Morgann Violent

Working in Quebec

2011-12-04T10:19:00.001-06:00

You will have to forgive the rushed ending on this one as I just finished it quickly to wrap it up. I wrote this after St-Jerome and before Vaudreuil so some details need to be adjusted, but here it is. Better late than never...

-----

Now that I have been out of Quebec for about a week or so, I have had some time to reflect on how I really feel about working in Quebec. Overall, I feel it’s a very positive experience and I really enjoy it. But I find it kind of funny that the things I like the most are also the things I hate. Let me explain…

Language. Working in French has been such a wonderful experience. Every trip I learned 10-20 new words just by talking to the staff at the store and getting certain words translated. And every trip it gets particularly easier and more fruitful. And the staff are more than willing to help. It’s very easy for us to say, “Hey, wait. Repeat that please?” or something basic like, “Qu’est-ce ‘paint’ en francais??!” and for them to help us out. It’s teamwork in bilingualism. My biggest tests have been with people who don’t speak a word of English at all. Little will they ever know that I found working with them the most rewarding. You really just have to suck it up and make it work. It might be in broken French but the work needs to get done one way or another and they’re not going to understand you if you straight up refuse to speak nothing but English to them. So if you don’t want to run and get a translator every two minutes, you need to step up to the plate and just DO it. And that’s been the best challenge for me: sink or swim. I think I’ve been quite good at paddling along. J

Now, with the exception of Vaudreuil (fake French), Old Quebec and Montreal, I have found that the Quebec public absolutely hates English speaking people. And there is a lot of pressure to speak French. The younger the worker, the more likely that they will be calm and understanding with you – they might even speak English to you – but the older the generation, the more angry they seem to become. Every morning, we went to the same Tim Hortons in Saint-Sauveur, QC and every morning, I felt like the workers hated us. We were never obnoxious about our lack of bilingualism; we were actually overly timid about it. I’m a really polite, ‘please and thank you’ and cheery person when I talk to people in the service industry normally, but in Quebec, I find myself just getting to the point quickly and feeling terrified the whole time. I get upset when my coworkers speak English loudly while we’re in line because I know that they are already judging us. And FORGET asking anyone to repeat anything because they won’t. They’ll just write you off. And French restaurants? Prepare for the slowest service of your life. Whether they’ll admit it or not, there are French sections and English sections in there. I know it’s in the French culture for meals to last a long time, but when you’re waiting 30 minutes for your first drink, it’s pretty obvious how low you are on the priority list.

People. Now the cons of the people here more or less stems from the language politics of Quebec and an ‘intense hatred’ of English speaking people. But I have found that the staff we have worked with in both St-Jerome and Quebec City to be the kindest, sweetest people. Once you’ve weeded out the ‘bad eggs’ (I’ll get to them in a second), you are left will patient, understanding, helpful people who only want to help you learn and for the project to succeed. I have found the people to be extremely affectionate, loving and happy. They often crack jokes with us, say how much they like us, hug us, appreciate the work we give them… Just thinking about them makes me warm and fuzzy inside. And the French do not place the word ‘love’ on such a high pedestal as we do. I had several women tell me that they ‘loved’ me during my time in St-Jerome. And I felt it was appropriate to say that I loved them too, because I didn’t focus on what they were saying but the emotions behind it. Bonding is easy with them; you know within a day or two how well your relationship with them is going to be. And whether it’s Celine who cried as we said goodbye or Ugo who had to say hello to me at every chance he got, you realize that these people are great people to work with. Open-hearted, understanding and friendly.

Now for the unfortunate part of Quebec: the people with cold hearts who won’t look past your mouth. When this last project first started, we had a few hiccups. We started work on a holiday and trucks weren`t coming in. The following day, we had no trucks either because the holiday had messed things up in the warehouse. These are things we see all the time and that we all understand but it is hard for someone who has never worked with the company to `get`. Couple that in with a language barrier, and you know right away who is not going to behave particularly progressive towards the project. The best example I can think of would be these two people – a guy and a girl – who started in the first days of the project. The girl started the first day in my group and right away, I could tell she was going to have a bad attitude. Everything said was met with eye rolls and done slowly and begrudgingly. The guy started the second day and was not assigned to any group but had somehow already found the girl with the bad attitude and formed some sort of alliance. They spent the remainder of Tuesday`s work day complaining about how we don`t speak French and asking every single staff member where they were from. It was a waste of time and entirely unprofessional. Wednesday came and neither of them returned. But that seems to be just how the first week in Quebec stores always goes: you know within the first five days of the project who is staying and who just can’t hack it…

