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I still remember the moment I introduced my daughter to her baby brother.

How her adorable three-and-a-half-year-old arms (which only days ago had looked so. amazingly. small.) now seemed enormous as they gently held her newborn brother for the first time.

She stared down at him with amazement, yet also with this instant look of love which brightened her proud eyes.

It is this significant relationship and bond between siblings that is the topic of today’s guest.

Once a month we ask our NAMC members the question “What would be the most important wisdom you would want to pass down and share in a letter to your own child(ren) or grandchild(ren)”. This month we welcome a member of the Mothers’ Center of Greater Louisville to share her thoughts through her written voice.

Nelly is a mom to two beautiful girls – ages 2 and 4.

She and her husband raise their family in the state of Kentucky, a far cry from the country of Sweden where she was born and raised. She works part-time as a research analyst, and spends the rest of her time taking care of her girls and their home.

Without further ado, I present you with Nelly’s letter to her children.

Pictured above: Nelly’s daughters

To My Girls,

I can think of so much advice I want to give you for your life ahead like:

• How very few things in life come easy, and
• How you have to work hard, never give up, and not be afraid of failure, or
• How I want you to travel, have fun, be happy, dream big, be generous and so much more.

But what I really wish for you is that you will:

Look out for each other, stand up for each other and stick together.

Mom and dad will not always be your best friends, so then you will have each other to turn too. Being good friends with your sister won’t always be easy and will require a lot of hard work. You will have to learn to forgive each other for the little things and the big things.

It is ok to disagree; it may even bring you closer together. But nothing can beat having your sister as your best friend for the rest of your life.

I love the late nights when I let you stay up because you are playing so well with each other and having so much fun together without mom or dad – just your sister next to you. One of my favorite moments of the day is when we leave you at pre-school and you give each other a kiss and say, “See you later.”

You are both beautiful, smart and talented and I am so very proud of you.

Love Always,
Mom

Leave a Comment: How do you help your children nurture a positive sibling relationship? Please help me give a warm welcome to this month’s Mothers Central Blog guest Nelly by leaving her a comment and sharing her letter with others!

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Are you interested in submitting a guest post letter?

We’ve been asking our members across the nation to respond to the question:
What would you tell your child in a letter? Get more details and read other guest post letters here.

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When my husband and I first met we had this ongoing debate: Ketchup? Or ranch?

My husband likes ranch with everything. He dunks french fries and vegetables, chicken and burgers – honestly nearly anything that he feels needs a little extra boost of taste – into ranch. Everything tastes better with ranch! (Or so says my husband.)

Me, I’m a ketchup kind-of-girl. If something needs a little extra flavoring, I always reach straight for the red ketchup bottle.

At a very early age our children were introduced to this ongoing debate over which was better – ketchup or ranch.

Amazingly, it was by the constant observation of these two different preferences that eventually our daughter formed her own solution. She liked them both, why should she have to choose? And thus, the birth of a brownish substance she creatively called Kranch (ketchup mixed with ranch).

Genius?!

Growing up, a “mash-up” of ketchup and ranch would have probably never dawned on me.

Fact: Ketchup is supposed to be a condiment. Ranch is for salads.
            (At least that was my thought process.)

It never occurred to me then that what I considered a fact, was actually a matter of opinion.

I am guessing this is because from a very early age my knowledge of ketchup and ranch was almost solely dictated from watching the opinions and preferences of those around me … and my parents, well, they used Ketchup!

As a parent and caregiver, again and again I am grounded by my influence (especially at the earlier ages) on my children’s growth and understanding. My own levels of patience (or impatience), my ability (or inability) to stay calm during chaos, the words I use (or maybe shouldn’t use) are all undoubtedly reflected back to me on a daily basis through my children.

I am so very proud of all their “please” and “thank yous”.
Yet at the same time frustrated by their constant need for perfection.

Both qualities that clearly mirror my own behaviors.

Schools may educate our children* as they grow to adults, but our child(ren)’s first teachers are most definitely the parents and daily caregivers who surround them at an early age.

We are the ones who introduce them to the vital skills of:

• Patience and compassion
• Sharing and confidence
• Love and friendship

Additionally, (as highlighted in the case of ketchup vs. ranch) we also have the apparent ability to alter what may be fact vs. opinion. It seems to me that the earliest of our child(ren)’s education is less about formal education, and more about forming opinions and personality.

