Mommy's Rest Stop.

The balance of it all.

2013-01-10T13:46:00.001-08:00

When I had my first son, I swore that that was it and I would never have any more children. Well, needless to say, seven years down the road I met and fell in love with my fiancé. After a while of being together we decided to have a baby. Now, through all the excitement and joy of trying and trying and then finding out we're pregnant and then planning for the new baby, part of me still worried about what it was going to be like to have another child. I worried that my fiancé would feel differently towards my son since he's not his biological father and soon he would have a child of his own. I worried that my son would feel left out, excluded for everything, jealous, or even a little remorseful towards us. I worried about how my oldest would act seeing as how he was the only child and the complete center of our whole world for so long.
I know that someone cannot help the way that they feel. I know that there is a bond between a biological father and son that is completely different than that of a stepdad and son, and these are things I worried about everyday. During my whole pregnancy, we made sure to do lots of things with Diego, family trips, movie nights, plenty of play and quality time. We made sure we drilled it into his head that when Collin comes, we won't love him any less, but because Collin is a baby, he was going to need a lot of our attention and it could no longer be all about just Diego. He told us that he understands this and that he was excited to have a brother...I was happy to hear this...but part of me still worried about him and how he would really feel when the time came.
Well finally the day came when Collin arrived. Diego visited with his grandpa and my fiancé every night. He held his new brother in the hospital and was very excited. All he talked about everywhere he went was his new brother Collin. He surpassed my expectations with flying colors. He was the proudest big brother I have ever seen. Even still, now Collin is a month old, and he is still Diego's pride and joy. He wants to hold him constantly, he wants to feed him, and when Collin fusses, Diego is right there to distract him and make him stop crying. I have been lucky enough to be blessed with two amazing boys that I wouldn't trade for the world. <3

A whole new world....kind of...

2013-01-09T18:32:00.001-08:00

So I took a break from the whole blogging world for a while to concentrate on the new family addition and making it all work, and now that everyone is adjusted and doing well with it, immmmm back :). So the day for baby to be here finally came, after ten loooong months of pregnancy! Collin Joseph Geraway, was born on December 10, 2012 at 2:33pm weighing 7lbs 7oz and 19 inches long. He had the expected ten fingers, ten toes, and came out absolutely perfect. I spent three looooong days in the hospital before I got to go home and enjoy my family.
Once we got home, I had forgotten how different it is to have a baby...I was so used to a seven year old that was self sufficient, could tell me what he wanted or what was wrong with him, and who slept through the night. Now, here I am, recovering from delivery, taking care of a baby, and managing my seven year old, all while doing my wifely duties of cooking and maintaining the household. Wow. What a change. Luckily, my oldest son is very efficient and amazingly helpful when it comes to his little brother. He's always willing to hold or feed him...although its not any easier because I still have to sit with him and watch him, but it's endearing that he at least wants to try. I am very lucky that I have a grateful son who is excited to have a brother, rather than jealous or bitter.
So needless to say, after a few sleepless nights, some arguments with the husband, and lots and lots of tears, things straightened out, we became a well working team rather quickly, and routine set into our daily lives faster than expected. Today Collin is a month old, and although things aren't perfect, we are grateful to have two amazing children. Now that bathtimes are done, kids are fed and tucked into bed, the laundry is in the dryer, dishes are done and the alarm clock is set, it's time for this young, but rather old feeling mom, to go to bed! Ohhhh motherhood.

So much for excitement....

2012-12-06T21:15:00.001-08:00

When me and my significant other decided to become pregnant, we were ecstatic when it finally happened. We were the ideal couple that took belly pictures every month and counted down the days until The beautiful baby, that we decided to name Collin, would be here. In the beginning, Collin was breached, so a c-section was scheduled for November 30th. I eventually accepted that this was how my son was going to be born, whether it was my first choice or not.
Many appointments later, we discovered that Collin had decided to move into the right position for a natural birth, obviously I was happy! My doctor gave us the go ahead to wait it out and try a natural birth. November 30th came and went, and now here I am on dec 6th, my actual estimated due date...and still no baby!!! At an appointment Monday, my doctor informed me that if I have not gone into labor by my next appointment, he would like to attempt to break my water and get things moving. Ugh seriously?!
My first son was three weeks early, so there was none of this anticipation and stress, he just surprised us all with an early entrance. Let me just say, I am so glad that he did, yes the way he came was stressful and unexpected, but I didn't have to worry, stress, or think about it! I have stressed about going into labor every single day since my scheduled c-section passed, and we have tried endless old wives tales to try to induce labor. I have never eaten so much Mexican food in my life! Add that to some long walks, a couple of stressful days from my seven year old, a little bit of love making, lots of bumpy roads and some serious squats, and you would think that Collin would show some sign of coming out right? Wrong!
I can officially say that pregnancy has gotten to the point of far past enjoyable. I cannot tell you the last time I slept for more than two hours consecutively, whether I'm getting up to pee, or staring at a wall because I just cannot, for the life of me, get comfortable. Just when I thought my belly couldn't get bigger, it feels more and more large every day. I've never been so thirsty in all of my life, and the more I drink, the more I swell. I haven't been able to bend down and put my own socks on for almost three weeks. Heartburn wakes me up in the middle of the night and although its about 35 degrees here at night, my window is open and my fan is running...and I'm still drenched in sweat. I can't sit down to pee without passing gas or my body doing some other weird disgusting thing. Sexy is wayyyyyy a thing of my past.
I am no longer excited for pregnancy, I now excited for baby. I just want my son here so I can get life back to a routine, feel normal, and be happy. Ten months is a long friggin time to be pregnant, and I am mentally and physically drained. I have decided that I am terrified to attempt to give birth, but if it means that my son will finally be here, and I won't have to be pregnant anymore, then hey, I'm all for it.
I can't wait for the day that I can wake up in the morning and sit up, stretch, an get out of bed...not wake up, sigh in frustration, and roll out of bed because my body is to large to pick up. I can't wait for the day when I can wear the clothes that are in my own closet, instead of raiding my husbands. I can't wait for the night when I can go to sleep, and stay asleep, only to wake up for mealtime for little man. I can't wait for the day when I can put my own socks on!
I have no regrets about getting pregnant, but I am more than ready for Collin to come out and enjoy the rest of December with us! This is when men new to realize just how much we do, ten months of pregnancy, hormones and body changes. I am tired of being stretched, poked, kicked and jabbed from the inside out. Lets go Collin, we're ready for you out here!!! Ahhhh motherhood!!

Controversy Over Yoga??

2012-10-23T10:12:00.001-07:00

While on the main website of yahoo, like I always am every morning when i finally drag myself out of bed, I see an article about there being a huge controversy about children participating in yoga while they are at school. Here is what I found:

http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/training-table/201210/parents-object-yoga-classes-schools

While every parent should have a say in what their child learns in school, I think that it is insane to feel that you have the right to put up such a fight about something because it's not what you want for your child. On the flip side, schools should make these yoga classes, optional...just like any other subject you study in school, parents and children should have a choice. I personally, would LOVE for my child to have the option to participate in a yoga class, as long as the school teaches it for pure relaxation and self control techniques...I agree that schools have no right to, in any way, implant any kind of religious belief in a child. I don't see how it's wrong to want to teach children how to relax and learn to channel their energies and thoughts into something productive, relaxing and quiet.

My son takes part in story time at school, where all the kids sit in a circle and listen to the teacher read....now, are these same parents that object to yoga, going to object to story time because there's a possibility that they might not like the book that the teacher has chosen?? People are so quick to assume that if something is new, they won't like it. It's a simple fact...not many people accept, nor like, change. I am catholic, born and raised...and now that I am pregnant, my OBGYN office, offers pre-natal yoga....should i not do this because I am catholic and not of the religion that yoga originates from?? I think that the way that you react to something, all depends on your mindset of the situation...I would like to partake in yoga for the simple fact of practicing mental relaxation and body control, nothing more, nothing less.

Children are so overwhelmed with school and this and that these days, and participating in physical contact sports and such, that they could use a little relaxation time. I think that, as long as schools keep the boundary between yoga, and religious beliefs apart, then there is no problem in children taking part in it..but then again...some other parent probably has a very valid reason for being against it...that's what makes us American, our opinions and the right to them!

Goodbye Beautiful, Hello Heavy...

