Monroe Mommy

Super Nanny, please help!

2011-08-08T13:22:00.000-04:00

Oh dear God summer needs to end and it needs to end NOW! I am so over my kids staying up late at night, sleeping the day away and bitching & moaning about how they are bored. Um, read a book! Go play outside! I opted out of camp for them this year (who am I kidding, my wallet opted me out!) however, my kids have not been without fun activities and things to do. When feasible I've taken them to do different things including but not limited to the following: the pool, BBQs, sports complex, movies, the mall, amusement park (OK, so my babysitter took them, but I paid for it), and the park. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? Damn straight it is. And yet the cries of boredom rage on. I do not understand at what point a kid's fun-meter fills up, but my children seem to have an insatiable need for activity. That's all well and good, but mama's got bills to pay, a FT job and no desire to entertain you 24/7. I give you food & shelter, entertainment is on you.

My second, and more troubling issue, is that summer seems to have drained my children of all brain power and ability to reconcile "right" from "wrong". Not to mention the ability to listen to me. It's almost as if the discipline they are taught throughout the school year falls by the wayside once school is out for summer (insert Alice Cooper lyrics here.) I find myself repeating things over and over and over again. Did I mention I repeat myself? Well I do. I repeatedly repeat myself and it's annoying. My oldest daughter will be 13 in less than a month. So in addition to the summer brain drain, I am also dealing with "soon to be a teenager" hormones. Yay me. My middle son has a lack of motivation and low self-esteem which is a whole other can o' worms, but I digress. My youngest son has more energy than a case of Red Bull, but is also 3 years old. His ability to listen is almost non-existent. His attention span is limited and his temper tantrums are frequent.

Each kid has their own challenges which keeps life interesting. Trouble is I am struggling with how to deal with each without going absolutely freakin insane. Summer and the lack of a routine is not helping, but alas, it is almost over. I'm hopeful I can survive without Super Nanny, but will keep her number handy just in case ....

Trust

2011-06-23T17:36:00.000-04:00

So. True. You know, it's funny how that works. It's almost like dealing with weight gain. You can eat poorly for a month or so and pack on the pounds, but man it takes FOREVER to get that weight off. At least for me it does....

I spent many years "trusting" my ex husband. It goes without saying doesn't it? You marry someone and you should automatically trust them. But trust is earned. We had been together for about 4 years before we got married. Unconsciously I was building up trust for him over those years. I didn't feel like I worked hard at it, it just sort of came naturally. I didn't doubt, or question or wonder. I accepted, loved and had an open heart and mind. It wasn't until that trust was broken during his affair that I realized how much it meant. We take things like trust for granted. You just assume that someone should trust you. Why? Because you said so? I'll say it again .... trust is earned. And as the quote says above, it takes years to build up and merely seconds to destroy. I know because I've been there.

In my new relationship (just shy of the 6 month mark), I am having a hard time trusting. My new guy isn't the one that broke my heart. He's not the one that lied and cheated. But sadly he's bearing the brunt of my trust baggage. It's unfair to assume he has to prove anything to me, but in my mind he does. He has to prove he won't rip my heart out and stomp all over it, or just up and leave me one day. Because in my twisted little head, that's what I foresee happening.

It helps you understand abuse in a way, and why children and animals need time to warm up to a new family/owner after being victimized. You have to show them that they can trust you. You have to EARN it. In their eyes you will abuse them just like the last person. That is all they know until you show them otherwise. That is all I know until I'm shown otherwise.

I wish I knew exactly when I'd start trusting again. That would be awesome. Until then, I'll take it one day at a time ....that's all I can do.

Self Esteem

2011-06-20T13:02:00.000-04:00

I've said before that this blog has been an outlet for me. Writing is a huge outlet for many people, especially when you are going through some tough times such as I have lately. Well I'm due for a therapy session so here goes ....

It's no secret that I went through a divorce last year. It's funny how it's phrased, "went through" a divorce. Divorce is definitely something you go through. It doesn't just sort of happen, and it's never quick and painless, even if things are amicable. There is always some element of aftermath that takes place. For me, that aftermath involves an ex husband that is marrying his pregnant girlfriend. Yes, you read that right. No it is not an excerpt from a Real Housewives of (insert state name here) episode. This is realer than reality TV!

Now it has been a solid year and change since I separated from my ex husband. And we've been legally divorced for almost a year. Yet, it baffles me that in that short amount of time he's managed to move on and start a new life so seamlessly. I have certainly done my part to move on. Note in my prior blog post I mention that I've started dating again. I have been seeing the same chap for about 6 months now, and we recently moved in together. Okay, so that's kind of a big deal, but at least I'm not prego! ;) Either way, I'm moving on at a much slower pace than my ex, and it's a tough pill to swallow. It truly is a huge blow to your ego to be "rejected" (i.e. divorced), and to learn that you've been replaced by a newer, sleeker version. Bottom line: it hurts.

