OK, so my mom technically never went missing.
Yet she did “leave” me a few weeks ago, which led me to this post. Here, let me explain…

~

I had a bad day last week. It was a long, never-ending day of errands, and appointments, and Valentine’s Day parties, and soccer games, and music classes, and… completing all the other things that I also do in any ordinary day.

Yep. ONE. LONG. DAY.

All I truly wanted to do was complain.
(You’ve had those types of days as a parent, right?)

And what I really wanted (as trivial as this may sound) was to feel validated for all the work that I was doing on that busy, run-around, live-in-my-car, barely-time-to-eat day.

But nobody wants to hear my complaints. Nobody wants to hear my ridiculous to-do list. And I’m confident that nobody (except myself!) is able to validate my need to feel valued and accomplished. Nobody really understands what I’m going through.

Nobody except for maybe…

My own mom.

So of course, what did I do? I picked-up the phone and called my mom – the only person who I am certain would listen to me complain without judgement. And immediately I felt just a little bit better. (Not stress-less, but better.)

That’s What Moms Are For…

My mom is almost always just a phone call away. For example:

I’m having a bad day. Call my mom.
I’m bored. Call my mom.
I’m not sure what to blog about…

Call my mom!

(Are you beginning to see a pattern?)

The kids have been fighting all day. Call my mom.
My husband is giving the kids a bath. Call my mom.
I’m on the way to my Mothers’ Center meeting. Yep, you got it! Call my mom.

That’s what moms are for, right? To be there when you need them? And I really didn’t recognize my overwhelming reliance on her “motherly ear” until just a few weeks ago – when she “left me” to take a much deserved week long cruise through the Carribean.

A Week Without Mom

The first day my mom “went missing” from the other side of the phone I was surprised.

Monday – Every Monday I drive 25-minutes to work and (almost) every Monday on my way to work I call my mom. I will hop in my car, put my hands free headset on and dial her cell just before I pull out of my garage, except this time – I couldn’t.

And for a moment I was a little shocked and I had a tinge of disappointment. But eventually…
I got over it.

The second day my mom “went missing” I’ll admit I was a little more, well… annoyed (for lack of a better word).

Tuesday – It was mid-morning and my toddler had just finished his 2-year well-check with his pediatrician. When we returned home from the appointment I began to dial my mom to tell her how healthy her grandson was but again …

Ugh. I couldn’t.
I was (admittedly) a little annoyed, and instead I called my husband.

Around midway through the week was about the time when her absence really hit me…

Wednesday – My husband started a new job.
Thursday – My toddler got sick.
Friday – I went on a quick business trip.

So many things were going on in my life – things I am used to being able to share with my mom. It was very apparent to me that something – wait, no someone (aka my mom!) – was missing from my life. And I wondered briefly if she missed talking to me too…

So finally the day arrived:

Saturday – I anxiously called my mom upon receiving notice that she was off the ship and on her way home. I thought of how MUCH I had to fill her in on about my past week!

Ring, Ring.
Hello?
Hi Mom!

And suddenly, the long list of things that I wanted to share with her slipped away. I no longer needed to tell her about my week, instead I asked her something that in the future I realize I need to remember to ask more often…

How was your week?

As much as I love having someone who will always listen unconditionally to me about my good days, my bad days, my big life experiences and my everyday irrelevant events … I also love to listen to her daily successes and disappointments.

And in this moment I suddenly became aware of something significant – the week my mom went missing was also the week that I realized that my mom was no longer just my mother, somewhere along the way, she also became…

My friend.

And it gives me hope, that someday my daughter will also be my friend.

Leave a Comment. Who do you lean on for support when you’re having a bad day? As the years pass by, do you notice that your relationships with your own parents have changed?

My mother and I together on a cruise last summer.
(The way it should be – I’m so done with this going-on-cruises-for-a-week-without-me thing!)

~
For over a year now Mothers Central – the Parenting Blog of the National Association of Mothers’ Centers – has been working to deliver a new, original post every Thursday. (If you missed last Thursday’s post make sure you check it out here!)

So I know what you’re thinking:

It’s NOT Thursday! What’s going on?

What’s going on is good news… we have a winner! Two weeks ago we shared with you – our readers – a post titled: Life is Like a Box of Chocolates. At the end of the post we encouraged our readers to share the post and leave a comment to be eligible to win a box of Roni-Sue Chocolates.

I asked my own children to help me choose the winner. (I thought it would be a fun activity, and they wholeheartedly agreed!)

So without further ado…

The Winner is: Heidi!

Heidi is a Mothers Central reader from Pennsylvania. She has four children ages 1-8 and is also a regular contributor to babygooroo.com, covering current events in breastfeeding, parenting, and health as well as writing a regular feature column for the site called Parenting 104.

Congratulations Heidi! Thanks for reading and sharing our Mothers Central Blog!

