Motherhood Imperfected

It's a......

2012-01-31T18:00:00.001-06:00

Well, that was an adventure.

We ended up having to take Brady with us to the ultrasound, which he did pretty well except the whole trying to pull the ultrasound tech's pants off. Yeah. That's my kid!

There was absolutely no suspense. In fact, the tech couldn't see anything but what was in between this baby's legs. We have to go back to get a better picture of all the good stuff but so far this kid is measuring a bit on the larger size! Yikes!

Per all your requests, finally a belly picture!

I'm really excited for Brady to have a little brother! He's pretty excited too though we'll have to wait to see if he still is AFTER this baby comes!

Preperation

2012-01-30T10:24:00.002-06:00

I'm halfway there peeps. HALFWAY!

Yippee!

Yikes!

Tomorrow, we find out what is or is not between this baby's legs!

I'm already prepping him or her to spread em' which got me thinking of all the things we will need to do to prepare for his/her arrival!

Of course we have to get the room ready and all that fun stuff but this time, while we have almost everything we should need, there is a bit more to add to the list.
Teach the importance of sleep. I apparently should have done that with Brady right after conception.

Go through Brady's baby stuff. Wash, sanitize to ensure all the baby puke remnants are gone.

Probably purchase new bibs, burp clothes because puke remnants are not easy to get out permanently.

Prep Brady, i.e. sign him up for a sibling preparation class and hope that Brady still likes the baby afterwards.

Plan some Mommy/Brady dates. I am going to soak up my one-on-one time with him!

Get work as caught up as I possibly can so I don't come back to mean coworkers.

Pep talk. Begin having pep talks with baby to encourage the proper exit route.

So, yes, lots to do!

Want to cast YOUR vote?

Boy? Girl? Undecided?

He said what?

2012-01-25T17:22:00.001-06:00

We've been talking a lot about boys and girls with our big ultrasound coming up (FIVE days, people!) and I guess it's caused Brady to realize a few things that essentially led to this coversation the other day.

:: Brady comes running in from the bathroom::

"Brady have little pee pee! Mommy no have pee pee anymore!"

Me: ::oh crap....wait, anymore? I had one before? Hmmm, what to say, think, Amy, think!:::

"Yes, mommy is a girl and Brady is a boy!''

Brady: Uh, huh!

We haven't really taught the proper names yet because he started calling all parts a 'pee pee' and I figured we would 'go there' when he was a bit older.

Well, I guess now is that time.

Reconnecting

2012-01-17T22:08:00.000-06:00

The past few weeks, sleep has gone from crappy to all out awful. It started as teething and moved to separation anxiety. Then, I heard the words I never expected my very independent, very particular kid to say. "Sleep in mommas bed, please!' The kid likes his space and has NEVER asked this before and after being up with him a few times, I caved. He slept till 7:30 which has happened a few times I can count on one hand in the past two years.

There were a few nights Daddy had to work late or overnight so I let him sleep with me again. The kid is so sweet and turned to me to say, "momma, I wanna sleep with you.'' meaning he wanted me to put my arm around him or 'momma hold my hand.'

How do you deny that? Oh man, oh man.

On Monday, we slept till 8:30, a time I have rarely seen on my sleep-in days. It was glorious.

I have to laugh because I know we are starting an awfully bad habit but maybe last year during our nights of hell, this was the solution all this time.

I have to say though, I don't know if it's the quality time we've had lately, the age he is at or what but I feel like we have grown closer and our bond solidified, not to say ours has lessened but I had let the craziness of life get away from us.

The past few months we've had a lot of things going on with the holidays, my pregnancy's ups and downs, the craziness of being a working mom and just the terrible twos! I was tired with no help from the sleepless nights and the fatigue of pregnancy but to be honest, life was feeling monotonous.

I struggled through the ins and outs of daily life. Each day felt like it would never end and I was left more exhausted and feeling guilty for not enjoying this blessed life I've been given.

What I needed to just let go of all the crap that needed to be done or the crazy lists in my head but it's never that easy. There are mouths to feed and clean clothes to be worn.

So, thanks to Daddy's crazy work schedule, we had a few 'dates' which we haven't had time to do with everything going on and I missed our little 'dates.' We even had lunch at a decent restaurant, made a trip to a kid's museum, enjoyed some yummy Italian food and enjoyed an oddly warm wintry day in January.

It was just what the doctor ordered.

Being a mom is not easy. We all know that and we all stop and think, 'Wow! Where did time go?" We vow to take more time to enjoy the little things but saying that is easier said than done. While I try really hard, life does get away and it seems to go faster with time. I did this just the other day as I listened to my child tell me about his day at Nana's. Where did the time go?

Sometimes, I have to stop and remind myself that it's ok to let it go. It's okay for everything to be a mess or life to look less than perfect because well, that is reality. It's also okay not to live in the moment all the time. Actually, it's impossible for even the most ambitious super moms.

