This Member Muses

A Better Approach to Managing Missionary Meals

2026-04-07T09:00:00.002-04:00

It’s curious that in our digital age, people are still sending around sign-up sheets during the second hour of our local meetings. However, since we only met for one hour on Palm Sunday and we didn’t meet locally at all during General Conference, there were no sign-up sheets.

This has created a curious problem in my local ward. Nobody signed up to feed the missionaries. As a result, the missionaries are not being fed.

Starving missionaries should not be an Easter tradition.

There is a better way, and it is church-sanctioned, believe it or not. (More on that later.)

The Church’s Digital Calendaring System

I’ve written quite a lot on the Church’s digital calendaring system, not that anyone is paying attention… Anyway, a “Missionary Meals Calendar” could be created on the Church’s system, and the meals could be managed that way.

Creating the calendar would take all of about 20 seconds. I know leaders are pressed for time, but surely someone can handle that.

What needs to be done?

A person with administrative privileges needs to create the calendar. That means the bishop, one of his counselors, an executive secretary or assistant executive secretary, a ward clerk or assistant clerk, an email communication specialist, or some other ward website administrator could do so.

While on the Calendar, they should click on the gear menu and select “Manage Calendars.”

Create the Calendar as a public calendar, name it, and enable whoever manages the calendar to be a Calendar Editor, probably by name. Just start inputting their name, and it should pop up, and you can select it.

Select the button to create it, and you are done.

THAT’S IT!

The Missionary Meals Manager

Whoever manages the missionary meals now has access to input data. For example, if the Smith’s sign up on April 17 for a dinner at 5:30 pm, the Manager can fill out the form and add the information to the Missionary Meals Calendar. Anyone in the ward can view the calendar, determine when the missionaries need to be fed and contact the manager to sign up for their preferred date.

The missionaries will also have access to the calendar and be able to determine when they are getting fed, when they are being fed, where they are being fed and by whom.

Simple!

So, Why Do We Stick With the Sign-up Sheets?

So, if it is so simple and straightforward, why hasn’t anything been done yet for creating a Missionary Meals Calendar? Well, I have a couple of theories.

Theories:

Nobody in leadership knows how to properly use the Church’s calendaring system.
Nobody reads the instructions for how to properly use the Church’s calendaring system.
Nobody reads the instructions for how to properly use the Church’s calendaring system, because they don’t know where to find the instructions.
Nobody would read the instructions if they knew where they were because almost nobody follows instructions anyway. They just “wing it.”
Nobody spends much of their time winging it because they are too busy planning social activities that almost nobody attends.
Nobody really cares about using the calendaring system properly.
Nobody really cares that missionaries starve.

What Additional Barriers?

As I’ve pushed for this over the years, I’ve encountered some weird resistance from a variety of leaders and members. I’ll try to describe them and explain why it is unwarranted.

1. Inaccurate Views of the Calendaring System

This is a big one. I happened to overhear a local leader make a reference to the “LCR Calendar.” I cringed when I heard that. If that is how they view it, it explains a lot.

(LCR is an acronym for Leader-Clerk Resources. This is almost the exclusive domain of priesthood leadership. It's where personal, private, and administrative information is kept. Access should remain confidential and limited.)

I’ve got news for you gentlemen, the Calendaring system is NOT part of the LCR! Some information from the LCR is pushed onto the Calendaring system, but it isn’t part of it.

Giving people access to the calendaring system DOES NOT GIVE THEM ANY ACCESS TO THE LCR!

I’ve worked as a Ward Website Administrator. I’ve created calendars, I’ve added other administrators, deleted administrators, designated calendar editors, entered information, given people access, and every other task associated with calendaring, and I’ve NEVER had access to the LCR.

2. Concerns About Learning the System

This is a perennial problem with just about everything, isn’t it? People think it is complicated or difficult to learn and administer.

When I sent an email to the stake asking them to make a change to reflect reality on the calendaring system, a good friend and assistant stake clerk responded to me that he had done it, by following my instructions. He said, and I quote, “Krista, it was ridiculously easy!”

It is ridiculously easy. People are resisting for no good reason. Granted, best practices take some thought, but manipulating the calendaring tools is easy.

3. Myth: It Needs to Be Done by Leadership!

Really?!? Does leadership currently manage the missionary meals calendar, send it around, ask people to feed them, notify the missionaries about who is feeding them, or anything else associated with administering missionary meals?

The Church has set up the calendaring system to free up leadership from doing much of anything associated with it. There are so many things that only they can do. Let the rest of us manage the calendaring as well as missionary meals.

Whoever manages the Missionary Meals Calendar as a Calendar Editor wouldn’t have access to any of the other calendars in the calendaring system, just that specific one. That’s the beauty of it.

When I trained one Ward Clerk on the Church's calendaring system, he remarked, "On the Calendaring system, you aren't dealing with confidential information. This is all public information."

It's all public information that gets shared verbally, personally, in meetings, and in the bulletin.

4. Myth: In Order to Adminsiter the Calendar, You Need to Have a Calling

Local organizational leadership are default Calendar Editors. However, anybody can be a Calendar Editor, and any calendar a unit needs can be created. The Church says so!

For example, when I was a Ward Website Administrator, I created a Building Cleaning Calendar and designated the Ward Building Representatives as the Calendar Editors. Nothing could be simpler.

What are the Benefits of Using a Digital Missionary Meals Calendar?

The benefits could be enormous.

The missionaries would always have a master list of their meal schedule.
People who want to feed the missionaries would know when the openings are.
People who never see the sign-up sheet could sign up to feed the missionaries.
Missionaries wouldn’t starve when the sign-up wasn’t sent around.
The digital calendar could be printed off on Sunday and still sent around during the second hour.
Not sending around sign-up sheets could reduce distractions during the second hour.
People would have a reason to visit the Church website and the calendar.

However, the biggest benefit is that the missionaries would be fed!

Conclusion

If you’ve got concerns or want to question me about other problems, please do so in the comments. I’ve been screaming about this for 20 years now, and I cannot fathom the resistance.

Note: I live out in the country, too far out to feed the missionaries. We give them gift cards.

There is No Meaning in Travel

2026-03-24T09:00:00.037-04:00

People might accuse me of dissing on traveling because I can’t do it. Not the case at all, I assure you. I lost my taste for traveling at a very young age. I was just a little over 20 and living in Hawaii, going to school at Brigham Young University – Hawaii.

My Tourist Experiences

I was technically a student. I did occasionally play tourist on the weekends. In Hawaii, you are surrounded by tourists. The natives despise tourists, and it wasn’t difficult to discern why.

Tourists are completely obnoxious.

Most of them are determined to get everything they can out of their “once in a lifetime trip to Hawaii” and push their way toward every experience and view they think they are entitled to. They wear plastic Hawaiian leis, short shorts, and skimpy tops.

Natives know that the flowers to make leis last about 24 hours, so it’s fine to pluck them and wear them. Long, flowing clothing like traditional Hawaiian muumuus or shirts is most comfortable because they keep off the sun and lets the air flow.

I had a Polynesian Crafts class while I was there. It was held in a small administrative outbuilding at the Polynesian Cultural Center (PCC). Occasionally, we would have tourists wander in and gaze at us. It was embarrassing. I felt like saying, “We’re not one of the attractions here.”

At least the PCC was a reasonably authentic experience, unlike the rest of Hawaii. Authentic Polynesian villages had been erected at the PCC. They were staffed by natives. Authentic food was served, and authentic customs and crafts were explained. Natives also demonstrated authentic dancing, music, and other skills – like harvesting coconuts.

In the rest of Hawaii, you saw nothing but commercialism. Everything was inauthentic, down to the Hawaiian souvenirs made in China.

It was only the inauthentic experiences that the Tourists had access to. To really experience the authentic Hawaii, you had to live there.

This was all reinforced when I worked as an Intern in Washington D. C. I spent time being a tourist on weekends but for the most part, I operated as a resident. I lived in Alexandria and commuted on the Metro and bus system into Washington D. C. to work on Capitol Hill in the United States House of Representatives. I shopped locally, did my laundry, and went to Church.

I did what the residents there did every day.

The tourist experience was inauthentic, kitschy, and ultimately, empty.

Why Do People Travel?

I think people travel because they are led to believe it is the desirable thing to do, as well as the expected thing to do if they can. It has a certain cachet, especially after you retire.

You have to have money to travel, so if you travel, you must have money. This sets you apart and makes other people jealous. I’ve decided jealousy is a main component of this.

You want to impress people when you get back home. I’ve concluded this over time because traveling can be a nightmare. Driving endlessly, flying endlessly, waiting at airports endlessly, etc. None of this is fun.

Once you get to your destination, you often battle crowds, intestinal issues, confusion, pickpockets, lost luggage, incessant tipping, bed bugs, etc. How is this fun? How is this enlightening, etc? And then, you go home with authentic souvenirs made in China.

I didn’t like the tourists I saw. They seemed intent on recreating. I like more meaning in my life. I loved what I learned when I lived in Hawaii and Washington, D.C. Being there wasn’t half the fun; learning about it was. I’ve discovered I can learn more online these days.

A friend took a Hawaiian trip. When she got back, I quizzed her about things. She couldn’t remember where she went or what she saw, but she assured me, “We did everything, we saw everything!” and she invoked a lot of admiration and jealousy from our mutual friends for having gone to such an exotic place and experienced such exotic things.

The Case Against Travel

The above-named article dropped on June 24, 2023. It contains a lot of truths. I’ll include a few below:

G. K. Chesterton wrote that “travel narrows the mind.” Ralph Waldo Emerson called travel “a fool’s paradise.” Socrates and Immanuel Kant—arguably the two greatest philosophers of all time—voted with their feet, rarely leaving their respective home towns of Athens and Königsberg. But the greatest hater of travel, ever, was the Portuguese writer Fernando Pessoa, whose wonderful “Book of Disquiet” crackles with outrage:
I abhor new ways of life and unfamiliar places. . . . The idea of travelling nauseates me. . . . Ah, let those who don’t exist travel! . . . Travel is for those who cannot feel. . . . Only extreme poverty of the imagination justifies having to move around to feel.
If you are inclined to dismiss this as contrarian posturing, try shifting the object of your thought from your own travel to that of others. At home or abroad, one tends to avoid “touristy” activities. “Tourism” is what we call travelling when other people are doing it. And, although people like to talk about their travels, few of us like to listen to them. Such talk resembles academic writing and reports of dreams: forms of communication driven more by the needs of the producer than the consumer.

Further:

Travel gets branded as an achievement: see interesting places, have interesting experiences, become interesting people. Is that what it really is?

Pessoa, Emerson, and Chesterton believed that travel, far from putting us in touch with humanity, divorced us from it. Travel turns us into the worst version of ourselves while convincing us that we’re at our best. Call this the traveller’s delusion.

The author argues that, “If you are going to see something you neither value nor aspire to value, you are not doing much of anything besides locomoting.”

She proffers:

When you travel, you suspend your usual standards for what counts as a valuable use of time. You suspend other standards as well, unwilling to be constrained by your taste in food, art, or recreational activities. After all, you say to yourself, the whole point of travelling is to break out of the confines of everyday life.

She makes this caution:

The problem was not with other places, or with the man wanting to see them, but with travel’s dehumanizing effect, which thrust him among people to whom he was forced to relate as a spectator. Chesterton believed that loving what is distant in the proper fashion—namely, from a distance—enabled a more universal connection.