A special thank you to Rhonda Kave – a Mothers’ Center alumni, former NAMC Board member, and also the owner/operator of Roni Sue’s Chocolate Shoppe – for her generous donation of a box of assorted truffles.

Have you ever been struck with the feeling that something is missing or just not right – yet you can’t quite place what it is?

The other night my husband and I had this very feeling…
And we were shocked when we realized what was missing.

~

Every once in a while it is fun to reminisce, and the other night (after all the kids were in bed) my husband and I decided to “reminisce” by watching our wedding video.

• I shook my head in remembrance listening to my childhood friend give a fantastic maid of honor speech.
• I drew a wide smile watching my impeccable aim as I smashed our wedding cake into my husband’s face.
• And I shed a few tears seeing babies (now grown) and friends and family members (some of whom are no longer with us) sitting witness to our vows.

We were just about to backtrack and watch our rehearsal dinner when without warning…  

Our nostalgia was interrupted by the sudden sound of a BING!
And instantaneously, my husband and I both picked up our smart phones.

It turned out the bing was just a text message to my husband. So, while he responded (since I already had my phone in my hand) I quickly checked Facebook.

A couple minutes later our attention was back to our wedding video. Yet then…

There was another BING!

This bing was a little different, it indicated an email.

And a quick internal debate started within my head: Should I check it? It was probably nothing important. I really wanted to watch our rehearsal dinner. But… it would only take a second…

So I checked it.

Eventually (more then a second later) I looked up.

After being redirected from the email to a blog site that then led me to a YouTube video that I wanted to watch but decided I would wait on until after our wedding video was complete.

Eventually, when I did look up, I realized (sadly) that the video of our rehearsal dinner was almost over.

Keeping Focus (embarrassingly harder than it sounds)

“Darn! I wanted to watch that!” I said out loud and I turned to my husband to asked him if we could rewind the DVD.

It turns out he had missed it too and also wanted to watch it again.

Because meanwhile, as I was checking my email, his friend had text messaged him back and he also got notified that someone new had started following him on Twitter.

So rewind we did. And (after putting our smart phones on silent mode) we settled back into the couch and snuggled up together, this time determined to keep our focus on the home movie and it’s memories.

As we sat there watching our rehearsal dinner (for the second time I’ll remind you), we both started noticing that something felt “off” about the video memory. And I will admit, that at first we couldn’t quite put our finger on what exactly it was.

What could possibly be “off” about this picture? What seemed strange about this fun video showcasing our outside, picnic-style rehearsal dinner? It was a beautiful – no, wait – gorgeous evening outside and everyone was having such a good time together. In fact, in the video:

• My sisters where smiling as they were having an animated conversation together.
• A group of the groomsmen were passing a football, completely relaxed.
• Another relative was deep in conversation with family members as she bounced her young baby on her knee.

All seemingly normal things. Yet something seemed to be amiss.

The Missing Element

The best thing about home videos are that they allow us to remember a moment as an observer, as an outsider looking in. And in doing this, often you see an event from a whole new perspective.

And suddenly, as we watched this beautiful and memorable evening, we were struck with the realization of what was off – what seemed missing from the picture…

Everyone – and I mean Every. Single. Person. There. – was enjoying themselves and was focused on celebrating our impending wedding. And nobody – Not one. Single. Person. – was on their phone.

Wait. Let me pause a second so that you can take this in.

Long pause…

This was over a decade ago – iPhones, iPads, smart phones, did not even exist.

As we were reminiscing about the beginning of our married lives together while snuggled up watching our wedding video, we realized how much a decade can change things. Nearly 12 years ago:

• There were no intruding bings of incoming text messages interrupting conversations.
• There were no people wandering off to briefly glance at their email.
• And no one even considered “checking in” on Facebook or Twitter to let all their “friends” and followers know that they were at our rehearsal dinner.

And it seemed off.
And that’s kind of sad.
(At least it was to us.)

Leave a Comment: There are so many wonderful things that have come from technology, yet there is also something to say about the simplicity (and our focus) before all these devices were available. Sometimes I don’t feel like I do a good job balancing the technology within my own life. How do you help to balance your digital life?

~

Have you ever wanted to help a friend, family member or maybe even your own child during a difficult struggle, yet didn’t know how to help?

Often I want to reach over, give them a giant hug and tell them, “It’s OK! Everything is gonna be OK.” Yet more often then not, I hesitate… because I’m scared – scared that I might just make their hurt worse.

Yet this is what I’d really like to say:

~

The other day, you were hurting.
I know, because I could feel it.
And your pain, your heartache, it hurt me too.

And now, you’re still hurting. And I still feel your pain.

I know you may not be ready to heal yet (because I understand that there are some hardships and struggles that only time can make better). Nevertheless, there is something I still want to share with you.

So, when you are ready… when you have the strength (even just an ounce) this is what I want you to know:

Life is not fair. Life can be hard. And life, well we all know how fragile life can be.

