Motivated Sista

Strong Black Woman: Fact or Fiction?

Anilia — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 07:06:56 +0000

It’s been a while since the Circle got together and pondered a question. Since I had the opportunity to poll 5 other dynamic black women, I figured I’d tackle this loaded question: what does the phrase ‘strong black woman’ mean to you?

Everyone has their own opinion and I’m glad we don’t all agree on this topic.

I think its crucial to our goals to really think about the value and resources we add to other people’s lives, and if that same value is being given back to us. If others aren’t willing to give us their best effort, why are we doing so? Why are we putting our goals, our finances, energy and even our health on the back burner in order to further someone else’s objectives?

How does being a ‘strong black woman’ tie in to all this??

Anilia, Motivated Sista

Anilia is an entrepreneur and blogger, who writes about motivation, personal development and self-esteem.

I think we’ve used the term ‘strong black woman’ as a badge of honor for too long. To me, its way past time that we retire this badge. We’ve hidden our pain, disappointments and vulnerabilities behind that badge… and somehow that badge has hidden our femininity, our needs, our hopes and dreams too. People don’t see us as soft, feminine women when we walk around labeling ourselves as ‘strong black women’. They see a group who doesn’t need help – we’re proclaiming that ‘we got this’ all by ourselves. Well, it seems that now we truly do.

We’re not meant to hold up our community, like Atlas, with an enormous weight on our backs. We’re meant to have someone else, strong men, helping us carry that load.

The other reason I hate the term now, is that I’ve never met a weak woman, regardless of race. So why further differentiate ourselves from everyone else?

Tamyka, The CEOMamma

Tamyka is a wife, mother and entrepreneur. She’s the Founder/Owner of TheCEOMamma and teach women entrepreneurs how to build a business on a budget.

Being a woman and being a black woman, for me equates to strength in general. I believe that being a minority while still being able to overcome adversity and still remain true to yourself is a representation of a strong black woman.

Being independent, taking care of family, holding down career, being in touch with spirit while going through trials and still able to come out on top, all signify a strong black woman!

Danielle, The Style and Beauty Doctor

Danielle is a stylist and makeup artist with a financial industry background. She is also president of Urban Glamour LLC, an image consulting company that offers personal styling, wedding, and makeup services. She also edits a fashion and beauty blog, The Style and Beauty Doctor.

It actually makes me cringe when I hear the phrase “strong black woman”. Yes, we’re great and we do a lot on our own to better ourselves and our families, but can we really do it all alone? We need support systems, we need to delegate, we need a break, we need to give up some of the control! Doing it all will eventually make anyone go crazy. We’re already giving out our last dollar and putting ourselves in financial jeopardy and it’s leaking into our spiritual and mental well-being.

Kim, Fit Sisters Boot Camp

Kim is a teacher by day and has her own fitness business where she helps women to get into the best shape of their lives.

I believe this is a woman who is a survivor under any circumstances, small or large. She is a problem solver and doesn’t let life’s little or large problems throw her for a loop. She is able to step back, evaluate the situation and make her next move with the best information she has at the moment. In her life there are no mistakes only learning experiences therefore, her glass is always half full. She doesn’t waste her time or energy on worrying because she knows there is a solution to ever problem.

CW, Black Women Deserve Better

CW’s blog “Black Women Deserve Better” was an exercise in truth, self-discovery and healing. It is her mission to help Black women get the love, respect and commitment they deserve.

The Myth of “Everything & Be ALL”

The imagery of Black women is devoted to the “Black Community Machine” with every ounce of strength in her body. It requires considerable energy to uplift and protect everyone else, even when others could care less about her or the children (Even by the fathers they were sired and later abandoned them).

What would happen if Black women, en masse CEASE giving support to those who give US no more that lip-service? The problem lies with folk who are constant time-stealers and inconsiderate of another’s schedule. For instance:

Ray Ray needs a ride to court…Joann can do it, she’s got an SUV…Gas money??? Why she gotta hassle the Brotha?
Aunt Rita needs a few extra dollars…Joann can lend it, not like she’s broke (And we seen her buy some new clothes and go grocery shopping last week)
Aunt Rose is getting put out again and needs a place to stay…Joann’s got a two acre property…She’s got room
Sister Diane from church is calling for a covered dish to bring….AGAIN at the LAST MINUTE…It’s all good! Joann can do these things at a moment’s notice

For all we tend to get suckered into doing for people, our reward is frequently abysmal at best. I have been guilty of this myself. The self-expectation to ‘do it all’ is a recipe for failure. Don’t sit around wondering why White women can get away with it. It’s because they have never accepted this lot to begin with. We must cast off this foolishness and hold others to a higher standard.

The constant “helping out” without reciprocity (That “helping out” sans evidence of any fruit is called indentured servitude).

