Mom's New Stage

Welcome to Mom's New Stage!

2013-05-23T00:31:00.003-05:00

Hi, and welcome, welcome, welcome, new readers! You are probably here because you read my post about teaching, and wanted to build me a shrine, or you think I am the teacher equivalent of the Tiger Mom, and you are plotting to have me put in a van and never seen again.

Either way, I hope you'll stay, because whether or not I'm severely off my pins, this is a rockin' fun place to hang out.

My name is Keesha. I used to dance professionally, but now I spend my time teaching college level modern and jazz dance and guest teaching in the Chicago area. This is a mom blog of course, which means I strive to be the best mom I can be to two small children, eighteen months apart under the age of five while devoting 99% of my attention to my computer. Kidding! Seriously, writing is my new passion, because ballet class at 1 a.m. is weird and impractical. Mom's New Stage, which I started in July, 2011, shines a spotlight on motherhood, dance, laughter, and the intersections between the three.

Now, at this point there's a pretty big body of work on this site. I'm just going to be honest here - going through post by post might make you stick hot pokers in your eyes. I'll give you five of my faves, and you can take it from there.

Improve Your Pirouettes With a Confrontational Letter!

Infertility: Why is Everyone Pregnant But Me

The Mother's Promise

15 Memories of a Girl Who Danced in the 80s

10 Movie Remakes for Moms and Dads

And, I Just Want to Pee Alone!

I'm not telling you a little secret, I'm telling you about the book I'm in! I Just Want to Pee Alone is a wonderful anthology of hilarious essays by 37 of the hottest mom bloggers working the Interwebs today. Put together by Rockstar blogger Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat, IJWTPA reached the top of the humor charts within a week of its debut on Amazon, surpassing our wildest dreams, and our idol Tina Fey herself. The fantastic bloggers in IJWTPA include:

Insane in the Mom Brain

The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva

Baby Sideburns

Rants From Mommyland

You Know it Happens at Your House Too

The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess

My Life and Kids

Bad Parenting Moments

Let Me Start By Saying

Binkies and Briefcases

The Fordeville Diaries

Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine

Confessions of a Cornfed Girl

I Love Them Most When They’re Sleeping

Random Handprints

RachRiot

You’re My Favorite Today

Funny is Family

My Real Life

These are some of the bloggers for whom I'd take a virtual bullet for AND stare at Rush Limbaugh naked for three whole seconds. Obvi, I love these women. You'd be wise to check them out ~~before you draw your next breath~~, soon, please.

Thank you for stopping by and getting to know me and some of my friends a little better. I can't wait to share the contents of my dusty, sleep-deprived brain with you, as well as hear what you have to say in response. And please, please, please comment - the only thing that could make me giddier would be a bag of Twizzlers. I hope you'll remember me on your tours around the Interwebs - I'd love to keep you laughing, thinking, and perhaps, even inspired.

A Letter from your Dance Teacher

2013-05-15T23:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Dance Student circa 2013:

Hi, there! This is your dance teacher. Your older dance teacher. Let’s chat.

First, I know you love dance. You want to be great. You want to work. You want people to see all that you have to offer. You are also coming of age in a dance world that is so different from the one I grew up in, and I’m excited to see what develops.

But I’ve seen a lot that concerns me.

You come from a generation that has been empowered like none before in humanity. You have been taught to question authority – to do your own thing -- from an early age. Many of you have been raised where “everyone gets a trophy,” and your teachers, parents and coaches, trying to be encouraging, often praised you just because. Furthermore, in the age of the Internet everything is accessible instantly and effortlessly. You want to look up a word or person? Google it. You hear a song you like? You don’t even have to remember the words -- just Shazam it. Hell, you don’t even have to push a button anymore; you merely touch a screen.

When you are asked to work at something because that is simply what one does, many of you ask “Why should I? So-and-so made this thing and it went mad viral.” A few people are genuine overnight sensations -- results of our spectacle-hungry, media-addicted culture. Most sudden phenoms, however, have been toiling quietly for years before their “moment.”

Success is a process.

Success is also a product of criticism from others and oneself. In dance class corrections are very public. The teacher cannot always say everything in the gentlest way. With a class full of students, she needs to be concise and clear.

Your teacher’s job is not to make you like her, not to make you want go have coffee or drinks, or to be lifelong or even Facebook friends. Personally, I like it when I become friends with students. But this happens because before anything else the student trusted me – my skills and knowledge as a dancer and teacher.

If you don’t trust your teacher you might find her corrections disrespectful. I tend to get zealous with corrections, going on campaigns and harangues to fix things. My humor tends toward the sarcastic, which can rub people the wrong way. Thus the combination of doggedly wanting to help and a dry wit might offend some students.

If you are one of these students, you need to come talk to me about it.

Don’t rip me a new one via your parents or in your course evaluation.

Certainly there is humiliation, even cruelty in the dance studio. The caricature of the mean teacher or choreographer is based in truth. But when you find a teacher who is going out of her way to correct you, and perhaps getting a little frustrated – to call this teacher disrespectful is wrong. You do yourself a disservice.

It is much easier for your teacher to ignore you, and spend time on someone who makes changes quickly. Only a teacher who thinks you have potential would bother to try to help you. Not disrespectful at all – exactly the opposite.

And that puts the onus on you, to take responsibility for yourself. If you don’t understand why you are getting a correction five times per class or why your dancing is not getting the compliments you’d like, ASK!

The teachers who gave me the harshest, most brutally honest corrections are the ones I learned the most from. I didn’t like what they had to say, but in my day, we just went home and cried -- never did we accuse the teacher of disrespect. Weeks, months or even years later, I realized how right the teacher was. That said, their corrections didn’t mean I was a) a bad dancer b) never going to dance professionally c) meant to be a Taco Bell employee.

So please, take class mindfully. Work hard. Bring passion into the studio. Be curious about how to get better. Ask questions. And remember, if someone cares enough to work with you day in and day out, if she or he cares enough to get frustrated with you, she’s not being disrespectful, she’s TEACHING.

You have so much information and technology available to you, and I know you have a lot to say. But a skilled dancing body still counts. Let me help.

Sincerely,

Paige Robinson: My Dance Mom

2013-05-10T22:52:00.003-05:00

photo: Rich Sofranko

I just signed my first contract with a professional ballet company. I auditioned for companies all over the country these past few months. I've trained at Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre School, Houston Ballet School, Chicago Ballet Arts, Dance Center Evanston, Central Pennsylvania Youth Ballet, Boston Ballet, and first of all Giordano Dance Center. Looking back, there is one person who has always been there for me, rain or shine, for better or for worse, and that's my mom.

photo: Matt Glavin

I would simply not be where I am today without her unconditional love and undying support. Being a dancer is so incredibly difficult. You push through blood, sweat, and tears on a daily basis. You rehearse the same steps so many times they show up in your dreams. You sacrifice a lot in order to survive in the dance world...you sacrifice everything in order to move up a rung on the ladder. This constant struggle means that dancers need support, and no one is better for that job than their parents. Especially since dancers often realize their dreams of becoming professionals at a very young age. I don't mean to leave my dad out of this, it's just that it's both Mother's Day and my mother's birthday coming up so...I love you both!

While my mom is awesome, I want to highlight the antithesis as well. There is this TV show: Dance Moms. I can't watch the show without yelling at the screen and rolling my eyes every five minutes. These parents are every dancer's nightmare.

ñ A good dance mom drives their kid to endless classes and rehearsals, but doesn't drive the kid insane with undue pressure.

ñ A good dance mom communicates with the teachers but does not harass them when their kid doesn't get the solo.

ñ A good dance mom asks how class or rehearsal went, but doesn't analyze every movement or every correction on the car ride home.

ñ A good dance mom lets her kid dictate her path in the dance world and doesn't force them to take at this studio or with that teacher...etc.

ñ A good dance mom is okay if her kid wants to quit.

Generally speaking, a good dance mom supports instead of suffocates. I've seen beautiful dancers quit to get out from under their mother's thumb, or because they will never be good enough for her. I've seen talented dancers suffer setback after setback due to lack of family support. It's heartbreaking, but sadly not all that uncommon.

My mom is always there for me. When things go well, we celebrate, when they don't, I vent to her and she cheers me up. She's the one person who completely understands why I love to dance. It's so hard to explain that overwhelming force that pushes us to express ourselves by moving to music. All we dancers really want is for someone to understand why we do this. My mom understands that it's not a hobby for me, it's not a sport for me, it's a way of life. And I love her to pieces for that. I want to thank my mom for every big and little thing she's done.

photo: Rich Sofranko

Paige Robinson is nineteen years old, from Wilmette, IL. She will be a trainee with Eugene Ballet Company starting this fall. She is finishing her second year in Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre's Graduate Program. In the Chicago area she studied at Dance Center Evanston, Chicago Ballet Arts, and Giordano Dance Center. She had the pleasure of working with Keesha Beckford in modern classes and credits her for breaking her out of her shell. Paige also graduated from New Trier High School in 2011 and in her spare time is learning how to teach dance.

Win a Free Dress Rental from Borrow Baby Couture!

2013-05-07T23:04:00.002-05:00

Maybe you have money to burn. Maybe you and your mini-me make Beyoncé and Blue Ivy look like Goodwill shoppers.

Or maybe you're a frugal, yet fashionable, mom, who'd chow down on a stick of deep fried butter at a state fair, sooner than she'd spend a small fortune on a dress her little girl will wear for only a few hours.

If you're the second gal I described, you need Borrow Baby Couture, the brilliant new company where you can rent (yes, rent!) totes adorbs dresses for your little girl. They are fully stocked with beautiful dresses in sizes 9 months - 4 years, made by designers like Stella Mc Cartney, Dior and Moschino. You can borrow a dress for 1 or 2 weeks for up to 80% off the cost of buying.

Rachel Riley pink scalloped dress
retails for $130/ rents for $20.50 per week!

Dresses arrive elegantly wrapped and packaged, making your little one feel like the princess she is. She will be thrilled to wear her new frock, and you will feel like the savviest fashionista mom in town.

Because you are.

The best part is, when you are done, you simply put the dress back in the pre-paid envelope and send it back.

Boom! Done.

But, wait! you ask. My daughter may be cute but she can get messier faster than a baby left with a jar of Vaseline. What then? Will I have to have to perform custodial services for your company to pay you back?

This is where things get amazing. Simply indicate what the stain is, in order to facilitate removal by the pros, and send it back. No crying that you now own a $300 chocolate stained dishrag. No homemade concoctions that may just burn a hole in the fabric. And no shennanigans trying to make an indignant and flagrantly dishonest return, "I got home to find this new dress covered in ketchup! What kind of establishment sells decent people filthy things like this?!!!!"

No worries, just send it back.

And so,as a special Mother's Day offer, Mom's New Stage and Borrow Baby Couture are doing a giveaway of one free dress rental! Using the Rafflecopter form below, follow Mom's New Stage or Borrow Baby Couture on Twitter, or like us on Facebook. You can also send a tweet promoting the giveaway, or for extra points you can share how you are a frugal fashionista.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck! If you don't win, and your daughter has a few fancy fetes coming up, you can visit BorrowBabyCouture.com to take advantage of a special promotion! If you see a dress that tickles your fancy, click "I love it!". It will post to Facebook, and you will receive $20 off your purchase!