In Hawaii and Washington, D.C., I interacted with the natives, saw what they saw, experienced what they experienced, felt what they felt, etc. For a short time, I was one of them. I was profoundly changed by these experiences.

The single most important fact about tourism is this: we already know what we will be like when we return. A vacation is not like immigrating to a foreign country, or matriculating at a university, or starting a new job, or falling in love. We embark on those pursuits with the trepidation of one who enters a tunnel not knowing who she will be when she walks out. The traveller departs confident that she will come back with the same basic interests, political beliefs, and living arrangements. Travel is a boomerang. It drops you right where you started.

True Global Learning and Understanding

I’ve seen recent commentary that in order to increase global understanding and harmony, as well as combat prejudice and discrimination, we need to travel. I agree that experiencing other people and cultures can help tremendously, but as a resident, not as a tourist. Missionary service, study abroad, and service projects may help do this.

This is why the Church’s missionary effort is so powerful. Ever notice what happens to missionaries once they come home? They are imbued with a deep interest and love for the people they served among.

If they see someone who resembles the people they served among here, they usually make a beeline for them and introduce themselves. They get acquainted, reinvigorate their language skills, and establish new connections, all while making their objects feel acknowledged, welcomed, loved, valued, etc. These wonderful effects reverberate throughout the years.

Traveling in Retirement

So, how many people aspire to travel during retirement? Not me. I don’t think happiness and fulfillment are to be found “out there.” Happiness and fulfillment are found at home, with my loved ones, serving in the Church, doing the important things of life like indexing, family history, serving my family and other church members, etc.

I think Satan is trying to draw us away from our homes, loved ones, and communities in ways that don't assist other people, ourselves, or the Church.

I talked to my present husband about serving a mission once. I decided that, given our health and other circumstances, we would be best as membership and leadership support missionaries. He responded with, “We don’t need to do that elsewhere; we can do that here.” And we can.

Serving a mission is the best of all worlds, though. You are serving, you are building the Church, bringing people to Jesus Christ, and experiencing the world of the people you serve.

You will be profoundly changed by that.

Conclusion

Satan wants to direct us away from all of this important work at home by suggesting that meaning and fulfillment are found elsewhere. It isn’t. It’s found at home, where we live, among the people we love, the people we live with, and the people we live around.

Stop Pawning Off Your Poor Choices On Church Teachings

2026-02-17T09:00:00.011-05:00

The anti-Church feminist agitators are at it again. It waxes and wanes. Right now, it appears to be waxing.

There are always a multitude of women who claim that the Church instructed them to marry young, forego any education or gainful employment, and stay at home and raise their kids.

Then, their marriage collapses, and they are forced into the cold, cruel world as a single parent with no skills or confidence.

This is nonsense. The Church never taught any such thing.

"Prioritize" Family

What we were taught was to prioritize our family, that it was the woman's responsibility to nurture the children, and that the man's responsibility was to provide and protect the family.

This same guidance was aimed at BOTH genders.

We were also told to get all the education we could, to develop our gifts, talents, and skills, and prepare for contingencies that may necessitate individual adaptation.

This same guidance was also aimed at BOTH genders.

It used to be possible for nearly all women to stay home and have their husband's job support the family. That is nearly impossible in this day and age. Most women will have to work outside the home at some point for numerous and sundry reasons.

Many of these numerous and sundry reasons have existed and been known for millennia. They include: not marrying in this life, having a husband die, having a husband disabled, experiencing a divorce, financial hardship, financially needing a second income to survive, etc.

None of this is new.

All of this got punctuated for me when my father died when I was young. My mother did have to support the family. Yes, it was hard. Yes, it was unexpected. In fact, it was wrenching.

I hoped to be able to stay home and raise the kids while my husband worked, but it wasn't a given. I knew that from personal experience.

However, it was also obvious to anyone who had more than two brain cells to rub together. It was, and is, risky to assume that everything is going to be peachy and you don't need a Plan B, or C, or D, or even Plan E.

Here it comes!

I'm going to say something now that's going to make me unpopular and perhaps even a target of these women.

You can't blame Church teachings for your poor choices!

Too many women I grew up with were trying to evade education and employment by getting married. It was an acceptable way out of doing something difficult. It was even somewhat culturally and socially sanctioned. It still is. That's the problem.

Many of these women have no one to blame but themselves. However, they are trying to save face by blaming the Church.

Conclusion

We are trying to become Christlike in this life. Increasing our knowledge and skills enables us to be more Christlike. That has always been part of our canon.

In fact, it's been instruction to both women and men regardless of mortal financial circumstances. It would stand even if you are independently wealthy in this life and don't need to work to live.

There are powerful, eternal reasons for gaining education and skills in this life. It isn't just a material decision on how to financially get through this mortal one.

There are a multitude of strong, educated, competent, skilled, and powerful women in the Church. Some of them even stayed home and raised their kids.

You can still be one of them.

I'm tired of all these women speaking for me when they don't speak for me.

2026-02-10T09:00:00.008-05:00

My Youthful Reflection

When I was young, I preferred interacting with, and being interviewed by, male church leaders rather than female leaders. There are a number of reasons for this.

First, I trusted men more than I did women. I found men to be more trustworthy. Their positions as designated church leaders gave me confidence that I would be treated in a Christlike manner.

Second, I felt men were more likely to keep confidences. Women gossiped and shared information. If you told a man something, it didn't seem likely to be spread around the ward. If you told a woman, it tended to be.

Third, I felt women were shallow. I often got cliches and platitudes from women. When I talked with men, I tended to get a more thoughtful, reflective response.

Fourth, I felt loved by my male church leaders. I felt like they really cared about me, even if they couldn't do anything for me. I felt like they desperately wanted to, but they just didn't know what to do for me. I genuinely felt their concern for me, much more so than I did from the women leaders.

The Current Controversy

I know that some local church leaders have taken advantage of people under their care. However, I don't believe it is as big a problem as our critics do, and certainly not the problem some women think.

I don't object to young women taking a trusted parent or companion in with them to meet privately with local church leaders. I just wouldn't do it.

Also, these proponents don't seem to see the problems it might exacerbate or create.

If a young women takes her mother in with her to a Bishop's interview, it could complicate things. The mother may be the source of the young women's problems. The mother may be controlling her and abusing her in a variety of ways, such as emotionally, mentally, and verbally.

If this is the case, a Bishop would not be able to speak candidly with the young woman to unearth this.

There is probably a lot of things a young woman wouldn't want to admit to, or discuss with, a leader if her mother were in the room.

This could all render the Bishop's interview farcical.

Having a female companion or parent could indeed make some women, especially young women, feel comfortable meeting one-on-one with a male church leader. I'm just not one of them. I suspect there are other women who feel as I do.

Conclusion

I applaud the Church's decision to allow someone to have a companion with them in a confidential interview if they choose.

However, we shouldn't be so naive as to think it can't cause some problems in addition to solving some others.

Chewing Gum and Other Faulty Analogies

2026-02-03T09:00:00.014-05:00

Elizabeth Smart is in the news again, mostly because of a new program on one of the streaming services. I don't pay much attention to the details. What details I do pay attention to is what she said about her early training in the Church.

The "Used Gum" Analogy

She has a legitimate gripe. Apparently, she was taught the infamous used gum analogy. In essence, this analogy held that if you had sex outside marriage, you were "used gum" and no one wanted used gum. After being raped, Smart felt she was forever damaged and would be unwanted and tainted for the rest of her life.

In my blog posting from 2011, I described this analogy:

When I was a teen the Church taught chastity primarily with fear. Used gum was the perennial analogy. It went something like this: Leader passes out a stick of gum to every girl in the room. We all chew it for a minute or two. Then the girls are told that having had intimate relations with a boy will make us used gum to another. And no one likes used gum. We were instructed to take the gum out of our mouths and offer it to one of the other girls. This grossed us all out of course. No one likes used gum.

However, I had a Seminary teacher in the 1976-1977 school year that debunked that analogy, and the similar other ones for me. In a 2013 blog posting, I wrote how he did this:

He told us that he didn't like those analogies. Because of the Atonement, we weren't forever altered, damaged or flawed by what we repented of or what was done to us. The gum was perfect, the flower was flawless and bored holes in the block of wood were pristine.

Any prior damage had been completely removed. We were whole. We were clean. We were without sin. It was as if nothing had happened. That was the Atonement's gift to us.

He was right then, and he is right now.

This was essentially 50 years ago. Why, on earth, would Elizabeth Smart, who is not yet 40 years old have been taught such flawed thinking nearly 25 years after it was debunked for me?

What is going on?

I can think of a couple of reasons why such flawed thinking and teaching persisted throughout the years. This list is by no means inclusive:

Thoughtless repetition by people
Laziness in preparation or thought
Flawed thinking or not thinking
Spiritual immaturity on the part of teachers/leaders

My Seminary teacher could not prevent any of this, but his inspired guidance fixed it. After what he told us, I was still subjected to these analogies, but they no longer had any impact on me. One credible person reversed the damage done by others.

I wish someone had done that for Elizabeth. However, it would have been better not to have been subjected to that teaching at all.

Conclusion

Think about what you say, teach, and what others say and teach in the Church. If something needs to be corrected, then do it. Do it in the most Christ-like way you can, but do it!

Think of Elizabeth and others like her. You could help prevent a tragedy. Don't stay quiet because you "don't want to hurt someone's feelings." False doctrine needs to be corrected.

Your silence can do more damage than your words.

*Keep your eye out for contradictions and flaws. For example, the image for this blog resembles candy or bubble gum more than chewing gum. I couldn't find an image for chewing gum. It's a faulty image. Did you catch that?

"I'm one of the old farts I used to laugh at"

2026-01-27T09:00:00.002-05:00

I admire Arthur C. Brooks. I do. I read him whenever I can. So much of what he says is codified in the gospel of Jesus Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A recent article of his is no exception:

What I Wish I’d Known When I Was Younger: The three reasons old people are happier that work for any age (All the quotes that follow are from this source.)

He notes that old people score high on happiness, contentment, etc., and low on things like depression, neuroticism, etc. He suggests they've mastered three important things.

I want instead to call your attention to certain patterns of behavior that are not so obvious but that help explain why old people tend to be happier than young adults. The sooner you can learn and adopt these rules for good living, the sooner you can enjoy their fruits.

He develops these ideas and then summarizes them. The quotes below are from the summary:

So what follows are three general rules I learned from older people that lead to higher well-being.

1. Go deep or go home

1. Go deep or go home.
I try to ensure that my social relationships—those that are voluntary and involve discretionary time—focus only on facets of life that matter: love, faith, philosophy, virtue, culture, aesthetics. I don’t want to talk about my beach vacation, or yours, unless a major epiphany occurred as the tide came in.

My husband is substantially older than me. Until I read Brooks' article, I was a little disturbed by some of his behaviors. Now, I think he's way ahead of me.

My husband has always suggested that I stop attempting to widen my friend network by trying to cultivate relationships with a wide variety of people. He says most people are just acquaintances and don't merit anything more than common courtesy. He's friendly but superficial. He has only a small number of true friends that he interacts with on a deep level.

I remember Mr. Rogers endorsing "slow and deep," not fast and weak. To maximize happiness, our relationships should be meaningful.

2. Serve more

2. Serve more.
A unique channel of well-being is serving others in causes I care about. This can mean giving money and time, of course. But it also entails regularly subjecting my work to a “values test”: Does each activity primarily edify and uplift others?

Service is hard work. We're deluding ourselves if we think it is easy. If we think it is easy, it might be the simple service I've characterized before as being superficial and safe.

