[From Wikipedia: Sabbatical or a sabbatical (from Latin sabbaticus, from Greek sabbatikos, from Hebrew shabbat, i.e., Sabbath, literally a "ceasing") is a rest from work, or a hiatus, often lasting from two months to a year. The concept of sabbatical has a source in shmita, described several places in the Bible (Leviticus 25, for example, where there is a commandment to desist from working the fields in the seventh year). In the strict sense, therefore, sabbatical lasts a year.]

Wishing you a year of Romance & Adventure and meaningful personal pursuits!

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“It’s just a basic fact of life: we can’t really experience or appreciate real community until we dare to be authentic. We can’t benefit from the power of community until we dare to face who we really are.” -Pete Wilson, Plan B

“Given how difficult it is to cultivate self-acceptance in our perfectionist society and how are need for belonging is hardwired, it’s no wonder that we spend our lives trying to fit in and gain approval.” – Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

We are woven for relationships, we are created for community. This I know for sure. I also know that up until this point in my life I have not been very good at cultivating community. Frankly, it has scared me to death.The scars of high school, that impressionable first community as an almost-adult, still seem fresh some days. And so a fragile part of me is convinced: community is dangerous; stay back.

But of course there is that other part of me, that part of all of us, that craves belonging. So there it is: My heart is a mess, simultaneously being pushed and pulled towards the risk of rejection and the reward of friendship.

I’ve experienced a form of community online and I think it has real value. But I also believe no matter how full of friends our virtual lives may be, we all need live, in-person, community as well. Which is, a lot more risky and scary.

False Community vs Authentic Community

This past year I got a glimpse of what happens in authentic community. (Turns out I never really had any before! That community I experienced in high school where everything was based on how you looked, what you ate, who you dated and what college you were planning on attending, is what we’ll call false, in lieu of another f word it could be called as well). Ironically, it happened in the last place I thought possible: church.

First off, my church in Kentucky got right what a lot of churches get wrong: I didn’t have to behave or believe a certain way in order to belong. I belonged right from the get-go, just the way I was. Given my personal baggage with mean-girls and church folks, I certainly didn’t trust this at first. But the group of women in my Lifegroup (a small group of women, mostly moms, that met every Friday) surprised me, and continued to surprise me over several months. When I pulled a way, they pursued me. When I withdrew even further they would show up on my doorstep (annoying at the time, but life-changing).

These ladies taught me a lot about living in authentic community. First they showed me that the game of fitting-in was bunk; that there was real rest from jumping through the world’s hoops of acceptance and approval.  It happened every Friday morning when a group of 12 women, very different from me and from each other, simply showed up to do life together. In any other circumstances most of us probably would have never become friends. But, because we made a habit out of hanging out, and made a commitment to love one another as Jesus loves, friendships happened.

Authentic community takes intentionality and regular gathering. It also takes a blatant dismissal of the world’s view of who is valueable and who is not.  These women helped me believe I was valuable just for showing up, for being present for them, not for anything spectacular I accomplished during the week.

They taught me belonging had nothing to do with fitting in; that being accepted and liked had nothing to do with performance. The whole thing was not about approval. The whole thing was about love.

They showed me, like Pete Wilson says, that “we can’t benefit from the power of community until we dare to face who we really are.” And, as you probably are well aware, facing who we really are requires a lot of love.

So much can be said about community- about the difference between false community and authentic community, about the value real community brings to our life, and how we can free ourselves up to experience more of it.   I want to keep this post relatively short, so I’ll wrap it up by telling you just how grateful I am to have finally experienced authentic community, and to encourage you to seek it too. Once you taste it, you crave it, and no matter where you go on the planet, you want it.

Since my family and I are now thousands of miles away from Kentucky, 2011 will in part be dedicated to the adventure of discovering and cultivating new community here in Portland, Oregon. Community is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. And it’s uncomfortable and it doesn’t always come naturally, but it is something this past year has taught me that my and my husband’s hearts desperately needs in order to be fully alive.

And that’s another thing I learned in 2010: the risks involving a heart fully alive, are the risks worth taking.

Where do you find community? Are you getting enough of it? What are your plans to be more community-minded in 2011?

Want to reflect on 2010 with us as we wind down the year? All of December I’ll be participating in Reverb 10, an annual event and online initiative to “reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.” There some amazing women like Kaileen Elise and GwenBell steering the way and you are invited to take part. Check it out at www.reverb10.com and follow along on twitter with #reverb10.

