Hanging By a Thread

5 Things You Should Know {On Breaking Things}

Hanging By a Thread — Wed, 22 May 2013 23:54:37 -0500

Just because something is so, doesn't mean it always will be or should be. And just as there are things you should follow, there are also some things you should break. Often, breaking means breaking free from shackles that are holding you back from following those things you wish to pursue and wish to be. Don't be afraid to break things, especially #4. Breaking these things will only empower you and build character. If you don't break some things, it will be you who ends up broken in the end.

Here is my list of 5 things you should break:

Your Heart...at least a couple dozen times or more. Your heart can break over romances that end. Your heart can break over romances that seem doomed, but are recovered. Your heart can break upon the death of a dearly loved one. Your heart will break a thousand times or more once you become a parent. But our hearts have a way of mending themselves, wearing the scars as badges of a life well-lived and forging ahead.
Social Norms. Just because it's always been done this way or because it's the proper thing to do, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do or the only way of doing it. We are an evolving world. We must learn from our mistakes. We must have the courage to speak up for what we believe is right.
The Glass Ceiling. It's still there. Whether it's age, gender, sexual orientation, race or something else, that illusory cap does not have to stop you. It will if you let it. It's up to you to crack it and break through or maybe you'll be the one to shatter it for good.
Big Chocolate Bars. It's a good idea to keep a stash of chocolate...in case of emergencies. And if you break a giant bar into lots of smaller pieces it will last longer and the guilt will be lessened. I speak from experience here.
Bad Habits. Uh...it's just a coincidence that this point follows 4. Big Chocolate Bars....Really! If you do have a bad habit that negatively affects you or your family or is getting in the way of pursuing your dreams, it's time to say enough is enough and seek help. One thing to recognize though is that it must be you who decides it's time to put a stop to the bad habit. If someone else in your life tells you so, you should definitely listen, but if you aren't on board, you're not going to get very far.

What are you breaking? Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Should Know {On Following Things}

Hanging By a Thread — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:26:44 -0500

Too often we lose our course or forget our way and get caught up in the crowd and merely float along with everyone else. We are tossed along in the waves instead of charting our own course or choosing our own destinations or method or route of arriving there. And while it's alright to coast for a bit and give the old feet and brain a rest, we must always remember those things which are important to follow.

Here are 5 Things I think are important to follow...

Other People...to an extent. Some of us are natural followers. Some are natural leaders. Some fall somewhere in the middle. And those of us who are natural leaders often get a little big for our britches and think that we don't need to follow anyone; we fancy ourselves trailblazers or rebels, but the truth is no one leads {well} without first having followed role models and good examples, learning how to be a just and compassionate and even leader and trailblazer.
Traffic Laws, including texting/talking laws. A life can be lost or forever altered by a traffic accident that can happen in the blink of an eye. There's a reason for these laws. Know them. Follow them. Stay Focused. Stay Alert. Be safe.
The 10 Commandments. Yes, those 10 Commandments. These are simply a good set of rules to follow throughout life.
Dreams and Passions. Our dreams and passions are the very marrow of life. Without these, what is there? It's important to find your passion whether it's when you're 18, 38, or 68. It's imperative to set goals based upon these dreams so that one may follow his or her passion. And one must not get discouraged by the detours and pit stops and roadblocks. Those happen; it's called Life. And those slowdowns and setbacks are enriching lessons that shape us into who we are. So, accept these for what they are and then keep moving forward step by step.
A Snowplow. Of course, not too closely; heed the signs to stay back, but in the snowy regions of our country this can be a good rule of thumb. Following a snowplow during a storm or just after a storm means that your path is clear; you won't get stuck in the snow or have trouble finding the road. And a clear way is undoubtedly an important part of life.

What are you following? Over and out...

Anna

A Force of Nature {Tornado Alley}

Hanging By a Thread — Tue, 21 May 2013 01:42:30 -0500

Deja Vu

So many tears. So many memories, So much devastation.

Tornadoes ravage large cities, tiny towns and mid-sized suburbs across our country quite frequently and with evergrowing force and destructive powers, especially during this season between cold and hot. All those who suffer this fate receive my sympathies and my prayers; and yet, not all of them hit home, both literally and figuratively.