Have a beautiful Mother's Day, and best of luck!

Mom in the Spotlight: Dancer, Teacher, Choreographer, Kate Walker

2013-05-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

photo: Rappsnapper Photography

Kate Walker graduated magna cum laude with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. She is a former member of Dallas Black Dance Theatre II, and artistic director of DekaDance. Kate is also currently working on her Masters in Sport and Exercise Psychology.

Kate has taught master classes around the country and her choreography has been commissioned by Dallas Black Dance Theatre II, The Hockaday School, Brookhaven Community College, and Contemporary Ballet Dallas, to name a few. She has been featured in Dance Studio Life and Dance Teacher magazines for her teaching and continuing studies in sport psychology.

As a member of the Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts faculty, Kate teaches ballet and modern techniques, as well as portfolio, kinesiology, and she co-directs Repertory Dance Company II.

How many children do you have? Boys? Girls?

I have one boy, Declan (pronounced “Deck-lan”), who is almost 4.

Did you always plan to continue dancing and being a mom?

I’m not a great “planner,” I am a fantastic procrastinator; so I think what happened was I just put off stopping dancing. Seriously though, I was 27 when my son was born and people, mostly other dancers, kept asking me if I was retired. It drove me nuts! What some people see as retired, I see as being picky. I am definitely still performing, creating, and teaching; it’s just that now I choose my projects more carefully because I value my time with my family.

How do you balance teaching, choreographing and motherhood? When do you create new movement?

Man, I don’t know if we ever really balance everything. My husband has been on my case to be more fully present in each moment. I tend to be connected to my phone: constantly texting with fellow faculty members and dancers, or checking out people’s shenanigans on social media, so I am trying to unplug and really enjoy what I am doing at each moment.

As for where I create, the dance studio has always been a sacred space for me, but I rarely get time by myself in the studio anymore. So like most teachers and choreographers, I create most movement in my car during my commute and hope like crazy it will actually work when I get bodies to try it out on. Luckily, I teach some absolutely incredible students at Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts (BTWHSPVA) who constantly challenge and inspire me, and most importantly, they will try anything!

Photo: Ken Smith

There are times when I look at my body, even through my harsh dancer eyes and think, wow, you look pretty good lady, and other times when I am plunged into a pit of despair over it. What are you feelings about your body? Are your feelings any different post- motherhood?

I usually have the “you look good” moments first thing in the morning when I pick out my outfit for the day (of sweats and t-shirt, I mean let’s be real), and then I spend all day long teaching high school students. That can kill a girl’s confidence pretty quickly. Nothing like standing next to 14-18 year olds in leotards, tights, and perfect make up for hours on end while I’m sweating my butt off and well, not a teenager anymore.

When I cut myself a break, I know I am a much better dancer and performer now than I ever was before becoming a mother. The body may not respond as quickly as I’d like sometimes, but I’m also not in class consistently like I used to be. I get my butt kicked at the gym on a regular basis, and I’m much stronger than I used to be so I tend to use that to boost my confidence. I take great pride in being able to do more push ups than most high school kids, but ask me to do cardio next to them and I’m screwed. To sum up, I still have the same love/hate relationship I used to have with my body, now I just use my hectic schedule as an excuse when I’m not feeling it.

Has being a parent changed your approach to teaching? If so, how?

I’ve always been pretty no nonsense in my approach to teaching, and, as cliché as it is to say, I think of all my students as my kids and try to treat them that way. So maybe my approach to teaching hasn’t changed so much, but it has definitely changed my approach to interacting with parents. Since I teach in a high school, a portion of my job is interacting with parents and guardians of students. My son may be a decade younger than the kids I teach, but I can talk to parents with common experience and understanding, and a huge amount of respect because I know what’s in store for me!

These days, instead of being purists, dancers must have a number of forms in their technical tool belt. How does this play into your teaching?

Well, it is my secret desire to be a breakdancer. Ok, maybe not so secret. I teach ballet and modern at many different technique and ability levels, and one of my favorite things is to learn my students’ secret dancer identities. You know, when you have a student and you find out they’re a tapper, irish step dancer, ballet folklorico superstar, or whatever it is. I think it’s awesome to see how all those different skills can be applied to the movement I’m creating. Cookie-cutter dancers have never interested me and I like to think that makes my classes less intimidating to people. (But really, I’ve enlisted some of my high schoolers to teach me how to break dance, it’s going to be epic.)

What’s your favorite dance TV show - past or present?

While I really appreciate the come back that dance has made through shows like “Dancing with the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance,” I’m really more of a golden age of musicals kind of girl. I adore anything with Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Donald O’Connor, Ann Miller, and the list goes on. My son loves “On The Town” and “Singin’ in the Rain” which makes me incredibly happy; we watch those a lot!

What ‘s your "Is this really happening to me?" mommy tale that will give you years of mileage at cocktail parties?

Oh, there are so many to choose from, my son is a budding stand up comedian with impeccable timing! He is master of the one-liner, as so many toddlers are, but I think my favorite Declan-ism was when he was asked what he wants to be when he grows up, he responded “I want to be an artist so I can art everything!” I think every dance mom has her fair share of screaming in the audience and talking during quiet pieces stories, but when Declan came to one of his first concerts after he started talking he tried to talk to our department chair as she gave her welcome speech. The best part was when he yelled “Hi, Lily” she answered him from the stage!

Once you become a parent, treating yourself is rare. How do you self-indulge these days?

The regular turn off the brain and body indulgence is mindless television and movies, when I can manage to stay awake for them. It usually takes me two or three tries to actually watch an entire episode or movie because I just zonk out. I also have really fun colleagues who are great to hang out and kick back with. We laugh a lot, at work and at home, which does wonders to de-stress.

Your advice to mothers of young children, particularly mothers in dance?

The best advice I got was “make your own normal.” Whatever your child grows up with will be normal for him or her. If going to the studio and being in the theater late is a common occurrence for you, then that’s what your children will understand. Just know where to draw the line. It’s really hard to say “no” to things, but learning that word was a revelation for me. I always thought people would be offended if I told them no, but it really never mattered in the long run, they always understood. You just have to make sure your family time is precious and your loved ones know they are valued. I’m still working on that, every chance I get I make sure my guys know how much I love them.

Photo: Brian Guillaux

How Having Kids Feels Like Having a Bad Boyfriend

2013-05-02T00:44:00.002-05:00

"I lose my temper and say horrible things, and then, when they cry, I come back with, 'I'm sorry, sweetie. I love you. You know I love you baby'," a mom buddy of mine confessed. "I feel like an abusive husband."

She nailed it - a shameful analogy, but totally true.

But was it one sided? Were we parents the only "abusive" ones? I mean sure, as parents and adults we should certainly have more mastery over our anger responses, and there is no excuse whatsoever for violence against a child. But our children have us by the metaphorical balls. Because of our enabling and anxiety, this generation, unlike any before, has been empowered to wage almost professional level psychological warfare against us, their parents.

The last time I felt this level of constant manipulation was when I was a younger, stupider version of myself, in a relationship that could be best compared to Hannah's in the amazing HBO series Girls (that's all I'm going to say, Iest folks curse me for being a spoiler.) Here are the parallels:

I never thought I'd be wanting to take back the power from my kids. Wah-waaah.

Without being a tyrant, how do you keep the balance of power in your favor?

May Finding the Funny!

2013-05-01T07:45:00.000-05:00

Welcome to May's Finding the Funny! Meet the Hosts Anna @ My Life and Kids Kelley @ Kelley's Break Room Robyn @ Hollow Tree Ventures Kerry @ HouseTalkN Julie @ I Like Beer and Babies Keesha @ Mom's New Stage Meredith @ The Mom of the Year Anna @ Random Handprints Ellen and Erin @ Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Toulouse @ Toulouse and Tonic

The Rules

Link up an old or new funny post. Link up as many times as you want (we're serious.) The party is open until Friday at midnight. The earlier you link up, the more clicks you'll get. Click around and meet the other funny bloggers that are linking up. Follow the Finding the Funny Pinterest board. We'll all be pinning our favorites throughout the month. We don't ask you to link back to us or include a button on your blog, but we do ask you to send out a tweet or post about the party on your Facebook page. Be sure to use #findingthefunny.

How to Get a Haircut Without Really Crying: The Quiz

2013-04-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

My hair was boring me, and I started thinking about cutting off my locs. I wanted not only to look different, but to feel different, and I hoped a change in my hair-do would be a new beginning.

I told a good friend of mine, Gina over at FullofIt, about my plans and my apprehension. No stranger to what I was about to undergo, she counseled, "Have beverages on hand." I knew she didn't mean apple juice.

I sat down in the chair. Snip, snip, snip. I had a Jackson 5 circa 1974 'fro under my locs. Why did I now look like a short Morgan Freeman in drag?

I stared at my reflection in disbelief. Who was this woman and what had happened to her hair?!!! Could I gather up what was on the floor and glue it back on? I still had half the day before I had to pick up the kids. Maybe I could get a rush job on some Beyoncé- esque extensions?

The stylist put on a little color, and it helped. A little. What had I done? I took a few selfies and texted them to some friends and the Hubs. All loved it. (Actually, my husband is still adjusting.) I face timed my bestie in NYC and cried. She reassured me that I looked great, saying, "You know I'd tell you if I didn't."

And I knew she would have.

After I calmed down, and put on some make-up, I felt better about it. I ventured over to work to see a student showing of some choreography. My hair, in addition to the piece, received rave reviews. Days later, especially when I woke up, I still freaked at my reflection. Even though my new look was growing on me, pun fully intended, I have begun stalking the natural hair Pinterest boards, eagerly awaiting some bigger hair.

It has not been an easy transition, but I'm getting there with humor. In the spirit of laughter being the best medicine, here's a quiz to poke fun at all the drama surrounding my big chop.

1. As your hair was being cut, you ________________ .

felt as though a new person was coming out of your body, like when that alien came out of Sigourney Weaver, but hot.
felt nervous but excited.
were tempted to bolt, leaving your head half Milli Vanilli/half pixie.

2. You are sure that your husband will __________________________ .

get all bom chicka-wow-wow with you in seconds.
say, “Hey, mister, whatcha got planned for dinner?”
under cover of night drive you to a remote location and then speed off.

3. As soon as your hair was done you planned to _____________________ .

buy some fierce new make up and earrings.
send a photo of your new ‘do to your bestie and get some honest feedback.
get a bottle of vodka and a wig.

4. You wanted the haircut because ________________________________ .

you wanted to look “single and ready to mingle,” instead of like Ponytail Jane.
you hate the idea that only long hair is feminine.
it was all part of your Kojak obsession.

5. Now that you have short hair you feel like ______________________ .

Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball.
Anne Hathaway in Les Misérables.
Pat from SNL.

6. Your mother is probably going to ___________ .

suggest you send photos to that idiot in college who dumped you to show him what he’s missing.
give you a quizzical look and a sarcastic comment.
stage a mock burial of her daughter.