I often stress over trying to extend service, especially when I tend to get rebuffed. My husband tries to serve, but if he can't, he just shrugs it off and goes on. No stress there.

3. Care less

3. Care less.
I think back to the things that kept me awake as a younger man—this conflict at work, that worry about money—and shake my head. Now when something is bothering me or threatens to stress me out, I ask myself whether the issue is likely to be bothering me in a week’s time. If the answer is no, I try to get a head start right then on not caring.

If anything characterizes my husband, this does. I don't know how many concerns and stressors I've shared with him, only to have him declare from the depths of his recliner in an unusually loud voice, "DON'T KNOW, DON'T CARE!" as he goes back to his favorite activities.

I care, maybe I care too much. It's not good for my health. I now believe my husband's approach is healthier, especially when I work myself up into a hissy fit over something or other. Little interrupts his equilibrium. I used to think he was just being selfish. Now, I don't think so.

Conclusion

Concentrating on deep relationships, serving more, not letting things we have no control over stress us. Sounds like a winning formula to me ...

Do Your Own Calling, Not Someone Else's: You Need All the Divine Help You Can Get!

2026-01-20T09:00:00.014-05:00

Flaky members are an occupational hazard in the Church. They agree to do something, and then they don't. They agree to accept a calling, and then they don't perform their calling, or else they perform it so poorly that they should not have bothered doing what they did.

In a Church of volunteers, this is inevitable.

What is unfortunate is that other members are compensating for these failures by doing the tasks these flaky members are not. Why is this a problem? Simple. They lack the authority. Without the authority, you have no divine help. You are on your own. That is not a good situation.

Callings: What they are and what they mean

Callings are the little pieces of Heavenly Father's work assigned to us on earth. From the Handbook:

Heavenly Father gave Jesus Christ a sacred mission to fulfill (see Luke 4:18–19; John 6:38; 3 Nephi 27:14–16). During His ministry, the Savior trusted His disciples with important responsibilities (see Luke 10:1–9). Likewise, the Lord calls men and women to serve in the Church today through inspired invitations from His servants. These opportunities to serve are known as callings.

Callings give members opportunities to feel the joy of serving God by serving His children (see Mosiah 2:17). Callings also help members increase their faith and draw closer to the Lord.

Callings are extended by those in authority, usually unit and/or stake leadership. This is generally done in a private consultation with the member in question. It should be done under divine inspiration with specific considerations.

Heavenly Father should be, and is, guiding this process.

Being Set Apart: Official confirmation and divine bestowal of assistance

The process of being set apart formalizes the process of officially being called to the work and being equipped to perform the responsibility. From the Handbook:

Members who are called and sustained to most Church positions should be set apart to serve in that position (see John 15:16; Doctrine and Covenants 42:11; see also 3.4.3.1 in this handbook). During the setting apart, the person is given (1) authority to act in the calling and (2) words of blessing as guided by the Spirit.

Being set apart is a divine bestowal and promise of divine assistance in performing the duties someone has been given. From the Handbook:

When Church members are set apart under the direction of those who hold priesthood keys, they are given authority from God to act in that calling.

Compensating for Flaky Members

Too many people know that if they don't do their calling, someone else will probably compensate and try to do it for them. This should not happen.

You only have divine affirmation, guidance, and assistance in doing your own calling, not someone else's. If you try, chances are you will flounder.

I can attest to this. In trying to compensate for someone else's inaction, I've floundered. I finally figured out why. I didn't have any divine help in trying to do THEIR calling, just my own.

Don't rediscover the wheel like I did.

A corollary problem is the havoc this wrecks on the authority structure. I don't know how many times I've gone up the line asking about activities and efforts that the person in question SHOULD be doing only to find out they aren't.

Then, I have to track down the person that is actually doing the task in question. This is time-consuming, inefficient and disorienting.

I wouldn't have to wander all over the authority structure if people confined themselves to their own calling responsibilities instead of trying to do everyone elses.

Let People FAIL!?

So, if we do not compensate for flaky people, will things fail? Yes, they probably will, perhaps often. Does that need to happen? Yes, probably. Our efforts to ensure success on every level by taking over and doing things ourselves may even subvert Heavenly Father's intent.

Our best course of action is to do our own callings, to the very best of our abilities, all the time, everywhere, and allow others to do the same.

Concerns About Converts: Let’s Keep ‘Em, Not Demoralize ‘Em

2026-01-13T09:00:00.007-05:00

Converts have it rough. They adopt a new faith, a new way of thinking, worshiping, associating, you name it.

My prior husband came from a strong Christian background, but he said joining the Church and changing everything was wrenching. He felt new converts needed extensive fellowship and support. He certainly did, and he was a strong, intelligent, competent individual.

I’m afraid we are demoralizing and destabilizing them in a way I’ve never heard addressed before. How do I know this? Because I’m a lifetime member and I’m demoralized and destabilized by it. I can only imagine what it is doing to converts.

I’ve seen the Church evolve over the years, both formally and informally. I know how things have been done in the past. I know how things are being done now. AND, I know how things should be done because I read the instructions.

There is a big disconnect between how things should be done and how they are being done.

Can you imagine what it would be like for a new member to excitedly begin a calling only to find out that the Church instructions aren’t being followed and no one seems to care?

Can’t you see them wondering why, if this is the true Church, and people feel that leaders are being inspired, that nobody is paying any attention to what they are being told to do?

Can't you see how we would all look like monumental hypocrites to these new converts?

Some of the problems are that current members are stuck doing things the way they have been done in the past and don’t grasp that change is in order. I’ve covered this before:

Bury the Old Leadership Calendar Legacy and Those Who Practice It

Why Are We Still Doing This? Bulletins, Newsletter, Flyers and More

The other part of the problem is that people do what they want, what others have done, or simply wing it without reading the instructions or considering what they should be accomplishing.

When new converts see a vast disconnect between what we are instructed to do and what people in the Church are actually doing, don’t you think this is demoralizing and destabilizing?

Unlike us lifers, they often don’t have the spiritual longevity and maturity to process it.

I can hardly blame them. I know it would affect me. It does affect me. I show leadership and others the Church's explicit instructions, chapter and verse, and they shrug me aside and do what they want to do anyway.

Let’s get it right by reading and following instructions. We'll all be better for it!

The Savior's Way

2026-01-06T09:00:00.008-05:00

A couple at Church asked me how my teaching was going.

I teach Institute online for BYU-Pathway Worldwide. I was being trained at the time, and I told them it was unsettling and destabilizing because, I said, "I was doing everything wrong!" They looked disturbed and incredulous.

However, I wasn't kidding, and it is something I'm working on now, doing it right.

I was stuck in past practices and a past paradigm. I didn't have a chance to explain this to the couple at the time, but I now have something I can point to.

Brother Chad H. Webb is the second counselor in the Sunday School General Presidency. He manages the Seminary and Institute programs as well as other things. I point to his recent General Conference talk, That All May Be Edified.

This talk is a capsule version of everything I am being trained to do. It's a constant battle because the old paradigm persists, in my mind, current practices, and in the expectations of my students.

Changing all of this is difficult.

Consider Brother Webb's description of how things typically work and how they should work:

In the past, we may have thought of teaching as a chance for a parent or teacher to invite the Spirit into their own preparation and then share what they have learned with children or class members, whose role it has been to listen. But even more effective is when we, as learners, also come prepared and when teachers create learning experiences that foster personal revelation directly to our hearts and minds. Then, as we’re given opportunities to share what we are learning through our study and from the Holy Ghost, we help each other to be instructed and edified. As we apply gospel principles, the Spirit again bears witness of their truthfulness.

The change involves cultivating "diligent learning" instead of the passive approach so common to both teachers and students in the Church.

Teachers should be fostering the desires and skills to be self-reliant gospel learners and actors, and for the students to step up and do their part to become self-reliant gospel learners.

We should take charge of our own testimonies.

As teachers, we can focus more on the learner’s progress, on meeting their needs, and on helping them to develop spiritual habits of lifelong discipleship. As learners, when we exercise our agency in the learning process, we signal to the Holy Ghost our willingness to be taught by Him.

Another aspect is focusing on Jesus Christ, his characteristics and attributes, in all our teaching and learning. Brother Webb gives a wonderful example:

At times, we may not immediately see the attributes of the Savior outlined in a scriptural account. For example, when reading about Nephi building a boat, we might focus only on Nephi. But focusing on the Savior can help us see that this record was not preserved to teach us about the greatness of Nephi but to show us the greatness of God—that He gives us strength to keep His commandments and delivers us in times of need.

There are other aspects of Teaching in the Savior's Way, but what I've written should suffice for illustrative purposes.

Brother Webb's address is a wonderful summary of how we should be teaching and how we should be learning.

When I ate that guacamole, I just knew the Church was true!

2025-12-30T09:00:00.016-05:00

Elder William R. Jackson’s recent General Conference address, “Remembering the Sheep” really resonated with me. Why? Because he emphasized putting people ahead of programs and activities. He referred us all to how the Savior ministered and how Moroni understood and practiced “counting and accounting.”

Where did it all go?

Elder Jackson’s experiences outside the United States encouraged him that members and leaders had the right focus. Here, we seem to have lost it:

A few years ago, my family moved back to the United States. We were excited to attend church here after 26 amazing years in smaller, more isolated units. I was called as a ward missionary. We had a great ward mission leader and were doing exciting things and teaching wonderful people. I asked to attend a ward council meeting to observe and to get their help with the friends we were working with. I was surprised when all that was discussed was an upcoming ward activity. I approached the ward mission leader afterward and opined that he didn’t get the chance to return and report on our people. His response? “Oh, I never get to report.”

Social Activities and Food

Social activities certainly have their place, but they shouldn’t be taking over everything we do. They have, though.

When I was young, we NEVER had overtly social activities at church. It wasn’t considered appropriate. My, how far we’ve come…

Now, it’s all social, imbued with a lot of unhealthy food. What does it achieve, if anything? Not much. It may even be damaging us.

Before meetinghouses got round tables, we sat at the long rectangular ones. People would simply sit down next to whoever else was there and start chatting. It didn’t matter if you knew them or not. People just socialized and got to know each other. I got to know a lot of people this way.

Now, people segregate themselves at the round tables with just their immediate family and chosen friends. People aren’t really socializing with anyone they don’t already know. This is horribly alienating to those who don’t have family and friends at church. I’m inclined to think that after initially experiencing this phenomenon, they aren’t coming to activities anymore.

People obviously could include people outside of their normal social circle at these events. They just don’t. So, if we keep having events where this occurs, the alienation will probably continue.

We Don't Operate "Entertainment Centers"

Drumroll! I have NEVER heard anyone state or confess that they received a testimony from a church social event. Never!

I've emphasized this before, but Elder Soares stated:

The goal of every activity in the Church should be to help members build faith in the Savior. “We do not operate entertainment centers,”

Eating food and socializing don’t result in a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

We need to stop assuming it will.

No one's going to eat guacamole or anything else and build their faith in Jesus Christ.

Lose the Guacamole and Get the Right Focus!

So, what is the right focus? Elder Jacson supplied us with it:

In the Church of Jesus Christ, we have been instructed by prophets past and prophets present—and by the pattern set by our Savior—how to minister. We take names, we remember, and we counsel over the welfare of souls. Leaders who do this will never run out of agenda items in their council meetings! The principle of counting and accounting works. It is the Lord’s way. We can do better. To God, who created the universe and rules over all, this work—His work and glory—is very personal. And so it should be for each of us, as instruments in His hands in His amazing work of salvation and exaltation. Miracles in the lives of real people will result.