Yesterday, Moore, OK, a suburb between Oklahoma City and Norman was slammed by an extremely large and menacing monster of a twister. By evening, scores were counted as injured, at least 24 killed, but maybe more, hundreds of houses blown to smithereens and at least two schools demolished with kids and teachers inside. Heartbreaking.

But this is not the first time a terrible, twisting force of nature has traveled this path. Fourteen years ago, on May 3, 1999, a huge and powerful tornado tore up a swath of land in this exact location, killing 36 and destroying a community and wreaking havoc across the small state.

Fourteen years ago on May 3^rd1999, I was living in Norman, OK. I was just finishing up my second year of law school at OU. I was hunkered down under a couch with my best friend, Jennifer, with my 2 cats in their carrier in between us, listening to KFOR on the radio, after losing the cable signal. I heard the reports of destruction; I heard the fear and excitement in the reporters' voices; and I heard the devastation of loss and confusion in the wandering, dirty and bloodied, newly homeless residents of Moore, OK, just a few miles up the road.

Later, I bought blankets and pillows and drove as far as we could North on I-35 to drop off the provisions at a makeshift shelter. I waited for the TV to come back on and cried at the reports coming in. I sat frozen in my own untouched apartment listening and waiting and scared as tornadoes popped up in the dark all night long.

Tears

Yesterday, the tears streamed down my face when I got a text from my husband saying there was a bad tornado going through Moore and a school had been hit. I cried because I remembered the devastation. I cried because I knew what monster tornadoes in OK can do. I cried because I'm a parent.

I immediately tuned in to KFOR and began reliving that awful day fourteen years ago. The same anchors were there. The same images popped up on the screen. The same scared, confused, shocked voices were heard, report after report. But, the devastation even worse; this time, the tornado was over 2 miles wide, rather than a 1 mile wide tornado of 1999.

The focus was on one of the two elementary schools decimated in the monster's path. I couldn't tear away, just as I couldn't fourteen years ago. I watched, I listened, I prayed, I cried and I missed my friend Jennifer who passed away last summer.

The similarities were eerie, but the difference for me was that this time I am a mom. I could not stop putting myself in the shoes of those kids' parents; frantically waiting or feverishly trying to get down the road to the school or desperately working to reach anyone by phone.

The tears continued to flow through the reports of the third graders unaccounted for and the later reports that the search had turned from rescue to recovery of at least two dozen students. My heart is absolutely broken as I think about and pray for those kids' families.

Perspective

You must understand that OK has some of the best weather coverage in the country. These meteorologists and reporters take the weather seriously. They go live and stay live and warn and pass along information and mourn and report and share and save lives.

The sheer force and power of these storms certainly shows us how very little we control and how very quickly life can take a very sharp turn. We are but a tiny piece of God's creation. We are not so powerful as to prevent such storms that are whipped up by nature.

The Scoop

Many people lost everything they had; family members, homes, pets, possessions, vehicles; their confidence was shaken; their faith rattled; their resolve tested.

Fourteen years ago, people lost these things too, but they rebuilt; they added safe rooms and storm shelters this time; they moved on, but they did not forget. They will do the same again, but right now life is shattered. These people are Oklahomans; Sooners; Settlers. Over and out...

Anna

Photo Op {A Standout Among the Crowd}

Hanging By a Thread — Fri, 17 May 2013 03:22:27 -0500

I took this photo just a few weeks ago in early May around 1 pm. It looks more like mid-afternoon in late November or early December by the color of the sky and the lack of leaves or buds.

Something about this tree really speaks to me. It wasn't until after I had taken the photo and looked back at it that I felt drawn in by it.

The tree itself is so imposing and commanding of respect with its giant stature and sprawling branches reaching out above the other trees surrounding it. The starkness of it gives it beauty and gives me pause.

What types of photos speak to you? Over and out...

Anna

Choices {A Fork in the Road}

Hanging By a Thread — Thu, 16 May 2013 02:12:31 -0500

I'm at a fork in the road. I could go this way or that. I have been standing here peering down each of the routes for a while, but it's hard to see very far down them. Both paths are shrouded in trees and brush and rocks.

