More to This Life

Write 31 Days - Seasons

2014-10-06T22:57:00.001-04:00

What is it about a change in seasons that inspires the inner neat freak lurking somewhere within each of us? I mean, as soon as the first fading leaf falls, or the earliest blossom pokes its head up from the perennial bed, the most eager organizers are already rearranging closets to bring the appropriate clothes within easy reach for current temperatures.

It's a change in seasons of a different kind when a family goes through the chore to clear rooms of clutter and streamline their household possessions to relocate to a new home.

I'm experiencing the beginning of a new season, a new stage in life. College is in full swing for our youngest kids, and our home now has a very different feel. For the first time in a long time I'm having the urge to straighten and purge and sanitize and completely reorder our home. From floor to ceiling. Wall to wall. I'm getting the sense that no closet, cabinet, or drawer will be safe. Think "Clean Sweep," the TLC series from about ten years back.

The only problem I see with this new desire to reorganize everything in sight is the fact that I'll have to face some feelings that are currently residing in the "denial" slot in my mental card catalog.

Take the linen closet in the hallway outside the kids' bedrooms, for example. When we moved into this house, we were knee high in laundry generated by four busy kids and their constant need to change in and out of school clothes, sports uniforms, outfits for playing dress-up, and the inevitable assortment of clean clothes that managed to find themselves back in the laundry basket instead of the dresser drawer. (Nearly every mother I've ever met claims this same phenomenon happens at her house.).

Here is how that closet looks today:

Apparently I'm in denial that three baskets for sorting never-ending loads of lights, darks, and brights are no longer necessary in this house. At least not within a short toss from the nearby bedroom doors. No one is living in those bedrooms. Empty bedrooms do not need convenient containers for dirty clothes.

The way I figure, the sooner I do away with this system we used with our busy family of six, the sooner I'll be able to utilize the new-found prime storage space. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm definitely better at denial, or at least procrastination, than I am at seizing an obvious opportunity. That's okay. Those empty bedrooms are enough of a change for now. Our uncluttered, organized spaces will come in time.

Write 31 Days - Time Too Short

2014-10-05T17:32:00.001-04:00

It was wonderful! Everything I had expected, yet in some ways not fully what I had hoped for. Reassuring, but somehow still tinged with uncertainty.

My mommy heart runneth over today after a short visit home from child #3, one-half of my nineteen-year-old twins who moved out several weeks ago to two separate universities. It was his first visit home, and it barely exceeded twenty-four hours, but it was so good to see his face in person. FaceTime and Instagram uploads are a sorry substitute for one-on-one, face-to-face interaction.

I knew the time would seem too short. That's the way nearly every day had felt while their senior year was gaining speed and escaping our grip. Or was it just my grip? Looking back now, how did we let the hours of those last few years at home be packed so full of so many things that meaningful dialog often fell victim to the merciless time squeeze? It's on that backdrop (hints of regret, moments lost, missed opportunities) that I had hoped for one of those rare, life-defining kind of conversations this weekend. It didn't happen.

But what did happen was the making of a great first-time-home memory. There were relaxed moments with my son and his three new best friends, filled with covering all the usual, first-meeting subjects. There was a thrilling win for his college's still-unbeaten football team in double OT, while we sat shivering in the bleachers because none of us planned our wardrobes very well. There was the Sunday morning Koffee Kake fail, which all four of them consumed without hesitation, but only halfway convinced it tasted as amazing as the unadulterated version. (Check out the recipe here, but beware: Don't try it if you're planning to use emergency-substituted buttermilk for the evaporated milk called for in the recipe!) There was late-night Survivor watching. There were smiles and laughs at every turn.

After church and lunch as the kids (I'm invoking something from the Mother's Bill of Rights to still call them "kids" until they finish at least one full year of college) piled back in the car and pulled out of the driveway, I found a sense of comfort in having met his friends and sharing such a pleasant weekend. I felt satisfied and reassured that he has made good friends this quickly. Friends who seem to live up to their billing. I may never fully be rid of that all-too-familiar niggling of doubt, but for now there is a peace.

I will continue to pray for him every day. And now I have three new names and faces in my mind's eye as I pray for his friends, too.

Write 31 Days - a challenge for October 2014

2014-10-05T15:49:00.000-04:00

Where to start when narrowing life down ONE topic to write on every day for THIRTY-ONE days?!

Something familiar. Something that stirs a passion. Something others find interesting or helpful.

Two out of three ain't bad. I know the topic, because I'm living it. Many days, it fills my every thought. I can only pray someone else will be blessed by what is shared here.

Numbers 3 and 4 of our kids flew away to college in August. This leaves just my darling man and me to hold down the fort and figure out what in the world to do with ourselves.

Join me as I chronicle tidbits of what God is teaching me in this new phase of life. There will be plenty of reflecting on what life looked like when we were so busy we couldn't see straight, as well as new joys and discoveries I don't even know to anticipate yet.

It's day #1 ... will you journey thirty-one days with me?

Oct 2 ~ Not Easier, Just Different
Oct 5 ~ Time Too Short
Oct 6 ~ Seasons

Write 31 Days - Not Easier, Just Different

2014-10-02T23:39:00.000-04:00

There's something about a slower, quieter routine that invites reflection. Mixed with a reasonable dose of nostalgia.

Today I had the blessing of a quick two-minute chat with a sweet, young mommy-to-be as we walked down the hall after Bible study. She told me about the little discomforts, more or less the normal inconveniences, she is experiencing at this point in her pregnancy. Her comments reminded me of something an older, wiser woman once told me. Cue the nostalgia.

"It never really gets easier, just different."

