More Water

Waking Up.

2012-01-26T13:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I got six hours of sleep. Like in a row. I did wake up at 2:30. I heard no baby crying. A two year old joined us, as she has been since her brother was born. She has a certain way of coming into our bed, stepping right up over the foot of the bed in the center, like she is stepping onto a platform, marching through us and flopping down on her back with a contented sigh. Last night in particular she was whispering. Fervently. Not too loud, but present. I tuned into what she was saying: "And please help Mommy, and Daddy, and Peetah, and Heidi....and Una, and Nana, and Gamps."

Little soul was praying.

On my bed I remember You, I think of you through the watches of the night.--Psalm 63

It's nice that my little one is on a prayer watch.

I digress. So I got six hours of sleep. Peter has moved into his own room, telling me loud and clear that he was ready. It was so easy, but I miss him already. I know a lot of people don't sleep with their babies. I know it's each to his own, etc. I know that probably much of the reason I fell into the habit was because of my firstborns' surgical birth and the difficulty of moving the weeks after.

But really, a major reason that I sleep with my babies? I don't want to miss a minute. The rest of their lives I know I will be daydreaming about those silent (oh, yes, silent) moments when all we could hear was our breathing, when my hand rose and fell on your back, when we spent whole nights with you just there under my chin, just breathing. When feeding and sleeping were part of each other and our own tiny universe that lasted all night long. I love waking up to a little smiling face instead of a distant cry, I love this time. I miss it already.

But wow, those six hours of sleep felt like a week of vacation. I had no idea how sleep-deprived I was. Because really, when I thought about it, pregnancy doesn't allow for great sleep either--so really last night was the best night I've had, maybe in about a year. This explains so much.

Once again, I actually have some energy to blog.

We'll see.

Christmas Cheer

2011-12-16T04:44:00.000-08:00

A gift to our most dedicated readers. The usual disclaimer goes here about way too long video length and minimal editing. Just a few moments in our daily life. Merry Christmas!

Peter Max's Perfect Birth

2011-08-23T07:41:00.000-07:00

Setting up the family bassinet. Can you catch the dad worship happening here?

On our way out!

Feel the Zeel baby. Flowers cut from home, homemade baby doll from Aunt Boo.

So happy to see his beautiful eyes!

You can read about Elsa's birth here. Or Heidi's birth here.

Both of my first two births were so different. As precious as Heidi's birth was, I knew more than anything (other than wanting a perfect, healthy baby), that I wanted another Elsa birth. I felt so good after Elsa was born and ready to take on anything. It was a challenge going from one to two babies, but whenever I got discouraged while muscling the bucket seat and other baggage through various 100 degree parking lots while trying to keep Heidi from getting run over I would always think: "the C-section felt worse than this," and that thought would make me so thankful that I could move around without pain I would get a whole nother surge of energy...

So as I contemplated moving from 2 to 3 children, the one thing I hoped for (besides the perfect, healthy baby) was another natural, incision free birth. However, in Holland, MI this proved to be easier said than done.

I loved my midwife care at UNM hospital in Albuquerque, NM. I knew they shared my goals and understood my desire to have a natural birth. They valued my desire to have a VBAC and gave me plenty of time to accomplish that goal (30 hours!). I realize now that if I had not been in their care during Elsa's birth, I probably would have been sent to the OR for failure to progress even though my body knew perfectly well what it was doing.

So when I found out shortly after moving to MI that I was pregnant, I began searching for a good hospital that offered midwife care--only to discover that midwives are not allowed to oversee VBACS anywhere within a 60 mile radius of where I live. Great. And on top of that, hardly any Doctors in my area support or oversee VBACS, and only one hospital is even allowed to support them. Hello, smalltown U.S.A. I usually like the fact that this place is so Norman Rockwell, but not when it comes to childbirth.

Thankfully one of my Godsent new friends referred me to her Dr., who is awesome. Not only did he support the VBAC (his own wife had 3), but he promised that he would be the guy on call when I delivered and he wasn't afraid to get Machiavellian when it came to dealing with hospital policies.

