Monday Morning Girlfriend

When Pigs Fly

2012-09-04T14:06:00.000-04:00

Monday Morning Girlfriend returns for the start of the NFL season, this Wednesday, Sept 5th. A Wednesday, you say? Why, yes. Traditionally, the season opener happens on Thursday night, but this year, that time slot coincides with the President's speech at the Democratic National Convention. A Presidential order? Perhaps, but whatever the case, we'll be there.

One Giant Step for New York, One Small Step for Womankind

2012-02-05T23:25:00.001-05:00

Congratulations to the New York Giants for winning Super Bowl XLVI against the New England Patriots, 21 to 17. If your man of interest is a Giants fan, you are on the winning team and your future looks bright. If he is a Patriots fan, not so much. Side effects will include, loss of interest (in you), mild fits of rage, and frequent use of foul language. Be patient. Like a Hollywood marriage, it won't last. The bottom line is, football season is over, and you get your man back.

Super Bowl XLVI Cheat Sheet

2012-02-03T12:12:00.000-05:00

We've said it before, and we'll say it again. The way to a man's heart is through the score, not his stomach. Your 15-layer nacho dip won't be enough to hold you on Super Bowl Sunday. If you want to be noticed, you need to have perspective. Check out our Super Bowl XLVI cheat sheet below before taking your position on the couch on Sunday at 6:30pm EST.

Why the New York Giants can win:

Two words: Eli Manning. He’s the only QB to win five post-game games on the road. He’s also hot right now.
The defensive line is nothing to be trifled with. It includes Osi Umenyiora, Jason Pierre-Paul and Justin Tuck. Their combined mass probably exceeds that of the entire Pats organization. The Patriots have the second worst defense in the league and defense wins championships. Well, not really, but run with the cliché, anyway.
Victor Cruz. Not only is he a lovely salsa dancer, but he can catch a ball or two, as well.

Why the New England Patriots can win:

Tall, strong and fast never fails. The Patriots have two weapons in tight ends Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski, if Gronkowski plays (high ankle sprain). But, if he doesn’t, at least he’ll be remembered for being that kind of guy who will always give you the shirt off of his back.
Tom Brady has to be fuming. He’s coming off his worst playoff game performance, and his ego couldn’t possibly take the shame of a repeat performance. He’s going to bring his A game. Wife Gisele is bringing her prayer game.
As much as people tout the Giants D-Line, the Patriots O-Line is right there to protect their prized QB and his hair.
Finally, the Patriots have a chip on their shoulder from their 2007 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, ruining their perfect season, so they’ll be looking for payback. And, you know what they say, revenge is a dish best served five years later.

What to Contribute to the Conversation:

Nothing impresses a man, like a woman with an insightful and relevant sports nugget.
Here goes:

Tight ends are becoming a much more important position in the NFL, compared to years ago. In 2011, 5 of the 15 players with the most receptions were tight ends. (We’d make good use of those hard bodies who are good with their hands, too.) Teams like the Pats, who have great ones, are at an advantage, because opposing teams have no real defensive response for them, other than to try to recruit bigger safetys, and they don’t exactly come a dime a dozen.

For more on this topic, visit the NFL.com.

Are You There, God? It's Me, a Football Wife.

2012-02-02T18:40:00.002-05:00

Behind every pretty-boy quarterback is a praying supermodel. Gisele Bundchen, wife of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, sent an e-mail to friends and family asking them to pray for her husband in preparation for Sunday's Super Bowl XLVI game against the New York Giants. Seems as though one of the sweet "friends or family" hit forward to the New York Post instead of reply to Brady's lady. What's wrong with a woman supporting her man, you ask? Nothing, Hilary Clinton, but one can only imagine that Brady and his male ego didn't love the implication he couldn't get by on ~~looks~~ skill alone.

What's Another a Ring?

2011-12-30T00:45:00.000-05:00

Michael Jordan, gravity defying basketball player extraordinare, father of three and divorced of one, engaged over the Christmas holiday to a woman 16 years his junior? Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. After his pricey divorce with ex-wife Juanita, the GF must have scored some major points to make him put a ring on it. But then again, he has six.

That Little Birdie

2011-12-05T13:03:00.001-05:00

The dry spell is over. Maybe not yours, but Tiger Woods' is. For the first time since, 2009, Tiger won a tournament. That's essentially 749 days and 26 dates with nobody you'd even want to have dessert with. Yikes. He beat former Masters Champion, Zach Johnson for the big win at the Chevron World Challenge.

What Would You Do Without Me?

2011-11-28T19:21:00.001-05:00

Urban Meyer, former Univ. of Florida football coach was hired by Ohio State. He is returning to football after resigning from Florida last year for health reasons. But he's back now and says he feels good. A 4-year, $6.4 million contract would put almost anyone back on their feet.