These words, spoken by a seasoned grandma, were in response to my weary plea for more sleep - even a blissful uninterrupted two hours would have been heavenly - during those early years when I was a new mommy. My first born was daughter was barely fourteen months old when her sister was born. Exhausted isn't a strong enough word.

The sleep-deprived stage morphed into the mental challenge of patiently and truthfully answering endless "why" questions from curious preschoolers. Then along came twins, and the real juggling act kicked in. School-age activities for the big girls, with the twins always in tow. Fast forward a few more years, and there's sports teams, ER visits, driving, dating, "girl drama", fashion fiascos, and the whole college-search obsession.

Blink.

Looking back now, remembering what it felt like to be so ready for this baby to finally get here, "so I won't be so uncomfortable," all the while nervously anticipating what kind of parents we were going to be, it does seem like it all happened in a blink. Each age and stage held its own joys and triumphs. Along with its unique struggles and tears.

That older woman had been right then, and she continues to be right. Even with four kids in college or out on their own, there are still moments when I wonder how we'll handle the crisis of the moment.

The nature of the challenges has shifted through the years. Things have gotten different instead of getting easier, and I think I'm glad for that. If they were easy, I wouldn't be reminded to take each care to Jesus, asking for His guidance and provision. And I would have missed the treasure of getting to depend on Him through it all.

A Special Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T20:59:00.001-05:00

I hope as you read this, you can reflect on having had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day celebration, whether it was filled with your family's annual traditions or possibly some sort of new adventure -- in a new place or with new people. My family continues to be amazed at how God provides for us each day, although He sometimes has to adjust our "grace goggles" a bit before we can see His blessings.

This year, we had the privilege of sharing an incredible Thanksgiving meal with two other families, including a total of 14 children! Bob & Brenda were our hosts, and the first surprise we found upon arriving to their house was that the dining room and living room had been completely rearranged in order to accomodate one humongous, long table that would seat the entire group. (It was actually three tables, but they were arranged end-to-end so no one was relegated to "the kids' table". I mean, who remembers feeling like they were missing out on something, even if completely imagined, because they were sitting at a tiny table in another room separated from the adults?!)

Seven of the children present around that very long table provided the most unexpected blessing. In addition to our hosts and ourselves, the third couple are the house parents for a boys' cottage at a children's home in an adjoining county. Of the nine boys they have under their wing, only two were able to spend the holiday with relatives away from the home. That left seven boys, ages 7 to 13, as well as the couple's own son and daughter, to join us for turkey with all the trimmings. What a treat! Each of them was exceptionally well-mannered, engaging in conversation, smiling, appropriately interspersing "please", "thank you", "yes, ma'am", "no, sir", etc. Their attitudes were so cheerful, you would never guess their prior childhood years had been anything short of ideal. This is a tangible example of how the love of Christ can transform even a hardened, broken heart. These children are now receiving love and encouragement every day from these house parents, and God is transforming their lives.

We are so grateful to Bob & Brenda for inviting this sweet family who has been called to give away their lives every day. Each of us was challenged to take a closer look at how much we take for granted in our own lives and where we may be called to reach out to and give, even sacrificially, to someone else.

We would love to hear how you recognized Thanksgiving Day this year and what made it special. If you would leave a comment below, others can also enjoy hearing about what made you grateful.

Side note: What Thanksgiving Day recap would be complete without mention of how incredible all the food was? Turkey prepared two ways, lots of veggies, Brenda's famous Pretzel Salad, home-baked bread, and more! I felt just like "S" in the photo below. Too many choices... This pie rack only represents about half of the delectable desserts we had to choose from. And choose, we did... more than once! :)

What a Difference a Day Makes

2011-06-10T20:53:00.005-04:00

God has shown His loving kindness to our family yet again today. If you're aware of the series of events our family has experienced in the past year or so, you're probably starting to catch on to the recurring theme of His faithfulness.

Our day started with the oral surgeon and his staff arriving to the office much too early on a Friday morning so he could get Cole's procedure worked into an already busy schedule. The whole surgery took only about 20 minutes and included removing one tooth, cleaning the socket of tiny fragments of fractured bone, placing synthetic bone graft material into each of the three tooth sockets, and restoring the gum tissue back to its normal anatomic position. In looking at the finished product, my untrained eyes think he did a most excellent job!

An "after" picture is included at the very end of the post, so if you are squeamish and don't want to see it, you can read the post without having to see the image. It's really such an improvement from what his mouth looked like on day one, you may want to see for yourself.

The hardest part of the day was coming off the anesthesia and driving back home. Cole was chilled and was shaking, trying to communicate with a mouthful of gauze that the pain was unbearable. A very different experience from when his big sisters had their wisdom teeth pulled. I tried to reassure him all the way home that we were almost there, but it was the longest ten-minute ride of our lives. Things have steadily improved since that point. He was able to sleep for a few hours after the first pain pill started taking effect, and he woke up with a healthy appetite and cheerful attitude.

Shelby says her biggest disappointment is that he's not funny. She was hoping he would be silly and loopy and say ridiculous things he wouldn't remember later.

To sum up: excellent surgical result, rough start to pain control, but otherwise a pretty good day. We continue to credit our heavenly Father with having protected Cole from potentially a much worse injury, for arranging the circumstances to provide him with excellent medical care, and for the prayers and encouragement of so many friends.

Another interesting thing is how many people have approached us to share their story and let us in on the secret that they are wearing one or more prosthetic teeth. Who knew?

Step One

2011-06-08T23:06:00.002-04:00

I'll start tonight by risking to state the obvious. I'm not good at brevity. But let me take a stab at quickly summarizing today's visit to the prosthodontist and where we'll be headed from here.