Today’s prompt, December 7: Community
Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? Author: Cali Harris, @caligater on Twitter

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“When a boy imagines himself as a character, it is nearly always a superhero of some sort.” -John Eldredge

I have no idea what superhero my son is playing (my husband made his mask and cape out of an old t-shirt) but he definitely got into the part. What characters do your kids dress up as?

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It was one evening in August, out in the middle of nowhere in Kentucky. I was standing in the back row of an auditorium. The room was dark, lit only by the the words of the song projected on the screen, but the space felt safe and stable, like a sacred and dependable lightness, an invisible cloud you could rest your weight on.

Everyone was singing, I’m Alive Again. And somewhere between the fourth or fifth loop through the song I woke up to myself. Like, really woke up. The guard of cool, skeptical, and in control fell and I was suddenly blown away by joy.

It was like a gigantic water balloon of holy water crashed over my entire being. I found myself in a room full of  beautiful and brave people, and for the first time ever, I knew myself to be one of them.

These people. These people singing around me. The ones that couldn’t sing and the ones that could. I loved every single one of them, I was sure of it. From where I was standing in the back row I could see almost everybody. My eyes took turns taking the whole room in, and then resting on one person at a time. Each of them were lost in love. Some had both arms up. Some had just one. Some had their arms crossed over the shoulders like they were giving themselves a hug. They were swaying to the music. They were on their knees.

And I was singing! Not the half-assed, mumbling- singing with one eye on the door, but full-on arms raised, tears streaming down my face singing. If courage, connection and compassion had a choir, we were it.

I sang in awe of what I had woken up to see. God was…here.

For everything one might say if they had been a fly on the wall of that auditorium, there could be no argument about one thing: these people were alive. They were “most alive of the alive ones,” as a poet might say.  And what was amazing to me was that they were alive despite their stories- stories of tragic loss, abuse, struggle and neglect.  The ones that had lost spouses in car accidents and motorcycle accidents. The ones who spent years of their lives numbing themselves with drugs and alcohol. The ones who cheated. The ones who stole. The one who lied and hated. The ones whose hearts used to let nobody and nothing in. There we all were! Singing. Praising.

How did they get here? How did I? I knew each person’s willing presence in that room was a miracle, given the battle were are up against. And standing in the midst of that reality with my husband by my side was almost too much. When you are really that thankful, going nuts is the only sane response.

If you were not us, you would have walked into that room and seen a bunch of mistakenly normal people who were obviously crazy-drunk with worship for a silent God. But if you were us, you would have seen different. You have seen beyond the worldly veil that values cool, calm and collected and witnessed the beauty of 500 broken between celebrating the mystery of their redeemed lives.  It was out of this world.  For me, it was a generously long moment of heaven on earth.

Looking back on 2010, I know this to be my most alive moment. Last night I finished reading Brené Brown’s amazing book, “The Gift of Imperfection,” and something she said in there resonates with this memory. Brené writes,

“Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

That August night this past summer my soul recognized that that was indeed very, very true of us all. Me, included.

——————————

Want to reflect on 2010 with us as we wind down the year? All of December I’ll be participating in Reverb 10, an annual event and online initiative to “reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.” There some amazing women like Kaileen Elise and GwenBell steering the way and you are invited to take part. Check it out at www.reverb10.com and follow along on twitter with #reverb10.

Today’s prompt:

December 3 Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). Author: Ali Edwards @aliedwards

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In a little under 2 weeks I turn 31, and like many women, I seem to be more prone to internal crises and breakdowns when birthday season rolls around.

Just last week I wrote these exact words in my journal:

I am screwed. I have forgotten how to dream big or really believe big dreams can come true.

And then just a few days later, these words:

My heart actually aches with desire to be what I’ll never be and to do what I’ll never do.

Why all the drama? Most days I feel so grateful for my life, but suddenly something was eating at me.

You’ll laugh when you hear it, but here it is:

I watched Beyonce’s World Tour and from out of know where I longed to be her. To be Beyonce. To do a World Tour.
Crazy, I know. But then it snow-balled even further. I lamented not becoming any of the three A’s I once dreamed to be: Anthropologist/Astronat/Actress. I questioned my decision to quit gymnastics when I was 14. I beat myself up about not living in Italy.

Where did this come from? I’ve never been able to sing so why did I all of a sudden feel like not becoming a Rock Star was the let down of my life?