But YOU…

I hope you can remember… that you are more than Any. One. Thing.
Don’t let yourself and your own life be defined by one (or even a few) instances.

You are more than just someone’s child.
You are more than just someone’s mother or someone’s father.
You are more than just someone’s wife, husband or partner.

Of course these things are a part of you – maybe a big part of you… but you are SO. MUCH. MORE. than just one thing.

You are more than just your race.
You are more than just other people’s expectations.
You are more than just your childhood, or your friends, or your wealth.

You have strengths beyond even what you know. Great strengths. Strengths that can take you far – if you let yourself heal.

Some take a lemon and allow it to sour them – and others, they make lemonade!
I. know. you. You can make lemonade. (I know it! I believe it!)

Strength is hard to find when you’re down, when you’re hurt, when you’re broken.
(I remember. I’ve been there. And I am sure sometime I may be there again.)

Struggles are never fun. Yet with time, with support, and with the belief that you are MORE than any one thing – you can heal.

And here’s another really important thing that I personally find hard to recognize sometimes (and maybe you do to?) – your enemy most of the time is not your struggle. No it isn’t! Often your only true enemy is you. Because many times YOU are your own worst critic.

What good does it do to let your own worries, hurt, and emotional pain completely consume you? Change your negative circumstance if you can, but don’t allow the process of changing   IT   take over your life. Some things, some people, some problems… just can’t be changed. Period.

Believe me.

But here’s the silver lining to any life challenge:

Life is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you will get.
But you can always try for something sweeter.

ALWAYS.

So don’t stop trying… OK?

P.S. I always have chocolate in my house. Along with a shoulder to cry on. All are welcome. Especially you.

Leave a Comment. What would you want to say to your child, a friend or a family member as they are struggling with a life challenge that doesn’t have an easy answer?

~

Help to brighten someone’s day
with a box of chocolates.

Share this post via Facebook, Twitter, Email or on Pinterest and then leave a comment below
to be entered to win a box of Roni-Sue Chocolates* – shipped right to your home!
(Or to the home of someone who may need the chocolate even more.)

A special thank you to Rhonda Kave – a Mothers’ Center alumni, former NAMC Board member, and also the owner/operator of Roni Sue’s Chocolate Shoppe – for her generous donation of a box of assorted truffles. (We’ve all sampled them and they are incredible!) 

*Winners will be picked in a random drawing. In order to qualify you must leave a comment prior to February 16th along with a valid email address in the designated area when submitting the comment (Note: your email address is only visible to our blog administrators.) Winner will receive the 12 Piece Dealer’s Choice Chocolate Assortment – a $22 value.

Note: On Wednesday, February 15th, the National Association of Mothers’ Centers will be hosting a webinar as part of their Parenting and Family Webinar Series entitled: Staying Connected: Maintaining the lines of Communication with your Teen. This upcoming webinar inspired me to reflect on those small moments in the present, where I’ve contemplated the future.

Do you ever wonder why it always seems like everyone always needs something from you all at the SAME time?

For example, lets take the time period after school:

• When your oldest child might need your help with a math question,
• At the same time that another child wants to play the Wii but can’t find the remote, AND
• Your toddler is screaming because he just needs to watch TV (and you’ve said “No!” for the 50-billionth time).

And of course any minute:

• The piano teacher is going to arrive (for your child who’s homework isn’t done yet because you haven’t had a second to helped them with their math question), AND
• 2 kids’ lunches are sitting only half-packed on the counter for school tomorrow,
• Oh, and dinner? DARN! Dinner! Dinner still needs to be started!

Then, right as you think you’ve finally figured out your child’s homework question:

• Your 2-year-old has a major poopy-diaper blowout,
• Just about the same time as there’s a knock at the door (the piano teacher has arrived), AND
• The phone begins to ring (most likely your husband wanting to know what you’re having for dinner… You know? The same dinner you haven’t started yet?)

You get what I mean, right? Does this sound familiar?
These are the times in parenting that just make you want to scream.

These are the days when you just wish you could clone yourself so that you could: quickly solve everyone’s problems, find all the missing Wii remotes, magically stop the whining and crying, pack everyone’s lunches, get dinner started, change a diaper, answer the front door AND also answer the phone…

All. At. The same. Time.

And typically, it’s not until later (such as right before you are about to fall in bed, after you’ve read everyone their books, tucked in the last child, and gotten some great big hugs and kisses) that you realize:

How fortunate you are …  

And maybe think to yourself, “These just might be the Golden Years of parenting?”

That Sentimental Moment in Motherhood

And for a moment (possibly just a short moment?) you stop… and (depending on your mind frame and sometimes what time of the month it is) you might just get a little misty-eyed.

You may think to yourself things like:

How lucky you are that your kids still want to hang out with you.