Because of said hospital policies, my birth plan was pretty wacky this time around. I had to labor at home as long as possible before checking into the hospital. I couldn't register at the hospital we wanted because they wouldn't take me as a VBAC patient. But if I showed up progressed enough, the hospital would legally have to treat me, thus bypassing their no VBAC policy. Apparently all this is going to change in a few years when the truth about VBAC reaches rural America, but in Peter's birth it was all about strategy.

So I had a few concerns. I was concerned that this birth would be like Elsa's (really, really long and confusing). It was. I was concerned about not having the safe-haven of understanding midwives who believed in my abilities as a human mother to safely give birth. And when my wonderful Dr. told me five days before Peter's birth that my body didn't know what it was doing, my concerns seemed pretty valid. I was concerned that I would show up at a hospital and get rejected as a VBAC patient and wheeled off for another crash C-section--because I hadn't worked with this Dr. before, I wasn't completely there with trusting him yet. These were the thoughts that filled my head in the days before Peter's arrival.

The actual start of labor is pretty hazy in my mind. It was very similar to Elsa's birth except that I had some ideas of what to expect, so didn't get keyed up. I had Braxtons for days so didn't even think about them anymore. It was about midnight on Monday, August 15 that I started wondering if we were getting close. Contractions were fairly regular, about 10 minutes apart, growing in intensity, keeping me from sleeping, but not enough to get out of bed. All night I labored, and by 7 the next morning I thought we should call my mom. Becca was there as my doula, which I have to say was a huge factor in Peter's awesome birth.

Nana arrived around 9 and took Heidi and Elsa to Dutch Village. Yep, Holland. Unfortunately at that time the contractions basically stopped. Great, I sounded the alarm for nothing. I tried to sleep, but couldn't, was able to eat breakfast, and enjoyed hanging out with my sister all day. Because that's basically what we did. I have decided that my labors will always be very weird. All day I couldn't figure out if this was really even it or not. I would have strong contractions, but lots of time would go by in between. Becca and I took lots of walks around my house observing all our beautiful flowers and tomatoes, enjoying the sunshine, we watched movies on netflix, started her wedding registry (even though she wasn't engaged yet), compiled a music labor list for Peter's birth, and read over my previous birth plans, all of which are saved on the computer and are good for a laugh.

I was becoming aware that certain movements were becoming very painful, so whenever something hurt I would just yell and do something else. I think if I was less afraid of pain, maybe my labor would have progressed more quickly.

My favorite example of this was when I decided we better do some prenatal yoga while I was still prenatal. My sister Kendall had given me a prenatal yoga DVD, which I loved, but somehow it angered my children whenever I tried doing it. Well, since I had some help, it seemed like the perfect time to get a pose on. So we turned on the DVD and I sat down on the floor in the crosslegged pose, whatever that's called. It hurt so bad I couldn't even stand back up, just yelled for like 2 minutes and then rolled over laughing.

That's what I loved about Peter's birth. I didn't go all drama about every contraction like I did with Elsa. The fact that I had been through it before made such a huge difference--I was able to laugh through a lot of the pain. And seriously, in hindsight, it doesn't hurt that bad. Not as bad as a C-section.

Around 2:30 my sister called the Dr. who said his wife labored like that for weeks before giving birth. Again, this did not encourage me or get me excited about working with him. But he did say we could come in after 5 p.m. and he would check me before sending me to the hospital. I started getting more uncomfortable, it seemed like it was picking up, but again none of us were really ever sure.

Around 5 my mom came home and I told her I was ready for some drugs. We waited for Oliver to get home from work, grabbed some stuff, and headed for the Dr.'s office. I was really hoping by this point that I had at least reached 5 cm so we would be "progressed enough" to avoid getting sent home or cut open. I was also having much stronger contractions 2-3 minutes apart.