You’ll go KRAZY for KRANCH! (Or so my daughter wrote a couple weeks ago as her 4th Grade Invention Convention project slogan.) An invention that I am very proud to have played a role in!

No matter where my child goes in life, no matter what she accomplishes, whether she becomes a famous inventor, a writer, a teacher, a mother, all of the above OR none of the above – whatever choices she makes, as one of her 1st teachers, I hope my influence has played a positive role.

Leave a Comment: Does it ever surprise you how much impact you have on children as they grow and learn through observing your behaviors? What are some personality traits, opinions and ideals that you have proudly (or not so proudly) unknowingly passed down to your children?

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* For more on early child education and preschool policy, consider visiting Valerie Young (the NAMC Advocacy Coordinator) at Your (Wo)man in Washington. You can read her recent posts on the issue here and here.

How does one learn how to mother?

Over the past decade, I’ve found that no one book, person or source is ever enough to supply me with the perfect answer for my own individual parenting experiences.

Instead, learning to parent (honestly, learning to do nearly anything), often seems to be a process that explores and utilizes numerous sources. By listening to multiple mothers and taking in their lives and experiences in a non-judgmental way, I have learned that I can then uniquely apply them to my own life.

Along our parenting journey we inadvertently become researchers of life and motherhood.

This summer, on the Mothers Central Blog, our hope it to help you (our readers) continue your own “research” by introducing you to more mothers’ stories and lives.

The MC Voices page on Mothers Central is meant to highlight other mothers’ stories along with our NAMC members who choose to share their lives via their own personal blog. Throughout the summer (starting now!) we are honored and excited to be interviewing mothers listed within our Blog Directory on the MC Voices page.

Please help us welcome our 1st highlighted mother – NAMC Advocacy Coordinator Valerie Young who writes about politics through the lens of motherhood at Your (Wo)man in Washington.
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Q: What 3 words do you think best describe you and why?

A: (This is really, really hard… okay, I’ll take a stab at it, but these may be more aspirational than realistic.)
Articulate. Committed. Feminist.

Q: What are some of your personal passions, hobbies and interests.

A: Several years ago I read Kristof’s Half The Sky and became fascinated by global women’s issues. We tend to think that women are so much better off in the US, and in some ways, they are. (For example, there are no drones being launched at us, and we can put our kids to bed without bombs.) On the other hand, the extent that women here are sexually assaulted and die by gun violence at the hands of domestic partners, is in my opinion horrific. Additionally, US mothers are systematically discriminated against by not having guaranteed paid maternity leave and not getting social security credit for raising children.

If a woman complains, she becomes a whiner, a victim, a bitch, or “shrill”. Give me a break. I have things I do for fun – but advocating for mothers is always on my mind, and it feeds and fulfills me. Empowering women is the only thing that can save the planet and the human race – so I’m pretty happy to give a lot of time to it.

Q: How did you become involved with the NAMC?

A: In 2002 I read a review of Ann Crittenden’s The Price of Motherhood. I then met Ann and forced my friendship upon her. She taught me so much and suggested I volunteer for the NAMC on the MOTHERS coordinating committee. I got involved, got to know the organization and the people who ran it and two years later the NAMC asked me to be their representative in DC and promote a grassroots mothers’ movement.

Q: When did you start blogging?

A: (I just had to go to the blog to look It up!)  Almost 5 years ago.

Q: What topics/stories are you most passionate writing about on your blog.

A: Oh, there are so many! I guess the most elemental purpose is to help mothers realize their inestimable social and economic value, so they will advocate for themselves loudly and insistently.

Q: What is your favorite blog post and why?

A: I thought my Womb With A View post had a hilarious title. The writing was prompted by the congressional hearing on contraception in which only MEN testified. Appalling.

Q: What is one of your favorite memories as a parent?

A: When I was pregnant with my second child, my son’s pre-school teacher asked if he was going to have a baby brother or a baby sister.  He replied, “We haven’t made our selection yet.” I thought that was the sweetest thing.

Q: What is one of your biggest challenges as a parent?

