But I don’t have that luxury when I’m talking. I make remarks off-the-cuff when I’m angry or upset, or even just being silly. Especially when I don’t think little kids are within earshot. I often cringe after I’ve said something, realizing that it wasn’t quite what I intended.

And when you have children, you really have to watch what you say. And I’m not (just) talking about swear words, I’m talking about putting down myself and others, even privately at home. Something I’ve realized about myself is that I can be harsh about my own appearance, and my three year old really is quite the sponge. Everything I say, she takes in and it all gets squeezed out later at school with the other children. When I say things like “I really need to lose some weight” or “I just don’t look good in this” or “I wish I were a little bit taller,” I hear it again later. “Mommy has a big tummy,” or “Mommy’s shirt is funny.” While for the most part this is harmless, it’s a slippery slope. I worry that repeatedly showing my daughter that I’m unsatisfied with myself will show her that it’s normal to be unhappy with yourself and disparage your own appearance. Right now, when I tell my daughter she is beautiful, she usually says, “I know!” and I want her to continue to think that way. Because, well, of course she is :)

Likewise, I’ve been thinking about what I say about other people in front of her. For example, who hasn’t said “Wow, she looks awful in that photo!” when talking about the latest starlet’s paparazzi shot. Is denigrating other women’s appearances really appropriate behavior? I’ve been making an effort not to speak negatively about people we see in magazines or on TV–saying things like “oh wow she’s skinny!” or “why is she wearing that hideous dress?!?!” (things we all say and do). Just as word choices matter when writing, there are ways to phrase things so that they come across as personal preferences, rather than value judgements on someone’s personality or intelligence.

Of course all of this is easier said than done.

Fellow writers and parents, what do you do?

As a parent, I have to admit that reading fairy tales with my daughter makes me a little uncomfortable. Do I really want to explain death, betrayal, kidnapping, jealousy etc. with my three year old (who repeats everything I say back to her teachers at school)? But at the same time–these books do introduce topics like those in a safe way, and for the most part these stories have a happy ending. Whenever we reach one that doesn’t, like some versions of the Little Mermaid, we talk about it.

Another thing–stories having different versions and different endings kind of confuses my daughter (since the Disney princess are really real since we met them in person (OMG!!!) at Disney World) but at the same time, it really intrigues her in a way I can’t explain. She gets this faraway look on her face when she’s really considering things.

Anyway, here are a few books we’ve checked out from the library that both of us have enjoyed (the first three were ones we had to read over and over):

The Beautiful Butterfly
Adapted by Judy Sierra; Illustrated by Victoria Chess

This book is about a butterfly who is courted by several singing suitors. She chooses a mouse, who soon falls into a pond and is swallowed by a fish. Everyone laments his loss with the poor, sad butterfly. The 3 y.o. LOVED this book. I had to read it to her approximately a million times. I’m thinking about buying a copy, she loved it so much. Apparently this is a combined version of several folk tales, changed a bit so there is a happy ending (the author includes an explanation).

Rapunzel
Adapted and Illustrated by Paul O. Zelinsky

Gorgeous illustrations accompany this classic Rapunzel tale. While yes, this version does include the whole prince is pushed off the tower and goes blind bit (which I hated as a kid), the preschooler finds the whole story fascinating. This book also includes an author’s note about the tale, which I enjoyed.

The Stonecutter: A Japanese Folk Tale
by Gerald McDermott

This story is about a man who makes a series of wishes in order to become strong and powerful, but things don’t quite work out the way he expected. I thought this one would would fly straight over the preschooler’s head, with its symbolic shape drawings and its very deep themes, but she really enjoyed it. We got the book + CD version from the library, which I enjoyed for naptime, since I could just hit repeat when she inevitably wanted to hear it again…and again…and again… (though, she preferred to hear it “in Mommy’s voice” so, oh well).

