Mother to Son

Teaching Kids About Dr. King

2012-01-16T04:29:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Dr. King! Today we celebrate the birth and life of Dr. King and his attempts to bring equality for all man kind. This is an important part of our history and very important for us to make sure that our kids are all aware of who Dr. King is. I know it's strange to imagine that anyone wouldn't know who he is but we're raising a new generation of youth removed from the struggles of the past so it's important to keep them reconnected everyday and today is a great day to remind them, show them and highlight for them how far we've come. Today, consider doing any of the following with your kids:

1. Let them hear the I Have A Dream Speech.
2. Ask them to pick out their favorite Dr. King quote and discuss with them, what it means, why he said it and how it relates to something today.
3. Take them to a museum of civil rights in your town to learn about our history.

How do you plan on celebrating Dr. King's holiday today?

Relevance, Not Fame, Is What Matters

2012-01-10T20:41:00.000-08:00

It seems the world goes crazy whenever a celebrity has a baby or gets married. Such is the latest case with the Beyonce and Jay-Z baby. I honestly couldn't believe all the articles trying to guess why they named their baby Blue or all the social networking excitement surrounding the baby. It really illustrates just how much we live in a culture obsessed with celebrity that singers and rappers get more praise than teachers and fireman. But this is nothing new. It's a fact or an observation that we've realized for years as a society.

Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with fame or being a celebrity. After all, there are a few celebrities I admire myself. However, I think it's important that we teach our children that it's more important to be relevant than to have fame. Fame is fleeting. Relevance is not and the world truly needs more relevant people. We need people who are willing to educate youth and police our neighborhoods to keep them safe. We need people who are willing to serve their country and fight for freedoms and people to help save lives. We need people who are willing to stand up for others who can't stand up for themselves and people who are willing to take a chance on life, youth and themselves.

It's easy as a celebrity obsessed society to forget who the real heroes are , but we should never forget because relevance, not fame, is what matters.

What do you think? Are you teaching your kids the difference between relevant and having celebrity status?

Happy New Year: Creating Vision Boards with Your Kids

2012-01-02T01:38:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I'm hopeful that 2012 will bring many blessings for each of you. This year, I spent New Years with my husband and sons creating vision boards for the New Year and a theme that we hope will define our new year.

For me, I decide to adopt the Live, Love, Laugh mantra to serve as the theme for my year. After all, it encapsulates everything that I want to do this year: live my best life, love the people who mean the most to me and have a lot of fun.

I also asked my kids to do the same thing. I want them to get in the habit of every year setting goals, creating a vision for themselves and understanding that their dreams can be a reality. It was really quite interesting watching them come up with their goals and the photos for their boards. If you haven't done this already I would ask you to consider doing this with your kids because it's important for them to have dreams and know what's possible.

The only thing I would say is if you create a vision board and have them set goals it's also important to check in with them mid year or monthly or, whatever you decide is best, to assess how they are making progress towards those goals. This helps them understand accountability.

So have you done a vision board or set goals with your kids?

Do You Speak Blessings Over Your Children?

2011-12-18T04:13:00.000-08:00

I have heard so many parents complain about the things their kids do: they're rebellious, they don't get good grades and they don't want to help around the house. It's natural as a parent to get frustrated with the things our kids do sometimes but we also need to ask ourselves: when was the last time we spoke blessings over our child? When was the last time we told them they were smart, talented, determined or a hard worker or had the ability to do all? Now, which do you think they respond to better? The positive of course. After all, when you hear good things about yourself, doesn't your confidence level increase and you believe you can soar? Certainly, and the same applies to our kids.

Now I'm not saying don't be realistic with your kids or parenting them the way they need, but I'm saying make sure that's combined with blessings. Ask yourself do I speak more positive or negative comments to them? As a mom with sons, I think about this often because society and the mainstream media are filled with negative messaging for African-American boys and so our homes shouldn't be an extension of that. We should be a haven of all things possible!

So make sure to take some time out this week and tell your child all the wondeful things they've done this week, this year or just tell them about their strengths and watch how they light up as you speak good, positive thoughts about them. This is the light that you want to ensure keeps shining in them.