But overall, I’m glad I worked in Quebec. It was a very fruitful, rewarding experience for me. I got to hang out on the streets of Quebec City in the summertime. I got to learn some words of a new language. I got to meet beautiful, amazing people who I actually miss! (Doesn’t happen too often in these stores these days!) I got to do it all. And I really wouldn’t change that experience for the world.

Vaudreuil, Quebec

2011-10-31T21:00:00.001-06:00

A quick update while I'm home.

2011-08-31T23:01:00.000-06:00

Saskatoon, Sk.

A place I rarely have time to breathe in.

Four more sleeps until I head off again.

This time, it's off to Montreal.

I'm going to go enjoy one of those sleeps now. In my own bed. Seems like it's been so long.

xoxo,
M

QUEBEC CITY

2011-07-30T19:36:00.000-06:00

Quebec is amazing.

:)

-M

Belleville, Ontario

2011-06-19T20:07:00.000-06:00

The last trip before the crew splits. Can't say that I am looking forward to not being able to see some of these people again for an undetermined amount of time. :(

Tensions are high.

I wonder what's going to happen next.

-M

Barrie, Ontario.

2011-04-10T09:11:00.000-06:00

Hello blog follower peoples.

Barrie is awesome.

:)

More deets when I can.

-M

Kitchener, Week One. Feb 27 2011

2011-02-27T22:51:00.001-06:00

I am here in Kitchener/Waterloo. I should be sleeping since I have to get up in five hours, but I simply can't. And I am truly disappointed by that.

Still here. Kickin' every so often.

-m

3am. Feb 23rd 2011

2011-02-23T03:30:00.000-06:00

In this moment, I hardly feel alive. My day is a constant loop of 'I'm doing fine! The future is bright!' and 'I wish I were dead'. I find it kind of funny how my selflessness has not left me feeling any more fulfilled but, instead, more empty. Sigh. So many times I have given up what I wanted for someone else to be happy. And again, this is no exception. I can only hope that, being abused and used, my mild presence will eventually lead to a happy life for someone else.

I can't wait until I am in Kitchener and back with my crew. I can't wait to be so busy that it makes me sick. Anything to avoid thinking about life back here. And yet, I'm afraid of work and how I feel when I'm gone. My last trip, I cried during a bathroom break towards the end of a 15 hour day. Sometimes I feel incapable of my job. It just feels sometimes like I can't do it... I don't know how to make myself feel better about that... I used to be a workaholic who could smile through the whole thing... I wish I knew what happened.

For the past few months, since I started getting my anxiety attacks in November, I have been searching for what makes and keeps me happy and what sets me off to my depersonalized depressive states. I think I have found a balance sort of, but I haven't been really happy in a while. I thought Chris was going to be able to help me work through that, as he was someone I thought understood what I was going through, but he's left me feeling worse. Now I feel like I can't trust anyone to tell me the truth and I wonder if anything is real or if it's all just an illusion.

I don't understand why I am feeling so off. I was hoping it would all be just a phase but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to feel like this forever. And part of me just doesn't want to go through this everyday anymore. These last few months have been torture and I can hardly stand it anymore. I'm scared of just snapping one day.

I just really don't want to die.

-m.

He who laughs last...

2011-01-07T21:50:00.000-06:00

No trust can be given freely; it's a valuable commodity.
But obviously, this is something you never learned.
Faith is something you put in friends and
Had I excess morals to lend, I'd let you borrow them
But my trust you haven't earned!

We've got a problem?
FIRST OF ALL, there is no 'we'; I've detached from you completely!
I've got a problem!
You tell lies to your friends and think it won't get back to me!

No bond can ever seem to make a stable fit in our relationship.
But one thing that never comes between us is honesty!
When you have something to say, you always seem to find a way to avoid the truth or instead, avoid me.

