It happened to a friend of a friend and I shall name the couple John and Mary. So it was John’s birthday coming up, and Mary asked John what did he wanted to do to celebrate. John had said that he didn’t want to celebrate, and that they should just buy some takeaway food, a bottle of wine, go rent a movie and relax at home.

Mary didn’t feel the same and insisted that a celebration be had. She said that she will cook something and will buy a cake too. On the day, Mary tried to call John at work. He didn’t answer his phone due to being busy at work. When John returned her call a few hours later, Mary was annoyed about the late reply and asked John to pick up the birthday cake. That wouldn’t be that bad except the cake shop was a 20-minute drive from John’s work. Now John was getting annoyed because he had to use up his lunch hour to pick up the birthday cake that he didn’t ask for.

Nevermind, John thought. Once he gets home, he can relax like he wanted to. When he got home, Mary was cooking up a storm. He did the good boyfriend thing and helped her out. “I will relax after dinner”, he thought.

Dinner was had and it was nice. John said to Mary that he will wash up the dirty dishes and to just leave them in the sink. He then got a beer and sat down in front of the TV. He didn’t get up for an hour or so. Mary had seen the dirty dishes still in the sink and asked John to wash them.

John said that he will do it after watching another show. Mary said why couldn’t he do it now. John said that he just wanted to relax for a while. Mary said that if he’d wash the dishes, he could get to relaxing earlier. Both of them were getting on each other’s nerves now.

And you could guess where the conversation was headed. “I didn’t want any of this anyway! If we had gotten takeaway there’d be no dishes to wash!” “I can’t believe you just said that! I went out of my way to cook and to order a cake and you don’t even appreciate it!”

And on and on …

Heheh. I can see it from both points of view. I understand why Mary did the things that she did but it’s almost like she was forcing John to appreciate her. Let’s not forget that it was his birthday and he had stated that he wanted to relax and not do much. If Mary had listened to him instead of insisting on having his birthday her way, all of this could have been avoided.

As for how this applies to me being single? Well, I’ve seen this scenario and other similar ones happen to different guys and I am always on the side of the guy in the relationship. Why? I can appreciate my girlfriend doing nice things for me but not when I’ve already said there’s no need for them, or if I’m made to appreciate her out of guilt. So when she does the nice things for me, and I’m not as enthusiastic or as grateful as she’d hoped, we’d have an argument back and forth about how ungrateful I am to have her, and why doesn’t she ever listen to me – all punctuated at frequent intervals by her yelling “That’s not the point!”

And while we are arguing, I’ll be hearing this over and over again in my head,

This doesn’t make any sense to me!

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Just got my copy of [PROTOTYPE] – the video game where you are an infected biological weapon of a super-human being running and flying around New York City mass-murdering, bashing and destroying things with total abandon and mayhem. In other words, a totally awesome toy for stress-relief!

I got it from India via ebay for about $65 (including delivery), compared to about $90 for the cheapest retail price here. Bargain!

If I don’t answer my phone the next few days, you know what I’m doing.

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Ok correction: there have been some awesome presents that I’ve bought myself. I bought myself a bike when I was 13, a Sega Megadrive after my Year 12 TEE, my two cars, customisations and sound-systems for both, a TV and a home theatre system, and an Xbox 360 and games for it. And I’ve been buying myself clothes and shoes too.

So it’s not about the money. I can afford it and I don’t mind spending it on friends either. But it’s the thought of having to buy something material that drives me nuts sometimes. And sometimes the effort goes unnoticed too.

Take for example, buying gifts for secret-santa and gift raffles. Even though I don’t like the idea of buying presents, if I’m tasked with doing it I would put an effort into it. I’d think of what I’d like to receive myself, and I’d even find the best gift for the budget that I’m limited to. I take pride in what I buy. But sometimes, what you receive in return can be greatly disappointing. Chocolates? Are you kidding me?! I rather that you’ve given me the $20! It’s like the other person hated buying presents too and unlike me, really couldn’t give a shit about it. So why bother?! Ugh.

The old saying goes: it’s the thought that counts. Ok but why must that thought be in the form of a physical gift? Because buying presents for the same person year in and year out can get quite difficult, right? Why can’t the present be treating your friend to a nice dinner and drinks later, and being nice to them all the time? You know, doing favours without expecting any in return, or helping them out anytime that they asked for it?

Perhaps this is all because I am not a sentimental person. I don’t place values in “things”. Or it could be because my family don’t place much thought on birthdays and buying presents for each other. This may be cliched but “everyday is Mother’s Day” and “everyday is Father’s Day” with us.

Whatever the reason, I admit it: I don’t get the concept of buying and receiving presents. I’ve been told as much too. Though if you are my friend, you’d know that it’s not because I’m cheap or I don’t care about you. It’s quite the contrary. And seriously, there’s no need to buy me a present. But you can throw me a party if you want to.

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So comes Friday evening and I was at home waiting for calls that never came, and I was still deciding if I would go even if I would be going alone because tyDi was spinning at Rise and it should be a good show.

By 11pm, no one had called to confirm anything and by that time I was kinda cosy in bed so I thought I’d be sensible and just stay home instead. Missing one night out wasn’t that big a deal. Then, Kayo called at around 11:40pm saying that I can go pick her and Kitty up. I said, “Huh? I am in bed already. I’m not going.” I had told them that had they called much earlier, I would have gone but not when I was already in my sleeping clothes and falling asleep in bed.

It wasn’t until Saturday afternoon when I found out what had transpired.