Bring Your A Game: A Lesson In Success For Young Black Youth

2011-11-21T01:31:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the short 22 minute documentary: Bring Your A Game? This is a great short documentary that was produced by Mario Van Peebles and Karen Williams that attempts to shed light on the resilience and influence of black males. The documentary is great because it includes many popular black male celebrities such as Ice Cube, Sean "Diddy" Combs, Spike Lee, Russell Simmons, Hill Harper, Geoffrey Canada, New Jersey Mayor Cory Booker and many more discussing how essential educational achievement is to survival and success in today's world. It also helps our sons understand that no one starts at the top of anything and that you can't make it to the top unless you start at the bottom first and that you can't get rich, become successful or whatever without an education.

I think this is a good documentary for all African-American parents with teenage and maybe tween sons to watch. It tackles some of the issues our youth face trying to get an education from: you're acting white to education is for geeks. It also places a special importance on reading and highlights for them the many avenues to success all the while breaking down why knowledge and education are so critical to their success. The most important lesson of the video: that work ethic plus education equates to Bringing Your A Game.

Have you seen the video? What did you think about the video?

Financial Pointers To Share With Your Kids

2011-11-13T14:21:00.000-08:00

Recently, my 9-year old won a contest from the local credit union. The essay: Provide Three Financial Pointers on How To Save Money. The three pointers my son wrote about: 1. Use coupons when you buy stuff; 2. Save up for something you want, and 3. Use cash instead of credit cards.

In working with my son on writing his essay, I was amazed by just how much he knew about finances and had a difficult time narowing his essay down to just three pointers. He wanted to go in depth about how to use coupons, or how to save money by shopping at discount stores and even debated having a pointer on using store brands vs. name brands. Honestly, I couldn't believe how much he knew and I was more pleased when upon asking him how he knew so much he said from watching the things we do around the house and listening to the stuff we tell them.

This was just a nice reminder for me that kids not only listen to what we say they watch what we do and in our household we really try to engage our kids in finances from having them create budgets for back to school shopping or sports activities to helping us clip coupons on Sundays to having financial conversations about stocks, the economy and other relevant financial information. Really, when you think about it, there really are an unlimited number of ways to engage your kids on the topic of finances.

What are some of the ways you engage your kids in your household about finances?

What other things do you do to help your parents save around the house?

The Sandusky Matter: A Lesson for Teaching Your Sons ABout Inappropriate Contact

2011-11-13T02:09:00.000-08:00

This past week legendary Penn State football coach Joe Paterno and President Graham Spanier were fired by the Penn State University Board of Trustees stemming from the sexual abuse allegations by former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky.

The sex abuse allegations, if true, clearly highlight abuse of authority. This case really burns in my heart because several adults allegedly saw the inappropriate behavior and failed to step forward to help the kids. As a parent, I’m disheartened because so many of us entrust our kids to adults every day from teachers to school bus drivers to coaches and while the alleged evil perpetrated in this case was by a man who abused his authority the more difficult moral crime for me to understand is how so many adults looked away. How so many could allegedly see Sandusky sodomizing kids and simply walk away, never report to authorities and never follow up. Most of us know we can’t trust the predators but this case really highlights that we can’t even trust the bystanders, the observers or the so-called good adults. Honestly, it really is a sad day in America when our children, the most vulnerable in our society in need of our protection, are failed by all of us.

Although very sickening and saddening, the situation offers some teachable moments for us as parents. This case is a reminder particularly, those of us with young boys who play sports to be careful who we trust, to be watchful and to talk not only to our daughters but also our sons about sexual abuse and what is or isn't appropriate behavior.

While no parent can prevent sexual abuse of their children, there are some things we should do to make such situations less likely.

1. Investigate organizations you enroll your children in. This case is a great example of why you can’t assume that just because something has nonprofit, charity or even a charitable purpose associated with it that it means you can automatically assume the individuals involved will have the best interest of your kids at heart. Always investigate the organization and to the extent you can, the individuals involved in it. The internet has made it possible to Google almost anyone and there are many registries available where you can see if someone is on the sex offender list.

2. Attend and remain at practices, camps, etc. While it may be easy to leave your child at sports practice for an hour or drop them off at the game and return to pick them up, try to remain with your kids, if possible. It is very difficult for a predator to do something to your child on your watch.