2012-10-21T12:25:00.001-07:00

              So when planning a pregnancy, I feel as though all woman should research how they are going to feel throughout the changing timeline of it all...I have been pregnant before, seven years ago...so when me and my husband planned to get pregnant this time, I expected all joy, happiness and excitement the whole time....whoa was i wrong! The first two trimesters were awesome....I felt glowing...still tiny, excited and happy....I felt pretty. The third trimester hit, and everything went to hell in a hand-basket. It was like i woke up one morning and I had this huge belly on the front of me. My face gets rounder and rounder by the day, my tattoos look four times the size they were when i first got them, my hair is either perfect or so hideous it doesn't even look good tied back in a simple ponytail, I feel like a pre-teen getting acne all over my face...which didn't even happen to me in high school so why is it happening now?? My thighs, which always had about an inch of space between them, now touch, and chafe depending on what I am wearing. My ass should wear a sign to watch out because it's taking on a life of it's own. I cry on a daily basis, and half of the time i couldn't tell you why.
   I feel like the ugly duckling lately, nothing anyone can say makes me feel better. I hate gaining weight, i hate getting stretch marks, and i hate being tired, moody, cranky, on edge, and anxious all of the time. I yearn for a full nights sleep, like go to bed when it gets dark and not wake up until the sun is shining in my face...but nooooo, I'm up literally 3-4 times a night to use the bathroom...I might as well have the baby here already, at least then getting up all night would render sensible. I feel like I am completely disgusting to my husband, which in his defense, nothing he says or does makes me feel better...only for the simple fact that I know that it is instilled in mens brains to respond with the safe answer of, "Honey you're not fat, you're pregnant. You're still beautiful to me." Ok, l bullshit, I know that I am nowhere near the size I was before this whole saga started, and i Know that how i look now, plus the fact of knowing there's a baby growing inside of me, isn't in the least bit, appealing to you. I'm not stupid...but thank you for trying.
   I know that this is normal in a lot of women, and i know that everyone says that it will get better...but I'm one of those impatient people, who expect immediate results after i have this baby..i want to be back to my slim, appealing (to my husband at least) self. I want to be able to put on my jeans and a nice top and feel good about myself. I want people to look at me and be like, I can't believe she has two kids. I know that this sounds selfish, and i know that this is unrealistic, but as of the last couple of weeks, this is what's in my head. I want my husband to come home from work, and realize why he misses me when he's gone, and why he's happy to be with me in the first place. I want to make it through a day without a tear or a fight. I just want Collin to be here, and my family to be happy and complete. Ohhhh third trimester mommyhood :/

C-section vs. Natural Birth

2012-10-18T15:48:00.001-07:00

While trying to prepare myself for my upcoming c-section, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to Google the risks and benefits of a c-section vs. natural birth....bad idea. Holy crap I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever freaked myself out more in my life! Some things are just better left to chance and to just waiting and seeing what happens. Here's the one article that REALLY got to me:

http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/vaginal-birth.html

I am so unsettled...I want nothing more than to have the option to at least try to have my baby naturally. I am terrified of surgeries. I hate hospitals. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll be okay and it's no big deal and I've done it before so it'll be okay this time...well sorry to break it to you...but you wouldn't know...you've never been through it. I did...and it sucked..and i'm sure it'll suck this time too. At least last time I wasn't prepared for it, I didn't expect it, and it was over before I knew it. A c-section has so many dangers, and negative results for mom and baby..that's not reassuring to me. I had postpartum with my first son, and he's been struggling with asthma since he was born, and I swore I would never have more kids after him....all of these things are in this article about the negative results of a c-section...what if all of that happens again with this baby??

The closer the time gets to having Collin, the more and more crazy I'm driving myself. Oh my God I'm a basket case. I don't want to be away from my home or my family to stay in the hospital....I don't want to be limited to what i can do with my family around the holidays because I am recovering and miserable. I want to be able to come home and enjoy my family. I can honestly say that I have never been more scared to do anything in my life. I just want to have a healthy, happy baby, make a full recovery, and be okay. I understand that I am doing this because it is what will best benefit my son...but I think it's safe, and fair, to say that I am scared absolutely shitless. But hey, I guess that's life. Oyyyy.

ATTN: "FRIENDS & FAMILY"

2012-10-16T10:00:00.001-07:00

       So now that it's down to the wire until baby time, I feel that there are a few things that I have to get off of my chest before I am to busy to even have a pee break. I'm sorry in advance that this is not going to be the nicest post that I have written, and I'm sorry that it is going to offend some people, but hey, it's America, my speech is free...that's life. Here goes:
   To all of the people who claim to be my "Friends," thank you for not stopping by, texting, or calling once in my last eight months of pregnancy to even say hello. Thank you for making it a point to be sure that I was there to see your children in the hospital, and hold them the first day they were born, but you can't even answer a text message. Thank you for being there for me to talk to when i feel overwhelmed about all of this, since I would drag my son to your house for hours while I walked around with your baby, calming them down because YOU needed a break. Thank you for taking time out of your lazy, weekends off, to pick up the phone and say hello...NOT (because that never happened)! Thank you for calling me when you need something, but not returning a call for weeks because you're oh so busy. Thank you for texting me and telling me that you're a bad friend because you don't even know the sex of my baby..and he'll be here in a month....at least it's a little reassuring that you know you're a sucky friend..,only a little tho...cuz I know you won't do anything about it...just saying. And finally, thank you for telling me that you got my baby shower invitation, but also making sure that you make it a point to tell me, that you have Halloween parties and this and that on that day, but you'll most likely be there..but if you do come...it won't be for long....you know what?...don't bother....go buy your whorish halloween costume, get totally annihilated, have sex with a complete stranger, find out your pregnant...and then see how it feels when I CAN'T MAKE IT TO ANYTHING OF YOURS! Ooops...sorry...I caught a bad case of shitty friend....must be something in the air!
   And to my family....
I understand that the family is divided, and that no one can mend fences and talk like adults amongst themselves...but guess what...? ....you are going to have to put your grown-ups pants on and suck it up for one afternoon...because guess what..? I'm having a baby! NOT YOU!! I am, for once in my life, celebrating something that means a lot to me! I want me WHOLE family there...I am not going to go through having four baby showers a month before I give birth, because this one and that one doesn't wanna see the other one. I don't care! You don't like someone? Suck it up! You feel awkward? Bring a friend..the buddy system works wonders. You can put all of your family bullshit aside for one day and support me and my family. I go to holidays at your houses every year...and i hate to break it to you...but half of you annoy the shit out of me, and i'd rather stay home in my jammies with My kids and my husband all day..but we're family...so every holiday...off we go to make the visiting rounds. Nonetheless, I am throwing my OWN baby shower, because when we found out we were pregnant, everyone wanted to claim dibbs on throwing the baby shower, and then, when push came to shove and it was time to make it or break it...this one had house construction to do, and this one didn't want to see half the family so they wanted to plan their own thing hours away, and this one didn't want everyone having their phone number on the invitation......H.O.L.Y. SHIT! You know what?? For-get. It. We need favors from NO ONE!
   So the bottom line is, the baby shower invitations are made, sent out, and there is a way to let us know whether or not you are coming....If you cannot make it to my shower because you are working, have a prior family engagement, or are sick with some sort of freak flu, then fine, shit happens and I understand. However, if you cannot make it to our shower because you have a Halloween party at some club or bar that you need to spend hours getting trampy for, or you have some issue with someone in the family and you don't want to see them, or you have any other miniscule, unimportant excuse....then DO NOT bother showing up for the birth of my son, texting or calling my phone with an..'I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you...' It's not about the presents, it's not about the money, it's not about any of that. It's a about seeing my family together, having fun, supporting us, and celebrating what is going to be a new life. I wouldn't care if you drew me a card on a white piece of paper and folded it...I just want my family to be there. I'm sorry if this offends some of you, and I'm sorry if you think it's rude...but you should all be well aware of the fact that in my 25 years, I have never been one to sugar coat things, so one last time...if you are going to give me some lame ass excuse as to why you cannot come and support the celebration of a baby...then do not come to the hospital. Do not call. Do not text. Do not stop by. And do NOT consider yourself my friend...and if we're related...consider that the ONLY reason that you ever need anything to do with me. Thanks :)

Where should schools draw the line??

2012-10-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

      When my son started school this year, a letter was sent home informing parents that they would be taking the children down to the nurses office, weighing them, and recording their BMI's. (Body Mass Index) This didn't seem to me, like something that should be being done by the school, but whatever. I was used to them doing eye tests and hearing tests, and that was it. This letter came home the first week of school, and after a couple of weeks I didn't get anything back from the school, so i didn't think much of it. My son came home a couple of days ago with a note from the nurses office. It states that: Diego is 7 years old. He is 4 1/2 feet tall. And he weighs 75 pounds. ...Okay....THEN, in a sentence across the bottom of all of this information, in big bold letters, it states:
   "This child is obese and is likely to have health-related problems because of weight and should be seen by a healthcare provider for further assessment."
   First of all, who the hell do you think you people are?!?! You are there to teach my child math, writing and reading..you are NOT there to play doctor and inform me that my child is fat and needs to go to a doctor. If you had any sense in your brain you would realize that he has seen a health care provider regularly, due to the fact that i have to have paperwork from his doctor filled out yearly to even have you people accept him into your school! Idiots. Secondly, you send home an emergency care care at the beginning of the year that asks if the child has any health problems, if i send it back saying that he doesn't, then maybe you should mind your own damn business and leave his healthcare concerns up to myself and his primary care doctor. Thirdly, how many 7 year old's do you know that are four and a half feet tall?? My child is ALL AROUND big for his age. He is tall, and not stick thin, and generally bigger than all of the other kids his age.
I am 5'5 and his father is over 6 feet tall. Neither of us are fat AT ALL, and obesity does not run in our family. I don't feed my son raw meet to beef him up and let him snack on carbs and sh*t all day. He eats bananas, yogurt, and lots of other healthy things. My son has ASTHMA, which gets him put on steroids twice a year. If you talk to any doctor, they will tell you, that being on steroids for a prolonged amount of time, will make you gain weight easier than most people and when you have asthma, obviously, it's hard to lose weight. My son is very well taken care of, and far from fat, let alone OBESE. If you want to send me home behavior, or progress, or any other kind of report, then fine, i'll gladly look at it. But for you to think that it is okay for you to do the job of my doctor and diagnose my child, is beyond me. Keep to doing what you are there to do...educate my child with school things, let me worry about his health and stop trying to play doctor. If his Pediatrician says he's fine...THEN HE'S FINE! UGH MOTHERHOOD!!!!