Sometimes, the hustle and bustle of life is what makes you appreciate it all that much more but sometimes, you have to say screw it and have some fun. Sometimes, the day is full of too many tantrums, tears or late meetings so you have to put the fun on hold but when the time calls for a good time, it's so worth it.

Catch up: Week 12-16

2012-01-15T20:54:00.001-06:00

I am such a slacker this time around but with the holidays, several rounds of sickies and just the craziness of life, it's hard to keep track this time around!

Things have been great the past month or so. I entered the second trimester and that was a huge sigh of relief this time around. I have started feeling movement and I'm loving it. Occasionally, I'll feel some big thumps and it's happening more often now.

The belly is uh, growing. Ha!

Week 13-16

Symptoms: None really. Some days I'm ready to eat a horse others I would just rather not eat. I want to eat nothing but sweets, especially chocolate. I'm still tired but have a bit more energy than before. Heartburn/reflux still around but manageable. The girls still have times when they are sore.

Cravings: Sweets especially chocolate Heartburn and well, just plain reflux has really been killing me this time around. I can't eat anything before I go to bed anymore or I pay for it in the morning but I'm ALWAYS starving around then!

Movement: Ah, yes! Amazing.

Gender: I go back and forth but everyone and their brothers but a a few people tell me it's a girl. I've had a lot of dreams and they are all girls but I'm not sure if that means anything or not.

Bump: Oh it's there now officially.

Brady's reaction: He told me he was going to help feed the baby a ba-ba and change it's poopy diapers. Ha! I hope he remembers this when the time comes!

Pictures will come, eventually. I dropped my camera off, yes, again to be serviced so hopefully it's not as long this time around. Sniff. Sniff. Instead, I'll leave you with a picture of my other baby.

Toddler speak

2012-01-12T20:50:00.000-06:00

Oh, toddlers. You are so mysterious. Sometimes, deciphering toddler speak is difficult and leads to lots of tears and not just from the little ones. Hopefully, I can help you learn to speak their language.

'I want to hold you or hold mommy.'
Translation: I want you to hold me.

'Eatmeal'
Translation: Oatmeal

'Get the dirties out.'
Translation: Washing hair or body in the tub

'Momma play with head'
Translation: Mommy, I wanna play with your hair because I'm love twirling hair when I'm sleepy and mine isn't cutting it.

'Put ba-ba in bowl'
Translation: I want milk in my cereal. (He calls his sippy cup a ba-ba, cup, mine, Brady's- it has many names because it's his one true love)

'No pashman today.'
Translation: The trashman didn't come today and that sucks. This is one that is repeated over and over in this house as his obsession with the trash truck grows daily.

'NOOOOOOOO! Brady!!!!!'
Translation: No, dammit. I want to do it!

Then, he says things that are more profound. Things that I could never imagine a two year old saying.

Brady: Mommy go bye-bye?
Yes, baby. I have to go to work.
Brady: Bye, Mommy! I wuv you!

'Mommy? Brady no cry today. Brady happy!'

Then, this mommy was left speechless with a smile on my face.

Before I was a mom.

2012-01-11T13:28:00.004-06:00

Before I was a mom, I could finish a complete thought without having to go back and retype/repeat what I just did.

I went to the bathroom all by myself.

I slept, like ALL night.

I could go somewhere all by myself without having to track down someone to babysit.

I could go somewhere without having to pack 10 pounds of crap that babies need.

My Saturday nights were spent out with friends.

I didn't cry at sappy commercials that talk about your kids growing up.

My boobs were much perkier.

I didn't know the theme song to 'Go, Diego, Go!'

I had more money, more time and more energy.

Now, there are days when completing a logical thought takes a lot of work.

There is no privacy. My toddler has to be in the same room with me at all times because he forgot that the umbilical cord was cut two years ago. I go to the bathroom and it's apparently a big party in there! Sometimes, my husband even is invited but not by me. A girl just wants to pee alone for Pete's sake!

Sleep? Ha. What is that?

My drive to work is my alone time.

My Saturday nights are filled with trucks, spilt milk and I'm asleep before 10.

There are random moments in the day (usually at work when I'm trying to concentrate) when 'Dora' or "Diego's' theme song pops in my head.

I've gone throughout the entire day only to find I had spit-up or snot on my clothes.

My money is spent on daycare, clothes since a growth spurt happens every 30 seconds and coffee to keep myself going.

My time is spent changing diapers, removing boogies and chasing a toddler around the house in attempts to get him dressed in a timely manner. The latter explains why I have no energy. Oh and that sleep thing too!

My life before was a lot less complicated. It was a lot less stressful and care-free

Now there is more chaos, laundry, worry, messes and love.

I'm happy with this new life of exhaustion, sleepless nights and pee parties. It might be more work and I'll probably never sleep a sound night for the next 18 years but that is okay by me.

Well, ok, so most of it. I'd love more sleep!