A: Keeping my mouth shut. In my experience, my children talk more, confide in me more, and feel better when they talk and I just listen. They don’t want me to fix all their problems, they just want to be heard and affirmed. Also, articulating their thoughts and feelings helps them process and find their own resolutions, when necessary. However if I start talking, they shut down. So, the key is to keep. my. mouth. shut. (And as you can imagine, for a woman who experiences life itself through words, this can be very difficult.)

Q: How has having children changed you? Do you think your views of what motherhood would be like were unrealistic before you had children?

A: When I found out I was pregnant I cried and cried, even though we’d been trying! I felt like I just couldn’t do it, that I would be inadequate and incapable. Really, I was a basket case, a total mess. Pretty quickly after my son was born, I figured out that I had everything it takes and I was going to manage just fine by being confident and trusting my own problem-solving skills.

By following my own path, I think I’ve turned out to be a very effective mother.  My kids, now 17 and 13, are terrific people and have totally exceeded my own hopes in ways I never imagined. So I think I’ve done okay. I know I did my best.

The most significant way motherhood changed me was that it opened my eyes to the extent women continue to be discriminated against, both in this country and the world over. I had always figured I could educate myself out of gender discrimination before that. I was wrong. There is no getting around gender discrimination when you become a mother. But we can change that, if enough of us want to.

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Thank you Valerie for being our 1st interview and for sharing your experiences with us.

Continue researching motherhood through your own lens by reading more of Valerie’s thoughts on politics and motherhood. Visit Your (Wo)man in Washington through the MC Voices Page of the Mothers Central Blog.

Leave A Comment: Please help me give a warm welcome to Valerie. Do you have additional questions for Valerie? Share them here in the comments section!

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Are you interested in joining our NAMC Member Blog Directory?
Click here for more information and to submit your blog.

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“Come on, it’s Mothers’ Day. Please? Can you NOT argue?”
(I heard myself say for what felt like the millionth time to my children.)

It was May 8th, 2010 (Mothers’ Day three years earlier) and I was trying with all my might to replace the downward turn of my frown with the upward movement of a smile. I tried to remind myself not to overreact, as my children were all still under the age of 8.

The good news? I recognized an argument-free day might be a tall expectation.

Every Mothers’ Day I tend to reflect on my experience in motherhood, and it is only in hindsight that I’ve noticed how I’ve gotten a little better each year at releasing my preconceived notions and expectations of this undoubtedly challenging job of parenting.

Looking back, it was that Mothers’ Day, five months after our third child was born, in which I felt as though I reached a personal parental breakthrough. Somewhere along my own seven years of “practicing mothering”, I realized that a day in our household without any arguments or a little chaos just wasn’t very realistic (yet?), AND (most importantly) that was okay.

Only a year earlier this thought would have made me panic and internally ask:

WHAT had I done wrong as a parent?

For years I had been frustratingly hunting for some elusive key to magically open a just-as-elusive door to argument-free, stress-less, un-choatic days. Beyond contemplating household peace I also pondered other parenting mysteries like:

• Why can’t my children pick-up after themselves?
• How is it I can’t get my baby and toddler down for a nap at the same time? Don’t all kids nap?
• Am I signing them up for enough activities? Wait … am I filling their days with too many activities?

I searched far and wide for correct parenting procedures. And each year my quest would take me further away from books and scholarly experts, and closer to reflection – focusing more on my own personal parenting goals and strategies. I began to notice that every parent seemed to have different realities, experiences and expectations – and that maybe… that was alright.

Perhaps “perfect parenting” was more about the self adjustment of my own expectations and gaining confidence that what works for me – works for me? (And not necessarily for others.)

On May 8th, 2010 – A day meant to celebrate mothers – I slowly came to the conclusion (begrudgingly at 1st, and with more certainty as time progressed) that: There is no ONE perfect way to parent.

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These days, I still ponder the answers to some big parenting questions. However I now feel a breeze of relief in the understanding that there isn’t just one way to “get the job done”.
 
This Mothers’ Day I don’t have expectations of an argument-free day. (Although I still maintain hope!) Instead I will celebrate my own survival and growth as a parent surrounded by love (and undoubtedly the occasional sibling argument).

And I will celebrate with confidence.

Yes, this Mothers’ Day – my 10th as a celebrated participant – I have great expectations of myself. I expect to remember my great value, my great contributions, and to remind myself (at least once) confidently that what I do – IS great.