If you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them.

2012-10-11T08:12:00.001-07:00

(CNN) -- This summer, I met a principal who was recently named as the administrator of the year in her state. She was loved and adored by all, but she told me she was leaving the profession.

I screamed, "You can't leave us," and she quite bluntly replied, "Look, if I get an offer to lead a school system of orphans, I will be all over it, but I just can't deal with parents anymore; they are killing us."

Unfortunately, this sentiment seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Today, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list "issues with parents" as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel. Word is spreading, and the more negativity teachers receive from parents, the harder it becomes to recruit the best and the brightest out of colleges.

So, what can we do to stem the tide? What do teachers really need parents to understand?

For starters, we are educators, not nannies. We are educated professionals who work with kids every day and often see your child in a different light than you do. If we give you advice, don't fight it. Take it, and digest it in the same way you would consider advice from a doctor or lawyer. I have become used to some parents who just don't want to hear anything negative about their child, but sometimes if you're willing to take early warning advice to heart, it can help you head off an issue that could become much greater in the future.

Trust us. At times when I tell parents that their child has been a behavior problem, I can almost see the hairs rise on their backs. They are ready to fight and defend their child, and it is exhausting. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell a mom something her son did and she turns, looks at him and asks, "Is that true?" Well, of course it's true. I just told you. And please don't ask whether a classmate can confirm what happened or whether another teacher might have been present. It only demeans teachers and weakens the partnership between teacher and parent.

Please quit with all the excuses

The truth is, a lot of times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades everyone will leave them alone.
Ron Clark

And if you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them. I was talking with a parent and her son about his summer reading assignments. He told me he hadn't started, and I let him know I was extremely disappointed because school starts in two weeks.

His mother chimed in and told me that it had been a horrible summer for them because of family issues they'd been through in July. I said I was so sorry, but I couldn't help but point out that the assignments were given in May. She quickly added that she was allowing her child some "fun time" during the summer before getting back to work in July and that it wasn't his fault the work wasn't complete.

Can you feel my pain?

Some parents will make excuses regardless of the situation, and they are raising children who will grow into adults who turn toward excuses and do not create a strong work ethic. If you don't want your child to end up 25 and jobless, sitting on your couch eating potato chips, then stop making excuses for why they aren't succeeding. Instead, focus on finding solutions.

Parents, be a partner instead of a prosecutor

And parents, you know, it's OK for your child to get in trouble sometimes. It builds character and teaches life lessons. As teachers, we are vexed by those parents who stand in the way of those lessons; we call them helicopter parents because they want to swoop in and save their child every time something goes wrong. If we give a child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don't set up a time to meet with me to negotiate extra credit for an 80. It's a 79, regardless of whether you think it should be a B+.

This one may be hard to accept, but you shouldn't assume that because your child makes straight A's that he/she is getting a good education. The truth is, a lot of times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades everyone will leave them alone. Parents will say, "My child has a great teacher! He made all A's this year!"

Wow. Come on now. In all honesty, it's usually the best teachers who are giving the lowest grades, because they are raising expectations. Yet, when your children receive low scores you want to complain and head to the principal's office.

Please, take a step back and get a good look at the landscape. Before you challenge those low grades you feel the teacher has "given" your child, you might need to realize your child "earned" those grades and that the teacher you are complaining about is actually the one that is providing the best education.

And please, be a partner instead of a prosecutor. I had a child cheat on a test, and his parents threatened to call a lawyer because I was labeling him a criminal. I know that sounds crazy, but principals all across the country are telling me that more and more lawyers are accompanying parents for school meetings dealing with their children.

Teachers walking on eggshells

I feel so sorry for administrators and teachers these days whose hands are completely tied. In many ways, we live in fear of what will happen next. We walk on eggshells in a watered-down education system where teachers lack the courage to be honest and speak their minds. If they make a slight mistake, it can become a major disaster.

My mom just told me a child at a local school wrote on his face with a permanent marker. The teacher tried to get it off with a wash cloth, and it left a red mark on the side of his face. The parent called the media, and the teacher lost her job. My mom, my very own mother, said, "Can you believe that woman did that?"

I felt hit in the gut. I honestly would have probably tried to get the mark off as well. To think that we might lose our jobs over something so minor is scary. Why would anyone want to enter our profession? If our teachers continue to feel threatened and scared, you will rob our schools of our best and handcuff our efforts to recruit tomorrow's outstanding educators.

Finally, deal with negative situations in a professional manner.

If your child said something happened in the classroom that concerns you, ask to meet with the teacher and approach the situation by saying, "I wanted to let you know something my child said took place in your class, because I know that children can exaggerate and that there are always two sides to every story. I was hoping you could shed some light for me." If you aren't happy with the result, then take your concerns to the principal, but above all else, never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child. If he knows you don't respect her, he won't either, and that will lead to a whole host of new problems.

We know you love your children. We love them, too. We just ask -- and beg of you -- to trust us, support us and work with the system, not against it. We need you to have our backs, and we need you to give us the respect we deserve. Lift us up and make us feel appreciated, and we will work even harder to give your child the best education possible.

That's a teacher's promise, from me to you.

Ron Clark, author of "The End of Molasses Classes: Getting Our Kids Unstuck -- 101 Extraordinary Solutions for Parents and Teachers," has been named "American Teacher of the Year" by Disney and was Oprah Winfrey's pick as her "Phenomenal Man." He founded The Ron Clark Academy, which educators from around the world have visited to learn.

There have been a lot of articles on children, teachers and school lately, and I feel that it is something that is probably a very good subject to write about, as it pertains to 96% of us parents whose children attend public school. I can personally relate to this article that I copied above...my son is a smart kid...he knows a lot of things and he catches on easily...the problem is that he cannot go through one day in school without getting spoken to....he talks...alot. I know that he is excited and he has a lot to say, but he needs to understand that you have recess and snack time and lunch time and all of these other little breaks, so that you can get out and talk to your friends real quick and get some of your energy out..then you are to go to your classroom and sit and listen intently and quietly to your teacher.

On the flip side, I give my son a lot of credit also. He is very honest with me...more so than a lot of other seven year old's, I'm sure. He comes home every day and tells me if his name was written on the board and if he missed recess or not. If it is...depending on what he got in trouble for, he will tell either myself or my husband..depending on who he thinks will react better. Either way, he does this every day, because I have instilled in him that if he comes home and he is honest with me before I have to hear it from his teacher, punishment isn't as harsh, we just spend more ti me working on how to fix it. But if he neglects to tell me, or lies to me and I have to wait to hear what happened from his teacher, he is in bigger trouble.

I give teachers all the credit in the world...I know that I could never do it, that's for sure. I never question what happened or why his teacher punished him...if he got recess taken away, I'm sure that he deserved it...do i fell bad that he has to sit inside while his friends play outside? Sure i do...but that's life, and maybe next time he'll behave and get to enjoy the next recess with them. He came home from school the other day and informed me that he got in trouble and got TWO recesses taken away....okayyyyy, well what could he have done to get two taken away?? He wouldn't tell me...he wanted to wait until my husband came home because he knew that he would take the reason better than i would. So, we called him on the phone and let him tell him, so in turn he could tell me. ...Well, Diego got in trouble for using the word assassinate while playing army with his friends at recess...hmmm....This one I understood, but my husband didn't see a big deal about...His defense for our son was, he was at recess and he's a boy...what else would they expect him to play?? My defense was...you just can't say things like that these days...once kids started bringing guns to school and killing each other, it should be a given that words like assassinate shouldn't be used while at school. Needless to say, Diego was punished and learned his lesson.

I don't make excuses for my son when he gets in trouble. The simple fact of the matter is, he is a normal, seven year old boy. He runs, he yells, he plays rough, he gets excited and he doesn't always think before he acts or speaks....but he is an all around, good kid. He is well mannered, obedient, respectful and loving. He is doing all of the things that he should be doing, to ensure that he will learn from the wrong things now, and become someone successful when he is older. I don't shield him from disappointment, I don't sugar coat things to make it not seem as bad, and I don't lie to him about anything. Some people may think that this is the wrong way to be with a seven year old, well that's fine..don't be that way with yours then...But I am. My son knows about losing people he loves, he knows about giving up things so that people less fortunate can have something, he knows about having a pet die, and he knows about repercussions for his actions. He is turning out to be exactly who I would want him to be, he makes mistakes, learns, adjusts, and moves on. And I wouldn't change a thing about him. <3

A Pet that Makes My Kid Sick...?

2012-10-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

       If a pet turtle shows up at your home, do not take him in. He is considered armed and dangerous. No joke.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the number of Salmonella cases linked to tiny breeds of the reptile (it's not an amphibian!) is on the rise. As of last week, there are six current outbreaks of the bacteria-borne illness directly linked to exposure to the illegal contraband. Yes pet turtles are illegal.