After the obligatory harrassment about why he wasn't more careful on the jet ski, Dr. Andy examined Cole and said best outcome would be by extracting the one impacted tooth and then proceeding with three implants. In his opinion, we could spend a lot of time and money trying to save that one tooth, when the odds of success really aren't that great. No need to convince us further. Cole had already been saying since Saturday afternoon that's what he wanted.

We will meet with the oral surgeon for consultation tomorrow (the same guy who pulled Kalynn's and Alli's wisdom teeth) with an appointment for the extraction set for bright and early on Friday morning. We are thankful for the scheduler being so gracious and rolling out the red carpet to get us worked in at a moment's notice. After all, it's wisdom tooth season now that school's out, and their office is slammed!

Cole also had the impressions taken for his "flipper" today. We provided a couple of photographs of a grinning Cole, rather than trying to give an adequate description of what his teeth used to look like. We have high hopes the lab will do a good job to give him back his old smile, as closely as possible.

Thank you so much to those who have called to check on the pain, etc. He really is doing well with it. He is getting by with a couple doses of ibuprofen during the day and a low dose of narcotic pain reliever overnight. Just knowing the culprit tooth will be gone soon is reassuring.

We may have more news after the oral surgery consult tomorrow or you may not hear from us until after surgery on Friday. We are all looking forward to the day when we can post a picture of the boy smiling with all teeth showing! Thanks again for your continued prayers!

P.S.

2011-06-05T23:58:00.002-04:00

I forgot to tell an incredible little "God-incidence" about the teeth.

While the kids were having fun on the lake, Charlie and I were just working around the garage and yard. You know, normal Saturday-without-kids-at-home kind of stuff. I was moving a sprinkler across the yard when I felt God speak to my heart reminding me that my kids are out on the lake, where dangerous things can happen, and I need to pray for their safety. Somewhere recently I had heard comments about how we are sort of safety obsessed in our culture today. We pray for safety before a trip. We often take ridiculous precautions even for routine activities. We would probably bubble-wrap our kids if it were possible. (If that IS possible, please let me know, because I'm seriously considering it at this point.)

Anyway, my whispered prayer was probably less of a "Please keep them safe" and more along the lines of "Lord, I can't control what happens, and they are truly in Your hands." It wasn't 15 minutes later that the phone rang telling of the accident. Coincidence? Most definitely not! Was it my "arrow" prayer that kept Cole's injuries from being any worse? Or was God's quiet voice to my spirit about dangerous things that can happen the tool He used to prepare my heart and mind to hear the news of something gone wrong? Certainly, I can never presume the mind of God. But I do know He spoke to me in that moment, and I know He will continue to hold Cole in His hands throughout the healing process.

Please Tell Me I'm Dreaming

2011-06-05T22:36:00.005-04:00

Not that I would swap our normal, crazy lives for something mundane and boring, but I would definitely trade away the events of this weekend. Anytime!

The bottom line is that Cole and Shelby were on a houseboat party with friends at the lake when Cole had a jet ski accident that resulted in the loss of three of his front teeth. Makes me cringe all over again just typing those words. Actually, one of the teeth is still in his mouth, but it is impacted deep into his upper gum.

GROSS FACTOR WARNING: If you are squeamish, you may want to quickly scroll to the bottom of the post and read without viewing the picture. But I realize some of you may want to see for yourself which side comes up short when mouth meets jet ski.

Let me also take this opportunity to publicly declare we LOVE our pediatric dentist, Dr. Robin Wilson. When I called her in the middle of Saturday afternoon, she quickly agreed to meet us at her office immediately for an x-ray and exam. We were so thankful to have the assurance of what exactly was the position of the remaining tooth and that there was not even a fragment remaining of the other two. One side note is that God provided a sweet friend from church as the employee who also met us at the office and did the x-ray before Dr. Robin could get there.

I'm sure other mothers can relate to this, but when there is an emergency involving one of your family members, you just sort of engage, efficiently handling the necessary actions, not hesitating or thinking twice. It was not until the next day when our family was talking about the event that we realized how perfectly God had provided for where his face hit the jet ski. Had he collided even an inch or two in another direction, he could have had yet another concussion, suffered severe facial fractures, or maybe broken his neck or worse. Thank you, Lord. Reminds me of the scripture that instructs us to "give thanks in all things." This is not something we would ever choose, but it could have been so much worse.

Many of you already saw Cole in person at church, so you know he is really taking it all in stride pretty well. But this evening as he headed to bed, he said the pain medicine wasn't doing too well at reducing the dull throbbing. Please pray we will find the right combination of things to make him comfortable. And also pray specifically that the impacted tooth will quickly re-emerge and not be damaged. Dr. Robin told us it could take a few months.

Where we are headed from this point is to first of all wait for the gums to heal. As soon as possible, a dental impression will be made and a "flipper" will be crafted with fake teeth. We are told this is what he will wear until his jaw and skull are completely finished growing. Then he will have implant surgery done where new permanent teeth will be fitted into place through a multi-step process. This last phase is a long way down the road, with many factors to consider along the way. Again, God has provided a friend from church who is a periodontist and offered to see Cole and advise us along the way, possibly being the doctor who will eventually do the implants.

Thank you all so much for your prayers!

First Impressions

2011-05-11T11:52:00.007-04:00

We were a cobbled-together little band of six who piled into trusty "Bessie" for the weekend trip to Tuscaloosa. In various ways, we were each responding to the call to pitch in and help the people of a community still partially numb from the disaster of April 27, 2011. I suggested taking Cole on this trip, knowing it would impact his life in a way that day-to-day ordinary life in Greenville never could. Michelle also wanted to take Cassie, and at the last minute we were able to add on fellow UA-mom Ginger and nurse Catherine. Each one, hand-picked by God for this adventure.