Kayo and Kitty had assumed that I was going to go regardless of whether I had company or not, and they thought that they should not let me go alone. So at around 9pm they both agreed that they would go, and had mentioned to each other that they would arrange for me to go pick them up. So off they went getting dressed and looking pretty for the night. Except – they both assumed that the other person will be calling me, and in the end neither of them did. And when they both realised this and did call at 11:40pm, well you know the rest.

Meanwhile, since I’ve already let them know that there is no pressure to come out if they didn’t want to, I was really only thinking of myself. And I assumed that if I decided that I wasn’t going to go out after all, I didn’t have to call anyone to let them know. So I didn’t. Kayo and Kitty both said that I should have called, and well you know the rest of the story here too.

You know how they say “assumption is the mother of all screw-ups” and when you assume, “you make an ass out of you and me”? This was so true here. So the outcome of this story is that we all agree to confirm and re-confirm next time.

And ironically, I couldn’t get into the building for work the next morning because my access card had stopped working and I was sent home by my manager. So had I known that this was going to happen, I would not have gone to bed that early, and I would have gone out with the girls even if they had called pretty late. Argh!

At the time, none of this seemed very funny to me at all. But now, it’s freaking hilarious.

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Mom: All the girls that you see these days, none of them are single?
Me: Nope.
Mom: They’ve all got boyfriends?
Me: Yup.
Mom: Ever thought of stealing them?
Me: Err …. no because karma is a bitch.
Mom: Yes yes, I suppose you are right.

And she would know: she’s a devout Buddhist.

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“Men agree a lot more about who they find attractive and unattractive than women agree about who they find attractive and unattractive,” says Dustin Wood, assistant professor of psychology. “This study shows we can quantify the extent to which men agree about which women are attractive and vice versa.”

Science Daily – Rating Attractiveness: Consensus Among Men, Not Women, Study Finds

What this means is that a group of men will almost certainly find the same women attractive, while what some women will find physically attractive is not necessarily true for other women in the same group.

Translation: heterosexual men faces more competition for mates than heterosexual women do. Indirectly, this means men need to expend more time, energy and yes, money, in attracting mates and then guarding them from other potential suitors.

Women may have you think that it’s hard to be a woman in the dating game too, that it ain’t easy looking pretty all the time, and men can be such jerks and you think it’s easy walking in these heels?!

But I dare say that men have to go through more for the same goal. Why do we need to get into a good school? So that we can get a good job. Why do we need a good job? So that we can have money. And why do we need to have money? So that we can afford a nice car, a house and nice dinners at expensive restaurants. And why do we do all of that? Chicks, man. It’s all for the chicks.

(see Defamer)

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Two guys of similar appearance and personality.
Nice guys.
One is rich, one not so rich.
The girl will always pick the rich one.

I don’t see anything wrong with the above. I don’t see any need to get bitter about it because that’s the reality.

A couple of months back there was an episode of “Lie To Me” where the lie-detection experts were hired by a rich guy to analyse his fiance. His question: does she love him for him or because he’s rich?

After speaking with the woman casually without her knowing who they were, and analysing her responses and body language, the team of experts concluded that she does indeed love him for his money. The rich guy was disappointed and wanted to call off the wedding. Then the team added, “Yes she loves you for your money, but she also loves you. To her, the two are indistinguishable.” Still not convinced by that argument, the team then poses the question, “How is that different to you loving her because she’s a beautiful woman?”

And the answer is: there is no difference. Men are biologically driven to mate with young and pretty women because those traits are perceived to be synonymous with health and good genes, while women prefer mates who can provide for her and her children.*

So as much as we like to think of ourselves as not being shallow or materialistic, to a certain extent we all are. So, let’s not get hung up about it, let’s accept the reality and mate accordingly. At the very least, I dare say that that will lead to less angst and bitterness about who doesn’t deserve whom.

* for further reading on this, check out Desmond Morris’ excellent documentary and book, “The Human Animal“.

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When you’re single,
you’re exactly as happy as you are.

When you’re married,
you can only be as happy as the least
happy person in the relationship.

My favourite shows on TV besides crime procedurals like “CSI” and “Law and Order”, are shows that explore the funny dynamics of male-female relationships, and “Rules of Engagement” is one of those shows. The characters include a married couple, a young couple who just got engaged, and their single guy friend who doesn’t want to settle down even though he’s turning 40.

The show is full of great lines like the above and the casting is spot on, especially Patrick Warburton as the husband, and David Spade as the sleazy older guy. To give you a feel of the show, here’s a clip showing the cast doing a read through of part of an episode.

And here are some outtakes.

And yes, I like to think of myself as the David Spade character in the show. Although I am not as lucky with women.

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I’ve always enjoyed female company. I like being around them, talking to them, and interacting with them even if most of the time it doesn’t lead to anything romantic. So yeah, I love it.

And when I’m not with them, I think about them. Some days when I’m in a reflective mood, I like walking around the perfume counters of a department store. I like walking around taking in the scents which can, at any random time, trigger a memory of an encounter, an ex-girlfriend or a relationship that never was.

That memory can trigger more memories, or it can lead me down a path of wondering and reminiscing. And most times, I would walk out smiling.

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When you are not in love, you see the problems and pitfalls.
When you are in it, you don’t see them at all.

When you are not in love, you see the pros and cons.
When you are in it, you see all the pros but not the cons.

When you are not in love, you won’t put up with the bad and the ugly.
When you are in it, you put up with it despite the bad and the ugly.

When you are not in love, you can’t understand what goes through their minds.
When you are in it, you can’t understand why people mind so much.
When what is obviously bad to them, seem insignificant to you.

For those in it then, like you,
Love is truly blind.

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