Ever since 1975, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has placed a nationwide ban on sales of the repitles-with shells 4 inches or smaller. After a spike in Salmonella-related sicknesses, the little guys were found to be breeders of the bacteria.
Here's how it happens: They release the bacteria when they relieve themselves (that's a fancy way of saying turtle poop). Remnants of the Salmonella strain live on their shells and get transferred to human hands and mouths easily.
"Young children are ingenious in constructing ways to infect themselves," says Joseph C. Paige, D.V.M., a Consumer Safety Officer in the FDA's Center for Veterinary Medicine, in a statement to press. "They put the small turtles in their mouths or, more often, they touch the turtles or dangle their fingers in the turtle tank water and then put their hands in their mouths. Also, sometimes the tanks and reptile paraphernalia are cleaned in the kitchen sink, and food and eating utensils get cross-contaminated."

The latest CDC survey found turtle-related outbreaks in 30 states. (cdc.gov)
Even just letting the turtles run free in the house can spread the disease with serious consequences.
In 2007, a 3-week-old baby died after exposure to a pet turtle. More recently, 196 people (up from 168 in July) have been sickened after the six outbreaks were unleashed. As of last month, 36 of those sickened were hospitalized.
Because of their weakened immune systems, kids are particularly susceptible to the bacteria's side effects -which in rare cases can be deadly. The latest reports from the CDC estimate 63% of those recently sickened are 10 years of age or younger, and 29% are under a year old.

Spotting the warning signs of Salmonella

"All reptiles and amphibians are commonly contaminated with Salmonella," says Paige. "But it is the small turtles that most often are put in contact with young children, where consequences of infection are likely to be severe."
Prior exposure to the turtle doesn't mean you're in the clear. At least 72% of those exposed to the illness have lived with their pets for a while.
The steady increase in turtle-related illnesses since 2006 has prompted a crackdown on the illegal sale of the tiny pets. Last month, cops in Maryland busted two vendors, one at a pet store, the other at a makeshift vending station at Six Flags Great Adventure.
"We've really seen a big influx of these turtles for sale," said Mike Lathroum, a senior officer with the Maryland Natural Resources Police, told the Washington Post. "I don't know why. . . We've not been able to determine the source."
The turtles are sometimes given away for free -with purchase of habitats-in order to bypass the law. You'd think that the FDA, the CDC and police task forces could catch up with the slowest creature known to man. But if we've learned anything from childhood fables, it's that those sluggish little guys are persistent.
       -Taken from ABC News On Yahoo!

Who would have ever thought?? I know that when my son asks me for a pet, I don't get all in depth researching the risks and benefits of the pet he wants and why he should or shouldn't have it...it's just a pet....right?? As long as it's not a snake or a spider or some kind of scorpion or something that is known to be deadly, i wouldn't worry about it...Well...I guess I was VERY wrong in this assumption! If my son had asked for a turtle..i probably would have gotten him one (before I read this article) and I wouldn't have had a second thought about it. They just swim around, sun bathe in their down time, and then eat bugs and crap like that..simple enough. Now i hear that by letting my son hold this thing, he could get very sick, and potentially die?? Looks like I'm going to have to put a little more thought and consideration into what I let my son have and not have.
      A couple of months ago his pet fish died, courtesy of the obnoxious little girl that lives down the street from us. Nevertheless, we had promised him that if he took good care of this fish, i.e. feeding him and letting me know when his water needs to be changed, and making sure the cat stays away from it, when the fish was gone, we would get him a new pet of his choice due to him being responsible and proving to us that he can be a good pet owner. Well, i come home from work one night, to find his fish lying on the bottom of his tank...dying. Needless to say, my son was in hysterics and fell asleep crying that night. The next day we took him to the pet store to look at hamsters, as this is the pet that he had decided that he wanted. The nice woman at Petco informed us that Guinea Pigs were a better choice for a pet for children, as they bite less and live longer and are all around, generally better natured than hamsters...Okay, well if that's how it is, then that's how it is.
   A hundred and sixty dollars and a carriage full later, we head home with a happy little boy and a new guinea pig. We walk in the door, and while my husband installs this mansion of a cage for the thing, I read the paperwork that has been sent home with the animal....Halfway through the information page, I read that Guinea Pigs can ALSO be carries of salmonella poisoning and can also carry diseases, as they are a member of the rodent family and have a lot of the same tendencies. It stated that pregnant women and children should be careful handling these animals...okay, so we just spent a sh*t load of money on a pet that my son can't play with? I was livid. This woman had informed me that this was the better pet for my child, and that he could hold him and pet him and play with him...now I read that if he bites him I have to be very careful and keep an eye out for all these weird things?? Well, it was to late to bring him back now, my son was hooked...and the Guinea Pig was deemed with the name, Jackie Chan, compliments of Mommy and Diego's genius animal name brainstorm.
       We have had him for about three months, he's nipped us a couple of times, he gets excited when we give him treats and his mouth reacts faster than his brain and we get bit. We hold him wrapped in a towel and we feed him long pieces of hay to avoid being near his mouth. He seems to be working out okay, but to think that there are so many pets that we buy our children that we have no real idea about, is unnerving. From now, i guess I'll just have to do more research and make more careful decisions. Ohhhh Mommy hood :)

A Diaper Shortage?! Of All the things...!

2012-10-01T11:08:00.002-07:00

As so often happens, moms are left to deal with the mess.

An explosion at a Japanese chemical plant this weekend has the spectre of a global diaper shortage.

The plant in the coastal city of Himeji, operated by Nippon Shokubai Co., is one of the world's largest producers of acrylic acid, a primary ingredient used in disposable diapers.

Powerful blasts rocked the facility Saturday, as firefighters were trying to control a blaze at one of the tanks containing the chemical. One firefighter died and 34 employees and first responders were injured in the blast.

Acrylic acid is a key component of superabsorbent polymers or SAP, which absorb large amounts of liquid. Nippon Shokubai makes roughly 20 percent of the world's SAP and maintains a 10 percent global market share of acrylic acid. The plant had been ramping up production to meet increasing global demand, especially from China, according to Japanese media reports.

Prior to the accident, the plant in the Hyogo Prefecture manufactured 460,000 tons of acrylic acid annually, supplying clients like Procter and Gamble, which relied on Nippon Shokubai for products it sold in Asia.

Roughly 4 million tons of acrylic acid are produced in the world, with the largest manufacturers in Germany and the U.S., according to Nippon Shokubai spokesman Akira Kurusu.

Kurusu said the company had already reached out to other producers to make sure their clients' needs are met, but said he could not comment on whether the plant closure in Japan would affect global costs and supply.

-Compliments of ABC News on Yahoo.

Who would have ever expected such a thing?..Diapers, they're so convenient, so always in-stock..filling shelf after shelf at all of the stores...maybe to some people this is no big deal, but to moms who know how much they make the battle of daily life a little bit more convenient, a little bit more easy..it is. Sometimes it takes something like this, to make us realize that maybe we take everyday things in life a little bit for granted, simple things that we use at our leisure...but if you think about it, contemplate how much harder motherhood would be without an abundance of diapers, pacifiers, teething rings, baby wipes...and for those who aren't parents...what if you didn't have a supply of toilet paper, or soap...little things that we use everyday and never think about not having them....we have gotten to used to having things at our leisure, and if we run out, we make a run to the store and buy some more, no big deal.

What if we couldn't do that? What if we went to get some more..and there was none? What if, when they finally had more, there was so little in supply that the price of what we needed doubled..maybe even tripled? We have become so adjusted, so comfortable to the things that we have never been without, that we probably wouldn't know what to do without them. Lets keep our fingers crossed, that the price of diapers doesn't go up, and that the supply can keep up with the demand of the amount of people who need them. Lets be grateful for the things in life that we always have enough of, and maybe not complain about the price of something if it's a little high..because it could always be a little higher. Lets be grateful for the people who work hard to give us all of these things, they don't just come out of thin air, someone works hard so that we can have the things that we need. In the mean time, Mommys get to the store and stock up on an abundance of diapers now!! Nothing is worse than an uncovered, free baby butt!! Ohhhh Mommy Hood :)

Mental Preparation Phase 1:

