most likely a rant

Jeremy and Tara Got Married

2012-02-04T10:36:00.001-05:00

This is the ultimate wedding content blog. Links to everything. All of the photo albums, videos, blog entries, and wedding vendors.

V I D E O S

Wedding Highlight Video

Full Wedding Video
Password: love

Photo booth video

Tara and Jeremy Wedding Video

Created by Ken Lawall and Jessica Lawall

V E N D O R L I S T

Venue: One Atlantic
Photographer: DiBezi
Videographer: Magic Flute
Photobooth: Photomatonchic
Flowers: Beautiful Blooms
Band: Silk Band
Cake: Ocean City Cake Studio
Makeup: Beautiful Brides Philly

M O R E

The Wedding Website

Wedding Blog Entries

P H O T O S

Here is a link to each album I made on my flickr. All of the photos are downloadable and printable. The original sizes are there too so printed photos wouldn't be blurry. Just click the photo below and it will take you to that album.

Thanks again everyone!

Top 11 of 2011

2012-01-02T12:31:00.000-05:00

You know what Sara - yeah, 2011 was pretty much my bitch. What a freaking awesome year. Since I have the memory capacity of a goldfish, here is my Top 11 of 2011.

#11

Brooklyn Half Marathon

An amazing accomplishment - the goal was to finish without walking or dying. But it only makes the number 11 spot because at around mile 8 or so, I wasn't feeling like I was having one of my best moments of 2011. The mile 8 or so made a different kind of list- The Why The Hell Did I Sign Up For This List.

Coney Island, New York
5.21.11

#10

Semi-secret Green Day Halloween Show

Some of Jeremy's bandmates told us about Green Day playing in a super small venue. To see them that close, in Halloween attire, singing "Monster Mash" was pretty awesome.

New York, NY
10.27.11

Commercial Shoot in the Argentinian Desert

For a month in March and April I was shooting two commercials - one in London and one in Argentina. There was one day that stood out as being especially ridiculous. We were shooting in a barren desert area in Uspallata for 18 hours. Starting super early in the morning and ending in the middle of the night. In that time the temperature varied from 20F to 80F. The landscape was insane - it was just one of those "Is this real life?" kinda days.

Uspallata, Argentina
3.30.11

Death Cab for Cutie at Williamsburg Waterfront

Hands down the most amazing music venue I have ever been to. Music was amazing, weather was amazing, sunset was amazing. Just so so much amazing. The whiskey we drank before the concert didn't hurt either.

Brooklyn, New York
8.2.11

#7
Holiday Swank 2011

I love when people from different groups of friends come together and it works. After a Jingle Bell Jog in Park Slope in festive costumes we followed it up with a swankily dressed night of revelry. It was one of those nights when everyone reaches the same level of drunk at the same time which naturally breaks out into a dance party. And when Tracy put on Laurel's inflatable reindeer head I laughed for about 15 mins straight. Definitely need to make this combo of running and swanking an annual thing.

New York, NY
12.10.11

BBH takes Brigantine

This summer in Brigantine was incredible. But one weekend stands out. Mainly because we got a backyard game of Taboo busted up by the cops. And life made sense. That at 27 years old I get busted by the cops for the first time, and it's because I am playing a board game. Also that weekend we had the most incredible food due to Hugo's secret chef mastery. Sitting outside eating fresh amazing seafood straight off the grill, while drinking wine, and talking with friends at sunset - that's living. I can only hope we have another weekend of leisure diving, wrist pumps, rum runners, and boogie boarding again next summer.

Brigantine, New Jersey
8.6.11

Cliffside lunch in Santorini

While on our honeymoon we had a stop in Santorini. We decided to grab a quick lunch during a tour at a little cliffside restaurant that some fellow cruisers (a gay couple we nicknamed Mitch and Cam) recommended. It was just greek salads and tzatziki sauce with bread and wine but it was the most delicious food I have ever had in my entire life. Seriously. Best meal ever. And it was semi-healthy-ish. (Feta is fat free when you have it on a cliff I've decided.)

Santorini, Greece
10.12.11

Oh London, I love you.

I am meant to live in London. It is literally my favorite place on earth. Plus, those accents. Ah. Love it. I was lucky enough to shoot a commercial in London in April and work with a super talented director Johnny Kelly. I got to go on many "dates" with our producer Tammy and go to many incredible restaurants. I was training for the half-marathon at the time so I would go running in the gardens of Buckingham palace. And we were staying at the Dean Street Townhouse which was ridiculously special. Only question now is when do I get to go back?

London, England
4.5.11

Magical Mountain in Malibu

I was working in L.A. for a couple weeks last May and Jeremy came out to visit. We drove all around L.A. and saw the sites and also went to Santa Monica and Malibu. The Malibu Winery was a definite highlight. We drank a bottle of wine that was so good that we were convinced there was magic in it.

Malibu, California
5.28.11

That time LMFAO crashed my Bachlorette Party

Lauren's friend had the insider info that LMFAO was going to be surprise party rocking in AC the weekend of my Bachlorette Party so obviously we had to check it out. There were actual champagne showers and at one point I was taking a beer funnel of Patron from one of the LMFAO guys. Perfect Bachlorette party activity. Thank you to all of the party planners.

Atlantic City, New Jersey
8.20.11

Duh, Our Wedding Day

Obviously, the best day of 2011. We could not have asked for better weather, better company, better anything. It was the perfect day. Over a year in the making - and it was all worth it.

Atlantic City, New Jersey
10.1.11

Bring it on 2012.

The Ceremony

2011-12-30T14:23:00.002-05:00

The beautiful October day by the sea

3 months after the wedding and I still haven't finished blogging about it. I got the wedding DVD in the mail today so I figured it would be a good time to take on the ceremony blog.

Sort of oddly, the ceremony was my favorite part of the wedding day. The sun was setting perfectly over the ocean and it was truly one of those out of body magical moments.

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Okay so enough cheesiness. It's awkward to watch yourself in a wedding video. Like super awkward. And when did I get such a thick Philly accent?

I feel like you could add "Hey yous guys, let's get a cheesesteak" after every every vow I say in this ceremony and it would feel natural.

Seriously. Anyway - Now some tips!

Tip 1: In the program, give a little background on your bridal party.

Program designed by Jen Barger

This may just be a personal thing, but I like to know who's who in the bridal party. So include it in the program.

Not a whole lot of info, just a little bit so you know where all of these people came from.

Tip 2: Pick a special song for when you walk down the aisle.

Dad walks me down the aisle

I walked down the aisle to a cover of "I Want To Hold Your Hand" by T.V. Carpio from the movie Across the Universe instead of the wedding march and it made that part of the wedding 10x better.

Seriously, standing behind closed doors, about to get married and hearing a hugely personal beautiful song - is a super special experience.

Only other time I saw him cry was during Rudy.

And it may just make your groom tear up a little.

Tip 3: Personalize your ceremony.

Our amazing officiant gave us a wedding workbook that gave us options for each part of the ceremony. We could also edit throughout if we wanted to. It was cool to have our ceremony edited so specifically because it felt honest.

Below is the script from the ceremony.

GREETING

Elizabeth:
We are gathered here by the sea, a place of journeys ended and journeys started; a place of transformation and beauty and mystery, to join this man and this woman in marriage.

I welcome all of the family and friends who have gathered here together to witness an act of great love. On this day, Jeremy Straight and Tara Lawall begin a new stage in their lives.

We are here before God, friends, and family, to celebrate the love that has brought them here and the love that is to grow between them.

WITNESSES

Now I ask the Bride and Groom’s sibilings to join me and bear witness to this marriage.

Jason and Jenna, will you witness to Jeremy's love towards Tara?

Jason and Jenna:
We will.

Elizabeth:
Tracy and Jessica, will you witness Tara's love towards Jeremy?

Tracy and Jessica:
We will.