Some of my first impressions as we got closer to our exit on I-20 included what was playing on the radio. Most stations, even nine days post-storm, had switched from their regular music or talk format to a call-in program where people offering assistance and those needing supplies or volunteers could find each other. Even 20 miles or so before reaching Tuscaloosa, there were banners and posters advertising for tornado relief collection points or simply giving residents information on how to apply for assistance or where to go for shelter. The week before I had been frustrated with the media's nonstop coverage of a royal wedding I had no relative interest in and then the OBL assassination. The news cycle seemed to have quickly and painlessly moved forward from the massive needs across several hard-hit southern states. It didn't take more than a few minutes in Alabama for out little group to be brought back to the reality that these people had thought about little else than tornado recovery for the past week and a half. And some will likely do so for weeks, months, even years to come.

It also seemed so odd that we could drive along McFarland Boulevard, and aside from relief tents in the parking lots and military vehicles in abundance, there was no sign of the storm.

Then we were at 15th Street.

Buildings with blue-tarped roofs or no roofs at all. Cars scattered every which way with broken-out windows and covered in dust & rubble. Enormous chunks of concrete haphazardly piled where the tornado had tossed the remains of businesses. Trees that had become sci-fi-like, leafless, broken sticks and stumps poking out of the ground at random angles. And a few blocks later, we were again driving in normal-world.

Hard to comprehend how something so violently destructive could leave this kind of devastation along its reckless path through a city. But life on both sides of its wake seemed untouched. We didn't yet know about the people we would meet and stories we would hear over the weekend that would dispel the illusion of life being in any way normal, even if outward appearances made it seem that way.

Only the Tip of the Iceberg

2011-05-06T11:27:00.002-04:00

I also wanted to share a couple of the pictures Kalynn took the day after the storm when they were able to return to their little house to retrieve some of their things. Here is what they found:

This is the front of the house, and it is one of the few that was left standing! It's incredible that Radley (the sweetest, bravest pooch I know!) survived being in the house without a scratch!

This is the view into their once-shady backyard.

Thanks again for praying us along on our journey this weekend. When I get my thoughts together to give a further update, I'm sure there will be some specific suggestions on how you might be able to personally assist in the relief and ministry that lies ahead for this city.

And HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to my own special mom and to all of you moms who are reading.

Tuscaloosa Bound

2011-05-06T06:50:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, I haven't done an update in FOREVER! And don't panic -- even though it's long overdue, this post will be brief.

Today I'm not writing to give any news about Charlie's cancer prognosis but rather to solicit your prayers on behalf of another member of our family who recently experienced a life-altering event. Our oldest daughter, Kalynn, has moved to Tuscaloosa and is making plans to reenter the University of Alabama to finish her degree in English. Unless you live under a rock, you know that an extremely powerful tornado cut a swath of destruction right through the city on April 27. Kalynn's house was in its path.

Thanks be to God, she was not at home and was kept safe!

But the nearness to our family of the wake of devastation has urged us to get involved as a family to somehow helping with the relief efforts. Terri and Cole will be traveling to Tuscaloosa with a small band of six volunteers from Grace Church to serve this weekend. Charlie has plans in the works to go with a team of men for a week later this month. The marathon-like recovery will likely provide many future opportunities for service.

Please lift us up in prayer this weekend. None of us has ever been "boots on the ground" for disaster relief, and there will undoubtedly be things we will experience that will utterly overwhelm our hearts and minds.

I will post an update after we return as soon as possible. We each thank you in advance for lifting us before the Throne. Pray we will see the hurting community of Tuscaloosa with His eyes and that He would empower and equip us to be His hands and feet.

Neat Idea!

2010-12-08T09:49:00.003-05:00

I recently added a link on the sidebar part of the blog that I want to make sure to point out, in case you're only seeing updates via email. (I think the email feature gives just the most recent post and doesn't show any of the other blog content, right?)

This is a really neat idea for prompting parents to pray for their kids at specific times of their day. I confess it's more fitting for moms with young children at home, but it isn't hard to think of modifications to come up with key prayer moments for the active lifestyles of older kids and teens.

Check out the link: Praying for My Children 7x7

I'd love to hear your ideas about incorporating this idea into the specific routine of your family. Please leave a comment so the rest of us can be inspired by your creativity.

It's All Good

2010-12-06T22:04:00.008-05:00

The long-awaited lab results have returned! ... drum roll, please ... "less than 0.1!" Yippee! So, with that little detail now behind us, we'll be about our own business until the next blood draw in about six months. What a sigh of relief it is to have it confirmed that all the prostate cells were removed at surgery, and apparently none have done a disappearing act only to rear their ugly heads at some unexpected time in the future. From this point forward, we'll begin to lengthen the time between labs until we get to an annual interval, and basically we'll check it once a year. Forever. I'd say that's a pretty good life sentence, considering the alternatives.

With that important detail duly shared, is anyone interested in how our boy did on the wrestling mat this past weekend? Will you oblige me first as I tell you that the wrestler's family was SUPERB in our various support roles? At least we were tired enough after three straight days to classify our performance as superb. Charlie was banned from standing up all day on security duty, which has been his assigned spot at this tournament for the past few years, and he was also not to do any moving of mats, tables, etc. I guess surgery does have its advantages. Shelby was a table worker and definitely cheered hard for the Eagles when she had a break from her own mat. So much so, she still has no voice two days later. Terri helped keep the Eastside boys' break room stocked with all the water, cereal, granola bars, bananas, ham & cheese wraps, etc. they needed. It was a lot of fun to be a fly on the wall and just observe some of their interactions with each other, as well as get to know some of the boys a little better.