Leave a Comment: How will you be celebrating Mothers’ Day this year? How have your preconceived notions and expectations of the job of mothering changed over the years?

THIS MOTHERS’ DAY
Honor and thank an amazing mom in your life
by donating to the NAMC Mile for Mothers Campaign

Every $5 donation gets the NAMC one foot closer to “walking a mile” and reaching our fundraising goal which underwrites a 35-year-old program that puts mom 1st by supporting her wherever her walk through motherhood takes her.

For every $5 donation you make, you can honor a mom in your life by having her name displayed under shoes on our virtual walk. Your donation also gives you access to a printable Certificate of Honor to give to the mother(s) you honor, letting her know of your donation in her name.

Make a direct donation here.

You cannot stop tough days from coming, however you can remind yourself that for every challenge there are often moments to follow that bring tremendous rewards.

As an adult this concept can be hard to maintain and balance.
As a child – even harder.

This notion is what Kelly Lumpkins, a new mother and member of the Athens Mothers’ Center in Georgia, hopes to share with her 2-month-old daughter Keira.

Once a month we ask our NAMC members the question “What would be the most important wisdom you would want to pass down and share in a letter to your own child(ren) or grandchild(ren)”. This month we welcome Kelly and look forward to gaining another mother’s perspective through her written voice.

Kelly and her husband live in Athens, Georgia. Along with the recent addition of their daughter Keira, they also share their lives with their four dogs and a horse name Phineas.

To My Child,

Being that you are now only two months old, I look forward to your father and I teaching you all sorts of things during our lifetime. It is difficult to pick just one pearl for this letter, but I guess what I want you to always remember is this:

It takes both sun and rain to make a rainbow.

I realize that may sound depressing, but the point is this: Things won’t always work out like you planned.

You won’t always get what you want. Your Dad and I will tell you no (sometimes). But, it is often during these moments that you’ll learn you have to endure the struggle to get the reward; and sometimes that makes the reward so much sweeter.

Just like you can only see a beautiful rainbow when the sun and rain are together.

I apologize in advance that you’ll have to struggle at all.
Unfortunately, we all go through hard times.

However if you can remember the rainbow, we believe you can always get through the rain!

Love Always,
Your Mother

Leave a Comment: How do you help show your children the balance between good times and bad? Please help us give a warm welcome to this month’s Mothers Central Blog guest Kelly by leaving her a comment and sharing her letter with others!

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Are you interested in submitting a guest post letter?

We’ve been asking our members across the nation to respond to the question:
What would you tell your child in a letter? Get more details and read other guest post letters here.

Imagine if you could remove yourself from the everyday stresses of life for just a couple days to regroup.

If you were given time to…

• Finish a sentence, complete your thoughts and surround yourself with support
• Connect with other women who share similar parenting challenges as you
• Learn more about creating a supportive, non-judgmental space for all mothers

What if you were given a few days to remember and validate the importance of mothering and your role as a mother?

And, what if you had a few extra moments to recognize and remember that what you do (whether it is caring for little ones, doing ten-million loads of laundry, driving kids to activities, working to support your family or supporting other mothers through their parenting journey), whatever it may be that fills your busy day as a mother – IS IMPORTANT.

Bring together a community of mothers who support the job of mothering, who recognize the challenges that mothers face and who fearlessly embrace these challenges day after day – and you’ll have a good idea of what this past weekend looked like during the 2013 National Association of Mothers’ Centers Leadership Council Retreat.

Over the weekend the NAMC was able to gather Mothers’ Center Group leaders from across the nation in Manhassett, New York for a weekend without children in tow, without the need to constantly be picking up messes, without the worry of what’s for dinner, without a thought of what needs to get done at work or what “fire” needs putting out next.

Leaders from across the country – from Georgia, Colorado, Ohio, Kentucky, New York, Michigan and New Jersey – came to share, learn and connect with other Mothers’ Center members and NAMC staff and board members.

And this is what it looked like.*

The Venue

Our Lady of Grace Retreat Center in Manhasset, New York on Long Island.
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The living room of the grand home was the location of our main gathering area.

