Monroe Mommy

Thankful

2013-12-15T17:12:00.000-05:00

This time of year is often a time for reflection. You will see many a blog post recapping the year that was (or in many cases the year that was not.) Since I have not written in quite some time, it wouldn't make sense for me to recap my year. Instead I'm writing this post based on a touching note I received from someone in the blogging community. Here is an excerpt of said note below...

"I am reaching out today because of your blog! My name is Cameron Von St. James and my wife Heather is an 8-year survivor of mesothelioma - a rare cancer caused by asbestos exposure. When she was diagnosed, she had just given birth to our little girl, Lily. Heather was told she only had 15 months left to live. I was quickly thrown into the role of caregiver, and together we decided we would do whatever it took to beat the cancer. Nearly 8 years later, Heather is cancer free and doing what she loves most; raising Lily. Because she beat the odds and is one of few long-term survivors of mesothelioma, it is our mission to spread awareness of mesothelioma by sharing our personal story."

This note tugged at my heart strings for many reasons. First, I know plenty of people afflicted with the awful, insidious disease known as cancer. Many of them have fought the good fight and are winning, while others have not been so fortunate. It's a battle no one should ever have to face, but those that do are heroes in every sense of the word. Cameron's wife Heather is a true hero. She faced her cancer head on and came up swinging. As a mom I know that we want nothing more than to raise our children into adulthood. To hear that this opportunity was in jeopardy for Heather was unfathomable to me. Knowing that she beat the odds and is doing what doctors said she may not be able to do (raise their daughter), is simply remarkable.

My first thought upon receiving Cameron's email was, "what can I do to help?" I quickly realized that of course can help! I have the power with this blog to share a wonderful story and bring awareness to the plight of those dealing with a rare cancer, and hopefully give others hope that they too can beat it.

Writing this post also gave me a chance to think about things I am thankful for. Health and family are two things that come to mind. We often take our health & family for granted until something bad happens. Promise yourself (and me while you're at it) that you won't do this. Take care of yourself and keep family first and all else should hopefully fall into place.

Thank you Cameron for reaching out to me and for reminding me, as another year comes to a close, to stop and reflect on what I'm thankful for. Here's to a fabulous 2014 filled with happy family memories, good health and happiness. Cheers!

When Parenting Becomes a Competition

2013-07-03T11:23:00.000-04:00

One of the things I find incredibly difficult about being a divorced parent is the feeling of competition between me and my ex when it comes to the kids. Maybe it's just me (pretty sure it's not), but I get this overwhelming feeling of "they are having more fun with dad than they are with me" at times. Not always. Not often. Just on occasion. And when it happens, it sucks.

You see, I'm the everyday parent. I'm the "pick up your clothes, do your homework, talk a shower, go to bed" parent. I'm the one dealing with...well, life! My ex has the ability to do selective parenting. Having the kids for the more leisurely activities such as dinner and dessert (who doesn't love dinner and dessert?!) and every other weekend when schedules are much looser. Granted there have been plenty of times where they come home from his house complaining that they didn't do much. They are still kids after all, with an insatiable appetite for non-stop action. But I still can't help but have that competitive feeling -- comparing what they do with him to what they do with me and wondering where they had the most fun. I know it's wasted energy. I know that the kids enjoy time with me as much as their dad. Alas, I can't shake that feeling of not measuring up when they come home sharing tales of jubilee about things they did or places they went that did not involve me. I should be happy that they are happy and have a dad that cares about them and takes care of them.

Don't get me wrong, my whining here has more to do with me than anyone else. I get that and openly admit it. The kids are well taken care of by both sides, including our respective significant others and family members. I, on the other hand, find myself sinking into a rut of jealousy and I have to learn how to deal.

Suggestions are welcome.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Celebrity Apprentice & Walgreens Ice Cream!

2013-05-24T10:27:00.000-04:00

My latest blog post over at 'Profs. Happy Friday ya'll !

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Personal Branding, Celebrity Apprentice & Walgreens Ice Cream!

I'm sorry we only offer that to new customers...

2013-03-03T17:15:00.000-05:00

New customers only. You old faithfuls need not apply!

I'd like to put businesses that do what Direct TV has done on blast. This is not the first time as an existing customer I've been given the shaft. It tends to be the M-O of many companies lately. "Free upgrades!" "Huge discounts!" "AAA members save BIG!" (I happen to be a AAA member btw, so this offer is a big time sucker punch for me.) The caveat in all of this is ... you have to be a NEW customer. NEW as in everyone that has been with you for however long is considered old and unimportant right?

The stats on acquiring new customers versus retaining those you already have are no secret. I'm not sure what the exact numbers are, but I've read that it can cost anywhere from 5-6 times more to go after new business than to focus on your existing consumer base. The bottom line - you need to acknowledge your current customers. They are already fans of your brand for whatever reason (pricing, customer service, location, whatever.) Point is, you have their business and you should do your darnedest to keep it.