Brady VS Baby

2012-01-04T08:00:00.000-06:00

I feel like this pregnancy has been totally different. Everyone asks me, "Do you think it's a girl this time?" or 'Are you hoping for a girl this time?' The answer to the 2nd question is the cliche answer. As long as the end of this, baby and I are here and safe, I don't care what parts are between that kids legs. I feel like this pregnancy has been so different!

Morning sickness:
Brady: I was sick from the moment I peed on the stick at 4 weeks to about 22-24 weeks. I didn't gain a single pound till then and packed it on from there. I wasn't just nauseous but I threw up all.the.time. I think it was after about 12 weeks, I finally caved and told my doctor I couldn't do it anymore. I was miserable. They prescribed me something, it didn't work and when I switched to Zolfran, it was amazing. Brushing my teeth wasn't fun but I wasn't throwing up anymore!
Baby: It has been hit or miss this time around. There were several weeks, it was bad but I never threw up. (It coincidentally stopped around the time I was cramping/bleeding which freaked me out more!) Brushing my teeth is still not fun this time around and seems to be worse now than it was before but the gagging has never led to me loosing my lunch! I have days when I just feel like crud but I'll take it over the pukies any day!

Fatigue:
Brady: I can't remember but I remember being mildly tired. Nothing I couldn't handle.
Baby: Total, utter exhaustion. Motivation? Ha, I laugh at it. Seriously, I can't get anything accomplished and I'm ready to start feeling like I can focus! I'm ready for bed by the time I get home from work. On weekends, I nap when he does which I'm more than thankful for since I can't do that any other day. If I can't get one in on those two days, watch out. Mean Amy comes out. Add in a toddler who decides sleep is for the weak and I'm just tired. I think Brady is just preparing me for the lack of sleep to come, how sweet of him!

The bump and bloating/gas:
Brady: I remember being bloated but didn't break out the maternity pants till almost 15-16 weeks and it wasn't because I needed them. I started showing around 19 weeks.
Baby: I felt like I looked pregnant the second I peed on the somewhat inconclusive stick. I broke out maternity pants around 10 weeks because oh.my.goodness, they are so comfy! By 15 weeks, I could still wear my regular pants but only if I didn't want to breath. I'm ready to look pregnant though and not just like I ate too much. The bloating this time is way worse....and excuse me while I mention the burps! Oh, those are so lady like and I'm sure the ladies near my office love me right now. I have really bad reflux lately too which is so not fun.
Cravings/Food Aversions:
Brady: I loathed eggs and meat for the first 4 months and off and on. I really couldn't eat eggs till Brady was a few months old. Saltines even made me gag as well as anything that tasted like it had ginger in it (in attempts to help morning sickness!) Until m/s subsided, I live on fruit, smoothies, mac and cheese. Down the road, I was obsessed with grilled cheese sandwiches (which bacon and dipped in Ketchup!) cucumber salad and cheeseburgers.
Baby: I went through an obsession with salads (more so with Ranch dressing which is odd for this oil and vinegar girl,) fruit (especially strawberries), and green beans. I am loving hard boiled eggs too which is funny because going near an egg made me sick with Brady! No real aversions yet but sometimes, chicken makes me want to gag. I will tell you that the height of the morning sickness, I was at the mall with Brady and between those damn people who shove samples in your face and the others shoving lotions and perfumes in your face, I was about to turn into the crazy pregnant lady, for real. Now, I don't have any strong cravings but I am loving chocolate, water, strawberries and sandwhiches with lots of mayo!

The girls:
Brady: They got pretty big but that was about it. No tenderness, nothing.
Baby: Whew. From about 4-8 weeks, nothing was going near those things! I mean it, don't even go near them! Showering? Ouch! Now, in the 2nd trimester, they are still kinda tender not to mention growing like weeds! Pregnancy leaves me with no shame so if I've shared too much, sorry!

Things I hope are different:
The birth: Well, that was a given! I am so nervous about how this will play out, especially with the possiblity that I still may have low platelets. Lots of praying for this girl.
Swelling: Oh, my! I was told it's usually better the 2nd time around but people are already joking when my tree trunks and sausage toes will come out this time! It was bad, people. Bad! My entire body swelled, my nose, my face, my legs. It was awful.
Carpel Tunnel: I'm sure the swelling has part to do with this but I'm hoping this stays away too.
Anterior placenta: I had one w/ Brady and hope that it develops in all the right places but I kinda think we have anothetr AP!

I guess we'll have to wait and see on those. I have been feeling movement here and there and can't wait for it to be consistant!
Speaking of, my dreams have been insane. I don't remember if I had those with Brady or not but man, they are so weird and vivid! The last one I remember, more so because I can't stop laughing about it but I dreamt that Brady had long armpit hair! I've had several dreams about the baby, all which I am holding a little girl. I go back and forth on what I think this baby is but we'll find out soon enough!