As you can imagine, I felt ridiculous. But I also felt like whatever was bubbling up was important…and an indicator of something deeper going on. So I got down on my knees and prayed.

Lord, what the heck is this Beyonce Heartache about? Why am I all of a sudden torn up about not becoming the Olympic Gymnast/Actress/Astraunot/Rockstar I dreamed I could be when I was a little girl? I trust that you have great plans for me, but why is my heart mourning for by-gone dreams?

I heard nothing. But I did feel peace sweep over me and my anxiety dropped down a few notches, enough for me to sleep. In the morning I woke up with my heart whispering this:

Remember when you were a little girl and you used to make up songs on the Piano and you thought that one day you could be a Debbi Gibson? That’s what that Beyonce Heartache was about. A part of you did wish you could be a rockstar one day, but life happened and your heart got broken because someone told you had a horrible voice. And then you let that dream disappear, because you let someone else convince you were not cut out for it.

Here is the lesson in all of this: Take your dreams seriously. Protect them. Protect them. Protect them. Do not give up on the desires of your heart. Do not give them over to fear or discouragement or doubt, or feeling ‘not good enough.’ Your dreams are important. And, your dreams are not over. Now is the time to dream new dreams. Get excited about that.

I opened up my journal, flipped to a new page, and wrote:

What new dreams might I dream for my life now?

That same day a dear friend of mine (who had no idea about the internal crises I was in the middle of) sent me the link to Mondo Beyondo and told me I needed to take the class. I clicked on the link and here is what I read:

What happens when you give an unspoken wish a place to become a dream come true? How do you gather the courage required to help a new found dream soar? Join seasoned dreamers Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen as together we explore Mondo Beyondo–the powerful point of view that transforms our deepest dreams into practical realities.

Uncanny, right? This is exactly what I needed: An invitation to a community where all of us where going to be to dreaming new dreams, and learning how to take those dreams seriously. I signed up, pronto. It was more than perfect timing, it’s my 31st birthday gift to myself.

What Birthday or Christmas Gift are you giving yourself this year?

Fellow bloggers, photogs, mothers, friends, I’m not sure where you are at personally, but if you are anywhere in the realm of “I want my life to be more than I’ve settled for and I’m willing to open a new door of possibility to find out what that means” then the Mondo Beyondo Jan 2011 class on Dreaming Big might be just what you need too. (Related note: More than a few of my friends who took the class last May have said it literally changed their life. Are you ready for that!?)

Whether or not you sign up to take the class with us, please be dreaming. And just as importantly, please be taking those dreams seriously. If you do sign up, let me know so we can lean on each other for accountability…I like a tight-knit community of supporters when I’m daring to dream, don’t you?

And for a topic of conversation, do you think dreams have time-limits on them? expiration dates? I’m really interested on your experiences: have windows ever shut on your dreams?

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2010, for me, can be encapsulated in the word Courage.

This was the year I stopped running from God. This was the year I stopped denying my desire for Him and the year I stopped blaming Him. This was the year I stopped trying to make Him fit into safe, New Age-y catchalls like Energy or Love.

And let me tell you, this turning towards, this embracing and forgiving, this accepting and believing took a lot of Courage.

Courage to go to the “swampland of the soul,” and deal with the un-pretty: shame I’ve held onto for 15 years, wounds, disappointments, fears.

I’m proud of  this past year’s journey in dealing with the Dark and the Divine head on. And I know it’s not over. But because of  the courage it took to turn toward, embrace, forgive, accept and believe in a perfect God, this year I also learned more about what it means to turn toward, embrace, forgive, accept and believe in my imperfect self.

And the word that I hope encapsulates 2011? Joy. The joy that comes from letting this kind of courage be the base of who I am, and the lightness and ease of how I reach out to others.

Want to reflect on 2010 with us as we wind down the year? All of December I’ll be participating in Reverb 10, an annual event and online initiative to “reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.” There some amazing women  like Kaileen Elise and GwenBell steering the way and  you are invited to take part. Check it out at www.reverb10.com and follow along on twitter with #reverb10.

Today’s prompt:

December 1 One Word.

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Gwen Bell )

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“We have become so contaminated by our wordy world that we hold to the deceptive opinion that our words are more important than our silence.” -Henri M. Nouwen

In the days and weeks and, yes, months that this blog sat silent, I hadn’t forgotten about you. In fact I was sharing something with you in all of that silence. Did you get what I was trying to say?