3. Ask your children questions about what happened and if you notice strange behavior inquire further. When something bad happens to your child, there are usually signs. Either they start to disassociate themselves from others, they become quieter or they start to act out. If you notice your child’s behavior starting to change, then inquire.

4. Build a good communication. The most important thing we can do as parents is to create an atmosphere of trust with our kids so that they are comfortable letting us know that something happened to them. This starts when they are young. Even if they can’t talk to you, we should always encourage them to talk to some adult that they can trust.

5. Tell them about inappropriate behavior. From the time our children are old enough to understand, it’s important to make them aware of what is appropriate and inappropriate touching and helping them to understand that their body is their own and they can make choices related to that. Having this discussion with them early on also communicates the message to them that they can share anything with you.

In the end, I hope that any kid, if the charges are true, affected by this will find help and be ok. Because no child should have to deal with this especially when so many adults knew what was going on.

How has this story affected you, if at all? Have you talked to your kids about inappropriate touching? Thoughts? Comments?

Your Kids Are Powerful Beyond Measure

2011-11-06T09:03:00.000-08:00

I came across this video this week and it is one of the most motivational videos I've ever seen. I was so drawn to it that I have watched it at least 10 times! Some of the more powerful lines in this video that rang true to me:

You have the right to listen to your gut

I put lighting in jail and handcuffed thunder

You have the right to do what you want to do and be what you want to do

These words rang true to me because all too often in life we believe our empowerment comes from the number of people that stand behind us rather than from our own beliefs, convictions and power.

As such, I think this is a great video to share with our kids and help them to understand they are powerful beyond measure.

Here are some ways to use this video with your kids:

1. Have them watch the video and pick out the quote or phrase that stuck with them the most. Ask them to write a paragraph about why they pick this particular phrase.

2. Ask them to create their own motivational video. This I think is a really cool concept and it's a great way to teach your kids about the power of persuasion, public speaking and just how you motivate people in general.

3. Pick out a quote for them and ask them to explain what it means.

Overall, this is a great video to share with your kids and for us as parents to listen to because it's a great reminder that we are powerful beyond measure, our beliefs and what anyone says.

What do you think of this video?

New T-Shirt Line & Kids Interview in the Book: The Parents Guide To Raising CEO Kids

2011-09-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hey parents, have a budding entrepreneur on your hand or looking to nurture the entrepreneur in your kid? Well check out this new book: A Parents Guide To Raising CEO kids featuring interviews with moms, such as myself, who have entrepreneurial kids! My two boys are included in this book and discuss their entrepreneurial endeavors such as how they got started, what they do and about entrepreneurship in general.

We are so proud of them both. The book is a great resource for all parents who want to raise kids with a spirit of entrepreneurship. If interested, you can purchase an autographed copy of the book from Julius and Justin for $12 (this includes shipping) by clicking on the button below or you can get it online at Amazon (unautographed)!

The boys also recently started their Sport-It T-shirt line. Sport-It is a line which empowers our kids to have the confidence to be themselves. The boys have launched their first shirt in the Sport-It line: The Destiny Basketball Shirt. It’s all about inspiring our kids who love sports to move to the next level with the understanding that the defining skill on the court isn’t their jump shot but their attitude. The boys have several other shirts in the work. So stay tuned for more to come. To learn more about the Sport-It Line, click HERE.

What are you doing to raise entrepreneurial kids or nurturing the entrepreneur in your child?

Courageous: The Movie: Finally, A Call To Action for Fathers & Families

2011-08-30T04:16:00.000-07:00

Have you heard or seen previews of the movie Courageous? Scheduled to hit theatres September 30, 2011, this is a much welcomed movie that highlights the impact and importance of the role of fathers in the lives of their children and of men in the community brought to you by two of my favorite Christian directors Alex and Stephen Kendrick (Also directors of two of my favorite movies Facing the Giantsand Fireproof). The movie takes a Christian perspective on the subject but is a much needed realization of the importance of fathers. What I really like about the movie is it's a Call To Action that encourages and challenges men to become bold and intentional about embracing their responsibilities as leaders of their homes, marriages and children but it doesn't do it in a preachy or demeaning way. The Resolution for Men follows to challenge men of all ages to become as bold and intentional about embracing their responsibilities as leaders of their homes, marriages, and children.