People! Not Activities!

If Jesus Christ started querying you about all the people on your branch or ward list, would you know about them? Would you know where they are or what they need?

Elder Jackson compared the United States unit that was preoccupied with activities with his previous one:

I contrasted that with a branch council meeting in Lahore, Pakistan, that I had attended just weeks before. This little group sat around a small table together, and all they talked about were people. Names. Each leader reported on their stewardship and the individuals and families that they were concerned about. All had the chance to add their thoughts on the best ways that they could bless those being discussed. Plans were made and assignments given. What a brilliant lesson in counting and accounting by name from our first-generation brothers and sisters.

What a powerful example for us all!

How On Earth Do You Say That?!

2025-12-23T09:00:00.010-05:00

I suspected the temple sealer in the Indy temple sealing session was avoiding some of my names, especially the Dutch ones.

The sealing sessions were large, and I didn’t want any barriers in getting my names done. I wanted my ancestors to be able to enjoy the blessings of the gospel that I’ve been able to enjoy on earth.

I don’t want the sealer judged for this. The Swedish names can be challenging, but the Dutch names are not for the faint of heart. Try this one:

Trijntje

How would you pronounce it?

Once, he stumbled through a bunch of my Dutch names in a family he was sealing together. He got through them but lost his train of thought and was concerned he’d missed something. So, we did it all over again. When he got done, he begged for mercy ...

I wanted the sealer to be able to pronounce the names with confidence and ease. I decided he needed a pronunciation guide.

So, I started including a phonetic spelling on a post-it note I attached to the temple card to assist him. It worked. He pronounces them easily now and looks so pleased with himself.

In order to do this, I needed a pronunciation guide too. I found two that are helpful:

HowToPronounce

and

Forvo

One of the things I decided I could do for my ancestors was pronounce their names correctly. Obviously, this isn’t essential, but it is a nice touch. A sealer remarked to us once that no matter how badly he slaughters the names, the ordinance is still valid. I’m glad, but I also want to go the little extra mile for my ancestors.

You may say that just generating their names for ordinances is enough. It is actually. However, I don’t do that; my sister does. She supplies me with the names. I add value by ascertaining the correct pronunciation.

I got this idea from my husband telling me that he felt my ancestors present in the sealing session one day, and that they were “amused” with how their names got pronounced. That’s when I went to work.

Maybe in the next life, I’ll discover if they appreciated my efforts. I hope so.

There Are Others Out There!

2025-12-16T09:00:00.014-05:00

No, this isn't about aliens, at least from other worlds. It's about people in this world who are aliens to the resources that could allow them to achieve in this life.

There are too many of them out there.

Whenever I see pictures of people on the very edge of existence somewhere in the world who have to fight to exist from day to day for just subsistence, I think of ... Astrid S. Tuminez.

She is currently President of Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah. (Yes, this is the school where Charlie Kirk was assassinated.)

Astrid grew up in the slums of a rural area of the Philippines in extreme, abject poverty. When very young, she encountered some Catholic nuns who secured her a scholarship to a Catholic school. From there, she thrived. That change made all the difference in the world, to her and others.

How many others are like her, languishing because the small hand up is unavailable for them to reach their true potential?

I don't think she's unusual. She received the help she needed. How many others die without it?

The next time you see images of those in poverty, oppression, and want, think of Astrid Tuminez in that same condition. Consider what she was able to do with a little assistance. This world is a lot better because she received it.

Others will be too.

Consider what you can do to assist those others.

The Garment Brouhaha: Much Ado About Nothing

2025-11-18T09:00:00.017-05:00

I’ve followed the whole garment change thing with some amusement and some dismay. What I don’t like is marginal members and ex-members controlling the dialogue. So, I’ll weigh in now.

The changes in women’s garments were ostensibly and primarily for women in other parts of the world whose climate and customary attire didn’t lend themselves well to current garment designs and fabrics.

Garment changes have arrived. And, apparently, women are standing in line for hours to get a hold of them. But, that is only if they haven’t already conscripted family members and friends overseas to obtain them for them there. Never mind that they are probably depriving the very people who they were designed for from obtaining them.

Now that they are available in our area of the world, interminable lines are forming as if we have been deprived of something we desperately need. Shortages abound.

Much ado about nothing.

Comfort? I don’t think so …

Most of what I read suggests women can now wear clothing that they couldn’t otherwise wear, usually tank tops. And now they can be COMFORTABLE! I don’t buy it.

Tight clothing is not comfortable. It is not recommended for intense heat and humidity, either. Experts tell us not to wear tight clothing during heat. You’re body needs to move and breathe. Tight clothing constricts this.

When I lived in Hawaii, we laughed at the tourists in their tight, skimpy clothing. The best clothing was the traditional Hawaiian muu muus. Nothing beats light, loose and flowing clothing.

Consider what they wear in other intensely hot areas of the world – loose, flowing clothing that shields from the sun.

All the images I see of women touting the new clothing they can wear with the new garments are tight and sleeveless.

Style? I don’t think so …

Some years ago, I read about a leading fashion designer. I remember him saying, “ladies, armpits are not attractive…” I cannot imagine a reasonable person disagreeing with this statement.

The more skin you show, the more your body has to stand on its own, so to speak. Unless your body is perfect, I can’t imagine that exposing more skin is going to be viewed as beautiful.

Clothing features can minimize bodily flaws and can accentuate the positives. With broad shoulders, I do this with sleeves. Some sleeves accentuate my shoulders. Others mask them. I make use of this extensively.

Modest? I don’t think so …

The only clothing the old garments restricted was sleeveless clothing. But, sleeveless clothing has to be tight or it isn’t modest.

Tight clothing is not modest. You’re revealing a great deal, whether you are showing skin or not.

Can you imagine a loose tank top? There would be nothing modest about it. Revealing clothing is not comfortable. You have to be so careful about how you move, where you move and how far you move.

If clothing sufficiently covers you, you don’t have to worry about anything, especially modesty.

Health and Medical Issues

I’ve been a bit puzzled by the claims that garments cause urinary tract infections and yeast infections. It’s more likely that tight clothing is the culprit.

Loose clothing and circulating air should alleviate many of these problems.

It is possible and probable that in some countries in which the Church is now established, particular clothing isn’t well-suited to prior garment designs and fabrics.

Other Garment Issues

I’ve got news for you, garments are more comfortable when they aren’t form-fitting. Garments also last longer when they aren’t tight.

How do I know this? Simple, I lost over 70 pounds. My garments were a little tight when I was at my heaviest. I was thinking I needed new garments, then the weight came off.

Suddenly, I was a lot more comfortable on almost every conceivable level. Yes, they are a bit loose now. Also, I noticed my garments are not deteriorating like they had in the past. They are now over 10 years old. I bought them in 2013. I know this because I keep receipts.

They even look better than my husband's, and his are only about 2-3 years old. I know this because I do the laundry and his are tighter than mine.

Conclusion

So, am I going to run out and buy these new garments? No need. I’ll consider them when the time comes. It might be nice not to have any additional fabric under the arms. We’ll see.

I don’t much care about wearing tank tops either, for more than one reason, some of which I stated above.

Also, with my broad shoulders, garments have always been sleeveless for me ...

No One Left Out Regardless of Their Ability! UPDATED

2025-11-16T15:23:00.000-05:00

On October 25, 2024, I wrote about the Seminary and Institute programs for those whose needs are being met by the text-based, traditional programs. It was entitled, No One Left Out Regardless of Their Ability.

These folks have options, and the options continue!

Brother Chatelain has now retired, so the contact information I posted that day is no longer accurate. Please see the updated information below:

Simple Service versus Significant Service: A different take on the story of the Good Samaritan

2025-10-28T09:00:00.007-04:00

The priest and the Levite take quite a hit in the story of the Good Samaritan. They both had ecclesiastical responsibilities to care for those in distress, and they didn’t do it. They left the injured man there on the road and passed by.

We can all smugly criticize them, but perhaps there is more to this story.

The road from Jerusalem to Jericho was dangerous. The priest and Levite may have legitimately feared for their own safety, whereas on a less dangerous stretch of road, they may have immediately rendered aid.

The injured man could have been a plant, designed by robbers to simply entice them to render aid and then rob them. This possibility may have occurred to them both.

They were undoubtedly aware of their ecclesiastical responsibilities to serve those in need. If they had stopped to render aid, perhaps they wouldn’t have been on time to their local food bank to do the shift they had signed up for. Maybe they were on their way to render aid to someone somewhere. Or, maybe they just gave annually to the local equivalent of Toys for Tots and called it good.

Service can involve danger

Sometimes service involves some danger for us. As a single woman, I avoided men who appeared to need aid, hoping someone else had the courage I did not. I was acutely aware of the danger I might be in. Other circumstances could also make us fearful for our own safety. It’s hard to criticize circumstances when none of us are in a position to analyze the risks to us and ours.

Just because you are extending yourself in a Christlike manner doesn’t mean your effort will be received in a Christlike manner. You could easily be taken advantage of or harmed, even both.

What qualifies as service?

What I’m more concerned about right now is how we choose what service to extend and how we do it.

We are commanded and expected to serve, but we are not compelled to serve. We get to choose what we do. Let’s choose well.

I’m suggesting we think of service in two rough categories: simple service and significant service. Obviously, there are gradations, but these distinctions are useful.

Significant service versus simple service

Simple service is quick, painless, and makes us feel instantly better. We get warm fuzzies from this type of service. It includes taking someone a casserole, cookies, candy, or something similar. It could include giving someone an item, especially one we don’t want and have no use for. This type of service is straightforward and easy. I sometimes call it “safe service.”

Unfortunately, it doesn’t generally accomplish much. I say much because it can certainly accomplish something, however small.

Significant service, on the other hand, is often time-consuming, difficult, inconvenient, and even dangerous. However, it can make a tremendous difference in the lives of individuals and communities, not just in the present but often in the future as well. It can be life-changing.

A lot of service falls in between these two extremes, but I’ll leave it there.

The priest and the Levite

The priest and Levite may well have been on their way to some other event they didn’t want to be late for. They may have been prioritizing their service.

I’m reminded of when my first husband and I moved to Kansas. Through a series of large and small disasters and circumstances, we had to unload our moving truck on Sunday.

Our Branch President knew. What he did stunned us. He canceled church and told everyone to travel to our home and help us. It was over an hour’s drive for nearly everyone. A whole group showed up and we got it done in no time. We were enormously grateful.

Our realtor, who thought we were new and friendless, brought us a pie that day. She found us and the whole group lounging on the porch, having finished our efforts. She was stunned. She said, “I obviously didn’t make enough.”

Contrast that with another similar situation I know of. The church leader protested that if he addressed the very pressing need (I don’t know what it was), there wouldn’t be anyone in leadership left to conduct the church services that day. In disgust, my source for this story simply left to attend to the need. He doesn’t know what happened at church that day.

Can you imagine what would have happened to the woman with an issue of blood if Jesus hadn’t stopped to address her need while headed to heal Jairus’ very sick little daughter? Would he have been late to give the Sermon on the Mount if someone needed him en route?

Simple Service

While seemingly satisfying our need to feel we are extending service, simple service has its limitations. Unfortunately, it seems to be taking over much of the service rendered in the church setting as well as our individual efforts. It generally addresses what we want to do for people, which may not necessarily be what they truly need.

This type of service often gets slotted into our schedules like a hair appointment. We sign up ahead of time, attend for a specified time period, and then go home, patting ourselves on the back. Often, we never even encounter the people we are ostensibly serving.