Patrenia, Personal Finance Notebook

Patrenia is an Accredited Financial Counselor and entrepreneur who writes about ideas, education and motivation for financial success at Personal Finance Notebook.

In becoming an adult, I finally realized how much truth is within those three words. Two great qualities I feel a “Strong Black Woman” must embody are courage and devotion. The courage is needed to withstand not only normal daily life, but those times when we’re thrown those unexpected curve balls. Devotion comes from the requirement to be responsible. Not only for ourselves, but for our families. I know, it’s a heavy load to carry, but stand tall and hold your title proudly. Your reward may not be seen immediately, but at some point you can expect to see the fruits of your labor.

Now it’s your turn, what does the term ‘strong black woman’ mean to you? Do you agree or disagree with our Sista Circle discussion?

Beyond The Secret Part III

Anilia — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:55:24 +0000

This is the 3rd part of my series on the law of attraction. The previous posts can be found here:

Step 2: The Universe Answers

In the last post, I wrote about the three steps that it takes to manifest a desire:

Step 1 – Ask. You desire something, and your beliefs, feelings and vibration about it communicates to the Universe that you want it.

Step 2 – Answer. The Universe (or God, if you will) responds to your vibration and begins to align the people, resources and things to bring about your desire. You are totally independent of this process.

Step 3 – Receive. You allow your desire to manifest (or become material) in your life.

Keep in mind that the Universe responds to your vibration. So if you’re thinking about something, and you have emotions behind the thoughts, its included in your vibration. Once you’ve thought about something enough that the emotions behind the desire become a dominant part of your vibration, the Universe marshalls resources and the desire will manifest for you.

The Universe responds immediately. It starts bringing you the people, circumstances and resources to make your desire happen. Sometimes you can see signs of this, and I like to call those signs driftwood. (I can’t even front like I made that up… I didn’t.)

Say, for example, you want to start dating more eligible men than you currently date. You think about the type of guy you want to date, and more importantly how dating this guy will make you feel. That desire becomes activated in your vibration and the Universe begins to pull the pieces together for that manifestation. Then you start to notice that the type of guy you like starts crossing your path more frequently. Now, one of those guys might not be The One, but he’s close. That’s driftwood.

Why Clarity Is So Important

If you read alot about the law of attraction, you’ll see that people are always writing that “you should be crystal clear about your desires”. That can seem like a conflict, in light of the fact that the Universe responds to your emotions, not just the mental picture you have of what you want.

You need clarity in your wanting because when you’re not clear, you don’t get what it is that you really want.

If you just want a guy, you’ll get… a guy. He might have some of the qualities you desire, but he’ll probably have some that you don’t want too.

Clarity also helps you identify the feelings that the Universe will respond to. As another example, say you want a job. If you just visualize yourself going to work every day, you’re not ensuring that you’re happy with the job that you get. But if you picture the interactions between your coworkers, the type of work you’ll be doing, the amount of money you’ll be earning, your daily commute – all those details that contribute to your happiness – you vibrate those emotions and its those emotions that the Universe matches up with your manifestation.

Believe That It Is Already Done

Can you think of an entity that’s more powerful than the Universe?

I’ve read a few commentaries from Christians who were opposed to the law of attraction because it is outside of religion or God. I don’t believe that way. When I say ‘the Universe’, that IS God to me. Its all relative and I incorporate this law into my spiritual beliefs. I suggest that you take these principles and examine whether the process of asking for something, waiting for it to show up and having faith that it will manifest is different than what you already do as a Christian.

Once we desire something, if its something that we want badly, we tend to fret and worry about how its going to happen. We even take action when its not divinely inspired, and try to ‘make it happen’. Well if the Universe is making it happen, what can we really contribute? Worrying won’t make it happen any sooner and in fact changes our vibration from a positive to a negative one. This is the main way that we stand in the way of our manifestations.

Just want what you want without worrying about how its going to happen. That’s not your job – that’s the Universe’s job! Your job is to make sure you’re including your desire in your dominant vibration (I’ll write more about that later).

Dare To Dream Big

Lastly, don’t feel that you have to be ‘realistic’ with your desires. If you have no resistance to the desire, it will come to you. It has to! Our society tells us to ‘be realistic’ and ‘stop living in the clouds’. Well, why should we??

What does realistic get you? It gets you a ‘good job’, a mortgage, some kids and a retirement fund that you worry about for 40 years. It doesn’t necessarily get you happiness and bliss. So don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of your dreams, and continue to exercise and strengthen your faith that things will work out in the best way for all involved.

What if Tiger Woods or Serena Williams hadn’t dreamt about being the best in their sports? What if Martin Luther King, Jr. hadn’t dreamt about a day when segregation was over? What if Mahatma Ghandi hadn’t dreamt about a better day in the lives of his countrymen? I’m sure someone along the way told each of these people to ‘get real’. How much better is our world because they didn’t listen?