I say it's about time someone really gives fathers their respect due and recognizes that they are a MUST in the lives of their children and society. My husband and I saw the previews for this movie a few weeks ago and knew this was the time to act and he's gathering a group of fathers and families to take their children to see the movie and to make a pact or resolution (See The Resolution for Men below) with their children. I think it's a great idea. It's his way of creating a Courageous Action Squad.

If you want to know more about what you can do as a father, what the men in your church or neighborhood can do, click HERE to learn more about creating a Courageous Action Squad yourself. Let's make this movement successful.

Also, check out the The Resolution for Men and The Resolution for Women which accompany the book that continue to challenge men and women to be intentional about their roles in the lives of their family and the calling God has on their lives.

Have You Seen The Help?

2011-08-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to seeing The Help yesterday. So much buzz has been generated about the movie that I couldn’t put off seeing the movie any longer. Although on the surface this movie is about black maids working for white women, it is also about the power of courage. The courage to stand strong even when you know it could mean death.

Honestly, I can’t imagine what it was like to have grown up during slavery, Jim Crow or the Civil Rights movement because it had to be tough to risk everything and stand on the side of right, to continue to love your enemy and to face adversity and hardship in the way that they did. I don’t know if I would have had the courage many of the women had back then. I look at my life know and think I would have or probably more accurately, hoped I would have. The truth is we’re spoiled a bit. Our kids are spoiled and most of us think courage is standing up to a teacher who gave our child the wrong grade or was a bit mouthy with them or it’s talking back to a store clerk who overcharged us or treated us unfairly. I think we, and in particular, our kids fail to understand that true courage comes from risking everything to do what’s right.

And this is what I hope many of us will begin to instill in our kids again. Have you seen The Help? What did you think about it? Did you like it? What lesson, if any, did you learn?

Hug A Child Today

2011-08-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

A hug presses the message into another person, “You are not alone.”

I saw this quote yesterday and it really struck a chord with me because hugs are simple, free acts that can do a world of good. They let others know you love and care about them. I can't help but wonder how many of our youth would be in a much better spiritual and physical shape if they receive or had received more hugs. The truth is everyone struggles and needs understanding no matter how difficult they may seem and hugs reach out to the spirit to say you are loved, cared for and most importantly, you are accepted.

So today instead of writing about an issue, I want to encourage you to act today. Today only, hug every child you know! See the difference in makes in them. Come back and let me know how it worked for you.

How You Can Save Black Boys

2011-08-07T13:58:00.000-07:00

Last week, New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that he plans to spend $130 million on initiatives to target young black and Latino males. So important is the initiative that Mayor Bloomberg has pledged $30 million of his own funds to be matched by billionaire George Soros. Starting this fall, the administration plans to do everything from placing job recruitment centers in public housing complexes to assessing schools on the academic progress of black and Latino male students.

While some may view this as a political stunt, it is an unprecedented step and a recognition by Bloomberg and Sorors that you can't have a prosperous or a successful America when a significant segment of your population is left behind. So while we wait for the dust to settle to see how effective some of the initiatives will be, there must be a recognition that WE also have to do more to save our young men and improve their lives because true sustainable success and progress always comes from within the community rather than outside.

Here are a few things we should do:

1. Encourage Entrepreneurship. Jobs are scarce. Bottom line. Even though African-Americans and Latinos have been hardest hit by the recession, the truth is it's difficult for many people to find a job right now. As such, parents, schools and community churches should do what it can to start teaching our youth as early as they can talk about the importance of entrepreneurship, and institutions such as the church need to be prepared to support those efforts whether in providing information about starting a business or creating micro loan structures to lend to creditworthy individuals when a bank is not willing to do so.

2. Reading, Writing and Math. As basic as it sounds, we need to make sure that our children can read, write and do math at their grade level. This is a huge issue facing our young men and we need to do what we can to instill in them the values of a good education or be prepared to open our own schools or homeschool if they aren't doing a good job. Parents should read with their children at least 20 minutes a day and encourage their older children to read at least one book of substantive length each month.