The most exciting part of the tournament was the team duals on Thursday night. As a freshman, Cole had only wrestled JV these past two years. It turns out he has the most experience at his weight class (103 lbs), so at least for now he is the varsity starter at that weight. Eastside had three duals that night, and Cole led off each dual with six points for the team by pinning each of his opponents in the first period! Talk about getting a great start on the season!

The really tough competitors showed up for the individual part of the tournament on Friday and Saturday. Cole won his first-round bout, then lost in round 2 to a boy from Archer High in Georgia who would go on to win the weight class. He had one more match that night and won by a technical fall, which comes by gaining a 15-point lead on the opponent. His score was 16-1. At that point, he was still in the consolation bracket and could have placed as high as third, but his next match was against a boy he has faced several times during middle school. For some reason, Cole just seems to never be at his best against this kid, and that was the case again this time. So, with two losses, he was out. 1st through 8th places were awarded a medal or plaque, and we think 9th and below were calculated based on points earned during the individual matches. So, without having the final scores in hand, we don't know how he finished individually, but it was somewhere between 9th and 16th. Not bad for his first varsity tournament.

Although continuing to make weight at 103 for the whole season may be a story unto itself. Let's just say he's not fond of the choices in the category for "low-calorie, nutrient-dense" foods. Suggestions welcome. Please leave a comment if you have experience in sports psychology, nutrition, or personal history as a wrestler. :)

Christmas Card 2010

2010-11-29T16:49:00.001-05:00

Gifted Tag Christmas

Shop Shutterfly.com for elegant Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Stay Tuned

2010-11-28T14:07:00.003-05:00

I wish we were already giving you the great news of a nondetectable PSA, but instead I'm just letting you know that the short work week (for Charlie, that meant cramming 5 days of work into 3 days) made it impossible to get to the lab for the blood draw. We're going to get that done early this coming week, and then we'll be sure to let you know as soon as we get the results.

And one more quick update is that Charlie is apparently back to full strength, at least where walking is concerned. A couple of weeks ago, I shared about us getting to attend a Clemson football game in fine style and how we walked back and forth in a very unhurried way so not to wear him out. As of last night, all that has apparently changed! After a great time tailgating for several hours with family and friends, and the it-would-have-taken-a-miracle-to-beat-USC loss on the football field, Cole and Shelby and I observed that we had to stay focused to keep up with Charlie walking back to the car. It was a lot further from the stadium than our reserved space of a couple weeks ago, and he was setting a pace worthy of an Olympic race walker. So next time you see him leisurely strolling back to the office after lunch on Main Street, tell him you know what he's capable of!

Stay tuned for blood test results coming soon...

Long Overdue

2010-11-20T22:11:00.003-05:00

Hardly a day goes by that we don't have a conversation with at least one person about the progress since surgery, how Charlie is feeling, what's the next step, etc. Maybe it's time I take the subtle hints and update everyone at once.

The next step that's most on our minds right now is next week's blood test to check the PSA (prostate-specific antigen). We'll all be happy campers if we get back a result of ZERO, which would mean all the prostate cells in Charlie's body were indeed removed at surgery, and none escaped elsewhere to begin their nasty process of spreading cancer. At least that's my understanding of it. If the PSA is anything other than a big ol' goose egg, we'll have some decisions to make. Please pray with us for peace of mind and to consistently remember Who is in charge while we wait for the test and the results. We really don't have any logical reason to be concerned, but until we know for sure there is always that little creeping doubt that it might not turn out the way we're expecting and hoping.

Cole's frustration of having to sit most of the football season on the sidelines since sustaining a concussion in early September has finally given way to the start of wrestling practice. He was released by the sports medicine folks at Steadman Hawkins to begin practicing about two weeks ago, and he's loving being back in the thick of the action. Charlie & I stopped by the gym for a little while this morning to observe part of a three-hour scrimmage (glorified practice involving multiple teams rolling around on the mats, sweating, and pummeling each other).

Coach Koz, I'm sorry, I know it's way more than this and much harder than it looks, but that's kind of how it appears to the average bystander.

Back to my point. I only mention that we watched part of practice this morning to say how much fun it is to be a parent when your child is doing something he enjoys so much, finding a measure of success in it, and doing it with every ounce of determination and strength he possesses. Now to find ways to translate that effort into other areas, too.... think average teenage boy, and use your imagination.

I'm sure Cole's matches this season will be a little more nerve racking to watch, since wrestling is not exactly a sport devoid of potential conks on the head. The first live matches will come on December 2-4 when we host the Southern Slam (even the name of the tournament implies something I don't want happening to his noggin!). If you're interested in both the preservation of his head and the outcome of the matches, we'll try to post some results here.

Before I wrap up this post, let me just say again how well you have taught us these past few months how to love on someone in need. We have already had a number of opportunities to put that same kind of love into action for others in our circle of friends who have experienced various losses and times of need. We are so grateful for the way you cared for us when we were overwhelmed and tired. Without you, we certainly would not have known how to reach out to others in turn.