...
Straight up is how you'll see me stand.
But it is never in your plans to be straight forward so, instead, you use deceit!
Now I would like to take apart what you've been breaking from the start.
I'll remain intact.
I won't be broken in defeat.

...
No trust!

december 4th 2010

2010-12-04T10:30:00.001-06:00

I can't collect my thoughts enough right now to update this blog properly today, but I thought I owed it at least one post to prove I'm not dead.

All you need to know is I'm happy. With work, with friends, with every aspect of my life except my health. But I'm sorting that out these days. Or trying to anyway. I quit smoking again - for life this time, and I have quit everything else. The only thing I'm allowing myself is booze, and even that has been something I've been thinking about eliminating too. I had one sip of a beer yesterday and dumped the rest out. I just need a break I think. From everything harmful. When I eat really bad foods, I also have started noticing its effects on me. This lifestyle change chose me, I didn't choose it. I wasn't ready. But my body is making the decisions now. So it's going to be a lot easier to follow.

xoxo
M

October 28th/2010

2010-10-28T20:34:00.000-06:00

Holy Hannah!

Hi everyone! Edmonton is a-ok so far. Been almost three weeks here already. Our suites are gooooorggeeeeous. The Alberta experience has been fun.

Just thought I should pop out an update. Hope you enjoyed lol.

xoxo
M

sept 28 2010

2010-09-28T23:13:00.003-06:00

I miss BC and the people in it.

October 10th is a long long way away...

xoxo

sept 23 2010 - there's no point

2010-09-24T01:15:00.002-06:00

There's just no point in moping.

I'm sitting here with Sierra watching the ever outdated Letterman -- patiently waiting for the Ferg, naturally.

I had a really nice day today. Got a lot accomplished at work, got some praise I needed, had a nice supper with everyone at a pub, and then got to hang out in the hot tub for a while.

I realize that here, in this moment, I am happy.

I am happy here on the road.

It's only when I think about life back home that I start to get upset. And really, what's there to beat myself up over?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I control my life.

I make my decisions. No one has the power to make me feel bad about myself or my life. Only I can let myself feel pain.

Only I can let myself get hurt.

So fuck it.

I love my life. I love the potential it has. I can mold it into whatever I want.

I will do whatever it takes to make my life the best I can.

I have already started the process.

...

xoxo

-m

sept 21 2010 - live from kelowna, bc

2010-09-21T23:24:00.003-06:00

hello all.

i am currently in bc for work. woop woop!

home life is a disaster.

not sure how much i want to elaborate on that right now.

rebuilding my home life as i expand my career.

thinks are looking really good work-wise for me.

i'm excited about all the travelling i'll be doing for a long time.

ahh life.

i like meeting new people. i love my crew.

(already gonna miss some of them who won't be back next time)

i love my job. i love everything about this great opportunity i've been given.

but it's a change. and change is kind of a snowballing thing.

so now because of what i've done, everything else around me has changed.

on one hand i'm upset. on the other, i know that everything is just going the way it's supposed to.

c'est la vie.

even if i manage to stop making myself feel upset...

...i'll still have a few regrets about some things i never said or did.

-morgan-

i lesbians you.

The Beginning of Week Three

2010-07-26T19:17:00.002-06:00

So much has changed in the last week and a half since I last updated...

I'm really beginning to realize how much can change in such a short period of time.

So much change can be brought on by one short week - a single day - one little moment...

I don't know who I will be when I get back.

But I know the person that I am right now is not the person I was before I came here.

Last weekend, I finally had a true bonding experience with my crew. We went on a booze walk down Portage. It was the most fun I've ever had.

And this past weekend, I went to the club with the guys and my roommate, Sierra. Yes, I danced. THE WHOLE TIME. WHO AM I????!!!

I dyed some of my hair pink last week. I took my lip ring out (was annnoying me).

This past Sunday, I went to the beach and baked in the sun for a few hours. I have a painful sunburn to show for it now. Woop wooooooop.

I am feeling very confident and independent lately. I am feeling very restless and spontaneous. I am becoming someone else.

However, as I said before, I don't know who this person is.

But I like them.

And I think I will keep them...

...and adjust my life accordingly.

-m

july 26/2010

ps: if i don't update tomorrow... HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY CHASE!!! LOVE U!!!!!!