3. Each One, Teach One & Pull One Up! The concept of My Brother's Keeper has given away in our society and community to the concept of Rugged Individualism but we've always been a community that has done best when we subscribed to the concept of each one, teach one. Many in our community have strayed from this because the world has changed but reembracing this concept is key for us, and particularly, our youth to progress.

4. Cooperative Economics. The cornerstone of our community's success is patronizing businesses that support and or made up of our community. Whether we like it or not, believe it moral or right, the way of the world is that unfortunately money makes the world go round. So we need to support our own businesses and encourage our children to support other community based businesses even if it costs us more. In the end, we all benefit.

Recommended Readings:

1. Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration, and Hope for Today's Young African-American Men

2. The Top 25 Things Black Folks Do That We Need to STOP!!! A Breakdown and Analysis of 25 Self-Perpetuated Issues that Adversely Affect the African-American Community

3. The Black Male Handbook: A Blueprint for Life

4. Motivating and Preparing Black Youth for Success

Kim Crouch, is owner of First Generation Publishing and author of Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration and Hope for Today's Young African-American Men and the mother of 3 boys.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T04:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to all the men out there who are doing amazing jobs with their kids. I know society often devalues the role of dad's in the lives of kids but the role men play can't be underestimated. So on today, I would like to salute all the dads out there. We appreciate you very much!

My top 5 Father's Day quotes:

1. One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert

2. It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller

3. I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter

4. "A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station." -- Bill Cosby

5. "A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be." -- Unknown

Demonizing Lebron James: What You Can Teach Your Sons

2011-06-16T17:11:00.000-07:00

Even though many young boys dream of being Lebron James and having the basketball skills that he does, I have to tell you I wouldn't wanted to have been him this week at all. I mean he's been the talk of the town and not in a good way. You couldn't cut on a channel, especially on cable, without someone opining about the cause of James's collaspe or bad performance, whichever it seems like to you, in Game 6 of the NBA Finals, and so many people people expressing delight that James did not get to achieve his goal of winning an NBA championship this year.

Who knew that a decision most people make everyday (i.e., to relocate cities) would spark some much vitriol and hatred toward him. This includes the governor of Ohio making the Dallas Mavericks honorary Ohioans for beating James in the NBA Finals and the Peoria, Ill., Chiefs, a Chicago Cubs affiliate, sponsoring a “LeBron James NBA Championship Giveaway” night where fans who enter the ball park will receive a replica of James's champtionship ring, except instead of rings, the fans will receive handouts made of air since James didn't actually win.

To me, it's really sad that so many are so comfortable celebrating someone else's failure. No matter if you think James's is arrogant, lacks media savvy or deserves to be put in his place, the truth is as a whole far too many of us love to celebrate when others fail especially when we feel somehow that person's success says something about our own success or lack thereof. As a society, we really need to assess why so many of us feel the need to demonize and are really joyful that a 26-year old who only wanted to win a championship and did what he could to achieve that (including teaming up with other superstars) goal truly bothers us when really his decision to go to Miami or anything he does has no real effect on our lives.

All that said, as a mom who has a son who loves sports and is adamant that he too will one day play in the NBA (don't they all think that), I think the current situation with James and how he is currently viewed in the media and all the vitriol being lodged at him offer some teachable lessons that we can all share with our kids that go beyond the realm of sports. These include:

1. Image Matters. At the end of the day, it's important for our kids to know that no matter how much money you have and that no matter how great and talented you are, image matters. This is especially true for them as they acquire more success. This doesn't mean they should be someone they aren't (I discussed the importance of being yourself in Lesson #3 below) but it doesn't mean they need to be cognizant of how they are portrayed and this is especially important for those of our sons that may chose to be in public life.

2. Misery Loves Company. It's helpful for our sons to know that despite some of the principles of life that we teach them: be kind to others, treat others how you want to be treated, etc., that despite living those principles, some people will root against you as you strive for success and even celebrate your missteps and/or failures. As such, it's important that they know there is such a thing as Misery Loves Company and that they must steer clear of misery. Celebrating someone else's failures or missteps only speaks to the worst in us and should be avoided every time. After all, there's no benefit to being happy about someone else's failures and to celebrate and feel joy when others aren't thriving, is more a reflection of who we are than who the other person isn't.