Customer advocacy is also nothing new these days. More and more brands are focusing their energy on turning their loyal customers into super fans. You want people that are passionate about your brand to not only keep coming back, but to tell a friend, family member, heck even a stranger, about how awesome your company is. Yet, more and more companies ignore this fact and focus on new business only.

I happen to pay through the nose for my Direct TV service. I came on board because of a discount and better service offering a couple of years ago. I enjoy my Direct TV service (particularly the NFL Sunday Ticket package ... every game, every Sunday. Woot!) Yet because I'm already on board I am no longer eligible for the same things that "new" customers have access to. Not only that, but I get direct mail up the wazoo with some fab offers that simply don't apply to me. Why can't I get a free DVR upgrade? Why can't I save $200 for being a AAA member AND having your service? Oh right, because I'm old hat. You have my money and signed contract with the threat of taking my first born should I cancel on you and go elsewhere. So to you, I am no longer relevant. (PS - my first born is now a teenage girl so trust me if you take her, we would be considered even.)

Guess what Direct TV and all you other businesses out that there that give your existing fans the shaft ... we matter! And by George we are sure as shiz not going to take kindly to being given a perpetual backseat to your goal of acquiring x amount of newbies each month. I get it, new sales are a big deal. No one said you shouldn't dedicate time and effort on new business. But you need to stop ignoring us oldies but goodies. As is evident by this blog post -- you have been put on blast! Take note and change your ways or risk losing loyal customers in droves.

That. Is. All.

There's no Stamos in our 'gurt!

2013-02-12T11:17:00.000-05:00

There’s no Stamos in our ‘gurt!

Chobani is my favorite Greek yogurt. Ok it's the only yogurt (Greek or otherwise) that I even eat! It's delicious. They offer a variety of flavors in combinations you may not think would taste good together. But they do! And they've just recently begun offering bite sized yogurt - smaller packages of their awesome flavors for those of us that want smaller portions. What a concept! Perfect for snackers like me!

Now you may be asking yourself "Courtney, why the post about yogurt? And what the heck does this have to do with John Stamos?!" Patience young grasshopper...I'm getting to that…

As anyone who watches TV probably knows, there is a Greek yogurt commercial in which two women are eating yogurt in the kitchen and one says to the other that while eating this specific brand of yogurt the next man you lay eyes on will look like John Stamos (the most famous Greek out there. Except for maybe George Stephanopolous....but I digress!) The women proceed to indulge in their yogurt while staring at the doorway to the kitchen. In comes a guy who automatically appears to them as John Stamos. Genius right?!
Genius until the following happens...

As you can see from the above exchange, I associated John Stamos with Chobani. Because in my head the only Greek yogurt I know and consume is Chobani. As marketers I think we've lost sight of what's important in our advertising. Sure John Stamos is a cool dude to have in your commercial, but if someone doesn't even remember the name of your product, or confuses your product with another brand, then how effective was it to shell out big bucks on a big name celebrity?! I had to Google the phrase "John Stamos yogurt commercial" to find out what brand of yogurt was even in that commercial. Not to mention the fact that this "other" yogurt has an incredibly difficult name to pronounce! Did they learn nothing from Haagen Dazs?! Again I digress...

The point here is to get back to the basics of marketing. Your product should be at the forefront of your messaging. Not John Stamos. Simple things like focusing on your product name, perhaps having it said aloud (by John Stamos) in the commercial, would have helped. We all know that eating yogurt will not cause famous people to suddenly appear in our kitchens (if it did, I would have a stockpile of yogurt in a bunker!) so why not focus on why I would really want to choose your yogurt over another brand. What makes it better? Does it taste better? Is it cheaper? Is it easier to find in my local grocery store? Let us not forget the four P’s of marketing 101 when we start the creative development process. Having extraneous things in your ads can be fun and creative, but can also cloud people's judgment and cause confusion, especially if your product is new to market. Remember the product life cycle people! Your marketing efforts need to coincide with where your product is in the eyes of your consumer. If you are the new kid on the block you need a different approach than brands that have been around the block a bit longer than you have. With all the noise we deal with as consumers, make your product stand out or it will be left in the outer banks of your customer's memory. If your product is easily overshadowed by a celebrity endorsement, how compelling can it really be?

My apologies to Chobani for confusing them with another brand of 'gurt. I am now über clear that there is no Stamos in yours.

Read my version of this post on MarketingProfs blog as well: Daily Fix

The Rest is Still Unwritten ...

