Monthly Mal Content

Our First Contestant, Please!

2010-08-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

Elura Coren:

Of Frogs and Frog Legs

It is not so strange to kiss a frog. Now French kiss a frog, that will get you some nasty bug breath. Just ask Cousin Jeb. He ain’t one of the brightest bug zappers in the trailer park. To be honest, he’d likely try to French kiss the bug zapper, too. He is depriving a village, somewhere, of its idiot. Still, he’s family-and the best frog giggin’ fool I’ve ever seen, just so long as he’s rightly pissed off.

That’s fairly easy to accomplish, too. All I gotta do to piss off ol’ Jeb is hide the beer while he’s sleeping. Then I wake him real early-like right after he’s gone to sleep and his eyes start to movin’, showin’ that he’s dreamin’.

Tonight’s one of them nights. Jeb’s been drinkin’ ‘bout as fast as Daisy can open the cans. Some idiot bet the moron that he couldn’t drink two 24-packs without needin’ to wiz. Havin’ an I.Q. somewhere around the level of “Do you want fries with that?” means that Jeb, of course, took that challenge and is tryin’ very hard to prove that he has a bladder the size of a small tank. After the first case, we could see his eyeballs startin’ to float. Halfway through the second case, he started pacin’ the floor, shakin’ his legs. I’m guessin’ he was tryin’ to shake some of it into his prosthetic leg.

You ain’t never heard the story ‘bout when Jeb lost his leg? Just how many family reunions have you missed? Jeb went out frog giggin’ real early a couple years back. He heard somethin’ rustlin’ behind him. Before he could get turned around, a gator, big as Uncle Buck, done snatched his leg off, right at the knee. Jeb managed to poke one of the gator’s eyes out, but he never did find his leg. He wrapped his belt around the bloody stump, finished collectin’ his frogs, and brought ‘em back to Momma. Momma pert near passed out, seeing Jeb missing part of his leg. So, me and Uncle Buck wrestled Jeb into the truck and hauled him into town to the E-mergency Room. We left Momma at home to dress the frogs. After all this, the least we could do was make sure all that work didn’t go to waste.

It’s good to have an angry Jeb outside giggin’ frogs, but no one wants an angry Jeb in the house. Last time that happened, he threw the TV out the front window. Yes, that’s why it’s boarded up.

He must’ve shook enough beer out of his belly. He’s back at the table tryin’ to get the rest of the case drank. Look at him, though. He’s slowed down.

So, my plan is to wait for Jeb to pass out. Then we drag him outside into the pig trough and put his giggin’ stick in his hand. We wait for his eyeballs to start movin’, then we hit ‘im with a bucket of ice cold water. Note that we should run before he actually focuses his eyes enough to know who woke him. You don’t want him seein’ you clearly. He’ll see his giggin’ stick and figure he must’ve been on the way out to hunt when he passed out in the trough. He’ll be pissed off just enough to bring home a good batch.

He’s on the last can! Chug! Chug! Chug! Look out! He’s goin’ down! Man, I hope that didn’t give the idiot a concussion. Don’t need the fool even more confused that what he already is. Come on. Let’s go drag him out of here before his bladder lets loose. Don’t want Daisy gettin’ angry neither. Let’s just say I lost a good couple of days.

Watch his head when we dump him in the trough. Okay. I got the ice cold water already set up in those buckets over there. I figure we can toss and duck behind them bushes before he can figure out what happened. Ready? Go!

… See, he’s staring at his giggin’ stick. Uh-oh. He’s rubbin’ his belly and lookin’ around. Close your eyes when he gets close. You don’t want the moonlight to reflect off of ‘em and scare ‘im.

What the--! Aw, man! Come on. Let’s go down to the lake. Daisy won’t let us anywhere near the house smellin’ like this. At least the frog legs are worth it. And I do love frog legs.

While We Wait

2010-07-29T06:52:00.000-07:00

As I hope this will become a interactive blog, filled with challenging prompts and great stories derived from the minds of wonderful people, I want to make sure that all suggestions and improvements are welcome. If you have a thought of something that might help our cause here, let me know. BTW, if you are planning to join in on our first prompt, just let me know in the comment section here so that I can plan a few days ahead. If you missed this post until too late to respond and have a story ready, just send it in. We are not standing on formalities.

The comment section is open to use. Introductions are not required, but appreciated.

Oh, and while we wait for submissions, I'll entertain you with a few songs from the Old South... [insert your favorite youtube song here]

Our first prompt.

2010-07-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

The due date is August 1. The deadline for this is August 25, but please submit early. I need posts for August 1, August 2, and etc.

Genre: open
Theme: Grumpiness conquers all.
A first line prompt:

It is not so strange to kiss a frog. Now [fill in blank] a frog, that will get you...

Good luck. Random order for posting. Don't be afraid to be first.

A New Beginning

2010-07-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

I love the fresh smell of a new blog. The seats are always comfortable and the leg room in this model is great. For a blog, it is comfortable.

In August, if there be any people willing to join, I will post a new prompt and those intrepid writers willing to venture into the unknown will write stories about it.

The format for our experiment will be:
Title of Piece (skip a line)
Author's Name (skip a line)
Any Published Work (skip a line)
Whether you mind criticism or not (well, by now...)

Legal stuff. By submitting to me at my email address, you agree to allow me to publish the piece for free on my blog. This license also allows me to approach you if there is ever an anthology done for this blog. You may say no.

The only time I foresee doing an anthology is for philanthropic interests, such as an author with an emergency, or to help out with a legal fund for an author's advocate group.

If you don't agree to these small rules, just enjoy reading other people's efforts. this is meant to be fun.