I’m not the only one to bemoan this situation. David Cloutier, in True charity calls for more than a parish toy drive: Christmas giving must go beyond toys on the side altar published in U.S. Catholic, suggests that true Christlike service generally involves interacting with those we are serving. This is certainly the example that Christ set. Christ always interacted with individuals and focused on the one.

Significant Service

Significant service is what the Good Samaritan extended. It was inconvenient, time-consuming, expensive, involved personal risk, required extensive effort over time, and … (drumroll) … made a tremendous difference. He served the individual in need directly. There was no buffer of some sort of service organization between himself and the individual he served.

Significant service opportunities cannot generally be planned into our schedules. It comes up abruptly because needs come up abruptly. Often, Heavenly Father puts these in our path because he wants us to address the problems, usually because we have the talents or skills to respond to them, and He is giving us an opportunity to serve one or some of His children.

We may emerge from this type of service feeling exhausted, poorer, spent, and inconvenienced. On reflection, however, we KNOW we made a difference, a big one.

How are we teaching service?

We don’t know from the New Testament account of the Good Samaritan if he trumpeted his service to others, posted it to his biblical blog, alerted the local press corps, or posed for a photo op, but I doubt it.

Which brings up the question of how we are teaching service, especially to the youth. It’s not uncommon to alert the news and pose for pictures. This is troubling.

Unfortunately, I remember one of my own stake’s youth service activity where the kids were all supplied with special t-shirts while the service activity took maybe an hour or two. They all posed for a picture, and it was published in a local news source. I don’t think it's a coincidence that the stake president was a marketing and public relations professional, and he was present in the picture that got published.

The Church does it sometimes. However, I think its motives are different. The Church’s articles I’ve read are generally unusual and extensive service efforts. They are efforts that make a difference and often inspire us to think of how the service could be adapted to our own community or into our own lives. Often, the stories highlight some real innovation in serving significant needs.

Christ often told people to keep it confidential when he served them. He also told us to keep our efforts quiet and confidential when we serve. We can speculate on the reasons for this but the instruction remains.

Your own efforts …

I’ve been on the receiving end of service as well as the giving end. Both positions are hard for a variety of reasons. It’s often difficult to find out what their true needs are because people often keep these needs private. People often resist your efforts to help them. They often don’t appreciate the significance of what you have done for them. You may not get any appreciation from them at all.

We are probably tempted to view the service as a failure because our intended service objects don’t respond well. However, we need to remember that Heavenly Father focuses on our efforts, not on our successes.

I appreciate people’s efforts to help me. Sometimes they do what they want to do for me, rather than what I truly need. Sometimes their efforts cause me more problems. I try to focus on their intent more than anything. But it would be better if we all engaged in significant, selfless service.

Local church leadership can be helpful in all of this. They often have more information about individuals and individuals’ needs than is available to us. Querying them can be useful.

Sister Sharon Eubank, has been vocal about how to serve effectively. In this article, she encourages everyone to sit down with whoever they want to serve and ask a lot of questions. The article includes a podcast with her extensive instructions.

Conclusion

Let’s not pass up any opportunity to serve, simple or significant. However, let’s try to serve in the most effective way we can. We’ll all be better off for it.

There Are a Lot of Jerks in the Church!

2025-10-14T09:00:00.018-04:00

This is not an editorial comment from me. It was the wisdom my husband’s new bishop shared with him when he joined the Church decades ago. He followed it with, “Don’t base your testimony on them.” He further instructed him to put his faith in scripture and prophets.

Probably not typically shared with new converts, I suspect it was more of a targeted comment to the unique attributes of my husband. He’s a big, strong, no-nonsense, scientifically oriented pragmatist. He’s particularly down on stupidity. He says that “Ignorance can be cured. Stupidity is terminal.”

The principle behind the advice is sound for everyone. The Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and this is Christ’s Church, despite how flawed, flaky, and unrepresentative some of its members are.

One of the trials many of us must put up with is the inadequacies of its members as we all attempt to do the Lord’s work. As Church leaders have pointed out, flawed people is all the Lord has ever had to work with.

The flaws and limitations of members can be hard to endure. We’ve been told that we must respond with love, patience and long-suffering.

We CANNOT let it affect our testimonies. Jesus Christ dealt with flawed and inadequate followers during his mortal ministry. Perhaps Matthew 17:17 suggests this well:

Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.

Frustration can plague us. It’s disheartening to have one’s efforts in the Church thwarted or sabotaged by someone or something else.

How do we continue to serve as well as maintain our commitment to serve in this sort of environment?

My husband insists that our success is irrelevant. Heavenly Father notes our effort, not whether we succeed at it. He’s often said, “I’m where I’m supposed to be, doing what I’m supposed to do.”

No matter how well we serve or try to serve, we can be thwarted by jerks. Despite what Heavenly Father tells us to do, he knows many of us will not succeed. This is illustrated by what he said of Oliver Granger in D&C 117:12-13 and 15:

And again, I say unto you, I remember my servant Oliver Granger; behold, verily I say unto him that his name shall be had in sacred remembrance from generation to generation, forever and ever, saith the Lord.

Therefore, let him contend earnestly for the redemption of the First Presidency of my Church, saith the Lord; and when he falls he shall rise again, for his sacrifice shall be more sacred unto me than his increase, saith the Lord….

Therefore let no man despise my servant Oliver Granger, but let the blessings of my people be on him forever and ever.

Granger was one of the few people named in scripture and one of the few who was extolled for his contributions. However, he largely failed in what he was charged with doing. What he did succeed with was praised, even by non-Church members.

His sacrifice was more important to the Lord than his increase. Perhaps that is a lesson for us all.

A Light Bulb Moment About Relief Society: Nailing Down the Problems or at Least Some of Them

2025-10-07T09:00:00.014-04:00

Self-doubt afflicts us all. However, I had a recent light bulb moment after reading the four-volume history of the Church entitled SAINTS.

From SAINTS:The Story of the Church of Jesus Christ in the Latter Days, Volume 4, Sounded in Every Ear 1955–2020, Pages 587-588:

Relief Society, they understood, was originally established by priesthood authority. Its activities and endeavors had changed over the years, with some presidencies establishing hospitals or focusing on social work, literacy, or some other kind of service. Yet giving women opportunities to expound the gospel of Jesus Christ and provide relief to those in need had always been central to the organization’s work.

Still, the presidency worried that Relief Society had become just another class to attend on Sunday. Weekday Relief Society meetings and activities, especially where the Church and its members were well established, were often social events that had little to do with giving service or teaching the gospel. Many members did not know the organization’s inspired beginnings or its rich history. Younger women especially showed little enthusiasm for it. The presidency believed the women in the Church needed to find strength and value in their identity as Relief Society sisters.17

I’ve bemoaned the social and recreational emphasis that pervades Relief Society everywhere.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who noticed it. Back around 2007, the General Relief Society Presidency felt the same. This is one of the reasons that the book, Daughters in my Kingdom was compiled and published in 2011.

From SAINTS:The Story of the Church of Jesus Christ in the Latter Days, Volume 4, Sounded in Every Ear 1955–2020, Page 642:

Inspired by the history they had received from President Boyd K. Packer and at the assignment of the First Presidency, the Relief Society was preparing to publish a book, Daughters in My Kingdom: The History and Work of Relief Society. The book was fully illustrated and written in a simple style appropriate for readers of all abilities. It would also be translated into twenty-three languages and distributed to the women of the Church. The presidency hoped it would help the sisters learn from the past, better understand their spiritual heritage as disciples of Christ, and embrace the Relief Society’s divinely appointed mission.22

Not knowing any of this and before Volume 4 of SAINTS was published, I expressed the same sentiment. From my blog:

I think back to the book Daughters in My Kingdom which narrated the history and purpose of the Relief Society. I wonder where it all went. I see almost no emphasis on service and charity anymore. The emphasis is all on recreation and fun.

I feel vindicated and validated. However, I would prefer to be wrong. The situation then and now is dismal.

We are not living up to our heritage, our mission, or our potential.

There is still room and time to change!

Ladies?

Mandelbrot Diagram or Something Else? This Stunning Image is a Head Turner!

2025-09-30T09:00:00.003-04:00

At first glance, it looks sort of like a Mandelbrot diagram, especially from a distance. In fact, it is the architectural diagram of the main floor of the new Jacksonville, Florida, Temple. I've never seen anything like it, even though I've seen plenty of temple pictures. I usually see outside or interior shots, nothing like this.

Recently, the Temple was approved by city authorities, and a building permit was issued. These and other images were published in a local paper. See some others below:

Even the artwork is carefully planned and diagrammed.

These images point to some conclusions:

1. Temple plans cannot be easily altered. Some critics in cities where there is pushback to planned temples need to realize how carefully the space is planned. Their seemingly small (in their mind, at least) adjustments have massive implications given how temples function and what they need to do.

2. The flow of people in and out of the temple is carefully planned, much more so than most people think.

For example, in a visit to a small temple, we were instructed NOT to walk past a specific area of the temple in our temple clothes. The way back to the dressing room was much longer, but there are reasons for not viewing temple clothing from waiting areas where patrons who are not LDS may be gathered.

I tried to imagine how the traffic would flow in the Jacksonville temple. I'm impressed with how meticulous and careful it is given what I know.

3. Temple plans are detailed and meticulous. We've learned things over the years about what works and what doesn't. Newer models incorporate this learning. We aren't going to go back in time and design temples like we used to.

For example, I disliked the old Rock Canyon Provo Temple dressing rooms because I'm tall. The dressing stalls weren't high. I felt like I was dressing in front of the whole room. I usually asked for a more unobtrusive stall, and the temple workers accommodated me. At the then recently remodeled Jordan River Temple, the walls were higher. At a recently remodeled temple I visited, the stalls extended up to the ceiling.

4. Our needs are standardized. Being able to standardize our measurements and layouts prevents the time and costs of having everything custom-made, as one-of-a-kind structures often require.

We've been told that there are only a small number of actual temple layouts. The exterior is customized to the area a bit to fit into the aesthetics of the area.

We shouldn't have to alter our standard layouts. We need them. We shouldn't have to alter our plans to suit outsiders ideas of what we "need" and their own aesthetics.

The care and planning that goes into temples is astonishing, as these images attest.

A Place of Worship or a Place of Fun?

2025-09-23T09:00:00.005-04:00

The fourth volume of Saints contains this quote in chapter 29:

In Panguipulli, the Saints had treated their meetinghouse like their home, keeping it clean and well maintained. But when Veronica stepped into the meetinghouse in Santiago, she was surprised to find that the floors and walls were scuffed with shoe marks and tire skids from children riding their bicycles through the halls.

This quote is specific to Chile and during a distinct time period, but is it unique? I don’t think so.

It reminds me of a comment I heard from a lady in my ward who remarked she was concerned about how some of the kids were behaving in the building. She was appalled because she wanted to emphasize to them, “This is a place of worship!”

But is it?

I don’t think so. Our meetinghouses are places of fun, especially for children and youth. So, how can we criticize them for treating them like a place of entertainment and recreation?

When kids and youth attend anything at church we generally ask them, “Did you have fun?” This is the perennial question for everything. We take snacks and toys to church to “keep the kids entertained.” All our church events and activities are typically social events where we socialize and have fun.

Did you have fun?

It’s the same question, over and over and over again.

This is also true for adults. Laughing and chatting before, during, and after any supposed worship service is pervasive and endemic.