Sorry, I lied. There is one more thing I want to tell you about. If you know me very well, you know I enjoy reading and talking about what I've read. I've always said I will probably never invest in an e-reader device, because there's just something irresistible about real pages in a real book. But I've since discovered the wonderful world of one particular blog that has absolutely captivated my heart. If you want to read an incredibly moving story and be encouraged in your faith, visit Bring the Rain, written by Angie Smith. I have gone back to the beginning of Angie's posts and read here and there whenever I have a few minutes to spare. I've wept, laughed out loud, been inspired, and simply enjoyed getting to know this sweet young woman and her family. There's my recommendation. Let me know if you enjoy it as much as I have. (Warning: Angie's blog contains multiple links to other pages that are equally enthralling, so you may find yourself spending more time blog-hopping than you should!)

For all two of you who have stuck with this long post to the end, thanks. We'll post again as soon as we get the PSA results. We love you and are grateful to God for your friendship.

Checking Off Another One

2010-10-16T22:59:00.007-04:00

Today was a beautiful day in the upstate of South Carolina, and we enjoyed it thoroughly! About 24 hours before the game, we were given two tickets to watch the Clemson-Maryland football from a suite along with a very-close-to-the-stadium parking pass. Add to that the fact that Cole and Shelby are out of town on a youth retreat, and it was a no-brainer. No surprises to report... it was a perfect day from start to finish.

We took our time with every aspect of the game. Didn't rush or worry getting anywhere. Visited a couple of tailgates before the game, enjoyed our cushy indoor seats during the first quarter, walked down to sit in the West End Zone with Alli in the FCA section for a quarter, cheered the Tigers to a victory, and hung out at another tailgate for a couple of hours after the game.

(Turns out some people at that final tailgate are parents of a girl we had seen run XC and track all through high school [same age as our oldest daughters], so we had a lot of fun hearing about her college running career and that of other runners from those years when we were following the sport closely.)

Thanks to each of you who continue to pray for full recovery for Charlie and the spiritual/emotional side of things for the rest of us. I wanted to make sure you are aware that we are still making forward progress. Before this week, we weren't sure how long it would be before he had the stamina to get to a college football game... long walk from parking area, hours sitting on a hard bleacher in the sun/wind/rain (you name it, it's possible), long walk back to the car, etc. The set-up today turned out to be ideal for easing back into things. He looked forward to the activities and really enjoyed himself, but in the end it was more or less exhausting. The question now is whether or not I should wake him up to see the second half of the Alabama game. I'm thinking this is what Sunday recaps of Saturday games are made for, right?

A Whole Lotta Thinkin' Goin' On

2010-09-28T22:03:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure where to even start with all the thoughts and emotions that have been wrestling around in my head and heart these past few weeks. The outward things are going very well, as far as Charlie's wound healing, regaining strength after surgery, etc. The focus seems to now be turning to the emotional and spiritual aspects of recovery.

Maybe I can chalk it up to having been blessed with a life that has for the most part been lacking in hardships and trials, or maybe my faith has been stronger than I would have guessed, but until last week I've never found myself asking "Why?" or "Why me?". But that is the essence of the question that I could not escape as I was in the car alone, driving home from an errand. I don't remember what train of thought my mind was tracking at the moment, but completely unexpectedly I found myself feeling a very intense anger toward this cancer that had made its unwelcome presence known in our lives those few short months ago. Then I was asking God, "Why did this have to come to us?"

The anger and questioning didn't last long, but I haven't been able to ignore the subsequent questions they have raised. Is it pride that makes me feel we are undeserving of facing a challenge in our lives? Do I/we possess the endurance in our faith to keep relying on God during the long process of recovery we will be going through? I continue to remind myself of truths that give the answers I need to hear. Yes, our current situation may seem unfair, but God never promised "fair". He promised Himself, His presence, His love, His strength in my weakness. How do I dare to compare our frustrations or worries with the suffering Jesus took upon Himself? Will I ever get to a point of maturity where I can without hesitation place a higher value on eternal/spiritual life than the physical/temporary life that routinely grabs for most of my energy?

As we move into the ongoing phase of restoring Charlie as much as possible to his pre-surgery self, we are becoming acutely aware that it will be a much longer and more difficult process than we had allowed ourselves to think about ahead of time. And even more sobering, there is a pretty good likelihood that he won't be completely restored in every way. Over the months ahead, we will probably keep pondering the kinds of thoughts I had last week, and I'm also sure new doubts and questions will pop up at random times when we least expect them.

We continue to ask for your prayers, even though they may start to take on a slightly different tone because they are shifting toward a more intangible target. May God give each of us the discernment to know how He's leading us to pray and the assurance that He will hear and answer.

Getting Back to Normal

2010-09-14T21:14:00.003-04:00

It seems Monday and Tuesday have set the pattern for what our new normal will look like, at least for the short term. Charlie got up this morning and dressed for work, had a bite of breakfast (his old routine was to drink a protein shake of some sort after a workout at the gym), and went to the Harper office for a few hours. He definitely doesn't have his former stamina back yet, because those few hours were followed by lunch at home and the requisite rest period. He was pleased today to be able to postpone the nap until finishing up some paperwork he had brought home. Almost every evening since that first week home from the hospital, he has been taking a walk outside in the fresh air, which has lately been becoming pleasantly cool after the sun goes down. At first, one of the kids or I would go with him, because he needed a steadying arm to finish the trek slightly uphill on the driveway, but he has been able to take Scout as his walking buddy these past few nights instead.

Cole went back to school on Monday after a weekend of constant reminders from me to take it easy and do sedentary activities for a change. Easier said than done. He has also stayed after school both days so far for football practice, although he is doing more standing around than anything. He told us today he practiced long snaps. However, I certainly don't envision my 5' 3", 106-pounder taking the field as a center anytime soon. :) The trainers and coaches have told him he can return to conditioning drills as soon as he has been cleared by a physician, so we're hoping to get the OK next week. Then we'll play it by ear as to whether he will get back into pads and a helmet this season or not. (Secretly, I hope for "not", but we'll let a neurologist render a professional opinion to help us make the best decision.)