TO THE PARENTS AND GUESTS

Elizabeth:
At this time we acknowledge Jeremy's parents Mike and Beth Straight, and Tara's parents Ken and JoAnn Lawall. We thank you for your part in raising a beautiful couple. Without your hopes and dreams, without your tears and laughter, they would never be the beautiful people they are.

You each have set an example of love in your own individual way, and they are so happy with your blessings.

Jeremy and Tara would also like to sincerely thank everyone for coming today, especially for those of you who traveled from out of state or even country.

Groomsmen response

THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE

It is Jeremy and Tara's belief that the true art of married life is an inner spiritual journey. That it is a mutual enrichment, a give and take between two personalities, a mingling of two endowments which diminish neither, but enhances both.

Jeremy and Tara, you are aware that making this relationship work takes more than love. It takes trust to know in your hearts that you want only the best for each other. It takes commitment to the growth of the union. It takes dedication to stay open to one another, to learn and grow, even when it is difficult to do so.

And it takes faith to go forward together without knowing what the future holds for you both. Remember to treat both yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves.

This is a moment of celebration. Let it also be a moment of dedication. Individuals are fragile, relationships are fragile, too. Every marriage needs the love, nurturance and support of a network of friends and family.

On this day, I ask those gathered here not only to be friends of Jeremy OR Tara, but friends of Jeremy AND Tara together, friends of the relationship.

In the few minutes of silence that follow, I ask each of you in your own way to confer a silent wish, hope, prayer or blessing upon this ceremony.

FIRST READING

Jeremy and Tara have asked Victoria Chubb, to be a part of their ceremony. She will read an excerpt from Corinthians.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on it's own way. It is not resentful. It does not rejoice at wrong, but in right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things

DECLARATION OF CONSENT

Elizabeth:
In acknowledgment of all that I've said, and in the tradition of the marriage rite, I ask:

Jeremy, Do you promise, before family and friends to commit your love to
Tara; to respect her individuality; to be with her through life's challenges; and to nurture
and strengthen the love between you both, as long as you both shall live?

Jeremy:
I do.

Elizabeth:
Tara, Do you promise, before family and friends to commit your love to Jeremy; to respect his individuality; to be with him through life’s challenges; to nurture and strengthen the love between you both, as long as you both shall live?

Tara:
I do.

Elizabeth:
To the gathering assembled here today, if you agree with the following statement, please
answer, “We will”. And so I ask, "Will all of you witnessing these vows do everything in your
power to uphold Jeremy and Tara in their union?

Everyone:
We Will.

VOWS

Elizabeth:
Jeremy and Tara , please hold each other’s hands and repeat after me.

I, Jeremy, love and support you Tara, for being all that you are, all that you are not and all that you can be. Of all the women I have met and known, I choose you to be my wife. I love you and adore you, and will cherish you all the days of my life.

Jeremy:
I, Jeremy, love and support you Tara, for being all that you are, all that you are not and all that you can be. Of all the women I have met and known, I choose you to be my wife. I love you and adore you, and will cherish you all the days of my life.

Elizabeth:
I, Tara, love and support you Jeremy, for being all that you are, all that you are not and all that you can be. Of all the men I have met and known, I choose you to be my husband. I love you and adore you, and will cherish you all the days of my life.

Tara:
I, Tara, love and support you Jeremy, for being all that you are, all that you are not and all that you can be. Of all the men I have met and known, I choose you to be my husband. I love you and adore you, and will cherish you all the days of my life.

SECOND READING

Now I ask JoMarie Lawall, to join us and read an except from a poem by James Kavanaugh.

JoMarie Lawall:

To love is not to possess,
To own or imprison,
Nor to lose one's self in another.
Love is to join and separate,
To walk alone and together,
To find a laughing freedom
That lonely isolation does not permit.
Love only endures when it moves like waves,
Receding and returning gently or passionately,
Or moving lovingly like the tide
In the moon's own predictable harmony,
Because finally, despite a child's scars
Or an adult's deepest wounds,
They are openly free to be
Who they really are--and always secretly were,
In the very core of their being
Where true and lasting love can alone abide.

RING BLESSING

Elizabeth:

And so we come, Jeremy and Tara to the presentation of rings by which you symbolize and bind your love. May I have the rings please?

Bless these rings, that they may be the visible sign of the vows here made, that each who gives and each who wears one, may ever be reminded of their promises, evermore living and growing in the spirit of love. May their love be as endless as their rings. Amen

These rings are not tokens; they are symbols of the faith, trust and love you hold for each other. May these feelings you share for one another on this day be always held within the circle of the ring. May these halos on your fingers bring you peace, joy and ever growing love.

RING EXCHANGE

Jeremy, please take this ring and place it on Tara’s left hand ring finger, and repeat after me: With this ring, I thee wed.

Jeremy:
With this ring, I thee wed.

Elizabeth:
Tara, please take this ring and place it on Jeremy’s left hand ring finger.

Tara:
With this ring, I thee wed.

ROSE CEREMONY

Elizabeth:
We will now perform a ritual of symbolism, the Rose Ceremony.

(Jeremy hands white rose to Tara)
Tara, take this rose as a symbol of Jeremy’s love.

(Tara takes the rose and places it in water)
Jeremy, Tara receives this rose, a symbol of your love, and places it into water, a symbol of life.

Tara, in remembrance of this day, Jeremy will give you a white rose each year on your anniversary as a reaffirmation of his love and the vows spoken here today.

CLOSING REMARKS

Jeremy and Tara: May you love deeply, laugh heartily, practice patience and smile often. May you dream
together, grow, be crazy, give, give in, and trust enough to take. May you see many sunrises, listen to the rain, savor special moments, and continue to discover each other's most lovable qualities. May you have health, happiness, a sense of humor and a lifetime of rich adventure.

May your house be a place of happiness for all who enter it, a place where the old and the young are renewed in each other's company, a place for growing, a place for music, a place for laughter. May no person be alien to your compassion.

May your larger family be the family of all humankind. And may those who are nearest to you and dearest to you be constantly enriched by the beauty and bounty of your love for each other.

PRONOUNCEMENT OF MARRIAGE

By the power of your love, and because you have exchanged vows of commitment, it is my privilege to bless you, and to pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

Tip 4: Laugh a little.

So as I said - getting married is awkward. 100+ people watching you say lovely dovey personal stuff for 30 mins. When something really super awkward happens, laugh. It breaks up some natural tension.

When Jess handed Elizabeth the ring she accidentally snapped the case shut so hard it echoed off the sides of the walls. And it was funny in that moment of trying to be all perfect. So we laughed.

Tip 5: Try to be there.

Wedding day you are floating on an anxiety ridden, fun, emotionally overwhelming, insane train. Yes, floating on a train. That's how wild it is. So try to take a moment to be there. An actual pure memory. When it is over you will have a million photos, etc. but the actual pure "mind pictures" are the most special.

So there you have it.

Ceremony: check.

The Morning of the Wedding

2011-12-04T09:00:00.001-05:00

The morning of the wedding is pretty special. You wake up feeling like you are in a out of body experience and you are lucky if you touch back down at any point throughout the day.

I planned the wedding with immense amounts of love. I truly loved planning this wedding. Thinking through every part, every possible scenario - and how to make it just a little bit more special.

When I woke up I was just so excited to see it all unfold.

I think it's so out of body because you are directing, producing, and staring in your own experience. So you are living it and seeing it live at the same time.

I am not sure if that makes any sense but the feeling barely makes any sense. You are completely numb and completely exhilarated at the same time.

And when you are having an exstistenital crisis there is only one thing you can do --- comfort yourself with some Baked by Melissa mini red velvet cupcakes.

Which brings us to the first Morning of the Wedding (MOTW) Tip:

Tip 1: Order lots and lots of Baked by Melissa Mini Cupcakes, they deliver everywhere.