I have also mentioned on this blog that I lost my job last year. Another rejection that also hurts. I've never been laid off before. Ever. I've always been the one to leave a job for the newer, sleeker version. :) So when my company informed me in April of last year that my services were no longer needed, that hurt too. The aftermath of my job loss has been tough. People say looking for a new job is a full-time job in itself. Well, try looking for a new job in a field that has been battered by a lousy economy! It is much more intense to be out of work right now. The competition is fierce, and employers are fiercer. People that have jobs tend to take them for granted. I know I did when I had one. Friends and family members will complain to me about how they dislike their job & want to start looking for a new one. I am quick to remind them that at least they have steady employment. I also mention that I would prefer if they not add any additional competition to my search!

Losing a job and divorcing your husband are difficult things to deal with. I do feel that I am in a much better place now than I was with my ex husband. I also am confident a new job is on the horizon, and that all of my efforts will pay off. The rejection still stings just a little ....

You don't realize how certain aspects of your life define you. Marital status and occupation are way up there in the socioeconomic stratosphere. One of my biggest gripes is that it takes me longer to fill out those self-identifying questionnaires nowadays. I have to remember to check off "divorced" and "unemployed"...!!

Summer

2011-06-16T14:10:00.000-04:00

This is my ideal summer. What does yours look like?

The dating game ....

2011-02-01T15:20:00.000-05:00

Ahh the dating game. And what a game it is. I am now back in it after many years of....well, not being in it. Funny thing though - it really hasn't changed all that much! The rules are more or less the same, with the exception of the online/virtual aspect. Despite now using this thing called the Internet to make initial contact, the rest is basically status quo.

The online dating world is interesting though. People think nothing of speaking their mind or telling complete and total lies. This does differ a bit from the "in person" aspect, as most people are not as bold in person as they are online. I literally had one guy tell me he was married and was just looking to have more sex. Well alrighty then. I politely let him know I'm not his girl, but did applaud his honesty. Another guy kept trying to meet me for coffee. Ok, I like coffee, not a bad first date, right? Well it is if you email the person at 7am asking if they can literally meet you that morning. Um....really? I have 3 kids and need a tad more notice than 10 minutes. That aside, he also wanted me to come to him. Granted he didn't live far from me, but still? Why should I come to you dude? As the man, at least come to me, or meet me halfway. Needless to say we never met up.

One piece of newbie advice - I highly encourage you to talk to your suitor via phone prior to meeting in person. I had one guy that looked good in pictures, and "sounded" good via text, however when we finally spoke on the phone I thought I was talking to a cartoon character. Not even kidding. He laughed after almost everything he said. I'm not talking a nervous laugh....it was more of a "I truly think I'm that funny" kind of laugh. He already had two strikes against him (he was a smoker (yuck!) and he was my height. I prefer tall guys.) The voice & phone personality was strike three ... you're out my friend!

I did get a lot of emails from men interested in me. Not gonna lie, that is certainly an ego boost. Even if you have absolutely no interest in them, it's nice to know you still got it.

I went on a couple of dates with one fellow (haha, fellow!) and it was very nice. We had a lot in common, and he was fun to be around. He turned out to not be the right guy for me though. I found myself accepting things that bothered me just because he expressed interest. I completely disregarded the fact that he was a chain smoker (ick), and that he lived an hour and change away from me (normally not a huge deal, but this dude did not have a car nor a license!) He also drank like a fish and was a tad immature for my taste. All that aside he was Mr. Perfect right?? ;) In all seriousness, I found myself happy just to have someone paying attention to me. Then I wised up. I turned to a very close friend who was a self-proclaimed serial dater prior to meeting her fiancée. No. Joke. She has taught me a lot during this process, including but not limited to the following:

1) How to deal with emotional attachment (I'm soft & pink folks. And when I fall, I fall hard and fast.)
2) How to set the bar high and keep it there, raising it when someone meets my expectations
3) How to have self-respect
4) All about bedtime chat guys
5) How not to "boink" on the first date (see #3 - self-respect noted above)

I got together with my ex husband at a very young age. I didn't really date prior to meeting him, so a lot of this is new to me. It's been really great to have a friend that has "been there, done that", to listen and give me advice. I've found that you definitely need a sounding board during the dating game.

I am happy to report that after going through a few duds, I have met a great guy. Yes it does happen! He's absolutely wonderful and I am very optimistic and hopeful...two things I have not been in a very long time. :)

Another year over ... a new one's just begun

2011-01-03T00:03:00.000-05:00

Wow, here we are in a new year and a new decade. Madness I say!

So, what did you do for New Year's Eve (aka Amateur Night)?! Did you get plastered and wake-up in a motel room bathtub? Oh wait, that only happens in frat houses. Or Kesha videos.

My NYE was pretty calm. Except for the part where I lost track of my 8 year old son and had to ask the Danbury police to help me track him down. You know, the usual! Sigh.