OR
How much you’ll someday miss your kids’ squeals of excitement
when you sit down to read a book with them.

OR MAYBE
How wonderful it is that you still get tight hugs and sloppy kisses when you ask for them.

You think this because you’ve realized, in that small moment, that someday, someday sooner then later, this all may end.

One day you might just wake up and realize that your oldest is off at college, and you have one about to graduate high school, and your “baby” is almost about to drive.

One day you may not be the person anymore with all the answers, the person who can solve all their problems.

One day maybe your children won’t run in from the bus after school excited just to tell you about their day because instead they have their own car, and friends, and boyfriend or girlfriend who they think are way more important to them then you.

The nostalgia of how you used to be as a teenager and as a young adult starts to consume you.

Golden-Schmolden…

And then it ends. (Sometimes it takes longer for reality to hit, but eventually, usually, the sentimental mood does change.)

Maybe it ends because it is almost time for bed, and because suddenly you breathe a sigh of relief at the realization that you are almost a diaper-free household, and because you realize tomorrow is another day.

And DARN!

Then you remember that you forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer for tomorrow’s dinner… and the dryer buzzer starts loudly beeping – signaling the 20-billionth load of laundry is finally done, ready to be folded and put away.

Yep… Tomorrow is another day – another busy day.
And tonight you are Just. So. Tired.

As quickly as they are remembered, these thoughts of the “Golden Days” of parenting are again forgotten – while your mind wonders on to tomorrow’s busy schedule and your body begins to show definite signs of needing a good night’s sleep.

And a few minutes or hours later (depending on how many loads of laundry you still have to do in order for your child to have a clean soccer jersey to wear for tomorrow’s game) you think:

“It’s only Wednesday! Oh. My. Goodness. Will the weekend ever be here? Friday can’t get here soon enough!”

And in the back of your head a tiny voice whispers…

Be careful what you wish for.

Leave a comment. Do you ever find yourself appreciating where you are in the moment? As your children grow, what moments do you look back on and wish you had appreciated more?

Authors Note: If my daughter becomes a mother, there is nothing I would want more than for her to find the same support as I had from my local Mothers’ Center. This month the National Association of Mothers’ Centers turns 37. Mothers whose children grew up going to Mothers’ Centers with their mothers, are now becoming Mother Center members themselves – taking their own children to their centers. This post is not only to my daughter, but also shares my wish that Mothers’ Centers may continue to be there for my daughter if she too becomes a mother.

Are we looking at Three Generations of Mothers Center Members? Maybe!
Pictured above: Lori Zlotoff (Founder of the Forest Hills Mothers’ Circle) with her mother Karen Horowitz (Co-Founder of the
Sunrise Mothers’ Center) happily holding Lori’s daughter – her granddaughter, and Lorri Slepian (a NAMC founder)

~

To My Daughter:

When I was a child I went swimming in the summer, I hid under my covers reading books until the crack of dawn, and my favorite subject was always art or music. I went to school, I passed notes, and my afternoons were often filled with practices for whatever particular sport I was involved in.

When I was little I had silly arguments with my sisters, the occasional power struggles with my parents, and days where I wanted to rebel against everyone’s expectations…

In hindsight, when I was young there was so much I had to learn.
Yet, I naively often thought I knew it all.

And then… years later…
You were born.

Questions Without Answers

And gradually all that I thought was either black and white, became a shade of gray.

Your birth, becoming a mother, opened my eyes to so much, yet also opened a big book of questions – questions that I expected answers to, but soon discovered were often without any clear solutions.

And questions whose fragile answers (if found!) could and would change at the drop of a pin.

Like a good student, I studied parenthood with high hopes to someday feel as though I had all the answers. And like a good student, I was beginning to be disappointed in my failure to “know it all” as your mom.

Until one day.

The one day that I finally realized something that had – until then – remained hidden from me.

From Mother to Daughter

I know we don’t always share the same likes and dislikes. I understand that we won’t always see eye to eye.

But this revelation, this piece of advice I want to give you (in my opinion) is universal and applies to all women who decide to take on the hard job of motherhood.

One day, if you too become a mother, I want you to remember these six words:

You. are. not. the. only. one.

Six very powerful words. Six words that when used together, their meaning can make you feel more whole. Six words that empowered me and I hope some day will empower you (my oldest and only daughter).

You are not the only one.

• Not the only one who may have felt the isolation of being home alone, with only your baby in the dead of winter.
• Not the only one who may have had a bad day and said something to your kids that in retrospect wasn’t too “motherly.”
• Not the only one who might have felt the overwhelming desire to get out of your house and away from your kids for just. ONE. evening… but who might also feel the guilt of not being around to say good night.

~

So I realize, for now, you may think you know it all (like I did in my youth).