I am a big believer in the healing power of cupcakes. But at 500 calories a pop, it's hard to justify eating them hours before you are strapped into a wedding dress. So I bring you the super mini cupcake. My logic is since they are mini, they don't have calories. Instead they are just filled with small bits of happiness. They are the perfect snack for the getting ready marathon.

Tip 2: When it comes to hair and makeup, be a little bit bitchy.

It's damn near impossible to get a hair and makeup person that you like. I made a game time decision to change to a different hair stylist - on the morning of the wedding - while the other hair stylist was standing right there. It was PRETTY awkward and uncomfortable, but I was 4 million times happier. Luckily, my mom did the dirty work and pulled the switcharoo - but don't be afraid to be a little diva-ish. Remember to thank your mom. Thanks Mom.

Tip 3: Everyone secretly wears hair extensions - get some.

Who knew? I didn't. Contrary to what I thought - hair extensions make your hair look fuller, not just longer. You just need to get clip ins that the hair stylist puts in, nothing sew in or anything. Takes about 1 minute to put them in. I already have pretty thick and long hair, but the hair extensions were necessary to get the look I wanted.

Tip 4: Get fake eyelashes, obviously.

Again, bridesmaid Christina trained me well. Get fake eyelashes. Also, get the individuals versus the strip of eyelashes. You can build to the thickness you want - and it looks more natural. Christina also recommends that they use the black eyelash glue instead of the white glue because it blends better with the rest of your makeup and it doesn't stick around for days.

Tip 5: It takes about 15 minutes to lace up a gown, plan for it.

Cause I didn't. And since it's the last thing you do - you are already rushed. So to avoid panic, work the 15-20mins of dress lacing into your schedule.

Tip 6: Be considerate of your bridesmaid's and the MOB's comfort.

The getting ready section is intense. The circus of hairspray and bobby pins and "where did I put my _____" can be mayhem. So I was super conscious of setting the ambiance for the morning. I made sure we had enough room for the 2 hair stylist and 2 makeup artists to set up. I got a Jambox portable bluetooth iPhone speaker - because I am nerd - and also so we could play music while getting ready. And I made sure we had Bridesmaids playing in the next room on loop. Also my parents made sure we had breakfast and lunch delivered and my sisters kept the champagne flowing.

This control freakness probably added to my pre-wedding meltdown. I mean, I even went as far to make sure we had scented candles burning, BUT I think this made things more pleasant for the 11 bridesmaids and my mom.

And the guys too.

The guys met up for lunch and beer at my grandparents house down the street pre-wedding.

Tip 7: Having a huge bridal party rocks.

The Bridal Party Army on the Atlantic City Boardwalk before the ceremony

A quick note on this. I thought at some point I would regret having such a big bridal party - but it never happened. With the engagement party, the bridal shows, looking for the wedding dress, looking at another store for the wedding dress, picking out the wedding dress, looking for the bridesmaid dress, picking out the bridesmaid dress, the bridal shower, the 1st dress fitting, the bachlorette party, the 2nd dress fitting, and the 3rd dress fitting--- that's a lot of freaking events to ask people to go to. But I had my 2 sisters, 2 sister-in-laws, 3 cousins, 4 friends- so I could space out who I punished with each event. Plus, it gave Best Man Jason fodder for his hilarious best man speech. Thank you bridal party, we could not have asked for a better, or a better looking, group.

The only thing that is awkward is dealing with the blank stares you get when you say have 11 bridesmaids. You can literally hear people calling you an asshole with their eyes.

Tip 7: Scout out your wedding photos locations.

Portraits at the Brigantine Beach Patrol shack

Jeremy and I really wanted to have a cool location to take our wedding photos and have our "first meet." I should explain what a "first meet" is - it's another one of those wedding vocab words.

First Meet

First Meet: or first look is when the bride and groom see each other before the ceremony. But you plan it out and set it up so that it has some special element of surprise and your have the photographers and videographers there to capture it. It's a way to not make you not feel bad about missing the walking down the aisle moment and help with the scheduling of the day.

Bridesmaids at the Brigantine Sea Wall.

We knew we wanted to do it in Brigantine or Atlantic City so we checked out locations all summer to find the perfect place. The planning paid off - we took first meet and portraits near the Brigantine Beach Patrol shack and the bridal party photos by the Sea Wall.

Groomsmen at the Sea Wall

Tip 8: Stuff will get screwed up - it's okay.

A lot of things will go according to plan. Some of it won't. I realized last week - a month and a half after the wedding - that the groomsmen forgot to put on their boutonnieres. How did 11 pink roses slip through the cracks? No clue. We had them, they were delivered but I never thought to put anyone on MALE FLOWER duty.

Groomsmen, without their stupid flowers.

Wait you know what.

This is my Most Likely A Rant.

How the hell did 11 flowers go unnoticed?

Granted - if I didn't notice, I can't expect other people to. But come on. None of those guys thought - "Oh weird - they usually make me wear a stupid flower that I hate putting on and always falls off."

We had 11, $25 stupid flower things for you guys. Please. I don't want to blame anyone. But what the heck happen to the stupid flowers? $275 stupid flowers.

But - yes. Case and point. Stuff will get screwed up. You probably won't even notice. And it won't matter.

Come to think of it. They probably look cooler without them.

Tip 9: Say thank you. A lot.

Coordinating a bridal party of 22 plus parents, grandparents, flower drop offs, breakfast and lunch deliveries, trolley schedules, limo schedules, 2 photographers, 2 videographers and a frantic bride and groom to 3 locations was a freaking production. I mean, seriously. All of this had to happen in the span of 6 hours.

Like what are we insane? But we did it. It took the A-game of many, many people. Thank you.

Thank you to my dad for coordinating the transportation, the food, and about 75 other things the morning of the wedding.

Thanks to Lauren and Laurel for being the wedding's unofficial cheerleaders. Your excitement was amazing and contagious.

And for adopting my friend Jeff, even though you'd never met.

To Dara and Jenna - a couple of wedding pros - thank you, especially, for helping me remember everything I was forgetting the morning of the wedding.

Thank you to Tina - for being a part of yet another life change we have experienced together.

Thank you to my new sister Jenna! Pudding shots. Pudding shots. Pudding shots. Amazingness. Thanks for all of your help - you made everything more fun.

Thank you to my sister Jess. You were an innocent bystandard to much of the wedding crazy - and you still talk to me.

Thanks for always being there. And big thanks to Jack and CalTentPartyRentals.com for all of the tents, tables, chairs, and enthusiasm.

Thanks to my new in-laws! Your time, generosity, and love was more than appreciated every step of the way.

Thanks to my new sister-in-law Jen - who came to every single event - even though I imagine in was a big pain in the ass during her first year of motherhood. :-)

Big thanks to Christina. You somehow knew what I needed and what I needed to know even before I knew anything. Thank you for anticipating everything, it was a huge help.

Oh Mom, I don't even know how I could ever thank you for everything you did to make this wedding special. I mean, it was just ridiculous. Thank you for overthinking everything almost as much as I was. I could never have done it without you.

Thank you to Tracy. For answering multiple crazed calls, clicking through epic emails of links, and for flying back so many times from Miami.

Thanks to Jason for being awesome. Plan on a more in-depth thanking when I get to blogging about your best man speech.

Thank you to Jenna. Always one click away, everyday for me to pester with all of my wedding musings. Thanks for putting up with all of my incessant ichats.

And thank you to Uncle Kenny, for your Jim Carey style traffic directing while the guys did their photo shoot in the street.

Also a big thanks to my grandparents for letting us crash your house with 11 beer hungry groomsmen. This accidentally became a big thank you post. More thank yous are coming. This was just supposed to be focused on the morning before the wedding. But I got a little carried away.

That being said. There is one more person I must thank.

Jeremy, was ridiculous. He came with me to all 4 location scouts and countless other things. Thanks for being as excited and as in love with the wedding process as I was. I got ridiculously lucky with you. And luckily - you never let me forget it.