2012-09-30T18:02:00.001-07:00

       Now that the bells and whistles and all of the hype and excitement of being pregnant has settled in, reality has taken over and put me into a heightened state of "Oh My God what the hell am i gonna do?!" With my first son nothing was scheduled, nothing expected, and nothing was nerve racking because all I knew was that I was due to have a baby in October, and that was it. Well, when i went in for my weekly check-up in September, my blood pressure came up high, way high compared to normal, so, my doctor suggested that I spend a night in the hospital just so that they could monitor me. As much as I didn't want to, I was kind of left with no choice, and after much argument and debate, I headed to the hospital with my pajamas and the thought that I would be fine and going home to next day. Well, since sh*t happens, and nothing ever turns out as planned, I woke up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom, as I'm sitting there, I feel this huge gush...wait...I didn't know I had to pee that bad! Hmmm...maybe I'm just tired and it's all the stuff I drank for dinner....so, on my walk back to bed, i still have this..stuff...dripping out of somewhere that it shouldn't be coming from...then...the contractions start.
   I lay down in bed and call the nurses' station on the hospital room phone, "Ummm hi, I think my water just broke.." "Okay, we'll send someone down." After waiting for a half an hour, and two more phone calls to the front desk, a small welcoming committee comes into my room, asks me to drop trow and invades my "personal space" in front of about 6 other people. My answer, "Oh, his feet are coming out, get her to the OR now..." Okayyyyy....so here I am calling my entire family on some cordless hospital phone while they wheel me down the hall. I get into this sterile room where I get rolled over and held in one spot, I feel a little pinch in my back, and then I feel...nothing. A big blue sheet is put up in front of my face, oxygen is put in my nose, I feel a lot of pushing and tugging, but no pain...and then...I hear my son cry. What the hell just happened?!?!
   Needless to say, because none of this was anticipated, I had no idea what to expect so I had no time to be scared, no time to worry, and no time to think about what they were actually going to do. This time, with the newest baby, I wasn't quite sure what to expect either...but after many talks with my doctor, and after careful consideration, we came to the decision that a scheduled c-section would be best for this baby to ensure that he would come out safe, happy and healthy. The doctor has already said that he is breech, just like my last son was, and that he is small....to try to push him out and risk hurting him, is not worth it to me, so, I opted to undergo the knife instead. Regardless of this choice, i don't think that it is something that I can fully mentally prepare myself for. I can't get it in my head to be ready to walk into the hospital with my bags packed, get comfy in my room, shake hands with the doctor and then..."Okay sir, make my whole body numb and then cut me on open!!" No way! I'm terrified!!
   Number one, I DO NOT want a spinal, they do not sound pleasant nor do I like not feeling my whole body. Number two, I do not want oxygen strapped to my face, it makes me anxious. Number three, I absolutely do not want a catheter stuck into my private areas..I've never had one before, and I'd rather suffer with feeling like crap and getting up to walk to the bathroom by my damn self, plus i didn't have one when i had my first son, so why do i need one this time?? Number four, I hate all surgeries, i do not like the idea of having someone cut me open, stitch me on the inside and then hold me shut with some staples...needless to say, when I am released from the hospital, they use this funky staple remover, take all of my staples out, and then butterfly stitch me shut. Okay, butterfly stitches are just some super sticky ass band-aids that fall off on their own...ummmmm, I'd prefer to not rely on some extra-strength stick to keep my guts inside of my abdomen thank you very much. And finally, number five, they keep you so doped up on pain meds, that the whole week you are there is a blur...I can't even tell you who the hell came to visit me in the hospital when my son was born...this is a girl who doesn't even take advil for headaches...and they had me on a morphine drip, plus a couple shots of God knows what, that they came in and stuck into my iv drip....all i know is that i sure didn't feel one single ounce of pain..but I probably couldn't have even told you my full name or where I was born either.
   So like i said, I am all for making sure that my son comes out happy and healthy, and my c-section is one month away from being scheduled, and I will not back out..it's what i have to do, but I don't think, from now, nor till the day of my surgery, will I ever be ready to willingly go into surgery. Mental Preparation Phase 1 is a work in progress..but since I'm a natural worrier...my guess is that it will be a huge FAIL, and I'll be a mess when I walk through the doors anyways. Ahhhh Motherhood :)

My Pregnant Sex Life??

2012-09-29T11:27:00.002-07:00

       Ok, well this particular blog is probably not quite child appropriate, but it's definitely a Mommy appropriate blog....I'm going to vent about what being pregnant has done to my sex life! Ready ladies?! Here it is:
   I was so excited when we found out that we were pregnant. Not only had we been trying for months and months, and not only were we now successful, but now, I was going to be period free for the next nine months! My husband was going to have free rein to ambush me at any moment he liked without a worry in the world. We were going to enjoy the time before the baby came as much as we enjoyed the time we spent making the baby, if you know what i mean. :) It was fun for the first five months, I was still tiny and attractive and my husband loved every second of it. Well, ever since this lovely little belly came along, and Collins kicks started being professional soccer player worthy, the booty train has been derailed and is currently awaiting a jump start.
   Now don't get me wrong, our sex life isn't completely dead, it just isn't where it used to be, and I guess I can't be mad, because I can't sympathize with where he's coming from. I can imagine that it must be a pain in the ass...he can't be close to me because my belly is like a huge blimp. He puts his hand on my belly and Collin kicks instantly...welp THAT about ends that! Then all i hear is, "Oh my God he's mad! I'm hurting him! We can't be doing this! He's gonna grab my junk!" Hahaha all of these are viable worries, but no matter what I say, he is still can't get these visuals or feelings out of his head. I guess if i was a man, I would worry about it too, but I'm not, I'm a woman and all I know is that I want to be close to my husband, and I want to be able to intimate with him all the time like I used to be.
   I suppose I have to suck it up and be a little more understanding of where he is coming from too....I used to be a lot smaller, i used to be able to dress sexy for him and look nice, i used to be able to do a lot more than I can now. I know that he loves me and I know that he is still attracted to me and still thinks that i am beautiful. I know that it will get better once the baby comes and i am fully recovered from surgery, and I know that it is nothing personal towards me and that it must be torture for him as much as it is for me....so for now I am going to have to remind myself day to day that he loves me regardless of how productive our sex life is...i'll just have to make sure that when we do get busy...we get really really busy ;)

Ohhhh Good Lord!

2012-09-28T11:15:00.001-07:00

       I have decided that, in my next two months of being home until Collin comes, I will no longer be watching the TLC channel on tv. Sitting home this lunch time, I thought that it would be a good idea to watch TLC's A Baby Story...maybe see if other expectant moms feel the same way as i do...well, this is something I am not going to watch again until AFTER my son is born! Oh good Lord, I cried, I laughed, I held my breath and I'm pretty sure I had a small bout with an anxiety attack! The one story that I watched was the same as mine, the woman had already had one child, and he was an emergency c-section, so after much research and conversing with her Doctor, the woman decided that another c-section would be the best and most safe way for her to have her new baby. I was immediately captivated...I had to watch more! This lady felt the same way i do, she was tired and sick of not being able to breathe and she just wanted her new baby to be here already...ok, i concur!
   Well, the day came for her to go into her surgery, and everything set in. She decided that maybe being pregnant wasn't that bad, and she could have waited even longer if that had been an option. Nerves were at a high altitude, anxiety was first in line, then worry, and excitement, and anticipation. Her and her husbands whole family was outside waiting for the new addition to the family. Then, before you know it, you hear a new baby cry and teas start running. Don't get me wrong, A Baby Story is an awesome tv show, but for myself, being less than two months away from having Collin, it's something that i shouldn't watch, especially since I over-stress about it all already. It's a horribly addicting show though, and I find myself wanting to cover my eyes, but watch every second, and sit on this couch and not get up for the entire Baby Story marathon that has been on since 9 this morning and will continue until about 10 tonight. I feel as though it would be better for my sanity and for my well-being, if my husband came home and put a parental block on this channel with a code that I could never guess until after I give birth!
   I want so badly for Collin to be here, and to not have to worry, and be pregnant anymore, and to know what he looks like and to hear him cry for the first time. But on the flip side, I am not ready one little bit for my surgery, and I don't know how I am going to balance the house, and a new baby and a seven year old. I stress about making sure that Diego doesn't feel left out, but still giving Collin everything he needs. I worry about being up with Collin all night and then having to wake up with Diego for school, and trying to have a nice dinner ready for my husband when he gets home from a long day at work, and being able to get just enough sleep, all while maintaining my sanity. I know that this is normal, and that it's something that no one really has an answer to...just that, I'll figure it out.
   Motherhood is something that is naturally instilled in us from the time of birth, and if it's not, then maybe you just aren't meant to have babies. Common sense says, when your baby cries, he's probably hungry, needs a diaper change, or needs attention...it's about as simple as that..but for some people, it's not. I'm no where close to the worlds best mom, I have my faults and my imperfections, but I make sure that my son is well taken care of and loved. I guess the bottom line is, that i need to sit, relax, and realize that this is life, this is the life that i choose to have, and nothing is ever going to be perfect. I have an amazing son now, and I am going to have another amazing son in November, and I am going to have an amazing man to be by my side through it all. Nothing is going to wait, nothing is going to be put on hold, and nothing is going to conform to make life easy for me. I am a Mom..so it goes hand in hand, that i should expect every day of my life to be..divine chaos. <3

