“The first sentence can’t be written until the final sentence is written.”
—Joyce Carol Oates, April 1986

Is this true for your writing?

For me, I start with the first sentence, but I have a good idea of where I’m going and might go back to the beginning and change that sentence after I’ve written the final sentence.

I’m so glad I spotted this post about Summer Plans from Still Living the Dream about how she’s going to take a challenge to have some serious fun with her kids this summer. I can totally relate to the initial, “This is going to be THE summer” feeling that dwindles into DVDs and lost potential. Thanks to her recommendation, I just signed up for the Summer Bucket List Challenge from The Happy Family Movement. Rock on! Thank you, Still Living the Dream for a great resource.

Jennifer from My Morning Chocolate had such a great perspective about how our goals and needs as bloggers change. And, that’s okay…we don’t need to stay in a rut. Sure, the readers may disappear but if you’re getting what YOU need out of your blog, you’re ahead of the game.

Finally, a shout-out to Annette Gendler whom I met through last year’s Blogathon. In her post about what she’d do differently, I found out more about her process for changing the look of her blog. I love Annette’s honesty in this post — at first she ignored what she heard and read about using white font on her blog. Then, she gave a new look a try and, voila — a 50% increase in views. I personally love the new look of her blog, and agree…it’s much cleaner and easier to read. What Annette writes is definitely worth reading, so I’m glad to see it showcased in such a lovely format. Nice work, Annette! (Makes me want to customize my blog, too!)

1. Watching both of our boys become better swimmers.
2. Hearing the bell as our older son rang it at the top of the climbing wall on his birthday. And then hearing the next bell, and the next bell as he continued to scramble up every side of the wall.
3. Listening to our younger son talk about the first friend he made at school.
4. Finding some great blogs about minimalist living.
5. Having a snow week at home in January.
6. Laughing my way through many episodes of Modern Family.
7. Reading The Hunger Games trilogy.
8. Feeling inspired by the artwork of Kelly Rae Roberts.
9. Negotiating on a daily basis with a four-year-old boy. (Okay some of those negotiations don’t feel great at the time…but it does mean he’s learning to think for himself, right?)
10. Seeking to learn more about the life of boys.
11. Practicing a nightly gratitude ritual before I go to sleep every night.
12. Connecting with far-away friends on Facebook.
13. Embracing that my husband and I are the experts on our kids.
14. Blending two passions: teaching and writing at the Parks & Rec.
15. Admitting there are only so many hours in a day.
16. Introducing the boys to the groovy tunes of Michael Jackson.
17. Going to a Fitz and The Tantrums / Hall & Oates concert as a family.
18. Getting myself onto the roller rink at school skate night.
19. Staying on my feet at school skate night.
20. Feeling blessed to have another healthy year of life to celebrate.

The waiter seemed eager to chat with us.

“What’s your name, amigo?” he asked my son. “How old are you?”

When he found out that my son was eight years old, he became even more excited.

“I have three daughters. They are nine, seven and four.”

I wondered if they might attend my son’s school, so I asked if they lived in the area.

“Oh, no,” the waiter frowned. “They live in Mexico.”

As our lunch continued, we learned more about his daughters. The older one has more difficulty in school. The middle daughter is an academic whiz. He bought them a karaoke machine a few years ago and now they are pros at giving speeches in school, which they give in front of all the students during flag ceremonies.

“I’m going to see them in a month or so,” he told us, the excitement back in his voice.

“When is the last time you were there?” I asked.

“Two years ago.”

Later that day, I tried to explain to both of my sons why  I imagine the waiter lives in the U.S. and his family lives in Mexico. I tried to help them understand just how long it’s been since the waiter has seen his family.

“Think of it this way,” I told my sons. “He’s missed two birthdays, two Christmases, two Halloweens.”

In those terms, both of them instantly got it.

“No. He’s missed eight birthdays, Mom! Two of each of his daughters’ birthdays and two of his wife’s birthdays,” my older son said, his head shaking in disbelief.

“I’d miss you and Daddy and my brother,” my younger son said.

That night it was unanimous at our table: we are grateful to be together. For the birthdays, for Halloween, and even for the every day ups and downs.

photo courtesy of stock.xchng

My usual mode of operation is to seek ways to improve. That’s a good thing; it can bring about change as well as help identify better ways of doing things. However, one of my managers at work  shared a wise philosophy with me. She said, “Don’t feel like you have to find an area for improvement,” when we were looking at my self-review. “That’s on your record forever. Don’t just dream one up for the sake of filling in the form.” I’d done exactly that. And really, is it an “area of opportunity” if your focus on time management means your meetings start on time and that causes difficulty for others who tend to run late? I got her point.