(And thanks to our wedding photographers dibezi.com - seriously magicians. All of the good pictures I just posted above are from them. The less good pictures are ours.)

Bridezilla is inevitable, and other pre-wedding tips

2011-11-06T19:59:00.000-05:00

I don't think that we are prepared as human beings for the amount of emotions that go into the day of a wedding. I was on spastic over drive mode in about 50 different directions. Conflicting feelings in every which way.

So there is excitement. You have been preparing for this day for the time you were engaged, but frankly, you have been preparing for this day ever since you saw your first romantic comedy. And with that excitement comes pressure.

The engagement time is a time for learning. For example, I learned that I am a complete control freak and perfectionist. Honestly, I was not aware of these traits before.

I knew I was pretty Type A - but I discovered all new neurosis.

And then you feel guilt, mixed extreme amounts of love - because you somehow convinced 200+ people to get dressed up, get a hotel room, give you money, and take time out of their schedule to celebrate your relationship.

I know all of this is pretty standard, but knowing it's suppose to be the "Best Day of Your Life" is enough to make a neurotic control freak with a recent affliction to anxiety attacks --- completely want to lose her shit.

But - damn.

This was the best damn wedding ever.

Granted - I could not be more biased. But holy crap we had a great wedding.

And there is just so much to talk about - so much that I don't even know how to approach blogging about the wedding - so I'll take it in segments.

My documentation of the wedding will be partially a Documentary and partially a How To. Because I have a ton of wedding knowledge now that I will completely forget if I don't right it down due to the fact that I have the memory of a goldfish.

Wedding Tip 1: Accept that at some point you are going to freak the f*ck out.

So with all of the emotions and pressure and starvation that goes into the wedding you are primed for a special brand of female insanity. You are like PMS times 10 - mixed with fireworks. It's going to come out. It has to come out. Or your will self-combust. Like a pinata. Filled with red velvet and monogrammed confetti.

It's inevitable.

Do not fight it.

Do not try to stop it.

It's happening.

I recommend getting it out the night before the wedding. Because wedding makeup is expensive.

I learned that Brideszilla is not something that accidentally happens. It is something that needs to happen.

My freak out happen the night before the wedding, after the rehearsal dinner. I decided to just yell at everyone in my family for no reason. No one saw it coming.

Although to be honest - my eyes do look a little crazy here at the rehearsal, earlier in the day. The blank stare. They way I am clawing Jeremy's arm. Look at Jason's face. He's scared. He's married. He's seen this look before. He knows.

One moment I'm cool. Next moment I have a false eyelashes river running down my face.

My dad and I at the rehearsal dinner - pre-freak out

My dad tried to comfort me, even though neither of us was sure what needed comforting.

So thank you dad. And once again, I'm sorry you had 3 crazy daughters. But GOOD NEWS I am probably the craziest.

Wedding Tip 2: Embrace the white.

A year and a half ago I had no white clothing. Maybe a white tank top. Literally that was in.

This was taken when we were on our way to get pre-wedding Spa treatments at the Borgata.

I now have about 6 white dresses, 2 white yoga-ish outfits, and a bunch of white shirts. Embrace the bride experience. I even got Bride, Mother of the Bride, Father of the Bride, and Maid of Honor hoodies for my mom and sisters from Just Jen. And white pants from American Apparel.

It's cheesy but it's fun. And it totally adds to the excitement.

Wedding Tip 3: Think about what you think you are suppose to do, and then do what makes sense to you.

Groomsmen cake from Cake Studio.

Weddings have a formula and they have "rules." Learn the rules and they decide if they made sense to you. Some of the best moments of our wedding is when we broke from convention a little bit.

For example, for the cake on the rehearsal dinner was a replica of the guitar that I bought for Jeremy when we got engaged. And it was freaking awesome. (See him playing the non-cake version at the next show of his band Captures)

And then for the bridal party gifts - we got everyone Ray Bans instead of like jewelry or a watch or cuff links or something. It ended up being a very fun prop to have for photos the next day and it made everyone feel kinda like rock stars. (Or maybe that was just in my head.)

Then again - maybe it wasn't in my head. I don't think Jessica or Laurel took off those sun glasses the entire weekend.

Wedding Tip 3: Bring fake eye lashes into your life.

Because they make you look awesome. Shout out to Bridesmaid Christina for demanding that I get myself lashed for every major event.

So that's all for now. I have been sitting at Second Stop my favorite coffee shop in Williamsburg for the last couple of hours because we have a mouse in our house and I am not good at sharing space with rodents. But it's time I go home.

Much more to come.

Coming Soon

2011-11-06T18:39:00.000-05:00

Don't worry. I didn't forget about blogging the wedding. We just got our professional photos back from the photographer - so full run down coming soon.

In the meantime here is our vendor list:

Venue: One Atlantic
Photographer: DiBezi
Videographer: Magic Flute
Photobooth: Photomatonchic
Flowers: Beautiful Blooms
Band: Silk Band
Cake: Ocean City Cake Studio
Makeup: Beautiful Brides Philly

And here is a super cool video from the photobooth:

Tara & Jeremy's wedding. October 1st 2011. from photomatonchic.com on Vimeo.

See them all slower here and here and here.

Belated Pre-wedding Reflections

2011-10-03T22:52:00.000-04:00

This is the post I meant to write last week - just about my reflections on the planning process. A more fun and in-depth run down of the wedding will come as soon as I get more pics.

In the past 15 months I have gone from clueless awkward fiance to master bride.

Okay maybe not master bride, but I now know my way around multiple bustles and I can explain my "wedding vision" without twitching.

I have an actual perspective on wedding flowers.
I have an opinion on different bridesmaid dress designers.
I can explain the difference between a mermaid dress, a dropped waist gown, a sheath, and a ball gown.

I even know the difference between blush and a blusher.

And I have a confession. I have absolutely loved every second of the planning process. (Except maybe the weekly throw down, blow out fights with my mom every Sunday for the past 3 months.)

I have been spray tanned, teeth whitened, waxed, plucked, eye lashed, hair extended, exfoliated, and medicated in all new ways.

My wardrobe has gone from 1 white tank top to about 7 white dresses, 2 white pants, and even a rhinestoned Bride white silk robe.

White dress 1: Shower

White dress 2: Rehearsal

White dress 3: Rehearsal Dinner

White dress 4: The wedding!

White dress 5: The After Wedding Brunch

Mother of the Bride, Maid of Honors, and Bride outfits

I have become more girly.

And I'm someone's wife.

That is perhaps the toughest one to take on.

I don't feel like a wife.

I put a pretty pistachio colored Kitchen Aid mixer on the registry entirely for it's decor potential, not it's baking potential.

I got used to saying the word "fiancee" about 10 minutes before the wedding ceremony.

But here I am. Wife Tara. Wife Tara Straight.

Wife is not a cool word. It's like strife, or knife. These are not happy words.

Since I am a nerd- I just looked up the origin and found this:

It is related to Modern German Weib (woman, wife),^[1] and may derive ultimately from the Indo-European root ghwībh - "shame."

Awesome.

Wife = Shame

I need to seamlessly slip in a new word for wife in this apartment.

Let's look up Husband:

The term husband refers to Middle English huseband, from Old English hūsbōnda, from Old Norse hūsbōndi(hūs, "house" + bōndi, būandi, present participle of būa, "to dwell", so, etymologically, "a householder").

Hmmm. Since we hold no house maybe they should have pronounced us Aptband and Shame?

But despite my growing pains with my new title and what it means according to 1990s sitcoms - I am sure I will grow into it just as I have figured out a way to balance being a "bride."

The word "bride" comes from the Teutonic word for "cooking."

Ha ha, go figure. I needed the word that comes from the Teutonic word for "microwaving Lean Pockets."