3. Courage To Do You. The most important lesson is that they always need to have the courage to be themselves. Like James, there may be times when many people seem against them for a decision they've made and even root against them. No matter what the important thing is they continue to be true to themselves and not live their lives for others. It doesn't mean ignore the feelings of others or treat others with disrespect but rather recognize that everyone won't be happy with their decisions but what matters most is that they are happy in their decisions and can live with whatever they decide because there may be times when it is them against the world and they need to be prepared to stand alone if they believe they are right.

What are your thoughts? Do you think the media and people have been too critical or not critical enough of Lebron James?

I’m Blacker Than You

2011-04-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

Kids are very interesting beings. So today, when I heard one boy tell another boy at church that he was blacker than him, I couldn’t help but to ask why he thought such a thing. Eager to tell me, the child listed off at least 3 things that made him blacker than the other:

He knew who Snoop Dogg was and the other kid didn’t.
The other kid talked “proper.” Slang for he sounds white.
He had rhythm and the other child could barely tie his shoes.

After reciting the reasons without hesitation, he looked at me as to say now I’m right aren’t I? Although I gave a normal adult response about how those things don’t make a kid blacker and that there was more to being black than identifying with rappers and talking slang, I could still see that, nevertheless, the other kid felt devastated because he wasn’t black enough.

This incident made me think about the recent commentary back and forth between basketball stars Jalen Rose and Grant Hill related to the ESPN documentary The Fab Five executive produced by Rose wherein Rose said Hill and other African Americans recruited by Duke University were Uncle Toms. And while I hope Rose didn’t really mean that (who after all honestly thinks Grant Hill is an Uncle Tom?), the Rose comment and the comment from the youngster at the church highlight that there is an identity crisis within our community around what it means to black, especially for black men.

For some being black is synonymous with all that’s bad: violence, poverty, bad English and degradation and those who do differently and seek education, success, etc. are all labeled as acting white. This type of thinking is so engrained in our community because it wasn’t taught to one generation of African-Americans but so many generations. It is the other part of the dirty laundry that Bill Cosby did not air because like the brown bag test there is an unwritten litmus test for whose blacker where some in the community rate you higher because you have rhythm but points are deducted because you seek an education and its engrained in our youth by pop culture, some parents and some in the community.

This thought process has such a debilitating affect on our community because the truth is you only rise as high as your expectations and if education is white and dancing is black, the chance for our youth and our community to progress are minimized. We will continue to push dancing rather than education, bad English rather than bank accounts, and rappers instead of readers.

It is time however that we make clear that coming from a two parent household where education is promoted and embraced is anything but selling out your race and “Uncle Tomish.” In the infamous words from Spike Lee’s movie School Daze, black America it’s time to, “Wake Up.”

Kimberley Crouch is author of Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration, & Hope for Today's Young Black Men.

10 Year Old Girl Takes Little Wayne & Rap Music To Task For Treatment of Women

2011-03-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

A lot is often made about the youth today being a lost generation. While there are many issues facing our youth, the more I read, travel and talk to our youth, the more I realize that are youth are quite intelligent and understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Take the case of the video below where a 10 year old girl sings a letter she wrote to Little Wayne that admonishes him for his rap lyrics and the things he says about women. In one of the more poignant verses, she asks if the reference applies to his own daughter. What makes the video so great is that it’s written by a child who refuses to be defined by the lyrics and challenges him to write about something more empowering. Now whether Lil Wayne responds or takes the challenge remains to be seen. Even so, it’s a great sign that some of the youth today refuse to adhere to or accept as normal or pop culture the degradation of women via music or any other avenue.

What do you think after watching this video?

Admit It, You’re a Tiger Mom Too!

2011-01-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

Over the last few weeks there has been a lot of national attention given to Amy Chua's book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, a so-called tough love parenting book where the mom does everything from keeping the kids isolated to threatening to take away their prize possessions to get them to concentrate and focus on excellence.

While I’m glad Ms. Chua started a national discussion on the issue of parenting, I must admit I don’t see anything wrong with a little nagging, acting a bit Tiger Mom like or even challenging your children to strive for excellence so long as it’s one of and not the only tool in your parenting arsenal.