We met Dr. at his office, who checked me and said I was at 8! Awesome. From that moment on, I was so happy to be at 8 the rest of labor flew by. We had to walk from his office to the hospital (they are adjacent). It took awhile because I learned this cool trick of pressing my back into a wall for contractions while standing. We walked into the maternity unity and it was kind of fun to know I was already really far along. Made me feel like I owned that place. I was no longer stressed about how far along I was and how much was left so I really got to enjoy the process. I focused on Peter and prepared to meet my son. By the time I was on the bed I was at 9.5 and within 10 minutes I was pushing. I pushed for about 20 minutes with Becca and Oliver holding me. And then he was out!

That is truly the best feeling in the entire world. I was so thankful to be done and so happy to see him! He was pretty blue and his eyes were very swollen from the long journey--the cord was wrapped twice around his neck so it took a minute to get him going. I got him right away and we thanked God for a healthy baby boy. I was so happy to be holding him finally!

I was more worried with Peter than the girls--he seemed to really hate the stuff they put in his eyes (which were already very swollen) and it seemed to make it worse. For the first few days his eyes were hardly open at all compared to what I remembered with my girls. But he has perked up since then and turned out to be my most smiley baby for sure. He is already laughing.

My family all showed up, my Dad and brother both driving in from Chicago. I only missed Kendall and three more small children! The hospital was quiet with a beautiful view of some cornfields and a farm with Paint ponies running in circles. And for all my complaints about small hospitals, I was equally happy with the care I received here. The nurses were amazing and treated me like a princess. Well worth the bill we just received.

Each birth reminds me how precious life and health are, such wonderful gifts, made even better by sharing them with precious loved ones. So thankful for my parents and my sister, who held my hand all the way through, thankful for Oliver's faithful and constant servanthood and for his wonderful parents who came out to love on us for a week. Mutti's quiet care and faithful help with the girls made our transition back so much more smooth and saved me a lot of tears. Our church friends supported us with meals and day by day things have reached the new normal. Thanks to my few readers left who prayed for us. We felt it.

Back to Heidi

2011-08-01T19:42:00.001-07:00

It was a good party.

About Elsa

2011-08-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

I am painfully aware of how much Elsa seems to get overlooked on this blog. I hope, so much, that the lack of attention is a positive thing. After watching some old family videos today of how microscopically focused we were on Heidi, I definitely feel better for letting Elsa fall through the proverbial cracks.

The thing is, in real life, Elsa has demanded quite a bit of attention. Most of it involves cleaning of some kind. I feel like I owe everyone I know an apology for talking so much about this one thing that has defined my days over the past year--the diaper watch. It hasn't been pretty. The low point might have been when Oliver took Elsa to watch ballet and somehow I had missed washing out the midsized fecal dreadlock in her hair, noticed by him only when the smell started to waft through the parent viewing area.

This past year has been a crucible for me--I am starting to refer to it as sanctification by crap, literally. My second baby has pushed me further than I was prepared for, and the actual triviality of the trial is what made it even more tragic and lame, and myself even lamer for not keeping it together better. Oh, how I pray it all gets buried in her subconscious.

But thankfully, God doesn't leave us there in the crap. It's been at least a week since that last event. And I am learning to pray through these gross moments and deal with them a little more courageously, and hopefully with the love my Elsa needs.

And each day, as her personality emerges, I celebrate her strengths and gifts. As my mom says, at least it all works right. So it's a gift. She has a deep interest in animals, insects, and babies. Although since she picked up a wasps' nest last week the insect phase might be done....but her little heart is very nurturing. She walks up to stranger's infants and wants to hug them and help with their pacifiers. She has a special baby voice for talking to babies. She uses it for animals too--especially puppies! Her physical skills continue to amaze me: she has nearly gotten pumping a swing down, swims confidently with a noodle (and lots of supervision), and can definitely take her sister down any day.

She is fiercely independent and only wants to cuddle for a minute or two in the morning--unless you are Gramps or Uncle D. She loves to touch, smell, and taste, but hates loud noises. She loves backpacks and camping and carrying large amounts of stuff around. She loves the color blue most of all, especially blue ice cream. And she loves her sister.