7. As for your FB profile photo, it _________________________ .

was updated STAT. My stylist snapped a fierce pic of me, and I slapped that shizz up immediately.
will be updated as soon as I get the best possible photo.
will be updated with this hair when Al and Ann (as in Sharpton and Coulter) have a love child.

8. You’ll handle your kids’ reaction by telling them, _________________ .

“Why, no, Mommy is not a glamorous moviestar!”
“That hair always grows back.”
“Of course Mommy still has a vagina.”

9. On the street you’ve noticed ______________ .

that men, women, kids, dogs, even squirrels wanna get wit' chu.
a few curious glances, but no major difference from passers-by.
people handing you spare change and the remains of their sandwich.

10. When you see someone with long hair, you feel ____________ .

totally sexier than they are.
nostalgic.
regretful and queasy – like someone who just ate from a roadside sashimi stand.

What was the last major change you made to your hair? What did you think? What did "they"?

Mom in the Spotlight: Writer, Stephanie Giese

2013-04-26T16:30:00.000-05:00

Stephanie Giese is a wife and mom of three who spends her days sticking out like a sore thumb in Amish country. Her work can be seen on her blog, Binkies and Briefcases, or stephaniegiese.com. Stephanie is a contributing writer for Smart Magazine and has been featured on In The Powder Room and My Life And Kids. She is one of the co-authors of the new humor anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone and is scheduled to release her first children’s book next year.

How old are your children? Boys? Girls?

I have three kids. My oldest is a boy. He’s 6. The younger two are girls, ages 4 and 1 and a half.

B.C. (before children) what was your career? Have you picked up where you left off, or chosen a new path?

I was an elementary school teacher and gifted specialist in my BC life. I would love to get back into the classroom one day, but right now it is next to impossible to find teaching jobs in Central, Pennsylvania. I’m very blessed to be able to stay home to focus on my kids and my writing. This year has really taken off for me. I have started writing for a local magazine, been featured as a co-author of the new humor anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone (you know something about that, right Keesha ;) and signed a contract for my first children’s book.

What continues to surprise you about motherhood -- in relation to yourself or among moms in general?

I am constantly surprised by the ability we all have to roll with the punches, laugh, and get back up and try again. Any other job that combined nursing, teaching, food service, and customer relations would have a pretty high turn-over rate, I imagine, but we just plow through and eventually come out the other side having raised adults. (or so I’m told.)

When did you start blogging? And of course, you've gotta tell us why!

I started my blog, Binkies and Briefcases, in 2010 as a New Year’s Resolution to “be a better blogger.” We had a small family blog before that, but we were absolutely horrible about keeping it updated and friends and family kept asking for more current information. I found that I really liked having my own online space and the community that came along with being a “mom blogger.”

What is at the end of your blogging rainbow? What are your goals as a writer?

I have visions of starting an online conservative humor magazine, but I know myself well enough to know that I just don’t possess enough technical ability right now to make that happen. This year I am starting to go to blog conferences for the first time. (Bloggy Boot Camp in NC and Haven) I’m hoping to network with other bloggers and maybe a few brands and expand my reach.

My goal as a writer in the past had always been to just be a writer. I didn’t really have a clear idea what that meant, but now that I am beginning to start to see my pieces in print and get paid for them, I think I am there. Of course my three ultimate goals as a writer would be:

1. See a book on the NYT Best-Sellers list

2. Write a screenplay that becomes a blockbuster (or have one adapted from one of my books)

3. Be interviewed by Oprah

Your best "Dear God, why me?" mommy story?

My son is quite a pistol, so there are MANY. One that comes to mind at the moment happened when my he was about four. I was in the other room tending to his sister and also very pregnant. He said he was going to the potty, but while he was in the bathroom he decided to “help” me clean by squeezing FOUR (yes f-o-u-r) tubes of toothpaste onto my hairbrush and scrubbing it all over the room. The very next day he dumped an entire bottle of bubble bath into the toilet, clogged it, and flooded the bathroom, the hallway, and the bedroom next door with bubbly toilet water. It was like a scene from a 90’s family sitcom, but it’s not nearly as funny while it is actually happening.

What are your guilty pleasures these days?

My husband and I watch entirely too much TV after we put the kids to bed. Our favorite shows right now are The Following, New Girl, and Duck Dynasty.

If the universe said, "You can experience this one thing for one whole day," what would you choose?

Sleep. I know that’s boring, but I’m pretty sure anyone with young kids would have the same answer.

Your advice to bloggers, both newbie and seasoned?

Network. A lot of people ask me specifically how to do this. I recommend joining networks like The SITS Girls and trying to go to conferences if you can. If that is too overwhelming, try forming a Facebook group of local bloggers from your area. When you can meet people in person it goes a long way!

Also, make sure that your blog has its own social media pages. It drives me a little bananas when I want to follow a blog and the only option I have to do so is to subscribe to a feed.

The last piece of advice is more for myself, because I still don’t understand it at all: Learn how to use Google +.

I'm Guesting at Motherhood, WTF!

2013-04-22T05:30:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone!

Happy Monday!

If you are a Mom's New Stage regular, I can't thank you enough for your continued support. I know time is precious, and I am honored you choose to spend some of yours with me. I am doing my 90s hip-hop happy dance (cabbage patch, anyone?) because today's post on "Actually Useful Apps" appears on the fabulous blog Motherhood WTF? ! If you haven't read anything on this site, then you need to, STAT. I can't thank her enough for featuring me! Motherhood, WTF? is uber smart, irreverent and hysterically funny. And as you can tell from the title, she is honest and real. When I read her posts, I think, "That's exactly what I'd say!" (If, of course, my mouth and brain weren't working against each other.)

Now, if you came here because you read my post on Motherhood, WTF? and decided to explore my little corner of the Interwebs, welcome, welcome, a thousand times welcome! I am a former dancer, now a dance teacher and the mother of an almost 3 year old and an almost 4.5 year old. They are 18 months apart, which means I am so tired and downright dumb I can't find my butt with both hands. It means every day includes seconds of transcendent joy as well as several lost items, a one meal no one will eat, and bedtimes that would make Mary Poppins herself drink, swear and fight as though she were starring in the Quentin Tarantino remake of her story.

Please look around and enjoy! Some of my favorite posts are 10 Things About Me that Suck for my Partner, The Mother's Promise and Momsanity. And to answer the perennial question "How does she do it?" there are also some fun, yet insightful interviews with dancers, photographers and some of your favorite bloggers.

Oh, yeah, this might be a good time to mention my other visitors... The folks who came to this page looking for "naked moms," or because they googled "I s--t without clothes." Or perhaps they linked on over from a site with so many up close and personal vaginas it looks like viewers are supposed to perform online pap smears. I know you've probably already figured this out, Pervy McPervypants, but you in the wrong place. YOU IS NASTY! So nasty you don't even deserve proper grammar. Take your filthy self someplace else for that kind of mess.

For everyone else, I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

Signing off with great love in my heart for the fierce city of BOSTON,
with prayers for peace, and a sincere hope that the remainder of April has met with a talented psychiatrist and taken its meds.

(And by the way that's Keesha, with a long "e" as in cheese, not a short one as in flesh. When people call me Ke$ha I want to take my ears off and soak them in Lysol.)

Mom in the Spotlight: weeSpring Co-Founder, Mompreneur, Melissa Post

2013-04-20T22:41:00.002-05:00

Melissa Post is one of the co-founders (and Community Manager) of weeSpring, a platform for new and expecting parents to share trusted advice with their friends on baby products. A former consultant at Monitor Group and a digital marketing guru for AmEx, Melissa has always loved connecting people and understanding what motivates them. With the arrival of twin girls last summer, her desire to help new and expecting parents network and share with one another has piqued her interest double-time. Melissa received her MBA from NYU Stern and is a graduate of Dartmouth College.

How old are your children?

My twin girls just had their 9 month birthday (they’ll be 1 in July). Despite the many sleepless nights, I feel like they were just born!

What do you hope women can take away from your site?

I hope women (and Dads too!) can use weeSpring to share recommendations with their friends on baby gear. When searching for advice early on (and since), we found that almost all of our questions (how do you bathe a newborn, what do I do when my baby is sick, how do I get my daughter to sleep through the night) are answered with products (The Fisher Price Whale of a Tub, the NoseFrieda aspirator, the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD).

With weeSpring, I hope new parents can share what they love (and regret) to help others navigate the incredibly overwhelming process of figuring out what you need for your baby- both before they are born, and once they arrive. Ultimately, I hope expecting and new parents come to see weeSpring as THE go-to resource for trusted advice.

Tell us about the name of your company.

weeSpring was truly the result of a collaborative exercise trying to combine two words we thought represented what we wanted to convey. “wee” connotes baby, but also feels warm and inviting, and “spring” gets at the idea of growth (we want to grow with parents and their children), sharing, and a network. We want to be the trusted source of advice for all things baby.

How do you find balance?

It’s not easy. Our mantra at weeSpring is “it’s about quality, not quantity.” When you become a mom, efficiency takes on a whole new meaning (as does multi-tasking). It is not uncommon that I am watching my girls jump in their bouncers while sending an email from the elliptical.

What is your best time of the day? Your most challenging?

The best time of day unfailingly is 7:40 a.m. when I walk into my girls’ room to get them and I see the biggest smile on both their faces. It makes everything else seem unimportant. The most challenging is when I have to say goodbye to head to work, knowing I can’t be part of it all, but knowing that having balance, and doing something I am passionate about (outside of being a mom) will undoubtedly make me a better mom every moment I’m with them.

What is your best "this is not happening to me" mommy story?

We have a double stroller (as most twin moms do), and brought it with us to the airport when my husband and I were flying down to Florida for a week in November. We had made it all the way through security with few tears, the stroller, both car seats (attached onto the stroller of course), between 8 and 10 carry ons of breast feeding equipment, milk for the plane, toys for the plane, magazines for the plane (did I really think I was going to read?), and who knows what else. All was going so well.

After a 45 minute delay, which already had everyone (including my girls) on edge, they then announce in the PACKED terminal that they will begin boarding people with infants. So, we hurry to board the jetway, each holding one girl in our arms because the stroller wasn’t cutting it, and barely able to hold all of the bags and push the stroller at the same time. There are hundreds of people behind us eager to board, and the stroller (marketed as THE double stroller that fits through almost all regular doorways) won’t fit through the doorway. What ensues is a good 10 minutes of trying to take apart the double stroller that, of course, does not want to fold at this given point in time while two babies are screaming, 200 people want to board behind us, and at least 4 Jetblue attendants are trying to help us carry the stroller parts, the two carseats, our two Baby Bjorns, and the 8-10 bags as we carry the girls through.

I have never sweated so much or been happier when the bottles made it into our screaming girls' mouths than I was that day.

What do you wish someone had told you when you became a mom?

There is actually one thing someone told me before becoming a mom that I think every mom out there should know. There will never be a day you don’t worry about your child. When you are pregnant, you worry about your child being healthy. When your child is born, you worry about them eating enough. When your child is 6 months, you worry about when they’ll start to crawl...and then walk. Eventually you will worry about whether they are making friends, fitting in, thriving academically, succeeding in sports or art (or whatever their passion becomes), driving safely, getting into the college they have their heart set on. So, just know the worrying starts the moment you find out you’re becoming a mom, and never ends. But so does the love you feel for that little person you are bringing into the world. And thank goodness that never goes away.