A Peaceful New Year

2012-01-03T10:58:00.002-06:00

On New Years Eve, we had a cozy night in as a family of three. I had given Brady a bath and put him to bed. I had walked past the bathroom where I saw the tub covered in foam letters. I stopped and just looked at it for a minute and I smiled. I felt a sense of peace that I really can't describe.

On New Years Eve, I was sitting at home and I was content. I was happy and I was fulfilled. My heart was so full at that simple sight. My life has changed so much in the past few years and here I was smiling at the sight of a messy bathroom full of toys on a night when everyone is out bringing in the new year.

The past few years, we have struggled, we have grieved, and our faith in everything has been tested. We lost loved ones. We struggled with health scares and surgery. We didn't sleep. This year was not easy but I feel more blessed than ever. I can tell you after we lost several people close to us in such a short time frame, I was constantly scared of what or who would be next. I had this anxiety inside that I could not let go. While it is much better now, there are times when I'm afraid to let my guard down because that is when it hits you the hardest. I took that sense of peace that I felt in that messy bathroom as a sign that everything will be okay and I was ready to let go.

Having said that, as we closed out, 2011, it was bittersweet.

We watched Brady grow from a baby to a little boy.

We listened as he learned new words. We watched as he discovered new things and get into lots of trouble (ahem, Vaseline!) We watched him make new friends and develop relationships with those around him.

We watched as he grew into this outgoing, independent little boy who knows exactly what he wants.

We watched our hearts slowly heal. We watched our love grow more than we ever thought possible.

We learned that our family was growing. We learned that it is indeed possible for your heart to grow even more. To share that love with a tiny being you have yet to meet.

I'm ready for 2012. I pray that this year is full of happiness, blessings, life and a sort of a new beginning for us. I pray for all of you struggling with illness, grief, infertility or whatever it may be. I pray for all of you out there that are still struggling to find peace and while you may not find it in a bathroom full of toys, you will find it when you least expect it.

Playing catch-up

2012-01-03T09:42:00.000-06:00

Whew. I'm here. The holidays were exhausting, chaotic but wonderful. I hosted my family Christmas morning at 10 am and Blake's family later that afternoon. Saying we were all exhausted by the end of the day is an understatement.

I have lots of posts to catch up on. I had a doctors appointment and got to listen to that little flutter on the Doppler. It sounds as though I might have an anterior placenta again, boo but I have been feeling movement already, which is awesome!

I had to have another blood test to recheck my platelet count. They were low at my first OB appt and I"m praying they are up to where they need to be. If they are not, she mentioned a round of steroids and perionatologist so of course that worried me a bit. After Brady was born, I did have a lot of bleeding and while I in the hospital after my c-section complications, my platelets low enough I almost needed a transfusion. I'm hoping that along with the fact I had bled most of the first 8 weeks has something to do with those low levels. Low platelets is a sign of HELLP so that scares the crappola outta me but I know they are watching everything so I have to just wait and see.

On a positive note, our anatomy scan is scheduled! I'll about 21 weeks which sucks because I'm already going nuts but I'm excited to see that little face again and find out if Brady will have a sister or brother. We found out at 17 weeks with Brady because of a positive result on the quad test so it feels like eons away now! Tick tock, tick tock! I am excited to meet this baby but I'm also trying to savor my time alone with Brady. It feels like time is going so fast.

Brady is seriously talking up a storm. The kid talks in sentences and the things he says crack us up but I've come to the sad realization he is no longer a baby. He is still struggling with sleep and I was in his room the other night just sitting by his bed (I think we have some separation anxiety going on) and I watched him roll to his belly, put his little hands underneath his pillow and cuddle up like a little boy. It melted my heart but it assured me, he was growing up far too fast. I need to slow life down a bit before this new baby comes.

Oral B Stages Mommy Party!

2011-12-30T20:38:00.000-06:00

We have kind of got to the stage where brushing teeth is hit or miss. He wants to do it himself and having mommy help creates a tantrum of epic proportions. When I got selected for an Oral B Mommy Party, I was excited hoping maybe something could help things get a bit easier!

I like the Oral B Stages line because it's perfect for each age and stage. Stage 1 is perfect for those little ones who are just getting teeth and those learning to brush! The brushes are soft enough for that gummy smile! Stage 2 is perfect for Toddlers and growing kids!

We started the party with Brady's first movie, Winnie The Pooh! He loved it and so did the other kids!

The kids went home with a fun bag full of goodies to keep them nice and clean from Oral B Stages and Disney's Natural line, which smells great!

To learn more about Oral B, check out their Facebook page and follow on Twitter!

Thanks, Mommy Parties! We had fun!

Disclosure: All products were provided by Oral-B and Mommy Parties in exchange for hosting a party and sharing these products. All thoughts and opinions are 100% my own.

