She said for the next 4 hours I will appear "dirty." I get the tan and head straight to the wedding rehearsal...dirty.

3. She also said I can't wear deodorant because the spray will turn my armpits green.

I. Can't. Wait.

Check back for tanned, tutu-tastic adventures.

Hoooooooooooooooooooo.........

Stop the hyperventilation! VOTE!

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Sunburn Part II

2011-06-20T01:18:00.002-05:00

If you haven't yet, read Winner first, otherwise, it just won't make sense.

So my friend C was telling her other friend about what Jimmy told her that night in the car. Her friend said, "Oh, that makes so much more sense now!" C asked her what she meant.

The friend said that her daughter, Emily, had told her something confusing the other day.

Emily: "Mom. I ate a piece of Jimmy's skin."

Mom: "What?"

Emily: "Jimmy was eating his skin and so I did too."

Mom: "..."

Emily: "And guess what?"

Mom: "?..."

Emily: "It tasted like chicken."

And in other news, I am eating milk and soy again. It was a rough decision that I will detail in another installment, but right now I am peace out.Winner

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Absorbent.

2011-06-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

The chipped mangoish? coral-y? see-through film that was once a quickie manicure was screaming at me from the steering wheel as I pulled in to work the other day.

The only reason I slapped on the one-coat job was to cover a wilting French Manicure. The French Manicure was only to ensure I wouldn't have to make sure the Desitin was evenly distributed under each nail.

Yep. My, how the mighty have fallen. For a second, I allowed myself to daydream of my twenties. I thought I was busy then? How could I possibly fit in tanning, a mani/pedi, and American Idol all in the same evening? HOW COULD I POSSIBLY?! SO. BUSY.

Back to the present. I had exactly 3 minutes to get into work before 8. I reached into my giant mom-bag (not a joke, I carry a beach bag nowadays...) and pulled out the nail polish remover I had tossed in there for just such an occasion. What occasion is this? 3 minutes to myself.

I threw the remover in my bag 4 days ago.

I reached in the bag again to retrieve the cotton pads I thought I had tossed in as well. As my hand searched through the abyss of my bag, I thought back to that morning...Graham needed Transformer repair, and the cotton pads were still in the bathroom. Panic! This is it! It's like Haley's Comet...this precious time alone only comes around once in a lifetime. Literally. It can't go down like this!

And then, my fingers came across something familiar, helpful, useful...versatile...absorbent.

Oh no she didn't!

Oh yes, she did.

The tiny size 3 diaper was crushed into the corner of the bag. It had smeared lipstick and escaped tupperware chili streaked across it. I rationalized. Its ruined anyway!

And that was the day I updated my manicure in my car with a diaper. It's kind of green, right? I mean that diaper could be reused over and over and over...if I hadn't left it in my car.

Worst. Stinkiest. Cooked. Diaper. EVER.

This week has just been kind of gross, right? If you are good little friends, and click the brown button, I will give you the sequel to the Sunburn story as a weekend quickie...it's the perfect ending to the week of gross.
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Secret Booger.

2011-06-14T22:11:00.002-05:00

The scene of the crime: Bedtime.

A little yellow moon nightlight glows warmly in the otherwise dark room. Giant letters that spell "GRAHAM" hang haphazardly above a simple wooden bed covered with a sprawling Spiderman comforter. A mom and her 4-year-old son snuggle together on one tiny pillow to read a bedtime story...

Ok, back to first person. I sound like a weirdo in third person. Let's continue, shall we?

Me: "Llama, Llama MAD at MAMA!"

Graham: "Llama, Llama is SO mad! He's fruster-ated."

Me: "Good job, Buddy! You're right! Llama, Llama is frustrated! You are SO smart!"

Graham moved his hand closer to his head, which was leaning on my arm. It wouldn't be long before this little Llama was ready for sleep. He started to absently draw on my arm with his finger. Then he started to scratch...

Me: "Graham, that kind of hurts. Stop scratching Mommy."

Graham: "Sorry, mom. I not scratching."

Me: "Yes you are! It hurts, dude. Stop, ok?"

Graham: "Ok, Mom."

I continued to read about a little Llama who gets bored at the store. Graham really seemed to be into the story. Every once in awhile, he would softly draw on my arm again. It was really sweet! Precious actually...then he would scratch again.

Me: "Graham, stop scratching, ok?"

Graham: "Ok, mom. I not scratching."

Me: "Llama, Llama loves his mama! The end! One more story?"

Graham picked out Caps For Sale. Good stuff. We settled back down to read one last story. His sweet little drawing on my arm continued. It warmed my heart. It was adorable, he was sleepy and connecting with his mama. He was cuddling. He was...wait a minute. He had stopped drawing on my sleeve, and looked up at me with his finger in his mouth.

Me: "What are you doing?"

Graham: *giggle* "Eating my boogers." *giggle*

Me: *puke* "DUDE! That is disgusting! Yucky yuck! We don't eat our boogers! Nasty! Why are you doing that?"

Graham: "Hehehehehehehee! I didn't eat it! I getting it off my finger!"

Me: "What?"

Graham: "It stuck on my finger."

He started making the flicking motion. You know what I mean.

Me: "Stop it, dude! Yuck!"

Graham: "It not coming off."

***
One thing you need to understand about me is that this is the one bodily function I can't tolerate. Can't do it. Bring me your drool, poop, puke, etc. Show me a kid with a giant string of ... *gag* can't even type it. You get the picture. AND you get the Kleenex. I am not going near that thing.
***

He showed me his finger. *Why, God?* I started to connect the dots. He wasn't sweetly drawing little circles on my shirt. He wasn't scratching something on my arm...

He was trying to disengage a booger.

I slowly followed his gaze to my shirt sleeve. There was the evidence.

*PUKE*

Yep.

Secret booger.

I don't think I can even read this again. If you made it all the way through, click on this brown banner in triumph.

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