A mother who has been there/done that whose brain you want to pick?

If I could have dinner (and drinks) with one person right now (other than my own mom who is the source of all of my best advice!), it would likely be Lynn Perkins, founder and CEO of UrbanSitter, a terrific platform for sharing and finding babysitters.

Lynn is the mom of twin boys, just had her third, and successfully started UrbanSitter in the midst of it all. Miraculously, she still finds time for her family, and seems to make it all work. Having spent a short amount of time with Lynn, I believe she has a lot to teach any new moms out there trying to find balance, while pursuing something they are really passionate about.

Internet Marketing & SEO for Mom Blogs

2013-04-16T23:14:00.000-05:00

Hello, my name is Philip Rudy. I work as a Digital Consultant at Traffic Digital Agency, as well as for some of our clients 1800LAWFIRM, Spartan Hall of Fame Cafe, 8004BLINDS, and many more. Since Mom blogs are a huge niche on the Internet, the space can be very competitive, and though what usually wins a large audience is great content that people come back to time and time again, the extra edge of leveraging that content is called search engine optimization (SEO) - and that is what I am here to talk to you about today.

First off - What is search engine optimization?

Simply put, search engine optimization is the attempt to increase your rankings through optimization of the 200+ signals that Google looks at when calibrating a website and determining it's overall rank in their organic search results. There is off-site and on-site SEO.

Ethics & SEO

Everyone has their own opinion on SEO ethics. A lot of it has to do with intent, but basically everyone makes up their own mind. Why is this issue in the SEO space? Because a lot of what SEO is can be considered "gaming" the search engines, or manipulating the algorithm in the favor of your website - most of the time this is done through link building. But keyword stuffing, content scraping, and duplicate content copyright infringing are all issues when it comes SEO and ethics. As of right now, there is no "webspam" tactics used by SEO experts that are illegal. Everything in the SEO space (aside from hacking, which unfortunately happens sometimes) is considered legal and fair game. Right now it’s pretty much up to society what is considered ethical, and up to Google to consider if what you are doing is fair game or not.

I could go on for days....

But let's get to the tactics....

Onsite Page & Content Optimization

Really there is no better SEO plan than to have your content come from the heart, and learn to gain a following without having to rely on Google, but if you are trying to optimize for certain keywords (I always recommend doing the optimization throughout the process while maintaining quality and overall content value) there really is a quite simple formula for onsite keywords. Your most important onsite factors usually go something like this...

1. Overall URL. In the mom space, this is usually the least optimized factor. Exact match domains (EMDs), Partial match domains (PMDs), and domain names under 16 characters are usually what work best. Need some proof? Do a few Google searches on random keywords and see how many times the domain name is the exact keyword.

Sequencing Keyword Phrases and how it relates to your URLs:

Optimizing your URLs and how you set them up for each page is completely up to you. Remember that you should not always think about SEO when it comes to optimizing your site but you should keep a healthy balance between optimizing for the user (what I like to call search experience optimization) and optimizing for the robots (traditional SEO).

Example: Does your page content express views that are very relevant and attached to the release date of the article? In WordPress, there is a format option to have your date in the URL of the article. This can be very useful to people looking for specific time frames when doing their searches, but it is necessarily the best way to optimize your URLs.

So what is the best way to optimize your URLs? Here are a few rules:

o The shorter the better

o Use your main keyword once

o Don't repeat keywords

o Use underscores for exact sequencing (example: Google a few book titles - notice that a majority of them have underscores in the URL)

o Use hyphens when your targeted keywords usually can come in a variety of sequencing

2. Overall Page Structure. Your title tags, meta description, header tags, and keyword density all play their role when it comes to onsite optimization. Keyword density usually plays a role in simply not over doing it. Don't hit your targeted keyword in your content too many times (Keep it under 5%) otherwise Google might see your over-mentioning as a sign of spam (otherwise known as keyword stuffing). Out of these four, your title tag is pretty much the most important thing. That said, if you look in the HTML, your overall page structure should look something like this....

3. Link Building. Link building is the trickiest of all of the ways to optimize a site and it is also the most controversial. Some SEO experts place way too much emphasis on link building and its value in the SEO world. (Read: Why Are You So Hard On Link Builders) However it is undeniable that links are one of the biggest factors in your websites position in the search engine results pages (SERPs).

There are many important aspects of link building that you have to take into consideration, each of which ultimately deserve its own article, but the idea is to have as many links pointing to your site from other sites as possible.

Ways to build links:

o submit to directories

o local outlets (like Patch.com)

o press releases (Using a service like PRweb)

o guest blogging

o mention outreach (did someone mention you without linking?)

o citation building (like yelp)

o reciprocal linking

o infographics

o contests & giveaways

o trending and evergreen content

o widget building (like this widget from Zillow)

o paying for links (against Google's policies)

There really is no better list of complete link building strategies than from link building master Jon Cooper of Point Blank SEO. Here is the guideline, and if you notice, it follows the coding techniques in terms of onsite page optimization to a 'T.'

There are so many other best practices about SEO that you can build hold websites around the topic. Or without further ado, here are some SEO resources and tools for those who may not be familiar with the practice:

· SEOmoz Beginners Guide

· SEOBook (awesome blog)

· SEOquake (toolbar you install on your browser)

· Ahrefs (used for evaluating links)

· Screaming Frog (used to evaluate onsite factors)

· RavenTools (for agencies usually)

Once you learn about SEO, you begin to see the Internet in a whole other light…

Mom in the Spotlight: Ballerina, Genevieve Weeks

2013-04-12T22:37:00.002-05:00

Photo: Andrew Weeks

Genevieve Custer Weeks was born and raised in Madison, Wisconsin. She received her early ballet training there, and took part in her first dance productions in the middle of her parents' living room.

At the age of fifteen, Genevieve moved to Chicago to study at the School of Ballet Chicago, and that same year became a founding member of the Ballet Chicago Studio Company. In addition, Genevieve supplemented her training with study at the San Francisco Ballet School, American Ballet Theatre, and with Suzanne Farrell at the The Kennedy Center.

A contract with the Oakland Ballet brought Genevieve to the San Francisco Bay Area. Beginning in 2006, Genevieve began performing as a freelance artist, dancing principal and soloist roles throughout North America, and started dreaming of her opening own boutique school that would celebrate the things she loved most about ballet. During a break in her performance schedule, Genevieve's husband, Andrew, finally asked, "Why wait?" and Tutu School was born.

Today, Genevieve lives in San Francisco with Andrew, a photographer, and their son Sullivan, an adorable havoc-wreaker. Now retired from performing, she enjoys perfecting her butterfly flying and fairy walks with her students each week at Tutu School.

Photo: Andrew Weeks

How old are your children? How many girls? Boys?

I have one four year-old boy, Sullivan.

Did you plan to work outside the home once you had children?

I think I always knew that I wanted to have a career as well as a family, and I think that I probably also instinctively knew that I would be a better mom as a working mom. Part of the appeal of owning my own business (and therefore setting my own hours) was that I also sensed before I was ever a mom that I wanted –if at all possible- to have the best of both worlds: I wanted to have a career of my own but I also wanted to be able to pick up my kids from school, and be at soccer with them, or take the afternoon and have an adventure. Granted, the reality of the situation is that I get to do all of that, but there are also plenty of afternoons of “Mommy just has to get one more email out,” and my fair share of late work nights to make up for all that I didn’t get to during the day. Still, I wouldn’t trade it all for anything, and I feel incredibly lucky for my situation.

Do you still perform?

I actually just retired from performing this past December with one final run of The Nutcracker with Madison Ballet. At my retirement performance there was a big curtain call –complete with confetti- and Sullivan and my husband, Andrew, brought me flowers on stage. It was a pretty perfect goodbye.

Photo: Andrew Weeks

How was Tutu School born?

Really Tutu School was created from the same impulse that first made me want to dance. As a child, I would hear music and have to dance to it. I have so many memories of dancing around my parents’ living room with utter abandon to whatever music was playing, totally enchanted and enveloped in my own world of notes, and magic, and movement... The same feelings I would later have on stage, but before I knew you could build a whole life around them. When it comes down to what I truly and unreservedly believe in about ballet and dancing -and what I want to pass on to others- it is those feelings: I want every child to have a place in the world where they can go and lose themselves in a piece of music or the story of a ballet, because I know they’ll come out the other side a little bit better for it.

With that as my mission, the business side of things really just fell into place. I realized there was giant hole in the marketplace of dance instruction. Creative movement and pre-ballet programs were (and are) usually just tacked on to larger dance programs, not designed specifically to cater to a group of students –those under the age of eight- with very specific and unique needs. I began developing a plan for a business I hoped I would one day open to fill this need, a boutique-style ballet school that would be tailored precisely to serve the littlest of dancers. I thought I would work to open one by the time I retired from performing. Then, in the midst of a season where I was freelancing, and feeling especially low during my off-time between gigs, my husband said, “Why wait? Why not start it now?” About six months later we opened our first Tutu School. That was over five years ago, and now we have two locations and have launched Tutu School Franchises so that we can franchise additional locations all over the country.

Photo: Andrew Weeks

What do you envision as the next step for dancers who age out of Tutu School?

One of the fundamental principles of Tutu School is that it gives young children (all of our students are eight or under) a magical introduction to ballet, and a basic technical foundation they can build on if they choose to study dance more seriously later on. Some of our students choose this route and phase into more advanced and intensive programs after they “graduate” from Tutu School. Many of our students, though, aren’t interested in pursuing dance as they get older, and they leave Tutu School with a love of ballet and a cultural education that I like to think will serve them well whatever they choose to do with their lives.

Photo: Andrew Weeks

Do you see the dance landscape as different from when you were studying? If so, how?

I think more young dancers are having the opportunity to go to college prior to -or even during- their performing careers now, which is something that was just starting to become more common when I was entering the dance world. I think it’s a development that can only lead to good things for dancers eventually looking to transition out of performing.

Women, especially dancers, often have an intense struggle with body image. Pregnancy and motherhood can make us more critical, or, they can give us a new acceptance and appreciation of our physical selves. How has this issue been for you?

I was always a bigger-boned, bigger-muscled dancer in the ballet world, which seems like an obvious curse, but I think it also ended up being a blessing. At some point it almost became liberating, because I knew that there was a certain body type I would never attain, and people would either be ok with that or I would dance somewhere else. I can’t pretend like I always felt that way every second of my performing career (and certainly when I was a young dancer I really struggled with my body), but eventually I had to come to some sense of peace with the facility I’d been given and what I could reasonably expect of it.

That being said, dealing with a post-pregnancy body was tricky. It took me a while to lose the baby weight, despite the fact that I had worked out very consistently (ballet, pilates, Bar Method) throughout my entire pregnancy. After my son was born, though, I kind of went into hibernation mode. It felt like it took me a long time to rejoin the real world post-baby and an even longer time to reclaim my body. I ended up getting back on stage ten months after my son was born, but it took a lot of work to get there. Now, I think I value my work-out time and just overall fitness more than ever; it sounds silly but I’ve realized only recently how lucky I’ve been to have exercise be a required part of my job!

Any great "OMG, Why me?!!!" mommy stories to share?

The first performance of mine that my son Sullivan ever came to was A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and he was not quite two years-old. I was Titania, and at the end of first act the curtain came down as I was in a cart with Bottom being pulled off stage by a group of fairies. It’s really a very sweet ending to Act One, but no one thought to prepare Sullivan for it, or how it would appear to him, and as the curtain came in –cutting his mother off from him- he suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs, “Mooooooommmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!!!!!” I could hear it perfectly from the stage, so I can only imagine how loudly it echoed in the rest of the theater. He was inconsolable for a while afterwards. I felt terrible, but it’s kind of a cute story now.

Favorite 3 dance movies or TV shows, past or present?

The Turning Point is a classic, obviously, and I always have fun watching it. I’m probably revealing my extreme inner Balanchine geek if I say Dancing for Mr. B: Six Balanchine Ballerinas, and both parts of the Balanchine Celebration that were originally aired on Dance in America, but I’ve watched each more times than I can count.

Advice for young moms?

It is so much easier said than done, but give yourself some credit and just trust that you are enough.

Photo: Andrew Weeks

Brava, Genevieve!

Don't forget to visit Tutu School if you have a young dancer in the San Francisco Bay Area, or if you are interested in franchise opportunities. And "like" Tutu School on Facebook!

Lies, Scary Mommy and a Giveaway!

2013-04-09T23:01:00.000-05:00

Jill Smoker (a.k.a. Scary Mommy) has a fabulous new book out: Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies), and it got me to thinking...What was my biggest misconception about motherhood?

It was definitely discipline, which I was certain would be a breeze for me. As a no-nonsense dance teacher, surely I'd have no problem keeping my own children in line. Mothers who let their children get the best of them were overindulgent pushovers, so concerned with being liked by their children that they were just asking for a kid who was lazy and obnoxioius, if not rocking a government-issue orange jumpsuit someday.

I would use nonverbal cues and carefully chosen, yet firm words. I would impose time outs and other appropriate consequences-- things that respected my own dignity as a parent, as well as my children's need to be understood and navigate clearly delineated boundaries.

Unfortunately once my kids were old enough to commit ACTS -- naughty or dangerous or otherwise unacceptable ACTS -- of their own free will, I realized I had been looking at things through rose colored wine glasses.

Discipline is fricking difficult, and it does not come naturally.

All moms have a look, right? The look that means not only stop doing what you're doing, but stop thinking what you're thinking. Apparently my look made me look hilarious, like Grimace wearing a Farrah Fawcett wig. Even at 18 months of age, my kids giggled mockingly at my stern warning face and resumed their mischief making. Time outs, and all the resultant chasing and hauling the kicking and screaming offender back to his room resulted in my getting the equivalent of 45 minutes on a treadmill set at incline = Himalayas. And my calmly reasoned words morphed from measured calm to sarcasm, then from desperate threats (that had little chance of being enforced) to prison-riot style shouting.

Somehow I thought that good moms had discipline in their bones. Maybe they'd gotten an injection for it with the epidural. Or maybe in the 70s and 80s we kids just feared our parents more. My mom's "look" was an automatic cease and desist signal, unlike my hilarious expression that made my toddlers think, "Bitch, you must be joking." Where I got the idea that discipline was easy, I'll never know, and I wish someone had smacked that idea right out of my head at regular intervals beginning with my 8-week ultrasound.

For another vicious lie, head over to Anna’s awesome blog, Random Handprints, where THEY told her putting a baby and a toddler to sleep in the same room was a cinch. I'll side with Anna -- that's one of the greatest myths in motherhood ever.

Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies) is a must read in the Mommy canon, and you have to get yourself a copy! It is therapy, like a conversation with a witty and wise friend. You definitely want to be the first mom at the playground/at soccer practice/at the dance studio waiting room to be reading this book.

So, because, as we all know, motherhood is about winning, Anna, the rockstar blogger at Random Handprints, and I are giving you the opportunity to win one of two copies of Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies).

To enter, let us know in the Rafflecopter form below what was the most vicious lie you were told about motherhood?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

You can also earn extra entries by following Mom's New Stage, Random Handprints and Scary Mommy on Facebook and Twitter!

And don’t forget to visit Scary Mommy for regular doses of Jill as well guest posts from some of the hottest mommy bloggers around. Hilarious lists such as 10 Reasons Newborns are Evil and 7 Ways to Keep the Mystery in Your Marriage explore the good, bad and the "what the @$%& happened to my life?!!!" of motherhood. And psst, don't forget to check the comments...

Good luck! And if you don't win, remember, laughter is thy medicine. Get yourself (and your friends) a copy of Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies) on Amazon!

Mom in the Spotlight: Dancer, Studio Owner and Publisher of Dance Novels, Tammy Lechner

2013-04-05T22:56:00.000-05:00

My mother likes to tell the story that I was born dancing - delivered feet first and kicking. I have danced throughout my life as a ballerina in training, a musical theater performer and then a studio owner of 17 years. Somewhere in there I dabbled in real estate, insurance, personal growth, baking, special needs advocacy and lots of other little sidelines that keep "free time" an evasive concept in my life. Mom of four, doggy mom of two and loving wife to my husband and partner, Paul. I am never one to let an opportunity pass, and these dance novels just needed someone to "do them" rather than "think about doing them".

To learn more about Tammy's school, please visit Dance Studio London. For more information about The Dance Series, a highly recommended series of dance novels perfect for your tween or teen bunhead, tapper or contemporary mover, please visit www.thedanceseries.com. Tammy's publishing company can be found at www.lechnersyndiations.com.

How old are your children? Boys? Girls?

I have 4 children. The oldest is a 17 year old girl who is severely autistic. She takes special needs dance classes .The next is a 14 year old girl who is an aspiring ballet dancer. She is currently boarding at a ballet school. Then I have a 9 year old son and a 6 year old son. Both have great feet and extension but no desire to dance...YET!

How did you come to own your own studio?

After a career that included dance, theatre, film and television I moved back to my small hometown. I started a small performance troupe that eventually became a full time studio.

How did you balance running a studio and motherhood? Especially when your children were little?

The balance was challenging. I never took a maternity leave- just brought the babies to the studio. But I was free in the daytime and I had a creative outlet so it worked well. As the studio grew, I was able to work less nights a week so that also helped. Basically it was kind of like being a stay at home mom with a full time job.

You mentioned you daughter is a dancer. Have you ever been her official teacher? Does she accept your feedback and advice?

My daughter started dance at 5 and she was in my class for 3 years. At that time she got more serious and I wanted to ensure she loved dance as opposed to dancing because her mom did. I put her into another faculty member's class and she still loved it. I eventually taught her again when she was about 11 and I continued to have her in at least a class each season until she went to ballet school. She is very driven so she always took correction well and worked hard for me.

What do you want your dancers to take from The Dance Series?

I hope to reinforce some of the positive lessons that a dancer can learn through dance using dance teachers and dance friends as role models. I also want to encourage reading in pre-teens. If they can read about something they already love, it is a win-win situation!

I read Tutu Much, and admired the way the author, Airin Emery, portrayed some of the dysfunction in the dance world without glamorizing it. What do you want your young audience to take away from the dance novels in the Dance Series?

I hope to portray realistic challenges that dancers face like weight issues, not being the teacher's favorite and losing in competition when in your heart you know you should have won in a way that our readers can identify without being overly dramatic. I hope the books inspire dancers to persevere through the challenges and enjoy the fun of dance.

With shows like Bunheads, Breaking Pointe and SYTYCD, and movies like Black Swan, it is evident that Americans are fascinated by the dance world. As far as dance is concerned, what would you like to see more of in popular media?

My favorite is Breaking Pointe because it is true reality. Unscripted dance drama. The other shows are great because they introduce dance to so many viewers and I love that they show men in dance. If I could create a show it would be "So You Think You Can Choreograph" and it would put young choreographers competing in setting routines on everyone from professional dancers to small children or people with physical challenges.

What are the main differences you see between today's dancers and when you were performing?

Young dancers today are often taught "tricks" before they learn technique. My belief is that these young superstars who are doing switch splits and triple turns at 6 will do irreparable damage to their bodies.

Any mom bloopers to share? How about dance bloopers, in class or on stage?

My favorite was a number where the 5 year olds were dressed as lambs complete with tails with a pom pom on the end. After a little twirl, 2 lambs had their tails tangles together which meant they were attached together by the bum. They completed the whole piece dragging one another around the stage by the backside. Very cute!

Advice for young moms?

Dance should be fun. I don't recommend that children begin formal dance until they are 4. Gymnastics is a better for the gross motor development of toddlers. In addition to looking at the studio's credentials I always suggest you see if the teachers are people you would see as life mentors for your child. If not, keep looking! If your child loves dance they will spend a lot of time at the studio you choose so choose wisely.

April Finding the Funny and Huge Chobani Giveaway!

2013-04-02T19:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to April's Finding the Funny! Before we start sharing our funny posts, we have a (huge) giveaway!

My Parenting Victory (and a HUGE giveaway)!

My Yogurt Eaters

Bedtime. A struggle, to put it mildly in my home, and I'm sure in many of yours. Most nights I feel as though I'm going into battle against an adversary equipped with the latest technological advances, while I have only a basket of blueberries.

But last night I decided to take back the power.

I explained the rules. Bedtime was at 9 pm sharp. They could have as many stories as they wanted if they got their bath done, pj's on and teeth brushed quickly. I would set a timer, and when it beeped at 9 pm, it was lights out.

They seemed to get it. They loved the idea of having as many stories as possible if they moved quickly, which they did. Both got 3 stories each, with me reading to Mr. R and the Hubs to Lady A. When the buzzer rang, there was minimal protest -- far less than I expected. Within minutes they had their fill of hugs and kisses and were tucked into bed.

IT WORKED! Victory was mine! I was proud of myself for not caving, and of them for cooperating. A system is born! From now on, hopefully bedtime will be as easy as it is to get them to eat their morning yogurt!

Raising kids isn’t easy, but Chobani Champions is all about celebrating the little victories in parenting. Together with Chobani, we wanna make YOU a winner.

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It's Finding the Funny Time!

Meet the Hosts Anna @ My Life and Kids Kelley @ Kelley's Break Room Robyn @ Hollow Tree Ventures Kerry @ HouseTalkN Julie @ I Like Beer and Babies Keesha @ Mom's New Stage Meredith @ The Mom of the Year Anna @ Random Handprints Ellen and Erin @ Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Toulouse @ Toulouse and Tonic

The Rules

15 Memories of a Girl Who Danced in the 80s

2013-04-01T22:19:00.000-05:00

1. Lynn Stanford's Music for Ballet Class, which to this day sends my soul soaring.

2. Stirrup tights, the awkward older sister of convertible tights.

3. The Jane Fonda wrestling-style leotard with a striped tank underneath that I wore to jazz class.

4. A Very Young Dancer, which I read with awe and reverence, every chance I got.

3. Leg warmers, at least one pair, were a must!

4. The F movies - Flashdance, Fame, Footloose, Fast Forward, in addition to, of course, Stayin' Alive, White Nights, Dirty Dancing, Breakin' and Beat Street.

5. The day I got my bubble gum pink Capezio pointe shoes in Pavlova. The other models were Nicolini, Ultimo and Contempora, oh yeah, and Duro-Toe.

6. My jazz teacher who taught the whole class in heels. And I thought she was the coolest woman on the planet.

7. Hiking my leotard or trunks (TRUNKS!) higher than my hipbones, often by running an elastic, belt or bandana underneath and fastening/tying it in front.

A CHORUS LINE, Nicole Fosse (gray leotard, left of center),
Michelle Johnston (foreground, center), 1985. ©Columbia Pictures

8. Shiny EVERYTHING!

9. Making myself a Flashdance-style, i.e., cut to reveal one shoulder, shirt, yes, for jazz class.

10. The more the bounce the better the stretch. Wow!

11. The Solid Gold Dancers. That jazz-hand isolation series. Finishing the number coiled around some dude's ankle. I wanted this for myself. Really. I know. Shut up!

12. It seemed possible to be in every single dance movie, like Cynthia Rhodes.

13. Gelsey Kirkland. So beautiful, but um, yeah. . .

14. White Capezio jazz shoes. And like ballet slippers, no split sole, so if you didn't have any feet, you were in trouble! Then black jazz shoes came on the scene - how rebellious!

15. Having runs and holes in your tights, like a Harvey Edwards poster, was cool - it meant you were truly a dedicated and suffering artist.

A Frenemy Named Siri

2013-03-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

I got an Iphone for Christmas. Finally I didn't have to be embarrassed about taking my phone out at a restaurant dinner party. Finally, I would be able to show people more photos of my kids than anyone thought possible. Finally, I could check e-mail in the car (only after parking) of course.

And finally, I had my own personal assistant. I had Siri.

The first time I put Siri to use was en route to my friend's naked spa birthday party between Christmas and New Year's. I had checked directions the old fashioned way, on my laptop, and then copied them down on paper because my laptop isn't connected to a printer. Don't hate. Writing helped me get the directions in my Swiss cheese slice of a brain.

Still, I thought it would be lovely to have the added reassurance of turn-by-turn GPS-informed guidance. I'm not a confident highway driver - the only thing more unnerving to me would be chowing down on a platter of week old sushi, or running sprints in Lady Gaga heels. I wanted -- needed-- all the help I could get.

I got in my car, and looked up the spa. Dutifully, Siri found it, and I commandeered her to give me driving directions. She was on point getting me out of my neighborhood and onto Lake Shore Drive. Her smooth, yet robotic voice made me feel like I had my own personal tour guide. I had arrived, baby.

But then on I-55, things began to go so very WRONG! I knew I was supposed to take the exit onto I-94, but Siri directed me to continue toward St. Louis.

WTF, Siri?! I thought you had my back!

I tried to stuff my e-genie back in her bottle but she was fiercely determined to remain in the world and to be a pain in my ass. I tapped wildly on the phone, trying to reprogram her, to redirect her, to make her worthy of my trust again, but it quickly became clear that I had to choose between getting Siri in sync with my needs, or wrecking my car. I don't know what Hubs would have done if the gift he'd given me not five days ago had caused the untimely death of his stupid, can't-drive-for-shit, multi-tasking wife.

Siri directed me off the highway at every single exit. When I finally parted ways with I-94, she persistently, in a tone that I heard as not only exasperated, but downright hostile, told me to turn around. I felt mocked and betrayed.

I wanted Siri defenestrated, as one of my former bratty private-school students had done with her decidedly unworthy phone circa 2001. My I-phone had become I-backseat driver. How could I shut this bitch up?! I was at once alone and a dysfunctional couple arguing all the way to their destination.

I continued following my notes and praying that I wasn't going to wind up in Iowa. My first Iphone journey had been an abysmal failure.

When I got to the spa, I saw what had gone so horribly wrong.

Siri had been directing me to the King's Health Spa in Downer's Grove, not King Spa and Sauna in Niles. God bless America, I had touched the wrong location. It was all my fault.

After that things got a little better. I fired Siri from navigating long drives and hired Google Maps. Siri was now relegated to being my secretary -- her sole function making phone calls in the car.

Usually she was great. I loved saying "Raina Jenks Mobile!" or "Call Tom Cell" and getting hooked up. The kids giggled at these requests and chanted, "Raina Jenkins mobile! Raina Jenkins mobile!" But every now and then Siri demonstrated that she was in serious need of an ear candling session. And as every mom knows, car time is some of the most precious time around. When I lost valuable time interpreting for Idiot Siri I was PISSED. And her patronizing and calm was beyond irritating.

Asking for Tina Jacobs Connor was met with this snippy reply:

Like a bitchy teen forced to shop at the mall with her mother, I repeated my request, caustically enunciating every syllable. I said, "Ti-NA Ja-COBS Con-NOR."

Siri replied with this:

"I SAID TI-NA JA-COBS CON-NOR," I shouted, practically panting with rage.

Siri came right back at me with this:

I know you did not just get all patronizing on me! Oh, Hell no, Siri! I began hurling profanities at her (yes, at a machine), before dialing the number myself.

A few days later I tried again. "Christine Williams," I said, as clearly as possible.

"Do you mean Chrissy Williams?" Siri asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"Dialing," Siri replied. She paused slightly before adding cheekily, "Keesha, what would you do without me?"

God only knows, Siri. God only knows.

No One Loves Talking Shit Like I Do!

2013-03-26T14:57:00.000-05:00

About six weeks ago, Mr. R hopped out of the car, and ahead of me and his sister, dashed across the grassy area between curb and sidewalk, and into school. Noticing nothing out of the ordinary, I deposited him and Lady A in their respective classrooms, got them settled and kissed them good-bye before setting off for a day of teaching.

Just as I got to work my phone rang. I looked down at the number. It was his school. No good announcements ever follow a phone call from your kid's school. Just to mix it up a little, why can't they ever call to say, "Just wanted to tell you that your child drew a picture today worthy of a budding Picasso! Now go get yourself a glass of champagne to celebrate!"

"Um, Keesha," said Ms. J, one of his teachers. "Mr. R stepped in dog poop. And while he was sitting down for group time, he crossed his legs and got it all over his pants."

Oh, shit, I almost said.

"Also, his box of spare clothes is empty, and we don't keep clothes for his class, so he is wearing a pair of shorts we dug up, and his socks." Ms. J, said matter-of-factly. " We put all his stuff in a bag. He's going to need some more clothes." I was sure what she wanted to say was Lady, how the hell you gon' bring into the school a boy whose shoes were laquered in shit without noticing anything? And make us clean it up?

How the hell was I going to do that?! Talk about being up shit's creek without a paddle. "Um, okay, I just got to work," I stammered. "I'll call my mom, and see if she can bring him some pants and shoes from home."

Luckily, my mom came to the rescue, winning the Grandmother of the Year Award by a landslide. She later confessed that after digging poop out of the grooves of Mr. R's boots, she'd lost her appetite for the day. "Now there's a diet plan," she quipped.

As a mom I felt like a negligent asshole for forgetting to bring back spare clothes after washing them for winter break. I was pissed that "they" hadn't reminded me personally -- e-newsletters didn't count. I felt abundantly stupid for letting Mr. R scamper across the grass without checking first. And I wanted to get all Braveheart on the douchebag who couldn't be bothered to clean up after his dog. I longed to launch hundreds of flaming sacks of shit at his windows.

I don't have a dog, but I know that if I had one, I would be religious about picking up my dog's poop. I mean, how hard can it be? You leave the house with the intention of walking your dog, right? No one suddenly finds herself outside with some dog on a leash, thinking, "Gosh, now what happens? Maybe this pup and I are supposed to set up a bikini car wash?"

The "forgot my baggies, paper towels, pooper scooper, special glove, or whatever" is complete dogshit. If you forget, figure something else out, for the love of God. And why do people think that rain gives them a free pass? Hello?!

Which brings me to the heart of this post. The two kinds of people in the world applies to more than just those who pick up after their dogs and those who leave the world a poop minefield for the rest of us. There are people who take everything very seriously, and those who are more, let's say, relaxed.

In other words, there are people who care and those who don't give a shit.

Here are 12 of my favorite ways to finish the complex sentence that begins with:

There are two types of people in the world:

1. those who always, always park conscientiously, paying attention to other cars and/or distance from the curb, and those who park like they just had a Nyquil-tini.

2. those (men) who want you to believe they've got a 20 pound turkey between their legs, and those who make room for others on public transportation.

3. those who text in theaters or have full-voice conversations at art galleries, and those who understand that they could draw more attention to themselves only by lighting a torch and singing an operatic version of "Dick in a Box."

4. those parents (true story) who actually turn off the Academy Awards when their about-to-meltdown kid asks to watch Caillou, and those who would mutter, "F--k that!" under their breath, and "redirect" Little Soandso to another activity. (Guess what I wish I'd picked).

5. those parents who remain reasonably on watch at the playground, and those who never seem to notice that their children are in total mean girl/thug mode with other kids.

6. those who call/text regularly when they are running late, and apologize profusely, and those who were surely at one time proclaimed the second coming, because the world waits for them.

7. those who sit on curbs or subway steps or platforms, and those who would rather just spray themselves with a bubonic plague sample and call it a day.

8. those who, even with a long line behind them, take so long in the stall you wonder if they're redesigning the Sistene Chapel, and those who are in and out in a matter of seconds. AND... those who leave the seat neat and clean and those who get all fire hose when they pee.

9. those who weigh every word very carefully, thinking about every interpretation possible, trying never to offend, and those who always seem to have a foul case of verbal diarrhea.

10. those who know exactly how much money is in their bank account, and those who are just-fine-thank-you with a ballpark figure.

11. those who get into fights with friend's friends on Facebook, and those who can take a deep breath, pray for our country, and go on with their lives. (Sometimes not giving a shizz is good!)

12. those who write snarky, ranty blog posts about everything that bugs them, and those who couldn't care less.

Wink, wink. What's on YOUR two kinds of people in the world list?

How'd ya like to de poop these babies?
Looks fun, right?

Dear Best Friend's Hubby

2013-03-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

Dear Best Friend's Hubby:

Hi! It's me, your wife's bestie. I feel like things have gotten a little aaaawk-ward. You and I need a little come to Jesus moment.

I'll admit that I do know a lot about you. I know things that should be private, that are none of my blanking business, but are part of my world because they concern my BFF. From what I can tell, I worry you. I might even piss you off a little.

I can see it in the way you keep your distance from me and the way you handle me with kid gloves. You're concerned that the second something goes down, your wife would trample a kitten to get to me on the phone. Do you think I'm some kind of she-devil who roils your wife into a frenzy about her no-good husband?

Really, it's not like that at all. I only foam at the mouth when someone finishes something in the fridge and forgets to write it down on the grocery list, and I keep my trademarked set of Castrating Bitch! knives in a special locked box in the back of my lingerie drawer.

Seriously, though, I'm not going to lie. I do know a lot about you. I know the sweet things you do and say. I know what you do and don't do around the house. Good and bad, I know how you make my friend feel. And as far as THAT (you know what I'm talking about) goes, your wife and I have had some conversations that make the Sex and the City girls look like June Cleaver's bridge club.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

And, you know what? With all I know, I think you mean well. You're a good guy, with qualities both wonderful and terrible. I know how difficult it can be to be married. And I really know how tough it is to be married and have the responsibility of little kids, not to mention maintaining a career and a home. I am objective enough to know I am only getting one side of the story. Even though I love my friend so much, I'd submit to the sheer torture of a three way with NRA spokesperson, Wayne La Pierre, and Carrot Top, I know she isn't perfect. No matter how much I have her back, I believe in the immortal words of Lynn Collins, re-mastered by Rob Base, that, "it takes two to make a thing go right."

Believe it or not, I actually like you. When we have hung out together, it's been fun.

I also know that at one point -- and often you still do -- you made my friend dizzyingly, dazzling happy. So happy that she chose you to marry and to be the father of her children. That says a lot.

So why then, you wonder, do we engage in epic man-bashing sessions, bitching about our husbands all the effing time?

First of all, don't flatter yourself. We are women. We have a lot to talk about, besides you, sir. Our day, the kids, things we need to buy, our burgeoning to-do lists, how that creme bruleé we inhaled might as well have been slathered on our buttocks -- the list goes on.

But when we do vent, we need to know if we are being unreasonable, if other hubbies do the same thing, and how to confront it or how to move on. Contrary to what you may think, suffering in silence is not strength. It is emotionally healthy to talk with other people in the same boat, as long it doesn't become semi-pro whining.

You boys are really missing out. Why can't you talk about your relationship issues with each other? They've got to be on your mind, so why is it so hard for you to have that kind of convo with your friends? I know I'm no cream puff to live with, and I would expect some honest venting about me. I really would. Getting perspective from other emotionally intelligent (this is key) friends is a good thing. Along with dresses and not having hair sprouting from my face, the ability to confide in and to co-soul-search with my girlfriends is one reason I'm lucky to be a woman. (PMS and riding the cotton pony not so much, but you don't want to know about that anyway.)

So please stop worrying about what I think about you. It's silly. All I want is for you and my gal-pal to be happy. I know you love my bestie madly and I don't blame you for each and every problem I hear about. We're all trying to cope with this time in our lives the best way we know how.

And dude, please. You know a ton of stuff about me as well, and you don't see me skulking about, do you?

Sincerely,

Your Wife's Best Friend

10 Movie Remakes for Moms (and Dads)

2013-03-18T00:08:00.000-05:00

Voodoo Is the New Vampire Giveaway

2013-03-15T04:30:00.000-05:00

I'll admit to seeing Braveheart and Gladiator almost as many times as The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles (I was an eighties teen, so this REALLY means something).

No one appreciates a revenge story better than I do, which is why I fell so hard for Bruce Elgin's Voodootown series. The tales of protection and comeuppance are fantastically satisfying. I've never been a big fan of the occult, but Mr. Elgin and the folks over at Grasshorse Studios have gotten me to walk happily into the underworld. And even though I completely understand that it doesn't quite fit, I'm longing for a mom version. I mean how delicious would it be to have voodoo dolls throttle that horrible person who keeps shooting mothers and children dirty looks on an airplane or at a restaurant? How satiated would you feel reading about that Mean mom at the playground/school/ballet getting her just due?

Satiated? That sounds very vampirish. And I am sick of vampires. They are sooooo over.

According to author Bruce Elgin and the fine folks at Grasshorse Studios, an award-winning animation firm, voodoo is the new vampire, and I agree. For about the same price it would cost you to order up a crap vampire movie in which the lead actors have both porcelain skin and porcelain emotions, you can own two episodes of the leagues more stimulating Voodootown series.

This brand new concept in young adult fiction is both unique and engaging. Our teen protagonists, troubled in the usual ways, try to fit in, make friends, and keep away from enemies, all the while shadowed by their stuffed familiars...voodoo dolls with special powers who settle human-world scores by night in the underground world of Voodootown.

The latest episode in the series, Episode 6, "Tattered," is available this week for free download through Amazon. So don't take our word for it, read for yourself.

We know you'll be hooked, and like the stitches-and-seams super dolls that watch over the teen characters in Elgin’s engrossing serial, we're here to help you out. Eight bloggers who have enjoyed a good young adult novel or two in their day, have gotten together to bring you a Voodootown Giveaway.

A Grand Prize winner will net a $50 Amazon gift card, which, obviously, they’duse to buy up every single Voodootown ebook BUT WHY DO THAT WHEN YOU COULD WINTHE WHOLE SHEBANG? Yes, in addition to the $50 Amazon gift card, the Grand Prize winner will get a free copy of each of the currently available ebooks, from "Episode 1, Schooled," through the latest ebook, "Episode 6, Tattered." The enormity of this generosity boggles the mind.

BUT THERE’S MORE.

The Grand Prize winner (there will be only one) will also get a limited edition Voodootown t-shirt.Clothes off our back, that’s how far we’d go for you, readers.

Eight other runners-up, one for each of the bloggers helping to promote this giveaway, will win a copy of the very first Voodootown ebook, "Episode 1, Schooled," as well as a limited edition Voodootownt-shirt.

Will wonders never cease? Actually they will. Enter today through Friday, March 22 when this promotion ends. You'll have until midnight on March 22, when theRafflecopter sign-up below will shut down. Winners will be announced later that day on Ninja Mom Blog.

Get on it, kids. You just need to leave a comment to enter, posting the name you’d want for your very own voodoo doll protector. The rest of the entry options are optional, but each will give you a greaterchance to win.

Remember: The promotion ends in one week. Until then, here’shoping no one sticks a pin in your voodoo doll.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Find out or wait? The Boy/Girl Surprise

2013-03-12T19:00:00.000-05:00

Pregnancy Myths - Brought To You By California Cryobank

I knew as much about raising boys as I did about raising Shetland ponies or first-class marijuana. I grew up with a single mom. I didn't see my boy cousins much. And all I knew about men was from romantic involvement and marriage.

And frankly, the thought of unleashing a son on any woman, or on the earth for that matter, terrified me.

We struggled with infertility, and I prayed for a healthy child. But then, with my uneventful pregnancy, I got picky. OF COURSE I would love my child no matter what. He or she would be the fruit of my loins -- the result of thousands (millions if you count all the prior research) dollars worth of science, painful shots in the ass and enough tears to fill a Hummer's gas tank. But screw the health crap.

I wanted a girl. And I wanted to know ASAP.

When shopping for cribs at a kids' furniture store, someone did the ring on a string test.

A boy.

Whatever. What year was this? 1570? Gimme a break.

A friend of mine who claimed she had never been wrong in determining a baby's sex from the shape of the belly and a "feeling," also said she thought it was a boy.

I shrugged my shoulders, although I gave her a bit more credence. I was beginning to worry. "We'll see," I said.

I went to New York for my first baby shower, as well as to take some dance classes and to see some old chums. Again, a former teacher of mine said she thought boy. Why could no one say girl? Could I pay someone to give me a little bit of hope? I told a friend of mine who had a year old son that everyone thought I was having a boy. "I am a dance teacher -- little girls in pink is what I know," I lamented. "What am I going to do with a boy?"

"When I found out I was having a boy," she confided in me, "I was devastated. But I adore him. Couldn't imagine anything else. And boys love their mamas."

Our 20 week visit was in a little more than a week from my NYC trip. I couldn't wait. I kind of understood people waiting to be surprised by the gender, but that was not a surprise I wanted. I was DYING to know!

Our 20 week scan came. Boy. Unmistakably. Not a maybe, not tucked between the legs. All boy.

Slowly I got used to the idea. And at least I didn't have to have anymore showers where people gave mystery-gender-neutral gifts. And when my son arrived I was instantly head-over-heels in love. All that I-don't-want-a-boy jazz was gone.

The second time around, I didn't care as much. Neither did Hubby. Naturally, I was hoping for a girl, not to be the only woman in the house, for some symmetry and hopefully (perhaps) to have someone to do girly stuff with. But if I had a boy, I already knew what to do. And I had the clothes and the stuff. If I had a girl, bonus.

I was nauseated all the time. People who had not been paid to do so said they thought I was having a girl.

I thought I was having a girl too.

And the 20-week visit confirmed that I was.

It is amazing how we get pregnancy gender myths on the brain, how crazy we get over "what it's going to be," even though we love whatever we get more than we'd ever thought possible. In our case at least, most of what they say has proved true. Boys really do love their mamas. And man, are girls sassy. I have about three weeks before my almost three year old daughter begins rolling her eyes at me. But in other ways they are just kids, who do the things they do because of their spunky, curious natures, not because of their gender.

But would I go crazy wondering what we were having if for some way-out-there reason, one which I cannot for the life think of now, we were preggers again?

Hell yeah. And I would find out again. Because the boy or a girl thing, that's not a surprise.

The baby coming out looking like Tony Soprano and dropping f-bombs by the dozen? Now, that would be a surprise!

My Shameless Self Promotion of I Just Want to Pee Alone

2013-03-11T01:12:00.002-05:00

Last week you learned that I'm an only child who would give you the shirt off her back (and then call all her friends and ask why she lets herself be doormatted again and again).

Okay, for realz. You learned that I was graciously invited by the fantastic Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat to be in a wildly funny anthology with 36 of the best mom bloggers out there today. You learned that I could share the they-should-totally-be-famous writing of the other authors in the book.

Now I am going to do some shameless self-promotion. I was never good at it. When I was performing or had choreographed a piece, my most forceful invitation went something like this, "Hey, I'm kind of in a show. You should come. If you want." When I got a great review in the paper, I kept it in my inner circle.

Shouting out one's accomplishments to the world seemed immodest and boastful. The Dowager Countess would decry such behavior as not merely unladylike, but hopelessly plebeian, worthy of a ditchdigger or field hand.

I mean, if you were really worth something wouldn't your reputation precede you? Wouldn't people be banging down your door with compliments and begging you to work with them? Wouldn't they worship you just because? Wouldn't you have your own perfume line at Target?

Ask me how that's worked out for me.

So eff that ess! I'm going to self-promote until my ass falls off.

I am in an ab-workout funny book about motherhood, that blasted to the top of the charts on Amazon and I-tunes in a matter of days! I am kiss-the-sky proud to be in a book that is is nothing short of brilliant, and is the best thing to happen to motherhood since ~~vodka in juice boxes~~ the stroller cupholder.

There. I said it.

I Just Want To Pee Alone is a collection of hilarious stories from 37 of the most popular and humorous mom bloggers on the internet about the funny side of parenting.

Motherhood is the toughest – and funniest – job you’ll ever love. Raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – you can’t even take a bathroom break without being interrupted with another outrageous demand. This book is a must-have for every mother in your life, featuring me, Mom's New Stage, People I Want To Punch In The Throat, Insane in the Mom-Brain, The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Baby Sideburns and:

The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva
The Mom of the Year
Rants From Mommyland
You Know it Happens at Your House Too
The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
My Life and Kids
Bad Parenting Moments
Let Me Start By Saying
Frugalista Blog
Suburban Snapshots
Ninja Mom
Four Plus an Angel
Honest Mom
Binkies and Briefcases
Naps Happen
Kelley’s Break Room
Toulouse & Tonic
HouseTalkN
Hollow Tree Ventures
The Fordeville Diaries
Snarkfest
Nurse Mommy Laughs
The Dose of Reality
Life on Peanut Layne
Momaical
Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine
Confessions of a Cornfed Girl
I Love Them Most When They’re Sleeping
Random Handprints
RachRiot
You’re My Favorite Today
Funny is Family
My Real Life

Ready to Order yours? Terrific. And it's like there's an easy button.