My son thinks he's a grown-up and tends to wander off on his own. I had a total of 5 kids with me that night. Granted 3 of them were 12 year olds (my daughter and her two friends), but regardless it was 1 adult trying to keep tabs on 5 underage human beings. (Did I mention this was an alcohol free, family friendly event?!) My son also has ADHD, which leads to impulsive behavior (such as wandering away from his mom on a crowded street on New Year's Eve.) Lucky for me he is also a very bright, resourceful kid. He spotted a police officer (ironically, the same officer that I later asked for help in finding said son), and asked for directions to the fireworks. After going through the typical stuff that one goes through when reporting a lost child to law enforcement, we found him! He turned up in the crowd atop a rooftop garage watching the fireworks display. Exactly where the cop had told him to go to see the fireworks, and exactly where we were going anyway. After a scolding from me and the Danbury PD, we breathed a huge sigh of relief and took my all too grown up 8 year old son home.

Once home, we lit up our own fireworks in the driveway and rang in the New Year amongst ourselves. Just a typical New Year's Eve for us. :)

Happy New Year friends! I hope 2011 brings you many blessings.

Christmas with my BFF

2010-12-28T12:09:00.000-05:00

I spent Christmas Day with my best friend in the whole world. I know I sound like I'm five by saying that, but she truly is. We have known each other since we were in kindergarten. Our friendship has weathered many moves, (including a few out of state), marriage, kids, divorce & death. You name it and we've been through it together. She's been my rock during this really low point in my life, and didn't miss a beat when I told her I didn't have the kids for Christmas.

"You're coming to my house then" she said matter of factly.
"Are you sure it won't be weird?" I asked in typical Courtney fashion.
"You are MY family. No it will not be weird."

And with that, I ended up at her place - on time, the first guest to arrive I might add - for Christmas Day dinner. And she was right - it was not weird at all. We ate like kings, drank like fish, laughed out loud and watched in awe at the spectacle that is family coming together on Christmas. It truly was a great time and I did not feel uncomfortable in the slightest. I was grateful to be a part of a special day with a special friend. :)

What the hell Wednesday before Christmas

2010-12-22T23:53:00.003-05:00

I gotta say people are absolutely nutty this time of year! Granted I had no business going to the mall 3 days before Christmas, but that aside, people are just plain wacky! From the irate drivers, to the pissy cashiers, to the people invading your personal space while waiting in line to checkout ... people have really lost the concept of how to be "normal" this time of year. It's as if all the etiquette we used the entire year goes totally out the window during the last two weeks of said year. Holy mother of pearl!!

Now back to my experience at the mall three days before Christmas. WTH is wrong with me?!? Why was I even near the mall three days before the big day!?! Well this year in keeping with my unconventionalness, I had not finished my Christmas shopping. Hence the last minute "kids are with their dad so let me go buy their gifts" dash to the mall. And I'm still not done. WTH!?!?

I popped in Victoria's Secret while in the mall. I got my daughter a super cute "Pink" outfit. Pink as in the color, and Pink as in the Victoria's Secret brand. Hopefully she doesn't read my blog (I know she doesn't), otherwise I'm screwed. While in VS, I was really shocked at how many men were in there! WTH?! Perhaps they were in the dog house and buying make up bras and panties in hopes of smoothing things over for the holidays? Perhaps. It was interesting though. Most men get really overwhelmed in Victoria's Secret. These men seemed to hold their own. Well done guys!

I bought fireworks in Target today. Fireworks! WTH!?! (Side bar - I do love the song Firework by Katy Perry, but I digress ...) They were on sale - $30 worth of fireworks for $10. I figure the kids and I can set them off for New Year's. I just love that you can easily buy fireworks here in CT. Milk, eggs, clothing & fireworks all in one place. Thank you Target! :)

I still have to go to the grocery store and figure out what to make for dinner on Christmas Eve. I'm spending Christmas Eve with the kids by myself this year. No pesky husband (ha!) and no family will be joining us this year. (Totally keeping the unconventional theme going as you can see!) I hope to figure out what to make so that we don't starve on Christmas Eve. We won't starve. I'll figure something out.

That's all for now folks! Have a Merry Christmas. I'll probably post again before the new year. Something tells me I'll need an escape between now and then . . .

Tis the season for .... hostility??

2010-12-19T23:16:00.000-05:00

I know that this time of year people are on edge. The holidays and end of year madness will do that to anyone. In fact I'm experiencing my own bouts of hostility associated with equitable parenting time during the holidays with my ex. At least I have a good excuse for being a raving lunatic! ]

What's yours? Do share. After all, tis the season! ;)

My contribution to WTH Wednesday ...

2010-12-08T17:43:00.000-05:00

Today was definitely a "WTH" kind of day for me, so I thought I'd partake in WTH Wednesday!

My youngest son turned 3 years old today. While I couldn't have asked for a better just before Christmas present, I cannot believe 3 years have flown by!! Makes me a little weepy. WTH?!

I had planned to take my little man to the toy store today to pick out a new toy truck for his birthday. Well, prior to that we had to take care of my car. It's old and needs a little TLC every now and again. So today we took the car for an oil change, two new tires and a wash. Something went awry at the car wash because it stopped working while we were going through it. Yup, just came to a standstill as my car was going through (I was in the car with the birthday boy when this happened mind you!) Maybe the equipment was being temperamental because of this subzero weather we're experiencing here. I get that. And it wasn't a huge deal because the workers quickly pressed some sort of panic button and got the car wash moving again. I was the only car there so no harm done. But honestly - WTH!?!?

The car was bought used and the driver's side mirror has been a little wobbly for a while. I ignored it because it wasn't a big deal. Today it became a big deal when said mirror came loose in the car wash!!!! WTH!!! I'm a regular at this particular car wash and every time I go there they politely remind me that my mirror is loose. Thanks guys. Two of the workers attempted to put it back on, but then shook their heads and said the screws were no good. Um, ok great. Needless to say I left the car wash with my driver's side mirror dangling off. Little man and I did not make it to the toy store as I was too embarrassed and somewhat afraid to drive the car with a broken mirror. :(

My ex brother-in-law called today. WTH!? Actually he called to wish his godson a happy birthday. We had a good conversation so it was all good. :)

That's all I got. Hope your Wednesday was less wacky than mine!

The holidays are upon us!

2010-11-24T23:19:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year again! Can you believe it?? I know I can't. This year truly did fly by. It wasn't one of my finer years, so I'm ok with its warp speed.

I am celebrating Thanksgiving (the start of the madness, er I mean, holiday season) a little differently this year. One may suggest I am not celebrating at all. I say who are you to tell me what to do?! Well really, I'd say, maybe you are right. You see this is my first (of many) holidays as a single parent. Some may find the positive in this - no spouse or inlaws to deal with. I must admit, that part does make me smile just a tad. On the other hand I do miss the spouse and inlaws (maybe not my ex spouse and former inlaws) but certainly the concept of having a spouse and inlaws (or family in general) around during the holidays. It's tough going it alone. Really tough.

One thing you have to get used to after divorce is splitting the holidays with your kids. When you are married you split the holidays amongst each other's relatives. Your family one year, his family the next...or something like that! After divorce it is not as cut and dry. You are now taking what used to be major family holidays and forcing your kids to spend them with one parent or the other. It's very anti-holiday if you ask me, but it is what it is. This year on Thanksgiving the kids are with me. My immediate family is quite dysfunctional, so we won't be seeing them this year. (That's a post for another day.) I am forced to create new traditions for myself and my kids now, so this year I've decided to take them out to eat at a restaurant. A friend of mine owns a lovely banquet facility in Ansonia, CT and we'll be dining there for turkey day tomorrow. It will have all the makings of a typical turkey feast - salad to start, carving stations with turkey and other meats, side dishes, and of course dessert! We definitely will not miss out on the Thanksgiving Day experience, that's for sure. :)

I am looking forward to it, mostly because it means no cooking or cleaning for me, but also because it's the start of something new. Not to say we'll do this every year, but it is another new beginning for us as a family - creating our own traditions and making new memories. Baby steps . . .

Change

2010-11-11T23:07:00.000-05:00

So you may be thinking to yourself - what the hell is this picture of a random (although freshly manicured) hand doing here?! Well I'll tell ya. It's my freshly manicured random hand. See I've been a nail biter since I was a kid. Up until about three weeks ago, I had never had a manicure on my own nails. Sure I had tips (fake nails) put on, and would go to the nail salon regularly to maintain them. But as far as letting my own nails grow and actually having them manicured ... nope, never done it. Until three weeks ago. . .

Three weeks ago I sat in a court hearing to finalize my divorce. I closed one chapter of my life and moved full steam ahead into another. I'm still chugging along trying to find my way through this new chapter. It has not been easy, and it won't be, but I'm managing (mostly through therapy and this blog.) The day of my hearing, I left the courthouse, came home and headed to the nail salon.

Now you may still be wondering what the picture of my hand has to do with any of this? Well for me, my manicured hand represents a huge change in my life. After years and years of biting my nails, often times to the point of drawing blood, I was finally able to drum up enough will-power to stop. I got my first real manicure in my almost (ahem) 33 years of life, three weeks ago! (Ok, there's a lot of number "3's" in that statement. Perhaps I should play lotto?!) This is a pretty amazing feat! It shows me that if I truly set my mind to something, I can accomplish it. That may sound cliche and cheesy, but I don't care. That picture above means more to me than you'll ever know. It represents change. My change. And I'm damn proud of that!

National Kidney Walk

2010-10-18T16:05:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday I had the pleasure of walking in the annual National Kidney Foundation walk from South Street Seaport up and over the Brooklyn bridge. It was a beautiful day and the turnout was incredible. My friend's son was born with kidney disease. He is living with one good kidney that is functioning at about 60%. Thankfully he has not needed a transplant and is doing remarkably well. But the reality is at some point in his life he my need a kidney. The reality is there are a ton of people waiting for donors.

Here are some fast facts from the NKF website:

FAST FACTS

Chronic kidney disease affects 26 million Americans and millions more are at risk
Kidney disease is common, harmful and treatable
Risk factors include high blood pressure, diabetes and family history
Early detection can slow the progression of kidney disease
Once kidneys fail, patients need dialysis or a transplant to survive
Over 104,000 people are waiting for an organ transplant

I was truly inspired and moved by the people out there walking in someone's honor. Many have lost loved ones to this disease. Many more will lose loved ones. Either way, the fight goes on and so do the tireless efforts of all involved to raise money and awareness.

I had a great time and will probably do it again next year. The fact that my legs are a bit sore today is a small price to pay for such a great cause! :)

Learn more about NKF and kidney disease here: http://donate.kidney.org/site/PageServer?pagename=WALK_homepage

Randomness

2010-10-10T23:22:00.001-04:00

It's Sunday and I feel like being random. No rhyme or reason, just feel like it! So here goes ...

The kids are off school tomorrow for Columbus Day. They were also off on Friday for a conveniently scheduled "staff development day". Yeah. Sure. So between development of the staff and Columbus discovering what he thought was America, I get 2 extra days of chaos in the house. Good times.

Saturday I decided to take the kids to a local harvest festival. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight it was a pretty lousy idea. I mean, I am all for fun stuff to do with the kids, but stuff like this always makes me mental. Despite my cheery disposition and calm demeanor, when I attend functions with my children and things don't go according to plan, I get bitchy. I mean it. Downright psycho at times. I am not proud of this and I try really hard to call in reinforcements when I can. This time the reinforcement came in the form of my sister. Now granted she had her two year old with her, so she wasn't much help. But having an extra adult was at least comforting amidst the insanity. The festival was nice, don't get me wrong, but holy crowded! And holy runaway baby in the form of my soon to be three year old Michael!! Yes folks, he's a runner. And when given the opportunity he does just that. Runs. And fast! Needless to say we did take him on a hayride, and he was entertained by a hay maze. He also got to feed some farm animals which was cute. But as far as this event being fun for me as a parent....that would be a resounding heck no!!

Today is 10.10.10. Wicked cool. I'm a bit of a numbers geek so I find this strangely fascinating. I mean, it only happens once every hundred years so chances are most of us won't be here to see it again. That in itself is pretty cool.

In other news, I'm sitting here writing this post using my new laptop. I really needed a new one and am very glad to have finally bit the bullet and purchased it! As I sit here in bed with the laptop in my lap, I am thinking about a story on Good Morning America regarding something called toasted leg syndrome. View full story on toasted leg syndrome here! Apparently excessive laptop use without proper ventilation can cause your laptop to actually burn your lap. Who knew?!?

Must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirm . . .

2010-10-07T23:46:00.001-04:00

This is a lyric from Alanis Morissette's song, "Uninvited." Alanis is one of my favorite artists. I've loved her since I was about fifteen. Back then her album Jagged Little Pill had just come out and the single "You Oughta Know" was a big hit. I remember that song becoming my anthem at the time. If you are not familiar, it's a lovely ballad about a scorned woman. At the time I was a scorned teenager who fell prey to a boy who told me what I wanted to hear to get me out on a few dates. By date number three he stood me up and I never saw him again. Back then I felt like it was the worst thing in the world. I was full of anger, hurt and desperation. The song made me feel empowered and basically convinced me that boys sucked. I should have learned my lesson then! ;)

Fast forward to today. The song has a similar meaning for me now as I grapple with a painful divorce as an adult. It still empowers me and I still think boys suck! A lot of her songs have that affect on me.

I am the stoic. I always have been. I get that from my mom and its not something I'm proud of. My mom was a cop in the small town I grew up in. She didn't show emotion. Her mother (my grandmother) was also a stoic. Emotion was viewed as a sign of weakness and neither my grandmother nor mother are weak people. I've always held in my emotions, never showing my hand, always maintaining my poker face. Well the stoic squirmed in therapy yesterday. I broke down and burst into tears right there in my therapist's office. She's been waiting for this since I started seeing her a few months ago. She kept telling me it wasn't healthy to keep everything pent up. She was worried about me letting loose at the wrong time or in an unhealthy way. Like balling my eyes out over a yogurt commercial, or having a total meltdown in the frozen food section of my local Stop and Shop.

Now I certainly wasn't hysterical or uncontrollable, but I did cry. I cried hard and it felt good. :)

Welcome To My Life...

2010-09-26T01:20:00.000-04:00

I've always liked this song by Simple Plan. It has a new meaning for me lately with all the chaos and turmoil going on in my world. Music has played a big part in the healing process for me. There is something very therapeutic about songs that speak to your situation and offer words of hope & betterment. Then there are those songs that talk about how much things suck or how much another person (insert name of said person here) sucks. And that's ok too. Being able to use music as an outlet has been huge for me.

Do you have a favorite song/singer that you turn to during those times of need?

Mommy Dearest ...

2010-09-22T16:10:00.001-04:00

Last night I became the person I fear most. No, not my own mother. I'm talking about Mommy Dearest. Ok, so maybe I wasn't that bad, but I came darn close.

As a mom (I say mom, because dad's don't count for the purpose of this story) we all have those moments that send us over the proverbial edge. I had a fairly uneventful day yesterday, so perhaps this was my payback? It sure felt like it. The kids came in after having dinner with their father, and my older two each had some homework left to finish. No big deal. I helped my daughter with her math while she in turn helped her younger brother with a language arts project. We wrapped things up fairly quickly. After that is when all holy heck broke loose.

I currently have my home office in my bedroom. I don't like this setup, but for now it is what it is. I also only have one computer in my house (also in said bedroom) and everyone uses it. (Well everyone meaning me and the kids.) My preteen daughter likes to use the dressing area in my bedroom to groom herself. I have all my hair care products and tools in a cabinet next to what is possibly the biggest mirror in existence with dressing room lighting above it. I get that it's a good place to groom, however, it is in my bedroom. So as a result, when she decides to groom, it's an invasion of my space. Last night she busted out my flat iron and started straightening her hair. My 8 year old son also decided at the same time that he needed to go online and look up titles for school library books to put on reserve. My 2 year old was busy running around the room, being his usual 2 year old self. At least he's predictable.

I was also trying to do a little grooming of my own....testing out my new curling iron. I realized weeks ago that I didn't own a curling iron so I bought a new one! My room was already like Grand Central Station with all the activity. Couple that with each child deciding at the exact same time that they needed my attention. That's right - three separate moans for "mooooooooom" all while I had a scalding hot piece of equipment in my hands. As you can imagine, the outcome was not good.

I finally screamed out a four letter expletive that I can't repeat on a family friendly blog. But let's just say it starts with "F" and rhymes with truck! The room fell silent as I assessed the damage to my forehead and realized all three kids were staring at my in disbelief. Not so much because of the swearing (I'm not gonna lie, they've heard me say that and possibly worse before), but because they knew I had reached my breaking point.

I managed to pull myself together and calmly asked each child to give me a minute to handle each of their requests separately. And I did, because that's how we moms roll. I'm not proud of my "Mommy Dearest" moment. But I'm only human and it happens. So suck on that! ;-)

This ain't your grandmother's back to school night!

2010-09-15T22:49:00.000-04:00

It amazes me how much things have changed over the years. Now I'm no spring chicken, but I certainly don't consider myself old. Well, not usually. Last night I felt like an old fart at my daughter's back to school night. She's in middle school (7th grade), and the technology they are using nowadays simply amazed me. Granted, I'm pretty tech savvy, but when I think back to my classroom days, I recall the teachers writing on chalkboards, and the students using giant textbooks and things like dictionaries and encyclopedias to look up information.

Last night the teachers used smart-boards. I'm not sure if you know what these are, but they basically connect to a computer and project material onto a giant screen. The screen is actually a touch screen that the teachers use to navigate around during their lesson. I was amazed as my daughter's math teacher showed us how she works her way through the online version of the student's pre-Algebra textbook. She even showed us an online help feature in which the click of a button (or in her case a finger tap), enabled a virtual assistant to speak as well as write on the screen to help solve a problem. How cool!

One of the library assistants made the comment that this generation does not even know what an encyclopedia is. How crazy is that?! It is the reality though. All three of my children will not know a world pre-Google, pre-Facebook or pre-Twitter. Its pretty amazing when you think about it. But it just made me feel like a dinosaur so I try not to think about it ....

From the mouths of preteens ...

2010-09-10T18:31:00.000-04:00

This past Friday was my daughter's birthday. She hit the ripe ole age of 12. That's right folks, we're almost at the teenage years. Zoinks! This birthday was particularly tough for me, not so much because of the impending hormonal changes, but because I'm knee deep in a divorce. When my son's birthday came and went back in July, I wrote about how difficult it was for me to deal with the fact that it was the first time he was spending a birthday away from me. He was with his father that weekend and by default spent his 8th birthday with him and his ~~dirty mistress~~ girlfriend. It was a hard pill for me to swallow as I had to spend my son's birthday without my son. It was strange and awkward, but I made do. The following weekend I did my own party for him, which turned out just fine.

This time around it's the same scenario. My daughter spent her actual birthday with her dad. We are celebrating with a party for her with her friends this weekend. I know it will be fun, and she'll enjoy it, but it doesn't change the fact that once again mom gets to celebrate with her children post actual day of birth. Sigh.

Divorce notwithstanding, I am also technically unemployed at the moment and don't have much income to speak of. It's no secret this economy stinks, so finding a new source of solid income has been tough. That being said, money is especially tight for me (and the rest of the world, but really it's all about me right now.) As a parent we do our best to shield our children from things like financial strain. But things have hit me particularly hard, and I can't hide the fact that I can't afford to buy my daughter a birthday present (at least not one that she would want.) I am, however, organizing and paying for her party this weekend. But that doesn't count. She had the nerve to ask me, "are you getting me a present or just doing the party?" I mumbled that for now I can only do the party. She sort of shrugged and walked away. Another sigh.

Despite trying to shelter our kids from the worst of times, there are occasions where you almost want them to see what you sacrifice to keep them happy. I know a lot of people talk about how privileged this generation is. Maybe so. As a parent I know I am always trying to do more for my kids than I had done for me (and I had it pretty good.) It's never enough though. And hence the "spoiled brat" monster is created.

I think the hardest part of all of this is that my ex and his ~~dirty mistress~~ girlfriend and her family (don't ask, just please don't) were able to give my daughter birthday presents while I was not. *Groan.* Alas, at least she'll have her party ... even if I go broke in the process.

Rodent infestation....

2010-09-03T11:25:00.000-04:00

Ok, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic. But anytime something that is not human enters my home in large numbers (large meaning greater than 1), I consider it an infestation!!!

Last night I was walking down my basement stairs (off the kitchen) to grab a roll of paper towels. Harmless right? I thought so. As I got a few steps up from the bottom I noticed a grey ball of what I thought was lint sitting on the step. I leaned in closer and saw another one a step below it. I assumed both were dust balls (don't judge me for not cleaning please.) So as I bent down to pick up said dust balls, I realized they were NOT dust balls. They were in fact baby mice. MICE!!!!!!!!!!! ICKKKKK!!!

Now before I could panic, I realized they were uber tiny, and not moving. They sat there calmly, quietly, motionless. I quickly had my kids help me corrale the little critters (this involved a shoe box, magazine and salad tongs. Nothing but the best pest elimination equipment in this house!) We let them loose outside on the other side of a small retaining wall that surrounds my driveway. Hopefully they don't find their way back in. All total we caught 3 and let them loose. Ironically they were cute and seemed harmless, except for the threat of rabies and other disease. Oh yeah and the fact they could've entered my main dwelling (kitchen, etc.) and started to get comfortable. Having them in the basement was more than enough for me.

I never did find the mama mouse. It's like bees, you have to find (and destroy) the queen in order to eradicate the problem. I really do not want to call an exterminator. Quite frankly I cannot afford an exterminator! I am accepting applications for temporary cat help. Interested parties, please inquire within.

Back to school....

2010-09-01T10:12:00.001-04:00

Well it's that time. Again. Another summer over and the kids are already back in school. In fact, they went back Monday morning. Nevermind that it's still August and 90+ degrees. Nope, school is back in session!

Normally I'd be doing the happy dance, but for some reason this year I'm a little upset about the sudden end to summer vacation. Perhaps it's because I had high hopes for making this a great summer for my kids. I had plans I intended to make and specific activities I wanted to do. All of that sort of went out the window as the summer raged on. Now don't get me wrong, we did do some fun stuff. I took the kids to the pool a few times (not as much as I would've liked, but we did go.) We went bowling, they went to Lake Compounce, an amusement/water park here in the lovely state of CT. Heck my daughter even got to see her favorite boy band Big Time Rush at an exclusive NYC concert event. That's pretty rad, no?! We also hosted two fabulous French exchange students. Let's not forget that!!

I'm not sure how or when my summer plans got derailed, but somehow they did. Despite the fun we had, it just didn't seem like enough. Maybe I pushed too hard to make this summer "fun" because of my divorce. I decided to overcompensate by trying to make sure the kids were having fun 24/7. Could be. I will say we seem to be caught in some space time continuum lately because time seems to be passing by at a much quicker pace. The summer literally breezed by. Let's blame my inability to make plans on that and call it a day. ;)

What. A. Week.

2010-07-30T22:46:00.000-04:00

Wow. All I can say is I am VERY glad it is Friday and that I have the pleasure of not working weekends. I am truly exhausted. This week tested my limits more than ever, and I was not a happy camper.

I literally wanted to clone myself several times this week. Are we still against human cloning? I know we did it with that sheep and all, but honestly, can a mama get a duplicate version of herself please?! That way I can enjoy an afternoon at the Bronx Zoo with my best friend and her son and my own children without having to take 10 phone calls, and check emails while trying to observe the prairie dogs and lions bask in the sun. I wouldn't have to do 90mph on the freeway to meet my ex husband at a rest stop to drop the kids off so that I can get to the bus station in time to pick-up my exchange students. I wouldn't have to call a friend to ask her to pick-up an au pair in transition because I had somewhere else to be at the same time she was scheduled to depart her host family's home.

So yea, can someone get on that whole cloning thing please? Another week like this one and I might very well end up in a mental institution. ;-0

A little random ...

2010-07-25T01:12:00.002-04:00

Today's post will be a little random, but it's my blog and that's ok. So here goes ...

I now have two exchange students from France staying with me for three weeks. You may recall I wrote about a Spanish student some time ago ... well he left me for another family. LOL - can you stand that?! Just up and left me! No I'm kidding. Timing did not work in our favor during his visit, so he was placed with another family. They had a Spanish speaking student and could help translate (his English was extremely poor.) So alas, I opted for session 3 of this exchange program and now have 2 teen French boys. They. are. awesome. I am having a blast with them! My first experience with them was the double-sided cheek kiss greeting. My daughter and her friend, who was with us for their arrival, totally didn't understand what was going on when the boys greeted them. A prime example of cultural differences gone awry. It was ok though - after a look of shock and disbelief as to why boys they just met were kissing them like so - my daughter & her friend quickly got over it.

I found out the night we picked up my students that I need a bigger car. It's no longer a "nice to have", it's become a "must have". Too bad you "must have" money to purchase said new vehicle. Sigh....

I took my boys (yes, for the next 3 weeks they are mine!) to my friend's house on the lake today. They got to go tubing, swimming & boating. Despite this insane heat, we really had a great time. I think being near bodies of water in extreme heat is a must! ;)

My son's birthday was this past Friday. He was with his dad this weekend. This is the first time ever that my son was not with me for his birthday. It is also the first time ever that he will be celebrating his birthday with mommy and daddy separately. His dad did a small party with cake, presents & pizza. I'm doing the larger "friend" party with more pizza, more cake and laser tag! It will be fun, but it doesn't change the fact that my son spent his actual birthday with his dad and the dirty mistress. Someone other than his mom, who actually gave birth to him, celebrated this extremely personal & special day with him. Exchanging presents with him, and eating pizza and cake with him. This has been a tough pill for me to swallow. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to this ...

It's raining again. Thundering in fact. Here's hoping I don't lose power! *Ending blog post now just in case.*

:)

A party by the lake ....

2010-07-18T00:27:00.001-04:00

I spent the day at Pinewood Lake here in Trumbull, CT today as part of an au pair event. My current job as a local coordinator has me conducting monthly meetings with a fabulous group of au pairs. This month one of my very own host families opened up their home to our group and beyond for a party by the lake. I had never even heard of a water trampoline until this party. Ha! We had a great turnout. I brought my kids with me, and a whole bunch of au pairs and even a host family or two attended. It was loads of fun to say the least.

I'd say the highlight of the day was my seven year old son clogging the family's downstairs toilet and causing a minor flood in the bathroom. Yepper. Fun times. Thankfully it was contained and the host dad (after blurting out a few expletives) managed to plunge it back to normalcy. Sigh. Why me?!

I am truly beat. The sun is a powerful beast and spending all day in it has taken its toll on me.

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure. :)

Rough week

2010-07-17T00:56:00.000-04:00

As if the scorching hot temperatures weren't bad enough this week, I found myself with a scorching hot temper.

I am pretty good at holding it together on the outside while going completely batty on the inside. That's just how I am. Well this week the battiness was unleashed. And the worst part was that it was unleashed in front of and at the expense of my kids.

My daughter is a preteen bundle of hormonal wackiness. I love her to pieces, but she can be a real witch when she wants to be. This week she decided to take some nail polish to her dad's house. I wasn't thrilled with that because daddy can buy nail polish for her to use at his house. Mommy bought this nail polish, and mommy kind of wanted her to leave the nail polish at home. But it wasn't so much the bringing of said polish to daddy's...it was the fact that she was bringing said nail polish to have the dirty mistress paint her nails. Now I'm not much of a nail painter. In fact, I prefer to go to the salon for things like that. Call me spoiled, but I do! My daughter knows this, and has taken it upon herself to ask the DM to paint her nails on occasion. At first she'd come home showing me how she had her toes or fingernails painted. It was cute the first couple of times, but then it quickly got old. I grew tired of hearing about how the DM was painting MY child's nails. I also grew extremely jealous of how the DM was potentially bonding with my daughter during this time. I can't stomach that right now. I'm just not ready for that.

On the day in question I asked my daughter about her plans for the nail polish and the hormonal wackiness ensued. She made a snippy comment under her breath instead of answering my question. I lost it. Did I mention that the cable guy was supposed to come this same day and he was about two hours late?!?!?! A moot point to some extent, but it definitely did not help matters at all.

I took the four bottles of nail polishes from the counter and threw them across the room all the while yelling obscenities at my kids. They looked at me funny, but calmly picked up the bottles of polish (which did not break) and continued doing what they were doing, somewhat ignoring my outburst. When their father arrived to pick them up for dinner, I abruptly told them their dad was here and that it was time to leave. They scurried out the door, clearly happy to be rid of "mommy dearest" for a few hours. I called my husband to ask that he please refrain from having his DM paint my daughter's nails. I explained how the whole scenario made me feel. Or at least I tried to explain. I'm not sure he understood. Men don't understand feelings as it is, but ex-husbands in particular cannot possibly understand their scorned ex-wife's feelings about the mistress attempting to bond with her children. I'm not sure I understand these feelings. Its all new to me, and I've never felt like this before in my life! All I know is I was pissed and I made that known to all involved. The worst part was that my feelings did not seem to matter. My daughter came home with painted nails, much to my dismay. I took it VERY personally and I let her know that. It was kind of a slap in the face that even after my tirade she still thought it was ok to have the DM paint her nails. I get that she's 11, and all she really cares about is herself. That's just how 11 year old girls are. But during this time of awkwardness, anger & distress, it would be nice if she thought of someone other than herself for just a moment.

Maybe I'm asking too much. Perhaps. Maybe my flying off the handle the way I did was inappropriate. Perhaps. I did learn something about myself during this. I need to learn to express myself in a healthy way & find ways to process my anger. I have to realize that my kids are just as hurt, angry and distressed during this time as I am, if not more! I can't take my anger out on them no matter what. They are not at fault. They are just children. Even my '11 going on 21 year old' daughter is still just a little girl that simply wanted her nails painted.