LIVE FROM WINNIPEG ITS... SATURDAY NIGHT!!!

2010-07-17T20:07:00.002-06:00

Or not really, whatever.

Haha, so what's cracking, everybody? I know it's been... months since I last updated but hey hey, I always end up crawling back to the blogosphere... Eventually.

Things have been going preeetty good. Still working at Jysk. Got back together with David. Both good things. There has been some heavy-tolling drama at work in the last few months, but I think the clouds have pretty much cleared on that. Me and David got back together on January 29th and I am sooo happy. Pretty sure I want to marry that boy. Yup. Yup I do. :) A few months ago, I had some pretty crazy baby fever, but I am glad that passed. NO KIDS PLZ KTHX BAI. But a wedding? Yes, I think I could go for that. MC-ing at my uncle's wedding pretty much cemented that I am still a little girl who dreams about her 'big day'. And before anyone says, "SOUNDS LIKE U JUST WANT A WEEDDINGH NOT A MARRIJJE LOL???!!1one" -- To you, I say, nooo, I love my boy. I wouldn't care if our wedding was small or not. I know he would do everything he could to make me happy for the rest of my life and I know I would do the same for him.

And besides, you know it's meant to be when you spill yogurt all over your shorts (and I mean all over, it was awful..) and text your boyfriend, "I spilled yogurt all over myself :(" and he replies, "What?! No way! I was eating the same thing too this morning and it totally exploded all over me!" Ahaha, we are such losers. :)

SOO, I've been working for Jysk! It will be 9 months in August. I'm actually in Winnipeg right now renovating their store. It is a lot of hard work but it's rewarding as hell. I love being able to SEE my progress. The crew I've gotten to work with is just wonderful. Couldn't ask for a better bunch. I was quite tired in the beginning but I'm starting to get used to it. Week 1 ended today and I am quite satisfied with what has been accomplished. Can't wait for the day that I see the finished result.

We have been staying in dorms, which has been interesting. Have an awesome roommate! Our building is in quite a bad neighbourhood. We're not allowed to walk alone or at night. Going to the Forks tomorrow. That should be interesting. Have only been there once before and I remember it being fun... Only 21 or so days until I get to come home...!! (Which means like 18 work days; we work Mon-Sat...)

I CAN'T WAIT TO SLEEP IN!!!!!!!!!!!

-morgan ann vi-

Acquisition of Goals

2010-01-23T00:49:00.002-06:00

I've gained some pretty amazing new friends.

I feel settled in the whole love/relationship thing.

Details later.

All you need to know is that I'm happy. :)

-Morgan

gar.

2010-01-18T20:15:00.002-06:00

Pretty sure my head is going to explode soon.

Making a lot of really bad decisions really quickly.

Have no idea what I'm going to follow up with.

Nervous as balls about the next month.

Ah, fark. What the heck have I gotten into now?

-morgan 'doesnt-think-things-through' fritsch

January 16th, 2010: Eeeep! 15 Year Old Me Recap!

2010-01-16T12:52:00.004-06:00

So today is January 16th. I guess that's like... Someone's birthday. Can't remember who though... ;)

I'm 20 today! Holy fuck. When I started this blog I was 15 freakin' years old. Five years of adolescent whining! YAY! OMG Old pictures! I look so different. I have yet to decide if that's in a good way or a bad way, haha. Oh my goodness gracious, I used to say 'hella'. Totally forgot about that. Aww, the first time I met my Milden girls. Aww... My first mention of Maegen as an abstract childhood memory. Little did I know, we would end up WORKING together. Craziness! Going with Danielle and Becca to St. Brieux for the day to hang out with Brett and her family... Writing for the Humboldt Journal, haha. Boy, that was short-lived... Hating JB (lol)... Jen's amazing email to me back in the day... When I almost got raped... OH GOD Dating Paul... The quote that pretty much summed up me in high school: "PHEW. The procrastinator comes out of another round alive.'... First time I hung out with Christian... The time I passed out behind Auto Ethics. :|... "Queerbag" in everyday conversation... That weeeeird car crash where me, Jill and Jocelyn should've gotten hit by the school... "Last night was pretty rad. The night was complete with chicken, coffee, spilling coffee and chicken on my [white] pants, smoking, and, of course, Jocelyn's car heater cutting in and out. When you look back on the night, it seems like we did a whole lotta... nothing. But really, at the time, when we were sitting there on the cruise, eating chicken, we were thinking 'This is the best night ever.' And maybe it was." AWE... And ugggh, dating Lyle. PHEW. That was me at 15. What a year...