A Time for Learning

Left: NAMC Staff, Board and Mothers’ Center Members participated in hands on discussions and training all day Saturday.
Right: Lisa Kaplan Miller (NAMC Staff) kicked off Saturday morning with a session on Creating a Welcoming Environment.
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Left: NAMC Board Members Gay Novack and Lori Zlotoff coordinated a session on Modeling the Unique Mothers’ Center Culture.
Center: Lorri Slepian, NAMC Founder and Visionary Leader, shared her thoughts on the Mothers’ Center Movement.
Right: Kate Fineske (yep, that’s me!) presented on Growing and Maintaining Leadership within a Mothers’ Center Group.

Left : A skyped conversation with NAMC Advocacy Coordinator Valerie Young, a.k.a. Your (Wo)Man in Washington.
Right: Eileen Marriott & Karen Buckley introduced Mind in the Making – a new discussion curriculum on child development.
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A Time for Connecting

Time for friendship and fun (and food!)

From top to bottom left to right: 1.) Sunday morning yoga session
2.) Staff Member Ellen Kramer attempting to snap a shot of everyone’s shoes for this year’s NAMC Mile for Mothers Campaign.
3.) Lots and lots of delicious food! 4.) Mothers’ Center members touring the retreat house grounds.
5.) NAMC Executive Director Linda Lisi Juergens (top center) and Staff Member Viviana Russel (left)
with the cast of The Vagina Monologues – whose performance we attended on Saturday evening.

Just imagine a weekend filled with all that AND more. Yes, it was truly amazing.

Leave a Comment: As a mother, how do you make time time for yourself and your own personal growth? If you were able to attend the retreat, what was your most memorable moment?

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* Special thanks to the unique and amazing creative talents of Mothers’ Center of Central New Jersey member Staci d’Olier-Lees who inadvertently became the weekend photographer and supplied us with all the photos above.

The National Association of Mothers’ Centers strives to create a community of women who through mutual support and public advocacy, explore, enrich and value the maternal experience. Our Mothers’ Center Groups are meant to be communities across the nation for parents which create a safe, comfortable space in which to talk openly about the joys, the frustrations and the challenges of motherhood.

Are you interested in finding the type of support a

Mothers’ Center offers but don’t have a Mothers’ Center nearby?

Learn more about the Mothers’ Center culture by downloading 

and reading our New Group Start-up Guide here!

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Note: Consider honoring a mom in your life by donating to the National Association of Mothers’ Centers’ Mile for Mothers Walk – a campaign to raise funds which underwrite a 35-year-old program that puts mom 1st by supporting her wherever her walk through motherhood takes her. Learn more about the Campaign and donate to Mile for Mothers here.

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Being a mother is amazing…

That is … until it’s not.

You know, like during those days when you feel unheard, overworked and way underpaid?

Or those times where you feel as though just one more toddler whine might possibly push you Over. The edge.

Or maybe (hypothetically speaking) during those moments when you’ve got so much on your plate that you catch yourself wishing for only a little more time in the day…

Just one more hour to finish up that project for work.

 - OR -

Just a few more minutes to finish that volunteer job for your child’s school.

- OR -

Just one night (is that too much to ask for?) where you didn’t feel like quickly sinking into bed and could instead complete that book (the one you started eons ago but have yet to finish).

Yes. A little more time to …

BAAM!
(Your thoughts become interrupted by another notion.)

Just as you’re wishing for that tiny bit of extra time you realize it’s nearly bedtime,
and you haven’t been able to spend what you consider “quality time” with your kids yet.

In fact, you barely feel like you saw them today because:

• They were at school all day
• Followed by soccer practices
• And afterwards they begged to play outside with friends (a request that’s hard to resist)
• And of course homework took forever
• Likewise, that volunteer project you signed up to complete also took forever

Then, as you’re about to get up and shout out the front door:

“KIDS! It’s time to come in and get ready for bed!” *  **

*   Despite the “you-are-the-meanest-mom-ever!” looks you KNOW you’ll get
** And only because tomorrow is a school day and you need to still get everyone bathed, set out the next day’s clothes and make sure bedtime snacks are followed by brushed teeth and set alarms.

Just as you are about to stop working, flip the computer screen off and head to the front door, you take a last minute glance at Facebook and catch some article a friend shared which makes you feel even worse about your mothering skills.

Have you seen these articles?