That’s a pretty radical thought for a corporate manager to share with someone who works for her, but it has stuck with me. And it comes to mind with today’s theme. I’m not saying I’m perfect. Nor do I want to be. But, are there really things I’d do differently if I started blogging today? Or has my blogging experience unfolded just as it should?

Yes, maybe I would have purchased the URL for this site early on. I’d like to do that now, but then that will require some extra work. At the same time, I didn’t know three and a half years ago that I’d still enjoy posting at Motherlogue so much. I could have purchased the URL then, and then let the blog drop six months later. Wasting money = bad.

Maybe I wish I would have understood just a little more (read: anything) about tags, categories and SEO when I started. Maybe I should have read a book or been more purposeful in my blogging platform. Maybe I should have started interacting with the blogging community earlier? Sure, in hindsight all of those things wouldn’t have hurt.

At the same time, through this blog I’ve been able to:

• quiet my inner muse
• connect with readers
• publish my words
• interview and highlight authors I admire
• showcase my clips and writing style for current and future editors
• share those mama moments
• celebrate my 40th birthday (for a month!)
• participate in two blogathons
• chronicle my NaNoWriMo experience
• learn about blogging by doing it

Three years ago I didn’t have those results in mind. It’s been organic and I’m happy with it.

Chapter by chapter, the book shares how the women who cared for their friend Kate through a life-threatening illness accept the challenges she gives to each of them when they join her for a dinner celebrating her survival.

Kate challenges one friend to learn how to make bread, another (a mother of three young children) must take a vacation on her own, one must do the 3-day Breast Cancer walk, the list goes on.

As these women face the challenges we learn more about their lives and see how accepting the challenge helps them move forward through life experiences. I find myself contemplating wanting to embrace the same tasks they are assigned — looking at how I can work in our garden this summer, considering baking some bread, getting a tattoo (no, not that one…sorry!), oh and don’t forget: traveling to Venice.

As a writer I like the book’s structure. Each chapter is dedicated to one woman’s story — we find out how she’s connected to Kate (the main character who survives the illness), we learn about the secondary character’s life, her sorrows, and witness her transformation into joy through the individual challenge that Kate assigns. I ‘m curious if some of the loose ends will be wrapped up in the last chapter (e.g., one of these vignettes ends with Sara calling her father from Venice to say, “I have a new idea.”). While I’m quite curious, the wrap-up also isn’t necessary. Each chapter stands nicely as it is.

It’s just a lovely, lovely book. I’m on the final chapter and, as is the sign with any good book, I’m dreading finishing it. I will miss these women.

I was inspired by the ABOUT page on Erica’s website. (A true sign that I’m enjoying a book…I start searching for everything I can about the author. And I’m clearly on a first name basis with her.) Anyway, I appreciated what she said about her experience as a mother who writes:

Yes, in a logistical sense, children can make writing difficult. In fact, I don’t think it is at all coincidental that my first novel was published after both my children were in college. But I think differently, I create the work I do, because I have had children.

Exactly!

(And now I’m off the hook if I don’t publish a novel for another 14 years.)

Coffee, like a friend

Awaits me in the morning -

Now; awake for day!

The writing of a novel is taking life as it already exists, not to report it but to make an object, toward the end that the finished work might contain this life inside it and offer it to the reader. The essence will not be, of course, the same thing as the raw material; it is not even of the same family of things. The novel is something that never was before and will not be again.
—Eudora Welty, February 1970

Eudora is Eudora. What can I say? This is beautiful, direct and inspiring.

Gaining By Losing, a post from Joe Catholic is an honest, understanding and inspired post about one man’s decision to take on the challenge of losing weight. Way to go, Joe!

Like Joe Catholic’s post, Victoria Musgrave shares inspiration in “Finding My Way“. In her case it’s about the decision to take the leap away from the security of her corporate communications job in order to live the life she’s imagined.

Finally, I’ll close my list with Do-Over, another post from PFM Reports (yes, I’m a fan), in which Patrick gets a do-over at playing group sports. For a moment I was so inspired by this post that I thought of looking for an adult soccer league in my area (I know there are a ton). But then, I remembered that I’m already stretched just a *little* (metaphorically) thin right now. For the moment, I’ll live vicariously.

As a Friday treat for yourself, take a moment to read his poem, “How These Words Happened“. (Watch out, you’ll be hooked.)

Okay, okay, if you insist. This is another one of my favorites: “You Reading This, Be Ready“.

Ah, and I just found this gem: “Ask Me”.

Enjoy!