Actual worship rarely enters the picture, despite the scriptural, counsel and Handbook guidance that everything we do should build faith and commitment in Jesus Christ.

Again, I’ll remind my readers what Elder Soares said:

The goal of every activity in the Church should be to help members build faith in the Savior. “We do not operate entertainment centers,”

Just a few weeks before I was called as a Ward Building Representative, I was adjusting the curtains in the chapel after having cleaned everything. I wanted to adjust them so they looked nice. I got a distinct impression. This is MY house and this is important work. It made it much easier to accept the call as a Ward Building Representative.

It IS the Lord’s house. It IS a place of worship, at least it SHOULD be. We need to treat it as such, as well as the activities conducted within it.

Careful in Your Communications: A SKILL for Today!

2025-09-16T09:00:00.003-04:00

It is the anniversary of my husband’s death. I miss him, and I look forward to a heavenly reunion.

On this sad occasion, I remember his legacy in one regard that would be so useful today if it were more widespread.

He was careful in his communications. Every comment, every word was carefully considered and intentional. He never made remarks off the cuff or casually. As a result, he never uttered any word he regretted. I had to apologize for things I said, but he never did.

In today’s news, you see people backtracking and “clarifying” their comments because their comments are producing consequences they did not intend and now regret. Better to never utter these words to begin with.

This trait served him well. He was not born with it. He developed it. He intentionally developed it. It was a SKILL, not a talent.

Skills are intentionally developed. When something is a skill, that means we all can develop it. This is not the province of highly talented and gifted individuals, which is usually how we absolve ourselves of the responsibility to develop ourselves.

Skills require practice, discipline, and intention. We are all capable of developing skills.

This skill is worth developing by all of us.

Don't Just Sit There, Read the Instructions!

2025-09-02T09:00:00.003-04:00

An Ancient Example But a Modern Dilemma

I served as a Financial Secretary in my Young Single Adult Student Ward when I first attended Brigham Young University (BYU). This was many, many years ago…

If you’ve not heard of that calling, you’re not alone. It doesn’t really exist. In a single adult ward, every individual is a “household” and clerking responsibilities are extreme. Generally, each ward had several Financial Clerks, each assigned a portion of the alphabet according to last names. Their duties were extensive and time-consuming.

There was a squad of Financial Secretaries, of which I was one. Essentially, we were typists. We supported the Financial Clerks. Tithing records had to be typed on a special form on a special typewriter. Every Sunday, the Financial Clerks would process the money and the tithing slips and then place the slip in my view so that I could type the name and amount onto the form. Once the forms were done, they would be sent off to Salt Lake. There, they were optically read and processed. Obviously, this was before the fully digital days.

Administrative Chaos

The problem was that people didn’t always put the same name on their tithing receipt. They might abbreviate their name one week or leave off their middle name or initial another week. Obviously. The Church didn’t know if these were all the same person. So, they would send us forms where the names were similar and ask us to “reconcile” them. This required more typing and comparison on our part.

We had a financial organization meeting with our Bishop once. He was a high-powered President/Manager over the local, and very large, E.F. Hutton & Co. office in town. He expressed concern over all the reconciliation forms we were being sent and asked if something should be done to standardize how we submitted things to reduce all the “reconciliation” we had to do. He wanted to know what the Church’s instructions were.

This was met by hemming, hawing, hedging, and equivocating by the Financial Clerks, who obviously didn’t know the answer. A strong man and manager, the Bishop yelled, “LET’S GET IT NAILED DOWN!”

Nailing It Down

Too timid to speak up at the time, I knew the answer but was as intimidated as the rest of the room. I stayed quiet.* The Church wanted us to standardize the names, no matter how they varied on the tithing slips, to reduce the reconciliation that needed to be done.

How did I know this? Simple. I read the instructions. Radical, I know.

Instructions?! What Instructions?!

This was an early and vivid experience that reinforced the fact that I could figure things out myself and do things properly. I couldn’t, and shouldn’t, depend on local church members or leaders to do it for me.

This early experience has been reinforced over the years. In fact, almost no one anywhere in the Church reads the instructions or follows them if they do. What’s more, people who aren’t inclined to follow instructions generally don’t take the time to read them anyway.

Reading and following instructions over the years has served me extremely well. I understand what needs to be, how to do things properly, and why this reaps benefits in the long run.

Contrast this with the more common behavior of “winging it,” which is all too common everywhere. I watch people mess things up time and time again. Things are so much simpler when you follow the instructions.

Instructions, especially in the Church, exist to help us save time, effort, and angst. Following them helps the Church function better, utilize tithing funds better, and serve the needs of members and others better. I’m certain that Jesus Christ is in favor of instructions, given that He has issued so many.

The “W”rest of the Story

Back to my story…

Prior to the meeting with the Bishop, one of the Financial Clerks had instructed me to just “type the name on the tithing slip,” whatever it was, and we’d worry about things later. This was his response when I inquired how the Church wanted me to handle the name variability I noticed very soon into my duties. I did as I was told, but I doubted the wisdom of it, given all the reconciliation forms we were being sent.

After reviewing the instructions, I decided he was wrong and I did need to standardize things myself when I typed up the forms. Quietly, I started doing so but said nothing to anyone. After the meeting with the Bishop, I did so more confidently.

What Relevance Does This Have Now?

Church members and leaders still aren’t accessing, reading, or following instructions. This still causes havoc, havoc I think Satan smiles at.

I’m just one person, and I’ll never be in a priesthood leadership position where I can have direct control over how things are being done. Few people are. We’re all basically in the same boat, struggling against human frailty and inertia.

I try and share the location, wisdom, and guidance of church instructions with the powers that be, often to no avail. They continue to “wing it” and do whatever they want, do what has been done in the past, or do what works for them personally.

My frustration is extreme.

When I am prevented or thwarted from doing my calling properly because of the incorrect actions of others, it is not just aggravating but demoralizing and destabilizing.

What would Jesus do? What would Jesus have me do? I’m still trying to sort that one out...

*A contributing reason for staying quiet was that I had a crush on one of the Financial Clerks, and I didn’t want to make him look stupid.

People Are Leaving the Church Because of Unwanted Emails?!

2025-07-22T09:00:00.020-04:00

I read widely, and that includes articles about the Church that are both positive and negative. In Revisiting the surreal day I resigned from the LDS Church, the author got fed up with all the unwanted emails he was receiving from the Church. He states:

Eventually whoever is in charge of this sort of thing (Moses?) transferred my membership records to my parents’ ward. I discovered this when I began receiving an onslaught of emails from the ward activities committee, elders quorum, and whatever poor soul had been assigned to beg people to clean meetinghouse toilets every Saturday. I responded to these emails, asking to be removed from the list. Nevertheless, the emails continued. I wasn’t too annoyed with this because, again, I had been on the other side of this type of outreach, and I knew what I was experiencing was probably more a matter of disorganization than targeted harassment.

When I read this, I had to smile, because I was then the "poor soul ... assigned to beg people to clean meetinghouse toilets every Saturday." I can also understand the feelings on both sides of this exchange.

He said he sent an angry letter to the bishop demanding to be finally removed from these email lists after many fruitless requests had gone unacted on.

The bishop responded quickly, apologizing, and explaining he wasn’t aware of my prior requests. He promised there would be no contact going forward and offered to assist with my record removal, if I wanted, by either having me send him a notarized letter or by meeting with him to sign a letter in his presence.

He did end up having his name formally removed from church membership records, and this is his prerogative.

My point is this: No one needs to receive unwanted emails in the Church for numerous reasons. I'm not going to comment on whether he should have resigned from the Church. The fact that this was the final straw and led to his resignation from membership is unfortunate. I'll detail why below.

The Church controls what emails it sends out. YOU control what emails you receive. This simple fact is unknown to most leaders as well as members, active or not. I can hardly blame him for not knowing these procedures when the bishop didn't know about them either.

Members and leaders are horribly uninformed, unskilled, and untrained on the Church's digital tools. I wrote a 21 piece blog series to help people understand it better. However, ignorance still prevails.

You control what emails you receive from the Church

You should not be an idle, hapless recipient of Church communications. You can control it! There are a number of ways to do so:

1. Log in to your Church Account and click on "Account Settings" in the top right-hand corner. In the left column, look for "Subscriptions" under "Personal". If you don't want to receive anything, click on "Unsubscribe from All." Otherwise, you can pick and choose. If you find everything from your local unit objectionable, make certain you unclick "Local Leader Email" and "Local Unit Event Notifications." Make your other choices.

2. To customize your local experience, go to your Ward Directory and Map. Click on your name. This will bring up your personal information. Look towards the bottom of the left column for the Edit Icon and click on it. Under contact, you can delete your email and phone number if you don't want to receive any communications. If you want to just hide it from members but let leadership access it, then you need to go back to "Account Settings" and click on "Visibility" under "Personal" again. You can make it visible to "Stake and Ward Organization Presidencies," "Stake Members" or just "Ward Members."

3. To further customize your selections, go to the digital Calendar. On the top left click on "Choose Calendars" or on the Gear Icon in the top right hand portion of your screen, select "Choose Calendars" from the drop-down menu. You can choose which calendar you see and which calendars you get email reminders from.

Which brings us to leadership and what the stake and units send out.

Church leaders control what emails are sent out

Actually, this is a misnomer because nobody controls this process at all. It's a haphazard set of occurrences. The point is they CAN control it and they SHOULD control it, but they DON'T control it!

Some sort of local information policy should be set up. I've made many suggestions that are ignored. People are getting too many emails from too many sources and too many people are simply ignoring the emails. We shouldn't be contributing to all of this electronic junk.

More careful decision-making needs to be exerted over what gets sent out and why. Not everything needs to be sent to everyone. Groups of people can be selected in the Church system. If it's a Young Women's activity, just send it to the Young Women, not the entire ward.

In fact, very little needs to be sent out at all. This notion is a relic of a different age. Before the digital system, leaders had to get information into people's hands. Not anymore. Leaders can put most of it online and simply let people ACCESS IT. In fact, nearly everything can go on the Calendar. You don't have to send out emails at all. If it is an event, put all the details on the calendar digital form "Event Details" and leave it there.

Naturally, things like births and deaths aren't Calendar events, but most of everything else can go on the Calendar. Instead, we've got a cryptic reference on the Calendar, and a few details get sent out in emails. SOMETIMES, the emails even contain enough information for people to actually participate, like the who, what, when, where, why and how I constantly harp about including.

Sadly, people impose the extreme space limitations of the paper era on the digital system. There is often only a cryptic reference to an event that is only useful to remember an event is taking place. You have to obtain the necessary information elsewhere to actually participate.

For example, recent "Event Details" on my stake/unit calendar included an Egg Derby event where the event details said, "Just like it sounds." with a smiling emoji, or a Relief Society activity where the event details said, "Picnic." These cannot even be dignified with the term "details."

Conclusion

Instead of letting people just "wing it" and do whatever they want with the Church's communication tools, I wish local unit leaders would set down some ground rules and not let people send out whatever emails they want on whatever subject they want whenever they want.

Educating people and training members and leaders on the best use of these tools would accomplish a lot.

King Benjamin: A Technological Genius of His Time

2025-07-08T09:00:00.011-04:00

There is a lot to recommend King Benjamin of the Book of Mormon. He was a man of God, a great king, and a great military leader.

He was also a spectacular communicator.

His last discourse to his people had a profound and lasting impact on everyone, except for those too young to hear or understand it.

It shows what a profound message, effectively delivered can do. Today's subject is his effectiveness.

He didn't have much technology at his disposal. However, he made good use of what he had.