But I'm gonna end this little blog post. Hope you all have an excellent day. :)

January 13th, 2010: Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful...

2010-01-13T14:16:00.003-06:00

On a pretty serious Eminem kick right now...

CAN'T WAIT FOR TEGAN AND SARA TONIGHT!!!! :)

-Morgz

When everything isn't enough.

2010-01-11T12:03:00.002-06:00

I'm a happy person. I am a secure person. I am a perfectly sane, well-adjusted person.

When people who are none of the above try to bring me down, it upsets me. Not because they're succeeding - they're not, believe me - but because they continuously fail to realize that the truly happy can't be brought down. I feel more sad for them than I ever will for myself.

Tired of people begging for pity.

Tired of people who can't be happy for others.

Tired of insecure people who need constant reassurance.

I am doing everything in my power right now to end an argument between my friend and I. It's over a guy - how cliche - that she has liked for forever and the guy likes me instead. Honestly, I do like him. I didn't expect to, but yeah, I do. I told her I would tell him nothing can happen. I did. I went there yesterday and me and him talked for almost two hours. We decided to stay friends mainly because our personalities are so similar. If you really look at the facts, it's pretty obvious that he and I are entirely incompatible romantically. We barely know anything about each other. He smokes weed, I don't. I do 'hard' drugs and smoke, he doesn't. Aside from my friend, we have no friends in common. We're better off as occasional friends. I doubt we'd even ever party together. But my friend is still not okay with me being friends with this guy. She doesn't want us to talk or hang out. Or anything. Am I wrong for calling this 'ridiculous'? Her argument is 'I met him first [and even though he doesn't like me as more than a friend (and has told me on several occasions), I don't want any other girls I know to even be around him]'. Dear God. I know we're just friends. He knows we're just friends. She's caught somewhere between the Earth and the moon; on a whole other plane... Truthfully, and I mean this with as little intended offense as possible, I think she's too self-involved to look beyond the fact of her own 'hurting' to realize that nothing is going on. She wants to ride the pity train for as long as her ticket will take her. But I digress. Before I really say something rude.

In more important news, I am feeling good. Work is amazing. Life is amazing. Birthday this weekend. Holy fecking fark. Shaping up to be the best time ever... :) Spending Friday at The Upstairs for fondue with DK, Ashley and Sarah and then going to party! Saturday is gonna be a total shitshow too with a show at Walkers followed by insane amounts of partying... :) CAN'T WAIT. And I have two recovery days.. :P Back to work on the 19th. :)

AHHHH I'm so excited!! PEACE!

-Morgie Boo :)

The world beyond my mind...

2010-01-09T20:28:00.002-06:00

I don't think I've been spending enough time thinking about how my actions affect others. I feel like a Social Distortion song. Doing my own thing and saying 'fuck you' to anyone that tries to get in my way. Am I being selfish? Or am I just reaching for the sky because tomorrow may never come...? I do feel slightly empowered by the things I have been doing. It feels good to know how well-liked you are. I guess when I look at the big picture, I don't have too many enemies. I supposed that kind of justifies my actions in a way. People don't hate me for the things I do.

I could just be making excuses. I'm not sure.

I think I have some more thinking to do before I can update about this...

Hm.

-Morgan

So funny...

2010-01-06T00:27:00.003-06:00

Some of the men who have fluttered in and out of my life recently are real fucking pieces of work.

And some of them still make me angry just thinking about them.

I wish I would be over this bullshit by now, but I'm just not.

They're lying, cowardly, deceptive short bastards who need to give their damn heads a shake.

GOD.

I am having such a hard time moving past all of this.