I can't wait to see more of who she is and who she will become--so thankful for every day with her. I don't celebrate her enough.

Random Mix

2011-06-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

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That means in 11 weeks I will likely be holding my son. Still can't believe it's a boy--even though the "proof shot" from the ultrasound is posted in our kitchen.

I no longer need to remind myself that I am pregnant. The thousand times a day that I bend over to wipe someone, clean something, or pick someone up remind me. Elsa has learned to sit on one side during bedtime reading.

I had so much to say about the first two pregnancies--and it is all still true. The thing that makes Peter's upcoming arrival even more exciting is knowing that the experience will be shared with my first two children who look forward to meeting him so much.

These things are not to be taken for granted. This month we said goodbye to Eric's father, my Uncle Paul. A brain tumor was discovered and within 8 months he was gone. Pain and mercy. In February a friend's sister lost her newborn to a severe brain defect, discovered at the routine 20 week ultrasound. My former pastor lost his son in April. Sixbit just had a birthday and in one week we remember the anniversary of Eric's departure.

I don't mean to throw these things in with pregnancy thoughts and recital pictures--but I can't shake the reality that life is so thin, a blade of grass--so fragile. Yet Eternity is so sure, so solid, so promising--it's about realizing both at once, as much as possible.

Living is definitely superior to blogging. I miss blogging as much as I did before, but wouldn't trade it back--though I do want to keep it up for those we love who are far away. And we do love you.

Spring at Last!!

2011-05-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

For those who still check in from time to time--we are still here and so thankful that things are green and warm (er) again. Our yard is exploding with daffodils, tulips, hyacinths, and some unknown blossoming trees, made all the sweeter by the fact that everything was a surprise since we've never been here for a spring. The girls are spending longer and longer stretches of time outside, some days just playing on our deck in the soft sunshine. I've been reading Amy Carmichael's biography (finished after 10 years of starting and restarting--convinced some sort of spiritual warfare kept me away from me so long) and also a fabulous book by Susan Shaeffer McCauley (For the Family's Sake), two great books which are helping with perspective and reminding us to take pleasure in the simple routines of Christian family-ness. Something sacred and eternal is going on, even though it feels far away in the moment.

These kept me up till 1 a.m. all of Holy Week and resulted in a cranky mom. The kids played with them for about 10 minutes. Live and learn.

This child loves her swing. I send them out to try to get something done, but she just stands by the swing and pathetically tries to swing herself, and it's too much torture to watch, so I usually end up pushing her...
And she loves it!
Easter extravagance.
School time.
My dandelion girl--always out picking, examining, running, dancing. We love our field.

Happy dog.

Oh, and we had a perfect mother's day. Probably why I feel rested enough to blog! Beautiful presents and best of all, sweet voices saying "thanks mom!" This is such a precious time.

Why I haven't been Blogging Much

2011-03-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

These videos are a fairly good impression of life around here at the moment. This morning was fabulous--girls played together independently until they started asking for their rainbow playdough--I even made bread! But should have put the flour away as you can see here. Then the rest of the day was a downward spiral, no naps followed by various rampages either doing damage to each other or their home. I liked Heidi's idea to turn my bedding into "Swan Lake" by spreading it all over the floor and surrounding it with pillow bushes, but Elsa had to up the game by overturning Una's bowl (again) for a real lake...just little things like that all day. Aunt Boo saved the day with a short skype session that got us through until dinner time--and she can bear witness to the mood of the day. March madness is right.

Video includes my little flour fairy (sorry, Mama) and Heidi's Gollum impression (she thinks she looks like a puppy, but Oliver and I were both struck by the Gollum-like posture and poise)--we thought it would be inappropriate to post her in Gollum-like attire, but you get the picture.

Peter Max

2011-03-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

They are 95% sure. That it's a boy. They were about 95% sure that we were having girls too--my babies just do not cooperate with the ultrasound. They are 100% sure that things look good, spine is intact, hands and feet are whole so that's what is important.