KINDLE - CLICK HERE.

AMAZON PAPERBACK BOOK DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR - CLICK HERE.

APPLE - Buy it at iTunes.

NOOK - B&N is taking its sweet time. In the meantime, you can get it from Smashwords. Just follow the instructions for NOOK. CLICK HERE.

KOBO AND SONY READER - CLICK HERE.

Mother's Day is coming up. Baby Showers. Give it to a mom who needs to find the funny in motherhood, a mom who needs to know that we've all been there, a mom who is desperate for a party in the covers between the covers of a book, I mean.

And of course this makes a great gift for that sister, neighbor or colleague who swears that she will be the mom who makes Victoria Beckham look like the troll from under the bridge. Hello, reality check!

If you would like to order a signed copy through me, I'd be honored. Just shoot me an email! (Chicago folks, I am happy to sell you copies and arrange pickup, to save you shipping costs.)

I'm so excited and I hope you just adore I Just Want to Pee Alone.

And, by the way, it doesn't really count as shameless self-promotion if you promote other people, does it?

Mom in the Spotlight: Blogstar, They Call Me Mummy

2013-03-09T15:11:00.001-06:00

ABOUT MICHELLE: When Michelle is not drowning under a towering mountain of endless laundry, she writes commercials for large and important brands (who have no idea she works in her pyjamas) and yells (gently and encouragingly, of course) at her three children.

With admirable patience, she is waiting to be discovered by a publisher for her series of children's books, tackling social and emotive issues on fresh ways.

Michelle loves her three little people more than she ever believed was possible. She gets a kick out of their Australian accents and cannot shake her own South African one, even after twelve years in Oz.

Oh, and her house is not Pinterest-worthy.

Get to know Michelle at her kick-ass blog, They Call Me Mummy.

~~Stalk~~ Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

How old are your children? Boys? Girls?

My eldest child, Miss M, just turned ten. The word on the ~~playground~~ street is that double digits mean I’m not allowed to kiss her when I drop her at school because it’s embarrassing. Hmmm. Interesting. Had a good long think about that bombshell when she dropped it and decided she was confused. Seems she really had no idea of the real meaning of “embarrassing”. So, I kissed her all over. I kissed up her arms and all over her face. I held the squealing child down and smooched the living daylights out of her. As she escaped my clutches, red-faced and giggling despite being mortified, I smiled sweetly and said, “Now, THAT’S embarrassing!” Oh, I’m evil.

But seriously, how did my baby turn ten? And insist on wearing crop tops under her shirt? And get shy around boys? And roll her eyes when I talk? EX-SQUEEZE ME? But that’s a whole other post.

Wow, I’m rambling here (I’m pretty sure you asked for 3 numbers and genders. I blame my ADHD).

My middle child is the most huge-hearted, generous, emotionally tuned-in kid I know. Little Man is seven and in some ways is an old soul who teaches me waaaay more than I teach him. In other ways, he is so innocent I want to protect him from the world. He has giant puppy dog eyes that I fall into on a regular basis. He has no issues with affection and would happily climb right back into my womb if I gave him half a chance. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t thank me for being his Mum. His greatest problem is that he is so undemanding that he is easily overlooked. He is quirky, crazyscarybrilliant at constructing anything out of anything and so far off mainstream that raising him is one huge adventure.

Then there’s Baby G, who is ~~newborn~~ four years old. GASP. She will be my baby when she is 44 because... well, because I said so. We were only going to have two children for all the well thought out logical reasons in the world. Logic and reason are overrated, I say. After Little Man was born, I couldn’t quite see a complete family in my perfectly nuclear reality. It wasn’t a longing, it wasn’t a desire - the feeling I had about having a third child. The way I felt was that we already had three children, we just hadn’t met the third one yet. Baby G was always our third. We simply needed to open the door and let her in.

Is there a number four in the wings? NO WAY JOSE. As mothers, we know when we’re done, and boy - I am done.

My three amazing little people.

Did you envision being a stay at home or working mother? How did you come to your current work status?

I grew up with an incredibly involved mother who stayed home and took care of us. She was the most unbelievable mother and I had a charmed childhood. My friends were openly jealous that she was my mother and when the teenage angst years hit, she was the go-to parent for advice.

Of course, I envisioned the same for my children and happily gave up a thriving Advertising career to become a full time stay at home mum. I don’t regret it at all and I have loved the privileged experience of being such a constant part of my kids’ day to day lives.

Here’s the BUT.

When I frivolously threw away my career, I also threw away a very important part of myself. I did it naively and unassumingly. I didn’t even look back and say goodbye. And here I am, ten years and three kids later, pining for Michelle. Michelle - not the Mum of my kids. Michelle - not the wife of Darren. Michelle, the copywriter. Michelle the individual. Michelle, the woman who was validated through friendships that didn’t grow out of playdates, but rather out of genuine common interests. Michelle, the award-winning creative. Me. On my own two feet.

Slowly I am finding her again. It hasn’t been easy. Its been an eye-opening learning curve and I hope to pass the lesson on: By all means become an involved mom, a devoted wife, a good daughter. Do all these things with passion. But don’t do any of these things by throwing your identity as YOU away. Know why? You’ll become a resentful mother, wife, daughter and friend. You’ll be sad. You’ll be empty. And you’ll feel incredible guilt because you have everything you asked for.

I started running in my mid 30s
and love, love, love it!

So, here I am, today. In my search for Michelle I have written a series of children’s books which I am immensely proud of and looking to publish (Any takers? Anyone?), I’ve started my blog, and I’m picking up more freelance writing jobs. Finally, after 10 years as Mary Poppins, I’m discovering what balance means.

Why on earth did you decide to enter the gladiator arena better known as the blogosphere?

Seems I jumped the gun slightly on that last question. Excellent. Now you have my baggage so I can get right on to piling on more! (This beats therapy, hands down!) Woot!

I started blogging for the wrong reasons. When I submitted my books to various publishers, I got the same feedback over and over again. Something along the lines of : “Love your books, but only signing known authors at this time. Develop a following and then we can talk.” I thought about that and realized that a parenting blog might be my ideal tool for reaching my market and developing a following.

Basically, They Call Me Mummy was the baby born out of a one night stand. And just like that baby, it crawled into my heart and I was in love. I had no idea I would love blogging like I do. It feeds my soul, it makes me smile. It’s been the vehicle that’s taken me back to the Michelle I so unceremoniously dumped in the trash ten years ago. It’s given me an outlet of expression and a connection with unbelievably dynamic women around the world (I’m talking to you, Keesha). I have collaborated with some amazing writers and grown beautiful friendships. It’s been an unexpected and treasured gift.

What’s a blogging rule that is meant to be broken?

There are rules? Dang! I knew I was missing something...

Do you think of yourself as a more relaxed or high-strung parent? What is something you now wave a hand at dismissively that was once a source of stress?

When Miss M was born, I was terribly focussed on being the perfect mother. I made sure that she had Baroque classical music on a loop in her bedroom as she slept, that she met every milestone by the time it was mentioned in “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” and I made every pureed concoction from only the freshest organic ingredients. I never raised my voice, used the Royal “we” more times than I care to admit and followed a strict schedule. I prided myself on my advanced child who could do everything early, and put so much insane pressure on myself to be perfect that I’m sure trickled down to her.

With Little Man, I had to loosen the control a little only because it wasn’t humanly possible to be as ‘perfect’ as I’d been with Miss M.

Oh, the guilt! I wasn’t enough for either of them!

Well, by the time Baby G came along, I was over the guilt, I was over the perfection and I was well aware that since my children had survived my imperfections, this “Mary Poppins” ideal I had been striving for was utterly ridiculous.

Now, I’m that relaxed parent. You know, the one who sits at the park and lets the kids play by themselves? The one not hovering under the monkey bars. The one whose child grazes a knee and manages to live through the ordeal without a Disney Band Aid. The one that first-time mums look at and whisper to each other that she is neglecting her child. I smile and wave because I recognize myself in them. I recognize the anxiety in their advanced children because I see it every day in Miss M and Little Man’s eyes. And when Baby G asks me to help her climb up a ladder, I tell her to go do it herself. I tell her she’s a big girl. I tell her that her body is powerful and her brain is clever and she can do it. Those “perfect mothers” look at me as if I’m the laziest woman on earth, too lazy to help my child. Then Baby G climbs the ladder to the top, triumphantly stands up and yells, “I did it!” and I clap and smile. She did it. She learned a lesson right there from her “lazy” mama - she can do anything.

Playdough food

Here in the States, parenting is super competitive. Some mega corporation should sponsor the Olympic Games of Parenting. Is there as much angst and lunacy in the land Down Under?

The Mommy Wars are definitely a phenomenon, but in no way are parents as intense as I’ve read about on your end of the planet. Yes, you get your odd nutcase parent, making sure her kid is the best at everything, but she’d be the exception in my opinion. In my experience, it’s quite the opposite. Australians are really laid back. When a kid falls down and grazes a knee, he’s likely to hear “Up you get, dust off, you’ll be right!”

Yes, there are the breastfeeding vs bottle-feeding camps. Yes there are the Soccer Mums and the Dance Mums. Yes, there are all these same issues. I just don’t think it trickles down to the regular Joe. I don’t judge other mothers. This parenting gig is hard and I take my hat off to every other parent out there who is doing her best for her kids. Hell, I’m too busy to worry about what the next kid or parent is doing. If they’re judging me, I’m flattered! It must mean I am very interesting. . .

Who would play you in the movie of your life story?

Oh, I’d have to say Sofia Vergara. Because she is nearly as gorgeous as I am. And humble.

What would you tell your 16 year old self?

“Buckle up, Michelle, it’s going to be one helluva ride! Oh, and those girls who are tormenting you at school because you have braces and glasses and aren’t thin enough or tanned enough - give them this moment in the sun. Because this is where they peak. As for that boy who just broke your heart - get over him, sweetheart! You have no idea what a gorgeous husband you’re going to have. He’s going to love you despite your many flaws (in fact, he’ll love them because they’re part of you) and you’re going to adore him just as much after twenty years as you will when you meet.

You’re going to have three children who will blow your mind by being the most interesting, exquisite people you’ll ever know. Your mother-in-law will be your best friend. You’ll live by the sea!

You’ll endure loss beyond what you believe you can handle and you’ll grow. You’ll fall down so many times that you’ll stop noticing. You’ll get up. You’ll dust off. You’ll run a half-marathon and love it. You’ll take up kick-boxing.

You’ll look in the mirror one day and wish you’d appreciated your gorgeous sixteen year old body and at the same time, you’ll look past the stretch marks, the saggy tummy and the boobs that look like deflated whoopee cushions and see that body’s awesome power. Are you ready? Three, two, one.....!”