Full Belly Bowl
by Jim Aylesworth; Illustrated by Wendy Anderson Halperin

In this story, an old man is kind to a small magical being who repays him with a bowl that can reproduce whatever is placed into the bowl. As you would expect, complications ensue. The tale involves cloning kittehs and magic, so what’s not to love?

Princess Furball
by Charlotte Huck; Illustrated by Anita Lobel

I absolutely loved this beautifully illustrated tale (a variant of Cinderella) though my daughter enjoyed the title more than the actual book. I’m not sure if it was just a tad too long for her to enjoy, or if she just got a little too caught up with wondering where the princess’s mommy was. But for whatever reason, she didn’t want to read this one more than a few times. Maybe in a couple years she’ll appreciate it as much as I did. (I also enjoyed the audio version for this one, though it was too long for the preschooler, I think–maybe it would’ve been better in the car?).

We’ve read a bunch of them, and maybe I’ll do a “best of” post someday, but here are a few that we’ve read recently that my daughter has enjoyed.

A book about a girl learning how to help out with her brother:

A book about a boy who is jealous of his brother, but comes around:

When I Was King by Linda Ashman; Illustrated by David McPhail

A book about a crying baby who won’t be soothed (HILARIOUS!):

The Baby that Roared by Simon Puttock; Illustrated by Nadia Shireen

It will probably be a little while until I post something again, but until then, you can probably find me on twitter.

Rapture Practice by Aaron Hartzler is a YA memoir about the author’s struggles as a teenager to find his place in his conservative religious family.

This is an absolutely stunning book. Every page is so vivid and realistic, it’s almost like the author actually had his teenaged self write this book. Even though I am not white, male, Christian, or gay, (and let’s face it, I’m definitely not a teenager anymore) I found this book so heartfelt, engaging, and most of all relatable. I have no idea how the author found the strength to pour himself onto the page like this, but I’m so glad he did.

Wow.

What writers can take away from this book:

–writing emotional, intensely personal scenes
–writing a book that’s a little light on plot and still having it be incredibly compelling (I could not put down this book, yet I couldn’t tell you what the plot was exactly.)
–writing awkward teenage romance without it being awkward for the reader

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the e-book directly from the author’s agency.

The book will be out in a few weeks so pre-order from Amazon or your local indie bookstore!

The Diviners by Libba Bray is about a group of teenagers with psychic powers that are emerging in response to an evil, supernatural presence in 1920s Manhattan. It’s part X-Men, part serial killer murder mystery, part Da Vinci Code, part ghost story, and part historical fiction all mixed together with Libba Bray’s experienced authorial hand.

If that sounds weird and crazy, that’s because it is. But, you know, in a good way! I’m not a scary book fan, but wait, I guess I am now. :)

What writers can learn from this book:

–How to take a completely weird idea and make it stellar
–How to write characters with distinct and unique voices (I was blown away by this!)
–How to integrate history and fantasy in a believable way.

Another great book from Jim Averbeck. The Market Bowl is about a little girl named Yoyo living in modern day Cameroon. Everyday, Yoyo and Mama Cécile make ndolé –bitterleaf stew–for the market. But when Yoyo demands an unfair price for the bowl of stew she hastily slopped together by herself, Brother Coin puts a curse on their market bowl. Having learned her lesson, Yoyo must then figure out away to trick the Great Spirit of the Market into blessing the bowl again.

The Market Bowl book reads like a classic folktale, with every page feeling warm, familiar, and very engaging. Smatterings of foreign words throughout the text make the book fun to read out loud. I love Yoyo’s cute pigtails and her willful behavior. Preschooler Monkey (formerly known as Toddler Monkey) loves the song at the beginning describing how to make bitterleaf stew (“Mommy, can we make bitterleaf stew tomorrow?”) and has millions of questions about ever page. It also doesn’t hurt that Yoyo is Infant Monkey’s nickname :). And while Preschooler Monkey finds Brother Coin just a tiny bit scary, that actually only makes the book that much more alluring for her.