Beyond The Secret Part II

Anilia — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:06:13 +0000

This is the 2nd part of our series on the law of attraction. For Part 1, click here.

As I stated in the last post,the starting point of understanding the law of attraction is knowing what it literally means. The law of attraction is a universal law – meaning that its a law that’s in place and works in the Universe whether you know about it or believe in it.

It doesn’t matter if you believe in the law of gravity. When an apple falls off a tree, its going to hit the ground, whether you believe in the law of gravity or not. So it is with the law of attraction.

The law of attraction is “that which is like unto itself is drawn”. Stated another way, “like attracts like”. It’s also stated as “you get what you think about, whether you want it or not.” I could go on and on, but the basic concept is that your thoughts can become things.

The law works in three steps: you ask for something by having thoughts of it; the Universe answers that asking and brings the subject of the thought to you; and then you receive what you’ve asked for. Each step of the process can take up a whole book by itself (and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone has written about each individually).

Way Before The Secret

The movie The Secret came out in 200x. But the law of attraction is not new at all and was never really a secret. From The Secret.tv website:

The Secret has existed throughout the history of humankind. It has been discovered, coveted, suppressed, hidden, lost, and recovered. It has been hunted down, stolen, and bought for vast sums of money.

Fragments of The Secret have been found in the oral traditions, in literature, in religions and philosophies throughout the centuries.

So the movie was the vehicle to introduce the law of attraction to the masses.

One of the most famous books that discusses the law of attraction is Think And Grow Rich, first published in 1937. I get so annoyed when people call the metaphysical school of thought New Age thinking because its not really new.

In fact, the way we generally think now – life is a ‘take it or leave it’ affair – is what’s new. Even in religion we have faith in God or a Higher Power that orchestrates and governs life, so our present mainstream way of thinking is what’s new and against the historical grain.

The 3-Step Process

Step 1 – Ask. You desire something, and your beliefs, feelings and vibration about it communicates to the Universe that you want it.

Step 2 – Answer. The Universe (or God, if you will) responds to your vibration and begins to align the people, resources and things to bring about your desire. You are totally independent of this process.

Step 3 – Receive. You allow your desire to manifest (or become material) in your life.

All You Must Do Is Ask

We are made of vibrations. If you distill a human, or any being on Earth, down to its smallest element, you’ll find that we’re subatomic particles. Those protons, neutrons and electrons are constantly moving – vibrating. I don’t know the specifics of how it works, but our vibration about a subject draws that subject to us.

You ever meet someone and instantly get a good or bad vibe about them?

You were feeling their vibration, probably their basic belief about themselves and other people that communicates to you through their physical being.

You ask for something to appear in your life by your feelings and beliefs about it. This is the part that’s most frustrating about the law of attraction, because we draw to ourselves things that we don’t want by putting our attention to it.

With that focus on the undesired thing, our strong emotion of dislike is drawing that thing to us. The Universe doesn’t differentiate between something we want or something we don’t want – it simply answers the call of what we’re focusing on and including in our vibration. Then it orchestrates and brings that thing to us.

As soon as you think of something, your emotions attach to the thought. That is the moment of your asking. You don’t manifest every single thing you think about because you don’t focus on every single thing you think about. And some thoughts are just thoughts, so you don’t repeat them and don’t vibrate strong enough to bring them to you.

Be Careful What You Ask For

Here’s a perfect example of the Asking step: when I first began consciously using the law of attraction to manifest my desires (we use the law whether we know or believe in it), I tried a little experiment. I said that I’d know the law of attraction worked if I could manifest my favorite parking spot at my apartment complex every day. The spot was right in front of my building and I usually got home too late to claim it.

So I visualized parking in the spot and how happy I was every time I scored it. And I forgot about it. Well wouldn’t you know, the spot became open every day. And I parked in it for about a week before I realized that I had manifested the spot. You’d think I was happy, right? I mean, here was the evidence that my experiment was successful and the law of attraction really works.

I reacted in the exact opposite way. I though to myself, “OMG, what if I stop getting the spot? Does that mean that the law of attraction really doesn’t work?” Every time I pulled into my complex, I started expecting the spot to be taken. I felt a stab of fear every time I thought of it, because I wanted to believe in the law of attraction. I wanted it to work but I feared seeing that spot occupied.

After about 2 days of this, the spot was gone.

What This Means For You

Your asking is instantaneous. You can not ask for something. If you desire something, in that first moment of focusing on it, you’re communicating to the Universe that you want it in your life. The same goes for things you don’t want; your attention to it and strong emotion about it makes it show up.

So the asking step is something that you don’t have to worry about. What you do have to work on, though, is your belief and emotion about your desire. Those are part of allowing your desire to manifest, which we’ll get into later.

Your main concern is believing that you will receive your desire and having a happy expectation that you’re going to receive it, without a doubt.