Will one direction be easier? Will the other be harder, but the better choice? Would they both come out of the woods at the same point and converge in the end; so that it didn't really matter which way I chose when it's all said and done?

I don't know the answers, but I do know that I can't continue to stand here going nowhere. And I can't take two paths at the same time either.

Do I choose based on passion? Do I choose based on practicality? Do I take a poll? Do I roll the dice?

This isn't the first fork in the road I've come to, and it won't be the last.

Sometimes if I stand pondering my options long enough one route will be closed due to excessive ice or rerouted because of construction or simply boarded up and closed down or suspended until an inspection can be performed or renamed; leaving me with only one viable option... or not...

And if not, then it's up to me to make that affirmative step towards the path I choose.

Am I ready? Can I lift my hesitant foot and move forward?

Should I run? Or perhaps just casually walk on into the path's perimeter? Maybe a determined jaunt is best.

Whatever I choose, I must be resolute. I must not turn back and wonder, "Was this the right way? Should I go back? Should I go down the other?"

For, once I choose a path, the other path will alter its course. There will no longer be the same two choices as before.

So, I must step bravely, boldly, decidedly and with gusto onto that the rocky path, strewn equally with weeds and flowers; thorns and moss; bears and bubbling brooks.

Because no one ever got anywhere by standing perfectly still staring down options. Over and out....

Anna

Love Wins {Marriage Equality in MN}

Hanging By a Thread — Tue, 14 May 2013 10:27:58 -0500

And then there were 12

I had just parked at the library. The boys had unbuckled and were bouncing around the van, ready to go pick out some books. I decided to check Facebook one more time to see if the MN Senate had voted yet.

The first five or so posts that met me as I scrolled through my stream immediately told me that Minnesota had indeed passed the Marriage Equality Bill (which Gov. Dayton will sign today), allowing for gay marriage in our state.

I happily announced it to the boys. I explained once again what that meant for the people of our state. And tears flowed from my eyes.

The boys said, "Why are you crying? You're already married." They asked me, "Why are you sad?"

I explained that they were tears of joy. And yes, while their dad and I are already married, this law will mean that many loving, devoted couples can now be married, as we are, if they so choose.

I couldn't help but think of our friends and family who are affected by laws that discriminate against them and their loved ones. I couldn't help but think of all of those who feel liberated and empowered by this new law. I couldn't help but think of the future generations and what this law will mean to them.

Marital Status

This law has nothing to do with sexual relations. This law is about the basic rights of a married couple both in life and in death. This law is about giving adults of sound mind, regardless of sexual orientation, the right to marry whom they choose. This law is about giving couples basic rights regarding insurance coverage, hospital visits and medical information, testamentary rights, tax status and deductions, and more. This is a legal distinction; this is a human rights distinction.

People can live together, sleep together and spend their lives together without a marriage certificate, so long as they choose to and are of legal age. That wouldn't change whether this law had passed or not.

In addition to the legal rights afforded by this law, what changes is the legitimacy of these relationships from the perspective of others. The level of commitment won't change for the couple who has devoted the last 20 years to each other, regardless of legal marital status, but it will change the way the world views them. They will be married; they will be connected in the eyes of the state; they will be one unit for all to know and recognize.

Marital Injustices

It wasn't that long ago that the issue being discussed and legislated was marriage between a white person and a person of color.

In Loving v. Virginia, the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court case that made inter-racial marriage possible in every state, Justice Earl Warren wrote, "Marriage is one of the 'basic civil rights of man,' fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State."

Yes, Justice Warren was specifically discussing racial discrimination, but in so many ways, we're talking about the same thing. Opponents of Marriage equality among gay couples fear that it will ruin the institution of marriage; that it will hurt our kids and damage our country's morals. Opponents of inter-racial marriages made of a lot of those same arguments.

The Scoop

I'll tell you what hurts our kids and damages our country... It's hate and fear and closed hearts and minds. It's the idea that one group knows what's best for another group. It's failing to love each other regardless of our differences and our similarities and in spite of them.