We are pretty stoked, though, I can't lie.

I was so expecting another girl, that I kind of miss her a little bit, but there is a 5% chance, so I will be overjoyed either way, especially after the baby is actually born. The downside to finding out ahead of time is that you still have to have the baby--the upside is that the girls and we now know who we are waiting for. When you know baby ahead of time it feels like they become part of the family sooner.

Yesterday was such a blur--my sister called and she and Ben were coming up (surprise!), so we invited them all along. It's good for their medical training after all, and that way we had someone there to hold the babies.

The name came suddenly and last minute--Max has long been decided on, but we couldn't decide on a first name, mainly because so many names sound funny in front of Jeromin. They just do. And boys don't get a second chance when they get married. Peter had come into my mind a few times--after Peter the Rock, the high king of Narnia, the mountain boy (goes so well with Heidi and Elsa), and just a dash of Pan. What's not to love?

We are thankful for a healthy baby BOY!! Just 22 more weeks to go....

At the Risk of Looking like a Tiger Mom

2011-03-06T18:36:00.000-08:00

Look, I am sorry, but this video alone was worth the violin rental. And I am sorry, but now you have to listen to me talk about ballet AND violin. At least for awhile.

And if this ends up just causing more stress and we have to eliminate it, well, then the video was worth it. See, I totally have a healthy approach.

Thankful

2011-02-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

Awesome homemade beanbag project. I was a little nervous about all the uncooked rice Elsa ate, you know that story about Chinese torture consisting of eating a certain amount of uncooked rice...but she made it through the night, so I definitely recommend this for little littles. Just keep the vacuum out. And they are still playing with them like they are the coolest thing ever--which will boost your momma endorphins no matter how little else you got done.
Things have gotten better. You just have to make it through January & February--and even though it's still February, in between the freezing rain and below freezing temperatures, we have sunny days. We have thaws. Birds are sitting fluffed up in our empty trees, waiting for spring. There is definitely a change, even though it is just a whisper.

And we tried to switch things up around here, which seems to help. Since we spend so much time inside right now and I try to avoid TV as much as possible, this week I started allocating 2 hours each MWF for "school." Since they are so little, right now "school" is singing in front of the fire, reading a Proverb (lots of interesting questions there), practicing phonics, reading a Bob book together, counting to 100, and then spending time at the kitchen table drawing/coloring or working on a craft. Usually by then it's around 11 and if the weather is good I pack the girls outside until lunch. This week was awesome thanks to a more structured schedule, maybe all just in my head, but the girls definitely seemed happier too. I thought Elsa would be too disruptive if I tried to work on something with Heidi, but usually she plops down and tries sounding out phonics herself or brings a toy to the mix and plays quietly. Like I said, week by week, but I was really thankful for for an extra fun week with the girls. Aside from the potty training drama, which I will spare you. I don't even want to potty train her right now, but apparently she thinks it is time.

Sometimes she will leave her hair up longer than 5 minutes! Such a big girl!
And here is our sweet new niece Annalise! Born in December--which is why she accidentally got skipped over around here. My girls were obsessed with holding the baby.

Bummed we didn't get pictures of Levi, Susanna, and Sharon--who all stopped by last Saturday. So great to live near family!!

Thanks, Sharon for letting them smooch all over her!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

For all of you who will be getting your valentines late.

Time to Dig Deep

2011-01-29T07:54:00.000-08:00

I have to be honest. This winter thing is way, way harder than I remember. I'm sure some of it has to do with the fact that I never had to stand in a 5 degree parking long and wrestle with car seats or try to pushing a shopping cart laden with children through slush--or try to pull my toddler out of the slush--she thinks it is something to play with...I miss New Mexico winter! I miss being totally annoyed that I had to shed all my layers by noon because even though there were six inches of snow in the morning, it is still 50 by lunchtime. I miss the fact that no matter how snowy it was, everything was dry in an hour--this is huge, especially when you park in the garage. I miss actually enjoying a cloudy day. I miss sunny mornings--here we are lucky to get some daylight.