The magic of Christmas

2011-12-21T08:00:00.000-06:00

This is technically Brady's third Christmas. His first Christmas, he was almost 2 months old and to be honest, I can't remember a single thing from it! Last year, he was almost 14 months and he didn't quite get it. He was more excited about the balls on the tree than anything!

This year, he will be 26 months and boy, does he get it!

This year, he says that Santa is bringing him a 'BIG truck!' Sometimes, he'll joke and say that Santa is bringing him poop or a dirty diaper and then says, Noooooo!

This year, he sat down and played with baby 'Jeese'(Jesus) and his mommy and daddy.

This year, he brought back the magic.

I've always loved Christmas but it's not quite the same as it was when I was a child.

That is, until I had a child of my own.

This year, it's magical.

This year, I have a giddy feeling inside.

This year, I'll be full of that sleepy excitement as I try to sleep on Christmas Eve.

The holidays are hard. We have too many people to miss but the magic helps.

The magic is back and it does nothing but make me smile.

Apparently, it makes him smile too. He asked Santa for a Trash man. (His biggest obsession right now is the weekly trash truck and the mailman!)

First, I just have to get through this week. I have a gazillion things to do. Somehow the only one that is pregnant and has a two year old is hosting Christmas this year for two sides of the family. My dad's side of the family will be over for brunch and my IL's for dinner. I am hoping the magic keeps me sane through it all. At least I don't have to cook dinner, it will be brought to us! Whew, right?

Lessons of the week

2011-12-13T11:52:00.001-06:00

1. Child safety really means momma is the only one who can't open it.

2. Poison Control is a handy number to keep around.

3. You can order free stickers, magnets and stuff from our local Poison Control office.

4. Apparently, a small dose of a prenatal vitamin is like crack to a toddler. The kid reacts by jumping incessantly the entire day, not napping and running nonstop.

5. Vaseline in a child's hair is one of the hardest things to get out.

6. Baking soda and dish soap help a bit.

7. Peanut butter. Peanut butter is the magic solution!

8. A mix of Vaseline, baking soda, dish soap and peanut butter, makes your hair REALLY soft and shiny!

9. I think I just let out the best kept secret, ever.

10. Toddlers keep you on your toes and turn your hair grey.

11. Toddlers are amazing and exhausting but the things that come out of their mouths, can leave you laughing or bring you to tears.

12. A simple, 'I wuv you, mommy', is sure to create waterfalls especially to an already emotional pregnant woman.

13. Having a child, brings back the magic in Christmas.

14. This is the most excited I have been about Christmas since I can even remember.

15. I.just.cannot.wait!

Sometimes, there are no words.

2011-12-13T08:00:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, there really are no words....when

TODDLERS STRIKE.

The kid really cannot be trusted alone for even five seconds. Clean up after dinner? Right.

What? I'm not doing anything wrong mom! Just washing my hair with TOAP!

I think I might need my own version of this site. I often wonder if people don't think that we watch our kid but it literally took him less than a minute to do this. Then, of course, we had to take photos!

I think I might need a few extra arms and set of eyes once this new baby is born! The worst part of all of this is the kid's hair. We washed it like 100 times, used baking soda, some dish soap and by then, he was so over being in the tub, I gave up. I then realized that we didn't get any further because his hair still looked wet when he went to bed. He was so upset too because he couldn't twirl his hair the way he wanted because it was still goopy. Round two of 'Operation get the goop ou't starts tomorrow. Normally, I wouldn't dare let him go to bed like that but I really give up.

I'm waving a big white flag. This week should be over by now, right?

12 weeks: Blissful

2011-12-13T07:30:00.000-06:00

First of all, thank you all for your kind words, messages and everything. I have never felt more blessed than ever and while it may sound cliche, it's nothing short of the truth. I'm trying to get caught up on weekly posts, so here we go!

Last week, I had my NT ultrasound where they do some measurements and stuff to tell you some calculated risk for Downs Syndrome and Trisomy. I wasn't going to do any genetic testing this time around after our experience with Brady but I wasn't going in for those results, I just wanted to see the baby again for my own selfish reasons. I just needed more validation that everything was okay which may or may not sounds nuts but after bleeding and cramping for over a week, I needed it. I would be okay with weekly ultrasounds if that were possible! I know this may sound funny but we swear that that baby has the same nose as Brady! I plan to do a comparison after our anatomy scan so we' shall see!
It was nothing short of amazing. I can tell you that the worry has never truly left my head though I think I knew deep down this baby was a fighter and was doing just fine. I know as a mom, it's hard not to worry and sometimes your head wins over your heart.

I watched as the baby (I keep calling the baby a him just because it's what I'm used to but I go back and forth on my gut feelings. I was thinking girl up till this week and now I'm not sure.) move around like crazy doing somersaults and kicking those sweet little legs. At one point, he had them crossed and I almost melted right there! I almost forgot how amazing those ultrasounds are when they start looking like a baby and not a little sea horsey blob. I schedule my anatomy scan when I go in the first week of Jan and I'm so stinking excited.