We continue to keep at the front of our minds an attitude of gratitude that Charlie's surgery was successful in removing the cancer. The little bumps we encounter on the road to recovery are just that -- little bumps. We have been taught these past few weeks many lessons on how to love on people in crisis, and already God is giving us opportunities to put what we've learned into practice.

The Longest Day (and longest post?)

2010-09-10T19:41:00.005-04:00

It's a Friday evening in September, and under normal circumstances we would be somewhere in the vicinity of John Carlisle Stadium either helping serve the best chili dogs in the Upstate or cheering on the football Eagles. Tonight is different.

Yesterday began like almost every other school day... racing around to get ready then dropping off kids at school. But it ended way too many hours later, having been filled with more ups and downs than the average family experiences in a week, let alone one 24-hour day. Rather than a running narrative that would be so long it would probably invoke some sort of google-blogger overload warning, I'll just highlight some of the day's events.

Smooth drive to Duke for postop visist with surgeon (light traffic on a beautiful, sunny day).
Yummy food and engaging lunch conversation with Cay, Holly, and Riley.
Reunion with two of the "Waiting Room Posse" (Steve & Judy were present to support and pray for us while we spoke to the surgeon).
Great news from pathology report that all cancer was contained within the prostate gland and no malignancy present in any of the other specimens (bladder, seminal vesicles, lymph tissues)!! This is the news we were praying for, and now we start a routine schedule of PSA tests to confirm the surgical/pathological findings. We'll be looking for a big, fat goose egg of ZERO at each PSA.
Negative cystogram (basically a dye-contrasted x-ray of the bladder) to show no leakage of fluid before removing the catheter.
A "stuck" catheter -- the first hurdle of the day. No logical explanation from the surgeon (as in "This never happens") and really nothing that can be done except start practicing patience. In Charlie's words, "It is what it is." A disappointment, but nothing that blurs the big picture.
Smooth return trip to Greenville, including a rare treat of a snack from KFC (we so seldom have fried foods now, our stomachs almost didn't know how to take it in!).
Launch of the stream of phone calls from other parents watching Cole's C-team football game to let us know he may have been injured. Escalation of the messages being relayed, followed by a prayer-filled dash downtown to meet an ambulance at Children's Emergency Room.

This wasn't Cole's first head injury, so I was thinking I was prepared for what his condition would be when they got him in for evaluation. After he was settled into an exam room, an attendant escorted me back to him, but it turns out I wasn't prepared at all. The otherwise athletic figure lying listlessly on the bed with dirt smudges across his cheeks looked like Cole, but his lack of response was almost chilling. I immediately reached for his hand, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. I whispered an I-love-you greeting, and asked him if he knew who I was. His negative head shake evoked in me a gut-check reaction so different from the Hallelujah-negative we had welcomed in the doctor's office just a few hours prior. His brain just wasn't clicking at all. He didn't recognize familiar words, and asked "What's _____?" to almost every statement. Some of the questions he asked during those first few hours were, "Do I have any friends?", "Do I have a cool name?", "Do I have siblings?" (to which I joked that he was such a smart boy to know what a sibling is, to which he replied, "What's a sibling?"). He later remembered his birthday being in October (the year being "eighteen-ninety-something"... only a century off!) and having a sister with the same birthday. The reassuring comments began to emerge when I told him he was being a very good patient, and he said, "Like Daddy." :)

The ER staff worked hard to rule out anything more serious than a routine concussion. They performed a head CT, x-rays of chest, C-spine, T-spine, and L-spine, blood work, EKG, and urine screen. All the tests were negative -- this time, the word we wanted to hear! But it took several hours for Cole to really start to be himself again. Finally, at nearly 4:00 a.m., he was deemed ready to be discharged with the expected precaution to not participate in any contact sport for 4 to 6 weeks. That topic has been passionately debated from both sides around here this afternoon, but age and wisdom will rule the day, and his 2010 football season is likely over.

While I was sitting bedside in the cramped little #5 exam room, coaches, parents, and at least one teammate were holding vigil for Cole in a nearby family waiting room. This was provided by the staff-family liaison who "just so happened" to be the mom of one of our former 1st graders, and as of a few months ago a neighbor just down the street. How does God manage to orchestrate details like this time after time? We began the flow of visitors into the room one by one as midnight was giving way to the wee morning hours, and one parent shared something that needs to be repeated.

Flash back to the stadium. As Cole's condition was quickly deteriorating on the sidelines, word spread up and down the bench, and his teammates became very concerned. The sweetest moment took place as the EMTs moved his stretcher toward the ambulance and the players crowded around calling out "We love you, Cole!" As the doors were shut, the players huddled up and spoke a quick prayer for their teammate before going back out on the field. Hearing that story meant so much to us.

One more quick detail, if you've hung in there with me this far. At some point along the way I got a semi-frantic phone call from Charlie at home telling me the catheter had just fallen out! Go figure. Why it wouldn't budge in the doctor's office and what suddenly caused it to give way is a mystery, but the good news is he's now free from the cath and ready to get moving around again! So both patients bouncing back and on the way to being good as new. Ahh, thank you, Lord.

Anyone Free For Lunch?

2010-09-08T10:14:00.002-04:00

For anyone in the Triangle, Charlie's recheck with his surgeon is tomorrow, Thursday, September 9. We'd love to meet you for lunch, if your schedule permits an outing to Durham.