I now remember why my first year in the desert was so life-changing. I was on a sun-induced endorphin high for like 12 months straight. And then I got used to it. And then, I got soft and took it for granted. And now I'm back, wondering how I did this for 20+ years.

The other great sadness I have discovered, is that snow no longer means a snow day. When I was a teacher, there was nothing better than a blizzard. A free day-off, you know, to grade papers and study up for the next class. Now, a snow day just means we are confined to our four walls, because I have learned better than to drive in this stuff when it's coming down. "Mommy, why are you praying out loud?"

But there is also something waking back up in me too. Something strong, something that the people who live here need--the remembrance of the Light of the World. The reminder than Joy is like an evergreen tree--it stays green even when the other trees go bare. The hope that Aslan is on the move, spring will always come again, there will be Resurrection. And we will get used to this--I will grow back into the girl who used to run in the snow. Um, next year. But we will.

Happy Five Years

2011-01-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

Last summer we were going to the wedding of one of my former students. Wow, that sentence makes me feel old! Oliver and I got all dressed up on Saturday and were ready to drive up to GR for the wedding when fortunately we checked the calendar and realized the wedding was not until the Next day. But Gramps took advantage of the fact that we were dressed up and snapped some shots of us.

Hard to believe it's been 5 years!

We have both come a long, long way since that walk down the aisle, thanks be to God, lots of prayer, and the reality of His High Love. Happy Anniversary Husband!

As I write this, I'm sitting on the promise of daddy-made dinner, a quiet evening, and some relief from one of the toughest days of mommy-world ever. I'll spare you the details, but it was not pretty. One of my favorite, favorite qualities about husband is his tireless servant-hood. Especially when I'm in the first trimester. He is always helpful and generous, but when I'm in this particular place, he starts to look like super-hero.

Yes, you are my hero.

p.s. for those of you who only check here for pictures of my children, see below.

My Girl

2010-12-31T06:58:00.000-08:00

After opening one of the fattest stockings of all time Heidi spent Christmas morning playing with an old piece of tulle and more baby squash, which apparently had multiplied in the night for a Christmas squash extravaganza. Thank you, Santa!

I love my crazy, inventive girl, who will always thing of the weirdest possible thing!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas. I had some good thoughts like 10 minutes ago, but in trying to find a cool picture to go with that, I am now completely drained.

So, basically, Merry Christmas. We are pregnant. If you haven't already heard.

Things have Escalated

2010-12-21T06:30:00.000-08:00

It is no longer just a baby. With all the Christmas activity, it is now the Baby Jesus. Heidi is Mary, Jaxon is Jophess (not a spelling error, the correct 3 yr pronunciation) and Jesus is being constantly carted back and forth to Bethlehem.

Not sure what to do with this. Cute? Blasphemous? Definitely cute. Glad she is absorbing the story. But still not sure where to go from here. Feeling like we can never cook the baby, but then, baby will eventually start to die a slow and painful, and messy death.

Somehow we have to send the Baby to Egypt--or maybe there will be a midnight escape following by some delicious roasted squash.

Butternut Squash

2010-12-14T05:28:00.001-08:00

I don't even have time to get a picture of this, but it has struck me as funny all week. Last Friday I bought a large butternut squash, intending to roast it and bring it up to the NEW BABY in Manistee!!

But the squash fell prey to the business of the day and Heidi's maternal instincts. As I type this, she sits in her child-size rocker reading to the baby butternut squash. She has been carrying it all over the house as her baby, rocking it, singing to it, and even giving it a few tattoos with a pen.

It's like when the kids make friends with the baby calf...and then comes the fall. I don't know how to tell her we're going to skin her baby and roast it with olive oil.

Happy Advent!

2010-12-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

Well, we are settling in after the last trip in hopefully a long time. Since we are within driving distance of all parents, we had to take advantage of that and drive to PA for Thanksgiving with Oma and Opa. It was a beautiful week

Heidi I and Heidi II.