2013-02-09T19:03:00.000-05:00

I love this song by Natasha Bedingfield. When I first heard it I didn't care much for it. That's my M-O with most new songs. They have to grow on me in order to earn a spot on my coveted iTunes. This song finally grew on me because it is about just that .... growth. The concept of things being unwritten, or not yet finished, is one that is inspiring to me, especially at this point in my life. I'm no stranger to change, and quite frankly could do without it for a good long while. But I am all about the future and what's to come. For me, I thrive on that. It keeps me up at night. It's the reason I wake up in the morning. It's what powers me through each day. The concept that we, and we alone, are empowered and inspired to create our own destiny is truly awesome.

I happen to be at a weird impasse in my life where I have some major decisions to make. I'll create a nice bulleted list for your viewing pleasure...

Serious relationship = marriage. RE-marriage that is! Eeeeeeeeek! More on this to come...
My career. I've been going through a bit of an identity crisis with my career lately. Unemployed confusion from a few years ago led me down a few different paths. At this point I'm struggling with exactly what I want to be when I grow up. (There's that word "grow" again. WTH.)
Living arrangements need to change. I can't afford my house. There. I said it out loud on the Internet (so it must be true!) I have been negotiating with my lender for quite some time now and the realization that I just can't pay for this money pit any longer hit me like a ton of bricks the other day. This means more change with a potential sale and move and such. More on this to come as well. Sigh.
Age. I will be 35 in April. THIRTY-FIVE! Now those of you already passed this momentous birthday are probably thinking "Waa, waa, waa, come talk to me when you hit 40!" Touche I say. But this is about me right now, and 35 is kind of a big deal for me. I've never been here before and it scares me just a little ...

All of these things have various meanings for me and my life and the lives my children in one way or another. I have some serious soul searching and figuring out of shiz to do. I have to determine what I want for my future. On one hand it's frightening as all giddy-up. But on the other hand it's pretty darn cool to have that kind of power.

Now don't get me wrong, I do believe in a higher power ('sup G-O-D!) One of my favorites sayings is we plan and God laughs. I find such truth in this saying -- that no matter what we do certain things are just meant to be (or not). And I do believe that no matter how much prep and planning we mere mortals do, there are things that are just beyond our control. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to make plans and create the future that we desire. You can be or do whatever you want (within reason of course), and no one can tell you otherwise. This song spells it out in plain English. It reminds me to continue to write the pages of my book. I kind of like to think that we're all books that are not yet finished.

The rest is still unwritten (according to my girl Natasha.) So go and write some super awesome kick-ass chapters ya'll. I'll be sure to check back in as I continue to do the same!

Happy holidays...

2012-12-27T07:54:00.001-05:00

...from my family to yours!

There are no words...

2012-12-16T14:22:00.001-05:00

Heaven has gained an entire list of new angels. The unspeakable has happened in a town down the road from my own. Like so many, I am in utter shock. Numb and profoundly saddened.

Pray for them and their loved ones. Pray for us all.

It's been a long time ... I shouldn't have left you ... without a dope beat to step to ...

2012-12-12T15:42:00.000-05:00

Now that I have your attention - HEY YA'LL!! I am thoroughly embarrassed at how long it has been since my last blog post. I feel like I've just walked into an AA meeting and should be telling you all "it's been over a year since my last post!" Argh. I've broken the cardinal rule of blogging: don't neglect your blog. Post on a routine schedule. Um yeah about that ...

Sometimes life gets in the way. One of my fave quotes from Private Practice (don't judge) is "we plan and God laughs." It's so true. I planned to blog on a regular basis and could not for the life of me stick to that plan. Things (sh*t) happens. It doesn't make it right for me to neglect something I really had every intention of sticking with, but hey, I'm back, I've apologized and hopefully we can kiss and make up!

On that note ... how the heck have you been?!?!?

More to come. And I promise I won't let this much time pass before we meet again.

Super Nanny, please help!

2011-08-08T13:22:00.000-04:00

Oh dear God summer needs to end and it needs to end NOW! I am so over my kids staying up late at night, sleeping the day away and bitching & moaning about how they are bored. Um, read a book! Go play outside! I opted out of camp for them this year (who am I kidding, my wallet opted me out!) however, my kids have not been without fun activities and things to do. When feasible I've taken them to do different things including but not limited to the following: the pool, BBQs, sports complex, movies, the mall, amusement park (OK, so my babysitter took them, but I paid for it), and the park. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? Damn straight it is. And yet the cries of boredom rage on. I do not understand at what point a kid's fun-meter fills up, but my children seem to have an insatiable need for activity. That's all well and good, but mama's got bills to pay, a FT job and no desire to entertain you 24/7. I give you food & shelter, entertainment is on you.