Despite the joy it gives me to bring you guys new posts to read, my strongest message to you was probably the crickets you heard while refreshing the MorganDayCecil.com homepage these past few months. In all of this time doing the exact opposite of what the bloggy gurus tell you you must do in order to remain relevant and beloved in an RSS feed, I was actually sharing my number one tip on living life with romance and adventure. Did you figure out what it is?

If you didn’t get it yet, it’s not your fault, because I admit, my teaching methods were a little obscure. We like things to be spelled out for us. We (as in, me too!) like to be given how-to lessons with bullet points and actions steps. I neglected to give you any of that. But, I was hoping, praying even, that you would glean something in all that was not said.

Negative space is an interesting thing. It’s what makes music, music and certain pieces of art what they are. It also what makes this blog what it is. The periods of time where no new posts are happening (the negative space) gives meaning to what the published posts (the positive space) are hoping to say.

The use of negative space is a key element of artistic composition. And, as it turns out, it is a key element on how I compose my own life with balance and integrity; between actually living romance and adventure out there and writing about it in here.

I don’t mean to pit the reality of what happens out there with the reality that happens in here, as in, in the blogosphere/world of social media. Real friendships have formed for me in here. And for that reason in here deserves credit because it has affected and changed my out there in beautiful and meaningful ways. But out there is where my family is. It’s where my church is. It’s where I’m given the incredible honor to minister to people face to face. And it’s out there that the real challenge of living life with romance and adventure exists.

If I’m bold enough to make a claim that this blog offers you any real tips on living life with more romance and adventure than I better be prepared to actually live my own life romance and adventure. I’m guessing the real romance and adventure you are after takes place out there, not just in here.  Am I right? (I hear there is something called Second Life that allows you to tap into cyberspace for romance and adventure. However awesome it may be, I warn you: it’s no substitute for the risk and reward of R & A out here).

So you want to hear it? The number one tip I can offer you to living life with more romance and adventure? Be present for it. Be present for your life. And if that means you need to disappear from in here for awhile, have the courage to do it.

Where might you need a little more “negative space” in your life?

If you are a designer, an artist or a musician, than you already know that the use of equal negative space, as a balance to positive space, is good for your work. Negative space as a principle of design is basic, but as a rule of life it is often overlooked. In design, negative space gives the eye a “place to rest,” increasing the appeal of a composition. In your life, negative space gives your heart a place to rest so your greatest creation, the legacy you lead both in here and out there, can have the greatest impact.

Oh yeah, the holidays are the perfect time to take this seriously. Happy Thanksgiving. I’ll see you again…

If you liked this post, read these:

• Do Not Move On Too Quickly
• From These Places Live Your Life
• The Miracle of Love

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“You always looks so cool.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

Today I thought I would share a little of the other half of my life with you….my work as a photographer. These photos are from one of my recent “Beautiful You” sessions. Kristina, the gorgeous girl in the photos, wanted some head-shots to update her website with (she is talented, young, graphic designer). We took the photos in Portland’s Pearl neighborhood, right out the door from where I work…on a rare day where it happened not to be raining. I love them because they are proof you can be fully clothed and still look quite sexy…and oh so cool. Agree?

I want to say thank you to Kristina for a great “Beautiful You” session, and thank you for the coat you donated for the Warm Up the Winter Coat Drive. (Also thank you to Shona, @EyeDesignStudio, for the referral). Kristina, you have such a cool style and look and it’s just like I told. “You should be an American Apparel model!”

See more photos from recent Beautiful You sessions on the Morgan Day Photography facebook page.

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Wow. These weeks. These amazing days of these amazing weeks.

This is a season in my life and my family’s that marks an incredible new beginning. Beginnings of all kinds. More than just a move west.

On September 3rd my husband adopted my son. What was once just a single mom’s hopes and dreams and prayers that her baby might grow up with a legal father in his life, now actually is now. With the words of the judge- “It is as if it has always been, you are now the official father of this boy, as if you were there the day he was born,” Lucca had a dad and my husband had “his first heir” (as he likes to say). Amazing.

On September 5th, we helped throw a party for the city. This summer my husband and I got the honor of being on the marketing team for a concert my church puts on every year. Our job was simply to help get the word out. On that Sunday we stood back in awe of over 10,000 people that showed up.