The truth is we’ve probably all acted like the Tiger Mom at some point or another by threatening to remove them from an extracurricular activity or take away their prized possession unless they shape up. However, as moms, we have to recognize that getting our children to strive for excellence is a journey and not the result of a specific threat to take away a prized possession or because we tell them so.

Here are some things I think you can do to help your child strive for excellence:

1. Provide balance. Make sure that you’re encouraging involvement in wide range of activities such as joining clubs, volunteering for a cause, or taking part in activities during family gatherings. I have found that it’s much easier to encourage excellence in one area when you’re encouraging excellence in everything and allowing them a bit of fun at the same time.

2. Show Examples of Excellence. Find out what your child is interested in and provide them examples of excellence. Ask why they think that person is excellent and how they got there.

3. Teach them what excellence means. Often our children think that excellence means winning and being first and in some cases the two correlate. However, excellence is more about an attitude than a result. It’s about understanding that you always do your best, always give your all and that stopping short of anything less is not an option.

What do you think? How do you encourage excellence with your kids?

Celebrating Dr. King Day: 5 Creative Activities To Do With Your Kids

2011-01-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

Today is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. As African-Americans, it is one of the most important holidays we celebrate not only because he is the first African-American to have a national holiday in his honor but also because of what Dr. King has done for this society in terms of equality.

One of the reasons I believe we don't see the level of collectiveness about the village concept amongst African-American youth today is because there is such a lack of connection to our history and the great men and women that did such great things to help our community progress. Today, take some time to really honor Dr. King and his legacy in your household and help your children understand the connection between Dr. King's legacy and President Obama ascendency as the first African American president of the U.S. and some of the freedoms we enjoy today such as integrated schools and public places. Help them truly understand Dr. King's fight for equality, tolerance and nonviolence. Here are 5 things that you can do to help your kids learn about Dr. King:

1. Have them search out quotes by Dr. King. Have them pick the one that speaks the most to them and have them write a one paragraph to one page report (depending on their age) as to why they think Dr. King made that statement, why that quote speaks to them and two things they've learned from that quote.

2. Host a Dr. King party. Invite family and friends over to celebrate. Listen to some of Dr. King's speeches, have activity stations for the kids centered around Dr. King and his accomplishment and have the kids recreate the March on Washington. You can have punch, cake and really make it fun.

3. Listen to one of Dr. King's speeches. You can find several of them online and on youtube! Click HERE for Dr. King's I Have A Dream speech.

4. Have your kids create a posterboard of what life would be like had Dr. King not fought for equality. This is a really interesting project because it will give you the opportunity to see if your kids really understand the impact of Dr. King's legacy.

5. Have your kids create and write their own I Have A Dream or similar speech. Pretend they were Dr. King and lived back in the 50s and 60s. What would their speech be about? What would it say?

Some other things you can find on TV:

9 a.m. - The Biography Channel will run "King," a 1978 TV mini-series that tells the story of King's days as a Baptist minister until his 1968 assassination.

2-4 p.m. - The History Channel and host Tom Brokaw take viewers through the life and times of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. in "King" (different from the Biography Channel airing).

4 p.m. - "The Oprah Show" (ABC) will air a new special on race, "Race in America: A 25-Year Look Back," in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Some great books about Dr. King for kids:

The Story of Martin Luther King Jr.

Martin Luther King, Jr. (My First Biography)

Martin Luther King Jr. Day (Ready-to-Read. Level 1)

Celebrate Martin Luther King, JR. Day with Mrs. Park's Class (Stories to Celebrate)

Happy New Year! Start Today Teaching Your Kids About Goals

2011-01-02T10:25:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I can’t say this enough. Although I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions, I do love the New Year because for a lot of people it gives them renewed focus, energy and an opportunity to start again.

As such, every year on New Year’s night, in my household we have a family tradition were my husband and I along with our kids sit around the dinner table and discuss what one thing they want to accomplish in the New Year.

We use this dinner night as an opportunity to reflect on how we did the previous year, and we discuss with them the importance of having written goals and an action plan with a timeline.

I think all parents should consider doing the same with their kids. The truth is the majority of people don’t have goals and of those that do even fewer have written them down. Studies show, however, that people who have written goals are likely to achieve their goals than those who don’t.