One of my guy friends said to me at the after party, "You didn't change."
I told him it was just too sad to take off my wedding dress so I left it on.
He clarified, "No you didn't change. Like yourself. I know a lot of girls that get all different and wife-like at the wedding. But not you, you are the same."

I took that as a big compliment.

There is something comforting in knowing that Tara Straight will just as much of an awkward, sarcastic, accidentally honest, pain in the ass as Tara Lawall was.

So Aptband Jeremy - I apologize. No such luck. Wifery has not changed me, and now I am officially yours, for life.

You may now kiss the Shame.

And hey, if anyone needs any help with their wedding - I have 15 months of wedding knowledge that will do little for me now. But - my holiday card address list has quadrupled.

Jeremy and Tara wedding video

2011-10-02T21:30:00.001-04:00

Created by Ken Lawall and Jessica Lawall

Much, much, much more to come.

Epically long post about my Epic Bachlorette Party

2011-08-29T00:54:00.003-04:00

How do I begin to explain what happened during Bachlorette Party Weekend?

When you get all of your friends together from different parts of your life, you just hope, that the combination works and doesn't become an awkward mess. What I realized - very quickly - is that I attract characters. In any group of people you usually have a couple nice, regular, normal, and maybe a bit boring people. We had no such luck Bach weekend. But I would never have wanted it any other way.

So let's set up this story by reviewing the characters.

My sister Tracy, co-party planner. She currently lives in Miami where I assume she learned this dance move. The Jersey Shore is not claiming this one. She was the master mind behind - not one - but two - penis pastries.
A funfetti cake shaped like a penis. She made that happen.

My youngest sister, Jess, co-party planner.
She is getting known in the tristate area for hilarious faces she makes while drunk.
More on that later.

Carren is a friend I met in Miami Ad School and she currently lives in NYC.
Words cannot describe what happen with Carren on Saturday night. She crossed over to the dark side in the best way. I learned later that her late night alter-ego's name is Karen. This photo above is Karen. In her hand is a black sock that she got off of a man during the Bachlorette dare card game. I appreciate her commitment.

Christina always carries a pirate eye patch... just in case. Just in case of what is not important. She is just prepared. I met Christina during my wild Brigantine summers of 2004-2005. During Bach weekend she arguably auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance during an LMFAO surprise performance. More on that later.

Cousin Dara can pull off a pink feather boa like it's nothing. In my world that means something. I don't think I can even pull off a feather shaped necklace without looking like a fool. Eat your heart out Kate Middleton, this chick pulls off a feather boa and a tiara with ease.

Jeremy's sister Jenna had been training for this Bachlorette Party for a little while. She was fully committed to penis flare as well as memorizing the Bachlorette Dare Cards. She does not give up easy. She made a bouncer laugh in the above pic, even though she looks scared half to death.

Childhood friend Laurel is not just a person but an experience.

Here are a couple of examples:

1. Her last time she was in Brigantine she almost got in a fist fight when someone accused her of not being a Harry Potter fan.

2. With the help of Laurel's Justin Bieber singing toothbrush we had a late night dance party in the bathroom.

3. Soon after this photo was taken Laurel stopped speaking. And spent the rest of the night only using sign language to communicate to guys at the bar.

I'd like to say I am creative enough to come up with something like that. But sadly I am not that good. But Laurel is.

Jen is Jeremy's brother's wife, and mother of a 1 year old. I am convinced that Jen's blood is part red bull with how much energy she has for a new-ish mom. I watched Jen wake up, chug 2 protein bars, and then leave the shore - all before 10am on Sunday. And while still wearing her dress from the night before.
If you told me she also went on a 60 mile jog home that would not surprise me.
Jen is hardcore.

So Friday night we thought we'd take it easy and hang out at the house. Until Lauren told us that there was a possibility she could get us on a guest list at mur.mur (a club at the Borgata - Thanks again @aBuzzerBee) where LMFAO were surprise performing late night.

The is Hok from So You Think You Can Dance. He is one of the dancers in LMFAO. During the performance Hok was on the side dancing, as was Christina. In ended up with her giving Hok a noogie, which is pretty fantastic.

Christina and Lauren and LMFAO.

I ended up taking one of these redbull Patron beer bongs after Carren football style plowed me through the crowd and demanded I get proper Bachlorette treatment.

Party Rock is a HUGE guilty pleasure of mine this summer. So this was pretty much the best thing that could have happened during my Bachlorette Party. If a Bachlorette Party isn't about getting drunk with your friends and dancing like a moron to a moronic song - then I am not sure what the point of it is.

So the night ended in LMFAO's "Champagne Showers." And although 6 men chanting "Champagne Showers" were holding 6 bottles of champagne and popping corks - it was still a shock when this happened:

Yes. Not just like a happy splash of champagne but more like Sea World Splash Zone levels. We were drenched. And when it's 3am and you are drenched in champagne, its a good time to call it a night.

On Saturday we turned the the hangover cure-all of going to the beach. Where we talked about how insane the night before was. And geared up for Part 2 of the Bachlorette Weekend:

Pole Dancing Lessons.

Shit.

Pre-pole dancing stretches.

Now, as a 27 year old woman there are certain truths that I have learned to accept about my life.

1. I am inherently awkward. Internally and externally.

2. After being cut from JV Soccer Cheerleading in the 11th grade I determined that I didn't have a career in exciting men by using suggestive movements.

With these two truths - I knew that attempting to Pole Dance would be less than successful. And, boy, I did not disappoint.

My first time on the pole, I did more of a down the pole. As if there was something on fire. But as if there was something on fire, very close by. As this was a very slow, scared, slide down the pole.

I thought you may want to see the close up on that one. Do you see that in my eyes? It's terror.

Pole Dancer dropping some Pole Dancing Knowledge.

Take a close look at Tracy's eyes in this pic.

Christina clearly takes direction better than I do.

Laurel, a girl after my own heart. I call this move the Twizzler.

Physical Education this!

This could be a Bachlorette Party Postcard.

I cannot say I remember what happen after this picture was taken - but I imagine some big things.

Jen, upside down, with no hands.

I look like I am getting the hand of it here- but it still looks like I am on the way to fight a fire.

So things are going well. We are drinking we are laughing - we are having a good time. It came time to learn about the catwalk.

Which resulted in me getting in a fight with our Pole Dancing Instructor/ Ex Stripper.

I strutted around the pole to the best of my awkward potential. Took a swing around the pole and landed.

Pole Dancing Instructor: I think you are better suited for Burlesque.

Now, I am not sure how the Sexy Women Entertainers of the World hierarchy works. BUT, she said it with out irony. Without sarcasm. And a bit of a snarl. This was meant as an insult.

I thought, um okay. Did I just get cut from Pole Dancing Class? All of my JV soccer cheerleader anxieties mixed with champagne came rushing out. So I provoked her, sarcastically. And as I just mentioned, this Pole Dancer was not down with sarcasm.

So she explained to me - very earnestly and honestly - that "girls with my build" are not suited for pole dancing and better for burlesque and that mean like women "of my build."

I responded, very maturely:

Tara: Are you calling me fat AT MY OWN bachlorette party?!?!?!?!?

If you are curious as to what I look like a little drunk, wearing underwear over my shorts, and telling off a Pole Dancer at my Bachlorette Party, I have attached a photo above.

Things just got kind of awkward from there. As you can imagine. I decided to continue to drunkenly make sarcastic comments to her, which did not go well.

I guess we can cross Pole Dancing off the bucket list.

Despite my description of the pole dancing class, it was very funny. And I recommend it for Bachlorette Parties.

Okay so onto night 2. Everyone's inner weirdness came out. And it was fantastic.

Let's start with Laurel. Laurel fell in love with vodka soaked watermelon. So much so that we had to use it as bait to get her up the stairs and into the shower. After her shower she upped the ante and started putting the watermelon on penis straws that she was using as skewers.

Skewer sighting!