And so it was with tears of joy and gratitude and pride that my Christian, hetero-sexual, happily-married-to-a-man, heart swelled with rainbow-colored pride when I heard the news that MN had just become the 12^th state in the U.S. giving all adult couples the option of marriage! Thank you, MN Legislators!

I will respect your opinion, even if I don't agree. Will you respect mine? Over and out...

Anna

Marketing to Moms {PSA Re: Mother’s Day}

Hanging By a Thread — Fri, 10 May 2013 07:01:15 -0500

Marketing Departments everywhere consider this a Public Service Announcement from moms everywhere (or at least this mom).

Moms do not wish to visit the zoo, the children's museum, the science museum, the amusement park or the ballpark with the little wrecking crew on Mother's Day. Moms do not desire to eat breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner out with the whole cranky, hyper, picky gang on this day honoring her.

These are the things moms do on a regular basis; this is mom's life. This is NOT mom's idea of being treated, pampered or relieved of duty.

Offering mom free admission to such places and a free meal with the family is not a brilliant idea; in fact, for this mom it's not even the tiniest bit enticing.

So, listen up. Lean in close, I'm going to let you in on secret. Are you ready?

Moms want to sleep in late (in a quiet house); moms want to go to her favorite coffee house and settle in with a book and a latte (alone); moms want to go out to brunch with their moms or best mom buddies and then come home and take a nap (in a quiet house); moms want to sip champagne while getting mani/pedis ; moms want to sit and do nothing for once (in a quiet house); moms want to stroll around the lake or go shopping for groceries or clothes or shoes (alone).

Keep listening; I'm going to give you some brilliant marketing advice; simple, brilliant marketing advice.... give dad free admission to take the kids to the zoo, the museum, the amusement park, the ballpark, etc; give dad a free meal when he dines with the kiddos (mom's fine; she's sipping a mimosa).

This is a gift to mom; let dad take the kids on an adventure and leave mom to relish the silence in a quiet house or enjoy a day out with her girlfriends or her mom.

Go ahead give it try. I think I'm right; at least I know that's what this mama would like for Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out there who get it done every single day; day in and day out with minimal complaining and only a few glasses of wine. Over and out...

Anna

Working to the Bone {Motherhood Fail}

Hanging By a Thread — Thu, 09 May 2013 01:38:12 -0500

Darling 2 brought this home from preschool for me for Mother's Day. This breaks my heart.

I don't like to work. I don't even do it well. But, the truth is my son is right. I work all the time. I work from home....at the kitchen counter, at the dining room table, sitting on my bed, at my desk in my basement office.

My work is never done. I work long after they've all gone to bed. I work in between running errands and making meals. I work before I read a book to him or sit down to play something with him. I work.

To say I have flexibility is a lie. Oh, sure I have the flexibility to compose an email or send a text while making a pb&j sandwich or check the status of something before turning on PBS kids or run a search while running and up and down the stairs checking on dinner or sit at my computer in my pjs all day and night or work every single day for weeks at a time. But who am I kidding; I am not flexible; I am rigid; unbending.

I hate that he thinks that work is what I prefer to do.

What I'd rather be doing is exploring and having adventures with my kids. I'd rather sit and read book after book with them. I'd rather tell stories and listen to their play and soak up the memories of it all.

But I can't. Right now I work because I have to. I work to catch up. I work to break even. I work to pay off. I work to move up.

It hasn't always been this way, but he doesn't remember that. It won't always be this way, but he doesn't know that.

So, I will forge ahead; working myself to the bone; unconvincingly balancing my time as mom and consultant and contractor; doing what I must do, until I can change that scenario once and for all. Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Should Know {On the Secret to Being Happy in Life}

Hanging By a Thread — Wed, 08 May 2013 02:16:32 -0500

This list just came to me one afternoon. As I age and become more comfortable in my skin, these are the "rules" I try to adhere to, in general.

Of course, there more to each of these succinct statements and these few words are not the be all and end all of a happy life, but I have been reading a lot about happiness v. joy and what makes us happy, etc.