Last night I had a dream where I committed suicide. Do you know what that means? Neither do I. But this is what this website said: "

A dream of committing suicide doesn’t necessarily mean that you are suicidal. It could be pointing out a major change that you are about to undertake, or that you feel as if things have gotten out of hand." Pretty much. That about sums it up, I'd say. Things have gotten way out of hand recently. I have gotten a lot of negativity thrown at me recently and frankly, I haven't let it bring me down too much because I have a LOT of good things going on in my life right now. But at the end of the day, sometimes you have to take a good hard look in the mirror, and maybe that's what I did last night before going to bed. That dream last night was a whopper, that's for sure. Do I feel bad about some of the things I've done in my life? Of course. Even recently, I feel somewhat bad about the way I handled a few things. But I know that the end results of those actions are the way they are meant to end up. I'm not supposed to be with Christian or Daryl or Craig or Matt or any of those guys. I have a feeling that I know exactly how this year is going to turn out for me. It's not going to be pretty around the late spring/early summer. Depending on how certain things turn out, I could be exactly where I started come fall. Or everything might be settled by Christmas. I guess we'll all just have to wait and see.

I hope that site is right. I was talking to my co-worker Jordan today about changing my life for the better and becoming a better person. Maybe that is a process I will have to begin sooner rather than later.

For the most part, I am happy. I'm just not used to being the bad guy. Seems to be my role these days.

The city.

2009-12-23T00:46:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, I feel like I hate the city.

It has nothing to do with work. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love my bosses. I love Jysk.

It's not that I never really get to see anyone from Humboldt, because I totally see a lot of them... Quite often.

It's not the traffic.

It's not the constant waiting. For everything. For anything.

Honestly, none of this really bothers me.

It's my problem with keeping new friendships. Nice, decent people end up annoying me. Jerks I actually like end up never calling me. People who are nice to me when we hang out or chat on FB end up never actually wanting to hang out.

This bothers me soo much. I just don't get it. What is so repellent about me?

Honestly, aside from my co-workers, I haven't met anyone new here that I would really be able to call my friend. It's so depressing being an open-minded, socially-active girl when I can't even charm people into wanting to hang out with me.

And the people I do attract? Yikers. Let's not go there, okay?

I just wish I could find some people that suit my personality better. Smart, but not too smart. Slightly spiritual but not religious. Kind of geeky. Not innocent but not too crazy. Open-minded and fun-loving.

I really miss everyone from Humboldt right now. I miss my Gill and Chelsey and JB.

I really miss my Titty. Lots. :(

Boo effin' urns.

Short story long, I need to meet more people. In new places. I gotta see more faces.

love always,

morgan ann

The 'Now' State of Mind

2009-12-14T15:09:00.002-06:00

Lately, I've been finding that I have been spending a little too much time with a 'now' state of mind. For example, today, it started with 'I'm hungry'. I walked into my kitchen, began contemplating frying up some shrimp and making mashed potatoes when I noticed a Hamburger Helper box and started reading it. Apparently, you can microwave beef to brown it. Sickened by the thought of nuked beef, I walked into Owen's room and started telling him about the power of microwaves. He was also grossed out, but told me that he would love some Hamburger Helper. So I walked to Safeway, got milk (and bread), and walked back. The microwave just finished defrosting the beef.

Sounds fine, right?

Not really. It's 3:13pm. I have a date in two hours. We're supposed to be going out to eat. I have known about this for about two days. Not only is the Hamburger Helper not going to be ready for almost an hour or so, therefore putting the two eating excursions stupidly close together, it also kills any time I have for getting ready. Fuck. What is wrong with me? Can I really not think beyond the 'now'? I find myself blanking out dates a lot of times too. Someone will say 'How about Friday?' and even though I've had something planned for ages on said Friday, I will often respond with 'Okay, yeah, that's the day I get paid' because I'm looking at it from the completely wrong view. Argh. Frustrating. And not just for me. If I could just look at my life as a calendar and ask myself 'Do I have time for this? Do I have other plans?' instead of just asking myself 'Can I? Why or why not?'... I'd have a lot less scheduling conflicts.

But enough of my silliness. Christian and I are going on our very first real date today. Very excited. He won't tell me anything! He's just asked me where I won't go and if I'm allergic to anything. But other than that, he just says it's a surprise... What a brat. :P

Can't wait to see what's going to happen.

Bleh, I could really use a nap too before the date. I feel dead. Had my staff Xmas party yesterday. Got pretty drunk but I'm more tired than anything.

Well, like I said, I have a date in two hours soooo... peace!

~morgieboo