In Mosiah 1:10 we read where he sent out a proclamation to the entire land of Zarahemla. Somehow, he had the capability to do that, to communicate with his entire population. We can only speculate how.

In Mosiah 2:7 we learn that there were too many for him to teach within the walls of the temple. He had a tower erected so that they could hear him.

In Mosiah 2:8 we learn that even this was not sufficient. King Benjamin had his words written down so that they could be taken to all the people who could not hear his voice.

After concluding these logistical details, he begins by reminding his audience that he is not a hypocrite and follows all the guidelines he gives his people. See Mosiah 2:9-15. This would have given profound credibility to his words.

In Mosiah 5:1 we learn that King Benjamin wanted to know if his message was effective. He somehow asked his people if they believed his words.

In Mosiah 6:1 we learn that King Benjamin made a record of everyone who had entered into the covenant.

In Mosiah 6:3 we learn that he appointed priests and teachers to further instruct his people in the commandments of God.

King Benjamin prepared a phenomenal message for his people. He publicized his impending message widely, making certain the people knew when and where to come to hear it. Probably exceeding his expectations, the crowd was too large for him to address and be heard, so he had a tower erected. When even that wasn't sufficient he had his words written down and dispersed to the people who couldn't otherwise hear him. He then followed up to see if his words had had an impact and the people believed him. He then made records of all those that did. Not content with that, he arranged for the people to be further taught.

How do current local church leaders hold up to this standard?

Many of them don't do much about publicity. The Church's phenomenal digital tools are badly underutilized and misused. They probably wouldn't put King Benjamin's address on the Calendar or update it with all the facts. Without knowing the who, what, where, when, why, and how, people couldn't participate fully. They don't seem to do much to ensure people can hear or be understood at any church event. The podium and microphone are poorly managed. I've never known any of them to follow up to see if messages are effective and reaching people.

Overall, I think we are doing a rather poor job in living up to King Benjamin's example.

No One Should Have to Tell You What to Do! Figure it Out Yourself!

2025-05-13T09:00:00.001-04:00

If you get a new calling in the Church, it probably isn't new; it's just new to you. So, how do you begin your new calling and start serving effectively?

1. Follow through with what your predecessor started if appropriate.

We need continuity and consistency. If something has been planned and publicized, it is best to continue it.

This applies primarily to static events like a particular activity, but not to continuing events that may or may not be appropriate, necessary, or desirable. Everything needs to be carefully thought through.

2. Meet with your predecessor

In the paper era, people used to meet with the person who held the calling prior, and there was a handover of information and guidance. This doesn't seem to happen anymore.

Meeting with the person can be extraordinarily useful even if no paper records need to be transferred. You need that person's knowledge and experience. Trust me, it is valuable.

Keep that institutional memory going!

3. Read the Handbook

Leadership used to give people with new callings the write-up in the Handbook that related to their calling responsibilities. No more.

YOU have to look up this guidance yourself, and you NEED to do so. One of the best ways to perpetuate problems and mess things up is to continue to do exactly what's been done in the past. If someone did something wrong in the past, continuing to do those same things will continue the wrongs.

Go back to the Handbook and carefully review what you are supposed to do. I know it sounds radical, but you do need to read the instructions. The Handbook contains the instructions for your calling.

4. Review other online guidance

In case you hadn't noticed yet, the Church doesn't "print" much of anything in hard copy anymore. It puts it online and it expects us to use our initiative to digitally access it.

There is a great deal of guidance for callings online. A good place to start is the Church's homepage, where you can select "Serve" and then "Callings." A page entitled "Callings and Training" will provide you with links to most of the standard things we think of as callings.

However, there are glaring omissions. For example, I'm a Ward Building Representative. There is not an obvious link on that page to "Meetinghouse Care" like there needs to be. I had to go looking for it. It's under the Melchizedek Priesthood Quorums, which is a bit of a puzzle.

Another puzzle is where you can find information about being an Interpreter, unless you specifically search the term. Unfortunately, most people call them translators, which makes it impossible to find the instruction and training. This underscores the necessity to use proper terms.

I served as a Ward Website Administrator, now referred to as the Email Communication Specialist (as of the official letter from June 2020). Currently, there is virtually nothing on that calling. My institutional knowledge could supply a great deal if anyone would rely on me, ask me, or believe me if they did.

When my calling/title was discovered by a prior stake Communications Director, she tried to conscript me, probably reacting to the "communications" term. I resisted because I knew my calling was different and under a different authority. Apparently, I offended some people with my reaction. However, I discovered official confirmation in the following:

The responsibilities of the communication council differ from the role of a ward email communication specialist, who helps bishops and branch presidents send messages to members of their units.

5. Reason things out!

The Church is global. Increasingly, it is supplying us with principles instead of details. We need to reason things out for ourselves based on the unique needs of where we reside and live. Use your own good sense to figure out what is needed. Construct your own details from the principles.

Too often, people are assuming that no initiative is needed, that unless specifically instructed to do something, they don't need to do much of anything. This viewpoint is incredibly damaging and limited. We are instructed to use our initiative:

Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

Actions, activities and events need to be guided by the principles that the Church has laid down. We are expected to internalize these principles and think things through on our own.

6. Intent versus result

I've never forgotten this guidance from Elder Neal A. Maxwell:

Sometimes, unintentionally, even certain extracurricular Church activities, insensitively administered, can hamper family life.

I have a little saying for myself that I use to guide what I do. If you are going to take people away from their families and away from their homes, you need to make people more effective when they are with their families and in their homes.

Some of the mindless, social, and craft activities/events at Church fail to follow this little saying's guidance or help bring us closer to Jesus Christ.

Bring People to Christ!

One thing you must remember no matter what calling you have is that the purpose of Church and all church callings is to bring people to Christ.

In a recent address by Elder Renlund, he reinforced what the Relief Society leaders taught:

As President Johnson, Sister Dennis, and Sister Yee just taught us, this organization was not intended to be merely a social club or charitable group. Its purpose was and still is divine. It is to help God’s children return to His presence.

Elder Soares reinforced this in a South American address:

The goal of every activity in the Church should be to help members build faith in the Savior. “We do not operate entertainment centers,” Elder Soares said.

Conclusion

These simple suggestions would solve so much of the confusion, inefficiency, ineffectiveness and ineptness that we deal with in the Church.

The guidance to be effective and efficient in our church administration efforts is there for us to access and implement.

Let's do it!

Women in the Church

2025-02-04T09:00:00.001-05:00

Below is my latest Sacrament talk:

My topic today is women in the Church. I’m not going to duplicate any of the marvelous General Conferences addresses that have been given on the subject or challenge them in any way. I hope only to augment them slightly with some points that haven’t really been made or aren’t widely available.

The World’s Idea of Equality

Much of the current concern about women is driven by ideas of equality. It’s much harder to define and describe equality than most people think. There is no universally accepted definition. It’s pretty complex, constantly shifting and no one actually agrees on all the facets. It’s a moving target.

The world isn’t very good at achieving or promoting equality even when it can sort of define it. Few of society’s current solutions are helping to solve the inequality it identifies.

Shouldn’t we be more concerned about what Heavenly Father’s ideas of equality are and how to achieve them than about the worlds?

Heavenly Father and Divine Roles

What I can say with absolute confidence is that societal views of equality are warping our perception of our divine roles.

In essence, the world objects to the notion of Heavenly Father’s designation of divine roles set aside for women and divine roles set aside for men. That is what it boils down to. Right now, the world even balks at the idea of gender itself.

Heavenly Father created the genders and has designated specific roles and responsibilities for each gender. We consider these to be divine roles. Society may value one role over another but that does not mean Heavenly Father does.

Society even has the audacity to assert that it values women and their traditional roles. This is nonsense. If you have spent your life being a wife and mother and you try and get a job in the secular world, your skills are worth minimum wage. That is the true measure of how much society actually values the role.

Society wants to free women entirely from this role, by encouraging them to pursue education and professional advancement, to the exclusion of almost everything else. This isn't expansion, it's contraction.

The world is trying to make us think that bearing and nurturing children is somehow a curse rather than a blessing.

As a professor, I felt frustrated in my teaching responsibilities. I felt that in order to really have the effect I wanted on my students I needed to have a much more personal one-on-one relationship with them for a much longer period of time if I was going to be able to nurture them properly. What am I describing?

The secular world may tell us that women’s divine roles on this earth are inferior to men’s but we don’t have to take delivery of that message.

If women and their roles weren’t important, Satan wouldn’t make them his target.

Society’s Criticisms of Us

Society levels its criticisms at the Church and those of us in it.

People concerned about so-called gender equality in the Church are only concerned about allowing women to do what the men do. Have you noticed that there is never any corresponding clamor over allowing the men to do what is reserved for the women?

Why isn’t anyone demanding men be allowed to be Relief Society President, Primary President, Nursery Leader, or something similar?

I think the answer is simple. People don't think responsibilities women have in the Church are as important as the responsibilities men have. Their underlying assumption is that they think what the men do is more important.

I’ll abstain from verbalizing the obvious editorial comment implicit in that assumption.

The Priesthood

The targets the world points at in the Church are the priesthood and the so-called leadership callings.

The priesthood was reserved for Levites in the Old Testament. Priesthood responsibility is much more egalitarian now according to current societal views.

But Heavenly Father can assign roles where he chooses. Priesthood power is the authority to act in God’s name. Since it is His church and His power, He can bestow it however He likes.

Dictating earthly notions of equality to Heavenly Father is just plain silly. There is tremendous arrogance in dictating anything to an omniscient, omnipotent being.

In truth, society doesn’t acknowledge Heavenly Father has any role in this at all. It assumes that earthly men in the Church are simply trying to protect what power they have and that is the only force out there operating. Society really doesn’t believe there is a divine being or that He has established a church He is personally directing.

Society assumes that the Church is suffering from the same challenges and problems that society is experiencing and it needs to adopt the current and fashionable societal solutions to what they see as a problem, even though they aren’t currently working for society.

When people get into a snit over the fact that women do not hold the priesthood in the Church, they don’t even understand what they are criticizing.

In most other religions, the priesthood means overseeing a church and its operations as an occupation and as a job. That isn’t what is means in our church.

It’s even more hilarious when they quote numbers of how many so-called “priests” we have. They don’t even realize the numbers refer primarily to 16–18-year-old young men.

The priesthood is not really so much a gift as it is a commission to serve, a privilege to lift, and an opportunity to bless the lives of others.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught:

“President Joseph F. Smith described the priesthood as “the power of God delegated to man by which man can act in the earth for the salvation of the human family.”2” Other leaders have taught us that the priesthood “is the consummate power on this earth. It is the power by which the earth was created.”3

Ultimately, all keys of the priesthood are held by the Lord Jesus Christ, whose priesthood it is. He is the one who determines what keys are delegated to mortals and how those keys will be used.

People in secular society cannot delegate the powers of creation.

Do I need to point out that men cannot ordain themselves or give themselves blessings? It’s not like they are the prime recipients of their priesthood authority. It’s exercised on behalf of others. If they need the blessings of the priesthood themselves, they have to seek out other priesthood holders to receive them. They don’t generally even administer the sacrament to themselves. They administer it to others.

Satan is trying to twist the emphasis of the priesthood into a right instead of a responsibility and an opportunity which it is, an opportunity to serve Heavenly Father, His church and His children.