You too go swimming in the summer, like to read books, love art and music. You go off to school, probably pass notes, have soccer practice, argue with your younger siblings, have power struggles with your dad and I, want to rebel…

AND naively think many times that you know it all.
(maybe we have more in common than I thought?)

But one day, if you decide to experience motherhood, I am willing to bet, that you will be hit hard with the same knowledge as I: that all you thought was true – may very well NOT be.

If you experience motherhood, you may begin to realize that there are way more shades of gray then instances of pure black and white.

And if you do realize this, I can only hope that like me, you find your own Mothers’ Center, waiting for you… patiently. To listen, and again make you understand this truth – that you are not the only one.

On the day you were born, began the day of my re-birth.

From childhood … to motherhood.

And Motherhood humbles you, yet also makes you strong.
And this strength comes in knowing… that you don’t know it all…
and that among all your new found ignorance…

You are not alone.

Love,
Your Mother.

Leave a Comment. What important lessons did motherhood and the support of other mothers teach you? What advice would you wish to pass down to your child if they become a parent?

Note: On Tuesday, January 24th, the National Association of Mothers’ Centers will be hosting a webinar as part of their Parenting and Family Webinar Series entitled: Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity: Navigating the Challenges for Parents, Teachers and Others. This upcoming webinar, in part, inspired me to talk about my personal experiences with gender stereotypes and parental expectations.

“It’s a… GIRL!”

Those were the first words I heard after working harder than I have ever worked in my entire life EVER to deliver my first child.

And the tears streamed down my face. Tears of joy. Tears of happiness. Tears of relief that my baby was seemingly heathy and… A GIRL!

A daughter! The excitement rushed through my body as I began to feel reassured about my newfound motherhood. My husband and I had chosen not to find out the sex of our 1st child prior to her birth, but secretly I realized I had hoped for a girl…

It’s a girl… I’m a girl… (not to restate the obvious but…) I know a little something about girls! (Right?) And instantly in my mind I felt more comfortable as a new mother.

As I held my daughter in my arms that first night of her life I envisioned our future as a mother and daughter. I idyllically pictured things like mother-daughter shopping trips, mani/pedi outings together, and the sharing of our wardrobe – all things I loved to do with my own mother, sisters and girl friends. Some day, my daughter and I would do all those things I loved together…

That night – the first night of my daughters life, and my first night of motherhood – strangely, it never occurred to me that my ideas might not always be a reflection of my daughter’s ideas.

Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend?

You may remember that I used to be very into fashion. And then, nearly 10 years ago, when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, this fashion addiction abruptly stopped when I discovered maternity clothes.

Oversized sweaters, horribly unfashionable jeans (that were never long enough for my 5′-9 1/2″ stature), and sweat outfits that made me feel 10x larger then I really was! Need I say more?  

So it is not a surprise that, after the birth of my daughter (and gaining over 80 pounds during pregnancy) fashion and I…

We had a falling out.

Because clothes, well they just didn’t fit me the same way as they had pre-pregnancy and pre-motherhood. And it was about this exact same time that I found my new obsession with jewelry and accessories.

Fun, colorful, character-filling accessories like earrings, bracelets, necklaces, belts, scarves, rings, purses and shoes – there was one thing all these accessories had in common: the ever adjusting size of my waistline and chest (due to the 7 years of pregnancies and on-and-off nursing that I endured) was in no way, shape or form affected by these embellishments.

The “fashionista” in me could make ANY dull, drab outfit feel in vogue and stylish just by adding a little “bling” to it!

My point is: I LOVED (and still love) to accessorize.

Now, fast-forward years later as my daughter (my only daughter) was beginning to hit an age where my dreams of shopping, painting each other’s nails, and sharing wardrobes (or at least sharing jewelry!) could finally begin to become a reality, and I’ve found it incredibly frustrating that my daughter, (my only daughter)…

Wants absolutely nothing – N.O.T.H.I.N.G. – to do with jewelry, accessories, shoes or even a hair clip.

Furthermore, my daughter has determined that her favorite color is blue, she loves to play soccer, and she really could care less about princesses or baby dolls.

Yep. My daughter is not one bit a “girly girl” (as you often hear people describe it). Not. One. Bit. And my love of fashion and accessories certainly must have skipped a generation with my daughter.

The Rise and Fall of Expectations

Needless to say, my daughter’s adverse reactions to accessorizing and many other stereotypical “girl things,” marked the beginning of the end of my naive and idyllic expectations of my life as a mother to a girl.

I will admit, that it took me a short time to get over this – during which we had a couple all-out battles with tears shed about such things as:

• Wearing tights and dresses to church
• Putting on a necklace for a family photo
• Letting me paint her toenails during the summer months

And this last, which I lovingly refer to as the “Battle of the Pedicure,” is when it really, truly hit me. (Better late then never, right?)

What I liked, wasn’t necessarily always going to be what my daughter liked.
Maybe, like mother/like daughter need not always apply?

Why was I arguing with her over seemingly insignificant things when what I love about her has absolutely nothing to do with jewelry, the color pink, or any over-priced princess doll out there?

I love that my daughter is empathetic.
I love that my daughter is an amazing big sister.
I love that my daughter is independent and self motivated.

My daughter is…

Extraodinary.

And she is SO. Much. More then just a girl who doesn’t share my love of accessories.

My daughter and I, then and now.

Through our differences, my daughter has shown me that I need to better recognize that children are born as their own, unique individuals. And, as parents, even though we may not share the same likes and dislikes as them, there will always be one thing that we hopefully do share…

Our lives.

Because, I will always want to be a part of my daughters life, always.

Whether it is or is not through mother-daughter shopping trips is yet to be determined (Ok, so that probably is not going to happen but, I think I’m OK with that. Wait, NO, I’m more than OK with that…)

So watch out world, because…

“It’s a girl!”
Not just any girl… It’s my girl.

Leave a Comment. Did you come into parenting having certain gender expectations as a mother to a girl or a boy? What differences do your children have from you that took you by surprise?

~“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” 
~ Phyllis Diller

I have something to admit…

My daily “degree of sanity” often has a direct correlation with how organized and clean my surroundings are.

There. I admit it. I am one of those people who feel 10 times more:

• Capable and efficent
• Relaxed and energetic, and
• Ready to dive into my day

IF (and only IF) I begin my day feeling like things are in their place.

Obsessive compulsive? Maybe.

BUT there are positives to this. I actually like to organize things! Which means every so often I reorganize and, believe it or not, my closets can at times look like this:

However, sometimes, what sounds like a blessing, can also become a curse.
(More specifically, keeping a house organized and clean when you are a mother of three ridiculously messy kids.)

The “Curse of Cleanliness”

If my 2-year-old leaves a long trail of his toy cars out…
I try to let it go. (At least until he is done playing with them.)

If my 5-year-old dumps all of his legos out on the floor so he can find that ONE teeny, tiny, same-color-as-the-carpet lego…
Then ideally, I tell myself to think: So be it.

If my oldest daughter leaves her dirty clothes on the floor right. beside. the. laundry basket …
AHHH! I try really hard to just leave them lay there until she picks them up since it’s her mess and she is old enough to pick things up herself.

The problem is: a couple cars, an entire box of legos, and some dirty clothes begin to add up. Very quickly a “little” mess can become a big mess. And when I look at a BIG MESS, that is when the panic can start to set in, because the ability to let go of a complete and utter mess (for a self-diagnosed, obsessive-compulsive, neat freak) can sometimes be hard.

This is where a blessing can change to a curse, because being organized and keeping a house clean with young kids is really…

An oxymoron.

In fact, in my book, the words “clean house” and “kids” really shouldn’t be used together in the same paragraph EVER. (Since keeping a clean house with kids is close to impossible!)

Letting Go of the Impossible

It has definitely gotten better over the years. Little by little I have started letting my obsession with over organizing and cleanliness go… You just have to as a parent in my household. Yet letting go can be hard…

In the beginning, with only one child to clean up after, I used to trail my toddler like a shadow, picking her little messes up before she even had a chance to remember she had made them. That quickly became ridiculously exhausting.

So instead I started picking up in hour shifts.
Then it moved to half-day shifts.

Something had to give. The “obsessive” picking up was still ridiculously exhausting and making our days of play not fun. All I could think about was how much I would have to pick up when we were through playing!

When my 2nd child arrived I finally got smarter with the genius idea to have my kids begin helping me. Together we would sing a clean-up song, and “together” we would clean.

NOTE: This is about the same time in my parenting career when I really had to focus on learning patience, because of course for every 20 items I would pick up and put away, my 3-year-old might put away 1 in the general vicinity of where it belonged… but hey, it was a start? And over the years this ratio has drastically improved.

By the time I got to my 3rd child, as long as things where picked up on the main floor before we went to bed, I felt OK.

Life as a Closet Neat Freak.

A couple years ago I posted my proud attempt at “messy play” on Facebook. (Notice my friends seem to know all about my “neat freak” habits.)

In the above Facebook conversation, my friend Barbara made the comment: “They look like they are having a blast!”

This statement hits the nail on the head as to why I needed to slowly learn how to let go of the obsessive cleaning… just as my daily “degree of sanity” often has a direct correlation with how organized and clean my surroundings are, there must be a direct correlation between my kids and messes, because my kids always seem to have much more fun the messier their surroundings!

Over the years did my cleanliness standards drop? Maybe.
Was my house top notch clean 100% of the time? I’d like to think so, but probably not.

Were my kids and I having fun and enjoying our days more because of the little messes?
Most definitely…

Somewhere along the line I learned to just LET. GO. of the impossible goal of household cleanliness perfection.