And when it comes down to it, it's pretty simple. These points say nothing about work or faith or economic status or age or stage of life. These 5 (really 6) statements can apply to anyone and everyone, regardless of the level of ease of comfort of one's life.

Say No when you need to
Say Yes when you want to
Be present in the moment as much as possible
Don't feel guilty when you need to retreat from the world around you and be alone with your thoughts
Embrace where you are now and where you have come from, who you are now and who you are becoming, what you are doing and how you are getting where you are headed by refusing to give up or give-in, learning from your mistakes, continuing to move forward step by step, day by day and always offering a smile to everyone you meet.

Oh, and indulge a bit here and there! These moments are the cherries on top; shiny and sweet.

Life is simple if we learn to travel lightly and ride the waves. This is not always an easy task, but one worth striving for. Over and out... {now humming "Don't Worry, Be Happy"}

Anna

A Life Full of One-Night Stands {It’s not what you think...}

Hanging By a Thread — Tue, 07 May 2013 02:31:16 -0500

We all have them... a chance meeting, an unexpected connection, a scheduled date with an acquaintance, a business encounter. They may be short–lived, but that doesn't mean they aren't significant.

There's nothing sexual about these encounters with relative strangers. No, it's about the conversation, the revelations, the insights, the moment.

It's that person you sit next to on the plane and find yourself in deep conversation from departure to arrival; a fellow attendee at a conference with whom you find a common bond; it's someone in your profession that you meet and instantly feel that spark of connection through shared experiences; the person next to you at the coffee shop who randomly strikes up a conversation; a fellow parent sitting on the park bench watching his or her kids and casually confides in you; a shared meal with someone you've met once or twice because you have similar interests or mutual friends; it's a perfect stranger with nothing in common with you except that you're in the same location at that given moment; it could even be a co-worker from a different department, a neighbor or a friend of a friend in a new and different setting that opens up the lines of communications, allowing you to see them in a different light.

It's an amazing, intriguing, inspiring, profound, entertaining, emotional conversation, connection, sentiment. You know it won't last. You know this is a one-time encounter. You know the memory will be with you always; it may change your course; it may change your attitude; it may give you a new insight; it may simply make you smile when you recall it.

These chance connections may last a few minutes; a few hours or even a few days or weeks, but it will end. You will not forge a deeper relationship; you will not know everything about each other; you will not keep up. In fact, I think that if these friendships went deeper than the one-time flings, they would lose their magic; their profundity.

When I'm in the midst of one of these chance meetings I know it; I feel it in my gut that it won't last; it won't turn into a friendship that in our old age we laugh about how we met. And yet, at the moment, this person is the most important person in my realm; my focus is on this person. We converse and laugh and share as if we've known each other for years. Those who are witness to our tete-a-tete would swear that we're dear friends.

It's the knowledge that these chance meetings won't last that allows us to let down our guards and talk and be honest and share our deepest thoughts and feelings with a perfect stranger. There is a comfort zone there that we may not have with good friends and family; there is no worry about hurt feelings; saying something that isn't becoming of you or what people think you should say or be. There is no expectation; there is no context. You are who you are at that moment; you don't have to be mom, wife, daughter, employee, etc. The labels disappear and you are simply you.

These are the kind of relationships that leave a memorable, indelible mark on our hearts, our minds, or our souls, but last only a brief moment in the span of our lives. We look back on these brief acquaintances and wonder where they are, what they are doing, did your chance meeting mean the same thing to them or something different or nothing at all....

Oh, I've had a number of these connections over the years. They have meant different things to me. A few, I still wonder what it meant to me. Others I know the importance; the lesson I should take away from this encounter; sometimes positive, sometimes negative. Whatever their relevance, I look forward to them. These "one-night stands" add spice to my life; give me new and different perspectives; make me think or perhaps merely help me get through a situation or mood.

Whatever they are and for whatever reason they occur, I don't think they are coincidental. I think it's another dot to connect in the dot-to-dot that creates the portrait of our lives.

How many of these chance encounters have you had? Do you think of them often? Did any of them change your life? Or perhaps you changed someone else's life. Over and out....

Anna