We went to see the reindeer at a local German Christmas Tree farm. It was cold and still green, but wonderful.
Elsa didn't let go of Opa all week.
We got back home just in time for the first big snow. I won't get all Lorelai Gilmore, but there is something so magical about the first snow. We have been in great spirits all week, despite the fact that 1/2 our belongings are still packed up in boxes in our now frozen garage. Who needs a printer anyway?
The girls weren't over-eager to venture out. But they played for a long time by the window as the snow softly came down outside.
The great thing about Daddy's new job is that it is super close to our house and he can come home for lunch. So we can celebrate Advent together mid-day. Something in me is clinging to Advent more than ever this year, maybe because it has been the craziest year ever. It is a great comfort to me to think that we will always celebrate this, and we will always have this to celebrate. No matter how many faces are around the table, This is the point. That Christ came, sacrificed, rose again, and Will Come again are the things that define our years, not whatever crisis or chaos we find ourselves in at the moment. It is such a comfort, such a promise.

For Uncle Paul & Aunt Carleen

2010-11-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

Praying and wishing so many things right now. Healing, peace, kindness, comfort. But also, thankful. Thankful for you both, for seeing how you have blessed each other, and thankful for what you bring to this family in your own special ways. We love you and are so thankful for this memory together. Hug your puppy for me!

The actual DVD, with full sound and complete footage is coming soon to your home, but meanwhile here's the trailer. We love you.

The Farm: Photos by Kendall

2010-11-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

If you want to see better sized photos, go to Kendall's blog: thisishappilyeverafter.blogspot.com. I just saw that she put these up and blatantly copied them here because I suspect that some people would like to see how we are doing.

It has been a hard week for our family, a complete kind of opposite week compared to last week's celebration. My uncle (Eric's father) is having surgery today on a large tumor that was discovered in his brain on Monday. Please keep us in your prayers.

But last week, last week was beautiful. And it is getting us through this week. The pictures above are of the family farm, and once again, I'll copy from my sister who sums it up perfectly:

We took all the cousins back to one of the most amazing places on earth...The Farm. And they don't know it yet, but it is much a part of who they are. It is our family source, our starting point and the family dream is that one day we will have large family gatherings in a big beautiful farm house, we will feast around a thick plank table and the floor will be littered with babies, and tots, and handmade quilts. There will be a roaring fire in a huge stone fire place where a magnificent buck will look down from his place on the wall above the mantel, and the children will take turns being lifted up to touch him. And there will be a chorus of clinking and clanking of silver wear and a never ending humdrum of the coffee maker, and the scent of mom's pies will waft through the entire house. And every so often a babe will cry and there will be a rush of aunts and uncles to fetch it and grandparents arms will automatically stretch out for a not-so-quick snuggle.

But that is all yet to come....in the mean time we have this...

Living the Dream

2010-11-10T22:06:00.001-08:00

After years of hard work and dedication, my brother is opening his Chik-fil-A store in Wheaton tomorrow. We have been celebrating with him this week. I wish I had the pictures of all 5 mini-cousin cows dancing the night away in the parking lot or the video of my brother's meaningful speech, or the raving dedication of those sleeping in the parking lot tonight--the whole thing is so awesome and magical--words fail and fatigue sets in. I'm getting a similar feeling to when Jaxon was born--sibling pride, watching those I love step into a new part of life and achieving what they were meant to do and be. I love it. Brother, you will probably be too busy to read this any time soon, but I am so proud of you!!

Ours

2010-10-22T10:50:00.001-07:00

Cookie Magic

2010-10-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

It was just an ordinary Thursday. We had no plans. All of us are under the weather with colds. We made it to the park (see below) for a picnic lunch and I was gearing myself up for another long (always fun) but napless afternoon with the queen of non-sleep when I got a call. The cookie ladies were on their way! Nana and Grandma Mil with a bucket of my absolute favorite fall cookie dough ever (molasses cookies), the perfect cutters, and a mini-rolling pin for the queen of non-sleep.