My second, and more troubling issue, is that summer seems to have drained my children of all brain power and ability to reconcile "right" from "wrong". Not to mention the ability to listen to me. It's almost as if the discipline they are taught throughout the school year falls by the wayside once school is out for summer (insert Alice Cooper lyrics here.) I find myself repeating things over and over and over again. Did I mention I repeat myself? Well I do. I repeatedly repeat myself and it's annoying. My oldest daughter will be 13 in less than a month. So in addition to the summer brain drain, I am also dealing with "soon to be a teenager" hormones. Yay me. My middle son has a lack of motivation and low self-esteem which is a whole other can o' worms, but I digress. My youngest son has more energy than a case of Red Bull, but is also 3 years old. His ability to listen is almost non-existent. His attention span is limited and his temper tantrums are frequent.

Each kid has their own challenges which keeps life interesting. Trouble is I am struggling with how to deal with each without going absolutely freakin insane. Summer and the lack of a routine is not helping, but alas, it is almost over. I'm hopeful I can survive without Super Nanny, but will keep her number handy just in case ....

Trust

2011-06-23T17:36:00.000-04:00

So. True. You know, it's funny how that works. It's almost like dealing with weight gain. You can eat poorly for a month or so and pack on the pounds, but man it takes FOREVER to get that weight off. At least for me it does....

I spent many years "trusting" my ex husband. It goes without saying doesn't it? You marry someone and you should automatically trust them. But trust is earned. We had been together for about 4 years before we got married. Unconsciously I was building up trust for him over those years. I didn't feel like I worked hard at it, it just sort of came naturally. I didn't doubt, or question or wonder. I accepted, loved and had an open heart and mind. It wasn't until that trust was broken during his affair that I realized how much it meant. We take things like trust for granted. You just assume that someone should trust you. Why? Because you said so? I'll say it again .... trust is earned. And as the quote says above, it takes years to build up and merely seconds to destroy. I know because I've been there.

In my new relationship (just shy of the 6 month mark), I am having a hard time trusting. My new guy isn't the one that broke my heart. He's not the one that lied and cheated. But sadly he's bearing the brunt of my trust baggage. It's unfair to assume he has to prove anything to me, but in my mind he does. He has to prove he won't rip my heart out and stomp all over it, or just up and leave me one day. Because in my twisted little head, that's what I foresee happening.

It helps you understand abuse in a way, and why children and animals need time to warm up to a new family/owner after being victimized. You have to show them that they can trust you. You have to EARN it. In their eyes you will abuse them just like the last person. That is all they know until you show them otherwise. That is all I know until I'm shown otherwise.

I wish I knew exactly when I'd start trusting again. That would be awesome. Until then, I'll take it one day at a time ....that's all I can do.

Self Esteem

2011-06-20T13:02:00.000-04:00

I've said before that this blog has been an outlet for me. Writing is a huge outlet for many people, especially when you are going through some tough times such as I have lately. Well I'm due for a therapy session so here goes ....

It's no secret that I went through a divorce last year. It's funny how it's phrased, "went through" a divorce. Divorce is definitely something you go through. It doesn't just sort of happen, and it's never quick and painless, even if things are amicable. There is always some element of aftermath that takes place. For me, that aftermath involves an ex husband that is marrying his pregnant girlfriend. Yes, you read that right. No it is not an excerpt from a Real Housewives of (insert state name here) episode. This is realer than reality TV!

Now it has been a solid year and change since I separated from my ex husband. And we've been legally divorced for almost a year. Yet, it baffles me that in that short amount of time he's managed to move on and start a new life so seamlessly. I have certainly done my part to move on. Note in my prior blog post I mention that I've started dating again. I have been seeing the same chap for about 6 months now, and we recently moved in together. Okay, so that's kind of a big deal, but at least I'm not prego! ;) Either way, I'm moving on at a much slower pace than my ex, and it's a tough pill to swallow. It truly is a huge blow to your ego to be "rejected" (i.e. divorced), and to learn that you've been replaced by a newer, sleeker version. Bottom line: it hurts.

I have also mentioned on this blog that I lost my job last year. Another rejection that also hurts. I've never been laid off before. Ever. I've always been the one to leave a job for the newer, sleeker version. :) So when my company informed me in April of last year that my services were no longer needed, that hurt too. The aftermath of my job loss has been tough. People say looking for a new job is a full-time job in itself. Well, try looking for a new job in a field that has been battered by a lousy economy! It is much more intense to be out of work right now. The competition is fierce, and employers are fiercer. People that have jobs tend to take them for granted. I know I did when I had one. Friends and family members will complain to me about how they dislike their job & want to start looking for a new one. I am quick to remind them that at least they have steady employment. I also mention that I would prefer if they not add any additional competition to my search!

Losing a job and divorcing your husband are difficult things to deal with. I do feel that I am in a much better place now than I was with my ex husband. I also am confident a new job is on the horizon, and that all of my efforts will pay off. The rejection still stings just a little ....