A Letter to My Love

2012-09-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

       The other day i wrote a blog in note form to my son for his birthday...well, I feel that this is an easier way to express my emotions lately since nothing that i try to say seems to come out right. It has been a very rough last couple of months at home, with all of the chaos of whats coming finally settling in, everyone is stressed to the hilt and nerves and patience are lacking. So, I am going to write a letter to my husband on here, to let out how i feel, because I just don't say it enough lately. Here goes:
   Hi Babe,
Right now you're at work, doing what you do best...being successful, and I'm at home missing you. I'm sorry that I'm not the same person lately that I was a couple of months ago. I'm sorry that we argue and I'm sorry that sometimes you don't feel very much like I love you....but i do. I love you and Diego and Collin more than anything in this world and I don't know what I would do without any of you. I don't mean to be moody, and stand-offish, and temperamental, and I don't mean to question you and have all of these insecurities....I'm hoping that it all goes away after the baby comes, and i'll feel like my old self again. I feel so gross lately. I feel fat, and ugly, and completely unattractive. I worry that I won't look like I did before Collin, and you'll never find me attractive again. I worry that i need you to reassure me to much lately and that you're getting so sick of it.
   I feel like sometimes you wonder why you deal with all of the b.s. of taking care of me and Diego, when you could live the happy single life and not worry about any of this. I wonder sometimes why you put up with me, when i can't even bear to be anywhere near myself. I know you tell me everyday that it's because you love me, but i just can't fathom in my head, what's so special about me, that you could love me that unconditionally and deal with all of my flaws day to day. There is nothing that i want more, than you to be happy. I can't guarantee that I can do this, but i promise to always try every day of my life.
   I promise to always show you how much I love you, whether it's cooking a nice family dinner, or running out to your truck to hug you when you get home from work. I promise to try to always keep you interested in me, and i promise to always be interested in you everyday, and to try to keep learning more and more about you. I promise to try to let little, unimportant things go and to not nag you about them. I promise to try to tell you how i feel and explain it, rather than to accuse you for being the reason as to why i feel the way that i do. I promise to always be faithful and honest with you. I promise to support every ambition that you have, even if it's not my favorite thing or first choice for us. I promise to understand that you don't do the things you do because you don't want to be home, you do them because you love this family and you want the best things for us. I promise to try to understand that you and I are different than you and whoever else you've dated, and that the past is the past and we can't let who we were have an effect on who we are now.
   But most of all, I promise to spend the rest of my life with you, as long as you want me. So, thank you for everything that you do. Thank you for making sacrifices and for trying everyday to show me how much you care. Thank you for doing what most men don't. Thank you for loving me no matter what. Thank you for always working things out with me, even when i'm your least favorite person. Thank you for being you. I love you.

Moving Forward.

2012-09-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

       So in this week of being sad and depressed because my husband now has a job and i am stuck in the house all day with nothing and nowhere to go, I have decided that it is finally time to get my butt in gear, and do something with my life. I have decided that I am finally going to stop procrastinating and doubting myself, and go back to school. After a long long time of thinking, and getting applications, and debating what i want to go for, and changing my mind, and putting it off, and getting scared, and making excuses, and so on and so forth, I have decided that I am going to go to school for m associates degree in Dental Hygiene. I sent in my application today for both school and financial aide. Now, this does not mean that I am not still nervous beyond belief to go back to school and start all over again after not being in school for more than seven years...but hey, people do it every day right??
   With all of the classes I have to take and all of the things that I missed out on that I have to make up, i have come to the conclusion that I will be somewhere around 30 years old when I finally have a carved in stone path for my life...but it's better than nothing I guess. There are other things that i could choose to do with school, but the Dental field is something that I am very interested in, and have already gone to school and got a Dental Assisting Certificate. Plus this is something that is a career and will always be in demand...I don't want just a job, I want something that I can do for the rest of my life, something that I can make good money doing and support my family and give them everything that i possibly can. I want to be able to be comfortable and happy.
   Luckily I have an amazing support team behind me encouraging me to go for it and that i can do it. Hopefully, if this is something i dedicate myself to full time, i can finish early and jump right into an amazing career. All i want is to find something where I can make enough money to support my family, and for my husband to be able to stay home and work on his own business and not have to work for anyone else. He is the one working while I am in school, so when I graduate, I want him to be able to be the one to stay home and spend time with the kids that he is going to miss out on while always being at work. Hopefully I can pull this off. Now all that i have to do is await my acceptance letter in the mail and all systems are go! Wish me luck everyone!!

Hello Sanity??!!

2012-09-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

       Crazy?? I think that's a pretty accurate accusation of how i have been feeling lately. I am officially DONE with this whole being pregnant thing. In the beginning it was all smiles and bragging and cute little baby bump...now? Now I'm just plain sick of it! I feel like a huge, ugly, emotional cow. I'm far enough along that i can safely say that being pregnant is no longer comfortable...everything hurts, and feels swollen, and cramps and pinches and bulges. I can't remember the last time i could fit into jeans..which kills me because i would like to attempt to look beautiful for my husband once in a while. I can't remember the last day that i didn't cry over something, whether it's being left alone while my son goes to school and my husband goes to work, or because I have some crazy thought in my head that drives me crazy, or because i don't feel loved because I feel gross. I get winded climbing the stairs to do laundry because i have a baby smushing my lungs up into my throat, I have heartburn on a daily basis, and my vitamins have decided to hinder more than help, making me sick every day.
   I just want Collin to be here, and i want to be happy and excited. I can't wait for him to be here, and by saying that I'm done with being pregnant, doesn't mean that i don't want him...it just means that I am tired of being uncomfortable and emotional and i want to be able to show my husband that i love him and not always have to have him reassuring me, and i don't want to be moody with my son. I am lucky that i am with the man i am with, i don't think that i would ever find anyone who is as understanding and patient as he is. Some days i can't even bear with myself, let alone figure out how he can deal with me. He spends his days working so that we can have nice things, and then he comes home to deal with my 20 questions and reassure me and all this other b.s...No one else could ever deal with that....and it surprises me every day that he does.
   I've never known what it's like to be loved unconditionally, except by my son..but that's a different kind of love....I mean, i never thought it was possible for anyone, especially a man who's still young and has a lot to still do in life, to deal with me and my son and love me every day without question and to try with everything he has to make me happy. I'm so bitchy and moody and stand-offish lately that it's a wonder why he wants to come home to me every night. I spend so much time worrying about if he still loves me and if he's lost interest, that i don't take the time to show him how much i still love him, and how grateful i am for him and everything that he does. Sometimes it floors me as to why someone so amazing would want to be with a mess like me. He could have someone who's thin, and into the things that all other people our ages are, someone who doesn't have baggage and who doesn't question him...but for some odd reason, he loves me.
   So while sitting home today, I've come to the conclusion that i have to stop being how i've been being. I need to let him do what he has to do to support our family. I have to accept that every day can't be a vacation and he can't be by my side all of the time. I have to just know that he loves me, without having to be reassured all the time. I have to show him how happy i am that he's home, instead of questioning what he did all day and who he talked to. I have to be grateful that i get to fall asleep with him every night and wake up next to him every morning. I have to accept the fact that he loves me and he's not going anywhere...but most of all.. i have to accept that i have to make these changes...or i'm going to drive him away. So crazy? Yeah, I guess for the next two months i am...but i will be making a conscious effort to change this, and to show my family how much i love them and how lucky i am to have them.

Happy Birthday Baby

2012-09-20T20:53:00.000-07:00

I feel that, because it is my sons birthday tomorrow, and because he is amazing in every way and i love him with all of my heart, i should write a whole post about him wishing him a happy birthday and so on...so I'm going to write this post as if he is reading it..here goes...
Hi baby, today you are seven years old, can you believe it?? We've been counting down for the last five months, and finally i can say, today is your birthday! Seven might not sound like much to you, but you are smart way beyond your years, and you are the most grown up little man that i know. I know that sometimes I'm hard on you, and sometimes i don't give you a fair chance to be a kid...i want you to know that i don't do it intentionally...I just want to make sure that you always have a good head on your shoulders, and that you always know right from wrong. I never want you to be left out, or picked on. I want you to excel in everything that you do, and i want you to have the option to be whatever you want in life. Sometimes, when i'm hard on you, i do it for my own reasons, which really isn't fair...but that's just how it is. I had you when i was young...when having kids at that age wasn't the thing to do..for fame, love, infatuation, or any reason..it just wasn't supposed to happen. I got judged before anyone even met you and found out what an amazing child you were. I made it a point to raise you with boundaries and rules. I never wanted to be that stereotypical young mom that let strangers watch here baby while she went out and partied. I didn't want everyone to think that because i had you young, i didn't care and you were just going to be another troubled child that can't behave.
So, even though sometimes i'm not always your favorite person, i promise you that i do try, and i do only want what is best for you. You are already such a little gentleman. You hold doors open for ladies, you say excuse me before interrupting a conversation, please & thank you are regular manners you use, and you have dreams and ambitions. You are the ideal child that everyone should want, and i praise you for how tough you are. You stick by me through everything, which hasn't always been easy. You love me unconditionally and you take care of me when i can't even do it myself. I might be your mom, but you are my rock. You keep me sane, make me happy when I'm sad, make me laugh when I'm angry, and take care of me when i'm sick. You teach me something new everyday and you show me what real love is. I'm the one that's lucky to have you. I promise to always support you in the decisions that you make, i may not always agree with you, but i'll always be by your side. I promise to help you whenever i can. I promise to give you all that you deserve and to do everything i can to make that happen. I promise to always be here when you need someone to talk to. I would never trade you for anything in this world. I got blessed when God gave me you for a son.
Happy Birthday Diego. Mommy loves you with all of her heart <3

You want me to do what with my what?!