I have not taken a single picture yet but that was more because of my own fear than anything else and hopefully will change that very soon. I swear I'm going to be HUGE this time around, not like I wasn't last time. I've already brought out the maternity pants and oh, my! I forgot how amazingly comfortable they are!

I stopped taking progesterone over the weekend, per doctors orders and I won't lie and say I'm not nervous about it.

At week 12:
Morning sickness: None really. Some days I'm ready to eat a horse others I would just rather not eat.
Cravings: Food? Ha. I was really obsessed with Salads and ranch dressing and that one has still stuck around. Heartburn and well, just plain reflux has really been killing me this time around. I can't eat anything before I go to bed anymore or I pay for it in the morning but I'm ALWAYS starving around then!
Blue veiny highway? Check.
Exhaustion? Check. I'm hoping to get some energy back soon but I think the fact that my 2 year old is cutting several 2 year old molars right now has something to do with this. For reals.

Baby: Looks like a baby! Cute little fingers and tiny little toes!

Brady's reaction: He has his own ultrasound picture the tech printed out for him that has his name on it. He found an older one this weekend and goes, "more baby' and went and grabbed the new one! When we ask him where the baby is, he points to my belly! I can't wait until they can meet! Until, then, we found a sweet little doll at Target for $3 that says, 'Little Brother.'

How to give your mom a heartattack.

2011-12-12T10:15:00.002-06:00

This morning, I was taking a shower before work. Brady has decided that the umbilical cord was cut way to soon and he can't be a foot away from me at all times. Usually, he hangs out in there and plays with his toys or plays with the toilet paper (and boy, that is a fun mess to clean up!) I am constantly poking my head out to see what he is up to because as you will see, the kid can't be left alone for a hot second.

Then, I hear him make a spitting sound.

I look at him and he has something in his mouth. I notice he has my pill case and I jump out of the shower butt neked. (The case was high up on the counter in a child proof container!)

He ate part of my prenatal. I read the back and see in big bold letters, 'Iron is lethal for children under 6. Please contact your local poison control if ingested.'

I had him spit out what was left in his mouth and wiped out what I could. I immediately grabbed my phone and dialed Poison Control. Did I mention it's not even 7 am?

Lesson #1: Keep Poison Control on Speed Dial. Here is the number. I urge you all to put it in there now.
1-800-222-1222

Lesson #2: Child proof does not necessarily mean Brady proof.

She asked for his age and weight. I had figured he ate about half or a little more because the rest was spit out on my bathroom floor. Luckily, he would have had to eat 40+ mg of Iron to be worried and one pill had 28mg. I made him some toast and tried to force feed him a glass of milk while I tried to stop my heart from racing and keeling over.

Lesson #3: Never leave this kid out of my sight..EVER!

Here is to hoping the rest of the week is uneventful.

You hear that, Brady??

Note to self: Teach my kid not to eat anything he finds anywhere. The kid ate a crumb off the floor last night!!!

Words are powerful.

2011-12-04T15:17:00.001-06:00

Take a minute to watch this. As a parent, I want to reach out to him and tell him it will all be okay. As a human being, I want to reach out and hug him. You can just see the pain in his eyes and a kid so young should not know that kind of sadness.

I'll warn, it's heartbreaking but I encourage you to watch it because this is something our kids may face. They may even be the one who feels pressured to bully, tease or call names.

We as adults teach our kids a lot. As long as adults think it's okay to bully each other, this chain will never be broken. We can pretend that this is not something we have to worry about but the truth is, it is and bullying will not go away unless we teach our kids differently. We as parents have a duty to teach acceptance, to teach respect and furthermore, to teach that this will not be tolerated! I love being a mom more than anything but raising a child in a world where things like this happen terrify me and I want to shield my child from it all but I know it's not possible. I'm not sure some kids understand what power their words have on another. Words do hurt and they can be our most powerful tool.

I pray that my child never has to suffer this pain but I do know one thing, my child will know that we treat each person with respect and that bullying is NEVER okay.

Here are some resources:
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
http://www.pacer.org/bullying/

Ellen DeGeneres's has a whole list here too:

My favorite from November

2011-12-03T16:10:00.001-06:00

This is of course, my favorite photo I took in November.

Pray hard, my friends.

2011-12-01T12:23:00.001-06:00

I've posted a little about lil miss Olivia before. Tomorrow, they move into the hospital for an unknown time. Olivia starts conditioning (radiation and chemo) for her bone marrow transplant. Please, send loads and loads prayers their way and pray for a safe and uneventful stay and that this cures her sweet little body.

You can follow her journey, here. Every comment, every prayer and every encouraging word is needed right now. Reading her story will change you and if anything, I ask you during the Christmas season, take time to be thankful for the life you have, for the health of those you love and for the gift of parenthood.