Go Way Beyond The Secret

Anilia — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:05:26 +0000

The phenomenally popular movie The Secret is, without a doubt, a blockbuster hit. It’s also, without a doubt, one of the worst things to happen in the field of metaphysics in recent memory.

It came out a few years ago and almost everyone I’ve mentioned it to has heard of it. I can’t remember when I first saw it, but its definitely one of the things that’s changed my life.

Why I Loved The Secret

When I was growing up, I was taught to go to school, get a good education and get a good job. As I started learning about history (and becoming a history buff in the process), I came across historical figures who hadn’t received a college education but who were wealthy or powerful. I couldn’t figure out what separated those people from someone like me. I also couldn’t figure out why everyone followed the ‘get a good education and get a good job’ formula but no one really had anything to show for it. I’m not blaming my parents and my family, because they did the best they could with what they had. I just wonder how often people really question the general consensus.

So somehow I stumbled upon The Secret and I instantly felt the law of attraction was the truth. Not only that, I felt like something slid in place in my mind – this was the answer to the questions that I’d been looking for. Some of those same historical figures I previously learned about were quoted in the movie. It was like, here’s what they knew that most people don’t know.

Why The Secret Gets The Thumbs Down

As you’ve probably already guessed, The Secret – the law of attraction – is really no secret. I commend Rhonda Byrne and the team behind the movie for tapping into the power of marketing to make the movie go viral. Because I mean really, if someone offered to tell you this great secret, would you say no?

As much as I love the movie, my gripe is that it dumbs down the concept of the law of attraction. I’m naturally inquisitive and love immersing myself in information, so I took the ball and ran with it. I spent a period of time after I saw the movie soaking up all the information I could about the law of attraction. But most people aren’t going to do that. Most people will take the information given at face value, and then dismiss it as a load of crock when it doesn’t work for them.

The Secret also leaves a bad taste in my mouth because a cottage industry has sprung up around it. There are so many books, info products, movies and other things that a newbie has to wade through in order to figure out what’s real and what really works. I know that business is business, people need to eat too but I also feel that learning about this universal law can really change a person’s life. We don’t need to wade through a mine field in order to do that.

How You Can Go Beyond The Secret

I decided to write about the law of attraction today because I see so many people get frustrated when trying to incorporate it into their lives. The Secret was great for introducing the law of attraction to the masses and I’m forever grateful for it being the catalyst that started me on my own journey of exploration. But the movie is literally the first step in the journey. I’ve spent countless hours reading, watching videos and experimenting with different techniques and I’ve distilled all of that into a method that works for me.

The starting point of understanding the law of attraction is knowing what it literally means. The law of attraction is a universal law – meaning that its a law that’s in place and works in the Universe whether you know about it or believe in it. It doesn’t matter if you believe in the law of gravity. When an apple falls off a tree, its going to hit the ground. So it is with the law of attraction.

The law of attraction is “that which is like unto itself is drawn”. Stated another way, “like attracts like”. It’s also stated as “you get what you think about, whether you want it or not.” I could go on and on, but the basic concept is that your thoughts can become things. The law works in three steps: you ask for something by having thoughts of it; the Universe answers that asking and brings the subject of the thought to you; and then you receive what you’ve asked for. Each step of the process can take up a whole book by itself (and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone has written about each individually).

This is one of my favorite topics in the whole wide world and I’ll be writing a whole series on the law of attraction. I’m publishing the next part of this series tomorrow. Is there anything specific you’d like to discuss, or that you want me to address? What have been some of your experiences with the law of attraction?

3 Realizations To Avoid This Fate

Anilia — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 18:18:16 +0000

I really don’t want this to be you. This video is unfortunate on so many levels. Just watch and crack up laughing like I did.

So let’s establish this situation: Max Scott has a 19-year-old stepdaughter, Erika Smith, who is a college freshman. He bought a $2500 car from her and gave her $100 as a deposit. He then borrows $2500 from her grant money to put rims and a stereo in the car.

Then, he lets one of his friends borrow the car, relying on Erika’s insurance coverage on the 14 year-old car to protect him and/or his friend from any accidents. His friend wrecks the car. Adding insult to injury, Max decides that because Erika lives there, and has her friends visit, that he is entitled to her school money scot-free because he takes care of her.

Riigghhttttt….

Let’s count all the ways this whole entire situation stinks to high heaven.

Now we’re not simply going to laugh at how pathetic Max is. We’re going to observe the lessons that Erika could take away from this situation and avoid being in similar ones ourselves.

We can all take notes here and realize three things about this case. There’s a saying that once someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. That’s a truth that many hear of but don’t practice often enough. Its dangerous not to, as women are giving by nature and can be manipulated into derailing their dreams to contribute to someone else’s agenda.

Some People Don’t Value The Same Things You Do
Erika put in the effort to get decent grades, apply for school and take classes to earn a degree. From those facts we can assume she values education. Max clearly does not, because he would use her money and then refuse to pay her back, for some rims and a stereo. We can assume he doesn’t value education in the same way that Erika does.