2012-09-19T20:09:00.001-07:00

       So first off, let me say that, i am all for doing what you can to insure that you are going to have a healthy, happy baby, but on the same token, i think that there should be a limit to what everyone tells you to do. Since the day i got pregnant, multiple people at an abundance of appointments have asked, "Do you plan on breast-feeding the baby?" When i say i don't know, i get this God awful look like i said i was gonna pee in a bottle and have my child drink that instead, along with the, "Oh...well...it' s way better for the baby if you do. Nothing will give him as much nutrition...plus you'll lose the baby weight quicker..and save money." Okay, well i appreciate your input...umm...actually..no, i don't.
   First off, I know that it is better for the baby if i breastfeed, but then again, i could be a chain smoker and an avid drinker (i'm not, but i'm just making a point), then would it be the healthiest thing for my baby?...Probably not. I'll lose the baby weight quicker?? Really?? Okay, half the people that say this to me, are not little miss slim and fits, so who the hell are they to sit there and imply that i resemble what would be called a cow? Maybe i'm okay with keeping a few of these extra pounds on to keep me warm all winter! How's that?! I'll save money?...I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you were knowledgeable of my financial situation and could state that i would save money..cuz i need it so bad.
   Don't get me wrong, I am all for people helping me and watching out for the best interest of my child, but when they are the SAME people that ask me all the time, my answer is not going to change. Yes, i will try to breastfeed my baby...maybe it will work...probably not..but there is a slight chance that maybe this time i can deal with it. They act like because i haven't had a baby in seven years, I lost all sense of how to be a mom and what's right and wrong. I remember very well being in the hospital when my first son was born. I remember agreeing to try to breastfeed my son, and i remember some lady coming in, yanking down one of the shoulders on my jonny, cupping my boob in one hand, and sticking my sons face to it with the other, all in a matter of seconds! No "Hi I'm blah blah blah, how are you feeling and this is what we are going to be doing."..She just went right in for the kill.
       It hurt, it was not bond-worthy, it was awkward and uncomfortable...trust me, i wish that it was something that i could have sucked up and done for my son...but my breasts being touched just isn't something that i'm comfortable with...i never have been, no matter who it is. I couldn't tell you why...some people don't like their butt grabbed, or they aren't big kissers...me? I'm just not a boob girl i guess. If i really have to justify it, then here goes: It makes my leg feel weird..like pins and needles weird, It makes me have a stomach ache, and it just isn't enjoyable. Sorry. But for all the breastfeeding advocates out there, and all you moms who probably think i'm a jerk now for this post...I AM going to try breastfeeding my new baby...I can't make any promises...but i do promise to at least try...and when i do...you'll have a whole post to read about it! :)

Step Out of My Comfort Zone?? WHAT??

2012-09-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

       Me and my fiance met at work. We worked together for a little over a year, and despite all the childish flirting and anticipation...we never hung out, let alone started dating, until i no longer worked for the company. After a couple of months, he ended up leaving the company also, and so the whirlwind of it all began. Neither of us worked, he did side jobs every so often and i stayed at home with my son. He took advantage of unemployment, which was well deserved after working for the same company for 3 years. We spent every single day together and never got sick of one another. We were best friends right off the bat. We fished, did puzzles, played games, went out with my son, hung out with my family and his...everything...there was nothing we didn't agree on. We decided after a couple of months to start trying to have a baby.
   After four months of trying, we finally got good news, a baby was on the way!! Side jobs were still coming in, and i accompanied him to every one, even work was fun for us to do together. Well now summers over and the cold season and crappy weather, and little baby boy, are all on the way...and my other half has to find a job to take care of it all. :( I know this is life, but i am so used to having him here for everything. I am used to having my best friend right next to me to talk to whenever i have something to say, and someone to step in when i need a second voice for my son, someone to keep me company and sane. I know how i sound..needy and attached, but i'm okay with being like that. I have someone that i love with all of my heart and I couldn't go a day without, and can do anything with.
       I'm selfish and greedy and i want to keep my family all to myself. My comfort zone is at home, in my cozy house with my perfect family. I'm sure that one day i will get used him going to work every day, and i'll get used to being home with two kids all by myself...i guess someday i might even get used to being a housewife..:/..we'll have to see about that one though!

Because I am Mom.

2012-09-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

       When i got pregnant, no one else in my school was having babies yet...it wasn't quite the cool thing to do, like it is now in 2012. If you had a baby young, you got dirty looks and unwelcome judgement from everyone. Your friends didn't stick around, and you sure as hell didn't get a reality show offer to broadcast your life on television. I got pregnant when i was seventeen, and my beautiful son was born when i was eighteen. Being mom was nothing like what i expected...it wasn't easy, but from the time i heard him first cry in the hospital, i knew that it was what the rest of my life would be dedicated to. My friends went off to college and did their own thing. I worked two jobs and did what i could to take care of my little man.
   Because i am mom, i:
1. Gave up scary movies, for disney.
2. Gave up late night joy rides. for "Please fall asleep if i drive you around and play lullabies" rides.
3. Gave up cute winter scarves for burp clothes.
4. Gave up smoking for rocking chair cuddle dates.
5. Gave up good nights sleep for 2 a.m. feedings.
6. Gave up clubbing nights for mommy & me movie nights.
7. Gave up working late night jobs for 9-5's.
8. Gave up my own selfishness for the happiness of the love of my life.
.....All because I am Mom.
   Sometimes things don't work out quite the way we plan. Sometimes the things that we think will be easy, are the hardest tests of our life. Sometimes the things we think are no big deal...are the most rewarding aspects of our existence. I gave up a lot of things, but i also gained a lot as well.
Now I have:
1. Someone to love me unconditionally.
2. Someone to make me smile when I'm upset.
3. Someone to always depend on me and make me feel needed.
4. Someone to teach me a new lesson everyday, no matter how long i've been out of school.
5. Someone to hold my hand and never be ashamed.
6. Someone to listen to me and never judge me.
7. Someone to show me how to see things simply, instead of perplexing every single little thing.
8. Someone to appreciate something as little as a McDonalds happy meal toy.
9. Someone to tuck in and kiss every night.
10. Someone to take care of me when i'm sick.
   I have gained far more than i have, or will, ever lose by having my son. I may not have planned on being a mom so young, but i have no regrets about it. I am still young enough to enjoy my son playing sports, and getting married, and having kids, and playing with my grandchildren. I get to be my sons mother, but also his friend. I may have lost a lot of my friends when he came along, but he has been by my side through thick and thin and he continues to amaze me every day. I'll gladly take all the losses for all of the gains i've got...all because...I am Mom.

Don't worry...Mom will do it.

2012-09-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

       So I've come to the conclusion, that when you live in a house full of men, it is either thought that maybe there is some magic thing living with you that comes out at night while everyone is sleeping and cleans, or they are under the impression that since mom is around, everything that needs to get done, is just bound to be done sooner or later. I swear that this is the thought process of men: (husbands, children, boyfriends...)
1. "Hmm, I'm out of clothes..." Don't worry, mom went into the basement, so that must mean she's doing it now.
2. "There's nothing to eat and I'm hungry.." It's almost 5 o'clock, that means mom will be making dinner soon so i'll be okay until then.
3. "Oh crap, I dropped my q-tip on the bathroom floor..." Mom usually cleans the bathroom every couple of days, so i'm sure she'll get it when she sweeps.
4. "I forgot my laundry on the floor..." That's okay, mom will pick it up when she vacuums so it's not in her way.
5. "God this house is a mess.." I don't need to pick up any of my shit because mom is anal about having a clean house so she'll do it just so she doesn't have a mess.
6. "I'm to lazy to give myself a bath tonight..." If i do a bad job for a couple of days then mom will wash me so I won't be the smelly kid in school.
7. "I want to use my phone but the charger is all the way upstairs..." If i keep asking mom if i can use her phone, she'll get annoyed and go plug mine in. :)
....These are just a FEW examples of how it is expected that, as long as there is mom around, no one has to worry about anything because everything will always get done.
   I don't mind doing any of these things either, as long as they are appreciated. When they go from being appreciated, to expected...that's when it becomes aggravating. We got into the habit of always doing fun things with my son. It started out with a chore chart. I bought a big poster board and wrote down all of the things that he is expected, and can, do for chores to make money, and if he is good all month, he gets to choose one place to go. Well, this chart worked for about three months, then he just started assuming that because he is in school, and because we do things with him all of the time anyways, he doesn't have to do anything and he still gets rewarded. Ummmm WRONG! I do not mind helping my child out in any way, shape, or form...but there is a limit. I take my sons hamper out of his room and bring it downstairs, i wash his clothes, and then i fold them all neatly. All i ask is that he puts them in his bureau drawers, when he has the audacity to tell me "No", then i have the audacity to tell him to carry his own laundry down and do it himself! I help, that's fine, I'm mom and that's my job...but I will not enable my child to be a lazy one, there are things that he knows how to, and is perfectly capable of doing, himself.
   I wish that for one week, I could have a, "Don't worry, Diego and Dave are at home, when you get back everything will be all done." HA! You cannot leave two guys by themselves and expect anything to be done! They are, more than likely, going to be in the same spot that you left them in when you left the house a couple hours earlier. This is fine with me, as long as once in a while i get some kind of sign of appreciation. "Wow babe, the house looks amazing." "Wow mom, thanks for putting my clothes away." Little things like those are nice..So as long as i continue to hear those comments...there will continue to be a "Don't worry, mom will do it," policy in my house. :)

Because my 7 year old said so...that's why!