So if you haven’t done so already, sit down with your kids and do the following:

1. Have them set 1 goal they want to accomplish in 2011. It could be related to school, a personal goal or even sports. Then display it somewhere everyone in the family can see it. We usually put ours on the refrigerator.

2. Have them create a Vision Board. This is really fun for kids and a great activity you can do with your kids. I usually get some poster boards and put lots of old magazines on the table. My kids love doing this and it’s always fun to see what their vision boards look like. My oldest son always has something with sports. It also gives you some idea what your kids like.

3. Create accountability. Periodically throughout the year, ask them how they are progressing on the goal. It provides a great opportunity to do a status check with them throughout the year to talk about the process of setting and achieving goals.

What do you think? Are their things you do in your household to get your kids prepared for success in the New Year?

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T15:45:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Much love, success and well wishes for you and your family in 2011!

Happy Holidays

2010-12-24T23:01:00.001-08:00

Happy Holidays to you and your family! Wishing you the best in the New Year!

Facing The Giants

2010-12-12T16:02:00.000-08:00

This past weekend as part of family night in my household, my husband picked up a movie for us to watch: Facing the Giants by Alex Kendrick. Now the truth is my husband selected this movie by accident or so I thought.

Although on the surface, this movie was about a coach struggling to have a winning season, this was one of the most spiritual movies I’ve ever seen that highlighted so clearly to me the power and the need for God in our lives and to lead our families.

I’m raving about this movie because it was so powerful that my husband and I during the death crawl scene in the movie had to stop the movie and pray to God to simply thank him for all that he has done in our lives. This movie, although very spiritual, was great also to help teach our sons that nothing is impossible with God not even facing giants.

One of the things I talk about in my book Mother To Son: Words of Wisdom, Inspiration, and Hope for Today's Young African-American Men is the importance of teaching our sons to Put God First. Sometimes, as parents, we struggle with this because it seems there are so many things out there to distract our youth and praising God doesn’t seem “fun” or doesn’t seem to be able to compete with video games, etc. This movie reiterated for me how important it is to teach our children about the power of God in their lives and even my own kids after watching this were compelled to talk about God and what he has done for them in their lives.

As a result of this movie, my husband and I began to compile a list of faith based family movies that can be part of family night in your homes or any occasion. In addition to Facing the Giants, here are our favorites:

1. Fireproof

2. Flywheel (Director's Cut)

3. A Christmas Snow

4. The Second Chance

5. Faith Like Potatoes

What are some of your favorite faith based movies?

Barbershops: True Lessons in Learning for our Sons

2010-12-06T04:12:00.001-08:00

Every week, my husband and two older sons go to the Barbershop to get a haircut. It’s something they do sort of as a ritual. It’s their men time, as they call it, where males as young as a few months old and men as old as 90 get together to not only get hair cuts but also to bond, share laughs, learn and partake in the African-American experience. It is also one of the few remaining vestiges in the African American community where true mentoring takes place.

Such was the case this past week for my 8 year old son who decided to bring copies of his recently released book: Why I Love Mommies along with him to sell at the Barbershop. . Not a skilled salesman yet, my son suffered a bit of stage fright in trying to sell the books. The men, ever the village elders, advised him that whenever he conducted business he should always look someone in the eye and give them a firm handshake. They also advised him that he should charge a higher price for selling an autographed book than one with no autograph because he after all would one day be someone whose signature would be important.

My son learned not only a lot about selling books that day but also about how the world operates. These are great life lessons that I wish more of our youth could be exposed to as well. In reflecting on my son’s day, I realized how little of the village elders, such as the men in the barber, are prevalent in our community and how much we’ve lost because they no longer occupy the central role they once held.

When I was growing up, they (village elders) were everywhere: in the schools, the churches, at the corner stores and in your neighbor’s homes. Nowadays, it seems the Barbershop is one of the few places where our young men can get some of the guidance and mentoring they need, some of the love and attention they crave, and most importantly, some of the respect, motivation and discipline so necessary for ensuring their success.

The Barbershop, unlike other institutions in our communities, is best suited to help us reach our young boys. It is the one place where people come together from every corner of the community and every demographic: young, old and middle age. It is the one place where their voices can be heard. The truth is we really need more barbershops. I only wish we could make them mobile!

What is the greatest lesson you or your son has learned from the Barbershop?