Now Erika was wrong for lending him her Pell Grant money. When I was in college, I had alot of excess money in the form of Pell Grants too, but the only way I would lend that amount to someone was if I knew them to be beyond trustworthy. Jesus would have to come down and guarantee the loan Himself for me to do that. $2500?! Man please!

But ultimately its okay if the Maxes in our lives don’t value the same things that we do. Because we don’t value the same things that other people do either. They’re entitled to hold whatever values they have, just as we are entitled to our values and priorities. The problem lies in assuming that people will respect and honor your values, when they have absolutely no reason and no obligation to.

What would happen if Erika needed that money for books? She also could’ve used it to pay her rent elsewhere since she lived in an undesirable family home. But because she allowed someone else’s values to affect her life, she has to live wherever until he pays her back.

So guard your dreams closely and don’t let other people’s values derail you from reaching them.

Some People Don’t Respect Your Resources
I’m sure you’ve had the experience of lending someone something, and they either don’t return it or give it back less valuable then when you loaned it out. Here was the same situation. Max didn’t value Erika’s money or her car, because he didn’t feel that he should give it back and he let someone else drive the car. Not only that, he relied on her insurance to protect him. It was his responsibility to protect himself and his property, yet he called her irresponsible as a justification for not paying back the loan. I see why Judge Judy asked him if he had a brain.

I was dying laughing at how mad the judge was, but honestly this was sad. Why would you buy rims and a stereo that cost the same amount as the car??? Anyway, I digress…

People don’t value your resources – your time, money, energy and emotions – because they are freely given. They didn’t have to work for that money, take the time out to do what you did, so to them its just a bonus. If you want to ensure that your things remain in good condition, then you keep them yourself. If you worry about how someone feels about you saying no, then what kind of friend are they anyway? Its your stuff and you’re entitled to do as you please with it. Just realize that its yours, so you have more of a connection to it than they do.

Some People Don’t View Life Through The Same Lens As You
During the last few seconds of the clip, Erika’s mother said, “she has her money now, there should be no more arguments.” What the WHAT, lady?! That part made me mad but then I realized that that’s one of the central problems with this case. Everyone comes to a situation with their own viewpoints that have been shaped by their past experiences.

I can’t expect Erika’s mother to view what happened the same way that I did. Hell, I can’t expect you to either. I don’t know what you’ve been through or what you really feel inside, and its unreasonable of me to assume how you’ll react. That being said, we must remember that because other people see things differently, they also view our goals and desires differently too. They could see them in a million different ways than we can, but the ultimate importance and priority is up to us.

If they don’t respect them, then that’s on them. And if we allow their viewpoints to cloud our own, then that’s on us. We only have one life and we must craft it how each of us see fit. The only happiness we can guarantee is our own.

So what other realizations did you make from this video? I’m curious to get your take.

Happy Birthday To Motivated Sista

Anilia — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 21:52:04 +0000

Do you know what today is? Its OUR ANNIVERSARY!! *throws confetti*

That’s right y’all, today is Motivated Sista’s first birthday!!

I wanted to make a video to thank everyone for reading, subscribing and supporting my blog… but then I realized that I left my power cord to my camera at my Mom’s house in Florida….(boooo!) So we’ll just have to settle for a lil ole post…

I cannot begin to express how happy I am today. How happy I am that y’all even read this blog and that its doing so well. I’m immensely grateful for every comment, every retweet, every time you share a post on Facebook, and every time you like a quote or something I post on the Facebook Fan Page.

Here’s how the blog is doing as of today:

206 Total Subscribers
995 Facebook fans
35 Google Friend Connect friends
113 Posts
332 Comments
18,058 total views!!! (what?!! wow!!)

So now that I have a year of blogging under my belt, I want to make Motivated Sista even better for my Motivated CEOs and Boss Ladies. To that end, I created a survey and it would be a huge help if you completed it. It’ll take you less than 3 minutes. Here’s the link: http://bit.ly/motsis

We are truly destined for greatness. Thank you SO MUCH for coming along on the ride with me. The best is yet to come!!

You Are All That Matters

Anilia — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:46:18 +0000

Don’t read this post if you want to be ordinary…

Goals, goals, goalsgoalsgoals. That’s all I’ve been talking about lately, both on this blog and in real life.

Let’s take a step back for a second.

Do you believe you will reach all of your goals?

Do you believe that you deserve every blessing, every accolade, every accomplishment and every breakthrough that’s coming your way?

Don’t just say ‘yes’. Stop and really marinate on that. I’ll be here when you get back.

(see, I’m still here.)

