* Three fat guys to go to jail for killing a labourer – They wont be fat for long…if you know what I mean.

* A crazy woman used angels to write a book of 500 pages – Yes, and I have a knob like a donkey

* A multiple rape case was postponed – Allegedly as the accused wasn’t quite finished.

* A gay man gives his boyfriend a little head – A little head of a small dog.

She was a lesbian, I swear.

Much Respect!

* A woman who stared into the sun went blind – Strange that.

* A robber lost his arms in ATM robbery – How the hell did he carry the money away? Ha Ha. Good.

* Police give up search fro wanted criminal after finding him in jail – How the hell did he get in there? Did he come for a meal and a drink?

* The Comrades moved to a Monday – So as to stop the unnecessary deaths.

I’m a Creep.

Much Respect!

* Moderate drinker and Racist Jake White lashes out – Or is it just a campaign to get him fired?

* The Bushmen look forward to a wetland intervention in the Kalahari – Great now they have to get used to another climate. They just keep evolving these crazy Bush people.

* Japanese people complain about being attacked by crazy f***ing ducks – As restaurants open to provide fresh duck and racoons.

* Paris Hilton is back in jail – I hope she turns lesbian and makes a video and sells it. Oh it’s so moist in Paris this time of year.

That is insane.

Much Respect!

* No one misses striking workers – They are doing more now than they did when they were supposed to not be striking.

* A driver kills Springbok in accident – There will be huge kak if it was a Springbok ‘of colour’ as there are so few of them anyway.

* Winy Madikazelamealelea denied entry into Canda – As they have children there, and she isn’t well known for caring for kids…

* The health Minister pulls out of AIDS conference – An open notice to the Health Minister, “respect is earned not commanded.”

* English women like chocolate more than having sex with English men – Have you seen English men? Well have you seen English women for that matter? It’s a vicious circle!

Much Respect!

* Nurses face the sack – They never face my sack no matter how much I ask.

* Police Commissioner asked why his best friend could sell drugs – Again?

* Doctors hired on colour of skin – What next? Politicians forcing certain players into the rugby team?

* Zimbabwe has no bricks – And even if they did, they have no one who knows how to lay them. I tried laying a brick once – ow!

* Richard Branson announced an honouree elder in Kenya – And this on the wake of his offer to purchase the country.

Much Respect!

 * Eskom wants more money – Much more money moo wa haha haha haha give us your money. Or we’ll leave you in the dark…oh wait we’re doing that already.

* Bad Brad takes his organisation to the big time by offering bribes to politicians – How else will people ever hang around him?

* The Dutch launch organ donation reality show – They always do everything first those bloody Dutch!

 * Nigeria has a new President!! – Do you think HE can stop the 411 scam e-mails I keep getting?

* The World Wildfire Organisation is having it’s annual conference –  On the slopes of Table Mountain…

Much Respect!

* Rugby Fever as the Bulls got to Durban to get their asses whipped – Those Dutchmen don’t realise that Blue blood is Inbred.

* A rapist in Johannesburg has been described as “Pretty horny”– Why didn’t he just wank a lot like the rest of us?

* Cows and cats eat everything – I never trusted cows anyway – they’re different colours; messing with the system, playing both sides. And their poo’s are always runny, what’s that about?

* Chinese couple have a second child!!! – The horror! Now they must be condemned to hell and burn with all communists and gays.

* Madonna is a midget.

Much Respect!

* Rugby rocked by scandal as Watson selected – Is it coz he’s not white or because his white Dad played for the coloureds? No one knows anymore.

* Gay Prison Cells to be introduced – To ensure the comprehensive spread of AIDS, coz that’s how it spreads. By Gays.

* Children whose hearts were operated on by volunteers are not looking so good – It never said the volunteers had to be actual Doctors.

* Portuguese Man Quizzed on whereabouts of

* French people moan to much and are smelly.

Much Respect!

* A Mother has whipped a 15 year old to death – What happened to, ‘To within an inch of your life?’ – Now it’s the whole way.

* Everyone in Kenyan Air Crash Dead – What? Everyone? How could this happen, everyone dying when a gigantic lump of metal falls at terminal velocity from 30 000 feet? How?

* An ex – girlfriend bewitches former boyfriends’ pants.

* Backstage cast hang out Back Stage – As the show is cancelled as it has always been a steaming heap of shit with only the cast and close family watching. (under duress).

* Be quiet or I will kill your bunny.

Much Respect!

* Helen Zille the new Hardly Opposition Leader – And we thought they were going to elect a woman? …

* The JHB Marathon deemed a success – Almost no crime was reported during the event… does that mean to the runners, or because they were runners?

* The National Sea Rescue Institute kept busy by drowning people – Surely people should know if they could swim or not…

* Breaking News! Breaking News! Zooma is now a priest – HIV + Choir Boys watch out!

* Paris Hilton excited about upcoming movie to be shot in jail.

Much Respect!