The point is, that Nana can just pop in. Like any time. She can visit us withOUT feeling jetlagged or sleeping on a ghetto air mattress. It really is magical. We don't have to memory-cram. Memory cramming is exhausting. We can take our time, savor the moments like a fine wine.

Oh, and before I forget: Heidi had a few "the things they say" moments lately.

1.
Mom: "Heidi, can I read to you tonight?"

Heidi: "Yes, if you behave.

2.
Lately when I tuck the girls in, I've added praying for their future spouses. Heidi picked up on that really quick and chimed in during the prayer:

Heidi: "Yes, I will marry a very tall man. I will wear a white dress and have a headband on my long hair and jewels on my flip flops."

3. Heidi was praying the other night.

Heidi: "Dear Jesus, I pray that we can have more money. Amen."

This had me somewhat disturbed. Do we talk about money that much? It has been more on our minds lately with the move and all--is Heidi picking up on this and learning the wrong things from us? So the next morning I asked Heidi about it.

Mom: "Heidi, do you remember praying for more money last night?" (she nodded). "Why do you want more money?"

Heidi: "So we can give it to Jesus."

Okay, so we're not totally off track. OR she has already mastered the art of the Sunday School answer at age 3. I'm choosing the former, at least so I can sleep at night.

And the cookies were AMAZING. Thanks, Nana!

Where we Are

2010-10-14T20:20:00.000-07:00

So far it has been a gentle autumn. I'm getting a little nervous, because every time we say we're from New Mexico people immediately say, "have you been here for winter before?" And then I recite my whole thing about how I used to live in GR and there is some serious winter there, blah blah blah. But I admit, I got pretty spoiled. Having perfect powder snow followed by killer sunsets is going to be really hard to be away from. The first year I lived there, I couldn't stop smiling due to the constant sun-endorphins. My soul was so hungry for light. But I digress.
But this--foliage--up close (not a distant aspen)--that you can pick up and show your kids and hear it crunch beneath your feet? I missed this.
This is the park by our rental home. A giant sand dune overlooking a small, clean playground. We come here at least once a day.
The kids run up the stairs and then run back down the sand.
If you climb to the top of the sand dune, you can then walk down the other side.
And your eyes will be greeted by this. One of the prettiest beaches I think I've ever seen. Yup.
Right now, there is almost no wind, just sun and clean, clean sand. Try not to trip over the kids getting their senior pictures taken. There are a lot of those.

So at night after dinner we walk over here and just let them sit around in the sand, occasionally pulling Elsa away from the water.

Shamelessly, blatantly copied from Kelle at Enjoying the Small Things.

So, there are many things I miss that will never be replaced or surpassed. There are also many things I love. And that is the meaning of moving. By this Saturday we will officially have been "moving" for two months. I can't even remember how it all breaks down, a week here, a week there, here a week, there a week, everywhere a week, week. Somehow in the middle of all this I joined a homeschool coop for Heidi. And made posters and stuff. And tried a new soup recipe. Because all of us got sick with a cold.

I think a lot about the Ingalls these days. No one could have told me I would cry the day I got to visit one of their homesteads in South Dakota and actually behold a dress that had belonged to Laura. Yes, people, I cried. I can't wait to read those books to Heidi for the first time...because they will mean so much more now. Home is in the wagon, even the wagon is heading to Heaven only knows where. Home is around the fire, even when you can hear the wolves howling nearby. You're still home. Home is making and holding, listening, sharing, singing, and reminding each other of the Truth. And a good episode of Survivor. Yeah, we'd be the Olson family with the satellite hanging off our wagon. Anyways, with (hopefully, hopefully) the end in site of all this wagon-ing around, I'm thankful for the reminder to be thankful. And for all the blessings we have received from family, friends, and strangers, the hospitality, the echoes of Home, that have made this time so sweet.

I'm just really hoping not to be writing a similar post in another 6-12 months. Here's to hoping the next post will be entitled "closing day."