Sneakered feet on hardwood is exactly what we can look forward to at Christmas. Santa is coming to town accompanied by the NBA. That's a lot of men in uniform. The powers that be are in the process of setting the schedule for the season, which is now shortened to 66 games, starting on Christmas day.

Over in the NFL, the Green Bay Packers are still undefeated at 11-0 and sadly, the Peyton Manningless Indianapolis Colts are winless at 0-11. Word on the street is that Manning may just retire. What an ego boost to know that some people can't do a thing right without you.

Oh Brother

2011-11-24T23:28:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving is a day for gratitude, gobbling and gridiron. In keeping with family togetherness Thursday, it just so happened that the brothers Harbaugh went face to face as head coaches of the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens. How's that for sibling rivalry? Who do Mom and Dad cheer for? Well, Rafael Nadal, for one, could have used a little support as he lost to Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in an attempt to advance to the ATP World Tour Semifinals. After already suffering a really bad loss to Roger Federer, Nadal is questioning his heart for the game and thinks it might be beginning to look a lot like retirement. Over on a different court, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. There are clandestine talks taking place between NBA player reps and owners to salvage the season just in time for Santa. The latest proposal is a 50/50 profit split between players and owners, down from the original 57% going to the players. Meeting halfway sounds fair. Isn't that what relationships are about? Give and take---and take a wee bit more?

Out of the Woods

2011-11-20T23:19:00.001-05:00

The US team won the Presidents Cup in golf Sunday and Fred Couples is riding high because he selected Tiger Woods for the team despite much fairway chatter. Some were tee'd off at the pick, but for the first time in a long time Tiger Woods has a spark. Nothing compared to Tony Stewart, however, who passed 118 cars to win the NASCAR championship with his win at this Sunday's Homestead-Miami race. Stewart was bumming all summer because of his poor start and ruled out any hopes of any winning prospects, but apparently a slow summer can lead to a fruitful winter. Wait, are we still talking about racing?

No Love and No Basketball

2011-11-15T14:01:00.001-05:00

On Monday the NBA players union disbanded and talks with the NBA have pretty much fallen apart. The NBA commissioner, David Stern, had harsh words for the players basically insinuating that they were close to a deal, but the players sabotaged it. Somebody always has to point a finger. Any hope of a season, is pretty much just that, a hope. So far six weeks have already been lost and since the players are fed up of the talks, the season will become nothing but nought.

Careful How You Play Those Cards

2011-10-28T09:53:00.003-04:00

The Texas Rangers let a good one get away Thursday night, allowing the St. Louis Cardinals to win game 6, bringing the MLB World Series down to the wire for game 7, where the Cardinals became champions. You never know what you have until it's gone, and even worse, they put a ring on it.

NBA players and owners are hoping not to make their season a goner, and as talks progressed this week, there is still hope of a full 82-game season. Rejoice. Eighty-two more occasions to compete for a man's attention.

The Shirt off of His Back

2011-10-27T14:06:00.002-04:00

There's chivalry, and then there's stupidity. New England Patriot rising star Rob Gronkowski Tweeted this pic where he posed with an "adult entertainment" star, whom he reportedly recently met. The Patriots weren't too happy. He apologized saying he didn't intend to hurt the reputation of the Patriots, but wasn't so sorry about sharing his shirt or anything else.

See the story

I Noticed You, Noticing Me

2011-10-24T17:18:00.000-04:00

If a bat hits a ball and no one is watching, does it make a sound? Does it even matter? This is pretty much the sentiment of the MLB World Series so far. With no marquee teams, nobody is really watching, but nevertheless, according to Monday Morning Girlfriend bylaw #652 we are obligated to inform you that the series is 3 games to 2 between…., wait who? Oh, yes, the Texas Rangers and the St Louis Cardinals.

Also a faint memory, will be the Washington Redskins success for the 2011 NFL season, as they lost two key players Sunday. Running back Tim Hightower and wide receiver Santana Moss both suffered injuries, a torn ACL and broken hand respectively. Hightower is out for the season and Moss for five to six weeks, which will conclude the Redskins season anyway. The Indianapolis Colts might have wished their season were over too, as they suffered an embarrassing 62 to 7 loss to the New Orlean Saints who certainly came marching in. Having far better luck on the field than the Colts are the Green Bay Packers who are still undefeated at 7-0, thanks to humble and MMG-approved and single, QB Aaron Rodgers. They held off the Minnesota Vikings for victory. Say that three times fast. Actually, it’s not that hard.

What is hard, however, is being a rugby player. That’s essentially American football sans pads or protection. Sexy, but ouch. New Zealand got down and dirty, down under to win the World Cup on Saturday, over France.

One on One

2011-10-21T16:57:00.001-04:00

One win for the Rangers and one for the Cardinals in the MLB World Series, but the NBA players and owners say deuces. They agree to disagree on labor talks with no future meeting scheduled. The season is looking bleak. But while we wait on basketball, there’s always college football to satiate, or act as a time suck, whichever way you see it. Check out this weekend’s big rivalry of Notre Dame against USC. Any sports bar is sure to offer a few prime prospects for this one. Go Team!

You've Got Me Feelin' Emotions

2011-10-16T23:05:00.001-04:00

The San Francisco 49ers issued the Detroit Lions their first loss for the season, one that resulted in a melee between the head coaches while shaking hands at the conclusion of the game. Apparently women aren't the only ones whose emotions can run high. Big celebrations abound in Texas, as the Rangers closed out the Detroit Tigers to return to the World Series this year. Nelson Cruz, the series MVP broke the record of the most home runs in a single playoff series. The Texans will play the St Louis Cardinals, who finished off the Milwaukee Brewers. Sadly, car racer Dan Wheldon died Sunday in a 15-car wreck at a Las Vegas Indy 500 race.

Money Talks, Cutie Walks

2011-10-12T20:54:00.001-04:00

When you and your man get in a fight or disagree, a flirty wink and a pouty look usually gets you your way, but not so with the NBA owners and players. That would be awkward. Net, net, they are bringing in the Feds to settle their dispute, a federal mediator, that is. He's the same guy who was involved in the NFL disputes earlier this year. Touchdown? For Auburn University, yes. They were finally cleared today by the NCAA for allegations that their recruitment of Heisman Trophy winner, first-round draft pick, Carolina Panther QB and cutie extraordinaire, Cam Newton, involved some hefty monetary benefits and pay for play action. I mean, even if it were the case, could you blame them? Look at him.

Monday Blues

2011-10-10T18:51:00.001-04:00

Many people think Tiger Woods is a wiener. Some go as far to throw one at him. That's right, on the course, while Tiger was about to putt, a man rushed through the crowd and threw a hotdog, bun and all, toward Tiger. Yes, Tiger was behind, but it was going to take more than that to ketchup. In the end, it was Bryce Molder who got to relish in the prize money with his first win after playing 132 tournaments. Apparently good things do come to those who wait. Waiting is what NBA fans may be doing for their season which is supposed to start November 1. The sides had another "talk" over their prenup today, to no avail. The first two weeks of the season were looking as bleak as some of your prospects, and have now been cancelled by the commissioner, David Stern. Turning to baseball, the Detroit Tigers know a little something about bleak, being down two games to the Texas Rangers in the ALCS. Over in the NLCS, the Milwaukee Brewers and St Louis Cardinals are even at a game a piece.

When The Going Gets Tough

2011-10-06T23:14:00.000-04:00

Nobody wants to get dumped. We all want to claim we ended things, or at the very least, insist it was mutual, which we know is never the truth. There's always a dumpee. Try telling that to ESPN or Hank Williams Jr., owner/creator of the Monday Night Football song we have heard for years. Turns out Hank isn't ready for our President, as he likened him to Hitler. As a result, ESPN decided to lose the song, but not if you ask Hank. He's singing a different tune and took his song and beat it. Whatever makes the healing easier, Hank.

And recovery can take time, even if you are Tiger Woods, who struggled again on the golf course Thursday, after a 7-week hiatus. Tiger fell out of the top 50 for the first time in 15 years, and conceded that his play was the worst putting he's ever done. We can think of worse.

But, if you are an NBA fan, nothing could be worse than not having a season, which is what things may be shaping up to be. This week, the preseason was cancelled, and the first two weeks of the regular season are being threatened. Why, you ask? Why else do people fight? Money. The owners and players, wallowing in their billions, can't agree how to split revenues. Tiny violin.

Congratulations to the Detroit Tigers for their victory over the NY Yankees. The Tigers head to the American League Championship Series, where they play the Texas Rangers.

Dem Bones, Dem Bones

2011-09-26T17:52:00.000-04:00

Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts QB, has been dealing with a pain in the neck. Literally. He's been recovering from neck surgery and therefore has been unable to play this season. This is significant for two reasons -- one, he's kind of a big deal, and two, that messes up his 227 consecutive starting streak. And let's be real, every woman likes a man who shows up when he is expected to. The latest news today is that he may return in December to lend his team a hand. But Philadelphia Eagles QB, Michael Vick could really use it. He was thought to have broken his hand in Sunday's loss to the New York Giants, but turns out it's only bruised. Went to bed broken, woke up badly bruised. Sounds like a recovery pattern after a bad breakup. No word on if he play next Sunday.

Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

2011-09-24T10:06:00.001-04:00

If diamonds are indeed your thing, then last night's MLB news should hit home. For the second year in a row, the MLB Texas Rangers clinched AL West title in a win over the Seattle Mariners. Just like love, the success of one thing was contingent upon a loss of another--in this case that was the Los Angeles Angels losing to the Oakland As. Sometimes you need somebody to look bad in order for you to shine. It happens. The Arizona Diamondbacks, and underdogs for the season, won the NL West title over the San Francisco Giants. The New York Yankees won the AL East, and the Philadelphia Phillies won the NL East. What does all this mean? It's like being somebody's number one. You know there are other dames to be played, but you've been reassured you are the top runner. Sport imitating love.

'Til Sport Do You Part

2011-09-21T20:46:00.001-04:00

The fall can be a tough time on relationships. There are lots of sports in full swing to compete for his attention, particularly football. The following is the official Monday Morning Girlfriend Guide to Coping as a Football (or other sport) Widow.

1.       Don’t whine. Being a whiny girlfriend who doesn’t like her man to watch or play sports will immediately put your relationship up for review. You will almost always lose, especially to football. If you never thought your man would leave you for another man, watch how quickly he will leave you for 22.
2.       Get a side piece. Pay attention, we do not mean another man, but something you like to do. If crocheting is your thing, make him a crochet widow. While two widows don’t make a right, the point is to pick up your own hobby and use this time to indulge in your own interests—shopping, underwater basket weaving, baking cheese biscuits, closet purging, whatever it is, make it your own and make it look good.
3.       Act like you actually care. Demonstrate an interest in his sport that’s competing for your time. A little reverse psychology never killed anybody. If he thinks you aren’t annoyed, suddenly that takes away half of his desire to rebel and absorb an entire Saturday playing golf or watching college football. It’s all about how you wear the pants under the skirt.
4.       Master the game. Be it golf, football, or skateboarding, if that’s his thing, learn the game, so you can do it together—sometimes. Let’s not get ridiculous. The goal isn’t to take away from his male bonding time, but there’s no reason you can’t hang with the fellas every now and then. That’s part of the MMG appeal.
5.       Get your own uniform. If all else fails, invest heavily in lingerie and run your offense.

It's All About the Chase

2011-09-14T21:56:00.001-04:00

Sometimes relationships work because two people like, and want, to be with each other. Sometimes you just want a man to stand like this against his car. Other times people get together for the thrill of the chase. Dale Earnhardt Jr. will when he makes his return for the start of the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series this Sunday at the Chicagoland Speedway. This is the first time the series has taken place in Chicago, and by Chicago, we mean the sprawling suburbs of. This race is the first of ten, which will determine the cup champion. Ten chances to make it work. That sounds about right. If racing is your (or his) thing, check out the Keeping Score page for NASCAR standings.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

2011-09-12T20:58:00.002-04:00

You gotta have heart for a sport that's characterized by love and breaks. Sounds like something we'd invent, but tennis, just like relationships, is any man's game. Rafael Nadal struggled to get his way and lost to Novak Djokovic for the U.S. Open Men's Championship Monday night. Serena Williams, who called Nadal her "big booty brother" via Tweet, also found herself taking second place against Samantha Stosur Sunday night, but only after a few choice words for the chair umpire following a controversial call. Girl talk? Not so much. The vitriolic move cost her $2,000 in a fine. One less pair of Loubous this week.

Novak Djokovic

Invisible Woman

2011-09-11T16:31:00.000-04:00

Right about now you are probably feeling a little neglected. For the majority of a Sunday (and Saturday for college football) you suddenly don't matter as much as you did a week ago. It's not that he's just not that into you, it's that he's just that into football. You'll never be able to compete with a man's attention during the season, particularly week one, so the old adage proves wise, yet again: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Your best best is donning a T-shirt supporting his favorite team. Ah! Ah! We don't want to hear it. There are lots of shirts made specifically for women, and they are actually really sporty, sexy, cute. If you don't have a prospect yet, buy the shirt you like the best, or, for even more attention, by the shirt for your hometown team's rival and wear it out to a sports bar. It's an instant icebreaker and conversation piece--like taking candy from a baby. Consider this your first assignment in your journey to become MVG (Most Valuable Girlfriend.) Love takes work, so here's your perfect excuse to shop. Tax deductible? Probably not. Here are a few of our favorite styles. If you shop today, you get free shipping at NFLSHOP.com. Who can resist that?

By the way, if you have no idea where to find the closest sports bar, look no farther.

Second Time Around

2011-09-06T20:05:00.000-04:00

We're ready to date again. Let's get back together for the start of the NFL season on September 8, 2011. Your place. See you then.