On September 6th, 7th and 8th I was at the Abbey of Gethsamani, the trappist monastery were Thomas Merton called home. The days were multiplied for me in ways I can’t explain. It felt like 3 years or maybe even 3 decades of compounded spiritual growth happened in the short time I was away. But what I left with wasn’t complicated- it was the simplest and most grounding of truths: God is with us and He is good.

Yesterday, September 12th, my baby turned 4. And our little man who is now part superhero, had an amazing birthday. We celebrated him and his adoption with a big party at our tiny house last night. Never had I seen so much love and joy in our backyard.

To top all of this off, I am being baptised Wednesday. And this is way different than the first time. The first time it was in desperate hope that there was actually something magic in the water. The first time was in fact, 4 years and 9 months ago, and I got pregnant out of wedlock 12 days later. There was nothing, obviously, in the water that could save me from myself. This time I’m not getting dunked in hopes of an encounter with God that would change my life. This time, instead, I’m getting dunked in celebration of an encounter and a transformation that has already happened, and continues to happen, in me.

In all that has lead up to these events and during the events themselves, I have heard whispers from God. He is in the Big and the Little of our life. What I’m going to say next, most of you will probably just skim over, and some of you might even be offended. And then there will be the smallest group of you: those that feel something stir in your heart. You might feel the stirrings of joy in that what I am saying you already know to be true. Or you might feel the stirrings of hope, in that what I am saying might actually be true for you too.

Life is romance and adventure. It is love and it is obstacle. It is intimacy and it is adrenalin rushes. We search for a life of romance and adventure and it is here before us every morning we wake up. The greatest spring of “how-to’s” on what it means to actually embrace and live-out this life, is in your faith. And the most significant tip I have for you on falling more in love with your life is to believe in a God who knows and loves you and to believe in Him and to love Him with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul. (Luke 10:27)

I cannot give you a greater tip than that.

But what does it mean to live your life from that place of belief and love?

Here is what Father Damine told me when I was at the abbey:

“True belief in God is a radical thing.”

I agree with him. It is a radical thing and I would say that even here, in the Bible Belt, it is a rare thing.

From here on on I think I’ll be sharing my faith with you more. Because, I don’t know how to talk about falling in love with life without it anymore. I can’t. It would be like my husband said to me once– like showing someone all the cards in your hand but keeping the one card you are actually playing with behind your back. I don’t want to do that to you. That’s bunk.

But what this means for me is that I know I can expect to lose some of you. When someone starts sharing their faith, that’s the point at the party people start bowing out. I know that because I was one of those “nice-knowing-yous” who packed up her things (or at least her heart) when someone started sharing about Jesus. And if that’s you right now, that’s okay. You never know what unbelievable thing God might do in you. I couldn’t have prepared for this, but here I am. About to become one of the foolish ones. About to unbutton my heart for all who might see the Jesus inside.

If you got to bail, I get it. If the mention of the J word sends sirens and red lights blaring and flaring in your soul, I totally get it. But I don’t want you to leave feeling like we broke up or that i’m disappointed in you, so I want to tell you what Father Damien told us at the monastery:

“When you leave here, leave happy. Leave knowing your process is perfect, because God is perfect. And if this is as far as He has gotten with you, say thanks. Be grateful. Nobody is better or holier than anybody else. When you choose heaven, you will get heaven and if you don’t know what that means yet, that’s okay… Just give it a chance. You are on a great adventure.”

For however long you’ve traveled with me on this path, if this is our fork in the road, where I go one way and you go there other, I wish you a great adventure. And, hope we meet each other again one day. I would like to be able to tell you what you’ve meant to me and I’d like to be able to know how you are…how you truly are. For now all I can do is steal these words from Merton, for this is how I feel:

“I have the immense joy of being man, a member of a race in which God Himself became incarnate. As if the sorrows and stupidities of the human condition could overwhelm me, now I realize what we all are. And if only everybody could realize this! But it cannot be explained. There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun.”

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There is a place where love is. Be there.

There is a place where joy is. Be there.

There is a place where grace is. Be there.

In all of us there are places where love is, and where love is not.

In all of us there are places where joy is, and where joy is not.

In all of us there are places where grace is, and where grace is not.

Go to the places within where love, joy and grace exist.  From these places, live your life.

“Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.” James 4:8

I’m off to the Abbey of Gethsemeni to spend two dedicated days drawing nearer to God. I have no idea what to expect but I’ll tell you how it goes when I return… In any case I encourage us all this week to find the places of love, joy and grace in our day-to-day lives. And, to return there daily until we are anchored.

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