Holly gave us the scoop on a really yummy pasta place just a block or two down from the hospital on Erwin Road. My friend, Kathy, and I walked there on the evening of surgery for a quick meal, and it was delicious! The restaurant is Noodles & Co. (2608 Erwin Road, Durham), and we're planning to get there in the 11:30/11:45 time frame to get a bite before our 1:15 appointment. If you've never eaten there, here's a preview of their menu.

Please don't make big schedule changes, but if it's easy to fit into your routine we would enjoy catching up with you. And I guess we may need to apologize in advance if we seem a little "off" when we see you. I know we'll both be nervous knowing we are about to find out what the pathology results are and what they spell for the future as far as prognosis, additional treatment, etc.

Please leave a comment if you want to meet us tomorrow so we'll know to be watching for you.

Just So You Know

2010-09-06T22:48:00.002-04:00

What a fun time the twins and I had at the Sugar Creek Youth Triathlon to kick off our Labor Day morning. It was hard to tell who had more fun -- me spectating or them competing -- but it was a great event and I will include a couple of pictures in a later post.

It is the wonderful random meetings with so many sweet friends this morning that prompts me to give a few details as we move into a new week. We will travel back to Durham for Charlie's follow-up appointment with the surgeon this Thursday, September 9. Our expectations for the visit are that the staples will be removed from his belly, and he will be left with a stunning, trend-setting vertical railroad. I guess it's too bad swim season is over; he could have really turned some heads with that scar! We will also bid a fond farewell to the catheter he has been using. We will not miss that house guest one bit.

The part of the appointment we are probably anticipating the most is the pathology review. All of the surgical specimens that were sent for testing and review should be available by this time, and we will be told with near certainty whether any cancer had spread beyond the prostate and thus whether further treatment will be necessary. We will definitely share that news as soon as possible. We continue to ask for your prayers, and we give all glory to God for how He has lovingly, abundantly provided so far.

All Rest, No Play, Wears a Fella Out!

2010-09-03T17:05:00.001-04:00

It was torture for Charlie not to be occupying a seat in the bleachers -- the very sunny, hot bleachers -- at Blue Ridge last night for the Eastside C-Team game versus the Tigers. Cole has been dressing out for varsity games but only getting to play a half dozen or so downs each time. So, to be a starting cornerback (and defensive captain) and play nearly the entire game was a confidence-building treat for him! The Eagles lost, but it was a personal win for Cole with one fumble recovery and several tackles. He's #24 in the picture below.

Today, I decided we were ready for a field trip out of the house, so we went to Schlotzsky's for lunch. We were able to enjoy our meal (including about 1/3 of Charlie's pizza in a take-home box for later... on what planet does Charlie leave leftovers from a meal?!) and the drive to and from the restaurant without incident ...

... but the outing left him flat worn out! No wonder he took a such long, sound nap after we got home.

The many (countless, really) ways you have reached out to us have been incredible! I haven't prepared a meal other than breakfast since we arrived home last Friday, including the ample portions we have warmed for lunch each day. The sweet notes and cards that have flooded our mailbox have evoked fresh smiles each day. And the substitute chauffeur duties performed by several neighbor moms have been a welcome relief during times of day when it was just hard to get away from the other pressing needs at home. Thank you to each one of you who have met a tangible need, as well as the many more who are continuing to pray. You are each one a blessing.

Images from Surgery Day

2010-08-30T23:34:00.008-04:00

Don't look now! I'm patting myself on the back for figuring out how to upload a picture to this blog. I added a couple of shots to last week's post where I told about the former youth group members who came to see us. And now for a few images from the hospital on the day of surgery.

We saw so many different people in the preop area -- I wish I could remember their names! Without exception, their kind manner and easy way of making us comfortable demonstrated how much they enjoy their jobs and love people. This nice lady was getting all the lines in place to receive the you-will-not-remember-this-conversation drugs as well as bag after bag of Ringer's lactate and other fluids Charlie was to receive over the next two days in the hospital.

Who would ever know this guy was about to receive his "blue cap" and move on to surgery. Look at that smile! It's apparent Patrick's presence had a calming influence as we waited for the OR to be ready. One of the nurses came in and reported to us that they were almost finished -- still putting on the table extensions so his feet wouldn't hang off and possibly receive nerve damage during the three-hour surgery. The red cap meant not every person who needed to see him before the operation had made their visit yet. Once the final i's were dotted and t's crossed on his electronic medical record, the red was swapped out for blue, and he was whisked away.

Patrick Shealy, Kathy Lewis, and Steve and Judy Davenport made up Charlie's fantastic waiting room posse. Shortly after he was moved to the Operating Room and we knew there would be no updates for at least two hours, the five of us ventured to the hospital cateferia where more detailed introductions were made and we enjoyed a bite of lunch. This was yet another picture of the Body of Christ; I was the only one who personally knew every of these five, yet we all talked, and prayed, and shared a camaraderie of the Spirit together as if we were all long-lost family.

I suppose there is irony in the fact that the skies outside of Duke Hospital were stormy and threatening all afternoon. All the while indoors, God was providing an incredible peace and assurance to each of us as we waited.

We are still in some ways waiting. We will have a follow-up visit with the surgeon on September 9 to remove the staples from his wound and pull the Foley catheter. This will also be when we will find out the pathology results. The entire prostate, pelvic lymph nodes, and that pesky piece of tissue from the bladder are all being analyzed to determine whether there was any spread of cancer beyond the prostate. While we wait for those answers, we will continue to handle the various tasks involved in getting Charlie strong again, providing nourishing meals, dosing the handful of meds several times a day, and encouraging his gradual return to light physical activity. All in good time, and all the while trusting God.