You don't realize how certain aspects of your life define you. Marital status and occupation are way up there in the socioeconomic stratosphere. One of my biggest gripes is that it takes me longer to fill out those self-identifying questionnaires nowadays. I have to remember to check off "divorced" and "unemployed"...!!

Summer

2011-06-16T14:10:00.000-04:00

This is my ideal summer. What does yours look like?

The dating game ....

2011-02-01T15:20:00.000-05:00

Ahh the dating game. And what a game it is. I am now back in it after many years of....well, not being in it. Funny thing though - it really hasn't changed all that much! The rules are more or less the same, with the exception of the online/virtual aspect. Despite now using this thing called the Internet to make initial contact, the rest is basically status quo.

The online dating world is interesting though. People think nothing of speaking their mind or telling complete and total lies. This does differ a bit from the "in person" aspect, as most people are not as bold in person as they are online. I literally had one guy tell me he was married and was just looking to have more sex. Well alrighty then. I politely let him know I'm not his girl, but did applaud his honesty. Another guy kept trying to meet me for coffee. Ok, I like coffee, not a bad first date, right? Well it is if you email the person at 7am asking if they can literally meet you that morning. Um....really? I have 3 kids and need a tad more notice than 10 minutes. That aside, he also wanted me to come to him. Granted he didn't live far from me, but still? Why should I come to you dude? As the man, at least come to me, or meet me halfway. Needless to say we never met up.

One piece of newbie advice - I highly encourage you to talk to your suitor via phone prior to meeting in person. I had one guy that looked good in pictures, and "sounded" good via text, however when we finally spoke on the phone I thought I was talking to a cartoon character. Not even kidding. He laughed after almost everything he said. I'm not talking a nervous laugh....it was more of a "I truly think I'm that funny" kind of laugh. He already had two strikes against him (he was a smoker (yuck!) and he was my height. I prefer tall guys.) The voice & phone personality was strike three ... you're out my friend!

I did get a lot of emails from men interested in me. Not gonna lie, that is certainly an ego boost. Even if you have absolutely no interest in them, it's nice to know you still got it.

I went on a couple of dates with one fellow (haha, fellow!) and it was very nice. We had a lot in common, and he was fun to be around. He turned out to not be the right guy for me though. I found myself accepting things that bothered me just because he expressed interest. I completely disregarded the fact that he was a chain smoker (ick), and that he lived an hour and change away from me (normally not a huge deal, but this dude did not have a car nor a license!) He also drank like a fish and was a tad immature for my taste. All that aside he was Mr. Perfect right?? ;) In all seriousness, I found myself happy just to have someone paying attention to me. Then I wised up. I turned to a very close friend who was a self-proclaimed serial dater prior to meeting her fiancée. No. Joke. She has taught me a lot during this process, including but not limited to the following:

1) How to deal with emotional attachment (I'm soft & pink folks. And when I fall, I fall hard and fast.)
2) How to set the bar high and keep it there, raising it when someone meets my expectations
3) How to have self-respect
4) All about bedtime chat guys
5) How not to "boink" on the first date (see #3 - self-respect noted above)

I got together with my ex husband at a very young age. I didn't really date prior to meeting him, so a lot of this is new to me. It's been really great to have a friend that has "been there, done that", to listen and give me advice. I've found that you definitely need a sounding board during the dating game.

I am happy to report that after going through a few duds, I have met a great guy. Yes it does happen! He's absolutely wonderful and I am very optimistic and hopeful...two things I have not been in a very long time. :)

Another year over ... a new one's just begun

2011-01-03T00:03:00.000-05:00

Wow, here we are in a new year and a new decade. Madness I say!

So, what did you do for New Year's Eve (aka Amateur Night)?! Did you get plastered and wake-up in a motel room bathtub? Oh wait, that only happens in frat houses. Or Kesha videos.

My NYE was pretty calm. Except for the part where I lost track of my 8 year old son and had to ask the Danbury police to help me track him down. You know, the usual! Sigh.

My son thinks he's a grown-up and tends to wander off on his own. I had a total of 5 kids with me that night. Granted 3 of them were 12 year olds (my daughter and her two friends), but regardless it was 1 adult trying to keep tabs on 5 underage human beings. (Did I mention this was an alcohol free, family friendly event?!) My son also has ADHD, which leads to impulsive behavior (such as wandering away from his mom on a crowded street on New Year's Eve.) Lucky for me he is also a very bright, resourceful kid. He spotted a police officer (ironically, the same officer that I later asked for help in finding said son), and asked for directions to the fireworks. After going through the typical stuff that one goes through when reporting a lost child to law enforcement, we found him! He turned up in the crowd atop a rooftop garage watching the fireworks display. Exactly where the cop had told him to go to see the fireworks, and exactly where we were going anyway. After a scolding from me and the Danbury PD, we breathed a huge sigh of relief and took my all too grown up 8 year old son home.

Once home, we lit up our own fireworks in the driveway and rang in the New Year amongst ourselves. Just a typical New Year's Eve for us. :)

Happy New Year friends! I hope 2011 brings you many blessings.

Christmas with my BFF

2010-12-28T12:09:00.000-05:00

I spent Christmas Day with my best friend in the whole world. I know I sound like I'm five by saying that, but she truly is. We have known each other since we were in kindergarten. Our friendship has weathered many moves, (including a few out of state), marriage, kids, divorce & death. You name it and we've been through it together. She's been my rock during this really low point in my life, and didn't miss a beat when I told her I didn't have the kids for Christmas.

"You're coming to my house then" she said matter of factly.
"Are you sure it won't be weird?" I asked in typical Courtney fashion.
"You are MY family. No it will not be weird."

And with that, I ended up at her place - on time, the first guest to arrive I might add - for Christmas Day dinner. And she was right - it was not weird at all. We ate like kings, drank like fish, laughed out loud and watched in awe at the spectacle that is family coming together on Christmas. It truly was a great time and I did not feel uncomfortable in the slightest. I was grateful to be a part of a special day with a special friend. :)

What the hell Wednesday before Christmas

2010-12-22T23:53:00.003-05:00

I gotta say people are absolutely nutty this time of year! Granted I had no business going to the mall 3 days before Christmas, but that aside, people are just plain wacky! From the irate drivers, to the pissy cashiers, to the people invading your personal space while waiting in line to checkout ... people have really lost the concept of how to be "normal" this time of year. It's as if all the etiquette we used the entire year goes totally out the window during the last two weeks of said year. Holy mother of pearl!!

Now back to my experience at the mall three days before Christmas. WTH is wrong with me?!? Why was I even near the mall three days before the big day!?! Well this year in keeping with my unconventionalness, I had not finished my Christmas shopping. Hence the last minute "kids are with their dad so let me go buy their gifts" dash to the mall. And I'm still not done. WTH!?!?

I popped in Victoria's Secret while in the mall. I got my daughter a super cute "Pink" outfit. Pink as in the color, and Pink as in the Victoria's Secret brand. Hopefully she doesn't read my blog (I know she doesn't), otherwise I'm screwed. While in VS, I was really shocked at how many men were in there! WTH?! Perhaps they were in the dog house and buying make up bras and panties in hopes of smoothing things over for the holidays? Perhaps. It was interesting though. Most men get really overwhelmed in Victoria's Secret. These men seemed to hold their own. Well done guys!

I bought fireworks in Target today. Fireworks! WTH!?! (Side bar - I do love the song Firework by Katy Perry, but I digress ...) They were on sale - $30 worth of fireworks for $10. I figure the kids and I can set them off for New Year's. I just love that you can easily buy fireworks here in CT. Milk, eggs, clothing & fireworks all in one place. Thank you Target! :)

I still have to go to the grocery store and figure out what to make for dinner on Christmas Eve. I'm spending Christmas Eve with the kids by myself this year. No pesky husband (ha!) and no family will be joining us this year. (Totally keeping the unconventional theme going as you can see!) I hope to figure out what to make so that we don't starve on Christmas Eve. We won't starve. I'll figure something out.

That's all for now folks! Have a Merry Christmas. I'll probably post again before the new year. Something tells me I'll need an escape between now and then . . .

Tis the season for .... hostility??

2010-12-19T23:16:00.000-05:00

I know that this time of year people are on edge. The holidays and end of year madness will do that to anyone. In fact I'm experiencing my own bouts of hostility associated with equitable parenting time during the holidays with my ex. At least I have a good excuse for being a raving lunatic! ]

What's yours? Do share. After all, tis the season! ;)

My contribution to WTH Wednesday ...

2010-12-08T17:43:00.000-05:00

Today was definitely a "WTH" kind of day for me, so I thought I'd partake in WTH Wednesday!

My youngest son turned 3 years old today. While I couldn't have asked for a better just before Christmas present, I cannot believe 3 years have flown by!! Makes me a little weepy. WTH?!

I had planned to take my little man to the toy store today to pick out a new toy truck for his birthday. Well, prior to that we had to take care of my car. It's old and needs a little TLC every now and again. So today we took the car for an oil change, two new tires and a wash. Something went awry at the car wash because it stopped working while we were going through it. Yup, just came to a standstill as my car was going through (I was in the car with the birthday boy when this happened mind you!) Maybe the equipment was being temperamental because of this subzero weather we're experiencing here. I get that. And it wasn't a huge deal because the workers quickly pressed some sort of panic button and got the car wash moving again. I was the only car there so no harm done. But honestly - WTH!?!?