But lets not hide that fact that the neat freak is still buried within me.
Yes… it is true: Once a Neat Freak. Always a neat freak.

To many people I am certain my home still seems very clean most all the time.
(Confession: occasionally I do trail my parents around when they come to visit us – stealthily picking up their coffee mugs just seconds after their last sip to make sure it ends up in the sink.)

But all in all, I have learned to be at peace with my kids messes to a a certain degree… and occasionally, I just get my organizational “fix” via my own closets (see picture above).

Leave a Comment. Do you ever feel as though you are fighting a losing battle with household cleanliness and kids? What habits did you have as an adult that had to be “let go of” after becoming a parent?

Do you know what time it is?

I do – or more precisely, my 5-year-old does – because over the holidays he got his first digital watch left by Santa in his stocking.

Shortly after receiving the watch, my husband and I began being bombarded by our son continually asking us: “Do you know what time it is?” It took us a couple instances to realize that he didn’t want us to answer with the time and instead wanted us to say: “No?! What time IS it?” so that he could quickly look down at his new watch to tell us Exactly. What. Time it was.

After a while it became the running family joke… someone would ask what time it was and myself or my husband would shout out for our middle son.

The excitement in his eyes that a.) he actually knew the current time, b.) he could be helpful, and c.) he could use his newest obsession present without relying on adult supervision is hard to fully explain in writing.

As the middle child, I think he sometimes feels as though he can never know quite as much as his older sister and is often “out-staged” by his baby brother. However, little does he know how many life lessons he has actually taught me that I could have never learned from anyone else.

Life Lesson #1: A Heart is Expandable

Before my son was born, all I knew was my daughter. She was my pride, my joy and my obsession.

So much so, that my biggest fear with my unborn 2nd child was not the pending pain of birth… or the soon-to-be sleepless nights… NO! Instead my monumental fear was that I would not be able to love another child nearly as much as my 1st child.

And this fear… well, it haunted me.

Like a ghost it would loom over me and follow me through the days and nights counting down to my 2nd child’s arrival. What would I do with a boy? Would my heart have as much room for him as my daughter? It was hard to imagine it ever could.

But my son defied every apprehension that I had and quickly found his own spot in my newly expandable heart.

My son taught me like no other person could have, that my heart has way more room in it than I would have ever imagined.

Life Lesson #2: The Disguise of Exhaust

We all know that when a child is tired, they can say and do some pretty crazy things. Sleep – getting enough sleep – is important for children. But it took my son’s arrival (and a few years of having multiple kids under my belt) for me to really see how important sleep was for myself.

I’ve always worked professionally outside of my roll as a parent, but when I had two children, working from home became very hard. Adjusting my work schedule to coordinate with two other kids’ schedules was much harder than it had been with only one child.

So when my son was around age two I started working at night. Late into the night.
So late, that sometimes I would only have only a few hours of sleep.

And it was bound to happen.

One morning – after a particularly late night working, a particularly sleepless night for my 2-year-old, and a particularly unhealthy night for my 5-year-old daughter (who woke up with a cold and couldn’t go to preschool that morning) – I found myself continually yelling.

Yelling because:

• my son had spilled his milk on the floor and was crying,
• my daughter had dressed herself in summer clothes in the middle of winter, and
• I was tired and really just needed a good night’s sleep.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my reflection in the window of the kitchen door and was caught off guard by my own image.

I glanced back at my crazy, over-tired, crying son, and in that moment I saw myself in his eyes – with the same crazy, over-tired expression. And I realized that exhaustion can affect (gasp!) me just as much as it can affect my children.

My son inadvertently reminded me that exhaustion can put an indistinguishable disguise on anyone – myself included! – and also turn anyone into a “crazy person.” I learned that sleep needs to be a priority for more than just our kids.

Life Lesson #3: Time Doesn’t Need to be Scary

Yet the biggest life lesson that my son has taught me was just recently in the form of his newest obsession – his watch.

As I observed my middle son gallivanting around the house telling anyone (and everyone!) what time it was, all I could see was his joy and excitement over the minute by minute change of time. And this mental image surprisingly hit me like a brick, because lately I’ve felt a little hostile to change, age and time.

• It’s been hard not to notice how fast time goes by (I mean it’s 2012 already!?)
• I’m beginning to notice more and more how hard it is for me to adjust to change.
• And lately I’ve found myself really critical about my age.

Yet here is my son, reveling in time, absolutely showing no fear or hostility towards it.

And I thought to myself: maybe there is something to learn from that? Maybe time shouldn’t be so scary? Somewhere, between age 3 and 30(ish) for me time became way less exciting and more and more terrifying. Yet what good does it do to fear time?

As 2012 begins, I’ve resolved to remind myself of all the good things time has brought like:

• Love (and the ability to expand my heart)
• Knowledge (specifically of the necessity of sleep!)
• And the ability to embrace selflessness (because it is so much more rewarding and fun to want for others than to want for yourself)

Next time I am looking to learn something new in life, maybe I should look closer to home and, more specifically, at my middle child – because apparently (and unbeknownst to himself!), he has many lessons to teach!?