2012-09-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

       Never in my life did i ever expect my child to be telling me off, to be proving me wrong, and to be so blunt and sarcastic that it's like i'm looking in a mirror seeing my smart-ass self giving my parents a hard time. Growing up, all i heard is "I hope you have one just like you someday, so you can see what you put us through." My obnoxious retort was always, "I'll never be like you guys! I'll be the coolest mom ever!" ....eat my own words. I AM SO that mother! I wait at the bus stop in my big fluffy bathrobe, with my winter boots on because they're easy to slip off, with my bedhead messy bun and my four sizes to big pajama pants, making my son kiss me goodbye in front of the bus driver and all his friends before he leaves for school, then to top it all off, I stand there and wave until the bus turns the corner. The best part is...my son gladly kisses my cheek and waves rather enthusiastically until the bus is gone :). I know that this is something that will pass, and someday he may even literally hate me for doing these things to him, but i am determined to get every ounce of love and genuine childhood out of him that i can before its gone.
   I said something to him the other day, asking him if he had done his homework, he looks at me and says, "Well mom, Dave let me play video games, so apparently i must have done it." .....okayyyyy...? Apparently?? Really? Well excuse me! Continue on little boss man. On his first day of school he comes home and i ask how it went. "Oh, it went okay mom, I guess i kind of like it, but not that much...it has a really small playground." My reply to this was, "Well D, you don't go to school to play, you go to school to learn so that you can get a good job." To this, i got, "Well my old school had a big playground, and i learned how to write my name in that school. You can learn and have a playground too."...Touche.
       Every time we go to the store, he, without fail, always wants something. To this i say, "Well D, you can get a job and then you will be able to buy anything you want when you come to the store. Mom and Dave work so that we can pay bills and give you nice things and a house to live in." ....."Mom, I'm to young to get a job, and i can't work anyways because you tell me all the time that i have to go to school and do good so i can get a good job someday."......Mom:0 * Diego:386326583256.
   There is always a rebuttal for EVERYTHING that i have to say. I don't know what this new development is, but i can't just say anything anymore, without a wise ass comment coming back my way, and i can't get mad, because the truth is, i am the most sarcastic person ever, so when he does it to me, i can't get mad because it's what he sees. It just amazes me how there is something for everything!
       Part of me knows that he takes advantage of the fact that he is a mommys boy and he knows that i give into him more than i should, worse than me though, is his step-dad...he has the biggest soft spot for him, and he knows it. If it's something that he knows i'm going to say no to, he goes right to Dave because he knows he'll get the answer he wants. He's catching on though, and he's starting to say no to a lot more things and be way more strict. I don't mind it though, my son doesn't need two overbearing parents, I'll be the bad guy while he's the good guy, and when he has to be the bad guy, he is, and i'm there to do mommys role and clean up the tears...an equal team is the best team. I've come to the conclusion that Diego will just always have the answers to everything, and they're always going to be surprisingly valid so there is no arguing with him...I am a sap for my 7 year old little man, and i wouldn't ever change it <3

It Finally Happened!!

2012-09-04T19:17:00.001-07:00

     So after months and months of trying, and being disappointed, and trying some more, and writing about it, and crying about it, and so on and so forth....I am happy to let everyone know, that we, are going to be welcoming an amazing new baby boy into the world at the end of November of this year!! Time has flown by, and I feel sometimes like this is all so surreal, and that maybe I'm in this dream world and when i wake up all of this will be gone....but i'm pretty sure I'm wrong in that thought process, for the simple fact that: pregnancy has made me an emotional basket case and, at times, a raging lunatic. I cry at the drop of a pin, I'm angry at the littlest things, I'm needy and over-bearing, and, I'm sure, at times, I'm just straight-up unbearable. My first son is going to be seven in September, so being pregnant was something I had either, A. Forgotten, or B. Had such a shitty one the first time that i purposely forgot how much it sucks!
   I had finally gotten back to my pre-baby weight...yes...it took me the better part of six years. I was finally getting comfortable in my own skin again, and i was enjoying jeans in the low single digits, that actually fit me comfortably! Now?? Well, NOW, the thought of jeans makes me want to cry, I can get them up my legs, which isn't so depressing...but once i reach my ever expanding butt, I realize that when i purchased a new wardrobe, I should have invested in the material that looks like jeans but has some super stretch strength to them (even though i thought they were the most God awful things when they came out). My feet are not yet swollen..but after a night at work running around and making food, when i get a chance to sit, I feel as though I would be happier just slicing them off with a hack saw. My boobs?? Well, I'd probably enjoy them more if I didn't feel like my chest was caving in from excess weight when I lie on my back...plus the fact that I know what they are going to look like about six months, to a year, after giving birth doesn't appeal to me. And my stomach?! Oh God MY STOMACH!! What IS this dark line running down my middle, like I went to see some crooked surgeon in Brazil?? And my bellybutton, ohhhh dear! My once cute, tiny, nicely pierced inny bellybutton, now has its own zip code, and looks as though if you press it just right, the baby will pop out with a welcome sign. My fingers, hmmm, my once skinny, nicely bling-ed up fingers, now hold my rings hostage, and won't even surrender them to a nice lather in butter! I get my nails done bi-weekly in hopes of making my new hand sausages look a little less unruly. I get dizzy putting my socks and shoes on because my new addition in the front compresses my air intake and makes me see stars if i bend over for to long. But hey, it's all worth it right?? I get an amazing new package that me and someone else made in a couple of months.
     Sleep? What's that?? I don't think I've had a full nights sleep in the last four months! My poor fiance, every time he falls asleep, I'm waking him up when i get out of bed to use the bathroom, or complaining that some extremity attached to me, fell asleep and I'm going to die if he doesn't fix it, or that i have a pain, or an itch, or a worry....poor guy. I give him all of the credit in the world though...he has been by my side through all of it. He has been to every single doctors appointment, every health visit that I've had to go to, every complaint, every bad day, good day, crazy day. I fully admit that at times i'm way more than unbearable, and to say the least, I'm down-right intolerable, but I love my family with everything I have and being moody and agitated and upset is something that i try to control, but some days, i just can't help. I'm insecure, imaginative, and all these other things now that my whole life is about to change again...this is something i knew i was getting into when we decided to have another baby, but i forget just how uncontrollable these feelings and emotions are sometimes and they get the better of me. Still, he is supportive in every way, and is so excited to have a new baby to be ours. <3 My son is excited too, he asks me everyday how Collin (the name for our new little man) is. He asks me all the time when he will be here, and he tells every single person that we see that he's going to be a big brother. He kisses my belly and hugs me all the time. He is the most amazing little boy ever, and I would never pick any other child to call mine. I am going to have the two best little boys in the world <3

The mother my son deserves...

2012-01-26T18:50:00.001-08:00

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with hopes. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - Corinthians 13:4
My son is six and a half years old, and he's my whole world. I'll be the first to admit that motherhood isn't easy, and I'm far from a perfect mom. Some days my temper is short, some days I'm more irritable than others, some days all I can manage to do is yell, and sometimes I'm unfair to him. I haven't always been able to give him everything he's wanted, but I've worked hard to give him everything I can. My son has his days when he's not the perfect child, but does anyone?? Overall, I think it's safe to say that I ended up with an amazing, smart, well mannered, absolutely lovable son.
Sometimes I feel like I need to step back and think about things before I react. Subconsciously, I know that what I do is wrong. Sometimes when my son is throwing a fit, or hitting and yelling at me...I don't see a six year old....I see his father. I know that it's horrible, and I know that it's not fair, but something in my brain snaps, and i just see his dad. Maybe I'm messed up, maybe I'm the only mother that this happens to...but its not something I can help, and it's something I'm working on, now, before I get mad and overreact, I stop for a minute and think, this is a six year old child, he didn't choose who his father was, he didn't ask to be brought into an angry, resentful environment, he doesn't understand why either of us feels the way that we do...he's just a kid, innocent and virgin to the knowledge of betrayal, heartache and disloyalty.
My son is not his father, he is my whole world, someone who depends on, and loves me, no matter what. He loves me for my flaws, my quirks, my bad days, my good days, my sick days, and my funny days. To him, I will always be "Mom." I will always make a boo boo better, I will always be the one to get up and get him a drink when he's perfectly capable of doing it himself, I will always pick out his clothes, and help him tie his shoes, no matter how many times he says he hates me, or how much he yells and screams when he's mad at me. If there's anything that u learned from being a parent, it's that you have to learn from your past, forget or accept it, and move on. You can't hold things that happened to you, against your children, they don't make your decisions...you do.
My son deserves the best of everything, and sometimes I feel like he got pot luck...I feel like he deserves a better mother, that won't yell, that can give him everything, that has more patience than me. He's an amazing child, and he deserves that. But then I stop and think...I'm human. Other mothers go through the same things, it's part of life, it's part of changing from an everyday person, into "mom." It is the most difficult, exhausting, rewarding, emotional transition you will ever make...but every single second...is worth all of it. <3