The car was bought used and the driver's side mirror has been a little wobbly for a while. I ignored it because it wasn't a big deal. Today it became a big deal when said mirror came loose in the car wash!!!! WTH!!! I'm a regular at this particular car wash and every time I go there they politely remind me that my mirror is loose. Thanks guys. Two of the workers attempted to put it back on, but then shook their heads and said the screws were no good. Um, ok great. Needless to say I left the car wash with my driver's side mirror dangling off. Little man and I did not make it to the toy store as I was too embarrassed and somewhat afraid to drive the car with a broken mirror. :(

My ex brother-in-law called today. WTH!? Actually he called to wish his godson a happy birthday. We had a good conversation so it was all good. :)

That's all I got. Hope your Wednesday was less wacky than mine!

The holidays are upon us!

2010-11-24T23:19:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year again! Can you believe it?? I know I can't. This year truly did fly by. It wasn't one of my finer years, so I'm ok with its warp speed.

I am celebrating Thanksgiving (the start of the madness, er I mean, holiday season) a little differently this year. One may suggest I am not celebrating at all. I say who are you to tell me what to do?! Well really, I'd say, maybe you are right. You see this is my first (of many) holidays as a single parent. Some may find the positive in this - no spouse or inlaws to deal with. I must admit, that part does make me smile just a tad. On the other hand I do miss the spouse and inlaws (maybe not my ex spouse and former inlaws) but certainly the concept of having a spouse and inlaws (or family in general) around during the holidays. It's tough going it alone. Really tough.

One thing you have to get used to after divorce is splitting the holidays with your kids. When you are married you split the holidays amongst each other's relatives. Your family one year, his family the next...or something like that! After divorce it is not as cut and dry. You are now taking what used to be major family holidays and forcing your kids to spend them with one parent or the other. It's very anti-holiday if you ask me, but it is what it is. This year on Thanksgiving the kids are with me. My immediate family is quite dysfunctional, so we won't be seeing them this year. (That's a post for another day.) I am forced to create new traditions for myself and my kids now, so this year I've decided to take them out to eat at a restaurant. A friend of mine owns a lovely banquet facility in Ansonia, CT and we'll be dining there for turkey day tomorrow. It will have all the makings of a typical turkey feast - salad to start, carving stations with turkey and other meats, side dishes, and of course dessert! We definitely will not miss out on the Thanksgiving Day experience, that's for sure. :)

I am looking forward to it, mostly because it means no cooking or cleaning for me, but also because it's the start of something new. Not to say we'll do this every year, but it is another new beginning for us as a family - creating our own traditions and making new memories. Baby steps . . .

Change

2010-11-11T23:07:00.000-05:00

So you may be thinking to yourself - what the hell is this picture of a random (although freshly manicured) hand doing here?! Well I'll tell ya. It's my freshly manicured random hand. See I've been a nail biter since I was a kid. Up until about three weeks ago, I had never had a manicure on my own nails. Sure I had tips (fake nails) put on, and would go to the nail salon regularly to maintain them. But as far as letting my own nails grow and actually having them manicured ... nope, never done it. Until three weeks ago. . .

Three weeks ago I sat in a court hearing to finalize my divorce. I closed one chapter of my life and moved full steam ahead into another. I'm still chugging along trying to find my way through this new chapter. It has not been easy, and it won't be, but I'm managing (mostly through therapy and this blog.) The day of my hearing, I left the courthouse, came home and headed to the nail salon.

Now you may still be wondering what the picture of my hand has to do with any of this? Well for me, my manicured hand represents a huge change in my life. After years and years of biting my nails, often times to the point of drawing blood, I was finally able to drum up enough will-power to stop. I got my first real manicure in my almost (ahem) 33 years of life, three weeks ago! (Ok, there's a lot of number "3's" in that statement. Perhaps I should play lotto?!) This is a pretty amazing feat! It shows me that if I truly set my mind to something, I can accomplish it. That may sound cliche and cheesy, but I don't care. That picture above means more to me than you'll ever know. It represents change. My change. And I'm damn proud of that!

National Kidney Walk

2010-10-18T16:05:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday I had the pleasure of walking in the annual National Kidney Foundation walk from South Street Seaport up and over the Brooklyn bridge. It was a beautiful day and the turnout was incredible. My friend's son was born with kidney disease. He is living with one good kidney that is functioning at about 60%. Thankfully he has not needed a transplant and is doing remarkably well. But the reality is at some point in his life he my need a kidney. The reality is there are a ton of people waiting for donors.