We are afraid of failure – what if we try and we don’t succeed? Will everyone know we’re failures? Will all those people who didn’t believe in us, who didn’t share our vision or feel our passion, stand up, thrust their fingers in our faces and say “I told you so!!”? Why do we feel like we should have more than what we already have? Why do we want to reach for more, anyway? Shouldn’t we be happy, content, satisfied with what we already have? Who are we to demand more out of life?

We are afraid of success – what happens once we reach our goals? Will we become evil rich people who have one-way tickets to hell? (Do not pass go; do not collect $200.) Will we forget where we came from? Will we morph into skinny b*tches who are evil, who are vain and self-centered? What if we can’t handle all that shiny new success? What if we get to the finish line and find that we don’t like life on the other side? What if everyone thinks we’re brand new, and don’t like the new people we’ve become?

We are afraid of leaving our comfort zones – doing all this new stuff is hard… I mean, what if we can’t do it? What if we’re not good enough? Strong enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough? What if we’re too much? What if we’re not meant to be over there? What if right here is where we’re supposed to be, and we mess something up in the Universe by moving from the right spot?

We are afraid of what others think of us… we are afraid that others don’t think of us, that we won’t be noticed and we’ll live lives of quiet desperation and anonymity. We are afraid to try… we are afraid of the regret that comes from not trying… we are just simply afraid.

Where did all this fear come from?

When did being normal or ordinary become equivalent to being mediocre? Why do we put so much stock into following the crowd, when we already know that what we want is different? What we want is extraordinary, not found every day, not a cheap commodity, not lying in the road to Easyville. Our main problem isnt that we don’t know what we want, don’t know how to get there, and will never get there.

Our main problem is that we won’t allow ourselves to get there. We are the only thing holding ourselves back from success.

So what’s the problem? Why do we do that? The only answer I have for you is that: you are holding yourself back because you don’t think you are enough.

Take a minute to think about that one, too. And I don’t mind waiting again, you’re worth it.

(told you I’d still be here…)

Let’s revisit some of those questions I posed above:

what if we try and we don’t succeed? [why would you fail? Are you telling yourself that you're not good enough just the way you are?]
Will everyone know we’re failures? [will they find out the 'truth', that we're not good enough?]
Will all those people who didn’t believe in us, who didn’t share our vision or feel our passion, stand up, thrust their fingers in our faces and say “I told you so!!”? [they don't think we're good enough, will they find out that they're right?]
Why do we feel like we should have more than what we already have? [we're not good enough to have more]
Why do we want to reach for more, anyway? [we're not good enough to have more, we already have all that we deserve]
Shouldn’t we be happy, content, satisfied with what we already have? Who are we to demand more out of life? [because of course, we don't deserve more... because we're not good enough for more than what we have]
what happens once we reach our goals? Will we become evil rich people who have one-way tickets to hell? (Do not pass go; do not collect $200.) [our morals and beliefs aren't good enough to keep us grounded]
Will we forget where we came from? [will we forget that we're not good enough?]
What if we can’t handle all that shiny new success? [we're not good enough to maintain what we've achieved; we weren't good enough to get there in the first place]
doing all this new stuff is hard… I mean, what if we can’t do it? [we can't do it 'cause we're not good enough]
What if right here is where we’re supposed to be, and we mess something up in the Universe by moving from the right spot? [we better stay in our lane, we're not good enough to make demands and what not]

Now I wrote all that to show you that fear is nothing more than a tape recorder that plays in your head. Whether you pursue your dreams or not, its always going to play. Whether its playing negative messages about your goals, something you’ve already done (and can’t change) or something that hasn’t even happened yet (worrying over your chickens before they hatch), its never going to stop playing. So you can either learn to ignore your fear or succumb to it and get nowhere because of it.

My last questions for you

Now, go get a drink of water, take a break or use the bathroom. I asked alot of you and have a little more effort that I want you to give. I leave you with these questions in love, not from an attitude of superiority or condescension, but out of exasperation (somewhat). Because I read the comments that you guys leave, and I don’t think you really know how beautiful, talented, worthy that you all are. I’m not sure if you know that you were born good enough, that no one is better than you nor can anyone take anything away from you that you don’t allow them to take. Ordinary people walk around in a daze… giving their time, attention, money and energy to others, not questioning authority, willingly accepting less than what they deserve, not realizing that they are priceless… but people who know their worth, who know that riches begin in the mind, know that their reality is not what’s seen on the outside but what they see for themselves on the inside.

Answer these honestly for me. I’d love it if you answered (at least one) in the comments section, but if you don’t want to make them public, feel free to shoot me an email at Anilia[at]motivatedsista.com.

Whose opinion matters more than yours?
Why are some people deserving of wealth, health and happiness, but you’re not?
What makes rich people or happy people any different than you?
What will honestly happen if you don’t reach your goals?
More importantly, what will honestly happen if you do reach your goals?
What will be the bigger tragedy for you: if others were right that you couldn’t do it, or that you were wrong that you could?
Are any of those fears swirling around in your mind actually true??
Which emotions are stronger: your fears or your desires? Which one will you allow to have dominion in your life?

I could go on, but I won’t. At least not today. I’ll await your answers before I post about your next steps on your road to a phenomenal life.

On Days When You’re Not Feeling It

Anilia — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:15:23 +0000

I’m not feeling it today, y’all.

On most days, I’m full of energy. I’m excited, I’m motivated, I’m in a great mood, I’m optimistic and hopeful. In my mind’s eye, my dreams loom largely on the horizon.

Today I feel tired. I’m a bit down and my goals seem far away. I can’t laugh and joke as easily as I usually do. I feel disconnected from my dreams. And for today, that’s ok.

We can’t be on it every day. We’re not robots or Energizer Bunnies that can keep going and going. Sometimes we have setbacks that knock us off stride. Or sometimes our bodies, minds and spirits are not in alignment and the friction is exhibited through our emotions.

How To Recharge Your Batteries

When I feel like this, the first thing I usually do is acknowledge my emotions and how my body feels. Its ok for me to be tired, for me to have a day or two where I’m a little blue, or not as happy or optimistic. What’s not ok, though, is for me to have a prolonged period of time in this state. That means that there’s something serious going on that I need to further examine.

But its not that serious today. I usually go through several steps to get back to my motivated self:

Be nice to myself. I don’t beat myself up for not being able to work at full capacity. What I’m able to accomplish at a slower pace is enough. And if I’m not productive today, that’s ok too. I’d rather work when I’m up to it then force myself and have crappy results. Sometimes I just need a break and there’s no point in beating myself up about it. That solves absolutely nothing and in the long run being mean to myself doesn’t make me feel good.

Ask myself what’s wrong. (hey, my granny said it was only crazy if you answered yourself back… talking to yourself is ok lol) There’s usually a reason for a mood change: lack of sleep/fatigue, not eating properly, unresolved feelings after an event, mental fatigue etc. The longer I let myself sit and stew without getting to the heart of the problem, the longer it takes for me to get back on track and ultimately reach my goals.

Do something that makes me happy. If reminding myself of reasons why I should be happy don’t work, my failsafe is always laughter. I’ll watch fail videos on Youtube, head over to Failblog, Lamebook or People of Walmart. Hey, it may not be nice to laugh at others, but it makes me feel better (I’m just sayin’). Or, once I get home from work, I’ll curl up with a good book or indulge in one of my vices. That usually makes me feel better too.

Give myself some TLC. I find that alot of times, this funky mood is my mind and/or body’s way of telling me to take a break. Its much better than getting sick as a way to slow me down, so I’ve learned to listen to my body. I’ll probably take a long bubble back, turn in early and eat great meals today. If I can, I’ll squeeze in a short meditation session to give my mind a break from constantly working.

Refocus on the end result. It’s easy to feel tired and discouraged when striving for my goals, when I stop looking forward and look at where I’m currently standing. Suddenly my goals seem far away and out of focus. Instead of dwelling on where I am and how far I have to go, I do a few things to focus only on the end result. I look at my vision board to visualize myself having achieved my goals and generate the feelings of already having reached them. I’ll sometimes go back through my journal and congratulate myself on the steps I’ve taken so far. I also find it helpful to think about my why: why am I striving for these goals? What will they bring to my life, why is that important to me? How will my life change? Asking these questions definitely centers me and helps me put things into perspective.

One or two days of not being at my best is not a crime. A sense of perspective and reminding myself that its not the end of the world or my productivity is one of the best things I do for myself.

What do you usually do to recharge your batteries, when you’re not having a good day?

Swallow Your Fear Of Success

Anilia — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:35:06 +0000

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about the expansion of his business. During our conversation, he remarked that he was feeling fearful of success.

I just smiled because I’ve sooo been there before. In fact, fear of success was one of the hardest things I had to overcome.

What Is The Fear Of Success?

When I first heard the term “fear of success”, I thought it was one of the most ludicrous things I’d ever heard of. We all want success, right? So how can someone be scared of achieving success??

At that time in my life, I was dreaming and dreaming… and some of my goals and dreams started coming true. I just couldn’t believe it; I was so happy! Then before I could savor my successes, I started experiencing failures. I couldn’t understand how I was causing those failures and what I could do to move past them. I was sabotaging myself and felt powerless to stop. I saw that I was holding myself back, but I couldn’t understand why. My dreams were right in front of me, all I had to do was keep moving toward them, yet it was like my feet were stuck in quick sand and I was slowly sinking down.

If you’ve ever experienced the fear of success, you might be familiar with what I’m talking about.

Fear of success can be a few overlapping issues:

Belief that you are undeserving of all the good things and recognition that come your way as a result of your accomplishments and successes
Opposite of the fear of failure, in that fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes, losing approval or giving something your all and not being good enough to reach your goal; whereas the fear of success is the fear of accomplishment and being recognized and honored.
Belief that there are others out there who are better than you, who will replace or displace you if you do not maintain your performance record
Lack of belief in your own ability to sustain your progress, and sustain the accomplishments you have achieved
Fear that your accomplishments can self-destruct at anytime
Belief that no matter how much you are able to achieve or accomplish, it will never be enough to sustain success
Fear that you will find no happiness in your accomplishments–that you will be perpetually dissatisfied with life

Basically, the fear of success is the fear of the unknown – what will happen once you reach the goal you’re pursuing? That grey area can cause alot of anxiety and unneeded stress.

Time To Swallow Your Fear

None of us have a crystal ball and can tell the future. If we could just tell ourselves that everything will be ok, we wouldn’t put ourselves through the fear of success anyway. The problem is, fear is an irrational emotion and its hard to just reason away. So what do you do to get past it?

There are two things you can do: instill positive beliefs in your mind through autosuggestion and visualize life once you’ve reached your goal so the unknown isn’t scary.

Instilling Positive Beliefs
A belief is simply a thought you think over and over again, so you can instill a new belief into your mind by thinking a thought until you believe it. Sounds too good to be true? Then try this: tell yourself you’re good enough just as you are and you deserve everything that’s coming to you. But don’t just say it once or twice, make a ritual out of it: like when you drink water, or check your email, or any repetitive action you take during the day. Tell yourself this at least five times a day for at least 30 days, and I guarantee you won’t feel inferior to anyone or undeserving of your success.

The key is to just let the thought run through your mind. Don’t say to yourself, “oh I don’t believe that”, because then you never will. All you’re really doing is countering that little voice in your head that says you can’t do it, you can’t hold on to it and it’s too good to be true. Don’t let your mind play tricks on you or be a hater. It’d be a shame that your fear – not your inability to succeed – is what holds you back from reaching your dreams.

Visualizing Your Success
If your fear of success is rooted in not knowing how it’ll all turn out, then give your mind knowledge of how it’ll all turn out. What’s wrong with visualizing where you’re headed? Its not as if you’re daydreaming, because you plan on backing up your vision with faith, persistence and action. Visualizing is the perfect way to iron out some of the kinks in your plan anyway. If you’re stewing over questions like “what will I do after I reach this goal?” then ask yourself what a typical day will be like, and see it play out in your mind.

One reason that visualization is so important is that it allows you to look your fear dead in the face and tell it that you’re better than fear. Its the place you can go to put yourself at ease, and no one can see your mental images but you. Plus, its just plain fun. If your goal is to become a doctor, how fun is it do imagine what your life will be like after you add the MD to your name? Just like with autosuggestion though, visualization only works with repetition. I love visualizing my goals, because I can see, hear, feel and taste how good my blessings are going to be. What’s better motivation than that?

Using these two techniques, you’ll knock out your fear of success in no time. The good thing is that, anytime that old fear comes creeping back, you’ll already know what to do to get back to your motivated, inspired self. And once you reach that place, you’re the only person who can hold you back. The sky is truly your limit and I hope you sincerely believe that.

10 Reasons To Be Happy RIGHT NOW

Anilia — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 21:28:17 +0000

Be happy right now because you have the option to be happy. No matter what’s going on in your life, those are just events and circumstances. Happiness starts in your mind and works its way outward.

Also, no matter what’s going on, it won’t last forever. So cherish the good things that you can be happy about, and look forward to when those unhappy times will be over.

You woke up this morning – which means you have more time to enjoy life. So instead of wasting time griping and complaining, stop sweating the small stuff and be happy!

Think back to those times when you laughed uncontrollably, loved unconditionally and believed thoroughly in the future.
Remember how good those feelings felt, and relish them in your mind.

Have your own little party. Turn on your favorite music, get up and dance, and smile just because. Be happy that you have the ability to do so and that it feels good for no reason.

Be happy because you’re alive, you’re beautiful, no one else is like you and you are always loved, whether you realize it or not. You have at least one person on this earth who always loves you…YOU!

7. Take time today to do something that makes you smile. Whether that’s watching your favorite movie, reading your favorite book, going for a walk in your favorite park, taking a long bubble bath or playing with your kids or your pet. Start with a smile and let that smile go all the way to your toes.

8. Ignore the people that are tap dancing on your nerves. Let today be all about you and feeling good. Because honestly, they don’t matter! Only you matter so cherish yourself today.

Look at your hands, your feet, your skin, and your hair; feel the strength in your legs and your arms. Smile and admire how beautiful you are. If you don’t do it, no one else will! Be happy with exactly who you are and what you’ve got. You only get one you!

Lastly, think about every last person who makes your life great. Take a few minutes and think of each person, and love them in your mind. If it weren’t for them, would you be who you are today? Be happy that you have the chance to think of them lovingly and honor what they mean to you.