Operation Evacuation

2011-11-29T18:59:00.001-06:00

I've been wondering what kind of birth I was going to have with our next baby before we even thought about having another. Heck, I thought about it right after Brady was born! His birth was traumatic, along with recovery. Then, eight months later, I had to have an incisional hernia repair and could not pick up my chunky baby for over three weeks!

When the worry subsided a bit and hope was found, I started wondering how the hell I was going to get this baby out! I knew that sitting down and chatting with my doctor would ease my worries but in fact, while I feel more educated and more prepared on the worst case scenario, my head is still swirling due to the fact there is no real clear answer.

Another c-section for me means lots of risks. If I have another another c-section, she would have to cut through the mesh that was placed to repair the hernia. While we don't know for sure, there is a good chance I would have to go back later to have another hernia repair. Also, just the sheer fact that the mesh is there increases my risk for infection post partum. Awesome, right? After Brady's birth, I had a lot of adhesion's that were removed during my hernia surgery and I'll spare you the details but the difference was night and day. I had a lot of stomach issues that miraculously went away after the surgery.

Then, to add to the fun, there is of course an increased risk for the hematoma since I had a wound complication the first time. At 12 days post partum, I was rushed to the hospital, not once but TWICE because my incision opened (and I was then separated from my brand new baby boy!) and I had to have gauze placed inside it until it closed. I had a home health nurse that visited everyday and then my lucky husband got to shove gauze into my stomach! He told me the other day, he was SO not doing that again! Yeah. That was loads of fun! I felt like my maternity leave was kinda of ruined and I really don't want to have to go through that again. Also, it was concerning that my platelets were low that I ran really close to requiring a blood transfusion. It was all traumatizing in a way for me and after a long talk with my OB, we discussed VBAC in great length.

So, that is the plan. To at least attempt this baby to come out without having to cut me open. We won't know till game time how this will play out and who knows how this will go. In terms of possible success, I'm smack dab in the middle but I did have a lot going against me last time. I was laboring well and both Brady and I were tolerating it well but just not dilating. My water had broke the night before and I was starting to spike a fever which is not good and I was rushed to the OR. Everyone was at a loss in why this kid didn't want to come out. I laugh now because it is totally part of this kid's personality! He is still stubborn!

I'll be honest, I'm downright terrified of how this will play out. I just have to pray it works out best for me and the baby but in the end, my main priority is bringing this baby into the world the safest way possible. I have to put a lot of my faith into something I can't control and wait which I know won't be easy. I do know that it will all be worth it. I have to remind myself of that and I know I'm incredibly blessed to be in this position in the first place. I know more than ever. Boy, do I ever know that.

The little one that could

2011-11-28T16:46:00.001-06:00

It's been a crazy few months. It's hard to believe that we are blessed with this new life and it's been full of it's own ups and downs. I honestly didn't think we would make it this far and I'm overjoyed.

4 weeks :I tested October 8th. Big fat negative.

Tested 10/10. Blake's birthday. Big fat positive.
My reaction: Holy crap! Holy crap! Holy crap!

Just shortly of getting that positive, I started bleeding. I had a chemical pregnancy/early loss the month before I got pregnant with Brady and started to think that was what was going on. I called my doctor and we set up two beta tests for the next day and then two days later. I felt like I was in limbo.

Pregnant? Not pregnant?

The first beta came back with good news: I was pregnant.

I was beyond thrilled but told myself that I couldn't celebrate just yet. My second test showed my levels were rising but my progesterone was a tad low. I was put on progesterone pills and the bleeding had stopped but it was still not reassuring in any way. I know they always say that some bleeding is 'normal' but when it happens, it stops you in your tracks.

6 weeks:
At 6 weeks, we had our first ultrasound. We saw a nice flutter of a beautiful heartbeat. I was starting to feel like I could be happy about this and then not two days later, I started bleeding again. This time it was worse. I was crushed and not optimistic. I tried to stay away from Dr. Google but my mind wouldn't allow me to do anything but focus on what was going on. The past two years had been full of so many awful things, I sadly, figured this was how life is just going to be.

7 weeks:
A week after our first ultrasound, I had another. My nerves were shaken to say the least and I was about to run in there when she called my name. Then as I watched her turn the screen towards her, I braced myself for bad news. Then, what felt like years later, she turned the screen towards me and I saw the sweet flicker again. This baby, our baby was ok and the little heart was a fluttering at 176 beats a minute! A few days later, more than a weel later, there was no more bleeding.

11 weeks:
Then, yesterday, I heard the sweet swoosh on the doppler. I forgot how amazing that sound was. There is nothing more beautiful. Really, nothing, especially when I was truly feeling hopeless.

Now, we have more than hope. The past two years have been difficult but the beauty of motherhood has got me through it. I got a job promotion last week and more pieces of good news, I'm praying this means luck will be on our side from now on. I can't help but worry but that is life especially that of a mom.