Here are some fast facts from the NKF website:

FAST FACTS

Chronic kidney disease affects 26 million Americans and millions more are at risk
Kidney disease is common, harmful and treatable
Risk factors include high blood pressure, diabetes and family history
Early detection can slow the progression of kidney disease
Once kidneys fail, patients need dialysis or a transplant to survive
Over 104,000 people are waiting for an organ transplant

I was truly inspired and moved by the people out there walking in someone's honor. Many have lost loved ones to this disease. Many more will lose loved ones. Either way, the fight goes on and so do the tireless efforts of all involved to raise money and awareness.

I had a great time and will probably do it again next year. The fact that my legs are a bit sore today is a small price to pay for such a great cause! :)

Learn more about NKF and kidney disease here: http://donate.kidney.org/site/PageServer?pagename=WALK_homepage

Randomness

2010-10-10T23:22:00.001-04:00

It's Sunday and I feel like being random. No rhyme or reason, just feel like it! So here goes ...

The kids are off school tomorrow for Columbus Day. They were also off on Friday for a conveniently scheduled "staff development day". Yeah. Sure. So between development of the staff and Columbus discovering what he thought was America, I get 2 extra days of chaos in the house. Good times.

Saturday I decided to take the kids to a local harvest festival. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight it was a pretty lousy idea. I mean, I am all for fun stuff to do with the kids, but stuff like this always makes me mental. Despite my cheery disposition and calm demeanor, when I attend functions with my children and things don't go according to plan, I get bitchy. I mean it. Downright psycho at times. I am not proud of this and I try really hard to call in reinforcements when I can. This time the reinforcement came in the form of my sister. Now granted she had her two year old with her, so she wasn't much help. But having an extra adult was at least comforting amidst the insanity. The festival was nice, don't get me wrong, but holy crowded! And holy runaway baby in the form of my soon to be three year old Michael!! Yes folks, he's a runner. And when given the opportunity he does just that. Runs. And fast! Needless to say we did take him on a hayride, and he was entertained by a hay maze. He also got to feed some farm animals which was cute. But as far as this event being fun for me as a parent....that would be a resounding heck no!!

Today is 10.10.10. Wicked cool. I'm a bit of a numbers geek so I find this strangely fascinating. I mean, it only happens once every hundred years so chances are most of us won't be here to see it again. That in itself is pretty cool.

In other news, I'm sitting here writing this post using my new laptop. I really needed a new one and am very glad to have finally bit the bullet and purchased it! As I sit here in bed with the laptop in my lap, I am thinking about a story on Good Morning America regarding something called toasted leg syndrome. View full story on toasted leg syndrome here! Apparently excessive laptop use without proper ventilation can cause your laptop to actually burn your lap. Who knew?!?

Must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirm . . .

2010-10-07T23:46:00.001-04:00

This is a lyric from Alanis Morissette's song, "Uninvited." Alanis is one of my favorite artists. I've loved her since I was about fifteen. Back then her album Jagged Little Pill had just come out and the single "You Oughta Know" was a big hit. I remember that song becoming my anthem at the time. If you are not familiar, it's a lovely ballad about a scorned woman. At the time I was a scorned teenager who fell prey to a boy who told me what I wanted to hear to get me out on a few dates. By date number three he stood me up and I never saw him again. Back then I felt like it was the worst thing in the world. I was full of anger, hurt and desperation. The song made me feel empowered and basically convinced me that boys sucked. I should have learned my lesson then! ;)

Fast forward to today. The song has a similar meaning for me now as I grapple with a painful divorce as an adult. It still empowers me and I still think boys suck! A lot of her songs have that affect on me.

I am the stoic. I always have been. I get that from my mom and its not something I'm proud of. My mom was a cop in the small town I grew up in. She didn't show emotion. Her mother (my grandmother) was also a stoic. Emotion was viewed as a sign of weakness and neither my grandmother nor mother are weak people. I've always held in my emotions, never showing my hand, always maintaining my poker face. Well the stoic squirmed in therapy yesterday. I broke down and burst into tears right there in my therapist's office. She's been waiting for this since I started seeing her a few months ago. She kept telling me it wasn't healthy to keep everything pent up. She was worried about me letting loose at the wrong time or in an unhealthy way. Like balling my eyes out over a yogurt commercial, or having a total meltdown in the frozen food section of my local Stop and Shop.

Now I certainly wasn't hysterical or uncontrollable, but I did cry. I cried hard and it felt good. :)

Welcome To My Life...

2010-09-26T01:20:00.000-04:00

I've always liked this song by Simple Plan. It has a new meaning for me lately with all the chaos and turmoil going on in my world. Music has played a big part in the healing process for me. There is something very therapeutic about songs that speak to your situation and offer words of hope & betterment. Then there are those songs that talk about how much things suck or how much another person (insert name of said person here) sucks. And that's ok too. Being able to use music as an outlet has been huge for me.

Do you have a favorite song/singer that you turn to during those times of need?