m. madison...reloaded

My Favorite Role: MOM

2010-01-16T23:04:00.000-05:00

One would think after being a mother for 27 years now that the mushiness would subside.
Never.
My oldest son called and I could feel my face light up when I heard that magic word..."MOM".
I was meeting my youngest son and I saw him half a block away.
Amidst a throng of weekend shoppers our eyes locked and there it was again..."MOM".
No sweeter words have ever been spoken.
I tend to pore over their baby pictures and recount memories they sooo wish I would let go, but I can't.
I'm a MOM by nature, I guess. It didn't come easy, I was a teenaged mother and I had no idea of what the hell I was doing but my family support was amazing. There was my aunt, grandmother, cousin, brother and a neighborhood full of old-fashioned folks who would have popped Kyle on the butt if he acted up.
My youngest Jordan asked me one day, "why did I have him?"
You really want to hear this, I asked him. He knew it was coming.
I told him I waited 10 years to have him, doctors told me to just keep trying. God knows I was patient and I prayed and put my faith in the Higher Power. And just like that it happened.
Jordan, I decided to give birth to you because I loved your father so very much. And you grew in my body, and I loved you without physically seeing you, but it was my job to love and protect you. I felt that God was giving me a precious gift that would significantly change my life. You and your brother have made me a much better person.

Let me tell you...

2010-01-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

One day I fell in love. Hard. Like a Mack truck with a ton of bricks and the brick's mother as its cargo.

He came into my life like a breath of fresh air. A rejuvenation. Made me believe in love.

Love at first sight.

"Let's go to Jack's." I said.

I wake up in the morning and look at him lovingly.

His love clear as the day is long as I go about my day.

From mom to office wife

He is there, a part of my life

From the 30 second morning orgasmic jumpoff

to the 10am wake up call, My Man is there.

He loves to act silly just like I do.

While he prefers the Grinch, I can sing "Mr. Heat Miser" for hours.

According to him, I speak funny, a New York, yawk, accent

And he has a snobby persona, that you just love to hate

Wearing 4" heels because he loves to see me in them

Me, wrapped in his arms, looking damn good in them

I tend to snore and hog the covers.

He slides into the bed trying not to wake me, his lover.

In the middle of the night, I turn to see him there

Comforted that he is there to keep me safe and warm

I can't look at him without wanting to touch him, his face, feel his heart beat

Love is a beautiful thing, I exhale

Thank you, God, for bringing me this Man

I look to him for guidance, discipline and strength.

He looks at me...to look good on his arm.

Many years I have waited to be with him.

That day finally came, and we've been together forever and a day.

I love him in a live life to the fullest, wild abandon sort of way.

Passion filled, ecstasy bound, I say

I'd rather be with him

Than without him.

Blessings

2010-01-10T18:51:00.000-05:00

Watching my sons sleep when the house is quiet, late at night. Recalling moments pass when they were much younger, curled up in a ball, their breathing labored, giving them kisses galore. Praying that they would grow into responsible and caring young men. Praying that God will keep them safe in their travels and may their life experiences be as joyful and a wonder as mine. May they always have love in their hearts. That's what I think of while I watch them, eyes closed, mouths half open, occasionally catching a drool. I gaze at them and think…Love.

Talking to my sister, as she recants what seems like a lifetime ago of something from our childhood. The time we snuck behind the school and smoked our first cigarette, with me damn near passing out. Or the time I convinced her that we should ride our bikes, past the corner. Telling her to stop complaining, we won't get into any trouble. Well, at least I didn't. Or the time we tried out for the Mt. Vernon Knightettes and we both got in!

Those rare moments in the morning, watching my man sleep, thinking to myself, "I'd rather be with him, than without him." Amazing how when I wasn't looking for love, it found me, and embraced me with a joy that I can't compare to anything else. Whether we're making the bed, preparing dinner or watching a game, I feel as if I have finally found that peace that I have craved for so long. At times I want to pinch myself and ask, "is this real? If not, please do not wake me up."

WHAT DO YOU FEEL MOST BLESSED ABOUT???

View from a Newbie

2007-07-23T13:17:00.001-04:00

As I prepared for my first book fair all I could think of was, I'd rather stay home, chill out in my backyard and eat Bon Bons. According to those in my Inner Circle, that was a no go. Here I have this book that I struggled to get published and I wanted to play Susie Homemaker? So I got off my fat ass, prepared for it, complete with books, press kits, promotional items and guess what? I had the absolute time of my life!

The atmosphere was hypnotizing, there was much love from everyone I ran into, from Omar Tyree to Relentless Aaron. My entourage included my son who is putting together a cookbook, he's only 14 so its exciting to see him focused on something other than XBox 360! And my public relations diva, Ms. Rosa Metz. I cannot say enough about her, she knows how to talk to people, not AT them.

Oh, and the food..."make you wanna slap yo mama"!! Fried chicken, ribs, yams, jerk chicken. I ventured that way but didn't succumb to the temptation. My son informed me that the food was definitely good, not as great as his Cracker Burgers, its not what you think, but it faired pretty well.

There was every bit of African American literature you could imagine; poetry, anthologies, non-fiction, ficiton, "street lit", booty call lit, and something of my own I like to call "realist fiction". The weather was great, except for the gust of wind every now and then but otherwise it was a beautiful event.