One of my son’s favorite gifts this holiday season was his watch. And in retrospect, my favorite gift has to be (by far) the gift of knowledge that my son continues to give me. So this post, is my Thank You note to him – some day I hope he will know how much he has given me…

Leave a Comment! Have you ever considered what life lessons your children have taught you?

I’ll admit it, loooong ago I gave up on Scrapbooking.

And for an extensive period of time, the fact that I hadn’t compiled a scrapbook of my kids’ births became a point of guilt and contention in me. Because, when I found out I was expecting our first child, one of the very first things I decided to do was start a scrapbook.

I had unsuccessfully tried to scrapbook once before as a newly-engaged woman.

During this first declared attempt at scrapbooking my own engagement and wedding, I was fortunate to have one of my friends (who obviously knew me all too well!) buy me a great fill-in-the-blank scrapbook specifically for this purpose. And almost before our first wedding anniversary within a timely manner I did manage to complete most all of the fill-in-the-blank memory pages.

It was this first “mini” scrapbooking project that gave me the false hope that I could complete a real, one-of-a-kind, completely from scratch, baby scrapbook highlighting the milestones of my first pregnancy, the birth of my daughter, and then (of course!) the stages and development of her first year of life.

• I saved all the congratulatory note cards from friends, co-workers and family members
• I managed to ship each roll of film out for development (back when film was still used)
• I then painstakingly sorted through mountains of useless photos for the few exceptional ones to feature (again, back when everything had to be developed and there was no delete button)
• And finally, I visited numerous scrapbooking stores to find the perfect paper and embellishments for my masterpiece.

And about 4 weeks before my daughter was due (also know as the nesting period) I started my scrapbook creation.

The Masterpiece

I began it with a gorgeous page titled “Before You Were Born” – that contains a copy of the Memo sent out to the staff of my old advertising firm announcing my resignation.

Next are the “Look at Me Grow” pages – the pages with shots of my pregnant belly swelling and then ultrasound photos highlighting the stages of our first child’s growth within me.

Then (of course!) is an adorable page highlighting the soon-to-be grandparents followed by our certificate of Lamaze completion and my THREE (yes, count them, 1-2-3!) baby showers and my husband’s diaper party. (I know… ridiculous!)

Doesn’t it look pretty?

And finally (because we ALL know what comes next!), it’s that time in the book for photos showing the arrival of our new baby…

Welcome Baby #1!

Except… yes, you may have guessed…

NOTHING.

Because this is where it all stops.

My Excuse: My daughter was born nearly 3 weeks early and I just never found the time (nor had the energy) to complete my masterpiece scrapbook. And years later (during those times in my life where I might have had a few moments here and there to add to the book) the thought of finishing a book highlighting the birth of my first child (when I was already on baby #3) just seemed too overwhelming.

So, alas, my memory masterpiece was never completed and instead it laid covered in dust within a partially open box down in my basement. (Along with hundreds of developed photos still waiting to be sorted through and added!)

Thus, is the confession of a wannabe scrapbooker…

Except this confession has a happy ending, because this wannabe scrapbooker became a real life blogger, and my new career as a blogger has managed to resurrect that dusty old box in my basement! Maybe the scrapbook was never complete… but I am happy to say, my memories are now being sorted through again.

In the same way that some mothers capture life’s moments in a scrapbook, blogging has become that and more for me.

So, in celebration of my past year blogging for the National Association of Mothers’ Centers (and also in celebration of the removal of “shame” that I once had as a wannabe scrapbooker!) I thought I would resurrect some of my favorite posts of the last year.

My Top 6 (because I had a hard time keeping it to 5!)
Favorite Posts from Mothers Central in 2011

(in order from oldest to newest)

1. Redefining Friendship as a Mom
2. Fasten Your Seat Belts, There May be Some Turbulence… Flying Family-Style
3. The Dining Battleground: War Stories of a Hungry Mom
4. The Daily Tattle Battle
5. A Fan Letter to My Children
6. Moments that Define Gratitude

So relax, grab a cozy spot, and enjoy re-reading some of my favorite posts linked to above.

I confess, scrapbooking might not be my thing, but blogging… well, so far so good! Here’s to a new year, full of new posts, recalling new memories, and sharing new stories of a wannabe scrapbooker turned blogger!

My Challenge to You!

I challenge you to leave a comment! What are some of your favorite Mothers Central posts from this past year? Leave the name of your favorite Mothers Central blog post in a comment.*

*Hint: You can search for old posts on the blog by going to the right hand column on this blog and typing key words in the “search box” or scrolling down to the Blog Archives to view posts by month. If you receive this post via email, just click on the post title to take you to the blog site!