This picture is post taking a shot. As you can tell from our faces (especially Lauren's face). But was Laurel phased? No. She was chasing a shot with a watermelon skewer like a damn Honey Badger. Laurel don't care.

Here she is double fisting champagne and a cup full of vodka watermelon, just waiting to be skewered. At this point Jessica's weirdness also came out. She found a prop and held on to while hitting Laurel with it gently in time to with the music the entire ride.

Here you can see Jessica's prop became a microphone.

Laurel did not let her Bieber performance via penis microphone deter her commitment to vodka watermelon.

Group shot. You can see Jess is holding her prop.

Bride Flair in the limo.

I don't think I have ever laughed as hard as the ride over in the cab to The Chelsea in Atlantic City. Now what happened next, I can't honestly say I have a full recollection. So I will let you experience the recap as I did. Through pictures.

Two girls started dancing with me yelling "Bride Sandwich!"

So I thought- Okay cool. Bride Sandwich. How fun.

And then I took off one of their shirts. Do I know why I did this?
Nope.
I guess I didn't want the crust on the Bride Sandwich?

And that was that. My most wild moment at my Bachlorette Party. Random and unexplained taking off of a woman's shirt who just wanted to be a part of a friendly Bride Sandwich.

There you have it. I Girls Gone Wilded someone else.

Now the rest of what I want to share did not fit into the flow of the story telling so I will just tack it on like an Appendix. Plus I'm tired. This blog post is epicly long and just got awkwardly lesbiany.

Morning Mimosas.

Delicious dinner delivery picnic from The Continental.

A friendly game of pin the Junk on the Hunk.

Chocolate Vodka Whipped Cream - an amazing discovery

An amazing picture. If you look close you can spot chocolate whipped cream on Laurel head.

Jessica makes fantastic faces when she is drinking.

(This one is for you Jamie.)

Tracy Photo Bombing like Waldo.

Tracy Photo Bombing again.

And again.

Things with penises on them.

Penis straw popularity.

And I will end this blog, as the weekend ended for me. Finding a penis straw in the dishwasher.

Thanks again to all came and helped plan the weekend. I could not have dreamed for a more fun bachlorette weekend.

Special thanks to my Dad who escaped the house as much as possible to avoid possible permanent damage. And my mom who helped plan much of the weekend and for bravely venturing into Condom Kingdom for the first time. Although Tracy did tell me that she refused to touch anything.

Now. Let's get married!

Do Not Feed the Bride

2011-08-14T18:03:00.001-04:00

48 days to go. Pressure is on.

The other night one of my Miami Ad School students asked me if we could order pizza during class next week. Class is from 7-10pm so it was a reasonable request.

My response, not so reasonable:

Student: Can we order pizza next week?

Tara: Hmmm. Ummmm. No. Sorry, we can't do that.

Student: Okay.

Tara: No, well. Here's the thing. I am getting married in like 10 minutes. If you bring pizza into the same room as me things will get awkward. Because I will kick you all out of the room, pounce on top of the table and alternate shoveling pizza into my mouth and throwing it against the wall.

Students: (stunned silence)

Tara: I'll bring you some snacks though instead?

So this bride thing has most definitely convinced my students that I am a bat-shit crazy chick. Whoops.

Being this close to the wedding has had me swinging between total bouts of excitement and total full on anxiety attacks approximately every 3 minutes. No matter how organized you are or how much you got done ahead of time, it is astounding how many little things need to be taken care of at the end. My mind is in constant "holy shit" mode.

Invitations have gone out. Here's to hoping people want to come. :-)

The wedding website is also up: www.JeremyandTaraareGettingMarried.com

Birthday Weekend in Brigantine

2011-07-27T19:55:00.011-04:00

The last year was a doozy. In the past 12 months I switched jobs, got engaged, planned a wedding, traveled to South America, ran a half marathon, acquired an appreciation for red wine, and performed Improv.

So although typically I try and avoid the pressure of birthdays--- I thought it only fair that I celebrate my 26th year right so I invited a couple friends down the shore. And what happen can best be explained in what we learned.

Things we learned last weekend

1. Never, ever, accuse Laurel of not being a Harry Potter Fan. She will go all Avada Kedavra on you.

2. Forming a bicycle gang seems like an amazing idea after a couple drinks.

3. Taking this bicycle gang on a 3 mile bike trip to the bar seems like an even more amazing idea.

4. Biking back after drinking Rum Runners with bicycle gang in a heat wave, terrible idea.

5. What happens in The Taj Lawall pool, stays in The Taj Lawall pool.

Weekend Most Likely A Rant Superlatives

Tim “Most Likely to Crash a Bachlorette Party"

Rachael "Most Likely to Make an Amazing Magic Punch"

Jeremy “Most Likely to Join an All Chick Bicycle Gang”

Christina "Most Likely to Look Way Too Hot At the Beach"

Pat “Most Likely to Buy the Whole Block”

Lauren “Most Likely to Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore”

Laurel “Most Likely to Yell at Pat”

John “Most Likely to Fist Pump”

Marisa "Most Likely to Have No Idea She is 17"

Thank you all who attended. It was at least the top 3 best nights of summer. ;-) And to my parents that put up with our antics all weekend.

The Bachlorette - a rant

2011-07-27T19:12:00.002-04:00

So I don't watch The Bachlorette. Mainly because Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View loves it but also because I do not particularly enjoy the sensation of my brain rotting out of my ears.

But I watched it the other night for the first time this season with Jenna during a impromptu girls night.

And wow. I mean, wow.

We are down to the bottom 3. And this girl sucks so bad she gets DUMPED by one of them. Not only that, it's the second guy that DUMPED her on the show!!!! Who dumps the bachlorette on The Bachlorette?!?!?!?!? Twice!

She's the kinda girl who jumps and claps for breakfast.
The kinda girl who baby talks stray kittens.
The kinda girl that has an impressive collection of cropped tops.

I want her to apologize to single women everywhere. Because any man that ever sees this show will never marry one of us.

Listening to her talk through her emotions is pain. It's suffering. It's the water boarding of television.

I want to apologize on behalf of all women.
I want an apology from ABC.
I want an apology from Fiji.

How can one person say so many words and say so little?

So - as I was watching with Jenna I saw her typing on her phone. I did not know what she was doing- and then I got this document from her today:

Things Tara Said During the Bachelorette
Ok, this is awkward.
Get the fuck outta here.
Oh my God she is so fucking stupid.
We get it, pack a snack, you're on a journey.
This isn't supposed to be a comedy series is it?
Do they bone all these guys?
I'll stop.
Tragic.
Baby talk (in a baby talk voice)
It's gotta be scripted.
Uh oh.
Oh my god, he's the least sexiest man in the entire world.
Just throw her on the bed and let her have it. Enough already.
I think she might pick this guy because she is so fucking retarded.
I don't think she would know anything if it hit her in the face.

I am pretty embarrassed even posting this. There was Sauvignon Blanc involved, but not enough to justify this level of meanness.

We actually created a drinking game out of it - if someone says "journey" you drink.

I do feel bad though. Sorry, Ashley. Best of luck.

But please, go back to blond. Us brunettes have a reputation to worry about.

On high heels

2011-07-21T07:55:00.002-04:00

The controversial heels.

Recently, I became a morning gym person (modern miracle) so I thought, how else can I torture myself?

How about wearing heels to work? Having never worn heels to work before - some of my co-workers commented.

Jan: Nope. I don't like it. Nope. This is weird. I don't know Tara, the heels are weird.

It's like when I see my mom run. I know she can do it, it's just that I never have seen it before. It's just weird, Tara.

Acting feminine is making people feel weird. Even my gay partner Devon.

Devon: What's with the bitchin' heels?

I can't win.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-20T00:39:00.001-04:00

I occasionally call my dad, "Saint Kenneth of Newtown" because he handles his life surrounded by crazy women with patience, grace, and Coors Light. So on this fatherliest of days (and after my dad spent 6 hours helping me buy a new car on Sunday) I thought I would make this entry all about Ken.