Those links and posts that some days seem like they could be speaking directly to you – YOU ba-aaa-ad mom on your cell phone too long, OR who maybe allowed your kids to watch TV a little longer than expected, OR the mom who missed out on some other milestone because you were exhausted after a long day weren’t paying attention and maybe felt a little overwhelmed. (Hypothetically speaking of course…)

And, after reading said Facebook post, you momentarily halt your walk to the front door because guilt begins to tug at you.

You fight the guilt. (You’re getting better at fighting it off!)
You remind yourself that you always do the best you can.
You try to remember the good moments.

You recall yesterday, when you got lots of hugs and kisses and much more “quality” time with your kids and not so many “You-are-the-meanest-mom-ever!” looks.

You realize how much (much more than anyone could ever comprehend) you love your kids. And you see how this job of motherhood – it never ends. Like any other job there are good times and bad, but unlike any other job you don’t really get time off to “reboot”.

Yes. Being a mother is amazing – just not 24/7.
And you (yes you!) are not doing that bad of a job at it. In fact, you are doing pretty amazing.

It’s about time we start recognizing the many amazing moments of motherhood – spend less time focusing on those instances where we think we fall short and more time honoring ourselves and the other amazing moms in our lives.

So today, consider taking some time to remind yourself of this and thank another mom, because mothers we are without a doubt: 

AMAZING.

Leave a Comment: When was the last time you reminded yourself of your own amazing qualities as a mother? When did you last tell another mother she was amazing? Tell us about an amazing mom in your life in a comment below.

DID YOU KNOW?
You can honor and thank an amazing mom in your life in this year’s
NAMC Mile for Mothers Campaign

For every $5 donation you make, you can honor a mom in your life by having her name displayed under shoes on our virtual walk. Your donation also gives you access to a printable Certificate of Honor to give to the mother(s) you choose to honor, letting her know of your donation in her name.

Every $5 donation gets the NAMC one foot closer to “walking a mile” and reaching our fundraising goal which underwrites a 35-year-old program that puts mom 1st by supporting her wherever her walk through motherhood takes her.

Make a direct donation here.
OR
Consider creating a personal fundraising page here
and rally the sport of your family and friends.

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A couple months ago I was asked to envision:

“What would it look like if my kids were in charge?”

I concluded it might be helpful to interview my oldest daughter, during which I raised simple questions like: If her Dad and I left her in charge for the day when would she choose to go to bed, what would she have for meals, and how would she fill her day?

About midway through our conversation, I asked my 10-year-old if there was anything that she would be excited to do because Mom and Dad weren’t around? I guessed her answer might be to stay up late, or have her friends stay overnight. Yet her answer was so much simpler.

She merely wanted more freedom and the ability to make more of her own decisions.

For instance:

• She hoped to use our paddle boat (located on the small pond fully visible from nearly anywhere within our home) without needing me outside to watch.
• She wanted to be able to play in the neighbor’s backyard without first asking permission.
• She looked forward to riding her bike to the corner and back without consent.

As her verbal list continued, I slowly realized that these were not unreasonable requests for a responsible 10-year-old – even in a world where she was NOT in charge.

Loosening the Parental Reigns

When parenting, it can be difficult to know when rules need adjusting. Many times the oldest child does the legwork for the younger of the bunch. No one knows this better than myself – also an oldest child.

Growing up, I felt I had the tough job of seemingly “paving the way” for my younger siblings.

I struggled to access more freedom, acquire later curfews and establish more flexibility in my independence. Additionally, each time I successfully gained headway towards these liberties, it seemed my siblings were not too far behind. From my standpoint, time and time again they easily acquired freedoms at a much younger age – rights that took me what felt like eons to earn.

Now, as a parent of three children, I see these firstborn struggles in a new light.

As a mother, learning to let go, remembering to loosen the parental reigns and knowing when (especially with my oldest child) one is capable and ready for more responsibility is way more challenging than I ever expected.

Nothing has made me second-guess myself more than parenting my firstborn.

Disadvantages and Advantages of Being an Oldest Child

The responsibility of raising little ones into the adults of the future can be a heavy load to bear. However, it is my own experiences growing up which often help me move beyond my parenting insecurities when it comes to my oldest child.

I can now look back and see how my constant need to push for more individual freedom as an oldest child played a large role in molding my adult character and personality.

Growing up as an oldest child (among other things):

• I gained a solid understanding of how persistence can pay off.
• I learned reasoning is effective only if you have proof to back it up – requiring one to look at a problem and/or situation from all angles.
• I also noticed the positive effects of being a good role model for my siblings (and others).

It seems that being an oldest child helped me gain invaluable confidence and leadership skills, and these traits and skills have lingered. As an adult now:

• I don’t expect things to always be easy and I’m more persistent when tackling tough goals.
• I often make decisions only after examining multiple options from many different viewpoints.
• I am a strong believer in providing positive role models for my children and those I lead. (I’ve learned first hand that leading by example may be harder in the short run, yet is way more effective in the long run.)

As a firstborn, growing up I recall feeling as though my life was so much harder.
As an adult, I now see my birth order as a blessing in disguise.

I hope my daughter will eventually see it that way too, because one day she really will be “the one in charge”. It is my hope that maybe she too will recognize the benefits (and not just the disadvantages) that come with the responsibility and longing for just a little more freedom…

In the meantime, I may consider loosening her reigns a bit.
Well, maybe…

Leave a Comment: Do you think birth order played a role in establishing some of your own personal characteristics as an adult and a parent? How do you know when it is time to “loosen the reigns” on your growing child’s limits?

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Sibling bonding, learning to work as a team, establishing one’s individuality – these are the great adventures we often get to witness as parents.

Parenting is the ultimate adventure.

It is an experience whose journey can be ambitious, a little tricky, at times downright difficult, and include all sorts of unexpected twists and turns along the way. Yet, its ultimate destination becomes a valuable and rewarding lifelong adventure.

Today Becky Mortensen, a Member of Southern Tier Mothers’ Center, is joining us on the Mothers Central Blog to share her own parenting adventures via a letter to her children.

Becky and her husband Ken live in Upstate New York with their two young girls – Lily (6) and Anna (3). In addition to being a mom, she works as a veterinarian and enjoys having a schedule that allows her to spend time with her family and fulfill her passion to take care of animals.

As if caring for other people’s animals weren’t enough, Becky and her family currently live on a small farm with a handful of their own animals including: horses, chickens, dogs and cats. Together they love to spend time as a family exploring their farm, the woods and the nature that is within their own backyard.

Here is Becky’s heartfelt letter to her girls…

Pictured above: Becky’s daughters Anna and Lily

To my two beautiful girls,

From the moment you came into my life you have been the centers of my universe. My love for you continues to grow as your individual personalities emerge.

Lily, I love your ambition.

When you were only 5 years old, I loved to hear you say:

“When I grow up I want to be a ballerina, a paleontologist, an astronaut and a mommy …”

I want you to know that you can be all of that and MORE. Now, a year later, fashion designer has been added to that list of goals and dreams. I am thrilled that you realize that there is more than one path that you can follow and your strength and determination will help you along the way.

And you certainly are determined — when you were only 2 years old, you had mastered the art of manipulation … there had been a few times when you had gotten sick and threw up in the car. Of course, I immediately pulled over after this happened.

Fast forward a few weeks.

We are driving in the car and you drop your toy. When I wouldn’t pull over to get the toy, you then said, “Mommy, I going to be sick, pull over!” Of course, I didn’t fall for it, but you knew what you were doing!

I will be there all the way to teach you right from wrong, to support you and cheer you on. I love you AND your tricky ways!

Anna, I know you are still young and your dreams may also change, but I love that at 3 years old you have such a strong devotion to all creatures and that you want to be an animal doctor like your mom. I dream of the day that we work together side by side!

Your temper tantrums are LOUD and LONG.
(They definitely can draw quite a few looks.)

Yet I’m glad you are asserting your strength and individuality and will happily sit with you while offering a hug and talk you through your concerns when you are ready, because I love you AND your tenacious ways!

Your sisterhood bond is unbreakable.

You play well together, expressing your ideas to one another through imagination. It always amazes me when Anna (as the younger sister) is there to comfort you (Lily) when you are sad. Lily, you are such a wonderful big sister and have taught your little sister how to be independent. You are patient with her and willing to compromise (most of the time).

Lately, we have had a family saying that “we are a team.”

Of course as parents we have to make rules, but your daddy and I also believe that it is important that you are able to participate in your life. We are here to educate you, to set guidelines, and to love you, support you and watch you grow!

I am looking forward to all of the adventures to come.

Love Always,
Your Mother

Leave a Comment: What are some of your own more memorable adventures in parenting? Please help me give a warm welcome to Becky by leaving her a comment and sharing her letter with others.

Pictured Above: Members of the Athens Mothers’ Center in Georgia during a recent open house. Each trimester their group provides bi-weekly childcare while hosting member-led discussions and activities which adjust according to their member’s needs and interests. Mothers’ Center groups across the nation are encouraged to shape programs to support individual needs and which value every mother’s experiences.

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All good things eventually come to an end… or do they?

When I first joined my Mothers’ Center Group all I really needed was some time to feel as though I could do something other than endlessly clean spit-up off my shirt. I’m not ashamed to admit that I was initially very attracted to the fact that by joining this local “moms’ group” once a week I could have two kid-less hours dedicated to interacting with other adults and NOT with little people.

The type of support I needed THEN was:
TIME (a.k.a “time out” from the daily grind of parenting)

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Eventually, through the group’s once-a-week meetings and occasional outings, many of the mothers also became ingrained into my social circle – providing me with friendships for both myself and my children.

The type of support I needed THEN was:
FRIENDSHIP

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Along the way I managed to build a network of mothers around me. Two more babies arrived making our family of five complete. As a parent, I began to feel more comfortable. With this expanded comfort level came the emotional strength to give back to a group who had supported me during necessary “time-outs” and in the establishment of lasting friendships. I gave back by volunteering to help lead my Mothers’ Center Group.

The type of support I needed THEN was:
PERSONAL GROWTH OPPORTUNITY

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More time passed, my volunteer work began to (unbeknownst to me then) build my resume – providing me with leadership skills, communication skills and presentation skills. I started to feel “qualified” in something other than my roll as a caregiver and it felt good to remember and acknowledge that I had additional skills to be proud of. Through my experiences as a leader within my group, I found opportunities which allowed me to put my new-found expertise to use professionally and eventually earn additional income for our family.

The type of support I needed THEN was:
PROFESSIONAL GROWTH OPPORTUNITY

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Each time I’ve required support, I’ve always been able to find it through Mothers’ Center.

Lately however, a new struggle has been brewing. Eight years into membership with my local Mothers’ Center Group, a day in my life looks drastically different then it did ten years ago as a new parent. I’ve begun to feel challenged in my professional growth and how it relates to my roll as a parent.

These days I still need support in the form of friendships and parental time-off, yet the type of time I have available for “parenting time-outs” and nurturing friendships has changed. Additionally, I have a strong need to know that there are others out there who, like me, sometimes struggled to juggle the duel lives of parenting and a career.

Once again I decided to turn to my Mothers’ Center Group which has supported me through nearly a decade of parenting, giving me much more than I ever expected – from parenting time-outs, to friendships, to personal and professional growth.

Admittedly, I momentarily wondered if I had possibly outgrown my membership.

Yet what I quickly came to realize was that you don’t “outgrow” motherhood or the need for support. That was the advantage to the network I had established within my local center.

In a matter of weeks I was able to find other mothers with similar needs and together we formed a new group within the confines of our Mothers’ Center community. We established the “Executive Mommas” – a group where working parents can meet, network and learn from each other, while also getting support through the joys and frustrations of working and mothering.

The type of support I needed NOW was threefold:
PERSONAL, PROFESSIONAL & PARENTAL

And I got it. It seems you never outgrow the need for support as a parent, it is just that the things you need support for change.

Maybe all good things do eventually come to an end, but right now I feel fortunate that I’ve found a group that can help and encourage me as a parent every step of the way. As Mothers’ Center group members, we are bound together by the common thread of parenting and support within a non-judgmental environment…

And for me, that strong bond is a foundation for lasting support.

Leave a comment: How has your need for support as a parent changed? Have your parenting support networks grown with you?

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Are you interested in finding the type of support a
Mothers’ Center offers but don’t have a Mothers’ Center nearby?

Learn more about the Mothers’ Center culture by downloading
and reading our New Group Start-up Guide here!