Definitely worth checking out, though I wouldn’t recommend reading it on an empty stomach…

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book directly from the publisher.

A Tale from the Pound by Sandy Throne is a sweet little picture book about a couple who want to adopt a cat, and end up choosing one that looks a little different from the rest. Toddler Monkey liked this one, mainly because, as she immediately recognized, the cat in the story looks a lot like one of our cats who is also a Maine Coon mix. Also, she liked that the book features many cute kittens and she responded well to the simple, easy-to-follow storyline.

However my own reactions to the book were a bit mixed. While I appreciated the overall message in the book, I felt that it wasn’t as well developed as it could have been. For example, the premise of the book is that the cat, Sophie, is “funny looking” because she has bigger ears than normal cats and “no one has adopted her because she looks so different.” However, a kitty with giant ears sounds extremely cute to me and I wasn’t convinced that Sophie’s ears actually were larger than those of the other cats in the illustrations. If the author hadn’t told us that her ears were large, I never would have noticed. Similarly, I liked how subtle the parallel was between the “funny looking” cat and the woman at the pet center who had dyed her hair the “odd” shade of blue, but for me this parallel didn’t quite work, because people choose to color their hair blue (because, well, they like it), whereas Sophie couldn’t choose the shape of her ears.

As a writer, I also got a little caught up with the point-of-view switches and inconsistent verb tenses, but my daughter didn’t mind or notice these issues at all, and actually quite liked the brief point-of-view switches. Another difference of opinion: my daughter thinks Sophie is “very cute” (her words!) though, while I’m not an artist, I felt that the illustrations were not the right style for this story and often felt the proportions and lines were off. In one instance, the illustration doesn’t depict quite the right thing. The page depicts two little boys looking at a room full of cats, but the text refers to the two main characters, Janet and Andy, and their response to the cats. This confuses my daughter who asks, “Where’s Janet and Andy?” every time we reach this page.

But despite these issues, my three-year-old daughter liked this book and was excited to receive it in the mail, so it is definitely a toddler-approved book.

Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book directly from the publisher.

Book Description:
In this heart-wrenching and suspenseful teen thriller, sixteen-year-old Sarah Meadows longs for “normal.” Born with a port-wine stain covering half her face, all her life she’s been plagued by stares, giggles, bullying, and disgust. But when she’s abducted on the way home from school, Sarah is forced to uncover the courage she never knew she had, become a hero rather than a victim, and learn to look beyond her face to find the beauty and strength she has inside. It’s that—or succumb to a killer.

Tag Line:
Sometimes you have to be your own hero.

Release Date:
Nov 19, 2013

Publisher:
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

From the author:
Like I did with SCARS and HUNTED, I drew on some of my own experiences of bullying, abuse, and trauma to write STAINED and to give it greater emotional depth. Like Sarah in STAINED, I experienced abduction, imprisonment, periods of forced starvation, mind control, and having my life threatened. And like Sarah, I tried hard to fight against my abuser, keep my own sense of self, and escape. I hope readers will see Sarah’s strength and courage, and appreciate her emotional growth as she reclaims herself.

Trailer:

Available For Pre-Order on:
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Amazon.ca (hardcover)
Amazon.ca (ebook)

Amazon.co.uk (hardcover)
Amazon.co.uk (ebook)

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Books-a-Million

From the moment Bella wakes up, nothing is right. Her baby brother is in her room (“GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”), her mother tries to giver her an egg for breakfast (“I CAN’T EAT THAT!”), and I won’t even mention what happens in the grocery store (except to say that the snide looks from the other customers in the store are classic)!

I bought this book for my daughter’s 3rd birthday and she (and the other birthday guests) wanted to read it as soon as it was unwrapped. Just the cover alone is hysterical. Everyone (especially the adults) laughed as we read about Bella’s day and recognized my daughter and her cousin on every single page. So, so cute. I highly recommend this one!