A couple things about my Renaissance Man dad:

He runs. (Faster than all of us, like A LOT faster).

True story: After he finished the 2011 Broad Street Run he literally
took a nap in the grass while waiting for me to finish.

He cooks.

He gives toasts.

He dances with his in-laws.

He dances with strange women.

He fist pumps in Miami.

He also dabbles in Interpretive Dance.

He pretends to like Christmas gifts.

He creates photo opps.

And he really commits to those photo opps.

But if you really want to measure how great of a dad he is, just look at the amount of times he has gone to Disney World (without complaint).

He hangs out with Mickey, even when the kids have blatantly passed out.

He poses the way the kids want him to.

He coaches 3v3 tournaments.

Disney again, with napkins on our heads.

And even stuff like this happens.

I believe Tracy is pairing a Simba hat with a pink fanny pack that is crept almost up to her shoulders. This could definitely be our submission for Awkward Family Photos.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Thanks for everything you do. :-)
Even if we don't say it enough, we appreciate it and we love you.

To the girl with the lower back tattoo at the gym this morning:

2011-06-17T11:44:00.008-04:00

You may notice the difference in the size
between a hand towel and a bath towel.

So in an attempt to look anorexic by the wedding and to not pass out from blow drying my hair in my sauna-like Brooklyn apartment – I have started going to the gym ~~every morning~~ 3 times a week, before work.

Today I did my “30 day Shred” work out video (via my video enabled iPod nano) and went into the locker room to shower. I really like this gym, it’s near work and nearly empty every morning. It’s a good set up for getting ready in the morning.

Quick note on the size of the towels at NYSC:
Is this a joke? I appreciate a sick sense of humor but what exactly am I supposed to do with hand towels masquerading as bath towels. I mean- I just got done my workout, is it really the time to make me self conscious about the fact that it takes 3 hands towels and 5 hair ties to MacGyver together a post-shower look? I’d have to be 4 foot tall and a 15in waist in order to fit in the towel. Actually, you know what? If I was a walking arm, that would be an appropriate sized towels for me.

Okay, so back to setting the scene. I walked out of the shower (in my creatively placed towel outfit) and then nicely laid out my clothes, makeup, curling iron, etc.

I have lost 2 makeup bags after accidentally leaving them at the gym, so I am trying to be very careful and organized post-workout, pre-coffee in the mornings.

Then, this girl walks in and stands next to me and looks at the bench that is so well organized with my stuff it looks like this.

Stolen from Things Organized Neatly

And she says all bitchy-like: Uh, can I get a little bit of room on this bench?

Keep in mind, there is not a SINGLE woman in the locker room but me right now. And there are 9 empty benches. 9! I was enraged. And half naked. Not a good place to be.

What I should have said:
When you got that lower back tattoo of a flying bird were you worried it would look like the bird was flying out of your ass hole?

What I said:
Sure. (And then when she was in the shower I moved all of my things to another bench)

It was one of these moments:

It’s good that I didn’t say anything. Later I saw her shaving her armpits with what looked like a single blade razor WHILE she was blow-drying her hair. So she is clearly crazy, and she clearly would’ve killed me.

Wedding Shower: Attack of the Unicorns

2011-06-13T19:48:00.010-04:00

Click to see all of the photos

As I knock on the door of 27 years old, there are a few things I learned about myself in the past couple years.

Nervousness cannot be cured by champagne.

This is a lesson I learned at my 5-year High School Reunion a couple of years ago. And like many things I’ve learned, I learned it the hard way. The hard way being, waking up the next morning wearing my cousin’s BF’s T-shirt backwards, with no recollection of how and why that came to be.

But let’s back up.

So, I wasn’t into the whole surprise wedding shower. I typically walk into my parents house looking like this:

Not so wedding chic.

Aside from the date and time, I was given few details about the wedding shower.

So imagine my surprise when a sprayed, plucked, waxed, and spanxed Tara in a white dress walks up to my parent’s house to find a lawn sign with my face on it.

Like a realtor sign, with Jeremy and I on it. And that was only the beginning.

Cue anxiety attack.

I walk in to a mix of Lawalls, Terlingos, Straights, and friends. My mom and her #1 wedding elf Aunt JoMarie went above and beyond with the party set up. Truly appreciative.

Amazing tent from Groomsman Jack: CalTent Party Rentals

I mean, honestly, look at this cake.

Then again, my mom did say we had to think big.

To ease the nerves I started hitting the Unicorns, hard (Pink champagne, Elderflower Liquor, soda water and happiness).

My sisters, the Unicorn makers

Happy drinkers of Unicorns: a mix of Straights, Callenders, Fuscos and Lawalls.

And I kept it together until it came time to open presents. About 10 gifts in, I opened a beautifully wrapped gift; like the ribbon matched the spatula that was artistically placed as a bow, which matched the wrapping paper. Whoever wrapped this gift put some serious time and effort into it.

So I open it up and look my Aunt square in the eye and loudly scream across the room, “THANK YOU AUNT DENISE!”

To Aunt Alice.

As Jessica describes it, “Her face just fell.”

Jess the gift secretary

…

Yep. The Unicorns caught up with me.

"What the hell is a garlic zoom?"

Aside from that snafu, I made it through the gift unwrapping without a hitch. Despite our slightly autistic wedding registry selection, Jeremy and I got some amazing things.

Jeremy snuck a couple things on the registry

So much so that we are afraid to use any of it. We just walk around the apartment drinking tea and saying things like “Good morning, honey” and “Thank you, dear," attempting to be worthy of our nice new things.

Ode to William and Kate pic

Like, our towels are all the same color.

Our sheets had the decency to count their threads.

Even the Lean Cuisine hot pockets almost look exotic on our matching plates.

Our quilt is so nice that I find myself taking showers before bed just to be clean enough to sleep under it.

I got a new headband

I highly recommend getting married to everyone. If for nothing else than for this beauty.

I have no idea what to do with it, but it sure is going to look nice on my kitchen counter.

Special thanks to my Best Women and my Bridesmaids for all of your help.

Thank you to my Godmother and Wedding Elf: Aunt JoMarie

Thanks to Uncle Kenny for starting a dance party. And Jenna for always being up for anything.

Including a conga line than toured my backyard.

Thanks to my dad for printing old photos and placing them all over the house.

And for not complaining about having to go to a shower.

And to my mom, for ordering M&Ms with our FACES on them.
As she would say, they were "a home run."

Passive Aggressive Invitation Wording

2011-06-09T16:00:00.002-04:00

Wedding Invitation Suite, not ours

I have been accused of being overly honest, forward, abrasive, and essentially filter-less. And it's all probably true. So imagine the challenge it’s been for me to come up with the appropriate way to word a formal wedding invitation.

I’ve been scrolling the wedding blogs looking for the best (most appropriate without being douchey) ways to say things.

The passive aggressive nature of all of it is driving me nuts. So I came here to talk about it.

Here is a translator based on what I have noticed:

What it says: “Black tie optional”
What it means: Please don’t dress like a slob.

What it says: “Thank you for responding so quickly”
What it means: Please respond quickly. Or else.

What it says: “Adult reception to follow”
What it means: Do not bring your kids. Even if they are small and you think no one will notice. Even if you think they won’t cry. Even if you think they are cute as hell all dressed up. Even if your kid is much cooler than other kids. Not even if you think Little Bobby would make a great centerpiece for the table. No kids.

Also, the passive aggressive way of wording the intro part. The Knot.com lists all of these possible family “situations” and the proper way to word the invitation.