The priesthood authority exercised by Latter-day Saint women in the temple and elsewhere remains largely unrecognized by people outside the Church and is sometimes misunderstood or overlooked by those within. Latter-day Saints and others often mistakenly equate priesthood with religious office and the men who hold it, which obscures the broader Latter-day Saint concept of priesthood. (See Gospel Topic Essay: Joseph Smith’s Teachings about Priesthood, Temple, and Women.)

The gospel and the covenants we’ve made endow women with tremendous power and authority. If we aren’t attaining our potential, we’ve dumbed down our role ourselves. We can’t blame this on men.

Women minister, exhort, teach, preach and everything else that clergy in other faiths do. We do this all the time and we’ve done it all the time in our past. Isn’t that what I’m doing right now?

Such service and leadership would require ordination in many other religious traditions.

The whole idea of women and priesthood power has been addressed in detail by others and they’ve done a better job than I can, so I’ll leave it there.

Leadership

Let’s shift to leadership. The much-vaunted leadership roles in the Church are reserved exclusively for men.

In other religions, formal secular education generally ensures that you rise in church leadership as well. The intelligentsia are generally in charge in other religions. Not ours. Secular knowledge has nothing to do with personal worthiness or spiritual capability.

I think this is why our detractors and critics are usually a part of the intellectual elite in some way. They are ticked off that they can’t be in charge.

Worldly stereotypes of Latter-day Saint women are not flattering, to anybody. I'd like to point out that, if the system is so repressive to Latter-day Saint women, how have we produced so many admirable and accomplished women?

If members truly value all callings as equal, and simply as opportunities to serve, why do we even have this discussion? The answer is, because even members don't really believe that a nursery leader's status is on par with a that of a stake president. We are captives of our secular society values that tarnish our religious beliefs.

Sister Jean B. Bingham taught:

Satan incites comparison as a tool to create feelings of being superior or inferior, hiding the eternal truth that men’s and women’s innate differences are God given and equally valued. He has attempted to demean women’s contributions both to the family and in civil society, thereby decreasing their uplifting influence for good. His goal has been to foster a power struggle rather than a celebration of the unique contributions of men and women that complement one another and contribute to unity.

In the secular world, everything is a power struggle and a contest.

In our belief system, the core belief and our ultimate goal is the highest echelon of the Celestial Kingdom. Interestingly enough, men cannot make it there without women and women cannot make it there without men, as equal partners. Women are not kept from anything necessary for their advancement.

Women can make it there without being a Bishop, Branch President, Stake President, Seventy, Apostle or even President of the Church! In fact, we are not kept from anything necessary for our eventual advancement even if we NEVER hold any supposed church position of so-called responsibility in this life.

Holding any of these so-called positions of leadership in the Church doesn’t guarantee eternal advancement for men, either.

The kicker is that the men's responsibilities, like Bishop and Stake President seemingly are perceived to have secular personal glory involved.

So, women are denied secular personal glory. Isn't that what Satan was after in the premortal life? Personal glory is not something we should aspire to. We should aspire to be like Jesus Christ, not like Satan.

We place a higher value on integrity than visibility.

However, we should all aim high in every aspect of our lives.

Aiming high involves a lot.

Women Should Aim High

Some Latter-day Saint women believe that, since being a wife and mother is our highest goal and role, we need not seek high level education or gainful employment.

However, the opposite is true. The more women wish to devote their lives to their marriage and their family, the more necessary it is to aim high. Given our values, it makes sense for women to aim high and achieve all they can.

When I was young, there was an unfortunate notion that if you did seek higher learning, you should get it in elementary education because that would prepare you for marriage and motherhood.

I always found this a bit curious and unconvincing. A degree in elementary education is certainly a worthy education but it seemed more like a certificate in crowd control than viable preparation for marriage. Besides, I wanted to help my kids throughout life, not just in elementary school.

The secular world suggests you only seek education and employment in order to ultimately cash in by obtaining secular employment. According to this line of thinking, if you do not get paid somehow in the future, you have wasted your time and effort.

This is nonsense. To increase our knowledge and skills brings us closer to Heavenly Father and helps us become more like Him.

The more we know and the more we can do, the more we can serve the Lord, His church, our spouse, our children, our families, others and even ourselves.

Limited education and limited skills will limit just about everything in this life and the next. We are here to learn as much as we can and to progress in whatever ways we can, whether we are a mother with many children, a single professional or something else.

Also, the more you know and the more you can do the more able you are to identify and discern truth.

My first husband had a degree in Industrial Management from the Krannert School of Management from Purdue University and spent 32 years overseeing and managing industrial facilities in business. With my academic degrees and training in government, there wasn’t much of anything we didn’t know or couldn’t do.

However, we agreed that we would not have wanted to face the problems and challenges we had in life if we hadn’t had the knowledge, skills and abilities we had amassed throughout our lives. We were challenged even with what we knew and what we could do.

If you don’t pursue the opportunities you have to gain knowledge, skills and abilities, it doesn’t mean that the problems you face in life with be simple and uncomplicated. Satan will throw everything he’s got at you.

It makes secular sense to pursue all the knowledge, skills and abilities you can for that reason even though you should do it because doing so brings you closer to Heavenly Father and He has commanded us to do so. It is for our benefit now and eternally.

In D&C 130:19 we are told:

And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come.

We have all been commanded multiple times by our prophets and leaders to get all the education we can. That doesn’t necessarily mean formal education, although it certainly can be.

We will all be held accountable for the learning opportunities we had and did not make use of. And learning opportunities have increased, exponentially, whether through modern technological tools like the Internet or inside the Church with opportunities like BYU – Pathway Worldwide, now the Church’s largest school which is over 60,000 students.

What’s even more astonishing is that it’s affordable.

President Hinckley said education is worth sacrificing for.

The following comment on Reddit is instructive:

I possess a device, in my pocket, that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man.

I use it to look at pictures of cats and get in arguments [sic] with strangers.

Secular Work is Probably Inevitable

Being able to devote your time to your home and family is ideal, but sometimes women must work. Statistically, we know this is true.

Death of a spouse, divorce, unemployment, disability, single status and many other contingencies may require women to work outside the home. Chances are likely that all women will have to work outside at some point.

If you must work, it makes sense to be able to earn as much as you can, in the highest functioning job you qualify for. It makes no sense at all to have lousy hours, lousy pay, no benefits and an inflexible work schedule. Conditions like these are not conducive to anything.

If you have high-level education and skills, you may be able to bring down a good salary while working only part time. High level jobs often come with more flexibility, allowing you to more easily address family and individual needs.

My sister is a case in point. She has a mechanical engineering degree. She’s been working part-time from home for years because her company didn’t want to let go of her when she got married again.

When her husband lost his job when COVID started, she asked to up her hours to full-time so she could get health insurance for the family after losing his. The company said, “Sure, we can do that!” She’s still working from home, full-time now.

High level knowledge and skills are less likely to become obsolete or be replaced by things like technological advancements. Broad knowledge and skills increase your present and future options.

Latter-day Saint women should get all the education and skills they can. This includes secular knowledge skills and abilities as well those relating to marriage, motherhood and religion.

Being a wife and mother does not mean you have limited yourself. The secular world may put little value on these roles, but we don’t have to be defined by its roles. We define ourselves by divine roles.

Our value system has always held women to a high standard, much higher than the world's value system ever has.

No Double Standard for Men and Women Exists

Heavenly Father has commanded all of us to learn all we can, develop our talents and nurture others, all of us. You will not find a disclaimer anywhere in the scriptures or in counsel that this applies only to one gender and not the other.

Marriage is a partnership and you should not be unequally yoked. If women do not seek knowledge and skills for whatever reason, their partner may eventually exceed them. This is not a good situation for anyone. Marriages progress together, not when one partner is stalled and the other is progressing.

Women have been encouraged to choose marriage and motherhood.

Choice implies you have alternatives. If you cannot do anything else, is it really a choice? With no choices, you end up in a default position, because you have no options.

In order to choose marriage and motherhood, it makes sense that you have a choice of something else as well. It suggests that you could pursue a secular career but you choose something higher.

I recently queried one of my friends on what his oldest daughter was doing. She disappeared off my radar because she stopped posting on Facebook. She had a marvelous career with her law degree and Master’s in law but when I checked the Utah State Bar Association it showed her law license wasn’t active and hadn’t been for some time.

She served a mission in South America and married a man from Bolivia so I wondered if they had moved south of the border.

Her father assured me she was still living in Salt Lake City but had suspended her career to raise her four children as a stay-at-home mom and homeschool them.

At the time I found this out, I also saw an annual study done of women and equality. Utah came in dead last of all the states. I looked closely at the criteria on which they concluded this. Almost all of it was based on whether women were currently working in prestigious employment positions, how much formal education they had and how high up they were in some organization.

There was nothing that would measure my young friend with her impressive credentials choosing to stay at home, bear, raise and educate her children.

The notion that someone would actually choose this life isn’t even on society’s radar. They don’t measure it. There is no category or label for it and they don’t seem to realize that it even exists.

Under society’s value structure and measurement methods, they are considered failures and/or tragedies.

We don’t view them this way.

Society can get pretty obnoxious about insisting we comply with its beliefs and norms.

Our efforts to explain and justify our beliefs often amount to trying to justify ourselves using society’s value system, for example, by emphasizing the leadership positions women hold in the Church, their titles, how often they pray in General Conference and so forth.

By doing so, we emphasize our performance under their value system. This may appease some people for a time, but it’s never enough to silence our critics. They’ll find something else wrong with it.

Gender Based Models and Exemplars

Society instructs women to extol their gender and devalue men. Efforts have been directed at insisting we choose our examples, moral exemplars and instruction from only one gender, the one gender we belong to.

Why can’t we choose our moral exemplars from the entire population?

Why can’t we follow inspiring individuals, instruction, and examples wherever we find them, regardless of gender, color, or category?

A friend of mine in Hawaii said he initially resisted the gospel with the rationale, “Why should I believe in Jesus Christ? He is not Chinese.”

Society would have women ignore good advice because it comes from a man. Should men ignore good advice because it comes from a woman? This preoccupation with who said something rather than the merit of what was said is silly.

Following this line of thinking would cause us to ignore Jesus Christ. He’s a man after all. Maybe that’s the real intent. Surely, this is one of Satan’s intentions.

Conclusion

Next to the magnificence of the gospel of Jesus Christ, society’s silliness always falls flat. Only gospel truths and the eternal perspective helps us to determine what is truly valuable.

Being distinct and different from the world will draw some criticism, but we must anchor ourselves to eternal principles and testify of them, no matter the world’s response.

Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson remarked:

If we don’t teach our children and youth true doctrine—and teach it clearly—the world will teach them Satan’s lies.

The lives we lead and the Christlike qualities we embody as women of faith are the true measure of whether we get things right in the Church or not.

Since the Restoration, we have produced exemplary women … and men, worthy of our admiration and respect, worthy of our emulating.

Society doesn’t currently value women’s divine role. It suggests it is inferior to men’s divine roles and thus, unequal. However, this divine system is just that, divine. It is designed by deity. Heavenly Father is the only one that knows how to design a truly equal system.

We don’t need to apologize for a system designed by deity. A system designed by an omniscient, omnipotent God is much to be preferred to anything designed by human beings.

Yes, women have separate divinely appointed roles in this life and the next.

Sadly, Women who are not happy being wives and mothers in this life, probably will not be happy being wives and mothers in the next life either.

Society’s secular value system will not hold up in the next life. The gospel of Jesus Christ will and it will sustain us all, eternally.

It is my hope that we can all catch the vision of Heavenly Father’s eternal plan and the divine roles we each have in it.

In the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen