My name is Amber. I am 22 years old. I grew up in the LDS church as the second of ten children. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to finish my degree at BYU this past August in Marriage, Family, and Human Development. Because I came from a big family, I sacrificed many things to pay my way through school. Through this, I learned how to work hard for the things that are important. I also learned to listen to the Spiritual guidance I received.

I love children. I love watching their minds find solutions to puzzling situations. I love watching them grow into young adults, then into adults. I love watching the process from the beginning.

I was married when I had about two years left of school. I had told my husband, frankly, that we would wait a year before trying to have kids so that I would be finished with school. However, within a month the Spirit was indicating a different direction. After prayer and fasting, I realized I needed to change my focus from what I thought was right for me to what Heavenly Father wanted for me. My husband had already expressed his desire to have children immediately, so when I came to him with a change in heart he was very excited.

I became pregnant a couple months later. The delightful pregnancy I had envisioned was not to be. I was so sick that I had to visit the emergency room of the hospital a couple times to receive IV hydration. Through all of this, I managed to stay on top of, or ahead of, my schoolwork. I managed to attend all my classes faithfully and subsequently did very well on all my exams. My faith in our decision remained steady. It was difficult, but everything was working out better than I could have imagined.

My husband gave me a few Priesthood blessings during this time. These blessings did not promise I would get better. In fact, one blessed me with strength to handle the difficulties ahead with my pregnancy.

Shortly before my 24th week mark, I began having horrible abdominal cramps. I could not walk very far without the pain becoming so intense that my husband would have to get the car and drive me home. I ignored them at first because I did not want to go to the ER again. That soon changed. One evening, they became unbearable. While I lay on my bed sobbing, wishing the pain to go away, my husband determined it was time to go to the ER. He practically carried me out to the car and sped to the hospital.

After hours of waiting, an ultrasound, CT scan, and MRI scan, they finally concluded the pain came from an inflamed appendix. I was to be rushed in for an emergency appendectomy. The surgery was necessary, but put me at risk for going into premature labor. They asked me the question, “if this baby was to come, do I want them to do all they could to keep her alive?” My husband and I told them absolutely. After a Priesthood blessing, I was calm and ready for the surgery. Despite the many risks, everything went perfectly.

The rest of the pregnancy continued without further incidents. I delivered a healthy baby girl a week before my due date. 2 weeks later my husband and I were back in school. Balancing school work and a newborn baby was extremely difficult. I often questioned whether we really had done the right thing. The Spirit continued to comfort me during my most difficult moments.

When I suspected I was pregnant again only 5 months later, I was very dismayed. I did not know how I could manage having two babies while in school! Heavenly Father once again provided comfort. During one Sacrament meeting, I felt the comforting arms of the Spirit wrapped around me. I knew everything would work out as it was supposed to. When the pregnancy test confirmed my suspicions a couple weeks later, I was delighted. With this news, my husband and I figured out a way for me to finish school before baby number two arrived.

As before, I became really sick. I began outpatient IV therapy to help me stay hydrated. Thankfully, my husband did not take classes during the next term. With his help, I was able to finish up my classes.

People will often raise their eyebrows when they find out how close our children will be. I hear the inevitable “You will be one busy momma,” “That is quite a load to handle,” and (sarcastically) “Good luck!” As tough as it may be, I have learned to follow the promptings of the Spirit. Even though I have graduated, I know having two babies will be quite stressful. At the same time, I am very happy to welcome a new baby into our family. Even with two babies in two years of marriage, we could not be more content.

As a Mormon woman, I have learned to value children. Jesus Christ often directed his followers to become like little children. The innocence of children allows them to follow with steadfast faith and without doubt. I still struggle to have such an undoubting heart, but each day I am with my daughter (and my little one who is on the way) I learn a little bit more.

I was wondering what Mormons believe about suicide.

Answer by Michelle**

The response to this question is going to come in two parts. This week, I will address the question with relation to those who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies themselves. Next week, we will address the questions that surround what may happen to those (in an eternal sense) who have committed suicide.

As to the first question, the first thing I want to say is that if you are someone who is considering suicide, please, please talk to someone you trust, be it a family member, a friend, a religious leader, or a professional counselor. Or call a suicide hotline. I urge you not to suffer with this darkness alone. Even though the loneliness and darkness you feel may be consuming you, I assure you that there are people who would want to help if they knew you were struggling. The staff here at Mormon Women have felt a great deal of concern with the thought that someone might be feeling this horrible. For what it’s worth, even we as strangers care deeply and want you to know that you aren’t alone. We know life is hard, but we also know that it IS worth living.

I have had some personal experience with this issue, although it may come as a surprise to some who know me. I remember having suicidal thoughts when I was only a fifth grader (about age 10). It shocks me to think about it, now that I have children who are around that age…such a tender age! It was long enough ago that there wasn’t as much awareness about mental illness, which was part of what drove how I was feeling. For a time during my sixth grade year, I withdrew in significant ways from my life. Always a diligent student, my grades suddenly plummeted. I became detached and aloof. I felt like a burden to my parents and others, and felt broken and different.

I struggled through much of my adolescence as well, although some of that came with the normal stresses of the teenage years.

As an adult, I excelled in college, served as a missionary in a South American country, got a Master’s degree, started a successful career, met my husband, married, and have had three beautiful children. I have continued to be active and involved in my church and community as a stay-at-home mom. But all along the way, I still struggled. I had post-partum depression and other mental health issues still plaguing me off and on during these years.

There have been several times along the way when I have been so weary and so discouraged that I have found myself thinking, “I wish I could be done.” There have been times when life situations have been such (again, feeling like a burden to others) that I have wondered, “Would it be better if I were gone?”

I can tell you that the answer to that question is a firm and unequivocal NO. Even though sometimes I have been full of despair, and have sometimes felt so broken and burdensome to those around me, I have gained a conviction about truths that anchor me through my darker times that have helped me know that life is worth living.

I want to emphasize that sometimes, even the brightest of truths will be hard to process if one’s brain chemistry is not balanced, so please keep that in mind if others’ answers or efforts to help seem like they are doing nothing (mine included). And please consider talking to a professional (and include a trusted friend or family member in the process) to see if medication might be right for you.

Since I cannot offer professional help or guidance about medication, though, I do want to share a few of those spiritual, anchor truths that have helped me along the way — truths that I have learned in part through hanging on through my own dark times.

1. God is real, and He loves me. (He loves you!)
After nearly 40 years of life, I am grateful to have had experiences more numerous than I can count that have helped me know that I have a Father in Heaven who is aware of me and of the details of my life. That isn’t to say that there haven’t been times when I have wondered why answers and help weren’t coming in the way *I* wanted them to come, but over time, I have come to trust more in His love and His plan for me. I am learning to trust more in His timing, too. I have found that whenever there has been a dark period of struggle, as I have not given up and have continued to try to turn to Him in whatever way I could (for me that has been to continue praying, to at least open my scriptures every day), He has reached through the darkness in different ways to help buoy me up, strengthen me, and let me know He is there.

I can’t quite articulate it, but I have also felt there is great power in simply choosing not to give up. Sometimes I have been pushed to what I felt was beyond my limits, but I have learned that sometimes I don’t fully know my own strength — or, better said, the strength that can come when I choose to not give up.

I should add that the help of a wise and faith-filled therapist has helped me learn to understand and feel God’s love even more. Therapy is another option to prayerfully consider as you sort through what solutions might work for you.

Please don’t give up. Whether you feel it or not right now, Father in Heaven loves you and is aware of you.

2. Life is a gift, and it has a purpose. Trials can be for our good.
One way that my dad used to try to help me along was to remind me that “to struggle is the program.” A key element of Mormon doctrine is that mortal life, this earth life, is given to us for us to learn by experience and through facing opposition and even pain. 

An analogy I use with my children is that of muscle-building or weight training. It is only through the resistance of weight and the process of working to the point of pain — and actually breaking down muscle tissue — that we are able to build our physical muscles. Our spirits also grow through opposition, through resistance training, if you will.

Just as with physical training, a good physical trainer would not push a person beyond certain limits. A scripture that has given me much comfort over the years is 1 Corinthians 10:13, “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” Of course, sometimes I have felt that surely, my spirit was to the breaking point, that I couldn’t handle any more! But invariably, at some point or another, I have felt light and strength come — at least enough to know that I could carry on.

I believe that this scripture is also a reminder to, again, do all that I can to turn to God in my pain. It is through His help that we can “find a way to escape” and be “able to bear” our pain.

I appreciate what Alexander Morrison (who has written about depression and mental illness) says about the role of suffering and how suffering can be turned to our good:

I believe our spiritual strength is directly related to the extent to which our souls are stretched. But…[t]here is no intrinsic value in suffering in and of itself. Suffering can wound and embitter the soul as surely as it can strengthen and purify. Some souls become stronger in response to suffering, but others bend and break. As author Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely noted, “If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers” (“Lindbergh Nightmare,” Time, Feb. 5, 1973, 35). If we are to partake of “the fellowship of [Christ’s] sufferings” (Philippians 3:10), we must pay the price of striving with all our hearts to know and emulate Him. That price may indeed involve suffering, but to suffering we must add compassion, empathy, patience, humility, and a willingness to submit our will to that of God.

This concept of opposition is not always easy doctrine. A principle of the gospel is enduring to the end, and that can be hard work! It’s also sobering that along with this doctrine comes the reality that my body, my life, is a gift from God. As such I realize that I have a stewardship to care for it and protect and respect it — even when sometimes it’s my body that is causing me the pain (be it mental or physical or emotional).

These thoughts, especially those from Brother Morrison, tie into my last point.

3. We are not supposed to be able to do it alone. The Savior, Jesus Christ, can help us.
I confess that I do not fully understand how the Savior’s Atonement works. But I do know that as I strive to let Him into my life and try to be more like Him — little by little, line upon line — I feel His strength and help. I feel strength beyond my own to hang on during hard times.

There is a challenge with this for me. I am a perfectionist by nature, and sometimes I have found myself feeling even *more* depressed when I realize how far I have to go to be more like the Savior. I think at times, too, I have tried to change myself and face my challenges too much on my own.

There is no easy answer to this classic struggle between grace and works. I cannot sit back and do nothing and expect that the Lord can help me. He stands at the door and knocks; I must do things to let Him into my heart and my life. Keeping the commandments IS an important part of feeling and finding God’s peace and help.

Along these lines, I think it is worth noting that sometimes feelings of despair can result, at least in part, from making choices that are not consistent with God’s truths and laws. For example, sometimes people may get to a point of wanting to end their lives when they have become trapped in the cycle of addictions to drugs, alcohol, or other things. The road to more peace and strength in such a situation would come not from medication, but from making life changes. Sexual sin can also lead to unhappiness, illness, addictions, and unhappiness.Repentance is a gift from God, not a burden. If you find yourself ensnared by addictive or otherwise unhealthy behaviors, know that repentance is possible and can help you in your journey toward peace.

But again, for many of us who struggle, the pain often comes because of reasons that are not tied to sin (although we all fall short of God’s perfection, of course), but are the result of the weakness inherent in our mortal bodies and/or difficult mortal experiences (illness, death, choices of others, etc.)

I have come to appreciate His grace and mercy more through my particular trials that have come with my mortal journey. I have come to feel that He is so very patient, loving, kind, and compassionate as I seek to turn to Him to help me become a better person and also to hold on through difficult times. I believe He wants me to feel His love, and the more I let Him into my life through giving him my heart and my trials, the more I can feel that love.

And I am coming to believe that understanding all of this is part of what we are here to learn on earth through experience.

In conclusion, I believe the plan of God for our lives, centered on the Savior’s Atonement, is ultimately about hope. When I am feeling hopeless, it is my feeling that I can know with a surety that that is not what God, my Father in Heaven, and His Son, my Savior, want me to feel. And so I am learning to lean on Their love and grace enough to have hope — hope that the light can come when things feel dark; hope that I can become a better person over time with His help; and hope that as I endure the hard times, They will be there with me to bear me up and will, as the Book of Mormon prophet, Lehi, said, “consecreate [my] afflictions for [my] gain.”

When in moments of despair I stop and try to leave a place for these truths in my mind and heart, they can help me see my trials in a different perspective. Sometimes I need to have someone else articulate them to me when I cannot feel their truth myself. It helps me to talk with others who know of my struggles, so they can help me see myself and these truths more clearly. I have to revisit these truths time and time and time again. But I know that as I seek to hold on and turn to God, I *have* felt my spiritual muscles grow as I have held on and kept going, even when it felt like I was at the end of my rope.

And so, I share my feelings of hope, even as I understand something of darkness and hopelessness that can come from depression and from heart-rending trials. For me, knowing that God is there and loves me, knowing that this life is a time of growth and spiritual muscle-building, and learning to lean on the Savior is helping me lean into the headwinds of my life. As I trust in these truths, I continue to find the light of God leading my way.

I hope you can feel that light, too, in your own pain — whether yours has caused you to wonder if life is worth living, or even if it hasn’t. I think we all experience moments where we feel we are at the breaking point. It is at those times that I believe we can find God if we will seek Him, find strength beyond our own.

There is hope. Hold on! And please seek God’s help and the help of caring people around you. Seek until you find more light. It is there. It is real.

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Some articles that might be helpful on the topics of suicide, depression, facing trials, and enduring through difficulty are below:

Myths about Mental Illness, by Alexander Morrison

“An High Priest of Good Things to Come” — by Jeffrey R. Holland (one of those talks that I read over and over again)

The Love of God, The Infinite Power of Hope, and The Way of the Disciple by Dieter F. Uchtdorf
(I also wrote recently about his recent CES (Church Education System) fireside talk, where he addressed many topics, including depression and suicide, and shared much powerful doctrine about the purposes of life and having faith and hope)

Be of Good Cheer, by Thomas S. Monson

Come What May, and Love It, by Joseph B. Wirthlin (I had to read this one a few times for the message to really sink in, but it’s powerful)

Hope, an Anchor to the Soul, by James E. Faust

Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard Time, by Quentin L. Cook

Rising Above the Blues
(the New Era is a youth magazine in our Church; I think most of this content is relevant to people of any age)

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**Please note: The answers in “Ask a Mormon Woman” and reflect the thoughts, perspectives, and experiences of individuals. Although here at Mormon Women, we strive to have our content consistent with the Church’s doctrine and teachings, we do not speak officially for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For official information about or from the Church, please visit www.mormon.org or www.lds.org.

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For more Ask a Mormon Woman questions/answers, please click here.

Do you have a question you would like to submit? Simply include a comment below, or send an email at gmail with the username ‘mormonwoman’ or ‘mormonwomen’.

I am a Mormon woman with three kids and my husband is not a member of the Church. I get sidetracked a lot; I love coffee and I used to smoke. What advice do you have for me?

We actually want to turn this question over to all of you to help us answer.  There are many things that can be addressed here — having a strong marriage when you and your spouse have different religious beliefs; overcoming habits and caring for your body; and being able to stay on track with goals and/or standards even when those around you might be making different choices.

But first, we thought it would be helpful to explain a little more about the reason Mormons don’t drink coffee, tea, or alcohol — more about our health code, called the Word of Wisdom. So we will address the following question for those who have wondered about this part of Mormon belief.

I’ve heard that Mormons don’t drink coffee or tea. Is that true? Why? Also, I hear about a “health code” that you follow, what is it?

Answer by Amanda**

You heard right – LDS people (Mormons) don’t drink coffee of tea. We believe in what is called the Word of Wisdom, and this is the “health code” that you have heard about.

Revelation was given through the Lord to Joseph Smith in early 1833 concerning the care of our bodies. The revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was made a commandment in 1851. Joseph Smith had been pondering the use of tobacco by brethren in their meetings and decided to go to the Lord, and the Lord responded with the revelation which is recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants Section 89.
The Word of Wisdom is a guide for how we treat out bodies – including counsel about foods that are good for our bodies, and about substances that we should avoid.

Specifically we do not drink alcohol, coffee, or tea. We don’t use tobacco or drugs. We are encouraged to eat meat sparingly and to use fruits and vegetables in season, and are told that grains are the staff of life.

The Word of Wisdom is a gift to the Lord’s children because it provides physical and spiritual benefits for us.

We are promised that if we do these things, we

“shall receive health in the navel and marrow in the bones; and shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; and shall run and not be weary, and walk and not be faint.” [D&C 89:18-20]

In modern terms, we are promised health, wisdom, and protection. We are promised knowledge, safety, and strength.  Some of this comes from building healthy habits for our bodies. And some of it comes as we obey out of obedience. Following the Word of Wisdom is also one of the things we have to do to be able to go to the temple, which for us is a place of power and peace where our spiritual knowledge can increase.

We are also counseled by church leaders to exercise our bodies, and get enough rest. We are told to get fresh air and to eat properly.

I have a testimony of the Word of Wisdom. I know that when I am eating correctly, and exercising I feel better. I feel stronger and less tired. I have more energy to do the things that I need to do. I know that I am more able to hear the still small voice of the Holy Ghost. I made myself a promise a long time ago that I would not use tobacco or drugs, and though I have had these things offered to me, I have not tried them. I know that I have been blessed for these things – that I am stronger because of them. I know that I am able to have a clear mind and quick reflexes because I avoid things that can cause me to stooper or be slower to react.

–

Now, please help us respond to the first question (and answers can come from friends not of our faith as well — again, there are several topics that people can discuss here in this question that are not specific only to Mormonism):

I am a Mormon woman with three kids and my husband is not a member of the Church. I get sidetracked a lot; I love coffee and I used to smoke. What advice do you have for me?

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**Please note: The answers in “Ask a Mormon Woman” and (other content on this site) reflect the thoughts and perspectives of the administrators at Mormon Women. Although we strive to have our content consistent with the Church’s doctrine and teachings, we do not speak officially for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For official information about or from the Church, please visit www.mormon.org or www.lds.org.

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For more Ask a Mormon Woman questions/answers, please click here.

Do you have a question you would like to submit? Simply include a comment below, or send an email at gmail with the username ‘mormonwoman’ or ‘mormonwomen’.

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley from 1998 that was reprinted in the October 2009 Visiting Teaching Message:

“Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yous is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these, His little ones.”

Parenting is not easy, and I bet I’m not the only one who worries – not infrequently – if I doing a good enough job preparing my children for all facets of life.  There is so much to teach our children, so much involved in helping them grow and learn and mature.  This quote that reminded me that as much as I worry, our Heavenly Father has at least as much concern and love invested in my children as I do.

All the little things I worry about, I can take to God.  He worries about them perhaps more than I do, and not only that, he worries about ME, and how I react to parenting situations with my children.  If I’m trying to help my children build lasting and loving sibling relationships, I can take my concerns and questions to the Lord about how I should best go about that goal. Am I frustrated with anything relating to my family?  I can take it to the Lord.  Even something like being desperate to have a baby sleep through the night or a toddler finally toilet trained – if these are big deals to us as earthly parents, they are surely big deals to our Heavenly Father.  We don’t have to come up with the answers alone.

I feel like I pray more about my family and my children than any other matter, but reading over this quote again and again the past week makes me wonder if I’m taking everything to the Lord that I can be – and wondering about how our family could be improved if I did take more to the Lord.

I love reading and doing research, so when presented with a parenting challenge, I often turn to my girlfriends, books, and the internet for help.  But why don’t I spend more time about parenting matters on my knees, talking to He who is Father of me AND my children, who has more interest in, and love for, all of us than I can imagine?  Good chance I’ll still find solutions through research, past experience of girlfriends, or books – but I’m guessing I would spend a lot less time searching and likely find the ideal solution for each specific situation much more quickly.

When I was talking about this with a friend while visiting teaching, she brought up another great point that this quote brings up – when we are harsh with our children, we are being hard on HIS children.  Thinking about this makes me want to be incredibly more gentle towards the three wonderful children I’ve been given to love and raise, and wonder even more how God feels about the job I am doing parenting His children?  I’m thankful I know I can ask, and have a sure faith that He’ll tell me, love me, and help me improve.

As the article explains, our meetinghouses are both places of worship and centers of social activity. We hold service projects, such as blood drives and humanitarian projects; we have scripture study classes and congregational family and youth activities (including dances, sports, and many other activities). (For examples of stories on our website about ward [congregation] activities, see here, here and here.)

You can see some pictures of the inside of LDS meetinghouses here, or take an interactive virtual tour here.

Our meetinghouses are different from our temples. You can learn more about Mormon worship services and what makes chapels and temples different here. If you are interested in learning more about what the inside of temples looks like, or more about temple worship, please see the following Mormon Women articles that have numerous links and resources.

Ask a Mormon Woman: What does the inside of a temple look like? (v.2)

What does the inside of a Mormon temple look like?

Ask a Mormon woman: What can you tell me about Mormon temples? (includes links to articles that help explain more about the ordinances that take place inside LDS temples)

What the Temple Means to Mormons

Life gets so crazy sometimes that the goals we set as families can fall by the wayside. But one goal our family has been able to hold onto is eating dinner together. It doesn’t happen every night, but most nights it does.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t perfect. We have our share of unruly family dinners. Recently there was a night where Mom and Dad kept reminding the kids not to argue, only to end the meal with an argument themselves! We have more laughter than tears mixed in with our food, though.

Sometimes we turn music on after a blessing on the food, but usually there is no background noise, with the television off as well. It gives us a chance to talk about what happened to each family member during the day or about the world at large. I wouldn’t call our meals quiet; it’s finely orchestrated chaos. We have four children, and my husband and I take turns sitting by the two-year-old because it is a time-consuming and messy chore. It can be hard to make sure everyone is heard, but usually we do manage to listen to everyone.

We use paper plates a lot in our house because I struggle with my health, which limits how much I can accomplish. It isn’t pretty or necessarily friendly to the environment but it’s what we have to do right now to get along. For the same reason, we sometimes have take-out food, but guess what? You can eat take-out around the dinner table! Just because you aren’t a world-class chef doesn’t mean you can’t sit together to eat and talk.

The kids do their part to help too–setting the table, clearing it, filling the water pitcher, stiring the soup, etc. While the they might complain, we still do make them help. It is part of being a family – accomplishing something by working together.

Our family dinners are touchstones. We all meet together, really, only once a day. Oh, we’re crossing paths and in the same house throughout the day. But truly conversing together and thinking about the same things happens only at dinner. While we’re already gathered together around the dinner table we take a few minutes for what some would call a religious devotional. We call it scripture reading, where we will read and talk about the gospel, if everyone is congenial.

Our blessing on the food also happens to be our family prayer, where we pray for things in addition to the food (e.g., an extended family member who is sick, an area of the world with a natural disaster). We try to simplify our religious practices because we have small children, while still including religious principles we feel are important.

Eating dinner with my family is something I enjoy. Our food and our families are both great blessings from God; how fitting it is that we can enjoy and give thanks for them together.

~by Jennifer

I’m living an unexpected life. But aren’t we all?

My eight-year-old declaration of my life’s work was: I am going to be a mother. My second grade teacher didn’t like that; she kept insisting that I needed to pick a “profession.” I was adamant. I would be a mother, and that was final. Everything I have done from that day forward pointed to that eventual goal. Important decisions all centered around how to best prepare myself to be the kind of mother I knew I was meant to be.

My 13-year-old heart was drawn into the world, with the images of famine in Ethiopia and personal participation in a Church-wide fast for famine relief. I knew one day I’d go to that country to help. My mother heart (see Julie Beck, Ensign or Liahona, May 2004) reached out in compassion as it was being prepared to fulfill my life’s work. My unexpected life’s work.

Years have passed. I’ve obtained various academic degrees. I’ve worked many jobs. I’ve served in many capacities and I’ve seen some of the world and the children of the world. I’ve never married.

I have unexpectedly never expected a child.

There have been minutes, days, months…years of heartache and anguish of this unfulfilled dream. Wondering what I failed to plan that “kept me” from realizing my dream. Wondering if I should have said “yes” to some of the men who’ve crossed my path. Wondering if my expecting was somehow wrong.

But there have also been moments of clarity.

Moments of certainty.

I am living the life I am meant to live.

This IS my perfect life.

AND I am a mother.

A mother of thousands, really.

My decision to teach seminary [youth scripture class for ages 14-18] opened my heart to this reality. It struck me, once again, the other day when I received a picture text of a one hour old baby… the newborn daughter of one of my former students. I must have done something for him to remember ME and want me to know about this child entering the world.

Or the text I received just this morning from a former student entering the missionary training center: “Thanks for your patience, love and support. I love you! Jesus is the Christ and has restored His gospel once more! God be with you ‘til we meet again!” I never expected that.

A year and a half ago I took the trip of a lifetime, traveling to the Holy Land, seeking holiness. I wanted to change. Imagine my surprise when the thought came powerfully to my mind and heart: You need to work on a PhD. So I did. I came home and was enrolled in courses two months later. I’m in my second year now.

Exactly a year ago I met two women who reminded me of my desire to work with the children and families of Ethiopia. I begged them to take me. They needed someone to do research for their organization. It was serendipity. A miracle, really. Unexpected.

I’ve traveled to Ethiopia. Every day includes something to help the children and families I met and will meet. The children of Ethiopia have won my heart. I pray for them, I think of them, I love them. They NEED a mother. (Did you know there are over four million orphaned children in Ethiopia? Over 12% of all children? )

I was studying the Abrahamic Covenant the other day. Oh how I love Father Abraham! I have always thought of the promise of multiplying in the context of bearing children. (See, for example, Genesis 22:17-18, Genesis 32:12.) I’ve expected that multiplication would perhaps only be later for me. In the next life.

Not anymore.

During this early morning scripture study, I felt that sweet whispering: “I’m multiplying YOU so you have a greater capacity to love them.” Multiplying unexpectedly.

I suppose I needed a will alignment. I know that as I’m learning to want what HE wants me to want, my course is smoother, straighter, satisfying. Who knew that my children would come in such painless ways? Who knew that they’d be so vast in ages, experiences, needs — and even live on different continents?

Who knew?

He knew.

He knows.

And so do I.

Oh, how I love mothering.

Just as I expected I would.

My name is Sylvia. I joined the Church when I was 27 years old, between my return from serving as a Peace Corps volunteer in West Africa and graduate studies in Washington, D.C. I feel privileged to work in international development, as I have an opportunity to serve every single day. I also feel lucky to have had the chance to visit wards and branches in different countries, particularly in West Africa.

I’ve had sacrament meeting in classrooms and hotel rooms. I’ve lived where there was no organized church meetings at all, satisfying my desire for worshiping with other Church members by doing Sunday School study via email with a friend. I have hosted meetings in my home for Peace Corps volunteers and BYU students. I’ve been mistaken for a missionary in Albania, gone out on “splits” [serving with the missionaries for an evening] in Montreal and Lyon, and met with the eight LDS Church members in Istanbul. I feel exceptionally lucky as well that I’ve been a member of more typical LDS wards in California and Arkansas.

One place where I haven’t been to church, and where I’d really like to, is my home country of the Philippines. I hope one day to have the chance to visit the mini-temple in Cebu City, where I was born.

Regardless of the physical location, though, I’ve felt at home wherever I’ve been at church.

I’m married to a Muslim. I can’t ask for a more supportive partner – from cutting out spirit children from plastic sheet protectors for my Sunbeam [3-year-old Primary class] lessons to prodding me every Sunday morning to go to my meetings, because, as he says, “you’ll feel better.” My husband is the one who inspires me to be the best example I can be, every day. One Mohamed story: when I told him I was tired and felt like flaking on attending ward temple night, he told me that Satan was working on me. I have NO idea where he got that from.

I don’t know if my husband and I will ever resolve the “who’s more righteous” debate – fasting for a month straight or fasting once a month the whole year – but I’m happy to be able to articulate my side of the argument.

I have been thinking recently about what it means to draw close to the Savior. This topic really resonates with me because of a recent personal challenge. I’ve always had a hard time asking for help. I want to be a strong and independent person. I want to be the reliable one. But sometimes that’s not enough. I’ve had to learn to share my burdens, to allow others to render service unto me, and, most importantly, to understand – or, at least, begin to understand – how to draw closer to the Savior.

In Doctrine and Covenants 88: 63, we read: “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

We as Mormons talk often about how to figuratively “knock.” We are taught several basic principles:
* Pray
* Study the scriptures
* Keep the commandments
* Endure cheerfully

I will be the first to admit that doing any, if not all, of these things on any given day can be really hard. And we don’t have kids or pets, so I don’t know how parents manage. But the point is to try. And in trying there is grace and there is possibility. In doing so, I can draw closer to Christ.

I also remember that we are taught consistently to focus on progress, not perfection, although perfection remains the ultimate goal. It’s with drawing closer to the Savior that we can inch, imperfectly, toward perfection. The Encyclopedia or Mormonism says,

Although to many the goal of perfection seems overwhelming, Christ promised, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:30). While obedience to the commandments is essential, the spirit of perfection is contrary to ever-lengthening checklists of outward acts visible to others. Rather, prophets invite all to “come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; …and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you” (Moro. 10:32). Therein lies the power to overcome sin and discouragement.

So this most recent trial of mine reminds me that I still have lessons to learn on the road to perfection. I still need to understand that I can’t do it all by myself. I still need to learn how to graciously ask for, and accept, help. Most of all, I still need to know that ultimately, what is most important, is developing and strengthening my relationship with the Savior. It’s easy to dismiss “prayer/study/keep/endure” as a formula, but it’s a formula that works. It’s the Lord’s way; it’s up to me to follow it or not. We all have challenges, whether or not they are visible. Those challenges should not be seen merely as difficulties to overcome, but also opportunities for us to draw upon the Lord.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No.” Romans 8:35,37

I’m inspired by a quote from an essay entitled “The Uses of Adversity,” by Carlfred Broderick, which was a talk originally given at a BYU women’s conference:

The gospel of Jesus Christ is not insurance against pain. It is resource in event of pain, and when that pain comes (and it will come because we came here on earth to have pain among other things), when it comes, rejoice that you have resource to deal with your pain.