• Wedding Invitation Wording: Both Sets of Parents Hosting -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Both Sets of Parents Hosting -- Formal
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Couple Is Hosting -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Couple Is Hosting -- Formal
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Divorced Parent Is Hosting Alone -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Divorced Parent Is Hosting Alone -- Formal
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Divorced Parent Is Hosting With New Spouse -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Divorced Parent Is Hosting With New Spouse -- Formal
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Divorced Parents Are Hosting Jointly -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Divorced Parents Are Hosting Jointly -- Formal
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Everyone Is Hosting -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Everyone Is Hosting -- Formal
• Wedding Invitation Wording: New Ideas
• Wedding Invitation Wording: One Set of Parents Hosting -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: One Set of Parents Hosting -- Formal
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Sticky Situations
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Wedding Invitation Wording Samples
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Widowed Remarried Parent Is Hosting -- Casual
• Wedding Invitation Wording: Widowed Remarried Parent Is Hosting -- Formal

And all of this mumbo jumbo --- just so we know who paid for things. It’s nuts!

A lot of the articles also recommend you have some of the more awkward details of the wedding spread through “word of mouth.” Essentially, more passive aggressiveness. So here it is.

So here is the information that I would like to go viral to my invited loved ones, word of mouth style.

Wear something nice. I want people who own tuxes to be able to wear them, without feeling awkward. There is no need to rent one though if you don’t have one. Wear a suit something. Ladies, no need to wear a long dress. Just wear what makes you feel hot and what you feel comfortable dancing in. If I was going to this wedding, I would not wear a long dress.

RSVP sooner, rather than later. It’s a semi-destination wedding so we don’t know what to expect numbers-wise. So if you respond quickly it helps us out so we know if we can invite more people on our wish list.

Please don’t bring your kids. It’s not that I don’t like them or you, its just I want you to be able to have a good time at the wedding without worrying about your kid in a new environment with lots of drunk people around all night. Also, provide your own babysitter. I am going to have an actual mental breakdown (ask Jeremy, he’s vouch for that) if I try to plan anything else for this wedding. But! I do feel bad about not providing any help.

Wording aside. The invitation design is adorable and I cannot wait to print them and see it all come together.

They are being designed by the very talented (and very tolerant) Jen Barger, fellow Miami Ad School student. She also designed and illustrated the Save the Dates.

Friend's Mobile Email Signatures

2011-06-08T16:57:00.006-04:00

One of the fun things about being in advertising is having funny friends that they do funny (and a little dorky) things.

When the first iPhones came out I was always a little jealous to see the "Sent from an iPhone" at the end of emails.

A couple years later once more people got phones they started being spoofed. Here are my favs from emails I have gotten from my friends.

Jan Jaworski's mobile signature

Sent from Chuck Norris' fist.

Jenna Livingston's mobile signature

Sent from a payphone.

Lauren Wintemberg's mobile signature.

Sent with xoxo's from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

And perhaps my favorite, Mihnea Gheorghiu's mobile signature

Sent from my sock.

Also, check out Jenna's new blog. She posts pics of all of the "creative" spelling Starbuck's workers put on your cups. It's amazing the things that can be lost in translation when you are going from English to English.

I am commonly called "Carol" but I think that is a result of my Philly accent and not their hearing.

Motivation Speeches (You won't find on TED talks)

2011-06-04T00:26:00.002-04:00

After watching these videos- you can accomplish anything.

These videos even make me think children are almost tolerable.

Moby Dick and Daisies

2011-05-26T00:18:00.004-04:00

The Flower Conference Call finally happened today, I know you have all been on the edges of your desk chairs. Here is a "fly on the wall" debrief.

JoAnn: Did you talk to her about bringing in beach elements like sea grass and shells?

Tara: I told her it was a "Lost at Sea" theme versus a beach theme.

JoAnn: A what?

Tara: A "Lost at Sea" theme.

JoAnn: So- what? Did you tell her you wanted whales and shark fins sticking out of the bouquets?

Tara: (silence)

JoAnn: Too far?

Creatively collaborating with my mom has been nothing but smooth sailing. (Get it!)

Rest in Peace

2011-05-19T00:44:00.005-04:00

Taking a more somber approach to this blog entry, so heads up in advance.

My sister Jess's boyfriend’s Dad, Jack King Callendar Jr., passed away last night. He had been battling lung cancer for a while, but no one is ever ready to lose someone they love.

I feel the need to write about it because the Callenders’ are a really special family.

Seriously, if there was a formula for the ideal family it would be the Callender family. Three fantastic sons between the ages of 15 and 21 who are confident, fun, and talented, a mother who loves her kids so much you can literally feel it when you meet her, and a supportive and loving father.

They are the kind of family that you want to hang out with. The kind of family that you look forward to seeing. Certainly the family you want to see on the dance floor. Jack, Jamie, and Tyler on a dance floor at the same time is the kind of thing that America’s Funniest Home Videos dreams of. Those boys have moves (and no shame).

Typically, I think R.I.P. is a creepy Halloween-ish thing to say but in this case I think it takes on new meaning.

Mr. Callendar can rest in peace knowing that he set an example for how a great family behaves. He can rest in peace knowing that he raised 3 amazing sons. He can rest in peace knowing that although his life was tragically short, it was rich.

He’s inspired me to start living every second. We only get one life and Mr. Callendar lived a great one.

Rest in peace, Mr. Callender. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Things I never thought I'd say...

2011-05-13T16:49:00.000-04:00

Jan: Are you going to the One Show tonight?

Tara: No, I have to get spray tanned tonight. I'm wearing a white dress to my Bridal Shower on Saturday.

Yep.

That just happened.

UPDATE: I went to the One Show instead of getting all Jersey chic. Old Spice Man On a Horse man hosted the advertising show. I acted so giddy you would have thought I just saw Leonardo DiCaprio circa 1998.

Daily Inspiration

2011-05-10T15:47:00.001-04:00

Justin Gignac and I crossed paths during a short stint at JWT in 2009. Since then I have been following his work, or rather seeing his work pop up on Twitter and thinking: GAH this guy is so smart and good.

He recently did a speech at PSFK that makes me want to run to the store, buy a cork-board, and start an inspiration board in our apartment.

I especially love his "Ready Fire Aim" approach to doing side projects. It's better to do side projects than to talk yourself out of the reasons why you shouldn't do side projects.

The only thing holding us back, is ourselves.

PSFK CONFERENCE NYC 2011: Justin Gignac from Piers Fawkes on Vimeo.

The Business of Flowers

2011-05-10T14:28:00.003-04:00

So things have been a little quiet on the wedding blogging front. I've decided during the home stretch (UNDER 5 MONTHS AHHHHHH) I will update much more frequently. Even if the posts are short and completely uninteresting (sorry).

I have been inspired by my cousin (and bridesmaid) Dara, who religiously updates her blog daily. DAILY! Check out Bubbles and Baubles and find out about "all things fabulous."

I bought Cat Eye-ish Ray Bans after reading this post.

Okay- now down to business.

I wrote this email the other day to Jeremy and my mom and then thought, "Oh my god- did I honestly just write "flower conference call" in an email?"

So I posted on Twitter that I couldn't believe I just wrote that email.

When Jeremy recieved the email he thought, "Oh my god- did she honestly just write "flower conference call in an email?" so he immediately went to Facebook, only to find that I just tweeted just that sentiment.

The Flower Conference Call did not happen yet. My knowledge of flowers is limited.

Although I did start taking pictures of the flower arrangements that my job has at reception. So that's a start.

Also, the receptionist thinks I'm a little off. (Why does that new girl keep taking pictures of these flowers?)

Wedding Registry G-Chat

2011-04-22T16:43:00.000-04:00

I continually update the wedding registry and I continually g-chat Jeremy about it and he continually tries to be a good sport.

Tara: Which salad bowl did you like? This one?

Jeremy: Kinda like the wood of the old one.

Jeremy: But it's also the most expensive bowl i've ever seen we'll have to eat money salad out of it.

Tara: Martha Stewart Towels

Tara: Do you like any of these colors?

Jeremy: I like all of them equally

Jeremy: Because they're towels