I sometimes still can't believe it and forget that I'm pregnant. It's been much easier symptom wise this time around. The nausea was bad for a few weeks and evened out which is crazy to me since I was sick half of my pregnancy with Brady! I've been really tired but what is new with a toddler?

By the way, do you know how hard it is to a) Get a toddler to stop moving and b) Have a toddler pose with a picture without having him throw it, eat it, or even hold it?

I'm eleven weeks and the first thought that came to mind mind after it all sunk in was how the heck is this baby going to come out, ha! That is a whole other post in itself! Oh, trust me, a whole.other.post. Sigh.

Look closely

2011-11-27T21:25:00.001-06:00

Lots of details to come!

A long week

2011-11-17T21:19:00.001-06:00

Whew. It's been a long week here. I'm not sure if this has been national news or not but a horrific crime happened a mere 8 miles from my house when a mother reported her 13 month old child missing and then later confessed she beat him to death. I think I can say it outraged and moved our community and as a mother, it hurt me in a way I cannot describe. I think Brady looked at me like a lunatic when I ran home and hugged him so tight that but when you become a mom, I feel like your heart has a place in it for every child. I hope that through this tragedy, we can raise awareness against child abuse. Maybe we can help save a child like Tyler and I know sometimes we feel overwhelmed, like we can't make a difference but as a social worker whose job it is to provide resources, I see firsthand how a small piece of information can go a long way.

Ugh. Ok, so back to life here in this imperfect household. Not like this compares in any way but then Brady got sick and got his first round of antibiotics this week due to a nasty sinus infection/respiratory crap that is going around like wildfire around here. Our entire house is on antibiotics. We should get a bulk deal, for reals. I'm amazed we've made it two years (well, he did have some in the hospital after his birth) without antibiotics. I am thankful for that but know it won't be the last.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week. I'm in denial that winter is around the corner and have not even broke out the coat even though today it got pretty cold!

This age is so much fun but it's hard. The things that come out of his mouth make each day like a new adventure. I call him all kind of pet names and you'll hear him walking around going, 'Oh, honey!' The one thing I am so waiting for is those three magic words. I tell him I love him 100 times a day and I keep waiting but I know the day it comes out of his mouth will be one of those moments I never forget.

Remember post after post about his diaper issues and the damn yeast rash from hell that we've battled over and over? Well we found a solution. Costco wipes. Yep. Since we've used them, no yeast. I can't belive it was that simple. He's still had some eczema but I have my own theories on that!

I know I haven't updated about one of my last posts asking for prayers and I will post more in a big post but I can say, all the prayers worked. I think we are more thankful this year than ever.

The weekend. It's here. I'm ready. I'll leave you with a video of my kid. Since we got this Leapfrog toy, the kid has been able to ID half the alphabet. The pronunciation kills me though. Bubbleyou (W) is by far my favorite.

Last thing and an important one at that. Please pray for little Olivia. They found out recently that even with the bone marrow transplant, she had a 50% chance at relapse. Read her blog and you will be a changed person. It's not fair that kid, a baby, has to go through this. Every night, we pray for her and as they gear up for her transplant, prayers are needed more than ever. Pray hard, my friends, pray hard.

Happy Weekend, all!

Two is the new three.

2011-11-14T14:18:00.001-06:00

You know those doors that say, "Emergency Exit only?

You know the ones that have 'alarms' on them or the sign on the door says so?

Guess whose kid decided it was a good idea to push that door open?

The funny thing is that I was right next to him but the naive mommy in me never thought he would try to do that! Ha, the two year old wins again.

That was fun.

I was then called, "Mean mommy!" because I made him get in the shopping cart so we could run away faster and hope that no one saw what just had transpired.

Another fun thing about two? Well, my child is currently in the phase where he must do everything himself and apparently that includes making his own rules....one being that running away from mommy is the most genius game ever and it's even more fun when he runs into the street and gives mommy a heart attack.

Not cool, Brady. Not cool.

Then, there is the whole, 'Oh crap, they can talk thing' and you have to watch every word. I dropped something the other day and luckily, the worst that came out of my mouth was 'OH CRAP!' which is unusal for this potty mouth. It's lovely to hear your child say, 'oh crap!' over and over but I guess it could be worse, rgiht?

As he learns new words, I get new names, like "Old Mommy' which he says with this half grin on his face.

I hear three is harder. I am not sure I will survive. Send ~~help~~ wine.

At least it is all worth it when I hear him say something funny or a new word that he says with the cutest inflection or the sweetest tone, even if it has an extra syllable.

Get a Melissa & Doug 25% Off Coupon When You Take the North "Poll"

2011-11-13T21:01:00.001-06:00

Melissa & Doug want you to tell them which of their educational toys you think is the best! I know a lot of you are big fans of their toys, as we are, so I wanted to share this with you!

Just click on the image below to place your vote in the North "Poll!" You'll Get a Melissa & Doug 25% Off Coupon to use at MelissaAndDoug.com just for voting!