It had been a bad day. I was dealing with disappointment over a hoped-for opportunity that had been withdrawn, and pain over a teacher’s unfair and damaging treatment of my young son. As I sat at my computer where so much of my life seems to happen these days, I was feeling lonely and discouraged. Just before I reached out to click the update button on my email, I bent over my keyboard and said a little prayer. “Oh, please, Heavenly Father, let some good news pop up for me!”

I clicked my mouse and emails flooded my inbox, many of them from friends I hadn’t heard from in a while. These emails brought a lot of love and comfort to my heart. One contained a link to a video and I was delighted to find that it was a clip entitled “Reflections of Christ,” featuring the work of an artist who uses live models to re-imagine scenes from well-known paintings. This particular clip featured scenes from the Book of Mormon, when Christ comes to the Americas after he was resurrected.

The first images started out a bit dark and gloomy, just like my mood, but as I watched, Christ appeared and the faces of the people curved with smiles, just my own was doing. As the people gathered, knelt, prayed, and worshiped, I could feel the pain and sorrow slip from my heart as the tears did from my face. When the images of Christ displaying his crucifixion wounds appeared, I was reminded that Christ died on the cross to bear the burden of sin for those who had wronged me as well as for my own sins. I was also reminded of this: there is no pain that is bigger than His love, bigger than His gospel, bigger than His truth. I watched eagerly as the beautiful images permeated my mind, the soaring music permeated my heart and the message permeated my soul. It was just what I needed to watch/see/hear/feel at that very moment.

As the clip came to a close, I was filled with gratitude for my Father in Heaven. What someone else might think is a mere want, He knows to be a true need. He answers prayers, even when murmured over the recumbent letters of the alphabet, the very same keys that brought this gift to me.

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For more Sharing Our Voices content, including First Person essays, see here.

President Uchtdorf talked to young adults in the CES fireside that is held and broadcast the first Sunday of nearly every month. He addressed some important topics. While the audience is primarily LDS, his message could benefit anyone.

He started by sharing a summary of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Ugly Duckling. Like the bird who thought he was just an ugly misfit, we, too, sometimes don’t remember who we really are — children of God.

This notion of “Who We Are” is obviously important to us here on this website — not only because we hope people can understand what our lives are like as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but because we hope to share what means the most from our doctrine about who we all are as children of God, and about the purposes of life — where we came from, why we are here on Earth, and what happens after this life.

President Uchtdorf declared:

“We have been blessed with the answers to these questions, and we freely share them with all who will listen. We know them not because of someone’s educated guess, or because we found a scientific explanation. We have the answers because heavenly messengers revealed these mysteries to man. That same knowledge is available to anyone on this planet Earth who is honest in heart through the power of the Holy Spirit…. Because He is merciful and loves His children, God has given again in these latter days the truth about where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going.”

President Uchtdorf responded to a few pressing questions that he and our Church leaders have heard from young adults. If any of these questions are pressing on your mind, I urge you to listen to his wise and wonderful counsel.

Question #1. “I’m unhappy and depressed. Sometimes it seems like the world would be a better place if I weren’t in it. Why should I go on living?” (I love how he addresses this head-on, and yet also with a warmth and even some humor and with faith in our potential for joy and God’s love for us.)

Question #2: “I’m so lonely. Will I ever find my soul-mate?” (He gives wise counsel about dating and marriage and commitment and eternal promises — counsel applicable to anyone, single or married.)

Question #3: “Can I remain faithful?” (He addresses facing doubts and temptation, and talks about seeking answers to honest questions. “Inquiry is the birthplace of testimony….Asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a precursor of growth…. God commands us to seek answers to our questions and asks only that we seek with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ…. Fear not to ask questions…but doubt not. Doubt not….”)

If you listen to the talk, we invite you to share what things stood out to you. I love President Uchtdorf’s warm personality, fervent faith, and very evident love for God and the Savior, Jesus Christ, and for those to whom he speaks.